#these women have been bringing me food. literally cleaning up my shit (though i graduated to being able to use the normal bathroom today!!!)

[mars-ipan]

everyone needs to be kind to every nurse forever actually

[let-it-raines]

Something As Stupid As Jealousy and Queso (1/1)

Emma Swan is in love with her best friend. 

It’s the most cliché thing in the world, and she kind of hates herself for it. But she doesn’t hate Killian, not at all. And maybe, just maybe, if she focuses on her coursework and her finals she won’t have time to think about his stupid blue eyes or the way he makes her smile. 

Maybe, just maybe, she’s the biggest liar in the world. 

Rating: Mature (but just barely)

a/n: It’s the 15th, so it’s time for me to wish @carpedzem​ the happiest of birthdays! Nat is such a sweetheart, and she’s so talented! Like, if you haven’t seen her artwork, I encourage you to go check it out now. She’s been the most fun to get to know, and I hope this story is everything she wanted! I think I tried to get it all in there ❤️

Found on AO3 | Here |

-/-

“Hey, are you that – ”

“Yep,” Emma murmurs, picking up her pace and flicking her hand toward the guy who’s calling out to her. She doesn’t have time for this today. She’s got to fix a paragraph in her paper, which will inevitably lead to her changing the entire thing around, and she doesn’t want to be up until a minute before midnight turning it in at the actual last moment.

One and a half more semesters of this, and then she’s free.

Well, for a little while. She’s not exactly sure what her plans are yet for after she graduates. That’s the end goal here, but it’s also not something she can focus on right now.

Paper. She’s got to focus on her paper. One track mind and all that.

“Loved the episode last night,” someone else yells. She recognizes him. He’s in her Cross-cultural Prospective class, and now she’s going to have to hide away whenever they’re in lecture.

“Thanks,” Emma mumbles, flashing him a tight smile.

There are a few more comments thrown her way as she walks across campus, and after being told by some guy she’s never met that he would gladly have sex with her, she turns from main campus and walks an extra mile out of her way to get home without having to see anyone else.

She needs coffee.

And grilled cheese.

She also probably needs some water, but that’s a problem for another time.

Oh, Mexican food might be good tonight.

The moment Emma gets home, she kicks off her sneakers, leaving them strewn across the entryway, and drops her backpack to the ground before stalking into the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter. Mary Margaret must have gone grocery shopping this morning if they have fresh fruit.

As the coffee percolates and Emma bites into her apple, she pulls her phone out of the hidden pocket in her running pants and scrolls through her Instagram. She’s got her notifications turned off so she never sees anything unless she actually opens up her app. Things get too crazy otherwise.

@KillianJones33 mentioned you in his story.

Emma huffs, and clicks on the link until she’s opening up Killian’s story. It’s a video, and she immediately knows what it is.

The asshole.

“So,” Killian begins, “as you can see here is a perfectly clean house. However, if you look down at the floor, there’s a trail of shoes, specifically Emma Swan’s shoes that she has left in every room of this damn house….except for her bedroom.”

The camera flips around so she can see his face and the shit-eating grin he’s sporting. Why is he this way? He’s so damn dramatic about everything.

“Do you think publicly shaming her will make her pick her shoes up, or am I cursed to live like this forever?”

The coffee machine beeps behind her, and Emma tosses her half-eaten apple into the trash before grabbing a travel mug out of the cabinet and pouring it three fourths of the way to the top so she still has room for her creamer.  As soon as she’s got the creamer in and has the top firmly on, she starts walking out of the kitchen and through the living room until she’s turning the corner and walking up the stairs, kicking away a pair of her heels that she wore on a date last week. Killian’s door is closed, but she knows it’s not locked.

“You are an asshole,” Emma grumbles the moment she’s got the door open.

Killian’s sitting in his bed with his back resting against the headboard. His room is obnoxiously clean. It drives her crazy. All of his clothes are in his closet, his bed is made, and there’s absolutely nothing out of place. He claims it’s from being raised by a brother in the military, but she thinks he’d be this way no matter what.

This is probably why her shoe thing bothers him so much.

“Can you clarify why I’m an asshole, love? There are simply so many options.”

“Your video about my shoes.”

Killian clicks his tongue and raises his brow before returning to looking at his laptop, fingers tapping against the keyboard. “Your shoes are a menace. You have to pick them up.”

“Why would I do that when I have you?”

“Because I’m not your maid.”

“But you hate when things aren’t clean, so it drives you crazy enough that you clean it up.”

“Is that your entire goal? To drive me crazy.”

“Oh, absolutely.” Killian chuckles and keeps typing, and Emma takes the opportunity to walk over toward his bed and climb up on the mattress, settling down beside him and taking a sip of her coffee. Why is his bed so much more comfortable than hers? “Did you go to campus today?”

“Aye.” “Were you accosted by people?”

“I had seven different women ask me out on dates.” “Really?” Emma asks as her stomach flips.

He hums. “I haven’t even seen the episode, so I’m not sure what we did in it. Have you?”

“Nope, and I haven’t checked any other notifications besides yours.”

Killian clicks around on his computer, and Emma recognizes the program he uses to make the designs for the ship he’s working on. She has no idea how any of the engineering works on this program, but the artistic design looks nice. She can leave all of the engineering stuff up to Killian.

“Well, Swan, I say we watch it and see what our dear friends did to make us famous today.”

“If we have to. But if I hear something else about my brother’s sex life, I’m going to die.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“Just play the damn video.”

“Today,” David begins in his best on-camera voice, “we’re going to talk about arguments while in a relationship and how to deal with them. Now, Mary Margaret and I are no strangers to arguments.”

“I mean, I would say we don’t fight too much,” Mary Margaret adds in.

“Well, that’s not true, is it, honey?”

“It is true!”

“Last night we got into a fight over what to have for dinner.” “David, that was a disagreement over food. That was not a fight.”

“Yes, but we’re talking about disagreements as small as not being able to decide what to eat for dinner and as big as what would happen if you and your partner realize you have differing opinions on whether or not to have kids.”

“I still say disagreeing over food doesn’t count in our segment.” “That’s because we ended up having lasagna when you wanted lasagna.” David leans over to press his lips to Mary Margaret’s. “We can have chicken tacos tonight.”

The video has a quick transition before shifting over to Emma and Killian standing the kitchen as Emma stuffs half of a croissant in her mouth all at once while Killian presses a beer bottle to his lips.

“Oh my God,” Emma mumbles, “they’re literally arguing over whether or not they argue and then telling people they don’t argue.”

“I’m sure their audience is eating it up, love.”

“Oh, I know they are. It’s ridiculous. They’re all ridiculous.”

Killian snickers into his bottle and his eyes fall to the camera.

“People like watching them sweetly bicker, Swan. I mean, obviously. It’s how they get to live in this house. It’s how we get to live in this house.”

“Yeah, but you pay rent while I don’t.” “Which I believe is nepotism.” Emma rolls her eyes. “Technically, I’m not biologically related to either of them, so can it really be considered nepotism?”

“Aye, it can.”

“Emma? Killian? Can you settle this for us?”

They both groan, and Emma buries her face in Killian’s shoulder while Killian playfully tugs on her ponytail.

“You argue,” Killian answers, “but you rarely have a heated fight. It’s always calm and collected and very rarely does it last more than a few hours.”

“Except for the fight over the handles in the kitchen,” Emma mumbles.

“Swan, don’t bring that up!”

Emma pulls her forehead off Killian’s t-shirt and looks up at him. His brows quickly move across his forehead. “It’s true, though. I thought I was going to start having two Christmases.”

“You have two Christmases now.”

“Okay, well, three if we keep talking about tha handles. Mary Margaret’s, David’s, and yours.”

“It’ll be a damn fine time.”

“Emma,” David interrupts, “stop flirting with Killian and answer our question.”

“If that’s what you consider flirting, it’s amazing you ever got married.”

“Aw, but he’s so charming,” Mary Margaret sighs.

“Here we go,” Killian grumbles. “You got them started, and it’s never going to stop. What time is your first lecture today? Ten?”

“Yep. You want to give me a ride?”

He waggles his brows. “Why, Swan, I thought you’d never ask.”

Emma slaps his shoulder and reaches around him to grab his mug and take a sip of his coffee. “You’re an asshole.”

“I like to think I’m a scoundrel and a devilishly handsome one at that.”

“Shut up, KJ.”

“As you wish, milady.”

“All I wish is for us to get out of here.”

Killian pauses the video there before looking back over to her. “Are you interested in watching the rest or are we just going to assume they’ve imparted wisdom on their loyal YouTube followers on how to have a healthy argument?”

“Nah, I’ve heard enough of that for most of my life. I don’t need to hear it now. Plus there’s the risk of the whole sex life thing.”

“Really? Because I feel like maybe you could learn a lesson or two about having a healthy argument. I’ve been the recipient of one too many lashings from you.”

“Maybe if you weren’t an asshole and showed the world me being messy then we wouldn’t have this issue.”

Sighing, Killian leans over and presses his lips to her temple. “Just pick up your shoes, darling.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Emma gets up from his bed, knocking over a pillow before standing and tugging her leggings up. “I’ve got to work on my paper. You want to get dinner tonight? I’m thinking Mexican. I’ve been craving queso for about an hour now, and I have to have it.”

“Uh, yeah,” Killian starts, scratching his ear, “maybe another night. I’ve got a date tonight.”

Emma’s fingers loosen on her mug, and she has to quickly grab it before she drops it. “Wait, what?”

“I have a date. I told you I was asked out.”

“I had a guy tell me he would have sex with me, but I didn’t take him up on it. I thought you were joking about all the dates.”

“Twas not.” He flashes her a smile, all of his perfectly white teeth on display. “Good luck on your paper, Swan. You’ll be grand.”

“Thanks, KJ. Good luck on your date.”

“Darling, you know I don’t need luck when it comes to that.”

“Well, if your head keeps getting bigger, you might. Wouldn’t want you to not be able to fit in the restaurant.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Emma nods and turns on her heels until she’s walking out of Killian’s bedroom and heading back down the stairs. She needs to get her backpack and her laptop and start working, but the determination she felt on campus has melted away. She doesn’t honestly care about school right now, is definitely in the burnout stage of the semester when it’s only halfway through, and she desperately needs fall break. That’s just…three weeks away. She can do three weeks.

She can do this paper.

And prep for her internship interviews.

And pick up all her damn shoes.

-/-

“Emma, are you going to want some of this chicken?”

“No, Marg, I’m good.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“Mhm.”

“Have you eaten since noon?”

“Um.”

Mary Margaret sighs, and Emma knows that she’s eating dinner with Mary Margaret and David whether she likes it or not. She probably should. She had some cereal this morning and then maybe that apple and…shit, she really hasn’t eaten, has she?

“I had an apple?”

“Why are you saying that like it’s a question?”

“Because I very much feel like you’re my mom right now.”

“I am four years older than you. I am not your mom. We go out for drinks!”

“You’re also married to my brother, who likes to act like my wannabe dad, so it kind of factors in or whatever.”

“David,” Mary Margaret says, placing her hands on her hips, “can you believe that Emma thinks we act like parents?”

David turns from where he’s manning the stove. “Considering Emma only lived with my mom for three years and has lived with us for four years, I feel like maybe we do have that kind of parental thing going on. Just by having her longer and all.”

“That’s horrible logic. Also, I think she knows too much about our sex life for us to be parental figures.” “Oh my God, kill me now.”

“I still think Emma should be banned from watching those particular videos.”

“Well, it comes up pretty often. It’s not like we can tell her don’t watch from minute four to minute nine because we’re talking about sex.”

David hums. “Maybe we should do that. Less scarring that way.”

“I am famous online,” Emma sighs, falling back onto the couch and closing her laptop. She’s only got one more paragraph to edit on this damn paper, but she needs a break. She ended up changing the whole thing, and it was too much. “That’s all because of you guys. I could continue on in my anonymity if you guys didn’t have cameras all over this damn place and like to include me. I have been scarred enough. I don’t need more.”

“You said you were okay with that!” “I mean, I am, but – ”

The stairs creak, and before Emma knows it, Killian’s walking into the living room. He’s got on a pair of dark jeans and a gray button-down, his favored leather jacket tossed over it. It’s what he wears all the time and is not exactly something special, but his shirt is unbuttoned more than usual so that she can dark tufts of his chest hair and the silver of the chain he wears, his mom’s wedding band at the bottom.

Shit.

Emma sits up from where she’s stretched out on the couch and desperately tries to fix her hair while her stomach tightens and her throat is doing that stupid thing where it doesn’t let air pass through.

“Oh, you look nice, Killian,” Mary Margaret says. “Where are you off to?”

“I have a date.”

David drops the pan. “Date? You didn’t tell me about a date.”

“It was a last-minute thing, and last time I checked, you weren’t my keeper, Dave.”

“I don’t care about you dating. I care about the fact that I made food for four and now we’re going to have to put half of it in the fridge.”

Killian chuckles and shakes his head. His hair doesn’t move out of place. “I think you’ll survive. See you guys in the morning, aye?”

“You assuming you’re going to get lucky?”

Air. Emma needs air.

“I’m assuming you’re all going to be in bed before ten tonight, but if you want me to wake you up – ”

“I will murder you,” Mary Margaret growls.

“Noted.” Killian salutes them before nodding his head and walking toward the front door. “See you later. Swan, don’t let Mary Margaret murder me later.”

“I’ll try,” Emma hums before waving her hand, ushering Killian out the door.

Shit, shit, shit.

“Who is his date with?” Mary Margaret wonders.

“I’m not sure. Emma, do you know?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” she croaks, “some girl who asked him out after seeing him on the show.”

David’s brow raises. “Really? Women ask him out after the show? Because we include the two of you because our viewers think you have so much chemistry and should be dating. I’m surprised by that.”

If Emma could disappear into nothingness, she definitely would. She hates talking about the damn show already and definitely doesn’t want to talk about it when it comes to this. Killian gets asked out by all of campus while she has every guy she speaks to assume she’s dating him but still offer to fuck her.

It’s a curse.

It’s also not like it matters because Emma’s an idiot who is definitely in love with her best friend like some kind of giant cliché that David and Mary Margaret would include on their show.

“But good for Killian,” David continues as he turns the stove off. “I hope it works out for him. He’s had a rough go of it since Milah.”

Mary Margaret glances over toward Emma, pity in her eyes, and Emma has never loved and hated Mary Margaret as much as she does right now. Emma’s never said a word about Killian in the whole having feelings for him regard, but Mary Margaret knows.

She always does. Some kind of magic intuition with that one.

“David, sweetie, why don’t you set the table? Include a seat for Emma because she’s eating. I’ll finish preparing everything.”

David nods and kisses his wife’s cheek, effervescent smiles on both of their faces.

That’s them. It’s not perfect. That’s what they tell their viewers, and they mean it. But it’s pretty damn good, like some kind of realistic fairytale where you have to wake up the next day after riding off into the sunset.

At least you’re waking up with the person you love, though.

Dinner is fine. Well, it’s good. It really is. The food is delicious, and she genuinely enjoys spending time with David and Mary Margaret when there’s no talk of the show or school or anything else that she’s tired of hearing about. David starts laying out Christmas plans despite it only being October, and they try to figure out her dates to go spend time with Ruth as well as Killian’s family. She almost makes a quip about Killian having someone else to bring to his brother’s Christmas this year, but that would be beyond stupid and petty.

He’s going on a date. He goes on dates all the time. Hell, she does too. She went on one last week. They never amount to anything.

Besides, who is she to keep Killian from living a life that makes him happy?

David and Mary Margaret go to their room a little before nine after helping Emma finish up her paper, and Emma grabs a blanket out of the basket before stretching out on the living room couch and turning on the television to watch a movie. She doesn’t really care what’s on. She’s mostly looking at her phone anyways because she’s absolutely and totally pathetic.

This isn’t her. She’s not some girl who gets caught up in feelings and emotions and jealousy. She’s tougher than that. Hell, she lived most of her life in foster care, and none of that was pleasant. It was whoever was biggest and strongest winning, and she’s not about to go back to being someone who is weak. She’s not going back to being the girl who Neal took advantage of.

If anyone else were inside her head, they’d tell her she was being stupid with that thought process, but they’re not inside her head.

And they’re definitely not keeping her from scrolling through Killian’s Instagram feed.

He doesn’t post that much. He’s just not very into it, but last week they went to the beach, and he’s a sucker for posting a picture of the ocean. There are a few of those, several with Robin and Will, even more with Liam or David, and then there are the ones with her. Those are the ones she takes the most time to look at.

There’s a picture of her sitting under her favorite tree on campus. It’s shady and comfortable for her back and she likes to sit there to study so no one but Killian will bother her.

@KillianJones33: If she stays in this spot long enough, I believe she’ll become one with the tree.

Not his best caption, but they can’t all be winners.

There’s another of the two of them at the beach. Her cheeks are red and her skin tan while her hair is curling into its natural state. They look happy, cheek pressed against cheek, and if she does say so herself, her breasts look fantastic there. That bikini top is a miracle worker.

@KillianJones33: Jones and Swan are at it again, and by that, I mean there’s sand in some rather intimate places. I wonder if Emma will help me out with that later.

She keeps scrolling to picture after picture, the others mixing in with the ones of the two of them, but her eyes only focus on the certain ones. Her favorite, she thinks, is one that Liam took at Christmas last year. Her hair had looked fantastic that day, mostly thanks to the ribbon Elsa had tied in it and the magic of her curling wand, and that’s the first thing Emma notices before she looks at the fact that she’s kissing Killian’s cheek while he smirks down at her, the slightest bit of blush on his cheek.

This picture is framed in her room, but it’s nice to see it this way too.

@KillianJones33: Not pictured: the mistletoe.

PS: there was no mistletoe.

Have his captions always been this ridiculous? She guesses he can’t exactly write the dirty quips he usually says. Or, at least, write them to the full extent. He might get kicked off Instagram.

Her stomach churns, the chicken obviously coming back to haunt her, and Emma quickly exits out of the app. She almost goes back to look in his tagged photos to see if there’s anything new there, but she’s not going to be that desperate. Instead, she turns back to the TV and tries to pay attention to the movie and not her phone or the clock ticking away in the kitchen.

If she chugs an entire bottle of Nyquil, she should be able to fall asleep, right?

That totally isn’t a healthy idea.

Neither are most of the decisions she’s made tonight.

But hey, she’s finished with her paper, and she probably deserves to sleep through the night.

She obviously doesn’t fall asleep easily.

Emma’s on her second movie of the night when the front door clicks before it opens, Killian walking through soon after. She doesn’t want to see if he’s brought the girl home or hear about his night if he didn’t, so she pulls the blanket up over her face and turns toward the couch, trying as hard as she can to even out her breathing. Killian is far too observant for her to half-ass being asleep.

There’s only the sound of one pair of footsteps, though, and there’s no voices talking, so she breathes a little easier than she was. He walks around and steps into the kitchen, the fridge dinging when it’s opened, and then there’s a drawer pulled. She doesn’t really know what’s happening after that, and for a moment, she thinks about letting him know she’s awake. That idea quickly dies when she hears him come closer to her and then lean down until his scruff is brushing against her temple, quickly followed by the softness of his lips.

“Goodnight, love.”

And as quickly as he was there, he’s gone, walking up the stairs and disappearing to his room.

Her heart is beating unnaturally fast. This cannot be healthy. This should send her to the hospital or something.

Slowly, she turns on the couch until she sees a neon pink post-it note right in front of her.

Swan, the queso you wanted is in the fridge. I got a large, so I fully expect you to share it with me tomorrow. Saturday lunch date as a rain check for tonight?

Her cheeks flush, all of the blood in her body rushing there, and that can’t be good when her heart is still doing unnatural things.

He brought her queso.

She’ll forget that he only brought it to her because he was on a date with another woman. That’s not important.

Nope. Not at all.

-/-

She and Killian eat queso for breakfast, and neither of them bring up his date.

-/-

Midterms come and go all while Emma’s twenty-second birthday does the same. If she were to look back, it’d all be some kind of blur where her nose was constantly stuck in a book and the only time she got to breathe was when she was running at the gym with Ruby. But she knows that it wasn’t all that bad, that she mostly has a major case of being done with this whole school thing, and that there were good moments.

That there were also bad ones too.

But it’s fine. It’s good. She’s fine, and if she minds her own business, everything will be okay.

If only everyone else would do the same.

Mary Margaret and David keep putting out new episodes, which means Emma keeps getting stopped on campus and tagged in a million things online. It wouldn’t be a day in her life if she didn’t have some girl “literally screaming” over how cute she and Killian are.

The fact that comments like that solidify the stupid, stupid thoughts in Emma’s head really don’t help her.

But she ignores them, mostly, and keeps moving on with her life.

Killian keeps moving on with his life as well.

His schedule is mostly the same. He gets up and goes to the gym, usually dragging her along with him to meet Ruby before Emma even gets a chance to brush her teeth, and then they both head home to shower and get ready to go to class. Sometimes they see each other on campus to grab lunch, sometimes not, but all in all, things go on as normal.

Except for the fact that Killian misses dinner at least twice a week, if not more. She chalks it up to studying or working on a group project he has, which seems to be never ending. There are also the days where he’s gone doing the yard work he freelances from different neighborhoods around town. Yet, he’s mostly gone at night more than usual, and while he’s never been one to be shy about his dating life in the past, Emma can’t help but think that maybe something different is happening now with Belle.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the time that’s going to be different.

She could vomit.

He’s home tonight, though, and she really, desperately wishes that he wasn’t for once.

“So,” Mary Margaret starts, clapping her hands together, “we’re going to answer your questions tonight, and we’ve roped Emma and Killian into actually sitting down with us instead of standing in the kitchen talking behind our backs.”

“Can it really be behind your backs when you have cameras set up to record us?” Emma snarks.

“Those are behind the scenes secrets, Emma. Hush.”

Emma rolls her eyes, and makes the mistake of looking across from her to see that Killian is staring at her.

He doesn’t look away either, blue eyes peering into hers, and the moment his lips curl up into a smirk, she has to look away, focusing on David and Mary Margaret.

“Anyway,” David coughs, “you all submitted questions last week, so we’ll be going through them. First, from Cara G, we have ‘what would you do if you had feelings for someone you’re friends with but were unsure of how they felt?’”

Cara G has got to be kidding her.

This is the question they start with? And this is the episode where she has to give actual input? She would rather have to retake Organic Chemistry, and that was like legal torture she paid for.

“Tell them how you feel!” Mary Margaret gushes, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Love is such a wonderful thing, and you don’t want to regret what could have been.”

“Eh,” Killian coughs, scratching his ear. “It’s more complicated than that. Sometimes, I believe, you’d rather have the friendship and be content with that than risk mentioning you want to start a relationship and lose it all.”

“Do you really think you could lose it all though?”

“I think it depends,” Killian continues, grabbing onto his chain and absentmindedly toying with the ring. “Some people can move past that if their mate doesn’t feel the same way. Others would feel uncomfortable and run from that friendship. It’s not all black and white. It’s a million shades of gray, and if Cara’s friend is someone who is close, it might be traumatic to have to risk that friendship. Honesty is often the best policy, as Mary Margaret said, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. It can take time to build the courage.”

“I don’t think fifty shades of gray is our type of content, Jones,” David jokes.

“For all that I have to hear of your sex life, I think it might as well be. I said a million, not fifty. I know you’re rubbish at math, but there’s a bit of a difference.”

David and Killian keep bantering back and forth. It’s constant and a little petty, but eventually they do move onto other questions. Emma doesn’t hear most of them, though. Her heart is beating like a drum, and she can’t seem to focus. Killian had stared at her throughout his entire answer to the question, had barely blinked, and she couldn’t look away this time.

She can’t stop thinking about it.

Why would he do that? Why would he stare at her like that? Why the hell would that be the first question they answer? Couldn’t they have started off with something easy like good first date ideas?

This blog is the worst.

And she’s done with it.

-/-

Emma hasn’t slept more than four hours in two days.

That’s probably an exaggeration (it’s definitely an exaggeration), but that’s how she feels. She’s always thought people made too big of a deal about finals week, that it wasn’t actually as much torture as people make it out to be, and for the past three years, it hasn’t been. Hell, it wasn’t even that bad when she was working as a waitress at Granny’s and barely had time to breathe between classes.

This past week, however, has been awful.

Winter break can’t come soon enough.

(Is she always waiting for some kind of school break? Is that what her life is now?)

She hasn’t been able to focus. She looks at her notes, starts outlining and going into more detail, and then one page in she’s looking at her phone or getting up to go downstairs to get something to eat. She’s only got one final left, though, and she’s just got to power through it.

It would help if she couldn’t hear talking from Killian’s bedroom.

Belle is here, which shouldn’t be shocking, but it’s been so long since he brought someone home that Emma forgot he was capable of doing that. She has been unnaturally obsessing over his dating life for the past few months, but she forgot about this part.

It was always the worst.

And the girl he’s with is an absolute sweetheart too. She’s gorgeous and kind, and Emma is sure she’s smart. She doesn’t hate her, but she could do without this distraction when she’s waist-deep in notes for her final.

It goes on like that for the next few hours, Emma trying to study while the noise from the other room stays steady, but eventually, she hears his bedroom door open followed by footsteps leading down the stairs. It takes nearly everything in her not to get up and look out the window to see if Killian is leaving with Belle. She doesn’t though. She has the tiniest bit of self-respect left, and she really has to study. Passing is all she’s focused on right now.

(Or, at least, two percent of what she’s focusing on.)

(She’s such a liar.)

“Hey, Swan,” Killian says as he opens her bedroom door and walks in, “I am absolutely starving, and I was wondering if you want to get some Mexican. I can get it delivered if you want. I think queso is calling my name, and I know it’s always calling yours. It can power you through your last final.”

“No thanks.”

His brow arches. “No thanks? Who are you and what have you done with Emma? You always want queso.”

“Nothing,” she mumbles, looking away from him to her notes. “I’ve done nothing. I’m just not particularly interested in getting dinner with you.”

“Are you okay?”

That’s the question, isn’t it?

“Just peachy.”

“I know you’re not because you just said peachy, and I’ve never heard you use that phrase before.”

Emma rolls back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. “Do you always do this?”

“Do I always do what?”

“Spend time with a girl, finish with her, and then decided ‘hey, maybe I’ll remember that Emma exists and ask her if she wants to get food?’”

His brows furrow as his arms cross over his chest. She definitely doesn’t pay attention to the way his sweatshirt clings to his arms. “Bloody hell. What are you talking about?”

“The queso! You brought me home queso because I said I’d wanted some, but you brought it home as takeout from your first date with Belle! Didn’t that piss Belle off? Doesn’t it piss her off that I live down the hall from you? Because I can’t seem to talk to a guy about you without him getting pissed off.”

She’s not making any sense. She knows she’s not. She just can’t seem to stop rambling and talking out of her ass. Seriously. This might be the dumbest, most confusing argument she’s ever picked.

She’s picked a hell of a lot of arguments, too.

“Ah, well.” He reaches up to scratch his scruff. “Belle and I went to Petite Violette, the French place downtown. I stopped and got you the queso on the way home. She didn’t know anything about it.” “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because you said you wanted it!”

“I don’t want pity queso! I don’t want to be an afterthought to the rest of your life!”

Killian groans as Emma stands from her chair and runs her hands through her hair, tugging at the strands. She’s crazy. She’s legitimately crazy. How the hell is she going to get out of this?

“It’s not pity queso, lass. Why do you insist on being so damn frustrating?”

Emma laughs before pointing to her chest. “Me? I’m the frustrating one? How the hell am I the frustrating one?”

Because she’s not making any sense.

“You’re making absolutely no sense right now! And because you can’t bloody see that I would rather eat queso on the couch with you than sit in nice restaurants with anyone else. I don’t want to keep going on dates when the woman I fancy lives five feet down the hallway and picks fights with me over cheese dip.”

Wait.

What?

What the hell?

“You absolutely asshole!” Emma reaches forward and pushes at his chest as her heart pounds. “You have a girlfriend. You can’t say shit like that when you have a girlfriend. Belle doesn’t deserve that.”

“Belle? You think Belle is my girlfriend?”

“Isn’t she?”

Killian’s chuckle is dark, and he turns around to thread his fingers into his hair before turning back around to look at her. “Belle is in the literature elective I’m in, and we decided we were better as friends. God, I can’t believe this is how we’re having this conversation. I just told you I fancied you, which is definitely understating it, and you thought I had a girlfriend. I’ve thought about telling you this for years, and we’re having it out over fucking queso dip.”

Emma has never felt so stupid.

And petty.

And like an absolute asshole.

It’s not Killian who is one. It’s her.

Yep. Definitely her.

She should really pick up her damn shoes.

In the back of her mind, Emma knows that she has several options here. She can either tell Killian she’s sorry and to forget about it, be an adult and actually hash whatever this is out, or she can take two steps forward and finally know how Killian’s lips feel on something other than her skin.

I don’t want to keep going on dates when the woman I fancy lives five feet down the hallway.

They can talk later.

Taking two steps forward, Emma wraps her arms around Killian’s neck, presses up on her toes, and then she kisses him.

She freaking kisses Killian Jones.

He’s mumbling something when their lips first touch, but she doesn’t hear it over the thundering of her heart. She doesn’t hear anything but Killian’s subtle gasp and the way that their bodies come together. He’s so solid. She knew that, but it’s different this way. Killian doesn’t move at first. His body and his lips are still, but then she’s being pulled even closer to him until she doesn’t know where she ends and he begins. She does, however, have acute awareness of the way that Killian’s left hand is on her lower back while his right is tangling into her hair until her entire body is shivering.

In the darkness of the night, usually after she and Killian have had a day spent together, she’s let herself imagine this as if it wasn’t something forbidden by her own heart.

She’s let herself imagine being as bold as the people who write into David and Mary Margaret’s blog, telling them of how they took that leap from friends to whatever this is.

Whatever this could be.

Killian pulls back from the kiss, and for half a second, Emma’s heart drops to her stomach. But then she’s blinking and looking up at Killian as he looks down at her, his fingers still toying with her hair.

“You’re absolutely impossible.”

“I think you kind of like that about me.”

“You’ve got no bloody idea how much I love you for that.”

And then his mouth is on hers again, slowly devouring her with the tenderness of the friend she’s known for three years and the fire of someone who is acting on feelings that he, too, was obviously harboring. Her mind briefly flashes back to two weeks ago, to the two of them answering questions for the show, and Killian saying something about not wanting to risk the friendship.

Sometimes it takes time to build the courage.

Or sometimes it takes Emma picking a fight over something as stupid as jealousy and queso.

She’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to eat Mexican food again.

She’s not entirely sure that she’ll ever be able to look Killian in the eyes again after this. Such a pity. She’s always loved his eyes.

“Emma,” he growls as her hands fall from his hair and move down his body, slipping underneath his sweatshirt until her fingers touch a thick patch of hair that she knows goes lower thanks to Killian’s penchant for not wearing a shirt. “I’m afraid that if your hands go any lower, I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“That was kind of the plan.”

He shakes his head, wonder in his smile. She imagines she’s got the same smile sketched across her lips.

“We’re talking after this, aye? Don’t think I’m going to let you brush past everything.”

“Don’t be like David and Mary Margaret.”

“Darling, you’ve practically got your hand down my pants. I’d rather you didn’t talk about your brother.”

Emma brings her bottom lip between her teeth and tugs on his jeans again. “Deal.”

He kisses her then, a building pressure mounting between her thighs and over her skin, and for all of the thoughts and reservations that should be building, there’s nothing in her mind but Killian and how good this feels.

How good it feels that this is with him.

How right.

Clothes are shed faster than she’s willing to admit, Killian’s mouth and fingers working wonders on her body before she can do the same to him. It’s wonderful and so damn satisfying while also being awkward and absolutely hysterical when it probably shouldn’t be. Emma has known she’s wanted this for longer than she’s willing to admit, but having your best friend be inside of you for the first time isn’t something that’s going to come without a little awkwardness.

It’s an awkwardness she’s grateful for.

Killian seems to be too because even with the sounds of skin moving against skin and moans that are a little too loud, his smile is so wide that he’s got crinkles around his eyes.

There’s something to be said about sleeping with your best friend, especially when he can easily slip between making a joke about a patch of unshaven hair on her thigh she hasn’t shaved before waxing poetic about how she feels wrapped around him. It’s foreign and familiar all at once, and Emma could get lost in the dichotomy of it all.

“If I fail my final tomorrow, I’m blaming you,” Emma pants out as Killian hits a particularly deep spot inside of her that is causing her breathing to be a little shallow.

“I’ll help you study when this is over.”

“That is true romance right there.”

Killian laughs as he dips his head down to run his lips over her jaw, inching over and over on her face until she’s swallowing both of their laughs with her kiss.

“I love you,” Emma whispers as her thighs tremble. “I wasn’t sure if that was clear or not.” Killian grunts and his thrusts falter before steadying as he stares down at her with those blue, blue eyes. She’s doing that thing where she can’t breathe again, but it’s in a good way this time.

“I love you, Emma. I feel like I always have even when you took my seat in Organic Chemistry.”

“It was totally worth it.”

“Aye, it was.”

This is weird and wonderful, and she wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else.

-/-

Killian does help her study for her final after all. He’s always been good at that, and tonight is no different. Except for the fact that his hand stays on the inside of her thigh, fingers trailing across her skin and teasing her, and they definitely get carried away once or twice and fall back into bed in between going over her notes and hashing out feelings. It’s pretty much her two least favorite things, but like everything else with Killian, it’s different.

Different is good. It’s what she needs.

-/-

She totally aces her final.

-/-

They get queso the next night to celebrate the ending of a semester and the beginning of some new, great things.

(Mary Margaret and David are totally going to have an entire episode about this, aren’t they?)

-/-

-/-

One-shot tag list: @therealstartraveller776​ @stahlop @shardminds @carpedzem @captainsjedi @galaxyzxstark @thejollyroger-writer @kmomof4 @tiganasummertree @xellewoods @idristardis @karenfrommisthaven @shireness-says @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @ultimiflos @jamif @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke  @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @spartanguard @snowbellewells​ @bluewildcatfanatic​

[dahliias]

hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting 

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will 

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for. 

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom. 

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them.  she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra. 

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people. 

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal. 

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger. 

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place?  she refused, obviously. 

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao. 

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still 

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks. 

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm 

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ????? 

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up.  ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

[bevseyeview]

A Woman's View: Amanda Orlando, Founder Of Everyday Allergen-Free

Welcome to a new series on Bev's Eye View! This series is called "A Woman's View", a little play on the tittle of my blog (sometimes, I think I am so clever...not). I love career profiles of women who are doing their thing and doing it well. I wanted to do this series as a way to motivate, inspire, and encourage women. Often times, these profiles are of people who have unattainable careers and unrealistic success. I wanted to profile women who are real, inspiring, and doing what they are passionate about! So, lets start with Amanda Orlando!

Name: Amanda Orlando

Age: 26

Current Job/Company: Founder, Everyday Allergen-Free. Associate Category Manager, Indigo Books & Music

Education & School: Human Geography degree from University of Toronto

You have a degree in Human Geography, what made you want to go into the book and publishing industry, along with being a food blogger? One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since graduating is that your career journey is not linear. Despite having plans, it’s good to be flexible to opportunities that arise. I got a job at Scholastic after working for one of my professors doing research on American declining cities. I thought it would be temporary but I ended up really enjoying being part of the publishing industry (I’m a very avid reader). It also helped me figure out how to get my book (Allergen-Free Desserts to Delight Your Taste Buds: A Book for Parents and Kids) published which is one of my proudest accomplishments.

As for food blogging, that came about for a few reasons. I got a camera as a grad gift and enjoyed playing around with it. I had this goal that I was going to use the shit out of it [and]become awesome at photography. I had a Tumblr page for a couple years, just for fun. My photography was alright but it was just a hobby at that point. Then I got a book contract and I needed to provide a photography portfolio. Suddenly I just kicked into gear and created this small portfolio of my best shots which they accepted. A few months before my book released I had an anaphylactic reaction to improperly labelled bread that contained dairy. I decided it was a sign and started an actual WordPress blog to write about my experiences and share recipes and photos. This grew over the year (2015) and then in June 2016 I decided to close that blog and re-brand as Everyday Allergen-Free with the help of my close friend Joella. We wanted to create a site that inspires confidence in teens and adults living with food allergies. I’m so happy with this decision.

  What is it about publishing and food blogging that you like? Food blogging: I’ve always been very creative and I get really into things. I can never sit still and I’m very passionate. Photography, writing, and just “creating” in general are things I could do literally all day, every day. It keeps my mind active but also keeps me busy physically. I could start working on an article or a shoot at 7am and still be perfecting it at midnight and that’s totally cool with me. I also enjoy sharing my experiences with others who are in the same situation as I am. I’m always challenging myself to do more, better.

Publishing: The curation aspect of my job is the most fun. I love knowing that the books I choose will be enjoyed by kids and will bring them joy.

You have an amazing website, what are the steps you took to start your site and why did you want to start your site? The first step I took was to say – I want this, I’m doing it immediately. You have to just commit. It helps to make yourself feel a sense of urgency – if you don’t do this, someone else will. I bought the domain, Jo and I researched the best hosting platform to use (Squarespace), and then worked on the layout behind the scenes. From there we started generating content immediately and booking collaborations well into the future. Within a week the site was live and active, and we were reaching out to brands and bloggers that we wanted to work with.

Where did you get the idea for your site from? I started looking for sites about adults/teens dealing with severe allergies back in early 2015 when I had that terrible reaction. But my findings came up short. Instead I began following a lot of allergy mom blogs because I felt the need to be part of a community; I needed inspiration. And then it sort of dawned on me that I had been managing my allergies my whole life and that I actually had a lot of experiences to share.

 What were some initial challenges you faced when launching your site? Time! Our main constraint is that we never have enough time to do everything we want to do. We are really good about scheduling though so we manage to make it all fit. Our other challenge is geography. We don’t have an office and Jo and I live in different areas of the city so travel time has to be accounted for. It would be great if we had twice as much time and lived across the hall from each other haha!

What does a typical day look like for you as a blogger and an associate category manager? My day job is 9 – 5-ish (often later) and does involve some travel. I keep a notebook open and as my blog ideas come to me throughout the day I write every one of them down. EAF is my second full time job and I work at it every night. I do a lot of pre-planning before every shoot; curating the cookbook and recipes, buying ingredients, cleaning, buying props if needed, washing/chopping/dicing so everything looks photo-ready.

On EAF we generally do one collaboration or cookbook review (with a guest in the kitchen) once a week, usually on Thursdays. When I get home from my day job I have to do all the prep I just mentioned, as well as booking future collaborations, long-term strategizing, liaising with companies/bloggers over email, tweaking the site, sharing posts on Twitter and Facebook, and Jo and I spend a lot of time brainstorming.

The actual photo shoot usually takes up the whole night and then I have about an hour of tidy-up after. The next day I’ll do the photo editing which generally takes a couple hours, and then writing the piece which takes a couple hours. I like to post more than once a week so I also squeeze in an editorial post or recipe post mid-week. These could take an hour or ten – completely dependent on the topic and format. This often involves some recipe testing and planning. Jo and I try to go to networking or blogging events to stay in the know. I also do some freelance writing/contributions to other sites and just finished working with my new agent on a proposal for a second book.

I usually wrap all this up by 12:30/1am so I can get a decent sleep. And of course I regularly follow my favorite allergy mom blogs!

What are the biggest challenges you face as a food blogger and an associate category manager? I hate to sound like a broken record, but time is always the biggest challenge. There isn’t enough of it.

  What has been the best moment of your career so far? My book launch party was probably the most exciting and satisfying night for me. That feeling made me raise the bar in terms of my aspirations. It was also amazing to see my first contribution to the Huffington Post Blog do so well. I wrote honestly about my own personal experiences and it got over 2000 likes/shares/comments. It affirmed that I was on the right path.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/amanda-orlando/allergies_b_9703216.html

What are the perks of your jobs?

In my day job I get to do some travel which is awesome. Visiting places that are new to me, like Frankfurt for example, also gives me great material to write about. I’m also always surrounded by books which is a dream come true for any book lover. Blogging is all perk for me. I love every aspect of it, especially meeting amazing new people and collaborating creatively.

You have a strong social media game, what are your tips for social media?

Our Insta account is really Jo’s domain but I think I still have some wisdom to share. Pick which social channels you like best and focus on those. There are so many sharing platforms and it’s impossible to make use of them all. Post often and at the times you get most traffic. Try to stay on brand! This may mean you have to open a second Instagram account for personal use, like Jo and I did. It may be tempting to share that family photo from your grandmother’s birthday but it might not be of interest to followers of your blog.

 How do you stay motivated and inspired doing what you do?

Honestly I’m always trying to one-up myself. Every time I finish a post I think about how I can do it better the next time, or what I can add to the site to make it more appealing. Comments or interactions are also motivating because you get to directly hear what people think of your content or how it’s impacting their life. I’m motivated by the fact that I want to do my absolute best all the time. Having a partner means you can feed off each other’s excitement.

Which other woman working in your field do you look up to?

She’s not in my field, but I really look up to Mindy Kaling as a creative inspiration. She’s hilarious, she created the career she wanted, and she’s so confident. That to me is everything I could hope to achieve.

What advice would you give someone who wants to do what you're doing?

Make the decision and then commit; don’t let yourself put it off.

You can find Amanda's Social Media Links Here (Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and her Blog). All the photos were provided by Amanda Orlando!

You can also get Amanda's book "Allergen-Free Desserts to Delight Your Taste Buds: A Book for Parents and Kids)" by clicking on the link!

Thank you so much, Amanda for doing this!!

What do you think of this new series, put it down below!!

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