#me when I’m undiagnosed
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Gives Haytham Kenway undiagnosed ADHD and OCD that Connor unknowingly inherited from him because I can and am I really wrong
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If I were Dan and Phil I would never hard launch because it’s so embarrassing that we were right. Like what do you mean you were so in love a bunch of thirteen year old’s clocked it? I would never give that satisfaction.
#no but really I’m always shocked when people are like I can’t believe the fan girls were right#hello?????#dailybooth? early tweets? he smells like warm??? uma thurman watched me have sex with a uma thurman poster next to Phil’s bed? vday video?#he smells like warm#that’s the plan#interrupted by fireworks - phil#the week I spent with Phil >>>>>>>#the lube in their suitcase in Australia (?) (please tell me y’all remember that)#they spent fucking Christmas together like every year#I don’t bring my bestie to Christmas and family vacations😭#that’s just off the top of my head#like yeah us 13 year olds were batshit insane with tons of undiagnosed mental illness but it wasn’t rocket science to figure it out#will this get me cancelled?#rae’s rambles#dan and phil#phan
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Please boop me 🙏
Me if you don’t give me boops:
#boop#boopometer#boop o meter#boop me#danganronpa#kiyotaka ishimaru#scott smajor#smajor1995#dangthatsalongname#smajor#ride the cyclone#genloss#huskerdust#generation loss#heathers the musical#villain#austin show#joey is convinced scott was jealous that xornoth got a boyfriend so he made one up#when phil gets back he always feels extra cold#coral kids#jane doe ride the cyclone#milo witchcraft smp#witchcraft smp smajor#undiagnosed autistic#noel gruber my beloved#another kind#god i love democracy#witchcraft smp scott#s l u r p#these are literally just random tags that I’m adding so more people see this 😭
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would you still love me if I was professionally diagnosed
#lemon man talks#The urge to apologize a million times to everyone#Bc I feel like an awful person for not replying and posting abt how im depressed on tumblr#But physically I can barely stand up right now and mentally I’m at an insane low and I just#Feel so bad for being like this I don’t wanna make anyone worried I don’t wanna bring people down when I say anything#I’m so sorry maybe I’ll stay off tumblr for a bit so I won’t post anything anymore and people won’t hate me#Or whatever#go my undiagnosed disorders
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sooooo i have come to the realization that i’m probably autistic and i’ve had many hyperfixations that are related to what i now realize is probably my special interest: crime
first up, forensic science. it’s been my thing since 6th grade and i’m a year away from graduating with a forensic science degree. clearly crime related
second, criminal minds. a show of crime fighters. pretty self explanatory
third, six of crows. a found family of criminals. again, self explanatory
and finally, my most recent obsession, leverage. once again, a group of found family criminals
#kinda wild that it’s taken me this long to realize this#like babe#that’s a special interest#literally what my friend (with autism) said to me the other day#soooooo#yeah#autism#maybe#still undiagnosed but i’m getting more and more certain as i think about it#i’ll bring it up to my therapist when i see her next probably#audhd#special interest#crime#criminal minds#six of crows#leverage#hyperfixation#reinanova rambles
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do you have specific intersex headcanons for luffy and kid? i like 46,xx/46,xy trans masc franky :)
kid has genicomastia and i don’t have anything specific for luffy, in stories most of the time i tend to keep things vague since most of the characters tends to be undiagnosed.
#maudern ask#it might be a bit of a coward’s way out but it’s an habit I’ve gotten over time#since often my ocs for exemple had me going ‘what if this guy had the same problem has me but my worst day is their average. how do they#cope with that?’ and that’s usually how it goes. now when it’s not anything I’m familiar with I do a bunch of research but I still mean on#lean on*#that Vague & Undiagnosed set of Mysterious Symptoms habit.#i do feel like it can be troublesome if all of it is like that which is why I smh ended up trying to get my own shit diagnosed because for#this fic.
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I’m so lucky my worst fandom years were during lockdown
#it was probably undiagnosed adhd and hyperfixation but I couldn’t uphold a conversation that wasn’t about SU#I was too focused on the show and fan content I wasn’t putting any effort into upholding relationships and people rightfully cut me off#not to mention when I felt really sick for a week and cried myself to sleep most of those nights… over a fic#being in lockdown and not having school/work was probably for the best because I was not functional#I still love the show. not making as much content is burnout related. but I’m glad I have a healthier attachment to the show
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ya girl Steve is not doing all that great in college work life
#tryna convince myself to do an essay rough draft by thinking how it could “”””impress””” a guy in my English class that i can’t tell if i’m#crushing on bc i’ve never been in feasible romantic situations (ie crushing on some1 not a fictional mythical entity) or if there’s just#serious mutual “we should b friends but oh god how do i actually talk to them” tension#either way there’s undoubtedly smthn here I just gotta get past aaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllll the social trauma from being ostracized#in middle school & having absolutely 0 consistent real friends in high school; i swear to that axolotl i am on constant Survival Mode at#school & it shows so badly#should’ve (ie an “excuse me” or “thank you”)#and typing this is EXTREMELY counterproductive rn I’ve been here for like 5 minutes#anyway i feel stupid for this because it feels like smthn i should’ve been doing in high school but thank the undiagnosed adhd for#annihilating my “high school experience” in favor of homework I could never complete and still can’t apparently#like for christ’s sake could i at least be doing good at schoolwork & creative projects if i can’t have a social life#or instead have a few friends to make it feel like there’s less pressure on the hw cuz there’s more important things in my life#literally screenshooting this rn to know to talk to my therapist abt it. doubt she’ll b able to help but might as well yeah#i don’t want it to be obvious how much self loathing & pity & general angst i’m holding when i talk to ppl but I’ve never ever been a good#emotions actor & never will tbh.#AND my minecraft house looks ugly. send post
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More gimmicks from the straw page and some where comments/questions! My answers may be a bit… long winded so I apologize in advance!
He’s real in our hearts, and in our imagination.
Funny enough, Herobrine was my first nickname. I’ve had A LOT of others. Some people shorten Herobrine to Hero which is fine!
I’ve also been called MC, which was short for Minecraft, by one friend years ago. I’ve been called Wolf as well by kids in high school because of how I was around people and when I was alone.
I’ve always enjoyed Herobrine as a nickname and fits me well more so than it used to. Although Furby is a funny nickname but not the worst one I’ve heard. I knew a dude called Swamp before and there was a reason for that.
I love Divine CEO, I do love a lot of LuLu’s music. Incredibly underrated and I hope more people discover their music! Shame they’re dealing with some asshats doxxing their fans in VRChat atm…
As for when I started simping for Bob… oh that’s a tough one because it kinda just happened? I watched the short when it came out and was pretty excited for more Spooky Month. Tender Treats ended up being my final consideration for sticking with the series as I liked how Bob became the staple for: Oh shit, this guy is actually dangerous and this is becoming more serious.
I was EXTREMELY disappointed when Bob died because I figured he was gonna be a returning villain and I did recognize him as the demon guy from the original Spooky Month which was very cool! I tend to binge the old episodes before jumping to the new ones. I also rewatch it numerous times during October (SPOOKY MONTH!!!)
I was watching it with my friends and even introducing one friend to it which something kinda just clicked with Bob. When the episode originally came out I was still exploring who I was and what I liked. Turns out I like dangerous people and masked people as well! Plus the voice really drew me in, I have a thing for accents and country men is a bit of a weakness among other things. Plus… big boys need more love. I am a big gal irl, and I love people with fluff and meat on their bones.
So rediscovering my love for Spooky Month helped me realize I liked Bob as my favorite character! I mean, I liked him before and he was already my favorite villain. I decided to look up art and VRChat avatars. Thus falling into the deep rabbit hole of Bob enjoyers. Ngl, little sad he’s so popular because I’m not a fan of extremely popular characters.
Plus most people ship him with themselves or OCs, I tend to be… possessive of things I enjoy which is just a me issue due to abandonment problems. I don’t let it dictate how I treat anyone, of course.
Gotta say though, again, glad he’s loved. Everyone in the fandom is usually rather sweet about him but also bully him. But the art I see of him is amazing and I’m glad to see it. One to two time episodes characters that don’t come back tend to get overlooked. Plus him being plus sized usually makes it worse, but this fandom has been quite the opposite about it.
I mean the guy has four dating sims! Two of which are still in production! But anyways, sorry for the long winded response. Y’all are welcome to ask more questions as I’m an open book!
#strawpage#straw page#mod rambles#spooky month#bob velseb#spooky month bob#bob spooky month#bob velseb spooky month#spooky month bob velseb#also if you read the tags… Herobrine is also an alter of mine#I don’t tend to tell people about my alters since I’m currently undiagnosed and rather not deal with being called a liar or faker#I don’t have DID but rather OSDD most of my alters are fictive#plus the alters can co front but it’s VERY exhausting#I do have memory lapses as well unfortunately so I apologize#also bob is also one of my alters#but it makes me angry as hell when people intentionally trigger my alters into fronting#I actually have nearly passed out from force fronted alters
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if your wondering why I have suddenly removed my audhd label from all of my profiles, it’s because i’m going thru such bad imposter syndrome right now i’m starting to convince myself im not neurodivergent, not neurotypical, not allistic but someone worse 🤗
#i should kill 12 year old me for impulsively identifying with autism without reading the dsm5#like yeah maybe I only did that because I finally found a label that explained my weirdness and my quirks but still#I needed to be beat with hammers because look where it’s lead to#imposter syndrome#undiagnosed autistic#undiagnosed adhd#undiagnosed neurodivergent#undiagnosed something#it’s definitely not human but a secret third thing#the only way I can cope with it now is removing my labels and starting the process of accepting i’m not neurodivergent to make the eventual#diagnosis hurt less#and just accepting im a weird freak with no possible explanation as to why#btw I didn’t do it after one tiktok#It took a bit of self reflection but I wish I did more so maybe I wouldn’t be here#maybe i’ll be back in a week after the spiral is over because this happens once a month now#it’s also aligned with when I get my period usually#vent post#rant post
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just remembered a friend describing my anxiety as “severe” the other day n i still don’t know how to feel abt it
#marzi speaks#i’m one of those. i hate this term but don’t know a better one#‘high functioning’ types of folks#and i mean. the GAD went undiagnosed for 17 years so#i’m at the very least good enough at masking to fool ppl into thinking the anxiety isn’t that bad#but. i guess some of my stuff could be considered severe#the agoraphobia i had after lockdown was lifted was for sure really bad#i remember making plans with friends and being really excited#and then day of i was so stressed i threw up and had to tell my friends i couldn’t come#bc i was just. too ill. from anxiety#i felt nauseous every time i left the house for a good couple months after that. managed to convince my body i wasn’t gonna die eventually#i guess that qualifies as severe even if i handled it relatively well. hm.#i have a hard time gauging that sort of thing. i’ve been like this my whole life so it just feels normal to me#i don’t know what the ‘standard’ level of anxiety is in any given moment#is it 0?#bc like even when i’m hanging out it sits at a 3/10 i think#i’m only really at 0 when i’m really relaxed and/or high#much to ponder
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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okay. lmao. I give up on treatment for good. just raw dog life and hope it fixes itself eventually
#fuck cbt fuck counselling fuck meds but especially fuck having to do several extensive online self referrals for one single service to then#have the shittiest phone assessment (where they told me to do cbt despite my form explicitly going ‘I do not want to do cbt again’) to then#get send to ANOTHER service where I just know it’ll just be more of the same#my next gp appt I’m saying I want to stop meds too idc idc I can’t be assed to keep having med review appts every month when they don’t even#fucking work I’m tired I’ve just had enough#does anything actually work or should I spend the summer in a haunted house about it#self undiagnosing. nothing wrong with me <3#it’s alive
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im a guide at a museum and yesterday a co-worker told me to hurry up a part I was explaining and instead of doing that I got so nervous I started to ramble random facts about the subject instead of wrapping it up 😭😭😭
I’m not made for small talk, I WAS CREATED TO RAMBLE AND SAY ALL THE FACTS THAT EXIST
#a friend then told me I ramble when I’m nervous#and i was like… yeah#when I’m nervous happy or sad#I have to say the fun facts#PEOPLE LOVE THE FUN FACTS RIGHT ??#it wasn’t the worst thing that happened yesterday tho#a lot of things happened… horrible things#the Sasa that came to the museum is not the same sasa that left the museum#sasa rambles#again… it’s the undiagnosed adhd that doesn’t let me be normal at work
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me and my autism vs. the aba therapy supporting autism and disability awareness hr person at my work who will win
#tape.text#she gave the WORSTTTT speech during training about how to support ‘people with autism’#(she said autistic people prefer person first language which. no we don’t man where’ve you been#she used to work aba for five years before this job#i brought up that a girl at camp has a lot of autistic behaviors and was wondering if she has paperwork#because i remember being a little undiagnosed girl and struggling so bad in school#and she email me back like ‘ok i talked to mom and dad and dad is going to be her aide at camp now ☺️’#NO!!!!!!!! she doesn’t need an aide what the fuck it’s summer camp 😭😭😭#if she’s overstimulated we give her something else and give her time to herself#when i brought up the girls behaviors my boss said the hr lady would come in and observe her and THEN talk with parents if she saw something#she IMMEDIATELY ratted us out bro 😭😭😭#i even said in my email that in the school year i’m a full time 1:1 in an autism based classroom like I KNOW WHAT IM DOING MAN 😭😭#i’m just so fed up. what do i have to do to take this lady’s job because i would do it better
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at this point idk what it is specifically but I don’t think there’s a single neurotypical person living in this house and the state it’s in shows that
if you walked into this place you’d immediately stage an intervention bc clearly none of us are able to get started on what needs fucking done let alone maintain it to an acceptable level jfc
#I WANT TO TIDY UP! I WANT TO DE-CLUTTER!!#I want to get rid of the dust and the webs and be able to keep on top of everything#but I just can’t get anywhere with it and I sit for months screaming internally to just so SOMETHING#only to be hit with a brief burst of motivation to tackle some aspect of it and failing to get anywhere#bc the task is insurmountable on my own and no one else is in a mode to help when I need it#My brother is autistic and I am almost certain my dad has undiagnosed adhd and idk if I’m something too#There’s definitely something malfunctioning up here in my brain besides the Depression and Anxiety monsters but idk what#I don’t relate fully to autism or adhd stuff I read or hear about but there are still some things that do resonate#but it’s like I don’t think I share enough in either to say im one or the other#But sometimes I struggle enough with shit for me to wonder if maybe there is something going on that isn’t being addressed#but it’s so hard ti figure out how much of that is just trauma and depression and anxiety and all that messy shit#anyway sorry it’s just endlessly frustrating#I want to be on top of the upkeep of the house but it’s in such a state it’s hard enough trying to sort that#and the worst part is I know even if it was magically cleaned and tidied to perfection tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to keep it that way#even with the best intentions in the world
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