#maybe the point is to just have fun as much as i can these next few years and then die. maybe i wont make it to 30 maybe not even 25
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tokkiwrites · 2 days ago
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game show host!joel miller x contestant f! reader ▪︎summary: it's the late 1970s, and you're fresh out of college. for your graduation gift, your parents got you a special ticket to be part of your favorite game show, 'Love Jive'. They didn't know you didn't like the show itselfㅡ but it's smooth talking MC, Joel Miller. ▪︎tags: pwp, age gap (pretty hefty one), super flirty joel, shy/lovestruck reader, afab!reader, pet names galore!!, p in v (unprotected), mirror sex kind of, slight breeding kink, creampie, joel kind of has an innocence kink idk.
▪︎this has been sitting in my drafts for two months now. Hopefully, you enjoy this short and silly 2.45k words one. There is no plot for it honestly, just thought it would be a cute concept. maybe a series might come from it, who know? love ya!!
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It was the summer of 1979, and the air felt heavy with possibility. You were fresh out of college, diploma in hand, and ready to take on the world—or at least that’s what you told yourself when your parents asked what came next.
Their graduation gift to you? A surprise ticket to Love Jive, the hottest game show on TV. You’d tried to hide your awkward smile when they handed it over, the envelope sparkling with glitter that matched the show’s logo. What they didn’t know was that it wasn’t the show’s ridiculous premise that had you tuning in every week.
It was him.
Joel Miller.
The man was a legend, smooth as honey and twice as sweet. The way his Texan drawl slid over those ridiculous love-related catchphrases? You swore it had ruined you for men your own age. He had to be at least twenty years older than you, but that salt-and-pepper hair, that sly smile, those broad shoulders stretching under his velvet blazer? They didn’t make men like Joel Miller anymore.
So here you were, standing nervously behind the curtain in the Love Jive studio.
“Contestants, ready?” a stagehand called.
Your stomach did a flip as the warm-up announcer's voice boomed through the speakers. The audience clapped and cheered, the excitement infectious. Before you could second-guess yourself, the curtain lifted, and the stage lights bathed you in gold.
And there he was.
Joel Miller stood center stage, microphone in hand, looking like he owned the room— and maybe he did. That million-watt smile lit up his face, his dark eyes sweeping the contestants before landing on you. He did a double take so subtle you almost missed it, but when his smile softened just a fraction, your heart skipped a beat.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” His voice rolled through the air like warm molasses, drawing chuckles from the crowd. “Looks like we’ve got ourselves some fine contestants tonight. Y’all ready to find love and maybe a little bit of fun?”
The audience erupted in cheers, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to join them. Not when Joel Miller was staring at you like you were the most interesting thing in the room.
“And what’s your name, darlin’?” Joel asked, pointing the microphone toward you.
You blinked, mouth suddenly dry. “Uh—uh, it’s—” You blurted out your name, voice cracking slightly. Joel chuckled, low and smooth, his dimples deepening as he grinned. “Well now, ain’t you just the sweetest thing. Y’all hear that? Even her name’s cute as a button.”
The crowd ooh’d and ahh’d, but Joel’s gaze stayed locked on you.
“Tell me, sweetheart,” he drawled, leaning ever so slightly closer, “what brings a lovely little thing like you to Love Jive? Lookin’ for romance? Or just here for the spectacle?” Heat bloomed in your cheeks, and you prayed the lights were too bright for anyone to notice. “Um, I—I guess you could say both?”
Joel’s eyebrows lifted, and his grin turned downright wicked. “Both, huh? Well, darlin’, I can promise you this much—you’re in for one hell of a show.” The crowd roared their approval as Joel winked at you, leaving your heart thundering in your chest. You’d come to Love Jive expecting to admire Joel Miller from afar. You hadn’t counted on becoming the center of his attention.
And as the game began, one thing became crystal clear: Joel wasn’t just hosting tonight. He was playing a game of his own— and you were the prize he had his sights set on.
Fast forward to the 15-minute commercial break.
The knock on the door came firmly, pulling you out of your flustered thoughts. You glanced at the mirror, smoothing down your blouse and trying to will away the redness on your cheeks. “Come in,” you called out, voice trembling slightly.
The door creaked open, and in stepped Joel Miller, the man of all your desires.
The sight of him so close took your breath away. He leaned casually against the doorframe for a moment, his dark eyes settling on you. His smile, warm and teasing, was the kind that made you feel like you were the only person in the world. “Well, there you are,” he drawled, his voice like velvet. “Thought I’d come check on you, see how my favorite contestant’s holdin’ up.” You blinked, trying to find your voice. “Oh, uh—fine! I’m fine,” you stammered, your hands twisting nervously.
Joel stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. The dressing room wasn’t large to begin with, and his presence filled it completely, making the space feel even smaller.
“Fine, huh?” he said, leaning against the vanity, his arms crossing casually over his chest. “Can’t blame you for bein’ a little flustered. All those lights, all those people… and me.” His grin turned teasing, his gaze dropping to your lips for the briefest moment. You laughed nervously, shaking your head. “It’s not—I mean, you’re not—”
“Sweetheart, relax,” Joel interrupted, his voice a low chuckle. “I’m just messin’ with you.” His eyes softened, and he tilted his head. “But if I’m bein’ honest, you’ve got somethin’ about you. That’s got me wonderin’ if maybe I’m the one a little flustered tonight.”
Your heart skipped at his words. “Me?” you asked, disbelief clear in your voice. Joel’s grin deepened, his dimples on full display. “Yeah, you,” he said, his voice dropping slightly. He stepped closer, his hands sliding into his pockets. “Pretty little thing like you walkin’ in here, lookin’ all sweet and innocent, got every man in the audience wishin’ he was sittin' in my shoes tonight.” You felt like your face might catch fire. “I don’t think that’s true,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.
Joel reached out, gently lifting your chin so you had no choice but to look at him. His hand was warm and firm, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. “Well, I do,” he said softly, his dark eyes holding yours. “And I don’t say things I don’t mean, sweet girl."
You swallowed hard, your breath hitching as he leaned in just slightly, his voice dropping even lower. “I was thinkin’... maybe once this show wraps up, you and I could get outta here. Go somewhere quiet. Just you and me.” Your pulse thundered in your ears, and you felt dizzy under his gaze. “You mean… like a date?”
Joel chuckled, the sound rich and deep. “Exactly like a date,” he murmured. “What do you say, sweetheart?” You nodded before you could overthink it, your shy smile breaking free. “I’d really like that.” Joel’s grin turned downright wicked. “Good,” he drawled, his hand sliding to cradle your cheek. “’Cause I’ve been dyin’ to do this all night.”
Before you could say another word, Joel leaned in and kissed you. His lips were warm and sure, moving against yours with a perfect mix of confidence and tenderness. You felt your hands instinctively grip the vanity behind you, your knees going weak as his other hand settled lightly on your waist.
The kiss lingered, soft and sweet, but with just enough heat to leave your head all dizzy. When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against yours, his thumb brushing over your cheek.
“Damn,” he murmured, his voice rougher now, “even better than I imagined.” You couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled out of you, shy and giddy all at once. “You imagined kissing me?”
Joel grinned, pressing a quick, playful kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Oh, I imagined far more than kissing you, darlin’. Hard not to when you look at me the way you do.” Your heart felt like it might burst, but before you could respond, a sharp knock sounded at the door. “Mr. Miller, we’re back in two!”
Joel sighed dramatically, giving you a wink as he stepped back. “Guess I better get back to work,” he said, his tone light but his eyes still lingering on you. “Don’t go runnin’ off after the show, y’hear? I’m not done with you yet.” You nodded, still too flustered to form a coherent sentence. With one last smirk, Joel turned and strolled out the door, leaving you breathless.
The show had ended in a blur of applause, flashing lights, and the announcer’s booming voice thanking everyone for watching. Contestants and crew mingled briefly as everyone prepared to leave. You’d just stepped to the side of the stage when one of the other contestants, a bubbly blonde in a bright orange jumpsuit, sidled up to you with a knowing smile.
“Well, well, well,” she teased, nudging you with her elbow. “Looks like you really got Mister Smooth swooning all over ya.”
You blinked, startled. “What? No, I don’t think—”
“Oh, honey,” she interrupted with a laugh, crossing her arms. “Everyone could see the way he was devouring you with his eyes. I swear, I was worried he might forget the rest of us were even there.” Your face went hot, and you shook your head quickly. “You’re imagining things.”
“Sure,” she said with a wink, already walking away. “If by ‘imagining things,’ you mean watching him look at you like you hung the moon. Enjoy it, sweetie. A man like Joel Miller doesn’t come around every day.”
Her words echoed in your head as you made your way back to your dressing room. Closing the door behind you, you exhaled deeply, desperate for a moment to collect yourself. The quiet was a relief after the chaos of the show. You slipped out of your stage outfit and into the dress you’d brought for afterward. A soft yellow dress with bell sleeves, a cinched waist, and a flowing A-line skirt covered in a delicate floral print. It felt like something out of a sunny dream, and you hoped it might give you a touch of the confidence you sorely lacked.
You were smoothing the fabric over your hips when the door opened without warning.
“Oh, wow.” The single word made you whirl around. There he was. Joel Miller, standing in the doorway. His tie was loosened, his shirt collar slightly unbuttoned, and his dark eyes were locked on you. “You’re gorgeous,” he said, the words leaving his lips like a breath. Your cheeks warmed instantly, and you managed a shy smile. “Oh, it’s just… just a dress,” you murmured, brushing your hands nervously over the skirt.
Joel stepped inside, closing the door behind him as he approached. His gaze was unwavering, taking you in like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“Just a dress, darlin’,” he said, his voice low and rough. “But you could be wearin’ a paper bag, and you’d still be the most beautiful thing in the room.” You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Joel stopped in front of you, lifting a hand to gently cup your cheek. His thumb brushed over your skin, his touch warm and steady.
“Fuck it,” he muttered, more to himself than to you, before closing the space between you.
His lips met yours in a kiss that was anything but hesitant. Where the earlier kiss had been soft and tentative, this one was sure, filled with hunger and intent. His other hand found your waist, pulling you closer as his lips moved against yours with a passion that made your knees weak.
You couldn’t think, couldn’t speak— only feel. His touch, his warmth, the way he held you like you were something rare. “Been thinkin’ about doin’ that since the first time I saw you,” he admitted, his voice rough.
You let out a breathless laugh, your hands clutching the lapels of his jacket for balance. “You’ve kissed me twice tonight, Joel,” you teased, your voice trembling slightly. Joel grinned, his dimples making an appearance. “Yeah, I have a soft spot for sweet girl like yourself. ” he said before pausing shortly. “And if you’ll let me, darlin’, I’d be doin' a lot more than kissing you.”
Stopping him was the furthest thing from your mind.
"I'll let you.."
Without thinking, you tilt your head up, meeting his gaze with a mixture of defiance and submission. His eyes darken, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, as if he's won some battle. " You're a good girl," he breathes, his thumb brushing the edge of your jaw. The contact sends sparks through you, and your skin burns where he touches. Without any hesitation, he spins both of you so that you are facing the large golden mirror above the counter. Joel groans, rolling his shoulders back as he bends you over the vanity, your hips snug in his grip. "God, you're so fuckin' gorgeous, angel."
you look down. "Please.." The man shakes his head and lands a hard smack on one of your asscheeks, making you yelp in the process. He takes his time pulling up your flowy dress, finally taking a look at your soaking panties, white with laced blue details. "Fuck, look at her." His calloused thumb makes contact with your clothed folds, dragging it up and down, in painfully slow circles. In mere seconds, you hear the material rip and then feel the flimsy undergarments fall on the cold tiled floor.
"What a pretty pussy." he mutters under his breath, undoing his trousers. he pulls them a bit down, enough for his manhood to spring free and slap against his covered bellybutton. you can see it all in the mirrorㅡ it's huge, to say the least. you gasp softly as you feel him drag the wet tip of it against your swollen bud, and you hide your gaze, head hanging low in embarrassment. this doesn't last long, as his rough palm grabs at your face pulling it up again. you're making eye contact with him through the lit up mirror and you see him shake his head. "No, baby. You watch while I wreck this pussy, understand?" you shake your head, agreeing, but that isn't good enough so he slaps your cheek with the back of his hand, lightly.
"Speak, sweetheart." you breathe out. "Yes, Joel." he drags the pulsing tip up and down, up and down as if he didn't make you wait long enough. truthfully you never wanted it to end, so maybe him teasing was his way of making sure this lasts. after he thinks its sufficient, Joel starts to push inside, and godㅡ your breath gets stuck into your throat, from the feeling laden with thorns. every prick of discomfort is soon replaced by an unexpected surge of delight.
Your tears fall down onto the surface under you, little moans gripping your throat as he slips inside further. "You're alright..." he assures you, asking you to surrender.
"Take it all. Atta girl, just like that..." he praises, lifting your hips a bit to get a better angle. Joel moves gently at first, each stroke hitting deeper within your core, the pain soon converging with ecstasy right as he alerts his movements. His hips dive down with force, one of his palms snaking up and wrapping itself tightly around your throat, assuring you see how good he's destroying you.
Your head was spinning, heart pounding, as his whole weight dominated over you. "That's it, little girl, look how tight she's suckin' me in." his thrusts are rough, each hit making your body bounce, the urgency as he hit that very spot each time. your whole insides burning, too cock drunk to talk or respond, other than some pathetic whines that perfectly accompanied the wet sounds your pussy made wrapped around him.
"Oh, god, please.." You manage. pulling at your hair, he starts chuckling. "Am I your god, baby? Ya like beggin'?" While thrusting relentlessly into you, jelly like legs barely holding you up anymore, your knees buckle. Feeling you tightening, the hand that was around your throat slips down to your clit, while the other makes you spread your legs wide again for easier access, this allowed you to take in a big gulp of air before you feel him deeper in your guts.
"want me to breed this young pussy, huh? feel you up with my babies? let people inside this roomㅡ let them film it for the whole world to see?" the room spins around you, vision blurry with tears and brain all fuzzy. you try your best to reply. "yes, oh, p-lease, please! "
"Go ahead." the man succeeded to say, between his breathy groans. "Thank you, thank you, oh god, thank you so much, Joel!" you cry out, praying to him whilst he keeps fucking into your pulsing cunt. The man buries himself into you as you come down from your high, body almost too limp to register your surroundings. then he slaps your ass, and watches you writhe under him. You looked perfect, like a carved our porcelain doll. With a few more snaps of his hips you feel he's close, his nails digging roughly into your skin as he finally paints your velvet walls with white ropes of come. "God fuckin'ㅡ!" you know that will leave bruises.
the dressing room feels sticky, and the mirror in front of you is all fogged up, but you can just barely make out your face, all tearstained and messy. You moan as he pulls out, the sudden feeling of emptiness leaving you shivering. Joel watches intently as his seed drips out of you, your body beautifully splayed out right under him like the most beautiful piece of art.
You're both quiet for a bit, before he breaks the silence. "You're still up for that date, little lady?"
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bluem1lls · 2 days ago
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HEYY, I LOVE UR WRITINGG
i have an idea where thanos flirts with reader and immediately reject him, giving him a dirty look or just being rude to him. se-mi is around there so when reader sees her their entire expression changes, giving her a smile or something like that idk 😭
it doesn't have to be exact to that, just take the idea of u like it and use it however u want!!
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✦ content: short fluff, how you met your girlfriend at the game while rejecting her friend!
✦ authors note: thank you so much! i was just rewatching and i kept thinking about this idea so i wrote a short fluff, i hope you like it! thank you for your request♥️
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⋆。°✩ ever since the games started, you've been along player 120 and player 095. until the third game, where you lost them out of sight. as you heard "group of 5", you kept thinking that maybe this was your last round.
⋆。°✩ i mean there was nothing else to do.. right?
⋆。°✩ until a girl pulled your hand, and somehow you ended up in a room with a purple hair guy, his weird best friend, this girl and a guy who seemed to be her friend.
⋆。°✩ she leaned against the wall, catching her breath, crossing her arms on her chest while staring at you. she has nice piercings.
⋆。°✩ "well, well, well... look at what the wind brought us. a new friend" the purple haired guy spoke, looking at me. "i'm thanos, and who brought this pretty thing?"
you rolled my eyes, trying to copy the brunnete's position.
turning your head to look at her, her piercing gaze stays on you.
"thanks..."
"se-mi" she introduced herself.
"i thought i was about to die out there, thanks se-mi" i said to the girl.
she nodded, thano's best friend chuckled.
"we've been trying to get her name for days, but a pretty girl shows up and that's the first thing she tells her"
i snort as she rolls her eyes and scoffs, mumbling something that sounded like "idiot".
⋆。°✩ of course you couldn't stop talking to her after the third game ended.
⋆。°✩ eating with her, chatting and even laughing. it was easy to forget about everything when you were with her.
⋆。°✩ but sadly, you could never find her alone. if she didn't had min-su following her around, thanos and nam-gyu were teasing her. so that meant you always had to chat with them too, as you tried (really hard) to get her alone.
⋆。°✩ "doll face, came to hear your boy throwing a few lines?" thanos said getting closer to where me and se-mi were sitting down.
"oh my god" i covered my face as i hear her laughing. "i like talking to you so much, but i dont know if it's worth... this" i pointed at thanos.
she smiled, her arm sneaked to rest on my shoulders.
"it's worth every penny. althought you may wanna tell him that you're not really going for boys" she whispered in my ear. i softly laughed as i stare at her. she's so pretty. and her friends so annoying.
"prettiest girls in the planet, listen out, this one's for you-" thanos started.
"listen" i cut him mid-sentence. "you're such a fun, amazing guy" i said, standing up and placing my hands on his shoulder. "and i bet any girl would be so lucky dating you"
he nodded, proud of himself, as se-mi stared smirking.
"but i think there's something that would make you even a better person" i said looking at him, straight in the eyes. "leave to a corner and please let me have ten minutes alone so i can flirt with se-mi"
⋆。°✩ his expression quickly fell as se-mi and nam-gyu snorted.
"so im not about to be your boy-"
"you're not. i'm not into guys, thanos. but you're...so...nice"
⋆。°✩ he quickly understood. apparently. at least he went away along with his best friend. it was more than enough.
⋆。°✩ "so.. can we go back to the flirting part?" se-mi said, her smile never fading as she played with her lip piercing.
"yeah, i think we finally can" i said, dragging her to sit with me in one of the beds.
⋆。°✩ no need to clarify anything else. the guys understood when the next time they saw you, se-mi was hugging you from behind, resting her chin on your shoulder.
⋆。°✩ se-mi couldn't stop teasing thanos for falling for two times for two lesbians girls, which always ended up with him telling her how he'd release a rap called 'revenge is sweeter than girls' against her once they were out of here.
⋆。°✩ you believe him. you'll hear more about it once you're out of here, holding your girlfriend's hand.
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shalomniscient · 2 days ago
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Hi!! I absolutely ADORE all your Feixiao prompts...thinking about the knotting prompts for DAYS. how comfortable are you with exhibitionism?? i can't help but think of Feixiao taking her omega in front of lingsha. Maybe she lets her join in on the fun....
[nsft utc]
SEE OKAY here’s my thesis of it all. alpha!feixiao very much dom tops omega!reader and omega!lingsha, INDIVIDUALLY. however if she’s dealing with TWO omegas at the same time she becomes a complete sub, either top or bottom. i know that sounds insane BUT two demanding, needy omegas is a lot for a girlie to handle and if one’s riding her face and the other is sucking her off or riding her dick stupid then she’s gonna lose a few braincells yk?
at that point feifei just becomes an alpha you and lingsha share and boss around and it turns her on more than she ever thought possible. she barely has enough time to breathe after slipping out of lingsha having knotted her for the past half hour before you push her flat on her back and start riding her. she’s trembling, hips stuttering unevenly unsure if she wants to chase the stimulation or run from it. whines and strangled groans fall freely from her lips until lingsha shifts over to swallow them all in a greedy, needy kiss, taking one of feixiao’s hands on your hips to slide between her legs. the poor general can only make a strained noise when she feels her own cum drip out of the healer onto her fingers, and lingsha mewls in satisfaction as those same fingers push it all back in. feixiao cums pretty much immediately when her knot slips inside you, whimpering, and the sound makes both you and lingsha shudder. the two of you press kisses to her neck, then bite, and you keen, pleased, at the extra spurt of cum that feixiao shoots into you at the sensation. she’d also noticeably twitch inside you if you and lingsha start making out. as a bonus if you and lingsha suck her off together… lingsha bobbing her head on the tip while you kiss and lick at her base she literally turns into the subbiest bottom to ever bottom no i don’t take criticism
anyway rip to the general she won’t be leaving the bed for the next like four days lmao
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russellsppttemplates · 3 days ago
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Loooved your latest Franco piece! Buy now I can only think about y/n being Brazilian...u know Brazil and Argentina are hermanos up until football, right? It's an crazy old "beef". Imagine Franco and y/n bickering about football like Pierre and Kika, and George and Carmen...but with a ton of history to back them up. I'm sure it would be chaos🤣
“Franco, you know Flamengo is going to crush Boca Juniors in the next Copa Libertadores, right?”, Y/N teased, lounging comfortably on the couch, wearing a vibrant green and yellow Brazil jersey, "but don't worry, amor, I'll comfort you after".
Franco rolled his eyes, a playful smirk tugging at his lips, "you dream, Y/N - Boca is unstoppable. The Bombonera will be a fortress!”.
Your banter was a ritual as much as the sport itself. It all started when you had to cover for one of your colleagues in the factory right on the day of the game, so your negotiation was simple - you'd cover if they let you watch the game on your break.
What you didn't know is that there was also another person who not only shared your passion for racing but also for football, finding Franco focused on the screen as the game was about to start. What began as a quick exchange of words evolved to a never-ending match of words, neither willing to concede defeat as the rest of the team gathered to watch two football fans argue, too lost between their engineer and their driver to even witness the monumental match happening.
“Remember 2004?”, you fired back, referencing that unforgettable Copa America final, "Adriano, last minute goal? Ring any bells?”.
Franco groaned dramatically, "you had to bring that up, didn’t you?", he retorted, pointing fingers, "but don't forget 1990, when Caniggia silenced the Maracanã! Not a peep after that one!".
The atmosphere in the apartment was fully charged, the air crackling with playful hostility, but beneath it lay an undeniable camaraderie for the sport.
You cherished these verbal sparring matches because they bridged the cultural divide, transforming rivalry into steadfast friendship that had grown into the beautiful relationship you have now.
“Okay, but what about our World Cup titles? Five. A full hand of them! Count them!”, you grinned widely, your eyes twinkling with challenge.
Franco feigned a sigh of defeat before responding with a grin of his own, "maybe so, but we have Maradona. That's worth more than five titles!”, he said, wiggling his fingers.
As the day unfolded, your spirited competition continued, seasoned with laughter and mock-serious arguments. The television flickered with highlights and historic moments, each pause generating another round of passionate debate between you.
Dinner was a mixture of cuisines as well, with Franco insisting on empanadas while you insisted on adding feijoada to the menu.
As you settled down to watch a replay of an old Argentina vs. Brazil match, the laughter softened into something more profound. Your rivalry, no matter how vehemently expressed, was just a surface layer over your deep bond.
In the world of racing, you both pushed towards the same goal. In football, you were rivals, igniting each other’s passions.
“Franco", you mused as the game played on, “I think we might argue forever about who's better...”.
He leaned back, a satisfied smile playing on his lips, "Maybe. But that's what makes it fun, right? Besides, I think when our kids come around we might be able to make you switch", he spoke unabashedly as he saw you gulp, "or at the very least, there will be more of us to argue!".
(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)
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vonbabbitt · 20 hours ago
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Throwing this in, though I know you have a post saying you're taking a break: I quite like Tetro. The story is exciting, and incredible. You've done an amazing job piecing everything together, and it has lead to me pretty seriously looking into following the footsteps of this project with a story also told in this audio format, since you demonstrated so clearly not only how this was possible, but how this could be done so well for a Killing Game specifically. The latest events, the latest death, as made me incredibly sad, and I feel a lot of emotional turmoil over losing both victims. But despite that, I have enjoyed the loving, losing, and worrying for the future. That's amazing. All of it is amazing. I have my theories and conclusions about who may be guilty and who isn't, but based on the posts I read, I mainly wanted to express an amount of thankfulness that the series exists at all. It's even lead to me writing fanpieces for some character interactions, and I imagine I have a few more in me from all that's gone on. Not only that, but the hard topics of this series have meant a lot to me. Yanagi and Tsuno have especially felt really close to home. The stories they talk about and the things they deal with matter in my own life. And the series as a whole has made me cry over stuff that mattered to me much more than any other media has done in the last year or so, maybe longer, in even broader strokes. All the characters don't just feel like people one could meet, but people I have met. People I have known. And some of those conversations feel just like ones I've had in my own life. You've done something incredible, and the writing has connected to me deeply. And though I can only speak for me, I doubt I'm alone in this. Thank you for this project, and thank you for sharing it so broadly, freely, and completely. Thanks for writing it, and writing daringly, maturely, and earnestly. At least, such are the ways I would describe it.
I hope I can cross paths with you sometime in the future over a creative endeavor. But in the meanwhile, I'll be tuned in to whatever you do for this, and for whatever comes next. As these things are called asks, if you do decide to respond: Who on Tetro is your favorite? Is it the same from when you were initially writing it? And what lead you to choose an audio drama as the medium in question? Thanks, and see ya at the trial.
thank you very very much, im extremely glad that youve been able to connect with my writing on that level and i hope that others have as well! i really enjoyed the writing process for tetro so its always really cool for me when others can enjoy my story as well
also, my favourite is hama! that changed a lot during production, but ive settled on hama as my goat forever i think. sorry to all the other favs i abandoned along the way
i chose the audio drama format because ive always really liked being able to picture things. when i was a kid, i used to fall asleep to audio books every night, and i really liked being able to picture the characters and stories as they were happening. i would always be so disappointed when id go to watch a movie adaptation of a book i liked only to see that everything looked different from in my head lmao.
i also think audio is a really fun format for this type of story! it was a fun challenge to get my points across without having visuals to back my writing. i didnt have very much faith in my ability to do this at first. tetro was originally planned to have a narrator because i didnt think id be able to tell a story without one. when i realized my writing could stand on its own, i took out the narrator and just let myself carry it as best i could. i think it made for some really fun opportunities where the impact of a scene just wouldnt have been nearly as strong if there had been visuals or narration.
i think [Ice Fairy] is a highlight of tetro in terms of audio storytelling - same with [Good Child]. having only audio forces you as the viewer to take a moment to figure out what's happening, which in turn gives you an "oh shit" realization moment that really helps the impact of a scene like [Ice Fairy] or [Good Child]. there are still some more really cool examples of tetro utilizing its format left to come - i hope you enjoy them when they do!
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darksigns-exe · 3 days ago
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Hiii, I'm totally a Folio girl, but that Darius pic got me thinking about you being Darius's ex but still close to him, his band and the guys because you were friends before. Folio starts liking you and he gets a huge crush on you but is terrified of Darius because he is Darius Tehrani. He is super insecure but you are super sweet and secretly into him too and the guys (Noah or something) have to reassure him that Darius is not going to destroy him or something
now thats a good thought
warnings: alcohol consumption, boys being a little dumb
Nick knows that you know that he’s watching you. 
He usually is. 
It’s hard to look away. 
He’s never acted upon that little crush he’s been harbouring on you, but he also can’t force it to go away. 
The issue is your ex. 
It’s not that the guy is stopping you from seeing other people or anything, he’s just – a little intimidating. He’s only really seen him on stage and a few times in passing, and what he’s seen has been enough to make him keep his distance. 
He looks away just as you look towards him. 
Nick really doesn’t mind that you’re still friends with your ex. It just makes making a move a little more difficult. 
He’d hoped that he could use the occasion to move things into a different direction. Nick hadn’t anticipated that Noah would invite Darius – or that he’d show up with his whole band. 
You’re squished in between Darius and his brother, happily chatting with them. Nick’s been waiting for his chance all evening, but it just doesn’t want to come.
He retreats into the kitchen, trying to get away from the scene. 
You enter the kitchen just as he plucks a beer from the fridge. 
“Can you get me one too?” 
He jumps a little, obviously spooked by your sudden appearance. 
You hop up on the counter, watching as he pulls a second bottle from the fridge. 
“How was your tour? Did things go alright?” you ask, taking a sip from your beer. 
Nick gives a quick nod, “No hiccups. Crowds were fun too.”  
He remains at a safe distance, leaning against the counter opposite you. 
“That’s good. I’m glad you had a good time. Are you doing anything fun while you’re on break?” 
You’ve been trying your hardest to get him to crack. You know that he has at least some interest in you, but you can’t for the life of you understand why he’s not doing anything about it. As far as you’re concerned, you’ve made it clear that you’re also interested in him. You’re not sure how much more of your complaining about this your friends can take. 
Nick gives a vague response about his not really fixed plans. 
“So if I need help setting up that bookshelf I ordered, I could call you?” You ask, hoping that he’ll bite this time. 
“I — sure, yes.” He stammers. 
It’s good enough for you. 
You’re not sure if it’ll actually happen, but you’re willing to be hopeful. 
You hear Alex call your name from the living room, prompting you to hop off the counter again. 
“I’m counting on your help now!” You say as you head back to the rest of your group. 
Nick is still bracing himself on the counter when Noah finds him. 
“Did you finally tell her?” He asks, coming to stand next to him. 
When Nick doesn’t answer he lets out a heavy sigh, “You know that she’ll eventually get someone else right?” 
“I know.”
“So what’s stopping you? You like her. She obviously likes you. Where’s the hurdle?”
“That ex of hers.”
Noah blinks at him for a moment, “Darius? What about him? He didn’t say anything, did he?”
Nick shakes his head, “I’m not about to step onto that guy's territory.”
“Territory? They’re friends Nick. Darius is a great guy.” He says with a laugh, “Have you ever even talked to him? I don’t think that he’s going to stand in the way of his friend's happiness. Even if they used to date at some point. Make your move.”
The party is slowly simmering down, and you decide to step outside for a little breather. 
You’re alone for maybe five minutes before the sliding door opens again. You don’t have to check to know who is joining you. 
“So when’s that bookshelf coming?” Nick asks, and you feel a little bit of warmth blooming in your chest.
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akaneenaka33 · 1 day ago
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Been meaning to add my 2 cents to this (I have not had the time/brain capacity without combusting into madness to create my own, incredibly lengthy akayona ch 266 analysis, so here we are)
Okay. I definitely feel like this is supposed to be Ouryuu's redemption arc of sorts, but there are quite a few things that need to be acknowledged before it can happen because even if Ouryuu's help is a game-changer and is the dragon warrior's and Yona's saving grace, it does not change the fact that Zeno has every right to be angry with him.
Now, I agree that it's completely plausible that Ouryuu doesn't have the power to alter other's lifespans, so I understand why he might not have done anything here. However, the emotions that create the turmoil for Zeno in this moment are much more than simply grief. It's loss, fear, loneliness, abandonment, desperation, and a million other little things that have built up and continue to build up over the next two thousand years. Maybe Ouryuu might not have been able to prevent the grief or loss (human emotions are complex, and Kaya would have died eventually), but imagine the difference it would have made for Zeno to have him appear, if not to encourage or verbally comfort him, than just to simply offer a presence. An immortal presence. The argument can be made that Zeno might not want anything to do with the dragon god since he can't do anything and because he is the one who doomed him to this fate, but I'm sure that at some point or another, he would have appreciated the sentiment.
Then there's also the question of why Ouryuu chose immortality in the first place. The other three dragon's choices were much, much different, so what drove or inspired Ouryuu to choose such a heavy ability? Did he intend Zeno to be a guide for the future generations? Did he want to make his fragment the most powerful? Did he want a fragment that would serve Hiryuu the way Zeno does, with expertise, wisdom, and no bias from various political standpoints? Did he look that far ahead, assume that when Hiryuu returned he would be king again, and intend to plan for it?? Or, the more intriguing, sort of unlikely, but really fun question:
Did he get to choose his fragment's abilities at all? Maybe it wasn't his decision to make. Who knows?
Anyways, that's a whole other can of worms and I want to stay on topic here lol.
Personally, I think there's no excuse for Ouryuu to have not shown up at least once for Zeno, but there might also be an explanation behind it. Pride. To explain, I was watching a review on one of the chapters the other day, and the guy who was reviewing it (griever's review on 265, for reference) mentioned the fact that the crimson dragon is different from the others (kind, merciful, understanding) because he lived as a human. The white, blue, and green dragon gods have not lived, died, or suffered as humans. They don't know what it's like to work hard, to lose, to gain, to love, to grieve, because they're gods. They have the power to do and get whatever they want, and it ties into the reason why they act like selfish, spoiled, self-centered brats. It's because they are! They are cruel to Zeno and their own fragments, and ignore Yona's wishes because, to them, none of it matters because they're gods and they should get what they want. It also explains their hissy fits to the whole "Hiryuu remaining a human and refusing to obey their wishes" ordeal. Now with this in mind, consider Ouryuu two thousand years ago, just as selfish and inhumane as his dragon god brothers, and add his fragment into the mix.
If he truly was by Zeno's side all that time, there's a good chance he picked up a thing or two about humanity as well. Perhaps the experience softened his heart over the years (since he has one, apparently) and he finally started to see where Hiryuu was coming from. It's likely that this transition began or was just set into motion after the og dragon's and Kaya's deaths, when he was still too prideful to care. Or maybe the mindset change had already happened, and at that point, he was far too ashamed to show himself.
Not an excuse. Not condoning it, but I'm trying to understand the development here. And even if this all somehow aligns, isn't this still the same Ouryuu that technically allowed Zeno to fall into the sea of blood and be tossed around and tormented by his own dragon god brothers? The one who offered no explanation and just "Your life has not yet reached its end yet" and shoved Zeno back into life after reciting the prophecy to him when he tried to take his own life with the sword? Now with the last, "reciting the prophecy in Zeno's face" bit, I get the circumstances are different (Yona wasn't in the chalice/in danger yet) but it was still rather harsh. And hypocritical, considering the way he recites the prophecy again in 266, this time in Zeno's favor.
I want Ouryuu to be good. I'm incredibly grateful that he swooped in and saved the dragons and Zeno and Jae-Ha's leg. I'm glad he's taking them to Yona and making things right, but why???
Not that I'm complaining as long as everyone gets to eventually be safe and sound, but I'd like to understand Ouryuu's motives. Zeno might see this as an attempt to atone, but he still has the right to be bitter with the dragon god. Ouryuu's redemption does not justify his past actions and idk... he's weird.
All in all I just wish he'd have given Kaya more time. Or better yet, given Zeno an immortal partner support system thing lol.
I'm perfectly content with plot holes as long as everyone ends up safe and happy, but that doesn't mean I won't try to fill them! Take that as you will. I'm just here. Hoping to get my found family back <3
After reading akayona 266, these panels from chapter 104 have a new bite to them
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“Dragon god, why won’t you come out? Please come out! Kaya… save her!”
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gingerswagfreckles · 30 days ago
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Well they caught him. If he wasn't the exact kind of person tumblr loves, the conspiracy theories about this being a random person being framed would have continued to spread. But he's an attractive 26 year old white man who was caught carrying a manifesto about corporate America and has an internet history that matches up with tumblr's general politics. So everyone is going to get excited about how he's a martyr and go back to acknowledging reality in that there isn't a conspiracy to frame the wrong guy.
The discussions over whether or not this man should be lionized as a hero are honestly not as relevant as the comfort with which people are going to drop the conspiracy theory they would have been fully committed to if this man's politics turned out to be nuts. The ease with which the userbase of this website switches between realities based on whether or not they confirm their biases is really alarming. I just hope people understand how weird it is to claim a random person is 100% going to be framed by the FBI on one day, and then drop that by the next day when it becomes clear that the person being "framed" is the exact kind of communist you had hoped.
#gingerswagfreckles#i feel like this comes off as waaah the ceo got shot and i really dont feel that way#i dont care he had it coming#and also. i cannot say yet bc not much info has come out but so far the shooter doesnt seem like someone i dont generally agree with#(preliminarily. maybe the manifesfo is super nuts idk)#but i really think that everyone's excitement to celebrate this guy as a hero is going to#distract from the fact that leftists have like decided conspiracies theories are completely acceptable#and not only that they're fun and true based on nothing but also that they stop being true#when theyre no longer politically beneficial#which just like. do you guys even understand how bad that is. not just that ppl are all gung ho about conspiracies now#but that theyre not dropping them in response to new information that disproves them#but in response to new information that makes them politically inconvenienient to continue to believe#it implies that a huge chunk of leftists are not basing their opinions on reality and facts but whatever makes them feel good and confirms#their identity within their social group. which has been true to some extent for a while#but we are getting to the point where people arent uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance#that comes with believing in different versions of reality from one moment to the next based on what feels like it would be cool#in that moment#idk we are all doomed i think#i saw this coming back in 2017 and no one listened to me :/ people dont believe in objective truth anymore#they believe truth is something malleable that can be changed to confirm their beliefs#rather than something objective that they should change their beliefs in response to#like why are you all dropping the whole this is a random person being framed thing if you believed that yesterday#like oh ok NOW the police are a reliable source for identifying who the perpetrator is?? bc the perpetrator turned out to be someone you#think is cool?? i do not believe you guys would be believing these same souces arent in on a conspiracy against leftists if this guy#had turned out to be someone you dont like and agree with#luigi mangione#united healthcare#united healthcare ceo#united healthcare ceo assassination
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deus-ex-mona · 6 months ago
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
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#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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binders-and-beanies · 9 months ago
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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feeling-kinda-sad-ngl · 7 months ago
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just sent an email asking to cancel my application for school next semester because i got an email notifying me that im no longer eligible for the financial aid i was eligible for when i applied lol
pretty bummed. telling myself it works out because im having surgery in the fall too so i'd have to request time off from school anyway.
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exopelagic · 1 year ago
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honk shoo.
#but yeah sleepy.#i have so much to do these next few days I’m gonna die#meanwhile I just wanna see my friends#the good thing is that some of the busy things involve seeing my friends but goddamn why are almost all of them hard#also YES I’m going to be dumb and gay again bc a) why shouldn’t I b) nobody can stop me#I’m being dumb and gay again.#now seen The Guy twice since I’ve been back and he’s very cool#still feel like I’m being insane god idk what I’m doing#I hope he comes tomorrow bc he can’t make the meeting which means he won’t be on committee which sucks bc he did want to#OH but I did mean to tell him there was one role he could go for and have a good shot at that I think he’d be good for#only problem is if he doesn’t come tomorrow I can’t tell him in time bc I don’t have any way to message him other than email#(which feels slightly creepy bc I only know it bc secretary and he’s never explicitly said his surname so it’s just inferred from the list)#idk. the thing that gets me is we are very much friends now. like early stages of friends but we keep talking at hockey#and importantly he keeps coming To Me which keeps surprising me bc he does it more than any of my other friends#but I guess I’m also coming to him kinda a lot too. self awareness falls when around cute boy you get how it is#god it’s so unfair why is he like this#I finished getting my skates off before he did yesterday which gave me a very good opportunity to Look while he was talking#and have it not be weird and he’s just very pretty. he’s got a rlly nice nose#i always feel insane pointing out noses it’s the Draw speaking bc I use noses as a focal point and they’re fun to draw#tbh it’s unlikely I will say someone does Not have a nice nose but idk let me have this. it would be fun to draw is maybe what I mean#and I hadn’t noticed before bc the like bridge? and uhh like. base? idk nose words but they don’t match#the bridge is super long and on the thin side w a bump like mine but the like bottom is much rounder and wider and I don’t see that mix much#he also just has rlly nice hair it’s super curly and he’s in that like weird light brown purgatory where it’s all different colours#like it’s mostly light brown but some bits look rlly dark and some especially at the ends is like almost blonde and it changes w the light#god he also keeps doing this dumb fucking thing where he’s trying to skate while squatting all the way and it’s ridiculous#he looks like a spider folding in on itself and the worst part is he can fucking do it#he’s gotten so good at skating recently and I have a feeling he lives somewhere with an ice rink bc I’m sure he’s better than he was novembr#yeah I also got to just stand and watch him play yesterday and it’s so incredibly horribly unfair#anyway I’m too fucking gay and I will not let him escape me again tomorrow I Will get his instagram or smth bc I swear this man#luke.txt
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neverendingford · 2 months ago
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.
#tag talk#watching media not in English is honestly so fun. my brain loves trying to pick out sentence structure and individual words#as someone who was obsessed with writing and learning codes as a kid it's unsurprising#I've realized that I very well could finally become multilingual and it's a really exciting thought#I just wish language learning apps didn't suck so much. I very well might have to start keeping a notebook for vocabulary#but I've been watching Puerta 7 and listening exclusively to music in Spanish for about the past week#and next year my brother and I are gonna take Spanish together at the community college once we move#cause he wants to travel internationally and maybe live abroad so language learning would be super useful#he's not as good with language as I am but that'll just mean I get to help him with it#anyway. I think I'm gonna dig out a notebook and start planning how I'm gonna do this#I really really wanna get good enough to read books and articles in Spanish. cause reading is cool and great and builds vocab#I think this is only possible now that I've been medicated for a while.#like. I wish I could have done this years ago but I accept the fact that I've been on a journey#and chasing your dreams is only possible once you're in a position to do so. my brain was too fucked before.#so external motivation was the only way I could make progress. whereas now I have the ability to internally motivate.#I can do dishes. clean my room. fold laundry. make food. and finally learn a language in my own way.#I wish language learning apps didn't fucking suck so doggamn much. they're really the worst. even as a kid I hated Rosetta Stone.#I needed to find my own way to learn and I'm still figuring it out but I will. I know I will.#I will be successful and I will chase the things I love in life and even if things go wrong I will work to improve my life#and part of that self actualization is learning the language I've grown up with and yet never learned. and then I can learn other languages#because I genuinely wanna learn a lot of languages. hell I taught myself a little bit of spoken elvish as a kid. it's in my blood I guess.#being monolingual is genuinely distressing for me tbh.#shit I should ask my sibling for book recommendations and I can buy something to start pulling vocabulary from.#for now I can pull words from songs or tv. that's a good starting point. even if I prefer the aesthetic of studying a book#except first I'm gonna fold my laundry and change my bedsheets#bye y'all
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volfoss · 6 months ago
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i cant even like post about the horrors that are going on currently because im gonna get too mad but oh my god. like i would give her really good credit for writing a character like marius that has 0 self awareness about his insanely disgusting behavior bc like. that CAN work. you can make the reader feel disgust and see things through the eyes of someone who is horrible while not romanticizing the behavior. clearly anne did not get the memo for this one.
#twist rambles#vc posting#like i get now why the blog i was going thru the liveblog of to decide if i wanted to commit to the bit was so so glad to be done w this#book bc this is like. i genuinely cannot express how mad i am reading this lmao. quite honestly i thought mer.rick was bad and thats nothin#compared to this. i know the next one will also be rough but oh my god. oh my god. why did i commit to this. i really may have to start my#silly notes project sooner > later because i need to actually enjoy something because like. i just. god. i cannot really clearly get into#why this pisses me off without going into insane (and prob triggering) depth w mar.ius as a character but like. my godddd oh we are in hell#like i remember when i was reading the wit.cher books i was like wow the SA is really excessive. dont like that and how it keeps happening#to minors. this book makes that seem like a cakewalk w nothing wrong. this makes tva which had like... i think 10 sex scenes before pg 100#and all of them were horrific to read seem like just fine and dandy. i need anne to explode#you can tell im suffering bc i weirdly dont like posting abt the positives bc these books DO have them dont get me wrong but i dont normall#have as much 2 say when im like oh this is fun im enjoying this. and i dont really want to get any of my mutuals into the books im gonna be#honest bc theyre bad. but you can tell when im posting a lot that im in the TRENCHES. which is why ive been posting a billion times today#abt this bc its like... interesting? but also i have a lot to say. and there just rly isnt much positive abt this book in particular#nor the last one to be fair but this is like easily the most miserable ive been. with tva i could at least go yeah maybe its just anne#trying to depict an absuive relationship w the rose tinted glasses that arm.and has bc of how long hes been abused. but w this its just lik#mar.ius being like yeah im such a good guy while hes going after like his 4th minor. im so sick of itttt im so sick of it.#good lord sorry my tags have been so long today but thats bc i think im done ranting in the main post and then get another thing im mad abt#that i need to add. like idk i think while these books infuriate me at points at least i have shit to say abt it yk#anyways good god. i have to wrap up this chapter.
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snekdood · 7 months ago
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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