chaoslynx

[chaoslynx]

I don't know if this is a weird question or if you've spoken about it before, but I'm just starting to write fanfiction and I'm having a hard time focusing on a project. I keep wanting to write different things instead of working on the chapter that needs to be finished. Do you have any advice at all? I really look up to you, your writing is so great.

Well, Anon, as you may have guessed by the fact that you sent this ask in over a week ago, I myself am not always the best at locking in with my desired task. Speaking of which, skip to the bullet points at the end for the more concrete advice.

In fact, I felt like I was finally getting the hang of it a few years back, but the ruleset shifted on me recently. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy in late 2024, and started medication treatment on December 26th. For the first time in my life, it isn't a struggle to stay awake for more than 12 hours a day, which is awesome! But suddenly there were a lot of things that I'd learned to do to compensate for the untreated narcolepsy that were now fucking me up instead. I didn't know how to recognize when I was a "normal" amount of tired, or what things made it harder or easier to sleep. I was used to being able to fall asleep at will (and sometimes unwillingly) in any situation. The evening of that first day of narcolepsy treatment, I had started to drift off on the couch (normal) when my roommate asked if they could turn on the overhead lights (normal). Once the lights were on, I sat up, looked at my roommate, and asked, "Is it normal to feel less tired when there's more light in the room?"

Even during my waking hours, suddenly I have almost no sense of time management, and I get distracted easier than your average ten year old. My IRLs were telling me I should get an assessment for inattentive type ADHD because of how profound this change was. But it didn't feel like inattentive ADHD to me; it just felt like I didn't know how to focus under these new conditions.

I was trying to multi-class from a tank to a glass canon, or trying to change my degree from computer engineering to pre-med psychology in my third year of uni. (I actually did that last one!) Nothing I had learned so far had seemed transferrable, or at least wasn't applicable in the way it had been before.

To be honest, I'm still learning what works for me now. If the rambling nature of this reply didn't clue you in, it doesn't always go as planned. But when I'm frustrated with it, I tell myself that I eventually learned how to operate under the rulebook that I had before; eventually, I will learn how to operate under this one.

I wanted to explain this context before getting into actual suggestions, because for me, the sometimes disheartening nature of this is surprisingly similar to another process. It's one that I think a lot of my followers may find familiar as well, because your life's "ruleset" can change a lot when you go from abuse to safety, or even from one unsafe situation to another.

Anyway, essay aside, here's some shit that's been helpful for me and might be applicable! Remember that there's no "one size fits all" solution here, which unfortunately means you'll probably have a period of trial and error. Don't worry about what "should" work or what works for other people, and just focus on finding the best method for you. Won't know until you give it a shot.

I never fully delete anything I write. I have several ongoing documents of just snippets of writing that I edited out of other things or that don't fit anywhere yet. Reduce, reuse, recycle, bitch!

I never fully delete written documents either. We're in the information age, so we might as well take advantage of it. If you're anything like me, a lot of your older writing (sometimes even just a few months old ...) feels cringe as hell now and is almost physically painful to read. I have folders on my digital storage platforms (hard drive or cloud storage) that I haven't actually opened in years. Instead of actually deleting a document, I drag, drop, and throw it in there. Satisfies the "[redacted bc this is a bfish blog] you weeaboo shits" urge, but if you ever want to drag it back out somewhere down the line (to steal ideas from your past self or just to see how far you've come) then that folder will be there

If you're struggling to get motivated for the right project, try discussing it with a friend, or even with yourself. There's a method in computer programming called "rubber duck debugging" where you explain out loud to your li'l ducky pal why the code should be working even though it isn't, and surprisingly often you end up figuring out the issue as you explain. A lot of programmers keep a rubber duck at their desk for this. Personally I have an itty bitty glow in the dark plastic frog glued onto my desk, but when the froggy isn't enough, a lot of my friends have heard me ask if anyone can "rubber duck" a story with me. Plot hole, where to go next, or just rekindling the excitement you have for the project. Works wonders. (If your rubber duck is an actual person and not a rubber duck, they can help by asking questions about the story as you infodump!)

If it's a longer project and you're losing steam, sometimes it can be helpful to have a beta reader for the unpublished chapters, especially if they're also invested in the story. It's easy to lose faith in your own writing when you're the only one who sees it! Sure I have nearly 200 bfish fics on ao3, but the vast majority of them are oneshots. Sometimes when I'm stalled on a longer project, I'll allow myself to pause to work on a oneshot instead. Oftentimes the less-delayed gratification of getting kudos or comments on a oneshot can help me power through a multi-chap

If your issue is sticking with a project because you want to shift to another story, see if there's any way you can work elements of the desired project into the current one. I also recommend writing down just some basic notes on the desired project so that you can assure yourself it'll be there to come back to. I typically do this with bullet points at different indentations to keep it organized without accidentally just writing the damn thing. Sometimes I'll write it on paper instead, because I hate handwriting (I can type SO much faster!), so that'll keep me in check

If you find that instead of starting a metric shitton (and/or USA customary shitton) of WIPs that you never finish, you're just never writing in the first place for fear of working on the wrong thing? Listen. This might not be what you want to hear but you have to meet yourself where you're at. Writing in the "wrong" project is better than not writing. It's still practicing your craft, and it's still helping you grow. Hell, do you know how many authors agonize over the first line of a story? How many NYT bestsellers say that the first line is always the hardest? By the time you've gathered a few dozen WIPs in your documents where you only made it a couple chapters in, you will have more experience writing opening lines than a lot of published authors. Crazy shit, right? That's a hell of a strength to have as a writer. It's okay to follow your motivation, follow whatever you're passionate about in the moment, especially if the alternative is not creating anything at all. Just remember to keep any scraps of progress you make in any project, because they'll be there waiting for you when you're ready for them. And I mean, hey, if we're talking about bfish, the manga started serialization a full forty years ago now. What's the rush?

This is probably already way more than anyone's gonna want to actually read, but I'm gonna add a few other suggestions for managing your focus (for writing other tasks)

Instrumental music if you're doing anything with words (epic music like video game or movie scores is usually what I'll grab when I'm not in a dead European white male composer mood. But also Chopin has some real bops, and sometimes you can kinda tell he was writing them to describe his toxic on-again-off-again situationship with a trans man. Either that or it was the TB-induced fever dreams, but honestly either way shoutout to Freddy for the bangers)

Try to pay attention to where your time sinks are, and identify solutions from there

I lose 30+ min every time I look at my phone, so when I want to focus on something I put my phone in "reduce interruptions" or "do not disturb" and also switch the display to grayscale

I also have a lot of trouble deciding how to spend my time and often end up wasting a ridiculous amount of time on the decision, so lately I've been trying to pick my top few choices and then just assign them numbers and type "roll a d6" or whatever into Google. The catch for me is that if I don't at least attempt to follow the result immediately I end up right back in the decision paralysis, so I try to remind myself that I can switch tasks whenever if this one doesn't work out

I've heard good things about time blocking (including pomodoro method etc) but haven't gotten it to work well for me as of yet ...

everything you do forever will come with the loss of the chance to use that time for everything else you could have done. I think economists calls this an "opportunity cost" or some shit like that, but I've heard people online say "the time will pass anyway" which is way better if you ask me

Doing less than you wanted is better than not doing anything. Learning from your mistakes is better than not even trying. Every step forward is progress.

You get like, what, about 4000 weeks of life on this planet? So be safe. Make good choices. Have fun. Make yourself proud. You got this!

[chaoslynx]

ur my fave fic writer of all time btw

no homo tho

[chaoslynx]

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 4209

With time, though, Ash learns to accept that implausible events are simply commonplace when Blanca is involved.

The way he saw Ash in that motel with the rope still around his wrists, and he didn't touch him. Or, well—Blanca touched him; he held him, but he didn't ...

Talk about implausible, right?

When all you've known is the dark, a flaming bag of shit looks a lot like a beacon.

[chaoslynx]

hello gays. you want a fic or smth?

[chaoslynx]

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack it

[chaoslynx]

In which banana fish was just Ash’s very vivid dream, but the person he fell in love in that dream is real.

(and they end up meeting)

[chaoslynx]

banan. fish?

[chaoslynx]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64763131

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 4853

"... Max?" Ash asks, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

Max doesn't react. He's not even looking at Ash, and they haven't made eye contact.

For a horrible moment, Ash sees a reflection of Griffin in Max's expression, and he fears the worst. Did Foxx somehow get Max with a dose of the banana fish drug? That's impossible, isn't it? When could it have happened? And why wouldn't Max show symptoms until now?

Ash must be missing some part of the—

And then he catches it. Well, more than one thing, really. First it's the slight twitch in one of Max's limp hands, almost a tremor. Then a similar weakness in his knee, like he's struggling to hold his own weight up. Then, when Ash's focus flashes up to Max's face again, he sees the tears collecting in Max's eyes.

Ash didn't know a grown man could show this type of vulnerability. Max didn't know a teenager could understand it so well.

[chaoslynx]

him and hym

[chaoslynx]

hi guys i really like banana fish and howls moving castle so u um um u,m!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill probably do like an actual drawing later but i am hashtag hungry so im goingto eat fud now

[chaoslynx]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64763131

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 4853

"... Max?" Ash asks, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

Max doesn't react. He's not even looking at Ash, and they haven't made eye contact.

For a horrible moment, Ash sees a reflection of Griffin in Max's expression, and he fears the worst. Did Foxx somehow get Max with a dose of the banana fish drug? That's impossible, isn't it? When could it have happened? And why wouldn't Max show symptoms until now?

Ash must be missing some part of the—

And then he catches it. Well, more than one thing, really. First it's the slight twitch in one of Max's limp hands, almost a tremor. Then a similar weakness in his knee, like he's struggling to hold his own weight up. Then, when Ash's focus flashes up to Max's face again, he sees the tears collecting in Max's eyes.

Ash didn't know a grown man could show this type of vulnerability. Max didn't know a teenager could understand it so well.

[chaoslynx]

Hello! I've just bing-read all your Max and Ash fanfics because I absolutely love their platonic relationship and how you write them. I don't know if you take requests, but if you do, how about the roles being inversed? For example, Max having a PTSD episode from Vietnam, or a nightmare from his time in the military and Ash being the one to comfort him? Or Max apologizing to Ash for shooting his brother and Ash feeling his heart break and reassuring him that it wasn't his fault? For someone who has been at something as tragic as the war, there's a surprising small ammount of fanfics that talk about Max's trauma, if any at all and I think Ash could also benefit from this by being there for someone who has done so much for him. I just want Ash to hug his dad and reassure him it wasn't his fault, God damn it!

Sorry for the delay I'm posting this while on the clock at my day job right now

[chaoslynx]

Remember when I wrote that AU where Ash testifies in court against Dino, trying to save any other kids still being hurt, while Eiji helps Ibe with media coverage of the case and they make sure that any attempts by Dino to use power/money/influence to sway the general public are unsuccessful? And all of this happens because AshEiji's first meeting is Eiji finding Ash bleeding out in an alley and calling an ambulance even though Ash told him not to? And Ash has a letter he wrote to Dino on him and it's incriminating evidence in the court case?

No? You don't remember that one?

Yeah that's because I only wrote the first chapter and then never actually did enough research on the criminal (in)justice system and legislative proceedings to write any more. Oops

[chaoslynx]

Do you prefer the anime or the manga? They kind of have really different vibes

I like both a lot! I think overall I prefer the anime. I've seen the anime over a dozen times and only read the manga all the way through twice, though part of that is because comics and graphic novels are just generally not my preferred storytelling format. Apart from that though, I think the version that exists in my head is an anime adaptation of the manga, including the modernizations and character design changes, but one that scene-for-scene follows the manga. Like a 50ish episode show instead of 24, you feel? Plus some OVAs for the manga side stories, animated versions of the audio dramas, and then the art books and key animations and staff books all staying the same. That, then with a couple more adaptations from canon (especially to the depictions of the Black and female characters), is the idealized (and non-existent) version that I think I usually end up writing for. Oops?

[chaoslynx]

Banana fish enjoyer?!? In 2025?!?!?

Yeah I'm surprised too don't worry

[chaoslynx]

Me: Wow, it's been a while since I couldn't focus on daily life because I was thinking about Banana Fish too much. Maybe I'm moving on?

My brain at midnight, the night before working an open to close shift at my day job: Shorter was willing to kill Eiji to ensure that he didn't experience any of what Ash had survived, while Ash was willing to go through all of it over and over again just to prevent Eiji from being harmed at all. Two very different declarations of love for the same person -- someone who was an outsider to the types of violence that Ash and Shorter knew so well.

Me: nvm I'm definitely not moving on

[chaoslynx]

can confirm, I was the homo gay tragedy /j

confession

i submitted a serial numbers-removed version of one of my more popular oneshots (bfish) to a writing competition in my senior year of high school and it won second place. shoutout @chaoslynx cuz he encouraged me to apply in the first place. this was years ago but i remembered it recently and i think its funny that my homo gay tragedy fanfiction won an award technically