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ally-holmes · 2 years ago

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Unseen | ER John Carter x Reader (ch.2)

Series Masterlist

Chapter One — Chapter Three

Pairings: John Carter x Fem!Reader

Summary of the chapter: Let’s know a little more about John Carter and Y/N’s relationship in their first years.

Word Count: 2171

Unseen ER | Chapter Two.

Every story starts from the beginning, and the story between John Carter and Y/N L/N had, also, a beginning. Far into their third year as med students, both of them were accepted into the County General teaching program; up until that point, none of them had met. Carter had done more "fancy" specialties like dermatology, while Y/N had been more enthusiastic about trauma situations, which obviously means that she was way more prepared to be in the Emergency rotation than him.

John Carter's medical tug had its origin in the death of his baby brother. God, he missed him. Bobby was John's partner in crime and mischief until he got sick; then John became his brother's confident and rock. Both children were well aware of the pain and uncertainty in their parents' eyes; there was nothing they could do to help Bobby. He was going to die, no matter what the doctors tried. John made up his mind then. He was going to become a doctor.

The Carters were old money in Chicago. They had different companies and foundations, and although they understood the point of helping those with fewer resources, the truth is that apart from giving them money, they didn't do much. After Bobby's death, John's parents suffocated in their grief, ignoring his remaining child, who grew up with his grandparents and an open mind. He wanted a change, and he wanted to be part of said change. Of course, the family allowed him to study medicine, although they kept envisioning his future as head of the Carter company without asking about his opinion. He had no voice.

Although John grew up surrounded by money and fancy items, he had principles, expectations, and goals. He wanted to be a surgeon. Why? Well, it was the most difficult specialty, of course. If he was able to pull out a good performance, if he was able to understand, learn, and use the knowledge to help people from the darkness of death, then he could happily go to his family and say: "My work as a doctor is more useful than being in the company; give it to Chase, he will do just fine."

What John didn't expect was the fact that working in the ER was more exciting, electrifying, and rewarding. He fell in love with the rush, the quiet, the work against the clock, the delivery of babies in taxis… Yeah, even the complaints weren't so bad after a few hours. He loved it; and he could totally understand why Y/N had always that bursting and contagious energy inside her body, glowing eyes, and determined stance– she lived for those moments in the ER.

Y/N had fit in perfectly with Doctor Mark Greene on the first night of their shift together. They worked together as if they had always done it. She didn't hesitate. She didn't vomit. She was home.

John, on the other hand, felt like a disaster. Doctor Peter Benton seemed to despise him and to enjoy torturing him, seeing him fail. Because he did fail. He hesitated. He vomited. He felt unworthy to be a doctor and that echoed in his mind just like the condescending affirmations of his grandmother.

Just in the middle of his first night, a shot wound came into trauma, and although he wanted to help… well, up until this point he had just specialized in simple things. John felt dizzy and nauseous, and Benton just dismissed him with an "I don't need you anyway" which was fair, but ouch. He went outside, to the cold Chicago air. He crouched with the stethoscope between his hands, pressing it to his forehead, trying to calm his breathing.

John Carter, the failure.

Mark Greene came looking for him. His calm steps echoed like there was nothing else but him and the Emergency entrance. Greene was not like Benton; he looked and was kind. He was interested in the students' improvements, and in the professionals' well-being under his wing in the ER. As he approached John, he kept his distance. He gave him privacy by not looking straight at him, and not invading his personal space.

"I thought I was gonna be sick… I'm sorry." Carter confessed with a sigh.

"Don't ever say you're sorry," Mark advised. "See, there're two kinds of doctors: there's the kind that gets rid of their feelings and the kind that keeps them," he explained as he closed the distance with the student. "If you're going to keep your feelings you're going to get sick from time to time, that's just how it works."

John leaned his head against the wall behind him, feeling the cold concrete clash with the hotness of his skull. Mark Greene, with his green scrubs, round frameless glasses, and his hands behind his back, seemed both strong and kind.

"Keep your head down," he ordered; his voice sterner than before.

John knew that his nausea was easier to die if he did as he was told, but he took his time to comply, undoing his tie. Greene crouched right in front of him. He had been approaching the student as if he was some sort of wounded wild animal in need of help; he was to some extent.

"People come in here and they're sick, dying, and bleeding… and they need our help. Helping them is more important than how we feel." Carter nodded to Greene's words. "But it still a pain in the ass sometimes," he added, wanting to break the solemn tone of the atmosphere between them. Carter broke with a soft breath of a laugh, that kind that fights against the will to cry. "Sometimes I just want to quit and do something else," Greene claimed, and whether it was the truth or a lie, no one could tell. They shared a look, searching for an answer they didn't have. "Why don't you take a few more minutes?"

"Yeah…"

Mark Greene got up and started walking towards the hospital, in slow steps, looking back. "By the way, I was in medical school with Benton. He used to get sick all the time so don't let him give you any crap. Okay? You're gonna be fine."

That talk engraved itself in John Carter's memory with fire. Whenever he felt useless, restless, frustrated, alone… Mark Greene's words echoed in his mind.

Mark Greene was a good teacher.

He was a good doctor.

He was–

Yeah. He was.

He didn't have that talk with Y/N, there was no need for it because she already knew that. Greene could feel and see the fire in her determination to be good to the patients, to help them, to keep her own emotions and feelings, and be empathic but not to the point of ending up suffocated with her own remorse. He talked to her, of course.

"You can't save them all," he said. "You can try; we all do. Yes, sometimes is our fault as doctors because we have not done the proper thing. Yet sometimes it just happens no matter how hard we tried."

"I could've–"

"No," he cut her off, "you couldn't have. All the what-ifs that are running through that head of yours have only one purpose: to make you a better doctor. Don't punish yourself, Y/N; just learn."

Shearing their learnings was something that unified Y/N and Carter during that time. It made them stronger, although it could be quite tense at times.

John Carter was a cutie, which he was well aware of, obviously. He was tall and slim, with perfectly smooth brown hair, lovely doe eyes, and a crocket smile; half adorable and half mischievous. He was fun and witty and kind and smart and– and– Yeah, Y/N fell deep for him. Who could've blamed her? Really? Carter had some sort of magnet that made people like him, whether romantically or platonically, didn't matter.

The first time she asked him out on a date, he stuttered, looked around, and with all the kindness of his heart, said "I don't think we should. I'm… I mean, we're going to be seeing each other here all the time and it would be weird if it doesn't work like– I don't know."

Y/N understood that, and although she felt her face hot with shame, she gave him a big smile and a nod. They didn't talk about it anymore. Of course, she ended up finding out about the crush he had on Susan Lewis. She did not correspond with his feelings, though Y/N was certain it was more about the teacher-student situation than Susan being immune to Carter's charms. Then, the next year (1995), he started something with Harper Tracy, very quietly at first; Y/N only found out when Carter comforted Ross about him sleeping with a student. That was awkward. Y/N had to agree to some extent that it was better not to be caught in the middle of a mess like that one.

She felt like a fool, nonetheless. Y/N avoided Carter for some time, which wasn't that hard as their shifts were opposite most of the time.

They were on their psychiatric rotation when they spoke again.

Carter had been feeling restless lately. He loved surgery, he wanted to become a surgeon, and he knew that the rotation between all the departments in the hospital was required for his final grades. However, his skin crawled with anticipation every time they received a consult call from the ER. Oh, boy, how much he enjoyed going down there, changing the quietness from psychiatric for the healthy noise from the ER… yeah, that was life. Unable to stop himself, he found his emotions mixing and tangling in awful ways, torturing his mind. He needed air and he resourced to go upstairs, to the helicopter's landing space on the roof of the hospital.

This is where he found her.

Y/N was bracing herself on the ledge, her eyes lost in the Chicago skyline that was lighting up as the sun kept hiding for the night, her hair a mess blessed by the wind. She took a long breath; she held it closing her eyes, and then she let go of it. Carter observed how with the air in her lungs, her tension left her body.

"You're not gonna jump, are you?" He tried to joke distastefully. His arms were crossed around his body, trying to keep the warmth.

Y/N gave him a look on top of her shoulder, acknowledged his presence, and turned again to face the city. John took that as an invitation and walked towards the ledge too.

"Hey, there, stranger," he smiled.

"Hi."

The silence felt heavy and suffocating. "It's something wrong?" She shrugged instead of giving him an answer. "Y/N, please. Talk to me. I miss you."

"You do know that I have feelings for you, don't you?" He snorted as if she was just playing a prank. The look of sadness in her eyes made him go pale and open his mouth, looking for an excuse. "Save it. Look, if you don't like me like that I totally get it, Carter. Just– Don't lie to me again."

"I have not lied to you."

"No. You gave me a shitty excuse and you forget." The shadow of recognition flashed through his face. "Yup."

"It's different."

"Oh, pray tell me, how much different it is."

"My relationship with Harper started out of fun. We meant nothing to get out of it. There's no pressure for it to go somewhere."

"And ours does?" She laughed skeptically and hurt.

"Of course!" John burst.

The silence fell upon them once again. Feeling like her heart was shattering, Y/N focused her eyes on a big building away from them; the wind slapping her face with cold indifference. Carter, blushing uncomfortably, danced from one foot to another, feeling colder and colder as he stood leaning on the ledge.

"We have something now. Something big. I trust you. I– I like you very much. But this– this thing, whatever it is, could explode and break and destroy everything in its path if we misstep." John felt his stomach clench. "Think about this. If we start something, it's going to be something big."

"I only asked you out for a coffee, Carter," she spat, looking at him dead in the eyes.

"I know…" he whispered, taken aback. "That would've led into dinner. Another date. Then another. A relationship. Marriage… Just– I'm not ready for something that steady now. I feel that if we start something I'm going to ruin it. Can't we just be friends? Good friends. The best friends the world has ever seen?"

Stupid.

Fuck, so uncomfortably stupid, and yet…

"Yeah," she sighed. "I guess."

While they decided on that and Carter definitely enjoyed the arrangement quite a lot, she hid her suffering for the lonely nights in her small apartment, covered in bed, sobbing against her pillow.

Yeah, stupid.

To be continued…

#er #er tv series #er tv show #dr. john carter #john carter x reader #john carter #fem reader #noah wyle #mark greene #doug ross #carol hathaway #susan lewis #kerry weaver #fanfiction #fanfic #angst #comfort #luka kovac #abby lockhart

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scoutswritingcorner · 8 months ago

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Let The Game Begin

Alastor x GN! Reader

The 4 times Alastor bites you and the one time you bite back.

TW: Mentions that Alastor owns Reader’s soul. Biting and blood.

1st Time

The first time it had happened it honestly surprised the hell out of you, you were looking over some paperwork for Charlie regarding the new renovations that her dad had wanted to put in saying it was to bring in new guests. But looking at the duck themed statue has you confused but you didn’t bring it up yet. Taking your pen you wrote down what would seem best and not cost so much to get done, despite having magic abilities- you forbid the King (by bribing him with ducks) to use his magic to build anything more. You’d practically be out of a job then..and you don’t want Alastor to yank on your chain. Literally..you’d be no use for him here and you’d rather not be stuck behind the desk. You’d drive yourself to madness once more, but your husband would find a way for you to stay. You were his greatest treasure after all.

You were seemingly so focused on what was in front of you and what you were thinking that you failed to notice the red haired demon behind you, watching you and calling your name. How dare you ignore him? The man who brought you here. The man who has your soul in his clawed hands. But he couldn’t bring himself to summon your chain..as his eyes landed on your shoulder, a devious smile was on his lips and in a flash. One hand wrapped around your neck as he *bit* down causing you to let out a loud yelp. You couldn’t move away from him as he leaned back your crimson blood staining his teeth and lips. Oh..He adored that sound. He wanted more.

2nd Time

The second time was when you were sitting down next to him in the foyer as Charlie was talking about a new exercise. You were more or less paying attention, leaning against your hand as Alastor stood next to your seat. He was never the man to sit around for a long period of time especially when he had something important on his mind. You watched him tap the bottom of his cane to the tip of his shoe, making sure Charlie was focusing on something else you waved your hand to get his attention. Thankfully he had looked over the second you raised your hand but his tense shoulders slumped when he noticed you weren’t going to touch him. The golden band on your finger prominent in the light as you waved him down, he backed up bending by the waist to listen to you. “Go, Dear..I’ll cover for you..you got that distant look in your eyes.” You whispered out causing his smile to widen. Oh how he loved your keen eyes but he nodded and gently grabbed your hand to press a kiss to your palm. Your thumb brushing against his cheek, a discreet sentiment he always seemed to enjoy. You looked away for a split second feeling someone watching you (other than your husband) but then flinched feeling his sharp fangs dig into your palm before he smoothed it out with a lick from his tongue and a kiss to your knuckles. You turned to curse him but he was already gone, left with a red bite mark on your palm.

3rd Time

The third time was as surprising as the first one. Alastor was known for his cruelty, the way his anger had no bounds or limits. But walking with him to Cannibal Town to see Rosie, you missed sitting with her listening to the latest news and gossiping about people (..Susan..), had him on edge. You kept your distance from your husband upon his request as much as he adored your attention and touch, he didn’t want you to become an even bigger target than you already were from being so close to him. But the way random sinners who had the nerve to catcall you from across the street made him angrier by the second. You watched as your husband’s eye twitched but didn’t point it out, only walked faster to catch up with him.

What really hammered the nail into the coffin was when he had taken your arm to help you across the road, ever the suave gentlemen your husband was, and someone had the gall- no the nerve to flirt with you infront of his face before grabbing onto you like a rabid dog looking for a meal. Sharp static rang out as his horns grew bigger- his smile wider causing the sinner to tremble and fall back onto their own ass before a tendril shot out grabbing the sinner by their throat and slamming them into the wall. You watched him from the corner of your eye as you both continued to make your way to Cannibal Town..well Alastor had made the decision to make a quick detour. Pulling you away from prying eyes, he had you pinned against a wall as he bit down on your neck. Not hard enough to bite a chunk out of you, no..he couldn’t hurt his darling spouse. But he made sure you couldn’t hide the bite he was licking the blood off of…Rosie was going to have field day when she saw you.

4th Time

Now this was getting confused and annoying cause you don’t exactly know when your darling Husband would strike and bite down on you like some chew toy (..not that you aren’t happy about that), but it’s causing you to be paranoid as much as you love your husband, you’d rather not have to keep watching over your shoulder every second just to make sure your husband isn’t going to bite you. But you had let your guard down when cooking with him, well..you were in the kitchen reading as Alastor was cooking dinner. He had forbidden you from cooking after you had accidentally set the stove on fire. You don’t even know how it happened but allowed him to take control of the flames.

Looking up, you notice as he was standing beside you a lovestruck look on his face. It wasn’t long until you were swept away into a dance with him singing along to a tune in his own head, you let out a soft laugh allowing him to spin you away before pulling you back into him. The dance had ended with a gentle kiss as he realized that his focus was needed back on the food that was still cooking. But before you could pull away from his hold completely you once again felt his sharp teeth dig into your cheek. Letting out a soft grumble from his antics only to be met with a deep chuckle and the feeling of his tongue smoothing out where had bitten, likely wiping away any blood from your cheek before his attention was once again enraptured by cooking.

Biting Back

Alastor watched you as you talked with Charlie but your gaze kept falling onto him causing his smile to grow into a wicked one. Oh he was getting to you and he was enjoying it. How much longer can you keep that facade going? Could he finally break that little perfect facade you had or would you keep it up? Only time would tell. He tilted his head watching as you quickly excused yourself to walk towards him, “Is there a reason you are staring me down, Alastor?” You asked and he chuckled, “You’re losing yourself, Dear.” You sent a glare towards him before walking off. You knew he was right, you knew he could see right through your facade. You were his spouse after all, his confidant. But what he didn’t know is that you had a trick up your sleeve. Something he won't see coming.

You were going to wait until a private time to surprise your lovely husband but then he had to leave for an abrupt meeting with the overlords about new territory. You stood at the front doors with him, fixing his precious suit jacket as he watched you, a soft look in his crimson eyes. “There we go,” you hummed, wiping his jacket lapels down and motioning him down. He playfully rolled his eyes but bent down towards you, gently kissing his cheek, before biting down on his cheek and walking off. Not noticing how he jumped and stood straight up before letting out a loud laugh, “Is that all you have, Darling? Look at those teeth! Can’t rip flesh from bone!” He called out at your disappearing figure, oh you just started a game that you wouldn’t win.

Extra

Angel looked over at Husk who was busy shuffling Uno cards while the others sat around, “So….anybody else think their fuckin’?” He asked, causing Charlie to choke on her drink and the cards to fall out of Husk’s paws. Vaggie sent him a glare as Nifty laughed and Pentious blushed. “Watch it, Angel.” Husk growled out sending him a glare before glancing over to where you were fixing one of the beer taps on the bar, currently in your own world. “What? C’mon Whiskers, you have to know something about them.” Husk rolled his eyes collecting the cards up again as Nifty chimed in, “Oh they are married!” Husk coughed and glared at her causing everyone around to look surprised. “What? They…They married Smiles? Like…they wanted to?” Angel asked as Husk sighed nodding.

“They’ve been married for a few decades now.” He whispered out as Nifty nodded watching as he started to deal out the deck of cards. “But they are so sweet..very helpful too.” Charlie whispered out holding onto Vaggie’s hand and Husk sighed. “Listen..they are as bad as him but they tend to hide it more. They tend to like the game of cat and mouse more than him. But none of us pose a threat to them so they back off. But enough..focus on the game.” Husk grumbled as Angel rolled his eyes grabbing his cards.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel imagine #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor x you #gn reader #alastor x gn!reader

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loveharlow · 4 months ago

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SEVEN [SEASON 2] - 005 (PART 1)

PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚[7.3k] Early morning arrests and break ups, one member of the pogues goes rogue and gets into a world of trouble.

WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, mentions of death, forced drug use, abduction, mentions of physical violence, mention of non-con/sexual assault, disorientation

NOW PLAYING‧₊˚

A/N‧₊˚ Good doesn't come without bad :/ I'M SORRY also THIS CHAPTER IS SM BETTER W THE SONG TRUST ME

˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗

“BETWEEN YESTERDAY AFTERNOON AND EARLY THIS MORNING, OUR KILDARE COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT CARRIED OUT SEVERAL ARRESTS IN THE MURDER CASES OF SUSAN PETERKIN, GAVIN BARNSTEAD, BIG JOHN ROUTLEDGE, AND OWEN CARTER.” Shoupe’s voice traveled from the small speaker of your phone. You were watching the local news — you, JJ, John B, Pope, and Kiara all sitting out on the pier behind The Chateau. It was still early, the sun just settling in the sky, providing a comforting warmth over the five of you.

JJ was laid outstretched on on the boat, head buried in his arms while Pope stood with his hands in his pockets. Kiara was kicking her feet, sitting on the wood of the dock as you and JB stood side by side, eyes glued to the phone screen as Shoupe continued giving his statement. “...The individuals in custody are our department pathologist Mark Daniels, officer Shane Graves, local attorney Rebecca Reyes, and Rafe Cameron.” Shoupe explained, swallowing harshly. “Unfortunately, our prime suspect, Ward Cameron was the victim of an explosion late yesterday afternoon. The other trials will take place in the following weeks, more updates are to come. Thank you for your time.” And then he was walking away from the podium swiftly, head down as chatter erupted and cameras flashed, the program cutting back to it’s anchor.

You sighed, powering off the phone and sliding it into your back pocket.

“...He deserved it, right?” JJ asked, lifting his head from his arms and squinting his eyes from the harsh sun.

“Of course he deserved it.” Pope added, sitting down on the boat.”I’ve just...never seen anyone blow themselves up like that.”

“Cross that one off the bucket list.” The blonde shrugged, laying his head back down.

“Dude.” Pope said sternly, shooting JJ a look of warning as Kiara rounded the dock and sat herself next to John B who’d taken a seat inside.

Planting a gentle hand on his back, she spoke to him softly. “Are you okay?”

John B fiddled with his fingers in his lap, biting his lip. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

POPE WALKED IN JUST AS YOU’D SLIPPED YOUR OTHER SHOE ON AND STOOD FROM THE SOFA, the boy stopping in his tracks.

“Where are you going?” He asked casually, resuming his slow steps plopping himself down on the sofa.

“Hopefully to get my dog back.” You said, patting your pockets to make sure you had everything. With the announcement of Rafe's arrest, you figured it was as good a time as any.

“...And you were just going to leave without telling anyone?” He asked, sitting up straighter, becoming increasingly more concerned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think JJ would agree with it either-”

“What does he have to do with anything?” You cut him off, your eyebrows set into a straight line.

“C’mon,” Pope sassed, standing from the couch. “It’s literally so obvious. It’s been obvious.” He said cooly. “Like, everyone knew he liked you before but now it’s clear you two have something going on. And you know how he is. He cares about you. A lot. You don’t wanna make him worry, do you?”

You wanted to tell him so badly. You felt like he needed to know why JJ wasn’t a priority right now. But you knew doing it would break Pope’s heart. Pope was in love with Kiara. And he deserved to know the truth, but you telling him out of spite wasn’t the best way to go through it.

“...Look, Pope.” You sighed, letting your shoulders fall. “Me and JJ aren’t on the best terms right now and I don’t want to be around him and I definitely don’t want his help. I know what I’m doing.” You assured, looking the boy in his eyes. “Okay? I’ll be fine, I promise.”

He seemed to sway on his feet, fighting with what to do in his head. “At least let me come with you. You can’t go alone-”

You immediately shook your head, putting your hands in front of you. “No, no. I don’t want you anywhere near Barry or Rafe without at least an army behind you.”

“But what about you?”

“...I’ve dealt with them before.” You affirmed, tensing your jaw.

Pope sighed in defeat, running a hand down his face. “Well, Rafe’s in jail but I doubt he’ll be in there long before he’s bailed out so you should be up against just Barry.” He pondered, turning to you and squinting his eyes. “...Fine. But if I call or text and I don’t get an answer, I’m telling JJ and everyone else. Deal?” He held out his hand.

The amount of care Pope had for your safety was sweet. So sweet it put a small, sheepish smile on your face. Connecting your hand with his, you shook it. “Deal.”

YOU SLOWED IN YOUR STEPS SOME FEET AWAY FROM THE SECLUDED TRAILER, wanting to minimize the chances of Barry seeing or hearing you before you even got to the door. The closer you got, the worse it smelled. You’d almost forgotten how the stench of weed and bonfire smoke stung your nostrils. Or how the overgrown grass scratched at your exposed legs, irritating the skin.

Your eyes immediately spotted a singular, metallic dog bowl — the inside smeared with what looked like canned meat. You felt sorrow and relief all at once. On the bright side, at least Marley was here. Or here at some point.

“Lookin’ for that mutt?” A familiar raspy voice sounded out. You whipped your head to the side to find Barry standing the doorway of his trailer. He startled you for a moment but the fear quickly diminished. After all, Barry rarely ever left the comfort of his trailer. He was dressed in a dirty wifebeater and shorts, his signature smirk plastered on his face.

“Where is she?” You asked, a hard expression on your face.

He simply drew his lips into a thin line, his eyebrows raising as he shrugged carelessly. “I ain’t got a damn clue.” He chuckled, shifting his weight against the frame and licking his lips. “Why don’t you ask Country Club?”

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. “He’s in a cell. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. Not alone, anyway.” You explained. “What, you don’t watch the news or something? Figured you’d keep tabs on your partner in crime.”

Barry just stood there smiling. Smiling weirdly. It made your stomach turn. You were never scared of Barry but he never failed to give you the creeps. “Trust me, I keep tabs.” He chuckled, strutting down the small staircase that led up to the door of his trailer. “You shoulda kept your ass away from here, Snoozie.” He told you, waving a finger in your direction, a mischievous expression on his face.

“...What is that supposed to mean?” You asked, pinching your eyebrows together.

“It means…whatever happens now is on you.” He smiled when suddenly, you felt two hands wrap around you and pull you into a body. One arm was on your neck, right under your chin as the other held your torso against the assailants. You could hear breathing in your ear — somewhere between heaving and chuckling as your body froze before trying to fight the person off to no avail.

“Hey, calm down,” You knew that voice.

It was the voice of someone who wasn’t supposed to be here.

“...Get off of me.” You warned, but it came out as more of a weak whisper.

You didn’t think you were afraid of Rafe anymore. But the feeling of his hands on your body, the force he was using to hold you in place, his warm breath against your neck — it all made you feel disgusting.

It made you feel like you were in the back of his truck all over again.

“Yeahhh…I can’t do that.” He laughed, walking you closer to Barry, his grip never loosening. “We’ll let you and your annoying ass dog go but, see, you walked into our domain? Alright, so…that means, we get to have our fun with you, first.” He whispered into your ear.

You watched helplessly as Barry pulled a plastic bag filled with a white, powdery substance from his pocket — scooping a decent amount onto the tip of his pinky before walking closer to you. "This for you and your friends stealin' my fuckin' money."

You began to dry heave, frantically shaking your head from side to side as he lifted the drugs to your nose. You jerked and jumped in Rafe’s hold, trying to do anything to get him to either let you go and disable Barry from drugging you.

“Hold her head still, Rafe.”

“Alright…” The Cameron boy groaned, carefully maneuvering the arm on your neck so that he quickly grasp your jaw, the strong hold causing an immediate ache as he held your head in place.

“There we go…” Barry drawled on, shoving his pinky so far up your nose that it hurt, triggering you to cough vehemently but ultimately sniff the substance. “Aight, she should be out soon. Take her inside, my neighbors are nosy as shit...”

Rafe released your jaw as you coughed. Your whole chest hurt and your nostrils stung and tingled, the sensation traveling from the bridge of your nose and to your brain — the feeling somewhere in between a migraine and a brain freeze. When your coughing died down, your head began to feel light. As light as a feather on your shoulders.

Their voices became inaudible in your ears, fading in and out. You tried to fight Rafe once more but you couldn’t feel your arms, or your legs for that matter.

The last thing you remember before the trees turned to blobs was Rafe carrying your body inside the trailer.

WHEN YOU OPENED YOUR EYES AGAIN, you didn’t know how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours…

Everything felt so heavy. Your eyelids were half close as that was as high as you could hold them. Your head rolled on your shoulders, gently swaying from side to side because holding it straight didn’t seem to be in your list of capabilities at the moment. Your lips felt permanently parted, not enough muscle strength to push them together and keep them there.

Looking around slowly, everything had a trail behind it. Everytime you turned, the object in your vision would leave behind a trail, like smeared paint. You didn't even know where you were, in all honesty. The kitchen? You looked up, letting your eyes settle before you realized what you were looking at — your hands. They were tied to a pole. A rack, of sorts.

You couldn’t even feel it. You tugged and tugged, at least you thought you were. But it didn’t look like your hands were moving.

“You awake now?” A voice echoed in your ears. You lowered your gaze to a find a figure in front of you.

Rafe, you concluded once your vision settled.

You swallowed and you could feel that, a little bit too much. It felt like you were swallowing rocks. What did Barry give you? “...Can you untie me?” You spoke.

“I’m sorry,” Rafe said, his voice sounding weird in your ears. He crouched down in front of you, his eyes boring into yours. He looked so much scarier. “...What was that? You’re mumbling, sunshine.”

You swallowed again, the action causing you to blink harshly - the smear of colors hurting you vision when you opened your eyes again. “...Can you untie me?” You mumbled once more, but you didn’t know you were mumbling. In your ears, you could hear your voice so clear. It was so loud and it echoed, like yelling down an empty hall — every sounded bounced off the walls.

Rafe just stared at you. It looked like he was thinking before he shrugged lightly, shifting closer to you and reaching above your head where your hands were bound. “You’re too weak to go anywhere anyway…can’t do anything…might as well.”

You felt your arms float to the floor as Rafe held the rope in his hands, examining it before tossing it to the side. His gaze returned to you, analyzing your face as if he’d never seen it before. His blue scanned over you in your entirety, drinking you in with his eyes. It felt like he was staring straight into your soul, taking every part of it for himself. He was your focal point, everything else behind him fading into a mess of colors.

Even in your altered state of consciousness, your body still found the strength to flinch when his hand reached out to touch your face, his fingers leaving a fiery trail in their wake. “...You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He whispered, his voice sounding ghostly in your ears. “I just want you to let me love you. And you won’t…” His words made you ill. So ill that you were sure that your stomach audibly turned. “I never…meant to hurt you. But you just made it so hard.”

You could see the tears welling in his eyes and the redness blooming on his nose. He was…crying. Or trying not to. You couldn’t clearly tell. “And then you told everyone that I..raped you.” He choked out, threading his fingers through your hair as you tried to move away from his touch, the sound of his digits scraping against your roots making your body recoil. “We both wanted it. You were just too ashamed to admit it. You thought it was wrong, that we were wrong. You were fighting me, I'll admit…but you wanted it.”

You shook your head, bile rising in your throat. “...Didn’t.” You choked out, throwing your head back against the wall. “I didn’t…want it.” You breathed. “And I…don’t…love you.” You struggled to form fluent sentences, your words slurring in on each other even with the long pauses in between nearly each word. “You and your family…took everything f-...from me.” Talking was as hard as hiking up the steepest hill in the world. “I just want my dog back. Can’t you j-...just give her to me?”

“Jesus- forget the fucking dog!” Rafe screamed, kicking a nearby object. You couldn’t see what it was. His hands gripped his hair at the roots, the boy pacing back and forth in front of you before crouching down in front of you once more, closer this time. “This is about us — me and you. I am in love with you. So, why is it…that you can’t love me back? You led me on. You made me like this-”

“No, I didn’t.” You cried, head thrown back as you looked up at the ceiling, tears running from your eyes, the droplets tickling your cheeks. “You made…me like this.” You said tearfully, a cough following the statement. “I was fifteen. I didn’t know…any better. But you did.” You wailed, lowering your head to look at him, although your head still swayed. “And when I did…know better, you didn’t w-want to let me go. And it doesn’t even matter…” You almost laughed through your tears. “Because your dad…ruined my life months before we even met.”

Rafe was quick to wrap his hand around your neck after that, squeezing harshly. He edged his face closer to yours, the tips of his hair tickling your forehead as stars invaded your vision, or what remained of it. “My dad? Did what he had to do. Alright? He’s not a monster.”

“...Neither was mine.” You croaked out. Rafe looked between your eyes with an expression you couldn’t place. Sadness? Anger? Whatever it was, he felt enough of it to release his grip, you taking the biggest gulp of air possible, your hair falling in front of your face as you held it down weakly.

He stood up from his crouching position in front of you. You heard him pace around once more as you caught your breath, each intake feeling like you were breathing in the coldest air ever, before you cried out in pain, the sound hurting your ears. Rafe had grabbed a fistful of your hair, using it to pull you up, but you could barely stand so the angry boy used his other hand to grip your upper arm for support. Using the hold he had on you, he drug your limp frame into the small living area, throwing you onto Barry’s tattered sofa.

…Where was Barry?

You landed on your side, rolling over onto your back. The whole room was spinning again, the quickness of his actions not allowing your brain to catch up with the swift movements. “I try to do the right thing and no one ever cares. My dad and Sarah, even Rose…they blame me for everything.” He ranted and rambled, his hands balled into fists by his sides as he looked down at you. “I thought you were different.” He said through labored breaths. Him standing above you, face red and furious, you would've sworn he was the devil himself. “But you’re just as bad as the rest of them. But I can change that…” He nodded, climbing on top of you, straddling your motionless body.

All you could do was look at him through the strands of hair that cloud your vision. You let out a ‘hmph’ as he let his weight rest on your thighs. “I can’t change their minds. I can’t fix them.” He said, his hands trailing the hem of your bottoms before unbuttoning them. “...But I can fix you.” He breathed, his tongue peeking out from between his lips as he nodded to himself. “I can make you love me.”

Before you knew it, the sound of him dragging the zipper of your fly rang out in your ears - the familiar situation triggering a series of images to flash in your mind. Images of the first time. You felt the puddles of hot tears leaving your eyes as your throat ached to say something. “Please, stop…” You cried, throwing your head side to side as your weak hands tried to push his away. “Please, don’t do this again.” You stuttered, your nimble fingers clawing at his knuckles as he struggled to drag your bottoms down your legs.

You felt like God himself came down from Heaven when a harsh light filled the trailer, the door of the mobile home opening as Barry entered, taking in the scene in front of him. You quickly registered that it was actually moonlight blinding you so viciously, the brightness fading behind Barry’s figure to reveal the eerie darkness outside.

How long had you been here?

“Aye, what the fuck? Rafe!” Barry said disgusted, slamming the door shut behind him. “Get the fuck off her, man. Don’t do that shit in my crib.” He told him, throwing a hand out in his direction. Rafe sighed, getting off of you and aggressively dragging your pants back up your legs, but he didn’t bother to button them back. You laid on the couch, sobbing silently. You didn’t know if it was out of fear or relief. “That’s why yo ass put me on paw patrol? So you could fuck the doped up girl in my damn house?”

Rafe made a face of annoyance, rolling his eyes at the drug dealer’s words. “Did you do it?”

“Uh, yeah, I did it, dumbass.” Barry said, voice full of attitude. “I just let her go in the backyard, it sounded like they were all inside. I saw one of the dudes come out and take her inside before I dipped.” He explained, grabbing a half-drunken beer from his cluttered coffee table. “Why you have me take the dog back if she still here? Y’know they gon come lookin’ for her eventually…” He threw out, the rim of the beer bottle touching his lips before he took a big sip.

“Just had to leave a little hint behind.” Rafe told Barry, sitting on the couch next to your feet as you turned to your side, groaning. He made a line out of the loose coke on the coffee table before quickly snorting it. A large exhale leaving his lungs as he let it pass through him. “It’s fun to fuck with ‘em, dude.”

“I ain’t with these games and shit.” Barry complained, walking to the back of his trailer. You were still laid out on the couch, sobbing silently. “If they come by here and fuck up my shit, it’s comin’ outta your pocket, Country Club.” He said. “And give her another hit!” He called from the back. “All that cryin’ and shit is givin’ me a headache. Damn…”

Rafe rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath before searching around the table before picking up the plastic bag Barry had before. You figured whatever they were putting you out with wasn’t cocaine. And that’s what scared you the most when Rafe snatched you up and shoved another pinky-full up your nose, letting your drowsy frame fall back into the plushness of the sofa.

“JJ…BACK IN THE VAN!” What sounded like John B’s voice filled your ears. Your eyes cracked open little by little, your vision much more clear and less distorted than the last time you recall waking up. So many voices were speaking at once. Your eyes wandered, trying to find out who was talking to who. It was then you realized the entire world was sideways and you were inside of The Twinkie.

Your head was slightly more elevated than the rest of your body, causing you to turn and peer above you where you found Sarah’s wide eyes staring down at you, finally registering the feeling on her fingers running through your hair. Her eyes were slightly red and glossed over as she peered down at you.

You felt more conscious this time around — no paint smears, no muffled voices, and you felt like you had more control over your body. You were cold, so cold. Probably shivering.

Looking over, you found that the door of the van was open. You could see a group of people crowded in on each other. When your vision focused, you realized it your four other friends and they were surrounding Rafe and Barry.

“What is wrong with you?!” That was Kie’s voice. And you knew her well enough to hear the anger in voice. “What the hell do you want, huh? You should be in jail, you sick motherfucker!” It wasn’t long before the guys pushed her to the back of the circle, the girl yelling at Rafe through the blockade they’d formed in front of her.

“You Kooks think you can do whatever the fuck you want!” JJ shouted, his voice deeper than you’d ever heard it before. It was almost unrecognizable. “You wanna end up like your father? ‘Cause we can make it happen!-”

“The fuck’d you just say to me, you little shit?” Rafe countered, stepping closer to JJ as John B and Pope stepped closer to him.

“You heard me, bitch.” JJ spat, the small accent he had showing itself as he pushed his way through his two friends to stand toe-to-toe with Rafe.

“All y’all needa get the fuck off my property.” Barry added, standing beside Rafe, but his words went ignored.

“If you wanna do this, we can do it. ‘Cause I’ve been waiting to get my fuckin’ hands on you.” JJ warned. “You like to drug girls? Rape them? Hit them? Hit me. Hit me, you pussy-” Just then, Rafe clocked JJ in his jaw, the force and sound of the assault causing you to flinch in Sarah’s lap as John B and Pope caught their friend, Kie gasping behind them. You tried to sit up as you watched JJ’s head whip to the side, but Sarah was quick to force your weak frame back down.

You looked up at her with wide, glassy eyes. “Rafe’s gonna hurt him.” You said weakly, sounding like a scared child.

The blonde girl simply shook her head side to side. “I don’t think so.” She smiled weakly before looking back out at the brawl unfolding outside of the vehicle. “Not this time.”

Your own eyes refocused on the two guys just as JJ recovered from the blow, wasting no time in lunging at Rafe and sending the boy to the ground, allowing himself to deliver blow after blow. You couldn’t tell if he was landing them, you could only see one arm go up after the other, his fists coming down in a vicious frenzy.

Kiara was calling JJ’s name as Barry shook his head and backed up,n John B and Pope watching with their hands up. “Y’all gon’ have the cops pokin’ around here...” Barry said angrily, eyes on John B and Pope who stood by helplessly, shocked. “Get this shit under control, I don’t need them people on my radar!” The drug dealer urged, the commotion sure to disturb any nearby trailer owners.

John B and Pope looked at each other before John B peered back at you, an expression of sadness in his eyes.

Oh. You forgot…he didn’t know.

So, it wasn’t long before that sadness turned to anger as he turned back to Barry. “...We’ll leave when he’s done.” John B spat, referring to the two boys brawling in the grass before walking away and rounding the vehicle to get in the driver’s seat, Pope and Kie following and climbing into the back of the van quickly. Without those three blocking your field of view, you could clearly see the two boys now.

Rafe had managed to pick himself up but surprisingly, JJ still had the upper hand. But it was still a brutal brawl between the two, one not staying on top for long before being pinned by the other. Every few seconds, you could spot droplets of blood flying. It was an odd thing — on one hand, seeing Rafe get his ass handed to him almost put a dizzy smile on your face, but on the other hand, you knew he’d never stop coming after JJ now. Any chance he got...

Especially since now he probably got the hint that JJ had some sort of feelings for you. JJ didn’t come after him like a concerned friend, JJ lunged at him like a enraged boyfriend. JJ attacked him like someone who was in love with you. And after what Rafe said in the trailer, or at least what you remember of it, these two would be butting heads over a lot more than financial status.

When the blaring of sirens hit your ears, you perked up, as well as everyone else. But Rafe and JJ were too enthralled with trying to kill each other that they must not have heard anything.

The pogues began calling JJ’s name, trying to draw him out of his rage-induced assault to get back in the van. After a few moments, he finally registered their voices and the sound of the sirens. He forcefully pulled himself away from Rafe as the boy laid on the grass, heaving. JJ delivered one last glare to the boy on the ground, the blonde’s chest going up and down heavily as he turned and threw himself into the van.

“And don’t come ‘round here no more, you hear me?!” Barry’s voice traveled before Pope slammed the door shut, John B speeding off.

Your eyes were trained on JJ’s breathing figure — he had a small trail of blood going from his bottom lip to his chin, dirt on his shirt and in his hair, and his eyebrows were set into a permanent frown. You managed to meet his eyes for a second and he looked upset.

Upset with you?

KIARA AND SARAH HELPED YOU INSIDE THE CHATEAU AS THE GUYS HELD THE DOORS OPEN. What you didn’t expect was for Marley to come charging at you the second you stepped foot in the house. The girls let you go gently, allowing you to crouch down on your knees and embrace your dog.

She smelled like wet dirt and you could feel the outline of her ribcage as you rubbed her sides. Tears gathered in your eyes as you and Marley comforted each other. Your voice was still weak and scratchy as you spoke softly to the animal. If anything, after today, you should be grateful she was still alive.

“Hey,” John B spoke up, your eyes going to him. “We can hose her down in the backyard while you wash off.”

You drew your lips into a thin line, nodding your head in his direction as you stood up on shaky legs, Kie and Sarah putting a hand each on your back. He and Pope led Marley outside, JJ lagging behind. “JJ.” You called out. The blonde simply looked at you over his shoulder, chewing the inside of his lip before making his way outside with the other two guys.

Your shoulders fell at his cold demeanor. You guessed he was upset with you.

“It’s okay…” Sarah reassured, her hand rubbing your back as you frowned into the distance. “He just needs a second.” She told you, turning you in the direction of the bathroom, helping you walk alongside Kie who hadn't said much. “C’mon. We’ll help you get yourself together…”

WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM, the house was empty. The only living things inside being a sleeping Marley and you. She looked a lot cleaner, aside from the food remnants around her mouth. You smiled smally to yourself, admiring the animal for a moments before walking over to her, crouching down and placing a light kiss on the top of her head. She was so deep asleep that she didn’t stir, even a little.

You almost passed out a handful of times in the shower, the steam only contributing to the lightheadedness you felt but easing the neverending ache in your arms and legs. But you felt better — less disoriented. Less…gross.

You were dressed in one of JJ’s few sweatshirts and a pair of pajama shorts. All the time the two of you’d spent living together meant some of your clothes were still mixed in with one another’s. Your hair was slightly damp, the strands pulled back into a low bun to keep it out of your face.

Even though you felt more sober, you still felt like you were walking outside of your body and it was making you a bit nauseous. You spotted a bottle of aspirin on the kitchen counter, snatching it up and swallowing two pills.

Just then, you heard voices outside — low and faint, but there. You peered out of the small window in the kitchen , spotting John B and Pope laid out on the HMS Pogue. Everyone must’ve gone outside, you thought to yourself.

You slipped out the backdoor, bare feet on the grass as you walked in the direction of the two guys.

“What’re you two talking about?” Your voice was still off and scratchy but you were grateful that you could hear yourself talking. The two males turned to you, making out your figure in the dark of night as you squeezed into between them on the boat.

“How’re you feeling?” Pope was the first to ask, genuine concern swimming in his eyes.

You sent him a small smile. “Better.” You nodded. “...And I’m sorry. For putting you in a weird position, before I left. I shouldn’t have done that-”

“You don’t have to apologize.” He shook his head, patting your shoulder. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

You mumbled a ‘thanks’ to the boy, patting the hand on your shoulder as he slid it off as you turned to John B who was already looking at you. You knew him the best out of all your friends. That’s why you could tell he was going from upset with you to sad all at once.

“Just say it.” You sighed, giving him the floor.

“...Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, squinting his eyes. “You’re like my sister. And not to sound weird but I love you, dude. I would’ve killed Rafe-”

“That’s why.” You cut him off, a pitiful frown on your face. “I didn’t need you doing anything stupid in my defense. And you were still torn up over your dad. We both were.”

He just huffed, turning away from you and shaking his head side to side as he crossed his arms. “...You still should’ve told me.”

“I know.” You nodded, sighing and sliding down to lay fully down next to your two friends. “Where is everyone?”

“Well, Kiara is out front doing…whatever. JJ has been pacing in the Surf Shack for like an hour, and Sarah...left.” He hesitated at the end of his statement, eyeing John B who just sighed deeply. You looked between them both, eyes stopping on John B.

“What happened?” You asked.

“We, uh…we broke up.”

“What?” You asked, shocked. “Why?”

“...She wasn’t the biggest fan of how I react to Ward blowing himself up.” He explained, shifting in his spot. “She said I looked glad. And I didn’t want to lie to her and say I wasn’t. Because I was.”

“I mean, I get it.” You threw out, looking up at the stars in the sky. “He killed your dad. He killed a lot of people…I think it’s okay to be glad he’s dead. But I also get her side. He was her dad. But she can’t expect you to feel the same.”

“Exactly what I said.” Pope chipped in. “How sad can you expect someone to be when their father’s murderer dies and they get to see it?”

“I don’t think it was that, though.” John B spoke up, his brows pinched. “She said that out of all people, she thought that I’d understand what it’s like to lose a dad. And I do and I feel like a dick for not comforting her in that moment and giving Topper the opportunity to swoop in but…I feel like she didn’t even give me a chance to be there for her.”

“...Love is five minutes of pleasure for a lifetime of pain.” Pope said sadly, you and John B turning to him silently with wide eyes. The boy turned to the both of you, the same expression plastered on his face.

“Okay…” John B groaned, sitting up from his position and leaning on his arm.. “You and Kie, talk to me. What’s goin’ on?”

“Well…” Pope said, sitting up as well as you just looked up at the two guys. “She wants to be just friends.”

John B and you sighed simultaneously. “Whooo, death blow.” JB said to him. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s not like I can say I didn’t see it coming. After what happened in Charleston…” Pope was explaining before he cut himself off, his wide eyes darting to you as he pressed his lips shut. But John B’s curiosity was peaked, and so was yours.

“What happened in Charleston?” The brunette boy asked, looking between the two of you.

Pope’s mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air. You cocked an eyebrow, sitting up on your own elbow now. “So you did see it?”

Now he was the one looking confused, using his finger to point at you. “You saw it? I thought you were inside-”

“I was but I had just walked out when I saw them.”

“So, we both saw it?”

“Helloooo.” John B butted in, the two of you looking at him. “Third party is still here. Saw what?”

“The kiss.” You and Pope said at the same time, looking at him.

“Kiss? What kiss? Who kissed?” He asked, genuinely baffled.

“Kie and JJ.” The both of you said in sync again.

John B’s jaw dropped as he stuttered to find words. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding JJ?” He settled on his question, eyes on you.

“Yes…” You said squinting your eyes. “What would you know about that, though?” You asked, wondering when JB got the inside scoop on you and JJ’s newfound relationship.

“I mean, everyone could see he had a thing for you. For a looong time. Well, everyone but you…”

“Thank you.” Pope butted in, throwing his hands up in surrender when you shot him a glare. “I’m just saying, I wasn’t the only one who saw it.”

“And he kind of told me everything that happened while me and Sarah were gone.” John B smirked as you groaned. “But we’re getting off topic…” He waved his hands, dismissing the previous statements.

“Right.” Pope refocused. “I never said anything about the kiss to her or him. I just kind of hoped it was a spur of the moment thing and that it would just remain as that — a kiss. But then, she friendzoned me. And now I can’t help but think that she likes JJ. And I don’t know if JJ likes her, no offense Y/N...”

“He told me he doesn’t.” You butted in. “The day we got that call about what happened to your pops, we had an argument about it. He said that Kie initiated the kiss and it didn’t mean anything. To him, at least. I don’t know how much of it I believe but," You cut yourself off, shrugging. "And I can’t speak for Kiara…”

“Okay, here’s some not-so-friendly advice for the both of you from good ole Dr. Routledge,” John B piped up, a bright smile on his face. “You,” He pointed a Pope. “focus on your yourself and your books and…grades and shit. Forget about Kie, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. And you, Pope, are one handsome young man and I guarantee there is some girl out there willing to jump your bones and not kiss one of your best friends. And, you, little missy,” His attention turned to you. “If JJ says he doesn’t have feelings for her and the kiss didn’t mean anything, I’d believe him. He loves you and I don’t think he would do anything to purposefully screw up his chance with you. And please, for the love of God, be nice and talk to him. Hearing him whine about you not talking to him is going to drive me off a cliff.”

The three of you laughed before you turned to Pope, a light smile on your face. “So, you really just weren’t going to tell me?” You asked in faux-offense.

Pope faked shock, a hand on his chest. “Uh, me? I didn’t even know you and JJ had something going then. If anything, you should’ve been the one to tell me.”

“I didn’t want to upset you!” You laughed and groaned all at once.

“Yeah, yeah…” He waved you off lightheartedly. “Alright, next time we see something that would…affect the other person, we have to tell. Deal?” He asked, holding out his pinky.

“Ohhh, okay. We’ll be each others witnesses. I like this two person witness protection program.” You smiled, connecting your pinky with Pope’s. “Deal.”

YOU WERE IN THE GUEST ROOM WHEN THE DOOR CREAKED OPEN, a stream of light illuminating the dimly lit space — the only source of light being a bedside lamp. You thought everyone had gone to sleep.

Turning at the sound of the door, you found JJ closing the entryway behind him before he turned to you. You could hardly see his features, not enough light to see his face clearly. Neither of you said anything as he walked slowly towards you, walking around the bed.

He stopped in front of you, just inches between the both of you. Nothing was to be heard except your breathing and the cicadas outside.

“...What’s wrong with you?” He asked. His voice sounded strained, like he’d been crying. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

You nodded, accepting his frustration towards you. Swallowing, you attempted to reply. “...I didn’t think-”

“Yeah, you didn’t think.” JJ cut you off. “You left without telling anyone. You went there alone. Why would you do that?”

“He wasn’t supposed to be there-”

“Anything could’ve happened to you. Anything.” JJ reprimanded, shifting closer to you subconsciously. “Do you know what is was like to hear, from Pope, that’d you left to go to Barry’s trailer hours ago? That you hadn’t answered any of his calls or texts that you said you’d answer? To ride all the way there with my heart beating out of my damn chest just to rush in and find you passed out on the couch with the your pants unbuttoned, confirming every single fear-”

“Nothing happened-”

“But something could have!” He lost himself, looking around as if someone heard as he licked his lips, one tear rolling down his cheek. “He tried to, clearly, and something could have.” He sighed, letting himself sit on the edge of the guest room bed, his head in his hands. “...You didn’t even know who I was when we woke you up the first time to put you in the van. You didn’t recognize any of us. You were completely out of it. I've never seen anyone like that...” He told you. You don’t recall waking up more than twice. Voices and colors here and there but…not much. “I know…that you think I took your trust and feelings and ran with them. But you can’t do things like that.” He said firmly, lifting his head to look at you. “I’m not blaming you. I just want you to understand that even if you’re mad at me or whoever, you can’t just abandon ship. Especially, not like that.”

He told you, reaching his hands out to grab your waist and pull you closer as you sniffled. You felt almost completely sober as you stood between his legs, the aspirin you took earlier taking effect.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his teary blue eyes boring into yours as he looked up at you. You bit your lip from the inside of your mouth as you nodded. “Okay…good.” He sighed, letting his head fall in relief before looking at you again. “I know the last few days have been…hard. Especially today. And I’m sorry that I put you in a place where you couldn’t even trust me as a friend anymore. But I don’t know how else to tell you or show you that I love you. And today just made me realize how badly I need you and how far I’m willing to go for you.” He said softly. “...There were so many reasons I didn’t tell you about the kiss. For one, it didn’t mean anything to me. Also the fact that I didn’t want to cause drama between you and Kie. But none of that matters because there was only one reason that I should’ve told you — because you deserved to know and because I promised I would. So, I am really sorry.”

You'd never heard JJ be this vulnerable and open. Or be so vulnerable and open this easily. It didn't seem practiced or rehearsed. It was like he was really letting his heart speak for him and right all his wrongs.

After what happened today, holding a grudge wasn't as appealing. Because you didn't know what could happen tomorrow.

“...I believe you. And I forgive you.” You said, eyes locked on his. “And I’m sorry, too. If I had told you guys where I was going then maybe-”

“Don’t even go there.” He stopped you, shaking his head. “Rafe is insane. What he and that fucking loser, Barry, did wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t have gone there alone, sure, but what happened wasn’t your fault.”

You just sent him a half-hearted smile. You know he meant it but you still felt at least partially to blame. You licked your lips and took a deep breath before speaking, your hands rubbing up and down the blonde’s exposed arms. “JJ…” You spoke, more like whispered.

Something in the way you looked at him changed. Something in the way you felt for him changed. “...I want you.” You felt the boy tense in your arms, lifting his head up more to look you directly in the eyes. “I don’t need any more time. I know what I want and I know how I feel. I love you. And I want you.”

“...Are you sure? Because you just went through something really terrible tonight-”

“I’m sure.” You interrupted him. “If I keep waiting until nothing bad happens to be with you, then we’ll never be together. This is our lives now. And even if we didn’t have all this death and drama around us, I would still love you.” You reassured, trailing your hands up to his shoulders as his soothed themselves up and down your waist. “You said you were all mine. So, now I’m all yours, if you want me…”

He had a look on his face that you couldn’t decipher. His eyes looked at each of yours and then landed on your lips, seeming to trace them before pulling you down into him and colliding his lips with yours. A small noise of surprise leaving your lips before you melted into the exchange. Your hands slid around the nape of his neck as his trailed the length of your thighs, helping you onto his lap.

His fingers pressed into your skin, passionately dragging his prints into your skin as your nails scraped at the skin of his scalp and shoulders. The kiss wasn’t like the ones before. Those were soft and gentle, testing the waters. This kiss was hungry and prolonged — feverish. So starved of each other that it probably would’ve had the potential to lead to something else if the day had gone differently.

But knowing JJ, after what happened tonight, any kind of sex was off the table. Ad you weren't sure when you'd be ready to go that far. But this was good enough. More than good enough. There wasn’t a single part of either of you that wasn’t touching. You couldn’t help but sigh when his warm hand went up under your shirt, his fingers clawing at your back as he pressed you endlessly closer against him.

You were confused when he pulled back — lips swollen and red as his hair stuck up in one-hundred different directions. He was breathing heavy when he spoke. “Sorry, sorry…” He said through labored breaths. “Just to be clear, you are my girlfriend, right-”

You couldn’t help but laugh and roll your eyes. “Yes, JJ, I’m your girlfriend.” You smiled. “I’m completely yours.” You sighed, eyeing his lips like an animal before connecting your lips with his once more, the both of you falling back into the mattress.

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feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.

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lmk if the taglist works now! xo