#majority of the kins all represent me in different ways

[justanapplenothinghere]

HIYA! u can answer this in DMs (i just find sending asks fun) if u want, but i was wondering about how u found out u were dogday kin, and if ur comfortable sharing, can u tell me abt ur experience with being kin to him :0

like do you have any shifts? memories? etc? I'm SO curious to know what u remember of the factory!! unless you're the cartoon Dogday, or are u the bigger body Dogday?

either way i'd love to hear about it!! /nf

TW: MENTIONS OF EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL TRAUMA

No no it's fine! I'm glad people are interested! So how I kinda found out maybe a bit strange to say the least. When I was young, obviously I didn't know I was a fiction kin. I didn't know kinning was even a thing. I was nine years old at best.

Being the naive person that I was, my mother wasn't really that great as I started to get older. I guess to put it lightly I was abused quite harshly. I always had bruises all over my legs. I was really flinchy and anxious.

I would say it's a bit of both DogDays. As for me cartoon DogDay kinda represents my innocence as a kid. Though big body DogDay represents as I am older what kind of childhood trauma I've been through.

My shifts vary depending on how I'm feeling. Usually it will be cartoon DogDay, but there have been moments where bigger body DogDay was talking instead (he tends to handle really serious stuff better).

As for remembering about the factory. Jeez, what isn't there to remember? Don't get me wrong there were great times there but everything just went..side tracked. It wasn't supposed to happen. None of it. Though I suppose one that stood out to me the most was looking after all the kids and just seeing how happy they were. I always missed and struggled with to cope that they weren't going to come back. That is..the..loneliest feeling in the world.

[fictionkinfessions]

anyone else got kins where like. your perception of what you looked like just shifts over time? not even in major ways necessarily, just. oh, i used to draw myself with curly hair but nowadays, straighter/shaggier hair feels a little more accurate. and i used to draw myself wearing jeans but maybe sweats more accurately represent me now.

like does that make sense at all lmao. bc the memories are the same, as well as how i generally feel about things, but when i imagine myself now it's different to how i imagined myself a few years ago

🐸

[paragonrobits]

It was an honest question, and not meant in mean-ness or disrespect. So Auxillary Arch-Sciencewretch Bongo paused, a cup of tea up to his mandibles.

He gently put the cup down and folded several of his arms together, contemplating how to proceed. First he wondered if it was important to correct the ambassador on the mistake of referring to him as human. He decided to dismiss it; there was generally a growing period for species new to the galactic community where they were prone to thinking of broad, species-based groups. The error of species-as-society. In time, they'd adjust to the idea of a society being bigger than a single species, of forms of identity on a shared cultural basis in a way different than they might be used to.

He was not human in a technical sense, but as the humans had begun what was generally called the Pansolar Coalition, an interplanetary governing body and representative democracy of many species, it was pretty common to conflate humans with the group as a whole.

And to be fair, his own species had been made on Earth; uplifted arachnids, and he was among those who had chosen to go about piloted a humanoid robotic chassis to interact with larger beings, which also looked like a big humanoid spider-thing because he had an aesthetic and by God he was going to STICK TO IT.

The ambassador was a robot; not an organic being using a chassis or a voluntary cyborg, nor was he a sapient artificial intelligence installed into a robotic platform. His kind were naturally occurring robots; Bongo wasn't sure how that happened, but there they were.

Bongo said, carefully, "That question is more delicate than you may realize."

"How so?" The ambassador's optics flickered in a way conveying genuine puzzlement, so Bongo chose to take things easy on him.

"Well, is not terraforming something done by your people?"

"Ah. Yes, but not as much as you; we don't need to adapt a planet to suit ourselves to it, we just adapt ourselves."

"Indeed. Well, I am afraid the majority of my... well, not my species exactly, but my kind, or rather the fellow kin among the Coalition, we can't adapt as easily as you. And there's ethical concerns."

"Ethics? In what, exactly?"

"Tell me. What do you know about the religious concept of stewardship?"

"Hrm. I think I had a briefing about it. Isn't the idea of sapient beings given a charge by divinity to protect and care for the world as they know it?"

"Quite so."

The ambassador hesitated. Bongo gave off the impression that it was self explainatory, but it seemed a mystery to him. "I'm not sure I follow?"

"As being with the ability and power to do so, we feel it is an obligation to care for our worlds; we have hundreds, yes, and that is because we are prepared to spend so much time and resources caring for a single world, and we apply that to all our worlds. Great damage has been done in the past, during a more thoughtless age. Now we are wiser, and we understand that it is our duty to care for the worlds."

The ambassador was quiet.

Eventually he said, "So its like gardening, I think?"

"Yes, that's a way of looking at it. We're not seperate from the garden; we're a part of it. We're all part of a vast and flowing network of life and death, birth and rebirth. We cannot be seperated from it, and so it is bad, to us, to exert power over it. If we spend many resources to do just that, it is simply our way."

The ambassador was quiet, again, this time for a while.

"I think," he said carefully. "I still don't quite understand, but I think I would like to."

There were some who disputed that the ambassador's people were ready to join the galactic community. But in the ambassador's words, Bongo saw hope for the future yet.

"You humans have hundreds of planets under your control, so why do you waste so many resources trying to make that Earth planet habital? I genuinely don't understand."

[thryth-gaming]

What makes a Construct?

When I asked if someone was interested in me covering a particular topic as regards to Monster of the Week and the answer I got was Construct. So I'm going to use this as a chance to talk about how playbooks can represent they same entity from different parts of their story.

So, as currently stands, there are several playbooks that include a "robotic" description in their lists of suggested looks. The new books have three such playbooks with The Action Scientist, The Interface, and The Visitor. Likewise some of the playbooks either are explicitly about being a created entity, including The Forged and (currently unofficial but popular) The Constructed. This could also easily be done as a monster breed for The Monstrous.

There's also a matter of what exactly we mean by construct. The image that immediately stands out is a non-organic entity like a robot or animated statue. This all assumes that the entity is very clearly and obviously a construct. This is where we get characters like Atomic Robo or the Iron Giant. In someways, this would also be like The Scarecrow or Tin Man in Wizard of Oz.

But there have been several times in fiction where a character is revealed to have been created through artifice which is where we get to things like androids. This starts to overlap with my writing about cyberpunk yesterday. But this does come to characters like Data and Lore from Star Trek: The Next Generation or the majority of the cast of the video game Detroit: Being Human.

And this brings us to another sort of artificial being: clones and their close kin the homonculus. In this case we get what would appear as biological humans at least on the surface though they might have distinctly inhuman traits. This is where you get characters like Ennis from Baccano, the homonculi from Full Metal Alchemist, and the replicants from Blade Runner.

As protagonists, constructs tell a story of someone trying to expand their horizons beyond what they were expected to ever be. It kind of speaks to the way a lot of people are raised with very narrow expectations of what their purpose in life is according to various authorities. You are in this lane, and that's all you will ever be in life. You can especially see this in stories like with Melfina from Outlaw Star who was created to be a control element in a particular space ship.

Alternately, you can have situations where a character is revealed to be created artificially later on. I did this to one of my hunters in a campaign within the last year or two as playtest for the new stuff. The Celebrity eventually got revealed to be a homonculus created by a nefarious blood cult (as adverse the benevolent blood cult from the same series) that was out to return all reality to being part of the body of an eldritch god. This hits the concept of a person suddenly questioning everything they thought about themselves. How much of them was programmed? Are they even a real person? Do they have a soul? And other such questions (just kidding, Brick basically just went "huh, that's strange" and then continued being an absolute golden retriever of a himbo).

Constructs as monsters present a very different situation. They generally come in two varieties: the unstoppable force and the insidious infiltrator.

The unstoppable force style of construct threat is when you focus very much on that one thing that the construct was designed to do. They are unrelenting and spend absolutely zero effort on anything that does not relate to their objective. The Terminator movies represent this sort of threat as does Talos, the bronze statue that appears in Jason and the Argonauts back in Ray Harryhausen days.

When building this sort of threat, consider the fact that they are not going to deviate unless they have to. Terminator is a great way to approach this. The robots in that series typically only deviate to acquire resources, and they keep those deviations very basic. The T-800, for example, goes to get guns and scans different names in the phone book. But the later robots find they don't need external weaponry and thus do not have to make the minor deviation to get weapons. There will be very little question as to what the threat is. The investigation in this case will be a combination of trying to figure out what it's objective is and how to stop it.

When construct threats are of the insidious infiltrator model, then we are returning to the question of "what makes a person" but from an examination of something being missing. When a person is captured and replaced by copy of themselves, similar in some ways to Invasion of the Body Snatchers the resultant copy will often present the behaviors of the original in a hollow way that lacks genuine emotion. The Heart of Steel episode of Batman: The Animated Series approaches this more directly with literal androids rather than pod-people which may instead by viewed as a form of mimicry by an alternate species. You would also find this approach taken in City of Heroes with a lot of Nemesis storylines as that enemy group will sometimes replace people with steampunk duplicants. In this case, the investigation will hinge on discovering the replacement, determining their goals, and finding their source.

There can be a lot of bleed over here. Blade Runner, Detroit: Becoming Human, and Fallout 4 all explore the concept of the replacements missing something intrinsically human and thus standing out when their behavior is a bit off what is expected. But in all three cases these entities have their own standards of natural behavior and self-determinism that is being viewed as a malfunction by society at large. As someone who is a bit on the neurodivergent end of things, this is a very familiar place to be standing. When you deal with these sorts of stories, the constructs are going to be as often bystanders as they will be minions or monsters. For this story you'll need another sort of major threat and Conspiracy type Phenomena and Villains work very well in this circumstance.

Now as to the hunter team for this... I'm going to grab one of the stranger team playbook concepts in the form of Army of One where all the hunters represent variations of the same person. In this case, we're going to be playing a team who are clones of the same person.

I'm tempted to do the LegiKira from the fanfic version of Divine Blood, before I revamped it into something wholey original, but don't think I'll do that precisely. The whole Alice thing from the Resident Evil movies also comes to mind, but then I have to think about how they basically crumpled up and tossed that entire concept into a bin almost immediately after introducing it... and that makes me sad. But still, I think something along those lines. But actually, I am going to draw on an older campaign and go with a set of homonculi escaping the leader of my occasionally reused corporation of evil alchemists: Canopy Research.

Again, I have not had time to do Hero Forge minis for this.

We Have Self - Army of One

There is a woman named Chrysa Gordian who seeks to become a god. She has achieved a type of immortality, but hasn't quite cracked the path to true godhood. To help study this, she has taken on a practice of creating homonculi based cultures of her own body and setting them out to pursue different approaches to godhood. These homonculi almost invariably form organizations around themselves and set their minions to explore a variety of options within their own pre-set avenue of exploration.

This group of hunters are a collective of Chrysa homonculi who were able to form a sense of self before it could be beaten, bled, or boiled out of them by whatever means their creator decided to employ this time.

Style: Subtle Differences

Core Traits

Team Enemy: Chrysa Gordia Prime, their creator is incensed that any of her creations would express themselves in directions that she did not dictate.

Team Ally: Robert and Roberta, twins. They understand each other perfectly, and thus also understand your situation very well.

Team Move: Each Other's Back

Team Assets

Mobile Base: A truck or bus with bunks and mystery investigation supplies on board.

Chrissy - The Curse-Eater

Look: A Mediterranean woman marked with several tattoos and long hair with several locks tied off into various occult knots and around beads with different runes and other marks on them. She dresses in relaxed, casual clothing with t-shirts, over-sized sweaters, and generally looking a bit disheveled

Charm +1

Cool +2

Sharp +0

Tough -1

Weird +1

Curse-Eating

Chrissy must ritually eat a piece of the monster or curse.

Corruption 0/7

Consumed Magics

Moves

Basic Weird Move: Warding

Moves: Devour Evil, Release Corruption, Fortune's Fool, Feel the Burn

Gear

A bag full of occult ingredients and reagents.

Grimoire of wardings and defenses.

Mystical focus used when eating curses (perhaps a crystal, amulet, or ring) - Elder Eye amulet

Taser (2-harm hand/close stun electric)

Pistol (2-harm close loud)

Old car.

History

Crystal represents a stark example of what could have been and it makes Krissy a bit hesitant around the other homonculus.

Gordon feels the most similar to her of the others and a lot of Krissy personal aesthetic is basically designed to be not!Gordon. Hence why her look is a bit messier and disheveled.

Kris's enjoyment of weed concerns Krissy who found the state of mind it produced dangerously lax when set beside her abilities to consume corrupt magics.

Krissy was an experiment into the viability of obtaining ascension via the consumption of various curses and other magical effects. She was likely to have realized Chrysa's manipulations for much the same reason as Gordon eventually did, the magics they were created to employ were eroding the assumptions that gave the mental blocks something to hold onto. The final straw was after she devoured the strange bat-eel that Gordon sent to contact her. Devouring that creature came with a surge of knowledge.

Gordon - The Hex

Look: A young seeming Mediterranean man nevertheless displaying a streak of grey in his beard. He has a slight build and gives the air of being a librarian or bookshop owner. Side by side with the others, he seems more of a brother than a clone, but there are several physical similarities. He prefers sharp, expensive outfits.

Charm +1

Cool -1

Sharp +1

Tough +0

Weird +2

Temptation: Callousness - invoking the alien makes it more difficult to relate to other people.

Moves

Basic Weird Move: Summoning

Moves: Bad Luck Charm, Cast the Bones, Force of Will

Rotes

Eldritch Embodiment - When you summon a creature using your own body as the focus, roll +Weird. On a success you may take on either one or two traits of the invoked creature. Each trait comes with it's own side-effect usually affecting personality or behavior. On a 10+ the side-effects are mild. On a 7-9 each side-effect is more severe, but you retain most of your self. On a miss, you are driven by the desires of the creature you summoned into yourself and your personal desires are buried until the summon releases.

Summons

Nightgaunt - A terrible creature of black whale-skin and disproportionately slender humanoid form. They are resilient and stealthy fliers and can be dispatched to steal items or capture people. Summoning requires a circle drawn with particular alchemical formula and a ritual performed with no more than a single candle's worth of light over an hour.

Twisted Critter - On a brief glimpse these creatures appear to be common, small animals like rats, cats, bats, lizards, and the like. However, there is generally something disturbingly off about their countenance and a close look will reveal them to have unnatural features like human faces or skin that is wrong. Summoning one requires a effigy in the shape of the animal the creature will take the shape of. They are excellent spies and messengers.

Gear

Shillelagh (1-harm hand balanced)

Athame (2-harm hand magic silver)

Magical amulets and ritual items

History

When Gordon sent his summons to contact the others, Krissy ended up eating his messenger.

Crystal does not react as poorly to Gordon's summons as the other two do. He wonders if that is due to how close she came to having her entire self erased.

Kris delves into alchemy to provide Gordon with the enhanced transition hormones that he's been using. Knowing Kris' disillusionment with alchemy, he appreciates this.

Gordon was created as an experiment in reaching out to eldritch forces beyond the normal spirits and gods. It was in the transition from their alien perspective back to his own that he realized and recognized the programming that was going on. He then started using his summons to seek out and contact other homonculi eventually formulating a way to escape.

Crystal - The Interface

Look: A Mediterranean woman with bald head. There are electrical plugs drilled into the side of her skull and at some points in her spine and at joints like the shoulders, knees, and elbows.

Charm -1

Cool +0

Sharp +2

Tough -1

Weird +2

Integration

Upgrades: Always Connected, Everything's Compatiable

Faults: Specialized Maintenance

Origin: Articial

Moves

Basic Weird Move: Hacking

Moves: Technomancer, Virus Whisperer, Keep Going and Going

Gear

Internal Computer (Integrated)

Tactical Armor (1-armour)

Mini Supercomputer

Recording Suite (Integrated)

Enhanced Sensor Array (Integrated)

Muscle Augments (1-harm hand useful Integrated)

Tool (1-harm close useful)

Project Journal

Video Game Counsel

History

Chrissy was the one who disconnected her from the machines and removed the implanted codes that were erasing her will.

Gordon helped her explore what sort of clothes she'd prefer to have. Her taste in clothes is very simple, but he will let her speak about her video games and is patient with the stilted and slow manner of speech she has.

Crystal has decided she needs to make sure that Kris takes care of herself. She will step in to prevent the scientist from over-indulging in her smoking and push her to get water and food. She considers this the same as Kris taking care of her maintenance.

Every so often a homonculus comes out a bit off in some way that Chrysa determines makes them useless in the intended purpose of exploring avenues of immortality. When this happens, Chrysa will convert them into the core of various facilities, essentially turning them into biological super-computers. This was going to be Crystal's fate until the others interrupted the process. Though recovery is a long, slow process.

Kris - The Action Scientist

Look: A Mediterranean woman with short, spiky hair maintained by some sort of hair gel. She wears a lab coat and has goggles, usually on her head but it's clear she uses them as there's often grime on her face save around her eyes.

Charm +2

Cool -1

Sharp +2

Tough +0

Weird -1

Moves

Basic Weird Move: Weird Science

Area of Study: Biology and Chemistry

Moves: The Doors of Perception, Sabotage

Gear

Portable particle accelerator (3-harm close/far messy batteries)

Scalpel (1-harm intimate/hand)

Various scientific analysis gear.

Lab coat (chemical-resistant)

History

Chrissy and Kris discovered marijuana together, but had differing reactions to it. Kris doesn't smoke around her out of respect.

Gordon is the one that reached out to Kris and revealed what was in store for them if they didn't escape.

Kris spends more time with Crystal than with the others, this is partly due to being the one that handles Crystals maintenance most of the time.

Kris was cultured and developed as a homonculus who was meant to delve into alchemy. Thus she is the most common sort of Chrysa's homonculi. Ever since it was revealed to her that she was not only a homonculus, but was being honed into a being with next to no free will, she has found she has a dislike for alchemy. She's been delving into more natural sciences and recreational pharmacology since then.

[sparklecare-good-au]

Sparklecare Good AU FAQ

FAQ

-General Questions-

Q: What is the Good AU?

A: The Good AU is basically just one of those "what if The Bad Thing didnt happen and everything was fine" kind of things. In it the hospital has zero connection to Cuddles in anyway, and because of that, nobody gets hurt.

-

Q: What is the comics schedual?

A: I post updates on Saturdays at 6:00 AM Eastern Standard Time. The updates themselves can be one or two pages each, depending on if I had recently come back from a break, if the update falls on a holiday, or if the pages just need to be together for some reason.

-

Q: Does the comic have an overarching plot?

A: Not in the way you might think. Theres no single goal the characters are aiming for, like how canon is about eventually getting Sparklecare exposed to the public. The "main goal", you could say, would be to get better and go home. This is still going to be difficult for some. Each chapter is fairly self contained, with some callbacks to earlier chapters/character developments

-

Q: Does this version of the hospital allow people under 18 to be admitted?

A: No.

-

Q: How many chapters will there be?

A: Right now there are 4 planned chapters, but more may be added over time.

-

Q: Why are there ocs in this AU?

A: I just felt like it. It makes the AU more my own. Anybody can make an AU where nobody is hurt by the hospital, I make it different by adding new characters and dynamics.

-

Q: Who runs the hospital if Cuddles isnt involved?

A: Richard Sparkle, the most boring guy on the face of the planet.

-

Q: Since you know all the canon lore, will any if that be implemented?

A: No, I'm only ever going to include things that are publicly known. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone, so you won't be seeing any characters early or getting any backstories or lore before it is outright said in the comic.

-

Q: How do you feel about shipping/selfshipping with your ocs?

A: Totally fine! The only exception to this is Saturn and Graham, as Saturn is my fursona/self insert, and Graham is my self inserts boyfriend.

-

Q: How about kinning/IRLs/fictives?

A: Same answer as shipping, totally fine with kinng my ocs with the exception of Saturn and Graham. Saturn is me, so it would be kind of weird. IRLs and fictives are okay, but for personal comfort reasons, I would really not like them to interact with me/be talked abt on my blog, sorry!

-

Q: What are you comfortable with when it comes to fanart?

A: I'd prefer if people didnt make anything nsfw or immoral with my characters, especially Saturn. You can do pretty much whatever you want other than that, like ship art, our ocs being friends, ect. Just please respect what im comfortable with and itll be fine!

-

Q: Why isnt character/plot point/ect in here?

A: Even though I know the lore, I obviously won't be spoiling anything about the comic. So I cant include things like the unknown patient who Uni hinted at in v1, or the other patient who Hemera hinted at in v2. I can only add in what is publically known, which is why character backstories arent going to be a major focus.

-Character Questions-

Q: Is Saturn a y*ndere?

A: No, and please stop asking. /srs

-

Q: Wheres Cuddles?

A: Jail for tax evasion. He wont be important /srs

-

Q: Why not just make Cuddles a good guy?

A: I didnt do that because of what he represents. Hes based off of Kittycorn's personal experiences, I feel it would be rude to do that. Besides, making him a good guy who doesnt kill people would leave him with literally no personality.

-

Q: Are there any character blogs for the good au characters?

A: Yes! Saturn's blog is @xxdemondogxx, Uni's is @tiniestferryshop, and Graham's is @grahamberrymusic. There is also the general @asksparklecaregoodau blog where you can interact with the rest of the cast.

-

Q: Who is Saturn, and why is he a main character?

A: Saturn is my fursona, he represents me! He is a main character because I've had him for a while and really wanted to finally do something with him.

-

Q: Is Saturn really a demon?

A: No, he just thinks he is. Everybody, minus Barry, is nice to him about it.

-

Q: Why does Saturn think hes a demon?

A: He feels like he is a horrible person for having intrusive thoughts, because he feels normal people would never consider the things he thinks about, even though those things are not in his control. He's literally demonizing himself for being mentally ill. That and he thinks demons are naturally evil, so hes assuming hes a demon to sort of give himself a better reason for being "evil" (he is not evil)

-

Q: Why are the rainbow characters (Doom and Mood, Party, ect.) still rainbow? Werent those colors caused by truama?

A: In canon, yes, the rainbow characters are rainbow because of that. However, I didnt know about that when I made their AU designs and started the comic in December of 2020. They are still rainbow despite the knowledge I now have because it makes them more recognizable. The rats specifically are still rainbow because they got past the truama of being bullied when they were younger.

-

Q: Why is everyone in the hospital at the same time if they arent being kept there?

A: The plot needs it. If everybody left when they were supposed to, the only main characters there would be Barry and Saturn.

-

Q: Are there any new characters who are lgbtq+?

A: Currently, as of early 2023, all the new characters who are in the hospital are lgbtq+.

-

Q: Are any of your ocs autistic?

A: Saturn and Graham are both autistic. Though its not canon in real SC, Hemera in the good au is also autistic.

-OC Questions-

Q: Can I make a good AU oc?

A: You can make an oc if you want, I dont own the idea of "Big Bad Thing Never Happens" aus, so feel free to make as many characters as you like!

-

Q: Can you put my oc in the comic?

A: I dont include peoples ocs in the comic itself, since if they change their mind later I would have to either edit pages or write the character out. I will, however, draw your oc if you ask and provide a reference for them (or if I just feel like it)! I will only really do that when im taking requests, or if we are friends/mutuals.

[vidavalor]

Bucky’s dual-era dog tags in TFATWS (and when & where he decides to wear them) are giving me some SamBucky-related vibes...

...in addition to the just interesting stuff related to Bucky’s various identity issues. So let’s talk the dog tags. 

First things first, these really do not seem like they’re Steve’s dog tags-- they’re Bucky’s own. Why? Look at the promo still below which is the best view I’ve seen of them in TFATWS. Notice that they are not of the same era. One of the dog tags is a WW2-era tag-- the darker, wider one is not only period-accurate for WW2, it’s identical to the ones Bucky was wearing during WW2 in the movie canon already, most visibly in the “let’s hear it for Captain America!” moment. The *other* dog tag Bucky is wearing in TFATWS, though, is of a more modern issue. It is the kind that would be made for soldiers now and over the last couple of decades. So, how does that mean that they’re Bucky’s and not just Steve’s and what does this have to do with Sam? 

Dog tags are only meant to be separated off the chain in the case of death, as everyone probably knows. Soldiers wear two tags with the same information on them into battle so that one remains on them if they die and the other can be pulled off the chain as proof of a fallen soldier during battle, with the army then usually passing the single chain to next of kin. If Bucky were wearing a pair of WW2-era dog tags in TFATWS, I’d say it was more possible that he was wearing Steve’s tags because Steve didn’t actually have them on when he went into the ice so, somewhere, Steve’s pair of WW2-era dog tags exist as a set, still on the chain. They probably wound up in the Smithsonian at some point but back to Bucky-- his, based on the canon we know, would have been separated after the freight car. 

Bucky was wearing his dog tags when he fell off the train car because he was at war. We know that the Russians found Bucky and then handed him back over to Zola. The Russians, to cover this up, would have taken one of Bucky’s dog tags and given it to the U.S. Army, claiming that they had found them washed up on the shore near where he fell or something. What did the U.S. Army do then? They didn’t know what Zola had done to Bucky beforehand that would enable him to survive the fall so they wouldn’t think to question the Russians on this-- they’d just be like hey, thanks for this and we’ll continue to do the same for you. They would have taken the dog tag and marked Bucky off as dead and then done the next thing, which is to give the dog tag to the soldier’s next of kin. 

Bucky died during war time and everyone knew he and Steve had been friends before the war so whatever general got the dog tag probably just gave it to Steve. Steve *could* have given it to Bucky’s sister at some point-- and we know she exists in the MCU because Bucky briefly mentioned her in TFATWS but we don’t know if he’s gone to see her yet-- but we also have no idea what she’s like in the MCU or if Steve might have just decided to keep the dog tag for himself. Given the trauma Steve went through of witnessing Bucky’s death and them not finding Bucky’s body, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that even if Steve was the one who told Rebecca about Bucky’s death and all that, that he kept Bucky’s dog tag. The other one, that was on Bucky at the time when he was given back to Zola, was destroyed by Zola during him being brainwashed into The Winter Soldier. 

So, maybe through seeing Rebecca but probably really through Steve, Bucky gets one of his WW2 era dog tags back. Given that he isn’t seen wearing dog tags again until TFATWS, it’s likely that Steve gave it back to Bucky sometime in the Endgame aftermath before Steve went back in time. Let’s unpack how Steve’s heart was in the right place but that was a bit of a loaded gift here...

Free from being brainwashed-- as free as he’s been *since* WW2 anyway-- Bucky is essentially handed by Steve the symbol of what he just can’t be anymore-- that guy that Steve used to know. He’s still somewhat that guy but he’s been through so much that he’s not going to ever go back. Steve is into going back-- back to the same girl, back to the same era, back to a time when things felt less confusing and safer to him, where things will hurt less. Bucky has always been the absolute opposite of this-- while Steve was always desperate to fit the mode of the model man of the WW2 era, Bucky-- a good-looking, able-bodied soldier who can hot-blooded American male with the best of them-- was never a man of his time, always a bit ahead of it. Steve is Captain America-- Bucky is Captain World of Tomorrow. He’s more realistic about what America is because as a guy putting on a show for the world to pass in the society that Steve worships, Bucky has a very different perspective on all of it than Steve did. (See also, obviously, why Bucky and Sam understand one another and are better for one another than either of them with Steve.) Bucky is touched that Steve had this and is trying to do something nice by giving it back to him but it’s the singular dog tag bearing ‘James Buchanan Barnes’ like it’s literally being his own next of kin at this point as Steve’s about to go back into time-- it’s being handed a reminder of the demise of his sense of self and his *literal almost actual death* right when he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to view himself and what he’s going to do in this world now that he’s going to stay in the present. 

So, he’s not wearing it. He doesn’t really know what to do with it. He’s with Sam at the time (maybe not *with* Sam but I mean they’re sharing a lot of the same space, either at the Avengers compound or Sam’s apartment, in the whole Endgame aftermath time period but pre-TFATWS) and Sam sees it and Bucky tells him he’s putting it away because he can’t wear it. Steve was trying to do a nice thing but Bucky’s like I can’t wear one of these things, my old WW2 one-- it’d be like I was a walking corpse. Sam agrees. So, from here two things could have happened...

One is that Bucky could have made the decision to just get himself a modern secondary tag but keep in mind that Dr. Raynor actually had to clear Bucky for active duty and that wouldn’t have happened right away. More importantly, some military guys basically never take off their dog tags but we have evidence that Bucky used to actually *not* be like this so much. While he had them on during the war, much has been made (and should be made, for sure) about how Bucky’s wardrobe changes after his first encounter with Zola compared to when he first left for war. The Bucky in uniform on the double date with Steve is spiffy and spotless; the Bucky in the bar with Peggy and the Howlies is barely hanging on. The most major difference is how much he pushes his uniform away from his neck and stops wearing a hat-- some have theorized that Zola was trying an early version of the mind crown on Bucky before Steve found him, prompting Bucky to develop a trauma-induced need to have things away from his neck. 

This actually doesn’t change that much after Civil War, when he’s free from his handlers and on the run. By necessity, there’s a baseball cap at times but he wears a lot of henleys and there’s not actually any necklaces or dog tags until TFATWS. So, what changes? The addition of the modern tag and his reclaiming of the idea of being a soldier. So, the two options for how Bucky got the modern dog tag are really either a) he went and had one made for himself or b) Sam gave it to him. Let’s look at why the former would be kind of a healthy choice for Bucky but why it’s probably not likely to be what happened. 

One scene that stands out for me is the single scene in TFATWS where it’s really obvious that Bucky is *not* wearing the dog tags. They show up all over the place-- he has them on for basically the entire series. He’s even *sleeping* in them, waking up with them on during a nightmare where they’re prominent in the scene and then also in its contrasting scene, on the couch in Delacroix. So, the one scene we don’t see Bucky wearing them? His first therapy scene with Raynor. 

It’s made pretty clear that while Bucky got a thing or two out of his time with Raynor, it’s not really because of Raynor herself, who is basically a terrible trauma therapist. It’s also clear that Bucky doesn’t trust her and for good reason. We see that he really shouldn’t-- she’s forcing him into rules he can’t actually live by instead of helping him find ways through those scenarios when they invitably pop up (“don’t hurt anyone” is a recipe for failure) and she’s treating a man violated in every way under the sun in a way that’s invasive. She’s monitoring his phone. She threatens his compliance by *bringing out a book that she’s writing his secrets in* like... this isn’t the healthiest scenario here. What we also see is that Bucky subtly rebels against her. He somehow got himself cleared for active duty by her so he’s been b.s.ing her. He is later seen with a smart phone he knows how to use at Zemo’s (and had to have something on which he was online dating profile perusing) but Raynor thinks he just owns an old flip phone. So, it’s something really interesting that this is the one scene where we can’t see the chain of his dog tags. Why? Why doesn’t he want Raynor to know about them? 

Because he’s hiding what they mean to him. If he wore them in, he’d have to talk to her about them. The dog tags represent his real efforts to reconcile his identity and what he wants that to look like-- he’s vulnerable about them because they represent what little hope he has left. If Bucky had gone out and gotten that modern dog tag for himself and began wearing them, it’d be something healthy to share with Raynor. He’d want to show it off, all eager to show the doc the decision she’d see as healthy and let her analyze it with him. We know that Bucky is struggling to reconcile his identity-- it’s literally his whole story arc in TFATWS-- and yet, he’s wearing dog tags that cut to the chase of it, in a lot of ways. Which is why those dog tags were on in New York all the time except for with Raynor-- why he wore them to bed, even-- and why he leaves them on when he goes to see Sam. 

Sam got Bucky that newer tag. Probably when Raynor cleared him as a congratulations thing or maybe just when he saw Bucky left with a friend who went back in time and left him with nothing but a notebook of things to check out and a corpse necklace and felt for him. In essence, Bucky is wearing around another pair of dual identities in TFATWS-- the Bucky who died in WW2 and the Bucky who is still alive again now in the present-- as given back/given to him and represented by the once and future Captain Americas, who also happen to be the guys he’s loved (in different ways) the most in his life. That he’s wearing them is a sign that he wants to be Sgt. Barnes again-- this newer version of himself. It’s progress from the man who shuddered at stuff around his neck and TFATWS shows us that in other scenes as well, in other ways (his hoodie & jacket combo when they go to talk to Zemo; his signature jacket with a higher collar than we’ve seen him in since he left for war.) The wardrobe choices show an evolution-- a willingness to try to a new place of managing what he’s been through. 

But wearing those dog tags around Sam in TFATWS? (And wearing them when he and Sam weren’t really communicating ahead of it?) Yeah. The parallel to Bucky showing up in Delacroix with a whole new outfit for Sam’s new identity as Captain America is that it was Sam who gave Bucky the modern half of his dog tags (and the chain, which is lighter silver and from the present era) and that’s why Bucky has been wearing them. Steve gave him a reminder of the guy he used to be, even if that guy was still pretty dead but Sam gave him a duplicate-- one that represented the guy who belongs to more modern times and is alive. One tag is death; two is life. 

[cinnella]

Name: Eris Zaramoza (chosen name); Yin Abo (birth name)

Age: 26 years old

Sex: Female

Sexuality: Pansexual

Zodiac sign: Scorpio

Birthday: November 5th

Patron Arcana:

Death (Major); Queen of Cups (Minor)

Occupation: Magician and Shopkeeper; Former Necromancer

Height: 5'7" (1.71 m)

Weight: 64 kg (141 lbs)

Relatives:

Sethos Abo - older brother

Nuwa Abo - mother (deceased)

Kek Abo - father (deceased)

Xié Dongmei - aunt (deceased)

Origin: Born in Venterre, but grew up in Vesuvia

Race: Half chinese, half egyptian

Powers: Blue (astrology) and purple (divination) magic. Also has an affinity for controlling and summoning water

Intelligence Level: On a scale from 1 to 10, she's a 7

Backstory:

She was born in a small home in Venterre. Her father was already dead at the time of her birth, her brother only 5 years old and her mother deadly sick.

Only two days after her birth, her mom passed away, from the lack of proper medication. Sethos knew that she was way too young for him to take care of, so he tried to seek out their aunt, who lived on the other side of the city.

That night, he sat under a makeshift shelter with his baby sister, but he was so hungry that he had no other choice but to leave her there and try to find some food. Eventually, Yin started crying, which a passerby heard and when they found her, they took her with them.

Sethos was utterly crushed when he came back and she was gone... He tried to look for her, but he was so exhausted that he passed out in the middle of the street. Luckily, he was found by a woman with children and brought to her place.

When he had woken up, he explained his situation to her. The next morning, the woman helped him travel to his aunt's home. But by the time he got there and told her what happened to his sister and mother, Yin was already on a ship heading towards Vesuvia.

There, she was brought to an orphanage, in the South End, where multiple kids and babies from different places had been found, to be taken care of by people whom founded the building. She grew up a rather lonesome troublemaker. The caretakers were kind people, but the kids were mean. So she had no friends.

Soon enough, the adults had realized that most of the kids had no names, couldn't remember them or never knew them. So they took to liberty to name them, but because there were about 30 children and 15 adults, there was a lot of confusion and mis-naming.

They decided to teach the kids to read and write when they were old enough to understand the concepts, and on their 7th birthday, they'd choose their definitive name, something that they felt represented them.

And so, Yin Abo became Eris Zaramoza.

On that day, she met two kids that both looked younger than her. One was small and frail. Porcelain skin, black hair, mismatched eyes. Her name had been Saiya. The other was slightly taller than her. Umber skin, magenta eyes, jet black hair. The caretakers often called him Sykes. They were both known troublemakers and apparently, best friends.

They offered her to become friends and although she'd been sketchy about it, she agreed. They were her first friends, after all.

Years later, the three of them became inseparable and two new children joined their group, both of them noticeably younger. One had skin the color of limestone, ashy blond hair and silverish eyes. The other had dark espresso skin, curly chestnut hair and jade green eyes.

They were often referred to as "accidental troublemakers" because they did naughty things without even realizing it. These four kids became her kin, her family. For years upon years, the five of them brought migraines to the entirety of Vesuvia with their shenanigans. They were known as "the southenders".

The orphanage had a set rule. Despite the caretakers doing their best and raising the kids as their own, by the time Eris reached her adolescence, the amount of kids had doubled.

The set rule was that, once the kids would turn 17, they'd have to seek a home of their own. Eris is the eldest between her and her friends, so she had to leave first.

Heartbreaking as it was, they'd anticipated this for months. They'd made plans to try to find their roots. Upon talking with the adults, the one who'd found her so many years ago told her she'd been born in Venterre, near the west-coast.

After a couple of tear-filled fair-wells, she promised to visit from time to time, and then left to find her bloodrelatives. A couple of days later, looking through her instructions and map, she stood in front of an old, small house.

On the porch, a young man who looked to be in his early twenties, was seated there. She called to him, asking if he could help her out. When he looked up, shock was written on both of their faces.

He had grey-ish short hair and sapphire blue eyes. His skin was just a little bit lighter than hers, scars on his nose and lips. Same round nose, same almond eyes, same strong eyebrows. The resemblance was groundbreaking, almost like looking into a mirror.

Though she never met him, she knew, deep down, that they were related. He was utterly convinced he was dreaming but she reassured him he wasn't. They didn't hug, for they barely knew each other, but they both cried. She was invited in his home, where their aunt had been preparing dinner. Eris' presence brought her to tears.

In the next few hours, while they dined, she learned that their names were Sethos and Dongmei, and that they were her older brother and aunt, respectively. She learned of her parents and their unfortunate fate, of the night Sethos lost her.

It was a relief to learn all this, and although she wanted to head back to Vesuvia, to her friends and find a home, she spent a couple of days with them. Dongmei mentioned that she had an abandoned magic shop in Vesuvia from her youth, close to the center of the city. Giving Eris the key, she told her to make her home there.

Once back home, it was time for Count Lucio's yearly Masquerade. There, she met Asra, whom she soon became close with. When she learned that he was an orphan, and had no place to stay, she offered him to live with her in the shop. It needed some repairs and a lot of cleaning but it was a start.

Years passed and they became closer. Unspoken feelings hanging in the air, but something stopped them from confessing. The Red Plague had arrived and it was taking anyone it could grasp. Eris and Asra, while discussing the situation one night, had an argument.

In the years he'd taught her magic, she'd also taught herself necromancy and wanted to help the plague doctors with the dead, possibly reverse their fate. But Asra didn't agree, "magic isn't supposed to work that way" he said.

So she ran away, found Julian and became his apprentice.

Soon died from the plague...

And the rest is history.

Personality: curious, caring, bold, kind, polite, calm, patient, self-less, motherly, gentle, open-minded, truthful, loyal, trustworthy, out-spoken, honest, stubborn, too forgiving and can never hold grudges for long

Interesting facts:

The small scars on the right side of her jaw, left collarbone and left shoulder are all from fainting while trying to get back her memories. Every time, she had the unfortunate luck of hitting something and scarring her skin.

She has a huge scar on her left thigh but she doesn't remember how she got it.

She also has an "apple of discord" tattoo on her right shoulder.

God forbid you ever make her wear gold, she cannot stand it. She only wears silver.

Although she's an ambivert, she leans towards introvert.

Hates lying and liars in general.

HAAAATES Lavender. Do not put her near those flowers.

Appearance: Sienna skin tone, wavy waist-length silver-white hair, bright ice blue eyes, pear-shaped fit body, B cup breasts.

Familiar: Kage, a sarcastic silver fox that can actually talk.

Voice claim: Margot Robbie

Full sprite:

Lmao sorry for the backstory being so long but.. My inner writer kinda jumped out. 😅

ANYWAYS I FINALLY DID IT, I MADE ERIS' BIO AND SPRITE!!

By the way, HUGE PROPS to my lovely beyotch @sahana-anand for giving me her bio template, it helped me SO MUCH. Thank you, love, couldn't have done it without you!

Hope you'll show some love to my girl Eris!

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi hiii! I would like to order a cake! >.<

First of all thank you for the matchup (for haikuu) I am a 5’3 girl with long light brown hair and green eyes. I am a pisces sun and rising and a leo moon. My personality type is isfj but I am an ambivirt. I’m mostly atttacted to guys but i’m happy with anyone. I am kind to everyone I meet and I am loyal to my friends. My friends describe be and bubbly and in the clouds lol but when I need to I can be hardworking and tend to be a perfectionist. I tend to be attracted to people who are funny/joke around and like adventures/push me out of my confort zone but I also like chill relaxed time. I’m dyslexic and have ADHD and deal with anxiety with a social aspect and because of that I get tics sometimes. I am super spiritual and have a major plant obsession and loveee crystals. I like all types of art and fashion and enjoy playing video games with my friends. I kin kenma with a little bit of owkawa and bokuto. I hope you have a lovely day >.<

🍰 for @akiranolegs

Romantic Matchup

Daichi Sawamura

How yall met

You were actually friends with noya and tanaka

And when some members of the team needed tutoring

They suggested that you helped tutor them all

So daichi approached you and asked if you could PLEASE help the team

And you agreed

Daichi always supervised your study group

Only because your group consisted of Tanaka,Noya,Hinata,and Kagayama…

So yeah...problematic

But he was shocked when you were not only able to control Tanaka and noya

But somehow got Hinata and Kagayama to stop fighting

And after all those tutoring sessions he continued to talk to you

Yall starting hanging out more and eventually started dating

What they love about you

He loves that you have a very carefree personality

But can get serious if you need too

He saw the perfect example of this when you were tutoring the team

He also loves how hardworking you can be

Like if you want something your gonna work hard to get it

And he respects that trait of yours

The last thing he loves about you is how you can seem to handle the teams craziness

He's started using you as a threat to the team

“If you guys dont stop i'll call y/n in here and have her deal with you”

The team: 👁👄👁💧

What you love about them

You love that he knows your limits

He knows you have social anxiety and takes the lead in most social situations

However if its a more easy going social interaction hell push you to get more involved

You love that he shows interest in all of your interests

Especially crystals!

You gave him a necklace with an obsidian stone in it

He wears it whenever he can

(btw obsidian is the stone for strength and protection)

Sometimes you joke about it because he wasn't wearing hit when him and Tanaka crashed into each other

Favorite things to do together

He really likes to go shopping for crystals with you

Like if you mention going hell always ask to come

He loves to do cheap thrills with you

His favorite one is getting into his car with a coin and flipping it

Heads means right and tails means right

And yall just drive around listening to music

You can't even count how many times you've gotten lost playing that game

Random Hc

His favorite crystals are obsidian, rose quartz, and amethyst

You gave him one of your baby plants to take care of and he's too afraid to tell you it died

RIP plant 🌱

You tools sugas role as ‘mom’ of the team

He is now the wine aunt of the team

He has a very large crystal collection and takes a random 5 to away games or training camps

Astrology

Pisces + Capricorn

Compatibility 76%

A relationship between Capricorn and Pisces tells a story about possibilities of inspiration.

If someone like Capricorn can be pulled into a crazy love story, exciting and unpredictable, this must be done by Pisces.

In return, Capricorn will offer their Pisces partner stability, peace and some rest from their usual emotional tornadoes.

There is a fine way in which Capricorn can help Pisces be more realistic and practical, while feeling more cheerful and optimistic themselves.

Still, there are challenges in their contact, mainly represented through their love of Jupiter.

It might be hard for them to reconcile their different approaches to religion, faith and their different belief systems.

To overcome this, it is best if they both ask themselves – does their belief system work? And does one of their partners also work?

If they understand answers to these questions, they might find enough respect to leave each other’s Jupiter intact.

Friendship Matchup

Sugawara Koushi

Bark bark woof bark woof

How yall met

You also met Suga while tutoring the team

He helped you calm down everyone in your group if they got to crazy

Ngl you picked up some mom tendencies from him

Why you became friends

Although you appreciated him helping you with your study group

There was one thing that made you really like him…

After you stopped tutoring the team he legit made you a whole ass thank you basket

It had all of your favorite snacks and drinks in it

And he had wrote you a really sweet thank you letter

After he gave you that you felt bad so you gave him a thank you basket for your thank you basket

He was like 🤨 “that's not how that works but thank you so much!”

You guys really just started talking after that and became really good friends

What yall love about each other

He loves how bubbly you are!

Like when you two are together it just creates such a positive vibe

And he loves how your always down for some chaos

I stand by the fact that suga is a chaotic boy

The only difference between him and tanaka and noya is that he doesn't get caught

So you two always do some crazy shit together

And then later feel bad because tanaka and noya always get blamed for it

You love how aggressively encouraging he is

Like if you step out of your comfort zone to do something

This man is right behind you like “GET IT BITCHHHHH”

And it just hypes you up to do more things that are outside your comfort zone

Random Hc

You guys have matching bff necklaces

This one specifically

The team is kinda scared of you two

Like they're more scared of you two than Daichi

And that's saying something

One time for gits and shiggles you got that picture with the vice principles wig on daichi and put it on shirts

Yeah he was not too happy to see you two wearing those

You guys tend to get into petty arguments but tend to solve them within the day

Astrology

Pisces + Gemini

Gemini and Pisces understand each other well, and form a strong friendship.

Pisces are imaginative and sensitive, and Gemini must be careful not to hurt their feelings.

However, any arguments they have are easily forgotten, and they rarely bear ill will towards each other.

The ruling planet of Gemini is Mercury, and the ruling planets for Pisces are Jupiter and Neptune.

Mercury represents communication, and Neptune represents spiritual strength. The two star signs are very compatible with each other.

Jupiter represents knowledge and empathy. Mercury also represents intelligence and innovation. Gemini could come up with new plans often, and Pisces could always support them.

Gemini is an air sign, and Pisces is a water sign. Both partners place a lot of importance on intellect and feelings.

The partnership is filled with action, and both friends preserve a good, compliant relationship.

However, on occasions, there could be misunderstandings, aggravation, and communicative barriers between them.

Both signs have lively imagination and that keeps them going.

Even though they argue often, they resolve their differences quickly. However, the fish could easily get dejected and put down, especially if it feels that the twins don’t understand them clearly.

[mbti-notes]

What do you think is the best way to deal with the fear of things getting even more conservative and harsh? I'm so scared about the future, living in a dystopian society and having all my rights taken as a non binary queer person. Infj.

I suppose you’re referring to US politics? Please be more specific because the majority of my readership isn’t from the US. You’re asking a loaded question that basically requires me to agree with the premise that everything will be doomed. I can’t agree with that, since I purposely don’t approach politics in a reactive way.

When you’re drowning in fear, you’re not thinking straight. One of the reasons political discourse has reached the lows that it has in the US is because of incessant screaming and hyperbole. The political mediascape is a for-profit machine that is designed to work people up, manipulate their emotions, and keep them living in fear of “enemies”. This creates the mindset of being in a constant fight for survival against various abstractions of “evil”, and it’s much easier to separate you from your money when you’re so threatened that you’re willing to pay to feel safe/validated. The more that people get sucked into this war mentality, the less capable they are of making wise political decisions, since every important problem gets made into an oversimplified “wedge” issue to test your loyalty to your team. 

The world is a lot more complex than red vs blue. To make a living, I have to follow news from around the world very closely. Yes, people get heated about politics, but observe the political reporting from other countries and you will see a difference in the tone and quality. In some countries, there are, gasp!, more than two viable political parties, and thus, more ideas and approaches to choose from. The US has commodified political fear and outrage like no one else by purposely pitting people against each other like rival sports teams, in a state of perpetual conflict, and, most importantly, always distracted from the underlying power structures that are making their lives worse.

To be clear, I’m not a conservative, though I’ve been surrounded and preached to by conservatives my whole life - I engage with them continuously. I am certainly angered by people being stripped of their rights and opportunities. I am certainly depressed when I see people abused and oppressed. I am certainly frustrated when my life suffers from the decisions of politicians I did not vote for. However, I staunchly defend freedom and diversity of beliefs and values. I often have to remind people that many countries and cultures around the world are conservative, and they are not abject hellscapes. Do not equate conservatism with dystopia, barbarism, fundamentalism, extremism, terrorism, xenophobia, or lord of the flies - it doesn’t matter who is doing it, hyperbole and stereotypes are dehumanizing, which enables the violence of war mentality. Conservatism, at its best, is actually needed by society to function well. Progressivism, at its best, is actually needed by society to function well. Intelligent political discourse begins with each of us getting our facts and concepts correct, otherwise, there’s no hope of cooler heads prevailing. It’s important to correctly identify the cause of a problem by labeling it properly.

Every system has flaws and every system will eventually fall apart when those flaws are left to fester and worsen. The US is supposed to be a democracy, right? A democracy is only ever as smart as the people participating in it. Can you say, with a straight face, that Americans have a deep understanding of their political system and work hard to be well-informed of all the political, economic, social, and international issues that the country grapples with? Can you say that the majority of people even understand the political terminology they use? 

The US is admired around the world for its individualism. Individuals succeed and fail by their own hand. Individuals are free to pursue their own happiness and well-being. “The Land of Opportunity”, right? Americans have exported this idea, drawing immigrants from all around the world. However, individualism, taken to an extreme, exacts a very steep price. The bonds which hold individuals together to form a well-functioning society gradually weaken over time. This is a huge problem if you hope to make good collective decisions, which is what elected officials are tasked to do.

The language and currency of politics is power. With power, you get to write the rules. Without power, you are subject to someone else’s rules. It’s really that simple and crass. The purpose of there being many different voices in a discussion is to make sure that no 1 agenda/group gets to dominate the discussion and become too extreme. Opportunists, corporations, and media companies figured this out a long time ago, so they do what they can to shut down nuanced debate and discussion. They all have a deep vested interest in hyping up the individualist ethos of American culture, not because they actually care about “culture” in any noble sense, but because they know that individuals have very limited power. One person alone cannot disrupt the status quo, and keeping everyone psychologically isolated means that those with power can keep enriching themselves without disruption.

Currently, almost every major aspect of American society is designed to stop you from realizing and using your power. Media keeps you locked in fear, feeling victimized, demonizing each other. Big corporate interests keep you hyperfocused on your own emotional vulnerabilities, telling you to earn and consume your way to a false sense of power, as they quietly dismantle workplace and social supports that would preserve your actual power. The prevailing social mandate to be ever productive and “successful” keeps you running like a hamster on a wheel, with little energy to spare for anything else. You are expected, at adulthood, to become a self-made person, never having to rely on anyone for anything, thereby eroding your ties to your roots and kin. If you fail, you are shamed and dubbed a loser, and expected to redouble your efforts to chase higher social status. And some people simply choose to drop out completely, thus relinquishing any social power they had.

In US society, those in power abuse the archetype of the “individual” and the virtue of “independence” to siphon more and more power. Individualism, in its most immature form, is really just self-centeredness. Everyone is only out for themselves and grabbing what they can before someone else does. People fight each other for scraps. And the ultimate goal of life is to have more than the people around you, such that you have the power and privilege to shield yourself from the other hungry dogs. There is no bigger picture to aspire to beyond one’s own survival and daily pleasures. If this is the underlying ethos of your society, are you surprised that the political system reflects it? A lot of people around the world look at the US and mostly see a bunch of immature adolescents. 

Transcending social forces isn’t easy. Power is always unevenly distributed, so it is always ripe for abuse, and fighting against abuses of power requires sustained effort. Therefore, it’s important to understand the many ways that power is used to oppress. I’ve spent a lot of time studying historical movements, political philosophy, and power dynamics, so my view of politics is always the long view. I believe that political progress is constant work. I don’t believe in end goals or being free to rest on your laurels. I believe history teaches us that, whatever your political allegiances, the complacent eventually become the victims. I believe that social change is relatively easy to understand by observing the way that power changes hands in society. 

Politics boils down to an endless series of change-and-backlash sequences. Whenever one group takes a significant political step, someone somewhere will lose out on some power and privilege, and they’re not going to take it lying down. Fear and anger drive the changes, and fear and anger drive the backlashes. Rinse and repeat. When the tide turns against you, it only means that it’s your turn to step up again. Fear and anger are not reasons to give up, rather, they are the wake up call that spurs the next round of changes. From conflict comes motivation.

Political power is gained through organization. The fastest way to accumulate power, especially in a democracy, is to stand together and pool your resources. But what is the motivation for organizing? Usually anger. Civil rights are never won by waiting around for the privileged to relinquish their power. No, people get together to claim their rights, DEMAND change, and MAKE the changes that they want to see, refusing to surrender to oppression. They loudly infiltrate social spaces, influence officials, run for office as representatives, and accumulate the political power to rewrite the rules. This is true whatever your political stripe. This is what conservatives have excelled at for the past thirty years in the US. 

However, as soon as you change the status quo, there will always be people that want to reverse it. It is difficult for younger people to grasp, but politics has no end, it is merely an ongoing struggle for power, as power changes hands from the complacent to the aggrieved, and then back again. For example, LGBTQ people view a right-dominated supreme court as a danger to their existence, for good reason, and that should motivate them to fight back even harder to reclaim their right to equality. Conservatives view a right-dominated supreme court as progress, and having achieved that success, they will become complacent, which provides the opening for progressives to regroup and rise again. 

The only escape from this cycle comes in the form of death or transcendence. To transcend means to see the bigger picture of what can be achieved, so that you are able to set aside the petty and work for something greater. Human beings have had their transcendent moments here and there throughout history, so they are certainly capable of it. Progress on civil rights has indeed been made over many decades, but there is always more work to do, as long as there are people that don’t view it as “progress”. For example, the fact that, after decades of tireless activism, the majority of Americans now support same-sex marriage, is something you should be building upon, rather than only focusing on the setbacks.

If you think that I’m singling out the US, I’m not. Oppression happens everywhere. It is a part of human nature to be egotistical, complacent, and short-sighted. But that’s not the only part of humans. For a democracy to work at its best, we have to appeal to the better parts of our human nature, i.e., the parts of us that: understand and care about how we affect each other, appreciate hard-won freedoms and never take them for granted, and envision a better future and plan well for it. The best changes come from passion and inspiration - not fear and anger. If you, as an individual, are not capable of bringing out and offering up your own better nature by transcending the worst parts of yourself, you can’t really expect the sociopolitical system to be capable of it, either. If you, as an individual, always lose sight of the bigger picture that you’re aiming for, then how will you help others see the importance of your cause?

Gandhi said: “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”

IMO, the job of a good citizen involves: 1) caring about the broader impact that your vote has and educating yourself properly so that you make wise voting decisions, 2) exercising your power by actively participating in organizations that advocate for the changes that you want, and 3) having enough self-awareness to avoid being emotionally manipulated into making destructive political judgments. Humans aren’t perfect, but they don’t have to be to create a well-functioning society. Humans make better decisions when the social atmosphere encourages them to open up the mind and heart. We all have a part to play in creating an encouraging social atmosphere for people to deliberate more carefully on their political beliefs.

Are you an unwitting pawn of the media, rewarding the players that only care about getting your eyeballs for ad revenue? Are you only caring about political issues because you read something that incited your outrage? Are you resigned to cynicism, indifference, gloom, or paranoia? Are you all about “owning the enemy”? Are you only concerned about your own prospects in life? Are you waiting helplessly for someone to hand you what you deserve?

OR: Are you joining organizations that create positive change? Are you listening to the experiences of the people around you and understanding how their reality informs their politics? Are you doing the hard work of inspiring the people around you to be their better selves? Do you hope that everyone in your country has a chance to live their best life? Do you stand up to support people in need and work to eliminate injustice? Will you learn the best way to (re)claim what is owed to you from those that deny or oppress you?

You are only one person, so your power is limited. What are you doing to amplify your voice and extend the reach of your power? Are you dying or transcending? A democracy is only ever as strong as the people participating in it.

[mkenvs3000]

My Journey as an Interpreter 🌿

Prior to this course, my view of nature was quite closed-minded. In fact, I perceived nature as simply a space to enjoy and relax during my downtime, for leisure activities, and as a place to take a breather from the stressful world around me. Although nature still provides this escape for me, I have also come to understand that the natural world is much, much more. I am grateful for this course because it has taught me to appreciate nature interpretation as a space for learning and growing as individuals and as a community. Nature is a welcoming place for all.

Throughout my journey as an interpreter, I have had many opportunities to reflect on my relationship with the natural world. Not only have I become more self-aware of my connection to nature, but I have also become more mindful of new perspectives of interpretation. According to Chapter 1 of Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage for a Better World, Canadian Yorke Edwards defines the essence of interpretive work, stating that “the job of interpretation is to open the minds of people so they can receive the interesting signals that the world is constantly sending” (Beck et al., 2018). I truly believe that nature evokes feelings that support a personal relationship with the cultural landscape. Effective interpretation needs to remain relevant and thought-provoking to the audience in order to nurture one’s personal connection to their natural surroundings.

When I think about my own personal morals and core values, I realize that a lot of them are shared with the ethical beliefs of a good nature interpreter. I value honesty, integrity, and responsibility. I strive to stay creative, patient, and passionate. I cherish exploration, wonder, and ambition. These ethics that I have inherited from my parents, learned from friends and family, and discovered through my life journey are extremely important to me. As an interpreter, I wish to share my experiences and teachings with others while remaining true to my values and beliefs.

My responsibility as an interpreter is to make sure that everyone feels welcomed and included. Inclusion is a core value of mine and has been since I was young. In fact, growing up I played soccer and I recall one particular practice that still resonates with me. The coach selected two team captains to do a classic “school-yard pick” to create the two teams. I was chosen as one of the captains for that practice. We went along, going back and forth, choosing each player to join our team. At the end of the practice, the coach pulled me aside and said “I know what you did. I know that you choose all the girls first who were always chosen last to be a part of your team. And when I tell you how happy each of those girls looked - thank you.” To this day I always remember this moment, as what I thought was just a simple school-yard pick, turned out to make a major difference. I still strive to make each person feel included like those girls did that day. I wish for each person's contribution, big or small, to feel significant. As Maya Angelou once stated, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Thus as an environmental interpreter, I wish to create an experience that will leave participants with a stronger sense of belonging. In particular, I can do this by encouraging others to share their personal thoughts, opinions, and experiences with nature. It is so important that I create safe spaces for other nature interpreters where they can feel comfortable to openly explore new perspectives in a communal environment.

Retrieved from: LINK

Another responsibility I have as an environmental interpreter is to understand the numerous ways that people learn. This deeper understanding will allow me to better organize experiences in a cohesive way that others will remember and find meaningful (Beck et al., 2018). Specifically, it is imperative to comprehend diverse learning styles and multiple intelligences in order to provide a deeper learning experience for each unique individual.

My approach to environmental interpretation is foremost rooted in artistic expression. Specifically, I intend to use my passion for art and creative design to inspire others to establish a deeper emotional connection with their surroundings. As noted by Jay Griffiths, “Art elicits sympathy, conjures empathy, and these emotions are requisites for a kind, kinned sense of society… for the greatest artists do not make their best works of art in clay or paint or sound or words; they make them right inside us, within the heart of the reader or audience” (Beck et al., 2018). Knowing this, I hope to use the power of creative expression to foster greater connections between one’s emotions and the world around them. In particular, I hope to encourage others to engage with a variety of artistic mediums (i.e. painting, sculpting, and drawing) to represent their personal understandings of their emotions in relation to nature. Interestingly, just like art, there is no one specific way to interpret nature. Blending art and nature is an important approach that allows interpreters to open their minds to a variety of diverse perspectives.

A second approach that I use as a nature interpreter is focused on facilitating discussions with an array of individuals of different backgrounds and experiences. After taking this course, I recognize that my personal interpretations of the natural world are limited to my unique schema and specific interactions with nature. To address this, I hope to engage in meaningful conversations with other nature interpreters in my community to grow in my understanding of our beautiful world. This approach is similar to Peggy McIntosh’s paper, “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” In this work, McIntosh explains that each of us has, “an invisible knapsack of unearned assets … of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools, and blank checks” (McIntosh in Novel, 2000, p. 116). Essentially, we all carry our own knapsacks of privilege and bias that influence the ways in which we view and perceive the world. I understand that my view of nature is limited to the items in my own knapsack and therefore I hope to expand my understanding by sharing my tools with others.

Overall, this course has taught me numerous lessons and strategies to implement as a nature interpreter. I intend to apply these new skills throughout my daily life to continue growing my relationship with others and nature. Thank you all for joining me on this journey!

- Marissa🌿

Beck, L., Cable, T. T., & Knudson, D. M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage: For a better world. Urbana, IL: Sagamore Publishing.

McIntosh, P. (2000). White privilege: Unpacking the invisible knapsack. In J. Noel's (Ed.). Notable selections in multicultural education (pp. 115-120). Guilford, CT. Dushkin/ McGraw-Hill.

[chibimyumi]

Furutod vs Sebastyun

Dear @gisellehexen89,

First of all, I am very happy you seem to be enjoying my blog! And thank you for the interesting ask.

I think the best way to find out what ‘Elisabeth’ is is to read up on it, or watch it yourself; it is impossible to explain everything in a post. After having learned what the musical is about, and you’re interested in how TOHO staged it in 2019, I recommend reading my full art reports:【ACT 1】 and 【ACT 2】. These two reports also show my general thoughts on Sissi (^ω^)

Now instead, I shall dedicate this post to making a comparison between Furutod and Sebastyun.

Furutod vs Sebastyun

When Furukawa’s role as Der Tod was initially announced, most people believed he would be very similar to Sebastian. It is an easy trap: both characters are non-human, have very little scruples, are fiercely attractive, and the theme of obsession is omnipresent.

But honestly, that’s it. That’s all the similarities these two share.

1. Status

The biggest difference between Furutod and Sebastyun is their status. Furutod is the Lord of the Underworld (黄泉の帝王), and absolute authority over life and death of all that is alive. Sebastian meanwhile, is bound to servitude who cannot even wield full autonomy of his own. Needless to say, their difference in power status decides everything in their respective behaviours.

1.1. Sebastian

Let us look at Sebastyun first. All three Kuromyus from the Furukawa era show very clearly that Sebastian is very limited in many fields, but the difference between the ‘mask of the butler’ vs ‘the raving demon’ is clearest in ‘Tango on the Campania’.

In the scene with Edward, we see the boy pulling rank on ‘a mere butler’. Edward was basically threatening O!Ciel using Sebastian, while hiding behind the face of ‘a loving brother’. There was nothing Sebastian could do as a mere servant, so he very explicitly checks first whether Edward had left, before he could show his true reaction: “whatever.”

In the cinematic record too, Sebastyun clearly disagreed with what his master demanded of him, and he only showed his BIG ATTITUDE after the boy had left.

Likewise, as explained in this post, because Sebastian is always bound to servitude, his autonomy (or whatever little he has) is something he treasures a lot. His only outlet of freedom is being pedantic and obtuse. Sebastyun takes it a step further by being passive-aggressive on top, a trait Furukawa has made his Sebastian famous for.

Obviously Sebastyun sees fun in doing so, but this is undeniably the result of a long history of getting his autonomy denied. He is the servant in the shadows who needs to wield power within other people’s boundaries.

1.2. Der Tod

As I mentioned above, Der Tod is the Lord of the Underworld, and as Furukawa himself interprets, represents the authority over both life and death. He never has to ask for a ‘yes’, other people’s consent or opinions are non-consequential to him. He takes lives because he can, and nobody can punish him for it.

Being an existence who never needs to learn accepting a ‘no’, he does not need to put up a face, because he never needs to make compromises. Der Tod is SO used to getting his way, that teasing the possibility of ‘not getting his way’ is even a game to him.

1.3. Comparison

Sure, Sebastian also teases and pushes his limits sometimes, but unlike Der Tod, Sebastian does have to consider having to reap what he sows. If Sebastian fails and breaks his contract, surely something terrible awaits him. But Der Tod? Nah... his Death Angels will clean up his mess.

Der Tod can afford to make mistakes in playing with his prey, unlike Sebastian. In The Last Dance↑, we see Furutod make the biggest miscalculation; scaring Elisabeth. Had he not scared her, then Elisabeth might have been quicker in agreeing to die for him.

Unlike Der Tod who has minions to clean up his mess, Sebastyun does need to make careful calculations.

2. Understanding and Interest

Another major difference between Der Tod and Sebastian is their understanding of and interest in human beings.

2.1. Sebastian

The thing Sebastian keeps saying is how interesting humans are; Sebastyun is the scientist always hungry for more knowledge, and humans fascinate him to no end. In ‘Tango on the Campania’ even with debilitating pain, he was smiling with the excitement at human behaviour.

He also makes use of whatever knowledge he has acquired throughout his centuries on earth to get what he wants or needs. Like I said above, at some point in history Sebastyun learned that fear would cause a human to shut down, so he was careful in not scaring Beast, lest she might not open up to him.

Had Sebas been a bit of a dumb-dumb and scared Beast the way he did in the manga, or the way Der Tod scared Elisabeth, then he would have failed his mission logically speaking.

2.2 Der Tod

Der Tod in contrast, always gets his way, so he does not need to understand humans to achieve anything. But more importantly, he is superbly uninterested in understanding humans. The only reason he shows interest in humans is for himself; he wants to bend humans to flatter his own ego. “If Elisabeth finally begs to die, then I AM the victor. If Rudolf commits suicide, then I manipulated him.” Der Tod’s satisfaction is the goal of his actions.

As such, when Rudolf ‘HAD THE AUDACITY to bore LORD DEATH’, he bitchslapped him before taking his life. When in the end Furutod did get Elisabeth, but not in a satisfactory way that assured his baby ego that he’s the winner, he was disappointed and lost all vitality.

To Sebastyun however, the satisfaction is a bonus: it’s nice to have, but it’s more important to get a job done.

3. Mannerism

Another point of difference is their mannerisms. Sebastian is a mere servant, and therefore needs to keep to the shadows. He usually tries (though fails) to adhere to the Victorian code of ‘servants should be like furniture, speak only when spoken to’. (In truth, Sebastian talks way too much for a proper Victorian servant, but he tries! He tries. Give the butler some cookies for trying.)

Der Tod meanwhile, is the supreme overlord of all and everything, so he does not need to care about anything. Plus, he can turn invisible as he likes. Unlike Sebastyun who needs to suppress his laughter or any other commentaries, Furutod can get away with laughing like a f*cking hyena on crack during an Imperial wedding.

4. Ego

Lastly, another stark difference between Sebastian and Der Tod is their ego and their presentation of themselves.

4.1. Sebastian

In this post I explained how Sebastian is very willing to humble himself, to come in second place, or take whatever disadvantage voluntarily for the sake of achieving something he wants or needs to.

This is because Sebastian is very secure about himself, and the recognition of humans (cattle) means nothing to him. He does not need anybody to know how powerful he is, instead he takes greater pleasure in silently manipulating others, using humans’ own actions against themselves.

Yes, Sebastian does love to flex, but he does not do any of those things to increase his reputation. We can tell from Sebastian never lingering to check people’s oohs and aahs. It’s like how when we impress a toddler with something easy, we usually won’t indulge in the kid’s praise because we don’t feel an increase of social regard. Instead, the fact that the toddler is impressed with something so easy is more interesting to us.

Sebastian’s flexing seems more like an outlet because O!Ciel forbade him from showing his true potential, and it is frustrating to him. It is just like how we as (young) adults we are capable of understanding deep analyses, but get constantly told to read picture books, on top of also having be content with hearing: “how amazing, you can read a picture book! You are astonishing!!😱”

4.2. Der Tod

If Der Tod was not explicitly ‘death’ personified, I would say that Furutod is ‘huge ego and diva complex’ personified.

Despite being a more elevated being than Sebastian (the scavenger demon) is as Lord of the Underworld, Furutod does like being praised. Der Tod is and will always be above human beings, and that is as boring a fact as water being wet. As I explained in Art report act 1, Furutod suffers from ‘lethal apathy’, and in this sense he needs more than to know ‘that mortals are beneath him, that water is wet’. Furutod wants to know that the mortals fear him, and gets a kink out of mortals being on their knees for him. Der Tod is not just ‘death’, he is the personification of ‘human regard of death’; and the fear of death, is what unifies human kind, after all.

Another point in stark contrast with Sebastian is that Furutod does have kin near him: the Death Angels. The regard of mortals is nice, but he also likes keeping his minions impressed, because his kin’s reverence also means something to him. It is almost like Furutod wants to justify why he should be superiour to the Death Angels (even though his position is never challenged). He just gets a REALLY big kink out of praise, okay? ( ´艸｀)

Furutod’s enormous ego also shows itself in his diva-ness. When he is courting Elisabeth for example, he is basically behaving like a peacock. He takes Elisabeth’s hand and runs it through his silver hair, his ivory silken skin. “Look at me, feel me, human, I am SO drop dead gorgeous.”

Furutod also can’t handle being lower than anyone; whenever he has the chance he will literally place himself on higher footing.

Contrast this to Sebastyun who is always very willing to put himself lower than others. This ⇊ would be UNTHINKABLE for Furutod.

5. Conclusion

In conclusion, besides the ‘non-human character in a dark theme’ aspect, Sebastyun and Furutod really don‘t have anything in common.

5.1. Sebastian

The fact that Sebastyun is always bound to servitude whenever he is on Earth, and his lack of autonomy, shape his behaviour. His reputation on Earth has no meaning to him; Sebastyun is confident about what kind of Demon he is, and the opinions of ‘cattle’ are therefore insignificant to him. The only thing one must not challenge is whatever little autonomy he has left, and he will test and find the upper limit to wield it.

5.2. Der Tod

Furutod in contrast, only knows what it is like to be the most superiour being and never getting his authority challenged. He never had to learn to make compromises, nor does he ever have to deal with consequences. As such he is really a foot-stamping-toddler (Foot-stamping Der Toddler? Sorry.) with a toxic superiority complex and too much power.

Furutod’s supremacy is mind-numbingly boring to him, but there is no way to achieve something grander than what is already grandest. He is trapped in his own mind of toxic superiority and boredom, and will live the rest of eternity searching for entertainment. (It is kind of sad if you think about it......wait, I’m feeling bad for Der Tod? Hmm Furukawa, you really did add a whole new page to the history of ‘Elisabeth - das Musical’)

In short: where Furutod is eternally bored and has no prospect of getting sustainable entertainment, Sebastyun will always have something interesting he might run into.

[jawnjendes]

can’t see in the stormy weather | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

NOTE: this is NOT the new series. this is a one shot that takes place during the early stages of their relationship... you’ll find it in the Season 1 section of the masterlist :) 

goth gf playlist | masterlist

When Shawn asked me to make a playlist describing who I am, I almost threw myself back to California. I don't know what it is about people wanting to know things about me, but it's annoying. I detest it.

It's not like he made me a playlist full of sappy love songs. He just wanted to hear songs I identify with. That was borderline terrifying because Shawn is a musician. He lives and breathes music and analyzing lyrics and melodies. What's he going to think if he finds Halsey's "Without Me" or 5SOS's "Invisible?"

Oh yeah. I deeply project whatever bits of me I discover onto songs. Then I stick to those songs and keep them on repeat and I make sure no one knows about them because then people would know things about me. It's irrational and unrealistic but that's how my stupid brain works. Anyone who's ever known me needs to disappear! They can't have the luxury of knowing me and all my secrets! What the fuck would I do if Shawn and I broke up? I'd have to kill him, that's what.

"What, are you gonna kill me too if we stop being friends?" Stella asked. "Seriously, it's just a playlist. It doesn't have to be that deep."

"I told you what the prompt was, right?" I replied.

"Yeah. And that is because Shawn knows you don't verbally express yourself about… anything. So he gave you a different outlet."

Fuck, I thought I was the psychology major here.

Yes, it was easier to let Shawn in through ways where I didn't have to say things out loud and explicitly. I had to admit that. But he was still going to find out things I had yet to tell him. Important things apart from the anxiety and semi-regular therapy sessions.

"Why don't you just pick generic songs you like, and not the ones that reveal too much?" Stella suggested.

I scoffed. "I'm closed off, I'm not a liar."

"It's not lying. Everyone's favorite song means something. I was listening to Big Time Rush when I touched down on Toronto for the first time. Everytime I hear Boyfriend I think about how I successfully made it out of my parents' house."

As nice as that sentiment was, I couldn't bring myself to find ways around the prompt. I had to do what Shawn said: compile a bunch of songs that I feel represent who I am. Besides, making playlists is… really fucking fun.

~

It took an hour of adding, removing, and very specific placements, but I was happy about my playlist to the point where I was nervous. I sent the link to Shawn the next morning when I knew he was on the way to the gym. Figured he’d listen to it during his morning workout and get it overwith. But no.

No.

Basically, I’m a fool who forgets she’s dating a musician.

So here I was, thinking that Shawn would make of what he will about the songs I chose and we would never talk about it. Wow, was I fucking wrong. How did I not expect Shawn to want to know the why?

He was a little sneaky about it too. Shawn invited me over to his place after my classes, and why the fuck would I say no to that? Of course I went over, internally cursing myself for not shaving my legs the night before. He usually had the TV on and a steaming mug of chamomile ready for me whenever I came over no matter the circumstance. Today there was only tea, and a stupidly excited Shawn.

“We have music to listen to you today!” he said when he had me on his couch.

He knew I wouldn’t play dumb either. And because of the fact that I was looking at his stupid beautiful face, I couldn’t move away from this topic.

“Cool…” I said stiffly.

Jet Black Heart - Live

He pulled up the playlist, which I had titled with the black heart emoji, and hit shuffle. Completely going against the very intricate order I put each song in. He was surprised to hear an audience screaming at the first song, but he recognized the tune that came shortly after.

“Why’d you pick this one?” he asked, his arm going around the back of the couch, watching me with his stupid pretty eyes.

I chuckled. “It’s a goth joke! Everything about me is dark, even my heart!”

“And there’s a hurricane underneath it?” Shawn guessed. He really was going to pick apart the lyrics and apply them to me, huh? “Any reason why it’s the live version?”

The answer wasn’t anything too telling or cheesy. It was still hard to maintain eye contact as I explained. “Stella introduced me to this band. She dragged me to a 5SOS concert and now it’s our tradition to see them whenever they tour.”

“Is this your favorite song?”

“Live, yeah. It just reminds me of feeling so alive. Concerts are the only times I feel that way.”

Shawn grinned at the sentiment. He seemed happy with that answer and sang along to the rest of the song.

“And there’s your deep shit of the day,” I said when it ended.

“I want more.”

What I’m Made Of…

I felt a tiny pit in my stomach. I knew this song, and I knew that Shawn did not know this song. He was looking down at the album cover on his phone, thinking to himself. Then, he turned to me expectantly.

“So…?”

“Just enjoy the lyrics and the sick guitar solo.”

He was quiet for a minute. “Well, I do get your vibes from it. But you’re also reluctant to show me what you’re made of.”

I hesitated. “It’s uh, a battle song. I’ll fight someone for trying to forcibly take anything from me.”

“Like if somebody jumped you?”

“Physically, mentally, emotionally. Yeah.”

Again, silence. “You gonna fight me?”

I knew he was joking, and I cracked a grin. “Jury’s out.”

“Any reasoning behind this soundtrack?” He showed me the cover, and I internally tried not to panic.

I had plucked the song off the wrong album, and now Shawn knew I was a fan of a certain speedy blue creature.

So much for being cool and mysterious. I’m just a fucking nerd now.

“Nah, not at all,” I casually replied.

Honestly, I enjoyed this song. I love this song. Why else would it be on this playlist? But just this once, I wanted to skip to the next one.

And when the next one came, I wanted to skip again.

I Am… All of Me

“Do, do you kin a certain hedgehog?” Shawn asked, once again amused by the album cover.

“No…” I resisted rolling my eyes.

“This song definitely sounds like you. Tell me, am I dating a hedgehog?”

Suddenly, this felt less nerve wracking and more annoying. I sighed heavily.

“I thought you wanted to know more about me.”

He chuckled. “Hey, I’m trying. I’m interpreting all these songs in whatever way I can because you won’t explain them to me. Plus, this song is from a video game.”

“Did it occur to you that maybe I like the game this song came from? Maybe I casually like this whole franchise because-” I stopped myself upon seeing Shawn’s face light up, like he wanted me to go on.

But no, he made fun of me. This song is now void, and he will not get an answer.

“Because?” he coaxed.

“Because nothing.” I grabbed his phone out of his hand and skipped to the next song.

Without Me

“Oh, who hurt you?”

“You already know that story. Next!”

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.

Shawn looked at me for a moment, still trying to analyze the fuck out of my song choice. “I gotta say, I was expecting more goth music. You listen to a lot of mainstream artists.”

“There’s no rule saying I can’t. Mainstream artists are popular for a reason.”

“Touche. So why this song?”

“It’s what people think I am. Grumpy, bitter, always in black.”

"But that's not all you are." Shawn held his hand out to me, and I took it. He looked down at my chipped polish, running his fingers over my nails. "I mean, you are grumpy. Bitter? No, I'd say realistic. Always in black? Yeah, and you look beautiful all the time because you feel good in it."

That last part struck me. At least I didn't look odd to him. He didn't fall for the tough exterior I've built for myself. That little fact was both touching and terrifying.

"I know there's more to you than the way you dress yourself. It's why I like you so much." He grinned.

Cry With a Smile

"There's the goth metal you were looking for!" I exclaimed.

"Mm, your sense of belonging, as you put it. I know all about this already."

And he skipped to the next song.

A Little Too Much

Shawn perked up a little bit, a smile growing on his face. Then he looked at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Is that me?"

Now my cheeks burned. "Yeah. This song feels like a callout."

"Babe…" He was still smiling as he leaned in to cup my face and kiss my forehead.

"Yeah, can you believe? I get tired of being a hardass sometimes." I was only half joking.

Not a lot of people knew my deal with anxiety and depression, much less why they intensified over the last couple of years. The urge to tell Shawn everything was beginning to form in my throat but I kept pushing it down. He looked too happy, and I didn't want to bring that down.

"You don't have to be a hardass around me," he said sweetly. "Actually, please don't be a hardass around me, okay? Everyone has their limits."

Then, he skipped to the next song, because he was sick of his own voice.

Fist Bump

Shawn looked at me once again, a grin on his face. Here we go again.

“I’m noticing a trend here.”

“I like this franchise, okay?”

“Okay, kinnie.”

I rolled my eyes and sat back, scrolling on my phone to diffuse the frustration. What was the point if he was just going to make fun of me?

“Hey.” Shawn gently placed his hand over my phone, getting me to put it down. “I’m only kidding. You can laugh.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I’m serious! Look, maybe if you just tell me what these songs mean to you, I’ll understand better. Just give me a chance.”

His eyes didn’t show any bit of deceit… But that’s how they all are. And everytime, I’m always a fool. So I sighed and tried not to cringe at my own words.

“It’s lame… and stupid… and really stupid. But all those silly little video game songs? They…” I exhaled, and chipped at my nails. “You know I deal with… anxiety and everlasting sadness…”

“You mean depression?” Shawn corrected.

“Yeah, whatever,” I went on. “The world is full of some real shit, and, and the songs and the games…” I made a face and looked down. “They’re comforting.”

It was silent for a minute before a hand went and cupped my chin. I was met with Shawn’s eyes and glowing smile. But then he opened his mouth and the most baby baby voice came out.

“Does Sonic make yew feew bettew?”

I smacked his hand away. “I swear to-”

But I didn’t finish that statement because he tackled me in a hug.

“Kidding, kidding! I’m sorry, baby, that was the last one, I promise!” He kissed the side of my head before leaning back to look at me. “I think it’s really cute you like this series.”

“It’s not cute, it’s self care,” I mumbled.

Head Above Water

“Finally, a song I know!” Shawn exclaimed, and he dove into singing along.

I forgot I put that one on the playlist. I meant to take it off. It only made me more nervous that Shawn already knew this song. He was one step closer to unlocking the big one.

He sounded beautiful as he sang, lost in the melancholy melody. I watched him, trying not to give anything away through my face alone. It was getting harder to keep it together, just from the little things I had already told Shawn.

And so came the inevitable expectant look. “So? Depression? Religion?”

Part of me wanted to let him think that. Depression is common, it’s easier to explain than the real reason. Besides, it’s not a lie. I do have my dark days, and even darker periods. But depression isn’t the reason for this song.

“Nope,” I replied.

“You know, Avril Lavigne wrote this when she was really sick.”

Dammit, he does know what this song is about.

I sighed heavily. “How do I put this in a way that doesn’t sound scary or pathetic?”

“You’re sick,” Shawn guessed with a chuckle. But the look on my face changed the mood, and he went serious. “How bad are we talking?”

“I get sick… every so often,” I explained. “It’s nothing scary, it’s just… chronic IBS. I can manage it, I just have to be careful with what I eat.”

He nodded as he listened. “So it’s not that bad, but it’s enough for you to have a whole song about being sick?”

I hesitated. “There’s another song, actually.”

“Two?” Shawn shifted in his seat. “So that must mean it’s a bigger deal to you than you’re making it out to be.”

And he thinks he doesn’t know me well enough.

I didn’t like talking about my health problems, unless it was with my doctor. I didn’t talk about how annoying all this shit was outside my therapist’s office. Anytime I felt frustrated about food, I talked myself down because it could literally be worse. Why would I whine about something so mundane?

“You know you don’t have to tone it down for me,” Shawn added when I stayed quiet for too long. “And, if it helps… now I understand why you read restaurant menus so carefully.”

“Like I said, I have to be careful.” My voice went thick for a moment, so I coughed. “I eat the wrong thing, and I end up sleeping in the bathroom til the wrong thing is out.”

“So it’s frustrating to deal with this all the time?”

“Yeah… and I spent two and a half years not knowing what was wrong with me, two and a half years going to the doctor more times than a young adult should for their age… two and a half years thinking I might die…”

Shawn’s eyes widened. “Years?”

“We went to a doctor in Mexico, and he finally diagnosed me with IBS,” I explained. “But that was after the words ‘lymphoma’ and ‘tumor’ were thrown into the mix. It’s not really something you forget. Oh, and I hate vomiting. I hate it so much that I can’t be in the same room as someone who might be queasy. So that’s annoying.”

“Wow…”

I suddenly felt a little self conscious. “I know it’s stu-”

“If you say stupid one more time,” Shawn cut me off. “This is the least stupid thing you could be talking about right now.”

“My anxiety links back to food, too. Think that’s important to mention.”

“Is that why you always want to go back to your dorm after a dinner date?”

Oof, so he noticed. I stayed quiet, so Shawn continued.

“I can take care-”

“No,” I said immediately. The last thing I needed was my boyfriend seeing me have a meltdown because I ate something spicy. The last thing I needed was for anyone to see me have an anxiety attack after vomiting. “It’s not your job.”

Shawn reached over to cup my cheek. Only then did I realize I had been tearing up, and he was wiping it away.

I turned my head away, dabbing at my eyes with my sweater sleeves. I didn’t want to look pathetic and I failed.

“I have to ask,” he said after a moment, “have you gotten sick at all since we started dating?”

“It is a chronic illness that I have.”

“And you just… you just took care of yourself? While you were sleeping in the bathroom?”

“Like I’ve always done since I left home.”

“Impressive. I always call my mom when I feel sick, and she comes over every time.”

I was honestly surprised. I was expecting him to be upset because I never called him in my time of need. And that alone, made more tears well up in my eyes.

“Hey,” he said, scooting closer to me. “It’s okay. You probably went through a lot before you got diagnosed. It’s frustrating, I can see it weighing on your shoulders. Just tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.”

I could feel him looming over me, waiting for me to fall back in his arms. The song had long since ended, and it wasn’t about the playlist anymore. Shawn was just waiting for me to do something. I couldn’t bear to look at him, because his kindness and understanding would make me break even more. He really was too kind, far more than I expected.

Even when I said nothing, and he took out his phone. I thought he got bored, but his next prompt made me look up at him.

“Okay, so that barbeque restaurant we went to the other night, we had spicy buffalo wings for an appetizer, so we won’t have those again. Any other food that might make you sick?”

I stared for a moment before I caught another tear with my sleeve. “Um… can we skip that whole restaurant? Barbeque and my stomach don’t mix.”

Shawn typed, and the only sound in the room was his clicking keyboard. “Got it. No more barbeque. Any other place or food to avoid?”

“It’s a long list…”

“That’s why I’m writing it down.”

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss 

[jadejedi]

Love Does Not Fail (3/?)

Summary: When Anakin saves the galaxy from Palpatine, Padmé and his children survive, but their family is split apart nonetheless. Leia is taken to be raised in the Temple, not knowing that the Jedi who "found" her is actually her father. Luke grows up with Padmé, knowing only his mother's side of the family. But some things are inevitable.

Chapter Summary: In which Padmé deals with grief, the Senate, and an unexpected visitor. 

ao3 link here

A/N:  Full confession: the timeline of TCW: s7 and RotS are completely a mystery to me, so I am just winging it. Who cares. It’s FINE. Also, I did not expect to get this chapter out so soon, but all of my university classes are cancelled for a bit due to the coronavirus until they can be moved online. Stay safe out there <3

In the aftermath of Palpatine’s death, the Senate had been awash with confusion and high emotion. Many Senators were not happy with a military coup, and to be entirely honest, Padmé wasn’t fully, either, and her husband had been a part of it.

Not that she wasn’t happy that Palpatine had been found out and dealt with, it’s just that she wished that he had been a normal corrupt politician, so that democracy could have dealt with him, rather than a mostly unregulated arm of the military. 

Thankfully, however, Palpatine’s status as a Sith and his red lightsabers were enough for many Senators to tie him to Dooku, and therefore brand him as a traitor to the Republic. For those who needed more proof, it was discovered (or rediscovered, in this case) quickly, thanks to Anakin: biochips implanted in every clone soldier, that would enable them to be turned against the Jedi. Not to mention the discovery of a private comm channel that Palpatine used to contact Dooku, the Trade Federation, and the Techno Union. 

For those that were convinced, but still uneasy about the Jedi involvement, of which there were only a few, mostly neutral worlds, the fact that Master Windu had been in contact with Mas Amedda as he had gone to confront the Chancellor had helped assuage some fears. This action had also helped implicate the Vice Chancellor in Palpatine’s crimes, as he had not passed on Master Windu’s information to the Senate at large. The fact that there was footage of Palpatine attacking Anakin first, who had clearly arrested him, also helped. 

But just because the Senate had been calmed, didn’t mean that Padmé’s work was over. Instead, after the meeting with the Council two days prior, Padmé had thrown herself into her work more than ever before, trying to block out her sorrow. 

In this period of transition, there was plenty of work to distract her. There was reaching out to the Separatist worlds, especially those who’d left due to the corruption of the Republic, there were several upcoming trials, including Mas Amedda’s, Nute Gunray’s (as well as several other members of the Trade Federation), and Prime minister of Kamino Lama Su. And those were just of the people who had been arrested in the last five days. 

There were also questions of who would lead the Senate next. An election was planned to take place two days later, for both Chancellor and Vice Chancellor. Several Senators had been nominated, including Bail Organa, who was seen as a strong, trustworthy voice who had always been loyal to the Republic while never trusting Palpatine, Ask Ask of Malastare, who was the favorite of the few Senators who remained loyal to Palpatine, and Kin Robb of Hapes, who was nominated due to her status as a member of the Council of Neutral Systems. 

Padmé herself had been nominated by Riyo Chuchi of Pantora, but had turned down the nomination for a couple of reasons. One, she knew that while her connection to Anakin Skywalker was currently a secret, she didn’t ever want people to look back on her actions and consider a conspiracy. Two, she was only weeks away from being the mother of twins, and while she wasn’t technically a single mother, she would still be the primary caregiver for her children, and she didn’t want nannies and handmaidens to raise her children. 

And third, the most politically relevant reason she declined to run was that her ideals were very close to those of Senator Organa. She did not want to split the votes of her party, especially when Senator Organa was seen as the older, more trustworthy candidate.

Padmé couldn’t help wondering, somewhat despairingly, if that was not an accurate assessment. After all, while neither of them had trusted Palpatine all that much, especially since the passing of the Military Creation Act, Padmé had trusted him for many years in a way that Bail never had. She was one of the main reasons Palpatine had gotten power in the first place. That was not something people were likely to forget anytime soon, even if many Senators were more likely to evaluate her on her actions since becoming Senator, and not on those actions she’d taken as a desperate, fourteen year old Queen. 

And even beyond Palpatine, Padmé wondered if she didn’t sometimes see too much of the good in people. Anakin certainly thought so, at times, though she knew he also loved that about her. She thought back to her endorsement of Rush Clovis for leader of the Banking Clan, and how she knew from later conversations with Bail that he had voted against the appointment. 

Just because she hadn’t accepted the nomination for Chancellor, doesn’t mean that her hat was completely out of the ring. Immediately after declining Senator Chuchi’s nomination, Bail himself had nominated her for Vice Chancellor, and she did not reject it. 

Once again, she was far from the only candidate whose name was up for the office, her dear friend Mon Mothma being another one, but she knew that the responsibilities of Vice Chancellor would be considerably less than that of the Chancellor, and in many ways, less than even that of a Galactic Senator, since her role would not be as representative of any one world, but as the being in charge of running and mediating the Senate. 

“Senator,” Dormé said, peeking her head into Padmé’s office in her apartment. Padmé looked up in surprise. She hadn’t realized it was late enough for Anakin to be home, yet. “You have a visitor. Captain Typho has let her in.” Instead of telling her who it was, she just smiled mysteriously.

Padmé sighed as she looked up from one of the five different datapads she had scattered on her desk, each one for a different committee or duty of hers. “Thank you, Dormé. I’ll be right there.” Dormé pursed her lips, but said nothing. Padmé knew that her handmaiden was just worried about her, but she was fine. Everything was just so… much. 

Dormé had taken an extended leave of absence during a majority of the war to help with refugee efforts in the systems around Naboo, but after Teckla died on Skipio a few months ago, she came back into Padmé’s service, for which she was extremely grateful. Dormé was such a steadying presence in her life, and to have her back in such a time of chaos was very much welcomed.

She quickly wrapped up what she was working on and stood up from her desk, which was quite a bit more difficult than it used to be. She followed Dormé in the main living space, curiosity piqued as to the identity of the mysterious visitor.

Sitting on one of her sofas, to Padmé’s surprise and delight, was Ahsoka, a little older and taller than she remembered, but it was her all the same. As she walked into the room, Ahsoka’s eyes lit up and she quickly stood up and strode over to her. “Padmé!” she exclaimed. 

Padmé smiled as she opened her arms to hug her, but couldn’t help the tears she felt prick at her eyes. She had been so worried about her since she’d left the Order almost a year ago. Seeing her here, in her apartment, safe, especially after what Anakin told her she’d been through after leaving the Order, it made her heart feel a little bit lighter.

“Ahsoka!” she said, so pleased, as they embraced tightly. “What are you doing here?” she asked, still overcoming her surprise. Ahsoka grinned, stepping back, letting Padmé get a good look at her. She was wearing a leather headband that was very different than the one that Padmé was familiar with, and similar clothes to those she’d worn as Anakin’s padawan, as well as a dark blue cloak. 

“I had to come,” she said. “As soon as I’d heard what’d happened with Anakin and Master Windu and the Chancellor, I knew that I had to come here and see him. I was going to go straight to the Temple and demand that they let me in,” she said, and Padmé could tell that she was only partially joking, “but the Force was telling me to come here first.” She gave Padmé’s pregnant belly a knowing grin. “I think I know why.” 

Padmé only smiled at her. “I know that you know about Anakin and me,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t know why you would be surprised.” Ahsoka chuckled. “Yeah, I knew about you two, but I didn’t expect you to start having children!”

“I suppose we didn’t either,” Padmé admitted. “Let’s sit,” she said, motioning back to the sofas. “My feet are killing me these days, and these two are really throwing out by back,” she said with a fond huff, one hand around her stomach. 

“Two?” Ahoska asked, eyes wide.

“Oh yes,” Padmé said with a smile, “I’m having twins. A boy and a girl.” She tried not to sound too sad as she said that, but as much joy as the children she was carrying brought her, there was also sadness surrounding their impending birth, something Padmé would never forgive the Council for. 

“Is everything okay, Padmé?” Ahoska asked as they sat down on the sofa. She angled her body so she was facing her, face etched with concern. “I know everything is going to be crazy for a while, what with the Sith Lord in the Senate and all, but everything just seems...tense.”

Padmé sighed and looked behind her, out the window towards the Temple. “No,” she said. “I don’t want to say that nothing is okay, because it’s not true, but in my worst moments it certainly seems like it.” She turned back around towards Ahsoka. “The Jedi are going to take one of my children,” she whispered, still not fully believing it.

Ahsoka’s eyebrows rose, but otherwise, showed no signs of visible surprise, letting Padmé speak.

--

After she was done explaining the events of the last few days, Ahsoka crossed her arms, leaning back against the sofa, and sighed. “I wish I could say I was shocked, but I’m not,” she admitted. “The Jedi have truly lost their way; for so long the dark side clouded so much that they clung to the only thing that they could be sure of,” she said sadly, “tradition.”

Padmé nodded. “I have always respected the Jedi, and been thankful for their intervention during the Invasion of Naboo,” Padmé began, “but more and more, I have questioned their judgement.” A small, harsh laugh escaped her. “You know that Anakin always has,” she said, and Ahsoka agreed with a nod and a wry grin. 

“I suppose he has to be right sometimes,” Padmé joked, making Ahsoka smile. 

“I’m always right!” Anakin said indignantly, walking through the door from the landing pad at that moment. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing the two of them. “Snips?” he said, dumbly. 

Ahsoka gave a wry smile and waved. “Hi, Skyguy,” she said, standing up to greet him. He walked over to where they were sitting and reached out to clasp her hand in greeting. “You act like I didn’t see you just a month ago or so,” she said with a grin.

Padmé shook her head lightly at the emotional distance that Jedi had instilled in them. Although they weren’t far off in age, she knew that Ahsoka was like a daughter to Anakin, even if their relationship was more sibling-like much of the time. 

He motioned for Ahsoka to sit back down and took his own seat on the other side of Padmé. He reached over to give her a quick peck on the cheek. “Hi,” he said quietly, with a smile. Padmé felt herself smile in return, as she always did when he came home.

“What are you doing here, Snips?” Anakin asked curiously, redirecting their attention to their guest.    She shrugged, spreading her hands, palms up. “I guess I don’t really know. I heard what had happened here, and I knew that you were involved.” She paused, considering. 

“I guess I felt the Force guiding me. Telling me that it was urgent. Rex wasn’t thrilled that I was charging back to Coruscant,” she continued fondly, “but he knows that I can handle myself.” She gave Anakin a look. “I think he feels like he has to watch over me since you can’t.” 

Anakin pasted on his most “innocent” expression. “I don’t know where he would get such an idea,” Anakin joked. 

Padmé smiled at the two of them. She was glad that Ahsoka had so many parental figures in her life: Anakin, Rex, Obi-Wan, Master Koon. She supposed that her child would never be lacking in that regard, she told herself, trying to ignore the obvious. That she would not be one of those parental figures. 

“So what are you going to do, now?” Padmé asked her, trying to pull herself out of her negative thoughts. “Rex is on Mandalore, correct? Are you going to stay with him?” 

Ahsoka looked at them both thoughtfully. “I was,” she said slowly, “at least for a while, but now I feel like the Force was pulling me here for a reason.” Her expression turned serious. “Master Yoda was right in one thing he told you both. Force-sensitive children, especially powerful ones like yours are going to be,” she said, nodding to Padmé’s stomach, “should be trained.” 

She looked them both in the eyes in turn, nodded determinedly to herself. “So I’ll stay here, with you, Padmé, if you want, and help train the child that he-” she nodded at Anakin, “-can’t.” She looked at them, arms crossed, as if daring either one of them to argue with her. 

Before Padmé could say anything, Anakin laughed a little, surprised and happy, the first time she’d heard him do so since discovering Palpatine’s treachery. “I don’t know why you’d think I’d argue with you, Snips. I’d much rather you be here on Coruscant, with us, than out there in the galaxy on your own.”

Padmé shook her head fondly at her husband, before turning back to Ahsoka. Just as Anakin had thought of her as his daughter or younger sister, Padmé had as well. She had been crushed when Anakin had told her that Ahsoka had chosen to leave the Order, even though she had understood why. And now that she was back, and wanted to stay? 

“Oh, Ahsoka,” she said, unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. “That would be wonderful.” She leaned over and pulled her into a hug. She seemed surprised, at first, but quickly gave in and returned the embrace. 

--

“I made up the guest bedroom for you,” Anakin said, stepping out to join Ahsoka on the balcony. Padmé had finally been convinced to go to bed, seeming more at peace then she’d had since their meeting with the Council.  Ahsoka turned, and shot him a brief smile. He knew he’d seen her not too long ago, but it was still amazing to him how much she’d grown. She was almost as tall as him, now. “I’m sorry this is happening to you both,” she said, as he stood next to her by the rail, looking out over the Coruscanti skyline. 

Anakin shook his head and sighed. “You were right, Ahsoka.” He clutched the railing. “About the Jedi Order, and trust. Palpatine had been manipulating me for years,” he acknowledged, “but they didn’t trust me from the moment I walked into the Temple. I don’t know why I thought I could trust them, even a little.”

He felt Ahsoka’s hand on his shoulder. “Anakin,” she sighed sympathetically. “They were your family, your life, just as much as they’d been mine. I’m only sorry that I had the ability to leave, and you don’t.”

“At first, when I turned Palpatine over to Master Windu, and when he died, I thought I’d defeated my anger. If he’d been the one manipulating me, if he was at fault for all of this rage and anger I feel, then it should be gone with him.” He laughed darkly.

 “I feel angrier every day, Ahsoka. How could they do this?” He’d often turned that thought over and over in his mind these last few days. How could they do this? How? Why? “I never thought the Jedi were this cruel.”

“Fear does funny things to people. And it’s natural to feel angry,” Ahsoka said, echoing a sentiment often expressed by Padmé. “You taught me to release my emotions, to be at peace with them, not to hold on to them and bottle them up.”

“So, what? I should just be at peace with everything that is happening?” he demanded.

Ahsoka shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what else you could do. You have one year for you and Padmé to spend with your children. Do you really want to spend it drowning in anger?”

Anakin chuckled. “When did you get so wise?” 

She bumped him with her shoulder. “I guess I had a good teacher.” She grinned quickly, before turning serious and looking down at her hands. 

“I’m sorry you won’t be able to be more a part of your children’s lives,” she said. “I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping anything by offering to help train the child that stays here.”

Anakin shook his head. “I don’t feel like that at all. I guess I’m just relieved that she’ll have help. That there’ll be someone there who can do what I should be doing.” He sighed. “I think I’ve accepted the reality of what is happening. If I can’t be here helping them both, then I am glad that someone I know and trust will be.”

--

Two days later, in Naboo’s Senate pod, Padmé was thankful that she was so good at her expressionless regal “queen” face. 

She had lost the Vice Chancellor race. To Mon, for whom she was very happy, and knew would be a wonderful Vice Chancellor to Bail’s Chancellor. She shook her head slightly. She didn’t even know why she wanted the damn office. She loved Naboo. She loved representing Naboo. 

As she walked back to her Senate office after the votes had come in, she wasn’t even sure why she was so upset. She wanted to blame pregnancy hormones, but she knew that it was more than that. 

“Are you okay, Senator?” Dormé asked quietly as she and Ahsoka walked on either side of her. “I’m sorry you did not win.”

“Me, too,” Ahsoka echoed. “It doesn’t seem fair.”

Padmé shook her head and sighed. “I’m fine, both of you. Really.” She sighed again as they entered her office quarters. “I guess I just wanted that validation. That my peers would recognize…” she paused as she lowered herself into her seat behind the desk, “That I was right, suppose.” 

She shot the two of them a self deprecating smile. “Silly, isn’t it? I guess I just took so much flak for my anti-war, pro-negotiation stances that I thought that people would see me as someone who was right, rather than just an idealistic radical.”

“I don’t think it’s silly at all,” Dormé said, trying to comfort her. “I think that you would make a wonder Vice Chancellor, or even Chancellor someday, because you have always stuck to your beliefs and fought for what you believed to be right.” She frowned. “But I think that you being right might have played against you, so soon after it all happened. People don’t like to be reminded that they were wrong. Senator Organa has been in the Senate long enough that the other Senators associate him with stances outside of the war.”

Padmé tilted her head, contemplatively. There was certainly something to what Dormé was saying. Even before becoming a Senator, people already associated her with opposing the Trade Federation because of the Invasion, and it wasn’t even a full term in the Senate later than the Military Creation Act was written.  “It is still frustrating though,” she said, looking down at the datapads on her desk. “I tried so hard to help the people of this galaxy, to end the war, and it is those actions that may have turned people against me.”

“But you did the right thing,” Ahsoka said, fiercely. “If the Senate can’t recognize that, then they’re bigger idiots than I thought.”

“If you weren’t the kind of person to fight for your beliefs despite the political consequences, you wouldn’t be you,” Dormé agreed, with a serene smile. 

Padmé returned the smile. “Thank you, both of you. I needed that.”

--

The night of Padmé’s loss in the election for Vice Chancellor, Anakin climbed into their bed much later than he would have liked. 

Padmé was already in bed, but not asleep, lying on her side. She’d been reading one of her datapads until he’d come into the bedroom, but had put it on the nightstand, when he’d come in, smiling at him.

After quickly getting ready for bed, he slipped under the covers and moved so he could hold her from behind, his mechanical hand resting above her head on the pillow and his flesh hand resting on her belly, where he could most strongly feel the two bright lights in the Force that were their children. 

She turned her head so he could reach her lips to give her a kiss, as he always did when he came home. She hummed happily as they parted, lying back down on her pillow, putting her own hand around her stomach to meet his, so their fingers intertwined. 

“I’m sorry I’m home so late,” he apologized, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. Her hair was so curly that his face tended to end up half buried in it when they cuddled like this. “It feels like all I’ve been doing is attending meetings all day,” he explained. “Updating all of us on our role now that the war is all but over.”

“You’re not that late, Ani,” she soothed, a smile in her voice. “I was just feeling a bit tired, so Ahsoka insisted that I go lay down,” she said, her voice clearly reflecting her fondness for his former Padawan. 

“Are you alright?” he asked in concern. He knew that the last few days had been taking a toll on her. His fear from early on in her pregnancy came rushing back. “What did AZ say?” he asked, referring to her medical droid. 

“It’s nothing to worry about,” she tried to reassure him. “I just had a long day. AZ agreed that it was just normal stress.”

“Well, good,” Anakin said in relief. He grinned into her curls. “I’m glad one of my lessons stuck with Ahsoka,” he said. 

“And what lesson is that?”

“Protect Senator Amidala,” he said, reaching over to kiss her cheek. She smiled as he did so, and pretended to try and swat him away. 

“I’m sorry about the election,” Anakin said after a few peaceful moments. “You would make a wonderful Vice Chancellor. Or Chancellor.”

Padmé sighed. “Thank you, Ani. But I’m not upset.” 

He hummed, unconvinced. 

“I was frustrated this afternoon,” she admitted, and Anakin was once again upset that he still had to spend his days at the Temple, rather than with her, where she needed him. “When Bail was elected Chancellor, I thought that I was the obvious choice to stand next to him. But I guess my connection to Palpatine and to the war just couldn’t be overlooked.”

“Well, I think that the Senate is a bunch of bureaucratic fools. They are too blinded by politics to see what would be best for the whole galaxy,” Anakin told her. Politics really weren’t his thing, but he knew that Padmé would be an amazing leader, and that the Senate would have to come to their senses one day.

She laughed. “That certainly may be true,” she acknowledged. “But it isn’t as if Mon’s politics are all that different than my own. She was just less vocal than I was throughout the war. Maybe that was smarter, politically.” She turned her head to smile at him. “I find it hard to stay out of conflict, though. I think your bad habits are rubbing off on me.”

“Oh, I can think of plenty of times where you were the one dragging me into a fight,” he said with a grin. He was glad that they were talking like this, teasing and laughing. The past week had been so quiet and tense, both of them walking on eggshells, handling their grief in different ways. 

Padmé didn’t say anything, just smirked slightly and laid her head back down. “Have you been given any assignments, yet?” she asked, changing the subject.

He shook his head. “No. For now, the focus of the Jedi will be accompanying diplomats to meetings with the Separatists, as well as relief missions. There will probably be a few battles left, here and there, but without any of their leaders, this war is all but over.”

“What do you think about us going to Naboo?” she asked. “I know I talked about it before, but that all seems so long ago.” She sighed, idly playing with his fingers, still intertwined with hers. 

“I want to be with my family. I want to be somewhere away from all of this. Since I didn’t win the election, there is no reason that I can’t. The Senate will be in session for another week, and then I will still be three weeks out from my due date.”

She sighed again. “If we only have a year with both of our babies, I want to spend it on Naboo, where we can all be together. And surely, if you have a mission, the Council can give it to you over comm?” 

Anakin was sure that they wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but he was also sure that they really couldn’t do anything to stop him, at this point. 

“Okay, let’s do it,” he said. “Let’s go to Naboo.”

Suddenly, he felt a sharp movement under where his palm rested on Padmé’s belly. 

“I think they’re in agreement,” he said with a smile, and Padmé pulled his arm tighter around her. 

“Good,” she said, and Anakin could hear the sleep heavy in her voice.

He held her until she fell asleep, and then moved gently to his side of the bed, lying on his back, and let sleep carry him away.  Hooray for Ahsoka! I know she didn’t have a lot to do in this chapter, but that will change. Expect some of her POV later on :D Next chapter things really get moving (Or, as much as things will get moving in this story lol). I know this chapter was kinda a filler, so bear with me.

[mrneighbourlove]

Fall of a Dynasty: Ch 9. New Lineage

At Danjur, a summit was held between different royal representatives. Zannah was adjusting Manaco’s brand new royal suit before the meeting. “Hold still. Have you never worn a suit in your life?”

"No. Never saw a reason to---ack! Do you have to make it so tight?" Manaco felt like he was sweating a waterfall in the suit. "Why do I have to wear this? I'm not Danjuran, I don't have to be so prissy like your lover."

“You have to look fearsome, bold, daring. You’re Hasai royalty now.” Zannah finished tying his sash. “Athena is dolled up already. Now. I will lay down the law. You will stay with my pace. If I was to be feared and respected, you will become loved and respected.”

"I feel like you're serving me up on a platter to the hounds in this suit." Manaco remarked dryly. "And Athena is lovely just the way she is." When Zannah demanded that he keep up the custom, the man was tempted to role his eyes. His aunt and uncle made this 'royalty' nonsense look so easy. "I'm half Lorleidian, shouldn't I just walk out there all smiles and waves like Zelda used to do? Pageant wave?"

“Any other meeting but today. I don’t think it’ll be a happy experience.” Zannah barely told Annuciata the details of murdering her brother. The queen must have still thought it was Nihilus who was murdered. Even Zarazu and Covarog didn’t know, yet. She sighed, turning him to look at her. “I suppose a wave and smile can’t hurt. I’m sorry. There’s a lot on my plate. Promise me you’ll have my back, even against your Uncle if you would. You’ll find that their are rulers who will feast upon your weakness. Those who own slaves and harm the innocent. You have to be fearless.”

"I will do my best to be good leader, Zannah, but I will make no promises about taking sides. That is for Athena and I to decide together. Yet, we will not go against family." Manaco told Zannah, having no reason to lie. "I know from what my uncle and my aunt have told me, there are those who are snakes in the grass. I am like my mother; I know who intends me harm and who does not. I suppose I inherited that talent from her." He paused and then added, "Though, I am also going to take a page from Annuciata's rule book. I do not intend, and I will never support another all-out war against a kingdom. We want peace... and peace we will have."

“But keep your father’s warrior spirit. If you need to fight, to protect others, do not hesitate to kill. And to kill quickly.” She patted his back. “Now let’s go.”

Making their way to the round table, Athena was in a fine dress, sitting on a couples set, waiting for Griffith to take his seat.

Manaco was uncomfortable. These clothes, all the finery, the pompous customs... he really was not used to such life. His family were farmers, running a massive plantation. Maybe he should have spent more time at the castle despite his father's objections. At least then, he would not feel like a fool in front of a crowd. He was not the best at public speaking, but at least he had a talent to pull people together like his mother.

On the Hylian side of Delegations was Zarazu and her husband Covarog, making a rare appearance for anything Hasai related. Still present was Lord Malik and his wife, Lady Asakonigei. To Malik, he cared little about how Zannah used Kahli. In fact, he secretly praised her brilliance in reviving the Waku. Finally, there was Kahli and Zizi, making their first meeting since the secret came out. They wanted to be here in support of their son, however. They waited for Annuciata to welcome every one who came, since she was graciously being host to this gathering.

"I'm glad to see you all here," Annuciata sat beside of her daughter, Eleonora, both dressed in the finest silk gowns that Danjur had to offer. "I think this is a day that we shall all remember. We have two new rulers ascending to the throne and not only that, but we once again have stability within a nation. Peace is what we should all thrive for."

Athena waved kindly to Kahli. He was stuck between a look of frustration and genuine impressiveness that his son landed such a catch.

Malik whispered to Covarog, curious on his thoughts. “How do you see this change in the seating of power?”

"I'm glad that we have someone who knows better than to challenge me." Covarog admitted to Malik in a hushed tone. "That, and regardless of what I think of his origins, the boy is my nephew. My wife would throttle me if I tried to lay a hand on him. Yet, at the same time, I think we had a mutual understanding when we struck the deal that since the empire is now an extension of Hyrule, we are both going to have to do things we do not like. For example, being here instead of being at home." He then said with gritted teeth. "And the fact that he's going to be wed kin of Zannah's..."

"My king... be nice." Zarazu hushed the both of them. "We're here to be supportive."

“Look at it this way. From a certain point of view, you finally conquered the Empire.”

Zannah thanked Annuciata, giving a light bow to her for respect. Rising, she smiled to the others gathered. “Good afternoon everyone. This is a glorious day today. This is the day that my daughter, Athena, will be recognized as Empress, along with my son in law to be, Emperor Manaco by the rest of you. Carrying both the titles of Emperor and Empress all these decades has been a heavy crown. But we all know what the tensions of ruling can bring, don’t we all?”

"It's awfully hot in here..." Manaco whispered to Athena, tugging at his collar. He was sorely tempted to rip the damn thing down the middle so he could breathe. Was this what women felt like when they had to wear corsets? No wonder his aunt deposed of hers.

"Maintaining alliances and friendships take hard work." Annuciata agreed with her lover. "But at some point in time, we have to have faith in the new blood on the throne to be able to manage things."

“That we do.” Zannah looked dead on at the Hylian seats, smiling lightly. “Now, Queen Zarazu, I don’t want there to be any bad blood between us. I’m sorry for how I treated you sister. Even now, we’re working to be on good terms again as friends. I hope you and I can maintain pleasant relationships, even with myself off the throne. You’ve always been the smarter of the pair as the face of Hyrule.”

Covarog scoffed at Zannah's slight insult but said nothing. He promised his wife that he was behave to the best of his ability today, for Manaco's sake.

"Zizi is much more forgiving than I am, that is for sure. Maintaining a relationship, a pleasant one for that matter, will remain to be seen." Zarazu's tone of voice held no malice or contempt, yet it did hold disappointment... and bitterness. The queen was heartbroken for her sister when she found out how Zannah used Kahli. Yet, there was nothing she could do, lest risk war. "Since the Kikai Empire is now a territory under Hyrule's extension, there will be a few changes. Nothing major, just a few requests from my nephew." The queen of Hyrule gently handed the documents to Athena. "He has proposed a way to connect the closer islands via bridgework. After speaking with Queen Annuciata, the Kovinas under my rule, there is a possibility of construction with the right kind of framework. However, this would be a year long project or more, dependent upon the resources required." She then pointed out the second objective. "Next, there is a massive amount of land being unused. There, Manaco has expressed his desire to bring some of the plants from Slatki Plantations to begin a branch of the business. He wishes to create more jobs and teach the Hasai how to cultivate plants that can be used as medicine, food, or for infrastructure purposes." She then addressed the last issue. "Last but not least, he wishes to open schools; not a combat school or military school, but one to learn about various cultures and subjects across our alliances. You should be proud of him," She then added, "He has given this a lot of thought."

"... I'm better at putting my words on paper..." Manaco cleared his throat. "Though these ideas of mine, I do think could help the Empire."

“It will be their Empire now. I’m sure they do wonders. That said, I’ll be watching.” Zannah looked towards Covarog. “King Covarog, I know that you have a disdain for Hasai. I have one last message, I’d like to share with you.”

"Disdain for your past actions, Zannah, and for some current ones as well." Covarog had to bite the inside of his jaw to keep from growling. "Speak your words, yet remember... I will not try to harm your family as you once did mine. Manaco and Athena are to be wed. We will be... distantly... related then."

“Good. That goes for my people as well Covarog.” Zannah put a box on the table. “You should know, I care deeply about my people. Even after my daughter takes over, I will continue to watch out for their well being.”

"Hopefully your daughter will be a more adequate---"

"We believe that Manaco and Athena could use any guidance, both from you and his parents as well." Zarazu interrupted Covarog before his mouth could get the best of him. "That being said, we will be here for them, and offer any advice either of them need."

“Adequate? Better then your lack of competence. Now. To all the rest of you. If you think you can enslave or harm Hasai citizens under the gaze of Manaco and Athena, know that I’ll be on to you. And I’m willing to go to any length to punish any crime against Hasai citizens.” Zannah opened the box, taking the head of her brother out. “I had to protect all your kingdoms as well as my own by killing my own twin brother. I doubt any of you would have the stomach to do so. It nearly broke me. So know that I am serious that I will not hesitate to end anyone that will bring harm to my family or people. If anyone of you has anything to say to me, now is the fucking time…”

Kahli and Malik, both hardened warriors of various degrees were absolutely shocked. Malik physically back a little away from the table seeing the head be pulled out. His first motion was to keep his wife back. Kahli solemnly nodded no.

Zannah threw the head back in the box. “All hail Emperor Manaco and Empress Athena. May they have the fortune to bring prosperity built upon my sacrifices.”

Annuciata, who never in her life had been exposed to battle, paled at the sight of the head. She fanned her face furiously, but ultimately her nerves won... and she slumped to the side in her chair. Eleonora was not too stunned, having done autopsies on cadavers before, but the head still unnerved her. She managed to keep her mother from falling out of the chair entirely and silently looked at Zannah for help.

"I'm just glad you're off the damn throne and that your daughter has more sense than you do to agree." Covarog bluntly stated, earning a swift arm in the jaw from his wife. Still, not deterred, he said, "Emperor Manaco, Empress Athena... we look forward to helping you build the Kikai Empire into a noteworthy kingdom. May the goddesses and spirits smile upon your efforts to better your country. As my queen said, we will do what we can to help you."

"... damn." Asakonigei muttered under her breath to her husband. "I could have sworn they would have fought. I guess that means I lost the bet. Do you want lace or leather tonight?"

“I...” Malik patted his wife. He had other things on his mind. To the shock of Covarog, he gave a respectful bow to Zannah. “I can’t even imagine what you had to do. Killing one’s own flesh and blood… You have my upmost respect as a warrior. Despite how my king feels, you were a wise and strong leader. I hope you enjoy retirement.”

Zannah was carefully getting ready to cradle Annuciata. “...Thank you, Lord Malik.”

Covarog frowned when Malik bowed to Zannah. The ex-commander should remember what happened all those years ago - he was there and saw it all. A snake could change her colors, but a snake was still just that; a snake. He would never forget nor forgive what that bitch and her people did to his sister.

"This meeting is concluded." Covarog stood from his seat. "We have our family to attend to back home. You should attend to yours as well. We will notify our other allies of the change within the empire." He held out his hand to Zarazu who took it and stood alongside him. "Manaco, Athena... we will see you when the wedding occurs in the empire."

Athena nodded. “The wedding and final coronation will be in two weeks. We’ll send certificates soon.” Athena brushed her hair, her face incredibly pale from the sight of the head. “W-we... We look forward to seeing you then.”

As soon as the other visitors were out of sight, Manaco could not stand it anymore. He ripped open the impossibly tight suit and took a deep inhale. Zannah would fuss, but he'd deal with it.

"... you get me. In this. For one hour. A day. For meetings like this. Nothing more." He told Athena, and then added, for extra measure. "And if this is the usual royal attire, there are going to be some changes."

"Manaco, honestly, it just takes practice. Literally and figuratively, suck it up." Athena was heading to the bathroom. Once at the toilet, she hurled.

"Practice? This is torture, even my judgmental uncle doesn't have trouble moving or breathing in his clothes----" Manaco had followed Athena, thinking the two of them would discuss the empire's expansion plans when she shut the door in his face and he heard... her throwing up? "...?!?! Athena? Are you sick? Do you need me to call a healer?"

"I'm sorry. I just- god. I'm a terrible Hasai. I can't stand the sight of bloodshed. I fantasied it about your mother, but to actually see such violence now with my own eyes sickens me. Between my uncle's head and you cracking jokes about incinerating people alive…" Athena swallowed a breath of air, shaking as she picked herself up. "I've had enough of it. It's too awful for me. I can fight, but the killing? The blood? No more."

"... don't apologize for not being able to take such a thing." Manaco stood outside the door, waiting for her patiently. "I'd rather you never be exposed to it again. There were a few times when I was younger that I had to fight. I had to spill blood, or else, it could have been my blood that was on the ground. You... you don't have to be your mother, you know. It's okay to be different." He told her quietly. "Neither of us have to be a carbon copy of our parents. It's okay to feel this way."

"No one's ever told me that before." Athena carefully gargled down some mouth wash to kill the bad smell. When she was done, she looked back at her husband to be.

"I know your mother placed a lot of expectations on you, but now, this is our nation. We're going to do what we think is best." Manaco then, suddenly, swooped Athena off her feet, carrying her toward the bedroom. "But for now, you need to rest a bit. We can talk later about plans."

"Oh my. Do you do this often with other woman? Or have you simply practiced for me?"

"Only my little sisters when they wanted to play the knight rescuing the princess." Manaco chuckled. "So, I guess you can call that plenty of practice since I have ten baby sisters. Unless you prefer piggy back rides, that is."

"Manaco, I'd prefer to be set down. I can walk. If you're worried you can... hold my hand."

"What? I can't carry my bride-to-be and make her feel special for a moment?" Manaco asked with a grin, but respected her wishes and gently set Athena on her feet. "And I am a bit worried. Obviously, your nerves are making you feel a bit ill. I'd rather you rest and recuperate before we discuss anything further."

"I'm flattered you're so attentive and worried about me."

"It's what a good man, a decent husband would do." Manaco opened the door to the bedroom for Athena. "My father taught me that it's my duty to take care of my future wife, or any future children. It's what a family does."

Athena felt her heart putter at that. By instinct, she leaned in to kiss Manaco on the cheek. "Thank you for being so kind. Goodness. I've never kissed a man before."

Now, it was Manaco's turn to feel his heart skip a beat. He felt his cheeks burning, but was grateful for his darker skin not actively showing how bad he was blushing.

"... that's not how you kiss a man." He pulled her closer by the waist, and planted a deep kiss on her lips guaranteed to make her head spin. "That's... how you kiss a man."

Their contact was warm and sweet. The mouth wash the lady took made her taste like strawberries. Athena was indeed spinning at that kiss. Her brain was shooting singles that made her dizzy. Her heart was pumping, her brain was frazzled, and, by goodness, her loins were starting to fire up. "Manaco... you're so rough."

The newly elected Empress looked incredibly flustered. She hated the fact that she couldn't fight against her own biology. It seemed it didn't affect Manaco nearly as much to kiss her. "I didn't expect you to be so bold. That's what a kiss is like? I'm feeling rather hot..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you if I did." Manaco felt a bit embarrassed. "I got a little carried away. I've wanted to do that for a long time." However, when Athena mentioned she was feeling 'hot', that really got his attention. "It... can make you feel that way."

"Yes, it most definitely can, but... it is lust that also makes us feel desire. Not just love." Manaco gently placed his hands on her shoulders. "And lust can make us rush into situations that we later regret. I... I want you to want me because you love me. Not because of a split second decision."

“Yes. Thank you. I’ve felt similar to this feeling before. Hasai bonding is complicated and a little scary.” Athena took a few deep breaths. “Are you ok with leaving the room for 10 minutes while I... unwind? There’s a ritual that’s helped me calm down in the past.”

"Of course," Manaco agreed, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. "If you need me... call for me."

~

Zannah carefully cradled Annuciata, playing gently with the Queens hair as she waited for her to wake up. In the time she was unconscious, she dressed them both in more casual clothing.

Annuciata was starting to rouse from fainting earlier. She groaned slightly, rubbing her forehead. "... I remember... a certain displaced... body... part."

“All in the past now. The meeting went rather well.” Zannah gently leaned down to kiss her lover’s forehead. “No more body parts. I promise.”

"That is going to be glued to the back of my eyelids for a while." She sulked at Zannah. "Eleonora has her cadavers and now you with your body parts. My palace is going to be haunted."

“I have a way to make it up to you. And before you ask, it’s not sex. That’s why I took the liberty of changing you.”

"...? If it's not sex, then it must be that brand new pair of Le'Bordair shoes I've been wanting..."

“I’ll remember to get you that.” Zannah carefully stood Annuciata up as she walked to a table she set up. Pulling off the first tarp, she revealed an assortment of ancient Sheikah cores, gears, and metallic parts. “The battle against my brother had unforeseen consequences. I was wondering if you’d like to see my own mechanical skills. As well as help me.” With a second tarp removed, she revealed what was left of T0-D.

"...!!! Toddy-Gears..." Annuicata was surprised to see the great robot in pieces. She thought he was more durable than this. Some parts of his metal were even melted. "This is... fixable. Though, I've never tinkered with Sheikah parts. I've always constructed my own." She tapped his head. "Is his wiring still intact?"

“Mostly. He doesn’t often get damaged like this.” Zannah picked up a wrench, effortlessly twirling it in the air. With a swift motion, she bent over to pry open T0-D’s stomach. Carefully, she took out his core. “I have to manually replace his heart by connecting this core with the tubes.”

"... can you do that again?" Annuciata's eyes were wide and her cheeks were flushed. Any display of strength was certainly a turn on, but metal working was... hotter.

“Yes?” Zannah bent over, not picking up on Annuciata’s growing desire. “There’s a delicate matrix inside. So long as there is a single undamaged core in his system, I don’t need to worry about lost memory. He can transfer and copy it from core to core.” With a slight wiggle, she moved to what would have to become new legs. “I like giving him talon feet with digitigrade legs to stand upon. The arms are very complicated, needing to divide into four if need be. Can’t believe Manaco melted them into slag.”

"Hm-hmm..." Annuciata twirled a wrench on her finger, watching Zannah work with a flushed face. "Anything else about his... core?"

"They are very, very rare. Obtaining one is nigh impossible in this era. Had to invade a different countries treasury in my twenties to reactivate him after the war. I stockpiled so I wouldn't have to do something like that again." Zannah got a spray of oil on her face when she pulled one tube out, quickly fusing it to another. "Napkin please."

Annuciata pulled out a handkerchief from her bosom and wiped off Zannah's face.

"I could always reroute him another power source, if necessary, in the future." The Queen of Danjur offered as she took a peek at the robot's core. "Huh... I'm surprised Manaco's fire reached that far. To melt metal into slag like this, he had to be a walking furnace. Maybe he's more than a 'farmer boy' like Griffith says." She examined one of T0-D's arms. "Hrm... he really needs an upgrade with these arms. See this?" She pointed to the 'joints' which flexed the appendages. "These are going to wear out faster and get too hot if he spins the blades too fast. I could replace them with nickel alloy material so the heat won't be too much of a problem."

"Making him fire proof would be a huge source of relief for me. Unfortunately, the cores are what keep his precious mind intact. Also what he would call his soul. I'm lucky to have spares for now." Zannah and Annuciata got to work on fixing the limbs, making small talk on mechanics. Soon, both grew quiet, invested in their work. After snapping the last limb in place, Zannah took set, grabbing a bottle of water provided by one of the Queen's servants, guzzling it down. The Hasai was covered in oil, her hair was messy, and she had a cut from not being careful near one of T0-D's claws. Turning to Annuciata, she smiled. "What a day."

Annuciata was as equally as messy as her lover. The queen's golden blonde hair was streaked almost brown by the grime. She had set to work on the wires and joints while Zannah fixed his arms in place. Helping her with T0-D's feet were the worst, trying to get the claw like appendages to rotate properly with the correct angular movement. Yet, assembling a protective sheet around the core was the hardest task. She had to work very carefully, as to not damage the new vital piece.

"I think..." Annuciata tightened the last bolt. "That will do it. Maybe he'll work now."

"Let's bring him back to life." Zannah kept his chest panel open. With spark of electricity, she channeled energy from her hands as she held his core. T0-D's eye slowly opened up, glowing blue.

"Tod. Can you hear me?"

It took the android a moment to answer, his voice almost lifeless. "Affirmative: I can hear you."

"Do you know what happened to you?"

"Affirmative: I had my systems over written by your brother. A god overtook my will. My mind felt blank."

Zannah pressed her temple to his head. "I'm sorry Tod. I should have protected you better."

"False: It is I who should have been more vigilant." The Android planted his feet, and Zannah stood back. The android closed his organ hatch and stretched his fingers out. "Scanning: Are we at Queen Annuciata's?"

"We are."

T0-D looked to the Queen, surprised by all the grease and gunk she was covered in. "Query: Did you rummage around my insides?"

"Yes, Toddy-Gears, I rummaged around in your insides." Annuciata winked at him. "Don't worry, I didn't fondle your nuts and bolts too much. Just gave them a good tightening. And you have better feet now." She pointed to his raptor-like appendages. "Better gear and less rust now too."

That seemed to bring more energy to his voice. "Caution: Hope you didn't do any funny business. Might have to rummage around your insides. However, that's more messy for meatbags."

Zannah sighed, glad to hear he was back to his dark, humorous ways. "Tod. My daughter and Kahli's eldest son have succeeded me as Emperor and Empress. I no longer rule the Kikai Empire. With that said, I want to know what you want to do with your life."

T0-D paused himself, calculating this new revelation. "Observation: I didn't think it possible. You giving up the throne, to Zizi and Kahli's child especially. And myself? I suppose you do value me as a Hasai citizen, and not a tool. The most logical sense would be to serve your daughter. However, with my own goals in mind, I don't serve the throne. I served you. Because you were a good master who valued my commitment and did the best for her people. I valued your dedication. If you relieved of your duties, than perhaps its time I should be relieved of mine."

"Tod?" Zannah suddenly looked sad. "Are you going to leave me?"

"Confirmation: Yes. Well, more accurately, I should ponder on what I wish to do. If it be staying at your side, or finding a different path to walk on. I will think alone on this. Thank you for reactivating me. Again. You are a special woman Zannah. And someone I'm glad to call friend. Now, I'll let you two enjoy yourselves. Between you and I, the Queen's heart rate is above average levels. I will be around." With that, T0-D walked out of the shop, leaving Zannah unsure of what to say or do.

"Way to rat out a horny woman, Toddy-Gears." Annuciata blushed ten shades of red when T0-D mentioned her elevated heartrate. "I can't help it that Zannah is hot when she does metalworking, okay? It's a turn-on for me."

That certainly snapped Zannah out of a funk. Hands leaned against the table, she looked at Annuciata in surprise. "You're turned on by me covered in grease and doing all this?"

"Yes, it's hot, okay? You're hot when you're talking dirty grease mechanics! It's my thing, you're doing the thing, and now, you got me all flustered, wanting to rub your tits with oil and eat you out against the toolbox." Annuciata admitted with a pout. "It's your fault. Talking like that."

Zannah's mouth went a gap, her checks a royal flush of shock. She was so stunned, that for once, she couldn't even walk forward to make the moves on her lover. "That's so dorky. You really find me that hot the way I am right now? I just talked about basic pumps, mechanisms and ancient tech."

"I can't help it, okay?!" Annuciata threw her hands up in the air. "It's like that time you told me I was hot when I did that split cause... flexible."

Zannah's breath was growing hot, and her mouth dry. "I'm no where near as smart as you. I was basically forced to learn how to build T0-D piece by piece. That's basic stuff even a jock can learn, right?"

"Basic components, yes, but still, to hear you talking even about tightening a damn nut would be a turn on." Annuciata decided she was done with waiting and simply snogged Zannah, slamming her against the huge toolbox. "Or even holding a screwdriver."

"Annuciata... I love you. I'm not going to leave you anymore if you don't leave me. I want to make love with you, be it in a shower, on a bed, or... covered in grease head to toe. Do you feel the same way?" The Hasai's hands ran up and down the Queen's sides.

"Of course I do, silly. For being an Emperor, you're awfully dense when it comes to when someone wants you." Annuciata purred at Zannah. "From the moment I saw you walk in like you owned my castle yourself, I wanted to get in-between your legs with my tongue."

"Well, come here than." Zannah pulled Annuciata by the girth of her hair, their lips locking together in deep passion.

"You know..." Annuciata had to part for air. "After Eleonora's coronation... we could always retire by my family's beach house. Quiet, simple... just me and you."

Zannah took a deep breath, thinking of the life she held up to this very moment. After all the suffering, peace sounded like the best course of action. "I'd like that. I truly would."

________________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/621742623013666816/fall-of-a-dynasty-ch-8-the-hardest-choices

Crossover with @ridersoftheapocalypse

[beetletricks]

Oscar’s Side Arc + Semblance Build Up

Just for starters, I know I talk a lot about Oscar, for a number of reasons, I like his character, its annoying how his character development is always skipped, his conflict with Ozpin’s responsibilities is interesting, his fairytale has a lot of foreshadowing, etc. 

I’d also like to state CRWBY has the right to write their characters however they want. However, despite Oscar’s conflicts in Volume 4 and 5 being already done with lackluster (in their final phases only) there is still really interesting stuff they can do with him for V7 compared to other Volumes so I just want to put it out there on the top choices of what I “hope” is not skipped if they decide to go down the route.

Possible Arcs(Ranked Most to Least)

1. Oscar and Whitley

Since Volume 7 is in Atlas we are of course going to see Whitley again. I made a previous post already about the duality between Oscar and Whitley but I also want to state why it makes sense that these two might interact. 

One thing is that Whitley would be the first guy Oscar meets that is around his age, besides Jaune. Whitley, despite hating the idea of fighting like Weiss and Winter, may be interested in why Oscar is fighting, who is around the same age as him, possible representing in his mind if he had followed in Weiss’ and WInter’s footsteps but then gives his own backstory as to why he does the things he does. This would help to develop both characters at the same time possibly while both struggle with going down the same path as the ones before them. 

2. Ironwood and Ozpin 

Another major question is how Ironwood will react to the whole Ozpin situation. Ironwood was already worried about Ozpin’s actions and perhaps will still end up fighting anyway so it might not affect him too much. He still might try to pressure Oscar about the relics in that case I hope the team is their to help him out while Oscar tries to slowly sort things out and tries to work out things differently than Ozpin. 

3. Learning About Penny

So back in Volume 4 Volume 5 Oscar learned about both Penny and Pyrrha. I was a little disappointed that Oscar didn’t learn more about Pyrrha during the incident with Jaune. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad Jaune his team got some closure at least. I just hope if something similar happens , like Ruby thinks about Penny, Oscar will tell that something is up and mention it. 

Semblance Awakening

So the reason I’m putting this in the same post is because a semblance should connect to a character arc. For Jaune his arc involved him wanting to protect people from dying at the hands of Cinder again. Like Oscar’s been around for 3-4 volumes now so I kin of want him to get one soon but only if he has something to back it up and not just as deus ex machina. I also hope its not completely invincible like it has some drawbacks. I hope Oscar’s its not something too overpowered like ONE FOR ALL or Oma Zi-O. Oscar’s semblance will mostly likely awaken during a time of great stress, hopefully when his own unique ideals/wishes are challenged. 

Ozpin or Oscar’s  Semblance

Oscar basically accepted his fate with Ozpin already so I’m not really talking about him fighting to keep his semblance. Also, If Ozpin did still have his semblance, it would be kind of a weird move to suddenly mention it now instead of back in Volume 4. 

There semblances can be used to exemplify how the two might be similar yet different in their ideals on battling Salem, however. My guess it that Oscar’s ability will fuse with Ozpin’s to manipulate time but in a different way than he does. 

Conclusion

Anyway those are the main points I just wanted to talk about before waiting 2 months for Volume 7. Take care and thanks for reading!

[doves-wing]

Warriors Song Post

what up here’s a bunch of songs that i connect to warriors in some fuckin way. this took way too long and i’ll add more later because i couldn’t everyone in the tags lol

People in my Head by Oceans on Mars: Goosefeather - If the title wasn’t obvious enough as to why it fits him, the song is about hearing voices and going mad because of it. If that doesn’t fit Goosefeather, what does?

Twisted by MISSIO: Darktail - The whole song is about a bad guy with fucked up thoughts and how his dad was a shit but had a good mom. 

Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea by MISSIO: Bluestar - The song is about addiction and depression. And well, Bluestar has depression so there we go already but it uses the specific metaphor of drowining which is strongly connected to Bluestar’s character, so it fits even better! 

Everybody Gets High by MISSIO: Sol - It’s his tragic backstory. I mean if this was a human AU this would just be his backstory. Sol is an evil gay, makes sense if he had a homophobic upbringing which led him to drugs and eventually running away. Makes sense to me at least.

Kamikazee by MISSIO: Sol - This is a song about greed, desire, and dark hearts. Who has all three? That’s right, it’s Sol baby! The boy desires all the nice things in life and will not stop at anything to get them.

Best Friends by Grandson: The Kin - So I’m kinda cheating with this one as it isn’t a singular characer but my post, my rules. I feel as if this fits best when Needletail and the other apprentices joined The Kin. Thinking they’re so cool and shit.

Kiss Bang by Grandson: Leafpool/Crowfeather/Nightcloud - Okay again not a singular character but my post, my rules. Basically this song represents Crowfeather’s relationship with the two of them. In short: a fucking mess

Things Change by Grandson: Crowfeather - I’d say this is specifically about Leafpool soon after the badger attack, but could still work for him and Feathertail. Either way, this guy is dumb angst monster lmao

Saint Bernard by Lincoln: Mapleshade - This is a song about one-sided love and how the singer won’t be going to heaven. Also it’s fucking scary so Mapleshade :)

Hellbent by Mystery Skulls: Ashfur - It’s him about Squirrelflight. He does not care that she is in a relationship. All he cares is that the relationship she’s in, isn’t with him. All he wants is her and he truly won’t stop at anything to have her.

The Wolf by SIAMES: Tigerclaw - This is another song that’s about addiction but it has a strong theme about being out of your mind, and well, if you kill people I don’t think your sane. And in a way, Tigerclaw could’ve been addicted to killing. Either way many of this song’s lyrics (and especially the chorus) remind me of him so he gets this masterpiece of a song to himself.

Same Old Forest by Nathan Sharp: Firestar - This fits Firepaw/Rusty specifically but hey I prefer using the most recent names of a character in the title. Anyway though, this song is all about beginnings and wanting to be something (while also being a protaganist) and who could fit better than Firepaw? I mean one of the lyrics is literally: “Because compared to every child you know, you’re something else”. Tell me it isn’t about Firepaw.

Far Away by Nathan Sharp: Spottedleaf - This is a song sung by a female about the character from the previous song on this list, who knows that the character is destined for greatness. Tell me it isn’t sung by Spottedleaf. 

Time to Go by Nathan Sharp: Yellowfang - Yellowfang is the grumpy grandma we all know and love. If you know her and then listen to this song and say she didn’t sing it you’re so wrong it’s unbelievable. Did her savior just wake up? Yes. Is she going to push him out and force him to save the world now? Yes.

Drowning by Nathan Sharp: Bluestar - Look at the title. Okay but the song is about losing everything in your life and well, the water metaphors :}

Shell by Nathan Sharp: Bluestar (w/ Firestar) - I think this fits really well for Bluestar and Firestar’s relationship. Bluestar after having been almost murdered by her trusted deputy, Tigerclaw, has lost faith in everything. Fireheart is desperately trying to keep her what remains of her, alive. The chorus speaks for itself, she is a shell, almost entirely withered away. Just, it’s mostly Bluestar but the way the lyrics go it sounds as if someone is speaking to another character about Bluestar, which in this case is probably Tigerclaw and Firestar.

The Evil King by Nathan Sharp: Tigerclaw & Firestar - This is their final battle in song form. At the end it becomes a duet, but for the majority it’s Tigerclaw monologuing about why he should and deserves to win. How Firestar should’ve never come to the forest, as he was meant to rule the forest as his father did before him, unfortuneately this is a YA novel which means that evil can never win. 

Unaligned by Nathan Sharp: Ivypool - I imagine this is when she’s starting to realize that the Dark Forest isn’t good. That it’s full of evil cats, but because she’s only started to realize this their abusive teachings are still in her head, thus “You took me in, showed me love when I had nowhere to run” is a lyric. She’s done bad things by joining them, she doesn’t know if she can be good but she knows she doesn’t want to be bad.

Dead Silence by Nathan Sharp: Mothwing - Mothwing can’t get it out of her head that she is the daughter of Tigerclaw. The worst cat in the history of the Clans yet she chose to be a medicine cat, a peaceful cat who does no harm. Her intrusive thoughts won’t stop reminding her of how brutal her family as been. Her father first and then her brother, Hawkfrost, second. Maybe she is destined to be a violent monster, she knows it isn’t true but those evil thoughts say otherwise, and she can’t ignore them any longer.

Epcoh (TLT Remix) by Salvonic: Hollyleaf - After she ran away from the gathering, she had a lot of time to think about everything. She had time to regret her actions and came back to apologize, and hope that she would be accepeted. Just about everything in this song fits her and someone needs to make a map for her with this song because it fits her so fucking well it’s insane.

Terrible Things by Brick + Mortar: Ivypool - She sees no difference between her and her sister, Dovewing, yet her sister is consistently praised more than her and gets more attention. Ivypool then joins the Dark Forest as they claimed to have seen in her, what her Clanmates saw in Dovewing. Instead of dreaming, she fought hard to get the attention and mild praise of a few dead cats. She murdered cats for them and all she got in return was a free t-shirt.

Burn The House Down by AJR: Squirrelflight - Honestly this just gives me some lighthearted Squirrelflight vibes. More so when she was still an apprentice and wanted to be treated with the same amount as respect as a warrior but she tried to gain their respect in ridiculous ways, such as joining Brambleclaw on the journey to the Sundrown place, for instance.

G-G-Ghost by Steven Universe: Fallen Leaves - He’s just a ghost boy who wants someone to notice him!

Noticed by MandoPony: Sol - This theatre gay just wants someone to pay attention to him! And if you do look away, he might have to kill you. M i g h t

Nothing Personal by Night Riots: Darktail - He came to erase the Clans. He will wash away their history, he will make himself the leader of his own group and lead them with an iron fist, his ideology is correct. To the members of his group he is a shining star, a beacon of light and truth.

Contagious by Night Riots: Shadowpaw - This is more speculative but it seems to me that he could definitely start to think that he is bad, wrong. Because of the voice in his head. He is plagued with lies, just by existing he has broken the code. He has to remind himself, it isn’t his fault that he is shunned, looked down upon. But everything is wearing him down. Reminding yourself that it isn’t wrong to exist is tiring.

On the Line by Night Riots: Tawnypelt - Tawnypelt is the type to give all she has for her Clan. Sometimes she gets nervous but she fights through it because her Clan is what matters most. 

She Wants Me Dead by CAZZETTE: Crowfeather - This is just every female in Crowfeather’s life at him.

Bet on You by The Man Who: Mistystar - Back when Mistystar was known as Mistyfoot, she crtiticized her leader, Leaopardstar harshly. The latter did let her brother be murdered. Though Leopardstar would’ve risked her own life, among everyone in her clan’s life, had she tried to stop it from happening. Leopardstar made many mistakes throughout her life but Mistyfoot always came back to her, in the end she knew Leopardstar was only doing the best she could. 

Choke by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: Darktail - Only he would say the most fucked up things while having a genuine smile on his face and making it sound nice. He only cares for himself, and a distorted love for his mother, painting her as this perfect being who was ruined by his father. I have no doubt that he would do all the things in this songs, given he were able to of course.

Crossing a Line by Mike Shinoda: Leafpool & Squirrelflight - This is all about the truth of Holly/Jay/Lion and how they want to tell them, but don’t know how, and just that whole mess is this song. 

Play with Fire by Sam Tinnesz: Brokenstar - He is one of the most evil characters in the series, using child soldiers will do that though. He takes pleasure from seeing cats die, especially kits. He enjoys watching others suffer, especially if he can gain something by it. He forced WindClan out of the Clan territories because he wanted the extra hunting land.

Monster (Under my Bed) by Call Me Karizma: Tigerclaw - After his father left, Tigerkit felt alone. His sisters were dead, and his mother was heartbroken. He looked for friends in the shadows, hoping that they’d take form and want to play. It took some time but they took form in the shape of a cat. She was a transparent tortoiseshell, claiming to be of ThunderClan’s past. It didn’t matter to Tigerkit though, she promised to make him the strongest cat in the forest, in all of the Clan’s history even. That’s what mattered to Tigerkit. He wanted to be strong enough to take down any of his enemies and most importantly, his father.

Wolves (You Got Me) by DREAMERS: Fire/Raven - Firepaw is the new apprentice and oh no there’s a cute anxious boy. “Guess we’ll fall in love” they said, and then they did. Firepaw learned how to hunt, and fight. Though it was a bit harder because he was absolutely smitten with Ravenpaw.

Our Song by Vinyl Theatre: Sandstar (w/ Clan) -  (Med-Cat!Fire AU) This happens before the battle with BloodClan, when they’re still preparing. 

High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco: Hollyleaf - (Wind!Holly AU) - This is her coming home after leaving the tunnels and rescuing Dovewing, and Ivypool. She is welcomed back warmly by her mother, brother, and best friend (Heathertail)