#makes me feel guilty

[honorary-perfectionist]

if i live in denial i can ignore the fact that the script got changed into something 100x more ableist

[traaumaa]

i feel even worse about wanting to kill myself because i really want to but if i do then my cat will probably think i abandoned her :(

[disfrutalakia]

Went to sleep at 3am and woke up at 9am because I hate myself I guess

[wanderingmind867]

I wanted to make more posts earlier, but guess what happened? I got distracted by a tierlist. And a stupid one that i'm probably never going to finish, anyways. So i feel like an idiot for wasting all that time. I had posts I could've been making! I could've been doing literally anything! But no, I had to do the one thing that would be exhausting and meritless. sigh...

Really though, I feel bad about not posting when I said I might post. So i'm going to try and rectify that by making more posts now. Am I going to promise they'll be made? No. Oh heavens, no. But I promise to try. And that's something. That's at least gotta be worth something.

[voicesandthoughts]

I love you, and her

but I don't know I'm what you deserve

I still think back to the prayers I wrote to gods I don't believe in

to gods who’d never take it into accord if I did

That I didn't want a child, I didn't want a son

and more than all, don't give me a daughter

I wanted badly to be a mother, I always have

but I knew I'd do it badly

and even if I did everything "right"

I'd still fail like any other

still, If I was enough, the world is another storm

with raging, ruthless, terrifying form

It weighs on my chest and I second guess

and at least she's not mine biological

I would pass down something abominable

but either way, I'm here despite my doubt

trying my best, to figure it out

[the-cinnamon-snail]

My parents get upset when I share that I get a bit upset when I hear them hating an entire area due to stereotypes and their small experiences in that area

[radgeminirising]

any man who is offended or upset by an indication that you don’t automatically trust him is ABSOLUTELY planning to hurt or take advantage of you. literally 100% of the time.

[sweetmapple]

Jonathan Sims’ fun steppe vacation

[azz-modeus]

Every time Dick tries to have a serious conversation with Jason it gets shut down very quickly. If anyone asks the context imma just say they’re taking a small break on patrol and Jason took off his helmet to smoke.

[mossyfig]

Scary senior year design!

[captain-clandestiny]

grisped. grabbed. snatched. both a symbolic illustration the hold life has had on me lately and a canon event from the Blusleeves storyline

[vulpinesaint]

skipped the catholic guilt around sex by being ace and skipped the catholic guilt around being gay by being aro so instead i have to invent new and oblique things to feel guilty about all the time. nobody talks about how much effort it takes to feel properly condemned in this situation

[messrmoonyy]

heyyooo. I’ve been reading some of your posts lately and I want to jump on the bandwagon and say what about Arthur teaching you to ride. Winky faceeee

Hi! I am so sorry this got buried in my asks/ notifs and then my drafts. But hello. Hi. Let’s talk!

And reminder that requests for lil discussions like these as well as one shots are open :)

MDNI. NSFW discussions below

It all starts very innocent. He genuinely wants to teach you to ride your horse properly. He loves finding any excuse he can to spend time with you away from the others. You’re his girl!! He wants to do fun things with you!!

And you’d totally only have to make one small comment of preferring a more stationary object to ride when you return to camp after getting bucked off your horse- again- and he’s dragging you off to his tent.

He’d definitely still try keep it ‘educational’. Even when you’re straddling him on his cot, hips aching at the wide angle they have to spread to accommodate a man his size underneath you. ‘ what I tell ya about ya damn posture?’ And a light swat to your thigh to make you straighten up more ‘ look at ya my lil cowgirl. Got that rise and fall perfect now ‘ his hands tight on your hips to control your pace as you rode his length like you were made for it.

And if it’s a lil quickie in the afternoon when you haven’t really got the time to be doing this? And the only clothes that come off are his pants shoved to his ankles and your dress hitched up. Bet your ass he’s making a stupid joke about you grabbing onto his suspenders as reins.

And even though this position and the sight of you riding him like a stallion is very much for his own benefit, he’s still gonna make you feel incredible. Those thick fingers of his that were usually so spiked with gun oil or blood, tarnished by violence and agression, now looking delicious covered in you. thick digits sliding in a v around his length as it vanished inside you. Dragging them up to press at your pulsing clit ‘ there ya go darlin. Gettin the hang of it now ain’t ya?look at the mess ya makin f’me ‘ he’d think you looked absolutely perfect. And he’d revel in the perfect view he had, his cowgirl.

[dirtytransmasc]

I find it deeply depressing that every adult in Spider's life had children, yet he was never anyone's priority. every adult he could and most likely attempted to match in to. the adults he remembered as the closest things he had to parents since birth (Jake and Norm, even if they weren't acting as his parents, because Spider, genuinely, would not know better). down to his actual foster family (the McCoskers). essentially went out of their way to de-prioritize him.

like I'm not faulting them for having kids, for having a family. but Spider was their first priority. he didn't need to be adopted by any of them, per say, but he was their responsibility. he was their orphan, Jake especially, considering he was the chief of his people, but Norm as well, seeing as he's a prominent figure head of the clan/Hellsgate.

the McCoskers took him in, but over the years, as they had their own children, he was more and more neglected. he was now no longer his actually appointed guardians priority. and that only gets worse and worse as he ages until they become outright abusive (Nash does anyway, cause thats what I'm gonna call violently kidnapping his, throwing him in a room and locking him there, and trying to kill all of them, him included, when they run away. as abuse. and I'll get back to the whole "you have to turn yourself in to the RDA" x2 speech from Jake in a second). they also didn't really accept his culture. with their resentment towards the Na'vi brewing, Spider most definitely faced some heat for being more of the forest than of humans, in terms of culture.

3 times over, Spider came first and was put last. put last by parents who know damn well how much love, time, care, and attention a child needs. who should be able to see when a kid is being neglected. who dialed to advocate and protect him from neglect (instead of calling him a stray).

he was a child and they were his advocates. all three parties failed in their duty as advocates, to protect Spider. to ensure he always had a loving home that made him their priority. that fulfilled all his needs, not just the physical ones. but all put their own families first, and abandoned Spider to the scraps of their love, time, and affection.

imagine being Spider, an orphan who can't even mention his birth parents and is always treated like he is the physical rebirth of his father's sins by half the people around him. every adult in your life has kids and seems like they're such a good parent. you watch their kids being loved and tended to and having a steady home. they receive love and affection constantly. but your fosters pay less and less attention to you as they have babies. and now your a stray to the man you look up to so much. and the man who probably taught you how to put an exopack on has less and less time for you. no one has time for you. you're no one's child. no one's priority. just a stray. a nuisance. and you don't truly belong anywhere.

no one was putting him first. children need to be someone's priority. psychology. they need it.

and then the RDA returns. the McCoskers leave, Spider is expected to leave everything he has ever known, to join the very people he hates and has been trying so hard since he could understand what it meant, to prove that he wasn't like them. Jake, the man he once looked up to, was telling him to leave. sending him away. stripping him of the little amount of family he could somewhatly claim, that being his siblings.

once again, Jake is his chief, should be looking out for him. not even as a father, per say, but as his duty to Spider as his chief. a chief should never be sending away his most vulnerable ward, a child he should consider his own (as all of his clans children should be one with his own children), to the opposing enemy force.

this happens again when they're running away, Jake tells him ever more directly to hide in the forest alone until the RDA stops shooting at everything that moves and then turn himself in so he can his own children could run. once again, putting him last, instead of protecting all of them.

then for a year, Spider has no family. no one. the McCoskers are gone and no one has stepped up to bat for him. he's 15/16 and alone. his the big sibling to the Sully's. those kids are all he has, but they aren't really looking out for him. he's looking out for them. cause he's the oldest. that's just how it is. he is one with the clan. lives with them. does chores. watches out for his siblings, the whole nine. but Jake isn't doing his duty of watching out for his ward. he is once again giving and giving and giving, and not receiving.

and then he is taken, he is taken, and while Jake may not have had the means to go back for Spider, or been able to take the risk of going back for him, he abandons him without a thought for his safety, and puts his children first. it's the language and attitude be poses towards the situation that is wild to me. he has every right to be worried about his children, but he could not spare Spider an ounce of concern, even knowing the danger he was in, and is more concerned about him spilling details then anything else. Spider is, once again, not his first, second, or even third priority. he is a means to an end. a necessary loss.

people only care about Spider when there's nothing else they can put before him.

[phonification]

ive been thinking about taco and balloon forming a little alliance post s1/ pre s2 where they'd (begrudgingly) work together planning on how to break into hotel OJ to steal stuff to take back to their makeshift camp like food, blankets, pillows, etc,,, anything that could be useful to them

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)