#malewife is still his wife

[teastainedprose]

How about something like Homelander at a meeting with the seven and his wife.

"Wait, wait. I thought we were meeting your wife?" The Deep bursts out, gaze flicking between the two men already within the conference room as the rest of The Seven and Ashley file in. Homelander's smile is strained at best, while Butcher? He's as stone faced as ever. This isn't exactly a spot he ever considered he'd ever be in.

"Bit of an inside joke, ya see." Butcher mutters, stepping up to where Homelander sits to grasp the supe between neck and shoulder. As he tightens his grip, the gold band on his ringer finger catches the light. "Ain't that right, luv?"

Homelander tilts his head up, catching Butcher's eye as he smiles. There's no affection in it, more a predator barring his teeth at a rival. Nothing of the interaction screams that these two are lovers in any sense of the word, let alone a happy couple introducing themselves to The Seven.

An uncomfortable silence follows as everyone else in the room watches the couple. The expressions range from incredulous to utterly baffled. Well, Noir's is blank on account of his mask.

"Homelander- Are you gay?" The Deep sputters out, face pinched in clear confusion as his eyes flick between the two men. "No, you fucking-" A-Train cuts himself off, then takes a breath. "He's bi, like Maeve was." His attention shifts back to Butcher, "Aren't you trying to kill all of us?" Butcher inclines his head, white teeth flashing as he smirks but before he can spit out some British wit The Deep cuts in. "Maeve was bi!?" The Deep's eyebrows jumping up as he turns to stare at A-Train. He leans closer, voice a conspirital whisper. "I thought she was like- A lesbian, ya know?" Homelander has to take a steading breath, squelching the urge to lean over and casually crush The Deep's windpipe. "Boys, boys- Just, stop." Homelander raises a hand to cut off any further conversation as he sighs. He has to take a moment, eyes closing as he rubs at the bridge of his nose. Butcher's hand on his shoulder seems to be half to restrain him and half to keep the supe anchored. "Just- Uh. Don't worry about the labels and yes, we were enemies but- Let's just say we've worked it out."

"Okay, great. Fantastic!", Ashley chirps out in faux cheerfulness while trying not to love her absolute shit. Her mind is spinning with the sheer PR nightmare of introducing the world to the fact that Homelander, Christian ideal supe that he is happens to be a bisexual man and now married to a pardoned terrorist.

[bee623]

Thinking. Thinking about Danny Pudi in the arguement again. God he looks so fucking frazzled I just want to kiss him on the forehead and maybe just maybe the lips

[mangoyapz]

literally me and my malewife

[bohemian-nights]

Seeing people call Daemon a “mALewIfe" was so FUCKING cringe. Like I know that’s your man and all but I keep seeing people in the year of 2024 call this man “goals” “best father in Westeros” and I just can’t. Did we watch the same show? (since episode one Daemon has been doing foul things to Rhaenyra and is always undermining her and her claim. him laughing at what vaemond said wasn’t taking the pressure off of rhaenyra if anything you can interpret that he’s laughing because he thinks it’s funny because her children are bastards. in fact it looks as though he’s trying not to laugh but can’t hold it in and is exasperated that no one else is laughing) Read the same book? (where daemon very clearly groomed and sexually abused her (teaching sex acts to a minor who is your niece not is illegal but immoral) where he cheated on her multiple times with multiple women)

They really have no shame. Even if Daemon was somehow a male-wife(that term is a choice), it sure as hell wouldn’t be for the psycho he actively groomed for a crown and then proceeded to leave for another woman when he realized that said crown wasn’t worth it🎭

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere malewife Jade <333 He cooks! He cleans! He completely breaks you down, makes you question your reality, locks you up nice and tight to never be let go <3333 what a lad :)

MaleWife | Yandere Jade Leech

Oh yes he is your perfect male wife

Knows to make you healthy breakfeast, lunch, and dinner 

Knows exactly where to touch to soothe you

Knows exactly where makes you moan the most

Knows exactly what to say to have you dismiss the extra money he has

“Jade this is a lot, what have you been doing?”

“Darling it’s from the mushroom collectors club. A couple of my personal growths are quite rare. That’s all.”

“Oh really neat!”

Jade as a malewife is just too perfect too be true

Or he would be if he couldn’t stop smiling at the news displaying the weird coworker’s family cry over their remains 

As the beloved spouse of malewife Jade

You’ll find that as time passes he just gets less tired of hiding what he’s actually like 

Especially since he’s got that ring on your finger

Your bank accounts attached

Your assets equally paid for

And being your closest lifeline

He’s definitely madly in love

So in love with all of you 

He wants to show all of himself too

He knows like a getting into water on a cold day you’ll have to get used to it

But eventually he knows that when he decides to make the decapitated head apart of one of his terrarriums that you’ll still kiss him deeply as you always do

Now you might resist

Or yell

Or cry 

But your malewife Jade knows just what sedative is going to help you understand

And he knows you’ll respect this side of your malewife because he’s going to make you 

Malewife Jade doesn’t need to lock you up…at least not forever

He’ll just make sure you won’t want to leave anyway

What a lad is right

[imasoftieforbarb]

reactions and headcanons of brozone about: how would they fell about y/n having an egg?(once married ofc) sorry if too much

John Dory

Definitely hubby material

Van life with you and him?

Chef kiss

Ok

He definitely gives malewife vibes

Because he’s so used to being the responsible one

But he also deserves a break so you split all the chores in half

You surprise him with your pregnancy announcement by giving him a cup that says “worlds greatest Dad”

He’s shocked

Like he goes still and you worry- what if he doesn’t want children? It wasn’t a planned thing

And then he just scoops you up in arms and twirls you around

So many happy tears

Instantly tells everyone possible he’s gonna be a dad

That might is now his favorite mug- but he refuses to use it until the baby is born

Those chores that you split? He is now taking on all of them so you can focus on the baby

Likes to speak to the egg, honestly he’s so sweet with it

Definitely plays brozone through headphones around the egg (“John what are you doing?” “I want them to have good taste”)

Clay

He gave up his admin house for you

Y’all still live in Putt Putt village (because I say so)

Viva moves to Pop village so he goes from co runner to leader

So y’all get her room/house

Being married to Clay is so chill

He’s so sweet and literally talks about you non stop even though more often that not you’re with him whilst he’s working

He found out about the pregnancy when you gave him a mini matching green sweater romper

He was like

“Thanks! Not sure if it’ll fit me but I love it anyway!”

It takes him a moment

He leaves the room then runs back in pointing at you like he’s in law and order

“YOURE PREGNANT?!?”

You are now on permanent bed rest

Likes to baby talk to the egg and sing it songs

Buys the new furniture immediately and then starts baby proofing the house

He’s determined to give this kid the best childhood

Bruce

When he marries you, that’s when he decides to change his name to Bruce

Y’all still open the restaurant on Vaycay island

You become the cutest couple on the island so fast

BEACH WEDDING

He definitely tears up whilst reading his vows

“Oh I’m crying…” *you pass him a q-tip* “what’s a q-tip gonna do?!”

Treats you like a queen

Another malewife vibe haver

But it’s not as strong

Y’all were already planning on having a big family

So when you tell him you’re having twins by making dinner, but putting two lil high chairs by the door

He sees them

And goes WILD

“What- is that? Does that mean? TWINS?!?!”

He’s so happy, so many happy tears whilst y’all hug

“Uh- honey? Who’s watching the stove?” “Oh shit…”

Floyd

Dedicated husband fr fR

Has photos of you everywhere

Gets drunk and gets so happy when you tell him you’re his wife not his girlfriend

“THis IS myY WiFE”

Everyone knows don’t worry

Always talked about having kids but didn’t plan for it

Well he did (but only in his lil dreams)

Then one day you made his dreams come true

He got home from hanging out with Branch

(Who you’d asked to keep him distracted)

And he comes home to a really big home cooked meal

And a decorated boiled egg

He goes to eat said egg- but you tell him to break it open

“Why?” “It’s a surprise hun- I’m not supposed to tell you”

Inside is a lil parenting book called ‘daddy and I’

Silence, smile on his face

Tears rolling down his face before he stands up and walked over to you putting the book down on the table

Wraps you up in a such a soft hug that you start crying too

Peppers kisses all over your face

“You really do make my dreams come true”

Doesn’t tell his brothers immediately- wants you to himself

Makes sure you’re careful with doing everything

Just likes to lie down on the bed with you and the egg and put his hand softly on the surface (he cries a lil bit everytime)

When he eventually tells people- it’s completely by accident

[cro-fiishy]

pkciv dash simulator

⭐ my-friend mutuals

I love my IRL friend to death, but I don't think he knows my real name. He just calls me "His Friend".

⭐ my-friend mutuals

I asked him about it and he looked at me funny and said "I mean you are my friend, right?" and I didn't have the heart to press further.

⭐ my-friend mutuals

Beginning to develop a Pavlovian response to the word "friend".

⭐ my-friend mutuals

New username :/

👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals

I Cant Feel My Legs

🔄 vineboomsound

are u ok,????? what hapened :(

👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals

DMs

🔄 vineboomsound

about to jump into the bottomless void. if i dont post again in like 5 minutes then dont let anyone take the temple decor down

🔄 vineboomsound

i just got jumped?,????

🔄 vineboomsound

THEY R HUNTING ME FOR SPORT :(

🔄 vineboomsound

nvm actaully that was fire. no one here knows how to do three-sixties i got htis

🐢 chain-male follow

hey

🔄 vineboomsound

oh God get me Out of here

🐢 chain-male follow

the "male" in my name is short for mansplain manipulate malewife

🥀 guard1 follow

this job is soooo boooring. at least i get to hang out with the bestie later :D

🔄 vineboomsound

thats great man haha

🔄 vineboomsound

🐢 chain-male follow

@ vineboomsound hurry up bro the level will freeze over before you get back

🔄 vineboomsound

ok asshole you try parkouring on ice and literal glass shards while also evading local authorities.

🐢 chain-male follow

what, you want me to kiss it better??? whiny ass

🔄 vineboomsound

i want you to starve in that sand house

🐢 chain-male follow

you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

🥀 guard1 follow

i just don't know what to do now that he's gone.

🖤 allyyyyy follow

sorry for your loss. do you want to hunt the champion and plan our revenge together

🥀 guard1 follow

yeah

🔄 vineboomsound

has anyone heard from @ my-friend lately :(

📕 dustypage-deactivated following

I just remembered my password! :-)

🔄 vineboomsound

well this is gonna be an awkward one to explain

🐢 chain-male follow

i'm so hungry like it's not even funny

🔄 vineboomsound

skill issue im still not giving you my boots

🐢 chain-male follow

i'd rather you just call me a homophobic slur at this point

🖤 allyyyyy follow

questioning my duties

🖤 allyyyyy follow

stalking that guy

🖤 allyyyyy follow

questioning my duties again

🖤 allyyyyy follow

fuck it i'm sending the ask

🔄 vineboomsound

anonymous asked: hey . just wanted to let you know that you're following someone really problematic. check your dms

ummm What !

🔄 vineboomsound

ok what hte fuck !

🔄 vineboomsound

actually this isnt surprising at all what am i saying lmao

🐢 chain-male follow

call me a wife the way i'm pining for a man's long-awaited return

🐢 chain-male follow

and also the way i'm plotting and conspiring

🐢 chain-male follow

call me a wife the way i'm scheming in the kitchen

🔄 vineboomsound

??? HUH

🐢 chain-male follow

dont worry about it <3

🔄 vineboomsound

no yeah his ass is definitely evil

🔄 vineboomsound

his ass........

⭐ my-friend mutuals

Evbo,. send hel p

🔄 vineboomsound

MY FRIEND??????

🐢 chain-male follow

about to make twink death literal in more ways than one <3

end of simulation

[heartfullofleeches]

augh,,, fletcher and his foxboy malewife have given me brain worms, i love both of them so much,,,, , how does the town adjust to fletcher's new spouse?

The town is cautious of outsiders, even moreso of predator hybrids. The only way they're accepted/allowed is if they pull their own weight - or if they're married/close to to a trustworthy person in the town who can vouch for them. Fletcher is one of most valued members of the community considering it's his farm that keeps majority of them fed so when he tell the whole story to friends and family about how his wife was just a poor, starving fox who needed a helping hand and a loving heart they welcome Fox Reader.

There are still those who despise Fox Reader reader for their thieving ways, but they never dare to vocalize their issues. Both because Fletcher is the farmer, and because he can get pretty scary when he's upset. The sheriff is the only one who's allowed to run his mouth when Fetch is around because the sheriff raised him and is known for his "tough love."

Fletcher doesn't want his wife to lift a fiber around the house, but he does teach Fox boy a few dessert recipes he knows are a hit around town and has them past the treats to neighbors to further thin out any bad blood.

-

"One carrot pudding, please."

Picking up one of the readily made serving cups from your tray, you grab next a plastic spoon and a napkin - passing it all off to the hare before you. "One carrot pudding! Sorry about trampling your flowers that one time...."

Beats of sweat pour down your face - tenderly dabbed away by your attentive husband and that old rag he carries around in his pocket. "Good boy.. We're making wonderful progress. Can ya believe my sweetheart did all this baking by themselves?"

His claims had some merit. The stray glares within the crowd liquified the second those still wary of you had a bite of the peace offerings you had whipped up. It was hard to be afraid you with such a large rabbit keeping a close eye on you, but they still had their suspicions. If this keeps up, you'll be a welcomed member of the community in no time.

"Mm... I'll say - might want to keep an eye on that wife of yours. I could use someone around my place who can baking as good as you, Fetch."

A joke, clearly - but someone doesn't seem to get the memo.

Your husband's eyes narrow, a protective arm flying around your shoulders. 'Get the fuck off our property before I have you carried out in a body bag."

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Malewife simon would be at your every beck and call.

He also is your house’s guard dog. You joke a lot about maybe it’s him going around, breaking into your neighbor’s homes, because your house is the only one that hasn’t been robbed.

It’s because your man is too scary for the average burglar looking for some quick cash and jewelry. He might be your male-wife but he’s also ex-military. He’s your cozy and muscular husband but a scary ass doberman to everyone else. Your neighbor’s husbands are also kind of terrified of him.

Also you know the Roomba scene from The way of the househusband? Yeah. That’s him. He gets upset because this stupid piece of crap missed a spot that his sniper eyes spotted across the hall.

He does the cute thing where he covers the corner of the table when you bend down to get whatever you dropped. That or he went to home goods and bought a bunch of table covers/corner covers so you don’t bump your head.

Refuses to eat before you eat. He wants to make sure you are well fed and enjoyed his cooking :)

He still follows some military rules since he’s used to it. Gets up early, probably before you do, and does work outs, organizing, ect.

I need me a house hubby Ghost😭

Don't we all 😭. I am officially counting your headcanons as canon in the House Husband/Male Wife! Simon AU, my dear Anon. Thank you for writing in, your headcanons are phenomenal <3 !

[002yb]

Hear me out: If Dick grew a beard, Jason would FOLD. He'd be all over that man in ever single way possible. If he was malewife material before, he is going to become the "ideal" of a traditional young trophy wife when Dick has a beard. Like, without the beard, Dick toes the line of pretty boy, hes a gorgeous man but hes the type of man you would be okay with calling cute on occasion. With the beard? Thats a MAN man. He goes from approachable pretty boy to intimidatingly sexy and broody man. Everyone would fold. His old exes, his friends, his coworkers, his own family. But he's only got eyes for his Little Wing. And with the way Jason is acting? Shit, he might never go clean shaven again.

Slade compliments the beard all of once and that's all the incentive Dick needs to shave that sucker off. The echo of, 'looking good, Grayson,' ringing through his head is a provocation. In an instant Dick goes from being that manly broody man to being a petulant, deeply insulted brat.

So he shaves. The beard was too reminiscent of Deathstroke, anyway.

The problem is: Jason. Who was really into it. It's only after feeling his bare face again that Dick realizes what he's done and then there's a pit in his stomach because well, shit.

So there's Dick trying to explain what happened over text. Then a phone call. Panicked as he dodges every request for a facetime until Jason, like a night terror, is bracketing Dick's bedroom window and Dick just about drops his phone from the jump scare and bloodlust.

The way Jason storms over and gets Dick's face between his hands, squishing his cheeks and smoothing his thumbs over smooth skin and the sharp cut of Dick's jaw, scrutinizing.

It's a weird first fight to have. Funny in hindsight, but scary in the moment. Dick can own that. Jason is a lot.

(Especially during the short stint with the beard, RIP. Dick's never been jumped or climbed like a tree with such earnestness before. It was cutely sexy, or sexily cute. So was the way Jason would shiver when it scratched over his skin, a little rough and enough to break him without much more touching than that).

(Just Jason always being attracted to Dick, but this is new and rugged and wow).

'You're still so fucking handsome.' Jason would tell him, sweet even as he's pissed at the world and feeling cheated - betrayed in the most profound of ways.

Then Jason would look at him some more and whine at the loss because fuuuuuuck why? Was Jason not malewifey enough? Did he get too freaky?? ˙◠˙

And Dick comforts him because Jason is perfect, always. There's no level of freak his little wing can get to that Dick won't match lbr.

'Then why.'

Dick might actually sweat a bit, because the reasoning is admittedly a smidgen childish. So he mumbles it. And Jason tells him to clarify, so Dick grumbles a bit more audibly, 'Slade said it looked good.'

And Jason is immediately out the window again because fucking Deathstroke. Taking away Jason's newfound dream of being Dick's trophy malewife, that bastard. (ʘ言ʘ╬) To think Jason thought they were something adjacent to friends. Their camaraderie? Gone. Their banter? A thing of the past. Hell hath no fury like Jason Grayson-Todd.

Cue Dick holding his boyfriend back from taking on the Terminator. And Deathstroke shuddering from a whole continent away because he's got a sixth sense that he's provoked something dangerous.

When he checks his phone later, he's got a text from Jason claiming, 'this is all your fault,' followed by the scariest picture of Jason snarling at him while holding Dick's bare face in the background. Whoops.

Extra: The compliment was genuine.

Extra extra: Dick's only able to appease Jason's need for retribution through carnage by manhandling Jason around and reminding him the beard's got nothing to do with why Jason sticks around. Ie. Dick fucks him 'til he can't walk without his knees giving out beneath him. (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[keegansschizomaniac]

olderbf!keegan that has no idea what you talk about 90% of the time but will still listen.

olderbf!keegan that is confused about most video games but still plays minecraft with you. (he tries his best)

olderbf!keegan that is overprotective and a little possessive, which leads to him downloading every social media app you use to see if any other men are complementing you. (And will send them death threats)

olderbf!keegan that loves cuddles but hates initiating them. Will also act desintrested during cuddles, even though he is dying on the inside.

olderbf!keegan who loves helping you pick what you should wear on dinner dates, even though he finds you beautiful in anything.

olderbf!keegan that introduces you to everyone as his wife/husband/malewife/etc., because he likes seeing you blush.

olderbf!keegan WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE'D DROP A BOMB ON AN ORPHANAGE IF AN ORPHAN LOOKED AT YOU FUNNY.

[mhsdatgo]

By the way, you can say you hate characters and STILL admit that they were abused or harassed. There's literally nothing wrong. Denying it or romanticizing it because of a strange kink of yours won't make your hate any less evident, trust me.

Rhaenyra was abused. She's continuously taken advantage of, and brushed away the moment she isn't needed anymore. And she experiences this first hand with her own father, who completely ruins motherhood for her when she grows up watching Aemma get impregnated and either miscarry or have the baby be stillborn or die in the cradle. If Viserys had been by her side as a supporter to her claim since the start, he wouldn't have gotten Aemma pregnant again and again in the pursuit of a male child. He wouldn't have married Alicent for the same reason. Even after, the only reason why he still stands by her side, and it's time the fandom accepts this, it's solely because of his grief and guilt, because Rhae is the only remnant of Aemma.

And there it starts. Firstly, groomed and left alone naked and alone by her uncle in a brothel. Secondly, slept with Criston Cole (although she did coerce him, that's still a literal TEENAGER) then she's married to a gay man and still approached super young by her new bodyguard and just one year later she's started giving birth to his children. (Side note: FUCK Rhaenyra x Harwin. FUCK with reverb. With hard K.)

And up to this point, most fan agree that she's had a shitty life, although I don't agree with some of her choices. (like her treatment of Criston Cole and the bastards, not because I'm some kind of bigot, but because passing bastards as trueborn in THAT precise world sets them up for failure, not being legally deserving of a thone DOES NOT mean me hating them. That's for another post.)

To top it all off, she meets her uncle again, and there starts the fanfic self insert. They have sex on a beach the day of Laena's funeral, the only one of the three wives he's ever been canonically loyal to (FUCK you writers) and fans think it's soulmates meeting again or sum shit. They subtly threaten Laenor to fake his death or actually die (that's what they were trying to do, cope harder) and marry mere days after the death of Laena.

Yes, all cute and romantic (for Dumbnyras twats) but literally, has it done anything good? For Rhaenyra or like, anyone else? It just brought Daemon closer to the line of succession. Literally. That's all the good it has done.

Fast forward to ep 10. How do I even start with this? Only Jace seems to be on Rhaenyra's side. It's clear he only obeys to Daemon out of fear and is scared to talk back to him. Meanwhile, he COMPLETELY disregards his wife's, and by his faction's loyalties, QUEEN's, orders, he ignores her wails of pain as she miscarries their daughter out of pure shock and grief for her father's death. He lashes out and chokes her on the same day and people still see him as the malewife to Rhaenyra's girlboss. They're always ready to do award-deserving mental gymnastic to justify this man.

"He was planning war because he wanted to distract himself!!!!" "He only choked Rhae because he was mad at Viserys, he'd never hurt her!!!!!!"

Fuck off. Coming from probably Rhaenyra's #1 hater. Fuck. Off. Don't say you care about her place in the view of men when you're ready to justify shit like this.

This is the same man who runs off and has an affair with a teenager, and then prefers going on and having a badass death instead of joining his wife and children who need him in King's Landing.

Do I like Rhaenyra? No. Do I think that, because of this, she's never been abused, or exploited in any way, in her life? ALSO no. My distaste for her character has NOTHING to do with Viserys, Criston, Daemon, Harwin or literally ANYONE ELSE in her life.

Alicent Hightower time, baby.

My mother, my aunt, my grandmother, my entire bloodline, my Roman Empire. And more. To anyone who thinks of her as nothing but a bitter/jealous girl, go read @feretrumdulcia 's post about this matter cuz there's literally no one I've seen that words it better. (And bub if you're reading, long live you and the way you think.)

https://www.tumblr.com/feretrumdulcia/720746371814195200/i-have-seen-quite-often-that-many-people-consider

Anyone who can read this and argue that Alicent is envious/jealous or bitter, honestly needs to take the heart shaped sunglasses off, get off tumblr and Ao3, learn what media literacy is and start learning how to possess a crumble of it. To us it makes sense to synpathize with both, because we've seen the big picture. To Alicent, Rhaenyra gave her virtue to the man that almost killed her brother, and chose to believe she did not out of trust and maybe nostalgia for her friendship and easier times, only to have her father be blamed and taken away from her as a result.

She has four kids in the span of, how much? Five, six years? Seven at best? Helaena and Aemond are NINE MONTHS APART. Viserys didn't even let her rest after she gave birth to her daughter. And I'm convinced 100% that he kept her as Idk some whore he didn't need to pay for because it's stated that he never wanted Aegon but the son he butchered Aemma for. Why keep on bedding her and forcing children on her when you'd never get what you want from her?

Throughout the series she's called bitter and downright a c*nt for this and that reason. She tries convincing Viserys that Rhae's children are CLEARLY bastards and she's setting herself and them up for failure by committing treason and putting them on the throne? Nah, power hungry, jealous, bitter. She marries Helaena to Aegon as a last resort because she's Valyrian and probably would've received proposals worse than the ones Rhaenyra made that would eventually convince Viserys to give her away? Hates her daughter, abuser, shitty mom. Rhae's sons slit her son's eye out instead of running when they had the chance and she rightfully lashes out? Nah, crazy ass, for the dungeons. She gives money and moon tea to her son's rape victim to ensure she gets a way out and isn't forced to have a baby she doesn't want? Bruh, rape apologist. She goes to Aegon and RIGHTFULLY disciplines him? Abuser. Forced to show her feet to a rancid filthy man to know where her son is? Upholds the patriarchy, hypocrite. She convinces Aegon to start fighting for her family because it's either them or the Blacks and he needs to start putting his life together and fight for them, so she crowns him and makes him King? Treason, deserves death, long live the brothel queens.

Somehow, it is ALWAYS HER FAULT. And those few that admit how wronged she was make fun of her.

CAN SHE FUCKING WIN?! Or y'all just hate her because she isn't Valyrian?

Btw almost all of these arguments are the same for Book!Alicent who I personally believe to be FAR MORE than just a bitter stepmom that hates her stepdaughter. She arguably has more reasons to start a coup against her in the books without that prophecy shit.

TLDR; It's OKAY to hate characters and admit they're abused and taken advantage of at the same time. You don't have a moral high-ground on no one because you hate or love a character instead of the other.

[neyafromfrance95]

analysis too good to stay in the tags (by @tsuunbomi)!

galadriel is a politician, she naturally strives to be a leader. that's her ultimate ambition. sauron, even in his pursuit of absolute power, desires to serve - to heal. he is a natural born follower. had he not fallen, he would have been a nurturer. this is why he just can't help himself putting galadriel on the pedestal she desires to be put on - a queen who is worshipped by all middle-earth, strong as the foundations of the earth! this a description of neither a queen consort, nor a trophy wife, but of the god queen!

one thing that i want to note, while gal rejects the one ring, she never takes nenya off. and my reading of this is that while she resists the temptation of ruling the middle-earth (bc she would become a tyrant), she will still have ambitions in valinor! so idk, in my hc, sauron repents in like, 7th age and the valar let him become galadriel's malewife so that maybe she stops causing chaos, lol.

[lvrgirl-inc]

୨ৎ Cummin’ Home ୨ৎ

pair. Gamer Husband Satoru x f!reader

wc. 700

genres. House husband, stay at home, homesick, home from work, malewife, pet names, clingy Toru, fingering, Rainbow Six Siege, desk bunny(?), lots of tongue, go wild!

Gamer Husband!Satoru mlist

𓏵𓏵𓏵𓏵

Gamer Husband!Satoru who can’t stand it whenever he gets caught up with work. Sitting, doing his duties like the faithful stay at home husband that you made him into. Cooking, cleaning, being all domestic and running up your electricity bill on the living room television. 

Gamer Husband!Satoru who’s eyes light up when he hears the familiar sound of your keys jingling in the door from his desk chair—a shock, given how he usually can’t hear anything else outside those headphones of his—rising from his swivel to greet you.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who immediately wraps his arms around you, engulfing you in his cologne and the natural smell of the house. Only to then bury his nose in your hair, sniffing up all that delicious aroma he’d been craving since it left his atmosphere this morning. Gosh, he could’ve spent all day breathing you in like some teenage aerosol fiend. 

Gamer Husband!Satoru who ignores your insistences that you smelled like outside, to give you a second to breathe, only sulking and slumping against you, urging some leeway. Eventually ending with you compliant to his cuddly demeanor.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who can’t seem to let you go, only highly briefly so you could slip into your matching hoodie set, with those high-waisted, fuzzy shorts. Hugging your curves in all the right places and giving you an official “I’m home” feeling. Though, what got to you the most was when you were pulled flush down onto his lap.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who’s arm slides in place around your waist, kissing from the round of your shoulder and sliding the tender contacts along, then up the column of your throat. A Rainbow Six Siege lobby bustling in front of you as he properly appreciates his gorgeous wife being home.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who murmurs words of sugar and spice into your neck, along the lines of “Been missin’ this alll day. Been missin’ you for what feels like days..” then he’d turn your warm face up to his, pulling the most puppy-like expression you’d ever seen to ask, “Did you..miss me too?”

Gamer Husband!Satoru who is surprised when that sort of question and actions in a succession has him knuckle-deep inside you—shorts carelessly forgotten on the floor under the desk—being forced to keep your shudders as muted as possible. He’s already down one hand, having died in game already but swallowing up your moans was better than any sort of leaderboard satisfaction.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who grinds his hard-on into the sopping hill between your legs, still with his slender digits working you out from the inside. He’s just painfully straining against his sweats, wanting to be given the blessing of saying, “I’ve missed my girls..both of ‘em..” whilst sinking the base of his cock safely into your safehaven of a cunt.

Gamer Husband!Satoru but..alas, he was a bit too sweet, too lovesick and too focused on how your walls were just milking his fingers for all they were worth, teetering on a knife’s edge of an orgasm in his lap. And with how your lowly pointed nail set was scratching and scrambling to his arms for support, whilst he talked you through it.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who’s praises fall out like a second language, “C’mon, baby girl, do it for me..”, and even lewder comments on the audio, “She’s so fuckin’ loud today..I guess you both missed me, huuh..~?” followed by a simpering agreement from you. Only focused on that devastated come-hither motion on your G-spot that sent you right over the edge.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who might’ve very well just came in his pants based off the sexy way your body was reacting, how your hips were grinding out your climax on that curl he’d made with his fingers. How your moans became more breathless and shortened up in the confines of your twisted tongues.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who pulls his fingers out of you slowly, feeling the way you whined at the absence. Only to bring them up to his mouth with no hesitation, licking off a stripe, before looking down at you and so generously offering up a taste of yourself..for yourself.

Gamer Husband!Satoru who pulls that dorkish smile when you finally settle again, still flushed up against the tent in his pants but, hey, there’s always time for another round. Of the game, of course.

𓏵𓏵𓏵𓏵

[nomsfaultau]

pretty please make the philzas have a malewife competition à la the amazing world of gumball best mom competition /j

- ehe

ooooops got buried. For a quick synopsis for the fics I’m referencing- those are here

Malewife Philza Tournament Round 1–Cleaning

Poll below!

The Lambs Wolves Wear: Philza is cleaning like his life depends on it! (Because he thinks he’ll die if he loses the tournament). Doesn’t have much in the way of disinfectants between well water that “Tommy” dumped the bodies in and hand made soap (lavender scented!) but he has enough stress to make up for it!

Fault: This Philza has set the house on fire. With enough concentration, only the unwanted stuff will burn! It’s quick, it’s cheap, it’s incredibly thorough, and kills 100% of germs! Say good bye to dust and roaches, it’s incineration time! Just…don’t distract him while he’s cleaning. And…….maybe warn the fire department beforehand……..still, Fault Philza is determined to prove he’s the ideal Collector- uh, Malewife? Is that what kids are calling it this century?

Mandatory Family Reunion: are you…joking? This man hasn’t cleaned a day in his life, least of all a crime scene. He pays people to do that. The closest he gets is money laundering. It WILL be so spotless there aren’t fingerprints left, but Philza will be hiring people to do that for him. This is probably due to him misinterpreting when MFR Techno says he needs to clean up his act. Maybe if he wins this poll his prodigal son will come back..?

Worth far more than your weight in gold: He is. A bird. [Philza] is a literal bird. Okay a bird dragon griffon thingy but. A bird. He doesn’t understand what cleaning is. Did you mispronounce preening? He is very good at that!! [Philza] will put your head feathers all neat and in place. (…there are feathers absolutely coating the nest and random piles of gold. Very untidy bird.) But perhaps if he participates in this tournament he’ll understand how to take care of human-chicks better.

Golden Apples (Gilded Atrophy): He literally dipped for like ten years. You ask him to clean and he’ll laugh and then pop out to get cigarettes golden apples from the 7-11 cause it’s been a minute since his last one and he’s getting twitchy. and you won’t see him for six months. Literally last time he tried to clean up his son’s mess, Philza murdered him. And he sheds everywhere. Golden Apples Philza is praying his kids will let him back into their lives if he wins the malewife tournament.

Where do babies come from?: He’s not the most reliable cleaner, so he bought this cool roomba to take care of it for him! Tommy is the one who tapped the knife onto Stabby…or he suspects it’s Tommy. This Philza probably doesn’t dust as often as he should, buut he has things like a dishwasher and wet wipes, so he’s basically leagues above like half the other Phils. Babies Philza is trying to convince himself that impulsively adopting the three kids he found in his fridge is a good idea if he can prove he’s a good malewife, thus not needing a partner.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!: With a snap of his talons Philza can magic away all the mess! However, he is asking for your Name in return for this little favor. …no? What about an impossible feat, are you willing to do that? Uhh what about some riddles three, can you do some riddles three? Well. This is awkward. Lord! Philza is doing this because Lady Death insists on seeing him for the maid outfit round. And this man is stupid down for his wife, so, in a foolish mortal tournament he goes!

Lighting Lanterns to Bring You Home: What? No. Why would he? Clean it yourself, mate. You’re old enough to not need help with most of it. Lanterns Philza is rather done doing pointless crap for the gods after decades of preforming impossible feats for the sake of defying fate to get a family. He’s only here because he thought he was signing up for temple duties for Technoblade.

Which ever Philza wins the most tournaments will be crowned malewife supreme

[chaoticace2005]

You guys asked for it…

Why Lilith might have left Lucifer:

1. She lost interest. Simple at that. 10,000 years of the same routine…

2. She found out where Eve was and ran to her long lost love.

3. A deal was made with Alastor and she had to flee for her nefarious plans.

4a. Lucifer was bad in bed.

4b. He wouldn’t let her take off his hat while having sex.

5. Lucifer was good in bed and she was getting addicted, so for her own sake she left.

6. She had to get milk.

7. She took a look at hell after all her years of working, saw how fucked up humans are and said “nah.”

8. Donald Trump became president so she fled the country but forgot to take her family with her.

9. She could no longer deal with Lucifer’s ~autistic swag~

10. She got a coupon for an expense-paid trip to the Bahamas.

11. Lucifer wasn’t doing the DAMN DISHES.

12. Lucifer kept asking her to “quack” in bed.

13. There weren’t any good marriage counselors in hell. So she read drama books to fix her marriage and thought this was the best solution.

14. Lucifer got a sleep apnea machine and she couldn’t handle it anymore.

15. She bonked her head and completely forgot who she was. That’s why she scowls when Lute says “Lilith” at the end- because she has no idea who “Lilith” is.

16. Seven years ago Alastor killed Lilith. To cover his tracks he put on a wig and visibly left the cast as “her.”

17. SOMEBODY wasn’t putting the damn seat down. Do you think they have to deal with this in Heaven?

18. There was a silent uprising and assassination plot. She dealt with it all while Charlie and Lucifer remained oblivious, but is now being hunted.

19. Faked her death. Lucifer is somehow unaware that his wife even “died.”

20. Niffty blackmailed her into leaving.

21. They ran out of blond dye at the Hellmart and she couldn’t handle being the only one in the family without blond hair.

22. She felt the need to leave her family, build a luxurious pirate ship, hire random pirates, and sail the seas until she had a homoerotic relationship with a competing pirate and retired.

23. She too borrowed 50 grand from loan sharks, stole a car, and crashed it into a loan shark’s girlfriend (but that bitch had it coming!)

24. She went down in an airplane.

25. Fried getting suntanned.

26. Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand.

27. Her feather allergy kept getting worse and she had to leave for her health.

28. Lucifer kept saying he was “magic in bed” and then would do magic tricks despite being a LITERAL ANGEL.

29. Susan.

30. Committed tax fraud and had to flee the country.

31. She was going to get bottom surgery after Lucifer’s top surgery and is still recovering. (Hell doctors SUCK okay??)

32. Lucifer wouldn’t admit that water is wet.

33. Lucifer was putting ketchup on his pancakes.

34. Lucifer wasn’t vibing with her BFF-girlboss-malewife-bestie Alastor. She couldn’t deal with the ~drama~

35. He wouldn’t stop talking about his Fantasy Sports team.

36. Needed to find some artistic inspiration because the whole “I’m in hell” thing is SO overdone.

37. Not a fan of the circus or clowns.

38. Mental health break. She’ll come back when she’s ready. Sometimes it takes a while.

39. She was KIDNAPPED.

40. Lilith is dead. That’s not Lilith. That’s a shadow version of Lilith made by Alastor who works for her killer (Eve?) That’s why she wears sunglasses. So we can’t see her eyes and the empty void behind them.