#so ig if im ever faced with the situation again ill have to do better

[valodia]

Real thing somebody said IRL today "the christmas tree in itself is from pagan culture so it doesnt count as religious"

[xyfanficarchive]

labor of love

norman bates (psycho 1960) taxidermies you (romantic) (gender neutral)

or, the strange mentally ill erotic fantasy of someone cutting me open and just getting all up in my guts (Nicely,) has surfaced from the old deep deep deep dark days of my life and now has a place ig?

cw death and detailed gore; cw fucked up content in general but if you saw this title and are still reading further you already know whats up, you sicko ;) this is unedited word vomit style typed directly into the tumblr post editor, bcs it was very very slow today and this was better than ruminating myself into an actual mental breakdown at freaking work so this is for the absolute freaks and please dont come for my ass if anything in the getting taxidermied by norman bates fanfiction isnt accurate

in thinking about the potential endings for an extended norman and reader romance... i think it would be such an extraordinarily delicate balance to manage a relationship and try to help him while avoiding the shitshow of human rights violations that was psychiatric care in the 1960s. and maybe you could manage it but if you couldn't......... perhaps he was hiding the true extent of his illness, even well into your relationship, even after getting married. some act of repression, of course he didn't want to scare you away and he was so certain he would, and nobody had ever loved him like you did and nobody ever would again. but ya just can't bottle it up like that without building and building the pressure... and to have a relationship, to have sex with you and marry you and try to be happy WITHOUT HER, oh what a grievous transgression to the ignored Norma, cast away to the far recesses of his awareness, he's managed to hold onto control for this long but the situation will simply not do, and she'll just have to eliminate the disgusting little bitch who stole her son away from her, take the reins back in a moment of weakness, of fracture -

and norman wakes up in a place he doesn't remember, in clothes he doesn't remember, but he remembers the fight and the fevered pitch of your voice, the wide-eyed fear in your face, his mixed up train of thought derailing, crashing, and the sound of his mother screaming in his ears. not a hint of a thought of what happened enters his mind as he retraces the trail of blood through the house, empty and automatic and despairing but still not connecting the ideas together until he actually finds the mangled heap of your body slumped on the floor, with the sick metallic smell of clotting blood, a dizzying lake of deep red bigger than he'd ever seen before surrounding you.... it's so shattering that he is disconnected even from the impulse to vomit, though he drops to his knees and screams and screams and screams...... and his mother is nowhere around to help him, and you're gone gone gone, forever! forever! but no! he hears your voice in his ear, soft though it startled him: "no, you can still save me, don't you remember? you've done it already before, norman, save me, save me before it's too late...!"

you're still even warm by the time he brings you down to the basement, cradling you in his arms and staining the clean clothes mother had gone out of her way to dress him in, still limp dead weight, he puts you on the table where he does his taxidermy and kisses your lips with blood on your mouth, pets your hair, coos a billion apologies. "oh my love, i should have never ever let this happen! i promised myself i would never let this happen to you that i would never let her hurt you im sorry im sorry im sorry i tried i tried!!" screwing his eyes shut at your body in front of him, crying tears that dripped onto your skin. and you shush him, your voice comes like a bell calling him in the darkness "i love you norman, i forgive you, but you must work fast now, you have to work fast to revive me!" he opens his eyes, far gone, nods fervently into your lifeless face, knowing that this would be very hard, and very easy, in that he had done it dozens of times before but not on this scale and not this fresh. he strokes the soft skin of your cheek, flits over to bring his tool kit near and then strips your body bare to begin his work - but he already has to stop, go up to the linen closet to bring towels and a bucket of water to clean the blood and gore off your skin, revealing in detail every grisly angry slash, stab, loose flap of skin that should still be all connected, should be, norman cries, with only an extremely dim awareness that it was his own hands that wrought this upon you. but he would fix it, he would suture your lovely flesh back together last, after the bulk of the work was done.

it takes significant effort to cut you with the same blade that he had cut birds and other small creatures with but he made it through all the layers of skin and fat and muscle, cut flaps to splay your belly open for easy access. and the inside of your body. explodes with colour and detail that he had never seen on this scale before. your insides were all shining red, and translucent membranous pink, with lipid yellows, greenish and brownish hues, pearlescent white fascia and winding lines of purple-blue connecting everything. and then he trembles all over seeing it his hands shaking violently, already slick with blood, as they approach the opening, and you comfort him, sweetly in his ear, "calm now, my love, i'm in good hands, i know i am, but you need to stop shaking, you need to be gentle." "i know, im just scared. i'm sorry, i'm so sorry..." "i trust you, norman." he steeled his nerves and then slips his hands oh so, so gingerly into the wet, the slick and smooth mess, the winding intestines, cold on the surface from contact with the air but still warm underneath, and he only loves you more and more and more that you trust him like this, that you let him do this to you, putting your faith in him to revive you.

he was struck by the intimacy of it, he was so close, closer than anyone else in the world had been to you, even closer than sex, up to his forearms in your body cavity, with all the beautiful unseen parts that had sustained your living body for so long, all those years........ you would have to learn a new kind of life now, with him. he scoops the intestines, they spill over the sides onto the table, attached at either end, and he realized he would have no place to actually put any of this once he removed it, he took the bucket with red translucent water and tipped it over into the floor drain. then, bringing it near, cuts your entire digestive tract free, placing it gently in the bucket. looking down at the heap inside, he feels a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and reached up to wipe it with the bloodied back of his arm. then, the pancreas, the kidneys and bladder, the liver (some cultures thought the liver was the seat of human love, he thinks), everything is so connected, tubes and gossamer-thin tissues that he has to dissect to separate the parts out. he has to reach underneath your ribcage to cut your lungs free, they sink in and deflate more as he works, and puts them too on top of the rest of your organs. then, last, your heart - he hesitates, and trembles, feeling the imperative to be especially delicate now, as if the muscle might disintegrate under his touch. but he feels around, remembering the anatomy diagram of the heart he'd learned so many many years ago, cuts free the three arteries connected to the aorta, the pulmonary vessels, both venae cavae, and suddenly he is holding the fist-sized organ free in his hand. he set his knife to the side and then reached in again, cradling the muscle in both of his broad palms as he brought it out into the light, letting out a shuddering breath - your heart! oh it was your actual heart, the heart that loved him, the heart that once beat in your chest, that he listened to countless nights to soothe himself, pressing his ear to your sternum. he sees the fatal gash the knife made, he turns his head and leans his ear in, though he knows it's silent anyways he almost starts to sob, "keep it," you say, and he startles "keep it, my love, it's yours, it was always yours" and he looks up into the ceiling "really? are you certain?" forgetting the anguish, and he feels your confirmation, your permission, as the warmth of your love. then, looks down at the deep red knot of muscle, presses a tender kiss there, and holds it to his chest, mirroring his own living heart. with reverence, he sets it on the table in his view and continues on -

it's best practice to remove the bulk of the skeletal muscle, too, and so he opens the skin on the arms that held him close, the legs and thighs that he'd had bliss between, and frees the long corded masses - the ones in the limbs come out of the body clean and compartmentalized, attached to the bone really only by two tendons on either end, separating easily from each other. this was by chance one of the largest buckets he had in the house but now it was full top with all your externalized insides, and the slippery smooth remainder of your muscles went to the floor - it was only a short distance to the furnace anyways, and all of this would have to go to the furnace, into the fire, you wouldn't be needing them anymore, and everything would have to be clean, clean, clean after. and now your body was ready for treating with the chemicals - there might not be enough, but it would have to do - and the sawdust which only seemed to come in large quantities, and it's easy, easy, art to craft the contours of your body that he learned, he knows from memory. he closes with care the long incisions he had made, making the flesh edges meet neatly all down the length of your limbs, up the i-shape he made on your abdomen and then, the awful wounds, slashes and gashes all over he sutures at last with a lingering feeling of sorrow, that dissipates when, finally cutting the last thread, he sees the miracle of life bloom forth on your face out from the monochrome of death "norman!" you smiled, with recognition in your eyes from where your head was limply rolled to the side

he smiled back at you, euphoria like a thrill of electricity tingling through his body as he reached out to cup your face - of course the fact he didn't have a sufficient amount of preservatives and anything didn't matter because it had little to do with the process of reviving anyways. it was all in the effort itself, in the way he marked his own soul in order to remake you and have you forever, it was in that labor of love where the actual transformation was made. he stroked his thumbs on your cheekbones, leaning over you and sobbing out "yes, yes, yes, yes, it's me, i'm here!!"

"you did it, i knew you could, i knew you would save me, norman."

"i could do anything for you, i would do anything for you!"

"i'm so cold now down here in the basement, i feel so weak and exhausted after everything... would you please help me get dressed?"

your bloody clothes were all heaped on the floor and he sniffled, blinking the tears from his eyes. "oh, those are all completely ruined..... I'm sorry... I'll take you up to the bedroom now, okay? and we'll get you into pajamas, and then you can just sleep for however long you need." and you would need the sleep - it was a strange and difficult new life to adjust to, being so dependent on him now for so many things, and you would never be able to leave the house anymore, which would likely be as hard for you as it was at first for his mother. but might get easier for you faster, he thought, as you had both found many more interesting things to do inside than he and his mother ever had in nearly thirty years until you came along. he kisses you on the forehead, and gently lets your head down, before he shifts his arms underneath you and scoops you up in a bridal carry, the whole weight of you in his arms as he carries you up the stairs to the main floor, then turned, climbing up and up again

"i was so scared when she killed me, Norman." Your voice makes his lip tremble as he looks down into your eyes, "but I know i'm safe now with you."

"Yes, you're safe here with me... You'll be safe here with me forever..."

He can feel the vibration of love coming off you, that keen resonation, it was always always there though he never managed to put it to its name, his heart absolutely swells with the sensation, love, pure ecstatic love! you were his one love and the most precious thing he had ever encountered in his life and now he could keep you safe from everything, forever, with him! oh, it didn't work out as nice for you as if it has never happened in the first place, but he could feel a new tension and energy, a precipice on which he was looking out at a new and encompassing depth of your bond, of your relationship, and he only had to dive in with you. he was almost even excited to start this new and beautiful era of your life together.

[lovelykalopsia]

Day 1: Trope Subversion Bad Boy trope cuz I though it would be funny

@mcyt-aro-week

"Y'know, this is a bit pathetic of you, dont you agree?" Grians voice broke his train of though, though it wasnt much of a train and more of one cart going around and around in never ending loop of nothingness, and that analogy was quickly getting away from him. "No, Grain, I don't think pining from Mr. Goodytwo shoes is pathetic, totally don't, where could you ever get that idea?" That sounded like it had more venom than it needed to, but then again maybe he really needed that much venom, or maybe even more, who knows?

"Hey! No need to get bitchy, Im just saying, your trying to keep your 'bad boy' appearance while also going for someone who is the complete opposite." Grian shrugged, and Joel knew Grian thought it was pathetic, but grian didnt have much to say with whatever he had going on with the tall lanky kid, Mumbo or something, not important anyways. This time Joel didn't reply, instead just groaning and hiding his hands in his face. "This is terrible" He mumble into his hand. He could hear Grain laugh at this, but he mostly tried to tune it out.

Jimmy groan, flopping down face first on his, Tango, and Scotts bed, right next to the others. "I don't know what to do guysss" he practically whined, though it was muffled by him shoving his face in the bed. Jim felt a hand start to mess with his hair and groaned louder.

"I mean, I think the best thing to do it tell him?" Tango suggested, though it sounded more like a question, like he himself wasnt sure that was a good idea.

"Well yeah, but I don't even know if he likes me like that or is intrest in that!" He finally pulled his head away from the bed so they could hear him better.

"You'll never know untill you ask, Sweetie. Amd even if he isn't interested I'm sure he'll still want to be friends, mostly because he isnt that dumb." God, Scott always knew what to say in situations like this, because no offense to Tango but his advice is horrible.

"I guess thats true...when should I tell him?" Jimmy asked, rolling over to stare at the celling. Honestly he didn't even know how he would go about it, he really isnt sure how Joel feels about him, because sure they talk and Joel isnt particularly mean, hes actually quite nice to him, but that doesn't automatically mean Joel would be interested in a qpr.

"You could always met him today?" Scott suggested, though it didn't make much sense because last he knew, Joel spends his weekend with Grian, being 'bad boys' whatever that could mean for them, noone really knows anyways.

"I really couldn't, hes usually busy with Grian."

"Maybe hes not..?" Scott definitely did something, hes not sure but he didnt something to get Joel away from Grain.

Joel felt his phone buzz in his pocket and then heard a ringtone, indicating that it was infact Scott texting him this time, gosh what could that man what today. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone, quickly unlocking it and going to his messages with Scott.

Scotty boy: joel, are you prehaps busy right now?

Joel: Not really what do want now.

Scotty boy: how would you feel about meeting up? Like right now at the cafe near your house.

Joel: ig i could, why

Scotty boy: well mr.bad boy, I have something important to tell you, but if you reallyyy dont want to, Ig it could wait

Joel: ugh ill be there in 5.

Scotty boy: perfect!

"Bloody hell, what could he want now" He mumble under his breath, pocketing his phone before standing up and walking to his dresser to find clothes that would make him look semi presentable.

"Joel, whatcha doin'?" Grian asked, slightly confused on what was happening.

"Scott wants to meet up with me for some odd reason I dunno why." Joel answered, Shrugging on a pull-over and a pair of trousers.

"Uhh okay, have fun with that, Ill be here." Grian said, pulling out his phone, probably inviting someone over while he's gone. Joel let out a 'mhm' and made his way to the door.

"Scott, why are you dressing me up like some kinda of toy?" Jimmy waw beyond confused right now. All he knew that he and Scott where going a on a date, as Scott put it, to some cafe hes never heard of.

"You want to look good for out date right? And no offense but I dont trust you to dress yourself Jim" Scott replied, throwing some more of Jims clothes on the floor, which would need to be washed later because of that.

"I guess, but I can infact dress myself just find, I'm an adult y'know."

"You're an adult who doesn't know how to dress well."

"I disagree I think I look perfectly fine." Jimmy knows he looks decent atleast, not bad enough to where he has to get dressed by someone else.

"Oh shush and let me do this or Joel will never want a qpr with you." Huh, strange.

"What are you talking about with Joel?"

"What?" Well, now Scott was just playing dumb with him, god dose he hate when Scott dose that.

"Scott, you said something about Joel, why?" He wasn't going to stop untill he got answers...he might actually that seems annoying for both of them.

"I didn't. Anyways, hurry and put these on so we can leave."

Joel made it to the Cafe fairly quickly, which was expected because he lives fairly close to the cafe, and now he was just waiting too see whatever Scott wanted. He flinched a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to find Scott and Jimmy..? What in the world, why was Jim here.

"Hope we didn't keep you waiting too long, Jim was taking a superr long time to get ready." Scott said like it was nothing, sitting down across from Joel.

"Hello, Scott and Tim. I didn't know you were coming with Scott."

"I didn't know you were going to be here." Jim sat down next to Scott. Also, it was weird, why didn't Jim know he was going to be there, he assumed Scott would have told him, but he also didn't tell Joel Jim was coming so it wasnt fully outta the picture that he didnt know.

"So Scott...what did you need to tell me?" Joel asked, putting his hands in his hoodie pockets.

"Well, I may have lied, it was actually Jimmy who wanted to tell you something, just needed me to get you here so I'll be taking my leave bye, Ill be taking me leave." Scott Stood up, giving Jims hand a small squeeze and whispering something to him.

"So, Tim, what was it that you needed to tell me?"

"Well, uh maybe I had something to tell you and maybe its embarrassing so like dont judge me?" Jim's voice shook a little as he spoke, either from nerves or possibly fear, Joel didnt really know.

"I won't judge" unless it was something stupid, but Jim didn't need to know that.

"Okay, well I have to, y'know, like be your partner, if you'll have me" Joel was speechless, that was not on his bingo card for today, not that he was complaining.

"I, uh, yeah, I would like that too."

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[kimjoongs-main]

50 questions tag

tagged by: @jenuminous (ty bby ily)

tagging: @kimyeongues @linosgf @cheonsajaemin @hyuckiebabyy @bitchendery @moonblssm

1. what takes up too much of your time?

—hmmm probably sleeping, facetiming my friends, writing, reading webtoons, watching stuff on youtube etc

2. what makes your day better?

—that thing parents do when they cut up fruit for you and give you some :( my dad always cuta up watermelon for me whenever i’m stressed out

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today?

—my cousin and i went out and had a girl’s day, we went to the mall, got our nails done, and just had a great time

4. what fictional place would you like to go to ?

—any place that gives you powers basically, so like bnha for example, or this webtoon i started reading called unordinary

5. are you good at giving advice ?

—it depends on the situation but generally i...guess so??

6. do you have a mental illness?

—hah

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis ?

—nope and *knocks on wood* i hope i never have to

8. what musician inspires you the most?

—cl, i just...love her

9. have you ever fallen in love ?

—yes

10. what’s your dream date?

—stargazing hands down

11. what do others notice about you ?

—the first thing people usually point out is my height sjdjdjs :’)) i’m tiny tiny

12. what’s an annoying habit you have?

—i tend to comb my hair back when i’m stressed out or nervous and it makes my hair all tangled

13. do you still talk to your first love ?

—yupyup

14. how many exes do you have?

—none

15. how many songs are in your playlist ?

—i have so many playlists for different moods shdjd, but the number of songs on my phone is around 200

16. what instruments can you play?

—i used to be able to play the violin but i stopped

17. what do you have the most pictures of ?

—my three friends, jaemin heh, and as of right now my godson

18. where would you like to go before you die?

—thailand

19. what’s your zodiac ?

—cap sun, pisces moon/rising

20. do you relate to it?

—i relate to cap sun and pisces moon sometimes, not so much my rising tho

21. what’s happiness to you?

—feeling nothing but joy, having a hard time keeping a smile off my face

22. are you going through anything right now ?

—well.....

23. what’s the worst decision you ever made?

—taking ap chem JSJDJDJS

24. what’s your favorite store?

—ooohooohho there’s this cute store i found in the mall at the philippines, i forgot the name but it was something like papemelroti?? but it had these cute little trinkets and stuff for scrapbooking and omg i fell in love

25. what’s your opinion about abortion ?

—woman’s body -> her choice, that’s all i’m saying abt this

26. do you keep a bucket list ?

—i used to when i was 10, but nah

27. do you have a favorite album?

—any album by journey

28. what do you want for your birthday ?

—ummmm money ig?? or maybe a new backpack bc they always break halfway thru the year

29. what are people’s first impressions of you?

—people usually say i’m rlly quiet when they first meet me, and they’re not wrong

30. what age do you seem according to most people ?

—it depends, someone thought i was in college when i was like 16, and someone else thought i was a hs freshman when i was a senior lol

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

—charging on the desk next to my bed

32. what word do you say the most ?

—what, oh, or just keyboard smashes

33. what’s the oldest age you would date?

—19

34. what’s the youngest you would date ?

—idk if i would???

35. what job/career would most people say suit you?

—a teacher, but as much as i love kids i don’t think i could handle teaching them

36. what’s your favorite music genre ?

—mmm i’ve been really into indie lately

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

—not sure, but probably the philippines since i’m from there and i know the language well enough

38. what is your current favorite song ?

—symmetry by jt roach and emily warren, it’s so calming

39. how long have you had this blog for?

—a little over a year now, but i’ve been on tumblr for around 3-4 years

40. what are you excited for ?

—my fam and i are going to a resort tmr and i looked it up and it’s so pretty:((

41. are you a better talker or listener?

—depends on the person, there’s some people who i talk w more, and there’s some people who i just sit and listen to more

42. what was the last productive thing you did ?

—i did the laundry this morning, sweeped the apartment

43. what do you want for Christmas?

—again probably money or a new backpack

44. what class do you get the best grades in ?

—math and bio

45. on a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

—8.5

46. what can you see yourself doing in ten years ?

—probably being a nurse or traveling

47. when did you get your first heartbreak?

—when my fav teacher revealed to our class abt what she was going thru, it really hurt me to see her so upset

48. what age do you want to get married ?

—in my 30s maybe

49. what career did you want to have as a child?

—i really wanted to be a photographer at one point, but other than that it’s always been a nurse

50. what do you crave right now ?

—sushi, there’s a sushi place a mile from my apartment and im debating whether or not i should go skfkd

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

[smallsushi]

♡ get to know me stuff♡??

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

- my boyfriend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

- outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

- uhh no one

4. Are you easy to get along with?

- yes i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

- my boyfriend

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

- hopeless romantics, smarties, good at math types. geeks, gamers. kind of goofy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

- i am in one not a very good one.. so maybe not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

- no one

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

- no unless it’s a dude

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- Leon

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

- “come watch stream” by my boyfriend

12. What are your 5 favourite songs right now?

- i’m really into joji rn and brent faiyaz

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

- only if i like them

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

- i want to so i lowkey do

15. What good thing happened this summer?

- i made friends and some especially good ones like Z, L, Ne and D

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

- no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

- why not? maybe woooo woo

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

- haha no never ever >__<

19. Do you like bubble baths?

- ofcourse

20. Do you like your neighbours?

- idk them

21. What are you bad habits?

- overthinking and vaping! i promise i’ll stop sometime soon~

22. Where would you like to travel?

- paris, i just want to be there some day

23. Do you have trust issues?

- yes i have been wronged by many people i would never hurt

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

- sleeping and dreaming. and ofc day dreaming in the morning. my life.. well isnt that exciting right now.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

- all of it, i’m ugly asf imo

26. What do you do when you wake up?

- lay in bed for a while and think...

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

- honestly... lighter. people always say smth abt my skin tone. my boyfriend likes lighter girls too. would help me feel better.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

- no one like completely..

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

- no i’m sure he hates me for dumping him

30. Do you ever want to get married?

- my instant thought is no, but i know if i am truly happy i would want that.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

- yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

- to me thinking abt celebs like that is weird they are like real life humans. and i haven’t found anyone incredibly sexually attractive to share fluids with thanks.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

- kjzw bro my name has 5 letters

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

- i was in basketball and gymnastics for 2 years

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

- tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

- yes, because i was too young.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

- something that makes the situation worse.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

- is it weird that my dream guy is straight out of a novel series? the guy who buys flowers, sends hand written letters, makes playlists, surprises me, has my picture in his wallet, isn’t afraid to be madly obsessed with me ok ok i’ll get out of my head now.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

- i dont have favourites but i love sephora

40. What do you want to do after high school?

- bro i want to die i’m 22

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

- umm sometimes. we are all human.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

- i’m hurt

43. Do you smile at strangers?

- sometimes if they smile at me

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

- no

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

- at this point.. i want to go to paris. i want to see paris before i die. i’m extremely suicidal but thinking about not seeing paris before i die kind of gives me hope UwU

46. What are you paranoid about?

- being lied to, or made a complete fool of.

47. Have you ever been high?

- yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

- yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

- yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

- grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

- all the time

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

- i wish i could be prettier... maybe then i wouldn’t get treated like shit.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

- too faced.. always ♡

54. Favourite colour?

- pink and purple... i like pastels..

55. Favourite food?

- good ol spaghetti and meatballs with heaps of parmesan

56. Last thing you ate?

- lol coffee, i havent ate in two dayss depression gang :3

57. First thing you ate this morning?

- coffee

58. Ever been in love?

- yes

59. How many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

60. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

- i wish i could but i dont have any stuffies atm

61. Favourite animal?

-cats

62. Favourite tv show?

umm black mirror, mr robot, bbt, you etc

63. Favourite movie?

- requiem for a dream, mr nobody, anything that blows my mind tbh

64. First person you talked to today?

- my boyfriend

65 Last person you talked to today?

- my boyfriend

66. Name a person you hate?

- dont hate anyone

67. Name a person you love?

- ig my boyfriend

68. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

- no

69. Do you regret anything from your past?

- yes

70. Do you miss anyone from your past?

- nope

71. Ever broken someone’s heart?

- yes

72. Have you ever been on a horse?

- yes and it was scary

73. Is something irritating you right now?

- a lot of things but i dont mind

74. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

- no, usually it hurts after they like me back

75. Do you have trust issues?

- lol yes

76. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

- my boyfriend

77. What was your childhood nickname?

- bubblegum was a favourite so ill say that here

78. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

- yes

79. Favourite book?

- 1984 George Orwell a big mind fuck fest

80. Are you afraid of the dark?

- yes, and even more scared when im actually with multiple people like which ones the ghost ah!

81. Are you mean?

- sometimes when im moody or angry

82. Is cheating ever okay?

- nope never

83. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no its probably just lust

84. Do you believe in true love?

- i do because i love truly

85. Are you currently bored?

- very, life is dull atm

86. What makes you happy?

- sunshine, travelling, people watching, music, cats, anime, gaming, reading, someone loving me truly but hey lets be real~

87. Would you change your name?

- no i actually love my first name

88. What your zodiac sign?

- im a sag

89. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

- one is married, one is too pure to like me and the other one is someone i do kinda have a vibe with, either way i will stay away and tell them its wrong since i have a boyfriend.

91. Favourite lyrics right now?

- "I'm not living, I'm just killing time." - True Love Waits, Radiohead

92. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

- closed

93. How tall are you?

- 5'2

94. Curly or Straight hair?

- curly/wavy

95. What’s your favourite quote?

- "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are" -Mewtwo

96. Do you believe in ghosts?

- noo

[twisted-sparks]

I’m sorry that i always have to complain if i come up here once in a while, but there is an issue again i just have to get off my chest. And ofc its about top & his birthday hashtagging “scandal” If you wouldn’t know (but i highly doubt that there are any fan that havent heard the story) korean vips asked intl fans before top’s birthday that we should not trend any hashtags on twitter, because we should keep the silence & protect this sacred day & him from stupid badmouthing people. BUT ofc the intl fans are pure justice warriors that now suddenly decided to break out from this & finally end this quiet peace - so they literally shitted on the kvips whish. All right, i said, everybody is free enough to do what they want to do. Personally i supported kvips with the silent celebrating but i didn’t had any opposition against the hashtag thingy (i just havent reblogged birthday wishes with it). Then, at the end of the day a big blessing came: top’s precious mom posted a pic w/ him on her ig acc. Everyone was joyful, and finally we could saw his face: he is with his loved ones, freely, peacefully, hopefully happy as well. But what happened after, that is what fucks with my head right now & i seriously question some intl fans’ decency & respect towards others & the situation. A clever twitter user literally called the silent-suporters - that kindly told the others not to celebrate too loudly - fake.  Wow, now thats very interesting. What’s more interesting is this question: “who tf are you to still act like you know it all better..they gave us a sign that we can stop being silenced..are you that blind to see?” Well, to answer it, i happily stay blind for the rest of my life, but you being this stupid & ignorant is much worse and incurable, believe me - because, in fact, that’s not a sign. Calling such a precious & generous act A SIGN is very disturbing, nasty, ugly & just simply unacceptable. Top’s mom uploaded that picture to make us sure: he is okay, he is w/ his loving family & he is celebrating this day calmly just how he deserved. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE IS READY TO COME OUT FROM THE SHADOWS & YALL CAN FINALLY SHOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT OUT. What really enraged me is that we all should be happy that she was so generous that she gave us a gift - because she could easily decided not to. But because of her we could see him. He is allright & looks so good. But some dumbass justice warriors living in the west side feels obligated to rebel & take this way more seriously as it is and so they can call this as a “sign to finally open our mouth” and even USE TOP’S MOTHER’S NAME AS A PROOF. NO. JUST NO. THIS IS DISGUSTING. THE ONLY GOAL OF THAT PIC IS HER MAKING US SURE THAT TOP IS WELL. NOTHING ELSE. ‘Til top HIMSELF not decide to step in the spotlight again, nothing - i repeat - NOTHING IS A SIGN FOR YALL TO OPEN YALLS NASTY BIG MOUTH TO & TALK BULLSHIT. “he didn't get censored or cropped out anymore.... “ SO WHAT? He still didn’t come out and im pretty sure he had A LOT OF CHANCES TO DO SO SINCE THEN. Now, what do you think why he is hiding ever since? Simply: because he feels he aint ready. And whats funny is that seemingly everyone knows top so well, but as i see, yall aint shit. Its a well known fact that he has mental illnesses - thats why his life is a little bit harder than others’. Another big point here is that he is still serving his military enlistment. Those things are all very huge deciding points & that’s why kvips thought it will be better for every one of us to shut up. Don’t forget that this happened way before the pic, so you cant even use this as a justice card... But of course YOU are the CLEVER ONE that knows everything & everyone else is dumb. Nice try, but next time try harder because it didn’t work :) I mentioned that they act like they know top but in fact, well... it feels like they talk about someone else they dont even know. This sentence probably shows how much: “we are not going to keep silent anymore because THAT might harm him more than anything... “ Said by probably someone that witnessed what happened when everyone opened their nasty mouth even when the poor man liked something on ig & the public started to criticize him - or the recent accidental ice cream picture uploading issue. Literally that’s what caused him more harm than anything: that yall just cant shut the fuck up when yall finally should. Logic?? ZERO. And the cherry on top: “just stop acting like you know better than his own Mum”... Bih... the only one here acting up like she is in the middle of the happenings IS YOU. You dont have to be Einstein to know these basic things abt him & draw the conclusions, you just have to be a decent human being that actually cares. Oh... sorry, i forgot that appeariently you aint one because advertising yourself as a justice warrior is more important than thinking sane. Wow. So good. But you know what really makes me sad? That we can argue on sns abt these, then log on & off like nothing happened, but the only one that suffered & got damaged is not us. Nobody will ever know better than him how hard to live with this, or how he should think twice abt little things like posting a pic, showing face or whatnot - simply because he made a mistake he already paid for. That how he have to face things day & night. Because im pretty sure he started healing slowly, but i have a feeling that it will bother him & still wound him for a long time just to think abt it. That’s why yall should be just happy for what you got & stop acting up. Be a decent, understanding human being without acting a know-it-all brat. Because he still needs time to heal more to finally step out confidently - and intl fans knows half of it. Kvips at least can sense whats best for him. Intl’s? All yall did was telling blatant assumed shit all over the place & never helped the situation - but in fact sometimes it got worse because of it. So now yall can measure the thing that REALLY IS HAPPENING. And not what yall think its right to do at the moment.

[cnisms]

ok wow... here are some v basic intros for beck, aja, veronika, bella, angel n natalya ! they won’t be super detailed bc... theres fricken 6 of them... some are longer, some are shorter, they are all ugly. but i do know my muses inside out so if u ever want me to expand on anything or fill in any gaps, just lmk. no stat pages for any of them yet, so i’ll list the basics in here. plotting ? yk what to do ! im me or just punch me in the face ! n ofc if theres specific plots u have in mind already just lmk bc as yall know... im always gonna snatch them up anyways (also ONCE AGAIN sorry for never replying to ims, i’m just a lot of foul moods these days n obviously it’s got nothin to do w yall so i wait... aka i get five minutes of peace a week... but i 100% always wanna plot n be friends !!! i WILL reply... eventually...) v brief mentions of miscarriage, drug addiction, neglect, murder n obviously death.

i lied i actually did start this ugli’s stats !! barely, but they’ll be here.

you will never met a bigger nerd than beck ever im tellin u now

had a nice childhood, parents are both scientists n lowkey hippies, v v v smart household. they were always more friendly than parental with him due to the fact that he’s always been (not super mature but) very intellectual.

grew up interested in everything. studied hard n fast. has graduated too many times. thought maybe the goal was to be a lecturer ? couldn’t pick on what tho. ended up staying to hang around his last university and instead tutors literally everyone in literally any subject. if ur muse is studying @ imperial college ? beck is their favourite tutor. srry it’s law !

just a nice guy ? unfortunately doesn’t have very many negative traits to him bc that’s just the way it worked out but he does talk a lot n has trouble effectively communicating anything he hasn’t studied so he may not always appear to be the nicest guy but ? he rlly is just a ugh jesse mccartney vc beautiful soul.

barely getting by bc how much can u charge uni students ? the answer is the minimum. he’s never been super materialistic or anything so it’s not a rude shock to him but his social life suffers (i mean he could find plenty to do himself but he is always rejecting invitations) due to lack of funds.

so boring.. so vanilla..

has to told be told to shut up or he will go for two days n yes it does hurt his feelings xx

megan ajala parekh (goes by aja), 22, cisfemale, panromantic, pansexual, listens to too much usher

was raised between the city n a farm a lil while out of town. had to deal w all of the divorce drama worse than either of her parents. they all cut each other off when she was 16 and she’s fake af making jokes abt it, acting like it was the best decision ever but she wasn’t prepared at all ? she was just couch surfing n surviving on birthday money from her grandparents n she was scared but v “no goin’ back now ig!” about the whole situation/

big mess ! also had no idea what she wanted to do but she was actually a huge flop education wise (no offense gf, me too) n ended up in a government programme n through that she just did whatever was recommended so she ended up in aged care n she loves it !

to be fair she loves everything tho so ? that’s not really sayin much. 

super excitable n ott. is always goin’ head first into everything.

as a result she’s also always exhausted n grumpy. one or the other. she can’t calm herself down n maintain a healthy lifestyle. it just doesn’t work.

lives in a disused hospital bc why not. she’s savin’ up for a nice van... to live in... that’s rlly where she sees herself.

except she’s not really saving up bc she’s the definition of headassery and is spending all her money on fast food and expensive sunglasses n hats that she will lose that same week.

i’m falling asleep but naomi scott is a goddess so whom cares 

veronika erikson, 40, cisfemale, biromantic, bisexual, old as mc’heck so she’s actually got a life for me to talk abt

born in denmark, was scouted at 16, lived between paris and new york after that, had massive success as a model. made money, set trends, still pops up in every other #goals pinterest board and #mood instagram tag. was an entire it girl back in the 90s but ! it was never fulfilling.

literally all she wanted ? her entire life ? was to be a mother ? nothing else ? modelling was a good way for her to make money bc realistically she wouldn’t have been happy doing anything that wasn’t raising her own children but she was never satisfied.

NEVER GOT HER BABIES ! despite marrying very young (she was v keen to start a family but she was also super in love) n immediately gettin into it and giving up her career at 23 to be at her prime health-wise, she had no success. suffered a LOT. the fact that the problem could never be identified was obviously super frustrating n stressed her the frick out ? the miscarriages my dude... she’d been through it n would tell herself not to get her hopes up but it was obviously always worlds worst heartbreak every time.

grew to resent her husband bc tho she knew he wasn’t to blame, she needed to put it on someone. never adopted or looked at other options out of (irrational) fear that she’d have the same kind of feelings towards any children that she didn’t birth herself so ! shit didn’t get better. it literally started 10 yrs ago... and it the negative feelings changed in intensity over n over but they somehow managed to survive 10 years n only recently separated so ! she got rid of everything n moved to london for a fresh start where she now flips houses bc she can ig n it gives her smth to do !

honestly would make the best mother ? she’s aunt to the yates siblings (hey huns) and always did the most for her fricken mini-me imogen. beautiful vodka aunt who brings gifts and gushes about u n is here to gossip but is ready to go off on ur ass if u force her to. won’t go around babying people but... if u give her the chance... 

that... that’s her personality... ideal mom in every way.

separates her private n public life very well but doesn’t share her important thoughts or feelings at all. generally a nice but passive person. 

courtney love tweeting about riverdale vibes.

arabella gomfrey, 23, closeted pan princess (literally a princess (cici is shaking)), sofia coppola’s marie antoinette

the whole gomfrey situation will be developed eventually but for now here is this.

they may not be, but bella is a v affectionate person. is wedged firmly up her entire family’s ass. loves her parents n lets them n everyone else know. rlly thinks they’re right about absolutely everything. will agree to n do anything they say.

will do anything anyone says honestly ? as long as it doesn’t come in conflict with what her parents want for her ? tell her to walk off a building bc it’ll make her parents happy n she’ll sit there stressing and considering it for hours.

won’t think for herself but still manages to be a major fake. only tells u what you want to hear, excessively sweet, will not be the one to deliver bad news ever hell nope she’s paying someone to do that for her. 

v cliquey n judgemental. her inner circle is literally just other pretty rich girls. 

loves the whole situation she was born into n has no shame. milks it. does the most. will throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants. entitled brat !

idk how but she’s the most catholic person you’ll ever meet ? the pope is jealous.

models bc she knows can do whatever the hell she wants without trying ig. just likes the applause.

angela (angel) rosado, 24, panromantic, pansexual, loves girls, Is Beautiful .

yea rosado as in the resort aha... nbd ... was adopted by the rich old rosados when she was 10 n has lived the good life ever since but before that . it was p ugly.

she was literally left on her neighbour’s doorstep when her parents got evicted from their home when angel was 6 months old ? they took her in but ! they struggled ! so a year later when angel’s mother was pregnant again n sorted herself out for a min n came back to claim her so they could be a family or w/e, the people who had been caring for her were obviously like um we rlly should not trust this bich with a baby but we’re abt to be kicked out ourselves so ... they basically forced this image of angel n her mother n the next baby livin happily ever n let her go.

her mother had another girl n angel loved her even tho she was tiny herself... she was (and still is dw her sister is thriving still) crazy abt this baby. she rlly could not love her sister more. their mother wasn’t clean for long, but their father was much worse. when he died 2 yrs later, she quickly worsened too. she was ill n not fit to parent at all but the girls lived with it for 4 yrs before they were taken away. they were told their mother passed away a few months later but neither ever looked into it.

it did not get any better ? in foster care they were bullied ... so bad. they would sneak off everyday to avoid it n then they got in trouble from their carers for doin that like ig you can’t win ! so they were gonna split the sisters up n angel was so ,,, dependent on her lil sister (n got teased for this bc her sister was literally tuckin her in and singing her to sleep every night as if she was the baby) n was not feelin too good about the situation my dudes !

anyways they snuck off to the library soon after n ig hit up The Google for a solution ? n they accidentally ended up reading some story on wtvr gossip site abt these hotel tycoons adopting for the fifth time. angel’s sister.. literally found rosado resorts’ business email . ASKED THEM TO COME ADOPT HER N ANGEL TOGETHER N TAKE THEM AWAY TO LONDON...

n it worked ? luv a (kinda) happy ending

obviously becoming part of a big, rich, sober family in a different country was weird n difficult once the excitement wore off but they made it work. her sister fit in better than her n their parents saw that ? n they noticed she was p much living off of her sister entirely ... but they were v good abt it, they put a lot of time n effort n love into angel n she grew to be THE daddy’s girl of the bunch. like he was good w all of the kids but they always had their (jealous) memes abt angel being the favourite. everyone grew up n moved on, still all v supportive of eachother. angel ? still living near her parents, checkin’ in everyday, still getting everything she wants handed to her.

doesn’t even pretend she’s effectively dealt w the bad memories of her childhood, just straight up acts like she remembers nothing except for her sister singing her to sleep. remembers everything n struggles with it everyday but that’s her business apparently.

likes to let u know that she knows she’s better than u ? better than everyone ? except maybe her sister n her father. doesn’t even like her other siblings. loves them yea, but she doesn’t like them n always starts drama crying to her parents abt how they don’t like her either.

kinda just a real snob yk what i mean ? she’s lit abt her work and her like.. total of 2 friends but otherwise likes to act real unimpressed all the time. 

u would think w the shit she’s seen she would be an understanding person but nope if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t see it.

her parents bought her .. a gym .. for her 20th bday n she opened a few more in the yrs following that and now has celebrities up on instagram posing in angelfit activewear, pretending to drink her protein shakes, u know the deal. she’s v proud of herself.

UM OK WOW its 8am i’ve been working (slowly) at this whole post for 6hrs now n i just forgot i was keeping these short but i can’t pick which details to remove so u know what ? this one stays meaty. thats it tho i think !

also peep her nameless sister in case anyones lookin for muse ideas in the future :P x

N FINALLY... natalya nikolayevna belyakova, natasha works, 27, demiromantic, demisexual, cute ! dont know if u noticed but she’s russian !

these muses just get more n more extreme as u go down the list o wow n still none of them get a coherent introduction. especially natasha bc ? ok so she was raised by dirty money but ... criminal organisations in moscow ... lets not even get into it. let’s say they were big in weaponry.

anyway ! it was just her, her brother n her father. v close. they were weird, everyone knew this. she had no friends, even when she was living out of home to study. her social life was literally whatever dangerous dinner parties her father invited her to n that was it.

it was never that deep (AKA IT WASNT GROSS LIKE EVERY1 MADE IT OUT TO BE) she's literally just shy n angery pup meme. she’s the pretentious smart girl in every story ever who is like “i hate ppl... books cant stab u in the back” like ok relax who asked NERD but she rlly could not escape her family so might as well love them !

um ig her father had her mother killed when natasha was abt 8 yrs old. apparently she was havin an affair. her brother spilled the beans to her yrs later when he was mad at their father. she wanted to be horrified for a second but thought it would change nothing so there was no point. she rlly stanned her father huh ?

he dead too now rip. while natalya was away studying, every1 in their home... her brother, father, everyone workin’ there ... all ... got killed n then the house was torched quick. she knew business had been gettin uglier but this ugly ? [ mari vc ] ruined her fricken LIFE.

one of her father’s creepy old friends eventually had to let her know what happened n how everyone saw it coming or whatever like ok thanks buddy ! natasha’s rlly sad obviously ? doesn’t last long. now ... she’s mad ! now... She’s pissed.

so she’s come to blame this gang that’s heavy in london. she REALLY drops outta school, comes on over, worms her way into their major rival gang n WAITS. she’s been here . for yrs now . and is yet to do . anything ... despite being obsessed with the idea of revenge. she’s playing the long game and making sure she’s getting all the details right bc she’s like Well this is a suicide mission might as well make it count ! its sad but -.- what are u gonna do ? (rival gang subplot coming soon btw whew!)

keeps her desire for actual bloody revenge to herself bc she doesnt wanna look like she’s gonna cause trouble for anyone when she DEFINITELY IS. she only acts angry enough to have her >.> allies >.> belieb that she’s loyal.

obviously committed . obviously she needs some milk .

not a fun person ? unless u tryna die also. but she’s very put together, v professional, cultivated, charming ig when she wants to be, unfortunately adorable, v organized, um what else ? nothin. that’s that. thanks !

THIS IS SO UGLY I CANT BELIEVE I EMBARRASS MYSELF LIKE THIS BUT U KNOW WHAT ! [ CHRIS TRAEGER VC ] LITERALLY ! A MEMEY INTRO POST IS BETTER THAN NO INTRO POST ! GOOD LUCK WITH UR LIVES ! LOVE U ALL !

[michaelreaderreblog]

Sons gonna rise pt2 (final)

Written by Supernaturallyhockey

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Word Count: 2,161

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"No problem, I mean anything to keep you from going into total darkness because of Smaug and the doings of my idiot brother who by the way I'm still kicking his ass for being a complete jackass for doing that to Lisa." You ramble on to the point where you still feel angry at your brother for doing something so damn shady.

"Smaug? Really, you and Cas nick named Anna after a dragon from the hobbit" Michael looks to you with a smile on his face after hearing the nick name for the first time.

"Well yeah it's fitting, especially for the biggest bitch in school and why do you think they call her big red" You tell Michael with a smile on your face.

"We should get inside, I think Cas is starting to get impatient sitting there" you motion to Cas and Michael turns to look at him.

He nods while he motions for you to walk in first as he holds the door for you.

"Oh my goodness it's about time, lets order now please." Cas says while walking to the counter to place his order, you walk after him while Michael follows close behind you.

After Cas orders his drink, you order the vanilla bean iced cappuccino as soon as you finish, Michael order his mocha latte then pays for yours and his together.

"Michael you didn't need to do that, I could have paid for my own" you look to Michael.

"No it's ok really. I would have paid for Castiel's beverage but he beat me to it" Michael says looking to Cas.

"What? You were to slow, but thank you for the thought. Are we staying or going?" Cas asks while we wait for our drinks to be made.

"I don't see why not, I'm in no rush. How about you y/n?" Michael states and looking to you while shrugging your shoulders having no problem with hanging here for a while.

We took a table by the window, we sat and had a conversation about everything.

"Y/n you uh never answered my question back in the car, what kind of music do you have in your play list?" Michael asks looking to you.

"Oh well I have music from Jerry Lee Lewis all the way down to City and Colour” You answer his question finally.

You and Cas notice the smile spread on his face while staring at you and Cas has his head down smiling.

“Marry me” Michael blurts out.

“Oh if you ask her again, she will jump out of her seat and jump for joy” Cas says out loud while grinning at the both of you.

You go wide eyed and look to Cas casually, you place your hand under the table to reach over and pinch his side for that comment. Cas hisses in pain to turn his head to you and Michael has a questionable look on his face.

“Ok this is some best friend thing Im never going to understand right?” After Michael asks that question you look towards the entrance and see Lisa along with your brother enter the café.

Lisa is the one who notices the three of you and makes her way towards your table.

“Hey Castiel, y/n and Michael, what are you guys up to?” Lisa asks in a cheery tone and you couldn’t help but think this is the last place you want to be when Dean breaks the news to her.

“We were just leaving” After you got up to give her a hug looking over her shoulder to glare at your brother and mouths

“Sorry” and you look at the entrance noticing Smaug is coming in as well.

“I thought we were” Cas cuts himself off as he see Smaug enter the café

“Yeah we were just leaving”. Michael sees his que and gets up to leave to while Cas mouths “Awkward”

Dean breaks the silence

“Ok Lis lets go order our drinks and get a table�� Dean says placing his hand at the small of her back to motion towards the counter.

“Ok, well it was nice seeing you guys. Y/n see you at your place? I want to get the Arcade Fire album from you, after hearing Deep Blue I couldn’t get enough” Lisa says with hope in her voice.

“Yeah sure, either way you can still come over. It only takes one song to you hooked. Right Dean? About that base” You look to Dean while sing out the lyric by Meghan Trainor.

“Oh god it was the one time” Dean says embarrassed after you caught him singing and dancing to that song at home on numerous occasions.

Dean and Lisa make their way to the counter, while Anna sees Michael she has this expression on her face that says she actually looks bad.

“Michael, can I talk to you?” Anna says while blocking his way to the exit.

“Anna, I would rather not ok. You did what you did and Im done” Michael says walking out the door first and then Cas follows.

You stay behind making sure she doesn’t follow than she makes her way to the door when you grab her arm.

“Dude just leave him alone, you have done enough. Literally enough” You look to Anna and tell her to back off, you were about to walk out the door when she made a noise.

“You know, he is never going to go for a sophomore like you.” Anna says to you while trying to get the last word in.

“Those are your accusations, wow and here I thought you had class Anna” You say to Anna who looks baffled.

Lisa and Dean look on while Lisa walks closer to the both of you to make sure Anna didn’t think to start a fight with you inside the café and Dean close behind her.

You walk out of the Café to get inside the car, Cas looks to you and mouths

“You ok?” you look to Cas and nod your head.

You heard the door open, you turn around to see who it was. It was Anna leaving the Café and you stood there in case she had more words for you but she kept quite while a sob escaped her mouth and went inside her car to drive off as fast as she could.

Lisa came out soon after wards

“You ok? And what was that all about?” Lisa looks to you in a worried expression on her face.

“I guess she couldn’t handle me hanging out with Michael, well I better get going and see how he is. Ill see you later though?” You say looking to Lisa.

“Yeah for sure and um let me know how he is to alright, I heard he caught Anna in bed with someone last night at Walker’s party” Lisa says motioning towards Michael.

“Yeah Ill let you know later” You say as Dean makes his way out.

“Y/n you ok?” Dean walk towards you to give you a hug and kiss at the top of your head, you give the hug back and slowly pull away from him.

“Yeah Im fine, look you guys hang out k. Cas and I are going to try and get Michael off of this stupid Anna situation” Both of them look to you and nod with worried expressions on Lisa’s face and even more worried expression on Deans.

He turns back and yells

“See you at home, or text me when you get home or something” you nod you head and get into the car.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, while Michael drove past the record store and kept driving.

You and Cas don’t say anything but let him drive where ever he wanted to go.

Michael turns on the music and overcame the speakers was Son’s gonna rise by Citizen Cope. He starts bobbing his head to the beat and starts singing to the lyrics.

“Got this woman in the back seat Yeah she's my wifey In the middle of the delivery Man she saves me To this day I don't know why She picked me up When I was down on the road With the wind when it blowed”

He looks into the rear view mirror looking at you while singing out the lyrics, You and Cas start laughing and start singing to as well.

“Y/n thanks for getting Anna off of me back there, I didn’t want to deal with her antics. I just wanted to say what I had to say and that was it. I didn’t have to hear her explanation” Michael says as he makes a turn to the river.

“Yeah no problem, you know I don’t think she would have guessed I would say something back to her” You look between Cas and Michael. Cas turns to look at you

“What did she say to you?” Cas says who has a worried expression on his face.

“Oh its nothing really” You tell the both of them.

“No, really what did she say to you?” Michael cuts in

“She said you would never go for a sophomore like me” You repeat her words knowing damn well it was true but you never admitted she was right to her face.

Michael pulls the car into park and kills the engine. Cas gets out of the car first while you were unbuckling your belt to follow Cas.

“Y/n she is wrong and I need you to know that. I can date who ever I want to date, she cant control me nor does she own me. She is I don’t know threatened or just doesn’t like being alone” Michael says to turn around to get a good look at you.

“Yeah I know that and what is she going to do? Beat the crap out of the next person you date?” You look to Michael and chuckle at the idea of Anna doing something very dramatic. The both of you get out of the car to go sit at the picnic table that is sitting by the shore.

Michael and Cas dropped you off at home, when you least expected you heard someone getting out of the car, turned to see who it was and to your surprise it was Michael.

“Y/n I cant let you go without me saying this but I have always had this crush on you. I have always liked you and after today with Anna back at the café I think my feelings have grown stronger for you to the point where I think Im in love with you. I know this whole thing with Anna is recent but you fixed everything, I completely forgot about my so called shattered heart when I saw you get into my car earlier this afternoon. You are so flawless, beautiful, don’t take crap from anyone, and when you need to you stand up for the people you care about and that’s what I love about you. I want to say is why not give us a chance? I know I will be graduating soon and you will be a junior next fall. I think we can figure things out as we go but please just give us a chance and see what will happen from where ever you decide to take a leap with me” Michael confesses his feelings for you when this whole time you basically had the same feelings for him.

He caught you off guard with everything. You had hoped one of these days you were going to tell him your feelings but he beat you to it. You stand there in complete silence and for the first time in your life you have absolutely nothing to say back.

“You have no idea how much I have always wanted to say those exact words to you when this whole entire time I have had this huge crush on you. I dont know how long I have had feelings for you but I am just glad you said something first other wise I wouldnt have said anything.” You tell him as you stand face to face with the person who you have had feelings for and Michael couldnt have been more on time than ever.

He stands there in front of you with a wide smile on his face.

“Well what do you say? Take a leap with me” He is very hopeful now that everything is out in the open.

You stand there biting your lower lip as a smile comes across your face and nod in agreement. He puts his arms around your waist as he lifts you to spin the both of you around and lock lips together.

This was the happiest moment for the both of you and nothing has ever felt soo right and all the both of you needed is a little encouragement from the three sisters from the Greek Mythologies.

[cynthiajayusa]

‘Schitt’s Creek’ Creator Dan Levy Talks Queer Journey

Oh, sure, Dan Levy gets excited. Really, he does! The sparkle may not be written on his face – cherubic, distinguished, writerly; one with features much like his actor-dad, Eugene Levy – but inside you can bet he’s screaming. It’s a Canadian thing.

Our conversation takes place on a day in mid December, the day after Pop TV’s Schitt’s Creek, his farcical and heartfelt sitcom about a family stripped of their riches that is lovingly created as a gift to this godforsaken world with his father, has picked up a Critics’ Choice nod for Best Comedy Series and Levy is screaming. Really!

“We have a limit to how excited we can be about ourselves,” he says, snickering. He continues, Canadian-modesty fully intact: “But it’s a thrill.”

The thrill humbly extended to a tweet written by the out 35-year-old conveying gratitude for the show’s recent wins when GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics awarded Schitt’s Creek with two honors, TV Comedy of the Year and Unsung TV Show of the Year, during their annual Dorian Awards. (Full, proud disclosure: I’m a member, and I voted for Schitt’s Creek in both categories.)

Get Levy talking about Mariah Carey – the diva inspiration for one of season 4’s sweetest and gayest lines, pertaining to his onscreen boyfriend, Patrick (Noah Reid) – and he won’t stop screaming. We spoke about the Elusive Chanteuse’s prominent place on Schitt’s Creek and about what’s in store for his lovably dramatic character, David Rose, mom Moira (Catherine O’Hara), dad Johnny (Eugene Levy) and sister Alexis (Annie Murphy) in season 5. Plus, this season’s coming out story that Levy says was an emotional shoot and “my proudest episode.”

I was feeling such disappointment when the Golden Globes and the Emmys didn’t acknowledge Schitt’s Creek yet again this year. So, this Critics’ Choice nod must feel like, “Finally, awards committees are catching up to the rest of the world.”

Slowly but surely we’re cracking into that illustrious group of shows that get nominated for things and it’s a wonderful feeling. We’re a very small show, and I think for very small shows that don’t necessarily have huge resources to promote themselves for award consideration, a nomination from the critics at this point is fantastic. It means it’s been word-of-mouth, and I think the fact that we are also streaming on Netflix has cracked us open to an entirely new and different audience as well.

And listen, our team, first and foremost, just wants to tell really interesting stories and wants to have fun when we go to work every day, and that has always been the goal for me as someone who’s running the show. The minute you start to look outside and think, “Oh, we’re being recognized for this; people are putting us on lists,” it’s wonderful but it can really change the experience of making your show. Suddenly you’re more concerned about, “Are things living up to the standards that the media have kindly set for us?” And that can be really intimidating.

So I try not to pay attention as much as I possibly can; especially when we’re making our show, I try to disengage from all of that so we can really focus on what’s ultimately going to serve our characters. But I’m not gonna lie: It’s been a joy over the past couple of years to see our show up there in the ranks of other shows that I have long admired myself. So I’m just ultimately bursting with pride for our team.

How are the Roses coping with each other during season 5?

Season 4 was a really emotional chapter in this family’s trajectory and we were able to really peel back some layers and show a lot of growth. Season 5 is really about having fun. The guards are down a little bit, which means we can have more fun with our characters, we can put them in stranger situations.

We tried our best to pair characters this season with characters that have never been paired before and really take stories outside of the box and expand our world a little bit, so this season was always intended to be the shiniest and brightest and boldest we’ve ever done. But I’m just really excited because there’s so much in store in season 5. It’s bursting with life and joy and I can’t wait for, particularly, a few episodes.

David does a lot of things this season that, for me, as a gay kid growing up, were horrifying: tree-climbing, baseball. What was your favorite David adventure to shoot this season?

The fun thing about David is he’s someone who has put on such a front for so long that he has really, over the course of his two years in this town, allowed himself to just get in better touch with himself and expose himself to vulnerability in ways that he never would have. So something like the first episode of season 5 (laughs) – constantly feeling the need to prove his relationship and how far he’s willing to go for it – was really fun. I mean, the day was grueling and I was stuck up there (in the trees) for, I think, seven hours…

So by the end of the shoot, your face was David’s. You weren’t even acting anymore.

(Laughs) The character and me as a person really came together in those moments. But yeah, I would say the excitement of our first episode back is really an indicator of what’s to come.

I can’t believe these characters are just now trying on Moira’s wigs. How did that not already happen?

The idea was, for us, that she needed to be on a totally different continent in order for David and Alexis to even dare touch that wall, because of all the things, all the buttons you can press with Moira, those wigs are everything (laughs). So we thought it could be really fun, considering no one’s ever tried them on. And we never ever really touched it, but that was really out of respect for Moira, who was holding court in her home. Now that she’s away we can all sort of have some fun with it, and getting to select which wig we got was a really fun process too. I tried on that little blunt, blonde wig that I wear in the episode and thought, “Well, this could be good for my real life!”

Will there be more Mariah stuff? And also, how much Mariah is played on set?

A lot of Mariah is played just in my life, which seeps into my professional life. She tweeted about the show last year after the Mariah Carey reference in our season 4 finale.

You recently celebrated that tweet’s anniversary on your IG.

I’ll be celebrating that anniversary for years to come. I lost it. There’s been some amazing people who’ve said some wonderful things about the show, but the Mariah Carey tweet, to me, was like, I don’t even know how to process that. I think back to being a teenager, putting up Mariah Carey posters on my bedroom walls. It was a full-circle moment.

The last time we chatted you told me that one episode in particular this season made you cry. Why is it so meaningful to you?

It’s a layered thing. I find it sometimes quite emotional to be in the position that I am in, to be able to tell queer stories and show them on a mass scale, to write moments and stories, and in this particular case a love story, that seems to really affect people. It’s hard not to think back to a time in your life where you didn’t have that kind of freedom. For me, I think back to high school when I was still in the closet and wondering if I would ever be able to live out in the open. To now be in the position that I am, getting to write what I find to be a really lovely queer romance that millions of people get to watch, it’s quite profound.

And how about the episode’s impact on you?

It’s a particular moment that I had to write that is something that most queer people go through and articulating that, dramatizing that, is just a very meaningful episode for me and for a character in our show. It’s a coming out episode. So getting to write that and trying to find a way around that kind of story that’s been told several times in film and television and literature, finding a dynamic way into that story and out of that story, was probably the greatest joy and challenge I’ve had as a writer for TV. And now that we’ve cut and polished the episode it’s my proudest episode we’ve done as a show.

Given that you understand the weight of this show on your audience, I’m guessing David and Patrick will never break up.

(Laughs) Um, I don’t ever want them to, but you never know what happens. All I know is that we do understand what our fans are enjoying and we certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their loyalty.

It’s the first successful relationship I’ve had in a while and it’s not even mine.

Funnily enough, me too.

For the Schitt’s Creek: Up Close & Personal tour, you and some cast members are touring various U.S. cities. How did the idea for the tour start and are there any Tina Turner musical numbers?

(Laughs) The idea for the tour started mainly because I think so much of the success of our show is based on the enthusiasm and the word-of-mouth that has come from our fans. And the feedback that I’ve received from our fans has been so much more than, “We love your show”; it’s long letters about how this show has provided sort of a safe space, a happy space, a joyful space in dark times. We seem to have a relationship with the people who watch our show and love our show that is slightly deeper than I think the relationship that a lot of people have with the shows that they watch on TV.

Shooting the show in Canada, we don’t ever really have access to a lot of our fans. We shoot for three months out of the year and the rest of the time is me editing or writing the show, and a lot of the response and feedback we got from fans was a desire to interact with the cast, and so we started developing this idea. It’s a Q-and-A, it’s very casual. We show some things we’ve never shown before, we show some behind-the-scenes stuff, we show some bloopers, and there may or may not be a musical performance that may or may not involve a Tina Turner song sung by someone who may or may not play my boyfriend on a television show (laughs). But for us, it’s a great way for us to meet our fans and for the fans to come and say hi in person. We did our first in Los Angeles a little while ago and it was incredible. There was so much love in the room.

Regarding the writing, do you think in terms of meme-able moments in the writers’ room?

No, no! In fact, there was some kind of Instagram sticker – you know the GIF stickers you can use? There’s one of Moira that apparently had like a billion views or something insane, and I’m always sort of amazed how people have taken moments from our show and turned them into these little internet memes, because when we’re writing we never really think about that. But it’s quite an expressive show (laughs), so I understand how it would be very easy to take some reactions from our cast and make some sort of universal reactions of disgust or confusion.

I used your face when I was disappointed by the Golden Globe nominations.

(Laughs) I’m so happy that I could be there for you in that time.

Has working on this show and writing queer characters with your dad bonded you in ways you didn’t expect it to?

I honestly don’t know, actually. The show has been sort of wonderful in the sense that we have been put in a position where we get to see each other every day. I think just going through the experience of making this show and seeing its success has been a wonderful thing for the two of us.

There are just times in your life when things happen that you’ll never forget and you know that you’re sort of in the middle of doing something quite special and lasting, so I know that whatever I do after this show, we’ll always have this time together, we’ll always have this sort of chapter of our lives that we got to immortalize on screen, which is quite lovely.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2019/02/28/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks-queer-journey/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2019/02/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks.html

[demitgibbs]

‘Schitt’s Creek’ Creator Dan Levy Talks Queer Journey

Oh, sure, Dan Levy gets excited. Really, he does! The sparkle may not be written on his face – cherubic, distinguished, writerly; one with features much like his actor-dad, Eugene Levy – but inside you can bet he’s screaming. It’s a Canadian thing.

Our conversation takes place on a day in mid December, the day after Pop TV’s Schitt’s Creek, his farcical and heartfelt sitcom about a family stripped of their riches that is lovingly created as a gift to this godforsaken world with his father, has picked up a Critics’ Choice nod for Best Comedy Series and Levy is screaming. Really!

“We have a limit to how excited we can be about ourselves,” he says, snickering. He continues, Canadian-modesty fully intact: “But it’s a thrill.”

The thrill humbly extended to a tweet written by the out 35-year-old conveying gratitude for the show’s recent wins when GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics awarded Schitt’s Creek with two honors, TV Comedy of the Year and Unsung TV Show of the Year, during their annual Dorian Awards. (Full, proud disclosure: I’m a member, and I voted for Schitt’s Creek in both categories.)

Get Levy talking about Mariah Carey – the diva inspiration for one of season 4’s sweetest and gayest lines, pertaining to his onscreen boyfriend, Patrick (Noah Reid) – and he won’t stop screaming. We spoke about the Elusive Chanteuse’s prominent place on Schitt’s Creek and about what’s in store for his lovably dramatic character, David Rose, mom Moira (Catherine O’Hara), dad Johnny (Eugene Levy) and sister Alexis (Annie Murphy) in season 5. Plus, this season’s coming out story that Levy says was an emotional shoot and “my proudest episode.”

I was feeling such disappointment when the Golden Globes and the Emmys didn’t acknowledge Schitt’s Creek yet again this year. So, this Critics’ Choice nod must feel like, “Finally, awards committees are catching up to the rest of the world.”

Slowly but surely we’re cracking into that illustrious group of shows that get nominated for things and it’s a wonderful feeling. We’re a very small show, and I think for very small shows that don’t necessarily have huge resources to promote themselves for award consideration, a nomination from the critics at this point is fantastic. It means it’s been word-of-mouth, and I think the fact that we are also streaming on Netflix has cracked us open to an entirely new and different audience as well.

And listen, our team, first and foremost, just wants to tell really interesting stories and wants to have fun when we go to work every day, and that has always been the goal for me as someone who’s running the show. The minute you start to look outside and think, “Oh, we’re being recognized for this; people are putting us on lists,” it’s wonderful but it can really change the experience of making your show. Suddenly you’re more concerned about, “Are things living up to the standards that the media have kindly set for us?” And that can be really intimidating.

So I try not to pay attention as much as I possibly can; especially when we’re making our show, I try to disengage from all of that so we can really focus on what’s ultimately going to serve our characters. But I’m not gonna lie: It’s been a joy over the past couple of years to see our show up there in the ranks of other shows that I have long admired myself. So I’m just ultimately bursting with pride for our team.

How are the Roses coping with each other during season 5?

Season 4 was a really emotional chapter in this family’s trajectory and we were able to really peel back some layers and show a lot of growth. Season 5 is really about having fun. The guards are down a little bit, which means we can have more fun with our characters, we can put them in stranger situations.

We tried our best to pair characters this season with characters that have never been paired before and really take stories outside of the box and expand our world a little bit, so this season was always intended to be the shiniest and brightest and boldest we’ve ever done. But I’m just really excited because there’s so much in store in season 5. It’s bursting with life and joy and I can’t wait for, particularly, a few episodes.

David does a lot of things this season that, for me, as a gay kid growing up, were horrifying: tree-climbing, baseball. What was your favorite David adventure to shoot this season?

The fun thing about David is he’s someone who has put on such a front for so long that he has really, over the course of his two years in this town, allowed himself to just get in better touch with himself and expose himself to vulnerability in ways that he never would have. So something like the first episode of season 5 (laughs) – constantly feeling the need to prove his relationship and how far he’s willing to go for it – was really fun. I mean, the day was grueling and I was stuck up there (in the trees) for, I think, seven hours…

So by the end of the shoot, your face was David’s. You weren’t even acting anymore.

(Laughs) The character and me as a person really came together in those moments. But yeah, I would say the excitement of our first episode back is really an indicator of what’s to come.

I can’t believe these characters are just now trying on Moira’s wigs. How did that not already happen?

The idea was, for us, that she needed to be on a totally different continent in order for David and Alexis to even dare touch that wall, because of all the things, all the buttons you can press with Moira, those wigs are everything (laughs). So we thought it could be really fun, considering no one’s ever tried them on. And we never ever really touched it, but that was really out of respect for Moira, who was holding court in her home. Now that she’s away we can all sort of have some fun with it, and getting to select which wig we got was a really fun process too. I tried on that little blunt, blonde wig that I wear in the episode and thought, “Well, this could be good for my real life!”

Will there be more Mariah stuff? And also, how much Mariah is played on set?

A lot of Mariah is played just in my life, which seeps into my professional life. She tweeted about the show last year after the Mariah Carey reference in our season 4 finale.

You recently celebrated that tweet’s anniversary on your IG.

I’ll be celebrating that anniversary for years to come. I lost it. There’s been some amazing people who’ve said some wonderful things about the show, but the Mariah Carey tweet, to me, was like, I don’t even know how to process that. I think back to being a teenager, putting up Mariah Carey posters on my bedroom walls. It was a full-circle moment.

The last time we chatted you told me that one episode in particular this season made you cry. Why is it so meaningful to you?

It’s a layered thing. I find it sometimes quite emotional to be in the position that I am in, to be able to tell queer stories and show them on a mass scale, to write moments and stories, and in this particular case a love story, that seems to really affect people. It’s hard not to think back to a time in your life where you didn’t have that kind of freedom. For me, I think back to high school when I was still in the closet and wondering if I would ever be able to live out in the open. To now be in the position that I am, getting to write what I find to be a really lovely queer romance that millions of people get to watch, it’s quite profound.

And how about the episode’s impact on you?

It’s a particular moment that I had to write that is something that most queer people go through and articulating that, dramatizing that, is just a very meaningful episode for me and for a character in our show. It’s a coming out episode. So getting to write that and trying to find a way around that kind of story that’s been told several times in film and television and literature, finding a dynamic way into that story and out of that story, was probably the greatest joy and challenge I’ve had as a writer for TV. And now that we’ve cut and polished the episode it’s my proudest episode we’ve done as a show.

Given that you understand the weight of this show on your audience, I’m guessing David and Patrick will never break up.

(Laughs) Um, I don’t ever want them to, but you never know what happens. All I know is that we do understand what our fans are enjoying and we certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their loyalty.

It’s the first successful relationship I’ve had in a while and it’s not even mine.

Funnily enough, me too.

For the Schitt’s Creek: Up Close & Personal tour, you and some cast members are touring various U.S. cities. How did the idea for the tour start and are there any Tina Turner musical numbers?

(Laughs) The idea for the tour started mainly because I think so much of the success of our show is based on the enthusiasm and the word-of-mouth that has come from our fans. And the feedback that I’ve received from our fans has been so much more than, “We love your show”; it’s long letters about how this show has provided sort of a safe space, a happy space, a joyful space in dark times. We seem to have a relationship with the people who watch our show and love our show that is slightly deeper than I think the relationship that a lot of people have with the shows that they watch on TV.

Shooting the show in Canada, we don’t ever really have access to a lot of our fans. We shoot for three months out of the year and the rest of the time is me editing or writing the show, and a lot of the response and feedback we got from fans was a desire to interact with the cast, and so we started developing this idea. It’s a Q-and-A, it’s very casual. We show some things we’ve never shown before, we show some behind-the-scenes stuff, we show some bloopers, and there may or may not be a musical performance that may or may not involve a Tina Turner song sung by someone who may or may not play my boyfriend on a television show (laughs). But for us, it’s a great way for us to meet our fans and for the fans to come and say hi in person. We did our first in Los Angeles a little while ago and it was incredible. There was so much love in the room.

Regarding the writing, do you think in terms of meme-able moments in the writers’ room?

No, no! In fact, there was some kind of Instagram sticker – you know the GIF stickers you can use? There’s one of Moira that apparently had like a billion views or something insane, and I’m always sort of amazed how people have taken moments from our show and turned them into these little internet memes, because when we’re writing we never really think about that. But it’s quite an expressive show (laughs), so I understand how it would be very easy to take some reactions from our cast and make some sort of universal reactions of disgust or confusion.

I used your face when I was disappointed by the Golden Globe nominations.

(Laughs) I’m so happy that I could be there for you in that time.

Has working on this show and writing queer characters with your dad bonded you in ways you didn’t expect it to?

I honestly don’t know, actually. The show has been sort of wonderful in the sense that we have been put in a position where we get to see each other every day. I think just going through the experience of making this show and seeing its success has been a wonderful thing for the two of us.

There are just times in your life when things happen that you’ll never forget and you know that you’re sort of in the middle of doing something quite special and lasting, so I know that whatever I do after this show, we’ll always have this time together, we’ll always have this sort of chapter of our lives that we got to immortalize on screen, which is quite lovely.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2019/02/28/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks-queer-journey/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/183119013920