#make my torture worth it
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@sillyxaly suggested Jw adopting SJ and it was too fun to brainrot about with @ace-shenanigans too.
Rest assured, no matter the au variation, as long as SJ is adopted by a tgcf character, he shall be the bane of Jw's existence and make him consider early retirement.
#very rushed doodles#not my best work but doubt quality is why you're here on this blog now are you#svsss#shen jiu#tgcf#jun wu#mei nianqing#implied junmei cause I love them and have a problem#original shen qingqiu#svsss au#tgcf au#JW just saw the kid and he is too like Mnq to ignore#the more he interacts with the kid the more he is starting to wonder if him and Mnq spawned this child without even touching in centuries#like the 2k yo virgins they are#sj is not amused. he is salting jw's tea and otherwise making his life a nuisance#jw tried the bwx thing but sj was not having it and honestly?#the emotional damage SJ retaliated with just does NOT make it worth it to torture the kid#you could stab him a 100 times and he'd still sass JW smth like#'this won't make your ex take you back you know'#'just because you can't own up to being a monster does not mean I can't'#'bitch why you need another to validate your life choices for you that you regret? dumbass'#anyway that path was quickly discarded by JW#really SJ is his perfect heir if only the kid didn't always do exactly what he does not want him to do out of pure spite#fun fact he is the sweetest lil momma's boi with mnq of course#because he knows mnq will adore him and side with him then#jw cannot win
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My Ex-Morning (Trailer)
#my ex-morning#my ex morning#gmmtv#gmmtv 2024#gmmtv 2024 part 2#kristsingto#singtokrist#krist perawat#singto prachaya#gmmtv series#thai series#bl series#bl shows#bl drama#asian lgbtq dramas#thai bl#thai drama#this blue grey filter a la pit babe is fr hell to color fr#why are all companies suddenly using it. please stop. why you enjoy torturing us T^T#these 2 cutiessss makes it worth it#but idk if i'll make gifs from the actual show unless the get rid of this tho#also the tension in this ✨✨✨
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after much deliberation i decided to join the swedish watchmakers' association annual dinner last night, if only because the fried tofu poke bowl sounded very tasty. i attended it in my first year, and as with every group dinner held in that particular restaurant with a sizeable number of people, what i remember the most is how noisy it was, and how absolutely impossible it was for me to partake in any conversation. so i would be doing it almost purely for 1) fried tofu poke bowl 2) maybe something incredible would happen. you never know. maybe i would sit next to someone really cool and manage 1 super good conversation. surely it won't be That noisy...
anyway i had to leave almost as soon as i finished my food (it was okay), my head was aching the entire rest of the evening and i can still feel it despite the sleep and the pankillers, and i badly regret not wearing some of my many earplugs i keep around for situations like these.
How Do People Live Like This. i know i am literally autistic and experience heightened sensitivity to sound but oh my god. how do people have conversations under circumstances like these. how do people's heads not explode. how do they willingly go to big dinners and parties and stay at them for many hours on end, i could barely manage two.
or maybe it is that i have a legitimate disability where i do in fact have to take into account that these circumstances are not just unpleasant to me but actively cause me pain and physical consequences. hmm
#swedenquest#despite everything i still need to constantly relearn that i don't need to make myself suffer all the time#it's not a fucking willpower thing!!!!!!!!#i feel like ive had it drilled into my head that i should always make an effort to show up to social events bc it'll be like. worth it#and i can't give in to the impulse to be confy at home all the time and like sure. i agree to some extent#but if i know an event is like. a torture chamber for me especially maybe i don't need to go#same with how i thought everyone was just better at ignoring how uncomfortable clothes were and im just a weakling baby#but so many of the uncomfortable clothes i have tried to toughen it out in... straight up give me rashes from rubbing against my skin wrong#what if i have paper skin or glass bones actually
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i cannot believe that since i posted the last chapter of my zhongli multichap (in july 2022) right
ive gotten engaged
ive gotten married
AND
ive gotten pregnant 🧍🏼♀️
specifically pregnant with identical twins 🧍🏼♀️🧍🏼♀️
#c shut up#i had a much sappier announcement planned but this is funnier#anyways this doesnt rly explain why ive been so MIA but im using it as an excuse#but truly ive just been in limbo when it comes to#hyperfixations and i have no writing motivation#and im not on my PC as much as i used to which is how i mostly enjoy going on tumblr#all to say is i do miss being on here as much but im doing ok!!#im just navigating a new part of my life being married in our house and now this so#its an adjustment period for me still#also i was going to wait another week or so to actually share this but i jusr ive been holding it in for 7 weeks actually and its been#torture LOLL#i have no plans on sharing publicly irl on like my irl socials but#i wanna share here <3#anyways new tags from me days later i was going to hesitate posting this again but today was a stinky day#and i want to share some happy news to cheer me up perhaps#idk if that makes sense i might also delete this post#eventually#but idk i just wanna share :(#no matter what happens this is going on right now and its worth celebrating!!#c’s baby tag
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When that sky rains fire on you, and you’re persona non grata I’ll tell you how I’ve been there too and that none of it matters.
Taylor Swift — The Albatross Good Omens (S1E1, S2E6)
#this song made me think of them today#the immediate good omens brain that activated with religious imagery is insane#“only liquor anoints you” are you KIDDING ME.#cross your thoughtless heart is so crowley#good omens#go#ineffable husbands#ineffable spouses#ineffable divorce#crowley#aj crowley#anthony j crowley#aziraphale#taylor swift#my gifs#fizz originals#did i learn to make gifs only for this???? yeah#was it worth it?? yeah#old video editing experience did come in clutch#they are far from perfect but they are not Mega Ugly so#the tortured poets department#ttpd
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do you have any good references for kiss scenes 🥲
of course!! let me know if you want/need more :D
fics for reference: good kiss scenes
the art of missing the ground - not too exaggerated of a kiss, feels very natural, sweet
paths are made by walking - a bit spicier ig?? i dunno these are more lighthearted
where you go, i will follow - kiss has meaning!!! kiss as a plot device!! good example of more 'negative' reasons ig (still soft tho)
but you saw enough - more climactic? also kinda spicier soooo...? (help me)
pick me up and dust me off - literally so soft you will get cavities. top tier fic. natural kiss too, not too exaggerated
shrapnel - good example, shows that not every relationship has to begin with or star a kiss
(ain't nothin' like) the real thing - definitely spicier. nice example of buildup and that good ol climactic approach where you're literally just screaming 'oh my god kiss already'
listen (he's already told you five times) - another good example of when kissing is not the only form of love!
i counted days, i counted miles - excellent buildup, the kiss has... meaning? it isn't just a kiss yknow it has emotional depth
but we can try - also has meaning. i'm not a huge fan of the trope where like 'oh they aren't in love/dating until they kiss' but this fic actually writes it really well!
#first off#you're all welcome#because this was torturous#jk jk love u all#list#references#writing references#fic recs#fic rec#sobbing#never make me do this again#my aspec heart is dying#jk jk#hashtag worth it#are 90% of these marvel?#yes#do i regret it?#no#NEVER#also#in case you were wondering#i used the word kiss eleven times in this post#eLEVEN TIMES#11#whole#times#i am unwell /lh
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trying to reheat leftovers is like creating a bomb. you gotta be very percise, down to the millisecond, or it's not gonna be right.
#i just want to eat my goddamn see-ew noodles but I SWEAR the microwave has a personal vendetta against them#also worth noting i don't have experience with making bombs#please don't report me#i swear the closest thing to illegal i've done is testing out chinese water torture on my friend but we were both twelve and in my defense#he agreed to it
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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#hyperspecific poll#really stretching my 'don't post anything that would make people who know me in real life realize this is me' rule#but this looked so fun and I have so many silly things#fuck that orthodontist though#the whole way through he was doing these incredibly painful things and being like 'i think this has an about 10% chance of working'#and then when it did actually work he treated it like a success story#when for me it was just meaningless torture#that I guess means more than just my back teeth can touch now...#not worth it at all
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after all the times Rhaenyra lied through teeth, she never got any better at it.
#props to#emma d'arcy#cause her acting is phenomenal when it comes to making Rhaenyra flounder whenever she lies#lukewarm feelings on Rhaenyra Targaryen#anti rhaenyra targaryen#(putting this here for my own safety and well being)#its just so frustrating to see her do literally anything to cover her lies#from murder. maiming. faking ones death. seeking to torture her own little brother. etc. etc.#yet she can't lie to anyone worth a damn#not once has anyone not seen past her lies#like girly... if you and your children's lives depend on you keeping your card house of lies standing#get better at lying#hotd#house of the dragon#rewatching hotd is hell cause every time I do so I notice more and more bones to pick#like the first time theres just so much to absorb you miss a lot of it#but the more you watch it#the more you notice#the more you want to rip your hair out
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The accusations are ridiculous, and my coworkers are whining children who would rather throw a tantrum at a productive employee than do their own measly, simple work.
#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#/vneg#1. i would never say a slur. so what in the fuck is wrong with you. 2. don't fucking touch my laptop#3. i am now in the breakroom so as to work in peace.#i wish snapping a moron's neck wasn't murder or assault. so many people BEG to be treated as such. their guts aren't worth spilling.#their red isn't worth spilling across any floor or cloth.#they're simply pathetic. and they need to learn to back off. because if it weren't for 'law' I'd have killed them by now.#spared the world their uselessness. so much of the world would rejoice at the recycling of such useless flesh.#they also need to know that once i am done with this place they will never be able to touch me.#they will not be able to “hold a grudge and ruin my life” hold a grudge for what? you crying whining flesh sack? not doing your work for yo#pathetic. and i bet you KNOW you are.#they should be fed their own tongues as they cry out in vain for mercy they never deserved. they should be fed their fingers.#they should be forced to see as they break down screaming and crying how pathetic they've always been.#that would be satisfying. that would be delicious.#i do think it's adorable when fodder realizes it's about to be consumed.#it makes them realize that after all their idiotic personas they are still NOTHING and never will be.#cw violent thoughts#cw murder mention#cw torture mention#cw cannibalism#cw gore mention#cw dismemberment#cw blood mention#cw organs#cw slur mention#oh how i wish i was in charge again... so many of these useless things calling themselves worthwhile employees would be gone already.#not signing off.#cw dehumanisation#< just in case since the others are saying it is.
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Perhaps i should be writing down these conversations in my head that i’m crafting until they are spotlessly clever, because at the end of the day, i can write dialogue much better than i can “shoot my shot,” which consists at looking at you longingly & fumbling conversations in bars and elevators. and at this point i have enough pre-practiced dialogue content prepared for a small, yet rambling novel. but, then again, you’ve complimented my writing voice several times, so maybe there’s merit in making that voice vocal.
#This feeling will not be different until i move to another city i fear#and even then it won’t fade it’ll just be different#YO HOW DOES ANYONE DO ANYTHING ANY OF THR TIME. SORRY#everyday i make it more complicated with myself but it’s really more about my fear of embarrassment#What if i’m too earnest. and the snipers get me#Really the point is if i MANAGE to get the CHANCE to say something now#is the risk of 5 awkward months worth the reward. Maybe it is#a crush is a self-inflicted form of psychological torture. ok bye#my posts
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i make a lot of dnd ocs for somebody with a generally contentious and tempestuous relationship with dungeons and dragons. but anyways. my roommate’s convincing me to revamp my old human paladin (he sucks) from our high school campaign and make him into a duergar. my bitchy old man…..
#fyodor’s a misanthropic nihilistic bastard. his oath is genuine but kind of fucked up#from his childhood upbringing being like. his shitty dad originally being a doomsday preacher type#i think you could shift that into something fun with a broader cultural perspective on the world being miserable#like. what DO you put your faith in when your people have only known cruelty. what makes the world worth saving? what are you fighting for?#et cetera. and also i just like torture and murder sometimes.#i also know aeriadne (my drow) would HATE this man. crawl out of your pit and get therapy dude!!#at this point i’m just thinking thoughts. nothing serious is gonna come from this probably but heh#…. *hey. i mean you can imagine me giving a little ‘heh’ chuckle if you want but
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also we love a woman who goes from shyly biting your neck and clinging to you, to biting your wrist while maintaining eye contact. we love a woman who gains her confidence over time <3
#chiyo at first: this is embarrassing and mortifying everything about it don't frikkin look at me--#chiyo a while later: i know exactly how attractive all of this makes me now and i /will/ be torturing you with it <3#ooooh my head is killing me and i gotta go to bed in a minute here but chiyo... what a woman#in general i feel like chiyo grows so bold once she's comfortable#nothing is gonna stop her from being the biggest menace to your muse once she trusts them with her heart#rip their peace but it's worth it i promise <3#get ready to ramble | ooc#edit: i just realized i didn't specify this is in her vampire verse asdfg
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ohhh sunday evening we're really.in it now.....
#just thought about some things. and now im so sad i want to throw up. well thats on me i shouldnt have thought about them#man. back to the torture labyrinth. nothing ever changes#whatever this is probably just my meds wearing off. at least [topic of rumination] isnt a reality i have to face just yet so its fine#not worth making myself mentally ill just over the thought of it ill save that for it if it actually happens 👍#.diaries#lets out a big doglike sigh. who wants to take me out back and shoot me. im kidding. maybe. im gonna go make pasta
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Art for Pride Day 7: Cuddles
#Pride month#Pride 2024#Pride#Gay#Gay pride#mlm#LGBTQ#Digital art#Oc#Oc art#Cuddle bugs :3#Oh my goodness the torture I felt while making this#pls ignore the anatomy this took several days#was it worth it guys pls like and reblog my suffering/hj
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