#only to be hit with a brief burst of motivation to tackle some aspect of it and failing to get anywhere | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yaminerua · 2 years ago

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at this point idk what it is specifically but I don’t think there’s a single neurotypical person living in this house and the state it’s in shows that

if you walked into this place you’d immediately stage an intervention bc clearly none of us are able to get started on what needs fucking done let alone maintain it to an acceptable level jfc

#I WANT TO TIDY UP! I WANT TO DE-CLUTTER!!#I want to get rid of the dust and the webs and be able to keep on top of everything #but I just can’t get anywhere with it and I sit for months screaming internally to just so SOMETHING #only to be hit with a brief burst of motivation to tackle some aspect of it and failing to get anywhere #bc the task is insurmountable on my own and no one else is in a mode to help when I need it #My brother is autistic and I am almost certain my dad has undiagnosed adhd and idk if I’m something too #There’s definitely something malfunctioning up here in my brain besides the Depression and Anxiety monsters but idk what #I don’t relate fully to autism or adhd stuff I read or hear about but there are still some things that do resonate #but it’s like I don’t think I share enough in either to say im one or the other #But sometimes I struggle enough with shit for me to wonder if maybe there is something going on that isn’t being addressed #but it’s so hard ti figure out how much of that is just trauma and depression and anxiety and all that messy shit #anyway sorry it’s just endlessly frustrating #I want to be on top of the upkeep of the house but it’s in such a state it’s hard enough trying to sort that #and the worst part is I know even if it was magically cleaned and tidied to perfection tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to keep it that way #even with the best intentions in the world

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