#maybe thatll make me feel better
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I'm gonna make!! Cupcakes!!
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Turns out, Frostys from Wendy's are actual ice cream. They may be mostly corn syrup and gluten-free, but they are certainly not lactose-free. :(
#*flops dramatically*#oh to have made awful decisions#owie#ill go read that one chapter i wrote of wind being lactose intolerant#maybe thatll make me feel better#or maybe ill finally reach the end of this vidow fairytale au#KISS KISS KISS#BE DRAMATIC AND EDGY#i love fairytale vibes#im a little loopy and hopped up on sugar so#my apologies for rambling!#i speak from the coffin
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I hope you're not too down on your luck & that all things work out for you.
(not sure about you, but I am not really ne that likes to be hugged when feeling negative & wanted to be sure for you to! So head pats)
Thank you Moon head pats will do just nicely ;; <3
This whole week has just felt iffy and off to me, the latter half of today felt worse. Idk if its depression(cuz it sure has been a while since i felt that) or my trouble with sleeping or if I'm just dissociating again but i do feel like im having some sort of emotional disconnect with a lot of stuff lately. It's just been all so blehhhhh ＼(;´□｀)/
#the cryptid talks#im trying to fix my sleeping to see if it helps#idk#maybe ive just been cooped up in this house for too fcking long and its really taking a toll on my mental state#it just kinda feels like a spark in me is dimming down a bit#and the need to interact with people is lessening by the day#man i kinda wish vera was my therapist#wouldnt that be something#not gonna lie your message did make me tear up a lil bit#i appreciate you ;w;#who knows maybe by next week i'll feel just a smidge better#im going out with my fam tomorrow to see the new kung fu panda movie so maybe thatll also help
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so mad that there are all these cool characters in my brain cuz when i try to get them out theyre never As Cool
#theo.txt#something something me being bad at articulating#i wanna make a werewolf & a siren SO BAD#unfortunately they are only Wisps of ideas & i have no clue on how to go about making them More#maybe ill just make bev a siren maybe thatll#make me feel better#<- already plotting & schemeing
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I'm so done
My stomach hurts after I eat anything
I'm sleepy yet can't sleep for some stupid reason
I learned most of my family supports Trump (which for some reason really hurt even though they have their reasons)
And now the water in the shower doesn't even get lukewarm even at the hottest setting
I already cried once on this trip and I really don't wanna cry again
Really hoping things get better. But we're leaving to go to my grandma's again at 7 in the morning so I'm just
Gonna
Hhh
#tw vent#i gotta project my problems and stress on my characters more#maybe thatll make me feel better /sarc
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i really should clean my room so i stop feeling like shit but its soooo fucking hard to do fucking anything when youre sick and also have felt like bashing your head against the wall for the past week
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Vent in tags sorry
#idk whats wrong with me lately but its not good to keep it bottled in#im upset at myself#it seems like every job i apply to refuses me#and all i do is sit here and sleep until my dad gets home because thats when things start happening yknow#we dont have any damn food and its just so tiring trying to be positive all the time#i dont wanna be here i wanna be in the mansion or the daycare baking cupcakes for people i love#i wanna sit in the mansion courtyard and enjoy the sounds of the fountain and the chill in the air#i wanna garden with peach#i wanna play hide and seek with moon#i wanna go researching with colress#i wanna do something that makes my time feel worthwhile because whatever im doing now only makes my motivation tank#im gonna. answer some asks i have and pretend im not here maybe thatll help me feel better
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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yeahwhat it all really comes down to is that i hate myself isnt it.
#negative#im not especially remarkable in anything. im can't create what i want how i want it#i have issues and i see the world nobody else can but who am i to say that? everybody probably already thinks like me#they're already better than me so it wouldnt even be far off#yeah i dont have anything#thatll help how inferior i am#theyre all so lucky to have something they can enjoy and be without any rejection or any comparisons#maybe im harsh for assuming that#but this whole thought process is shallow#hahahstag eddgy#its like youre useless if you dont have anything to you im useless#am i always going to switch and adjust and do nothing#am i always going to take toxicity and fictional media as something to make me feel better#will i ever love somebody and not want to do horrible things to them#see that can be part of my personality but if i have no reward doing that#then im worth enough as a lollipop 🍝🍝
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they should make a november that doesn't make me want to kill myself
#now its dark by 5pm my suicide joke allowance has increased to 3 per day to compensate for how shitty seasonal depression is 👍#cant believe that last interviewer didnt even deign to send me a rejection email. after making me do 2 interviews and 3 tests. ok 😐#oh well its the weekend now so no point thinking abt it any more hopefully ill get more interview requests on monday ugh#bleuuuurgh also looking at my laptop is making me feel kind of dizzy and sick so i cant even play videogames this evening :(((((#whatever i can just read or smth instead. i need to workout and then shower and hopefully ill feel a bit better after that#and if not ill go to lidl and get snacks and if that doesnt help ill just go to bed early 👍#maaaan. i should change my sheets too maybe thatll help#.diaries#.vent
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head in hands . things need 2 stophappening i need a break
#dog snapped at me at work today. did not get bit or anything but hes a Big Dog and my hands are still very shaky#got home and found a bump on kotas head that was not there this morning and . maybe it is just the anxiety and exhaustion but#its reallyyyyy freaking me out#i dont. see anything . so it might just be fur but it doesnt Feel like fur and . aughg h hghghhghhhghghghhhhh#i cannot Do This rnnnnn#my worst client called me in for work at 6am tomorrow which is bullshit and also put in the notes#that their son is literally home ?!?!?!?!?!!?! but i still have to go and take care of their pets ?!?!?!#which is. extremely awkward and frustrating like Why Cant He Do It Hes Literally There#and their dog is. not very well trained and hes such a hassle to deal with. sigh#plus my grandparents are visiting and while i love them they are very much in . babysitter mode#which. i dont mind usually but god i have had the mkst stressful 3 days and all i want to do is sit in bed and watch adventure time#but even THAT isnt gonna make me feel better bc im into the like. sad arc. and thatll just make me feel sad and weird. :(
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#its one of those days where i dont have anything (finally) but wanna do too many things and then i end up with nothing#also i feel sick again or still at this point i dont know anymore#but thats a thing so ive been gearing up the courage to go to get groceries despite feeling im gonna pass out in order to get things that#will make me feel better. anyway woke up to loads of content and wanting to gif half of it update louisphoto draw this post that#post my own pics still. post this vid to tumblr search for that one there like girl pls just pipe ur shit go back to bed actually#at least its sunday and im not also supposed to be working on top of all that so i got that going for me which is nice#i cant remember the last time i had a day of nothing and also didnt feel sick tho so i dont have that going for me which is less#just gonna throw some music in my ears and hoping thatll heal me#maybe play minecraft klsdjflksdjsd
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sitting here so pissed off but i cant do anything about it
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Im fucifinf. Crankies . Irritable and tired and in need of immediate change or I'll die so I think I'll change my theme help me decide
#the heron speaketh#im im a weird mood today but ill leage this uo for a day n see what happens#i just need to Change Something maybe thatll make me feel better#im not changing my url i dont think but who knows#also im just... yhrowing Shinedown in there. as a test#do we listen to shinedown. anybody. probably not but if it gets picked ill figure something out#my title used to be a nowhere kids lyric i kinda miss that#oh well im going to bed
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miss my husbands :-c
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#feeling kinda sad and weird rn#i just want to spend good moments thatll make me feel safe and happy#i want them to hold me so fucking tight and make me feel safe#i just feel vaguely scared and panicked rn#i want ryan to sing for me... yeah actually that would make me feel so much better#something soft and nice just for me...#i want to be held in mins big nice arms#i just want to be between them and feel them both hold me#i love them both so so so much#i want us to watch some movies together and we can maybe go get sushi#need an orange shasta hfjdsk#maybe they can try to drag me out to have some fun#tbh leaving the house to do something would probably make me feel better#rollerskating would be nice :-] i love rollerskating sm#i love them so so soso damn much... its making me tear up#theyre my everything theyre my life my loves my truest soulmates...#i just want to be held in the arms of my lovely men...#to feel the way they hold me the way their hands feel on my skin#the warmth of their bodies and softness of their lips on mine wahh
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There's a well 🎉
#rat rambles#I forgot to post this since I headed to shower straight after finding it but I am suddenly thinking I might be able to find an ending#Immmm not sure how much waiting will be involved so I probably wont get it tonight but. grabby hands#I also worry there might be some rng or smth similar thatll make me have to wait longer due to the dreams#they showed this same place but theres two different ppl who can be in the dreams#one old man and one younger man#and based on what the face said I probably need the old man to be the one using the well#so hopefully that wont be too annoying to wait for#now ofc. Im worried this will go poorly. especially if it Is an alternative ending. especially given how early you can get here#Ive fumbled around a lot and its still only been about 2 in game weeks#and if Im not mistaken theres only two major waits you would have to do to get here not counting the door that takes 2 hours to open#but yeah if Im remembering correctly you only need to wait for a spider to spin its web and for a mushroom to grow#so you could theoretically get there very quickly if you use your books wisely#which feels a bit easy for a good ending so I worry for the poor lil fella#based on what Ive pieced together so far it doesnt seem like the alternative ending(s) will be much better#one of them is ofc. death. but the actual waiting out the counter one is probably maybe also sort of death I think#theres not a lot of info I have access to when it comes to the king but based off of that one face dialogue and the shade's dialogue in the#white crystal room I have a feeling the king is going to do smth similar to a certain other king and freeze the world or smth like that#Im saying freeze because my current bet is that hes going to turn everything into stone#which isnt great and Id generally speaking like to avoid that#I have some vague theories abt the shade as well but theyre a lot more wibbly wobbly#rn Im kind of interpreting them as a sort of manifestation of the weak will of a man who has already given up on the world#aka the last of the kings will that he will need to have the will to wake up in 400 days#but that will evidently is stronger than both he and the shade expected given that theyve made it this far#even a weak will has the capacity to hope for something better#idk this is more in the realm of personal interpretation than theory I just think the shade is neat#man its nice playing new games I should do this more (<- says guy who doenst have money)#anyways I hope the shade doesn't get completely fucked over by this ending#Im fine with it being underwhelming if it needs to I just want the shade to be able to touch grass
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