#making lists if things i hate
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Retelings cliches that piss me the fuck off
♡Alice in Wonderland is about drugs - it could be about society, it could be about neurodivergency but no, white girl doing LSD is cooler, I guess.
♡ what if Superman was evil - then it wouldn't be Superman dumbass, like the main point of Superman is that he is a good person like it's the whole deal hyperpowerful but really good
♡actually any what if the heroes had no morals- then you are just doing Greek myths with extra steps
♡Romeo and Juliet, but one is an oppressor and the other the oppressed - Litterally, both families were in equal standing in society. Why you need to make it abusive for no reason.
♡Beauty and the beast, any reteling of beauty and the beast - no, it's not Stockholm syndrome, no a shapeshifter elf with abs doesn't count as a Beast, and Belle was a nice person In the original why everyone remakes her as a cunt.
♡my book it's just like the hunger games but...-Shut it I need you to please tell me if you understand that no, hunger games isnt just about reality television and a battle royale, I swear to God...
♡Pinocchio but it's about a robot- flower print for spring groundbreaking
♡it's inspired by the works of tolkien- no, it's a transcript of you and your group of only male friends playing dungeons and dragons while high on cheap weed at 03:00 am on the suburbs while listening to pop punk on MTV in 2003, we get it you want to bang a hot elven maiden and slain a dragon
♡is inspired by Harry potter- For the last fucking time Rowling doesn't own the concept of magic schools let go of those fucking chains and let this woman go it's a magic school book just call it that goddamn it
♡it's inspired by fairy tales - Disney version or the cultural ones because one way or the other, your childhood crush on an animated villain shouldn't be the only thing fueling your writing career.
♡it's about Greek gods...-*sigh* I don't even know where to start with those just read something other than Percy Jackson(I love percy Jackson by the way) Lore Olympus and the first page of Wikipedia on Greek mythology and then maybe spend a long time thinking if whatever you are planning to write isn't somehow more misogynistic than whatever the fuck an old Greek scholar wrote thousands of years ago okay.
♡what if (real life bigotry) was reverse - just don't for a first time writing, for someone in a privileged place in society, it's just a bad idea altogether, Dont
#anti booktok#anti sjm#anti acotar#books#anti disney#anti sarah j maas#booktok#writing#and here i go again#making lists if things i hate#to feel something#anti lightlark
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
1 like = 1 prayer
#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment#we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell#looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off#we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol#AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish#but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off#but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far#its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek#but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎♀️🧎♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros#if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO
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Reminder that around this time is when people start early-shopping for holiday gift-giving (for those who celebrate or their family celebrates) so if you're someone who's family/friends refuses to take 'no, dont get me a gift' as an answer then you need to start making a wishlist of things you actually want and can use.
Having an actaul list to whip out when someone asks is a perfectly acceptable response and preferred. Especially when Aunty Tiffany is gifting you feminine church clothes when you're t-masc and it's just going to sit there for months unused, or Grandpa gets you another one of those walmart spa kits when $10 of gas money would have been much more helpful.
A lot of gifts are often unwanted, sit there unused out of guilt or are thrown away. This will help YOU as much as it helps to cut back on waste. Most stores cannot put a lot of returned gifts back out on shelves, especially holiday-themed ones. Holidays are one of the most wasteful times of the year.
I have some posts about dumpster diving and waste and talking about how you should donate unwanted gifts but seriously pls pls pls make a list. It does not have to be expensive or extravagant, it just needs to be something you know you will use. Put some $5 cute pens on there with the bunnies at the end or something.
#i used to hate making lists because i felt so guilty but then it just got worse because i was still gifted things that i never used#and it was so wasteful#and then i started like putting stuff like pens and paper and a gas card or a new pillow and suddenly its not wasteful anymore#sara shush#holidays#christmas
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yall are about to piss me off by not having any PASSING basic knowledge of the way the u.s. military manipulates its recruits into joining by typing up one of your uninformed, unresearched, unempathetic, individualistic, unbelievably annoying posts about how 100% of the people in the military ended up there because they just Love America So Damn Much! they're extremely mature and informed at time of recruitment, they can totally leave anytime they want, they totally had tons of other avenues in life they could've taken, there was no rush at all to get income as fast as possible, and everyone in the military also totally is part of the combat divisions and personally enjoys being IN the military very much, big believers of violence. everyone in the military is shooting guns all day, that's how that works. they LOVE BLOODSHED. also I love the "amewicans haha" twang to this type of shit because you're actually TOTALLY stealing our Thing, which is turning systemic issues into Individual Issues. Instead of talking about the powers that be, it's so Personal Choice up in here. It's, "well you shouldn't have done it then. I totally wouldn't because I know better." you don't wanna talk about the military industrial complex as a whole, and you don't want to talk about recruiters, you just want to pin the blame on Specific Individual People one-by-one, as if they're responsible for the system that they're being ground up in. someone was in the military? bad person, no matter what. it's easier to believe that, I guess, than to acknowledge that Normal People (with high school educations) are manipulated and incentivized into joining a system that is Bad. at like age 18. but yeah no that 18 year old should have just been smarter lol haha anyway here are some screenshots for no particular reason
side note this reply of someone going "umm just get loans and go into a high paying field it's easy XD" as a direct response to someone trying to explain how most americans joining the military are being funneled in that direction out of a need for money.
and another person who Decided that americans join the military just CLENCHING their teeth thinking of other people, and not thinking completely selfishly about their own selves and their own income/housing/healthcare.
#I had a longer post w more bullshit in it but ukw nobody's even gonna read THIS one. so.#dumb ass cunts seriously LMAO just the individualism of it all....#we're all just selectively forgetting that most people join the military straight out of high school / after failing to kickstart#their lives so they don't know shit yet and they are categorically not educated and don't have money#you NEED money and have been groomed by recruiters ALREADY into believing this is#The Best and Only to make a survivable amount of money without a college education-- bc they can't afford college btw#and they don't want to take on student debt either bc everyone already knows what a big fuckeroo that is#recruiters WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO JOIN. they will KEEP CALLING YOU. they'll answer your questions#to make it sound like this is going to be a GREAT life decision. you can get all KINDS of jobs (true)#they love to say the thing about how only about 15% of the military will actually see combat in any way#they love to list all the jobs where you will literally just be working at an office or a pharmacy or in tech etc etc etc#the recruiters are offering housing healthcare steady pay and BONUSES if you sign on for longer.#so you let your guard down because you were so scared of the actual fighting. BECAUSE YOU'RE 18 IN THIS SCENARIO BTW.#you cunts will not meet anyone who hates the military as much as people who are NOW DONE working in the military#you don't know enough when they get you and then either you stay placated by the benefits or you scramble away as fast as possible#the number one military haters are people who know what goes on bc they already did it#source: I LIVE NEXT TO A MILITARY BASE LMAO PEOPLE HATE IT HERE!! they are NORMAL PEOPLE#I need you to get it into your head that the people committing atrocities in war were NORMAL when they joined#and that for every person in the military who's actively shedding blood there's 20 who do PAPERWORK#and they both are being put in the same category by you!! and they are BOTH being controlled by the same system!!#sergle.txt#I hate yall I really do.
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the fact that they made it illegal to make ads louder than programs on tv in 2010 but haven't updated it to apply the same regulation to streaming. who do i have to call.
#jack facts#like do they think we don't notice#i truly do hate it here#i really do think that we should get to a ''you ruined it for everyone'' threshhold with ads at this point tbh#circulating ads should be a need based allowance#below a certain nw you can circulate as many ads as you want provided they follow guidelines#then above a certain nw you get a quota. you can have x number of ads circulating at a time.#and i don't mean distinct different ads that can be put wherever. no. if you have an ad on youtube that counts as one#and if you put the SAME AD on a different platform or tv channel or at the fucking gas station pumps or on a billboard or ANYWHERE#each different instance of the ad counts as another ad in your quota!#& if you have like a 1min skippable + a 30sec unskippable v of the same ad on the same platform. that counts as two. FUCK you.#and then above another nw line. you cannot have ads at all. bye you don't need them they serve no purpose they are just annoyances.#also paying influencers to hawk your shit counts as ads! fuck you!! paid word of mouth is not actual wom that is also an ad! fuck you!!!#oh u want ppl to rec ur product & u don't have any ad spots left?? well sugar you better have a fucking good product then lol :) fuck you#also if a co breaks an ad reg that co and any co it owns/parents can never make another fucking ad ever again in its existence#AND if a ceo breaks an ad reg w one co then disbands it and makes a new co and breaks ad reg w that one#then the CEO or any co they have ANY % ownership or investment in can never make an ad ever again. FUCK you.#charities/nonprofits and sole proprietorships get one (1) appeal to a total ad ban#that's IT!! ENOUGH!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND ONE MORE THING. ''pay us not to see ads on our platform/app/other thing'' should also be illegal.#''pay us for basic ass functions'' illegal. pay to win. illegal. sale/product announcements in things that are not press. illegal.#creating an ad or listing for something that doesn't exist and only manufacturing it after it is purchased. illegal.#ads that are full screen when a user has not already selected full screen on a video player. illegal.#pop up ads. illegal.#ads with audio on a platform that doesn't. illegal. video ads on a platform that doesn't have video. illegal.#ads w epilepsy triggers. illegal everywhere forever always w out needing to be reported by consumers. cannot be circulated in the 1st place#ads w graphic violence or soundscapes that mimic it. see epilepsy triggers.#ads for things that are not actually consumer products. illegal.#anything else u want to circulate like an ad must go thru other regs to qualify as psa or edu. if it doesn't qualify tough shit get fucked.#[insert gif collage of people talking extensively while wildly gesturing for emphasis here]
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so many tips for budgeting/being frugal are just twice as hard when you have a disability
"meal plan!" idk if i'll be feeling well enough to cook every day so it's hard to plan for what to eat
"cook in advance!" i can't cook meals for a whole week at once and plus i can't count on that because again idk if ill feel okay to cook at the same time every week
"use cloth napkins and towels!" those need to be washed and folded, i already have trouble doing my laundry
"delivery is expensive, always shop in person!" going to the grocery store can wipe me out for the day.
"base your food shopping on whats on sale that week!" one, allergies are a thing and some people don't have that luxury, two, that's a lot that you have to prep for and that takes energy.
"DIY!" takes time and energy. maybe i could do it by myself but would it be worth all the time i need to take to recover?
i mean none of these are bad ideas or trying to exclude people. most of it is cutting out conveniences. but for disabled people, something that's a convenience for someone can be a necessity to others
#i pay someone to mow my lawn#it's so expensive and i hate it#and i probably could mow the lawn#but i'm often in pain and idk when that's gonna be and i might get behind#another chore to add to my list of endless chores i'm behind on#and i know im fucking lazy and need to do more#i'm trying so hard#i want to be able to clean my room and make my bed and wash the dishes#i eant all these things to get done#but i sit on the couch and i don't do them#i just need to push myself to get them done
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[631] um actually!
#like before day 100 I think I drew etho with glasses if I remember correctly#speaking of glasses my perscription is so bad#I’ve only ever met 1 person who had worse glasses then me#and that person was slowly going blind#they won’t let me pick out the cute aesthetic frames because my lends are too dummy thicc and stick out of every frame I’ve ever owned#what was this about again#oh yea glasses#I am the um actually meme#I hate it cause it’s me#I dread the day my friends make the connection#etho#ethoslab#hermitcraft#etho fanart#ethoslab fanart#day 631#man I gotta update the list of all the daily ethos#that thing is from almost a year ago augh
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When Emma stepped through the shining door in her palace's library, there was a blaze of light, a roar of wind, and then she landed on her hands and knees on the wooden floor of a suburban bedroom. She recognized the horse pictures on the wall, the stuffed animals on the bed, the yellow curtains fluttering in the window. She was smaller, thinner, lighter, and felt as though a world's weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
A woman's face appeared in the open doorway; every curl of her short hairstyle was familiar. "There you are, Emma!" she said cheerfully. "I've got your dressed washed for church tomorrow. Now come on downstairs. It's almost time for supper."
Behind Emma, the doorway had become an ordinary closet, cluttered with clothes and toys. The clock read twenty minutes past five. She'd been away only ten minutes.
A moment ago, she'd been the powerful queen of a vast realm whose rule had brought a golden age of prosperity and peace. Now she was twelve years old again, in her familiar old bedroom, safe with a mother that she hadn't seen in thirty years.
Emma wept for joy.
*
Emma's bookshelf contained one new volume--an exquisitely-bound brown leather book, with a tooled and embossed cover, containing a beautifully illustrated account of all the tales of Emma's reign. Her cousin Tessa--as good as a sister--was enchanted by it, and believed Emma without question when she told her that the stories were true.
"Don't you miss it?" Tessa asked, one night a few months after her return.
"Sometimes," Emma said. "But I'm glad to be home."
"You like it here?"
"Why not? We have chocolate here. And giraffes. And shooting stars. Our world is just as amazing as Athelor."
"In Athelor, you were a queen."
"Here, I'm not," Emma said. "Do you know how nice it is to wake up in the morning and do things that don't affect the fate of an entire nation?"
"But isn't it disappointing? In Athelor, you knew you were important."
"Who says I'm not important now?"
*
Emma told her mom about Athelor often. Mom thought Emma was just making up wonderful stories.
That was all right. Because the stories were wonderful.
*
After school, sometimes Mom would take Emma out for pizza. Emma would climb into a carriage that moved with a heart of fire, to a room bathed in enough light to make the night as bright as day, where she ate the cuisine of a far-off realm, and then rode home singing along with minstrels whose voices had been captured long ago and far away.
Emma always marveled that she lived in a world with such magic.
*
Emma grew. And matured. It came with different milestones here, and happened slower, but it had its share of struggles.
On nights when she felt small, helpless and afraid, she remembered that she'd once led a host of warriors--human, animal, and elfin--into battle with a horde of monsters and come out victorious.
She might not be in Athelor, but she was still a queen.
She could fill out a college application.
*
Emma was leaving the campus library with an armload of books when a sparrow spoke to her from a branch above her head. Emma looked up and saw at once it was an Athelorian sparrow.
"Iprit!" Emma cried. The sparrow had been the most devoted of the queen's messengers. "How glad I am to see you!"
"My queen," Iprit said, bowing her head. "I have found you at last."
"Is Athelor in danger?" Emma asked, suddenly fearful.
"She is well and at peace. Berna rules well in your stead."
"As I knew she would," Emma said with a smile. Emma had spent years choosing her successor. Her elfin advisor, though young, was bright and brave and loved Athelor with all her heart.
"But she rules as regent only. She would not take the crown until she knew what had become of you."
"Now you see that I am well," Emma said. "Alive and well and happy."
"Will you not come home to us, my queen?" Iprit asked. "The door stands open to you. Take up the crown and rule your people once more."
For a moment, Emma's heart yearned for it. Athelor called to her, a bright, beautiful dream, a wondrous adventure.
A gust of wind swirled in the branches over her head, sending a crimson shower of leaves down upon her. She gazed out across the campus, at a world she loved. She thought of her mother, Tessa, her classmates, her studies, her friendships, and the future she was building here.
Where was her duty? Here or Athelor?
Another wind came, gentle yet brisk, and Emma knew it for the wind that had taken her to Athelor and brought her home. It lifted her spirits and cleared her mind so she could hear the voice that had never led her wrong in her years as queen.
Emma met Iprit's gaze. "Berna may take up the crown with my blessing. I have done what I must for Athelor. Another world needs me now."
Iprit bowed in a bird-like way, spreading out one wing. "As you wish, my queen. But what shall I tell the scribes? How ends the reign of Queen Emma the Wise?"
"As all good stories should," Emma said. She shifted her voice into the melodic cadence of the best of the palace storytellers. "After many years of good and faithful service, the queen found her way home, where she lived happily all the rest of her days."
#adventures in writing#anyway i'm still annoyed that all portal fantasy takes seem to assume the kids hate coming back to our world#and/or have families that assume they're insane#i just wanted one kid who could see the good sides of both worlds#so this happened#i considered making it a bullet point list but realized i could turn it into a flash-fictiony thing with only a little more work
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Dead on Main Childhood Friends Memes
Because now that I've gotten the hang of making au memes, i can't stop.
#dpxdc#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dpxdc memes#dead on main#i keep calling this ship undead on main#childhood friends au#jason not believing that danny's gonna kill the joker is not only one of the funnier things i've come up with for this au but ALSO#my attempt at fixing that little plothole i made in the first post with danny outright stating his intentions about the joker#bc i didnt think i was continuing the post#it was mostly a prompt LMAO#sam's list is her internalized misogyny hypocrisy performative activism entitlement and her general refusal to accept that she can be wrong#remember how sam and danny hated each other in the beginning? yeah thats why#like lbfr sam's parents canonically spoiled her that has GOT to have affected her views on everything despite how she likes to act otherwis#hey look these memes have more variety than my clone danny ones#jason and danny are paralleling each other with their conspiracy boards btw#and if i could make an animatic of this au it would be with the song 'Hollow Moon' by. you guessed it. the crane wives
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While everybody else is melting down, she's kind of holding them all emotionally and holding together herself emotionally. She's got on the back of that dragon and she's gone out and she's been basically doing all the work! I feel like she's sort of coming back, she's absolutely exhausted, she hasn't had a bath for ten days, completely knackered, she's been riding around on this dragon, sort of not crying and just dealing with everything, dealing with it and getting on. She comes back to this group of total halfwits, who are all in pieces, melting down left right and centre. And seeing the world around her melt down too. She's carrying a very, very heavy load and I think she's absolutely shattered and emotionally shattered.
#halfwits = daemon#rhaenys they will never make me hate you#she's been holding things together since episode 08#this woman has not had time to BREATHE since Corlys was reported on death's door#dare i list what has happened throughout??#there's not been a moment where she could be at peace or breathe or be happy or unburdened#it's just been crisis after crisis and politics after politics and death after death#all on her own because she can't lean on anyone else#house of the dragon#eve best#rhaenys targaryen
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i have to laugh about people complaining about how Bigoted and Disrespectful thingol is to the noldor as if he doesn't:
remain friends with finrod and tell him the location of nargothrond, which finrod goes on to be the king of - meaning thingol is fine with there being a noldorin elven ruler in beleriand
outright state that he will not cut ties with fingolfin and his followers, who do participate in the slaughter of his brother's people, merely because he sees that they've atoned for their actions
host galadriel in doriath and make no objection to her wedding with celeborn, his own grand-nephew - meaning he is also fine with noldor staying in his court and marrying into his own family
the only noldor whom he openly dismisses and dislikes are the fëanorians, who participated in the aforementioned slaughter of his brother's people, insult him, and refuse to acknowledge him as a king despite him having maintained his kingdom in beleriand since before they were born and certainly long before they came there. but that's just it isn't it. fandom can't handle someone in-universe disdaining their precious innocent war criminals and that's why everything bad that happens in the first age is thingol's fault. or the fault of his grandson for not giving the silmaril that his parents nearly died to obtain to the people who disrespected his grandfather and tried to rape his mother. or the fault of his great-granddaughter for not giving the silmaril to the people that sacked her home, killed her entire family including her brothers who were children, and made her a refugee as a toddler. it is definitely not the fault of the people who decided to do all the ambushing and attacking, no absolutely not. that's nonsense, they're just victims of tyrannical close-minded racist elu thingol and his equally entitled descendants :DDD
#every day my disdain for those types of feanorian apologists grows#the amount of reaching you guys do to make thingol and anyone who opposes your poor little meow meows look bad#and no i'm not saying thingol cannot be an asshole (beren knows) but the stuff he's accused of being and hated for is... not canon#you people: i hate this character bc [proceeds to list headcanons and fanon and things you made up]#elu thingol#thingol#finrod felagund#finrod#fingolfin#sons of fëanor#sons of feanor#galadriel#artanis#celeborn#tolkien tag#i ramble#lotr#jrr tolkien
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my least favorite thing is when people compliment someone's work by using passive aggressive comments about what they hate about other people's work. like please, just focus on what is actually in front of you
#this isn't about anyone here#i just saw it on my other blog where someone made a huge long list of all the things they hate about other people's fics#that the person didn't do in that particular work. in a comment on the work. like bruh at least put it in the tags#idk if that makes sense but it was like#'a thing where X ISN'T [doing common thing in fic]?' in a long list and that was almost the entire commentary on the work#like why can't you just say 'i love that you did these things' without being like 'i'm so picky about these fandom works and hate how other#do it'#do you know what i mean? does this make sense?#the point is#it reads so passive aggressive and put down-y to other people#anyway i guess i should get to work but it bugs me when i see people act like that#this is eli
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hello!! i hope you're having an amazing day 🥹💗 do you have any vale's races masterpost?? thank you so much in advance!!
*takes deep breath* *cracks knuckles* *cracks knuckles again for good measure* *rolls up sleeves* *cracks knuckles one more time* yes of course anon. no problem. let's do this
going to forgo any extended intro as this post will be long enough as it is - though it wasn't always easy to both represent the scope of valentino's career and make picks based on actual race quality. there will be a skew towards the early years of his time in the premier class and there are a few obvious fallow spells, but I hope I've adequately done justice to most of his very, very long career... and used the asterisk system to do my quality control for me
speaking of - another rec post, another escalation of the asterisk system (luckily, we have reached the final boss of motogp and it is impossible to escalate beyond this - here are the casey and marc/dovi lists). * means check it out, ** personal fave, *** classic, **** if you watch nothing else please watch these
I also need to mention mat oxley's 'valentino rossi: all his races', which is an excellent reference book that I consulted a fair bit when compiling this list. it's especially invaluable in making sense of the early years - where the archives unfortunately are sorely lacking and I'm grateful for every bit of additional context I can get. about those early years, a little bit of housekeeping with the codes I'll use to indicate in which form these races are available:
ITA: only italian commentary, which means I've found them on youtube. this is relevant only for the very early races. there's upsettingly few of his 125cc and especially 250cc races available even when you include these (though I haven't included all the ones that are available)
HL: only highlights, which is specifically about some of the 2000-01 races. there's only three full races of valentino's first premier class title available in their entirety on the motogp website, which is unfortunate (technically four including valencia, but who would want to watch that). now, the highlights they provide for all the other races aren't actually bad - they're around twenty minutes long for the race themselves so you will see most of the exciting action and the overtakes and all that (though it does raise the question of 'why don't you just upload the full races')
NC: no commentary, and is mainly an issue for the 2002 races that are all uploaded in their entirety but... well, only a few with commentary. obviously not ideal especially with older races. my recommendation would be watching the very short highlights (aka 2-3 minutes of actual race footage with commentary) available on the website for each of the 2002 races - either after or even before watching the race - to just give yourself a better sense of what you're watching
as ever, the descriptions will frequently provide spoilers for the result. my spoiler-free top ten recommendations are: donington park 2000 suzuka 2001 phillip island 2001 brno 2003 phillip island 2003 welkom 2004 donington park 2005 laguna seca 2008 catalunya 2009 assen 2015
and here, ten more spoiler-free recs because it really is a bloody long career: sachsenring 2003 mugello 2004 phillip island 2004 jerez 2005 sachsenring 2006 sepang 2006 catalunya 2007 motegi 2010 argentina 2015 assen 2017
**brno 1996: I find it very charming when riders have early career races that tell you everything you need to know about them. this is valentino's first grand prix win, achieved from his first pole position. he has an awful start, ends up way down the order, fights his way through, is eventually caught by this 34 year old former world champion who he does not like, fights him for a bit, stalks him and lets him draw them away from the pack in what the commentators consider remarkable confidence and poise from a seventeen year old, loses touch enough with the race leader that it looks like he's surely lost the race before pulling out a crazy last lap with some hard racing™ to overtake that other bloke. after he crosses the finish line he's so excited he almost rides into the wall. deeply excessive celebratory fist pumping that just goes on and on and on. angelic smile on the podium as the bloke he's beaten looks rather peeved - and apparently complained about valentino's riding afterwards. what more is there to say, really
^driving his elders to drink. here's a video where valentino is talking about the race: "and from there a fight to the death came out because we didn't get along very well. we weren't very nice to each other because we were bothering each other throughout the championship". like I said, tells you everything you need to know about him. just watch this one and call it a day
nurbuergring 1997 (ITA): an early strong wet weather performance, at a time when he was still a bit of a wimp about the whole riding in the rain thing. granted, he was a little lucky when the runaway race leader had a mechanical dnf, but he got into a nice little scrap with a few other riders to claim his fourth consecutive victory
rio 1997 (ITA): the thing about 125cc/moto3 races is you kinda know what you're getting, and more often than not what you're getting is a fun time watching them go at it. valentino's first, he's third, he's first again, they're having it out... and then on the final lap, he's taking advantage of the backmarkers to secure the victory. which is so sneaky and so valentino that it obviously deserves to be mentioned here. incidentally, his last ever win at assen 2017 had a controversial involvement of a backmarker on the last lap, which is a nice little full circle moment twenty years later
brno 1997: in many ways, this was a more impressive ride from his title rival ueda, who came back from thirteenth on the grid to take the win. which meant that valentino had to finish on the podium to claim his 125cc title at the same venue where he won his first race... and he just about managed it, with the entire leading group of riders headed into the final corner together
there are race highlights in the 5-10 minute range from his 250cc race years which... well. since they're not anywhere close to full races and this is a race recs list, I can't exactly give them their own bullet points, but I'll just rattle through a few highlight videos here I enjoyed from 1998: jerez (features a nifty overtake with four blokes entering one corner together, also harada fucked with valentino despite being a lap down to help capirossi win?? anyway vale's first 250cc podium, to which harada showed up to clap for capirossi specifically???); mugello (featuring his controversial beachwear celebration); paul ricard (see below); catalunya (he spent a lot of that year crashing but towards the end of the season finally figured it out - works his way back from thirteenth place to win), argentina (controversial title decider claxon; valentino found the whole thing so "hilarious" he was giggling when the drama was going off in the garage. he also referenced the jerez incident in his post-race interview, because of course he did)
^the three protagonists of the 1998 250cc season: valentino, harada and capirossi, all part of the same nightmarish aprilia 'super team'. everything I've read about that season makes me want to break into dorna hq and get my hands on the full race footage. both images are from the paul ricard race, in which valentino was trying to figure out how to stop harada from continuously outsmarting him. they kept slowing down the pace further and further, with harada running his bike comically wide to let valentino through and valentino doing a massive wheelie down the straight (image on the right) to force harada to go back past - but harada still eventually managed to best him on the final lap. valentino was heavily criticised in the press for wanting to 'humiliate' capirossi by letting capirossi catch up to the pair, but really he was just getting creative in his tactics. I may not have been able to 'watch' this season but I love it dearly
donington park 1999 (ITA): the ONE 250cc race I've been able to watch in its entirety. it was stopped and restarted due to the weather and the final outcome was decided on aggregate time across the two races (yeah, this does feel weird but they used to do that). a close fight especially in the first part. not too wet, presumably, given his 250cc performances in the soaking wet were often. hm. not great
1999 highlights I enjoyed: catalunya (was riding with a suspension glitch but kept his main title rival ukawa behind him anyway); sachsenring (won an intense battle with capirossi, admittedly you do not see much of him in the highlights); brno (another intense fight, this time mainly with an older rider in waldmann after they both worked their way through the field); phillip island (worked his way to the win from seventh on the grid and one of those phillip island races)
jerez 2000 (HL): valentino's initiation to the premier class wasn't... the most dignified thing you'll ever see... two dnf's in the first two races by which point he was so bloody terrified of the bike he was just very slow in the third. in his defence, those 500cc bikes were pretty scary, but also it was time to get his act together. which he did in jerez! this was another one of those weird ones where the rain interrupted the race and then the whole thing was decided on aggregate time, but a good ride to bag his first premier class podium
**donington park 2000: maybe it was the bikes, maybe it was experience, maybe it was a mindset thing, but eventually he would get over his moral objections to 'getting wet' and develop into an excellent wet weather racer in the premier class. this was his first premier class win - and a pretty neat way to seal it too. had an awful start, took a while to figure out the grip conditions, and then he was off. the second half of the race involved a fun fight between valentino and both roberts jr and mcwilliams for the victory
^almost gave the commentators a heart attack by running a defensive line through the final corner that took him completely off the dry racing line
rio 2000 (NC/HL - as in, both are available): valentino's second win of the year and his first in the dry, the race after his late charge to a rookie title was scuppered by a crash in valencia. he made some adjustments to his riding style after the valencia fiasco and really started to get to grips with the 500cc, which would stand him in good stead the following year. as is traditional, he makes a truly horrendous start, dropping back from the front row to find himself briefly outside of the top ten. from there, he gets to work. it's confident stuff, getting himself to the lead by about half distance and pulling away from there
**suzuka 2001: the first race of 2001 and a clear statement of intent. as ever, valentino had to work his way through the field... which took him right into the path of max biaggi, a man who had already been his enemy before they started actually racing each other. now, it has to be said, biaggi is a dick here! quite literally elbows valentino while running him off-track and could easily have caused vale to crash (as valentino said afterwards, "I had to learn how to ride motocross-style at 140 mph"), he continues using various body parts rather creatively in defending his position. when valentino finally gets past, he sticks out his middle finger. set the tone for that season rather nicely
jerez 2001: this is the cool-headed, calculating valentino who would prove such a formidable foe over the years. having already won the first two races of the season, he's high on confidence as he engages in a duel with the man who had so captured his imagination as a teenager: norifumi abe. valentino takes his time - but when he finally makes the decisive pass, he pulls clear so easily it feels like valentino may have just been toying with his hero all along
^valentino and norick, the inspiration for 'rossifumi'. in 2008, valentino paid tribute to the other man a year after his passing: "norick for me was a hero. I grew up watching the suzuka 500 race in 1994 with the great battle he had together with schwantz and doohan. last year was a shit year for me when I heard of the death of norick and colin mcrae, for me it was not a great year. I think it is possible to dedicate this championship to norick”
catalunya 2001 (HL): I don't care if there's only highlights - I am not leaving out a race that sparked a fist fight. honestly if I were biaggi I'd be pissed about this race too. valentino was twelfth at the end of the first lap and ended up winning... painful, truly. a really good scrap, plenty of fun to watch as valentino always is at catalunya, and obviously you've also got to watch the presser clips with the knowledge they were throwing hands a few minutes earlier
assen 2001 (HL): this one was low-key kinda stolen from valentino. it's good fun - y'know, one of those assen battles, valentino's doing the stalking and lurking thing and it starts raining and valentino takes the lead and... whoops! time to call off the race due to the rain so let's take the results from the previous lap! biaggi win! imagine getting into a fist fight with someone and losing the very next race to them on a technicality. oof
^post-fist fight handshake to show how it's all fine. they're totally fine. completely fine. no problems here
*donington park 2001 (HL): I'm gonna be so real, if I'm on pole and my title rival starts eleventh and he ends up beating me to the win by 1.8s, I think I just call it a day after that one. valentino had a bad crash during practise where he was lucky to not really hurt himself and then obviously had a pretty terrible qualifying, so a great opportunity for biaggi to claw back some points. worst bit is, vale didn't even make a good start - he was still in eleventh place halfway through the first lap. good fun to watch him pick his way through the field, and in his autobiography he ranks this race near the very top in terms of ones that gave him the most "satisfaction"
****phillip island 2001: look, if you've seen one of those classic multi-rider dogfights at phillip island, then, here, I've got a version of that for you from 2001. it's just so much fun to watch, with so many different riders and rider constellations and run orders at various parts of the race, riders looking like they'll break away and getting caught again etc etc etc. and it is also a match point race for valentino - a relatively comfortable one given his formidable championship lead. he didn't need to win the race to take the title, but would you want to see your greatest enemy take the spoils on your big day? in the most dramatic fashion possible, valentino ends up right behind biaggi on the very last lap and makes a daring overtake for the victory. hard to beat that as a way of sealing your first premier class title
*suzuka 2002: you know how I said in the marc rec post that I found it tricky to pick out a few for 2014 because a lot of the races were good without being all timers? this is valentino's equivalent season - he's winning, life is great-ish, tricky to differentiate, and if you enjoy any of these races you'll probably enjoy them all. mostly I'm just going to include the ones with commentary available, even though I'm too stubborn to let dorna completely make my choices for me here. anyway, this one is available with commentary and it's a good watch... valentino hadn't had the easiest weekend to start off his title defence, crashed badly twice, bloodied his hands, all that. he had a sluggish start in the wet conditions and worked his way up the field, before sitting on the rear tyre of the japanese wildcard akira ryo for a while - who knew the track well and knew where all the puddles were. a smart and composed win and feels very typical of his wet weather performances over the years
jerez 2002 (NC): in my head, this is the sister race to le mans 2014. valentino is pushed down quite a few spots to ninth early on (kenny roberts jr just. shoves him aside and does the thing where he gestures back to apologise, but that doesn't really help valentino when half a dozen bikes have passed him) and then he gets down to business. that whole season really does have that 2014 vibe of 'right this is fun but also feels a little too easy' - but hey, the way valentino picks his way through the field is satisfying to watch. and valentino did always like to play with his food, so he sits behind barros for a fair bit before doing the inevitable
*assen 2002: so, the thing about 2002 is that it was the first year of the rebrand to motogp and the introduction of the four-stroke bikes... but you still had two-stroke bikes on the grid, which tended to be tragically outgunned. the circuits where they were competitive tended to be the ones where they could take advantage of how 'nimble' the old bikes were, with more corners and fewer straights - and honestly, if you go on a race-by-race level you could make the case that on-track barros on his two-stroke machine (for most of the year) was valentino's most important rival that season. this is a head-to-head duel with barros that nicely showcases the respective strengths and weaknesses of two such different bikes and riders riding them, and barros manages to mount a stern challenge to valentino for most of the race
*sachsenring 2002: I do find it a little funny that this is one of the ones with commentary they've provided, because there's a bit of an anti-climax close to the end and I'm not sure valentino should have won that race. anyway, similarly to assen, this is another week where the two-strokes can put up a proper fight, and it's an engaging scrap that involves a lot of riders and quite a few nice little shifts in momentum. like above, another interesting study in how the different bikes compare in direct combat
phillip island 2002 (NC): always fun when someone builds up a bit of a gap on valentino. as was so often the case that year, it was barros (now on a four-stroke) who served as valentino's closest challenger, and valentino took his time hunting him down. from there, it's familiar material from the rossi playbook, stalking and studying before making his move - but barros sticks very very close to valentino until he makes an error on the last lap
^is it a bird is it a plane etc etc... don't think this was supposed to mean anything, just being silly
okay we're now headed into the 2003-05 stretch and I should mention that most of the races in that era will also have been featured in this post, which might also be useful to put them into context
*le mans 2003: valentino tries to make a break for it, but the rain denies him. he raises his hand to get the race called off (you could do this as the race leader back in the day, or I suppose also not do that if you wanted to be an asshole)... and immediately almost falls off his bike so. uh. probably a good idea to get it called off. when the race resumes, it's a three-way tussle between valentino, barros, and new challenger sete gibernau, even if at times it's less tussling and more wobbling. in the last couple of laps, it's down to sete and valentino to have it out in the treacherous conditions - and the last lap is proper dramatic. sete had already gotten one over valentino in welkom... but this defeat, coming after valentino had led the race, must surely have stung even more
*catalunya 2003: I feel a little mean making my first three 2003 picks races valentino all lost in quite painful fashion, but, hey, it's character building and really set up his whole arc for the next season-and-a-half. this one is... well. it's both embarrassing and kinda neat from vale. most of this race consists of a duel with capirossi - and when valentino hits the front, you do think that's going to be it. capirossi keeps close, however, and valentino eventually makes an error, running wide to let him through. shortly afterwards, he makes even a worse mistake and runs off into the gravel. once he's fucked up it's a pretty fun performance, where he starts posting pleasingly insane lap times to recover from sixth back to second
***sachsenring 2003: this race will always be remembered for valentino's penultimate corner overtake followed by his last corner mistake that resulted in sete's unlikely victory, but the race before that is good fun too! valentino looks like he'll make a break for it, and obviously miserably fails in his attempt - this time he's the one to be slowly, slowly, slowly caught by a persistent rival who eventually manages to get the better of him again. after this race, valentino vowed he wouldn't be taking any more prisoners. he didn't
****brno 2003: after a horrifying four race losing streak and the humiliation of sachsenring, valentino came back from the summer break with new determination and hunger and a mission to not let anyone get in his way any more. he does not have an easy time of it at brno, with a classic multi-rider dogfight that features regular and dramatic shake-ups of the riders' fortunes. the finish is incredibly close, and vale could have easily been denied the opportunity to pull out his elaborate victory celebrations: dressing up as a convict to symbolise how he felt imprisoned by his own success. here is a more in-depth post about the race
****phillip island 2003: this starts off in classic phillip island fashion, with a bunch of riders having it out in the early laps. then, valentino takes the lead and makes a break for it, and it looks like the excitement of the rest of the race will be all about the fierce fight for the remaining podium positions... except there's a twist. valentino overtook another rider under yellow flag conditions - and unlike donington that year where he was retroactively slapped with a ten second penalty that denied him the win, this time he is informed of the penalty during the race. this race is about as exhilarating as it is possible for a race to get when you're watching someone riding alone in the front - and you'll be provided with some added spice with the scrap for the last podium place. in the end, valentino crosses the finishing line with an obscene margin of over fifteen seconds
^think I already posted these notes somewhere but I can't NOT mention the commentary for this race. bottom of this post I included the autobiography excerpt about how valentino channelled his fury to win this race - very revealing!
****welkom 2004: still perhaps valentino's favourite victory of them all, and with good reason. his first race with yamaha and one that the entire paddock thought he didn't have a hope of winning... until they hit the track that weekend. valentino led every single session and qualified on pole: he said the pole position felt as good as ten with honda. better yet was still to come, with valentino claiming a victory following a thrilling duel against his old foe biaggi that raged on until the very last lap. such was the pace that third-placed sete was seven seconds down on the top pair at the chequered flag
^valentino stopped at the side of the track after his win, kissing his bike and sitting down for a moment to soak in the moment. he says he was laughing into his helmet: "'and so in the end I was right!' I thought to myself. 'I can't believe it, I screwed them all... what a show!'"
****mugello 2004: this race has so much going on, and all of it is highly enjoyable. valentino might have won the last two races at mugello - but off the back of two fourth places and with mugello's famously terrifying long straight, it felt like surely the more powerful hondas would have the decisive edge. and this one is a hard fight for valentino. it's a hard fight with several riders, it's a hard fight with sete and, following an interruption due to the rain, it's a hard fight in mixed conditions where valentino initially drops back to seventh to figure out the grip levels - before speeding off to the win. all the best types of races rolled into one
***catalunya 2004: right after mugello, it's time to visit sete's home - and here valentino kicks off a bit of a tradition of memorable one-on-one catalunya duels... as well as a habit of beating spaniards at the track. it's hard fought, it's challenging, but again valentino emerges on top
***assen 2004: the third consecutive race that featured an extended duel with sete. initially involving barros too - but he crashes, and it's down to the familiar protagonists. this really works as the last episode of that mini-trilogy because you can tell how badly sete felt he needed to reassert himself in that title fight, and conversely how little interest valentino had in letting him do so. involves a hard last lap overtake that resulted in contact. sete was not best pleased, but valentino had secured the win and the championship lead
^left: catalunya, where valentino dons the doctor's garb to perform a series of 'medical checks' on his yamaha, feat. stethoscope and thermometer, before declaring it fit for duty. right: assen, where yamaha staff dress up as doctors to pay tribute to him
qatar 2004: a good old-fashioned hubris ride. valentino was slapped with a back-of-the-grid penalty for some midnight grid cleaning shenanigans and is furious about this. he gets quite possibly the best start of his career and is eighth after a few corners, continues charging and barging his way through the field... before crashing and mashing up his finger and reopening that year's championship fight. the race does get a little dull after valentino does his thing - here are the ten most relevant minutes of footage as well as some more details about the penalty and the race. the weekend that irrevocably damaged his relationship with sete
***phillip island 2004: an underrated spite ride. if you're in the penultimate race of the season and you know a second place is enough to clinch the title and you're over a second behind your title rival and you historically suck at the circuit where title deciders are held, the sensible thing to do is just ride home in second place when it becomes clear the third-placed guy is not catching up. obviously, valentino does not do this, not least because he is determined to stop sete from ever winning a race again. this goes down to the very last lap and it is either a very cool or a very dumb way to seal a title, depending on how you look at it
****jerez 2005: both protagonists make very little secret from the start of the race of just how much they want to beat each other: this is war. and it's a war in which sete has the upper hand for most of the way through (as much as you can really feel you have the 'upper hand' with valentino sitting on your rear tyre) - until valentino makes his move with three laps to go. it takes an error from valentino on the last lap to set up the dramatic and controversial finale, with the infamous valentino block pass that sent his bike careening into sete's. the actions of a man who had decided neither of them finishing the race was a more acceptable outcome than his enemy taking the win, and the relationship between the two riders manages to improbably deteriorate still further
^satisfied with a good day's work as the furious spaniards jeer. if anyone had any lingering doubts about valentino's trademark ruthlessness, they were dispelled that day
**mugello 2005: another year, another thrilling mugello battle. it's looking increasingly clear that this will be a one-rider title fight, but luckily that isn't impacting the race quality (think marc's 2019, where he was incidentally the same age as valentino is here). similarly to the year before, there's cause for concern whenever you're fighting more powerful bikes at mugello, but after a dramatic multi-rider fight valentino is not to be denied
**catalunya 2005: back on sete soil and oh god how much he would have loved to win this race. it's the tension and hatred and desperation that makes these races so exciting to watch - though sete is hardly helped out in his mission of revenge by teammate marco melandri who keeps sabotaging sete's attempts to defy valentino's curse. but melandri has whatever the opposite of main character energy is and the race ends up being another valentino/sete duel. some excellent riding by the pair of them, valentino is particularly fearsome on the brakes that day, and sete has truly taken his gloves off when fighting valentino. but of course, valentino denies sete once again and makes a break for it shortly before the end
****donington park 2005: the defining wet weather ride of valentino's career - even though it got off to a shaky start (literally) and continued to be pretty shaky most of the way. this race was held in truly appalling conditions that they probably would not race in these days, and it's reflected in the number of dnf's - one of which was courtesy of poor sete gibernau once again crashing out of the lead. for most of the way, valentino is wobbling his way into the lead and wobbling his way out of it again... but after some big scares and some time spent nicely sheltering behind other riders, he finally figures out the grip conditions - and he's off. it's one of those rides that is just demoralising for everyone else in how good it is, with valentino pulling insultingly far clear from the other riders with insulting ease
^valentino plays a violin after crossing the finish line. teammate edwards: "I looked at his data and it was scary. he was locking the front in the rain on a shitty track that was slicker than snot, at every corner. this guy's crazy!" not pictured - valentino hugging himself and shivering while parking the bike... and being provided with an anorak and gloves that he only very, very, very reluctantly relinquishes when stepping onto the podium
*le mans 2005: you realise fairly quickly that this one's building to something juicy. colin edwards, valentino's teammate, takes the lead and heads out on his own, as valentino sets off after him - eventually slotting into his favourite position sitting right on the leader's rear tyre. except, he can't afford to hang around - because sete is going faster than both of them and is rapidly catching up. this one really gets going when the inevitable happens and the three of them collide on track, and of course we end up with another sete/valentino duel. cruelly, it's another one where the winner is still not entirely decided when they enter the very final lap... but the curse will not be denied. valentino breaks the circuit record on the last lap
*sachsenring 2005: the problem with watching these races is that even if you would prefer not to know the result going in... well, every single time the race comes down to a duel between sete and valentino post-qatar 2004, however strong sete looks, however confident, however near he is to the victory... you know he's obviously not going to make it. my advice is to really lean into it - the joy/horror of it all is in discovering how it's going to go wrong this time. this race features another lovely duel between valentino and sete, at a track that suits the honda far better than it does the yamaha. valentino leads early on before sete manages to catch up and overtake him. two laps to go and sete is still in the lead as valentino stalks him around... you know how this story goes
*brno 2005: ah, the misery. listen, if you enjoyed the previous sete/valentino duels I listed, then you're going to enjoy this one too. it's the race immediately following sachsenring and it feels like basically they just continued the last one, and boy are they going at it from the very start. sete determinedly sticks with valentino and surely one of these has to go his way... includes a particularly cruel twist on the final lap
qatar 2005: one year on from the race in which valentino put his curse on sete, and it feels like this might be sete's best chance for the remainder of the season to free himself. he gets perilously close to making a break for it ahead of the battling melandri and valentino... but of course, he can never run far enough. another painful defeat (if one caused by melandri more than valentino) and eventually valentino claims victory at the circuit that had caused him such trouble the year before
qatar 2006: valentino's 2006 season got off to a tricky start when toni elias rode into him in the very first corner of the opening race, and his luck didn't get much better from there. still, the year featured plenty of excellent valentino rides - including the second race of the season, where he fought his way through from sixth on the grid. features his first tussle with the rookie pole sitter, one casey stoner, who defends sternly against his future rival. eventually, valentino faces off against nicky hayden in a decent extended scrap that went on for much of the race
***mugello 2006: boy, did valentino get himself involved in some banger races at this circuit during his time. sete tries to escape at the front, and even in a tough year like 2006 valentino will not allow that man a moment's rest. a duel between sete and valentino ensues (featuring melandri and casey), then valentino suddenly drops down to fifth, then the race turns into a three-way encounter between capirossi, hayden, and... still valentino. he emerges from the feisty fray with a much-needed win
***sachsenring 2006: you could copy paste 'much-needed win' any time valentino won this year, and sachsenring is no exception. not traditionally his strongest track, valentino's urgency produced one hell of a race ripe with tension throughout. the yamaha's struggles made for a difficult qualifying and he fought his way through from eleventh on the grid. even when he caught the leaders and passed them, he couldn't just clear off like in times past, dragging three dogged riders along with him - but he just about managed to hold them off for the win
****sepang 2006: one of the best valentino duels, this time featuring one of his oldest rivals in the form of loris capirossi. part of his remarkable late season charge that brought him within kissing distance of the title. the entire race is enjoyable but the final lap is one for the ages, with valentino vicious in both attack and defence
^no hard feelings: capirossi hugs valentino while vale is still on the bike. 2006 is a rare title fight in which valentino genuinely liked most of his major rivals. vale was exhausted after the battle in the gruelling sepang conditions and had a little sit down after hugging his team
phillip island 2006: the first bike swap race and quite frankly the whole thing is a mess. a lot happens and it's classic late season chaos where the championship standings and implications are chopping and changing by the lap. when the dust settles, valentino has snagged third place on the last lap off poor sete gibernau and chips away a little more at hayden's championship lead
***estoril 2006: sure, valentino lost the 2006 title when he crashed at valencia, but he also lost it by .002s in estoril. this race featured a dramatic twist in the title fight when rookie dani pedrosa wiped out his teammate hayden, and suddenly valentino had to consider just how much risk he was willing to take. he had mostly decided to play it safe - but then couldn't help himself and ended up attacking toni elias on the very last lap. if he had managed to bag the extra five points, then even with the valencia crash he would have won the title on countback
valencia 2006: everyone thought valentino would be winning the title again headed into the weekend, and they became even more certain of it when valentino qualified on pole. but in the end, it was not to be. valentino got a poor start and felt something was wrong with the bike (or maybe it was the tyres, if one casey stoner is to be believed), but admits the mistake that left him on the ground was his own. a bitter pill to swallow after a season plagued by misfortunes, though valentino had always gotten on well with title winner nicky hayden and was sincere in his congratulations
****catalunya 2007: from the start of 2007, it was clear that new ducati hire casey stoner would be a problem. with yamaha's struggles continuing into the new 800cc era, ducati had gotten it spot on at the first try... even if it was only casey who could completely tame their troublesome bike. for a while, it seemed easy to dismiss casey's victories as built primarily on the back of the infamous ducati horsepower, but at catalunya casey proved he was far more than just a powerful engine. one of the true classic catalunya duels, with both riders displaying dazzling race craft, and one of casey's finest career victories
***assen 2007: valentino's season wasn't getting any easier - the yamaha was one thing but his continued struggles with the michelin tyres if anything frustrated him even more. he qualified in eleventh place and doesn't get a particularly good start while casey streaks off in the front. casey is over five seconds clear at one stage, but valentino manages to hunt down his title rival anyway. it's studying and stalking and lurking and all the rest of it, and as ever casey doesn't make it easy for him - but eventually valentino manages to pass him and pull clear
*estoril 2007: casey's championship was more or less wrapped up by this point, though valentino was able to deny him just a little longer at the first match point race. this features a nice scrap between casey and valentino, and then an extended duel with dani that is perhaps the best fight the two of them ever had. it was a much-needed win in a rough patch for valentino on- and off-track - and he dedicated it to one of his idols, the rally legend colin mcrae who had just passed away
**catalunya 2008: yes, okay, I know he won the three races before that one - but this one's a more fun race! after an initial adaptation period to his shiny new bridgestone tyres, his season had finally properly kicked off with the aforementioned three race win streak. at catalunya, valentino only qualified in ninth, and pedrosa streaked off in front - but valentino and casey engaged in a highly enjoyable rematch of the previous year's duel. in the end, it was valentino who prevailed, but casey and ducati had clearly gotten their own house in order...
^the version of valentino that marc first met, before vale's race in his special football-themed livery and leathers
****laguna seca 2008: after catalunya, casey stormed on to win the next three races on the trot, typically by ominous margins. heading into laguna seca, a race casey had dominated with ease the year before and valentino had never gone particularly well at, valentino knew casey might be in danger of running away with this championship... and he was determined to do something to finally conduct this rivalry on his terms. nobody expected there would be a contest for the victory, let alone one valentino won - but he did, in a brutal encounter that served as a masterclass in psychological intimidation. the relationship between the two rivals did not emerge unscathed
*indianapolis 2008: another race, another mediocre start, if this time from pole. it sets up a fun (to watch) race in worsening conditions, as valentino takes his time to get comfortable with the grip levels before slowly and surely working his way through the field and stalking first casey then nicky hayden around the track. he makes it to the front before eventually the race has to be called off - and, in a rare moment of unity, valentino and casey are seen briefly talking to ezpeleta together, presumably to tell him they have less than zero interest in going out again in that weather. they get their way and the race is called off, with valentino bagging his fourth consecutive victory - a streak he of course started at laguna. his second and last win on US soil
motegi 2008: the title-sealing race and fifth consecutive win - not the most exciting entry on this list, but earns its place by featuring a bit of a duel between title rivals casey and valentino for the lead (after they both get past dani, casey in a rather rude way that he apologises for with a hand gesture) (not that he gives the position back and valentino immediately swoops through too). motegi had always been one of vale's weakest tracks, and it must have felt extra sweet to clinch the title at the home race of his perennial enemies at honda (as he miserably failed to do in 2005 in a deeply embarrassing performance)
^'scusate il ritardo', or 'sorry for the delay': this title was special given the heartache of the two previous years. all smiles with casey and jorge (who comes to parc fermé to congratulate his teammate)
*sepang 2008: as was sometimes rare in that era, this race involves several good fights going on simultaneously down the order. the fight for the victory ends up coming down to valentino and dani, and it's a nice little duel they put on - plus there's also dovi's dramatic fight for the final podium position to enjoy
jerez 2009: dani and valentino's young teammate jorge lorenzo are the clear pre-race favourites and there's a slight fear one of them will run away with it... but jorge never quite finds his groove and ends up crashing, while dani very much does not run away with it. valentino finds something extra after being absolutely nowhere all weekend, as he had a habit of doing. features valentino shadowing first casey and dani - and a particularly nifty contact-free block pass at the infamous final corner on casey. valentino's first win of a tough season
****catalunya 2009: one of valentino's finest career victories - and another example of his ability to wrest control of a season when he needed to. off the back of two tricky/embarrassing races at le mans/mugello, it felt like the time had come to demonstrate he was a serious contender in that year's championship... as well as assert himself within yamaha over his increasingly troublesome young teammate. the stakes are clear: jorge sorely wanted to win in front of his home crowd and valentino sorely wanted to beat him there. after a strong start, the physically ailing casey falls back, letting jorge and valentino soar off and fight it out as they take turns to tail each other around the track. a duel for the ages and the victory that transforms his fortunes in that season (some more details in this post)
**sachsenring 2009: a few races after catalunya, it was once again jorge and valentino to fight it out for the win - unusual for two yamahas at that track. it's a duel that has been overshadowed by catalunya, but this is another gem: a close and dramatic battle at a time when it felt like jorge was the one who had something to prove. but valentino demonstrates how hard it still is to best him in head-to-head combat, and he ends up beating the number 99 bike by the pleasing margin of .099s (listen I have no evidence for this but in my heart of hearts I 100% believe he noticed and appreciated this fact)
misano 2009: this race followed valentino's massive error in indianapolis, crashing and reopening the championship fight at a time when it looked like he had things perfectly under control. his traditional special home race helmet is dedicated to taking the piss out of himself - featuring a donkey because of how "stupid" he had been. but in misano he was the "flying donkey"... look, it's not the best race you'll ever watch, but after a poor start (surely not), he does do quite a nice job to overtake dani for the lead. in parc fermé, his team dons donkey ears, and he gets his own pair to wear to the podium as he greets his ecstatic fans
**sachsenring 2010: valentino's early season was troubled by a motocross shoulder injury he'd picked up after qatar, and he had to push harder and harder to keep up with an ever-improving jorge. eventually, he pushed too hard and broke his leg in mugello. this was his first race back, returning sooner than anyone had expected (except casey, who thought people were making too big a deal out of the whole thing) - and he immediately was on the pace, to everyone's surprise (not casey's, who thought valentino's main problem was just losing a bit of muscle mass). this race features an excellent duel between casey and valentino in the closing stages for the final podium position, with casey stealing it from valentino at the very last gasp. it was an impressive performance by the pair of them, a heartwarming demonstration of how mediocre bikes and broken legs can be overcome by the power of mutual contempt
***motegi 2010: do you ever feel overcome by the sudden urge to watch someone be an absolute asshole for no good reason? if so, then I have the perfect race for you. jorge is very close to clinching that year's title, and in truth it's a pretty sure-fire thing given dani is out with injury. still, it's generally not considered good form to ride into your teammate at the best of times. valentino continues to struggle with his fucked up shoulder late into the season, but spite will do all kinds of magical things for you. it's a race-long battle for third place between the yamaha teammates, and the last few laps in particular are uh. intense. features valentino dangling out his leg to increasingly comical extents - whether to try and mitigate the shoulder issues or whether to physically block jorge is anyone's guess. jorge basically rides right into the leg more than once. there are at least three separate extremely dubious moves valentino pulls on jorge. you can tell jorge is losing his mind. you can feel the sheer concentrated malice radiating off valentino. when valentino gets off the bike, the mic picks up how he tells the yamaha team that it "was fun". not everyone would agree
^you'd think a season in which valentino had broken his leg might be one where everyone lays off the dramatics a little, but somehow this year was the one in which valentino's relationships with both of his main rivals soured considerably and made the final step from 'rivalry' to 'feud'. there'll always be a slight air of unfinished business to the casey rivalry in particular, but 2010 did end up unwittingly providing us with a few gems. in the motegi qualifying press conference (pictured above), vale talks about how he knows he needs shoulder surgery - but is determined to delay the surgery until the end of the season. it wasn't a good decision for his shoulder
**sepang 2010: the race that immediately follows motegi. valentino doesn't qualify particularly well and starts worse, dropping back to 12th during the first lap as jorge and dovi set out in front. but valentino determinedly sets after them - and when he catches up, they engage in a lovely three-way scrap in the race in which jorge can seal the championship... as long as valentino doesn't knock him off. this doesn't reach the viciousness of motegi, but it still involves three riders who clearly really want to win and also really want to beat each other. his first victory after the broken leg - and his last one for a long time
jerez 2011: thing is, right, if you just ignore the bit where he wipes both himself and casey out and then has to pick the bike up and start again, it's actually a really good ride! can't fault it! did his thing in the wet again! just one little. uh. blot on the copybook. I wouldn't even say the ambition outweighed the talent as much as it was his patience, given he knew it might be the only chance he'd get for a big result for a while on the struggling ducati. it's the kind of misjudgement he makes relatively rarely in his career, and speaks to his frustrations with the continuing shoulder problems as well as the underperforming desmosedici. casey was less than sympathetic
le mans 2011: it's le mans, it's raining, you know how it goes... these conditions were pretty much the only times valentino could manage a decent pace in his ducati years. this one should've gone on the dovi list too actually, not least because jorge executes an extremely rude move on dovi I feel confident in saying dovi did not appreciate (he gets jorge back with a far more polite and civilised move). casey runs off with the win by a fairly obscene margin but behind him there's plenty of talking points - not least the hugely controversial clash between dani and sic that leaves jorge, dovi and valentino fighting for the two remaining podium spots
*le mans 2012: valentino might have expressed mixed feelings over the course of his career about riding in the wet, but it sure did its job during the ducati years as the great big equaliser. now, point of order: in my casey rec list, I described this as 'not a great casey race', which I don't stand by at all. the last casey/vale duel (that also heavily features a vale/dovi/cal crutchlow tussle), with valentino stalking and harassing casey both at the start and the end of the race - though he did exercise some advisable caution... initially. involves a last lap overtake and is valentino's best ducati performance
^the last podium valentino and casey shared, in the race after casey announced his retirement. usually it's a bit easier to tell when a valentino feud is at its worst, and the two of them joked in the press conference about how they were thinking back during the race to their 2011 jerez clash. ducati were in such a miserable place in those two years that in truth, nobody could have done much with that bike - casey certainly could have done more, but by 2010 the bike so awful that valentino outscored casey that season even after fucking up his shoulder and breaking his leg. vale's sole dry podium in the ducati seasons came at an emotional home race in misano the year after sic's passing, though unfortunately it's not a particularly watchable race. there are some other rides in those two years that are strong in isolation, but valentino isn't the star of the show - and really, it'd be a waste of our precious time to talk any more about two years that were a waste of valentino's precious time
qatar 2013: the first race back with yamaha and the first race of a 'qatar trilogy' of sorts, i.e. 2013-15, where valentino just keeps executing extremely watchable races by qualifying poorly/dropping back at the start and then fighting his way through. by the time he catches up with the pack, race winner lorenzo is long gone - but valentino can still have his first fight with the next big thing in motogp, the rookie marc marquez. there's an optimism to this race, the hope of new beginnings in a series that perhaps needed some life breathed back into it... and so did valentino. all three men on the podium have good reason to be delighted, and show it. valentino truly had not known if he could be competitive again after the dark ducati days, and he looks happier here than he has in ages
*assen 2013: his first victory in the post-ducati days and a track at which he had always been strong. partly helped out by jorge's collarbone injury (though assen had always been a bit of a bogey track for jorge), valentino overtook stefan bradl, marc and dani for the win. it's not the most thrilling of races, but is still perfectly enjoyable - and you can tell by valentino's reaction how much it meant to him
qatar 2014: bar a few high points, valentino's 2013 season had been troubled and frustrating as he found himself unable to match the top three in the championship. he decides to make one more big move - this time not by switching teams, but instead by firing his long-time crew chief jb. the start of 2014 is all about seeing if he can become competitive once again... and if he cannot then he will retire. qatar is a promising start, coming back from a poor qualifying to engage in a tightly fought duel with marc that lasts until the penultimate lap
misano 2014: valentino clearly stepped up his game this season, making him decide to continue on racing in motogp in a year in which marc was dominating the competition. race wins, however, remained elusive - but there is nowhere valentino would have rather emerged victorious than his own backyard. the opening stages are a proper fun three-way tussle between valentino, marc and jorge. valentino gets to the front and marc pursues him, so doggedly determined to get the better of valentino that he ends up crashing. the rest of the race isn't all that exciting, but it's notable as the first race in which valentino directly outperformed both marc and jorge when they were fully fit. the ranch visit happens after this race
phillip island 2014: never the most gifted of qualifiers, valentino would continually struggle to get to grips with the new qualifying format introduced in 2013 - and his grid position of eighth was typical of the time. but you can't fault him for his ability to pick his way through the field as he does here, which culminates in his enjoyable duel with jorge for what was then p2. he got lucky with marc's crash out of a sizeable lead, but it was still a good ride to ensure he would be the one to take advantage
***qatar 2015: it takes one corner for the 2015 championship to be blown wide open, when two time defending champion marc marquez goes off and drops to the back of the field. for much of the race, it looks like jorge will be the primary benefactor, battling it out with two revitalised ducatis. valentino starts badly and drops to tenth, but he works his way through the field - and eventually it is he who fights the ducatis for the win. this is actually a really nice marc comeback ride too, even if he never comes into victory contention. it is also a statement victory from valentino. game on
^valentino started the season on a high, daring to hope that the elusive tenth title might finally be his. the optimism would last roughly until they got to europe and jorge hit his stride, after which it was a gruelling defensive campaign to try and cling onto his points lead
**argentina 2015: the thing is, right, qualifying poorly isn't great. starting poorly also isn't great. but if you want to be fighting for titles, you should maybe pick a struggle and stop doing both. valentino's championship bid that year has all these charming races where he's still at the fuck end of nowhere after the first lap before heroically picking his way through the field, which feels needlessly exhausting but there we are. it is, however, exciting to watch how he creeps closer and closer to marc - and he eventually catches up on the penultimate lap. the resulting duel is short but memorable
****assen 2015: a duel that will always be remembered for the controversy surrounding the final chicane, but the whole race is a fantastic watch. valentino needed a result after jorge had won four races on the trot and had led 103 consecutive laps - and he played the weekend perfectly to achieve it. his only pole of the season and, excitingly, actually a good start too... but marc quickly slots in to sit on his rear tyre and it's a fight that continues the entire race. did valentino know what marc had been intending to do at the final chicane, given marc had admitted to repeatedly executing the move during that weekend's practise sessions? or was it just quick thinking that allowed him to read marc's move and realise he only had one counter available? we'll never know for certain - though marc was suspicious of valentino's motives and eagerly made his thoughts on the matter known in the post-race press conference. the beginning of the end
**silverstone 2015: after brno, valentino had surrendered the championship lead for the first time that season on countback and it was obvious he was in serious trouble. silverstone had proven a fairly happy hunting ground for jorge over the years and it looked like he would continue doing his thing that weekend... but then the rain came to the rescue. valentino spends most of the race with fellow wet weather expert marc stalking his every move, until marc goes down and valentino is left managing the gap to a late-charging petrucci. one of the finest wet weather performances of his career - and in several ways jorge got lucky to limit the points damage
^valentino's shadow, until marc pushed it too far and crashed. was marc more determined to beat valentino here than he would have been anyone else? valentino sure seems to think so - he later references both this race and misano as ones where marc aroused his suspicions. who knows, he might be right, but there's still a sizeable difference between competitive fervour and conspiracy
****phillip island 2015: one of the classic multi-rider fights. what valentino lacked in outright pace, he made up for in wheel-to-wheel skill and fighting spirit... except in the end, he couldn't completely make up for the deficit. all year, valentino had been fighting against the odds to keep his championship dreams alive - but at last, they were truly slipping, slipping, slipping away
**sepang 2015: one last roll of the dice, classic rossi-style... but this time it all goes horribly wrong. when the duel between marc and valentino arrives, it has an air of inevitability about it - as, perhaps, does the final outcome. but the fight itself is captivating to watch, in a raw brutality that befits the tragedy we are watching unfold. the penalty that valentino receives after the race is what truly dooms any remaining title hopes
valencia 2015: another doomed title decider, though valentino's race itself cannot really be faulted. he picks his way through the field from the very back and makes it to fourth, but he could never have hoped to catch up to the top three. quite a boring race afterwards bar some late marc/dani scrapping
jerez 2016: it is admittedly hard to vouch for the quality of this race precisely because it is such an extremely non-valentino way to win. clear and complete domination of the race - in a way he had otherwise been incapable of doing post-2009. while the title fight ended up being a bit of a dud for various reasons, early 2016 held promise that this year valentino would be able to match his two enemies on raw pace
***catalunya 2016: after the dramatic closing stages of the 2015 season, everyone was of course waiting for the first proper on-track duel between valentino and marc. it took a while to get going at catalunya, with valentino getting a typically poor start and having to ruthlessly work his way through to even get to the marc fight. but it's worth it once he gets there - like all their on-track encounters, it's a fierce battle of wills nicely complemented by the contrast in styles, and you can tell how ferociously determined they are to get the better of each other. the race that prompts the slight rapprochement between the pair of them
silverstone 2016: maverick vinales ran off in the front to claim his first premier class win, though the fight behind him is well worth watching - and warranted a mention on the marc list too. the first part is good, but the final laps are what it's all about, as the multi-rider scrap distills into another vicious little encounter between valentino and marc. as ever, with these two it's personal, and they're hardly shy in their ferocity fighting each other. but valentino makes clear afterwards he has no complaints... even if marc always reserves a "special treatment" for him
cota 2017: a lovely whiff of controversy to one of the better races cota has produced. valentino is involved in a feisty clash with the rookie johann zarco, who was well on his way to acquiring a certain kind of reputation within the premier class. it's fair to say valentino was not a fan, and he's certainly not a fan of zarco's attempted overtake that valentino argued forced him off-track to avoid taking them both down. he's slapped with a three tenths penalty his team decided against informing him of - which he's still unaware of when closing up on dani with a few laps to go
^not quite the hand-holding of yesteryear, but it was something. the pair of them disagreed in the post-race presser about zarco's aggressive riding - and, perhaps, valentino's off-track excursion that supposedly granted him an unfair advantage reminded marc of a certain other previous incident. riding standards remained a major talking point for all of that season, most notably in assen and phillip island (though valentino himself ended up coming under some criticism, in particular by pedrosa after aragon). the two rivals agreed more often than not, even if valentino still had his reservations. after phillip island: "all riders are very aggressive, so you have to be more stupid than them"
**assen 2017: his last grand prix victory and it's as true to him as brno 1996. a rough, bruising tussle between riders who aren't afraid to exchange paint, with plenty of high quality racing on offer. some rain adds to the excitement - and valentino still faced a sturdy challenge on the very last lap. he remains the only rider in history to have recorded a grand prix win over twenty years after his first. he said afterwards that "sincerely I race with motorcycle for what you feel the five, six hours after the victory". in many ways, it feels like a scarcely believable amount of commitment for so fleeting a reward
****phillip island 2017: multi! rider! scrap! in! australia! valentino's strongest result after a broken leg in a motocross accident took him definitively out of the title hunt (the second serious motocross-related injury that year for him). anyhow, they're at it again and it's a brutal battle between several protagonists who are happy to get their elbows well, well out. valentino's leathers were marked by rather a lot of rubber by the end of the race - but the most important thing is that everyone had fun!
sachsenring 2018: valentino's 2018 performances were generally stronger than the results would suggest, with yamaha increasingly out at sea in a new era hurried along by the return of the michelin tyres. still, he put together a strong first half of the season and was marc's main challenger points-wise. even this late in his career, he demonstrated his willingness to continue to learn and improve by studying satellite yamaha rider jonas folger's performance fighting marc the year before at the circuit, joking after the race that nobody had ever told folger the yamaha wasn't supposed to be good around there. while in the end valentino couldn't really pose a significant challenge to marc, he gives it a good go and gets involved in a fun fight with jorge along the way
****assen 2018: one of the classic multi-rider dogfights, and valentino contributes very nicely to the drama of the race - not least as a result of his deep love for the final chicane. while the winner always had something extra in his back pocket, a rather unfortunate late coming together ends up (probably) depriving valentino of what would have been a deserved podium place
argentina 2019: marc disappears the moment the lights go out, but the battle behind him provides plenty of excitement. there's a bunch of riders fighting for the remaining podium places, elbows nicely out, but eventually valentino and dovi have it out in an entertaining contest that goes down right to the very last lap
^winning a last lap duel against andrea dovizioso... what, like it's hard? a year on from an eventful argentina grand prix, marc memorably likens his handshake with valentino to kissing a girl. the last podium the two of them share
andalusia 2020: some silly good defending against his teammate throughout the race that mainly had the effect of allowing fabio to escape. valentino's result was quite the heroic feat given the gruelling physical conditions: 36 degrees celsius with horrendous track temperatures, with only 13 of 21 riders making it to the end. the blistering heat also hardly helped with the tyre preservation that plagued this portion of valentino's career; managing these tyres was one development too far for his ever-evolving riding style to adjust to. two academy riders could have denied valentino's final career podium, but both their bikes had the decency to break down
^three yamaha's stood on the podium that day for the first time since 2014 phillip island, and presumably for the last time until around 2064. valentino celebrated enthusiastically to the empty jerez grandstands, 21 years after his infamous visit to the portaloo at the same circuit. valentino's decision to retire was complicated by the pandemic, his past ability to bounce back from rough patches and - most of all - his inexhaustible passion for racing, but eventually he called it a day after the 2021 season
#brr brr#//#motogp#batsplat responds#race rec tag#nobody count how many races this is. just don't do it#i'm sorry it's just a silly long career#most exciting thing about posting this is finally getting this shit out of my drafts. getting sick of trying to scroll past it#when i was compiling the casey rec list i was like 'oh i feel bad for including laguna'#and by now i've progressed to 'here are valentino rossi's twenty biggest flops'. quite literally if you counted it probably#i do realllly need to go back to casey's list and make a few additions. why did i say le mans 2012 wasn't a good casey race :(#i think i missed out like three of the top six casey/vale duels which is a lesson in checking your notes more carefully before doing these#i do low key hate this list i feel like i've run out of good ways to describe races without getting horrendously repetitive#people always take the piss out of commentators for cliches but you do kinda run out of ways to phrase things pretty quickly#at least i've not once used the phrase 'famous victory'#also btw if you're looking for full noughties seasons to watch - think it's pretty uncontroversial to go 2004 and 2006
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whenever we get anything new in FGO all i ever see is people being downright mean
I won't pretend FGO is some groundbreaking piece of writing or media, it most certainly is not. its flaws are laid bare. we know this. i'm talking about how right out the gate the things being said aren't criticism, it's slinging outright hatred at it?
legitimately. if you see new things coming to a game you say you hate, and you find yourself being grouchy about it, why are you doing that to yourself? why are you still here?
#proper criticism is all well and good dont get me wrong#having proper expectations is also good#but im talking about folks who are like. i hate fgo. and list 35 things that make them rage about it#but they continue to keep up on news about it#why?#if you hate it so much why are you here? go find something that brings you joy instead
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Every time someone twinkifies and or babies a male character that is neither of those things I lose a hair on my legs and that’s not cool bcs I need that shit
#ramblings#twinkifying male characters is hateful and cruel when they are most CERTAINTLY not#lemme list#chris kratt#Martin kratt#piers nivans#david camp camp#exact same thing goes for making very cool buff woman skinny and fragile#or again super hairless and clean#Casey jones too tbh#kim kitsuragi#I really could go on
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