#mainly a test but ill post it anyway

[mezzbians]

when the opposites attract

[what-if-doctor-who-was-yuri]

btw i have a couple rss feeds on my neocities ^^ u can check em out if u want :3

[plitaka]

Okay so because I’m gay and mentally ill I have decided to take it upon myself to go through Kafka’s demo frame by frame and overanalyze the shit out of anything I find interesting

It’s insanely packed with blink or you’ll miss it details so buckle up folks- this is gonna be a ride

Right off the bat she starts off with the same coin she also ends the demo with. This isn’t something that’s been part of her character so far nor do I think it has any real significance, so she just brought it to be extra and torment the poor souls she’s planning to slaughter anyway. Annoying dramatic bitch

Also just to get this out of the way now, this is indeed the Belobog museum, or at least its assets. The floor of some of the inner rooms, the staircases, the chandelier and the big golden clock thingy are the same, and in one of the shots you can clearly see the portraits of the former supreme guardians which is. Makes you wonder if they just picked the museum for grand dramatic interior or if she actually had reasons to have business there.

This. This fucking part is probably no longer than 5 seconds and yet, even with the video on 0.25 speed I had to constantly rewind and pause to catch everything and it still probably isn’t 100% accurate. Also I had to cut out a lot things because Tumblr only allows 30 images per post but like, you get the picture

“What do you see” over and over again as images of Rorschach tests flash across the screen so fast you barely have a chance *to* see. Personally I mainly see spider like things and butterflies. Among them are images are some flashes of the robo guards, which to me give the feeling of them getting caught in her web, losing themselves and their control to her mind games and technique.

Something else worth nothing is that this sequence is kickstarted by her throwing the coin and ends with it still in her hand, just thought that was an interesting choice

Before moving on to the next point, however, I want to point out the obvious irony of her telling the guards “don’t be afraid”. Truly words to hear from the woman who is incapable of feeling fear. And what is the name of the demo? Dramatic irony. We’ll get back to that.

Anyway, after that we see the camera pan away from her and over the guards as she uses spirit whisper. The camera movement is accompanied by a single rose petal that starts from Kafka and flies over the guards, which kinda feels like the visual representation of spirit whisper, a gentle rose petal innocently brushing across them as if carried by an invisible breeze

I wanted to make a joke about how her bounty is as large as her strap but seeing as I’m restricted in the number of images I can put I’ll just state the obvious and say she has the largest known bounty of the Stellaron hunters. I’m going to guess the only one higher than hers is Elio’s.

can’t be 100% sure this is what’s going on here, but the imagery makes it look like she’s taking a nice calming stroll and playing Vivaldi in her head while letting the guards slaughter each other, either by controlling them with her strings or with spirit whisper

Dozens of hands reaching out for her, trying to grab her as she’s cocooned in a vulnerable state, pupils visible. I’m sure we’ll eventually get an ingame explanation as to what’s actually going on with her eyes, but for now I do think this is a VERY interesting time to show them. She’s in a compromising position, she’s cornered and vulnerable, but she’s confident and cocky and always, always in control. To anyone else this would be horrifying, but she can’t feel fear, why should she care. Like genuinely this is terrifying imagery that in media is more often than not used to showcase or symbolize sexual violence of sorts and personally makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to get too much into it here I think it needs its own separate post, so for now I’ll keep it short and say that up until now, her pupils have only been shown in situations where she’s at a physical disadvantage (held prisoner at the divination commission, whatever this is etc)

Something a bit lighter to focus on is what she’s saying; “the silk is too fragile to be a treat… unless you’re more fragile than the silk.” Symbolism aside she always seems to refer to silk when talking about fragile things, which we know are, in her opinion, the most beautiful. I really don’t think she’s referring to herself here seeing as the next scene demonstrates she’s far from fragile, so I think she does mean it in a much more literal way and is talking about a spider web; too fragile to capture humans, strong enough to capture its intended prey, this being weaker bugs. All in all she’s probably insulting them by comparing them to bugs weaker than a fragile silk web.

Nothing much to say about the fight scene other than that it’s incredibly choreographed and confirms that Kafka is strong enough to roundhouse kick a guy in the head (god I wish that were me) and do backflips in midair while firing her guns. Also the elevator counting down the survivors as their forces dwindle is fucking rad.

“Destiny has thousands of faces, why does it choose to wear this one?” In the context of the scene this reads to me as her mockingly lamenting the guards’ fate as she beautifully takes them down one by one, but it’s also one hell of a peculiar sentence from someone working for a guy who supposedly sees destiny and directs his followers according to that. She’s a nihilist, everything is predetermined in her eyes, she’s one of destiny’s slaves, but destiny also has thousands of faces? Is she really so nihilistic that even her own worldviews are contrasting in her eyes? As I’m writing this it makes me think of dadaism more than anything else. To quote from wikipedia: “an early 20th-century international movement in art, literature, music, and film, repudiating and mocking artistic and social conventions and emphasizing the illogical and absurd.” Kafka herself in an artist in many ways; she’s an actress first and foremost, always dramatic and theatrical, following a script to a T. But she’s also a musician, everything about her steeped in classical music and references. Anyway, dada is an absurdist nihilistic movement, and you know which real life author known for his absurdism lived and wrote parallel to the Dada? Franz Kafka.

Genuinely Idk where I was going with this I just thought it was worth sharing, MOVING ON-

Neat way of visualizing what I’m assuming is supposed to be her spirit whisper. Also I’m extremely stingy with images (thanks Tumblr), but if you slow down the video around 1:17 you could see that the shot of her katana very quickly flashes into another spider, just wanted to mention that.

These are all narrative screenplay terms that flash by in like a millisecond each after the big ult (that, btw, has a similar shot saying ‘intermission’ right before she casts it but it flashes by so fast and with such bright colors that I couldn’t take a proper screenshot of it) and shown on the Belobog Museum’s projector. The most interesting one here imo is Oneiric Structure; “a cinematic story using dream like visuals, exploring the structure of dreams, memories, and human consciousness”, very fitting considering how much of her abilitieseing how dramatic irony is yet another narrative device.

All these movie terms and framings, however, feel to me more like a wink to Kafka’s roots than anything else. This is the third time she’s been tied to movies somehow (the web event, one of her leaked messages that actually mentions how she’d hate for her life to be turned into a movie), and this is one time too many for me to stop denying that the inspiration for her character was at least in part Makima from Chainsaw Man. I won’t elaborate too much not to spoil the 3 people unfamiliar with csm, but this whole thing feels like a homage, a love letter to Fujimoto’s own love letter for cinema.

Also she *is* an actress following a script, so there’s that as well.

The demo ends with her taunting the one remaining guard with the very same coin from the beginning, flipping it in her palm and asking the guard to guess the ending with heads or tails, prefacing it by saying “sooner or later, the curtain has to fall”. To me this indicates that she sees life as kind of a one gigantic play, with no fear and no value for human life everything is a performance to her, it doesn’t matter beyond what’s happening on the stage in the presence. But also the way this is all framed makes it very easy to assume she’s actually talking about the end of the guard’s life, and asking him how he thinks this encounter between them will end, lol.

Another thing about the coin that Meadows mentioned “her flipping the coin over and over is both like, play with fate, a distraction (like, think in movies, you see someone flipping a coin your eyes are drawn to it and not the sleight of hand happening elsewhere), and ofc her clear obsession with vintage shit”

This has been it from me for now, too dead to properly edit through this rn so I’ll probably go back and add some details once I’m feeling better. Would also love for anyone to chime in with their own conclusions since this is just one person’s interpretation. Especially if you have more knowledge than me about classical music and have ideas regarding the use of Vivaldi’s winter

[stardust-sunset]

Hey, I would love to draw Baylie! If you don’t mind could you give a description of her? (Appearance, weight, hair length/texture, height, clothing, scars/birthmarks, personality, etc.) just so I don’t have to rake through a bunch of posts and I really want to get it right!

Aw, anon 😭

You really don’t have to! But if you want to, go ahead :) (this is VERY detailed tho since I know you said you wanted detail lol)

For her appearance she’s pretty thin. kinda like this?

She has albinism; so if you look up pictures of people with albinism you’ll get the gist, but mainly that means she has no pigment so her skin is pale, her hair is white (though it kinda fades to a buttery color at the ends because that’s kinda how it is with albinism and hair; the longer the hair the more likely that it turns a more buttery color because of outside elements. Her eyes are periwinkle? like it’s this mix between blue and purple. She has B2 hair; for red it kinda looks like this since google doesn’t really give the right pics when i look it up so it’s right here :)

(at least that’s the hair type anyway; the color is different ofc) She has a LOT of hair too; like her hair is thick as hell. She usually puts it in pigtails to keep some of it out of her face so it’s kinda hard up half down. If I had to describe her appearance it’s kinda deer like? small frame, small head, big eyes, y’know how it is. She usually wears a white button down shirt and greenish shorts? She wears a wide brimmed hat with lots of feathers in it; mostly parrot and starling feathers. Shes 5’6’’.She has a small scar on her cheek. She also has tattoos on her back that look like bird wings.

Personality time!

She’s VERY hyper. She’s highly extroverted. Like she’d go out in the middle of the street and strike up a conversation with someone at random. She’s an ENFJ (according to a personality test i took kinda for her?) She can come off as a little bit obnoxious. But she means well. Kinda think Pinkie Pie from MLP. She can kinda be all up in your face but she doesn’t mean to be. She’s pretty maternal; she’s the mom friend who will be up your ass like ‘did you eat? did you drink? did you say something nice to yourself yet?’ and she kinda tends to be a bit annoying with that. but she backs off a bit when she realizes that.

A few characters I can think of that are like her personality wise are Pinkie Pie, Cady Heron (before the whole Regina thing), Emily from Hazbin Hotel and Kinkajou from Wings of Fire. She tends to be a lot at times but she’s pretty loyal. Shes Australian too. From Cairns to be more specific. She LOVES being outside. Her mom worked with animals a lot and her dad worked as a vet for exotic animals. So she loves animals. She moved to America because her dad was offered a better job (he was really on the run because he did really bad shit but more on that later) and she was really happy to explore new places. She has six siblings; an older brother named Adrian who goes off to the military, twin siblings named Jude and Giavanna (Gigi and Juju for short), and I haven’t worked out the other three yet.

She is huge on art and music and does drama club. She does competitive dance as well and is really good in the arts department. Shes also a huge math/science person. Biology especially. Shes not really one to be squirmed out by anything. Shes seen a lot when her dad was working with animals lol-Kyle’s her best friend lol (or well; closest. then it turns into smth more? they end up together in the end; she’s got a lot of angst in her life but i don’t wanna spoil too much :) )

After her dad leaves because he’s on the run, her mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness and because her brother is gone she becomes the sole caretaker for her family.

I hope that’s enough info!! :)

[munsons-maiden]

I'm sorry if you've talked about this before, but I truly love how honest and real your views on Eddie are, that I feel like you're the right person for me to ask this. I'll just go out and say that I haven't had the best experience with most men in my life (parental figures mainly) and that sometimes blocks me in seeing that others guys are not like that. Anyway so I wanted to ask, you wouldn't say Eddie has that "toxic masculinity" right? Like, with everything we know about him, he's such a gentleman and such a sweetheart that I really believe he'd be like that, say, as a lover too, even in the long run, even after time has passed and he's been with someone for a while, right? I really wanna believe he'd be the type of guy that's not afraid to be soft and show affection and be emotionally available, and always respectful too. 🥺

Thank you, dear, that's very sweet of you🖤

The short answer is: no, Eddie Munson doesn't have a single streak of toxic masculinity in him.

Now prepare for the long answer😂 To make sure I'm not getting blinded by my love for him, I always make sure to view him and his actions from the perspective of an anti as well when going into meta, and the thing is that that's basically impossible because while he has flaws like every other complex, well-written character, there are no flaws flaws. Eddie is a fictional character written and acted to be an absolute sweetheart. So, there's not a single scene that could be interpreted in a toxic masculine way and the entirety of Eddie's screen-time screams that he embodies the very opposite of toxic masculinity so I'll recount a few scenes where that gets very obvious:

The woods scene with Chrissy. Joe as well as the Duffers confirmed that Eddie had a crush on Chrissy and romantic interest in her - yet he never tried to hit on her. He flirted a little, invited her to see his band (in an absolutely non-creepy way that didn't put her in a position to reply, which was very thoughtful and sweet of him because he just left it to her to show up or not), but he was very careful not to cross any boundaries (just like before in the cafeteria with the girl he jump-scared and the cheerleaders he let pass) and to genuinely cheer her up.

The scene when he meets Erica. I'm working on an actual meta post on this one so in short for now: he never tests Erica because she's a girl and her gender is never a reason for his doubts of her being fit for the game, only her age. He's worried an eleven-years-old wouldn't take the game he worked hard and for a whole semester to make happen, the finale of his grand campaign, serious. But he puts her to the test to see if she's being serious, and she proves that she is. A eleven-years-old girl absolutely roasts his ass in front of all his friends and he LOVES her for it, and is genuinely happy to allow her not only to be a sub but make her part of Hellfire ("welcome to Hellfire"). No man with a single ounce of toxic masculinity would react that way.

When Robin takes away Eddie's cigarettes, he reacts with mild annoyance and nothing else, briefly flinching and looking a little confused but that's it. He doesn't even make a snide remark at her, je just lets it happen like a scolded puppy. And he has absolutely no problem with Nancy being in charge (quite the opposite, he's very happy to have kickass Nancy take charge).

And the final scene: he humbles himself in front of Steve, genuinely and unpromptedly admits his own shortcomings and jealousy, and genuinely tells Steve to fight for true love and get Nancy back.

He is always respectful, even with the girl he jump-scares (doesn't single her out, doesn't comment on her but just finishes his sentence with a loud voice thus not making it personal, keeping his distance, making himself smaller and keeping his hands behind his back and blinking and smiling to indicate he has no ill intent).

And the way Eddie opens up to Steve, admitting flaws he is ashamed of and being very self-aware with the goal of doing better (even at the beginning where he admits that having been held back was his own fault, "I was being full of shit") and advising him to fight for love, as well as him noticing straight away that Chrissy is bothered by something (I mean, he has no way to know about her abuse, her ed or Vecna, but he notices something is wrong) makes it obvious Eddie would be a very loving, emotionally open and available partner and/or friend. And about him showing affection? Look at how he shows his affection for Dustin. It's a familial/platonic love, but by that we can infer that it would be the exact same way with a romantic partner because that's who Eddie is.

With those canon facts settled, there is no way Eddie would/could ever act in any toxic way.

Eddie Munson is the polar opposite of toxic masculinity.

[toxictrashdump]

INFATUATION

Who are you?

(14hr piece further info below read more)

Ill upload the video process in a separate post as the file size for the piece was too large as it is.

I was hoping to get this piece out either new years eve or day but its here now.

I've wanted to draw something with these two for a while but knew if I did I wanted to put my skills to the test as these characters are special to me in that I adore dark fantasy knights and of course the ring wraiths and Sauron being one of the most prominent figures of these types of characters I was transfixed by them since a young age.

why the hell draw these two though having a tender moment? well I like making things gay its what I do. and bad guys are just sexy

I'm not great at analysis but all I know is that The Mouth of Sauron was a die hard sucker for Sauron and Sauron saw him loyal enough to regard him so highly amongst his ranks, damn dude been by his side so long he forgot his own name he was just the 'Mouth of Sauron' now.

Making the piece

I wanted to draw something in regards to how I saw there dynamic and thought Sophie's song just fit really well with what I had pictured in my head that I wanted to draw out and helped me solidify it.

As for artstyle I knew I wanted it to be mainly a blackwork/linework piece cause their knights and wanted to go for that oldschool kind of style.

I love the work of Micah Ulric, Ze Burnay and Gustave Dore so looked to them for inspiration to improve my linework.

GOD BLESS SIDESHOW there figures are what I used for reference of these two characters as they are the most detailed photos of the characters I could find, like INSANE detail as well as some 3d models on sketch fab to get the basic of them drawn out.

Sauron

Mouth of Sauron

If I was a rich man id have sideshow figures of all my horrid blorbos.

I defiantly want to draw knights again in the future being all romantic and shit since their seen as the guardian/protector, but they're also mysterious 👀

Anyway this is for like the 5 people in the world who like these two characters in this way THIS ONES FOR YOU cause theirs not enough art of them.

[kaile-hultner]

I really hope you get help. After reading your magazine "article" on the new Harry Potter game it is extremely clear how hateful you are. The sociopath traits that you display when weighing the value of your friendship is terrifying. I think your magazine and writing career would have more of a take off if you just wrote about games and left the political narrative out of it. Not a bad writer at all. You just need to grow up and stop playing the victim card.

Typically I don't even answer asks like this, and if I do I mainly take a tone of mockery or derision, as is appropriate when a stranger barges in to shout some unsolicited bullshit in my direction. But this ask? It's fascinating enough to devote some attention to this evening. So let's talk about it.

So that we're all on the same page, here's the article anon brings up, from September 2022. I'd recommend taking some time to read it, but you don't have to for our purposes.

"I really hope you get help." Starting off with the implication that I am mentally ill? A real power move. Establishes your own humanity while whittling my own down just a little bit. Thank you so much for your pity; I'll be sure to seek therapy just because you've said this.

Okay, that was a bit too derisive. Let's bring it back a little.

---

"After reading your magazine 'article' on the new Harry Potter game it is extremely clear how hateful you are." Lmao let's start with the scare quotes around "article." Buddy, you know that "article" is just a basic non-colloquial descriptor for a post made on a website, right? If you had put scare quotes around "magazine" that would have made more sense. But anyway, this article makes it clear how hateful I am. I'm curious how that works, because I took great pains not to make purposefully inflammatory statements in the piece. The whole piece was essentially asking cis people to either have empathy for, and stand in solidarity with, their trans friends or be honest with themselves about why they prioritized their own comfort over those relationships.

If this qualifies somehow as "hate" then the only conclusion I can come to is that when it comes to cis allies, nothing is more important to them than their own feelings and comfort. If the mere suggestion not to buy a video game that funnels money into a transphobe's pockets goes too far, is "hateful," then what even is the point of having allies?

---

"The sociopath traits that you display when weighing the value of your friendship is terrifying." This sentence rules. Like it unironically fucking whips. I've been laughing at it for an hour. I ask (in the piece) for people to value their friends over material comforts like buying a single video game, and Anon here has twisted that into "the sociopath traits that (I) display when weighing the value of (my) friendship." I am so interested to know which evaluative tool you used to determine my sociopathy. I am desperate to learn which sociopath traits I'm even displaying here. Like, are you talking about the section where I describe performative allyship and performative friendship? Are you talking about the piece overall? Please send me a follow-up with clarification and the test results from the psych eval you did on me. I am positively dying to hear back from you on this.

---

"I think your magazine and writing career would have more of a take off if you just wrote about games and left the political narrative out of it." This makes a lot of assumptions about the reasons I write and what I view as "success" as a writer. But just to be clear, you were terrified of me and my apparent sociopathy just a sentence ago; why would you be giving me career advice? The priorities aren't prioritizing here.

At any rate, it might not be that big of a flex but I got two pieces in Bullet Points Monthly and four pieces in PC Gamer last year; that happened in great part because I generally don't leave the "political narrative" out of my writing. The editors I've worked with have worked with me because of my writing and not in spite of it. The work I do in No Escape is recognized because I am political. It's not for everyone, and if you don't like it, that's totally okay! But just to be very clear: being political has absolutely not hurt me so far, and based on how the year is going, I don't expect it to moving forward.

---

"Not a bad writer at all." Aww thank you bestie <3

"You just need to grow up and stop playing the victim card." LMAO. There it is. Again I have to note how far we've de-escalated from you calling me a sociopath three sentences ago. But anyway, this is by far not the first time someone has crawled into my inbox to say some shit like this. There are some Big Assumptions you're making about the position I'm writing from, but ultimately what this response comes down to every time I get it is that you don't want to think about anything political. Certainly not when it comes to your presumably favorite series of children's books, definitely not when it comes to video games. It makes you uncomfortable that your comfort objects exist in a political context at all. And like, I'm sorry for you, but if anyone needs to grow up here, it's not me.

---

At any rate: I can't wait to learn how I display terrifying sociopathic traits. That shit is genuinely so funny to me.

[chaoslynx]

Hey my fave author! I've no idea if I can make a request of any sort... If not for a fic, id want to hear your thoughts on that meta Ash having HIV. (Sorry I lost the link, would be grateful to any clues) It could not be diagnosed in a manga timeline, though Ash could be smart enough to figure something is not right.

But I keep imagining (no matter the timeline) Ash carrying this horrifying thing and possibly infecting Eiji on accident. Eiji would never ever blame him, right? If I may have a request of your beautiful writing, may you write Ash confessing he may have infect Eiji, and Eiji staying on his side?

Anyone can feel free to add on to this with info about the headcanon of Ash having HIV/AIDS if they'd like, or if anyone can find the meta post that anon is talking about, please feel free to add that as well.

In the manga version of the scene in the prison infirmary, where the doctor gives Ash an antibiotic shot, in the manga version the doctor comments that he can't do anything if Ash has been infected in HIV. Keep in mind that the manga takes place in 1985, which is in the middle of the AIDS crisis and before HIV testing was standardized. (The first commercial HIV antibody test, ELISA, was developed actually IN early 1985, but was horribly inaccurate and was mainly used to test the United States blood supply rather than individuals. Better testing wasn't developed until 1987, which would have been around the time of Ash's death in the manga timeline. For those who want to learn more, check hiv.gov and other sources!)

Anyway, yeah. We're talking 1985, the middle of the AIDS crisis, in New York City, one of the main hotspots. Most (notably not all) of Ash's abusers were men. HIV/AIDS also usually doesn't show symptoms until about a year after you contract it, so if Ash was infected in the prison or earlier, it might make sense for him to not start showing symptoms until later in the series. And if we cut to about a year later on the timeline?

When they're living in the apartment together and Ash has trouble waking up, Eiji makes a joke about him having low blood pressure. There are times when Ash's memory fails him, despite him obviously being extremely intelligent and having a brilliant "book smart" memory normally. For example, he forgets that he ate some of his own salad earlier, before he fell back asleep. That could just be due to how tired he was, but there's also the time when he panics about Eiji leaving the apartment ... despite the fact that he asked Eiji to come meet him there at that time.

And, perhaps most tellingly, Ash has trouble gaining weight throughout the entire series, commenting at one point that he grew two inches but hadn't gained a pound. He stop seating entirely when he's under Dino's custody, and says at multiple points that he's not doing it intentionally. He starts eating again once he's back with Eiji, but it would make sense for the stress of being with Dino to exasperate his symptoms. He also has trouble walking or even standing, which could be from the lack of nutrition, or could also be related to HIV symptoms. Now, Ash is also diagnosed with "acute" (meaning temporary, but I disagree) anorexia during the time he spends back in Dino's custody, but comorbidity (the existence of multiple illnesses/disorders that play into each other) is a thing too.

Also, like ... Ash is smart. If he had it, he probably knew, or at least had his suspicions. It carried such a heavy stigma at the time, and Ash is fairly private with all aspects of his personal life to everyone. So it would make sense for him to never tell anyone or mention it, and it might even make sense for him to choose his death on his own terms instead of waiting around for the illness to kill him.

Fic maybe incoming in the next couple days; hope this bit of analysis works for now!

[hcark]

(michiel huisman, he/him, human) to BOUDEWIJIN ‘BOB’ BEKKER, the whole world looks like an open page. with a leap of faith, their skills in CRAFTING grows a little stronger. for FORTY-ONE years, they have survived a world of magic with both their TENACITY and EVASIVENESS. they work as a LOWKEY FARMER & AUTHOR, but if they could change their fate, they’d want to PROVIDE THE BEST FOR WHAT REMAINS OF HIS FAMILY. 

DOSSIER .

tw: suicide, kidnapping

Growing up with a single father is hard; even harder, still, when said father was half-drowned in debt. Boudewijin was forced to grow up faster than his peers. He had to be scrappy and figured out ways to help his father wherever he could. Admittedly, his father wasn’t a perfect person or parent; most of the time he numbed their shitty situation with the promise of liquor. And, yes, there were times where he was a little heavy-handed with him if he did something foolish, but they both loved each other all the same.

Nothing could have prepared Boudewijin when his father fell ill. They couldn’t afford the treatment required, and he had to stand witness to the slow decline of his father’s health. The man went from being a sizable man to bone-thin in a matter of months. And one day Boudewijin didn’t see him at all. At the time, he’d thought that his father was working overtime – that he’d be back home later or sometime during the night. Then one day became two, and then two became three… Worried, he called everyone that knew his father and filed a missing person, but his answer wasn’t brought to light until the police arrived at his doorstep by the fourth night. Suicide, they had said. The evidence was clear with the note left in the passenger seat, and the pistol gripped in his father’s hand. Boudewijin was only sixteen at the time, and never acclimated to foster care. Two families tried to adopt him for the next two years, but neither lasted. When he was of age, Boudewijin set out to make a life of his own – still at a loss in life and in immeasurable pain. Even then, he managed to make ends meet; mainly through anger and spite. Boudewijin did everything he could to better himself in order to get more and more money; honorable or not. Night classes, acts of thievery, double shifts – whatever it took to get a CPA and a stable job. So much so that his sticky hands got him tangled with something, or rather someone, that he couldn’t shake. A member of some syndicate caught him red-handed and offered a transparent ultimatum – either he joins the organization or he dies in a watery grave. Though brash and standoffish, Boudewijin was no fool. He followed along and trekked his way through the initiation and ranks of the family. Up until he found his place as a financial advisor. By the time he was in his late twenties, a close friend, Helena, was known to be a steadfast part of his life. So much so that they toed the line between platonic and ‘romantic’. As romantic as the cardinal sin of pure lust could be considered anyways. All it took was that one time for the both of them to grow closer than ever. Nine months later they were gifted with the absolute apple of their eyes, Bram Walker-Hummel. Life was good then – just for a short year, at least. Boudewijin had been convinced that he was safe from the rumors of waning loyalty within the syndicate. Sure, Helena had offhandedly mentioned a safer lifestyle to help raise their child, but the conversation always ended with Boudewijin dismissing it as useless and impossible. And it was the exact same blind faith that brought him misfortune in the worst of ways. His best friend disappeared in thin air one evening. A ransom was then posted the next day; the same kind that the syndicate was notorious for. Boudewijin knew that it was a test of fidelity to the corrupt family, but that didn’t staunch the outrage. Naturally, he scrounged up the expected sum as soon as possible. After that, he waited.. and waited.. and waited. Helena was never seen or heard from again. Unlike most civilians, he knew what happened and it struck more than one nerve. Deep-seated hatred for the syndicate planted its roots and consumed him, but again – he was no fool. A one-man riot would’ve been a suicide mission. So he waited once more. This time with his ears strained to catch wind of other members that experienced similar heartache and detested all that the mob stood for. Boudewijin put forth his all when the upheaval of power ensued. If the unkindly grace of fate wanted to have him drop dead then so be it. There was hardly any worth to his life, after all. Yet he somehow survived the bloodbath; not without significant bodily damage but still very much alive. While peace eventually settled, he continued his days with unrest. The sizable abode he once lived in was no more as he started to pinch pennies. The pristine visage he once carried so proudly diminished into a mere husk of vanity for years after. Then, somehow, by some miracle, one good deed of a trusted friend led to the next chapter of his miserly life. A fresh start under a new guise. One that required him to at least try and shape up in the grand crawl of Selphia.

MISC. INFO .

tw: car accident, body horror

Boudewijin was involved in a car accident when he was fourteen. It resulted in a fractured clavicle and concussion. The latter of which cost him his sense of smell. As off-putting and terrifying as that was, his doctor reassured him that the chances of it being permanent were only in the ten to the twentieth percentile. Yet a year passed and he never regained the sense. So he was forced to acknowledge that he has anosmia.

Anosmia is the loss of smell & it impacts the sense of taste as well. So while Bob is unable to taste the nuances, he is able to taste the basic taste sensations of salty, sour, sweet, bitter, and umami.

It can still be a struggle for Boudewijin to retain the determination to uplift himself and live in a healthier / safer manner. Though tedious, he keeps track of nutritional values and calories to make sure his body got enough nutrients. Harder still, he makes sure he exercises somewhat regularly in order to balance out his physical and mental health.

Notable features: Scarring on back of both hands ( tends to wear gloves often ) and prosthetic eye. ( tw: body horror / gore - hands ) Bob does not bear the syndicate’s tattoos on the back of his hands. It happened a few months after the syndicate was overthrown, and he couldn’t stand the idea of having a physical reminder of being a part of that group. He depersonalized extremely bad, severed the skin off the back of his hands, got some skin grafts smacked on, and now has some really gross scars.** NOTE: All questions about hands and eye are always answered with a different reason that’s stupidly far from the truth.

Personality: First and foremost, he is a workaholic that just so happened to lose most of his manners along the way. An absolute stickler for details ( learned that it’s better to cover all aspects / asses before anyone can place the blame on him and be right ). Cheeky, sly, has some capacity for mischief, lazy when it comes to anything aside from work, humorous ( crude ). Always willing to respect someone until they give him a reason not to.

Pets: Bo ( short for Boatmeal ) – Rottweiler. Certified emotional support dog & scent training.

Boudewijin was very much an alcoholic with self-sabotaging tendencies. But has started to make an actual effort to sober up and is now 7 months sober. That being said, he still visits bars from time to time with the stipulation of maintaining alcohol free drinks.

CONNECTIONS .

Messed up with the mix up ( 0/? ). Random, weird situations – Bob’s has plenty of ‘em. Anything from first encounters to constant encounters of the same oddness goes here. Found him vehemently sick in a Denny’s bathroom? Plausible. Witnessed him get sucker punched on the gob for saying the unfiltered truth to some asshole? Definitely happened. One of his distant neighbors when the fire alarm went off for the nth time this month? More likely than you’d think.

Foodie squad but bastardized ( 0/? ). If there’s a new eatery in town you can bet Bob’s fixin’ to go. He’s willing to try anything once, but be warned - the combos he crams down his gullet can be a bit horrendous in theory and texture.

That one bestest of best friends ( 0/1 ). Aka the person that called him up, verbally dragged him for all he’s worth to 'get his ugly mug over here because there’s so much written protentional going to fucking waste and you need someone to actually look after you until you seek therapy’. And after another two dozen phone calls, he did just that. How and when these two met is up for discussion to whomst ever is interested! 

Ghost of his past ( 0/1 ). But instead of an actual specter, they’re a legitimate, living person that Bob didn’t think he’d see again. Be it a friend, enemy, frenemy, someone he valued as family – he acts clueless as Boudewijin Bekker.

Ghost of his past but with spice ( 0/1 ). But instead of an actual specter, they’re a legitimate, living person that Coen once worked with for a long time. Their bond had begun before the usurping of the mob and doubled past it. Yet, as things went on, Coen wanted to maintain minimal connection with that life. So much so that he discarded his identity and all the ties with it.

Romance ( 0/1 ). Let’s be frank, Boudewijin has never fallen in love with someone before. His ex hardly counted since it was just physical for him. Don’t get him wrong, he wants to know what all the hub-bub’s about, but that’s all uncharted land for him. He’s never felt butterflies swarm in his stomach, had his heart nearly drop out of his ass from panicked misunderstandings, or had that ah ha! moment about how this must be what it’s like to be fully in love.

[vitaliadev]

On marketing

2024.09.16, 4:36am

The easiest way nowadays to market a game:

-tiktok

-famous twitcher/youtuber review

Based on other titles I observed, animations with characters are a great way to pitch idea even without the game. When it comes to ILL for example, the snipped of both environment and gameplay sells it well.

With my idea it is a bit tricky, because it relies on mystery and intentionally "character-empty". It is a walking sim, so in a video ti would look like location exploration with zero gameplay, so it isn't even clear if it's a game at all. Which isn't bad per se, liminal games are done this way.

But anyway. In current state there is particularly nothing to use for making a video.

But, i can join it with feed of my 3d/UE general stuff, and this also would help me to promote Patreon/ Youtube, my ig (which needs overhaul/cleaning).

I don't have much worry aobut promotion, I think concentrating on realism/VR in Unreal engine is the winning combo, because even few stills I did with Metahumans look stunning. It is more aoubt making the walking sim worth experiencing first-hand. And IO concentrate on walking sim mainly to limit my scope and deliver a title asap, it is a starting point, not the whole game. But the potential expansion depends on my savings/employment/funding. I have no question I can do it, I just have no limitless time/money combo to plan as far as needed for the "ideal" scope.

For now prepare my socials and look thorugh what I already post (unrelated to project), as well as continue development until i make 1 cut scene and incorporate music etc. In January I will start serious promotion on social media.

Another thing, with review: the game relies on mystery plot twist. It is already out there in the demo, so I either need to rewrite the script or keep it as "intro". There is a potentially interesting way to make it an intro, play as a villain, pick your next wife and get multiple endings, but I do not like bluebeard and his victim choice to make it a gameplay. There can be a way to retell the story, but it will be a change in main antagonist persona, and I wanted a classic tale. Overall, too many ways I can change it. I think i need to just slow down completely and develop to perfection the current demo with zero extra layers. Yea, the hook/reveal is out and stuff, but also it is a good portfolio bit. the mix with my other project is why it all written this way, so for now I'll just forget aobut alterations and treat it as a test drive for full development cycle including publishing on steam. Maybe it will be just a small VR walking sim title, exactly the way it is plot wise, zero extras. Even fi it's short, if quality is good, my goal will be achieved (which is showcasing the production level of my studio).

[autisticlee]

pretty sure I made a post about this before and maybe worded it better but I want to throw out a big text wall and just whine about gender stuff again with no editing so you get all the typos and bad grammar and stuff

sometimes I think about how my old friend group may have pushed me away because they decided i'm ~a big scary man~ or at least that's what the other guy in our group suggested once. when I was telling him I don't know why they uninvited only me from the group trip suddenly, since I never got a real answer, he said maybe they want "girl time" together and saw me as a man so i wasnt welcome and going to intrude. that's nkt fair, especially as someome who grew up exclusively friends with girls and never even truly identified as a man. only used he/him to test it out and make the gender police happy so I could get reproductive care i wanted but am not allowed if i use she/her or they/them. (though so i'm confused because the guy if our group couldn't afford to do the trip but they still said they wanted him to join but i was always left out if conversation about the trip i initially planned myself!) anyway, I transitioned for personal medical reasons (mainly I wanted those life-ruining female organs out because severe pmdd and every doctor I talked to acted like I was crazy saying it's not a real illness basically and they won't remove because you want to unless you're trans or about to die) so I had to go by he/him and change my name to a masc one and go on hormones to get the doctors and insurance to be happy. didn't have time to explore non binary genders. I finally got my surgery, nit long after the other guy in our gc. he was great help! I decided it was time to explore gender more since I'm not tied to needing to be masc anymore. didn't tell those friends yet because I was still figuring out which word and pronouns to use (ended on nonbinary). I was never very masc presenting though around them anyway and never called myself "man" ever. I didn't have words to describe it yet but it was obvious imo I wasn't "man." at one point not long before i was pushed out if the group, one girl in the chat called me a man or something, so I corrected her and said i'm actually nonbinary. she apologized and I said it's fine because i've been trying to figure it out and have now decided, so this is my coming out to the group chat. no one else responded. but even so, I expected them to have seen it? so I didn't connect that maybe they still insisted on seeing me as "man" based solely on pronouns I used and maybe that "threatened" them. because they're ciswomen and transmascs are "big scary men" even though i'm actually, under all the performative gender to get approved for surgery, more of a fem nonbinary. but they would have known/learned that if they had just kept their promise of the group trip and didn't hurt and betray me and push me out of the group without warning or reason!!!!!! I know they're bad friends. but they were so good up til that final few months where things went downhill and hostile towards me for no reason at all. sighs.

the point is, ciswomen really like to make anyone they perceived as slightly masc out the be the enemy when I also feel uncomfortable by most masc men and seek the comfort and companionship of femme people instead. so the fact that they disown me helps keep me in a very lonely position and perpetually "othered" which isn't fair. not sure how people feel about my more femme nonbinary presenting but I feel like the little bit of masc-ness I have due to being on hormones will keep me getting pushed out of femme spaces still. it's really an issue. trans women have it the worst and that really needs to stop! but if I want to be some silly little nonbinary aroace lesbian then what right do people have to push me out of the spaces I feel comfortable in? you feel uncomfortable? suck it up and deal with it! you have a space to be comfortable in and can go to the other side of it. you have no right to kick me out into the cold!

if I want to be an aroace nonbinary lesbian mingling with the femmes, I wont let you decide I belong with men just because I might have some "masc" features you dislike (I've had Experiences and it gives me a discomfort of most men in general. or at least makes me wary of them) it feel horrible when they decide I can't stand beside them. Just like a past friend that decided she's ending out friendship because "girls can't be friends with guys so we can't be friends anymore" which is gross. that mindset needs to end. WE NEED GENDER EQUALITY. everyone needs to be treated truly equally. it would be so easy if people jist stopped putting gender in boxes and acted normal. but society isn't ready for that. so I will keep getting gendered with shitty stereotypes depending on who is deciding and i'll never have am equal footing among the gender policing. ugh.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Having god awful insomnia lately but it is so fun to see you on my dash at these hours so that's nice, at least. -Rotten Anon

I'm sorry that you're having insomnia :( I have experienced really terrible insomnia before - mainly before I got on the right birth control that helped a lot of my symptoms, so I definitely know how shitty and awful it is

When I was in high school, I used to go for up to four days without sleeping. There was times when I took tests and had them handed back to me graded without remembering that I took the fucking test in the first place

One time I went an entire weekend without sleeping - Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and on Sunday, my mom invited me to go antique shopping with her - and I thought that getting out and doing some activity would finally make me exhausted enough to fall asleep. So I went with her and I ended up staring into a random mirror for ten minutes thinking it was a portrait of someone who looked eerily like me (a la the Haunted Mansion - how the deceased bride from years ago has a portrait that looks a lot like the modern wife). Shit was bonkers

Luckily, now, even if I don't always sleep well and sleep is still something I struggle with, my body does get exhausted enough to TKO after like 48 hours. Which I consider lucky after the hell of being awake for like 78 hours and feeling like I can smell colours and not being able to fall asleep no matter what I try

But right now, I am on such a weird sleep schedule. Which does happen to me often. My ideal sleep schedule is going to bed at light 9pm (I am not even kidding) and waking up comfortably at 6am or 7am. I like having some quiet time to myself before everyone else gets up - cause that's usually when I get a lot of writing done. Even if I wake up at like 4am when it's still dark out, I don't mind that, because I can get that peaceful alone time - I know a lot of people prefer to do that at like 1am-3am after everyone else falls asleep, but I don't really like that because I don't like to have my alone time after I have done a full day of activities and I'm already exhausted. At that point I would rather just sleep lmao

But to me, prime time for peaceful alone time is from 3am-8:30am before everyone else gets up and starts their day - I can get breakfast, watch TV, fuck around, and I get a lot of writing done during this time.

But because of my illness, my 'schedule' is not even a schedule. At any given of the month, I could be waking up at 9am or 9pm and going to bed at 5pm or 5am. I literally have no schedule whatsoever (which my online posting reflects lmao)

For the past few days, I have been going to sleep midafternoon - at like 1pm, 2pm, 3pm and waking up at MIDNIGHT. which is my least fucking favourite time to wake up ever. it's too late to eat dinner with my family so I end up eating cereal or something for dinner? and it's waaay to 'early' to call it 'morning' - and I end up being tired for BED by fucking lunch time. ass oclock time to wake up

but I have been taking advantage of it in order to work on a fic lmao. yesterday I wrote 3k on a fic - and if I keep up that pace, then I'll have another finished oneshot in order to be edited and posted later (because editing is the part that takes up the most braincells. I can't do that shit right now)

ANYWAY I HAVE BEEN RAMBLING SO MUCH OMG. I am glad that my presence online is making you smile <333

[umbrylcrow]

While I've seen plenty of criticisms of Outlast for ableism/stigmatizing mental illness (because your enemies are murder-happy asylum inmates), I honestly beg to differ—at least for the most part. For one thing, only a handful of inmates actually attack you. Most of the other patients there are either in shock or just trying to lay low and stay alive through all the chaos going on around them. Even the more proactive of the non-combatant characters, such as the pyro you encounter in the kitchen, are just trying to get out—and their desperation is made to be pretty relatable. Even the boss characters like Chris Walker and Eddie Gluskin were victims of the asylum. For crying out loud, the Whistleblower DLC opens with Eddie getting dragged into the morphogenic engine kicking and screaming and begging for help—it's what solidifies Waylon Park's determination to take down Murkoff. Even when you find Eddie's files later on and see that, yes, he was already a murderer before he wound up in Mount Massive, that also comes with notes about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child and his denial of it. It doesn't excuse his actions—of course it doesn't—but it shows that he didn't become the way he is from nothing. Furthermore, the entire Mount Massive arc focuses so heavily on the theme of abuse of power. The patients are enduring horrific experimentation at the hands of people like Blair and Trager, and that is what sets up the rest of the story. The people running the show are the catalysts for all hell breaking loose—not the patients, who are instead victims of a system that is exploiting them by pushing them past their mental and physical limits, and has no qualms about treating them as replaceable test subjects. They are already sick people thrust into terrifying circumstances. Some of them were already dangerous to begin with, but most of them were not. They were all in a place that was supposed to help them cope with their conditions and rehabilitate, but instead were exploited and had their issues exacerbated by being traumatized further, and that's part of what makes Outlast terrifying.  So yeah, the portrayal of mentally ill people in Outlast isn't phenomenal, sure, but it goes beyond making all the patients out to be horrible monsters. Most of them are just trying to stay out of all the awful shit going on and stay alive without completely breaking down. The games still makes you feel for those people after you see how desperate and terrified a lot of them are, due mainly because of the abuses they have suffered from the people who were supposed to help them.

This ask came so out of left field but I believe you found a post I made on this subject years ago and yeah, anon. This is what I was saying in it. This was my point haha. Outlast is a game that subverts 'mentally ill people bad' trope because whilst some of them did do bad things before (like Eddie) most did not and their violent reactions are directly linked to what happened to them.

Some of the ones that did do bad things their actions were further exacerbated by what was done to them.

Ultimately the true bad guys are the Mount Massive staff. Even the Walrider I'm hesitant to say is a true antagonist. At least of the first one anyway. We'll see later whenever Red Barrels gets back to that storyline.

So yeah we are in agreement how Outlast was.

[tyonfs]

third times a charm 🥲

hi hi my lovely alice it’s another .. *drumroll* 🎀 life update! i tried to be a little silly and creative did it work! 🤗 (pls say yes or i’ll cry)

it’s currently 9:50 pm cst as i type this out and i have my last final as a freshman tmrw 💔 it’s coding too like i’m so nervy. mainly bc my first year of college is already ending and bc of my final. like i’m good at coding and shit but i just get test taking anxiety. anyways! i’m in the psa (pakistani student alliance 🤓) and us freshmen get an upperclassman who is kinda like our helping hand yk? saur my upperclassman is sending me a care package for finals week and i’m so excited 💔 she said there’s gonna be a ton of stuff i like/enjoy doing so i’m VERY excited. also this week is gonna go crazy with unboxings bc i ordered a ton of korean skincare from yesstyle and makeup from sephora WHICH IS GETTING HERE TMRW AND ILL OPEN IT AFTER MY FINAL AND ITLL BE LIKE A LITTLE REWARD VERY EXCITED.

update on gas station boy bc i just KNOW ur curious 🤭 we hung out AGAINNN on sunday! i feel like i should tell u his name is cameron i’ve known his name is cameron it’s just fun calling him gas station boy. anyways i was running errands and i had to make a pit stop to my local asian market for my ramen stash and guess who was there! cameron! it was very very 🤭 i was wearing such a nice outfit and honestly i looked so cute and he was like oh my god you look so pretty like stop before i take my pants off oh my god! (kidding 🫣!) but yeah it’s going very VERYYY smooth with him

how are you my lovely alice? u excited for summer?? 🤭 give me an update too i miss u !!!! - 🎀

the drumroll was creative i applaud 👏

WHOAAA (i am so late to this btw i’m sorry) but i hope your finals went amazing !!! i am sure you passed with flying colors 🥳 omg coding is rough :’( and i get test anxiety too it’s a pain in the ass 🤧 it’s our brown genes fr

aww that’s so sweet !! is that sort of like a big little system ?? i had a big in the indian student association at my school but covid happened the very next year and then she studied abroad after that so i didn’t see her again except for like . one occasion LOL but i hope you got a lot of treats in your care package :’) my sorority big also got me a care package which was also sort of a grad present ?? WHAT MAKEUP AND SKINCARE DID YOU GETTT i literally do not know how to create a proper skincare routine but i’ve been using the beauty of joseon sunscreen

no way his names cameron LMFAOOOOO i had a thing(??) with a dude also named cameron literally this semester 😭😭 but omg yours is BOLD bold :’) i hope things keep progressing as they are 🤭

i’m super excited for summer !! i think i’ll go on some trips with my friends but i also need to start working on grad apps and looking for jobs 😵‍💫 so it’ll be hectic! but i hope i can relax for a bit once i’m done with school 🥰 i’m also annoyed bc i was supposed to publish my research this year but my research prof has been soooo inconsistent and inconsiderate of our time that she submitted our irb so late and now i’ll have to wait longer and work on it post grad too ☹️ but oh well!!!

[swolewhale]

Day 1 - The Actual Beginning

Here I go doin the thing. Today was pretty much the same as usual with me. Stayed in most of the day playing Skyrim (downloading a fuck ton of mods and not actually playing). Only time I went out was in the morning for this volunteer thing. Don’t have a life or any friends near me so thought it’d be a good idea to do something that would get me out of the house.

I know that just doing the same shit over and over again isn’t gonna change anything, but it’s not like I can really do anything to change that. I don’t have enough money to just spend on random shit to go have fun by myself, especially when I don’t even know what I enjoy. Hell I don’t even have enough money to buy canned food confidently.

The only thing that I can think would actually make a difference is getting adhd meds, but that requires taking a stupid fucking test that cost 200 dollars for it to tell them the same fucking answer of I HAVE ADHD.

Anyways, that’s not happening anytime soon. My mom said that she’s got enough money to cover the cost in a medical account or something, but I ain’t doing that. I have no idea how much money she has and I ain’t gonna take any more from her. Hell I’m sure insurance could cover it but I’m also sure that they wouldn’t cover even 75% due to bullshit of thresholds or something.

I’m sure the bastards can see my recent history for medical shit. Being in a hospital due to horrible mental health (which wasn’t even as bad as it is now), heavy meds for depression and anxiety that have only been increasing more and more. Surely at some point someone would go “hey this person could die if they don’t get this one thing paid for” but that implies that people work at insurance companies. They only have pathetic excuses for people there.

Anyways, I said I do this to focus on the positives so I guess it’s time for that:

Volunteered at a cat shelter: It was only my second day doing so, but the fact that I even showed up the first day or bothered getting out of bed is something (ignoring the fact that it’s mainly because I’d be too bored being only in bed). Made friends with a couple of wobblers. A lot of the others are a bit more timid of me, but it was just my second day so.

I took a shower: I know, bare minimum, but hey we’re talking about positives. I was gonna do it before the volunteer shift, but then I realized that it would be worthless doing so since I was only going to smell terrible afterwards anyways. Said I was gonna do it after it, and actually fucking did it (the madman). Usually the “I’ll do it later” is actually never for me, so it took me an hour or 2 to do so, but hey, took the shower.

Brushed my teeth: I know, bar- wait I’ve already said that. I’m tying to get into the habit of brushing my teeth after probably over a decade of barely even doing so. Just broke the routine one day and it was all downhill from there. Never had a cavity or any problems with my teeth though, so... Anyways, gotta brush my teeth after I post this, but once a day is better than once a year.

I was going to add “ate food”, but realized that it’s more of a “I couldn’t stop myself from eating a single can of corn” since I don’t have the money to buy more food. Trying to make the shit I do have last a few more weeks, but it fucking sucks. I hate being so fucking hungry all the time. Thanks inflation, capitalism, depression, anxiety, and all the other mental illnesses that I have that may or may not be undiscovered cause that’d just be my luck.

That’s all for the positives so now I guess it’s time for the daily question because it’s my account and I’ll do what I want. Anyways,

What fictional place would you most like to go to?

I lighthearted medieval fantasy world.

Fantasy because it’s my favorite genre. I can imagine that I’m anywhere but here.

Medieval cause DnD, skyrim, and some anime as well make me more interested in that type of magical filled world. I’m sure it could work in a modern setting but I’m more used to the medieval time period having magic.

Lighthearted cause then I wouldn’t have this account and be making these post. Due to the laws of the universe for this world, everyone would be on the more positive side for pretty much everything. I know, unrealistic, but it’s fantasy for a reason.

I’m sure it was more of a location thing, but I don’t really have many that come to mind immediately. After a bit of looking around and seeing my options, either the Comet Observatory from Mario Galaxy or the world of pokemon.

Comet Observatory: Mario Galaxy was one of the first games that I played when I was younger that actually really interested me. It’s one of my favorites, if not my favorite game. The game is very nostalgic for me since it was in a time where I was so ignorant to the world around me. Hell, after many many years of not even hearing music from it, the Comet Observatory theme appeared in a daily mix and I actually cried because of it, so yeah, I hold the game near and dear. I do still have a wii and the game, but the nun-chuck is fucked so I can’t play it right now at least. All that, plus the fact that Rosalina was my first video game crush and that hasn’t gone away at all. Shy quite types get me right in my weak spot of being an absolute sucker for cuteness.

Pokemon: Black 2 was my first pokemon game and still my favorite. I don’t know if there’s a single pokemon that I actually hare or even dislike. I already love animals as is and then you make them pokemon and I wonder where the sign up list has been my entire life. It’s fucking pokemon. Also maybe fucking pokemon. I know the lore, plus you can’t tell me there wasn’t a single mf in that world that hasn’t clapped some gardi cheecks.

Anyways, that’s all I can remember and be bothered to mention today so I’ll end it here. Hopefully tomorrow will bring me blessings (free food).

[koushirouizumi]

(VENT) Tw: Illness

Tw: Vomit

(YEAH)

So I'll admit I was more than a little irritated last night (mainly due to absolute sh*t attitudes and horrid fan entitlement behavior, up to and including horrid treatment aimed at fans of different parts of the franchise that I've been seeing around Digi-Twit since Mille ep dropped literally every time I try to check for decent things, seriously is basic decency towards other bloggers and fans not even a THING there anymore???) but that ASIDE.

Hi yes I'm still actually hyper-thyroidism and yes it's a genuine condition I have DIAGNOSED for 10+ years that I've mentioned off and on my blog since Tri era. I've had this diagnosed before Tri even dropped; yes I medicated for it as long as possible and overall that's helped (which is why I rb a lot more about Aut!issues) but I still experience symptoms off and on at times even when medicating, especially when my levels fluctuate really suddenly (I've talked about that before TOO...)

Anyway I was trying to take tylenol for physical pain earlier (which may or may not be unrelated, really bad stiffness all over basically etc) and basically threw up almost immediately after (I had taken tylenol abt 4 hrs before) I'm usually great at keeping tylenol down and 4 hrs is usually when it's wearing off for me as of lately (it tends to wear off faster in recent years) but hahaaa either I took it too early this time or I may genuinely have a stomach virus (C.O.V.I.D??? Who knows but I'm NOT running fever, sense of smell is fine, no sinus issues or chest specific pain atm etc it was more all over elsewhere,,, temp's actually low including right after that happened and this is very average for me, I typically have low temp especially early in morning and at night as of recent last 10~ years since thyroid diagnosis and I have NO idea why, since I did get fevers off and on as a tiny kid, but well)

I'll take a test in the morning (fortunately we still have some of the free ones) but so far last couple times I tried one in past months it came back negative each time.

After this thing tonight happened I did start feeling a bit better (still some irritation), but this has been a chronic issue ongoing 12~24 hours now with off-and-on pain cycles so who knows how much longer this is gonna last

Anyway when I say to people who rudely act like that towards other fans BACK OFF AND GIVE ME SOME SPACE this is what I MEAN because my f*cking health is way more important than ANYTHING TO DO WITH DigiAdvs, 02, or anything else fan wise and I'd put every single project I've planned on hold effective immeditely if it meant taking care of myself during an instance like this

Blogs will be on auto-queue until I feel better enough to re blog again but expect a LOT of Disabled P.S.A posts to come since Yes This Topic Is Important To Me And I'm NOT Ever Going To Stop rbng awareness about it OK Thanks