#many thoughts head always full

[goldenpinof]

How after all those years they are still interested in eachothers this way does dan going on tour did wonders because they missed eachothers?

i don't think it did wonders, because they were always like this to some extent. but wad definitely did something, secured their relationship for starters.

[sctumsempra]

androgynous summer snape but make them sleepy!!!

[i-am-not-a-who-i-am-a-what]

so about the header that proceeded today's statement:

Viability as agent: Low

Viability as subject: None

Viability as catalyst: Medium

i didn't know what to think of this part of the entry at first, but the longer the statement went on... was the institute in this universe trying to manufacture avatars?

the dice can't do anything without someone to use them, they can't be an "agent" by themselves, but might be capable of manipulation, so in that aspect their viability is "low."

the dice could be a "subject" in the sense that they could use further studying, but the statement itself was a very thorough investigation of their workings, so in that aspect their viability is "none."

the dice seem to influence their holder to roll them, or at least find more victims to roll them, and could therefore be described as a "catalyst" for someone's becoming. but, as seen in the statement, their owner can give the dice to someone else (albeit not without consequences), so in that aspect their viability is only "medium."

so what about the line following all this, what does "Recommend referral to Catalytics for Enrichment applicability assessment" mean? if we go by this interpretation, i'd say it could mean the institute wanted to find a way to make the dice even more potent as an artifact, maybe even remove that pesky ability for their owner to reject them.

imho all of this this brings a whole new level of context to the events of episode seven, of unknown violent agents going after an influx of objects that seemed straight out of artifact storage. was that the nature of the titular "magnus protocol" first mentioned in episode four, the one that involved the starkwall group? containing or destroying potential artifacts before the institute could get their hands on them?

it also makes their "gifted kids program," and sam's link to it as one of the kids being studied, all the more horrifying to think about. was it not just avatars in general they were after, but child avatars specifically? no wonder gertrude got so defensive over the possibility of sam and celia dragging gerry back into the institute's business last episode, we all picked up on her clearly knowing more than she's letting on but now we might know the shape of that information a bit better.

and one final bit of food for thought... this statement had a lot of familiar themes, didn't it? free will or the illusion of it, gambling and not-so-random chance, the statement giver being done in by one final hit from what feels like a bit of an addition... all hallmarks of a certain mother of puppets. doesn't it seem fitting that "chester" would use this kind of statement to warn sam about what harm pursuing the magnus institute could bring to him, considering the one his voice might draw from? and doesn't it seem so painfully ironic that his warning seems to have only driven sam further into that web?

[jet-teeth]

Specifically relating to my latest post, but in general also: I feel like my attention span has gotten so bad these days in terms of actually finishing anything, to the point that the deflection/procrastination-projects get as silly as "builds a whole-ass 3D model instead of finishing the goddamn drawing because that's somehow easier than dealing with the perfectionism demon hovering over my shoulder when I draw these days"

(I think this why I'm trying to chase looser styles/play around with traditional media here and there again, since anything too precise starts to activate the Overthink Demon. I guess what I post is "oops! All sketches" anyway, but a lot of things still get overworked. Probably should start using timers again or something idk) Rarely do I actually "finish" models as well, which is generally why I don't post any (they are almost always studies/character reference models) but let's see if I can get around to making some Printable Little Guys this year, since frankly I find 3D a more comfortable medium to work in than outright painting/doing rendered-out stuff

Ramble post, but I'm always interested in the topic of "process" when it comes to art, and how struggles & limitations might actually help an individual find what their strengths really are too (or, just reveal areas that need more work. I DO want to finish a couple of the paintings in my WIP folder, but I also have accepted that it's not gonna be the natural medium for me ever) (I always try to include art in long text posts like this so they aren't as boring. Have a Banana Cat drawing I never uploaded. Also yes the printer HAS been added to my enclosure and it's great fun :> )

[zeb-z]

the realization that the eggs have been gone since before etoiles started showing corruption from the code. what do you mean pomme was worried because of the code cracks over his eye?what do you mean it hasn’t been there this whole time? what do you mean time had passed without them, and they cannot just pretend like there weren’t changes to both parent and child in their absence?

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

[dent-de-leon]

Remembering how Taliesin said Kingsley's old memories are there in, "a dreamlike state," and how we know he at least still dreams of the circus, of Lestera and Yasha. Still haunted by nightmares of the black chains and Cognouza--throws himself into a life of piracy in a desperate bid to escape it.

And just...Does he always dream, when those memories of past lives start to stir? Was he having another lovely dream when he finally remembered kissing Caleb on the forehead? Remembered looking at this man that was so hunted and haunted, so scared and self-destructive and desperate to keep anyone from getting too close? Does he remember reaching for Caleb then, seeing this man he already loved as, "softness and light?"

Is Kingsley crushed when he wakes up, when he realizes he can no longer feel the Magician in his arms and that pretty dream is already slipping away--

[psalmsofpsychosis]

waking up to David Mazouz dropping a phd thesis on Joker and calling Joker 2 "flat and mild" instead of "outrageously hate-worthy" and outright coming out and saying "whatever good Joker 2 tried to do Gotham did first" and then proceeding to like and put an Amen to an "Only Batman would go to this length to find the good in Joker because he is his one true love" comment and SCREENCAPPING AND REPOSTING THE COMMENT AS HIS IG STORY LIKE, babygirl i desire you carnally

[vaguely-concerned]

just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2

[daincrediblegg]

How did you come up with Lady Terror?

OH THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION!!! Well. The short answer is that I watched The Terror again after a few years and needed to jump that grumpy old irish man immediately because he's so sad and outcast and pathetic, so I did what I usually do, which is wedge myself as hard as possible into the canon, slap a cool nickname onto it, and that was that.

But as many of you know, I'm not into short answers. So here we go.

Honestly, the process of developing Lady Terror has been a really interesting one. As I've explained before she was initially meant to be part of a more sci-fi centric AU based loosely off of 1899 in which she is a physical manifestation of the ship, but the way she developed from there is entirely due to three factors, 1) my friend's staunch encouragement (some of whom are still around, some of whom have deactivated, alas), 2) the Gothic Literature, film theory (which was very philosophically heavy), and the women gender and sexuality classes I was taking last year and 3) my staunch love for Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre reemerging in my consciousness at the time. These elements combined really gave me a sense of purpose when thinking about the relationship dynamics that I wanted to put forward with Francis and Lady Terror because I can absolutely never in my life just throw my self-inserts in all willy nilly because I am of the firm and staunch belief, which has been reinforced by my studies of all genres, that romance has the capability to be as radical and philosophical as any other, and where Crozier is concerned, I think he has so much potential as a romantic figure to break a lot of the common conventions that proliferate the genre, and put together with a figure like Lady Terror, it just makes my brain go brrrrr in a way that a lot of pairings with him just... don't.

Because the focus of their relationship is on the complexities, horror and fear of love. These are two people who have been ostracized in different ways but recognize in each other that ostracization, but beyond that, their capability that continues to be stifled by a social order that is designed to keep them in their place. I've talked a lot about how Francis is probably my favorite to do think work on because he's both a colonized subject but he's also a colonizer and that's his big struggle throughout the series (mirrored, perhaps, only by Hickey), but Lady Terror mirrors him in a unique way in that she is a privilaged colonized subject, and the unique experience that that entails connects them in a way that he doesn't share with a lot of characters, and one that I think is fascinating to explore.

Because like god. What if you were all that but also truly loved? Not to be confused with devotion, adoration, admiration, or with simply being seen. What if you were loved with those things, but also then for your mind, your humor, your ability to reject and rebel against that social order, and still be loved in a way that was barred to you because the social order that you were born into is designed to continue to reject you on every level? What if then you found it in a place that wants you dead? What do you do with that love? Knowing and fearing that you will be rejected again or, even more horrifying, that it could be ripped away from you at any moment because, again, this place wants you dead. You could not be more equally as lucky and as damned. But then also you wonder if this small and sacred thing can do anything at all? does it have the capacity to change things? Does the reinforcement that the union brings matter at all to anyone else? And how do you cope with that? All questions that I'm hoping to pose with them. I don't have strict answers for all of those questions, of course, but perhaps some hints in certain directions. But I hope to put them through their paces in this way.

... but also. Fundamentally, at the end of the day, I did come up with Lady Terror because I want to fuck that old man so bad it makes me look stupid. But also I'm a lit major and if I don't get freaky with it I'll die. Just how it goes with me, I guess.

[mykocalico]

seeing mermay stuff made me wanna draw fishie. and i kept thinking about cetacean mermaids and uhhh yeah 👍

i was gonna draw more weird mermaids but i got tired and i’d like to post this while it’s still may so. you get dumb doodles bc i don’t like posting One (1) image

[roamwithahungryheart]

The lyric snippet they chose from the Sam Ryder & Brian May song that played over the little sunflower bread moment:

So, we will see you here Same time, same place, next year And you can take this battle 'cause we're gonna win the war Better to have fought and lost than never fought at all

In the context of this scene, and the season as a whole, the full lyrics are so loaded with a reflection of Ted's emotional journey. But this part feels particularly poignant - maybe even foreshadowing?

Maybe they won't win the whole fuckin' thing. Better to have fought and lost than never fought at all.

Ted stuck it out right to the end, helped the team become the best version of themselves and it paid off both on and off the pitch. So if he really wants to - if he needs to - he can leave them to live by The Lasso Way all on their own.

On a purely hopeful and delusional level - same time, same place next year? That's the truth bomb tradition. This time, Rebecca didn't have anything. Ted did. But maybe next time...when we get another season...👀 because??

So, here on the same ground When the tables have turned around Oh, and your tears fall as your world is crashing down I hope, when you see me You remember that feeling Oh, 'cause we've both seen the world from both sides now

[mercurymacaroons]

woagh 2 posts in one day

[shiny-airplane]

How many glitch effects can I add? Yes

[humblemediagenius]

my brain is so violently ping ponging between interests this last month. i’ve thought about fwrr, phineas and ferb, NSP, pokemon, and vocal synths like all at once. can my brain PLEASE decide. i’d like to go back to having one big fixation bc this is so draining

[alchemocha]

I'm always very happy whenever I see you post an analysis over Jimbotnik. The nuance behind his character is genuinely so heart wrenching it's so good.

Love ideas and concepts about kidbotnik as well.

To me, Jimbotnik is the type to resents his kid self. If he ever gets the chance to meet himself as a kid, he'd probably say the meanest, cruelest things to himself because he resents himself that much, and that's just what he was always told growing up.

Aaaah I’m glad! It really warms my heart to know you and others have been enjoying my silly jimbotnik analysis posts. He’s quickly become a very big comfort character and one that takes up so much of my brain space lol

And I think you’re absolutely right! He was absolutely told some horrendous things by the adults in his life growing up, and other kids too probably, and he for sure internalized a good portion of it if not all of it, and it’s almost funny, in a really sad way. He wants to be strong and independent and not let anyone win against him, but his hatred of his younger self is very much due to the lies he was fed, and in a way, that power over him that they have always had, even into his adulthood, just proves that he is not always in the lead or the winner, as much as he likes to boast he is.

He had no choice, no defence, no way of thwarting any of it, he was just a kid stripped of any human connection or affection. I have a lot of personal headcanons for his childhood and upbringing that are hella angsty and sad, and I plan on making more kidbotnik content too!

Mans got a metric ass ton of trauma he’s been running from, but that vulnerable child part of his heart that he loathes so much will only make him feel worse the more he treats it the way they did back then too </3

Thank you for the lovely message! I have plenty more to share about him!