#maybe i could just hide them or something??? idk
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If you dont mind me asking, For the hoa buttercups au, how did they find out that they were not 'normal'/they were possessing bodies?
(Not really sure how to word this, but thank you for this silly au, and tysm if you answer my question!
Hope you have a nice day/night!
I think at the beginning, Grian would actually make an effort to make eyes instead of having them just be hollow sockets... not necessarily that he's trying to hide that he's a watcher, he just didn't want to freak out the others.
When he joined Hermitcraft S6, he did the entire "I'm gonna take your mustache away" bit with Mumbo. He actually did end up taking his mustache away, only to reveal that the mustache IS Mumbo Jumbo (my mental image of this is just him holding on to the mustache going all "YES. I DID IT! I TOOK HIS MUSTACHE!" Only for the mustache to suddenly go "Well this is incredibly rude" and Grian immediately flings him to the other side of the room out of surprise).
As for Scar, Grian had always known that he refers to himself and Cub as vexes, but he always assumed that he said it as like a bit, or maybe that he has a vex lineage or is a hybrid of some kind. My headcanon rn on how G found out is that one day, Grian went and spooked Scar so hard from a prank or something that he went through an out-of-body experience (literally) and just, seperated the vex out of the body. Scar is just "Oh gosh, that scared the life out of me (haha get it)" and Grian is just looking at him like. "Wait you're an actual vex." Meanwhile Scar is looking at him all confused saying "??? You didn't know???"
And how Scar & Mumbo found out abt Grian... I like to think that Grian eventually kinda forgot that the others dont know and just think whatever he's doing is normal. Im thinking Scar goes to complain to Grian one day, and the convo would go something along the lines of:
"Im so hungry but i dont have a body to eat."
"Oh. You can just eat one of my bodies, i think this one's gonna expire soon anyways."
"What."
"What?"
Eventually, Grian clocked in on the fact that "Oh yeah. Im actually not normal i forgot about that." And just kinda ditched the entire appearing human look and got rid of the eyes so he could have easy access to get in and out of the body if he wanted to.
Yeah.. my headcanon is that they never really meant to hide it or anything. There has just been a lot of not knowing and miscommunication going on 😭 this might change in the future though, idk !!
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Okay. This is my first fic ever so please read this 🫶
This story is intended for mature audiences (18+). Please note that English is not my first language, so there might be some language errors or awkward phrasing in the text sometimes. Feel free to correct me in the comments. I am still learning english so pls. try not to make too much fun out of me. Additionally, this story may not strictly follow the events as depicted in Marvel films or comics and contains creative deviations. I kindly ask that you do not copy or redistribute my work without permission. Yes. I know it's cringe lmao. Enjoy anyway!
Title: "Building a Future"
Words: "3000" (idk exactly)
Characters: Logan Howlett (Origins) x Fem. reader
The fire crackled in the hearth, casting long, flickering shadows across the cabin’s rustic interior. You sat by the fire, the soft light from the flames dancing across the room, your legs tucked underneath you. The storm outside was fierce—rain pelted the windows, and the wind howled through the trees surrounding the cabin. It was the kind of night that invited quiet moments, the kind where the world outside seemed to disappear, leaving only the two of you.
Logan, or Wolverine as most people called him, sat opposite you, sharpening one of his knives with a focused expression. He had removed his shirt hours ago, the heat from the fire mixing with the thick layers of tension in his muscles. You couldn’t help but admire the way the flickering light highlighted the intricate scars that lined his chest and arms—reminders of his past, of the battles he had fought, both external and internal.
He glanced up from his work, catching you staring. His lips twitched in a half-smile, a familiar teasing look in his dark eyes.
"What?" he grumbled, though there was no real irritation in his voice. "You don’t need to be that fascinated by my scars. I’m not exactly a masterpiece."
You smiled softly, pushing yourself up from the couch and walking toward him. "Maybe not, but I find them... telling," you said, sitting down beside him. "They show your story. Your history."
Logan sighed, leaning back against the armrest of the chair, his steel-blue eyes meeting yours. "It’s a history I’d rather forget sometimes."
You rested your head on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. His arms, though tough and weathered, still felt reassuring, like home. Logan’s past had always been a complicated subject between you two, and you knew it wasn’t something he opened up about easily. But you didn’t mind. You were patient. You understood that not everything needed to be spoken for it to be real.
The silence between you stretched on, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was the kind of quiet where two people could simply exist together, where being with someone was enough, even if the world outside seemed chaotic and uncertain.
"You ever think about... the future?" you asked quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Logan didn’t answer immediately. He took a deep breath, his shoulders shifting as if he were preparing for something difficult. "The future," he muttered, staring into the fire. "Not much use in thinking about it. It always seems out of reach."
You nodded, understanding what he meant. Logan had lived a life of endless turmoil, and thinking about a future—about stability, about peace—was a luxury he’d never had. The idea of planning for something long-term seemed almost laughable to him. But you could sense that, deep down, there was a part of him that longed for it.
"I think about it," you admitted, turning your head to meet his eyes. "I think about us... a future where we don’t have to hide, where we don’t have to fight every day."
Logan’s gaze softened, his expression unreadable for a moment. "You mean, like... kids? Family?" he asked, his voice hesitant, as though the word was foreign to him.
You smiled gently, feeling the weight of his words. "Yeah. I don’t know. It’s just a thought. But... I want a family. Maybe not now, but eventually. I want us to have something real."
The idea hung in the air between you like an unspoken promise, delicate and fragile. Logan shifted uncomfortably, his usual guarded demeanor slipping just a little.
"You know my... situation," he said, his voice low, almost apologetic. "I’m not exactly father material."
You reached out, gently placing your hand on his, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. "Logan," you whispered, "I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you to be you. You’ve already proven how much you care."
He turned his hand over to hold yours, the roughness of his calloused fingers in contrast to your softer skin. His grip tightened ever so slightly, as if reassuring himself that this moment wasn’t a dream.
"I’m not sure I’m built for that kind of life," Logan admitted, his voice rough but tender. "I’ve never really had the chance to think about it."
You leaned in, your lips brushing the side of his neck as you whispered, "You don’t have to decide now. Just... know that I’d be happy with whatever we build. Together."
For a long moment, Logan said nothing. But you could feel his body relax beside you, a slight exhale escaping his chest. He wasn’t saying yes. He wasn’t saying no. But for once, he wasn’t shutting down the possibility.
As the night wore on, you found yourself drifting in and out of a comfortable sleep, your head on his shoulder, your fingers laced with his. The rain began to slow, the winds calming to a gentle murmur. But the warmth between you two remained, a quiet promise of something that might one day be, even if it was only a distant hope.
#logan howlett x reader#logan wolverine#logan howlett#x men origins: wolverine#logan x reader#logan xmen#x men original character#wolverine x reader#reader x character#wolverine fluff
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I’m not sure if this goes against any rules so feel free to delete this but would you write about Sebastian with a monster reader? Something like the void mass things that are in lockers maybe. Like the reader escapes the blacksite and hides under his desk without him realizing it and he only notices when he goes behind it. I mean if nobody is around to see him fuck a bunch of sentient tentacles did it really happen?
I love this so much!! I really love the thought of Sebastian ending up with another experiment idk why it’s honestly leaves so many options!
I really hope you liked this I thing I got lost in the prompt and it turned out not the way I wanted (and way longer!) but i hope it’s good!
If it wasn’t what you intended please do send in another request with what you had in mind!
Sebastian
(Tentacle/Monster! Reader)
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Cw:tentacle monster, size difference, no communication on readers behave though I didn’t specify really if they could talk
It was boring, like usual, the people he was able to trade with today were annoying and took longer than he cared for. He was leaning on the wall going over the new data he’d obtained, he’d lost track of time by the time he heard a thud from his desk. He looked over wondering what he knocked over.
Sebastian looks around the desk to see nothing out of place, with a sigh he circles his desk, but notices as he coils around his desk, a small mass scurried under his desk. He’s armed so…it’s not like he’s in a lot of danger, he’s also fast, strong and good in a panic. It’s probably just a rat.
Without a second thought he flips his desk, and sees…you.
You cower, basically surrounded by Sebastian, to say he was surprised was an understatement, you weren’t like the other creatures he was familiar with here. He had no data on you…were you a well hidden experiment, or maybe one they’d hoped to keep hidden?
While he’s observing you, he notices the tentacles on you, your small from seemed to be able to expand or shrink at will, Sebastian snapped out of his confusion at the odd squeaking sound you make. Whatever you are, it’s clear you’re like him your original species is a past tense.
“So…little thing, you’ve been here…for a while haven’t you? Look…” He paused and sighed. “You startled me I’m not a threat, ok? Can you talk?” He asked, leaning down to try to look in your eyes, you reach out a bit and he offers a hand to you curiously.
You take the hand and gently pull yourself up a bit, there’s a distinct size difference between you two even in the ‘evened’ state, he gently holds the tentacles you offered him, it’s…kinda soft and…warm? Your touch is gentle, he can’t really imagine you’re dangerous. Hell, he can’t even see a mouth in you.
A part of him enjoys your touch a bit too much, he can’t help how his mind drifts as he realizes your tentacles are self lubricating, likely to help you move around and avoid things getting stuck on you, but that doesn’t stop the quick ‘what if’s in his mind.
With another shake of his head he decides to lift you up. He’ll clean up later. He held you up to his chest and gently pets you. “Good…creature.”
You didn’t seem to care about the compliment, you didn’t even react. You watched him, your glowing eyes a contrast to the void like body of yours, no light reflected off your body but your eyes would give you away…maybe you were a sub species of void mass? Or perhaps the prototype to them?
Sebastian was tempted to get rid if you, but it clicked in his head some companion ship would be better…and maybe he just kinda thought you’re a neat little thing.
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As a few weeks pass you’d gotten more comfortable with Sebastian and had fallen asleep on him, though you scurry into your little hiding spots when people come by, no one ever catching glimpse of you. He still didn’t know much about you…but he’d learned a little, you’re a fast learner, and act on your own will.
He’s already managed to piss you off a few times. Since you can’t give him the silent treatment, you storm out of the room and climb somewhere he’s too big to get to. Then you stay there until he apologies or offers treats.
Sebastian was willing to kill any expendable who witnesses him begging the ‘domestic’ tentacle creature to come back.
Then there were times like today, while you both had nothing to do, and were both laying down and just…resting since it was slow, not much to do.
Sebastian had been bored. Deciding he needed something to do he gently grabbed you, with a grin he decided to try a new trick with you.
“Little friend…wanna do me a huge favor?” He asked you, a light grin in his face, he gently picked you up, grinning more as you seemingly try to nod.
“I’m dealing with some…’aching’ down here…”
He gestures to his lower body, though your eyes quickly catch the twitching tentacle like appendages emerging from his pelvis area. Despite his unorthodox approach to the subject, you were surprisingly willing, reaching out to grab his cocks, though he held you just out of range for a few moments.
Sebastian watched you squirm in his grip and held back his laugh, with a sigh he lets you slip down and grope his cocks, it might feel good. He wasn’t sure how…ethical it was to let you practically jerk him off.
Before he could think more, you grabbed onto his cocks, he had expected it to feel good to finally be touched after so long but…you grabbed his cocks like you were going to strangle them, making him squeak in protest.
“W-wait let go! You’re gonna bruise em!” Sebastian protest, wiggling to free his arousals from your tight grip. “Not so rough…they are delicate.”
You seemed confused and grabbed only the smaller cock this time, lightly squeezing it as you pull yourself up, Sebastian groans as you just…squeeze him. “Hmph…you have to rub it, here…”
He gently moves one of your tentacles gently up and down on his cock. Sebastian moaned, after a few strokes and dropped his hand, letting his head fall back as you stroke him on your own. “Yess…like that…”
He lets out a low groan, nudging his other cock towards you he waits hoping you’ll take the hint. You could practically see the relief in his eyes as you grab his larger cock, you squeeze his cocks, slowly rubbing them up a down.
He bucks his hips every few strokes, to his amusement you tighten your grip on him when he does so, almost like you’re trying to ride a bull. With a low groan Sebastian tenses.
“Faster…I’m not getting anywhere…” He complained. You let out a huff and release his cocks, before he could complain, he felt one of your tentacles press into his slit. A loud whine escapes the male in response.
When he bucks his hips again, you quickly grab his cocks to secure yourself, feeling you squeeze his cocks mixed with a few of your tentacles inside him had him whimpering in pleasure.
Your tentacles squirm inside him, he’s sure you don’t know the full effect of what you’re doing to him, but he isn’t complaining, the way you’re filling him feels so good…
And once he gets you to stroke him again he knows he won’t last long, getting a little impatient for you to stroke, he tries to guide your tentacles up and down his cocks, you catch on that he wants both.
You give a little more effort to help his ‘ache’. Your tentacles stroke him languidly, though you’re not too confident of your movements yet, it’s enough for Sebastian to hit his peak, panting he didn’t even try to warn you, not wanting to deter you.
Sebastian loudly moans as he cums under you, his cocks bobbing eagerly as he releases thick ropes of cum, he couldn’t help his trembling, it felt so good to get release, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d even been touched intimately…
His pleasure is short lived as soon after his release, overstimulation kicks in, though you’re not stopping, in fact it feels like you’re going faster.
Part of him doesn’t want you to stop you, but his cocks ache from how fast your rubbing them, your squeezing definitely isn’t helping either, looking down he whimpers watching you squeeze his cock bases then with more pressure as you stroke up his cock.
It looked like you were trying to squeeze the cum out of him!
Sebastian squeaked as your testicles accidentally pinch his now overstimulated tip. But…at least that got you to pause your sweet torture. “I-I’m good…the a-ache is gone…”
Sebastian whines out, watching you still cradle his limp cocks, holding them with just enough pressure they can’t retreat. The way you stare at him has him worried you might not stop, he’s not sure he can pull you away without some…discomfort from where you’re holding him.
Sebastian sighed in relief when you pulled your tentacles out of him and laid on his stomach, his cocks quickly took the chance to escape, retreating back inside his slit
Though you were…a little rough, Sebastian imagined with a little practice with his…’modified’ body, you’d be able to easily ‘help’ him plenty in the future, he felt one of his cocks twitch as the thought lingers.
He could take a few harsh squeezes from you if it ment he got to release his load like that, and it wouldn’t be too hard to help you get better techniques with pleasuring him, maybe next time-
Sebastian flushed as he watched your sleeping firm, he felt a little embarrassed that here he was, an experiment like you, yet, his brain can only think of all the ways you could ruin him, he grunted as he felt another twitch in his slit.
He swallowed and tried to calm, he…might have to find things to offer to you for this, an incentive would definitely encourage you, and he’d feel less awkward…about asking for pleasure…
He blushed as one of his cock was poking out behind you. With a sigh he wraps his tail around it, lightly rubbing it to avoid moving too much and waking you.
One thing was certain, he’s definitely trying more of this with you when you wake…even when he was human, he’d never felt like that before. He was keeping you, fuck it. Whether he gets out of this facility or not, he’s keeping you.
-
#nsft#sebastian x y/n#sebastian x mc#sub sebastian#sebastian solace#pressure sebastian#pressure#sebastian x reader#monster reader
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sleep deprived dust can't recognize what's dream and what's real when he goes in and out of consciousness so i think dust is allowed to be incredibly reckless when he's awake but thinks he's in a dream. he will kill whoever passes by him (or attempt to. for him it's an instict to shoot bones anyways.) he will drink 4 bottles of alcohol just because he thinks its just a lucid dream. have incredibly loud conversations with phantom paps because he's asleep so nobody will hear him talk. or just have loud ass breakdowns because again he thinks he's asleep!!! nobody's gonna know what he gets up to in his dreams. and until someone (probably phantom paps) tells him that he's not asleep and this is reality he won't realize until he's done something really reckless
horror is seconds away from exploding dust's skull open with his magic while dust is trying to strangle him and FINALLY phantom paps tells him he's awake and dust snaps out of it. killer is walking around the house with bones sticking out of him like pins on a sewing pattern (casually too. another day in the life for him) and he just asks dust what that was about. dust just gets off of horror and shrugs his shoulders with an idk. and then walks away. this is the 6th time its happened this month
#horror needs to find a way for him to get back at dust for almost killing him#horror IMMEDIATELY booby traps dust's room's door with several fatal traps. and then dust just teleports away to dodge them#horrors incredibly cool bone manipulation power is incredibly underrated. neither dust nor killer can do what he does#when i say people underestimate just how powerful horror is i mean this#he has MANY shows of power where he summons a shitton of bones. or when he's clever and tricky#using tiny bones so his karma can hit the guards more and kill them faster??? GENIUS#granted kist could definitely think of something like that but that doesn't mean horror's a coughing baby#ok back to my original post. i came up with this after doing my little dusttale translation thing#dust is such a fucking asshole during it all istg and i whooped and cheered every time he was a fucking dick#when he doesn't know what to do when in doubt destroy everything you see. what a guy#he'd definitely be a lot smarter than that in real situations but again#he came up with that strategy while he was under the impression that he was in a dream#so i do think this little prick can be quite an unrestrained destructive force when he doesn't know whats real or not#can i just talk more about translated dust because GODDDD he was SO FUCKING COOL IN MAD TIME SERIES I SWEAR#when he plucked floweys petals off him one by one???? and then berated him??? and the nursing home comment??????? fuck i lov him#can you please unspill the spilled blod??? sick ass line. i think he knew from the start he was gonna betray flowey in that one#god i love canon dust so much he's such a sadistic shit. and he likes it. what a freak. HE LIKES IT#the only person he outwardly expressed regret about killing was papyrus. you'd think he'd care more about everyone else but NOPE#or maybe he did in the earlier runs. still doesn't hide from the fact that he was cruel to everyone else. because thats dusttale 4 you#youre on death row and theyve sentenced you to endless torture and then the mtt pulls up#listen man if i were on death row and they were my torturers id let them do whatever. my babies can get back at me for making them suffer#canon horrordust my beloved i love canon horror and dust#idk if killer in this is like totally canon but idc. it's such a funny idea to make him unbothered when he's injured its hilarious#horror and dust's personal little punching bag ✨✨#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 7)
Staroba is... not my cup of tea.
Still can't get over the fact Ceroba showed so little empathy for Star. It becomes even worse when you remember she started lecturing him ALL while wanting to take Clover's soul herself and lied to his face just so she could later betray the kid. At least Star tried to fix things. She started digging deeper and deeper into her plan and in the end got forgiven really easily.
I keep thinking Ceroba sees Starlo as a childish little bro or smth and even mentions how the reason she chose Chujin was because he was "mature." Yeah he WAS more serious in terms of personality but everyone's different. Chujin wasn't morally perfect anyway
'Back when I was a naive kid, kinda like you' and 'hey, it's science. your brain is still developing' rub me the wrong way. Basically what I got from this is how she thinks only someone childish and emotionally underdeveloped would consider a relationship with Starlo
Ceroba seems to view Star as a "poor naive manchild" who needs babysitting. She feels so bad for him that she'd sometimes tag along with his antics but won't hide the annoyance most of the time.
She'll also spare him from his feelings getting hurt, which is nice but it's not her honest opinion:
She seems to show little appreciation for what he tried to do for her even though they're supposedly best pals. She says how she's been burying her sorrows in the saloon but not how spending time there even slightly cheered her up.
She envies Star's optimism but imo it sounded more like an adult envying a kid's naivety than one adult admiring the other.
And APPARENTLY the time she spent with Clover in Steamworks cheered her up a little but not what Star's been doing for her for months.
heck she didn't even notice he had been doing it for her. too stuck in her sorrows, probably
I think the reason for this is because the Steamworks reminded her of Chujin and Kanako and the life they used to have. Btw, she loved Chujin waaaay too much (and even though he's gone now she still doesn't think she'll ever be with anyone else except Chujin, she's proud of Chujin for a useless award, she still calls Chujin 'her love,' she keeps talking about Chujin's legacy and how Asgore and everyone else never believed in him), to the point she stubbornly supported him without question, only (maybe) seeing him more realistically at the end of pacifist. I just feel like Ceroba doesn't take Starlo seriously. It's not that she doesn't care about him at all, but… she definitely doesn't get him.
For these reasons, I'm not a fan of staroba.
#uty#undertale yellow#starlo uty#uty starlo#north star uty#uty ceroba#ceroba uty#ceroba ketsukane#anti staroba#I won't pretend I like this ship#I honestly don't see the chemistry#their friendship is ok though#but imo star puts more effort into it#maybe she's hiding her true feelings for starlo#maybe not#idk#either way I won't overthink it#i know a lot of fans love staroba and that's fine#i just don't#star was a sweetheart to let her go#and let her have happiness somewhere else without him#i want starlo to either end up alone raising clover as a single dad#or with someone who will appreciate him and find him inspiring#this might sound funny#but that someone could be el bailador#both are energetic and passionate and 'too much' for the people around them#they wouldn't find each other 'too much'#corn yaoi is something I want to discuss separately
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so instead of going to bed i just spent like 3 hours sorting music on my phone lmaooo
debating if i should go to bed rn cuz i feel pretty tired but risk waking up at like 4am not being able to fall back asleep despite not needing to leave the house until like 11:30 or if i should try to stay up a few more hours and risk Losing My Tired but wake up at a more reasonable time :/
#i have so many songs with no album covers or artists or anything so i wanna add all of them#i think on the weekend ill try going through as much of it as i can and get rid of bad quality mp3s and songs/versions of songs i dont like#its gonna suck cuz i have just over 23 hours of music on my phone#but i do have a lot of my older songs done already since i did them all on my old phone#but anything ive downloaded in the past year or so isnt really edited lmao#i also wanna make some playlists for specific genres or whatever#like a rock/alt playlist a vocaloid playlist etc#and also a playlist that doesnt have fucking alarm tones in it#i would just delete them but then i dont have my alarm tones anymore#maybe i could just hide them or something??? idk#i should prob go to bed now lol#yoshi talk
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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i wonder if there's the potential for a solution to the doxxing fucking over marginalized people specifically thing and/or the some people only being able/knowing where to engage with community online thing if we we were able to like. weaponize the relative lack of actual anonymity in the opposite direction.
like for one thing, instead of doxxing just resulting in problems from others in person, using that information to actively support the person instead, and for another for the other potentially more targeted use of the internet to find people to engage with in person (although that one you'd have to be even more careful about in case it worked in the opposite direction. I'm just thinking it would be nice to have something more structured/widespread than happening to find out your internet friends are in your local area, that could potentially be used to circumvent people not meeting in third spaces/other issues people have initially finding local community in person.)
It would be nice if instead of exclusively finding offline solutions/telling people how to be more careful we could also use what's often part of the problem to our advantage when it does happen. Like, having a way to address it that isn't only preventative.
#no idea whether it's actually practical im essentially just thinking outloud#if we could have another pokemon go thing where people have the opportunity to#encounter each other on a friendly basis in person because of their phones that would also be nice#idk how you'd do some of this in a way that's actually 'safe' though#mypost#the doxxing response thing would have to be either like. a general cultural shift which is probably very unlikely#or a targeted attempt to support people affected that extends to their local area#and the other would kind of just require people to be fine with telling people online roughly where they are it seems like#unless there's some additional vetting process or something you could use first#which would obviously have a bunch of risks + more for some people than others#but like. part of my personal situation re online safety#is that a. i've already been on here and posting shit since i was a younger teen#and it would be practically impossible to make my normal social media doxx-proof to begin with#and b. none of my political opinions or me being trans or anything are exactly a secret in person#so anything someone could try to harass me with in person would either be trying to just like. embarass me in general i guess (useless)#telling people something they already know (also useless)#lying (could cause mostly temporary problems with the wrong person at most)#swatting (okay yeah this one could cause problems if they're stupid enough#to fall for it but also i don't really think there's anything to be done about it)#or other threats to my physical safety (people can do that anyway considering how outwardly visible i am about my#opinions/being trans/etc + that would require them to be in my phsyical proximity as well)#so basically my threat model for internet security is way more lax on General Social Media than a lot of people would think it should be#and i've used the same url for events i've attended in person#but considering that people could definitely find me if they really wanted one way or the other + there's nothing really. secret? on here.#like. there's stuff i wouldn't randomly bring up in conversation but none of this is something i'm actively hiding really#and then if there's something i do want to use the internet for but want to keep Secret secret from my irl identity#that's just a whole different account that i'm creating#tldr you can't realistically intimidate me by threatening to reveal information that's already public knowledge#i guess maybe once i move i'll have to reconsider whether i want to try a new threat model since some of the infomation people would be abl#to get easily would be outdated but i also almost prefer it to stay mostly a moot point so people can't effectively use it as leverage
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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ok so here's a bloodborne post. every dream or nightmare in bloodborne needs two things:
1. a host/dreamer
2. a being to create the dream
in the nightmare frontier/nightmare of mensis the dreamer is micolash and the creator is mergo.
we know for sure the nameless moon presence made the hunter's dream, and the obvious conclusion is gehrman is the dreamer. my personal pet theory is the doll is a second dreamer, the real host of the dream, because you find her sleeping in the old abandoned workshop
when you end a dream you have to kill both the host of the dream and the creator, ex, killing micolash then mergo, killing (freeing) gehrman and then the moon presence
so here where i get a little confusing okkkkk. the doll is the reason the game loops. the purpose of the hunter's dream is to keep hunters alive, at least when they start out hunting. hunters can leave the dream, like eileen and djura, but can they really? they reset when you start new game plus. everything resets. you are able to end the nightmare of beasts by ending the mensis ritual, but micolash was already long dead and a skeleton when he 'woke up', meaning gehrman would be as well. the doll, however, would just go back to sleep. she has an immortal doll body, if she wakes up there is no actual consequence. in the childhoods beginning ending you become the new creator of the dream, and the doll is the host, so gehrman is unnecessary. in the ending where you replace gehrman you are replacing his role as the surrogate child of the moon presence/collateral, and the doll is the host. in yharnam sunrise you 'leave' the dream, but you can't actually leave. the only thing left is new game plus. there is no way to permanently kill the doll in the game, and you need to kill both the dreamer and the maker of the dream to end it
i believe the moon presence created something unintendedly bigger than herself with the dream, it's become an endless self powering cycle that resets the entire world instead of just keeping a few hunters alive. the great ones are sympathetic in spirit, but she didn't really understand what laurence (and associates) was asking for because she can never actually die. so now no one can ever die! N that's my post
#wheeltext#the creator of the hunters nightmare is kos and i thiiink the dreamer would be the orphan. kos is already 'dead' (as a great one can get)#n you put the orphan to rest#n then the nightmare ends#so yeah there are two effects of this type of deal#it creates a dream/nightmare (which stays even after the host and creator are killed) and it does Something#the Something of the mensis ritual was the beast plague/whatever the FUCK they did to yaharghul/the one reborn#n the Something of the hunters dream was the time loop/keeping hunters alive/providing aid to hunters/etc#n the Something of the hunters nightmare was dragging all hunters to actual hell when they go blood drunk#i believe the nature of the deal with the moon presence was to house the hunters#assist them keep them alive whatever they need#and she would get two things out of it#the first is a surrogate child in gehrman (he also works as collateral for the deal while laurenc n co worked for the mp's ends)#and the second is that the hunters would take out the competition and kill other great ones#hence the note Hunt the Great Ones. Hunt the Great Ones. in byrgenwerth#OH FUCK#ok so maybe the obscuring of rituals rom did yknow hiding the blood moon etc was a deal she made with willem#but it didnt create a dream it made the moonlit lake#rom could also be the dreamer maybe? bc she used to be human#idk im really just spitballing at this point if i got anything wrong or misremembered smth feel free to correct me#also sorry this is so long lmao
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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Month 5, day 20
Today I made another procedural texture :) This time it's blue marble, except I can play with the colors to make it any dang color of marble I want! So naturally I went with purple :P
I'm sure I can use this for sword-making nonsense... >:D
#the great artscapade of 2024#art#my art#blender#blender 3d#blender render#cycles render#procedural texture#I'm thinking when I remake Olas's sword I'ma give her green marble :) maybe stick it in an abandoned library in Visoria Castle's basement#Cinta's sword is gonna be in a ruined temple overgrown with Break and plants#Prav's is gonna be in some room with water features#might hide it behind a waterfall idk#Sila's sword is mounted in a display room behind glass guarded by empty suits of armor that come to life if you try to take the sword#...um...#guess whose sword-getting I am currently planning out >.>#I don't even know if I'm gonna add the swords to any of the fics tbh I just want to make them lol#might make sword-retrieval like... bonus fics? or something? idk I'm mostly planning to write them so I can get ideas for the render lol#oooh I could use blue and white marble for Prav! :D
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It's kind of jarring to be reminded that everyone around me has always had more than me (aside from a select few). Like I just forget until it comes down to something mundane like buying shoes and I don't know my shoe size because for most of my life I've had one pair of shoes that I wear until they break. And it was usually something someone either got me as a gift (horrified that my shoes were wearing out. As if thats not what shoes do when you wear them) or they were passed down and I grew into them.
Like that's just normal for me. It doesn't bother me either, this isn't a pity party. It's just surreal that it bothers other people sometimes
#i don't really feel like ive been that poor either#most of the things i needed and didnt get were things me/my family could have afforded but refused to#i figured 'if I'd rather save up my money to get some new coloring books than to buy some new shoes i probably dont need them that bad'#maybe those are decisions they havent had to make#i cant be jealous because i cant imagine what thats like#i simply cant imagine it#oof now im remembering the only time i actually had to ask for new shoes and i didnt#i was growing out of my shoes and getting blisters from it but i kept putting off getting new shoes#because idk i guess it just didnt bother me that much until it started to hurt really bad#and i didnt want to ask my mom for anything either because yeah#she was the type of parent you dont ask for things from#eventually someone else noticed and said something along the lines of 'if you dont get him new shoes then i will' to my mom#and then she got mad that i didnt tell her?#it was all so confusing to me then but i understand why now. she just wanted to hide the neglect. she didnt really care about anything else#its why everything was fine and she never thought i needed anything until someone else said something about it#even with my eating disorder... she knew what i was doing but she didnt interfere until someone else told her i looked sick#but that wasnt until years after the problem started. funny how that works isnt it
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Could a person with mental illness do THIS?
*spends 20 minutes trying to respond to a text, too anxious to commit to a first word such as "Hey" versus "Hi!" versus maybe a unique catchphrase I should incorporate into my personality like "Banjo bonjour!" or, if it would be more logical, "Bonjour banjo!"*
#🙃#its a specific person who i never really decided what kind of relationship we have#maybe she was technically one of my bosses? but we started on the same day and bonded over#trying to adjust super quickly and not make mistakes (or to learn from them very quickly) and then we#had some really nice chats about our lives and families and partners#so its like. we are casual coworker acquaintances and we are Girls Who Are Friends (im not sure if she#knew i was trans and nonbinary. i think she assumed i was a woman. but the way she perceived and interacted with my gender was comfy in a#very specific way that makes me feel Okay Being Seen As A Girl. it still doesnt feel like ME. but i can fit inside it without#contorting and hiding parts of myself. kinda like the pants i bought at goodwill that definitely didnt quite fit but#my wife hemmed them a bit and i could squeeze my butt into them if i held my breath and they were a great pair of work pants for $7#anyways lol she was like a peer/mentor/cool aunt's even cooler best friend/woman you sat next to at the ER one time and she felt like you'd#known her forever but it was probably just because it was 2:30AM and neither of you had slept and were both lowkey curious if you were gonna#die before getting medical help/drunk woman who accidentally says something you've needed to hear for the past decade. lol#so idk if its a “hello” situation or a “hiya” or a “hey sup” or what. :3 well there went another ten minutes while i#rambled in the tags. okay byyyyyye.#sorenhoots
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