#maybe i was just doing smth wrong before???? idk!
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7 for the ask game
7. What do you love most about being a fic writer for your fandom? this speaks more to my experience in the hermitcraft fandom in general, but this is the first fandom that i've felt so directly included and fully part of. like everyone is so interactive in a way that other fandoms arent?? maybe its just bcuz ethogirls gotta stick together, but i really feel like im part of something, not just an observer or someone in the corner yelling into the void.
happy fic writer ask game
#khaos.qna#ask game#i feel like i've talked about this before#but when i first joined dsmp it was so hard for me to like. find any footing#i had a few friends but they were all twitter users + i didnt find them until i joined a little discord server#i struggled to find my niche. like i tried i tried really really hard to put myself out there and find friends but#i always just fell flat on my face#then i joined hermitblr and its just. everyones so much more friendly.#like i was making meaningful connections w people just here on tumblr... my introvert ass was making friends#maybe i was just doing smth wrong before???? idk!#but im happy to be here :D
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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Need to fix my cringe fail visual memory problems so i can learn more japanese and write an essay on testament’s gender. I will use those 2 new abilities for no other purpose. I dont need to do anything else.
#i do have like a half written timeline/compilation but well i am so scared of getting smth wrong lol. im probably fine. just scared. 👍#learned more today. did not know they were still referred to with a masculine pronoun in strive#and in the dev backyard where they make it clear testament is nb. so its not just a leftover#there was some interview with daisuke a couple months before they were added to strive where he used kare for them? i Did know abt that#testament themself still uses some more masculine speech (mostly when theyre annoyed) so its not all that surprising#idk cool and interesting. would love to inform the people who complain about strive testament being ‘too feminine’ and watch them explode#i just want to see those people explode in general maybe.#their pronouns are still they/them btw. exclusively. i will attack people for saying otherwise. btw#the kat goes meow
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So, the season finale of Hazbin Hotel came out last night.
Spoilers ahead
I was never part of the Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss fandom(s), though I have been watching Helluva Boss since about midway through when season one was being released. I only watched the pilot for Hazbin Hotel maybe six months to a year ago, and I only ever watched it once. I never kept up with VivziePop or whatever was happening behind the scenes. I watched Hazbin Hotel as it came out the past few weeks, I’ve watched some TikToks about it over the past week, and I read through a few (like, three) of the character’s wiki pages like, yesterday.
So, with all of my inexperience in the fandom and in this universe, I’m going to try to predict how the show is going to end.
Kind of.
Well, I’m going to make a prediction.
I think Angel Dust will be the last resident of the hotel we see get redeemed.
Angel was the first resident of the hotel. It’s only fitting that he’d be the last (that we see, anyway).
I think that season one was almost like a set-up season. The main characters and their characterizations/arcs have been established. The main problem, the extermination, has been temporarily dealt with. It’s been proven that the main objective in the show, redeeming sinners through the Hazbin Hotel, is possible. Seeds of a bigger plot and future trouble have been planted.
Now that the bigger plot things are out of the way, I think the show will be able to (hopefully) slow the pace down now and really focus on the hotel itself and the redemption process of the sinners that choose to be there, along with the individual characters and their personal journeys and arcs.
I think that Sir Pentious getting redeemed and making it into Heaven proved that the concept of the hotel can work, so now that they have the bigger, newly built hotel, they’ll start to get more residents. We’ll meet and bond with more characters as the seasons go on and they’ll go through the hotel and eventually get redeemed and go to Heaven.
I think that during all of this, for the next few seasons, we’ll see Angel work towards redeeming himself too. At this point, he’s accepted the hotel. He’s accepted his place there and he’s been visibly getting better. We’ll see him continue his path to redemption while also dealing with Valentino, his contract with him, and any other personal conflicts that arise.
I think that partway through the show, we’ll see Angel start to kind of put off becoming fully redeemed. Maybe he’ll just slow down, but I think we’ll see him become more apprehensive about completing his redemption.
At this point, he’ll probably already be in an official relationship with Husk, and his situation with Valentino might be resolved or at least not as much of an issue anymore. I think he’ll start putting off officially moving on into Heaven because he realizes that he doesn’t want to leave his friends behind. He won't want to leave the friends he’s made at the hotel, so even though he might be ready or almost ready to go to Heaven, he’ll just keep putting it off.
I think Angel’s ascension to Heaven will be the big series finale. I think that it’ll be a big emotional moment. Angel will accept that it’s time to move on, and there will be an emotional scene where he says goodbye to Charlie (who, as a Hellborn demon and not a mortal soul, can’t go to Heaven like the other sinners), and Vaggie (who will choose to stay with Charlie and has no desire to go back to Heaven), and probably Alastor (who loves his power and control too much to want anything to do with redemption himself) and maybe Niffty (I’m undecided about whether she’ll try for redemption, but I’m thinking no, at least as of right now). If Husk stays behind, that’ll be an absolutely heartbreaking goodbye too, but I’m thinking that, at some point in the show, Husk might decide to try for redemption as well, so maybe he and Angel are going together and saying their goodbyes together.
I think we’ll get a teary goodbye for the people Angel is leaving behind in Hell, but we’ll also get a joyous reunion scene where he meets up with all the redeemed souls in Heaven as well. He’ll get to see all the former residents we got to meet throughout the show, and maybe he’ll even have a moment where he gets to reunite with his sister, too. It’ll be a somewhat bittersweet moment, but a happy one overall, because Angel Dust, the first resident of the Hazbin Hotel, who didn’t take it seriously in the beginning and thought redemption wasn’t possible, who went through so much in Hell and who didn’t think things could get better for him, will have finally completed the journey to redemption and moved on to Heaven.
And then maybe we’ll get an epilogue-esque scene or series of clips of Charlie and Vaggie happily continuing to help redeem sinners in the Hazbin Hotel, of Angel and the other redeemed souls happily living their best afterlives in Heaven, of the redeemed sinners meeting and welcoming new redeemed souls into Heaven as they come in.
And maybe, taking place some time in the future, maybe years after Angel goes to Heaven, we’ll get a moment of Charlie and Vaggie, and any of the other original cast that stayed in Hell, being allowed to take a day trip into Heaven. Maybe we’ll get to see them reunite with the redeemed sinners in Heaven in person for the first time since the redeemed souls left, and it’ll be a happy reunion where they’re all just happy to see each other again and catch up. Maybe at this point the show has already established a way for the redeemed souls to still be able to communicate and keep in touch with those in Hell, so maybe this isn’t the first time the two groups have spoken to each other since the redeemed souls left the hotel, but maybe it is the first time since the redeemed souls left that they’ve been able to see each other in person, so the teary hugs all around are expected and maybe even appreciated.
Maybe the show will end on a happy note, where our first and most skeptical hotel resident ends up happily redeemed with a partner who loves and values him for who he is and friends who care for him, and where our main character is able to fulfill her dreams of helping her subjects find the best version of themselves and move on to a better place.
Maybe the extermination no longer happens, so there’s no more deadlines. Maybe being redeemed is no longer just an escape from second death. Not every soul in Hell is going to want to change, but for Charlie, it’s not about redeeming every soul. The Hazbin Hotel started as a way to decrease Hell’s population so that the extermination would no longer be necessary, so that no more souls, however awful, would be needlessly killed, but Charlie knows that the extermination was never about overpopulation, and yet she’s still going through with the hotel and she’s still working to redeem sinners.
So, maybe the extermination is a thing of the past, but Charlie will still continue running the hotel and giving sinners another chance, because everyone deserves another chance. Because Hell isn’t forever, and despite whatever some people did when they were alive, they deserve the chance to try to redeem themselves. They deserve the chance to try to be better. And that’s Charlie’s dream. She just wants to give her subjects the opportunity to do better, and not everyone will take it, but in the end, we'll see that all the effort was worth it for those few souls who do.
So, to recap: I think Angel Dust will be the last sinner we see get redeemed. We might get clips and/or mentions of souls after him, but he’ll be the last character to go to Heaven who’s journey to redemption we’ve seen. In the series finale, he’ll be the last major character to be redeemed, and we’ll get to see him live his best life in Heaven while Charlie happily stays behind in Hell to help guide more souls along the path to redemption.
Or at least, that’s something I’d like to see, anyway.
#even if this doesnt happen i think it's a cool idea lol#i love the idea of angel starting the hotel and then finishing it (for us)#like i feel like angel moving on should be a big deal right?#there's no way they wont make it a big deal#and i feel like they'll keep him in the hotel for as long as possible because he's a very popular character#and sending him to heaven earlier would split the focus of the show too much bc there's no way they'd write him off the show#and he has a lot to resolve in hell before going to heaven ie the situation with valentino and his slow burn with husk#there'd not be enough proper time for that if he goes to heaven too early#but there's also no way he doesn't go to heaven in the end lol not with his current tragic 'life' story#i also really hope husk tries for redemption and goes with angel in the end#it would suck for angel to finally find and bond with someone who actually loves him for who he is only to have to leave him behind#that would suck#so idk this might be a hot take but i really do want husk to eventually start working towards redemption#but i also want it to be bc he wants it. not just for angel if that makes sense#like getting to stay with angel is definitely nice and good for him but i want him to ultimately try for redemption for himself yknow#anyway ive gotten way off track lol#i also kinda got off track in the post at the end oops. but charlie can actually be so interesting#anyway this might all be wrong and maybe vizziepop has already said smth about angel's fate but like i said im new to all this so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#hazbin hotel#hazbin angel dust#angel dust#huskerdust#hazbin hotel theory#hazbin hotel thoughts#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel analysis#hazbin charlie#charlie morningstar#vivziepop#hazbin hotel spoilers
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I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.
#NOT TAGGING THIS but yeah this would be maybe a few months post?#when katniss and peeta are just starting to be friends again#while peeta is still kind of adjusting to the new person he is and coming to terms with what he's done in that process#which ends up making him come across as a little bitter? but i dont think he means to be. weird situation obviously.#and i think it's particularly hard for katniss considering she's someone who gets so much comfort from physical contact#and for the person from whom she got so much comfort to have snuck up on her and tried to kill her. twice.#because theres no denying that THAT person is closer to who peeta is now than who he was before being tortured in the capitol#so it takes a long time for her to not fear his touch. i think. and i think although he knows better#peeta's still kind of burned by it. like he understands it but it still hurts kind of thing#... IDK sorry i have a lot of thoughts about how their dynamic would have to fundamentally change post-mj#and its kind of weird how that's glossed over i mean its not plot relevant i guess but if theyre....#WHATEVER anyway yeah.#id like to do smth more with this idea of them adjusting to their new relationship so this is rly just a draft :)#sorry can you tell i could talk about peeniss for hours??? can you tell????????#ive really gotta practice drawing burn scars also because at this point theyd both have pretty angry burn scars on their faces and hands#i also think im rambling a lot here bc i dont want ppl to get the wrong idea or anything bc i hold both of them so close to my heart#same kind of thing as mommy katniss i guess i udnerstand it doesnt portray them in the best light but at the same time i really do think.#realistically they just wouldnt.... be well adjusted? sorry. anwyay. diddle out.
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welp . due to "unforeseen" circumstances, imma have to leave my toxic ass household :D
#like lolllll who is surprised#i just didn't think i'd potentially have lesser of a relationship w my sibling bc of it#but it is what it is#idk what it is about male-centered women standing behind their man when they're manipulative violent assholes#but again - how can i really blame a victim like i get it ig ur in a hostage situation yourself babe#anyways. idk where my dad got this bat from but i got it in my room just in case someone wants to put their hands on me again#mind you - my situation is literally so easily solvable but bc these ppl are stubborn ...#like. the entitlement is crazy idk#like u want me to be down in the basement with YOUR kids that u neglect and don't even watch#and get mad when i set ground rules for them to follow? which is cleaning up after themselves???? oh brother#like you would think you'd wanna be down here to monitor ur kids but nooooo#they literally want the room upstairs and it was *decided* before we moved in (i didnt even have a chance jdksks)#and they want it bc they want to be far away from their own kids as possible.... like yalls actions are shitty.#imagine if i did ts to them where I have kids - I have them near you - and I DO NOTHING to parent them . thats a frustrating situation for#anybody i feel like ??#and before we moved - i DID have the upstairs like woopty doo ig nicer ofc and they were STEADYYYY trying to get me out of that room#(mind you - i have lived there since i was 12/13 and they came wayyy after)#like ... r u kidding me lolololol u want authority so bad over a basement ur not even in anymore#like mind u im not trying to overstep and be their parent ? ik im not . im just their auntie#its just so wilddddd to me they dont see how silly this is?#like maybe im wrong ? but having ur kids stay downstairs when ur upstairs was already off to me. like bffr u want them kids out your face#and u tryna pass them off to me and it's not subtle. but then get mad when i say smth abt behavior OH BROTHERRRRR#but anyways. the straw that broke the camels back was the fact this ngga spit on me. AND then put his hands on me. like omg???#i wanna break his shit so bad w this bat but chile....that is not productive and that is not me#but the rage i have omgggg. i wanna cus its like?? fuck you. ur literally an ABUSERRR idgaf about ur feelings btch.#chatter
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one thing i think one piece fans forget is that for most of the characters in it having the d initial doesn’t mean anything. we don’t find out it’s anything to think about until skypiea while robin is talking to gan fall (who met roger) and he says “d.? i see. one letter of his name… that can’t just be a coincidence!!!” and laughs. we only know what we do bc luffy’s the main character. i guess you could argue kureha saying roger’s name is gol d. roger at the end of drum counts but it’s brushed off and you’re not like. encouraged to think about why it’s different. she only knows this bc she’s a REALLY old lady who was around when roger first set out. and gan fall met roger. law knows about it from cora, Who Used To Be A Celestial Dragon. nobody who knows about it is a normal citizen. the world government wants it to be a secret. they successfully wiped out 100 years of history. “the will of d.” or those “eat like a d.” jokes are NOT something everyone is making!!! GUYS. WE ONLY KNOW BECAUSE WE’RE THE VIEWERS. WE’RE WATCHING THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. NOT EVERYONE WILL KNOW WHAT THEY DO!!!!
#this counts for g5 too. nika doesn’t seem to be a well known figure since that one guy (forgot his name.) that was fighting jimbei and#mentioned him was part of cipher pol (forgot. which faction or whatever) and Had The Fruit#maybe fishman island knows about him! but i don’t think your average citizen (or pirate or marine for that matter) would know!#idk. maybe nika wasn’t part of oda’s plan until late so he couldn’t add in details about him earlier and people DO know about him#but when writing in a character’s pov you Have to consider what they would know and ESPECIALLY at that point in time for a series like this#one piece#also also. i might be wrong on this i have a shitty memory but as far as we know ace didn’t know ANYTHING.#and it may have been mentioned to luffy before but like. it’s luffy. he doesn’t care or he just straight up forgot#i’m not sure any of the strawhats except for robin and maybe jimbei know anything#(again. shitty memory. i had a head injury. i might be 100% wrong on this)#also! with cora it was like. oh the will of d is the enemy of the gods or smth so like. it was told to him to scare him.#d’s are only a scary bedtime story to celestial dragons#in this story we are meeting significant people who know things. they are not the norm.#a lot of citizens eat up navy propaganda like it’s soup. not all bc we meet some and the revs probably help the rest#idk compare it to the real world. i’m way off topic but i’m not deleting any of these. or readinf over them to make sure rhey make sense.#i’m on like 4 hours of sleep enjoy. whatever this is.#i should probably make a tag for my rants like this#but i’ve been thinking about changing my username (it’s a song from my nami playlist rn) and idk what else i’d want to be called
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I ❤️
IN-BETWEEN ARC EPISODES
#shanks!!!!!! always wonder what is wrong with him to be an emperor..... bc big mom is severely strong and powerful and insane since birth#kaido can't even kill himself so same thing. blackbeard has the end all be all of devil fruits and then shanks is just there.#something smells fishy#they spent all the budget on the musical now we are back with this animation ajdhak#well baby luffy cameo.... always thinking about luffy being a good swimmer.... the anchor t shirt is a foreshadowing ajdhskdjks#yasopp talking about his son.... WELL WHERE IS HE????#maybe shanks power is being an alcoholic..... who knows....#luffy calling shanks pathetic is so funny this kid has anger issues.... his powers reveal is so funny ajdkajak to this day....#i was gonna be pissed about the flashbacks but little luffy is too good#this is my fucked up theory about shanks is that he gives up his arm and his hat when luffy eats the fruit.... idk why yet ill figure it ou#lmao but HOW do you leave a kid with a devil fruit just there.... he must have known who his grandpa is or smth.... like garp muat have wen#after him for an explainatiom or smth#shanks doing two 180 spims before putting the hat on luffy... the pizzazz.... the drama.....#well what was i saying.... evil shanks or smth... hidden intentions idk.... why isnt shanks pirate king yet... suspicious....#MAKINO HAS A BABY... and back to ad breaks... another asexual reproduction specimen see.... i know i am right#REIJU GAVE LUFFY A RAID SUIT FOR SANJI AKDHAKDJKS#him wearing black clothes..... like shirt and everything....#sanji saying they already have franky to be weird akdhaks#NAMI KEPT ZEUS!!!!!!!!! FIRST SLAVE AND SANJI IS JEALOUS AKDHAKDHSKSJ 'I WAS THE FIRST SIMP!!'#but with part of her soul being away form big mom.... how.... she is coming back for that#luffy planned everytjing HAHAHAHHAHA oof bonneh on the sidelines of the paper... i know i know....#sanji realising his rep went up bc of germa ajsjahdj where is namis bounty??? and luffys????#back to the reverie.....SHIRAHOSHI IS GOING YEAAAAHHHH (bc luffy might call her weak again no other reason)#crocodile smiling at the paper... i see you#cavendish and barto spreading gossip ajdhak garp must be fuming!!!!#LUFFY IS THE FIFTH YONKOU??? ALREADY!!???? i said he has no territories....but maybe gyojin island counts#just saw a comment saying makinos child is shanks b plan in case luffy fails akdhaksjk#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 878
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why must the sexiest bitches suffer the worst aggies
#not gonna lie I think this was my second time having smth w codeine and it didn’t? really do anything? like the relief lasted maybe 20mins#half hour at the most before it started being more than an ache again#like it wasn’t excruciating it was back at what’s been my standard Noticeably Painful But Can Be Sort Of Ignored level so. wasn’t worth#staying on ward but like. isn’t codeine meant to be ur severe pain thing. like surely that should’ve taken the Noticeably Painful pain too#for longer than half an hour#iunno#anyway like I said second(?) time and it didn’t really seem like much so idk if I just like. function at pain levels#where I probably shouldn’t still be alive like. on the weekly. or if I’m just one of the lucky ones who doesn’t process the drug as I should#I love knowing smth is still obviously wrong but having normal test results and not really having other resources or any clue what to look @#I’m very heavily torn between “I must be being dramatic / it’s a psychosomatic thing” and “there really feels like something physically#wrong but I don’t know what or who to ask or how to find out what it is”#exhausting shit#I don’t even necessarily want A Solution I just wanna know what the fucks wrong at this point#mercury.txt
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Was going to do some oni file digging but got too distracted playing the actual video game. Anyways look at her <3
#rat rambles#oni posting#her icon does not do her justice she is so fucking cute#I fucking adore her#anyways ny thoughts on the new dlc are mostly positive so far although I do have some nitpicks#now to be clear to the fellow lore enjoyers in chat this is a fairly log light dlc unfortunately#which doesnt suprise me since god knows they don't like talking abt dupes too directly in the logs and this dlc is all abt the bionic dupes#which I see as a positive thing generally but I do wish there was a smidgen bit more to justify why they can be printed now#just an extra my log at the start that says woah I found some fancy robo guys in my printing database would have been nice#but other than that I do like the continuing tensions between gravitas and the vexus institute brewing#and I also like the pronoun confirmation on jackie's probably mom I'm glad we're seeing more of her#Im also glad theyve so far had jackie say jack shit abt her probably mom and her going ons I hope it mostly stays that way#I'm open to getting some of jackies words on the family drama but I want it to be shown not told#so like idk. maybe a conversation between them or smth. and keep it vague and up to interpretation#I like my jackie characterization hard to find and unpack#as for the actual gamplay stuff Im definitely enjoying the different playstyle of the bionic dupes a lot so far#I havent gotten far enough into my test run to rly know how they feel in long term colonies but they are quite fun so far#I like how they add some pretty strong early game benefits while also adding a pretty important early research racing#I also enjoy their oxygen tanks but I have noticed that they tend to chose weird and sometimes extremely inconvenient places to refill#I don't think I rly understand their logic for chosing spots yet but I thinkkkk they might be trying to chose somewhere away from general#living areas? I could be wrong though I have seen them recharge directly by cots before but maybe its based on the pod location idk#but yeah this is me screaming at ulti to stop recharging by a tiny spec of oxygen surrounded by slimelung infested polluted oxygen#so basically sending them out to germy or unbreathable environments is theoretically safe most of the time but it's not as safe as a suit#that combined with their adverse reactions to liquid and extreme temperatures does still leave need for athmosuits#which is a good thing to be clear#in theory this also means that oxygen masks can still be of use to a bionic dupe even if it isnt necessary#especially if theyre making large transit that risks them running out of oxygen and trying to refill inside an contaminated area#but yeah if I had one complaint abt the bionic dupes it would be that I wish there were a few more#I get not wanting to bloat the dupe count but you can and will see duplicates within the early game#there isn't a lot of variety with them which makes bionic dupe heavy colonies feel less appealing to me
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now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.
idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.
just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.
like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.
#like obviously in the immediate moment it's just ok im gonna pass out and maybe die if I don't drink some juice rn. i will drink juice#but i keep feeling like i must be doing smth wrong because i just keep crashing more and more often#i don't THINK it's from the metformin i think it's that it's always happened and i just notice now#bc I've been seeing an endocrinologist and actually reporting and getting feedback on my symptoms#the same way i had super obvious PMDD but didn't put it together until i stopped having periods and the mood swings went away#but im still like what if im basically on this diabetes medication when im not supposed to be and it's making my blood sugar too low#even though i know it WAS too high before and it was gonna eventually give me diabetes#but i didn't crash as much#and it could also just be that whatever is wrong w me happens to be getting worse around the same time I'm starting treatment#cos I didn't have it until like a year into the meds and i haven't changed dosage or anything#and i know late teens early 20s are when lots of chronic illnesses start to show symptoms although diabetes skews older#idk. idkkkkk. it's really frustrating i just wanna know what's wrong with me and if what im doing is helping#and i have to keep just testing my blood every 3 months hoping i still look better on paper not knowing if shit is working#like idk i guess id rather deal with occasional hypoglycemia than risk going into a coma or blindness from t2#but this sucks rn and i wish i could go back to being healthy or at least not realizing i was sick
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#do I???? have a crush???#I've genuinely never had a crush so I genuinely don't know if this is it?????#like; I've been excited before bc of making friends; and I mean REALLY excited; but somehow i feel it different???#or maybe not???#do I just find her super cool???#like; we've literally just met I need to chill???#like; I've never gotten the difference between romantic and platonic 'love'; so sometimes I was like#'what if I have a crush in one of my friends and I just haven't realized?🤔'#so I tried to; like; imagine??? if I wanted to date them or smth; and it was an obvious and immediate nope#but with this girl... idk??? it doesn't feel so wrong i guess???#but then again we barely know each other we met barely some weeks ago😭😭😭😭#we've been talking every day tho; and I just feel so comfortable???#bruh idfk what the fuck am I feeling anymore 😭😭😭😭#I'm probably just freaking out for nothing but anyways
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ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far
#there are parts ive kinda disagreed with either what shes saying or how shes saying it but i mean given the whole point of the book i doubt#that the author would take offense at that and would in fact encourage it esp given that its a book and not a convo#like. i should hope i have some disagreements with just the introductory chapter‚ she hasnt had a chance to fully explain herself yet and#i feel like having a written record of my disagreement before potentially changing my mind is very much in the spirit of the ideas this book#is offering yknow#like at one point shes talking about religious perspectives on wrongness and says some scholars believe its abt like#our wrongness comes from eden‚ our lack of understanding of absolute right and wrong that god has#but its like. ok but the whole point with the garden of eden was that the lack of knowledge of right and wrong /was/ the extra knowledge#god had and we didnt that prevented us from sinning#eating of the tree and Gaining the knowledge of good and evil was what gave humans the ability to sin in the first place#because if we cant know something is wrong and choose to do it anyways then what is the sin?#its like how with animals we don't see them killing each other as wrong#because they dont have 'morals' like we do‚ they dont have a sense of right vs wrong so the things they do cant be classified that way#so idk if its like. thats just a difference in how my church taught us vs the scholars the author checked out#or just like. a misunderstanding in the story of eden?#i just dont get presenting eden as the example for 'we dont have the knowledge of right and wrong god does so thats what makes us able to#do wrong' when the whole thing with that story was like.#gaining the knowledge of right and wrong was what gave us that ability. like thats just backwards#(also disclaimer that i am not a christian and do not actually believe in these things‚ im just using the language as if i do here to kinda#speak from the perspective of my past self who /did/ believe it)#so im excited to find out if like. shes gonna expand further on that (next chapter is abt history so maybe) and ill be like#ohhhhh ok i see what that meant#or if ill be like 'hm yeah you just maybe had a misconception abt how the garden of eden story worked'#and like i can kinda see room for the first one already in that it said like 'we dont have gods /absolute/ knowledge of right and wrong'#so theyre saying like. we were given /some/ of the knowledge of good and evil‚ but that that in and of itself didnt /actually/ bring us up#to gods understanding of it#idk its been a while since i reread the bible‚ i do kinda remember there being a second tree? but i dont think it was like#'tree of full onniscience' i thought it was the tree of eternal life or smth#or maybe im just mixing up the bible and the narnia remix of it? i know there is a tree of eternal life in the magicians apprentice#origibberish
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I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .
#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk#its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared#of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the#but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character#and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest#and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending#but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good#enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else#but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say#bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place#again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up#guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy#flappy rambles
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could u do Rafe x Thornton!reader where maybe instead of pope sinking toppers boat they’re acc trying to sink readers boat while her and Rafe are on it and pope runs into her or smth???
The forbidden zone || Rafe Cameron x Thornton!reader
A/n: idk if i like this one, especially the ending 😭
Warnings: literally just swearing
Word count: 737
MASTERLIST (rafe x thornton!reader au masterlist)
divider by @h-aewo
Pope’s eyes widen in disbelief as he takes in the sight of the gleaming Ferretti Yachts 580 docked outside your house. The yacht’s sleek design and shiny exterior exude luxury and wealth. JJ, equally stunned, stares at the boat with his mouth slightly agape.
“This is war, Pope,” JJ declares, his voice tinged with a mix of awe and determination. “They hit us, so we hit them right back.” Pope swallows hard, trying to process the sight before him. “Is that even Topper’s boat? Could be his parents’ or—”
JJ cuts him off, pulling up his neck gaiter with a resolute shrug. “Who cares? It’s parked outside their place, so they must own it.” With a resigned exhale, Pope peels off his shirt, his frustration palpable. He takes a deep breath, then leaps into the water.
~
With your AirPods in, you’re sprawled out on the sun lounger of your family’s newest yacht, basking in the luxury of the latest addition to their boat collection. This sleek, state-of-the-art vessel was a birthday gift, a perfect upgrade from your parents’ previous boat. Topper, with his 2020 Malibu, seemed downright envious in comparison.
You’re sipping on a chilled iced tea when your timer chimes, signaling it’s time to flip over. Deciding you need to reapply some sunscreen, you rise from your seat, looking around for Rafe, who is somewhere aboard the boat.
Removing your AirPods and humming along to a catchy tune, you stroll around the yacht. “Rafe?” you call out. “Babe, where are you—” As you turn a corner, you come to an abrupt halt, your eyes widening in shock.
Pope stands there, his face a mix of panic and surprise. “What are you doing here?” you demand, crossing your arms as you take in his distress. Your gaze shifts to the open door leading down into the bilge, and a sense of dread washes over you. “Uh…” Pope stammers, his fear palpable. You quickly piece together the situation and realise something is wrong.
Without wasting another second, you dash towards the bilge, your heart pounding in your chest. The area is dimly lit and cluttered with machinery. You scan the space rapidly, searching for any signs of trouble. Suddenly, you hear a loud splash and bolt outside, only to see Pope frantically swimming away from the boat.
“What the fuck?!” you yell, disbelief and anger mingling in your voice. The sound of hurried footsteps reaches your ears, and you turn to see Rafe approaching with a look of panic. “What? What happened?” he asks urgently.
“I found Pope snooping around the bilge,” you say quickly, your voice tight with anxiety. Rafe’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops as he processes the information. “What? Where the fuck is he now?” Rafe demands, his gaze following your finger as you point toward Pope’s boat. You both watch in stunned silence as Pope scrambles aboard his boat with the help of some blonde you could only imagine to be JJ.
Rafe’s frustration is palpable as he watches Pope’s boat disappear into the distance. He turns to you, his face etched with concern. “Did he touch you? Are you okay?” His hands grasp yours firmly, his eyes scanning your body for any signs of injury or distress. You shake your head, assuring him that you’re unharmed.
“What was he even doing here?” Rafe mutters, his voice a mix of confusion and anger. He pushes past you, heading briskly toward the open bilge door. “Do you think he was trying to sink the boat?” you ask, your voice tinged with worry as you lean against the doorway, watching him intently.
“Why the fuck would he do that?” Rafe snaps back, irritation colouring his tone. “I don’t know,” you reply, your voice tinged with frustration. “But why else would he be in the bilge room?” Rafe exhales sharply, his annoyance momentarily giving way to concern.
He turns to you and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close. His hands rest possessively on the curve of your hips, and you can feel the warmth of his body against yours. You lean in and press a gentle kiss to his neck.
“I think I should go tell Mum,” you say with a sigh, reluctantly pulling away from his embrace. Rafe nods, his expression firm and serious as he watches you walk off. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he scrolls through his contacts before clicking on Toppers contact.
Rafe
You won't fucking believe who snuck into your sister's boat while we were on it.
#rafe cameron x thornton!reader#drew starkey#rafe cameron#fanfiction#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#obx fanfiction#rafe cameron x oc#rafe imagine#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron outer banks#dark rafe cameron#outer banks x reader#outerbanks rafe#outer banks x you#outer banks x y/n#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x female reader#drew starkey x oc#outer banks fanfiction#outerbanks
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