#if Mr. Gaiman sees this post: I’m sorry

[larphis]

Remembering that Neil Gaiman is actually a part of this hellsite (affectionatly) is like waking up in a parallel universe where everyone shares their porn account with their dad.

It feels highly inappropriate, weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved, but also hilarious in a twisted way.

“Oh god, work was so exhausting today, but I wanted to let you know that I saw the gay video you added to our favorite-list and despite all odds I thought it was quite enjoyable.

…We do have to talk about that furry porn of yours though”

[idkhow-but-im-here]

OK OK OK OK OK

I finally finished Good Omens season 2 and I have so many fucking thoughts which I will list in no particular order:

The Doctor Who references are always golden. (somewhat related: that part when Crowley was bullshitting about war regulations in front of Shax & co in the bookshop? super reminiscent of Ten’s speedy sci-fi jargon)

The music, as always, fucking slaps, especially at the end of each episode when the theme is played in a related style I love it so much

Nina and Maggie!!! I do really like them as a ship (coffee shop + record shop? that’s a built-in au fic) but I also like how they’re not actually together at the end. I love how they’re so healthy in how they go about their potential relationship, both acknowledging how messed up it was for Aziraphale/Crowley to meddle with their lives and how dumb it would be to rush into something headfirst regardless of all the shit they had been through both togther and as individuals. Also Fuck Lindsay all my homies hate Lindsay, as much as I liked what they did with visualising her shitty messages (the blackboard and crumpled notepad sheets? because of coffee shop reasons and how Nina’s work and love life was suffocatingly forced together by the incessant behest of Lindsay)

<The dancing/ball/Jane Austen vibes3

Beezelbub and Gabriel!?!? When I first came across this ship on ao3 I thought this ship made somewhat sense but would stay in the realms of fanon yet here I am disproven and I can’t lie… they’re kinda cute together. I was caught off guard (like every other character) but fair dues to them. Their parallels with the ineffable husbands are just ughh *chef’s kiss*

^alpha centauri!!!^

Peter Davison and Ty Tennant??? Their appearances did make me giggle for meta’s sake. Perhaps a Georgia Tennant appearance in season 3? (if they make it please please please say they’ll make it)

WAS CROWLEY ACTUALLY RAPHAEL??? I thought it was just a headcanon/fan theory (which I did fall in love with after watching this beautiful animatic years ago) but Crowley having access to classified files and the Metatron mentioning that an archangel being cast out has happened before??? it’s becoming more and more plausible.

AND JUST PRE-FALL CROWLEY IN GENERAL HE LOOKS SO HAPPY all he ever did was ask valid questions goddamnit (literally). nebulae are very pretty I would also be indignant if they weren’t gonna stick around for long. AND THE PARALLEL TO THE FIRST EPISODE WITH THE WINGSSS

Crowley just being a good nice decent person all throughout time (the goats, children, helping out elspeth, ect) it makes me happy

ANDD Aziraphale’s reactions (both positive and negative) to aforementioned deeds create a great moral foil to Crowley and perfectly builds up to what we see at the end (I’ll probably write about s2 Aziraphale in a different post because man I have so many thoughts)

Crowley’s callbacks to the date lunch at the Ritz!! Him talking to Nina and Maggie about taking Aziraphale to the Ritz again to him pointing out the lack of a nightingale (idk if that was leaning into meta a little but it didn’t bother me) just HURT so damn much

“Emotional damage support angel” you’re damn right he is/was

The battery-powered candles lmfaooo and literally any reference to the fire, including the absurd number of fire extinguishers, had me giggling

Muriel is a goddamned (or not so in some sense) treasure, a little ray of sunshine with a heart of gold and dumb of ass. I adore her and found Aziraphale and Crowley humouring her hilarious.

THE SECOND COMING??? I’m sorry wHAT WE ALREADY HAD THE ANTICHRIST NOW WE’RE DEALING WITH CHRIST CHRIST? YOU CAN’T LEAVE US WITH JUST THAT MR. GAIMAN

and of course the bloody

K I S S

THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE OF CROWLEY FINALLY FINALLY OPENING UP AND JUST BEING WHOLEHEARTEDLY HONEST (going against his predisposition and entire NATURE to lie/omit or walk around the truth)

CONFESSING HIS TRUE FEELING AFTER COUNTLESS MILLENNIA OF PINING EVEN AFTER AZIRAPHALE DROPPED THAT BOMBSHELL

AND HALF STORMING OFF BEFORE GOING BACK TO KISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND THEN FULLY STORMING OFF

with aziraphale clearly unsure of how to react BUT STILL TOUCHES HIS LIPS IN SHOCK AS HE WATCHES CROWLEY LEAVE

That shit had me fully standing up on the sofa, arms in brace position, gasping, screaming, close to tears, indignantly repeating “NEIL GAIMAN!” every couple of seconds

Truly a brilliant scene and a brilliant season overall.

As always the cast, the writers, the set designers, the effects artists, the costumers, the camera crew, everyone who had a part in creating go2 was fucking fantastic.

[linklethehistorian]

salutations mr linkle the hyrule historian tumblr can u direct me 2 the last anon that said ur wrong bc i think they're great n I wanna give them a kiss on the lips!!!! anyway was it not u that said the OFFICIAL!!!!!!! 15 translation was wrong n bad so i dont think the opinions of anyone who considers rimbaud a doormat n wrote the abomination that is cherish are valid

anyway anon if ur reading this ilove u pooks u me n bitch tree anon n bully anon should b poly or smth we'd make beautiful children

Hmmmmmmmmmm, well I don’t remember anybody saying I was wrong, honey. 🤔 Last anon just asked me a question about if I’d ever considered something, and I answered! 😊

Anyway I’d love love love love to help you two hook up bc that’s so sweet and I want to meet your future children so much! 🥺💕💕💕 I could be a part of a real life love story! 🥺💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕 So cute!!! I don’t think Bully anon or Bitch Tree anon would be into it unfortunately at first, since they send me little hearts and cutesie things these days…. I’m sorry about that. 😔 Oh well! I’m sure when they hear your dedication to reach out to me they’ll still want to give you kissies somehow ‘cause they’re so dedicated to me too, just in a very loving way.

And yee! I did say the ‘official’ translation was bad! Thank you so much for remembering my words and sticking around my blog so long. 🥺💕 Anyway yeah, that unfortunately happens sometimes, and by sometimes, I mean a lot, ‘cause a) there are people out there who unironically think it’s okay to take creative liberties in translating because it’s their right as someone taking the time to do it (can’t be assed rn but if you search around this site enough, you’ll find an entire thread of translators talking about this), b), there are people who write for a lot of series they’re not into and therefore aren’t aware of all the context of previous novels, c) there are people who just slip up and make mistakes! Happens all the time unfortunately and most people don’t understand that if you misunderstand or change one thing it can change everything, and d) people who are tasked with translating 99% of the time never even talk to the people team of people who actually published the original, much less are in contact with the author themself! Mistranslations and drastic creative liberties happen a lot for example in the fandom I came from (The Legend of Zelda), which you can see a bit here! And if you still don’t believe me, you can go ask Dear old Author Neil Gaiman, who has even had some of the characters in his books turned from lovers to sisters and everything, a lot of the time completely without his knowledge until fans point it out to him! If you scroll his blog, I’m sure you’ll find those posts for yourself, assuming he doesn’t see an ask from you on if it happens. ‘Tis a sad thing, but Asagiri-sensei likely doesn’t even know when a mistranslation happens, much less do these people sit down and ask him things directly before doing their thing. He certainly doesn’t have involvement overseeing the process; that’s an unreasonable thing to ask of someone when it involves other languages they may or may not even be fluent in. And all the proof we need that it’s wrong is that the JP novel and the Stage Play (both things that Asagiri was directly, heavily involved in and/or directly penned the words of/material of the script for himself) both contradict it. If you’d like to take on that claim, since you’re implying I’m wrong, have at it! The burden of proof is on you, so, I look forward to seeing you send me the individual JP source lines of the Eng translations you want to take a crack at defending and a long wall of educational text explaining why each part of the English translation got it 1,000% right, directly in my in-box. If not, have a good day ‘cause I’m sorry, but I got limited time and other things to do right now, baby. 💕 I’ll eventually get to it myself some day, but right now I have other articles to finish first, art to make, and a fic to keep posting.

Speaking of which…OMG YOU READ CHERISH? 🥺💕💕💕💖💖💕💕💖💕💕💖💖😊💖💕🥺💕🥺💕💖💕💕🥺💕💖💕💕💕 That’s so sweet OMG OMG OMG! I’m glad you enjoy my beautiful ‘abomination’ enough to read and keep up with it! Don’t worry sweetie, the next chapter is on its way!

See this is why I love love love love love love love my ‘haters’ so fucking much, I adore y’all, I’d kill for y’all, OMG. You give me so much dedication and time, I know how much y’all adore me and I adore you right back! My beloved super fans. 💕💕💕💖💖💕💕💖💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺 Every ask I get and vague post I read makes my heart flutter, frfr, I’ve actually got an album I keep of screenshots of y’all’s posts to give me the motivation to keep doing what I do whenever I’m down. 🥺💖💖💕💕 This one goes in the collection for sure ahhhh 💖💖💕💕💕 I’m so important to people OMG IT’S SO CUTE AND SWEET

TAKE CARE OUT THERE ANON! PLS SEND ME MORE MESSAGES I LOVE THEM. I WAIT WITH BATED BREATH 💖💖💕💕💖💕💕💕💖💖

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE!!! PLEASE MAKE BABIES WHO ARE ALSO OBSESSED WITH ME, I CAN’T WAIT 💕💕💕💖💖

[habitmademedoit]

Hi, actually, please don't outright call me a moron because "that's what I get for being a smoker."

If you look at the tags/reblogs, the comments, and my own reblogs of the post you were referencing, as well as Mr. Gaiman's extremely polite acceptance of my apology, you'll see that I've been pretty accepting of the general roasting I've received that I've also done my best to be accountable for the legitimately shitty aspects of what I said. That's because I said an embarrassing thing as a result of not paying attention, and not only that, but I said it in a way that could be construed as being very insensitive to those who have struggled with or lost loved ones to nicotine addiction - Mr. Gaiman included.

Prior to your own reblog with the "moron" tag, I've gotten two types of responses. Type one is roasting me for the embarrassing remark - which is actually awesome because it WAS embarrassing and most of the roasts (including Mr. Gaiman's) were objectively hilarious. So like. I'm super down to laugh at myself with y'all. Type two is "Hey this actually insensitive/shitty because..." which is also awesome because I should be held accountable for when I say insensitive/shitty things.

So my response to type one roasts has been, "Haha you got me man so true I deff put my foot in my mouth there" and my response to type two criticisms has been, "I'm so sorry, you're absolutely right, I'll do better, thanks for holding me accountable." But, so far, you're the only person who's been deliberately insulting in a completely unconstructive way. L

"Haha that's what you get for smoking moron".

So my response to YOU is, "Please don't call me names or imply that I'm somehow a substandard human for indulging in a hedonistic addiction that I know is very bad for my health. Please also refrain from similarly insulting me for enjoying the cultural aesthetic associated with that addiction. Lots of people indulge in unhealthy habits because they believe that their enjoyment of those habits improves their overall quality of life, in spite of the fact that the habits themselves are unhealthy. The reason I'm asking you to not to say these things is because I believe my addiction to cigarettes is just another example of the extremely common human practice of indulging unhealthy habits for personal reasons, and I find your interpretation of my smoking habit offensive. Furthermore, it hurts me feelings when you call me mean names, like "moron," so please don't do that anymore.

Thanks for your time and consideration,

- Josh

Bruh smokers are gross. I can’t believe a stranger on the internet personally thinking you’re a moron for smoking has messed you up THIS bad.

I’m a fucking nobody. Who even ARE YOU??

Wild. This is all very wild.

[starsandsteelandbrokenglass]

Retellings Ranked: Classic Literature

We all had to read some classic literature in school (or at least we were supposed to), some good, some bad, some that we forgot as soon as we took the test. There’s lots of literary retellings out there, and as always I have some thoughts on a few. (Also, sorry there’s no Pride and Prejudice retellings on here I just don’t like Pride and Prejudice that much.)

(Please don’t come after me for rating your favorite retelling badly, reading is subjective, etc. Post periodically updated.) 

A Good Time!

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White- We read Frankenstein junior year of high school and it was difficult but very enjoyable. And I LOVE a good feminist retelling. Elizabeth is such a sidelined character in the original, seeing her perspective was great! Also just a lot of interesting dynamics and issues in conversation.

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman- This middle-grade retelling of The Jungle Book is spookier and less racist than the original, but just as much fun. Neil Gaiman delivers again with a creepy, delightfully morbid, family-friendly tale.

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray- Lord of the Flies but with teenage beauty pageant contestants. Read this a while ago, so may not hold up quite as well as I remember, but there’s at least some diverse representation, and a lot of girls supporting girls which is always excellent.

I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick- This one brings Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca into the modern age. Frick works in a lot of modern elements, and I really liked the way she framed and handled the mystery. Not quite as gothic-spooky as the original, but definitely a fresh and fascinating new take!

Pros/Cons

My Plain Jane by Cynthia Hand, Jodie Meadows, and Brodi Ashton- Jane Eyre, but with a super casual voice. Gothic atmosphere, ghosts. Struggles with some success to deal with some of the weirder aspects of Jane Eyre. You have to lean into the vibes, but if you can do that, there’s a lot to enjoy.

The Court of Miracles by Kester Grant- Full disclosure, I’ve never actually read Les Mis, but it’s one of my grandmother’s favorite musicals so I’ve seen it onstage like 3 times and the movie. Extremely neat world building. Way too many love interests. Very definite character portrayals that I didn’t always agree with, but followed.

The Madman’s Daughter trilogy by Megan Shepherd- These books use the same characters to retell The Island of Doctor Moreau, The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and Frankenstein, which is a lot, but mostly works? I did like books 1 and 2 more than 3, unfortunately, but some of the crossover is really neat. There is at least one love triangle though :(

His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler- A short story collection with 13 tales based on Edgar Allen Poe works. As always with short story collections, there were some I liked much more than others, but there was a lot of rep from marginalized groups, and some clever twists.

I Don’t Remember Anything, But I Did Rate It 3/5 Stars

Brightly Burning by Alexa Donne- Jane Eyre in space. I’m a big fan of Jane Eyre, wrote my first-ever research paper on it. This retelling did not make much of an impression on me, I guess.

...Pass

Anna K by Jenny Lee- Okay I feel very bad putting this one in this category because I...have not read Anna Karenina. Probably, I would have liked this more if I had. But I did not vibe with the plot. Love to see diversity, but this one was not for me. 

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys- I feel like this novel did important work by opening up Bertha Mason’s story in the 1960s. However, I did not actually like it. Also, kind of racist, which, you know, the 60s, but not great.

Want more of my thoughts? Check out Retellings Ranked: Greco-Roman Mythology, Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast

[theshybooknerd]

Hamilton Book Tag!

1. The Room Where It Happens: book world you would put yourself in

Absolutely Lord of The Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien. Possibly in Rivendell, where time doesn’t have much meaning.

2. The Schuyler Sisters: underrated female character

Susan Pevensie from C. S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia, she is almost never mentioned as a very strong character. She had to take care of her brothers, she excels in archery and I am still salty about how the author treated her at the end of the saga. The reason is a spoiler so I’ll put it at the end of the post.

3. My Shot: a character that goes after what they want and doesn’t let anything stop them

William of Baskerville, from The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Such an amazing character. His helper, Adso, can also be in this category. He doesn’t let anything stand between him and the truth, even when he has to make difficult moral decisions.

4. You’ll Be Back: Sassiest Villain

This villain is in American Gods, by Neil Gaiman. He is the true villain of the story, and is just soooo sassy. And cool. I’m going to praise him a bit more at the bottom because it’s a massive spoiler.

5. The Reynolds Pamphlet: A Book With A Twist That You Didn’t See Coming

Uzumaki, by Junji Ito. Ok it is a manga, but still, manga is literature right? Especially Junji Ito. Uzumaki, like every single other work by Ito, has so many unexpected turns that often I could just stare at the last page of the chapter thinking “what? why? please someone explain”

6. Non-Stop: A Series You Marathoned

I Regni di Nashira, by Licia Troisi. I’m sorry for anyone who does not know Italian and is missing out on this author and this series especially. I was so obsessed that I ended up reading the first three books in one week, at the seaside, and then I had to wait for an entire year for the last one to come out. It was pure torture.

7. Satisfied: Favourite Book With Multiples POVs

Ok ok it’s not one book, but The Demon Cycle, by Peter V. Brett. The last post was on this series so I’ll stop here, otherwise I’ll start rambling again about how great it is.

8. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: A book or series you feel like will be remembered throughout history

All the Harry Potter books, by J. K. Rowling. They are history, and I think they will be forever remembered among the books that shaped a generation (or more than one). 

10. Stay Alive: A character you wish was still alive

KINDA SPOILER (I think we all read this book tho):

Snape. And Fred. Why J. K. Rowling? WHY? 

11. Helpless: A relationship you were rooting for from the start

Laila and Tariq from A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini. Great book, it will always be in my list of “books I think anyone should read in their life”

12. Ten Duel Commandments: Favourite fight scene

I’ll avoid saying “literally every fight scene in The Demon Cycle” (ok I said it), and I will say the Battle of the Five Armies, in The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien. The first time I read this book, I was so surprised by this battle. The entire book before had some kind of “fairytale” aura, but this was perfectly staged. 

13. What Comes Next: A series you wish had more books

A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin. Man, if you read this, can you please please FINISH THE SERIES?

14. Right Hand Man: Favourite bromance

Not a book bromance but Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are the best.

15. What’d I Miss: A book or series you were late to reading

Ehm... basically 90% of them? I usually add the series that everyone is reading to my list, but by the time I reach those books the hype is gone  (⇀‸↼‶)

SPOILER:

Spoiler 1: Yes, Susan Pevensie. SHE DOESN’T GO TO NARNIA BECAUSE SHE LIKES LIPSTICK? Knowing how religious the author was, I wonder if it is a metaphor to say “you’ll not find salvation if you are fivolous”. It becomes even worse if lipstick = sex, which wouldn’t surprise me.

Spoiler 2: Mr Wednesday/Odin is my favourite character of the book, without him I would have rated it really badly. Somehow this one villain makes it really good, even for me (I’m not particularly fond of urban fantasy lol)

[esonetwork]

No One Wants to Read Your Crappy Book

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/no-one-wants-to-read-your-crappy-book/

No One Wants to Read Your Crappy Book

Hey, M. D. Jackson here. I’ll be back next month with more art related content. This month I’m giving over my post to my good friend Jack Mackenzie. Jack’s an author and he’s going to talk to you about writing.

Hey. Get in. We’re going for a ride.

No, don’t worry. We’re not going far. I’ll have you back before dinner.

So, I hear you’re writing a book? What’s it about? No, wait… don’t tell me… No. Really. Don’t tell me. Don’t care. I got my own books to write.

What I want to do is give you some straight talk about writing a book in this day and age. You’re probably not going to like it but you need to know it.

The first thing that you have to know is that no one wants to read your crappy book.

Mean? You think I’m being mean? I’m trying to help you. Sit back and listen for a minute, will you?

First off, here are the cold hard facts. It’s estimated that fewer than 1000 fiction writers in North America make a living from their writing. And I’m being generous at 1000. I’ve read some estimates that put that number at only 300. That’s out of around 45,000 writers and authors working in the United States alone. That’s .6 percent… not six percent but POINT six percent… less than 1 percent… of all writers.

Ahh, what the heck! I’m feeling generous. If the number actually is 1000 writers making a living at writing, that’s 2%.

Well, Okay, you have a better chance of making a living as a writer than winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning, true, but, those are still some slim odds.

Yes, I know, there was a time when writers who churned out short novels on a regular basis could make a living Not a great living, to be sure, and, yes, they would occasionally have to churn out some cheap porn novels under a pseudonym to make ends meet.

You think I’m joking? Have you ever heard of Loren Beauchamp? She was the author of such sleazy paperbacks as Campus Sex Club, Unwilling Sinner, and Strange Delights. She was also the pseudonym of science fiction author Robert Silverberg. I kid you not! Look it up.

My point is that it has never been easy making a living as a writer. Few authors could do it, even in the so called “Golden Age” of the paperbacks after the death of the pulp magazines. They needed day jobs or, like Mr. Silverberg, they needed to wear a mask and turn to the dark side.

How did this situation come about? Let me digress for a bit.

Back in the 1960’s the typical science fiction novel ran to about 60,000 words. These were slim volumes of about 130 to 150 pages. Mass market paperbacks in the US were sold mostly at grocery stores or neighbourhood pharmacies. They were displayed in wire racks that rotated. That’s where the thinner books were more desirable. The thinner the book, the more you could stack. You used to be able to fit about six paperbacks in a three inch rack.

So what happened? Why did these compact volumes grow to such monstrous size?

There are a few reasons, but chiefly it comes down to inflation. In the 70’s and 80’s the price of just about everything rose. That included paper and printing costs. Publishers found that they needed to increase the prices of their books to compensate.

But according to grocery store logic if you want to charge more for a product then it has to weigh more. You can’t just start using bigger typeface or thicker paper to do that so you start looking for longer novels.

And there was also this massively big book that came out in paperback, a little story about elves and stuff, called The Lord of the Rings. At 473,000 words it was a massive book that had to be broken down into three parts. But, oddly enough, that little book sold an amazing number of copies.

So, given that consumers would buy longer books and pay more for them if they were thicker, well, the writing was on the wall and there was a whole lot of it.

At the same time distribution channels dried up. The wire racks were gone. Publishers were charging more and more for thicker books, but the places that were left to sell these books couldn’t sell massive hardbacks unless they were bestsellers. Those pesky midlist volumes weren’t moving off the shelves fast enough. Stop sending us midlist books, the big bookstores told the publishers. Only send us bestsellers.

What’s that? Oh… you plan to self publish? Ahh, well, that’s different, then.

You see, according to a survey by Guardian in 2015, the average self-published author makes less than $1,000 per year. In fact, a third of them make less than $500 per year. And there’s over a million self published authors with more joining the ranks all the time.

I know, I know, I read those stories all the time too, about how a self published author sold a million copies of his book and got rich. I also see lots of stories on the news about the guys who won big on the lottery, or got struck by lightning. The fact is that most people, the vast majority of the population… don’t.

Think of it like this: You’re at a concert… an open-air, rock festival-type concert… You’re on the ground several meters distant from the stage. The stage is 100 feet high and the approach to it slopes up. 1000 people are standing on the slope. The headliners… say, Stephen King, J. K. Rowling, James Patterson and Neil Gaiman… are 100 feet in the air.

You’re on the flat ground. You’re trying to get closer to the stage. But you just can’t seem to push past all the others surrounding you… and there are a lot! They’re all waving their books in the air. Occasionally some author with a toothy grin and the right connections blows past you. Or one of the concert promoters escorts a cute red-head to the front simply because she’s a cute red-head.

You’ve been on the ground, pounding away at the ground for years on end and these fortunate few keep slipping by you and the grounds just keep getting more and more crowded.

That’s what the publishing industry is today for most authors.

So what does that mean for you and your book? Well, like I said, no one wants to read your crappy book. But… you can change that. Or at least make it more likely that someone will want to read it.

Here’s the thing: don’t focus on the stage 100 feet in the air. Focus on those around you. Be interested in their work. Talk to them. Make friends. Don’t moan and whine that you haven’t sold any of your books. Talk about your books if others are interested. If they’re not (and believe me, most people aren’t) talk about something else. What do you like? Comic books? Movies? Stamp collecting? Cookie recipes. Talk about that. Be genuine. Be present.

Have a website. Have a Twitter feed. Have a Facebook page. Talk about things you are interested in. People will find you. If this seems like a waste of time, just remember that those 1000 writers up there near the stage? They’re doing it too. So is Steve, J.K, James and Neil. They’re always out there, always talking. People like them. They like them and they read their books.

No one cares about your book. But if you are out there online or (post Covid, of course) in person at conventions or other gatherings… heck, even house parties… just be yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Be friendly. Be interested in others. If people like you they might read your book.

Look… maybe your book will resonate with a lot of people. Maybe some weird confluence of events will thrust you into the spotlight. Strange things happen. But you can’t control that. The only thing you can control is yourself. Be yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Don’t brood. Don’t moan. Don’t whine.

That’s all I got for you. I’m sorry it’s not more encouraging, but that’s life, right? And, hey! Look. This is where we started. I told you I’d have you back in time for dinner.

Take care now. Good luck with your book. Honestly. You seem like a nice person. I’m rooting for you.

jackmackenziewriter.wordpress.com

[thenightling]

Enough is enough!

Headcanon is okay but it’s NOT okay to headcanon falsehoods to make other people in a fandom look like perverts.

This below image was shared by @sandman-headcanons from another blog.  And though I agree with the basic message, the reason for it existing is rather disturbing and attacks a fandom because of a very bad misinterpretation passed off as headcanon.   

  That image was created by someone who is part of a faction of very new Sandman fans who have decided Daniel is still a child, Morpheus is his father. And anyone who says otherwise MUST be a pervert.  That is the problem.

There are people “headcanoning” (And thoroughly believing) that Daniel (the character in that image) is still a child and Morpheus is his father and therefor imagining Daniel doing anything grown up i.e. having a relationship- must be a pervert.  

Imagining / headcanoning that Daniel is a child and Morpheus is his father would be okay (though contradicting of actual established canon...) except they have deemed that anyone who images Morpheus and Daniel (as canonical adults) together- even just in an intellectual / emotional relationship is a pedophile who is pro-incest.

They are treating any Sandman fan who doesn’t see Daniel as a perpetual toddler as a potential pedophile.

I was even told that I “ship a three-year-old with some old dude” by a complete stranger who isn’t familiar with Sandman (but took someone else’s word about it) because of this post that I wrote over a year ago.   

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/171750432893/why-ive-started-the-crackship-of-morpheus-and

(Ironically one of the first likes of that post is Neil Gaiman, himself...)

And I was harassed for refusing to delete that post.

It’s NOT a sexual post!   I don’t post that sort of thing anyway.

Enough is enough!

Do I really need to tag Neil Gaiman, himself, to ask him to please ask you to refrain from righteously harassing and LYING about half the Sandman fandom!? 

If you can’t grasp that Daniel isn’t a baby and Morpheus is not his Daddy, go ask Neil Gaiman about it.  You know he’s here on Tumblr.  Maybe Neil Gaiman can explain it better than I can.  I have tried.  

 There’s a limit to what counts as “headcanon” especially if the headcanon requires contradicting the lore and slandering half the fandom. 

1.  We are literally told they are both aspects of Dream of The Endless.  It’s like Odin and Mr. Wednesday in American Gods.  Morpheus, himself, compared it to facets of a jewel.

 Personification shards of the same being.  This is a major plot point for The Sandman: Overture to even work.   This isn’t my “interpretation.”  It’s a literal requirement for the story to even happen.  It’s the only way the scene where Morpheus meets the other aspects of Dream works and the only way Morpheus can mistake the cat creature as another aspect of Dream. 

These aspects of Dream can exist so autonomously from each other (despite technically being the same entity) that Morpheus was tricked into thinking the cat creature was another aspect of Dream.

  The Sandman: Overture cannot happen without what I’m saying being taken as canon.   It’s not merely my “interpretation” as some of you seem to think.

The very reason Daniel knows what to do and when in The Sandman: Overture is because he has eight billion years of knowledge and memory.

   2..   Time moves in Vertigo at the same speed as the real world.  The baby Rose was pregnant with in The Sandman: The Wake (when Daniel became the dream lord) is the woman on this cover in Daniel’s arms.   She is canonically in her mid-twenties now.

Hell, simply even mentioning who Ivy’s great-grand-parent is has gotten some people accused of being pro-incest.  But...  Desire being the great grandparent is canon.  We have no say in the matter.   That’s the established lore.  acknowledging it doesn’t mean you agree with it. 

3.  When Daniel was conceived MORPHEUS WAS STILL IN THE GLASS CAGE!   He cannot literally be his father. We’re directly told in issue 12 that Lyta was pregnant for years.   YEARS.   Morpheus had only been free for about eleven months at that point.   It’s simple math.   

This isn’t headcanon anymore.  This is harassment based on false information and it needs to stop, now!

Tagging those who may want to see this nonsense in action.

@zal001 @sorry-for-the-chocolate @missghostlymoonshadow  @vagaryhexxx, @deathlyendless @endlessemptynight @treebrooke79  @deathlyendless  @good-times-bad-food @watertribe-enya​  @everthewildeone​  @lamb90​ @artwinsdraws​ @winterbirdybuddy​ @jr4cats​

  This is what  I’m talking about.

I do NOT condone pedophilia.  I am strongly against pedophilia and incest. 

I never will condone it.  But you need to stop twisting a false narrative in order to pretend half the fandom are perverts!

Ironically some of these same people headcanoning that Daniel is still a child (thirty years into his ruling of The Dreaming) and bullying, shaming, and antagonizing anyone in the fandom who doesn’t share this canon-ignoring interpretation, are now discussing erotic fantasies about the new character, Ruin.  A literal new-born Nightmare.   Adult body and adult mind, yes, but technically he’s actually a newborn.  

By the way, Neil Gaiman had also liked this post, wishing Daniel a happy 30th / 10 Billionth birthday so...

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/190343770213/happy-30th-10-billionth-birthday-to-daniel-hall

You can access Neil’s liked list from his blog.

[detectivejigsawpines]

The Disgruntled Angel

Aziraphale had to do something he didn't want to, and is now moping about it. Hopefully amusing, hopefully not something Mr. Pratchett would be ashamed of. Or Mr. Gaiman, I guess, but between you and me Mr. Pratchett's approval means more (don't hurt me, Gaiman fans). Probably pre-book.

Aziraphale was not in a good mood. Crowley could sense it from outside the bookshop, even from the sidewalk. It wasn’t that the “Closed” sign, which he often ignored anyway, was up in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday-that was common enough. It wasn’t even that the main light was off, leaving the front of the shop in a sulky darkness. But as he stepped out of the Bentley, he instantly felt a...sort of chill of angelic anger emanating from the door, daring anyone foolhardy enough to step inside, like the proverbial fly approaching the spider’s parlor. Being Crowley, of course, he walked right in.

There was no sign of Aziraphale in the front of the shop, so he wandered among the shelves into the back room-and there he was. He was sitting at his desk, hunched over, curled into as compact a form as it was possible for him to be. Sure enough, the anger was stronger here; Crowley could even see it a little if he squinted, in a red glowing corona surrounding Aziraphale. “...Angel?” he finally said aloud. Aziraphale didn’t even turn around; clearly he was aware of Crowley’s presence, but whatever was eating at him disturbed him far more than the demon.* Trying to be nonchalant,** Crowley sauntered around until he could get a good look at the angel’s face; the jaw was clenched, the lips tight, the eyes narrowed into small blue slits which stared ahead at nothing. And clenched in his right hand was a small slip of paper.

A suspicion of what might be wrong with his (definitely unofficial) friend sparked in the demon’s consciousness. Slowly he reached out, having to use both hands to pry the paper out of his grip, and unfolded it, and his suspicions flamed with confirmation. A signed receipt.

****

“What’d they buy?” he asked. He could have read the receipt more thoroughly, but it seemed important that he get Aziraphale to speak, instead of continuing to stare blankly ahead with that tightly-wound anger building inside him. “My Marlowe,” was the tight reply. Crowley let out a short laugh, trying to sound reassuring. “Oh, that old thing? He didn’t even get Faust’s story right-” “It was a signed copy.” Yeah, he’d figured it was something like that. Crowley grimaced a little. Then, to his alarm, Aziraphale continued, his mini corona flaring. “And he managed to get away with my second-best Milton too.” Two books in one day? Oh G-oh Sat-oh Somebody.  No wonder it was hitting him so hard.

Aziraphale gave Crowley a helpless look. “I tried to stop him-but he wouldn’t take no for an answer! He said it was important, and that he’d spent ages looking for them everywhere else! And he just-just dragged them right out of their home!” He indicated the bookshelves with a wave of his hand. “That-monster!” “...I’m sure he’ll give them a perfectly good home,” said Crowley, despite knowing it wouldn’t do any good*** when the angel was in this kind of funk. Then, trying again, “And, you know, at least it wasn’t one of your prophecy books. Or a Bible.” Aziraphale only sighed and morosely took the receipt back from him, smoothing it out for the accounts; just because he was in a bad mood didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be meticulous.

Crowley felt the tiniest bit amused and/or exasperated; he knew how precious the books were to Aziraphale, but if he didn’t want to have to occasionally sell them to stubborn and persistent customers, maybe he should stop running a bookshop, for heav-hel-earth’s sake, and organize them into a private library or something. Then he wouldn’t have to have these occasional post-sale blues. On the other hand, he thought he understood how the angel felt. It was probably similar to how he’d be feeling if some human somehow managed to get their hands on his Bentley.**** Thinking about it like that, he just didn’t have the heart to give any kind of lecture or teasing, both of which were his usual go-to options for the angel.

Finally he stepped a little closer to the desk and kind-of-sort-of leaned his hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder in a way that he totally didn’t intend to be comforting, at all. “Sorry, angel.” Then he asked, in his most placating tone, “Want to get a drink?” Aziraphale sighed, and ran his hand through his curls. “Please.”

********

*Of course, by now many things disturbed him far more than this particular demon. Still, it bothered Crowley to not even be greeted by a “Hello, dear boy.”

**It was a rare occurrence for Aziraphale to be in nothing less than a, dare I say it, angelic mood, and whether he admitted it or not, the demon disliked it being otherwise. Having certain patterns in life was important, after all.

***Not that he wanted to start going around doing good, but you know.

****Of course, the circumstances would be somewhat different, because anyone foolhardy enough to covet the car would practically have to pry it from Crowley’s cold dead fingers, and since he was more or less immortal, that would be next to impossible; and in the unlikely event that they managed to get hold of it without killing him, they would have the demon hunting them down, with all the unrighteous wrath at his disposal, most likely before they had even gotten a block away.

[izzy-b-hands]

9-14 for the ask game??

aaah thank you! Under the cut again to save y’all from my wordy ass

9. Who’s your favorite author? 

@neil-gaiman, hands down (who I’m @ ing here so that y’all know he has a wonderful blog on here, and you should go follow him if you don’t already.) Inspired me to write, and saved my life in high school with the Sandman series (which reminds me, I still need to finish designing and get my Sandman tattoo.) I have a variety of writing goals in life, but if ever I manage to publish something that he reads? That will be one of the apex moments of my work as a writer. 

10. Who’s your least favorite author? 

I don’t know that I have one? Really? I mean, there are certain genres I don’t read as much so maybe I don’t have a soft spot for authors from it. The closest I can get to an actual answer for this is whoever wrote my math textbooks for my college math classes. Not because they did a poor job, they did wonderfully, but I’m bad at math and those books made me cry, not in a good way, so...least favorite author (s). 

11. What’s your favorite book? 

Oh man. I have literally at least one hundred answers for this question, and I always tell myself I’m going to narrow it down the next time I get asked, and I never do. So, I’ll go with a current favorite and say Me by Elton John. 

12. What’s your least favorite book? 

I want to preface this with an explanation. This book inspired so much ire and argument in my AP English class in high school that I legit can’t discuss literature with one of those classmates to this day, we immediately bring up this book and get into it again every single time. 

That said 

Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. Sorry Mr. Hardy, but this book nearly lost me friends, and made my depressed ass even sadder. "Done because we are too menny” is a line that inspires both sadness and anger in my heart. I mean, it is a well-written book that you should read at least once in your life, but be prepared to possibly end up like me, damaged and slightly angry with it at all times. 

13. What’s your favorite trope? 

Already answered here!: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/190844943186/writing-asks-1-13-22-44

14. What’s your least favorite trope? 

Like the favorite trope answer, this is one I really hadn’t thought about until now? Like, I know what I dislike, but I don’t overtly think of it unless I’m in the moment seeing the trope I don’t like, I think. Anyway, I pulled up TV Tropes again to see if I could answer this with an actual categorized trope and like

man

there are so many tropes out there. I think in the long run, in most of the media I consume, I don’t mind a lot of common tropes, unless they’re done poorly or messily. 

Like, I don’t know, the guy always getting the girl at the end of a rom com, which I think falls in as a trope? That one I know I don’t like.  Part of why I really dislike most rom coms is this, because there is rarely ever enough time or room for character development to make it so you could go ‘oh yeah they should end up together now’ and it seems like, healthy and reasonable. A lot of times it feels like they went ‘oh shit we hit the end of the movie, so now everything has to be okay and they have to be happy with each other again.’ 

All of that makes me sound like I hate love or love stories or something, and I certainly don’t! I just like them more when it all feels less rushed and more healthy and like the two characters actually...like each other lmao. 

[niceprophecies]

Nope. Just no.

Today while browsing the tags I came across some very short and very angry text posts. Stating that some Johnlockers are not going to be fooled again, that they won’t watch Good Omens, because it all sounds too familiar and not in a good way.

Let me tell you this show is nothing like Sherlock. Good Omens has healed my broken Sherlockian heart. Everything I could have wished for Sherlock and John to become true is right there. And more.

A forbidden love between two enemies that cannot be (or can it?). The longest and most delicious slow burn in human history, spanning over the course of 6000 years (and still one of them is not ready, ‘You go to fast for me, Crowley’). A desperate situation, ending in a breakup. All the angst when one of them thinks the other one is gone forever. A reunion (thank God one without any aggression, yeah Mofftiss, I’m looking at you, this is not dull at all!). And an ending where ‘A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square’ (a romantic love song in case you hadn’t guessed).

What we don’t get is the constant denial of being in a relationship with each other from either of the two protagonists. And believe me, over the course of six hours of screen time this is often enough heavily implied or openly stated by supporting characters. What we also don’t get is some female love interest. Not once in 6000 years. Alright, Crowley once threatens that he has plenty of other people to fraternise with. This is a classic rom com move and of course they do have to play the jealousy angle, it’s just too delicious. No, but seriously. Humans are nothing to be interested in. Our angel and demon have only eyes for one another.

‘But they haven’t kissed. We are once again denied The Kiss. A Kiss is the only proof.’

Let me tell you that actually no. It’s not. This show is the living, breathing example that this thesis is wrong. Any Anathema/Newt shippers around? No? And why is that? We get some proper heterosexual fornication here, and guess what? It leaves everyone and their dog stone cold. (Or worse, bored or slightly embarrassed). This is because sex doesn’t do shit for your heart! The central couple in this story are two queer celestial beings with whom you suffer and rejoice from their first line to the last look they share. And by the way who is to say that they didn’t do ... whatever it is celestial beings do to show their affection? At least in this show we might not get a kiss, but we get another bench scene and in this one our couple is holding hands. Holding hands to swap bodies. Swap bodies which is quite an intimate trope per se, but on top of that with the intent to save each other’s lives (thank you so much team locations for the park bench scenes, they alone helped me get over the god awful scene between John and Sherlock where there’s only pain and pining that never gets resolved).

That’s what we get from the show itself. Now let’s have a look at their respective creators, shall we?

[x] [x] [x]

We have the creators continually expressing their firm belief that these characters are in love.

Then there are the actors. No denial. They talk openly about this romance in interviews. Michael Sheen especially can’t shut up about it. Even when he’s not asked. Well, what can you expect from a man who has been a fan of the book since 1990 and who openly admits in print media that he has “turned to the large body of fanfic“ in order to prepare for his role?

[x]

Compare that to Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch who scoff and sneer at Johnlockers and blatantly deny any relationship between their characters short of best buddies.

And then there’s @neil-gaiman himself. Adapting his own novel with the intention to stay as close to the source material as possible. He repeatedly stated he wanted as little overall changes as possible to honour his co-author the late Terry Pratchett whose dying wish was to make this story come alive on screen. An author who takes his time to patiently answer every ask on his twitter account or his tumblr blog, and of course there have been shippers asking these questions. Here are Neil Gaiman’s answers: every reading is valid, every interpretation is welcome.

In a blog post he wrote: “Terry Pratchett and I were talking about Crowley and Aziraphale over dinner the other night and wondering what they'd been up to ("...on the South Downs? You really think so?").”

Asked about that quote in a q&a in 2005 his reply was: "Well, what they're doing on the South Downs is sharing a cottage.  Next question?"

[x] [x]

Now go and compare this to Moffatt’s and Gatiss’ Cambridge q&a shortly after s4 had aired and everyone was still raw with disappointment. When asked if fans could possibly interpret one of the last scenes of ‘The Final Problem’ as Sherlock and John again living together in 221b, they flat out refused to even acknowledge the possibility. What little grace it’d have cost them to allow their loyal fans to build whatever head canon they wanted? Yet the all knowing author gods (who weren’t even adapting their own creation like Mr. Gaiman, but only writing big budged fan fiction for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories themselves) had to pry this last wilted straw from the hands of the Johnlock community. ‘We imagine John still living at his old flat, occasionally coming over to help Sherlock solve his crimes...’ (and no, if anybody asks if I wouldn’t please give a source for that, I would rather not. I’m getting nauseous only thinking about it, and I won’t look back. You either take my word for it, or climb down into the vaults of my archive on @constancecream. It’s all been well documented.)

Sorry for sounding harsh. I apologise if I offended those in the Sherlock fandom who still enjoy the show, or worse, those who still have hope. It is just no longer for me.

After two years of bitterness, Good Omens has given me some sense of closure. I finally got confirmation that it is possible to tell a beautiful, romantic, queer love story while staying faithful to its source material. The creators have elegantly managed to give their audience the best of entertainment without alienating their fandom.

Go and read the book. Look and see for yourselves what’s on the page, what’s implied between the lines. Good Omens is brilliantly funny and a delight to read. See for yourselves if you pick up on any Crowley/Aziraphale vibes.

If yes, then go and watch the show. I promise it won’t disappoint you.

[biffybobs-archive]

Tag game time again

Thank you to @cantseemtohide​ for the tag. This is about all I’ve got the energy for at the moment. I’ll be back posting next week hopefully, I really need a rest!

1. Dogs or Cats? Cats are cute but I’ve never owned one.

2. YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities? I don’t even know any YT celebrities??

3. If you could live anywhere where would that be? Out in the sticks.

4. Disney or DreamWorks? Disney.

5. Favourite childhood TV show? When I was really little I watched loads of the late 70′s - early 80′s kids programmes like Superted, Masters of the Universe, Thomas the Tank Engine, Fraggle Rock, The Flumps, Henry’s Cat, Dangermouse.

6. The movie you’re looking forward to most in 2020? Er.... I don’t often go to the cinema so I’m never up to date with what’s coming out when. It’s late 2019 but I’ll go see the new Star Wars obviously.

7. Favourite book you read in 2019? I’ve read so much this year I need to check my list. I’ve really been enjoying The Expanse series, so probably the first and second of those.

8. Marvel or DC? Marvel if I must. I cba keeping up with it much any more.

9. If you choose Marvel favourite member of the X-Men? If you choose DC favorite Justice League member?  No idea.

10. Night or Day? Night. As long as I can sleep properly.

11. Favourite Pokémon? Yeah sorry, loads of you will be like WHAAAAT but I know nothing about Pokémon.

12. Top 5 bands: Just 5?! Argh. Cursive, Radiohead, Foals, The National, Frightened Rabbit.

13. Top 10 books: Again, ARGH. I will have to mention some series and pretend that’s one hehe. American Gods, Good Omens, Rivers of London, The Count of Monte Cristo, Anna Karenina, The Name of the Wind, Saga (comics), The Moonstone, The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Discworld, The Handmaid’s Tale oops that’s 11 I need to stop.

14. Top 4 movies: Hackers, Withnail & I, The Empire Strikes Back, Toy Story.

15. America or Europe? Europe. 

16. Tumblr or Twitter? Haven’t used Twitter in yonks, so Tumblr.

17. Pro-choice or Pro-life? Pro choice. You do what you got to do.

18. Favourite YouTuber: Ha! Nope.

19. Favourite authors? Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

20. Tea or coffee? Yes please.

21. OTP? Me and Mr Biffy :D

22. Do you play an instrument/sing? Can I? Yes. Do I? No.

That’s me out for now. Laters, taters!

[scarletwelly-boots]

Books Read 2019

It’s time again for my annual books read post (a little earlier than usual, but I couldn’t wait). I read 24 books in 2019, 4 books more than last year, though two are in progress and I expect to finish them by the new year.

It is year four of the reading challenge from Popsugar. There were 48 categories this year, so I got 50% again. Unlike last year, I did not change any categories, but I may have taken liberties with some again, we’ll see. So, without further ado, let’s begin the list. [Under the cut]

1. How to Train Your Dragon, by Cressida Cowell (A book becoming a movie in 2019). Okay, so there have already been two movies in this series, but the last one (*sob*) came out this year, so it counts. I read this book and a few of the others in the series a few years ago, but revisited the first one this year. It’s really good, but don’t go into it expecting it to be like the movies. The character names are the same, but that’s about it. If you can get your hands on the audiobook version, it’s read by David Tennant, which is excellent. Definitely recommend; it’s just as good as the movies.

2. Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder (A book that makes you nostalgic). This is another reread. My dad read the whole series aloud to my sister and I when we were barely older than Laura is in the first book. It was the series he read before the Harry Potter books came out, and we both got sucked into that series. So yeah, very nostalgic. This is a series of semi-autobiographical stories chronicling Wilder’s pioneer childhood, and this is the first in the series. Some of the language doesn’t really age well, but for the most part it’s a delightful book.

3. An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, by Hank Green (a book you think should be turned into a movie). Holy. Shit. I was very, very pleasantly surprised by Hank Green’s debut novel (and yes, John Green is his brother). This is a mysterious book about first encounters and internet fame, with a queer young adult (like, really YA, as in post-college) protagonist. She’s kind of shitty sometimes, but I would argue all twenty-somethings are shitty sometimes (I mean, I literally typed “*sob*” two entries up, like I’m channeling my 2009 self, and I didn’t delete it.). I would highly, highly recommend. And apparently, SOMEDAY, there’s supposed to be a sequel, thank GOD.

4. Loki: Agent of Asgard, by Jason Ewing (a reread of a favorite book). I could actually get away with a reread for this one! I love this graphic novel series. I love how they depict Loki, how he finally gets a goddamn redemption arc. It’s a really fun read. Check it out.

5. The Beast Within, by Serena Valentino (a book inspired by mythology, legend, or folklore). A companion novel to Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I don’t really remember much about this book. It was weird. But like, it plays with the timeline and the curse a little bit, where the beast gets cursed but doesn’t become a beast immediately. He slowly transforms as his behavior gets worse and more cruel. Apparently he used to be friends with Gaston, but Gaston forgot about him once he finally transformed. Really weird. If you’re obsessed with this fairytale like I am, give it a shot. If not, it probably won’t be that interesting.

6. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen (a book you see someone reading on TV or in a movie). Another reread. I know it’s a classic, but I seriously just love this book. 

7. Howl’s Moving Castle, by Diane Wynne Jones (a book about someone with a superpower). Another reread of a favorite book, what can I say. The movie is my favorite movie, but the book is better.

8. Carry On, by Rainbow Rowell (a book told from multiple character POV’s). Okay, listen. I had to reread this book, because it had been a few years and the sequel came out this year. Think of this as generic brand Harry Potter if Draco was a vampire, was Harry’s roommate, and helplessly in love with Harry. I’m serious, it’s generic brand. But damn if I don’t love it. @JKR, this could be us but Harry had to be the jock that married his high school sweetheart and grew up to be a cop. Definitely read.

9. Franny and Zooey, by JD Salinger (a book with no chapters/unusual chapter headings/unconventionally numbered chapters). My brother got me this book for my birthday. Before this I had only read Catcher in the Rye, which I started out hating when I was fourteen but turned into loving when I was nineteen. Honestly I think this novel is better than that one. I really loved it. Highly recommend. What’s it about? Who the fuck knows? But to quote my brother: “At its core, I think this book is about a smart brother and a smart sister. I think we can relate.” So read it and buy it for the smart brother or sister or sibling in your life.

10. 1916, by Tim Pat Coogan (read a book during the season it is set in). This is an Irish history book about the Easter Rising of 1916 and (what I didn’t know when I started reading it in April) everything that came after that can trace its cause back to the rebellion, all the way to the centennial of the Rising. The Easter Rising was the catalyst of Irish freedom. It was like the Boston Tea Party of Ireland, rather than the Battle of Yorktown (as in it kickstarted the War for Independence but didn’t immediately result in freedom), that is, if the instigators of the Boston Tea Party were rounded up, imprisoned in Kilmainham Gaol, and a week later almost all executed by firing squad. It’s a tedious read if you’re not into Irish history or history in general, but I enjoyed it.

11. Loki: Where Mischief Lies, by Mackenzi Lee (a book set in space). Okay, technically it takes place on Asgard and Earth, but those are planets, and planets are in space, so it counts! I’m still reading it, but I really like it so far. (Honestly I maybe just like the idea of Loki in knee high black boots marketed towards women and black nails. I never promised not to be gay.)

12. Norse Mythology, by Neil Gaiman (a book set in Scandinavia). I’m sorry! I read this book every year. Neil Gaiman is an amazing writer, and we all know I’m gay as shit for some good Loki tales. 

13. Artemis Fowl, by Eoin Colfer (a book that takes place in a single day). Okay, I know people love this fantasy series, and since it’s Irish I fully expected to, too. But I didn’t like any of the characters enough to read the rest of the series, least of all Artemis himself. I struggle to enjoy stories if I don’t like the main character, and Artemis was kind of a shit. Sorry, I did not like this one.

14. Skulduggery Pleasant, by Derek Landy (a debut novel). I just started this one, too, but I really like it already. I think the audiobook is read by the same guy that read Artemis Fowl, but already this is way better than that one. The characters are likable, for one (god, the bar is so low for fantasy books for me right now). It’s a mystery and a fantasy, and the main-ish character is literally an anthropomorphic skeleton detective. It’s excellent. I’m going to read the whole series. (I have to; my mom accidentally got me the 12th installment for my birthday.)

15. Red, White, and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston (a book that’s published in 2019). I read this twice. It’s so beautiful. I really expected it to be a shitty YA novel, but it wasn’t! It was very romantic (once they stopped “hating” each other), and gay. The premise sounds far-fetched: First Son of the United States falls for the Crown Prince of England. But, guys, it’s soooo gooooood. Highly, highly, highly recommend. 

16. The Wisconsin Road Guide to Mysterious Creatures, by Chad Lewis (a book featuring an extinct or imaginary creature). I mean, you can make your own decision whether these cryptids are real or imaginary. This is a travel guide to cryptids in Wisconsin, which I got on vacation earlier this year. I liked it, but reading a road guide for pleasure is admittedly kind of weird. Recommend if you’re planning a road trip through Wisconsin and want to stop at some cryptid, ghostly, or Nessie-like hotspots. Or if you just want to fuck Mothman, like me. (Dustybae’s not in this particular travel book though.)

17. Take Me With You, by Andrea Gibson (a book recommended by a celebrity you admire). Okay, so it was by a celeb I admire, not recommended by. This is a very quick read, of quotes from Gibson’s poetry. They are a queer spoken word poet with some really good pieces. They’re on spotify and apple music, probably among other sources. Recommend their work, but the book is very short, so maybe only purchase if you enjoy their work.

18. This is How it Always Is, by Laurie Frankel (a book about a family). This book was really, really good. It was passed around the aunts in my family until it got to my mom and I, which was really kind of a magical thing. It’s about a family navigating the challenges and gifts of raising a trans child. I cried a couple times, and it was so good. It’s written by a parent of a trans child, so it came from a place of understanding, and it was interesting to read this type of narrative from a parent’s perspective, when usually being genderfluid myself, I tend to consume media that is from the perspective of trans characters themselves. I had some very interesting conversations with my aunts and mom about it, and I really think this book changed my family a little bit, and I didn’t expect it to change me, too. Highly recommend. 

19. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Suzanne Clark (a book that includes a wedding). So the wedding is at the very beginning, and sadly not between Strange and Norrell. But it’s really good. Lots of magic, lots of regency-era Britishness. The book is huge, but there is a miniseries on Netflix based on the novel and that’s really good too. Highly recommend, and still in love with my man John Childermass. Hnng.

20. Wayward Son, by Rainbow Rowell (a book by an author whose first and last names start with the same letter). Sequel to Carry On. Sheer madness. I loved it. Think of it as generic brand Harry Potter post-DH, if Harry sprouted dragon wings during the final battle, is gay as shit for Draco, and a year later Harry, Draco, and Hermione are set loose on America with .5 seconds of research, severe culture shock, one cell phone between them, and a half-assed plan to rescue Ginny who may or may not want to be rescued. Shit show, but well done and I’m fully invested and ready for the third installment.

21. Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman (a book with a two-word title). I’m sorry, I need to shift to caps for this. GUYS I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY YOU HAVE NO IDEA IT IS THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER COME INTO MY WORLD! I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE WATCHED THE AMAZON SERIES THIRTEEN TIMES TO DATE AND IMMEDIATELY DEVOURED THE BOOK IN THREE DAYS. You don’t know what it’s about? Where have you BEEN?! An angel and a demon who are gay as shit for each other and love humanity way more than either of their respective sides. One downside is that as the miniseries came out like twenty years after the novel, my two favorite parts were only written for the series, and are not in the novel. But the book is still very, very good. 15/10.

22. Dumplin’, by Julie Murphy (a book revolving around a puzzle or game). I took game to mean competition, so this is about a beauty competition. I watched the Netflix movie first. I honesty thought I was not gonna like it, but holy shit it was amazing. Admittedly I think the movie was better (despite having Jennifer Aniston in it), but the book was really good, too. Recommend.

23. The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde (your favorite prompt from a past Popsugar reading challenge; a book with a queer protagonist). God, please read this book. This has been up there in my list of favorite books since I was fourteen. Oscar Wilde is a master storyteller, and Dorian Gray is intriguing and despicable and beautiful. I’ve already read this, but I love it too much not to.

24. Terrible Queer Creatures, by Brian Lacey (a book set in an abbey, cloister, monastery, vicarage, or convent). Okay, so it’s not set there for the whole book, but gay monks and nuns are things. This was another birthday present, and an absolute hit. Combining two of my favorite things: Irish history and queer history. I had no idea a book like this existed. I’m still really excited about it. The only issue I have is that most of the one chapter dedicated to gay women involve biographies of people that were actually probably trans men, like Dr. Barry. They could have probably had a separate chapter and then a chapter of the clear lesbians and bisexual women (including trans women, of course). Lumping them in with the women in a chapter specifically dedicated to queer women did not seem particularly inclusive. But overall I really enjoyed the book.

Top Ten Books of 2019 post will be forthcoming.

[mysticpenguincreation]

So I’ve watched (partially) leaked episodes of American Gods and there is no way I’m not gonna post about it.

Clear and explicit spoilers are under the cut, so read away at your own risk.

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

This is going to be mainly about the one and only, my love #1 Mad Sweeney.

Before I get down to business, I have to make some points clear.

1. In my opinion, AG is one of the BEST shows to grace our screens in many many long years, because:

It’s based on Neil Gaiman novel.

Storytelling is compelling.

Have you seen the editing? The lights and colors? The camera work?! This shit is AMAZING. There are few things I like more about the shows than good editing and visual aesthetics. And this right here? It’s pure pleasure.

The casting and acting is mind-blowing.

2. I know better than fixate on only one character, because the whole plot, the story in general is so much more than fate of one character (even if they’re the lead).

With that being stated in advance, I would like to clarify that AG is a complex story created through crossing paths of many different characters. It’s not about Mr. Wednesday, it’s not even about Shadow Moon and it’s sure as hell is not about Mad Sweeney.

But the latest was the reason why I was renewing AG and his tags this whole fucking week. So when THREE episodes (INCLUDED the one dedicated to Sweeney) were leaked in my country at three in the morning, I, tired from work and lack of sleep, naturally decided to give middle finger to my master’s thesis and watch them.

Unfortunately, I am no god and have basic human needs, so I’ve only watched parts regarding Sweeney, but I’m sure as hell watching whole episodes later.

And finally to the points:

Episode 2x05.

Sweeney thinking at first that Laura was an angel made me laugh so hard.

She was so fucking jealous of him, when he was flirting with this blonde girl! And then he looked right at Laura!!! He knew what he was doing and it was working!

He was so fucking jealous when this voodoo couple started to get sexy with Laura! Oh how he didn’t like it!

Let me tell you, this scene made me hot all over. He’s savage, huge and built like a brick wall. I’d climb this fine piece of fairy-godlike king any day any time.

At first I was disappointed because ‘THE HELL! So it was JUST the Horde and Sweeney’s deepest desires?! They’re gonna go and fuck different people’. I’d ideally prefer them to fuck each other, at the lack of better option this happening in an orgy, but to become swingers without actually having sex even once? C’mon guys! But my fears were in vain, eventually everything happened the way it should have happened.

Laura is so smol and Sweeney is HUGE. They’re outing my (enormous) size kink / height/built difference kink.

This scene was what I was anticipating since midseason 1 and I FINALLY GOT IT GODDAMIT!

First few seconds of ‘the morning after’ were just too damn hilarious.

Sweeney is not good at dealing with his shit, but Laura confirmed that she is way way worse. She didn’t know how to deal with him, this situation and her (or his for this matter) feelings anymore. So she fled and hurt my ginger giant bb in the process.

Episode 2x06.

There is no Laura or Sweeney in this one, so I skipped through it in like 5 min and understood next to nothing.

HOWEVER! This ep. featured my beautiful love #2 Tech Boy (a sight for sore eyes). In one of his recent interviews Bruce said that Tech Boy is a God of Technology, but technology can be many things. Like for our ancestors a sharp stone fixated on the end of the stick was already a technology. So maybe Tech Boy’s purpose is to renovate and update himself in accordance with the change of times. Maybe ithat’s what let him pass as the “New God”, when in reality he might be one of the oldest of the “Old Gods”. It’s an interesting theory and a glimpse of it is shown in ep. 6 through Tech Boy and Wednesday’s (!!!) common history, but in order to understand it I had to watch it, and now I have to prioritize and simply don’t have time for that. Though, my beautiful Tech Boy, I’m glad that you can show up at the most of unexpected of times and give me feels, when there’s not even one Sweeney within a mile.

Episode 2x07.

WHERE TO BEGIN!

In order to write this AND get some sleep I had to skip some parts of Sweeney’s story too, so please forgive me for any misunderstandings.

Of course I read all the theories based on what was in the book and how it correlated with the story in the show now. I was impatiently waiting and dreading this episode at the same time.

This ep. Sweeney was all about destruction and madness. More so than usual. He was unhinged and I loved him about it.

So much self-loathing. It was so brilliant I couldn’t watch it.

The fact that Sweeney couldn’t remember his own story was just plainly terrifying. When people loose faith in you and forget you it’s one thing. But when you loose faith in yourself so much that you can’t remember who you are anymore is depressing and legitimately scary.

He must have been freaking out of his fucking mind cause of constantly seeing Banshees. He might have told Shadow not to interfere, but he instantly knew that this time these women were crying for him.

I was happy to see that once, long long time ago he was loved. He knew what true happiness was. Even if we had to watch him fall so far (NOT HIS FAULT BY THE WAY).

I loved every single verbal drop about Sweeney caring for (possibility being nuts deep in love with) Laura:

How he couldn’t get it up for hot redheaded voodoo queen until she called him out on it.

How he was broken and laughing madly under this bridge about Laura leaving him AGAIN.

I hate Wednesday guts, but he saw right through Sweeney with this one eye of his. ‘She fucked you, broke your heart and left you’. Cruel, but hit too close to home.

Conversation with Salim. Sweeney: ‘It’s his fight, not yours. You don’t have to die. Just go and leave it all behind’. Salim: ‘No, I’m staying with him’. ‘Why?’ ‘I guess it’s what love is’. ‘Would he have done the same for you if the roles were reversed? What if someone ordered him to kill you? Would he have done that [while loving you]?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Ugh, nothing. Forget it’. Like come on!!! This conversation takes place RIGHT AFTER Wednesday orders Sweeney to “finish his job” and kill Laura for good. Sweeney and Salim are talking about love and loved ones and what they would/wouldn’t have done for them! Sweeney’s implying Laura and love in one sentence! It’s the most explicit articulate closest to confession thing that we got from Sweeney aside from multiple defensive Fuck you’s said to different people and longing glances when she isn’t looking.

Little side note: Salim might be the sweetest person in the world but I wanted to punch him in the face so hard, when he said that it’s pointless to explain the concept of love to someone who’s never felt it. I know that Sweeney was never nice to him, but it’s rich coming from human to go and assume something about a creature that’s walked this Earth for centuries. You don’t know him well enough. So, please, kindly shut up.

(8) The bloodbath scene from times when Sweeney was a god once was just poetic cinema. I was SO looking forward to it when the trailer came out. Barbaric, savage, courageous, spear-throwing, ripping-out-throats-with-bare-teeth, crushing-skulls-with-bare-hands. Just the way I like them👌

(9) Sweeney with ass long red mane dressed in next to nothing but blue paint is the image that burnt into my mind and the reason I was living for.

(10) They fucking did it. They killed him. THEY BROKE ME.

Regarding Sweeney’s death I have QUITE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY:

I knew it was coming but still hoped they wouldn’t go through with it. As much as it hurts, I respect this decision. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do and cut the cord. Sweeney’s death was in the book. It’s what was necessary for the story to move forward (see point 2 at the beginning of the post). It’s better this way than for his character to be dragged around the story just for fan service (as much as it pains me to admit it, BECAUSE I WANT THIS FAN SERVICE GODDAMIT!).

As far as I know in the book Shadow was indirectly involved in Sweeney’s death. It was honestly the redhead’s fault only. The way he went out was pathetic, so I’m glad that they changed it according with the development of tv character.

Shadow. You fucking gave your word. Not. To. Interfere. Fine, I get it, you’re Wednesday’s man, you have to protect him (even after Sweeney reveled the whole truth, seriously, Shadow?!), BUT DON’T GO POKE AT PEOPLE WITH A GIGANTIC POINTY STICK IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO ISE IT!!! I know it was an accident, he didn’t truly MEAN it, but maybe it even makes it worse.

This ‘I’m sorry’, I can’t even discuss it. Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it, Shadow!!!

I know that people say that Shadow’s speech at Sweeney’s wake is a beautiful part of the book, but with the way things turned out in the show, I don’t think that Shadow deserves to make this speech.

Sweeney, my bb went out like a fucking champ. Ruining old fart’s plans and taking the spear somewhere he can never reach it anymore. My hero ❤️ I hope Wednesday didn’t foresee it and it wasn’t another grand part of his plans. I want Sweeney to fuck him up good. He died because he didn’t want to be Wednesday’s bitch and I wouldn’t want him to be that especially in his death.

I wish Laura could see it with her own eyes. The last big FUCK YOU from Mad Sweeney.

In conclusion:

Mad Sweeney was barely on Old Gods’ side, I bet he would have gone minding his own business if it wasn’t for Wednesday’s debt.

With Sweeney gone now, fuck the Old Gods, I’m going to the New Gods’ side.

But at the same time Tech Boy is “deleted” or “fired” or whatever.

So basically now, I don’t really give a shit who wins now and who loses. They can kill each other until no one’s left, for all I care.

AG is still great and moving forward.

I’m still interested in the story, but I can’t bring myself to be invested anymore.

SIDE NOTES:

I know better than to hope, but I need a reaction out of Laura regarding Sweeney’s death.

It’ll probably never happen, but I hope Laura will crush Shadow’s nuts.

And spears Mr. Wednesday.

I wonder how Laura’s undead state will be affected now with Sweeney and his horde and his magic gone. Will his lucky coin work the same?

Laura is capable of surviving and protecting herself. She needs no one to do that for her. But Sweeney was ready to run to her, do anything for her as soon as she snapped her fingers. How much will it affect her? Will she appreciate him now?

I might have had some other notes, but I’ve tried for 2,5 hours to carefully and logically arrange this post without insulting any character TOO MUCH and now my brain’s exploding.

Please, feel free to talk to me about the FEELS, because I’m heartbroken and don’t know how to deal with it.

[mockingowlproductions]

Modern Day Album Burning: A Christian’s Response to Return to Order

Before meeting my husband, I had never heard of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Since we’ve gotten married, we’ve read some of the books and watched several films based on Pratchett and Gaiman’s work. We’re also huge fans of Doctor Who.

When Good Omens was officially announced by Amazon – not Netflix, sorry Return to Order – we were excited beyond belief. One of the most comical stories by the duo, starring two brilliant actors, there was nothing to do but wait in tingling anticipation for May 31.

We had every good intention of watching a single episode per day. Twelve hours after we remembered what day it was however, we had finished the series.

The mini-series lived up to its promise. David Tennant: Brilliant. Michael Sheen: Fantastic. Supporting cast: Splendid.

We watched the show with utter delight. We discussed theology and doctrine about the End Times for hours after each installment of the six-part series. We felt the depth of the questions surrounding afterlife, death, Tribulation, Armageddon, and more.

We laughed our tushies off at the many dazzling, ridiculous lines throughout the whole thing. And we were delighted to finally know of a good use for the Queen song, “I’m in Love with My Car.” Hats off to you, Mr. Gaiman.

Today, when I got home from a walk, my husband mentioned the news piece that an uber religious group was protesting and demanding that Netflix remove Good Omens from viewing.

“Uh, it’s on Amazon.”

“Yes.”

Needless to say, I laughed heartily and looked up the protest to see what the heck was going on with these people.

I quickly discovered a short article on the protest, which linked to the religious group’s page. On the page, I read their demands, which started off with stating that “Due to an oversight…” they had gotten the streaming service wrong.

If that wasn’t enough to stop their argument, they had more to offer.

“This series presents devils and Satanists as normal and even good…”

Is it bad that a piece of art presents Christians and non-Christians as humans with needs, fears, and hopes? Is it so strange to imply that people who don’t follow Jesus could be among the masses? Or even working for evil?

When we forget that those with different beliefs and convictions are just as human as we are, we run the risk of committing one of the greatest sins of all: not loving and respecting our neighbors as we are commanded to love and respect ourselves.

It’s possible that the people in this religious group have watched Good Omens but it feels as though they either didn’t see anything beyond a trailer or that they went into the film series with presuppositions that this show would be evil and ungodly.

The fact that they publicly demonstrated against Netflix for producing this series says a lot about their approach. A knee-jerk reaction for publicity is what this feels like, rather than an actual truth-seeking mission and call to be like Jesus.

As Christians – that is people who follow Jesus Christ of Nazareth – we are called to live a life that demonstrates mercy, grace, and love. Not judgment as though we are God. In fact, the book of Matthew in the Bible specifically talks about getting rid of the giant plank in your own eye before going after the speck of dust in your neighbor’s. Of course, this is about one Christian to another, not a Christian judging a non-Christian for acting like “the world.”

We cannot expect non-Christians to adhere to Christian standards. And truthfully, people who are outside of the Church are often the most insightful into the behavior of the Church. They happen to be our target audience. And if we’re not meeting the needs of those who need Jesus, then why does the Church as an institution exist?

What is the point of protesting? What is the point of petitions? What is the point of all this advocating if the end result isn’t practical service driven by the love and compassion of Jesus, demonstrated with humility?

One of the key things that Return to Order appears to miss is that Good Omens is intended as a satire and comedy. The writers have not demonstrated a background of Biblical theology and have not claimed that this is a theological look at the End Times. Instead, this is a work of fiction. A satirical work of fiction.

One of the main points Return to Order seems to have issues with is how both heaven and hell are portrayed as being led by groups that want to have war for the sake of war: “…an arbitrary struggle devoid of meaning and truth.” Which reflects the mindset of a number of Christian groups who seem to have forgotten about mercy. Good Omens’ point is that there are Christian and non-Christian groups arbitrarily fighting for the sake of fighting.

Fear mongering, a staple of the conservative church that I grew up in, is still alive and well. Petitions like this continue feeding a long line of B.S. to marginalized people who are sheltered and kept from religious and political freedom through sermons preached by folks with an agenda. These folks often tell abused women that they’re at fault for the abuse and insist children should be taught that they don’t deserve love.

This culture of argument and divisiveness completely ignores the fact that “True love drives out all fear.”

How is biased, angry rhetoric godly? How can fire and brimstone sermons that condemn the already forgiven be a righteous demonstration of love?

The perpetuation of endless conflict for the sake of pride and ‘being right’ isn’t what I consider Christianity at all. A work of fiction is a work of fiction. A good story is a good story. A demon hell-bent on stopping Satan while driving a car aflame blaring Queen on the radio is a damn good production.

This Christian’s interpretation of Good Omens is that it’s a great work of fiction worth enjoying as such. It’s not a theology textbook, and it doesn’t claim to examine orthodox Christianity. It’s a satire that pokes fun at the end result of well-intentioned religious extremists.

The best way for us to put away the sword of the “Culture war” is to watch, read, listen, and interact with pop-culture that isn’t just made by Christians for Christians. And when we engage with non-Christian materials, it’s imperative to employ critical thinking skills to recognize the middle ground where we can connect with people in conversation – which involves both listening and speaking.

Because, let’s be honest. When have you ever heard that an angry protest or knee-jerk petition was the reason a non-Christian found peace, love, and acceptance in Jesus Christ?

What does an angry mob with pitchforks and torches have to do with the love of God?

When Armageddon does happen, whether there’s Pre-Trib, Mid-Trib, or Post-Trib celebration at who’s right, I want to look Jesus in the eyes and hear Him say, “You loved the people I love. Well done, good and faithful servant.” I don’t want to have Him shake his head at me for judging people for using satire and humor to express themselves and their struggle with reconciling the mission of Jesus with the life “Christians” today.

 -- -- --

Thank you, Neil Gaiman and the late and great Terry Pratchett for calling out the fallacies and foibles – and truth be told the hysterical nature that the Church is so often guilty of. Return to Order might not care much for you, Mr. Gaiman, but there’s always a place on our pew for you, anytime you want.

[douxreviews]

American Gods - ‘The Ways of the Dead’ Review

Mr. Nancy: "Well praise Jesus and four more white zombies!"

Stop me if you've heard this one, but a Zombie and a Leprechaun walk into a swingers party...

This was by far the Bryan Fuller-est episode of American Gods since Bryan Fuller left the show. Not just the tonal soundscape during the lynching, which couldn't help but invoke 'The Bone Orchard,' but also in the way it used its imagery and the episode's plot's relationship to the larger story being told. I, for the most part, liked it.

As was the habit in season one, we stop off for an episode in a small town and explore a god or situation that wasn't really part of the novel but could be seen to be existing alongside the book's events. It makes me wonder if some portion of this episode's conception had its roots before Fuller left, as it's exactly the sort of world exploration that he liked to do, and which seems to have been the main point of contention between him and Neil Gaiman.

But, of course, I may be wrong about the extent of that contention, and perhaps Neil plotted this one himself. Who can say from the outside.

So, in the town of Cairo there exists a funeral parlor run by modern day manifestations of Anubis and Thoth. Mr. Jacquel and Mr. Ibis, respectfully. This isn't news, we've known that for some time. Shadow has made his way to the City of Cairo, and is staying with them for a bit. So far, so canonical. But this week we learn that the town of Cairo is also home to the vengeful spirit of Will James, a black man who was lynched, shot, and apparently burned after a white woman whom he had been observed passing in the street was later found murdered. Since that day, Will has been disfiguring the bodies of black men who die in the town, in retribution for the other black residents of the city not helping him as he was being murdered.

The way that Will James appears in the modern day is the most Fuller-esque use of imagery on display here, incidentally. The flaming head on top of a pole, presented in full view in all its strangeness is very much in keeping with the confrontational way strange imagery was presented as just existing during season one. It made me realize how much I'd been missing season one's visual style this year.

I think that this narrative thread could have benefited from a little more clarity. Apparently, Will James' desire for justice is sated by possessing Shadow and making a speech about injustice at a funeral attended by about ten people. So, is that it? Will the local dead no longer be disfigured post-mortem by his angry spirit?

And as long as we're asking questions, is Mr. Nancy correct in his insinuation that Ibis and Jacquel have been assisting the spirit in order to get more dead bodies in the door? Was it just a coincidence that the latest victim was Ruby Goodchild's brother, leaving Ruby with nothing to stay in town for? Why was Nancy following Jamal Goodchild? Did he know what was going to happen, or did he cause it?

I think that mainly the show was trying to open a discussion about race and faith in America, but I was left unsatisfied with how little we got to know about anyone involved's motivations.

But that was just the A-plot. Meanwhile, Salim, Ifrit, and Wednesday take Wednesday's recently acquired magic spear to the king of the dwarves to get its magic fixed. They get there and Alviss, the aforementioned king of the dwarves, looks at it and says, 'sorry, I can't help you, I'm the forge guy. You need the magic rune guy.' Wednesday and company leave, having accomplished nothing at all. Honestly, this whole plot thread was a complete waste of time, outside of Alviss being played by Lee Arenberg, fka everyone's favorite character on Once Upon a Time, Grumpy.

The road trip scenes with Wednesday, Ifrit, and Salim have some quality bitching and I like that they're addressing what it means for Salim to be a devout Muslim in a world where he knows for a fact that all the other gods are real. It still felt like a waste of time in this episode, however. Also, Ifrit's irritation at Salim's faith in Allah seemed to come out of nowhere.

And then there was the C-plot. This was without question the best parts of the episode. Laura and Mad Sweeney get to New Orleans and go clubbing with Baron Samedi and his lovely partner, Maman Brigitte. Laura gets a mostly finished potion to restore her humanity, and of course they end up having graphic, meta-physically partner swapping sex. You know, the way everyone does on their first trip to New Orleans. I loved Samedi and Brigitte's relationship. I love the way they interacted with Sweeney and Laura. I really love that Laura saved herself from Argus' dimension, wherever that was. And there aren't words for how much I love that they're acknowledging Sweeney and Laura's incredible chemistry together. I'm 'shipping those two so hard. Also, holy crap but Pablo Schreiber is ripped. I had no idea.

Quotes:

Wednesday: "I have things to do and people to see. And I shall be seeing them and doing them alone."

Ifrit: "Thomas Jefferson said all men are created equal. But he still owned slaves."

Ifrit: "Look, there are many gods, Salim. And they are all as selfish as that one is with his women."

Bilquis: "I am sustained by the tranquility of love." Reverend: "God's Love?" Bilquis: "Something like that."

Salim: "Your truth, it is not my truth."

Laura: "I have a long history of really shitty impulse control."

Wednesday: "So the twelve saffron robed monks chanted as one, 'Have a little melon, Kali baby.'"

Bits and Pieces:

-- Mr. Jacquel's absence is getting increasingly awkward. Moreso since I can't seem to find anywhere online the reason for it. Was he just prevented from returning by his Star Trek: Discovery commitments? Was he part of the Fuller fallout like Gillian Anderson and Kristin Chenoweth?

-- Their workaround at the moment is to have Anubis only appear in canine form. Which works I suppose, although that was clearly a Doberman and not a jackal.

-- That said, how wonderful is it to have such a huge percentage of the cast, both gods and mortals, played by actors of color?

-- I don't understand what Bilquis wants from Ruby Goodchild. It can't just be that she wants to absorb her, or she'd already have done it. It seems a little convenient that Ruby's brother and grandmother are both dead now.

-- Minor point, but they confirmed my theory on Sweeney's luck getting worse the farther he's away from Laura and his coin. It's nice to be proved right.

-- Strange coincidence, but Maman Brigitte also turned up in last week's episode of Cloak & Dagger. I'd never heard of her before. Also, popular Constantine antagonist Papa Midnite is basically Baron Samedi with a different name, and now Constantine is on Legends of Tomorrow. I think my universe is contracting.

-- Wednesday made a tiger balls reference to Mr. Nancy! That was a nice little nod to the book.

-- The postcards of the hanging were an oblique reference to a real life event in Duluth, Minnesota in 1920. They took pictures of the lynching of three African American circus workers who had been accused of rape. And they did indeed sell them as postcards. That's the reference Bob Dillon is making in the first lines of the song 'Desolation Row,' which was covered by My Chemical Romance for the Watchman movie. 'They're selling postcards of the hanging/ They're painting the passports brown/ The beauty parlor is full of sailors/ The circus is in town.'

-- It's a small detail, but I love the choices Orlando Jones is making as regards when he slips back into an African accent and when his accent is modern American.

1940s mens styles really work on Ricky Whittle

Another good installment, held back from being great by virtue of wasting a little too much time on the unnecessary details of one plot, and leaving another plotline too vague. Still absolutely worth an hour of your time, though.

Three out of four postcards.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.