#may's tag: quote

[krysmcscience]

Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

[mays-bookshelf]

「不在乎」才是真正怯懦的表現，麻木的人與死人沒有區別。你該去「在乎」的，因為我們所經歷的一切，會讓我們更加強大……我們需要比我們所經歷的一切都更強大。 接受它們。 擁抱它們。 然後戰勝它們。 —[綜英美]才不是史萊姆

"Not caring" is the most cowardice act, because living like that is no different than being dead. You should "care" because all the things that we've experience will make us stronger, and we need to be stronger than all our experiences. Accept them. Embrace them. And defeat them. —[綜英美]才不是史萊姆

[ooliecat]

i got the book of bill

EDIT: added two slides sorry

[bornwholocker]

Hello tumblr I come bearing gifts

[gals-other-blog]

5th batch of textposts yey :)

[escespace]

Arthur: I know he might seem clumsy,disrespectful and idiotic but he is not a traitor.

Merlin: jeez... What have I done to earn such a good defense?

Arthur: Shut up Merlin, I'm trying to prove that you didn't break the law.

Merlin: Well, you certainly believe that so that's half the battle won.

[feelo-fick]

more misc au art... (the last two are unrelated but shh)

GAAAHHHH i promise ive got actual stuff cooking im just scared to post it/motivation to finish art Hard :"D clutching my head... always forever 24/7 thinking about them...

[stoutguts]

“What is Soap’s favorite fruit?”

Neil: Chocolate chip

Soap: Chocolate chip

Roach: (doesn’t exist in the remakes)

Ghost and Gaz (simultaneously): That’s not a fruit

Soap: Chocolate chip

I can’t get over how fucking funny this is.

[meamiiikiii]

my friend and i have this ongoing bit on stream where we are going to shave the king bald...... yeah........

((there are actually two ongoing bits with the king. but i do not think anyone wants me to illustrate the second one. including myself. perhaps i am a coward and that is okay. i will not be elaborating at this time. SAFSADASDAS))

[lonelychicago]

the one where chimney cockblocks buck ig

911 social media au pt. ???/??? idek at this point.

[thwackk]

more

[thatoneluckybee]

Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.

Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?

Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!

You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.

Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!

Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!

Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.

[l3viat8an]

Satan: Shakespeare wasn't lying when he said that tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day.

MC: Neither was Smashmouth when he said that the years start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming-

Satan: Why are you like this?

MC:*shrugs*

[gals-other-blog]

Ace attorney textposts that are Objectionable, your Honor :)

[residentialhomeowner]

a lot of people are using nex as a queer talking point without even mentioning they were choctaw and 2S. without even mentioning that this - harassment, assault, murder, disappearances, lies/indifference/denial about the circumstances of our death - is typical of the violence we face. not once have i seen non-native people address that we, as natives, face this same treatment within queer communities. that queer institutions use our land while declining to offer native-inclusive and -sensitive care. we suffer at the hands of white lgbt+ people just as much as we do at the hands of people outside the community.

nex is not your NB pariah. nex was a 2S, NB, choctaw child. thousands of native people go missing and are killed and no one cares. many are two-spirit. many are LGBTQIA+. many are "queer" in ways only defined and recognised by our closed cultures, that you may never hear of and may never understand.

if you are going to flock to nex, you are not going to take them from us post-mortem. they were choctaw. they were native. their tribal affiliation has already been falsely reported on. if you are talking about nex, you will talk about how unwelcoming and dangerous your communities are for us, too. you will talk about how natives face this violence constantly, everywhere. you will not remove nex from the context of them being choctaw, ever - or you won't say their name at all.

even when we die, you don't care about us. i am telling you to care about us if you want us to stop dying.

[hauntedhopeghost]

May or may not be inspired from real life incorrect quote time!

Yellow: Make sure to wash your hands, with soap this time.

Red: Got it!

*Red goes over to the sink and starts squirting dish soap on his hands.*

Yellow: … I meant HAND soap, Red.

Red: What’s the difference?! It’s all just soap!

Yellow: The HAND soap is for your HANDS. Is it that hard?

Blue, walking into the room: Is this why we kept running out of dish soap recently?

Red: IT’S JUST SOAP.

_______________

Dark: I wonder what would happen if someone fell down the stairs?

Chosen: How about we find out?

Dark: Pfft- Do you really think you could push me down those stairs?

Chosen: I was going to suggest that you jump down the stairs but hey, that works too.

_____________________

Ballista, stuck outside the door: Let me in! Let me in!

Hazard: I’m pushing on the door, but it wouldn’t open! It’s locked over on his side!

Agent: ….

Agent: The door opens the other way you morons.

Primal: I say we just leave it outside.