#me thinking like it's so far away but i need to just. end the fucking game
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A Narcissistic reading of Hong Lu
Yup, I'm actually doing this.
To lay down some facts first: I have NPD, alongside a bunch of other things that coalesce into a nuclear concoction strong enough to kill every dark empath in a five mile radius. If I find you ableisting it up, I give myself the permission to smite you. This is a threat and a warning.
Now, let's talk about Hong Lu. Because as it turns out, he might just be the most difficult literacy check in Limbus Company according to what I've seen.
I could just say "I'm a narcissist and Hong Lu is just like me fr fr so he's a narcissist too" and end the post, but honestly, where's the fun in that? There are, legitimately, things I want to yap about, so I'm going to yap about them, and no chucklefucks can stop me.
So, to start this off, let's make one thing clear.
Hong Lu is not only a good actor, but also a skilled liar. The way he navigates conversations and the methods he uses are just as important to analyze as the actual words he says, if not more so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that trying to understand him based Only on what he says and not how he uses the things he says would result in an understanding that's not only incomplete, but potentially outright wrong.
Now, this isn't really tied to why I think Hong Lu could be very reasonably read as having NPD, at least not directly. Narcissists aren't inherently evil liar manipulators, and if that's what you take away from this post, that's more of a you problem (and you can go ahead and block me considering I'm one of the evil liar manipulator narcissists according to you).
However, there is a reason why I have to bring it up. And it's because almost all of Hong Lu's narcissistic traits become a lot more obvious once you look at the exact ways he takes control of conversations.
With that out of the way, what exactly are we even looking for?
NPD, in my experience, primarily affects one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I personally found that the analogy of a pendulum makes the most sense to me - a narcissist's sense of self-worth can swing between massive highs and massive lows, almost never staying in a middle "balanced" position, with even the tiniest things being able to throw it to one side or another.
The ways this can present outwardly are. Quite frankly, way too fucking many to count. But there are some common threads we can keep in mind:
High sensitivity to criticism
Need for an external source of validation
Tendency to seek out ways to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful
So, does Hong Lu fit those criteria?
Well. Yeah. This post wouldn't exist if he didn't.
Let's talk about the first point, high sensitivity to criticism. And, immediately, I would like everyone to remember Hell's Chicken, specifically the scene where Meursault begins to verbally roast his team's dish, and in the process laying down a verbal smackdown on everyone involved. That scene ended like this.
Curious, isn't it? The moment Meursault was about to start criticising Hong Lu, he just jumps in and distracts Meursault with a change of topic - something even Dante's narration points out.
Mind you, this isn't an isolated event. This is just the most obvious example of Hong Lu exhibiting this kind of behavior.
Don't believe me? Just look at these.
These are all examples of Hong Lu either backpedaling, changing the subject, or otherwise trying to avoid the acknowledgement of something that criticizes his status, thought process, or (in the last example) which would reveal an emotional vulnerability.
This is a fairly consistent pattern for him, and that's not even getting into the fact that the line he says when hovering over him before a skill check he has a Very Low chance at succeeding in has him suddenly try to excuse himself and leave.
Hong Lu is absolutely highly sensitive to criticism, it's just that his primary emotional reactions aren't ones we're privy to. Instead, what we get to see is how he acts to try and minimize the impact of those criticisms, if not outright find ways to never let them leave someone's mouth in the first place.
Next up - need for external validation.
This one doesn't have as many examples as the previous point, as Hong Lu is a generally closed off person who keeps a certain level of distance from most other Sinners. However, that doesn't mean I don't have any.
One such example comes from Canto 4, where soon after acting out his part in the play, Hong Lu seeks validation from Yi Sang.
Then there's this moment in Canto 6, where Hong Lu, once again, seeks validation for something he's done.
And then there's also these lines from Hong Lu's various Identities.
Aaaand then there's these base Identity voice lines, which, if you ask me, feel a bit like fishing for compliments.
This point is a lot harder to say is a definitive one, mainly due to Hong Lu's more closed off projected personality. That being said, the fact that one can find examples of it despite that is pretty notable.
And for the final one - trying to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful.
This is one that's a bit harder to provide exact examples for, as again, Hong Lu isn't someone who talks about how he feels often, and when he does it's not always exactly trustworthy. He's not like Rodya, who while still putting on a facade, is pretty open and easy to read about how she actually feels.
But, there's still some non-mutually exclusive interpretations I want to posit here. Two, in fact.
One - I believe that for Hong Lu, the thing he sees as power is control.
See, avoiding criticism isn't the only time Hong Lu steers conversations. In fact, it's something he does All The Time. He's often the one asking questions to get the group moving, trying to gather information that might be relevant to him, and generally taking over the direction a conversation is going in. Chances are, if Hong Lu speaks up, it's likely to alter the conversation he joins in noticeable ways.
This, I think, is one of the ways Hong Lu makes himself feel more powerful. After all, it's not that hard to guess from what little bits of his background we have that Hong Lu lacked agency for most of his life. So, wouldn't it make sense for him that having that agency, that being able to be socially in control, would be the exact kind of thing that would boost his self-esteem?
In fact, the only times we see him rendered completely speechless, seemingly stripped of that confidence in conversations he usually exhibits, are in Canto 7 - specifically in scenes where he's Not In Control of what the others are talking about. Those scenes being when the other Sinners start shit-talking Xichun in front of him, and when Xichun actively tries to bother Hong Lu by alluding to the way he's been treated back at home.
Extremely confident until something external happens that utterly strips him of that confidence... sounds familiar, doesn't it?
Then, there's the second interpretation.
See, with NPD, there are two ways a narcissist can try to make themself feel more deserving of attention. One is the one most probably think of when they think about narcissists - setting out to fulfill extremely high goals to feel amazing when one reached them and then feeling utterly crushed in the case one doesn't. This would be someone like Rodya.
However, there is also another way, one which I personally have much more experience with - to undersell. To set extremely low expectations, so that it's as hard as possible to fail reaching them, and to feel way better upon surpassing them than one would with higher, more "regular" expectations.
This, to me, is exactly the kind of narcissist Hong Lu is. Think about it. He's constantly putting out this image of an extremely sheltered person that barely understands the outside world, with notable moments where it's made clear he's Just Making Shit Up at points. Wouldn't making one seem unable to do anything, only to then proceed to do things you've led people to not expect of you, make it feel like you're much more exceptional than you really are?
The underselling goes the other way too. When the other Sinners point out something odd about Hong Lu in a more positive way, he's often quick to point out how it's Nothing compared to what his Family expected of him. Wouldn't that make one feel exceptional, to make it seem like whatever effort you're putting in to do well is but a fraction of what else you can do? That you don't even have to try to be able to be special?
...So, there. That's all the analysis and interpretation I find important to do to get my point across.
Just to make it clear, I don't think that the only thing wrong with Hong Lu is the narcissism. There's definitely a lot more shit going on in that head of his. But, I'll be honest, the NPD reading felt so obvious to me that it genuinely took me by surprise that other people don't see it.
Though... maybe I shouldn't be shocked. Some fuckers out there still think Faust is a narcissist when she's literally just autistic.
#lu speaketh#limbus company#hong lu lcb#hong lu#canto 7 spoilers#lcb analysis#gotta pull out those rent lowering gunshots every now and then
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Are Your Ears Burning? 18+ only - Minors DNI
astarion x fem!reader
CW: smut, masturbation, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), astarion being a brat
A/N: If you know me irl, no you don't (lovingly)- otherwise, welcome to my first smut fic (i need to be put down like a dog). Also shout out to S.H. for being an editor and proofreader, cause my asexual ass don't know shit <3 can't wait to live in the asylum with you when our delusions take over our brains
bg3 masterlist
You couldn’t fucking take it anymore.
Life out on the open road was exhausting, and often far dirtier than you’d like, and most days you just wanted to collapse into your bedroll once the night sky blanketed the camp. Although, when the travel was not so long and the days were a little bit calmer, your mind would finally be able to think of other things than sheer survival. But that was where the real battle lay, and you had no defenses against your opponent.
The most beautiful bastard to ever walk the earth, otherwise known as Astarion.
It was truly horrible. The elf vampire’s mere existence was enough to send your body fluttering. The way he would lounge by the fire, feet reaching for the warm, head tilted to face the heavens. Or when he would put on his armor, dexterous fingers flexing as he tightened leather straps. It didn’t help that Astarion was an outrageous flirt, who knew exactly how to lower his eyes just so, or how to change his voice to a vocal caress. Sometimes you wondered if he could possibly read your mind, if he was amused by how utterly pathetic you became the moment he said your name.
Perhaps it would have been easier if he could, because then you wouldn’t be caught in the dilemma you found yourself in. You know of Astarion’s background, knew that he was trying to undo two centuries worth of pain and hurt. And for that reason you didn’t dare speak your desires to him, not willing to chance the fact that you might ruin what little healing he had found.
At the end of the day, however, you still were just a woman. And it was in the twilight of a long day that you retired to your tent, hot and flustered from so much more than the campfire. Your core ached, desperate to find some sort of release for the sheer amount of arousal it was constantly put through. But of course, when you thought of pleasure, it was the face of Astarion that came to mind. But that was not a path you were willing to go down.
Tentatively, you moved to lay on your bedroll; even though you were completely alone, and well within your own right, you felt embarrassed as you took off your shoes, your pants soon cast aside as well. You lay back, taking a deep breath as you attempted to clear your mind, to relax and enjoy yourself. You began as you always did, fingers trailing over your opening, touching the spots that you knew would make you feel good.
Except when the first wave of pleasure hit, all your mind could think of was Astarion. His pale face, with those alluring ruby eyes filled your mind, and you found your lips longing to utter his name. It shocked you for a moment, but you couldn’t help but note the way the thought of him had made the experience more enjoyable.
You struggled within yourself, questioning the morality of thinking of Astarion for your own pleasure. You had no right to him, and aside from his flirtatious nature, you weren’t even sure he wanted you in that way. So you resolved to push any thoughts of your white-haired companion away, resorting to sheer pleasure to satisfy yourself.
You went for where the aching was in your core, fingers pushing through your own soft folds, gathering the slickness that had already collected in just the few moments. You carefully pushed into yourself, breath catching as you maneuvered through the first ring of muscle. Slowly, you pumped your fingers in and out, taking care to brush against your sensitive inner wall. To your dismay, however, the feeling of your fingers within yourself didn’t bring you nearly as much pleasure as you had hoped. Your mind betrayed you, focused on how it was woefully your own hand and not a certain vampire spawn companion’s.
You slipped in another finger in an attempt to help fill you up, and your mind drifted to Astarion. What would it feel like if it had been his cock inside of you instead, pushing up against your center. Would he be thick, stretching you out around him? Or would he be long, needing to encourage you to keep taking him in. Your fingers picked up their pace, desperation starting to take root as your longing for the real thing increased.
With a jolt, you caught your ruminating thoughts, heat burning through your face rather than your core as shame coiled in your stomach. Frustrated, you removed your own hand, a little miffed at how difficult your hopeless crush on the elf had made your life. You took a deep breath, moving onto a different tactic; if you couldn’t control your thoughts, you wouldn’t think at all. Your clit had already swelled a little from the arousal, and as you brushed your fingers over the bump, it produced a satisfying thrill up through your body.
You began working the bud with your fingers, a soft sound escaping you as you felt your pleasure increase in your body, responding to the stimulation. You allowed your mind to grow hazy with the sensations, little prickles of pleasure running through your hips and legs, giving your body the experience it had been craving.
You pressed on your clit more firmly, touching yourself with more intensity as your body grew hotter and hotter. Little noises escaped with your uneven breathing, the pleasure unable to be constrained to your body and escaping into the air. You had to be careful, your tent was in a circle of your companions’ after all, but your need overruled any real sense of propriety. You continued to vocalize your pleasure, whispered “pleases” mixing in with the quiet noises that escaped you the more you felt pleasured. You could almost hear Astarion’s voice in your ear, murmuring words of encouragement, of praise, enticing you closer and closer to your climax.
“Astarion…” You groaned, unable to resist the way it so easily came to your lips.
Little did you know that just outside your tent, crouched beside the very wall of tarp that you were next to, the man himself sat, pointed ears listening intently to your sounds. Astarion had no intentions of listening into your private moment as he had walked past your tent, but the moment he had heard his own name moaned out, your voice so sinfully needy, he had rooted himself to the spot. It didn’t take him long to deduce what was happening, the scent of your arousal, damp and slick on your hot skin, told him all he needed to know. So he sat there, listening intently, his own hunger growing, tightening the leather of his trousers.
Your breath came out in little pants as you felt the coil burn hot in your lower abdomen, ready to spring at any given moment. How you longed for Astarion’s actual touch, for him to help you along; instead, however, you contented yourself with a final swirl of your forefinger, and the coil snapped. Warmth swelled in the center of your body, and your body sank into the thin bedroll, satisfaction easing the tension that had plagued you for so long. You pulled your hand away from your body, letting it fall beside your trembling thighs. As soon as the initial high was over, however, guilt poisoning the ecstasy, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. No matter how hard you had tried, you couldn’t get the beautiful elven man out of your head, the stupid bastard.
“You did so well, darling. So good, coming for me just like that.” You could almost imagine his voice purring to you.
Except you didn’t imagine it.
Your eyes fly open, and standing at the end of your bed was Astarion himself, a beautifully wicked smirk curled across his lips. His ruby eyes gleamed with gratification, looking as pleased as can be as his gaze drank in the sight of your dripping folds.
With a start, you broke from your blissful haze, scrambling to cover yourself; Astarion, however, had other plans, pouncing on you immediately, grasping your wrists and pinning them to your sides. “No no, darling, don’t get shy now.” He clicked his tongue, clearly enjoying your flustered state. “You don’t get to act coy, not when you called out my name. This is mine to enjoy, and you’re not taking it from me.”
Astarion punctuated his words by bringing your messy fingers to his lips, taking them into his mouth, tongue swirling around them as he tasted you. He groaned, eyes closing for a moment as he savored your flavor. “So sweet, darling…I simply must have more.”
Your mind was still caught in shock, lost for words as he shifted down your body, hands caressing from your wrists, following the path of your arms as he trailed further and further downward. He knelt into his position of worship, finding the altar between your thighs, more than ready to taste the wine of your body. Despite how needy he felt, he wanted to savor this moment, the way he finally had your truest feelings laid bare before him.
“Were you truly so desperate for me, love?” He purred, rubbing his nose against your soft inner thigh. “Our perfect little hero of the realm, fucking herself on her fingers, crying out my name. How perfectly filthy.”
“I...I just needed-”You feel beyond embarrassed, being caught in such a personal moment, but even more so being caught by the very man you were using to get off.
Astarion, however, was the furthest thing from displeased, chuckling as he pushed on your legs, sighing happily as his face was smooshed between your plush thighs. “I know what you needed, pet. You could have just asked, you know; I would have been more than happy to oblige.”
You inhale a sharp breath, pulling your lower lip between your teeth as you hesitate, a flicker of concern tightening around your heart. “I don’t ever want to put you in that position again…”
Astarion faltered, his heart melting a little as he realized what you were insinuating. He moved back up to hover above you, the cool leather of his pants stretched over his knees as they pushed up against your thighs, effectively keeping your legs wide open for him. He gently stroked your waist–better than the way you had imagined–his slightly dry fingertips soft as he mapped out the curve of your form.
“You could never.” He says, his creamy voice quiet as he spoke, the most earnest you had ever seen him. His eyes matched the color you felt in your heart, heated and passionate. “You are nothing like him, or any of them. You…” He leaned in, and he pressed his lips to yours. His whole body leaned into you, craving the warmth he could feel radiating off. “You have proven time and time again that you see me as more than a body.” Astarion whispered against your lips, his own still brushing them. “You have given me a place to call home, to not constantly have to protect myself. And now that I’m not just trying to survive…” He moved his lips to your neck, biting gently. “I find myself wanting.”
His meaning was clear in his words, sending tingles up your body from how much more it excited you. “You have to know now just how much I feel about you..how I adore you.” You reach up a slightly shaky hand, cupping his sharp jawline into your palm. He leans into it, hands tightening into a possessive grip on your waist, as if he couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving.
“It cannot possibly match just how much I adore you.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss into your palm. His eyes flit open again, glancing at yours. “And I would like to show you, if you’ll let me.”
Your breath catches as your heart skips, heat curling in your stomach again. Unable to trust your voice you give him a silent nod, the need evident in your gaze.
Astarion presses one last kiss to your lips before he returns to his irreverent worshiping, his slender hands wrapping around your thighs, nails pressing into your skin as if to mark you as his. He brings his face the slit between your folds, and he inhales deeply, a satisfactory sigh leaving him. You clench around nothing, his warm breath scattering across your damp skin making your body tingle with arousal.
“Look at her, already so beautiful and ready for me.” He murmurs, pressing his pointed nose into the little crevice above your clit. He darts his tongue out, flicking the swollen bud, smiling as he feels the twitch of your body in reply. “But look at her, poor thing…she deserves tact, and true pleasure, not just a brutish push to an orgasm. Never fear, my love..” He pauses, pressing a kiss to your pelvis, “I am here to take care of you as you deserve.”
Astarion rolls out his tongue, pressing it flat against the opening between your softness, and he drags it upwards. He hums with delight, just the hint of your essence making him greedy for more. He pushes through the soft flesh, dragging his tongue expertly up and down, lapping up the mixture of arousal and release that remains.
You can’t help the soft noises that escape you, no words being able to describe how you’re feeling, the sensations too strong to remain within you, finding their release through your vocal cords. This only spurs Astarion forward, however, who continues swiping his tongue through your vulva, unabashedly hungry in his consumption of you. The only breaks you receive are when he occasionally pauses to tell you how perfect you are, or how good you taste, or how much he adores you. The moment the elf finishes vocalizing his sentiments, however, he returns to your body, working his tongue over and over again.
You find yourself wishing you could have had this first, Astarion’s actions surprisingly better than your own, as if he was simply meant to know your body in this way. Had you not been so entirely consumed with the sensations his mouth were bringing you, you might have had the notion to be irritated, but instead you only found yourself delighted by his uncanny ability to find the places that pleasured you the most.
While Astarion could have happily just kept dragging his tongue over you like a man dying of thirst, he wanted to continue focusing on your pleasure. It delighted him, being able to give pleasure because of his affections he felt, with no ulterior motives, and he was determined to enjoy it to the fullest. His shifts a little, easing his tongue into your opening, his body jolting as he feels you gasp and tighten on the muscle. Teasingly, he moves his tongue, easing you open again, sliding it as far as he can get. He presses his face as far into you as he can, taking full advantage of vampires’ lack of needing air. He presses his nose against your sensitive clit, rubbing it slowly, building up a rhythm with his tongue as he moves it in tandem with his teasing nose.
He feels a surge of satisfaction as you moan, grinding your body against his face, letting him delve deeper into your soaking cunt as he gets more and more drunk on your taste. He can feel you getting close from all the stimulation, the way his hands have to keep you from closing your thighs around his head–not that he’d mind going that way, but he has other plans for you.
“You’re doing so well for me, my love….taste so sweet, being so filthy on my tongue.” He murmurs, rubbing his nose against your throbbing clit, and you nearly lose it from hope the vibrations rumble through your flesh. “You’ll be a good girl for me and come, won’t you? Let me taste my saccharine reward.”
“Astarion, I…” You’re not really sure what you’re trying to say, thoughts increasingly difficult to form with every flick of his tongue against your tense inner muscles.
“I’m here, my darling…my beautiful woman…” He presses a kiss with his lips to your labias, a sweet gesture compared to his demanding tongue and insistent nose. “Let yourself go. Baptize me in your glory, please.”
He’s begging you. Tongue pushed deep into your core, pointed nose steadily pressing into your bud, Asatrion is begging you to come on his face, and you don’t have the strength– nor the desire– to deny him.
“Astarion!” You moan out, hips bucking against his face as the tension snaps, your body going slack against him as warmth courses through your muscles.
Astarion feels a surge of delight and satisfaction as he feels his face dampen, and he forgets any rhythm with his tongue as it greedily laps at you, as if he needs every last drop of your release to survive. You can barely make out his murmurs, only catching your name and words of praise here and there. You whimper as he licks at you, the sensation bordering on overstimulation for your pleasured body, but you can’t deny the ache feels good.
Finally, Astarion’s face pulls away from your warmth, and he presses one last soft kiss to your swollen clit, inhaling deeply to take in your scent once more. He sits up, reaching a hand out to brush back the hair sticking to your forehead.
“You alright darling?” He asls warmly, smiling down at your flushed and dazed face.
You nod, taking a deep breath as you try to collect yourself. “I’m…I”m wonderful…perfect actually..” You glance over him, and feel your stomach flip as you see the obvious bulge in his pants. “Astarion, you-”
He waves you off, pressing a kiss to your stomach. “Do not push yourself, dearest. I wouldn’t want to break your pretty little body on our first night together.”
“I want you to break me.” You blurt out, heat rushing to your ears as you drop your gaze. As if you weren’t already a trembling and aching mess from the most thorough and pleasurable eating out you’d ever received. Yet somehow, with Astarion, it was never enough. “Please.”
For a moment, Astarion just gazed down at you, his wine-colored eyes deep in thought as he seemed to consider you. Finally, he smiled, and he reached down, untucking his shirt. “You are so perfect, darling, you know that?”
Even after all that you’ve experienced, your body burns with arousal again as you watch him remove his shirt, tossing it aside without a care. For a moment, you feel you might faint when he tells you you can touch him, but you manage to stay conscious. Your trembling hands caress over his smooth chest, feeling the cool, pale skin, and the lean muscles that it encases. Astarion shivers at your touch, adoring how he simultaneously feels both adored and wanted.
He unlaces his trousers, disposing of those and his underwear, watching your expression carefully.
The heat in your center doubles, and you already ache for friction, for him as you gaze at his body. His cock is long, erected upwards as he takes in the mess he’s already made. Veins curve around the shaft, dark against his taut, pale skin. You shudder as a thrill runs up your spine as you imagine how that will feel, and you wonder if you can die from anticipation.
“Is this what you imagined, darling? Or have your wicked fantasies bested me?” Astarion teases, his voice low as he returns to his position, howevering over you. He dips his head down, nibbling at your ear before moving down to press a trail of kisses across your neck.
“You are far better than anything I could have imagined, though...I’m not sure this isn’t fantasy.” You breathe out, feeling dizzy from his proximity.
“This is very much so reality, darling.” Astarion murmurs into your skin. “And I have every intention of proving it.”
He leans up a little, just enough so that he can grasp your hips, lifting them to meet his body. As you watch him bring his member to your opening, you wonder if you will ever remember how to breathe. But suddenly, you feel him push in, and suddenly all you can focus on is just how right it feels.
He takes his time, though it's easy for him to slip in, your body plenty wet from your arousal. He groans your name softly as he feels you clench down, as if your body is demanding to have more without delay. He happily obliges, pushing forward a little more intently, watching to ensure you are comfortable.
You have no qualms, however; every inch you receive sends little waves of pleasure radiating through your body. You wonder how you ever lived without this, the desperate ache inside of your core easing away as he fills you up. As he gets closer to his base, it becomes a bit of a stretch, your body not quite used to the length, but your moan is full of appreciation rather than pain.
Astarion bottoms out, a deep breath escaping him as he does. “My darling…” He murmurs, caressing his hands up and down your hips. His eyes are hazy, his body thrumming with heat, with the sheer ecstasy of being so deeply intertwined with you.
Your own body is pulsing, and you grow a little greedy, your hands grasping at his pale strands of hair. “Astarion...m-more…please…”
Astarion moans again, amazed by how he could have someone so incredible possibly want him. “Do not fear, my love. I have every intention of giving you everything.”
Astarion pulls back his hips, pushing them back in a little quickly, his stomach lurching as he hears the gasp that escapes you. He repeats the motion, building up a steady pace as he thrusts in and out of your warmth. It's like your bodies need one another, crave the most carnal and yet loving intimacy that can be had. Astarion's hands firmly grasp your thighs, wrapping your legs around his hips so he can thrust deeper, a little harder as he does so. Both of you moan, the pleasure intensified through the new angle. Astarion stops being careful, pumping in and out of your soft body at a reckless pace, needing to chase the pleasure that continues to rise higher and hotter between the two of you.
The two of you are lost to your ecstasy until you reach the height of it. You come hard and fast, your insides burning up from the tightly wound coil. You forget everything, calling out Astarion’s name without caring if others will hear it, clinging to him as your pleasure takes you. Astarion follows almost immediately after, hips stuttering before he just presses into you, allowing his hot release to fill up your body. Your thighs soon become slick as it spills out of your body, but you hardly notice, more focused on the sensation of Astarion’s body laying on top of yours.
For a few moments, you both just lay there together, panting heavily, minds spinning from the sheer amount of bliss the two of you have created. Your hands stroke through his hair, his own hands still cupping your waist as if you are the only thing grounding him to the earth.
“You are so perfect, my love..” Astarion whispers, his voice husky and low, barely a murmur in your ear. “Just positively divine.”
You smile, a little flutter of satisfaction warming your own heart. “As are you. I feel absolutely incredible, thanks to you.”
The white-haired elf chuckles, pressing a kiss to your neck. “Do not ever thank me, my darling. I’m almost ashamed to admit how much of this was for my own pleasure. You will have to force me to only think of you, next time.”
“Next time?” You echo, quirking a brow at him, hope fluttering in your chest. Astarion’s smile curls across his flushed face, and he tucks your hair behind your ear. “Of course darling. I can’t have my beloved resorting to her own hands the next time she needs to feel good. Especially if I can be the one hearing you moan my name.”
#astarion x reader#astarion x female tav#astarion x you#astarion x tav#astarion smut#astarion bg3#bg3 astarion
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𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄. — ryomen sukuna
cw. suggestive themes (mdni) & incubus au wc. 1k
Sukuna was far hungrier than usual; his mouth salivating almost every moment he gulps it down. Once again, to his demise, his attempt to quench his thirst was deemed a failure. He knew he was craving for something, a desire so carnal and ardent – it could drive an incubus insane.
He craved for something – no – someone, a mortal, so specific. Wandering thoughts of finding other prey for the night were quickly shoved away, and memories from two nights ago flashed in his mind. Those lingering thoughts from the nights before replayed in his head plenty of times, almost like a broken record player. From the way your hands gripped on the bedsheets to how you wantonly moaned his name before choking back on a scream while he effortlessly ––
Small beads of saliva rolled down his chin. Fuck, just thinking about it made him feral. He couldn’t think of anything else. Without a second thought, he wiped his chin and vanished with the rustling wind. The sun had long set and the shadows of dusk alighted over the city buildings, the once busy streets had gone eerily quiet.
The moment his feet touched the cool porcelain tiles, the scent he’d been craving so ardently for struck him hard. Sukuna’s gaze followed the moonlight’s path, his eyes stopping at your blanket-covered figure; your breathing soft and steady, and your eyes shut closed. He walked through your window effortlessly, and he swore he could’ve gone high to your scent alone.
He didn’t even need to do much to make you aware of his presence. The corners of his lips tugged into a tiny smirk, watching you shuffle in your bed – sitting back with your hands holding your blanket close to your bare chest.
“Sorry for disturbing you, darling.” Sukuna said, albeit he had no guilt found in his voice. There was the usual tone of playfulness laced in his deep, low voice.
“S-Sukuna,” you squeaked out his name, feeling your face go scarlet the longer you stared at the handsome male. “It’s fine. You surprised me, that’s all.”
Truly, you were a sight to see underneath the moonlight’s gaze; your lashes fluttering every now and then while you stare innocently at a heinous incubus with incarnadine staining the apples of your cheeks. You stared at the tall man whose locks were showered in roses, and you could’ve sworn you saw the shadows of his wings behind him. He was a sight to behold. The moment you locked eyes with him, he gave you a devilish grin.
“Your scent…” He began, the corner of his lips tugged up into a small smirk. “You smell erotic. So fucking erotic.”
“You must’ve missed me a lot, huh?” He questioned, taking long strides to the end of your bed. “I missed you too,” he then admitted, his fingers tugging against his black tie, pulling the fabric loose. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that cunt of yours. It’s driving me so fuckin’ insane.”
You were too flustered to mutter a response, however your eyes had said it all. It was all he needed to come closer. He could hear the distant sound of your heart beating rapidly against your ribcage, and your grip on the blanket loosened. Unconsciously, he licked his lips – his eyes locked on your soft, bare skin. This could never not be new to him, the first two times he’d seen you all bare – it sent his senses ablaze.
“I missed you too,” you mutter, your voice low in a soft whisper. “It’s been too lonely in this house, ‘Kuna.”
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath before pulling you closer to him, your chest pressed against his. “C’mere.”
He did everything so effortlessly, incredibly well-rehearsed in his swift yet domineering movements. Here he was pressing his lips on yours, his calloused hands gripping on your waist tightly. Your body meld well against his, your arms slowly snaking around his neck as he peppered soft kisses along your collarbone. His warm breath fanned against the shell of your ear, tickling the soft skin slightly.
You arched your back, yearning for more of his touch. He laughed softly at this, before returning his lips to your ears. His grip on your waist tightened, his nails digging into your skin. You couldn’t care less, though as your arousal easily overtakes the pain.
“You drive me so fucking crazy, you know that?” He rasped against your ear before bringing his lips lower. Your heart and the butterflies in your stomach swirled in anticipation, despite everything that had happened, you still felt like a virgin around him. You shuddered a soft breath, moaning softly when his tongue circled around your nipple — hardening against his soft lips.
“I want you,” you said, your voice quiet and soft. Your fingers danced in his pink locks, pulling him closer. Nimble fingers drew long lines along his shoulders, clumsily stopping before the buttons of his white dress shirt. Before pulling away, he gave your buds one harsh suck; eliciting a surprised moan slipping past your lips. As you were about to undo the buttons, he pulled you firmly and you sat on top of his lap; the friction of his dress pants against your cunt.
“Patience, Love.” He mutters against the plush of your breasts before glancing up at you with his snarky grin. His grip on your waist tightens as he grinds your hips against his, eliciting a soft whimper from you.
“We’ve got the whole night ahead of us.”
© 6TORU do not copy, repost, or translate my works on any platform.
#★ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫#sukuna x reader#sukuna smut#jjk smut#ryomen sukuna x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jjk drabbles
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🕯️ THE RITUAL HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND I AM SUMMONED BY @emmg 🕯️
WIP ✨WHATEVER✨
I have a lot of Emmrook things in mind that I want to write (I made a list!), but I only have one brain and one dominant hand for writing, so I’m just dawdling away at my leisure.
Currently I’m working on my take on a scene that would take place directly following the end of the game because BioWare hates us and decided we don’t need any closure for our Rooks or their love interest aside from some vague ‘live, laugh, love’ bullshit epilogue slide.
Rook works their fucking ass off the entire game and is basically the emotional sponge for everyone else’s issues, pushing themselves beyond what’s healthy to see their goals through. Emmrich remarks on it on at least two separate occasions, so I think my Rook would probably find herself in a position within hours of everything concluding where her body and her mind just stand on the brakes and say, “Nope! We’re done! We cannot and will not do any more things until you take some time to recuperate!”
And who’s going to make sure that happens in the most romantic, wholesome, and slightly stern but sexy way?
Emmrich, of course 🤍
Also, I’m reverse uno-ing @emmg because I want to know what you’re cooking. LET ME INNNNNN.
I’m also tagging @allofthebarks because she said she has things she wants to write but the writing just isn’t coming, so comfort yourself in my clumsy, unedited WIP and just write A Thing. Dooooo it!!!
Veilguard End Game Spoilers Under The Cut
Cheering and accolades followed them through the ruined streets of Minrathous, and Amina took the time to ensure that no waiting hand was left unshaken, no hug went unreturned, and no condolence went unoffered. It took them nearly two hours to make their way to a damaged but still structurally sound estate secured for them by the Shadow Dragons but as far as she was concerned, it was time well spent.
As the ornate doors of the manor closed behind them and the cacophony of their victory was muffled, Amina took two steps into the manor, bent at the waist, and splattered the floor with the contents of her stomach.
Emmrich was on her in an instant, holding her long black hair aside with one hand and stroking comforting circles on her back with another.
“What’s happening? What’s wrong with her?” Taash demanded, taking a step forward. Her voice was distant - drowned out by the screeching whine in Amina’s ears.
She felt her legs wobble and give way, her armoured knees colliding roughly with the ground as she threw out a hand to steady herself, not caring that it landed right in her sick: everything was too much. Too loud. Too bright. Too… real. It felt like she was being driven out of her own body like a wayward spirit, her essence clinging desperately to whatever it could hold onto to tether her here.
Just as distantly, Amina could hear Emmrich respond to Taash but his words were lost on her as she wiped her mouth with the back of her arm and lurched clumsily to her feet.
“Harding - I need to go to her mother—“ Her voice broke: she hadn’t had time. None of them had had time to tell her mother about Harding’s death before Elgar’nan forced their hand.
She clenched her teeth at the sensation of hot tears cutting through the accumulation of grime and gore and sweat on her face, snarling defiantly through the deluge of agony crashing through her… breaking her from the inside.
There’s still work to be done…
She was pulling away from Emmrich, her course uncharted but steadfast: she needed to go. Somewhere. Anywhere. It didn’t matter, as long as she was doing something… as long as she was helping. But no matter how she pulled and tugged, he wouldn’t let her go: lithe as Emmrich was, he wasn’t weak by any stretch.
With some effort he managed to put himself in front of her, gold rings clinking against silverite where he gripped her shoulders before pulling her tight against him.
“Breathe, darling.” He instructed, enshrouding her diminutive frame in his own. “I need you to breathe… can you do that for me?”
She managed an anguished sob in reply but nothing more: any attempt to draw breath was met with unforgiving resistance as her airways slammed shut in seeming rebellion of life itself.
Arrangements need to be made - things need to be taken care of, and I’m the only one left to take care of them.
No. First I need to breathe.
“I’ve got you: you’re safe with me.”
More tears rolled down her cheeks as her eyes clenched shut and she forced a thin, ragged inhalation into her lungs.
“Well done, darling.” Emmrich encouraged, ever calm, ever heartening. “Now let’s try for another one, shall we? I’ll do it with you. Let out your breath on the count of three: one… two… three…”
She felt Emmrich contract against her as he slowly exhaled with her. None of this was new to her: Nevarran breathing techniques were required learning for Watchers. Claustrophobia could present unpredictably, and if one found themselves turned around or overwhelmed in the Necropolis, being able to stay calm was vital to survival.
“Perfect. Now another breath in…” He waited while Amina drew another shaky breath then loosened his hold on her to gently cup her cheek. Within moments she could feel the familiar soothing tingle of Emmrich’s magic coursing intimately through her, seeping through her nervous system and providing some relief.
“Emmrich,” she rasped, clutching at his chest. “I… I need to—“
“Do absolutely nothing.” He interjected sternly, his voice absent of any playful familiarity or scholarly flair, though it softened almost reflexively as he continued. “You’ve overextended yourself, Amina. You’ve been overextended for some time, but you pushed through to see this to the end - and you have - but my love, you can’t evade the reality of what you’ve been through indefinitely… you need to rest and take time to come to terms with things.” He drew his thumb over her cheek, speaking to her like she was the only person in the room.
“But—“
“All that needs to be attended will be seen to: Lace’s mother will be informed of her sacrifice in an appropriate manner, and the… actions of the Inquisitor will be communicated to the south.” He hung on the word ‘actions’ seemingly unsure of its accuracy but ultimately too focused on Amina to care.
She opened her mouth to argue, but likely having anticipated this from her, Emmrich spoke first.
“You’ve done so much and helped so many without asking for anything in return… please let me be the one to help you in your moment of need?”
His eyes searched hers, soft and pleading, and she studied the face of the man she loved: each pleasing curve and angle that she had committed to memory etched on her heart. The crinkled lines at the corners of his eyes, and the creases around his familiar mouth spoke of years of smiles offered to comfort and soothe.
He was filthy too, and his hair was limp and disheveled, strands of it hanging into his face… but oh Maker how she loved him…
“I love you…” He whispered for her ears alone, his lips ghosting over hers. “And I so look forward to reminding you of that fact every day for the rest of our lives… so let me begin now: let me take care of you.”
#wip#wip whenever#dragon age#datv#da:tv#veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#da:tv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilgaurd spoilers#datv spoilers#emmrook#emmrich volkarin#emmrich x rook#emmrich romance#v writes
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Idk if you do requests, but if you do,
You should write a Slash x Reader smut
Where reader is virgin, and Slash has a corruption kink
Im just gonna leave it at that. 🙏🏼
A/n: trying to get through all my slash requests bc APPARENTLY that’s all I’m good for 🙄 /j I love Slash ☺️
Warnings: smut, fingering (f receiving), corruption kink (I hope, I tried 🥹), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!
No one thought he could do it, no one had ever imagined that Slash could date someone long enough to get married without sex, yet here he was.
You met between breaks in tour, it was late and he was high and starving. You were working at a pizza place down the road and helped him get back home after he lost his shoe and keys, although he was most heart broken over the loss of his pizza but that didn’t happen until after he ate it.
He was stupid and his state of mind was evidently altered, however, it only meant it was harder for him to hide how pretty he thought you were.
He came back to your place of work later that week, sober this time, and you actually got to talking which led to dating and moving in.
It happened quickly, only a few months between dating and engagement, which no one was surprised by given Slash and his lifestyle. Your family and friends were a bit shocked that you of all people ended up with him, but after seeing the way the guitarist no one could deny it.
Sure, no one questioned it when Slash announced his engagement soon after announcing his new relationship, but there was a reason.
“What the fuck does that mean?” He asked. You were in his bed, curled up against him while he played with your hair. His other hand had been slowly making its way lower and lower and you thought it was the time to tell him the truth.
“It means I’m waiting until marriage.” You explained. He paused for a moment, and he did try to convince you otherwise a few times, although he always stopped if he felt it was pushing you too far or if he thought you might say yes; you made up your mind years ago and he didn’t need that on his conscience, he loved you too much.
On top of that, he loved the idea of being your first, of being the one to take away your innocence. He wanted to marry you and have you forever, you were his and he was yours.
Which led to now, Slash planting kisses up your neck as you sat back against him. “Just relax, sweetheart, and let me know what feels good, alright?” His soft voice flowed into your ears.
You nodded and he got right to work, nipping at your sensitive skin while rubbing your sides, one hand moving down lower between your legs until he was rubbing your clit and slow circles. Your breath caught in your throat, a shiver running up your spine.
You just had to relax and melt into him turning your head to meet his lips, he didn’t pull away as you kissed him and his fingers moved faster.
His other hand moved down, pushing two fingers into you and making you gasp and moan into the kiss. He didn’t want to rush you so he just kept them there, focusing on your clit with the other hand but he could already feel your walls fluttering around his fingers.
“That’s it, that’s a good girl, just relax.” He said, not changing the pace of his fingers. “Just be a good girl and cum on my fingers for me.” Of course you listened, you couldn’t not cum with the praise that he muttered, filling your thoughts of him and his love for you.
He kissed your cheek as you came down from the high. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
You nodded, eyes feeling heavy as you looked up at him. “This-this is how you feel when I…” You didn’t need to finish, he knew what you were talking about.
He chuckled and shrugged. “Kind of, feels better for you, guarantee it.” He mused.
“Do I not do a good job?” You asked, slight worry in your voice.
Slash was quick to shake his head. “No, nothing like that, no, just, like…” He sighed as he tried to think of a way to word it. “Biology..?” He said, unable to contain his laughter as he said it. “I swear I read somewhere it was better for women than it was for men.” You laughed at his explanation and moved off of his lap, laying down and nuzzling into your pillow.
Slash gave you time to recuperate, the last thing he wanted was to overstimulate you, he’d do that another time but for now he settled for flopping on top of you. “Jesus, you sound like those pig dog toys.”
“Did you just compare me to a pig and a dog toy in a single breath?” You demanded, voice coming out strained as you were being crushed under him. He really wasn’t that heavy and he wasn’t putting all his weight on you but it wasn’t easy breathing either. “And you still expect sex?”
Slash snorted at that, tucking his face into the crook of your neck. “I’m not expecting shit, I-I’m helping you sleep..?” You were married the night before and spent time travelling and sleeping on the way to your honeymoon, having woken up not long ago and feeling the need to consummate the marriage just as you’d always imagined. To a point, anyway.
He was stupid but it worked and you pushed back into him, moaning as you felt his hard cock against you. He slipped into you, drawing moans out of the both of you. He waited for you to adjust to him, his fingers had helped but it wasn’t the same. No, this was much, much better.
He began moving his hips, his thrusts quickly picking up speed until the room filled with the sound of skin on skin and your loud moans mixed with Slash’s low grunts and groans. “Fuck, listen to yourself, a virgin and already so fucking loud and needy for cock. My cock, sweetheart.”
“Yes! Yours, only yours!” You said, pulling your knees up. You were trying to get on your hands and knees, doggy style, but he put a hand on your back and kept your face mostly shoved into the pillow. Not that you mind, it just put him at that perfect angle where he repeatedly hit that spot that had you seeing stars.
“Oh, that’s a good girl, keep- fuck, keep saying that.” He said, giving your ass a quick smack. He was so pent up, he wasn’t trying to be rough with you but he couldn’t keep himself totally in control, not after all this time.
“Ngh! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Feels so good!” You whined, feeling that same knot from earlier building in your gut. Slash’s thrusts were quickly losing their rhythm as you squeezed him, sucking him in and bringing him closer to the edge as well.
He made sure you came, letting you rolled onto your stomach after he pulled out, hand going to his throbbing member so he could jerk himself off, hot strings of cum spurting onto your stomach before he flopped over beside you and pulled you to his side.
He gathered some of his cum on his fingers and brought them to your mouth, letting you lick them clean. “How’re you feeling, sweetheart?” He asked breathlessly.
“Tired.” You responded after a moment, nuzzling into him.
He chuckled and nodded. “Sleep then, we’ve got the whole month and then the rest of our lives.”
#guns n roses#guns n roses fanfic#guns n roses x reader#gnr#guns n roses smut#gnr fic#gnr fanfiction#gnr x reader#guns n roses imagine#gnr smut#guns n roses rp#gunsnfuckinroses#slash guns n roses#gunsnroses#guns and roses#gnr rp#slash gnr#slash imagine#slash fluff#slash smut#slash hudson#slash fic#slash#slash fanfiction
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Part 1 of my first chapter of Stages
Chapters will update on Fridays ✨🫶 Enjoy!!
Jason seemed smaller in his arms now. Bruce had hugged him just days ago. How was he so small? Agony ripped through him, this was more than a fight with Dick, this was more than a spat about birth mothers. This was permanent, this was an ending that came far too soon.
Bruce didn't know how long he sat in the rubble and smoke. His throat burned with the dry smoke he kept inhaling. A fine layer of snow was falling all around them, he wiped Jason’s face down with a clean part of his cape, hoping and praying this was some kind of sick joke, that this was a horrible nightmare.
But his son didn't move, didn’t push him away, didn’t react at all.
He lifted Jason’s tiny body up carefully, oh so carefully. His blood was already coagulated and the cold had already made Jason’s body so stiff. He didn’t dare think about how he would explain this to the public, how people would see Bruce Wayne.
He tugged his son close, he needed to get him away and safe. God’s above, Bruce was a curse on all he loved.
Bruce didn’t know how he got back to the jet, he didn't know how he made the call to Alfred who called Dick back to Earth. He knew that the autopilot took him back to Gotham in what could have been record time - just under 16 hours, cleaning his son’s dead body, putting him into his favorite pajamas, tucking him into the small cot where he thought Bruce wouldn't find the Wonder Woman stickers on the bottom side of the top bunk.
Jason looked like he could have been asleep like this, but his face was too pale, his chest was unmoving, his face far too still.
He didn’t stop crying, he didn’t sleep. He had changed at some point, hating his own suit so much that the sight of it made him sick.
He didn’t realize he was in the cave until Alfred pulled him into a hug.
“I lost him, I lost him Al.” Bruce cried, holding Alfred close. His only parent left, smoothing back his hair, wiping away his tears.
“Shh, Bruce, this is not your fault son.” Alfred hugged him tighter. “We have to take care of this now though, come, Dick just arrived home, he needs you. Miss Gordon will be coming later tonight.”
Fear raced through him, he was no father, he didn’t know how to console Dick. He could barely console himself. Barbra was a whole different story, he didn’t know if he could face her.
“Master Bruce, I can hear you thinking, go see your son,” Alfred said in his ‘do what I say voice.’ “I will take care of Master Jason.” Alfred pushed him out the door onto the hard concrete. Dick was there, teary eyed.
“Tell me this is a sick joke, B.” He was in civilian clothes, hair messy and unclean. h
He had grown some since Bruce last saw him.
Bruce could only shake his head, catching Dick as he collapsed into his arms. He had to remember that Dick was just barely into adulthood as well. Two orphans who knew loss like their own reflections.
“Fuck! Fuck!” Dick held onto Bruce’s shirt, “What happened Bruce?” He pulled back, searching his sons eyes.
“Joker got him, a bomb, oh Jason…” He wailed, he didn’t remember the last time he had cried so hard. When his parents died he, well he blocked much of the weeks that had passed from his memory. He knew in his heart that he must have cried, but he also knew his parents were always going to leave him first, that was the way of life.
This, no this thing that happened, this was never supposed to happen.
He knew the people they fought were monsters, but none of them ever hit Jason as hard, they never tried to kill the kid before. Sure they were probably holding back because of some kind of overconfidence, but there was never a sense that they wanted to kill the kid. They shot at Batman, not at Robin.
Maybe Bruce was delusional, maybe he never saw the signs.
They stood after a moment, Bruce wiping his son’s tears. He would not mess this up again, he would not let Dick leave his sight, at least not for now. Dick walked to the jet where Alfred was carrying Jason’s wrapped body down to the ground floor.
He was shaking as he reached for the blanket covering Jason’s body.
“Son- Dick, you don’t have to see him like this,” Bruce said, hand on Dick’s shoulder. That Dick didn’t push him away or scream that he wasn’t Bruce’s son was some relief. He was just glad Dick had shown up.He knew the boys had a rocky relationship to say the least, but having him here was a comfort for his racing mind.
“No I- I have to see him,” Dick said pulling back the blanket to find that too small frame unmoving, unsmiling.
“God-“ He choked out before covering the boy once again, turning to leave the cave, “I can’t - I can’t be down here right now.” He all but ran up the stairs.
Bruce turned to Alfred, whose grief was written all over his face.
“I already called Leslie, she will preform the autopsy. I have also told the press that there was a car accident and that you were severely injured - you will be free from press duty for the next 3 months.” Alfred said, patting his shoulder. The man was so much shorter than him, yet Bruce always felt so small in his presence.
“I failed him, Alfred. What do I do?”
“We will figure it out together son.”
#batfam#batfam fanfic#batman#jason todd robin#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#tim drake#barbara gordon#batfam angst#angst fic#it will have a happy ending i pinky promise#just sad rn
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"We can't keep doing this" and make it as self indulgent and whumpy as possible? :3
Oh, you got it ;)
(Prompts)
Piers can hear Leon screaming even from where he sits in the cement-walled cell; horrible, raspy cries that break raggedly and trail off as they torture him again for what must be the fifth day in a row. His own body still aches from this morning's beating, electrical burns from the high-powered cattle prods they'd used on him yesterday stretching painfully when he shifts. He flinches as another cry cuts through the air, harsher than the last, muscles tensing when it ends so abruptly that its source could only have passed out... or been strangled, or dunked underwater, or really, any myriad of horrible, silencing things.
Piers tries not to think about it.
Silence buzzes against his ears as Piers shivers and closes his eyes, the distant sound of footsteps soon growing louder and louder until Piers can hear the telltale screech of the cell door unlocking and knows they're bringing Leon back. Faint, pained whimpers are audible over the din, two large men barging in the moment it's open to dump Leon's battered body on the cement unceremoniously, limbs flopping to the side as he lands hard on his back. He's concerningly limp, and Piers' hands are on his shoulders before the men even have a chance to lock the cell again.
"It's just me," he soothes when Leon groans low in his throat, head lolling backwards until Piers settles it in his lap to prop it up and cradle it away from the floor. A bloodied, trembling hand lifts up from Leon's side, fingers grasping blindly in the air until Piers intertwines their palms and pulls Leon's hand close enough to plant a kiss on his knuckles. Glassy eyes slit open at the touch, sweat gleaming on Leon's forehead as he attempts to shift and whines in agony instead. Piers tuts worriedly, placing the back of his hand delicately on Leon's bare, bruised collarbone. "Your fever's gotten worse."
"Tellin' ya it's nothin'," Leon slurs out hoarsely, chest shuddering as it rises and falls in an uneven rhythm. He tilts his head to the side, jaw clenched as he winces. "It's probably just th' stress."
Piers reaches for the bandages wrapped around Leon's unclothed thigh, just below the bloodied edge of his boxers, grimacing when he lifts them to see the inflamed, oozing wound from when they'd first been captured. BOW claws are a bitch to keep clean at the best of times---without antibiotics, or fresh fabric to change out the dressings, Leon will need to rely on his immune system alone to carry him through the infection. It had begun several days ago now, and his skin is still burning up.
"We can't keep doing this," Piers whispers, Leon's laboured breaths echoing over the stone. There's a dirtied blanket in the corner of the cell that he'll move Leon to in a moment so that he can rest, but Piers' limbs have suddenly gone just as jellied and exhausted as Leon's. "It's going to kill you, and I won't be far behind. We have to---to get out of here, or at least figure out what they're looking for."
Leon's bare legs kick aimlessly in a sluggish attempt to distract himself from the pain that must be blossoming from every part of his body, not a single inch of skin left unblemished or unabused. They'd tried water torture yesterday, Piers' own lungs still aching from the strain. Peeling nails the day before that. Where does it end?
"Mm," Leon hums, eyes already slipping closed. Piers is worried about the sickly cast to his features, eyes sunken and cheeks flushed. He strokes Leon's cheek as the man goes almost entirely slack, lashes fluttering uselessly as he tries and fails to stay awake.
"Get some rest," Piers says, hearing the hallway door clang distance, the men surely preparing to return and take him for his own session in an hour or two. They like to start with Leon because he's already ailing and can't fight back, the sick fucks. "I'll watch the door."
#heheheheee thanks flurrin ☺️☺️ soooo sorry this took me ages pls forgive me#whump#ask game#my fics#asks#resident evil#drabbles#nivannedy#also ty nini for tbe idea 💕💕
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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
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bellum x linebeck chapter summary drafts that won those polls:
chapter 8
chapter 14
chapter 20
#bellum x linebeck#salty talks#tag works. anyways three chapter drafts and they have alt texts and the alt texts are sliiiiightly different form the actual text#as in i have 'pov' written as 'point of view' and fixed a typo in chapter 8#love that chapter 14 starts with anyways linebeck is running away from something. bc this is a chapter draft there is no elaboration#bc on my end its just. ok scroll back up to chapter 13. there it is#lil hint of. some. larger plot but not really. i can elaborate on anything related to these three and i am down to#but i dont rlly want to get specific abt any other chapters or story things. or at least dont ask me to if i want to do that i'll make#some sloppy salty talks text post talking in probably too much detail abt some fic thing im working on#not to be. like that. but im a lil sad that none of the ones here are any one of the ones with more fun comments in them#theres not a lot and theyre mostly in the latter drafts so far#my favorite is verbatim 'idk while dicking around he swallows some water'#i consider 'comments' to be the bits in parenthesis so theyre like notes for myself to keep in mind details a layer lower than the basic#plot stuff or just reminders and the one thats my favorite iirc was just like. fuck i need to figure out why this happens. and.#it solves my problem and i like seeing it there bc i think its silly#anyways here u go. three of them. there was a fourth person going along with the polls for a bit#and i personally have like. pet theories on who yall are so if the fourth person eventually wants to ask for whatever chapter draft they#were gonna vote for i wouldnt rlly mind sharing it bc with how it turned out i do feel a lil bad that that fourth person is left out kinda#my writing
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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oh yeah not sure where we're at w money btw. we might be able to get some of it back but we wont know anything concrete until friday
#the fey speaks#which is why i haven't been reblogging the d0n0 post#like. i got $115 total and we Do need to buy groceries before friday and also some of it has already been spent on gas for getting to work#so what i'm saying is the support i got so far has already be immensely helpful#i am just not sure how much more help i will need or by when. or anything. until friday.#and i'd hate to keep askin only to end up not needing it ig. that said if anyone still wants to send me a few bucks while understanding tha#i won't say no. there are many things i need money for in this world rn. like a new belt. been thinking abt a cane. but idk how much it#would help so i haven't been able to justify the cost to myself#but like. there's probably better things you could be doing with your money rn.#also its been really hard for me to get info bc no one (my parents. whose bank acct it was.) wants to fucking talk about it#like. i live here too idk i think i should be allowed to know like what days bills are due and exactly how much they cost!#bc originally i was told (by my mom) that Literally All of our bills were due this past monday. and we would have#no power water or gas. but we still do. somehow. so idfk#and she won't talk to me abt it if i ask she just Stops Responding or walks away#and if i try to ask dad he just responds “i don't know” or starts crying. or like self loathing spiral#so basically. even if we get 100% of the original money back#its ALSO possible we will have a shit tone of late fees and overdraft fees to pay. no clue : )
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finally figured out the reason it’s been difficult to get back into reading books after reading fic for so long is so many fantasy books are just self inserts and the mc has no personality beyond the bare minimum
#i dont want to imagine myself in the characters place#i didnt just spend 30 bucks for you to give me a long form imagine#i can do that by myself#i dont want a blank shell i want a character#like you read fics and they feel completely different depending on whos pov youre reading from#i think its why sp is still my favourite series despite it being ya#val is arrogant and selfish and she fucks up and doesnt get the boy she wants#her relationships constantly fail and theyre not the main point the plot always is#she has so many flaws and that helps serve the narrative#shes a character and im reading her experiencing things#not me vicariously experiencing things with the blandest possible reactions so i can pretend theyre my reactions#damn near every fantasy goes the same way#im new to this world/my powers and i need help/cant control them and the mysterious boy everyone tells me to stay away from and is super#mean to me has begrudgingly decided/is forced to help me and i discover hes only mean bc of tragic thing and he opens up to me#and the powers/world are never the point except that im secretly royalty and/or the chosen one that will end this war/battle without#really doing much#and i learn to master my powers by believing in myself and my emotions bc its 2023 and fem characters still have to fall into this trope#i want an interesting mc that drives the plot and is equal to the love interest#or better yet the love interest is so far in the background its only brought up in book 4#lay some ground work for fucks sake theres no time limit this isnt a movie#heres hoping the bunch i bought the other day do that and get me back into it#or ill just re read the same four series ive been reading since i was 12#and stick to fic as my main source of entertainment#it hasnt let me down so far#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt
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bough
#I hate spiraling#I managed to stop before it got worse but now I’m just still in a state from the spiraling and I’m just. I’m so tired of thinking I’m dying#everyday it’s so exhausting and the fear is never ending and the worry that maybe I am really dying and I have no idea bc I’m scared to go#to the doctor and then it’s my fault I waited so long etc. and then it’s like if I am what have I even done with my life? what is there to#be proud of or look at and feel fulfilled? atp in my life I have wasted my life I’ve done nothing and I’m rotting away and it’s like if I#found out I was dying it’s like that’s all I got I wasted so much time etc. and I’m just spiraling out tonight man it sucks I hate this I#hate my brain I just want to be fucking normal and not be scared everyday that I’m genuinely dying and it’s my fault and that I’m wasting my#life away not doing so many things I wanted to and like you think well jay shouldn’t that encourage you to live life to the fullest of your#ability? and yeah I’d love to but then my head just thinks all those things again and the cycle repeats and I just am so terrified as soon#as something in my body hurts or something is off etc. because my immediate thought is just its fucking over man and I’m too scared to go#to the doctor about things and I’m just repeating shit now I’m sorry if anyone Ben reads this far I’m obviously having a night#I’m just talking to the wall with this post but it helps me calm down a little I guess#god I need a therapist I stopped looking but I think it’s time I get back on that and quick because I really don’t think I can keep living#this way anymore it is so genuinely exhausting and I dont know how to help myself with it#sorry if anyone gets a peek at this actually. I obviously need help and this is just an outlet for me rn ig
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i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno
#posts#i could b wrong abt jade. i really liked the way she was in this though#she was all the yay happy im jade harley niceness but also like. very self-righteous and impulsive#and very emotional. and stubborn. and protective of people she thought were being treated unfairly#she had an extreme reaction thinking someone was in danger cb of an outburst so she herself had a massive outburst and was panicking until-#-she found out they were okay and alive for now and then switched to just clinging desperately to them and getting very angry at anyone who#didnt show the same level of care and protectiveness for them than she was#like she was fully creating a two sides issue and staunchly choosing a side#and then when it didnt look like things were gona go any better she zapped her and her friend and one person who seemed kinda-#- neutral-positive onto a spaceship to escape as far away as possible#so. that. she was consistently the most easygoing with this random guy my dream isekai'd into the situation. which at times made her an-#-enabler or something bc she prioritized his comfort over any change ever even ones that could have been good for him#johns main part in this Story was he kinda just had an autistic meltdown and then pov guy had a similar situation not long later#on a larger scale and people in general were just even less nice about him because he was older and hadnt grown up there lol#also this dream was very much from random guys pov which was My pov#but it wasnt Me i was just fully some character. anyways#after pov guys massive outburst he runs back home where john is and john is not very sympathetic#he was very much projecting the shame an embarrassment he felt bc even though the people there at least knew him they still werent nice to-#-him either#so it was a ''i know from experience that You should know better than to have needs in public'' type deal#originally rose was there and then my brain switched her out for roxy. im so sorry rose#but either way the lalondechild had such a murky existence and it only solidified into roxy at the end where the confrontation thing was-#happening. with the jade freakout#there was also some Superpower Awakening shit happening? previously mentioned w jade. but john when pov guy came home had a white streak in#his hair and jades went FULLY white when she blew up#so thats cool i guess. her hair went back to normal the next time she was seen on the ship#there was some montage shit going on#anyways. insane fucking dream. can i steal this shit and make ocs.#like i said these kids were pretty ooc. i feel like parts were definitely still rooted in some perception of the characters butttt#its was just one or two small things. idk man all i know is i am thinking so hard about this
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Hi guys guess who's literally shaking rn from excitement
#rat rambles#oni posting#beta moments. explodes.#now as expected not everything is fully implemented and I imagine theres going to be more logs and such when the main story trait of this#planetoid is fully implimented in the actual dlc when it releases#but there are still some new logs that can be viewed already and Holy Shit#ok ok so first of all we have confirmation that gossmann is her last name and her first name starts with an e#I also am amazed at my hc of harold being a dad being true like yo I actually nailed it with that hc#however that news is far outshadowed by the fact that pretty much all of my jackie childhood hcs being completely obliterated#and by completely I mean COMPLETELY like its not even like a detailed retelling or anything its just an email#but as I honestly kind of expected my hcs are completely dead and gone in the wind rest in peace jackie hcs#Im honestly completely ok with this tho as while I did like my hcs ot definitely was the sort of thing I did not want to be canon#like honestly the fact that this implies that jackie actually has a decent relationship with her family is perfect to me#I also like how it gives us another bit of insight on jackie's life outside of gravitas without her even saying anything directly#its going to be sad to move away from my old hcs but I am honestly kind of digging the new implications#wait a minute#ok now I need to know what the family tree here looks like jackie are those your parents and are they divorced this is important#WAIT I NOTICED A SECOND THING#ok well first of all one of the presumably jackie relatives is a colonel which like so fucking lines up with how jackie is#but also I think that some of the other new logs might also be abt jackie relatives#one of the new logs in fact directly mentions a colonel#in fact the log in question seems to be a part of another trio of logs that probably are abt different outcomes of the same event#they seem to be about an incident that either resulted in the injury death or successful recovery efforts of a crew of piolets#with the one that ended up being able to be saved being credited to the colonel (telling us they were almost certainly in the air force)#all three end with gravitas showing some form of hostility towards the vertex institute for some reason or another#and in the two where things go wrong stretches out an invitation for those affected to apply at gravitas instead#and the one where things turn out ok theres mention of claims of corporate espionage#which I find Facinating on so many levels in either direction this could go#to be clear these three logs are written in a very broken up manner as they seem to be corrupted radio programs or smth#anyways this is all to say that smth fucked up happened over there and it has the chance to make jackie so So much worse
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#ah. i think i get it#the clones and brotherhood and all that. friendship and loyalty#i have friends who reach out and ask if im good or tell me they're here if i need but also im afraid#im bad at feelings. bad at talking. bad at needing. i need a lot and feel a lot but i hate expressing it#the clones are the perfect friend/family depiction. they experience a lot of tragedy but they come out stronger as a unit#they'll do kind things for one another and protect one another even if someone refuses#i think im frustrated at myself for making myself hard to access for others#ppl want to do that for me and be that way for me but i cannot.#whether its the parts of my brain or just who i am idk but i just. cant. i cant#and i need and im lonely but im also so adamantly against needing and being helped#but im looking at echo and he's looking at me and we both know i fixated on him bc of it#hes angry and grumpy and so hurt and even when he turns the 99 away they still push back and help#this isnt a fantasy world where i can be difficult andppl will still try and help. im the obstacle to my own problems solution#i want a fake sort of brotherhood and comradery i will never get#it doesn't matter if we share experiences of trauma or situations. i feel like im so far away from everyone#this is why i have fox. he gets it. echo gets it. we're so far away from anyone.#fuck this shit sucks.#this is why i feel like i have no friends or family. im being such a fucking brat#i want relationships that feel like in the end everyone collectively agreed it was worth fighting for#that im worth fighting for
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