#making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

[muniimyg]

6: the madness // series m.list

note: say u missed me or else i’ll cry 🫵

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

//

Timing.

You’ve never really understood it. Not to mention the whole invisible string theory and how implausible it seems… How is it that you can coexist with the love of your life for years and not be with them until the time is right?

Isn’t that strange?

Love is all-consuming, inevitable, and perfect, but its greatest weakness is a mere concept: time.

Speaking of time, you’re early.

As you enter the restaurant and greet your friends, you can’t help but check your phone every other minute. Waiting for a text from him, checking the time, and wondering when he’ll arrive… It feels exhausting to be in this state of longing.

How is it that you’ve been friends with him for so long and now you need him more than ever?

To hold you and tell you everything is alright.

To smile at you like you’re his favorite person in the entire world.

To just be with him.

Even if today wasn’t life or death, you felt so helpless. It felt like everything was against you.

Yes, it was just about a stupid presentation (that barely scratches the surface of your future), but it was still a tough thing to get through alone. It was unexpected and filled with minor mistakes, making it feel like a complete defeat.

So much happened.

First, you slept through your alarm.

Though you made it right on time, you didn’t have the extra moments to prepare and run through your presentation like you had originally planned.

Then, since there was no time for prep, you encountered technical difficulties. Your notes were missing for some reason…

And your stuttering!

God, you never stuttered so much in your life.

It was truly an off morning.

… And it doesn’t end there.

Nope!

As you texted Jungkook and updated him, you remembered that you had a rescheduled quiz to take… You know, the one that you completely forgot to review last night because your head was all over this stupid presentation.

The quiz went fine but it could’ve been better.

You know you could’ve done better.

That’s probably what annoys you the most. Everything that occurred today wasn’t up to your standard performance level. Humanizing it is difficult because the truth is simple…

Some days just aren’t good.

Some days you just have to take the L.

Some days you just need to breathe through.

And that’s okay.

Because after all the bad, losing, and catching-your-breath moments—there’s him.

The very thought of him eases you. Talking to him makes you feel like you’re bigger than the bad and the losing. Being with him is as easy as breathing.

“Hey ___,” an unfamiliar voice disrupts your thoughts. You turn your head to see who it is. Beside you, a tall man with a broad build offers you a smile. He has short hair and dimples. Even with just his appearance, he’s charming (you can’t deny that).

Politely, you return it but it’s obvious you’re confused.

“… I’m so sorry,” you feel slightly embarrassed to not remember his name. “You are?”

“Mingyu,” he introduces himself, stepping closer and offering his hand. You take it, shaking it slowly and unsure.

He tries again.

“I’m Jungkook’s friend,” Mingyu explains. “You’re Jungkook’s… Uh?”

“O-oh!” you avoid the question and redirect the conversation. “Are you in his friend group with Jaehyun and them?”

He scoffs. “By ‘them’ you mean those guys?”

Mingyu points to a group of tall guys hovering over the menu display. You count them and can’t help but laugh.

Then, you notice one.

“Is that DK? I think Jungkook introduced me to him when we were walking home a few weeks ago!” From where you are, you wave at DK. DK sees you from the corner of his eye and sends you a smile. He gestures for you to come over. For the second time, you smile politely and feel stuck.

What now?

“What’s Jungkook doing introducing you to DK and not me?” Mingyu chuckles, attempting to lighten the mood.

You purse your lips. “Ohh.. I get it.”

“Get what?”

“You’re cheeky,” you observe. “Yup… You’re definitely friends with Jungkook.”

Mingyu puts his hands up in surrender and then on your shoulders. “Guilty as charged.”

You laugh.

He likes your laugh. It’s soft and attractive—especially when you throw your head slightly back. Intrigued, he invites you to sit with them.

“You know the others, right? Hobi and them?”

“Yeah!” you answer him happily. “Hobi and I are actually pretty close—“

Mingyu’s puppy eyes light up with excitement. “Oh, shit really? So you don’t need to get to know them or anything?”

You blink at him.

“I guess?”

“Great!” Mingyu beams. “Good. Cool... Sit with me! I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

You know it’s all friendly nature.

Mingyu is known for being like this.

Goofy, a little deceptive, but a good guy overall. You have nothing to fear! Especially when he’s friends with Jungkook, right? He wouldn’t think of trying to flirt with you… Right?

What are you to Jungkook again?

Before you know it, Mingyu’s hands find yours. As he laces your fingers together, you feel your chest tighten.

This feels weird.

It feels like betrayal even though you know it’s not. Isn’t it ridiculous to be thinking this way?

You run excuses and options in your head.

Do you pull away and laugh it off? Do you just let him hold your hand and lead you to sit with him and the others? You aren’t sure… But the one thing that is clear is the look of annoyance on Jungkook’s face as he steps into the restaurant and his eyes land on your hands.

“Jungkook!”

As cinematic as it can be, that’s what it is. You shake Mingyu’s grasp off and rush to Jungkook. He’s completely taken aback, stumbling as you crash into him. A small laugh escapes his lips, as he finds your tiny charge at him to be the cutest thing you’ve done thus far. He barely walked in and you’re already in his arms.

Heaven, he thinks to himself.

As he wraps his arms around you, he kisses the top of your head. “Wow, look at you. Are you sure you’re my girl? Not shy anymore? Not avoiding me? I’m so proud of you, mi.”

He smells like him. Like his laundry detergent and his skin after his workout—a little sweaty but so addictive.

Is that weird?

Most importantly… Who cares?

He’s here.

You can breathe him in. You can breathe again.

You groan in embarrassment. Pulling away, you keep yourself close enough to rest your chin on his chest. He lowers his gaze at you, eyes softening as his lips curve into a pout.

“Bad day?”

“Better now,” you hum, hugging him tighter. He laughs and gently tickles your sides. Your laughter increases, causing you to let go of him. He takes your bag from your hands and swings it over his shoulder. His fingers brush against yours as you two walk to join your friends who go ahead and get seated.

“Hey, am I crazy or was Mingyu holding your hand—”

“___!” Mingyu calls for you.

You and Jungkook turn your heads and see him patting a place for you. Without a second thought, Jungkook lifts his hand to wave and you hold onto him tighter. Exchanging looks, he then proceeds to guide you towards his circle of friends and away from the ones you’re familiar with. Passing by Hobi, you give him a look.

A ‘help-me-get-out-of-this,’ look.

Hobi sticks his tongue out at you and mouths, “you’ll be fine, bitch.”

By the time you gather your thoughts, Jungkook has already introduced you to his other group of friends. You completely blank out as they respond and introduce themselves. It’s only for a few seconds and you already had an idea of who they all are anyway.

The campus calls them the 97 liners.

They’re known for being…

Boys.

Decent ones at that, but they’re definitely energetic. Amusing almost all the time, competitive and intimidating when they need to be. Through rumors and observations you’ve made from afar, it made sense to you where Jungkook gets his playfulness from.

He’s…

A lot like them.

He’s definitely himself. It’s interesting.

Mingyu scoots over, making enough room for you and Jungkook. He dabs Jungkook up, greeting him as warmly as he greeted you. The others continue their conversations, asking for your input every so often. You quickly realize how charismatic everyone is, and to be completely honest, it overwhelms you.

But with Jungkook beside you, it doesn’t feel like a bad thing. He squeezes your hand under the table every so often when he notices your gaze wander. It’s like he’s gravity to you.

“Okay, so we already ordered… But we can order again if there’s something specific ___ wants,” Mingyu says, rather bubbly. He clears his throat, reaches over the table, grabs the menu and offers it to you.

“Yah, yah, yah,” Jungkook sends a glare to Mingyu, yanking the menu from him. You turn to look at him and find that he doesn't look amused. His eyes are fixed at his friend. With an intimidating tone, he warns; “Mingyu, stop flexing.”

Mingyu shakes his head, not taking it seriously. Jungkook and him have always had a playful friendship anyways. “I don't know what you're talking about... I’m not flexing. ___, feel it! I swear I’m not flexing right now.”

Jungkook tightens his grip on your hands.

Taking a sip of your water, you take your time to swallow and gather your thoughts.

“Don’t you gym with Jungkook?”

Dumb question.

“I gym more than him,” Mingyu corrects you.

Wow.

Stupid answer.

You can't help it. A laugh escapes your lips. “Is that supposed to impress me?”

Jungkook lets out a hearty chuckle, liking the way you answer. He feels proud of you. He feels like he definitely chose the right girl.

Mingyu smirks, leaning back.

He thinks this is fun.

It is fun.

“Ehhh.. I mean, if you ever let me take you on a date, I’ll show you what it means to be impressed.”

Jungkook’s smile drops.

Yours does too.

You shift closer to Jungkook and avoid Mingyu's eyes.

“H-honestly, I’m not feeling picky tonight. I’m sure whatever you guys ordered will be delicious.”

The rest of the conversation is easygoing as everyone patiently waits for the food to arrive. Mingyu’s attention turns back to his friends, as he takes the hint from your avoidant eyes. To him, it was unserious.

Hopefully, it’s also whatever to you.

As the food arrives and is set on the table, Jungkook exchanges a few side comments and whispers context into your ear. You giggle and feel your heart race when he places his hand on your thigh.

“Jungkook…”

“Hm?”

“Your hand,” you warn.

“What about my hand?”

“It’s on my thigh.”

“I know,” he snickers. “Wish it was somewhere else.”

You gasp and can’t resist hitting his chest. He takes the hit like a man. He knows he deserves it.

On the table is a plate of shrimp. You pick one up with your chopsticks and begin to peel it. As Jungkook eats, you place the freshly peeled shrimp on top of his rice. He smiles at you brightly, his heart close to combusting.

“You didn’t have to—”

Jungkook’s words are cut off as you hear Mingyu whine, “Awh, no fair! Peel me one too, please!”

You nod and answer his request. Taking another shrimp and beginning to peel it, you then finish quickly and place it on top of his rice too.

Mingyu eats it happily.

Meanwhile, Jungkook’s chest tightens. Again, it’s such a minor thing to happen… Yet, it irks him so much. He’s no boy, though. This isn’t a perilla leaf tantrum—no, he was much too mature for that.

This was… Clarity.

In between bites, Mingyu brings up a fascinating topic.

“Why are you looking at her like that?” he blurts. Jungkook hadn’t even noticed he was looking at you a certain way. What was it? Was it too revealing of his feelings?

Wait… What even is he feeling?

There’s a sense of jealousy and frustration wrapped around the core of it all; his liking of you.

“I’m not looking at her in any way,” Jungkook responds, taking a sip of water. You continue to chew and look away.

“You totally are,” Mingyu laughs. “Hey, is it because you used to like her?”

Jungkook doesn’t miss a beat. “Where did you hear that?”

“Ohh.. So it’s not true, then?”

“Nah,” Jungkook scoffs. “I just don’t get why it’s a rumor and why it’s in the past tense. It’s true… I like her. She knows it too—wait, you fuck… Do you even read the group chat? I talk about her all the fucking time.”

Mingyu’s eyes light up.

“Oh my god!” he gasps, piecing everything together. “Shit, right. I remember now. God, why’d that take me so long to connect? Of course! This is ___. The ___! Ice skating bullshit, right? Pocky kiss or whatever?”

Your eyes widen as you turn to Jungkook. “You told them?”

Jungkook smiles innocently.

“I have the best kiss of my life and you expect me not to tell my boys?”

He has you there.

Mingyu laughs, murmuring about how down bad Jungkook is. When you feel your cheeks heat up, you quickly bury your face into your hands. You feel so embarrassed… But at the same time flattered.

It’s awful.

To make matters worse, the butterflies keep fluttering as Jungkook tilts his head and smirks at you. He finds your shyness the most precious thing in this entire world. The mere fact that he makes you feel and act like this?

Oh, it’s remarkable.

Jungkook can't help but compare your behavior from earlier to now. How you took initiative and ran into his arms as if they were your safe haven—and now there's this.

You like this, right now.

So utterly his without him much being done or said. It's an understanding. It's simply how it is.

He chuckles, as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes you into a tight hug.

“Ahh... You totally folded."

With his words, your eyes widen. You push him away and roll your eyes at him. He teases you, mocking the way you cling onto his body.

You huff but let him hold onto you. From here on out, you two keep it casual and continue your conversations with everyone. He piles food onto your plate and in exchange you bring the food to his mouth.

Jungkook eats happily.

When the dinner is over, everyone goes their separate ways. 

Jungkook’s friends all hug you goodbye (Mingyu takes his sweet time) and leave him to walk you home. Hand in hand, you two wave goodbye and earn a few winks from Hobi. To that, you roll your eyes and brush it off. 

The walk with Jungkook is nice. 

The conversation between you two is so natural and good. You talk about the presentation mess up in more detail and he listens well. He empathizes with your feelings and understands. He’s so easy to talk to. He gets you. He makes you laugh even when what he’s saying isn’t funny. 

Is this how it’s like when you have feelings for someone? 

How embarrassing. 

When you two reach your front door, he looks at you longingly. 

“Feel better?” he asks you. You notice how gentle is tone is. How thoughtful.

“… About everything? The presentation and shit… Bebu, at the end of the day you did what you could. The grade your received is literally still an A—w-what”

Jungkook is startled. 

You grasp the fabric of his hoodie and pull him close. Without a second thought, you take a step closer to him and lean in. With urgency, you kiss him. 

Deep. 

Needy. 

Lovingly. 

His eyes flutter shut as you deepen the kiss with your tongue. He gives you way, parting his mouth open for you to explore and do as you please. As he kisses you back with the same kind of energy, you smile into the kiss. 

When you pull away, Jungkook is in disbelief. 

“... Now what?”

You clear your throat, feeling your lips tingling from the kiss. 

“S-sorry,” you gulp. “I d-don’t know what came over me… I just—”

“Why are you apologizing?” he blinks at you slowly. “I didn’t ask for an apology. I asked, now what?”

You tighten your lips. 

“Now? I… I just need some air.” 

Jungkook nods his head, eyebrows furrowed together. He understands you. 

Before you can open your mouth to defend or redirect, he beats you to it. 

“Yeah? Me too.”

Before you know it, he kisses you. 

Jungkook kisses you like a silent plea. Even though he has already confessed; this felt like another. 

The way he kisses you feels like a new language. He knows just when you kiss you more and when you to be delicate. He cups your jaw with the palm of his hand, tilting your head so he can kiss you better.

Which is so fucking weird… But it happens like never before.

He kisses you better.

Breaking away from the kiss, you two catch your breaths. As you do so, you clear your throat.

“Wanna come inside?” you ask, taking his hand.

He smirks, unable to stop himself. 

“Sure… But I’m gonna need some clarification on that offer… Come inside where?”

In your dimly lit kitchen, you two make yourselves a cup of tea.

Jungkook multitasks by making passes—saying that the water is still cold since you’re hotter than it. He sneaks in a few kisses on your cheeks as you tell him he’s being stupid. You two laugh as he lifts you up to sit on your kitchen island. He makes himself comfortable in between your legs.

There, you caress his hair.

He is so handsome. You love the way his nose just fits his face… How round his eyes are and even the scar on his cheek. It’s so precious.

He’s perfect, you think to yourself.

As you get lost in your thoughts, Jungkook feels so much comfort and freedom with your touch. It feels like rest. For a moment, he shuts his eyes and takes in how much he loves your touch.

Breaking the silence, you tug on his hair. “You need a haircut.”

He shakes his head, eyes still closed.

“Literally got one two weeks ago.”

“Yeah,” you realize he’s right. He did cut his hair two weeks ago. He came over that night just to show it off. “... But I liked Mingyu’s hair! It was so short. I feel like it would suit you too.”

He opens one eye and gives you a weird look.

You mimic it.

“What?”

Jungkook lifts his face.

“So… Was it just me but I definitely caught Mingyu trying to shoot his shot with you, right?” He snickers, tilting his head as he recalls what he saw. "He literally asked you out."

You shrug, explaining Mingyu's attempt to hold your hand as a friendly gesture. "He’s just friendly, right? He also tried to hold my hand to lead me to the table and that was kinda… Unexpected? But he’s like that, right? He’s just friendly. Like a puppy! Golden retriever energy.”

"Maybe," Jungkook responds, his tone betraying a hint of uncertainty. "Y-yeah. I mean, the shrimp thing was worse."

You laugh softly. "What? This is about the shrimp thing? I peeled it for you too… And it’s not like I peeled his because I wanted to. He asked. It was lighthearted."

"I know that," he reassures you, his tone softening. "I’m not that insecure to pick a fight over peeling shrimp. You don’t have to convince me it was nothing. I know it was nothing.”

Confusion flashes across your face at his mixed signals. "Are you upset?"

"Maybe," he admits quietly.

Then he hesitates.

“Actually, I think I’m frustrated. I’m not mad. Sorry if I sounded aggressive—"

"N-no, it’s fine," you reassure him, gently cutting him off. "Why are you frustrated, bebu?"

Jungkook offers you a weak smile. "I don’t get it…"

"Get what?"

"All this shit and we’re still not together.”

Your brows furrow slightly in confusion.

Taken aback, you ask him, “what’s that supposed to mean?"

Gesturing between the two of you, Jungkook expresses his confusion. "This… I mean, what is this? We’re together, aren’t we?"

"Jungkook—"

"I’m just… I don’t get it. Even if you thought he was just being friendly, why didn’t you just say you were my girlfriend? Mingyu would’ve stopped flirting with you."

"So it’s my fault?" you huff, feeling offended at the pitch of this idea. "I thought your friends knew—"

"Well… Yes. I talk about you, and it’s not like I’m ditching parties to study in that stupid library—"

"Can you leave the library out of this?"

"Okay," he sighs, relenting. "Sorry… I just… They know how I feel about you. I guess they don’t know how you feel about me, and… I mean, did you tell him we were together or not? Because if I had to remind him who you were to me, I don’t think you told him that we—"

"Jungkook—"

"No, I’m being serious," he interrupts, his tone becoming more stern. "Why didn’t you just—"

"You never asked me out!" you interject, frustration evident in your voice.

Jungkook stares at you blankly, prompting you to continue. He runs everything back in his mind.

You were right.

With all these moments, he’s been so busy planning how to get reactions out of you and completely missed out on so many perfect opportunities.

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend. All you’ve been doing this entire time is trying to get me to flirt with you, kiss you, or trick me into dates… You want me to act like your girlfriend? Ask me to be. I’m not built for situationships… And honestly? I’ve been waiting—patiently and elegantly at that. There were so many times where I wanted to hold your hand and give in. You talk about how you’ll get me to fold or whatever—fine.”

You take a breath, caving in. “This is it. I’ve folded! God, do you even know how hard it is to study next to you in that stupid library because y-you… You give me butterflies.”

Jungkook reaches for you. You let him touch you but your heart stays still, fighting to get these feelings out. Your voice wavers with emotion.

“A-and it’s so… I don’t know how you do it. At some point, I set them free. Like, fine, okay! Fly high, my butterflies… But for what?"

There’s a sense of urgency that awakens in you. Never in your life have you ever felt the same way for anyone.

It feels like defeat and victory all at once.

It feels like peace and war all at once.

It feels like love.

Oh, the madness.

To love someone this wide and deep… To love someone at all. It is everything beyond you. How it radiates through your body and onto his lips… How everything unfolds and reveals him no matter what.

You can’t decide if the way you’ve fallen is utterly heartbreaking or romantic. Maybe it’s both.

Let’s say it’s both.

All you know is that with glossy eyes and a fragmented understanding of timing, you tell him;

“Jungkook, I set my butterflies free, and they flew to you."

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

I posted an analysis of a section from Dark Imperium on Reddit that I'm quite proud of, so I'm reposting it here:

‘Some of the worlds dispute the proof. They are more than glad to welcome our warriors, but the Imperial governors in two dozen systems quibble over reaffirming their oaths of loyalty. In one case, we have had an outbreak of intra-system civil war over the issue, where one lord has declared for you and three against. Some lie outright, telling us they were never part of Ultramar. Perhaps some of them sincerely believe it. A few are braver and insist the ancient treaties cannot be revoked, even by you, my lord, and are determined to retain their independence.’ ‘They are wrong,’ said Guilliman. […] 'They are… disquieted by the fate of some of their peers.’ ‘Only those who rule poorly have anything to fear,’ said Guilliman. ‘It is, naturally, the more autocratic rulers who oppose your rescinding of their independence.’ ‘Then they only delay the inevitable,’ said Guilliman. ‘They will fall into line and ask politely for mercy, or they will be executed.’ […] ‘I should never have set the Five Hundred free,’ he said. ‘My lord?’ said Ventris. ‘I should not have done it,’ repeated Guilliman. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was following the Emperor’s wishes, letting men rule the affairs of men.’

A lot of people look at this passage and think they’re seeing Guilliman clean up corruption in the 500 Worlds. I’m sure he will, but that’s not what’s happening here. This is an autocrat ruthlessly crushing resistance.

Why are these worlds resisting? Ventris claims that “naturally” the more autocratic rulers are the most resistant. Perhaps that’s true, but we also have to take into account that he is an Ultramarine talking to his genesire; he will be heavily biased in thought and word against Guilliman’s enemies. Look closer at how he describes the resisters. They invoke ancient treaties to justify their independence. They’re afraid of what will happen if they surrender. Using that information, let’s flip the chessboard and try to imagine what these demands feel like from their perspective:

You’re a human ruler. For the past ten thousand years, your planet has existed free of transhuman rule. You might even have the original treaty that granted your planet’s independence. You almost certainly regard yourself as an obedient subject of the Imperium.

All of a sudden, one of the legendary demigods of yore shows up on your doorstep and demands you to bend the knee. He doesn’t care about your treaties (which he probably signed!) or historic independence or anything. Ugly things happen to people who go against him. Oh sure, he claims that you’ll be fine, so long as you haven’t done anything wrong, but do you really believe that? You’re a ruler in the fucking Imperium. You know just how potential claimants are handled; you know how often misdeeds get dug out of the closets of inconvenient politicians. Shit, you've probably done that yourself to your political rivals. Do you really think that you’ll be okay? And if you actually care about your planet, can you really trust him to give a damn about the lives of your people? Transhumans do tend to be aloof creatures convinced in their own superiority…

Guilliman doesn’t consider any of these possibilities, not even for the purposes of negotiation. Guilliman doesn’t care. He’s right, you’re wrong, and therefore he’s justified in doing whatever it takes to make you comply. This is 40k. “Whatever it takes” includes cyclonic torpedoes.

The most damning part IMO are Guilliman’s words at the end. He didn’t grant these worlds their liberty because he trusted humans to look after themselves. He granted them liberty in obedience to Dad. Humans’ thoughts, beliefs, and opinions never entered the equation. And now, coming back to the Imperium at its lowest point, he concludes that it was a mistake to give humans the benefit of the doubt.

The Imperium lasted ten thousand years under human rule. It survived the Great Beast, twelve Black Crusades, the Nova Terra civil war, the False Primarch, the Age of Apostasy, three Tyranid Wars, and Throne knows what else—not just survived, but even thrived in many cases. Under transhuman rule, the Imperium lasted six fucking years before it exploded into civil war that nearly destroyed the whole empire and even the galaxy itself. But it was a mistake to let humans rule themselves. Riiiiiiiiight.

[violentviolette]

i think a lot of people would benefit from internalizing the reality that just because u had a negative emotion doesnt always mean someone else did something wrong

we can be hurt without someone else being to blame for being the epicenter of that hurt. just because something makes us upset or hurts us, doesnt mean the other person made a mistake or should have done something differently or needs to apologize

negative emotions are an inevitable part of life and sometimes they were always going to happen no matter what because of the situation and there was no way to avoid them and thats okay. sometimes there's nothing to be done to fix a negative emotion or prevent it from happening. sometimes people we love and care about are going to hurt us and thats okay. its a part of being human. we will inevitably do the same to them. but just because we were hurt doesnt mean they did something wrong.

and we can take the time and space to be upset about that privately without involving them in our emotions at all. because even when our emotions are triggered by someone else, that doesnt mean they have to answer for them

the world is not divided into victims and perpetrators and sometimes people hurt us when they do the right thing. sometimes everyone can do everything right and we can still get hurt and be upset. that doesnt make them bad people and it doesnt give us the right to blame them for it or hold them responsible

[starsinfinitynotes]

you cannot make your human/ego self “manifest”: you are beyond the limits of your body and the physical world ᯓ★

your human self and your human body (which are part of the 3d) are NOT manifesting, and cannot manifest because of its limitations. your human self is locked to the state it’s a part of. your human body is not what is infinite and to force it to be is to live in delusion.

worrying about your thoughts, worrying about your feelings, whether you’re doing things right, doubting and fearing, feeling trapped in cycles of pining & yearning over your desires, being so forceful on making things happen physically, and being so reliant on what’s physically happening outside of you for your happiness and fulfillment are examples your human self tryna take control of things and make things happen for you.

you have to accept the fact that there are limitations of your human body. this is why logic and fallibility exists, and why we are able to make mistakes. you can’t push your human body beyond it’s limitations. acceptance of this is NOT defeat, it’s you being gentle to the capabilities of your human body. do not push your body beyond its limits.

HERE’S THE CATCH: if you know creation is finished, everything i just told you just now wouldn’t phase you one bit. because while our human self does have its limits, and while a state might be conditioned to what it just has - IT IS NOT the only state or only version of you that exists. to believe in the law of assumption is to have the guts to live and believe beyond the limitations of the physical world.

you have the ultimate freedom to occupy the self you want to BE anything out of the infinite states available to you. to apply law of assumption is continuously go back to CHOOSING that self you want to be; the reflected byproduct (manifestation) is inevitable from there on out.

this is why manifesting is not about being delusional, it has never been about denying anything in your present physical experience. it’s just been about EXPANDING that experience of yours beyond what is just physical (as you die from one state to another). it’s about remembering that that physical experience of yours is just a dead shadow of what you’re experiencing within.

as long as you’ve had an imagination (which is basically as long as you’ve ever been alive), you’ve ALWAYS been experiencing what is beyond the physical world: you experiencing that has always been your proof. that infinite awareness of yours that’s experiencing imagination is your true nature as GOD (I AM). all you are doing now by practicing loass is tapping back into that and realizing that you’ve already had everything within you, realizing that NO separation exists between you and anything at all in your reality.

[undercover-stories]

I don’t get the Lan Zhan hate some people have? I don’t get some people calling him a cunt or bastard (derogatory)? Second to maybe Wen Ning, Lan Zhan deserves being hated the least. He is a flawed character. He made tons of mistakes. But so much of his positive attributes and actions completely outweigh all of that. Like, one of the most unique things about Lan Zhan is that despite the pain of losing Wei Ying and despite the punishment he received for it he did not dwell on resentment. He had a right to but he didn’t. Instead he worked on bettering himself. He worked on bettering his sect. There was a post that talked about how Jingyis existence and bright, loud character is a far reach from what most Lans are usually expected to be. But the fact that he’s not really scolded for being who he is and instead the narrative even frames him as being in the right really shows how much the Lan sect had changed over the years and it’s pretty clear that Lan Zhan is responsible for it. Cause Qiren liked the status quo and Lan Xichen was satisfied with it and didn’t really see an issue so they wouldn’t have a reason to create any change.

And for a sect that’s famous and known for its rigidity that is a significant feat. Then you have the fact that in the 13 years Wei Ying was dead Lan Zhan had created a reputation of being someone you could rely on for help and aid without needing compensation like other sects. In a time where cultivating has become a borderline business, a status quo that is openly accepted, Lan Zhan actively rejects the notion which is again a far cry from who he was before. Someone who couldn’t find it in himself to seperate from the majority. He was always kind and empathetic but there was still that part of him that paid too much importance on what people would think. Any action he took that was a deviation from the norm like showing Mian Mian the respect she deserved for standing up to her sect was done in such a way that it could be easily missed and brushed off.

The Lan Zhan we got after the time skip is so VERY different than the Lan Zhan we saw before. The fact that he so easily openly sided with Wei Ying against the other sects, something he didn’t do before until it was too late, wasn’t just an action made out of love and a desire to avoid regret. It’s a culmination of all the character development he’s gone through throughout the story.

I guess if you dislike him because of his pre time skip version it’s understandable but it would also be missing the point. Or maybe if you’re a Jiang Cheng fan you’d dislike Lan Zhan for having beef with him but like, his anger is very justified? Saying that Jiang Cheng played a part (minor or otherwise) in Wei Yings inevitable demise isn’t a hot take. The narrative openly states it and it’s not refuted. Lan Zhan being angry at Jiang Cheng over that truth is very understandable and it’s not like he rids himself of any blame either. Even better despite having that beef Lan Zhan doesn’t act on it. A few passive aggressive jabs here and there ( he’s only human after all) but he doesn’t let himself turn into an outright asshole the way Jiang Cheng did. He doesn’t take his anger out on Lan Sizhui the way Jiang Cheng verbally shits on Jin Ling constantly. Mxtx really likes to write contrast and comparisons and the one between Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan (in terms of how they dealt with their grief) is a pretty obvious one. Of course it’s not a 1 to 1 mirror of each other but that doesn’t make the comparison completely moot.

[oh-shes-lit]

I've been firmly anti-citadel in my thoughts (their long-war strategy of slowly gathering information and weaponising it in every way possible, taking human lives and turning them into machines, taking human behaviour and weaponising that in every way they can)

Which also inevitably means being anti wizard because the citadel and wizardry are Very difficult to separate. Every time suvi has aligned herself with the citadel it sets alarm bells off, the way the suvi seems to disappear and the sky salutes and marches to the drum of their standing orders, it feels wrong and is frightening to see it happen.

When suvi gets mad at ame and eursulon it's because they've taken upon the graces of her house and proceeded to throw paint on the walls and set fire to the kitchen. But they also tend not to recognise that the kitchen wanted to eat eursulon and if the walls got the chance they might be the ones staining ame's clothes with citadel paint. The citadel is an institution with motives and (to us the audience) pretty clear goals.

(control it's control they want to control everything all of the time which is why it lines up with wizardry because that Requires bringing control to the chaos of umora's magic)

That being said.

I am starting to recognise how this doesn't go one way only. Suvi is justified in feeling how she feels and, more importantly, ame is also the child and product of an institution.

The institution of The Coven of Witches seems to wield unfathomable power that is divided in far, far greater pieces to its members. One (one!!!) slight from suvi and ame can ruin her life 100 years from now??? Ame (semi-unwittingly) committed some casual terrorist acts and gets off with a social reprimanding from suvi because suvi went out of her way to Make That Happen

The rules of witchery are esoteric and complex, to suvi and us the audience - much in the same way the rules of the citadel are esoteric and complex to ame and eursulon. There's certainly some commentary here about how i can recognise and call out most of the political mistakes ame makes in the citadel and yet would be lost entering the domain of a witch

I'm so glad we're getting to see more of all of the witches because it's actually highlighting how much power they wield. Seeing indri ask if ame knows the names of suvi's entourage is just as terrifying as watching the suvi be questioned at the gallothopter (ornithopter? Heli-boat.)

We The Audience know that the coven seems to have access to the power to End Wizardry which is frankly, rather insane to think about. Imagine if 7 people had the power to just turn off the internet and 6 of them were random strangers that live at the most intense extremes of nature and the 7th was Doris who makes cool clockwork watches at the summer fair - oh but she died so her adoptive granddaughter (no living relatives) that she trained for a decade gets to do it instead. 20-ish is old enough for a key to a nuclear button, right?

...maybe that was too much metaphor but you can see how insane it feels when you actually give it some context. It's heartbreaking to watch it tear them apart but if they're able to start recognising where their lines are drawn then they might actually be able to use their rocket powered institutions to fly instead of just staying afloat in the ocean.

Anyway, I think I'm getting on the -goes both ways- train for how suvi has been treated. I still think she fails to recognise why her institution causes her true friends to act the way they do but i now also think that ame fails to see the same for her own institution. In the end, they're both victims atop their own Situations which are themselves 16 situations deep, this is either gonna be a beautiful story or a beautiful tragedy and it's going to take a hell of a lot of finesse if they want to survive.

[kuekyuuq]

Supercorp - Rehashing the Fallout once more

Today's menu: Kara Danvers' Double-Standards.

I am rewatching Supergirl, and it occurred to me why I am with Lena on the "you lied to me" point. (Not the brain-wash the planet or taking a year to get over herself and realize her own - horrible - mistakes parts, though.) Not because of the lie itself or its content, but its context with Kara's very own history!

Let's take a walk...

In the pilot Kara gets mad at Alex for her having kept her double-life as a DEO agent secret from her.

Kara is utterly disappointed and distraught at the secrets her parents kept from her (Medusa, Myriad), some of which affected her directly (Krypton's impending destruction).

Kara finds out that James is Guardian before he told her and she was pretty upset, explains it's because they are humans throwing themselves into danger.

When J'onn explains to Kara how bonded Martians share their minds, Kara expresses how she thinks the “no secrets, no lies” sounds “beautiful”.

Kara ends their relationship with Mon-El over him lying about his true identity (and him being the Prince of a cruel society), ignoring him when he said he tried several times to tell her. When Mon-El let himself into Kara's apartment to apologize, he BEGS for forgiveness

but Kara says she deserved better than being lied to… Yes, she secretly forgave him at this point but still breaks up with him (Rhea told her to do so) and cries over it.

Music Meister teaches Kara (and Barry): “Love is about letting yourself be saved, it's not just about saving other people.”

Trust.

Lillian tells Kara, she doesn't need to spill SG's identity, because when Lena FINDS OUT, it'll be so much worse.

(And Lillian was SO on point!)

When Kara and Clark spar and have a heart-to-heart, Kara wonders if she can have it all, Clark assures her about the most important people make keeping the secret worth it and how letting (only) those important people in IS enough. Later, asked the same questions, Cat tells Kara that women have the guts to be vulnerable, lists her accomplishments.

Kara does not take Lena possessing some of Lex's Kryptonite nor the whole Sam/Reign-secret kept from her well. Gets even angrier when Lena creates her own Kryptonite (in her quest to fight/cure Reign …and cancer and other human ailments).

Or Mon-El hesitating to tell and keeping from Kara about his time-travelling, marriage and his actual mission…

That is up until mid-s03 and not even counting the many times how the show also taught us through Alex', J'onns and Lena's lenses that lying and pretending to be someone one is not to those important/close to oneself, is harmful to their (romantic and platonic) relationships and themselves.

Do I need to go on?

...Kara is clearly fully aware at that point that secrets (even her own) do not bode well in any type of relationships she would like to have and keep.

And, yes, I am fully aware of the "point of no return" argument, in all its validity, that at some point the lies had stacked up so much, that the hurt was inevitable, the fear of rejection more and more founded, of Kara wanting to be "just Kara" with Lena… Every season, every in-show year that passed and Kara kept her secret(s), it became impossibly harder to come clean. But, re-watching the show, it just seems so… irresponsible? And the more often Kara makes a point herself being lied to is a bad thing, even …hypocritical.

I am not saying any of the people who lied to or kept things from Kara were in the right or wrong - a totally different discussion that would require individual assessment. But, Kara, making the same point over and over again? Several times about the very topic of hidden/fake identities and double-lives… But then proceeding to keep her proclaimed best friend in the dark about herself, still?

Yeah, that bugs me. A lot.

IMO, after the whole Mon-El returned thing Kara would or should have had an epiphany about telling Lena the truth about herself… but then Reign beat her into a coma and all kinds of hell broke loose.

But… Yeah. Not even for Supercorp reasons. But internal logic.

From a story-writing perspective; you have your (main) character face a (similar but slightly different) situation a couple times before they learn their lesson. You plant the seeds (in this case: identity reveal) and then have it play out, based on what the character had learned(!) this far. And you have them deal with the worst-case-scenario backlash, if you need any for drama's sake, but it should make some level of sense… Instead they had Kara learn nothing, had her lie to Lena for another two years, and turned Lena into a spiraling madwoman. And Kara… well, now in Mon-El's shoes, could not quite understand how Lena (in Kara's former shoes, but with much more tainted personal experiences) was deeply, intimately hurt, devastated, and struggling.

Kara saw this coming - but tbh, when Lillian spoke so (unintentionally) truthful, Kara should have focused on the implied "if someone ELSE but you tells her", and when talking to Kal, realized that he didn't keep his secret FROM his most important people (Lois, James…) to protect them. Taken Cat's advice to have the guts to be vulnerable to reap Lena's long-term trust instead of settling for "for now this works, right?".

Not to mention that the whole show over and over stressed, that Kara could "have it all" without revealing herself to the world (the 100th episode even making a point that telling the world WILL put her loved ones at risk) or deciding on one half of herself, but then the show ended, and… yeah… I guess, some sort of witness protection for everyone?

No more casual strolls for "just Kara" through the park…

I adore the show, but… continuity?

It's just a bit painful to re-watch the show and watch Kara fault and shame others over and over again, only to go ahead and do the thing herself... Aware, yet oblivious. And NOBODY calls her out on it. (The one time Alex asked her and Kara was all like "I had to take the dog to the vet" is too little too late.)

Thankfully the fandom is so amazingly creative <3

#Kue out.

[brightgoat]

How is Pucci both the most human of the main villains and a top tier personification of the crushing weight of inevitable destiny that binds us all? Is he hacking?

He's just peak jjba villain, that's all-

no but fr, what's not human about fearing fate, destiny and the future? His backstory is the most sympathetic and arguably most tragic, he's shown the most genuine humanity and hurt out of all the villains (to me anyway), and even though on the outside his goal and rise to heaven is insane, the core idea of 'wouldnt we be happier if we knew what bad things would happen to us' is quite relatable.

To me anyway, i hate uncertainty and unpredictability, so I get the core idea.

Not only that but also his goal stems from his fear of free will. He's afraid of making things go wrong or making mistakes like he once did so he's subscribed to the idea that everything is predestined and we can't change anything and its out of our control therefore not our fault. He's blinded himself with inevitable destiny while thinking he's actually the one seeing the truth of the world. And its crushing because 1) YEAH the future is crushing, the idea of fate is scary, religion is often about fearing a higher power for a reason and 2) in the universe of JJBA, he's fucking RIGHT- fate DOES exist, everyone follows a script, everyone falls in place, until he himself fucks it up accidentally, makes a mistake, and fucks himself over and destroys his own theory.

He really WAS hacking the story but he accidentally hacked against himself-

I veered way off script myself here but thats what happens when I start talking about the man the myth the legend Enrico Pucci god i love that bastard

[aita-blorbos]

(TW: Mentions of murder, gore, and cannibalism; the OP is a zombie, after all)

AITA for "Celebrating" After Completing the Final Course?

Forgive me for any grammatical mistakes present here; it has been a long while since I've ever mustered up the words needed to commune with the living folk.

I (Undead M) was found by this kid who I'll call B (10? M) a few weeks ago and, right off the bat, we became what one would dub as "good friends"; I helped entertain and defend him while he provided me with whatever scraps of meat that's left in the world he could find. There is no point in denying it; I had a lot of fun hanging out with that kid- almost made me feel like I was a living, breathing human again. Almost.

Unfortunately, our camaraderie had caught the attention of a sick showmaster whom I shall dub as HS (30's? 40's? M); wasting no time, he had separated both B and I in order to kickstart his twisted plan. In short, I was forced to partake in this sick…contest known as "Rundead" (wow, real classy) with the goal of reaching the end of each and every one of its courses- and what's that waiting for me at the end of each run? B, caged up and terrified, awaiting for his rescue.

I tried to reach him- I did my best to free him, dammit! But the showrunner and the audience- they cared for none of that. They lowered the poor kid's cage through the ground once again after each course's end, and I was taken to the beginning of the next one without fail. I was torn apart, sliced limb from limb, brutally crushed to smithereens, and, worst of all, I was left to starve.

But enough of that self-imposed pity party; it's not like that would do me any good right now.

Going back to the incident at hand, at the final course, I had finally mustered up the strength to defeat HS in his sick game once and for all; watching him fall to his doom gave me the sense of catharsis that was needed for me to make that final push, and, after days of nonstop torture, I've finally found B. That kid…he was shaking like a leaf in the midst of a storm, terrified and cold, but he beamed with that familiar, infectious joy of his as we both reached out and hugged one another.

I wanted the both of us to be happy; that kid deserved the happy ending he was waiting for, and I made it all this way just to reunite with my one and only friend. It was supposed to be a moment of joy, yet…

I was hungry.

I was so, so hungry.

I hadn't really registered what was happening at that time, but the sobs of that damned showmaster had cut through the fog of my starvation and brought me back to reality; there was my friend, bloody and lifeless, and the culprit was none other than myself. In my daze, I had torn out his throat and devoured his flesh without remorse.

HS and his ilk have locked me away- wherever I am now, I have no idea, but I know that this is far from over. There will be more courses, more cheers, more obstacles, but, frankly, I can't give a shit about it right now. My friend is dead- he's gone, and I'm the culprit. I know it was an inevitability and I was left to starve, but…I don't know what to say anymore. Boo me all you want, goodness knows I deserve that and more.

Edit #1: Wait a minute- I…I think B is…still alive? I've definitely heard his voice echoing through the halls...

Edit #2: whoops.

[carionto]

So uhh... we found something really, REALLY strange

As the tectonic activity continues to shift ever more chaotically across the globe, randomly elevating or crumbling parts of mountains, opening up fissures and expanding fault lines, not to mention all the volcanic eruptions, to say it is important to monitor the inner workings of Earth would be a criminal understatement.

On the remains of what used to be Hawaii, now a singular landmass, lies a monitoring station closest to the epicenter of the Fusion Detonation Event, some 400km away. Seismographer and tectonics expert Joannie du'Preeste was finalizing this months deep level mapping of the area of detonation and directly below to give the algorithm-driven disaster prediction model at least an above 50% accuracy rate for this month.

Typical readings, increase in magma outflow, collapses of internal caverns, formation of new ones, and irregular shifts from the various efforts to stymie and direct the disastrous plate movements. Now that Humanity and Earth were properly back in dimensional space instead of in-between, some additional hectic activity in the form of directional nuclear detonation had been performed for the upcoming plan of "plug the hole with a large piece of another planet or moon".

They've selected Sycorax by the way, just waiting for it to get further away from Uranus in its irregular orbit, hook it up to several Dreadnoughts and haul it over to Earth and gently plop it in the hole. It is about the right size and nobody will miss it if it doesn't work.

Anyway, as she pondered the likely inevitable yet another calamitous event we'll be willingly conducting, the mapper finished its work.

At first, more of the same chaos as usual, but something at the back of her mind said to glance closer at the density readings from the deepest level measurements. With not much else to do today before the work day ends, she highlighted the appropriate levels, and as she started to remove clutter data, a shape began to emerge.

A tendril.

While scans and maps often show things that our minds interpret as something already familiar to us, once you look at each individual part, you see that it is just a coincidence. The brain wants to see what it knows to make sense of the unknown, life would be too complicated and overstimulating otherwise.

No mistake, however. As she removed more of the clutter and focused in on the object, there was no mistaking its resemblance to a biological structure. Hints of veins, pores, hairs, scales, needles, eyes... seemingly everything you could find on the surface layer of a creature was there, or parts of it anyway. Composition-wise it was more of the same silicates and such compounds found within the mantle. But... denser, more concentrated, almost deliberately shaped.

She quickly loaded up older data and after a bit of filtering and comparing, sure enough, the same tendril-like structure is there, just a little closer to the regular density levels of the surrounding. Even years old data provided similar results, though you could only find the shape if you already knew it was there.

Loading up the oldest records she had access to from around 300 years ago revealed the same, just even less distinguishable from the surrounding materials.

The scans don't go deep enough to show what the tendril leads to, if anything, but what is it? How did it get there? Why is something clearly biological in structure within the mantle layer? And if it does continue, how far? Does the core of the planet itself house some impossible creature? If so... what does that mean? For Earth? For Humanity? For the Universe? This is way above Joannie's pay grade and expertise, way past her regular waking hours as well at this point, and way too big to know how or if to reveal any information to the public. Some higher ups can have a headache instead.

Maybe the Coalition aliens know something similar.

Maybe this is all a big load of nothing and she just imagined it all.

Yeah.

That'd be nice.

Wouldn't it be nice if Cthulu wasn't potentially real?

[the-s1lly-corner]

jealous/clingy spot/johnathon headcannons?

Jealous and Clingy hcs for Jonathan/Spot!

Knocking this out before I take a nap (eepy <\3)! Usually I would split this into 2 sections buuuuut since I think there wasnt much change in this department I'm not gonna bother!!

So!! Yeah!!

Fair warning that this will probably be OOC and/or have mistakes since I'm eepy but I'm too stubborn to leave this for later ☝️😔

This ones gonna be on the shorter side, maybe

Idk I write these opening/author notes before + as I'm writing

Starting off Jonathan is.

Whoooboy!

Like he tries not to be toxic about it, he doesn't want to hurt you or drive you away, and that sentiment is still there even after he becomes spot

He doesn't have many friends and he'll never forgive himself if he makes you leave

What he needs is loads of reassurance that you only have eyes for him, and communication is key! Let him know when you're going to be late or going to hang out with someone for a bit; if he sees you with someone else, or another *guy* it'll eat him up all day

Though sometimes he can still jump to conclusions so arguments are inevitable every now and then but again, communication and patience is key; he'll never go as far as to accuse you of cheating though (unless he truly has reason to suspect)

He doesn't think hes the prettiest, or nicest, or smartest, or-

I mean of all people, you chose him?

He feels lucky to have you, but he believes you can do so much better than him and that thought is constantly plaguing his mind

Not very self assured tbh

After the collider incident his self image issues get way way WAY worse; from the fact he can hardly consider himself human, to his new powers, to the fact everyone from his old life dropped him

Except, for you

You stayed

Through it all the fact you stuck around does give him comfort, more so than if you were to meet him after the collider incident

Like

Its one thing to meet him as spot

But I feel its another to see and know how he was before, as just Jonathan, and to still stick around after his life was flipped upside down

His jealousy still spikes up every now and then

As a side thing I feel like as Jonathan he liked having you in his sight and, if possible, he liked holding your hand. Think of it as a "you're still here, you're here for me, you're not going anywhere and you love me," sort of thing

As spot that turns into him wanting to be even closer to you anytime he has the chance

The whole "oh I'm not the most (x)" thing REALLY amps up when he becomes spot, especially in the beauty department

Remind him that you dont mind the holes, shower him in affection

Overall it's going to be a while until hes confident in himself, both as Jonathan and as Spot

So please be patient with him, but remember to set clear boundaries for the relationship! I feel like with a lot of hc lists for insecurity and jealousy stuff, boundaries are hardly touched up on!! No hate to those writing like that and not including it but I feel like its important to stress that the other partner has the right to enforce their own things

Though that might be because when I was younger, jealous hcs were more... yandere-esque or getting REAL close to it, and it kinda. Made me think that was normal and desirable and okay in relationships so

Idk maybe that's just that part of me wanting to prevent that from happening to someone else

With that aside, ultimately Jonathan/Spot will try his best to not get too intense or pushy or controlling; again, he loves you, and he doesn't want to love you

[spaciebabie]

any advice 4 when u want to keep drawing 2 improve but u cant get over perfectionism ? like when u just dont care how its gonna turn out, if its bad its bad yknow?

ahh yes lowkey ive struggled with this a lot. not as much now as in the past tho, and honestly its beecuz ive developed a more neutral view on myself/my art in general. its going to take time to get to this state of mind, so dont be too hard on yourself when you find yourself falling into bad habits.

advice under the cut (kind of long winded) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

the first thing ive done to overcome perfectionism is focus less on details and more about overall shape and form. when i sketch im trying to get roughly what i want, and i limit the strokes i do in certain parts of my sketch to like 1-3 depending on what im drawing (im ngl i also am very impatient and have created a workflow that makes it so i am able to start and finish pieces as fast as possible LOLOLOL. shrugs. i just like drawing fast).

a good example would be this thing i just drew:

in all of my sketches i tend to use as few strokes as possible and just get the basic idea down. good for not overly focusing on teeny tiny details and worrying about them later (i also use the same technique for lineart, but just end up connecting the lines. thats another tip i have, if you like your sketches more than your fully lined pieces, just line the same way you sketch! or you could also use your sketch as your lineart :P)

another tip i have is to draw from references, and once again, focus mostly on shape/form/the big picture of your subject before going into details (do you know how many planes there are on the human face....i still dont know howta draw faces properly but im not mad at myself anymore about it, i just open up a reference and try to learn). i also recommend having a drawing session where the goal is to draw awfully. draw something you want to draw, but that you're not sure if you'll draw it right, and draw it. dont try to correct it, acknowledge that what you made isnt perfect, and then draw something else. you're learning! of course its not gonna be perfect. but inevitably, you're going to get frustrated. just remember if its something you really want to go back to, you will be able to revisit it in the future. feel your anger and frustration, but do your best to not direct it inward.

small side tangent about shading- I AM SO SHIT AT SHADING SKFHSAFDJHS. people dont tend to notice (surprising), since ig my shading style is considered "beautiful" or something, but if you looked at it on a technical level, there are mistakes everywhere. i havent really tried to improve it. i dont really care most of the time b/c i just like shading for fun. and especially when im shading my sketches, i already have it in my mind that its not supposed to be perfect. its a sketch. this is where im supposed to make all of my mistakes. once i start making my way to the final product is when i start worrying more about if i did the lighting correctly (even then ik im not good at it im not trying to be a god im just trying to draw things that make me happy).

additionally, i really rec u dont try and fudge a sketch until its better if you're deep in a Perfectionist moment. keep the old sketch and start over on a new sketch taking bits and pieces you liked from the original, and improving on those that you dont (shitty thumbnails are also good if you have a vague idea in mind but need ta figure out howta place subjects in your scene). honestly drawing the same thing/idea over and over gets me a better understanding of my subject each time, so naturally each iteration looks better. it doesnt take me that long to sketch tho, so if sketching takes you forever (sometimes if sketching takes you forever its b/c you're a perfectionist skjfskdjf) just think about how much time you're willing to spend on something. remember☝️ its okay to give up/take a break on something and try again later. sometimes you just needta stop looking at your art and like. look at a tree or something lmfao.

i will also say that im not looking to go into a career in art, im more of a hobbyist. ik school environments dont exactly.....help with perfectionism lol. there are certain expectations put on people who go into the art field that are inescapable. if this is the case for you, i still think what ive discussed before can help you, but i also think that you may need to lean more on the mental tips i have also provided below.

alright! mental health tips in regard to art:

so, i have c-ptsd, and with that comes a lot of self image issues that ive had to work on. my feelings about myself extended to the way i felt about my art. it was shit, it was awful, i cant draw like this other person can so why bother, if its not perfect i shouldnt draw at all, etc. and honestly, something thats helped is affirmations. my affirmations are c-ptsd related, but ive noticed a shift in the way i view myself, and by extent, my art since ive started repeating them to myself daily. and honestly, i think a requirement of overcoming perfectionism is telling yourself that your art doesnt hafta be perfect, A LOT. LOL. LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAFTA ACTIVELY TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE NOT AWFUL LMAOOOO. its funny, we dont think much about how we naturally are self critical about ourselves, and we dont realize that we are basically repeating negative affirmations about ourselves over and over and thats why we're not improving (mentally).

even when you're not drawing, i think it would benefit some people to have some kind of notification on their phone to remind them to tell themselves that their art doesnt hafta be perfect daily/however often you feel you might need it. and then with that affirmation, practice Shitty Drawing. one of the best tips ive ever gotten for this was from one of my friends monnie. get out your sketchbook or some printer paper, take out a shitty pen, and DRAW. and then any mistakes you make are permanent and you cant just endlessly try and fix them. it forces you ta sit with this uncomfortable feeling that something you made isnt perfect. eventually your brain will realize that when your art isnt perfect, you can still draw and you're ALLOWED to continue to draw even if what you make isnt spectacular. if you dont want to repeat an affirmation daily, try to remember to at least repeat it before you sit down to draw. something along the lines of "my art doesnt hafta be perfect in order for me to want to draw. im allowed to draw even if its not perfect" or something else. it depends on what you most struggle with in regards to your perfectionism. im ngl its probably going to feel cringe at first, but i promise you, it really works if you put it into practice longterm.

shoot for neutrality instead of positivity first. let me tell you thats where i am now and its so much less exhausting drawing lmfaooo. i make something that looks like shit and im just like. i dont fucking careee i dont give a fuccckkkkk

those are my tips :] i hope this was helpful!

[lightdancer1]

Since I feel like lighting a firebomb under the fandom today:

One of the things that shows you exactly why the events of Season 6 at least to a point were almost guaranteed to happen is one of the most heartwarming moments of the entire series. In particular because as written Willow Rosenberg alternates between extremes, and her love for her SOs is very much in that category. it's a Platonic ideal where she gives selflessly, and where she needs to be devoted to someone else like this to feel like parts of her life have meaning.

In the case of Family it was clear that Tara spent about half the sum total of their relationship lying to her. She did so as a cult survivor, a victim of both emotional abuse and gaslighting and at least some physical abuse from her brother and likely from her father as well. She spent that time under the view that she was a demon, that her magic was rooted in an innately evil source and never once bothered to note to her magically empowered girlfriend that in taking those lessons from someone doomed to disappear or become an evil monster she might be taking a very big risk. Nor did she trust that her girlfriend and her friends would accept her WELL after getting to be friends with Anya, who is never quiet about the ex-demon thing, or Spike.

That's not a criticism of her, that's how deeply rooted that cult survivor trauma was. Willow is also a human being whose girlfriend lied to her for the entirety of their relationship thus far and at least some residual anger over that would have shown she had more of her own views of her own worth outside magic and outside the relationship with the person she adored and put on a pedestal.

The Scoobies collectively forgiving a magic misfire that unlike all of Willow's to this point almost turned lethal for all of them is also not surprising, the Scoobies all get a pass for at least once trying to kill one of the other of them or all of them, LOL. Willow not even admitting to herself that no matter how justified her reactions Tara's actions were worth at least some anger shows an unhealthy set of expectations of herself and Tara.

And that in turn meant that some form of rough patch is inevitable not least because nobody human can measure up to those expectations, and it would have been a very necessary part of both of them growing as people. Add to this what Buffyverse magic is really capable of, with episodes like Superstar showing just how horrifyingly powerful it can be in the right contexts, and with Willow's own darker elements manifesting in a control streak exacerbated by power over reality to make its tenets objectively and not subjectively true, something akin to what happened with the memory spell was a fixed point in time.

Other people in real life might imagine something like that or mistake their imagination for reality, in the Buffyverse magic enables people who wield it to make that imagination real. As adorable and necessary as the fluffier fics are, it doesn't do these characters justice to note that their reality, like everyone else in the show, is conditioned by having all the usual issues of people in high school and college figuring out what to do when they have very literal 'pissed me off, now you're a frog' power that can make that process much messier.

Pedestaling people is dangerous IRL and has had no shortage of dangerous effects and is an understated element of putting unhealthy expectations on people. Add to that literal reality warping sorcery and the realization that the pedestaled person and oneself are merely flawed humans after all, and well.....

Of course it also doesn't help that Tara's living the normal life of a Buffyverse witch with the magic family that knows magic is real and Willow is unknown to her Jean Grey careening to her version of the Dark Phoenix Saga, with the most X-Men derived storyline of a main character in a series that Whedon himself admitted has some inspiration from those comics. But that's a somewhat bigger discussion, LOL.

[mrs-bluemarine]

Cheating :-) for usami btw

Look guy the first idea was much softer. But then they both fucked it up ok. There's nothing soft about these freaks. Hope u like!!!

Shortened it because it was for an ask game BUT I DO have plans of posting a longer fic. Takes place in S4/E3 but there shouldn't be any spoilers. Content warning for men making-out sloppy though

💜 surprise kiss / impulsive kiss

💗 slow kiss / gentle(?) kiss/ inevitable / soft

“…What are you doing?” Akita didn’t make a move to stop the other man as he huddled closer, throwing Akita’s arm over his shoulders. Usami gave him a confused look, “I’m conserving heat, obviously! It’s freezing!”

“Do you have to do it so close to me?”

That struck the superior private silent for a long minute. Usami wasn’t sure if Akita was screwing with him, or if the damage to his brain was seriously that bad. “…If we stick close together, then we won’t freeze to death. Is it really that hard for you to understand?!”

“You may have dropped your gun, but I’m still armed.” Akita reminded him with that forever emotionless look in his eyes. Usami flinched,

“We agreed on a stalemate! Neither of us would try anything. If one of us dies, then the other is as good as dead! Think about it!”

Akita did think about it. He was sure the superior private was forgetting that the only thing keeping Akita from even leaving the cave, was Usami himself.

He felt his superior come even closer. A fist tightened its grasp on Akita’s jacket, Usami’s head coming underneath his chin, where his shaved head irritated his pale skin. There was a soft tremble to his body that even the faux soldier could feel. Nerves? Was it the cold? Both?

“…You really are scared of the dark.” He stated softly.

Usami frowned. “It’s easier to ignore when I’m not alone… Not like you’re much help.” Akita stayed silent, because he knew what he was saying was right.

With icicles blocking the front entrance to the cave, there wasn’t any way for them to leave from the way they came in. With Usami’s wounded foot, trying to pull him to the back exit was out of the question. It was his irrational reflexes that got Akita trapped in this cave with Usami, and it was his poor shooting that started the cave-in in the first place. Akita had no one to blame but himself. They’d have to wait it out until either the warrant officer or that Ainu man would come back to find them, if they would even bother to. Akita was beginning to silently wish he had left the superior private for dead, rather than spoil his freedom by saving him. What an idiotic mistake. Usami was just another obstacle keeping him from killing the lieutenant, what was it that made Akita save him in the first place? Akita wished he knew.

“I can try.”

And here he was, trying to… “comfort” his superior.

Usami barked out a laugh, “And how do you plan on doing that? You can barely act like a normal human being, how do you suppose you’ll go about trying to make me feel better?!”

The superior private was caught by surprise when Akita’s hand grabbed his face, pulling him away slightly and pointing his nose to the cave ceiling above. Before he could complain his mouth was taken by his subordinate’s.

His eyes were blown wide, but he couldn’t find it in himself to push Akita away. The kiss stayed soft and chaste, lasting a long minute before the soldier who initiated it pulled away.

“What the hell was that for?!” Akita took a pause. “It’s…. What felt right.”

Usami rolled his eyes. “Jeez, you have the worst timing. You’re still bad at it! Have you ever done this before?!”

Akita never felt that kissing was a necessary skill to learn. He’d never tried it before, not until he met Usami. Apparently that was clear on his face, because Usami groaned.

“Seriously! Here,”

He leaned back in, using his thumb to pry open Akita’s mouth. Usami’s kiss was much more violent, with teeth and tongues sliding against each other. He let out a pleased hum into Akita’s mouth that made a strange, warm feeling pool in his stomach, and left him feeling empty after Usami moved back away. There was an amused, evil grin on his lips as he licked them clean, staring into Akita’s deep blue eyes. “Much better… We’ll get some more practice in later. You’re in desperate need of it.”

He grabbed Akita’s hat, pulling it down to hide his blank face, and Akita left it there, unable to keep looking Usami in the eyes after… that. Akita supposed… he did his job well, at least. Helping him forget about his fear of the dark, if just for a few moments.

[fire-lizard-ro]

Jing Yuan

CW: angst with some fluff to soften the blow, mention of death, SPOILERS FOR 1.2, discussion of mortality, discussion of identity, maybe OOC?, Jing Yuan being a sad old man

GN reader

(This is Jing Yuan-centric, however, so the reader isn't in there all too much. Sort of.)

Perhaps the violence of his early years was what made him the way he is now. Seemingly lazy, napping away his afternoons like a cat in the sun. But this was merely a beast hiding its claws; tucking its teeth behind a languid smile. Now the only battles he fought were the piles of paperwork he often found himself whittling away at or the starchess matches he regularly had with Yanqing. It seemed worth it when his seemingly harmless facade managed to lure his pretty bird right into his arms. You. But make no mistake. A predator is still a predator. You put your trust in him so easily. So easily when he'd felled droves of creatures who were once human like he and you were. So easily when he could break you without even trying. And yet... And yet... Something about it helped heal the hole in his chest that often still felt like a gaping, bleeding wound despite all the time that had passed since he lost all the people he cared about.

Jing Yuan is the kind of man to have a quiet sort of sadness to him that he hides behind that charming smile and commanding presence. It's always present somewhere in the back of his mind, just beneath the surface of the carefully crafted mask and persona.

Yet in the privacy of only your company it feels as though he sheds the layers of armor around his heart, the bone-deep weariness sliding off his form along with it. He swears you must have some kind of magic healing touch because his worries seem to melt away with every stroke of your hand on his head, fingers carding through his hair. He always enjoys the times you spend together in the garden, allowing him to rest his head in your lap. Or when his little bird friends fly down to visit and you look at them with those sparkles in your eyes and he helps you gently hold one.

There are nights where he lays awake and reminisces days long gone. Sometimes he wished that time could have frozen. That he could bottle up these moments to keep forever. But unfortunately those were the hopes of a child who had stars in his eyes. Any memories he could have kept bottled up like the jar of paper cranes you made for him were shattered, contents spilling out. Unable to be regathered.

Sometimes he would listen to the sound of the rain and it would remind him of the times he would stand in it because it felt nice. He would try to convince the others to join him, but they would just shake their heads with fond smiles on their faces. Faces he hadn't seen in hundreds of years. When was it that they stopped smiling? One by one they disappeared from his life like a photo slowly burning at the edges until there was nothing left.

Yet on those nights, you'd stay awake with him and talk about everything and nothing to distract him from his thoughts. Yet on those rainy days, you would pull him to dance in the rain with you. You looked beautiful even with the rain plastering your hair to your face and soaking through your clothes.

But it was inevitable. Unavoidable.

You cannot hide the smell of blood with flowers.

Yingxing- ...Blade... was back on the Luofu. The house of cards he took his time building piece by piece was beginning to wobble- tilt just a bit. For what reason did someone who may as well be dead have to be back here? In the once broken home they'd shared? The one he was left behind to pick up the pieces of?

Dan Feng- ... Imbi- ...no. Dan Heng was also here. A man he didn't know. Shouldn't know. Yet he couldn't separate the man he once knew, the man he once called friend, from the visage of the man before him. It was him. And yet it also was not.

The cards had long since fallen, now showing his hand that he'd been hiding. As much as he wished for his old friends to return, he knew they never would.

Looking at the black hair and burning red eyes that greeted him alongside green scales and sea colored eyes, he couldn't help but think about the once white hair, the spark of recognition, the smiles- All things that disappeared when his friend died for the first time while the other was reborn as a new person. Both equally people he could no longer say he knew. Could no longer say were his old friends. For he was almost certain they shared no such sentiment.

A selfish part of him said that it was at least better than seeing blood streaking Blade’s body or the vessel that contained his once friend, the man who was now Dan Heng. At least they were alive in some capacity.

Even if he'd never again call the names of Yingxing and Dan Feng.

(He could quietly admit to himself in the dark of his room in the middle of the night, laying next to you, that at least this way he was less conflicted on what he must do. The hands of time stop for none and the past cannot be changed. Both a comfort and a disappointment.)

Some of this was in the hands of fate itself. But most of it? Most of the results were from his meticulous planning.

The Divine Foresight. Always thinking 10 steps ahead to triumph over his adversaries and seize victory.

But at what cost? Nights of sleep? Peace of mind? His life?

As the Emanator of Destruction made her move, lifted him into the air and prepared to turn him into a beast unable to control himself beyond vying for the destruction of all things, he thought, 'Ah. Maybe this is where it ends.' He always assumed he'd die on the battlefield. It would only be fitting for him, he would think to himself. As a long life species, he wasn't all too sure of dying peacefully. The mara could strike him at any time. Or a battle against a foe of insurmountable power would bring about the curtain call on his long story. He planned for this. And yet he knew he may never live to see the fruits of his labor. (Of his sacrifice, if things didn't go well.)

As he fell from the grasp of Phantylia's power while her stolen body perished, felt the heaviness of his body and the pain that lanced through him, he knew that he was still alive. Still able to go home to you.

As he blacked out...

Well he didn't think anything.

He was awake and speaking one moment and then in the next moment, things had quickly become blurry. He thought he could hear someone speaking before his eyes slid shut.

When he awoke, he found himself staring at a familiar ceiling. Taking stock of his body, he felt the burn of his wounds and the soreness of an intense battle. It was then that he noticed the feeling of a hand in his. Moving only his eyes, he found you sleeping in a chair, slumped onto the side of the bed while holding his hand in yours.

Gently, ever so gently so as to not wake-to not startle his precious little bird, he squeezed his hand around yours to make sure you were there. That you were real. That he was alive and awake and not in a dream or perhaps the afterlife. The familiar warmth and feel of your hand in his was very real and he felt a small warmth bloom in his chest.

He had thwarted a threat to the Xianzhou and protected the the Alliance once again. He had kept you safe. And that made it all the more worth it.

This is the first time I've written creatively like this in a while. So apologies if I'm a bit rusty.

I should probably write something with the reader in there more, but I really wanted to get this one out. I suddenly had the idea and inspiration to, so I just let it flow.

So maybe next I'll do a part 2 to this or just another Jing Yuan writing with the reader being more present.

I think I wrote just enough fluff to make the angst not so bad. Good job me!

I'll edit any typos or confusing things that may still be in there tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed! <333