#me and my anxious ass
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Day 1 of studying for NMAT (but I have like 1150+ days till the exam)
#me and my anxious ass#im bored#and biochem scares me#there's not a lot of pharma books online so here we are now#justchillaine ramblings#nmat
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my sweet old man who is genuinely too kind for the world he lives in :(
#decadentart#bloodborne#retired hunter djura#he makes me so sick hes actually so fucking sweet when i think about it#Yes i gave her a skirt. whenever i draw the people of old yharnam i slways give tbem little accesories :)#the colors are a bit wonky because i intially drew it Reeaaalllyy Dark also idk i picked out some weird ass colors for the pallete#every time you shoot him off that tower an angel looses its wings#legimitately got upset when i killed him for his set#made sure he didnt fall to his death though. thats called bullying when you knock him off btw#also yeah i hc that the beasts are chill w him . and slso he knows all of their names#first maintagged art on this blog. shudders. i hope the fans dont eat me alive im serious you guys scare me#the halo was necessary btw#so anxious…. SEND IT! RAHHH!!! MY AUTISM BLAST GO!
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absolutely obsessed with gemini Donnie's piercings! They suit him so much! and i bet theyre fun to draw too!
you also mentioned tattoos! what kind do you think he would get? like what kind of designs and where?
Ah thank you! ; w ; I just think they're fun <;3 he deserves piercings... And yeee he has quite a few tattoos as well that he builds up over the years--
both his arms host meticulously planned, carefully considered, personal and meaningful full-sleeve pieces that were done professionally by sorrelshine's older sister, leafwhistle (she's the one who pierced donnie's eyebrow in that comic!)
his legs are where everything else goes. there are dozens of different pieces patchworked all over-- some done by leafwhistle, some by other artists, some by sorrelshine (who is not a professional, let it be known, but knows how to use a tattoo gun!), some even done by himself. he let leo do one once. mikey has done several. there's everything from stick-and-poke stars to little grayscale robots to brightly colored flowers down here, and he'll shove new things wherever they'll fit whenever he feels the urge.
[ gemini au ]
#“new tattoo” is the answer for a lot of things during donnie's young adulthood#celebrating something? get a tattoo about it#unpacking some Heavy Trauma? get a tattoo about it#feeling anxious and restless and like you need to do something with your hands? get a tattoo about it#depressed and struggling and need a pick-me-up of some kind? get a tattoo about it#bored???? get a tattoo about it--#donnie and sorrel sitting casually on donnies bed together: donnie fucking around on his phone and sorrel tattooing his calf#its just good for his “grew up in the battle nexus adrenaline addict” ass#and his “grew up with no ownership or control of my body or identity” ass#once he runs out of room on his legs he'll have to figure smth else out but most of them are pretty small#has considered his tail but hasnt yet#has also considered his shell but ultimately decided he doesnt wanna over up the scars#gemini au#asks#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt au#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt separated au#rise donnie#rise donatello#rottmnt fanart#fidgetwing#tmnt#tmnt 2018#there are a few fun easter eggs in here. some more obvious some less#they all mean something in canon
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stavrovensky childhood meeting
#during the one time stepan met w his own son during his childhood bc lord knows stepan was always following varvara around#petenka being the most anxious terrified little child ever makes me so insane what happened#and the way hes SO DIFFERENT from how he was described as being a sweet and scared kid#to being like. gaslight gatekeep girlboss manwhore manipulate manslaughter extraordinaire#its the trauma response#stavrovensky#pyotr stepanovich verkhovensky#nikolai vsevolodovich stavrogin#demons dostoevsky#the possessed#devils dostoevksy#бесы#my art#it also makes me so crazy every day to think about how stepan literally helped raise nikolai#when like. completely ignored his own son LOL#and probably only helped w nikolai anyways bc he was varvaras#hate his ass so much jfc
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Going crazy thinking about the complexities of Donatello and his relationship with his emotions in tottmnt just auuaua !!!!
Like, he's outwardly and unabashedly kind in this iteration and I'm SO here for it !!! And it doesn't diminish his ability to be snarky and witty, he still throws jabs at his brothers, but I feel like this donnie is a return to form in the sense that the center of his character, the motivation for his intelligence and penitent for creation, is kindness- more importantly, empathy.
routinely he is described as thoughtful, 'non-threatening', and usually very placid; we see mention of his temper when his computers are messed with, but he's extraordinary patient- polite, even- with the killer robot chasing him, subway security, and the deaf conductor, all while under high-pressure stress. When confronting the Mechazoids for the first time, he keeps them at a distance and straight up complements the engineering ingenuity! Same when confronting bishop in the subway! He talks enthusiastically, respectfully, with her about her system setup! His first instinct is to diffuse the situation, approach her with humility and establish common ground. Dude like even when running away from the Mechazoid he was always thinking of the people around him.. he was telling everyone to get out of the way, waited for cars to clear (his brothers just straight ran through traffic and jumped over moving carsss), tried to usher people away from train cars he was fighting in, etc. And in the narrated recaps between episodes, donnie is the first brother to consider bishops motivations in an empathetic manner, "maybe she has a tragic back story". Of course that serves as thematic foreshadowing buy he was still the first to offer the kindness of reason to bishops character, maybe there's a reason she's doing this, not just anger that she is.
Not to mention he full ass built a robot to protect his brothers and took the extra time to program in impeccable manners. just for funsies heheh. eueueu Metalhead my beloveddddd😭🙏💙💙💙💙
ALL THIS and yet still, in episode 10, donnie considers himself non-emotional. He says he's 'all left brained' and implys that he operates differently from his brothers who he considers more outwardly emotionally expressive. And yet, in the same episode, he spends a majority of it comforting wingnut. He lends his ear and speaks to her kindly even when her panic exasperates their situation, he doesn't get mad when she freaks out, he takes the time to talk things through with her and make her comfortable whenever able. Even when they think Leatherhead has unmutated, he's sad but tries to put himself in her situation and understand her actions. HES SO SWEET IT HURTS DUDE ❗️❗️❗️ main point being, I dont think he considers himself emotional because he operates on a mode of empathy that is reason driven. He's emotionally logical, of that makes sense. It shows an INSANE amount of emotional intelligence and maturity, I just don't think he understands that because to him, this is logical, and his brother are anything but.
For a majority of his life, the only other people he has to compare himself to are his brothers. When up against anxiety riddled Leonardo, chronically angry Raph, and Mikey's carefree disregard, of course he sees himself and goes, 'ah ok. I must be less emotionally prone because I don't react like they do to these situations'.
I think he just understands the whole social song and dance of understanding better than he thinks.
I know the whole thing with tottmnt is the aspect of unreliable narration, but even then! Like if Leo wrote donnie like this then it probably because he routinely displays this kind of understanding behavior. Plus idk bout yall but I kinda consider the events of tottmnt as like a blurry semi-cannon? I think there are nuggest of truth in there, the broad strokes yk? Like the flood arc referenced 'the bishop situation' like it was a thing that actually happened, albiet in passing, and not just something to poke fun at Leo. It's got legs, there's ideas there to work with ajaja
#long ass rant about donnie#guess who my favorite turtle is IMPOSSIBLE EDITION#hyperempathetic donnie my beloved#love love love the direction they took him in this show#he reminds me of a mix of like 2003 donnie and tmnt vs batman donnie#coincidentally my two favorite donnies 🥺👉👈#tottmnt spoilers#tales of the tmnt#tottmnt#tales of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tottmnt donnie#he should be given more credit his brothers would have NOT been able to handle wingnut in ep 10 while also almost being eaten#maybe mikey could#Mikey my beloveddd#leos anxious ass could neverrrr
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JOE LIEBGOTT & nonchalant by suki waterhouse
#his ass is NOT nonchalant….#ever!!!#anxious avoidant joe my beloved….#you are sooooo me#is it even a goodluckbabeheffron edit if it doesn’t glitch just a tiny little bit#this makes so much sense in my head i hope it does to you guys.#my edits#joseph liebgott#webgott#joe liebgott#band of brothers
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women en
#she was not watching tv her ass was drunk in a ditch somewhere when that happened#stupid dumb#my art#digital art#oc art#doodlings#anthro art#the pinnacle of all funny jokes: street interviews and the twin towers#i really downplayed in my own head how much of a mental toll getting off hrt would take#trying rlly hard not to do the Last year thing of taking advantage of the No Character Limit thing here and#rambling on about how shit wverything is but like i just wanted to mentione that#i’ve been really sluggish and it’s making me insecure and like#i mean i’ve been anxious and scared since i stopped but#yeah idk NOT DOING THE THING IM NOT GONNA RAMBLE IM NOT
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki
#HELP. HEEEELPP <- THE FORGETTER#i have 18 different tabs open and im pretty sure half of them are duplicates. i have not made anything past 5000G i am so cooked#rn im at summer 11 ish?? i cant remember dates in real life either jesus christ GRIPPING THE COMMUNITY CALENDAR WITH MY BARE HANDS#my ass really went into this like “ill just take it easy and go into it blind so i get the newborn baby deer experience" completely ignoran#to the fact that i get anxious disappointing ppl and not having any background knowledge going into smth new. like a FOOL#also the walking speed is just slow enough to make me space out and forget where i was going and what i needed to do head in my hands#ive had to backtrack all over pelican town so many different times im in fucking adhd hell. resource management hell#im saying this like i hate it but its actually pretty fun and engaging when im not gripping my head trying to remember what i was doing#i got linus' 2 heart event and it made me whimper a little. LINUSSS LINUS I LIKE HIM. AND WILLY AND MARNIE THEYRE SO NICEYS#marnie kinda like.. reminds me of my friends mom even her face is pretty similar. shes sweet i like her. also willy calls me lad hes cool#i think im just gonna start a new save and NOT rely on the fucking mixed seed forages bc my ass was too stubborn to buy seeds#i just got sebastians 2 heart event too ughhh ive never had to work so hard for an emo boys approval. but it was satisfying#corn will fix me. its a replenishable summer-fall crop corn has to fucking fix me PLEASE#i also. made a stardew valley farmer. the one im playing as. their name is cosmo they have a backstory and everything im making#him a ref. his backstory is so fucking funny just wait#yapping#diary#puppy plays sdv
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IshiMondo Week Day 7: FREE DAY!!!!!
FINAL DAY YALL!!! WOOOO!!
Each of the slices is a reference to different AUs, so bonus points if you can figure out which is which. (There's a little derogatory language on the right hand side so warning for that!!)
Ishimondo week was so fun this year, and I hope I still love danganronpa as much as I do now for next year's! Seeing everyone's submissions was awesome, and this was a good opportunity for me to get out of art block and draw once a day for a week (truly a once in a lifetime event). Thanks so much to the organisers for setting this up!!
Here's your final bonus doodle:
(It's me after finally finishing this after an hour and a half)
#ishimondo#danganronpa#mondo owada#kiyotaka ishimaru#ishimondo week 2024#i seriously need to sleep now i have a 7 hour shift tomorrow#uurgrhrhh i loved Ishimondo week#cant wait for next years#i was having a rough time with starting my new job but having this to come home to and sink some time into was really helpful#my anxious ass was stressing lmao#but anyway#hopefully thisll kick my ass into gear and make me post on tumblr more lmao#see yall soon!!#(or next year)#(also please wish me luck for my shift i wont be home till like midnight urgh)
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Give u a banan
If you give a horse a banan
interactions super appreciated :]]]]
also asks are ALWAYS open ask me anythinggg
#the banana is a metaphor guys#emo ass horse#artists on tumblr#my art#art#digital art#mlp fim#my little pony#original art#original character#asks answered#asks#banana pie#silly string#my oc#ponysona#pony oc#pop art#my litte pony friendship is magic#sketch#doodle#mini comic#comics#asks open#send asks#ask me anything#ask#anxious avoidant
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So I heard adult webber is Scottish so I made this, hope you like it
QUICK SHARE THIS BEFORE I FORGET AGAIN!!
SCOTLAND FOREVEEEEEER!!!!
#I meant to reblog this as soon as you sent it but my anxious ass forgot to do it#Someone teach me how to make him extra Scottish ✨#SCOTLAND FOREVEEEEEER!!!!
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a productive all-nighter starts by making a clear to do list & getting to work spending an hour or so searching for the music that hits the vibe just right
#it’s important#for the morale#but I found a new band I rly rly like so it wasn’t time wasted (best thing for morale)#tho they have only 4 songs so far so can’t fill the whole night with just that#but it can fill The Void so it's a start#(love finding bands that are like somewhat new instead of my usual ''omg I love this band'' 'only to find out they disbanded years ago)#(after deleting other social media apps I've been spending way too long times browsing Spotify but at least it's bringing me joy)#(except why THE FUCK are they trying to bring short-form content there also?? I refuse that's the worst way to find music)#also don't ask me why I'm doing an all-nighter ik I do these way too often it's great (sarcasm)#i'm dumb and been too anxious the past days so haven't done shit and now am in deep trouble#but luckily for me the anxiety turned today to the ''I'll never sleep so time goes by slower''-mode#instead the usual ''will have billion naps as a form of escapism'' which sucks ass#april 2024#2024
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ougougug i really dont like how voice chat has been added to roblox :c like i get the convenience of it but now EVERYONE uses it and i do not like it auhgh what if i dont WANT everyone to hear the odds sounds i make when bive joins the elevator in regretevator what if i dont WANT everyone to hear my conversation with my sister when she comes into my room what if i do not LIKE the sound of my VOICE and dont want everyone to KNOW ME BY IT what if i dont WANT people to hear me munching away at my chocolate bar!! AUGH!!!
ahem. i also. swear. quite a lot. so the chances of me shouting "FUCK" then immediately getting banned are. ahem. very high
#it annoys me because now NO ONE IS USING NORMAL CHAT ITS ALL VC#MY ANXIOUS ASS DOESNT WANNA USE VC!!!
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Me to my ninjago and traffic followers: you fools, you absolute buffoons, I was a ranboo main for three years, arguably the most transformative three years of my life, part of me will always be a ranboo main, you utter popsicle /aff
#they got too energetic for my anxious ass but they will never not mean something to me /parasocial#ranboo
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the fact that my extended family is so divided on this hurts. i don’t mean to sound dramatic but don’t say you love me or anyone else if you’re going to elect someone who will hurt us for who we are
#this is really dramatic ik#but if you’ve read 1984 or handmaids tale then yeah that’s where this country is going#freedom my ass#misc#if me talking politics makes you mad or smth id silence your notifs for today because im very stressed and very anxious#2024 presidential election#vote blue#kamala harris#vote harris#harris walz 2024
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