#mcu Clint

[powderrr]

Reverse! Oh Peter and Clint (Peter = Tony, Clint = Natasha) and my terrible jokes. (By the way, Peter is 21 here, because I couldn’t write out the entire arc of the cinematic universe without increasing his age)

Реверс!Ау Питер и Клинт(Питер = Тони, Клинт = Наташа) и м��и ужасные шутки. (Питеру здесь к слову 21, ибо я сюжетно не повышая ему возраст не могла прописать всю арку киновселенной)

[hurtspideyparker]

In a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lives in the compound:

Steve, walking into the living room: Don't worry Buck I think you'll really fit in around here. Everyone is super nice

Peter: Oh my god you're living here too?! Can I please look at your arm? Please please please please please-

Bucky: *turns around and leaves*

-

Clint: So... wanna test if your spider-sense defeats my perfect aim?

Peter: Oh my god do I ever

Tony & Steve: NO.

-

Peter: Hi. Big fan. Y'know we're like a spider duo. Crime fighting spiders. Arachnid pals

Natasha, staring blankly:

Peter: Web friends? SPY-ders?

Natasha:

Peter: Spinneret associates?

Natasha: Leave.

Peter: Yes okay sorry ma'am

-

During a meal:

Bucky: *glaring at Sam*

Sam: Ay Rogers come get your dog

Steve: Bucky, leave it

Bucky: *glares down at soup instead*

-

Peter: Mr. Rogers could you help me with my homework?

Tony: What the hell kid, I'm right here

Bruce: I have... so many degrees

Steve: Hey I know a thing or two myself. Sure Queens, what do you got?

Peter: Great! I'm just gonna ask some questions for my essay. What would you say the role of war propaganda was in your decision to enroll in the military? Was being poor a factor? Actually, how was the Great Depression for you?

Steve: Less depressing than this conversation.

-

Steve: Take a jacket, it's chilly

Wanda: Okay thanks dad

Steve:

Wanda:

Peter: Ha! That's so embarrassing, it's like calling your teacher dad

Wanda: Shut up Peter, you call Tony dad all the time

Peter: Yeah but I do it on purpose so it's not embarrassing. I'm very open about my daddy issues

-

Tony: I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth

Steve:

Tony: Looking at me with your angelic blue eyes, like a freak

Steve:

Tony: Stupid Dorito ass build. Making me wanna take a bite

Steve: I feel harassed but I'm not sure what kind

-

Natasha: Hey bird brain!

Clint and Sam both turn:

Natasha: Hm, that's a problem. You have thirty seconds to decide who gets bird brain. The other will be feather head

Clint and Sam: *start arguing*

Tony: I can't believe they're fighting to be called an insult

Steve: She has that effect on people

Peter: Aw man, I wish the Black Widow gave me a nickname :(

-

Peter: Hey old man

Bucky:

Peter: I'M SO SORRY SIR MR. WILSON MADE ME DO IT PLEASE DONT KILL ME

Sam: *cackling in the background*

Bucky: *stands up and turns to Sam*

Sam: Oh shit- kid you're not getting the money if you're gonna snitch!

Peter: That's okay, I'd like to think my life is worth more than twenty bucks

-

Bucky: I need your... help

Tony: Sure, what's up?

Bucky: *glances back at Steve who stands in the doorway and nods approvingly*

Bucky: Arm.

Tony: Ok... this conversation is killing you isn't it?

Bucky:

Tony: Say please

Bucky: Nope can't do it-

Steve: Do I need to get out the get-along shirt?

*Bucky and Tony share a look of alarm*

Bucky: Please fix my arm

Tony: Yep of course no problem buddy

-

Read Part 2 and Part 3

[waltermis]

I miss them 🥹🥲

[justlous-art]

I kept laughing while drawing it

[dailyclintasha]

Scarlett Johansson and Jeremy Renner sharing a moment after Scarlett’s wrap speech on the set of Avengers: Endgame

via therussobrothers

[loomontoia]

My family

[dianacandmm]

[headcanonthings]

Natasha: People keep calling Clint the epitome of a golden retriever. Natasha: He is not. Natasha: He is a raccoon that has been too socialized by people and now cannot be released back into the wild.

[bexcookiee]

Okay but what about all the technically nicknamed avengers ticking off one another by calling them their given names. Just going at each other like:

“What the fuck Anthony”

“Don't look at me! It’s not my fault, James”

“Yeah, come on guys it’s clearly Steven's fault”

“Oh shove off Clinton, like you could do any better”

While Natasha and Bruce just sit on the side shaking their heads.

[renif]

"can you get off of me, barton?" "nuh uh" *continues posing for a nonexistent photo*

just a normal sparing session this is so dumb, but i just couldn't help myself

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[sreppub]

i love making tony and nat judge-y best friends. + misc clints and a steve

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[waltermis]

Too?

*Y/N trying to throw everyone off her scent about the fact that she's married*

Y/N *sigh*: I'm never gonna get married.

Clint: I used to think that too, but now I’m married to my best friend.

Y/N *gasp*: YOU MARRIED NATASHA TOO?!

Clint: NO! Laura!!

Clint: Wait what?!

[incorectquoteswlw]

Clint: Kate cut her hair

Nat: I feel like we've been through this

Clint: Pretty sure we have, how's Yelena taking it?

Nat: Not well

Nat: (reads from her phone in a monotonous voice) Kate Bishop had done the unspeakable and cut her hair. How dare she, was this a plan? A distraction? How can I focus on anything when she looks like this?

Clint: How are they both this bad at dating?

Nat: It gets better.

Nat: (reading again) I have never been so attracted to hair before, is it the hair or her? It is obviously her, what am I meant to do? Oh she sent another selfie.

Nat: (laughing) We're entering capslock now

Clint: She knows where the capslock is?

Nat: (reading) IT IS A SHOWER SELFIE. WETT HAIR? HOW AM I MEANT TO??? NATASHA HELP ME.

Clint: Kate just texted

Nat: What happened?

Clint: (reading) I think Yelena hates my hair?? She's mumbling in Russian and hasn't blinked in 3 minutes can Natasha come and help?

Nat: Oh no, she's too horny to function

Clint: Please can we go see her to bully her about it later

Nat: (standing up) what else were we gonna do?

[agathaswoman]

avengers groupchat

steve: *posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

natasha: if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image, id have 15 cents

steve: if i had a dollar for every ounce of rage i felt in my body after i read this text, i would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

tony, FRIDAY's auto-message: Actually, I did the math, Agent Romanoff. You would have $225, not $0.15.

wanda: what is going on?

clint: if I had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)

thor: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice, clint?

clint: sorry, i only have a dollar

thor: oh, it's okay :(

tony, FRIDAY's auto-message: I just finished computing and Agent Romanoff would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

clint: if i had $22,500, i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

thor: you can indeed buy most of the things you want with $22,500

tony: yeah and both of you want soda and apply juice

thor: apply juice to what?

clint: directly to your forehead, thor. you said you wanted an apply juice

natasha: great chat everyone

steve: i am out of this groupchat.