#mds journal

[xartisticmdx]

Is anyone into Smiling Friends and is there an active fandom for Smiling Friends? I started watching it days ago and now I’m into it. I actually wanna make artwork and a oc or two for that show. I really like it.

[moltes-musings]

When I'm travelling I keep a travel diary. Since I'm in Japan for three months I got a new Midori MD notebook, so I can fit it all my adventures in one book ✨

[nenoname]

It's still interesting that TBoB called more attention to Stan's control over his mindscape (And if you go with the interpretation that the lost pages are partial truths that are heavily influenced by Bill, then he's the one insisting that only someone with training should be able to have that much control over the mind.)

Meanwhile we have a memory!Stan. Someone who apparently knows too much and is rather aware for being a simple memory.

From the Wheel of Shame, we know Bill was able dig up all kinds of dirt on Stan but... that wasn't why he was there in the first place, was it?

Bill couldn't find the code immediately despite a memory of Stan opening the safe being a few hours old at most and decided to have Mabel try find it for him (The original concept of the ep had it far more hidden but this was likely cut because of time constraints)

Ford did experiments on Stan's mind which likely meant using Project Mentem and actually looking around his mindscape, and his only reaction was to comment on his jokes-- despite what little we the audience know being enough to render us sobbing wrecks

(yes I refuse to shut up about this part cos the book's intro is extremely underrated)

Stan was able to replace his memories of Ford with the swingset instead and managed to hide Ford in his Bar Mitzvah memory. And that's not even mentioning the lack of visible Portal and Stan o' War which noticeably show up in Ford's dreamscape (the broken swingset manifesting anyway pains me tho)

He subconsciously has misdirects for his secrets that are both silly and manages to disturb everyone too

And while Bill-as-Soos being bored by the vending machine memory is a joke that's basically the crew's way of going "hey remember the thing way back in the first ep that's going to show up in the next one?" and in-universe appears to be Stan slipping up, it's interesting that they had Stan input the wrong code when it's consistent literally every other time its inputted (especially when it shows up correctly in the very next episode)

It's even possible that the safe code that Bill found could have been a misdirect too but we'll never know since the safe got blown open by dynamite.

Stan was able to buy time by making his mind blank despite being genuinely terrified when Bill enters his mind (to the point that he breaks character and uses his own voice to yell), and could conjure up his living room (in colour opposed to his mind's regular greyscale) to make sure Bill didn't have enough room to flee, slamming the door in his face before the effects of the memory gun kicked in.

(EDIT: Random door analysis here)

And maybe the twins eventually told him that Bill had already been inside his mind after their W3 reunion, but all we know was that his conscious self was left in the dark for ages and wasn't really aware of Bill until Weirdmageddon.

TBoB showing McGucket's dreamscape also brings up the idea of the effects of the memory gun manifesting differently to each person. To Stan's mindscape, the memory wipe manifests as blue flames which immediately brings to mind Bill's powers but it's a far lighter shade (maybe to more closely match the memory gun and its eventual fade to white?)

The end of TBoB and the website poem also firmly reminds us about Stan's connection to fire but there's also the question if Stan himself is actually aware of it...

[dearlyjess]

overconsumption is out! re-purposing old journals is so in ~

[305note]

穏やかで、怒涛。

[machetesquirrel]

Actual quotes from a Guardian article on House MD. Oh my lord.

[thicc-ray-of-sunshine]

Since you guys really like my Stanfiction I thought I'd let y'all know I'm writing Ford x Reader smut that revolves around D&D rules

I'm still working out the schematics for it rn

The big question is; should I be determining pace as 'damage' as a D6 or should it be up to an attack throw on a D20?

[bleumingdays]

2023 july - december : mood log

i started using circle stickers to track my mood and have been consistent! i'm doing it again this year but on a traveler's notebook standard size.

[dieselfang]

I need to write this down before I fucking forget because holy shit I just dreamt so vividly of a non-existent Murder Drones episode (which takes place after episode 8)

List of events since I can’t remember everything

N starts going to school with Uzi (not a very important note but I thought it was cute, Uzi helped N keep his tail from causing any damage by clipping it to his backpack)

N’s been having daymares/hallucinations

Uzi and V end up in a disagreement and start fighting I don’t know why

Uzi built these sick ass limb extensions that make her look like a disassembly drone

Uzi and Lizzy angst that I genuinely cannot remember the point of

N’s daymares become worse, as if he’s reliving every horror he’s faced in the past all at once

Uzi’s preoccupied with V for once again, reasons that I do not remember

The dream fucking cut to me actually watching the episode with my boyfriend??? I DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE IM GONNA LOSE IT

Legit this is why I actually become excited to fall asleep at night

I’m not super worried about nightmares because I take medicine that helps prevent them so going to sleep is something I actually enjoy

This dream was fucking awesome and I’m sad I couldn’t remember all of it, but I might draw Uzi’s limb extensions at some point cuz I thought they looked badass

[twoa-plus]

dissecting stanford pines and finding organs that don’t exist but like in a metaphorical way

that’s it that’s the title i’m going with. this is a long one folks o7

most of this isn’t sourced or canon at all it’s just personal interpretation/headcanon/whatever else u wanna call it, but!! since more people are seeing my deranged gravity falls ramblings now i figure i should probably give some perspective as to why i like/defend ford as much as i do

(in my other gf posts i do try to stick to canon to back up whatever point i’m making - this is just about my personal opinion of ford as a character, and should be able to be thrown out in regards to my other posts)

so for some background/setup/whatever (it’s important i promise bear with me), different people have different instinctual responses to anxiety/stress. i come from a family (genetics are fun) where the default response is to start (metaphorically ofc) biting and hissing like a cornered animal. this doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any actual hatred or malice or anything towards the people that end up getting scratched - they might just be at the wrong place at the wrong time, they might’ve done something super minor and insignificant that added on to a preexisting pile of stress, etc etc

i cannot stress enough that i am not saying this is ok. you dont need me to tell you that hurting people who don’t deserve it is a bad thing, lol. what i am saying though is that sometimes people can kind of suck for reasons other than just genuinely wanting everyone around them to be miserable

this is the last “background” part i swear BUT another thing thats less genetic and more just me being weird is that i’m the type of person where like. any minor environmental change can really stress me out lol. like even just reorganizing my desk can be pretty emotionally taxing

SO. finally back on topic. stanford pines. i see a lot of the behavior/patterns i just described in him. like i’ve spent my entire life around people like this, and while i understand why a lot of people see him as just some asshole, i can’t help but see him as a guy who’s just kinda going through it lol

just talking about the more recent events as of the series, he’s just spent 30 years god knows where doing and seeing god knows what, he has an abusive ex who wants to murder him and his entire family (plus the whole dimension, really), and in the three decades he’s been gone the entire world - including his own house - has changed and left him behind. add onto that that he went missing in 1982, way before we had all of the emotional/mental health resources we have now, we all saw what the stans’ childhood was like, and that ford is terrible with people - including, imo, himself. if there’s anybody out there who would have Feelings and not understand what they are or where they’re coming from or what to do about them, it’s this guy

this entire setup is the perfect circumstance for fear and anxiety and stress and uncertainty to all get translated into anger. a really big example of this, to me, is how he talks about dipper in journal 3. i’ve talked about this before somewhere so i’ll try to summarize as fast as i can lol

reading his initial entry about dipper would make u think he like. hates this kid lol. but i really don’t think he ever did - he was really excited to meet the kids in the show and already seemed to care about them just by virtue of existing, and his opinion on dipper in journal 3 seems to do a complete 180 pretty quickly which ,,, doesn’t really fit ford as a character. like i love the man but that guy can hold a GRUDGE

here’s how it reads to me:

ford gets back to his home dimension after 30 years and everything is different

he’s subconsciously kind of struggling with the fact that he doesn’t really have a “home” anymore - the sense of familiarity and comfort that would normally come with the word is gone. (i specify that it’s subconscious because, like i said earlier, i do not get the vibe that he’s particularly aware of his own emotions)

he finds out that journal 3 - something he made with his own two hands and considers part of his life’s work - has also changed in the decades he’s been gone. this adds to the feeling of unfamiliarity with the world around him

it’s easier to blame that “final straw” and say that he’s just upset about his work being tampered with rather than address the actual root of the problem, so that’s exactly what he does. this still doesn’t mean that there’s any genuine hatred towards dipper. anger in the moment, yeah, but not hatred

again, this is entirely personal interpretation, and i completely understand if u don’t see it like this!! this is just a pattern of thoughts/behavior that i’m very familiar with, so it’s easy for me to apply it to situations like this even if it’s not really part of the canon

i also think there’s a big problem in this fandom with just ,, not seeing ford as a Person with Emotions? idk how to explain it but it feels like people expect him to always know exactly what to do in every situation just bc he’s old and academically smart. like whenever another character does something objectively bad it’s “well there were extenuating circumstances,” (which is usually true and i agree !!) but ford never really seems to get that treatment. if he does something bad it’s just because he sucks

a big example of this i think is the fight between him and stan (y’know the “you ruined my life”/“you ruined your own life”). you cannot look me dead in the eyes and, in full seriousness, with the context of everything ford was going through with bill at the time, say that he was fully mentally/emotionally stable during that conversation. “oh so you’re blaming stan-“ NO!!! stan was also going through it!!! that’s the entire point - they’re both people with their own lives and emotions and everything else that comes with that, they had very human reactions to their respective situations, and they both ended up hurt!! hopefully i’m explaining this right but i just don’t like it when people pin everything on ford, like there was a lot going on and at the end of the day he’s just a human

wasn’t really sure how to work this in so i’ll just put it here - i don’t think ford ever truly hated stan, either. familial bonds are complicated, and there can be a whole lot of anger towards someone without true hatred being present. i briefly mentioned the stans’ childhood sucking earlier, and i don’t just mean stanley - it’s easier to pinpoint him as a victim of abuse/neglect, but that doesn’t mean ford had it great either. their parents (specifically filbrick, but caryn didn’t exactly do a fantastic job with them either) expected nothing of stan and the world of ford, both of which would weigh heavily on any child. plus, ford being the favorite doesn’t mean all of his emotional needs were met - filbrick seeing him as an opportunity to make money doesn’t mean he was suddenly an emotionally present and caring father towards him. WCT wasn’t just an opportunity for ford to go be a famous scientist or whatever - it was a chance for his father to love him, something both of the stans desperately wanted. (WCT was also on the opposite side of the country from where they lived but i’m sure that’s completely unrelated !!!)

do i think stan deserved anything that happened to him after the science fair incident? no, absolutely not, he was a child. do i think it was right of ford to just stand there as his brother got thrown out? no, absolutely not - but he was a child too. as for them not speaking for a decade after that, like i mentioned earlier ford can hold a grudge like no other. (this doesn’t just apply to stan, either, ford dedicated half of his life to trying to kill his ex lmao.) i think ford’s ability to hold on to anger like that is actually a pretty major part of/flaw in his personality, but again, anger - even the strongest, most long-lived of it - is not synonymous with hatred. stan, who ford has always gone to for help when he truly needed it, it not what ford’s hatred looks like. bill, who ford actively wants to die, is

anyways!! i never know how to close these things lol. ig in summary i just see ford’s behavior (in the show at least) as more of a sign of internal struggle rather than like ,, genuinely hating the people around him and wanting their lives to suck. did/does he have an ego problem? absolutely. is he incapable of love and human connection? no. is he immune to manipulation/abuse/neglect/etc and everything that comes with that? also no

he’s an interdimensional criminal why can’t he go to the theraprism. i think he should

[pencildragons]

watching house md with my mama every night and each time i have to watch that [INSERT SLUR] write with a frenzied passion on his whiteboard or have A Moment Of Inspiration mid conversation, i am FILLED with the urge to quote WE NEED TO CHECK THE PATIENT'S ASS comic/textpost, except if i do that i will have to then explain what it means, why it is funny, and how i know it, which means i will need to Reveal my tumblr and tbh i don't think EITHER of us are ready for that conversation

[xartisticmdx]

I hadn’t been on here for a while so I’m gonna make an X-Men OC and a Marvel OC. Cause why not?

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I think Hugh Jackman is hot.

[thatgirlmandy]

Dec 2, 2033

[rekursor]

i still can't figure out how i wanna take notes and journal (physical/notion/obsidian)

i've spent what the last 3 years of my life? trying to figure out the "way that works for me" to write things down and i CAN'T

i've tried notion, notion is great, i can make databases and write notes anywhere and have a decent structure but i always feel like redoing and improving and the constant "improvements" take up so much time. not to mention i'm so bad at making things look pretty

there's obsidian which is great for my adhd bc lack of structure

OR IS IT?

it took me like idk a year and half to actually be able to use obsidian somewhat healthily but the anxiety of losing things is still there bc now i have a very loose structure

now ofc the last option is the one i've tried the hardest to stick to, a physical diary. this ones appealing bc PHYSICAL DIARIES ARE SO PRETTYYYYYY but also notion has its own aesthetic bc of how much online spaces have romanticized it

the problem with a physical book is the lack of organization and ability to change / edit things and not being able to search efficiently. this is why i keep getting turned off by it. i've tried bullet journalling but even that gives me too much anxiety

ultimately i need to balance all my aesthetic desire (physical diaries are cute to write itno, notion lets you make REALLY pretty pages and obsidian makes me feel really smart but the last isn't as improtant so it's more notion vs physical for aesthetics)

on the other hand organizing information is an issue. notion is easy to organize into but i constantly rework systems which takes too much time, physical books are REALLY hard to organize a lot of info in. obsidian is great bc i can throw things in and find SOME way back i guess

the BIGGEST issue is searching old information, this partially depends on your structure and how well defined it is but like a physical system is simply NOT going to work. you'll have to index like crazy, notion can help with a structure and some searching, obsidian is great for this as long as you link smartly or find a somewhat basic system to retrieve information

but having a lot of lists, juggling hobbies, needing to write informational notes, track friendships over time, remember what i did throughout the day, having short stories about things that happened to me, writing notes on videos i saw and papers i read... all of this is so hard to boil down into a single system and hard to divide into multiple bc i can't figure out where to draw the line.

in conclucions my adhd sucks i hate it.

[countfagulaa]

I had a dream where I was in a half school half work type place and was put into a “special” club with Cuddy, Wilson, House, and two other guys I didn’t know. House showed up late and bullied one of the guys there until he got upset and left. Cuddy told him off for this which made him walk away in defeat. Cuddy then told the rest of us that she had total control over House and that she had learned every sexual power there was to know to manipulate him and essentially had him pussy whipped. Wilson later giggled with the other guy there and when Cuddy asked what was so funny he just showed her a rap song he had downloaded on his little early 2000s computer which he and the other guy claimed summed her up nicely. We then all left and Cuddy and I flirted on our way to wherever else we were headed.

[305note]

選挙行った＝投票ウィッ