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unconventional-lawnchair · 3 months ago

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We'll heal together: Chapter Six

Seven Taylor Swift

Sirius Black x Reader (Past) / Severus Snape x Reader (Platonic-Past)

Masterlist

Summary: The reader reminisces on some old friends of hers. Harry starts seeing a curious fox.

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Mean Snape, Slut shaming, Curses, Avery and Mulciber, Fights, mentions of child abuse, toxic friendships (please reach out if I missed something}

Wc- 5462

A/n: This is mostly more filler for the characters relationships

You only stopped when you reached the road. Looking all around, you allowed yourself to transform back. You truly hoped that you already passed the hardest part of your escape plan. You knew you had to get to king's landing, there were other trains to take you to and from Hogwarts Valley, as to how to get there…

You wondered, slowly raising your wand to the street and took a deep breath. Here goes it. “Lumos.”

You gave it a few minutes before you grew anxious and began to look around the street. It felt like an hour had passed, maybe more, but the moon hadn't even shifted in the sky. “Heyy! Witch in distress here!” You wiggled your arms about. “Lost and uhm.. stranded and all!” You shouted and put your hands on your hips. Tapping your foot, you clicked your tongue and began to wonder if the Knight Bus was even a thing anymore.

As if to spite your skepticism you suddenly heard the rowdy bus. Eyes snapping up to it with a bright smile. That's more like it.

You could have sworn the Knight Bus drove more responsibly in your younger years. Maybe you were just used to the humdrum of muggle life, the slow and easy. Regardless, you managed to get to kings crossing in one piece. Shifting into a fox and hiding in one of the upper compartments in the near empty train was simpler then you thought it would be.

So much nostalgia rushed through you as you passed the magical barrier to the platform. You walked and skittered past people, hiding in their luggage and hopping from cart to cart to get inside the train. You walked down the mostly empty train car, beady eyes taking in the familiar interior. It felt like it was from another lifetime. A lifetime that was so cruelly ripped from you.

“Excuse me!” You heard a high pitched feminine voice call out to you. Turning your head, you saw a young girl. She had long red hair that reached her back, bright green eyes and a stern determined look. Pulled together with a slight pout, she looked ages wiser than her baby cheeks would lead you to believe.

“Uhm.. Hello?” You called back, turning to look at her fully. You weren't used to people coming up to you without your parents present, most who were forced to be meek and reserved, respectful with you as if you were the superior. At least, that's what your father always told you and everyone else around. As if the memory reminded you, you straightened your back and tried to put on a sour expression of indifference that your mother taught you to do. She was the master of it after all. “How can I assist you?” You asked in a much more mature and collected tone.

The red head seemed physically thrown for a loop at your sudden change in demeanor. She waved it off as she looked back at her father who was hovering around her sobbing sister, Petunia having an absolute fit and sobbing louder whenever their parents even glanced where you two stood. You winced and turned up your lip.

Lily’s look turned apologetic, before she looked around quickly and waved her parents off.

“I found someone, mum, da! I’ll be fine!” She called back as you looked around her form to get a better look at the three family members. They looked… Well, a lot like your family’s friends. Snobbish and thick headed. Who you assumed was her father called over.

“Good! Good! Don't be late!” He dismissed her, not looking up as he offered Petunia a stuffed doll and her mom didn't even acknowledge her as she tried to appease the little terror they created. They looked relieved as they left their little girl in the middle of the train station alone. At least your parents knew you were meeting the Potters. Well, you were, if your parents' poor planning didn't end up with you missing your meeting time.

“Was that your sister?” You asked with a gawk, and Lily slowly nodded.

“Unfortunately. I actually was coming to ask you, did you uhm.. Get summoned by a letter too?” Lily leaned closer to you and you purse your lips. What an odd way to phrase it, but you didn't think about it for too long.

“You’re looking for platform nine and three quarters, yeah? Here.” You took her hand without thinking. She was nice, she was like the sun and it brought you a bit of a gooey feeling. Watching that unfold gave you an unexplainable protective feeling of the red head, so you pulled her along. Lining up your carts.. You gestured to the wall and she gave you a scandalized look. “What?”

“The wall. You run at it.” You implored and the girl scoffed. “I may be new to this, but I'm not an utter fool.”

“Like to make a wager?” You mused, allowing yourself to be more playful, she reminded you of the safety James brought you, she was such a soothing presence, you slipped into yourself easily. “Ten Galleons says I walk straight through that wall.”

“What on earth are Galleons?” Lily asked in a bemused tone and your eyes shot open wide at the question.

That's how you met Lily Evans. Your best friend for the next ten years of your life.

You two eventually made it to the train, walking down the train car corridor, laughing at some stupid mistake Lily had made, leading to a domino line of luggage falling over and crashing open. You two ran as fast as you could to the train before you were spotted.

“Merlin, we are lucky the Blacks didn't notice that!” You giggled, and Lily gave an easily bright but confused smile. “Blacks?”

You tilted your head at her, your smile remaining but turning confused. What a strange girl. She didn't want to talk about Hogwarts out loud? Now she expects you to believe she hasn't heard of the Black family? It was like she was completely foreign,

“Blacks, the pureblood family?” You pushed and before she could respond a voice called out to her from down the corridor. You both looked up and saw a boy, slightly taller than you both, with an annoyed look as he gestured for her to follow him to his compartment. Lily looked at you and gestured over.

“Lily?” You asked as you made it to the door and slipped in. you raised your luggage above your head as the black haired boy lifted up Lily’s and put it away for her.

“Oh! Right! My name is Lily, Lily Evans.” She lit up and held out her hand. You mirrored her look and took her hand in your own.

“{Y/N}! {Y/N} {L/N}.” You introduced and she nodded, mouthing your name as if to get used to the feel on her tongue. You began to shift and make faces at her, trying to copy her, until she noticed and playfully shoved you.

You fell on your seat in a fit of giggles and looked across from you, seeing the quiet boy was already staring at you. You tilted your head and leaned forward, feet kicking out from under your seat. “Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m-”

“{Y/N} {L/N}. The {L/N} family is quite famous.” He snarked back in a sarcastic tone and your face fell, slowly leaning back into your seat. Right. Being around Lily had you forgetting who you were. She was a dangerous kind of fun.

“Yeah...” You mumbled and the boy sneered.

“You are aware Lily Evan’s is muggle born, yeah?” he challenged and your jaw went slack. Oh Merlin, you didn't even think about that. Your father would have your head if he knew you were running around with Mudb- Muggle borns. But Lily was nothing like how your father described, she was quite fun and smart, at least to your twelve year old brain.

“Is that true?” You asked Lily in a low whisper and Lily pursed her lips. Seems this wasn't the first time she was asked this.

“.. I am.” She answered cautiously and Snape watched you like a hawk as you pouted and deflated. “My dad would be so mad if I told him I was friends with a Muggle born. I am already pushing it with the company I keep, he says.”

Lily pouted and she looked like a kicked puppy, her eyes big and pout heart breaking. You three sat in silence for a moment before Lily spoke up again.

“Do you have to tell him?” She asked and your head snapped over to her. “What? Of course I do.” You mumbled and she narrowed her eyes.

“Why?”

“W-well he's my father, and I can't lie to him.” You argued and she tilted her head.

“But why?”

That stunned you for a moment. When you were younger, the fear of lying was debilitating. Your father could always look into your mind and sort anything out for himself, so the more truth you told the less you would have to deal with the pain. He was cruel and your younger mind has made him out to be an all seeing eye, just daring you to slip up so he could show you just why people feared him. Just why you should fear him too.

“I..”

“He wont find out, I won't tell a soul, would you Severus?”

The raven haired boy, Severus, seemed stunned by the question. Of course, he caved, and muttered a ‘no.’

Lily had that effect on people. One look in her eyes and you would do anything you were asked of, she had you and Severus wrapped around the very pinkie finger she used to promise you her silence since day one.

Little did you know, a few more months to come, and she would be much the same with you. Lily, Severus, and {Y/N}, would be names that would find themselves in each other's company for years to come. Their names and the tragedy that would follow.

It was morning by the time the train stopped at the Hogsmeade station. You huffed and dragged yourself to your paws. Once you scampered off the train it was much easier to follow the trail. Students were in their classes, and truly, no adult seemed to give a damn about you. You were just another woodland creature. If you did manage to catch someone’s eye, it wasn't hard to lose it in the edges of the forbidden forest.

You chose to stalk deeper into the forest, eventually being able to follow the river up stream, the one that ran straight from the Black Lake. Once you made it out and stumbled across the field. A feeling settled in your stomach you remembered all too well. Regret, hurt, pain, your ears pinned back,you remembered the day so clearly, as you stared at the tree that used to represent your little trio’s friendship. It was hard, being both Severus Snape and James Potter’s friends. When Lily told James around year 3 that if he wanted to impress her to lay off of Snape, you two thought it would be the end of their stupid fights.

That lasted exactly two years.

It has been days since you got your acceptance letter. The weekend that followed you had been a whirlwind of meeting the most remarkable people to ever work as Aurors, working alongside heroes everyday.. Well, from the inside of your cubicle. Your relationship with Alastor moody was shaky at best, but you went in with an impression to make. You weren't just there because your father, or your family, the very two things that did everything in their power to try and stop you from getting in. You came back to school Monday on cloud 9, you felt remarkable for the first time in your life and not because you were told you were.

Not from some suck up, or from your blood status obsessed family. You were remarkable because you worked to get to that point on your own. You had to remember to thank Slughorn for introducing you to the people who ran the program at his Slug club.

There was one person you had not been able to talk to since you got your letter. Severus. Being in the same house you would figure that you two saw a lot of each other. However, he had made some new friends. Friends you didn't exactly like. Avery, for example. He had been trying to get in your good graces since you met him, you knew why, it was painfully clear he wanted the connection to your father and you refused to be a vessel for that. He also spent more time with Mulciber as well.

That boy was a piece of work. You had made your feelings on him known to Snape early on in their twisted little friendship. He had done horrid things to the muggle borns, not to mention how he seemed to get some sick gratification from targeting the weaker women of the school. He had a passion for making any witch with what he called a ‘loud mouth’ his personal target. You had managed to avoid him, aside from a few crude comments here and there about your blood status and making himself known to your father as a potential suitor.

They were vile and whenever you mentioned the behavior to Snape he would simply scoff and go on rants about how you and Lily were never around because you two seemed to worship the ground the boys who tormented him for years walked on. You would always counter by saying he wasn't exactly innocent in their interactions, but it would always dissolve into stupid and petty fights. He would go for blood every chance he got, making sure you knew he prioritized Lily in every interaction.

Maybe that was when your friendship started to crumble. You knew what he said was to hurt you, that he would never truly mean it. Just like his accusations that you cared more about Potter than him, the length of your friendship meant nothing, and you knew he cared for you more than he cared for most.

And you him.

It got exhausting, however, taking his hurt for yourself. Putting it all on your shoulders as he lashed out for any evidence you cared for him still. It hurt to grow up, clinging to people you knew were bad for you. Severus Snape was bad for you. Saying that out loud broke your heart, because you were still young, and you would still always care for him, you didn't know a thing he could do or say to you that would push you away. Not for long. Because he was someone you knew, someone not many people got to know.

Severus Snape, the boy who would nag you for not bringing your cloak to Quidditch games but allow you to use his. Snape was the one who would nag you for your grades and give you his study notes. The boy who would absolutely ruin your confidence in potions after a simple mistake, and bring you candy from Honeydukes as an apology. Maybe that was it. He never said it. All the times you told him you cared for him like the rain cares for the breeze, Like how kindling cares for fire. You cared so much you made something dangerous, and it destroyed you.

Still, you held onto that hope that maybe, maybe. He would come around and put down his pride just,,, set it aside for you. It never happened. It did happen for Lily, but she never had to try for him. She didn’t know the times you had to pick up the pieces of him she shattered. It wasn't her fault, not her fault he refused to say it. He would let you know when you hurt him, never that he cared. He would let Lily know he cared, but never when she pushed him too far.

Yet you were the one to destroy it. You always took the blame. You let it happen, as what you had was turning fragile, and you weren't ready to give up on him just yet.

So here you were, walking down the halls to go and tell Snape the news, Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess if you cared or not. This was his chance. He just needed to show he cared.

You made it to the dungeons but paused as you heard familiar voices fill the halls. You quickly froze and slipped behind a pillar to hide away. Bloody hell, what's your luck? He’s with the two nimrods.

“You know, even if she's a bit of a harlot.” You heard Avery quip and you rolled your eyes. You prayed for whatever poor soul the boys were talking about.

“She's always around those boys, heard she's doing Remus. A half blood? Go figure,” You heard the snake that was Mulciber speak up next. Your face turned sour and you narrowed your eyes. No.. He wouldn't let them talk about you like that, right? You bit your cheek and continued to listen.

“I wouldn't be surprised if she's doing all of them. That Potter boy and her have been friends since they were kids, can't say I'd keep a witch around that long if she didn't help me out once and a while.” Avery snickered and Mulciber chuckled.

‘True, and that Peter kid is like her pouch pooch. Maybe that's why Sirius hates her so much, shiny new toy and he doesn't have all the boys attention anymore.”

You took some even breaths and steadied your hands that shook with this sudden shock of nausea. Come on Snape. Say something.

“Talking about friends, Snape, you're close to her yeah? Ever had a go?”

Snape continued to look at his book with a bored expression, “I wouldn't touch her if she paid me.”

Your heart broke. Your eyes closed tight and you clenched your chest. You should of just walked away.

“Why's that? Too busy day dreaming about Evans? Cant say ive ever had a Mudblood before.” Mulciber snarked and Snape's book slammed closed.

“Don't call her that. Don't talk about her like that.”

That was your last straw. You turned sharply on your heel and walked past them. Dashing right up the stairs, You did not spare them a glance. If you had, you would have seen the look of shock and guilt all over Snape’s face.

You didn't remember running, or what you were thinking. But there you were, at the Fat Lady, trying to hide your tears in your sleeve as you knocked. You tried to mutter acknowledgement to the painting as she cooed and tried to comfort you as you waited, but nothing but a sob came out.

The door opened and you faced Marlene. The girl gasped and didn't even think before she pulled you in and closed the painting.

Next thing you knew, you were wrapped up in a warm blanket you knew to be Peter’s, a cup of warm brown liquid you used for steam to clear your nose enough to breathe. You knew this mug. It was Remus’s. You tried to stifle another onslaught of tears, as Marlene robbed your back from where you laid on her lap.

Peter was helping to take off your shoes and talking about his day to you. He knew you weren't listening, but giving you something to fill the silence. Remus had gone to get James, and Lily was rushing down the stairs when she heard you were in tears. Mary and Alice were not far behind.

When everyone was there you begrudgingly told them what happened. You watched their expressions. Your heart melted a bit, at how they seemed to react to the news. They were repulsed, not just for Lily, but for you. You had never seen James so calm, so careful with his words despite his clear anger.

You set the drink down and slowly melted into the comfort you friends offered, not even noticing as James dragged the boys aside to talk about something. You just let yourself be coddled as you did your best to forget Snape’s words.

The next day was better. You had Remus escort you back to the Prefect dorms, your walk was quiet but you felt safer then you had that entire day. He made an excuse to Slughorn as to why you weren’t there for your duties. He was even there early to your dorm in the morning to make sure you got out of bed on time and got ready. Honestly, you felt guilty, enjoying his presence so much.

You went through most of the day like that, until your free period. You were shocked to see Remus wasn't waiting for you, instead, Lily was. You smiled and you both linked arms to walk down to the field. You were still mad at Severus, so you hoped he wasn't there. On some degree, you have to admit, you wanted to yell at him, shout and tear him apart like he did to you.

But you couldn't. Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess with you. He knew. That hurt worse.

As you both made it down to the Black Lake, you and Lily froze at the sight laid out in front of you.

Snape, dangled upside down by his ankle as James and Sirius threw taunts his way.

“James Potter!” Lily shouted and ran down the hill, you weren't really thinking before you shouted a spell at James, “Expelliarmus!”

His wand was smacked out of his hand, and next came Lily’s palm across his face. Sirius gave a low whistle at the contact. You ran down and slowed Snapes fall, “Severus! Are you okay?” You asked and tried to help him up.

“Get off of me!” He snapped at you. You flinched away with wide eyes and he snarled at you. “Always to the rescue, huh, {L/N}? Compensating for your name sake?”

He shouted out in anger and you let him. Again, letting him tear you apart. But this was different. He didn’t stop. He didn't calm down. His words just got sharper. You waited, this was the first time he berated you in front of a crowd.

“You see what they've done to me for years and you still pick them! You still hang around them! I don't need your pity! I don't need your help!” He snapped and Lily walked over cautiously, knowing your choice to handle Snape’s temper was always to let it pass. She didn't want to aggravate you. “Severus-”

“Not now you worthless Mudblood!” He shouted, eyes still narrowed on you. That gave you the perfect view of his eyes going as wide as an owl as he realized what had left his lips. He turned on his heel and stared at Lily whose jaw was slack and eyes turning glossy. She turned sharply and began to run off, and you let your face fall into your palms.

Remus was by your side in a second, wrapping his arms around you and ignoring Snape as his mouth opened and closed like a fish, muttering pathetic apologies.

“Let’s go.” Remus muttered, you could feel how he was tensing, holding himself back, You simply listened. Everything had happened so fast. You just remember how he looked at you when you glanced back. Pathetic. He looked like he was going to fall to his knees. If he did, Remus didn't let you see it. Last thing you saw was James running after Lily towards the castle. As Remus leads you off to docks, away from everyone's eyes.

You winced at the memory, eyes slowly lidding as you carefully stalked around the place it all happened, eyes locked on it, like it would come running after you. Once you had made enough distance you dashed off to the school. Slipping passed the gate with practiced ease, your eyes trailed up and your mawl dropped open in shock. Dementors? What in Merlin's sweet name were they doing here?

You pushed the thought aside, you didn't want to think about it. The great thing about having them as guards, however, not a single one noticed you as you made it to the school grounds.

You looked around before hurrying off and around the field. You stopped as you noticed the Quidditch court, with red ribboned boys flying around. It took you exactly three seconds to ponder if James Potter’s son would be in Gryffindor, and on their team.

If a fox could click their tongue, you would. Hurrying out further across the bridge, you snuck your way under the large tarps that covered the scaffolding. Slipping your way up and over, you managed to get a viewpoint from between the benches.

You didn't have to look long. As if on instinct, your eyes found him. A seeker too, you wondered if he was as cocky as James in the field. Slowly, your little tail began to shuffle around in excitement. He looked so much like James, but you could also see the boy you held all those years ago.

He was running his heart out, you watched his eyes follow after something you couldn't see, before he launched himself forward with a brilliant smile. Oh that smile.

“{Y/N}! Sirius! Come in!” You heard Lily's voice call from the living room. You and him were holding gifts, you had brought an empty photo album and several of your enchanted photos from Hogwarts, ready to sit down with Lily and make a time capsule of sorts for Harry when he went. Something with a cheesy ‘now it's your turn�� at half way for him to finish off.

Sirius had brought some dishes he made with your help, so Lily and James didn't have to cook for the next few months while Harry was still small.

“Where is my nephew?!” Sirius demanded in a playful rawr, walking into the living room, shoving the dishes onto James who sighed and waxed on about being forgotten for a tot. As he passed you to get to the kitchen you got on your toes and kissed his cheek, that seemed to satisfy the attention quota of his.

You walked deeper in and lit up at the sight of Lily, handing over the little bundle to Sirius. He looked so happy holding Harry, it made your heart flutter. You bit your lip and tried to fend off the baby fever.

Setting down the book and photos you walked over to Lily. She held the couch to stand and when you opened your arms she practically collapsed into yours. You giggled and pressed your nose to her cheek and she gave a sigh of approval. “Missed you.” She mumbled and you nodded. “Missed you too.”

You broke away from each other with a quick peck on the cheek, and you turned to meet the wrap of blankets in your fiancés arms.

“Oh, look at you.” You cooed and Sirius smiled at you. “Cute one, ain't he?”

“Very.” You agreed and reached over to let him grab your finger. He lit up in a smile and you mimicked it, sticking out your tongue and gave a delighted gasp when it made him giggle. Sirius chuckled.

“I've never been good with kids.” You admitted sheepishly.

“Neither of us. Guess we have our exception.” He teased and you rolled your eyes fondly at him. “For now.” You whispered against his sleeve and Sirius's smile twitched before James returned and spoke up.

“Now that you're here, we wanted to talk to you about something before Remus gets here.” He mused in a serious tone, arm wrapping around Lily's waist as she leaned into him. You felt your heart swell with how love struck Lily looked at James.

“Oh?” Sirius mused and rested Harry in your arms. You looked down at him and smiled, he again, returned it with a fit of giggles. Oh he was just precious. Oh wow, James Potter, the kid you wouldn't have trusted to watch your owl for a weekend had a small human. One he needed to make sure stayed fed. And breathing.

“Good luck little guy.” You mumbled to him, in your own little world. “You're gonna need it. Call Auntie {Y/N} whenever you need me.” You gushed.

James fell silent for a moment as he watched you coddle his son. Lily smiled brighter as she looked at Sirius, no other word to describe him but love sick. Absolutely destroyed with what he was seeing.

“About that.” James cut in and you looked over at James with a pout. He laughed before you could even snap at him. “Before you kill me.”

“We were looking into a godparent for little Hars.” Lily whispered and your eyes widened, looking at Sirius.

“I wanted Sirius, Lily wanted you.” James continued and you gave the most offended expression you've ever made. “How dare you! I've known you since diapers!”

“Exactly what I told Lily when I tried to argue what a horrible idea it was.” James snickered and Lily hit him with her elbow.

“So, we compromised. A godmother and godfather.” Lily finished and your jaw went slack, you looked at Sirius with wide hopeful eyes and he returned the look.

“Y-yes! Yes of course!” You declared quickly and Sirius nodded vigorously before he pulled James into a tight hug. “I'll keep him safe.”

You walk up closer to Lily and she leans her chin on your shoulder. “And I'll make sure he's a proper bloke.” You quipped and Sirius playfully scoffed. “Define proper bloke.”

“Not you.” You teased and he wet his lips with a bright smirk. You turned to Lily and James, tucking Harry on your shoulder. “You two should get some rest. We'll watch Harry for the rest of the day.” You mused and Sirius didn't complain. Taking Harry from you.

“Oh, {Y/N}, you really don't-”

“Go go! Begone! It's godparent bonding time!” You scolded and James laughed, nudging Lily. “I'll run you a bath.” He muttered into her hair and she sighed blissfully. “Sounds like heaven.”

Oh they were love.

You and Sirius stayed that whole night. Cleaning up around the place, taking care of Harry, and keeping the volume low. Remus came over and you and him worked to distract Harry and Sirius took a nap. That really only consisted of him staring at the muggle tv and flicking through channels. When the actual parents returned you and Sirius went home.

You went home and had one of the most vicious fights you had ever had.

You shook the thought from your head as you watched Harry land. Slipping through the benches and squeezing your body onto the platform you watched from above before you hurried down the stars behind a fluffy haired girl. She ran on the court, joined by a very familiar redhead.

You stopped just outside the pitch in the grass, watching as everyone packed up and Harry talked to his friends with such life in his eyes. Your own eyes trailed up to his scar before you tilted your head. You still had a lot of questions on your mind. But now, now was time for observing. His smile, it reminded you so much of your days within these walls. The days you spent with James and Lily, running down the halls and making fools of yourself. You hoped he was having a similar childhood.

You watched him for a few minutes, before he seemed to register your presence. His eyes flicked over to you and you two shared eye contact.

Harry could have sworn to Merlin that the look you gave him, he'd seen before. Just like that, in the meer moments you were there, you were gone. Slithering your way into the forest and into a small den. You scratched your neck out, shaking your fur vigorously, a sign of stress as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn't want to leave Harry, you didn't want him out of your sight ever again, but you also didn't want Moody sending an Auror strike to find you. Eventually, you relented. You'd go back, practice your apperation again and again until you were able to make it from Wesley's to the forest. You knew you could do it, you'd done it from farther away. You took a deep breath and transformed back.

Time to unrust some wheels.

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