#maybe i should flesh it out and post that analysis

[phyneire]

I dont thunk its unintentional that the first human to turn hilichurl is referred to as a caterpillar, Cater also takes on the moniker of "Chrysalis of the Phantasmic Moth." After assimilating into the Ordo.

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

My problem with Sallie May—a discussion of representation:

There’s been some discourse around Sallie May lately that’s gotten me thinking more about her. Not really as a character, but what her purpose is in the narrative and how she’s treated by the fandom and the show’s creators.

Sallie May is an interesting case study in representation without depth, and I wanted to talk a little more about what that means.

OPINION DISCLAIMER—I’m gonna be talking about how I personally view lgbtq+ and queer representation and what I consider to be well-rounded representation vs. empty or shallow representation.

Also. I am only one member of the queer community—I don’t speak for all lgbtq+ people, and I am DEFINITELY NOT trying to talk over other’s experiences. My opinions are my own, and if you agree with me, cool! And if you don’t agree with me, that’s great too!!

Also also. I don’t think I should have to say this but, this is NOT a personal attack on ANYONE involved w/i the production and creation of Helluva Boss. This is my own analysis, b/c I like to talk about media and the ways we interact with and interpret it.

So, with all of that out of the way, if you’re interested in my analysis, let’s talk about Sallie May!! (TLDR @ end of post)

First do want to make it clear that my issue is not actually with her like…existing. Or with her general characterization. Mostly because, even with Hell’s Belles, she still doesn’t really have a very strong characterization to begin with, and isn’t a fully-fleshed out character.

In her initial appearance she was a bit-character, bordering on just being a straight up background character. She had three lines in her debut (and to date, ONLY) appearance in the show proper.

Until Hell’s Belles we knew next to nothing about her other than that she likes violence and also that she has a neighborhood body count? Which. I don’t know if they were trying to imply that she’s a serial killer, I doubt that was the intent. Or maybe they were. I can’t know.

Regardless, I honestly believe they didn’t really think the implications of that writing decision through at all. There’s a very real and very harmful “trans serial killer/murderer” trope in media, and while the impact is definitely lessened by the vast majority of HB characters being violent murderers—it still feels weird having the only trans character we’ve seen at this point be literally INTRODUCED to the audience by the fact that she’s a murderer, and to then be given NO further information on her.

Luckily, we DID get more information about Sallie, even if it was still very little and surface level. In Hell’s Belles we learn that Sallie May and Millie used to be a lot closer, and that Sallie May felt left behind when Millie moved to the big city.

In the short, Sallie May expresses her frustration with having to pick up the slack around their family’s ranch, and that she’s been lonely without Millie there. Millie and Sally have a little heart to heart and are able to make up, and the short ends.

This is a nice little piece of backstory, and does give us slightly more insight into Sallie May and what her life is like, but because the episode is a short, we still really don’t get to know her as a person.

Like Millie, Sallie May doesn’t have any real depth. We only know starter information about her, like that she cares about her family, and that she’s violent.

But unlike Millie, Sallie May is a minor character. She has (at the time of my writing this) appeared in ONE episode of the actual show, and one short. She is a minor character, and the ONLY transgender character in the show with a name and lines.

So. Okay. Why does literally any of that matter??? Who cares if Sallie May is an under-developed minor background character??

Well, in my opinion, it matters because the show-runners frame and treat Sallie May as if she is a main character, without actually writing her—or any trans character for that matter—as a main character.

This really rubs me the wrong way, because it comes across as tokenism.

In my opinion since she was introduced, Sallie May has become a token transgender character—an excuse for the HB writers to not write or develop more transgender, nonbinary, and gender diverse characters and stories, because they already have one.

I worry that, if anyone rightfully points out that HB is severely lacking in gender-diverse characters and storylines, the creators and fandom will point to Sallie May as “proof” that they do have representation.

If HB is as radically queer and LGBTQ+ friendly as it claims to be, why do we only have ONE named trans character in the show’s 5 years of existence?

Due to all of the above, I find I can’t agree with people who praise the show for its representation, because of how stunted it is. I just don’t think I, or anyone, should have to read sources outside of the narrative to learn important parts of a character’s identity.

I feel this very deeply as a lesbian and nonbinary person—I understand that most of the women characters in Helluva Boss are sapphic, but I ONLY know that because of the HB Pride Print that came out just this year. I have not actually gotten to SEE any of these character’s sexualities fully represented, and it’s because of this that I struggle to see myself represented in HB in any way.

I do need to clarify that what I am NOT SAYING is that no one can feel represented by Sallie May, or that if they do, they’ve been tricked somehow by writers into thinking they got more representation than they actually did.

Sallie May is a very popular character, and because of that I honestly would like to see more of her. I want to see more of her because she’s the only trans character on the show, and I want her to be properly developed.

I talked previously about how I enjoyed Hell’s Belles, but wished we had gotten to see more of Sallie and Millie’s relationship in the actual show. Their relationship has a lot of potential to show the unique ways in which siblings interact and navigate conflict, but we only got to see a few seconds of them interacting in Sallie’s debut. The short gives us an idea of what Sallie’s personality is like, but it’s so brief that I still don’t feel like we really KNOW her on a deeper level.

To me, three lines + one short with a brief backstory doesn’t feel like the sort of amazing representation that fans of the show laud Helluva Boss for.

As a series that often boasts about its queer and trans rep and inclusivity, I can’t help but feel like Sallie May should either have been a main character from the very beginning, or that she shouldn’t have been trotted out like some sort of bastion of trans representation, when the only indication she is trans is her horns/white roots.

And yes. As a genderqueer gay I KNOW that it can be extremely tiring to have all of our stories revolve around our struggles and ONLY be about being LGBTQ+. I also want to see a variety of stories about queer people like me going on adventures and getting to do things that don’t revolve around our struggles. But I also want to still actually see myself represented.

Not just know outside the story that, “oh that character is nonbinary, but it will not be mentioned in the narrative in any way and will not ever be important in the context of this character I’m supposed to see myself in.”

Madeline Maye talked about this specifically in her critique of Helluva Boss, and her pointing this out was kind of what made me realize that, yeah. Anyone watching Helluva Boss for the first time would probably have NO IDEA that Sallie Mae is a transgender woman.

It also made me realize that the only reason I knew that Sallie May was trans was because her VA, Morgana Ignis, who is also a trans woman, tweeted about it, and the official Helluva Boss Twitter retweeted it.

The original tweet is hidden now (Ignis has since left Twitter—idk why, I genuinely hope it wasn’t due to harassment—that’s never okay) but I was able to confirm that this was the case based on the HB wiki, and the official HB’s retweet still being up:

The only confirmation we’ve ever had that Sallie May is transgender has been outside of the show—either from social media Q&As and the show’s wiki or merch—

Sallie May has a LOT of merch. Like a lot, this isn’t even all of it. And yes, SOME of the merch is from the recently released “Hell’s Belles” short, but the vast majority of it is from the 3 years since her initial introduction.

The vast majority of it is also highly sexualized, and highlights Sallie’s penis through her swimsuit. Now, I’m aware that Morgana Ignis requested this, and I honestly don’t have too much of an opinion on it. I’m not a trans woman, and I’ve seen multiple opinions from trans women on this design choice for Sally’s merch. I’ve seen some trans women say that they liked and felt represented by this choice, and some say that they felt objectified and that it made them dysphoric. This is one of those situations where I don’t think everyone can be pleased—like I said at the beginning of this post, LGBTQ+ people are as diverse in their opinions as we are in our identities and self-expression, and I think everyone’s feelings regarding Sallie’s portrayals in the merch are valid.

I bring it up because, other than the wiki explaining that Sallie May has “male horns”, this is the only other way to confirm that Sally is trans, as it is never acknowledged in the story. I bring it up because I don’t think merch should be the only way an LGBTQ character’s identity is validated.

I assume that all of Sallie Mae’s merch is because of her popularity, but I also can’t help but wonder if this has contributed to the impression that Sallie is a main character, when, in the narrative so far, she is still a minor one.

I don’t believe that when she was originally created to be a “token trans” character, but since her introduction, there have not been any main characters that are transgender, nonbinary, or genderqueer.

We’ve only had one other trans character with a speaking role—this imp:

Who is FTM. He seems to know Blitz from a while back, and talks Blitz into staying at the party. Then he watches him drunkenly make out with random people with another (I assume) trans imp who is probably MTF:

(Also—as an aside, this scene kinda bothers me?? I don’t THINK this was the intention at all, but having a VERY CLEARLY drunk off of his ass Blitz, who can’t meaningfully consent at this time, being watched, and almost like…leered at by two of the only visibly trans characters in the show…it feels gross. Like why are two of the only other confirmed trans characters voyeuristically watching a drunk man who can’t consent making out? It would be one thing if we had a story full of different trans characters who acted in all sorts of different ways, but at this time these two are 2/3rds of the show’s ENTIRE trans rep. With the other 1/3rd being introduced to us as a serial killer. Like. Guys. What is it that you’re trying to say?)

Apparently Sallie May’s VA has stated the below on Social Media, and stated that there’s a lot more coming for Sallie May in the future. And that’s great!!! I really really want to believe that.

But I look at the above and can’t help but wonder…if this is the case, why did it take three years for her to get another appearance? In just a short? Why wasn’t she given more focus and importance from the very beginning, in her introductory episode? If her original appearance wasn’t representative of her and Millie’s relationship then why did they even write it that way???

I want to believe all of the above—that Sallie May actually WILL get to become a main character. But I look at the way she’s been barely portrayed, and the way that she’s basically been used to just sell merch, and it makes me sad.

I would love to see more of her, more of any trans characters that aren’t 2 second background characters, but I honestly have a hard time believing we ever will when the episodes take as long as the do to come out, and the when the episodes focus so heavily on shipping pre-existing pairings.

As a lesbian, I would love to see Sallie May get a girlfriend, but given Spindlehorse’s track record with lackluster sapphic pairings and representation, I don’t have much hope of seeing that either.

I just. If you managed to get all the way through this heinously long post, thank you for reading. If you didn’t, that’s very fair (lol) and I’ve got the tldr for you here—

TLDR:

—My issue with Sallie May is not actually with Sallie May at all. It’s with the fact that we don’t get enough of Sallie May, or any trans characters, for that matter.

—You can, of course, feel represented by any character, but I think it’s important to ask yourself how you are being represented, and if you are actually being represented.

—Not every queer/trans/lgbt story has to explicitly be about being queer. The stories in which we are represented should be as diverse and vibrant as all the members of our community. But, I still want to actually be able to tell and to see that the characters are lgbtq+. If a character is a lesbian or sapphic, I want to see her show an interest in other women. If a character is transgender I want to see that acknowledged by the narrative, whether it’s the character mentioning their transition or just saying they’re trans. I want to SEE myself and other queer identities. Not just know that they’re there.

[yurucamp]

Hello Io!

I'm planning to write an essay and analysis about Flesh Blood and Concrete, so I wanted to ask a few questions. (of course no pressure to answer any of them)

Firstly, should I be checking all of the artifacts for meaning? I've dissected symbolism out of many of them already, but should I try to figure out all of them? I saw that in an older post you referenced the artifacts as "...items which evoke that bygone peaceful world." Does that mean they're completely customized to Lera?

Secondly, how cannon are are Violet's (Gay_as_fuck on ao3) stories? Because, if they are mostly cannon, I want to talk about them a bit! Or should I not worry about them and focus on just the game and what I can find here?

Thirdly, is there anything you think should be highlighted? For example, posts I might have missed in your blog, or a particular artifact from the game. Or maybe even a lore tidbit that has yet gone unshared? I think I've been fairly through, but who knows.

I might have a few more questions in the future, but that's all for now. Thank you for any and all answers! I hope you have a wonderful day.

hi! i'm honored, i hope you'll give me the chance to read your essay once you're done :3 in general, i think it might be misleading to look at everything in the game as a puzzle hiding a specific, intentional symbolic meaning; rather, my interest is in objects which take on a variety of different meanings individual to the player. so don't feel despondant if you don't "get" why i included a specific object, because i probably don't "get" it either haha. but yes, the idea is that all of the objects (and the setting of the house as a whole) is "built for" lera.

vi's stories are canon! well, i'm sure there are things there that might not be a part of my own version of the story, but for the most part i wouldn't hesitate to call them canon. vi was a huge help in the creation of the game and my beloved forever pal

as for anything i think should be highlighted... that's tough! er, have i mentioned before that nika's like a puddingstone inside, that she's sort of a weird collection of the wrong types of tissue in the wrong places? thus, she can bend her arms in all sorts of unsettling directions. oh, and she can't sleep.

i hope you have a fantastic day too and don't hesitate to write me if you think of anything else~ i can't promise i'll have anything smart to say, but i'll try...

[akito-shinonome-daily]

➥ doodle dump but i couldn’t decide on a caption so all three candidate captions below

➥ warning for wips, no context, yapping, and angst — the rest are below the cut

➥ the tiefling au ones are a bit older but i happened to clean up the lines and color them. that was in my “i only draw heads” phase, which has given way to my “i only draw sketchy figures” phase

➥ yall might recognise these as sketches for pieces i ended up finishing :)

➥ vbs twewy au. i think akito and toya’s synced attack should be like josh and neku’s ice and fire attack. i saw fanart with rindo kanade (i think?) that loosely inspired the meiko and kohane one

➥ T stop making aus where kohane keeps her pre-main story appearance challenge (level IMPOSSIBLE)

my caption candidates:

➥ me when i pop off in the notes app during class

➥ au doodles but the kagamines lost the context like they lost akito’s memoriees that one time

➥ quick everyone’s asleep drop the no context wips

➥ idk i love coming up with AUs i have like 3 other fleshed-out-ish AUs that aren’t even shown here. i also don’t know if people like seeing wips / doodles? or AUs? maybe it helps people to see wips? i dont think i’m like that great of an artist by i think my figures are pretty decent. i try to push myself to go for vibes and expression over perfection hence my fun colors and notes app (takes the pressure off, keeps me from getting too caught up in every line being perfect). i know this blog technically just the You Will Get A Picture Of Akito Shinonome On Your Dash Every Day blog but i feel like yall probably would enjoy more akitos in most cases. i don’t make too many clean / finished pieces these days but i actually have been doodling a lot more these last 2 weeks than i have in months. guess that seasonal depression got hands or smth smh my head

➥ OK end of ramble thank you to anyone who actually read this far <3 i know i don’t post as much story commentary / analysis as other characters focused blogs but do know that akito and vbs do still live in my brain rent free and i am so proud of their growth <333

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I saw one au where Metal Sonic's creation had him believing he was Sonic (because he was quite literally created with Sonic's memories and bio data), so he thought initially that the "real" Sonic was an imposter implanted by Eggman and that Eggman had turned him into a robot that couldn't speak

And I must admit it changed my brain chemistry because I periodically think about it

Today, though, it's for Mettails thoughts because I think Metal who has all of Sonic’s memories prior to creation would have thoughts about the "imposter" taking not only his friends, but his little buddy.

Can't Tails see that it's him? Maybe he can't speak anymore, maybe he's not flesh and blood, maybe he carries all the marks of an Eggman robot, but he doesn't want to hurt his little buddy. It's the "imposter" he has beef with, but with Tails, is there any way to get him to take the hint?

And then Metal Sonic grappling over the truth, learning that he's the copy, the imposter, and that Eggman created him. Does this mean his feelings are fake? What does he do with this? Aside from following Eggman's orders (which he has no choice but to do), does he not have a purpose? What's the point of fighting when to fight the real thing's friends and little buddy just hurts?

And yet, he doesn't want to go away. He doesn't want to just blindly follow Eggman, but he can't leave the empire even if he wanted. His fabricated memories and feelings compel him to seek adventure, to help his friends, to be around Tails—all things he cannot have.

So, for a time, he's at a standstill. He puts his passion and frustration into fighting and racing the real thing, he follows Eggman's orders, enacting loopholes where he can (largely to avoid hurting those he feels Sonic's feelings towards).

Does he lean into it? Does he accept these feelings and how they compel him? Does he follow Eggman's orders and put his all into finding loopholes to aiding and protecting Tails and the others under the radar? Does he decide to become better than the real thing—become the new him? Does he try to take his place in a naive attempt to claim the position from his fake memories? Or, does he reject it all outright? Does he try to beat Sonic to distance himself from him? Does he go all in on becoming different? Or does he go further, distancing himself not just to beat or surpass the real thing, but to go his own path? Does he abandon these fabricated feelings and memories altogether?

I don't see Tails caring all that much for Metal Sonic beyond picking the robot apart to analyze Eggman's more impressive tech, much less understanding why Sonic would want to give him a chance at freedom or would revive him once they've deactivated and damaged him (this is a reference to the early idw chapters post the neo metal return arc). But what if, by chance, Tails and Metal end up locked in a predicament together.

They're far away from anyone else, in a place neither of them know of. Perhaps, after an ordeal, a fight, the two wake up in a cave.

Tails wakes up in pain and exhausted. His anxiety spikes the moment he sees Metal Sonic, already preparing to defend himself

But Metal (who'd gotten up before him, clearly damaged) just prods at the fire he'd set so Tails wouldn't be cold as he slept. Rather than move to lift a metal finger against Tails, he lets out a short round of alarmed beeps, motions for Tails to sit down

Tails doesn't trust Metal outright of course, but after a bit of time (and analysis of his situation), he realizes how Metal is taking care of him. He's wary of making Metal fully operational (not that he really can without spare parts, but that's besides the point), but he begins to tentatively trust him. Perhaps, as they start out isolated, the two work together to get to safety and to figure out the gravity of their situation

And once the two are back to their respective sides and they get the chance to heal and rest, Tails can't shake that feeling of kinship that should have been temporary. In this moment, he feels that he may understand why Sonic would want to give Metal Sonic a chance at all (beyond the obvious reasons Sonic would still want a robot that can match him to stay active). However, Metal Sonic's display of care and protectiveness towards him bewilders him a bit. Because...it must be genuine, right? But what does it mean?

And Metal, meanwhile, feels bitterness and hope all at once. Maybe, after this event, he decides he will lean into those feelings where he can. His memories and feelings were all fabricated, fake, copies, but this decision is the only thing he has control over.

Maybe Metal decides (like replica riku in chain of memories) that he doesn’t care if his old memories and feelings are fake?

He can never be the real flesh and blood Sonic, but he can be himself. He can be a better Sonic (and one day, he will wrest control of his own life back) by doing what he can where he's at, taking a path that is not the one of the hero (because Metal Sonic doesn't need heroism or cheap praise). And, whether these feelings are fake or not, he'll keep those friends of Sonic's alive no matter what.

And, perhaps, by the time his plans turn to world domination in Eggman's place, keeping his creator and controller from having any power over him, he hopes that Sonic’s friends will accept their place in the world that he creates (he wants them to live happily of course), and he hopes that Tails will take that offered place at his side. Metal would prove that the real thing was inferior and weak, but he could "fix" the world into one in which he and Tails and the others can live and enjoy.

...

Sorry kinda went off for a minute there

I just think it would be interesting to cross Metal Sonic's creation with that au idea that person made that has me in a chokehold with Replica Riku KH and with some canon metal/idw metal happenings. Also I'm rotating Overlord Neo Metal trying to convince Tails to rule with him (and trying to convince himself that he can convince Tails to do it if he just proves himself the right way. Starline style if you know what I mean) in my brain. Metal who has Sonic's memories and feelings choosing to keep and lean into Sonic's attachment to Tails

[emeryhiro]

Do you think Carol would have continued to stay with Ezekiel had Henry not died? For me, Carol's married era in the Kingdom is a conundrum - because on the one hand, I love that she got to experience some peace and happiness after being put through the wringer both emotionally and mentally. I love that she was able to save Henry and at least partly come to peace with the fact that she was able to find and save this kid - when she has lost so many in the past (which makes it all the more heartbreaking she has go through all of that again in s10 - I love s10 but it so emotionally hard to watch as a Carol fan). But - in the second half of s9 whenever Carol is shown in the Kingdom, it feels a little wrong - like maybe she doesn't belong. She is smiling so widely and brightly - and it is so great to see her lighthearted - but something somewhere just feels off. Even her appearance - her clothes - they don't feel like her. I can't quite pinpoint it. Or I could be just looking at it through shipper goggles. Lol.

I absolutely adore your narrative breakdowns of these two. I don't have much hope for Caryl in TBOC but I am definitely looking forward to your analysis of the episodes to come.

Hi Anon 😊

Thank you so much for the kind words! They truly mean so much to me 🩵🩵🩵

I already have my thoughts/breakdown of TBOC episode 1 written up, which should be posted as soon as episode 1 is released to everyone. I honestly can't wait for everyone to see it and get everyone's thoughts on it as well.

Now, regarding your question...

This is such a good question, and I really had to think about it for a bit to be able to express my thoughts properly.

The short answer is yes, but ultimately, no. I think Carol would have stayed with Ezekiel if Henry had lived, at least for as long as they were in a good place. I know that seems like a cop-out of an answer, but I'll flesh it out a little bit.

Carol was happy enough with Ezekiel, and she would have probably continued to be with him until their situation changed and they had to go through some form of hardship as they naturally would've at some point or another in an apocalypse. Even if it wasn't for losing Henry, there would have been something else that would have pulled them apart because despite them being happy enough, their relationship lacked the depth to withstand severe adversity. They loved each other, but they weren't IN love, if you know what I mean.

If by some miracle they didn't face any hardship of any kind, then yep they probably would stay together for two main reasons (and trust me, this hurts my Caryl shipper heart to say):

Loyalty/Convenience: As we've seen, Carol is an incredibly loyal person. We don't know Ezekiel as well as we know Carol, but from what I could tell, he seems to be a very loyal person as well.

Trauma/Sacrifice: The only person that Carol would hypothetically leave Ezekiel for would be Daryl. But both Carol and Daryl have experienced way too much trauma to actually come clean about their feelings, not unless something huge happened to push them to do so. Daryl would never ever think he's good enough for Carol, or that he could make her happy compared to how Ezekiel appeared to make her. And Carol would feel the exact same way about Daryl, and she'd also be content with (as you said) the peace and happiness of staying with Ezekiel because she would never think she deserved anything better than that.

Ultimately, the perfect circumstances that would have kept Carol and Ezekiel together are near impossible in the world they live in. Starting a family with Ezekiel and Henry definitely helped Carol heal from some of her past trauma with Ed and Sofia, but ultimately the deeper traumas and wounds that she had yet to face and heal from (as she will in TBOC) would have never healed if she stayed with Ezekiel. They would have eventually been naturally pulled apart because neither is made for the other.

I also think that Carol always sensed/knew that her relationship with Ezekiel had an expiration date, and she had probably prepared for that inevitable end from the start of the relationship, while Ezekiel on the other hand, was less willing to accept that their relationship was at its end when Carol tried to return the ring in S9EP16.

Regarding Caryl...

I honestly don't blame you for not having much hope for Caryl, especially with all the mixed messages being sent around with the current publicity campaign. And I'm not sure if this will mean anything or change anything for you, but I'm personally still confident that canon is where we're heading. And as I've said in my previous posts, especially in the summary section of my last one (here), it makes sense (at least to me) for them to wait until season 3 to finally make Caryl officially canon.

I'm just gonna fangirl here for a second, but I believe (since the first time I saw them 12 years ago) that Carol and Daryl are soulmates, and I don't just mean platonic soulmates, but soulmates in every sense of the word. So, in my mind, based on all the evidence I've seen, one way or another, they will be together in the end. But like I said, that's in my mind. The final outcome for Caryl depends on Norman and Melissa's vision for the characters, which I understand may not align with mine, but I trust that no matter what they end up giving us, it's still gonna be a fantastic story ♡

~~~~

Thank you again for the really interesting question ♡♡♡ I hope my answer made sense and got my thoughts across properly.

I can't explain how excited I am about TBOC and seeing Carol and Daryl in the same frame again. ONLY 19 DAYS TO GO!! 🥰🎉

[thunderstomm]

I think you should write that analysis about Dev and Heath.

Thanks for the ask!

You're referring to the analysis I referenced wanting to write over on my twitter, i assume! I'm surprised people actually want to hear my thoughts in regards to this, especially considering how small the target audience for it would be (people who have watched both shows).

I do actually have an outline and some dot points written down regarding my thoughts, so maybe I'll flesh them out and post it on here in the future!

[twopoppies]

hello! About the post on Harry and the trans-flares... I've been a fan of Harry's for so long, and the idea of him showing us (in ways that he can) who he really is, is incredible to me, as I feel now I can see a peek of who this precious person is, and can support his true, authentic self... However, I'm struggling to understand how best to do that; basically, I'm asking if you or anyone else can help me with resources about trans-flares or Harry (maybe) being trans, what that entails, what sort of signs/indications to look out for, and how to support him... This is not the most fleshed-out ask, but I just wanted to quickly pen out how... healed I feel at the possibility that Harry is telling us who he is, and we can support him for who he is authentically as well... thank you!

Hi, darling. I’m not sure what trans-flares means. It’s a term I’m not familiar with. But you can look through my HARRY’S GENDER tag. I’ve got a lot in there. I linked it so you can look through it in chronological order. FINE LINE VISUALS might be helpful, too. There are also some tags about specific songs that might be interesting like SHE SONG ANALYSIS and FINE LINE SONG ANALYSIS and LITTLE FREAK SONG ANALYSIS and LIGHTS UP SONG ANALYSIS

There are probably some other tags you’ll find while looking through those, but I think that should give you a good start.

Fine Line, the album, is such a masterpiece and opening yourself up to the idea that so much of it is connected to his gender identity and gender expression makes everything about the album so much bigger. I’m honestly so in awe that he shared so much of himself with us.

[agenericplaceholdername]

2024 Masterpost

With the start of 2025, I thought I’d compile some of my posts from 2024.

Theories

Why Jay and Nya Can Remember Skybound

Wu and Morro and the Allied Armor, oh my!

Frak's Pies and the Crystalized->Merge Time Jump

Without the Blood Moon, Ras Would Have Succeeded

Mistress Obscuria, Elemental Heritability, and the Ninjago Timeline

Long-ish Posts

This back and forth with @parachutingkitten outlines most of my thoughts on Dragons Rising S1-S2

The Five Endings of Ninjago

How Dragons Rising Handles the Ensemble

DRS2 v Dreamzzz YouTube Views

Were the Sacred Flutes Created During the Serpentine War?

Where did the Serpentine Come From?

The Tournament of Elements vs The Tournament of Sources

What Does "Shattering Goodness" Mean?

Why the FSM Lineage Shouldn’t Be Royalty

Would Kai be Overprotective of Wyldfyre?

DR S1 E1-5, S1 E6-10, S1 E11-15, S1 E16-20, S2 E1-5, and S2 E6-10 Thoughts

Ninjago Ideas Without "Wasted Potential"

Shorter posts

My Issue with "Snaketastrophy" (Harumi)

When Will the Live-Action Movie Release?

Rapton and Lloyd in DRS2E11

The Missing Moon

Wu's Growth from S1 to S15

Other

Election Night in Ninjago

Dinner at the Monastery

Video edits (the ones I'm most proud of)

Arin and the Ninja

Arin and the Ninja (ft. "Elements of Betrayal")

Sora and Jordana

Who Caused the Merge?

"The Fall of the Green Ninja"

"Princess" Vania

For the new year, I’ve got several longer analysis/criticism posts that I’ve been sitting on for some time, outlining how the Ice Chapter and Crystalized fail to live up to the ideas they set up, but also some of my potential changes. This is well trodden fandom ground, but I haven’t seen anyone suggesting what I’ve been thinking. Maybe I’ll finally finish those. 

Also looking at an analysis of Skybound (again, well covered) that covers a specific angle I also haven’t seen anyone discuss in depth (though considering how much discussion of Skybound exists, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone had). 

Before DR S3P1 airs I’ll post my thoughts on DRS2P2, both episode by episode and an analysis of how S4 handles its mysteries better. Probably do some DRS3 predictions before the whole season gets leaked.

Last, I’m thinking about building on my “Election Night” post with a full deep dive into my (as canon-compliant as possible) look into what Ninjago politics might look like. Worldbuilding in Ninjago tends more toward fleshing out ancient lore, but I think the average citizen’s perspective to the events of the show is cool to think about. 

Will I get all this stuff done? Probably not, this list is more of a way to set goals. A lot of my earlier posts were clips with some of my own analysis. Those aren't gonna be gone but I'm definitely cutting back on them, mainly because I only have so many ideas. A new post a day with an accompanying video just wasn't sustainable. But if you’re interested in longer-form Ninjago analysis, feel free to follow and at some point it should show up in your feed! 

Here's some other stuff:

Favorite Ninja: Zane from S1-4, Lloyd from S8-present. 

Favorite Seasons: I’m a big fan of S1, S4, S8, S9, S14, and DRS1. Don’t think these are particularly hot takes. If I had to pick I’d go with S8 but could be persuaded otherwise

Started watching: Back in 2012 as S2 was airing

That’s all I’ve got! If you ever see a post of mine and disagree, please (constructively!) do so—would always welcome a dialogue. (and ofc if you agree or just like the post, feel free to like it or reblog or whatever is most comfortable.) I'm still fairly new to this site but this whole experience has been great.

[kann1bal1st1c-vvh0r3yummyyummy]

Hello! I am the owner of this account, I go by Kanni! I am the host of a OSDD, fictive heavy, System. I’m also Autistic and I have ADHD. I use they/it/eye pronouns.

The TW and CW for my account;

⚠️Keep yourself safe, block, don’t report. This account is kinda nsfw on both sides of the horny and Gorey <3⚠️

- gore art

- Jokes about the medias I post

- Very dark humour

- Cannibalism jokes

- I post about my intrusive thoughts on here

- Swearing, talk about alcohol, drugs, smoking

- Cursed but weirdly detailed Analysis’ on cursed things

- “Cringe” content like gacha life 2

- Sometimes NSFW content, not of myself but head-canons of characters and fanfic ideas

- I repost like crazy

- I ship darkship and compship and proship stuff

- I am pro-fiction and anti-censorship

- this is a dead dove blog aka what you see on here is what you should expect.

This is my DNI list and stuff I won’t post about;

DNI if you are a/if you:

❤️ - leave!!!!!!! Block me or I’ll block you!!

🧡 - you can maybe stay, just don’t ask me about it….. and don’t let me see you……

💛 - you can stay just be careful

- MHA fans🧡

- Ppl who judge vent Content❤️

- Gacha haters🧡

- Endosys’💛

- Any of the Phobics (transphobic, homophobic)❤️

- Bullys ppl For no Reason❤️

- Supports Cringe culture❤️

- Ppl who have “No boundaries”❤️

- Ppl who sexualise mental illnesses ❤️

- Ppl who think Little space is A kink and think it should be sexualised. ❤️

- DREAM SMP fans💛

- 8:11 fans ❤️

- Dangonrompa fans💛

- Genshin impact fans 💛

- PPL WHO JUDGE ALTERS FOR THEIR SOURCE(S)❤️

- Ppl who judge Special interests and fixations❤️

- Ppl who judge other systems without a good reason❤️

- Ppl who don’t believe in witchcraft and therians/otherkin🧡

And I won’t post about:

- MHA

- DSMP

- 8:11

- Dangonrompa

- Genshin impact

- If it doesn’t peak my interest/If I don’t find it that interesting

- Things about my system/things about my alters

Now for a more positive note the stuff I will post about:

- ihnmaims

- my journey of being trans / non-binary, neopronoun and xenogender stuff

- The amazing digital circus

- The Magnus archives

- Demon slayer

- JJK

- One Piece

- my journey being non-human/alterhuman and fictionkin and just that stuff in general

- Boyfriend to death 1&2

- The price of flesh

- Fnaf

- Dsaf

- Hellsing

- Creepypasta

- Hannibal nbc

- vents, poetry n shit like that

- Witchcraft stuff

- Otherkin and Theiran stuff

- My ocs

- Hetalia

- my other socials! I censor myself more on other socials than on here, this is the EXTREME version of all my socials

- slenderverse (Marble hornets, EverymanHYBRID)

- Lacey games

- Bugbo and friends

- Kinitopet

- Gacha life 2

- Gore, cannibalism, shit like that

- My art

- A lot of analog horror stuff you just have to ask for one(examples; Mandela catalog, urban spook, man in the suit)

- Welcome home

- Talk about drugs(weed), alcohol and smoking

- Hazbin hotel

- cookie run kingdom

- madoka magica

- portal 1&2

- vampire chronicles

- transformers

- mouthwashing

- neon genesis evangelion

- Detroit become human

- darkship/compship/proship stuff!

- the sonic franchise

And that’s all! Ask blog is open!! Go right ahead and ask or request anything from that list!

Have a good day/afternoon/evening, my dear reader/viewer, if you gave me your time of course but none the less, Kanni, signing out for now <33

[wisteriasymphony]

adrien making any sexual relationship a prostitution dynamic is something i never thought about but it makes so much sense. is his love language gift-giving or does he only hide behind that sort of label because he thinks no one wants to have sex with him for the sake of it, because they actually enjoy his company without ulterior motives (i rly like thinking abt this even tho i sound incoherent rn i think maybe only claudia would have sex with him without wanting anything💀 atleast in tweos au?) also luka as joker.....the implications are something alright 😭

It's partially gift-giving, but more in the sense that he likes helping his s/o where they need it the most. ...And when you're one of the richest idiots in Paris, most of the time the one thing they need more than you is money.

Going a bit into a Marxist analysis of the Cannibalism Chapter , Adrien is conditioned to see himself as a resource first and person second. This is why being eaten alive is so tantalizing to him—it's the distribution of his "value" to those who are more worthy of it. (Actually, his interest in it is multifaceted, but I'll leave that for its own silly post.) So, this willingness to provide financially is an extension of that same desire. He finds that the pinnacle of his worth as a person is what others can exploit him for, as that is what he was raised to believe by his (exploitative) parents.

That kind of bled into your second guess as to why he would unconsciously hookerify his partners, but I do agree that that is also true—He has plenty of insecurities regarding people appreciating him for who he is. He has horrible abandonment issues and has felt unloved in most of his interpersonal relationships, so he will leverage anything he can if that means his partner won't leave him. This is why he hastily regifts Marinette's pastries to Claudia in Chapter 55: Not only has he been using his money to bribe Claudia into maintaining their relationship (before the breakup, that is), but now he's doing it with food, something that he knows Claudia has trouble getting. Chapter 55 is actually so good for showing off a taste of Adrien's more manipulative habits. Like with the prostitution thing, his intentions are... pure-ish? But it's still kind of scummy and pathetic, and I like when his flaws get to shine.

Also if Claudia wasn't so caught up in her reluctance to rely on others (because accepting gifts is, in her mind, what leads to people asking things from you in return), she would 100% be willing to continue the relationship even if it was solely financially driven. She does appreciate Adrien's company on its own, and she does genuinely care for him... but her issue with the dynamic is actually more that accepting money puts her in a "debt" to him and she doesn't like where that could lead. This was the intended implication of her Ch49 spiel to Karra, and later fleshed out in her conversation with Chat in Ch55, but I'll be more explicit about it in the future now that it's brought to my attention. Especially when they're finally honest about these insecurities and talk it out like they should. I had a few scenes in mind where this would play out, but they were written with a different trajectory for the story in mind so they might not work anymore. Oopsies

@nocturnal-notes b/c the lore and analysis :3 eat up pookie

[lostinlovingrevery]

Ok sorry ik it wasn't the point of your post but your opinions on the Love triangle are so true🤧 like maybe I'm remembering wrong but Wasn't Jean's character supposed to be mature and intelligent?? Why did she have to be THIS indecisive on this particular area??

NO BUT IM SO GLAD YOU SENT ME THIS

THE LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEEN JEAN, SCOTT, AND LOGAN IS RIDICULOUS.

Id imagine the comics probably go more in depth about Logans feelings, Jeans, and Scotts since its a thing happening since the beginning, and I havent read the comics so i cant fully comment on that since idk how fleshed out that whole thing is. I WILL SAY that i think it does bad to logans character bc i think it makes him seem creepy and weird towards jean sometimes when she explicitly says no. At least from the stuff ive seen.

SO BUT i will comment on the movies bc while i havent watched the 97 xmen and like i said havent read the comics either, i feel like the movies did such an extreme disservice to her. Her character is constantly described as super empathetic and caring and friendly, and yes shes supposed to be super mature and intelligent, but really i just got the intelligent part. I dont want to use the word "bitch" to describe her bc her charater analysis goes deeper than that but anyway. She just seems cold and serious. Ororo takes up the whole "super kind and nuturing lady" who she is but anyway.

When it comes to jean and logan interacting they barely have any type of convo or connection that I felt like worth the drama between them. You can always aknwoledge that more theres background knowledge that you dont see in the movie. Logan flirts with jean (alright shes pretty so hes just gonna be flirty) and she immediately gets irritated (pushes him in the xray). Should tell you no, shes not interested. Then later she shows him his bedroom, he flirts again, and she immediately shuts him down by mentioning scott- but then she goes to look at his memories and honestly the moment becomes super intimate. Very random. But i guess if you were looking into someomes traumatic pass youd get intimate too.

Honestly you dont really see much happen between them after. They fight magneto, logan saves the day AND THEN when jeans checking ovee logan in the x mansion and shes all like "rogues smitten with you for saving her" and logan says well she better move past it "my heart belongs to someone else" AND LOOK ITS A SUPER SWEET LINE BUT WHAT?? HOW CAAN YOU SAY THAT YALL BARELY HAD A CONVO???? Now you could say that my thinking from the post this all came from could connect that logan knows when hes got feelings for someone and maybe he feels them strongly but HONESTLY i could not see any connection between them. Logan spends more time being concerned over rogue, and his own past and youre gonna suddenly imply hes in love with her AFTER A WEEK?? No. I love a good love story but this aint it. Give me something between jean and scott that shows the stuff their relationship endures together and how much they love each other. Let logan figure his life out.

Thats when the next movies get super frustrating. In X2 jean is so mean to logan. First she acts so flirty towards him and gets his hopes up. Then when he tells her he likes her and he kisses her she LETS HIM and i honestly cant decide if she did it because she felt bad for him or if she did it bc she was truly interested. She tells logan girls flirt with the dangerous girl but they marry the good guy. The guy you can bring home to your parents. When logan suggests he could be the good guy (so sweetly) she says the good guy STAYS. Impying shes angry at him for leaving to go figure out what happened at lake akali?? Also implying maybe something couldve happpened between them if he did stay even though her and scott are still a thing?? Hello?? There could be several ways to decipher this but since this is going on long enough im not gonna add those.

I think if jean did have any feelings for logan, its as she puts it. Maybe hes dangerous and new, and that gives her some sort of excitement. She grew up in suburban middle class neighborhood. Got powers and went to a super school. She got with scott and her life was pretty set. Maybe logan gave her some excitement? She liked the attention from him but knew it was wrong? Idk. In the end though she knew she would pick scott. Perhaps jean was having complicated feelings for logan? If she was, that wass the only time you truly saw ANY sign of it. It felt more like she was leading him on, and then shutting him down quickly. And to her credit she did always shut him down in the end (when shes not possessed)

Im gonna add i dont think logan is fully innocent either. He pushes himself onto a woman who maybe she was giving him mixed signals but she still is commited to another guy (who was also missimg in most of the x2 movie??) Logan should have respected the boundaries but i suppose feelings esp romantic can be hard to deal with. While logan and scott had their qualms i think logan did have respect for scott in someway.

(Dont get me started on how they butchered my boy scotty in these movies btw. They gave him NO screentime)

So thrn the rest of the movie goes on and jean dies (death #1) and obvs everyones devestated. When x3 goes on logan doesnt seem all that upset. Scott was rightfully grief stricken. You could say that logan maybe pushed that stuff away, the grief and sadness, or mayb hes so used to it he can move on. He tells scott she wouldve want him to move on. (Sorry lo but he JUST lost his gf/fiance??)

When jean comes back and kills scott and logan and ororo find her, jean then comes on to logan and they have that intense makeout session EXCEPT it isnt jean its the phoenix, and idk much about the phoenix but its possible that it was displaying jeanss inner emotions and its described that her emotions when charles met her was powerful and sporadic. Jean wass literally about to kill logan the way she did scott and I think logan sensed something and thats why he stopped, he remembered scott and asked where he was, and to logans credit i think he knew jean wouldnt have really wanted that.

The rest of the movie happens and logan ends up killing her after they lose charles. He tells her he loves her. Bro, you knew her for maybe 1 week, left for idk how long a month? Came back and knew her for a couple more days- KISSED HER- she told you no anyway, she dies, comes back, and now you tell her just as shes having a full power break down being posessed by some immortal space bird that you love her? I mean, do you even know her favorite color?

I feel like their whole "love story" (both comics and movies) is some sloppy attempt to have romance and drama and to make logan seem more complicaated and add to his personal struggle (as if he isnt complicated enough) if youre going to do a love triangle, actually build up a relationship between people bc tbh we barely saw scott and jeans relationship either. If you want logan to have romance try Ororo (which FINALLY is happening btw). I mean, im always open for logan romance but i suppose storm deserves a chance.

I mean maybe its me, maybe im just a sucker for true love, a building of friendship/relationship first before finally realizing that you love them (or been in love from the start). There was no romantic devlopement of any sort and honestly any feelings logan and jean may have for each seemed more physical than anything else. I could prob write an essay about how wrong it all was, how it destroyed jeans character by forcing logan on her and making her seem like she was into it and made logan look pushy and disrespectful.

I dont mean to slander jeans character so hard. I think her character when done right is actually wonderful (and honestly someone i could relate too) but the movies didnt do right by her. Jean and scott didnt get very good development the way storm and logan did and honestly logan is the top contender in character development against everyone.

So yes thats my essay im sure you werent expecting me to answer all this but I REALLY wanted to get this out there. Its just my lil thinking about thesee movies

If anyone would like to add their two cents (either for or against it) pls do! ❤️

[fancyfade]

I like your insight in Damian's related thing but I don't quite understand how you see Dick and Damian's relation. Would you expand more on it?

For me it was most of a parental figure (not exactly a dad)/mentor while Bruce was away and after he came back it went more to older-younger brothers/still mentor

Ok so how I see dick and damian's relationship:

Dick is definitely responsible for Damian, and he feels responsible (he like. directly says so in battle for the cowl #2). he also starts out generally... like... annoyed by Damian. He thinks in resurrection of ra's al ghul "all this trouble for Damian? The kid no one can stand?" and says out loud something along the lines of "saving him makes us feel good" to Tim, then we have even in Batman and Robin 2009:

and like just to be clear, this isn't me doing a "dick #cancelled' thing or whatever, just pointing out how the dynamic starts. it does start with Dick feeling mostly obligation and annoyance towards Damian.

I don't think Dick ever was trying to be a parent when he was Batman and Damian was Robin, and that's okay! Like some posts already reblogged there (link to discussion, link to post about rules, link to my guess on dick's thought process). I think Dick was in survival mode. He was dealing with becoming Batman, Gotham Underworld being in chaos, now suddenly in addition to the responsibility of being Batman, which he did not ask for and feels obligated to fulfill, he has to take care of Damian*, which is another responsibility he did not ask for but feels obligated to fulfill. His main concern with Damian seems to be making sure Damian is safe (as in rescuing him if/when he gets in trouble) and b) making sure that Damian is not going too far in the field, ex: killing someone (he's worried Damian will kill Zsasz, even tho Damian didn't try) or torturing someone**. Once those big concerns are done we see Dick trying to flesh out Damian's Robin training, in the Batman series he gives him various clues to work on as he works a case (ex: medicine to analyze) so that Damian learns detective skills.

I think part of the reason why parental probably sparks so much discussion is because... well parental is going to be different for everyone. some of the recent analysis in the convo i've been having has been about dick's lack of consequences, but well... there are parents who don't do consequences, or who do but make them inconsistent enough that they seem arbitrary and meaningless***. I'll also point out that in general, parentalness from Dick is not something Morrison cared to put in the comic, and that's what we're going off mostly. Like we do see hints that the characters clearly care about each other as their dynamic gets closer, but we don't see an authorial investment in a parental dynamic, and it's hard to just say 'imagine that happened behind the scenes'. heck, part of what I like about Dick and Damian's dynamic is how gradually they slowly grow to tolerate and then trust and care about each other.

I think Dick's role for Damian when Damian is Robin and he's Batman is very much a mentor role, more involved than if Damian didn't live in the same house as him, but not doing everything a parent would be expected to do for a child, especially since we don't really see dick caring about what Damian does in his off of Robin hours :P Obviously it's possible to extrapolate/guess, maybe Damian was in homeschool (I know that's how I interpreted it in my fanfic) but it doesn't mean we actually see it happening and can say it's canon (if I'm wrong, please correct me). and I think that the fact that Damian is pretty independent**** does probably contribute to this, because I think if he seemed more needy Dick would be like 'oh yeah I guess I should do get him something to do during the day'. and eventually, yeah, their dynamic gets more big brother/little brothery.

I guess I could ask you a follow up question, which is what makes it seem especially parental to you?

*because Talia is being written terribly

**damian does beat information out of someone in batman and robin #2... I know I got on a long conversation on another about how this comic makes a big difference between physically torturing someone and what Dick does, which is intimidating people by making them think they will die, which is treated as totally OK within the text. I personally think that either option is not good

***this was my parents :P

****which makes sense for him in both pre new 52 canon -- with him having inconsistent primary caretakers and not having known his parents, presumably he's used to not expecting much of them, and post new 52 canon, where he just got done on a year long extremely challenging mission in the form of the Year of Blood, often with adult supervision in the form of assassin minions, but we also do see them die and him carry on the mission w/o them sometimes, or him working alone.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

6

A different skull: The 8th. Doesn't have to do with the Eighth house necessarily. Ianthe is the "Eigth" to be taken into the Emperor's service as Lyctor, right?

Could mean more Ianthe. Or could mean some actual people from the 8th house. I forgot what the 8th in GtN were called - the nephew and uncle pair. They both died, though.

This is a second person chapter, so post-them dying, presumably.

you were seated in some kind of chair being wheeled down an Erebos corridor, and that someone had pinched a high cervical nerve right into your spinal cord—not deforming the bone at all, but manipulating the flesh only—in such a way that you were locked out of your body from the neck down.

you fucking WHAT??????

They can do that??????

Hey, Tamsyn Muir, that's terrifying.

(Anatomy brain in me is going: Oh she can breathe, so C5 at the earliest, MAYBE C4. She should still have SOME movement in the neck, as Trapezius and Sternocleidomastoid are innervated by a cranial nerve- I'll suspend my disbelief for a second and believe that it would not be enough to fully raise her head.)

(Direct anatomy questions to me, please. I love anatomy. I have a full degree in it. I don't get to nerd out about anatomy nearly as often as I would like to. It's a special interest <3)

a thick, fatty webbing joined the hilt to your forearm, a webbing that you had no memory of creating but was nonetheless your lacework. Perhaps you had woken up at an earlier point to stash the letters down your shift and fix the blade to your arm; you did not recall, but that was not unusual. Sometimes your conscious days were dreamlike ordinances of movement, functions, sounds.

Another insight into her mind: she often has memory lapses like this. I mean, we kinda knew that from the letters, though that may have been exceptional circumstances. Apparently, it wasn't.

You concentrated hard on whatever had been done to the back of your neck—visualized your known friend, the odontoid peg that protruded from your other known friend, the cervical vertebra—the bracelets that surrounded the vertebral arteries, the tangle of physeal joints. If it had simply been bonework, you would have been able to identify the mischief immediately, and unfuck accordingly.

This is why you need to learn flesh magic, Harrow. (Do different types of flesh magic differentiate between muscle, nerve, organ, vasculature magic? I kinda really wanna be a necromancer rn.)

Though, interestingly, the odontoid process is only found on C2, and that's decidedly too high for someone to fuck with her spinal nerves and her still being able to breathe. To me, this looks like Tamsyn Muir has definitely done her research - maybe even has a background in medicine/adjacent science; but can still get things wrong.

DAMNIT! Why did I have to get the Anatomy Chapter full of possible anatomical analysis to be had, when i was actually kinda getting ready to go to bed soon? Lol.

Okay well looks like voices are happening, so probably less focus on the anatomy for now. Let's hear some plot shit.

... okay, no, I can't get over the anatomy details. She should still be able to speak. Is she? (If not, I'm going to find Tamsyn Muir and subject her to a lengthy lecture on cranial nerves.)

(If any of you reading this are interested in a lecture on cranial nerves, well. It would go far beyond the scope of this liveblog. I'm only digging into this so much because I'm SUCH an anatomy nerd. I can expand on it if you ask nicely. hah)

Am I no longer Lyctor of the Great Resurrection, the second saint to serve the King Undying? Have I lost my rank among the Four—or, now, as I so horribly find, the Three? Am I not the last sister serving in a charnel house of dead sisters,

Ohhhh one of the old Lyctors. I've been dying to meet them, aside from Cytherea. I'm not sure who the other person is, (the other "voice" rather.)

Oh, just some guy. Now they're on the floor. The Lyctor - according to the Dramatis Personae, this is Mercymorn, most likely - has some impressive skills. I want to see more of her.

You were busy flexing the ragged end of your dorsal root—you had assumed it must have been severed, which would have been the simplest thing to do, but you realised all at once that it had been tied into a knot. It had been bowed out, twisted, and looped.

Lucky she's a Lyctor, with a Lyctor - otherwise, this sort of damage might not be easy to repair.

... Yeah okay I've focused a lot more on the anatomy than anything else. The chapter's barely gotten started. They just made it to an elevator.

Gonna leave it here for now though. I'm very tired.

[taivansupremacy]

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep.

Summary: Van Palmer longs for love in more ways than one. (A look into Van's relationship with love pre-Taivan and pre-crash)

A/N: I decided to say fuck it and post this kinda as a warm up since I haven't written anything in a while and I'm more than likely very rusty. Not sure I'm gonna stick with this title. I can't decide if i like her. also!! I'm working on a Taivan 5 +1 things fic so that should be out soon. As usual, feedback is always appreciated!

Ever since she was a kid, Van was always on the outside of love. It started with her mother who loved alcohol and men she barely knew more than her own daughter. Van longed for the kind of motherly love the kids at school got. They had moms who wrote notes reminding them that they were loved and showed up to class parties and school performances. Why couldn’t she have that? She thought that it had something to do with her, that maybe she was the problem and even though she knows better now, some small part of her still thinks that’s true. 

She watches her teammates and all of her other classmates get asked to dances and hold hands in the hallway. Jackie and Shauna often shared details of dates they’d been on and the team often talked openly about their latest hookups and crushes. Van’s mouth stayed shut during those conversations. It wasn’t like she could contribute anyway. The pool of lesbians in Wiskayok was small, and on the off chance that someone had caught her eye, she couldn’t out herself by sharing her feelings with her teammates. So she stayed out of conversations about romance and crushes. She didn’t ask about dates or who liked who. She looked down into her soccer bag and pretended to fold the jersey and practice clothes that she kept inside when the topic was brought up by someone else, but she listened. How could she not? When they talk about their romantic excursions, there’s a lot of squealing and giggling. 

Van always longed for the kinds of connections and experiences her friends had. She knew that realistically she’d never get them, due to her lack of interest in men, but she was used to being let down in the love department, so she tried not to let it bother her too much. She pushed those feelings down when they threatened to bubble to the surface and she had her disappointment mostly under control. Then Taissa transferred to Wiskayok High and Van’s “control” was toast.

Van first saw Taissa in her English class in sophomore year. It was a random Wednesday in October and Taissa sat right up front in the middle row. Van noticed her immediately and admired her boldness. She took a seat in her usual seat, one row away from the very back and as class started, she noticed that Taissa’s boldness didn’t stop with her seat choices. Her hand shot up every chance it got and her analysis of the short story they were studying was so in depth and fleshed out, Van couldn’t help but wonder if she had read it before. She didn’t introduce herself to Taissa in clas, but they spoke during soccer practice that afternoon, and from there they only got closer. 

Van could only describe her friendship with Tai as strange. Everyone knew they were best friends, as they were attached at the hip every moment they could be and to everyone on the outside, they were typical best friends. What they didn’t know was that they shared their fair share of cuddles, mainly in Taissa’s room as they watched T.V., and hand holding under the lunch table where no one could see, or tucked away on the bus going to soccer games. Taissa’s head often rested on Van’s shoulder and they always pushed their desks close together in class and wrote notes back and forth in Van’s notebook. 

Van knew that what they had was more intimate than just a friendship. Taissa was the person she felt closest to. She never felt that she had to be anyone but herself around her and just being hanging out with her made her smile a little wider. She thinks that this is what the love that she’s longed to experience is supposed to feel like, but she’s not sure. She doesn’t have much love in her life to compare it to. She can’t tell if this is what love is supposed to feel like or if her crush on her best friend and desire to experience what everyone else has is making her misjudge their friendship. 

Van keeps her mouth shut. She doesn’t ask for clarification or a definition of their relationship, because this is the closest thing that Van’s ever felt to love and normal high school experiences and she’s worried that if she pushes too far and reveals what she is, she may lose it altogether. So she tells herself that the butterflies in her stomach are enough, feeling that love is within reach is enough, even though she can’t quite touch it. 

Van Palmer longs for a love that she’s certain she won’t ever get.

[astral-mariner]

Hello!!! Just wanna come over and tell you how much I adore both your stories, art you have to go along with them, and just all the headcanons/analysis you share and have with others on this blog. There's a lot of good stuff on here even down to the tags!!! 👌🏾👌🏾

I don't read much first person POV fics, but It works so good in "Homeworld Lost" I was hooked!! 🤭 oh and for "Strengths and Weaknesses" the commentary/art for chapter 2....Just perfect 💯💯

Thank you for sharing all your work and thoughts with us!!! It's stuff like that that makes being a part of fandoms fun. Keep up the good work, and make sure to take care of yourself. I'm looking forward to what you'll share next ☺️

Thank you so much for your kind words! Writing is my passion, and I'm so happy when it means something to other people and touches them in any way. I've been in fandom a long time, and everyone on here has felt how amazing it is to be here on Tumblr these days.

Yeah, I usually don't go for 1st person fics either. They can be REALLY tricky and EXTREMELY difficult to make work, so you have to know what you're doing. This was one of the reasons I chose Raditz as my narrator---he's a character we don't see as much of in canon, leaving a lot more freedom in how someone fleshes him out and writes him. It would have been a much more difficult "sell" to write from Vegeta's perspective, since he gets a lot more screentime and fans have stronger feelings about how he should be written.

Not only this, but I actually find Raditz an excellent lens through which to explore Vegeta's character and saiyan culture more generally. He's a low-class... He sees through some of the saiyan elite nonsense because it was constantly lorded over him and his family. So he makes a great bridge for the reader. He has a more relatable perspective in some ways than Vegeta's extremely rigid (delusional) worldview would. At the same time, having him have that different perspective and showing how that perspective plays off of Vegeta's or Nappa's tells us a lot about saiyan culture and how the characters think without having to didactically explain things. It makes the reading experience far more engaging, I think! Where the reader gets to know the characters just like they would get to know real people. Through context clues, little actions, their relationships, their feelings, and responses to events. A little writer theory talk for you!

I'm thinking of posting a preview scene that I've shared with a couple other people from Part 9 here on my blog, in fact! Maybe I'll even draw something for it. Stay tuned 👀