#maybe i need to be more widely read bc literally the only way i can describe this is incoherence

[silentwalrus1]

in all my random tag/fandom hopping years i have never encountered the sheer incoherency of star wars fic. It’s amazing? Like, most top kudosed stories will have nice staid comprehensible paragraphs tracking perfectly well from sentence to sentence but once you’re like 700 words in you start to feel like you’re in some kind of funhouse mirror dimension. Nothing makes sense. It’s like the authors somehow built a story without any story in it. It’s the storytelling equivalent of hearing that one song where all the lyrics are in a fake language meant to sound like english in order to show native english speakers what their own language sounds like to those who can’t understand it. It’s the narrative equivalent of simlish. Is it all written by AI? Am i having a stroke? I have to understand how this is done

[prodbyton]

the way you LITERALLY READ MY MIND WITH THE PERV!SEUNGHAN YOU WROTE???? like, i had "perv!Seunghan = 24/7 hornball; "i need you right now"" jotted down in my notes 🧍🏾‍♀️ kinda crazy how you looked into my brain, but i love it!!

recently, i've been giving perv!Anton maybe a little bit too much thought. i already decided that it had to do with taking pictures bc DUHHHH 🤪 Anton loves taking pictures of you. all. the. time. you don't mind bc you love posing for him (foreshadowing :D). any time you're together he takes at least 40 pictures of you and usually sends them immediately so you can keep your insta current.

you dressed up for a little morning date in a cute and maybe a little short skirt, but you two ended up spending the whole day together. it was so late you decided to stay over. he was distracted by whatever he was doing on his laptop, and you had to beg for the pictures he took (like full-on send it to me Rachel!! 😫). he tossed his phone to you without missing a beat.

you open the photo gallery and just before you tap the first picture of yourself, you see an album with a puppy. it was so cute you thought "oh, maybe Anton has a whole album of cute animals!" you tap it and immediately your jaw hits the floor. the first photo was a shot right up the skirt you were currently wearing. you quickly composed yourself and continued to scroll. there were so many pictures of your ass and cleavage, it made your head spin. and the occasional shot of your bare pussy from the hot nights you slept in only one of Anton's shirts didn't go unnoticed. you eventually sent the clothed pictures of yourself to your phone and acted like nothing happened. that's when the constant posing started.

you started wearing skirts and dresses more and dropping things more often. every time you get up after bending over, Anton's ears get so red. one day you decided to give Anton the special treat of a short skirt paired with no panties. when you did your usual extended bend-over, Anton very quickly excused himself. he damn near sprinted to the bathroom. you followed him because why not.

you stood outside the bathroom and could faintly hear him whisper to himself something along the lines of "i shouldn't keep doing this. she'll be so mad at me". the whispers soon turned into moans whimpers and the wet sound of Anton fucking his hand. you stood there the whole time just listening. this was probably the hottest moment of your relationship that didn't last long enough. the door swung open and he was so red in the face when he saw you. his eyes were wide and watery as he searched for something to say.

-🎀 (i am once again asking the universe for a man who is obsessed with me and is Anton)

im glad we’re on the same page abt perv hani, but i lowkey wanna hear your thoughts now 🙈 but thats just cuz seunghan makes me crazy

PERV ANTONNNN im doing backflips. been waiting for this one fr 🫦 but ugh he’s definitely the type to sneak pics. he has you and everyone fooled with the dog as the thumbnail trick so no one would suspect a thing. but you’re just a girl and if you see a photo album with a cute animal on it ofc you’d click on it :/ but then you see what your boyfriends been doing behind your back and you don’t know what to feel.

any normal person would be disgusted, it was perverted and just nasty to put your take photos of your girlfriends panties under her dress/skirt, using his height to his advantage so he can get better cleavage photos, keeping his phone by his side to get various shots of your ass, all behind your back. but you can’t help but be a little turned on. your boyfriend was so obsessed and attracted to you that he felt like he had to sneak to get a few panty shots.

i think if you gave him photos of your body he would appreciate them soo much, but something about sneaking them and getting them during candid moments just made the photos sexier for him. he even has his live photo setting on so he can play the 2 second clip of you bending over while he’s jerking off.

you had already found out about his little secret, but when you decide you wanted to catch him in the act you knew you had to think of a plan. when he sees you outside the bathroom door you play it off as you were just checking on him since you needed to go after him, and he tries to calm his racing heart from the idea of being caught.

it’s not until later when you ask for his phone, an innocent request and it’s not like he would ever hide his phone from you. you said you just wanted to play games on his phone while he watched whatever was on tv. he wasn’t even thinking about moving his little folder into his hidden before handing you his device, but he didn’t think you’d be going into his photo library if you were playing games.

after a bit, you open his camera and start taking selfies and this shouldn’t be an issue, anton loves when you do this, he loves having photos of you in his phone, but he was so nervous of you opening his camera roll. he got tense, suddenly wanting his phone back and you raised a brow at him but ignored him. you played it off by saying you wanted to look back on the photos you took so you could send them to yourself. now he’s praying that you dont notice that one specific folder when you open the photos app.

but you do. and anton feels like he’s going to throw up.

“you have a folder of animals? thats so cute how come you never send me these?”

“it just slipped my mind i guess…” he chuckles nervously and runs a hand through his hair, and then everything hits the fan the second your finger clicks on the icon.

all the photos he had of you in compromised positions, up your skirt, down your shirt, and just full on naked photos of your weak body after you two had sex was on display. you pretended to be shocked, like you hadn’t already discovered the folder some days ago, but anton was a mess trying to explain himself. strings of apologies leaving his lips and he’s basically on his knees begging for your forgiveness. you just cup his face in your hand, rubbing soothing circles on his cheek with your thumb.

he looked super hot like this, so pathetic under your touch begging for you to forgive him and to not think he’s some sick pervert. but you reassure him that it’s okay, and he can continue taking all the pictures he wants of you.

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Silvans are Nocturnal

No but seriously though, considering that the elves of Beriland very much did not have any form of light other than the stars until the sun came up, they probably feel more at home in the darkness of the night and this continues to be the way the silvans opperate through the ages. It helps that ultimately they do not interact that much with other elven realms so it’s not as if they need to change to accommodate them.

Furthermore, elves can stay awake days at a time, so when the silvans do need to interact with outsiders they can simply stay awake during the day when needed and leave no one the wiser.

A more tactical reason for the nocturnalness is that the enemy, the darkness is more active during the night and less during the day, so it’s safer to sleep during the day than at night.

I must emphesize that, due to their nocternalness, they also do not need much light to see in the dark, so at most you have faintly glowing plants or lamps throughout the settlement/stronghold/palace that are only strong enough to give a vague outline of the place, but not enough to give anyone any details. It makes it very hard for outsiders to navigate through the place during the night.

The silvans, of course, have no issue seeing everything clearely, allowing them to get the drop on many beings. Their eyes also have an odd glow to them, not like that of the trees, but it’s unique to the silvan folfk and other elves find it highly unsettling.

(Off topic, but i personally believe that the silvans stalk through the forests like leapards and jaguars, largely due to them, well, living in a forest with uneven ground surrounded by foilage that makes it hard to see enemies from far away. They also slink through the forest to hunt, getting a literal drop on their prey from the trees.

The way silvan’s behave is very different from any other elves (except maybe the avari and/or green elves) bc they do not reside in large cities with towering buildings and wide open space)

This in turn has the side affect of at least Thranduil and Legolas walking as if they were stalking their prey and everyone finds it highly unsettling and it makes them think as if the silvan royals are pissed off at sm1 bc surely that must be why they’re behaving as if they are about to kill.

This is why Thranduil got himself accidentally painted as a very scary and temporal elf when in reality he’s a legit chill, calm, and fun guy who likes to party.

HE’S NOT TRYING TO BE SCARY, OK, HE’S JUST A SILVAN TRYING TO LIVE HIS LIFE! (Read: get drunk and make merry)

Also:

Elrond, getting up at the crack of dawn to get to work: oh, Thranduil! I didn’t know you’d be up already!

Thranduil, whose internal clock demands it’s evening and is getting dinner: how the fuck do you function during the day

And:

Boromir, whose taking the night watch: *sees legolas* aY YO WHAT THE FUCK-

Legolas, staring in the general direction of Boromir while sitting perfectly still with a bow in hand bc for him it’s day: *waves* nice night

Aragorn, trying to sleep, used to this: stop being a creepy bitch, Las.

[oldiesstationlover11607]

🎶Oh my God, we’re back again🎶

Well hello….it’s 💛. You said that my requests make you happy and that you don’t mind them so I have returned. By the way, if this ever changes, do not hesitate to tell me. Even if you just don’t want to write TØP anymore. I’m a fan of a lot of fandoms you appear to write for, so I’d probably be able to request other things (again, only if you don’t mind me doing so). For what it’s worth, your stories are the highlight of my day. I frequently reread them when I’m feeling down or in need of an escape.

Alright, enough with my sappiness. You know that meme of the girl explaining something to her mom and the mom is just like 😐 (google “Me explaining to my mom meme” and it should be the first pic that shows up)? I was thinking that a fun story would be Josh trying (and maybe failing) to explain TØP lore to the reader. It doesn’t have to go super in depth to things by any means. I just can imagine that such a scenario has happened before and, quite honestly, half the time I don’t even know the lore. As always, if you hate this idea, no pressure to do it. ❤️❤️

Lore - Josh Dun x Reader

Pairing: Josh x Reader

Warnings: None :)

Word Count: 1374

A/N: I love that you re-read my stuff. It makes me so happy that it’s the highlight of your day. Getting your requests is the highlight of mine, writing helps me relax at the end of the day-especially with how rough it is being in senior year (I’m in the southern hemisphere and finish school late November so exams are imminent 😭). I actually re-read some of mine quite a bit. Honestly I’m so proud of the number 16 cotton candy. The way part 2 ended made me want to cry - I believe I ATE that if I do say so myself 🙌. It makes me want to add more parts, like the reader watching Clancy perform on Good Day Dema and seeing how upset/zoned out he looks and being hurt by it, the conversations they have after reuniting, more of that series’ torchbearer bc he’s funny af, and more! Literally love this request btw bc I tried explaining the lore to my mom and she pulled the exact face in the meme. 

Tyler and Josh were always on social media. It had always been a key part of their relationship with the clique, and I’d noticed it more and more when they started tagging me in memes and pictures that I didn’t know the meanings of. 

“Josh?” I asked. We were sitting on the couch under a blanket in our apartment, the weather outside cold and rainy. Josh looked down at me, I’d planted myself in his lap, my head resting perfectly on his thighs while the rest of my body stretched out across the couch. 

“Yeah?” I brought my phone up to his face. 

“What’s a forest fic and why are the clique tagging me in memes saying you don’t exist?” His face dropped, mouth open wide in shock. “Tyler reposted something about it earlier and I don't get it.” He said nothing, the silence in the room growing with every second. “What?” I could tell he was trying to frame a way to tell me the truth, surely it wasn’t that bad.

“It’s a uh….uhhhh, like a fan fiction. And like….uhhh… I’m like not real in it… like a figment of Tyler’s imagination. Uhh and then a treehouse burns down THE END,” he mumbled, stumbling through the words and giving the worst plot description I’d ever heard. I was still confused. “That’s all you will EVER need to know… no need to look it up or mention it ever again.” He flashed me a quick smile before going back to his phone. I sat there for a few moments trying to understand his words before continuing. 

“But how is that relevant to whatever Tyler posted this morning?” 

He let out a loud sigh, telling me I was starting to get on his nerves. He put down his phone and properly sat up, giving me his full attention.

“It’s related to the lore of the new album, the whole Dema thing,” he explained. I knew that over the last few albums the boys had been telling some big story but that it was too complex to just google and learn about in five minutes. 

“Like how your character is the Torchbearer?” I asked and he nodded in response. “But how is that related to you not existing?”

“Do you really want me to explain the whole lore to you?” he laughed. 

“Yeah, I guess today’s the day.”

Josh had tried to explain everything as clearly as he could but it still didn’t make any sense. He explained that he was called the Torchbearer–which I’d proudly already known–and that Tyler was called Clancy. He also said that Clancy was trying to escape Dema because of the Bishops–I still didn’t really understand the concept of the Bishops… or Dema for that matter. 

“Wait, wait, wait, so you’re saying that there’s like… nine different Bishops?” I asked, trying to get my head around it. 

Josh nodded, “And they’re in charge of different sectors of Dema where the citizens live.” 

“If I’m being 100% honest, I have no idea where we are on the timeline or what the difference between Trench and Dema is,” I laughed. Josh covered his eyes and shook his head. He grabbed his phone, sending off a couple of texts before continuing trying to explain the lore. After about an hour, we both had our computers out, Josh was on the clique side of reddit and I was taking notes, typing frantically. A loud knock sounded from the door and I got up to answer it. It was Tyler, standing in the doorway with a large blanket with ‘twenty one pilots’ printed on it, snacks–including my favorite candy, the mask he’d worn during all the Clancy promotional stuff, a roll of yellow tape, and a stuffed animal which looked like a fat goat. 

“Where’s Josh? I heard there was an emergency and I came prepared,” he spoke, running inside and jumping on the couch next to my boyfriend. Closing the door I chuckled to myself and walked back over to the boys. “Josh said you wanted to learn the lore.”

“Well I tried explaining it to her myself but she wasn’t getting it,” Josh claimed. 

“That’s because you don’t get the lore yourself, come on,” Tyler laughed. He grabbed Josh’s computer and switched the tab to YouTube. “To start with, watch this.” He started playing the band’s ‘The Story’ playlist which featured all of the lore-related music videos. We started with Heavy Dirty Soul–which I’d seen before–and then went on to watch the videos from Trench. 

“Okay so Tyler’s character, Clancy, basically tries escaping Dema but then gets taken back. Josh’s character, the Torchbearer, is in charge of the Banditos–the rebellion group–and gets Tyler–sorry Clancy out of the city and takes him to the camp but then he gets captured again?” 

Tyler nodded, confirming my understanding. We continued watching the music videos till we got to ‘The Outside’. Josh  pulled out the stuffed animal and passed it to me before pressing play. I watched the video, Josh leading Tyler through an island and into a cave. A small gremlin with black eyes, gray horns, and white fur popped onto the screen, the exact same creature the stuffed animal was modeled off of. He jumped about the dark cave mysteriously, leading Tyler to a larger group of them. “Oh my god what is that thing?” I moved into Josh, cuddling up to him, completely stunned at this creature who was both cute and terrifying at the same time. 

“It’s Ned,” he smiled, “it stands for Neuro-Expansion Device.” I nodded and continued to watch the video. Tyler had gotten the horns from Ned and was able to control the dead bishop I’d learned to be Keons. When we finally reached Navigating, Josh paused the video. “This is the video those instagram memes were referring to, the ones Tyler has been reposting.” Tyler pressed play and we sat through the entire thing. The song was catchy and the video showed Josh leading Tyler through the forest and back into Trench after leaving the island Vøldsoy. What I didn’t expect was for Josh’s character to be a figment of Tyler’s imagination and the real Torchbearer to be the Bandito one from the Trench videos. 

“WHAT?!” I gasped, “NO WAY.” There was no way this whole time the Torchbearer was not there for Clancy. I wanted to cry from how sad it was and I had to find out how the story ended. “Wait so what happens next?” 

Tyler sat up and put the computer away, “Well basically we have another music video for Paladin Strait but that’s not coming out for a while. We’ve also got some lore stuff planned for the tour so I’ve got to finalize that soon too.” 

I nodded listening to everything he was saying and trying to remember the few follow up questions I had. “So, the bishops,” I started. 

“Yeah, what about them?” Josh asked, wrapping his arms around me. 

“So I get that Keons and Nico are the main ones but what about the others? Like what kind of a name is Nills?” Tyler laughed loudly, bringing a hand up to his chest.

“They’re from the songs off Blurryface, like Sacarver, “she’s a carver,” he explained. 

“Oh so you went through the lyrics and highlighted things that sounded vaguely like names?” Josh seemed to find that hilarious because he nearly fell off the couch. Tyler however, found it less funny and rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough for today,” he got up and packed up the blanket. “You can keep the Ned by the way.” I grinned and cuddled him closer to me. 

“Thanks for the help Tyler,” Josh held me against his chest. 

“No worries,” he smiled before leaving the apartment. Josh and I were left to ourselves, the rain still pattered on the roof and I could hear the occasional grumble of thunder. 

“So Torchbearer, what’s the plan for dinner?” I asked, getting up off the couch. I got up, put away all the snacks and drinks while Josh folded up our blankets. 

“You’re never going to stop calling me that are you?” he laughed. 

“What’s that? I can’t see you, maybe you’re not really here.”

//

Hopefully this is good, I wasn't too sure about it but I think it's worth publishing. I'm so glad that I have 💛 anon bc their requests are awesome and I love hearing their feedback. I felt guilty last night about declining a Joshler fic but bc of 💛 saying I should write what I want it felt okay.

[velvetvexations]

I'm answering these via text again because it would take way too long otherwise!

read the screencaps of that one really nasty transradfem you rb'd a little earlier and you know what struck me in particular is, especially as they went on (there were many) it was so interesting seeing how many of them used text like "trans women" almost exclusively for trans women but trans men/mascs got almost exclusively called 'tboys' 'they/hes' 'tmes' 'theyfabsbians (???)' and 'aidans' and not once just called trans men. and i wonder if theres some part of them that is aware of how bad that would look. how much more spiteful that would seem. or at least more obviously full of shit. or maybe its just self-righteous rage idk. it doesn't REALLY matter WHY, its just stomach-curdling dehumanization and its suuuch a bummer. anyway youre great as ever! have a good weekend :)

It's so fucking gross and weird, and blatantly transandrophobic specifically in a way that's undeniable.

The conversations around it have cooled down, but it was disconcerting seeing people act like the reaction to intersex people in athletics is purely transphobic (and only impacting intersex athletes incidentally), when one of the people actually supporting rulings against intersex women is Joanna Harper, a trans woman and scientist. She has previously testified against Caster Semenya on behalf of World Athletics. I support Harper's work in arguing for trans women's inclusion in sport. It is vitally important. I do not wish ill on her whatsoever. But she showcases the huge intersexism problem the wider trans community has, which needs to be more widely acknowledged. ("Hyperandrogenism and women vs women vs men in sport: A Q&A with Joanna Harper" is perhaps the most illustrative example of her views.)

Also, you straight-up have countless numbers of radfems and other transphobes taking the intersex argument into account wrt Imane Khelif and going "yeah well he's still a male sweetie :)" so it's not like you can even say her situation specifically was about trans women even if that was a large part of it.

this isnt a trans related thing but i know you answer asks often so apolgies in advance do you ever get so excited that you just dont do something? like, not "oh i dont have the energy/cant focus/ect" but your just so excited to do something that you literally can't? i'm having that with some videos i wanna watch and its like pleaseeee i just wanna watch themmmm but now i've been plagued with energy

sorry, anon with to much energy again, would like to add i'm not sure if i have adhd or not but i'm leaning towards no cause it would be really inconvenient if i did and also this happens with literally everything not just videos, books, youtube vids(rn), tv shows, games idk how to end this so have a good day!

My problem is definitely in the opposite direction, I never have enough energy. Would that we could switch.

So I will say iirc social murder is a legitimate concept that's typically used to describe the ways that vulnerable populations are quietly killed under the guise of "letting die" such as putting DNRs on disabled patients during covid who had no desire for and indeed no idea they had effectively been marked as "acceptable to let die". It goes along with stuff like abjectification aka a demographic is made into not simply an object or non-human but a monster worthy of being put down. The abjectification of Palestinians is what allows the state of israel to say explicitly or implicitly things like "there are no innocent civilians" Sorry if there's any typos I've missed ^^;;

Pervious anon again to also clarify that social murder is something done systematically and can be done by omission too like the way in which adoptees especially trans racial & international adoptees face higher rates of suicide, risk of harm fron caregives, and medical issues that go treated bc of a lack of family medical history bc were just seen as ungrateful for wanting contact with our families of origin even if it's SOLEY for getting our medical records

Trans ppl of all kinds experience social murder through medical neglect, domestic/caregiver/workplace violence and though omission via lack of legal protection/trans panic defense stuff. Social murder is not something one individual does to another individual though individuals do uphold the systems that allow social murder...it's very uncomfortable to be part of the demographics that are subject to these quiet "letting die" situations and fear that we'll become a statistic and then have ppl try to turn it into an interpersonal gotcha for lateral aggression / separatist purposes so like ty for trying to course correct that Again sorry if we missed any typos and we think your really cool ^^;;

I think that's just a similar name for an entirely different concept, though. I don't know to what extent "social murder" is or was used outside of transradfem circles to mean "canceling but like, evil" but it was the first time I heard either the phrase or that context.

hey as a trans man I just wanted to let you know I really really appreciate your blog and you standing with us, I hope we can all endeavour to stand by each other in times like this. we're stronger together than apart and every trans person, regardless of identity, deserves to have a voice.

It's always my pleasure, anon.

nice transandrophobic opinion, nerd. did you get it from your favorite tankie blogger?

lmao fr I need to start using that

Miss Velvet, I am unfollowing, flambéing, blocking, etc for your dragon ball takes! …just kidding. I love your posts.

I have all the right takes.

youre so cool

I knowwwwww

such a weird assumption that trans women cant be into detrans kink too?? my trans girlfriend was into it and even if i personally wasnt i like being a kink sponge so she could get it all out on me

It's especially bullshit because the coiner of transandrophobia was crucified for a indulging a trans woman with a detrans kink.

out of curiosity. any thoughts on cannibalism? hypothetically of course. fantasy only

Not my thing, although I think the metaphysical idea of incorporating what you eat into your spirit somehow is fascinating.

I checked the post and I'm not seeing ops letting terfs call trans women rapist in the replies Like its not there They were just offline and can't be online to block every shit terf that speaks every three seconds. Also love how that person remived rbs after u saw the post bc they know theyre lying and pretending they're being "dogpiled"

I relaize I might just have all the terfs blocked but my point stabds: this person probably isnt chronically online to argue with every terfs who makes up lies. i sometimes just ignore them bc yhe obly terfs i worry about are the ones who say that shit in real queer spaces an noth their pathetic little blogs

Yeah, like. The idea was that they were deleting one group of radfems and not the other and that just wasn't true. So frustrating, but them killing the reblogs is hilarious as always.

[dayurno]

sorryyyy for bringing some type of discourse to your inbox but I just giggle whenever anyone brings up the fact that nora soad andrews a misogynist and their only argument is the fact that he's friends with renee and dating neil who said women are the strongest ppl i know, like i don't personally think he's a misogynist, but i feel like there has to be better arguments for it😭

maybe it's bc the fandom gets on my nerves so I'm more sensitive to any attempts a defanging and making characters more palatable bc I'm not a fan of the widespread fanon versions of the characters also it's sad I feel like the fandom made some sort of progress where discussions were being had about the problems in the series and now after tsc came out it feels like we're back to where the author can do no wrong and it's hard to criticise anything

what do you think about tsc being a triology, I feel like two books can hopefully give Jeremy the depth he needs i remember you found him a bit flat as well when you read the book, I see a lot of people saying he needs to have a mean side or a traumatic past but I feel like a kind, nice character can be interesting without those things and not every kind character needs to have this secret mean side anyway, personally I groaned out loud when I found out it was a triology bc that would mean the fandom would be alive for longer and it's so crazy out of any book fandom I've ever been in for some reason the aftg fandom feels the most obnoxious maybe it's bc the books deal with heavier topics close to the heart so there's more feelings involved🤔the only book fandom who has pissed me off a comparable amount would be asoiaf but that's a whole different thing

I really do try and be happy I'm not even in the fandom anymore and I've never followed aftg twitter accounts and I don't even check the tags I just go on certain blogs but i still see things it's horrible💔like I can't believeeee we're still discussing if Kevins a coward or not and how selfish he is for leaving the nest like we've already argued about this to death on tumblr back in like 2016 now it's the same thing again💔

LOL i understand honestly so many of these discussions are repackaged wide-spread 2015 opinions which don’t reflect the original text that it’s hard to do anything except use the we have this thread every week comrade image and let it go. andrew being misogynistic is not even hard to come to terms with considering it’s not an interpretation or a headcanon it’s the author’s own words and will for the character incorporated into canon. there are things to disagree with nora sakavic for, but ultimately there is a difference between disagreeing with the author and willfully ignoring the intention with which a character was written

& i didn’t really care much for the news, i think the lack of planning and the rushed way the books are coming along are grating on both the author and the fandom, but i don’t blame her for wanting to get this done and over with. it will show more insight on jeremy hopefully, but unfortunately i already don’t care 😭 i think the route tsc took was in general uninteresting and pedestrian enough to not warrant a second thought, and i’m not particularly interested in any plotline beyond what pertains to kevin and the ravens. what surprised me really is the total lack of impact tsc had on the fandom, which is to say, i think it was so in line with the same 3-5 headcanons passed around the last 10 years that it has genuinely done nothing for anyone aside from the people who were already very invested in jean and/or jeremy. it feels like a different fandom from aftg altogether, which i’m happy about if only because it keeps us all locked in different cages, but it still baffles me to see people dedicate so much thought to a book whose characters bar jean are, as of now, the very definition of Nothing burger. all in all the answer to that question and most questions pertaining to tsc is Who cares. because literally who cares

LMFAO staying away from aftg twt is really good for you & honestly all of us. it’s still so funny to me that not even nora sakavic herself wanted to touch that mess. mentally ill white suburbanite teenage shut-in echo chamber ass fandom

[raytorosaurus]

Wait what dumbassery got tweeted? I wanna see it so I can laugh

lol okay under a read more bc i was like "i don't have the energy rn to spark a whole discussion about this" but then it got kinda long anyway so. the tweet itself is your average annoying twitter bullshit but it speaks to a wider pattern that really fucking pisses me off and worries me so that's what this is about

someone tweeted this, which had like 900 likes and multiple people in the replies and qrts going "omg did she really do this/when did she do this" and op would be like "it's a joke," to which the reply would always be "oh well it does sound like something she'd do."

it's a) not funny in the first place lol and b) a very common type of joke to make, hinging on this widely-accepted idea that frank and lynz hate each other and are petty about it, and that lynz abuses gerard & is extremely controlling. both of these things are literally completely fabricated but people just believe them, and it really goes to show how all these people who hate lynz sooo much don't hate her for the reasons they claim to. these people could not any more transparently give less of a shit about jimmy urine's abuse victim when it really feels like they gleefully use her as an "excuse" to make frerard "jokes" where lynz is a villain. it's disgusting and so so insensitive. domestic abuse is also such a fucking disgusting thing to accuse people of with literally zero evidence besides the kind of thing that was touted on blogs like ode2's, including things like "lynz saying she deadheads the flowers is her sending messages that she emotionally or physically enjoys beating gerard into submission" and "the way gerard's behaving on instagram (i.e. not using it very often) just feels fishy to me...something must be wrong" and "frank and lynz are sharing coded messages about hating each other via opossum memes on their instagram stories or in their instagram likes".

my point is: if you really hated lynz THAT much for reasons such as her association to msi and the tweets where she claimed to have indian descent and was weird to people who called her on it, then you should not need to invent additional reasons to hate her. you would also have to admit that those two things are not exclusive to lynz since everyone in mcr also has extensive voluntary associations with msi, most of all gerard and frank, who have also done/said racist things in the past, and you would have to come up with reasons why you are willing to forgive them but not lynz. i also don't like lynz and find a lot of her actions distasteful but it's literally impossible to get a reasonable explanation from any of the mcr fans who hate her SO much for the depth of this hatred without them including complete fabrications or deeply bad-faith suppositions (or actively misogynistic comments) in those explanations. it's extremely transparent and only goes to show how little these people care about the actual genuine issues related to jimmy/msi and weird racist comments/claims.

also as a side point i don't understand why people also love to act like frank is a perfect innocent in any situation to the point where they'll literally make up reasons to like him or claim that he's on "their side" (e.g. the idea that he hates msi when he was a vocal fan). i love frank so much but fandom as a whole seems to have such a weirdly distorted view of him, despite him being the one in the band who's most open about his thoughts and feelings/life in general. or maybe for that reason? he certainly seems to be the one people project onto the most with a lack of self-awareness about what they're doing, idk. it's weird though frank is such a lovable and admirable guy but sometimes i see the way some of his intense fans talk about him and i honestly feel like they're talking about a different person? of course none of us really know him at all but idk i really feel like the version of him that exists in the most prevalent fan-driven frerard narrative is so bizarrely separate from reality skfjfkssk. idk anyway that's kind of off-point, the most important thing here is that if you make things up about frank or attribute your own opinions to him when he hasn't actually said anything like that (e.g. hating msi or hating lynz) you're gonna get further and further down that rabbithole and end up setting yourself up for disappointment when frank inevitably doesn't behave/think the way you want him to irl lol.

so anyway i qrted that tweet, and op deleted their account between my second and third tweet here lol.

[mediocre-noodle]

for the assorted multiverses, i just have harry potter (mom showed me when i was young hhhh i dont interact w it anymore bc loss of interest and uhm. *stares at jk rowling* eugh) and avatar: the last airbender (its the best ever /j)

the only thing i have written down for HP lore-wise is literally “HATES DUMBLEDORE” i mean. you do you. i did a house test for him bc i was bored— he got ravenclaw. not even surprised -> im a ravenclaw. his patronous is a nebelung cat which is funny bc my childhood cat was a nebelung (i have photos if you wanna see) (theyre from 2017 im so glad i have them still)

for ATLA:

THERE WAS AN ATLA PICREW AND IT WAS COOL OKAY? AAABJDNSNJS

dallas to aang & zuko, talking about ozai: you need me to kill that guy for you? 👀 /ref

“i’m gonna say that he’s probably an outlier bc of the world-hopper thing. something like an avatar but not? aang and the others are still the avatar, dallas isn’t considered an avatar. he can control all elements but isn’t an avatar bc he isn’t a reincarnation. the only reason he can bend all 4 is bc of his otherworldly status.” <- dallas also is a part of The Family aka is OP as FUCK! he has powers from that before he came to ATLA’s universe but he only bends the 4 elements and then the sub-types of bending styles (metal bending, blood bending, healing, lava bending, etc.) of the ATLA universe so no one gets suspicious.

cant add anything about Korra bc i havent watched it. im too attached to aang :[

thats really the only 2 assorted universes i have solid, written lore for. hermitcraft is dallas healing, nothing written yet— no ideas. i dont dare of bringing dallas into the DSMP. no way. that would only send him into a relapse. oh right! uhh i did think of some genshin ideas but its not in my notes… its in disc though lemme grab it-

THE FOLLOWING IS COPIED N PASTED!! (was talking about dsmp to a friend that doesnt know dsmp)

had a vivid reminder of one scene from an animatic (i think??) off dsmp wilbur asking (read: demanding) philza to kill him

and i literally forgot it was dsmp— i was just thinking of a crazed face and that person desperately asking another to ruin them through with a sword, while in a bout of insanity and mental breakdown. said sword is held by the other person (the one being asked to kill) and the insane one is basically pressing it into their own neck as they yell and scream to ‘just kill me!’

and i was like. hm. i cant remeber what thats from.

and i open my photo folders and scroll titles and then see dsmp related ones and go OH MY GOD ITS THE C!WILBUR DEATH—

anyways the reason i bright this up is bc i got the random vision of the scene i saw,,,

but w dallas during a breakdown of his. ***(AU bc i would not do anything to this extent)***

like oh my god imagine being the person on the other side of the sword???

i’m thinking genshin maybe. and rn, venti bc dallas and venti are like— BESTIES.

and imagine???

dallas is like: just kill me— *kinda crazy wide eyes and smile but yk also small bit of tears. not a lot,,

venti: *literally in tears* no— no!? dallas, i’m not doing that?!

dallas: this world is better off without me! besides, it’s not like i *won’t* come back!! you could push me off a cliff and break every bone in my goddamn body and *i’d be fine!!!*

venti: no, you wouldn’t be fine!? what the fuck?! im not going to *kill* you!||

or whatever idk i’m not good with writing mentally unstable characters in that way.

(btw venti doesn’t kill dallas, just wraps him up in a hug until the episode passes or whatever while venti cries. dallas apologizes for saying that, even though they both know he wasn’t in the right state of mind bc he still kinda traumatized venti. they tend to walk on eggshells when it comes to dallas’ suicidal tendencies after that— jumping into fights, taking blows for others, no self-preservation, etc.)

anywayssss :p

I WAS GOING THROUGH CHATS TO FIND MORE DALLAS MORE. GOOD NEWS. I DID FIND MORE AHHAAH

was finding music for dallas spotify playlist and got sad over lore again. and then nesquik (their nickname) started grilling me over how okd dallas is ehe

first two speak for themselves i think? the last ome was on the topic of dying and then brought up how The Eyes cannot die. (aether is the name of the male MC)

anywho-

DALLAS LORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

poor gyu :(((((( hes just a little silly!!!!! just needs a big ol hug!!!!!!!!

[kuromi-hoemie]

microsoft posts the urls used for ads/tracking etc

exactly what I'd want, ublock origin has an assets.json file with all their sources (:

sometimes i wanna finish setting up my dns server to block ads but I'm too lazy to find a good blocklist source to feed it.. but as it typically goes, now that i am talking abt it out loud and dragging myself for not doing it, i will look for a source

[golbrocklovely]

since this anon kinda gets into some bridgerton spoilers, i'm gonna put it behind a keep reading so in case you haven't seen it yet, nothing is spoiled for yall :)

i'm gonna make a whole post on my feelings for part one bc omg i have so many, but i'll go into some detail about how i feel now.

BOOK SPOILERS ARE IN HERE (so if you don't want to know anything at all about this season/book, turn back now)

i was interested to see how things played out with eloise and pen strictly bc in the books, since LW has been doing it for so long, eloise isn't all that upset at finding out about pen being her.

but in the show, i was curious to see how they would make el and cressida work. and i think it sort of works. but my whole thing is, i can't stand c. like i get why she acts the way she does, but compare her to pen who is basically in the same situation.

pen also comes from a family that is mean to her and doesn't treat her well. she is also in competition with the ladies of the ton (and not only them but her own sisters at one point) to find a man, and yet she isn't mean. she doesn't pick on others to make herself feel bigger. her and c are basically one in the same, but the difference is that pen is internal with her negativity while c boasts herself as something more while simultaneously not feeling like she measures up.

this obviously brings into the question LW, but i think in a way pen isn't really saying anything the ton isn't already thinking. she's just making it widely known. in a way, she's the gossiper for all ppl - the rich and poor. so while yes, she can be mean in the LW columns, she's really only saying what everyone was saying to her and around her. and even then, she's also bringing herself down by reporting on herself and her family, which puts her in even more negative withstanding.

i kinda wish they would have kept c mean just for the sake of being mean, not have the audience try and pity her in a way. i think it would have been more entertaining if she was just rude bc she was never taught to be nice, rather than it being a desperate ploy to get a man before everyone else while being deeply insecure. idk. in my own personal experience, while you have bullies that are bullied themselves, which is why they act the way they do, some ppl are just destined to be dicks lol

and pen will definitely reveal herself as LW to colin, and probably her family and the bridgerton family. but i don't see it being shared with the rest of the ton only bc that kinda defeats the purpose of the show. in the books, there is the whole carriage scene, but then she continues being LW even tho colin thought they both agreed to her stopping it then and there. but regardless of that (since that won't work in the show), i think she'll reveal it right before they get married, and some form of drama will occur.

also.. and don't take my word for this since it hasn't been confirmed or anything, but i heard there's gonna be another carriage scene so……… maybe we'll get that from the books after all lol

(plus the mirror scene... plus an apparent montage of them fucking so............... i'm sat and ready)

as for what's gonna happen in part two, i have seen some spoilers so i won't say them since i highly doubt you want to be spoiled, but from the little preview they did show (plus some bts i've seen that has been going around twitter from some news network that went on the set to film them do part 2) i think like the books c is gonna confess to being LW and that's what makes pen pass out. and then she's gonna try to counter c with her own LW column calling her out, and then she'll get caught by colin. i think a variation of that is gonna play out.

i'm just hoping that by the end her and eloise are friends again. bc their scenes in this first half… i literally cried twice. especially at the "would you like to come up" part. it just hits a bit close to home in a way for me.

i just can't wait for what's gonna happen. like i need this second half NOW.

[hannahbanana29]

newjeans' Danielle x fem!r

Get to know you better pt2.

Sorry it took so long for me to update again 😞 I'm just getting huge writer's block. Anyways, if you haven't read part one, I suggest you do bc then you'll have the full background, but either way, enjoy!

**sneak peek** "I'm surprised and honestly bummed we haven't met each other before tonight. How'd I not notice you… you're really pretty."

Chapter TWO: Overnight

Danielle was still on your mind by the time the digital clock on your bedside table told you it was now 12:47am. She hadn't really left it at all, and as much as it wasn't awful to have this pretty girl stuck in your head, you valued your sleep. But also, you felt so pathetic when you realised you'd not even spoken to this girl for five minutes and you were already growing a small crush on her.

You weren't being dramatic. Literally, even when you told yourself not to think about her for at least another 60 seconds, she'd appear next to you in your mind.

Like when you realised you wouldn't sleep properly until Minji got home, so you went downstairs to get a late snack. You'd opened the fridge to get the milk as to pour yourself a cup of tea/coffee, and you caught your stupid self imagining what it would be like for Danielle to walk up behind you and ask what you were doing.

Something as mundane as that, yes. But the idea of such a domestic, meaningless and easily forgettable moment between you and this girl was bringing you to paradise. As shameful as that was to you, it was also something that you couldn't stop doing. Like a guilty pleasure you'd gained jn the last two hours.

You thought back to how you'd been feeling before Minji had entered your room, about to tell you her plans to go out with her friends. You'd been scrolling on whatever Netflix had to offer, which wasn't a lot. You could remember a time when you'd be able to spend a day just the same old shit on TV and not get bored, but now…

These days…

Something felt bitter. Almost as though you'd lost something, and you knew what it was. It was that thrill, that excitement, that reason to get up in the morning. You weren't depressed or anything, but you just had a lack of motivation and enthusiasm for the past year or so, and it was getting to your brain.

This might be why you couldn't stop thinking of Danielle, despite how you'd only known her for three minutes. You were at a point in life where you needed something not quite insane but just new and exciting enough to give you energy, for you to care about living a little more. And that new and exciting something - or someone - just waltzed through your door looking stunning and acting like God's gift to you.

Maybe the man upstairs is making up for my utter boredom.

You'd taken yourself back up to your bedroom, where things were the same. You liked your living space, especially your room, but it had been the same since… well, a long time ago. You were thinking perhaps you could dive into Pinterest to get some new bedroom inspiration.

In your room, you weren't doing much. You were just laying on your mattress with closed eyes, but you were wide awake thinking about what your life is like in comparison to what you want it to be like right now.

Then you heard the door open.

You perked up a little, but didn't decide to go downstairs just yet. You knew it was most likely Minji, no one else, and your assumption was only confirmed when her voice was heard. God, she sounded sort of breathless, but at least she was happy, which was obvious.

What made you decide to leave your room, however, was when a second voice came from downstairs.

"Minji-ah, can I borrow some clothes, please? Anything will do, thanks so much."

Without a doubt, that was Danielle's voice. Danielle Marsh's voice. As in, the same girl who hadn't left your mind for the last few hours. She'd occupied your thoughts very frequently, and now here she was again, downstairs. But she was asking for clothes from your older sister.

You raced down the staircase of the second floor in your home, and stopped at the bottom when you were able to clearly see Minji and Danielle. Both were still dressed in their pretty dresses and expensive shoes, but their hair was a little tousled, their foreheads shone with a sheen of sweat and their makeup faces had been smudged around the eyes.

Minji was supporting Danielle, and sat her down on the couch of your living room when she turned and saw you.

"Oh! Gosh, Y/N, hey. Sorry if we woke you, I was just about to get Danielle some ice water to even out her, uh, drunkeness." She awkwardly managed to string together a sentence or two.

You shook your head, and tripped a little as you hopped the last step. "No, no, I'll get that." You insisted.

Sure, because Minji was your sister and was obviously intoxicated and vulnerable and worn out. But also, Danielle was here, and the more you observed her, the more you realised what a state she was in. She seemed happy enough, smiling lazily at your sister, but she was sprawled across the couch, pale and covering her mouth a little, as if she were about to vomit.

This only made you whip up the iced water even more quickly, and you were about to hand it to Danielle after walking from the kitchen to the living room, but Minji gave it to her instead once she took it from your hand. Minji probably thought she was just being a tiny bit helpful, but you sort of sulked internally, having rathered you gave it to Danielle instead.

You were about to question, too, why she was so wasted, but Minji beat you to that, as well.

"I think Dani here oversaw how much she could manage. She's been vomiting a bit too much for her brother to handle, and so I offered for her to stay overnight with us. Is that okay?"

You were already nodding, but Danielle, who wasn't watching, decided she had to add to what Minji had said.

"I won't be any trouble at all, Y/N-ie. I'm sorry, I just didn't realise I was such a lightweight until -"

"It's fine, Dan." Minji cut her off, and you pouted stupidly because you would have never stopped Danielle from talking.

And also because you loathed yourself for thinking too much tonight.

"Right! Let me just grab some pj's for you, and then I'll help you get changed. Y/N-ah, please just watch over her for a moment. If she vomits, just take her to the bathroom of course."

And then you were left alone, with a very drunk Danielle. Her flowery scent was now tainted ever so slightly by the alcohol and skunky smell of the club, but she still graced your house with her scent. Without thinking, you sat next to her, and just waited for her to need anything from you. You were ready to run and get it.

"Hey, Y/N-ie…"

You hadn't noticed what she called you the first time she used the nickname, but this time, you did. And it stuck to your cheeks in a red hue, so deep a crimson that you know Danielle could dip her fingers in it and paint a sunset by hand. Gosh, you wonder if she likes to finger paint...?

"Uh, yeah? You okay?"

She was too out of it to notice your stutter and your delayed response, luckily. Even while she was lying across your couch, a little messy and very intoxicated, she made you feel stupid. It was sort of funny. This angel was just in your house, and you were silently worshipping everything you wouldn't have if it was anyone else.

What was it with this stranger? What was it that made you so… how do you even describe it?

"I'm 'kay. Just a bit, haha, tired. You know, I'm used to the odd drink at home under supervision, but I suppose I forgot that I normally even it out with lemonade. I think I overestimated my limits," She admitted with a melodic ring of laughter.

"…Ah", you weren't sure if she wanted you to answer.

"So... Mrs Stokes, huh? We didn't get to finish our conversation did we?"

"Oh-"

"I didn't forget." She smiled up at you from her hunched position. "I actually would have talked longer with you, but Minji was obviously excited to go to the club. Anyways, what other teachers do you have?"

You guys had a sweet conversation while Minji was away. It wasn't much more than small talk, but what made it special was that you didn't feel awkward. Small talk, as a lot of us can agree, made you want to sink into a hole in the ground and let it swallow you up, but with Danielle, small talk was better.

Maybe she has lots of friends at school. Although, you were sure you would have heard of such a popular person at the place you attended five days a week for seven hours.

Danielle sighed softly. "I'm surprised and honestly bummed we haven't met each other before tonight. How'd I not notice you…you're really pretty."

She'd mumbled that last part. You were pretty sure though that she wasn't bothered if you heard or not. Was it even directly towards you, or just for her own ears? Was she so exhausted that she needed to hear her thoughts out loud in order to understand them properly?

Your mind had gone into a small frenzy at the way she spoke either to or about you, but at the worst moment, Minji walked downstairs with a matching set of pyjamas in her arms for Danielle.

[watercolor-hearts]

v you are literally a blessing from the gods above i swear bc i can’t concentrate on writing without reading something so 🛐

i would love some a/b/o with simi and/or charlos? like them discovering they are true mates? idk i just need fluff in this tiring times

btw your writing is amazing keep up the great work 🖤

I'm trying to be as transparent towards my readers as I can so I've decided not to post this story in a separate post but as an answer to this ask of yours. Writing these little stories is a learning process for me to find out what I can write and what I can't. And as it turned out I can't write a/b/o things. We've discussed it with Nyx and I asked them to pick something else as a replacement. They wanted a second part to Still a human, and now I'm here with it.

Thank you for your kind words and your continuous support, Nyx. I'm sorry for the long wait. ❤

So once again: this is not an a/b/o story, this is a second part to my non-binary Seb story.

Seb/Kimi • 747 words • non-binary Seb • lipstick and nail polish • birthday • supportive Kimi • fluff • established relationship • Ao3 link

-

If anyone had told Kimi that he would one day shop at a makeup store, he would have thought they were stupid because he and makeup products couldn't be further apart.

And yet, now he was in a makeup store with a determination to find the most beautiful red lipstick for his partner's birthday. But the thing he wasn't expecting is the amount of brands and products in the store. He thought it would be a few lipsticks in different colors and a few other products but not millions of brands and product stands as far as the eye can see. He was a bit lost, to be honest. But luckily, some ladies who work in the store came to help him.

A few minutes later the mission was accomplished and he was on the way to the hotel with his little nicely wrapped gift to surprise Sebastian.

***

“I missed you,” Seb said after kissing Kimi.

“You always miss me even if there's only one hour when we're not in the same place.”

“Maybe I'm in love and I wanna be with my lover,” Seb smiled, grabbing Kimi's hand and guiding him to the bed.

“I brought you a gift,” Kimi showed them the gift bag when they sat down on the bed, “For your birthday.”

Seb's eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Kimi handed it to them, “Open it.”

“Thank you, it's really nice of you,” Seb smiled while taking the little box out of the gift bag. “Oh my...” they looked at Kimi and then at the little box again. “A lipstick and nail polish.”

“In the exact same shade,” Kimi nodded. “The ladies at the store said that this is the most famous red shade and everyone loves it. So... I hope you like it.”

Seb put the box down and pulled Kimi closer to kiss him. They had never imagined Kimi would buy them something like this because their coming out wasn't long ago and Seb was sure Kimi needed time to get used to Seb being non-binary and slowly starting to show it when they're together at home or at a hotel.

“I love it!” Seb exclaiked, eyes glowing from happiness, “It's so pretty. Can I try the lipstick on?” Seb asked, excited to try it because they'd never worn red lipstick before, only some clear lip gloss. “I wanna leave the nail polish for the summer break. Because...

“I know,” Kimi nodded, caressing Seb's hand. He knew Seb was still closeted and he didn't want to push them to do something they don't want to. Their safety is more important than some red nail polish. “Put on the lipstick and then show me.”

Sebastian nodded, a wide smile on their lips as they jumped to go to the bathroom. They were very excited to try it because it was another huge step for them. They had already bought a mascara and clear lip gloss but nothing else so having this beautiful red lipstick meant a lot to them. Especially because it was from Kimi.

“How is it?” Kimi asked a few moments later.

“The shade is amazing but my application is... not,” came the answer from the bathroom and soon Seb stepped out, laughing and trying to cover their lips because they weren't perfect.

“Show me, darling,” Kimi asked, getting up from the bed and stepping closer to Seb. When Seb showed it to him, Kimi smiled. It was true that the application wasn't perfect, it was uneven in a few places, but it was still better than if Kimi would've done it, and Seb was beautiful and happy while wearing it, and that's what mattered to Kimi. “Look at you, Seb. Red is your color. You're beautiful.”

“Really?” Seb asked, smiling from ear to ear. They were a bit scared Kimi wouldn't like to see them wearing makeup but it seemed like Kimi didn't mind it. “But I'm sure there's some on my teeth.”

“That doesn't matter. What matters is that you're smiling. Happy Birthday, darling,” Kimi said, looking into Seb's eyes, and then kissed them, deeply.

“Now we've smudged the lipstick,” Seb laughed after the kiss, pushing his finger on Kimi's lips, and then showing him the red color on his fingertip. “It looks like red is now your color, too.”

Kimi didn't mind it. Especially not when a few minutes later Seb was on the top of him in their bralette, covering his whole upper body in red kiss marks.

[izzy-b-hands]

Rambling abt the half dream half nightmare that woke me up today below the cut. feel free to ignore, just need to vent it out somewhere. Probably going to include me talking abt Current Family Issues and Feelings so. yeah. TW for mentions of someone in hospital, death, religion, and overall family dysfunction lmao

I know that ultimately, right now, if something big and/or terrible happened medically to anyone in my family back in ND, I wouldn't be able to go see them. The money just isn't there (part of why I'm not going out there this summer nor are they coming out here at all.) I've accepted it, and I try not to think abt it.

That said, LOVE (read: HATE) my brain deciding a hyper realistic yet weird dream abt my mum winding up in hospital is the way to go this morning. Complete with:

-her bf refusing to speak to me abt it, and telling me not to bother going to visit her in the weird, somehow existing in both CT and ND simultaneously, hospital with a 'haven't you already been enough of a burden to her?'

-me staying in my grandparent's old house in ND, and for some reason that meant being wildly unable to get ready to go to the hospital. Finding my clothes was nearly impossible, but. all their old decorations were back up on the wall so even as I was searching for them I like. Didn't want to leave? As if the house would revert back to being sold like it has been irl, if i left it. Finally I wound up just stealing clothes from my grandfather's side of their closet (specifically his old 80s styled 'eagle on a tree branch' print sweater that he got forced to toss a few years ago bc it was becoming more holes than sweater, and one of his old, big leather jackets. somehow i found jeans that fit me, idk how considering i can't seem to do that irl rn but i digress)

-me showing up to the hospital FINALLY only for Noel Fielding?? to be sitting outside it with a friend dressed in what i can only describe as absolutely gorgeous future techno witch clothing. Unfortunately they were fucking dicks in this dream and scared the shit out of me by joking that 'it was so nice I'd shown up still despite the worst' and implying my mum had already passed. Noel did shout apologies as i stomped off inside and that as far as he knew she was still okay, but his friend is the one who handed me a wrapped in plastic, small, metal stool with a weird cartoon face on the seat so i could 'sit with her body, like sitting shiva, right?' (not like that at all to my knowledge, but then again my family has rarely to never fully followed any of the various religious rituals around death, we just. take the bits the dead person liked from them and ignore the rest, for better or for worse. Maybe that's just what happens when a family is a mishmash of various christian sorts from Catholic to Protestant with the hidden knowledge that actually, prior to ppl moving to the States, ppl in the family were Jewish but inter-marrying into Catholic families for safety-sake, and so any Jewish traditions used now are done wrongly and weirdly and in odd bits and pieces. At least that's as much as I've been told/have found out abt it, anyway)

-I proceed into this stupidly fancy and open concept hospital, to immediately find a hugr crowd mucking up the elevators (crowding the elevator bank and refusing to let others on.) That's where Con showed up, and helped me make it up the ridiculously wide, roundish staircases (think like. wide rounded stage steps, but for each level of this hospital), while also trying soothe me by telling me Housemate was already here and waiting for me, so were my grandparents and even Mum's bf (he promised to keep him away from me lol, it was v sweet in an otherwise filled with anxiety dream.)

-however, as we were struggling up the steps (also full of crowds, pushing each other around, so we literally had to hold hands and hold onto the railings and walls to avoid being shoved down the stairs), he kept hesitating on saying more abt mum. He tried to distract me by mentioning that, since I was here, the docs might want me to address some of my own health issues but that he wouldn't let them force me into any treatment i didn't want. Then he finally alluded to mum being in worse straits than I'd been told abt and said something to the effect of 'doing only what you can, not what she or others would expect of you' and 'not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else alive' plus admitting he was deeply worried my family was abt to force me into a big decision that absolutely wasn't the ONLY treatment option that would help mum, but it was implied to be the one mum's bf and my grandparents were pushing for.

-still dunno exactly what that option was, but just before i woke up i started hearing the latter part of the song Gethsemane from JCS (Housemate and I have been watching various versions irl this weekend lol), specifically the bit where Jesus dares/begs/etc God to see how he dies. This was accompanied by me finally reaching my mum's hospital room, and a stupid bright light emanating from it and like. Not to critique my own brain and the dream it created, but that was far too on the nose for me personally lmao.

-and I woke up thinking abt the call with my grandparents that I had on Thursday (didn't go super poorly but went. kind of weird and uncomfortable and confirmed again that like. they're happy for me being out here in CT, yet at the same time hold it and my happiness against me to some unconscious degree as originally outright confirmed by Mum in an earlier call her and I had like. Tail end of last year lmao. the main crux seeming to be 'why couldn't i find happiness in ND/what's wrong with all of them/why wasn't i willing to keep trying to make my life work in ND regardless of my happiness/don't i know how hard it is without my being there to help everyone whenever they ask/etc family bullshit')

And now I'm laying here thinking. If the Worst would happen for any of them, they would fully expect me to empty my bank accounts and do whatever else i had to, to get to ND not just to see them, but to help. to take care of as much as possible for them (mum and grandma get decision paralysed by sad/scary life events, my aunt is so uncomfortable with sickness and death she won't do hospital visits or funerals at all anymore for anyone, my cousins...are young enough they won't know how to handle it/won't want to, my grandpa tends to just shut down and isolate when things go to shit, and that's not to say that they all don't still get done things that need doing in these situations, but that they DO all usually need prodding and help and have leaned on me for that since i was a kid.)

And i would of course want to see them/help however i could, but. not to that extent. not to the point that I'd have nothing for myself, no money or help (bc they're not in a position to return that help or money to me, and they'd be so emotional as to likely be extremely offended and upset if i mentioned needing help myself.)

That said, I'm sick of silently daring them to watch me die just for their sakes, even tho i do still love them all dearly. and of course, that's entirely too dramatic but at the same time, Mum and I have had convos abt 'what if there's a shooting somewhere that we're at, how do we handle it, how are we attempting to protect each other' and Mum always says she would take a bullet for me, but she didn't protest when i say that I'd take one for her or anyone else in the family first. Last time she just nodded like. yeah. of course you would. so. Feelings, abt all of this.

If u actually read this full thing that was A. very sweet of u and i appreciate that u care abt my silly lil fucked up brain enough to do that (genuinely, I'm v grateful) and b. here is a pic of Nisha as what little compensation i can give for u reading this long ass ramble lol

[gerardpilled]

I'm not even particularly invested in this bc I don't read MCR fanfic, but you shouldn't go around saying people who enjoy fanfic need to be psychological evaluated, this only makes you sound like a bully who gets off on guilty tripping people. Just leave them be. Also, I'm guessing you're lacking a little context, but the bulk of MCR fans were actually 13-15 when the band peaked and they just believed in the stage gay the band members performed at their live concerts. It's important taking this in the context that in the mid 2000s any kind of queer representation in media was nonexistent or completely stereotyping and offensive (I recommend watching @verilybitchie video on emo subculture and bisexuality). Sometimes, believing in something, even as absurd as it may sound, is important to people and how they understood their own identities. T.a.T.u was fake af and yet I don't think I'd have come to terms with my own identity, sexuality and so on so early on if I hadn't had watched two girls singing about their undying love for each other on MTV. I know it's easier shitting on people when you dehumanize them as some kind of horny weirdo nasty queer girls that are somehow abusing these middle aged white celebrities for fantasizing about them, but to most people, these famous rock stars live in another world quite literally. Maybe you're a upper middle class person who lives in LA and meets celebrities grocery shopping on a regular basis, but remember that these artists are actually famous world wide and most fans won't ever be able to see them playing live. And then, there's the fact that in most cases, it's journalists that bring up fanfic during interviews for shock value, and not the fans. Also, you guys seriously need to stop overreacting about shit celebrities said 15 years ago on twitter.

Hi, okay so you’re referring to this post I made but the thing is I wasn’t talking about fanficiton, I was talking about genuinely believing Frank and Gerard had a secret romance. Perhaps you’re right that my wording was a bit harsh and rude, but the over reaction was meant to be at least a little funny.

I read and have always read mcr fic if I’m being honest! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it because like you said we are never going to have contact with them and I personally can separate fiction from reality. I actually watched the video you’re referring to months ago and it has actually shaped a lot of my current opinions on the cultural impact of mcr. The thing is it’s not 2007 anymore and I was more referring to the people on tumblr who have more context than a stage kiss. There are people out there that when presented with all the facts in the world believe that Gerard and Frank are going to leave their wives and be together. I have gone through periods where I thought there was something more that went down between them but these days I just don’t really care if it actually happened or not. The way I read fic or think about their relationship is through hypotheticals where I think stuff like “wow if this actually happened it would have been so interesting!” but I know it didn’t. I would definitely be considered a “weirdo nasty queer girl” I just think putting genuine weight into the belief that they are in love does more harm than good to younger, impressionable people at this point in their careers. That’s just me though

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Omy God, noooo, them holding onto the hats - BOTH their hats!! - is gonna make me cry! And it reminding Lady Sneasler of her nest, probably complete with Smells Of Ingo, which is familiar and comforting to her, and Smells Of Emmet, which is familiar and comforting to Ingo. It helps that like, to humans smell is typically the sense that lingers the longest and deepest in memories, and also that as Clamberclaw Lady Sneasler's sense of smell is amplifies Ingo's. So being in a soft nest with smells associated with safety, in an area that feels safe to Ingo, and having already ran themselves ragged, is a very good recipe. They just went from 100 in terms of bad stimulation and feeling like they're under attack, to a flat 0. Finally, what they need, finally a place to hide.

And then Emmet comes! And he is Very confused!! But again, this is someone who reads as a complete non-threat to them. Even though Emmet is expecting a fight and is all tensed and poised to throw out his very powerful pokemon to subdue this creature, they just... have exactly zero intention of doing anything violent towards him. If it were literally anyone else they might feel kind of cornered, even with the frenzy having died down some from exhaustion, but Emmet? They're more likely to drag him into the nest than scare him off the train.

Meanwhile, Emmet is so unprepared for literally all of this lol. Poor guy, he has no idea what to expect, but I love that he's already coming up with various strategies to account for various responses. Presumably the train has been stopped as soon as people started panicking, but I winced at the thought of something being so freaked out they tried to go out the front of the car.

Although, if the subway car was dark, did they like kill the lights? Or is this actually a battle car that wasn't being used so the lights were off or on low? Not great for seeing if he needed to battle them, but better for making them feel safer and calming them down. Like hooding a bird lol or letting a cat hide under the bed. The hard part isn't going to be calming them down, it's going to be coaxing them to come out and leave!

re: lights, i think what most likely happened is one of their moves went wide and broke something and took out the lights, probably just to the one front cabin? in my head this scene has to be mostly dark (and pls kill those bright lights for their sanity...) but this is the only way i think that would work

anyway they just want to sleep forever now thanks. they feel like shit mentally and physically, their brain still feels vaguely on fire from the frenzy, but it's soft and sheltered and there's a Good Person that they trust (that ingo trusts) more than anything to not let anything else bad happen to them. so. time to rest. emmet's still bracing to get ambushed, but then he gets a better look at them with the dim light filtering in from the last car, beaten and bruised with fur matted by sweat and blood, pinprick pupils and heaving breaths, and realizes this isn't some aggressive predator, this is something that's disoriented and possibly sick and scared out of its fucking mind.

what hopefully happens, once the frenzy's receded enough that it's not overwhelming, is that ingo can regain enough control over the fusion to Make Words Happen and try and explain what's going on. the most important part i think is communicating a) they're a fusion and b) even if he could, he doesn't want to disconnect from lady sneasler until he's sure she's unfrenzied (and also just, calmed down and reassured in a regular sense as well), for the safety of everyone else in the city.

(maybe he also mentions that he hunted this place down bc it felt familiar? that emmet has the same effect at a much more concentrated level? or even just his name. ...and maybe emmet remembers hearing about plasma's experiments in the P2 Laboratory, wretched biological-modification experiments on pokemon, and... oh, oh god, is this where his brother's been all this time?)

[hyunrun]

mommy issues below 🐱

me when I'm third wheeling my mum and sister 😔 like ok I alr knew she was the favourite child you didn't also need to make me walk behind you on the very wide sidewalk 😂😂

my mum also got mad at me for being a considerate person 😶 apparently I'm acting too 'righteous' and asking her to not be in the way of old people is annoying her BC 'they can walk around us'

If I tried to explain to her that my social awareness is so high strung because I feel constantly anxious I know she'll shoot me down because she has diagnosed anxiety and she doesn't feel like that (let's forget that these things are not the same for everyone 😋)

and then once we pick up my little sister I have to watch her hug her and kiss her and whatever when a few hours earlier she shook off my hand for trying to hold her hand while we were walking 🐱

i know she loves me but sometimes she makes it really hard to believe that the love she holds for me measures up to the love she holds for my sister. i feel a little more like a failed experiment.

I don't want to feel bad because her period is starting soon so maybe she's just snappy because of that. I'm not even angry at her I'm just sad and mad at myself for being stupid and always getting on her nerves (I am a little mad at her but I don't want to be because we'd only get in a fight if I am and then I'd just feel worse when I lose it because I'd never try to win a fight w her because she'd probably kick me out on the streets for a night 😼😎).

sitting across her on the verge of tears at a restaurant and she hasn't noticed yet because she's too busy doing something (literally idk what they're on her phone) w my sister but to give her credit I'm good at looking like I'm not crying when I'm crying

sometimes I feel like it's just a bit of retribution for me causing her hell before and after I was born but sometimes I want to disappear from this earth just so my family has an easier time I'm really tired of feeling like a constant burden and annoyance.

i always want to be like my sister too and it sucks but she's so cool for being 11. she's so self assured and strong and literally everything I'm not which is so embarrassing. whenever we meet Anyone all my mum cares to say about her is positive in comparison to my negative and I hate it so much because I just have to smile through my teeth. but I also love my sister too much to condemn her for it BC she's so talented and pretty and amazing and deserves everything she has but I just wished I had it too. even socially she's so graceful. i love people so much and I care too much and I run after them and stick to them and act like a leech just because I love them but I feel like everyone slips between my fingers but on the other hand my sister is so chill and doesn't need people around her but somehow is so magnetic and wonderful that people flock around her anyway.

my mum always jokes about the fact that she had to put so much effort into knowing kids' parents when I was younger BC she had to arrange playdates n stuff for me and I feel so bad and disgusting but I know it was just the reality but idk.

i feel like I'm about to hyperventilate and cry but my mum wants me to give her a leg massage and my dad wants me to video call him so I'll be back later ig 😋 (future me - my mum yelled a time for taking too long to give her the leg massage (I wasnt going to her because I was about to cry) and my dad was too sleepy to see I was upset (not his fault) so that was fun) anyway I'm tired of writing this post because I seem so annoying so if anyone reads this far then 🙏⁉️ this is embarrassing but ty for sticking around haha