#makes me feel like i’ll be okay
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everyone needs to be kind to every nurse forever actually
#marzi speaks#these people have been treating me with so much kindness. they encourage me and they make it their goal to help me be comfortable#i’ve never been this sick in my life before#when i was admitted my hemoglobin levels were at a 4.8. that is Nothing#this morning they were up to a 9.something. which is far far more stable#but the goal is for me to get producing my own hemoglobin again and get back up to the 12 ranges#these women have been bringing me food. literally cleaning up my shit (though i graduated to being able to use the normal bathroom today!!!)#bringing me anti-nausea meds for when the antibiotics get overwhelming and blankets for when i get cold#it’s so nice. they’re so so kind#if you know a nurse thank them for what they do. i mean it#being in the hospital is horrible but kind compassionate nurses make it feel less horrid#makes me feel like i’ll be okay
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(read from left to right →)
🌸 The negligible self 🌸 chapter 1, p.1 to 7
A comic based on a serirei (from mp100) fanfiction written by @homosexual-fanfiction (@/ch_am on Ao3)! Please go read the fanfic there too because it’s really good!!! T v T
I don’t know if I’ll adapt the whole story (even if I really want to!!!) so for now I’ll try to do as much as I can, starting with that first chapter (which is already entirely storyboarded)!
Thanks to Camp for allowing me to draw their story and for helping me while designing some of the settings and Aimi <333 and thank you again for writing such an awesome and inspiring story!!
You can find Camp here too: @ch-am
I hope you’ll enjoy this first bouquet of pages!!💐
Here’s the link to the fic!!
#mob psycho 100#mp100#serirei#fanfiction#fanfic#reigen#reigen arataka#serizawa#serizawa katsuya#the negligible self#comic#when I’m reading a fic that I really like it gives me the same kind of feels u have when you’re in love u know??#(or it makes me want to be in love at least???)#like this excitement you feel in your chest and the urge to put your face in your hands to giggle hdhdhdhjd#anyway I’ll stop being embarrassing now fanfictions are amazing I wish I was able to write stuff like that#(I guess I can draw comics instead so that’s okay?)
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“That’s it? That’s the Hazbin hotel season one finale?”
#yeah I’m not even mad I just feel nothing lol#no rage…not angry just….wow okay what a nothing burger#I’m just depressed like this show makes me feel nothing now than it did before#I’ll make a post about it sometime later when I feel like it#long story short it was okay but obviously not good#there’s still so many plot holes and it was rushed#like lol#vivziepop critical#spindlehorse critical#hazbin hotel critical#anti vivziepop
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Also hey I wanna say too that pretty much every single headcanon ever is valid. Even if they aren’t popular, even if they go against canon, even if they change on the regular and make for a throughly transformative work.
I think fandom is supposed to be fun and honestly it just acts like a toybox of sorts? With all these malleable characters as action figures that you play with as you like. If you wanna make them bigger or smaller or change their species or what they present as or how they sound or even act - you can! You can and you should!
Have fun, because you’ll inevitably find others who like what you do too. And even if you don’t, as long as you like it, then that’s what matters.
#this is something I’m saying partially to myself too#personally I have a huge problem of wanting to ‘justify’ my headcanons#where I do my damndest to ‘prove’ that what I headcanon is possible in canon#because it personally makes me feel much better and less anxious#but it’s something I gotta move past because sometimes rule of fun is better than canon justification#I still personally prefer to keep close to canon or within the realm of canon for my works#but I think I’ll stop trying to justify every little thing and just have a little more fun with it#but yeah saying right now that even if it’s not my personal cup of tea or something I headcanon myself#I will still fight for people’s right to have fun with these toy box action figures#is there an argument to be made of ‘at some point these characters just become OCs’? yeah but…who cares?#idk this was mostly something for myself to keep in mind but in light of recent events#I think I’ll post it too#also wanna say - don’t attack others for their headcanons#if you don’t like it then block them#remember that there are real people here that you could hurt okay?#the way they connect with a character will inevitably be different than you
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i really want to make isat friends…
#in this moment…#but i’m too scared ;-;#you guys all seem rly fun n cool n sweet#i love seeing tags on my art n everyone is so so nice!!! i’d love to reach out n make friends so bad#but i’m. terrified.#my usual method of making friends is starting a private discord server#n it usually goes amazing - it’s how i met my current family and how i’ve made so many friends!!!#but i’m petrified right now. something in me broke a while back and i don’t know if it’ll fix…#i hope that… i can make one soon. maybe after i get back on my meds i’ll be okay.#but!! like. in the meantime#if anyone. wants to try ? i may be slow and scared and overly guarded bug i want to make friends#and i’ll Try if anyone feels up to reaching out? ;-; i’d appreciate it tbh!!! but no one has to!!!#i wrote myself a lil script tfgvu for a comic maybe. itll be so annoying but it’ll be a very person piece n i think it’d b good for me to#make ngl… a good look into my Twisted Mind (/s/s/s thats a joke!!!!!)#SORRY THIS IS REALLY REALLY VENTY JGUGGUG#i have difficulties my whole life with feeling like a perpetual outsider <3 i need to work on that somehow
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Growing up as an only child people would always like talking to me and say I’m nice and generous then when they found out that I’m an only child they’d tell me “oh so you’re spoiled and don’t know how to share?”. And it was always so frustrating because why would I be spoiled? Yes both of my parents attention was only on me but they raised me right? And I’ve met people that are spoiled and not brats, like spoiled brat and spoiled are two different things.
And I love sharing and always have bc I never had anyone to share with so I like letting other people use my stuff. One of my friends that I did so many things for all of middle school (I gave her homework answers, pencils, erasers, bandaids, some of my lunch, gum, etc) told me that I don’t know how to share because I’m an only child. We’re not friends anymore because at one point she started rushing me to do my work so she could copy and she would not let me concentrate and she wouldn’t copy my shit while I was doing it and then she’d get mad at me because she was failing. But anyway, I was a little mad because you KNOW me, but you’re just gonna say that because why, exactly? It was like people were always telling me what I should be like and telling me that I don’t understand any childhood experiences.
And then I get told I must not know how to compromise just because I’m an only child? Like what? I will do anything to please you so what the hell are you talking about.
And people go on rants saying that parents need to start having more than two children because they hate only children. I’ve seen this so many times and it makes me a little sad because my parents tried, okay? Generalizing is not cool. They’ll hate only children just because they had a bad experience with someone that happened to be an only child. And then I’ll make friends with someone and when they find out I’m an only child they’ll tell me they never would’ve guessed because they hate only children. Thanks, I guess?
“You must not have a very good family bond” uhh why? My cousins are the closest thing I ever had as siblings growing up and I genuinely don’t understand when they would say this because it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with people my age.
“You probably get everything you want” i was told this just because I bought a new notebook when my old one ran out of pages. Again, what is the thought process here because it’s not like I can ask for anything and get it just because I’m the only kid my parents have.
I would say I’m lonely and want a sister and people would get straight up mad at me. “No you don’t you’re lucky” and you think there aren’t things I want that you have too? I literally feel so alone 24/7 but I guess I’m not allowed to feel that because at least I get privacy.
They also always assume I’m rich. I am very much not rich and I did have friends that lived in bigger houses and it made me so insecure about mine. Idk what it is about assuming only children are rich. I wish being an only child came with that bc then I’d never complain again. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.
Anyways. This was a random rant. I just remembered that I would get so frustrated because I would literally cry from the fact that I didn’t have a best friend or someone like a sibling to talk to, and then I’d be told my feelings weren’t valid. I know this is such a non issue, but just sharing I guess.
#idk it’s midnight#can’t sleep#and I’m feeling lonely and this was the result#I might go crazy if I can’t find a best friend that will call me their best friend back#everyone seems to have their person but me and that’s not fair#only child#only child core#if anyone gets mad bc they can’t handle someone has a different experience I swear#rant#midnight rant#random post#and when my parents die I’ll be alone#I literally cry thinking of it#and I either live up to their expectations or literally nothing else bc J haven’t really thought of a plan b#all the pressure is on me and that kind of sucks#only child culture#only kid things#but yeah call me spoiled just because my parents couldn’t reproduce another offspring#the fact that I’m so scared to not be okay because my parents only have one daughter#I’m trying so hard to make it worth it#only child experience#spoiled brat#according to everyone#eldest child#middle child#and when they say ‘attention whore’ as if said attention doesn’t feel like being under a microscope sometimes
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i don’t really wanna live in a world where yosuke is less homophobic honestly. it’s interesting? i’d like to live in a world where persona the franchise is less extremely misogynistic (et al), but that’s actually different from yosuke the character exhibiting shitty biases. (are these things often presented similarly? sure, but they’re not at all inextricable. it’s pretty easy to not put teenage girls in skimpy outfits for sake of the camera while still having a character objectify them, as a purely hypothetical example). if you’re gonna rewrite a script to correct one of those things, yosuke being homophobic would not be my choice. it’s like not even his only issue. why not make him less misogynistic and mean and insecure and heteronormative and selfish while you’re at it? the various shittinesses are core yosuke characteristics, he’s a different guy if you get rid of them, even if it’s unpleasant. i think he’s interesting cause he sucks
#love and light to all the ppl who tell me abt the yosuke romance mod and how it makes him less homophobic#i appreciate the sentiment and you don’t gotta feel bad abt telling me a thing exists if i wanna avoid something uncomfortable#but i’m aware it exists and i’m not about that life !#someday i’ll get around to watching it and i’ll post about how it changes his character (for better or worse)#but it’s not something i’m interested in as my primary p4 experience#some people like yosuke in spite of his shittiness. i like him BECAUSE of his shittiness. we are not the same#and that’s okay! far be it from me to tell you how to enjoy things!#but while i sympathize with minimizing his unpleasantness it just doesn’t compel me#rambles#yosukeposting#man you know i’m in deep the way i post random takes apropos of nothing every now and again#despite being primarily into other things lol#i’ll get back to p4g eventually but rn i am playing ntwewyyyyy#yosuke’s not leaving my head anytime soon though. solemn nod
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I think some inherent comfort of the party’s relationship, of why they’re so tightly knit and wholesome, is that it’s kinda the embodiment of "people that care for each other unconditionally, so much so that you could be the biggest freak on Earth and they would still not turn their back to you". Like, Laios’ whole character arc is that he was scared of others and their judgement, that he should hide a big part of himself and his interests to be tolerated if not accepted… But showing himself to others was the road through which the party bonded and got closer, and by the end of the story Laios literally turns into his monster because it was his biggest wish and everyone sees it and also he eats his human body a lot. After that he runs to the woods and is so scared of everyone not wanting to see him again, but y’know what. It’s fine his party still loves him, and aghhhh ouch my heart
I think also, Izutsumi was central to the party having a found family feel. The party was mostly made of work colleagues acquaintances, but adopting a stray/teenager that has no one on the way in your grand adventure really makes the whole family vibe skyrocket.
#Laios is kinda that “be so authentically yourself that it inspires others” thing#Dungeon meshi manga spoilers#SPOILERS#Dungeon meshi#The new year drafts purge#But yeah like. Be a little too ready to do necromancy? Y’know we don’t LIKE it but. It’s okay we’ll stick by ya.#Bro you CHEATED on your wife?? I am giving you the death stare forevermore but like I still care about you I’ll be worried if a horse break#Your arm. Oh you lied bc not knowing why she left you makes you feel foolish? HUH. Anyways I’m going to shower you in optimism#Sorry marchil possessed me again#If you’re a nasty cat teen who introduced yourself to everyone by threatening murder with a knife and doesn’t respect anyone or anything#… Sigh ok you can still snuggle with me in bed.#The ‘I will not eat any monster no I refuse’ to ‘asking a kingdom’s worth of people to indirectly eat your friend’s sister’ pipeline real#The pipeline is understanding and good faith and unity and love#meta
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Character Ask Meme
Lyney 14, 15 and 23
[Character Analysis Ask Meme]
Would Lyney be honest with you?
With his outgoing and fun personality, it oftentimes is easy to get caught within his flow. Lyney is the charming sort, after all, that one may very well forget that he is subject to the same struggles as the rest. Get to know him well enough, though, and you will quickly realize that this is not a fact he wishes others to know. More than a desire, he needs to be seen as someone in control, as someone without weakness. That’s his role as the big brother. And if that means lying, avoiding, and omitting the truth to accomplish it, then as an accomplished performer he will do as he must.
Does Lyney prefer to pursue or be pursued?
With a penchant for flair and dramatics, it’s clear to see Lyney prefers to pursue the people he’s interested in. Really, it’s one of the things he goes all out. With a trick up his sleeve, he won’t hesitate to dazzle you with flowers pulled from nowhere and fireworks from his tophat. He wants you to be enchanted. He wants you to be impressed! You are, aren’t you? You like it, don’t you? So focused on charming you that he often loses sight of much else. Fun fact, should you attempt to turn the tables, however, you can expect his mask of self-confidence to fall to reveal a rather flustered expression beneath.
Headcanons under the cut!
Headcanons
Self-focused - If there’s one thing that’s true about Lyney, it is that he is a very busy person. As a person with multiple masks and roles, his thoughts are often preoccupied with House missions, performances, new tricks, and things of the like. So, much to the dismay of others, it’s easy for things to become buried under the multitude of other tasks he needs to take care of. How often the simple things become forgotten—where he last left his wallet, tea time with his siblings, the sale on picture books at the bookstore. During those times, he really can’t help but appreciate his siblings and their ability to keep him on track. Really, he doesn’t know what he’d do without them!
Relationship-focused - It doesn’t hit you at first, but it doesn’t take you very long to notice how hard Lyney tries for your relationship. Normally this would be a good thing, but it is different with Lyney. Every day he tries to charm you. Every day he attempts to enchant you. You tell him he doesn’t need to try so hard, but that only seems to light a fire beneath him to do even more. You see it in his eyes. He needs to know you are still in awe of him, that you like him as much as he does you. And then it sinks in, doesn’t it? He doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust your feelings for him. You’re not sure if he ever will.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#lyney#lyney x reader#my writing#character analysis#okay let’s talk lyney for a bit#i think the biggest thing to know about lyney is that at his core he is an insecure person#insecure and anxious#imo he’s extremely attached to his title of ‘big brother’ that he needs to fulfill the duties if such#he needs to protect his siblings and be a person others can rely on#this belief is so strong that he refuses to rely on arlecchino for help and snaps at freminet for trying to get him to open up#he really cares about the way he’s perceived#remember when the traveler found out he’s part of the fatui and he spends his time bending over backwards to try to get them to trust him#‘like me! like me! please. i’m trustworthy i’ll never lie to you please!!’#honestly imo that’s just one if his faults like lyney is unstable#idk what possessed arlecchino to make him her successor like he’d crack under pressure#lynette is a way better option#but anyway bc of these things he would not trust his partner in a relationship. he wouldn’t rely on them#he’d never feel secure which would prompt him to keep trying too hard to ensure he’s still the person he thinks you fell in love with#the most important thing to remember with lyney is that he is a performer and the face he shows to the world is essentially a mask#on a separate note tho anon like…#you probably didn’t mean it but i am not a machine that generates text whenever you order me#answering these things takes time effort and energy#so like… if you’re going to send in an ask please at the very least say please or thank you#hell even a heart emoji would suffice LOL#sorry the headcanons are not the most romantic i’m no good with overtly romantic things
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knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it
#tumblr would be tumblr without me—as would the self ship community. it’s silly for me to feel so invested this Thing that is just that:#a Thing. it can’t give me the love or care or satisfaction with life that i’m looking for. i’ve been hiding on here—escaping reality.#because it’s fun to live in an imaginary world where i’m everything i want to be. where i’m the main character.#but in doing so i’ve been neglecting the ugly parts of my real life; the pain and hurt and harsh realities.#over the past couple months it has become apparent to me that i tend to put too much trust and effort into people#who have neither the capacity nor the desire to reciprocate.#so i just look like a fool in the end. (this isn’t about anyone here—just a pattern of behavior in general.)#at the end of the day#having thousands of followers on tumblr has no impact on my real life. if anything it makes me feel more isolated than ever.#because it’s yet another arena where i feel like i have to carve out my own space; i’ve never been good at taking up space.#anyway i suppose i’ll take the weekend away and see how i feel. i’ve had a lot of shit happening irl that has been so horribly difficult.#so maybe getting through all of that will help me feel more comfortable on my own blog again.#if you read this all i’m so sorry. i’ll prob regret posting my heartfelt thoughts in the future but at this very moment i don’t care.#self preservation be damned.#please support ficsforgaza; i’ll still be helping aleks over there because it’s one of the few places where i feel useful.#okay i’m done now. i’ll see you later. i wish you all so much love and nothing but the best.#tw personal
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woah so youre telling me no tortured gay has written a destiel/spn (college) yellowjackets au??? YOURE TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO WRITE IT????
#okay fine maybe i will#(i probably wont)#i’ll daydream it before bed#i feel like these fandoms parallel each other really well in the sense of angst and pain#i think i’d make them a baseball team instead of soccer#destiel#spn#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#supernatural#sam winchester#bobby singer#yellowjackets#me yapping#ao3#fanfics#ao3 fanfic
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you couldnt be born american because everyone knew itd make you too powerful.
I don’t… think so… if anything it would make me be born in debt and maybe even dead or at the very least very ill and unable to afford healthcare and or education
#every day I wake up thankful I am not American#I’ll read your comics. but that is all I want.#sighs okay actually I really want to work at Dollywood#I wish I could make that happen but I think I’m too old now#sci speaks#I think my family would not have a good time living in america#my dad is from Iraq. I think it might have been hell for me to grow up in america in the bush era. sorry.#I literally can’t imagine what it might have been like#it never came up while I was growing up in the uk#thank heavens I’m functionally white.#but I feel like in America there’s a much worse pressure to assimilate#and if I am even a little bit not white I’d have a hard time
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Remembering that Neil Gaiman is actually a part of this hellsite (affectionatly) is like waking up in a parallel universe where everyone shares their porn account with their dad.
It feels highly inappropriate, weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved, but also hilarious in a twisted way.
“Oh god, work was so exhausting today, but I wanted to let you know that I saw the gay video you added to our favorite-list and despite all odds I thought it was quite enjoyable.
…We do have to talk about that furry porn of yours though”
#cursed content#dark humor#neil gaiman#this might be the worst thing I’ve ever said on the internet#but i’m feeling silly today#good omens#the sandman#please don’t unfollow me I swear I’m normal#it’s 2 am and freedom of speech has gone to my head#tumblr meta#just tumblr things#humor#comedy#im in therapy i promise#if Mr. Gaiman sees this post: I’m sorry#you know a post is great when you already apologize for clicking ‘send’ in advance#hellsite (affectionate)#I feel like this plot would make for a great modern Kafka novel btw#okay i’ll stop
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playing kiwami 1 and man. all jokes about majima everywhere aside, it means Something to me that after kiryu gets out of prison the first and only person to go out of his way to find and see kiryu after 10 years is majima despite the fact that being in the tojo clan and fraternizing with kazuma kiryu at that point is basically a sin worthy of god knows what punishment (and in broad daylight at that). and all just because, in his own weird way, he missed him a lot.
#you know that quote that’s like. ‘you construct intricate rituals to touch the skin of other men’? yeah#I also feel like. well. actually I won’t say that yet cause I’ll make another post or add onto this with my next thought#cause I think it’s worth that#anyway yeah so far in kiwami ive found kiryu’s interactions with majima to get flirtier and flirtier Real quick#like it goes from ‘ugh majima leave me alone I don’t want to fight anyone without a reason to’ to ‘heh okay you wanna go? let’s do this’#pretty quick#I know that can be read as him just being satisfied with the Process working to get his abilities back after being out of practice and all#but. I think it’s a bit of both and that that fact attributes to his growing a fondness for majima#kazumaji#yakuza#yk1#kiryu#majima#rambling
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my feeling of responsibility for the gang makes me unable to go sidequesting without insurmountable guilt
#like I know theres SOOO much to explore and see in rdr2 and I WANT to see it all#me as arthur WANTS to see it all and help everybody#but the whole time I’m away from camp I feel like I need to rush right back and make sure everybody is okay#NEXT playthrough I’ll be more selective what quests arthur does and leave the rest for john#also some of the collectable quests were kind of a letdown like the dreamcatchers#and I don’t notice that much of a difference with the talismans#arthur morgan#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#my posts
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good morning friendz and happy tuesday !! what a beautiful day to treat ourselves with the gentleness we deserve ! 🌟 take a deep breath, roll back your shoulders, and you’re going to do amazing ! ^_^
#okay tumblr hates me bc i wrote out a whole yap in the tags but it deleted LMFAO#tumblr said shhh …. not too much now#all i was saying was that its bday week at the penthouse ! zoro obi + tetsu hehe oh me oh myyyy#i have a lot of stuff lingering in my drafts that i’d like to make a schedule for and start posting#i feel bad spamming the dash but it’s just rotting rn and i want it to be free . flop or not !!!!#but that’ll be decided after bday week bc it’s almost Tetsu Time !!!#have a great day friendz i’ll be back laterzzzz ! ^_^#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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