#im having the time of my life. but at what cost | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

salemlunaa · 4 hours ago

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☀︎ YOU’RE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE, YOU’RE LAZY AND AFRAID ☀︎

And this will cost you a lot of time that could be spent with your desires…

You have all the information, why aren’t you applying. You tell me you have been in this community for 6 months, a year, 2 years+, but how many of those days you’ve spent in this community have you actually applied, how many of those nights did you actually apply and don’t just fall asleep after 5 seconds.

And i know why you’re lazy, it’s because you’re scared, you’re scared of inducing process, whether it be success or failure. You make yourself busy with scripts and subliminals, “i’ll script this really cool thing first”, “i’ll scroll a little on tumblr first” “lemme just look at the success story hashtag before i do it, it really motivates me” You try and distract your self, you delude yourself into thinking you’re being productive but really you don’t want to, if you wanted to you wouldn’t be here and I will ALWAYS stand by that. You put it off until the last minute and then when it “doesn’t work” you run back to tumblr acting like you actually did anything.

a really good analogy from @archsariel333 - “you buy the pens, the notebook, you plan for the book you’re going to write but, you never write it”

“let me just add this one thing to the plan”, “let me look at inspo for book covers and art styles for illustration”, “let me go to my book writers group on tumblr and see if they have anymore advice for me even tho i know how to write a fucking book”

I know it’s comforting and validating to be in the “waiting period”, the period of anticipation. You want to go shopping for a vacation, pack your suitcase, look at reviews on social media, plan the pics you’re going to take, but getting on the actual plane can be scary, you ask yourself “what if they deny my boarding pass”, “what if i fail to make it on time”, “what if im not eligible to fly for whatever reason”, you don’t want to leave your comforting circumstances and even the trip itself scares you just a little, so you cope by buying all the vacation outfits in the world, saving inspo pics into a pinterest board, looking at vlogs of other people going to that place. You can’t bring yourself to get on the fucking plane.

You need to apply, and properly, 2024 is almost over, the amount of weeks we have left isn’t even in the double digits anymore, I don’t want you to make it to the end of this DECADE still keeping the tumblr “foryou” page company, watching people coming and going feeling paralysed as people who came here later than you pass you by. I know the feeling sucks but whose fault is that?

I want you to scrap the amount you’ve been here. Since you’re the operant power right? I don’t care how many weeks, months, years you’ve been here, scrap it, you’re going to start afresh and you’re going to actually apply, when you have the time, you’re not going to go back to your notes app, notion or pinterest to script some more, you’re going to apply.

A lot of you have the knowledge that majority of the world doesn’t and time on your hands, do you know how powerful extremely fortunate you are, to have time AND knowledge? i don’t think alot of you understand how much of a privilege that is you are unstoppable yet you stop yourself out of fear that you will “fail” to tap into the void and let yourself down. You are so privileged to know what you know and to have the time to apply it, so do it, your not gonna scroll on tiktok for a few more minutes or shove a million subliminals down your throat to “prep yourself” you’re just going to take a breath and do it. Induce pure consciousness, and if you fall asleep scrap that assumption and do it again.

Look at your life right now, do you honestly like it, do you like envying others for having what you can have at the snap of the fingers. Do you like the life you are living?

I want you to tell yourself that you will not be the reason for your own demise. you will NOT be the reason that it’s 2026,27,28 and so on and you don’t have what you want.

please just go and apply, i don’t even know you guys and it hurts watching you kill time when you could’ve had everything a day ago, an hour ago heck even 5 minutes ago.

apply apply apply, don’t let this feeling be the reason you “fail” 💋🍑

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pencildragons · 30 days ago

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watching house md with my mama every night and each time i have to watch that [INSERT SLUR] write with a frenzied passion on his whiteboard or have A Moment Of Inspiration mid conversation, i am FILLED with the urge to quote WE NEED TO CHECK THE PATIENT'S ASS comic/textpost, except if i do that i will have to then explain what it means, why it is funny, and how i know it, which means i will need to Reveal my tumblr and tbh i don't think EITHER of us are ready for that conversation

#house md #hatecrimes md #i have a really distinct combination of exploitable reaction memes in my head that i might create later on #however i fear i do not have the time to waste making memes in powerpoint at this point in time #but yeah i get home from the uni library at 8 or 9 pm. i sit down and watch 1-3 episodes of house with my mum and eat my dinner .#i go to bed at 11 i journal for 45 minutes and then it is midnight and then i sleep for six and a half hours LMAO #im having the time of my life. but at what cost #gregory house #greg house #words of wyrm

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lacnunga · 2 months ago

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In the wake of the IA situation, I've seen a lot more posts circulating about using your local library and I just. Sigh

#i dont know whether these people are thinking of Big City libraries #or their local is the most well stocked most accommodating library known to man #but my library consists of mostly kids books and ww2 skinned romance lites and james patterson thrillers #if youre lucky theres some pop history books on the tiny shelf in the back #oh also the opening times? 0930 to 1700 of course. yknow. when most ppl are at work :)#oh except sunday. when were just closed ;)#trying to get the library to bring in a specific book? sorry that'll be nine months and we'll send it to the library #in booksbury-upon-tyne which will cost you a £30 round train ticket (if the trains are running ;)) and a three hour journey #(cause were swr and life is a fucking nightmare)#im not doing that for a book im not even sure will be relevant to what im looking for yknow #i guess what im saying is that while i love the concept of libraries #they havent really evolved with the times. theyve been what theyve been for a millenia #and the intellectual value they were built to provide hasnt kept up with the funds theyre actually allocated #now i will say these are kinda complaints specific to me cause im not the biggest fiction reader #and if i am theyre mainly classics so my gripe is more with the proviso of non fiction books #and the variety of them which is incredibly narrow #and i dont drive so the intersection of this with the hellscape that is south englands public transport network also sucks dick and balls #like i realise the library provides a lot of necessary resources for older people and kids and those without internet access etc.#but that does leave a large swathe of people with little to no reason or time to visit the library yknow.#i dont blame the library workers of course but i also dont think its the visitors (customers?) fault #that there isnt a great incentive for them to visit #especially since i have found most of my fave nonfiction books in second hand stores #which would have either cost £80 new or would have been locked ina university library out of reach of the common folk #whatever. ramble ramble yada yada. ev complains again whats new

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palms-upturned · 11 months ago

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Like three of my coworkers in the past month have tested positive for covid, every day I see new ppl on my dash mentioning that they’ve caught covid, every day I see and hear from ppl who have come down w something that looks like covid but the test came back negative but also they can only afford to test once bc tests aren’t free anymore and the more accurate tests are also more expensive so there’s no way to know if it was a false negative, and yet nobody masks anymore. hell world hell world

#meg talks #like i feel like im losing my mind. i will admit that ive probably gotten too bold abt going out in public #but at least i never go out without wearing a clean n95 #and then i immediately look around and see no one else is wearing one and im like well fuck me i guess.#i refuse to get on an airplane or have anyone come visit me via plane bc fucking every time someone ik gets on a plane #they come back with covid #and i just keep thinking back to the start of the pandemic and the efforts to flatten the curve #and how if we’d just fucking. done it. if the lockdown wasn’t lifted so fast. we could have killed covid #instead we’re going on four years of this. and ppl just act like life is normal again #well it’s not normal for me. catching covid could ruin my body and cost me my job and then what #but nobody cares bc most precautions protect other ppl around us more than they protect ourselves #and nobody gives a shit abt the disabled #nor do they want to think abt the fact that they are one covid infection away from being disabled themselves

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orcelito · 1 month ago

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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.

I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...

I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.

#speculation nation #i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money #more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school #a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it #given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt #while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.

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tunapesto · 1 year ago

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cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)

#mmmmni love having expensive hobbies HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAJHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYAA #Tbh for most of my life all i did was draw so like #i get surprised when shit costs stuff #w drawing #esp digital it s kind of like an investment #where u buy one device then after that have fun go crazy #w cosplay it's like . paying up Per character and Per accessory which is Yay #amazing even #and then i picked up cooking #it's consumable so obviously . youd have to buy shit all the time #im just very . i forgot the word. cautious about my money and end up spending it on dumb shit anyway #i am a hoarder at heart #but also deeper inside said heart is just a monkey brain that smiles when yellow color sad when blue color etc #simple minded activities of a person trying to feel something after being numb for a long time #also trying new hobbies because i fear the passion i had for drawing has been spent #i still do it because its what i do best and itd be a waste #but like yeah i kind of hate it sometimes #its cool when it turns out nice then a few hrs later i dont wanna look at it ever againnnnnnnnn #truthfully #i want to restart my brain #maybe itll do better on its 2nd try

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carcarrot · 5 months ago

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i guess im being offered the job lol

#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview #but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates #like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job #like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk #im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer #this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out #well thats life. as the song goes #fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing #bc the monthly pass id need for the new job #costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny #crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job #its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting #plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good #sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here #UH. what else #well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time #although ive only resumed reading recently lol #idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up #these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher #only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain #why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books #ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it #finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm

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prozach27 · 3 months ago

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#ok I’m so proud of myself bc this involves finance which is something I avoid at all costs but like I did it!!#my work failed to process my check which I should have received yesterday. I’m now expected to get it next week #and part of growing up poor is like. idk. this learned helplessness or defeatist attitude with money problems #like ohh it’s my bad I should’ve had more savings to cover waiting an extra week or longer for my monthly check #and historically I just shut down and panic while doing nothing bc this is my biggest possible stressor to come across #but!!! being around rich people? I’ve learned they negotiate!! and demand to not be inconvenienced!!#my work was like ehh I’m sorry too bad so sad about your check and I was like actually no #I explained how this impacts my ability to pay rent. my credit score. how they didn’t inform me in time to stop bill autopay #and asked what their detailed plan is to fix this #and within an hour admin was scrambling. four different people emailed me apologizing for the mix up #and they worked it out with finance to get me a $2000 loan to get me by until the check hits #but I was like actually no. I won’t be paying interest on this because I shouldn’t be penalized for your error #and so they GOT RID OF INTEREST #0% interest cash advance essentially that covers all my bills #I picked up the physical check for the 2k today so it’s legit thank god #I thanked everyone involved and remained extremely polite #and they said if there’s any other questions you have please let us know #so I was like actually you know what lmao #I explained that I’ve incurred fees for overdrafts and returned items due to bill autopay that I couldn’t cancel due to them informing me #basically the day of my check being late #and so I specifically said I’ve incurred $270 in fees at this point as a result of your error and I shouldn’t be expected to pay this.#and!! they just said… okay!!! I just got an email that they’ve processed a secondary check for $270!!#so like?!?! what?!?! is this what life is like when you don’t shy away from discussing money?!#im genuinely shocked. this is a life lesson. I never would have imagined this outcome #thank god I decided to not take it lying down

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natugood · 1 month ago

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make it make sense that I enjoy doing my job (especially the tedious parts) when I am off the clock, but as soon as I am supposed to be working I'd rather be doing LITERALLY anything else????

#like im having so much fun prepping all my TEAMS posts for Monday and doing SLEUTHING to figure out who owns this one meeting rn #but come Monday im gonna whine and groan and try my best to avoid my job as much as is reasonable. like??#and this happens often. I love doing remedial tasks at 2am. plugging shit into the glossaries that I dont care about woooooo hell yeah.#doing a quick audit on Tuesday at 10pm? yes. easy. takes 30 mins at MOST.#but like. ask me to update glossaries or make posts on TEAMS or do adults between 7am and 4:30 pm??? ABSOLUTELY NOT I will drag my FEET #If I really wanna psychoanalyze myself... I think that what's happening is that my work isnt interesting to me and I find it too easy #and really boring. and if im bored and dont care. it HURTS its SO HARD its PAINFUL to drag my brain through the mud to do it #and so I thus hate my job. BUT. the exact work I do for my job is what I ENJOY doing in my real life. I love organizing and scheduling #and prepping and alll that shit. like I work as an admin assistant at my job but like. I LOVE BEING AN ADMINISTRATOR FOR MY REAL LIFE!!#so when im off the clock and im in *sort my life out and prep for the future* mode of COURSE work is fun!! thats how I get my dopamine!!!#but I dont wanna be doing that ALL THE TIME cause like. tbh its kinda a stress response. so like. I want to do work that fills other needs.#I wanna do work that makes me hyperfixate and get super curious and challenges me and makes me think analytically and learn a ton #but my job doesnt do that. and my brain thus sorts the work I get paid to do as work that I do on my own time #thus I am really productive when im off the clock and dont do SHIT during the times I put down on my timesheet that I am working #shit still gets done but like.... at what cost?.#googoogajoob

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hyp3rfixation-h3ll · 1 year ago

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jsyk . if you ever get mad at traumatised people engaging with a completely sfw , non-k!nk / fe.tis.h related coping mechanism that sprouts from childhood abuse / neglect or just general stress, and label them a freak or bully them or anything along that lines, you're ableist, a complete cunt and i dont like you. this goes double for if you completely REFUSE to understand the concept of what the coping mech is and why its helpful. traumatised people dont owe you normalcy and we sure as fuck dont owe you an explanation 👍 and if you disagree w/ me you can piss off

#the captain's rambles #mental health #actually ptsd #this is about a very particular coping mechanism i have that i dont bring up on THIS blog for a friend's sake but i have a sideblog 4 it #im starting to really open up about it bc its not something i should be ashamed of . it's me taking care of myself #i dont care about what others say anymore . it's not gross to heal your inner child #i dont talk about my mental health here often except in passing when im discussing how my adhd and autism affect my life #but there's more than Just those two. im adhdtistic + have bpd ptsd and osdd (the specifics im not sure of but we Are plural)#anyways this is me firing shots to keep the rent down bc i just gave some1 i follow reassurance and i want to reiterate the msg here #ableists are Not fucking welcome here. leave your hatred at the fucking door and if you cant get with the times then get out #you dont even have to understand me to just be kind. it costs 0 dollars #im just praying this reaches the actual target audience #and that the people who engage with media in a way that actively trigger my flashbacks Dont grab ahold of this post #theyre on my dni. for a reason .

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autisticlee · 9 months ago

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how to make business plans: spend 2 weeks looking for a website to make a visual plan guide that you can collaborate with business partners, but you end up nowhere because all of them require paid subscriptions to do more than a few basic things. except you don't want to pay for these because you don't have a business yet and therefore no money!!!! but you need more than basic features (basically you can only put 50-100 items on your board with free account and i will definitely need more)

#WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET HAVE TO BE SUBSCRIPTION NOW #i miss the days where you could use a website and all the features for FREE.#or at best only have one-time fee or subs for advanced stuff only profitable big businesses need and can also afford #the average person is starting to get locked out of the internet. we already pay for the internet itself. everything is too expensive #i need to make my own business so i can afford to live but everything to mae a business costs too much!!!!!!!#im too autistic for this shit. “this shit” being “a profitable member of society”#i cant get a big cool job to make a ton of money and then afford to easily become a millionaire #i bet most millionaires and all billionairs didnt work a day in their life to afford to start their businesses #and if they say they did they lie #lee rambles #i found a free unlimited one but you have to download the program and save everything locally #so it doesn't look like you cam collab with other people which defeats the purpose of what im trying to do 😭#i wanted to use milanote or whatever its called because i liked how you can link separate pages to keep things clear/uncluttered #but i dont want to pay $12 a month i think it was? to put more than 100 items on the boards. that goes so fast #but i might have to use it and just cram things together in a messy fashion to not hit that limit......#you can double the amount by referring people to make an account but still. i hate bekng limited #and being forced to pay to not have limits!!!! let me be free and only pay for advanced stuff i can live without for fuck sake #i dont know what im doing. but im making an attempt to business or something

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raksh-writes · 1 year ago

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Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗