#madds has lost his mind

[madds-is-ace-trash]

Can someone like explain Demigirls and Demiboys to me? I keep seeing them tagged in like character head canons . I wanna understand and I feel bad for not knowing. I’m not saying there not valid, I’m an ace trans man, queers unite, I just have never had it explained to me in a way that clicked. They just weren’t a thing that gets brought up in my spaces usually and I wanna get educated.

[madds-is-ace-trash]

If you do feed it write bad omega Vers and feed it that. The ai has a fucking aneurysms when it’s related to anything abo.

HEY HEY YOU! LOOK AT ME, IN THE EYES. *grabs you by the shoulders*

I am telling you to write ORIGINAL bad abo stuff and feed it to ai, don’t feed it existing  pieces unless they’re yours.

Don’t feed peoples work to ai unless they say you can.

 Go now mess up those data sets!!!

Screw cultural norms, Let’s feed it fandom trash instead!

[unhingedoveractivemuse]

Title: Because I love you more than a ring

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Tags: Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Notes: Flufftober Day 26 "I can't find it."

==================================

“Maddie, you don’t understand!”

Buck is vaguely aware that he probably looks crazy, frantically going around his home and upturning everything he can. 

“Buck-“

”This isn't like Chimney losing your engagement ring before he even proposed, Madds! I can’t find it! I can’t find my wedding ring!”

“Evan!”

He pauses, the little shock from his sister saying his name stopping him in his tracks. He doesn't remember when the last time she said it was. The only one who ever uses it now is his husband either when he needs something to sink into Buck's head or sometimes when they're having sex (not that he is ever telling his sister that). 

“Calm down,” she coaxes him like a startled animal. “Let’s go back step by step. When was the last time you saw it?’’

========================================

An hour later and still one wedding ring less, Buck sulks on the couch, trying not to spiral and cry, leaning on his sister's shoulder. 

“What if he wants a divorce?”

“Eddie won't divorce you because of a ring, Buck.”

“But I lost our wedding ring,” he whines. 

“I'm sure he loves you more than a ring, and you know that.”

Logically, he does. All of Eddie's loving gestures and words since he finally went to therapy (for his PTSD first but which turned out to be therapy for so much more) tell him that. Eddie doesn't call anyone else ‘sweetheart’ or ‘love’ or ‘mi vida’. He doesn't give them the fondest looks known to man. He doesn't let down his walls with anyone else. He certainly doesn't have sex with anyone else. 

But everything else, his insecure side, is screaming that the whole marriage thing is still new. Nothing has really shifted, of course (because they already acted like a married couple according to all their friends), but it's new. 

Three months. 

Three months since the bridge collapse that almost took Buck's heart with it. Since they were reminded once again of how precious life is, of how the next moment could be their last. Since they threw the wedding plans they had going since Eddie first proposed after Buck woke up from his lightning-induced coma to pull a Bobby and Athena (much to the ire of many people).

Nothing has been more blissful to Buck than married life. He can really call Eddie his, to say he has a home to return to. 

It doesn't mean he's not insecure though. There was a little hiccup when his jealousy of a certain pilot taking up his husband’s time made Buck completely green, only assuaged when his husband reassured him it was only friendship and gave Buck some of the best sex of his life then later by inviting Buck out with them where he ogled his husband with no shame whatsoever

So what if it's too much? What if Eddie realizes that not only is Buck a lot to handle with how needy and jealous he can be but also so forgetful that he lost their wedding ring of all things?! What if he doesn't want Buck anymore?!

“Hey, love, can you get out of your brain for me?”

Buck blinks, staring into beloved, concerned brown eyes.

Oh, when did Eddie get home?

“Hi,” Eddie says, giving Buck one of those sweet smiles that always has Buck melting on the spot. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Give me a million then,” he easily returns, the routine coming with practiced ease considering how often his husband catches Buck with a million thoughts running through his mind. 

Eddie kisses him then, soft and chaste, a quiet ‘I'm home’, and moves onto the couch next to him. “There we go. Now, care to share? Or do I have to pry it out of my dear sister-in-law?”

“You love me more than a ring right?” he blurts out without thinking. 

His husband blinks, confusion clear as day but, without hesitation, says, “Of course I do.”

“Because I-I can't find it Eds. I can't find it.”

“Find what?”

“My wedding ring,” he mumbles, looking away from his husband's eyes, hoping to get away with it. 

There's a beat of silence, and then he hears a snort. 

A snort. 

He turns to his best friend, disbelieving. “It's not funny Eddie! I lost my wedding ring! Our wedding ring!”

“It kinda is, mi vida. Especially since you're freaking out for nothing.”

“For nothing?!” he repeats, somehow not shrieking. It's their wedding ring, for goodness sakes! It's a matching pair!

“Buck, I took it in for maintenance.”

He pauses. He stares. He-

“Huh?”

A short huff of laughter escapes his husband as his brain tries rebooting. Maintenance. 

“Remember when you got a scratch on it last week?”

Of course, he does. He doesn't even know how it got there, but there was a scratch on his wedding ring and it made him distraught. 

At a loss for words, he nods. 

“So I brought it in this morning to get it out,” Eddie says, then reaches into his jacket pocket. “Here.”

There it is. His wedding ring. 

He takes it reverently, immediately sliding it onto his finger where it belongs, settling him. 

“Better?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, running a finger across the smooth metal. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I didn't,” his husband agrees, sliding their hands together. “But I wanted to. It might only be a material thing, but it means a lot to you. And it means a lot to me too.”

Buck smiles, a flood of warmth and love overtaking him, and he settles his head onto his other half's shoulder, truly calming down after a frenzied few hours. 

“But for future reference, if you do ever lose your ring-”

“I won't,” he protests, gently knocking his head into his husband's jaw to emphasize his point. 

“-it doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm not going to break the promise we made years ago and engraved on it. I'm not going to file for a divorce. Because I love you more than a ring. I much rather lose a ring than lose you.”

Love permeates through every pore of his body at Eddie's words, and he can't help the silly, giddy grin that blooms on his face. 

“I love you, too,” he says, pressing his smile into his husband's neck. “Ring or no ring.”

[thewolvesof1998]

Fuck it Friday

tagged by the wonderful @daffi-990 @rainbow-nerdss Go check out their posts (Daffi posted a whole ass fic!!!)

Here's a bit more of my No-Nut-November fic inspired by @blurredbuddie post! (previous snippet):

Waking up hard was not a new sensation to Buck, he’s got a pretty high libido, but it was new to start stroking himself, still half asleep, bet completely forgotten until he almost reached completion only for the realisation to hit him like a cold bucket of water. The bet. He’d almost lost the bet because of some morning wood. Again. Buck rolls over and groans into his pillow, “Fuck,” his dick still hard and leaking onto his sheets. The dream that left him waking hard lingered like the taste of orange juice on his tongue long after the drink was done. It was faint but he could still remember the hands that trailed over his skin, calloused and warm and how safe he’d felt. These dreams were intense, he’d never had so many but it was probably related to his recent breakup and how touched-starved he’s been feeling this week. Which is only heightened by the fact that Buck can’t even touch himself.  This was not the first morning this week where he’d almost lost the bet, not even the closest he’d gotten but it was getting old. It was like he was subconsciously dabbling in orgasm denial kink, which he’s found pretty hot with past partners but a little depressing when he’s alone.   Since the bet was haunting his sleeping hours, Buck has been jamming packing his awake hours, when he’s not at work he’s hanging out with the Diaz Boys and Madde and Jee or dinner with Bobby and Athena. If he’s not with anyone he’s going for a run or deep cleaning his fridge. He even helped Pepa do some landscaping. If he can fill his week with social commitments and keep his mind constantly busy he can almost forget about the bet.

And because it's Fuck It Friday here's a mood board for another new wip (which I promise is just staying as an idea atm, well a fleshed-out idea...that I might have started planning but that's all!) Here's my pirate AU:

I just finished season two of OFMD and I can't stop thinking about Buck and Eddie as pirates...

tagging: @wikiangela @wildlife4life ​ @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33​ @bekkachaos @buddierights @forthewolves @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @eddiediaztho @your-catfish-friend @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @theotherbuckley @hoodie-buck @eowon @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck @smilingbuckley

[everywishway]

Kalina Playlist Deep-dive

Kinda wanted to do a playlist deep-dive about all my Fantasy High playlists. If you want any more, I have playlists for all the Bad Kids, both Voxes, and I'm working on a Cassandra Playlist. Starting off with my baby girl, Kalina

ALICE:

I picture this as Kalina describing the fall of the Unnamed Goddess into the Nightmare King. A goddess of dreaming and doubt till she lost her mind, and her persona. Turned her forest into this idealization of what the Nightmare King represents.

Queen

Kalina's persona is this person manipulating everything in the background and several steps ahead of everyone. Also how the Bad Kids originally assumed she stole the crown to control the Nightmare King and be in power.

GRRRLS

Kalina's ideology is about taking control to bring back the Nightmare King by any means necessary. Not wanting people to look too closely into her.

&

It's like how Kalina always gives options when speaking to the Bad Kids, especially Riz. Also how each option and the tone get more threatening overtime. Also "They took a lesson from their fathers" connects to Riz and how she killed Pok.

The Mind Electric

I honestly don't remember why I added this? Vibes? Maybe it's another example of her trying to control Riz and the Bad Kids, taunting them and making them face their fears? Yeah, that's it, why not?

Achilles Come Down

Goes against my Kristen Playlist which has this same song. This is Kalina and Kristen deciding what Cassandra is going to be in FHSY. Kalina is the deeper voice and Kristen is the kinder one.

Church

Kalina's loyalty to Cassandra and more religious imagery for her connection to Cassandra. Plus the line "Time capsule for the future, trust me that is what I'll be" is how she lives on for the Unnamed Goddess as the plague for her to live. Also "Oh the things that you do in the name of what you love, you were doomed but just enough" is her talking about how her goddess was doomed by her followers, the people who loved her. Also, the second section of the song says "Got a few more fake friends" showing her connections over the years she keeps at arm's distance like Pok Gukgak.

Child of Ashes

I picture this as Kalina singing to the Bad Kids, willing to show them mercy as long as they back off this case.

Hawk in the Night

I see this as her talking to Riz because she is still close to him. She's his godmother, she wants to see him grow strong but it's not the best advice.

You Stabbed Me in My Sleep

My Love is Sick

Kalina is literally a plague, what can I say? Just kidding, it's that and all the religious imagery. The loyalty to the person is like Kalina's loyalty to Cassandra in all her forms. Plus I love Madds Buckley so much. <3

Ghost

Kalina's abilities appear and disappear, along with taunting the Bad Kids and messing with them on their journey. Her confidence, knowing they hate her and why right before the bridge. Plus during the Bridge where the artist says "Why don't you just leave me alone" I see Riz and other Bad Kids begging her to stop with this, stop messing with them.

It Took Me By Suprise

Her being is surprised that the BKs didn't back off, especially Riz after taunting him and seeing the anger in their eyes... thats it...

That Unwanted Animal

How I picture Kalina sees herself. She cares for Cassandra in every form and tries her best to take care of her. When the "Unnamed Goddess" sacrifices herself to be the Nightmare King, Kalina becomes the "Unwanted Animal".

Little Big Boy

Specifically for Fabian, when she makes him stab the Hangman and jump into the ocean.

Take Me To Church

Another song with religious notes to show her dedication to Cassandra and illness notes for her being a literal plague Sophomore Year.

the fruits

Another song with religious notes that I added for the vibes. Also, her being used to keep alive a goddess.

Allies or Enemies

Picked to show her relationship with the Bad Kids now in the present time. Also her new relationship with Cassandra as this new form.

Until It Doesn't Hurt

The pain of her being a plague and vibes.

If I Kill Someone For You

Another song is about Kalina sacrificing herself, and her identity to keep her Goddess alive, to bring her back. Sacrificing her livelihood, and her well-being to bring back the Nightmare King.

Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Final boss music and the end describes the battlefield of "Spring Break I Believe in You" where there is no light coming through the forest, the stairs and ruins where the battle is old and decrepit. "When they do I'll be right beside you, so glad we almost made it" is her speaking to herself/the Nightmare King as she brings them back to life.

Panic Room

Another song about the Nightmare King's Forest and how Kalina and the Nightmare King shaped the forest to have the deepest fears of the Bad Kids.

That's it! I hope yall had fun listening to me explain my thought process <3

[nekatto]

Given that this is my first adoption advert, I decided to go with something basic… Basic white girl basic.

Without further ado, I present you the MeowBucks baristas: Madeleine, Mary Jane, Fontina the Big Cheese, My Little Pierogi, Gruyère, Bordeaux, and Artemis.

Accepting applications from residents of South Carolina and neighboring states only.

Bios for each cat as well as a link to the adoption form are under the cut.

logo (c) wafflestash on Etsy, used here with their written permission.

If you can’t adopt, but would like to support us, I have a cashapp ($kpao69) and PayPal (k-pao@outlook.com). I’m an independent foster and all food, litter, and vetting is paid for out of pocket. Any help is appreciated.

ADOPTION APPLICATION:

Adoption fee is $85

MADELEINE || SPAYED FEMALE

10/10 but she bamboozled me.

The one who started it all. I was walking my dog when this sweet mama approached me and meowed sadly at me. From that moment on, she had me hook, line, and sinker, and I ended up returning to the spot I met her and started feeding her, quickly gaining her trust and bringing her inside… Along with her seven relatives she had hidden in the bushes.

Despite being the grandma of the family, I believe she’s still a fairly young cat, possibly around three years old or so. Since her spay surgery, it’s almost like she’s trying to make up for the kittenhood she never got to have. She loves nothing more than batting toy mice across the floor and playing chase with her granddaughter Pierogi. When not zooming around, Madds is quite the cuddle bug and loves a warm lap to lay in.

MARY JANE | SPAYED FEMALE, ~3 yrs old

Mother of Fontina, Gruyère, and Pierogi. Now that her kittens are grown, Mary Jane is beyond done with wild kitten antics and looking for some place calm and quiet to settle down.

All in all a pretty chill cat, though not particularly social. Out of her relatives, she most prefers to spend time with her daughter Gruyère.

FONTINA THE BIG CHEESE | NEUTERED MALE, ~1 yr old

They say the key to a man’s heart is food, and that’s doubly true for Fontina! While he can be shy at times, add food to equation and he’s putty in your hands.

He’ll do just about anything for food and so far has even trained himself to go inside his carrier on command. Would make an excellent trick training candidate.

Ideally would prefer a home with his best friend and wrestling buddy, Bordeaux.

**Fontina has displayed a propensity for eating non-food items. Please be mindful of this and take appropriate precautions.

MY LITTLE PIEROGI | SPAYED FEMALE, ~1 yr old

When she first came here, Pierogi was a bit shaken by the overnight transition from living outside to living in a home and spent her first few days inside hiding. But now she’s come out of her shell and blossomed into the sweetest little girl, albeit still on the shy side. Loves churu, head-butting feet, and playing with wand toys.

**tentative. if no applications look promising I miiiight end up keeping her.

GRUYÈRE | SPAYED FEMALE, ~1 yr old

No, you’re not seeing double, though very different in personality, Fontina and Gruyère are our loveable void twins!

The princess of the group. Gruyère demands you provide her with your undivided attention at all times… or else.

Out of her siblings, she has the closest relationship with her mother, Mary Jane, and the mother-daughter pair can often be found grooming one another.

**though she’s never broken skin, Gruyère can be mouthy, and we'd recommend applying for a different cat if you have young children or elderly people in your home.

BORDEAUX | NEUTERED MALE, ~1 yr old

Sweet little Bordeaux had a very rough start to life. At just a few weeks old, Bordeaux lost both of his siblings and was briefly separated from his mom during a particularly nasty winter rainstorm. It was only through a stroke of luck (and his cries) he was found before it was too late.

But none of that has dampened his spirit! As you can undoubtedly see, Bordeaux is a silly young man who loves having fun.

Without fail, he turns everything into a game. You thought you were going to mop the floor? Nope! Time to play wrestle the mop away from the kitten for the thousandth time!

10/10 but you’ll never get anything done with home around. But with a kitten this cute, who can stay mad?

When he’s not being a menace to society, he can be found palling around with his best friend and brother from another mother, Fontina.

ARTEMIS | NEUTERED MALE, ~2.5 YRS OLD

The odd one out of the bunch. I’m unsure how, or even if, he’s related to the rest of the colony. All we know is that he was buddies with the other adult male of the group, Apollo, and they could often be found huddled up together for warmth.

Artemis is a sweet boy who wants very much to be someone’s one and only. Always the first to greet me when I come in. And don’t think he’s content with a simple pat on the head. He DEMANDS all the love and snuggles. Like, I’ll sit down to relax and next thing I know he’s climbing up on my shoulder and nuzzling me.

*would prefer a home with no other cats.

**Apollo will be going up for adoption separately as he needs to have a specialist vet preform his neuter due to some neurological issues.

[hunterbunter3000]

I stumbled upon your 141 sweetheart tag and i have some ideas for you, mama. You ATE that shit real good.

So, i don’t know about you but Sweetheart is giving ✨sweet and spicy✨ at the same time like, doing this wholesome tiktok with ghost, i can just see him respectfully glaring HEART EYES at her with his arm crossed on his chest with his mask full of kiss mark🥹 AND one time she was about to go undercover at a club but her outfit is so cute and she was SLAYING, be feeling herself way too much so she made this tiktok, and i kinda imagine soap and ghost would caught her in action because she was taking too long and they be like “damn mama.” KAHSSKSHSKKAKA AAAHHKKK

GIRL I ATE???? DID I EAT GOOD 😜😜😜

twirling my hair and shiiii 💖 I'm so glad you like Sweetheart! And GAAAAHHHDDD THESE ARE SCRATCHING MY BRAIN JUST RIGHTTT

Like ik damn well Sweetheart just bounces up to Ghost and says "I need to do something with you." With big Ole eyes and an excited grin. He's already bracing for what she has in store but he didn't think it would be KISSING

AND ALOT OF IT??? ON HIS DAMN BAKLAVA???? girl first off, ya lost ya damn mind-- do you know how HARD IT IS to wash out lipstick? He couldn't care less tho, he would let her do it all again in a heartbeat. Especially seeing how happy she was doing it 🥹🥹 ugh

He was so giddy inside when he felt her plump lips the first time on his cheek. Granted, it was on his mask but he could still feel the love that went through each and every kiss.

And when she did the same to König and Soap- OUUUUUU HE WAS SO MADD

(They saw the video and begged her to do it to them next. Obviously she agreed- when I tell you that König wanted to marry her right then and there, and Soap was slumped back and out of breath HAHAA)

AND THE CLUB ONNEEEE I- g i r l

The dress was TIGHT and it was ROCKIN EVERYTHANG

It still had enough looseness to let that ass fly so you know she had to show it off a bit 😍

Soap already knows that Sweetheart takes long as shit, and then poses and giggles for about half and hour in front of the mirror before leaving, but it's taking longer this time

So he and ghost go to check on her and GYAT DAYUM IT'S RIGHT IN THEIR FACES-- LIKE GOOD NIGHT GIRL WE KNOW YOU GOT A FAT ASS BUT J E E Z

Ghost could feel the waves comin from it. He feels a bit lightheaded

(WE MUST STAY FOCUSED BROTHERS)

Soap whistles and mutters "damn mama" and she immediately pops up and gets embarrassed and starts yelling at them

(And Soap calling Sweetheart 'mama' has me FROTHING at the mouth. Like Alejandro already calls her that, BUT SOAP??? My lord I'm in shambles)

Oh and at the club, the target was HEAD OVER HEELS with Sweetheart but Ghost wasn't having any of it

Ghost: Don't you touch her, don't touch her, don't touch-- HE TOUCHED HER- that's it I'm killing him

Soap, over the comms: LT NO

AHAHSSHAJJA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE THESE ARE AMAZING ♡♡ I hope you have a good day! 💖💕🫂🫂

[gabster-fabster]

So I was listening to Madds Buckley’s ‘Sunset on Summerville’ Album about MHA and couldn’t help but notice that a lot of the songs could fit Umbrella Academy characters. I wrote this in like five minutes so it may be a bit jumbled but I hope you enjoyed.

One/Luther to me is Scotch Tape and Cellophane. The first verse when taken at face value is frustrated with the stickiness of the tape, forcing the singer to suffer while unwrapping the gift. I thought of this like the struggle of Luther and Reginald. Everything Reginald did stuck to Luther and even though his intentions were clear, he wanted his kids to suffer and Luther to be hidden away from the world. The rest of the song is more silly and loving, which shows the character growth Luther went through. He started as a leader type but grew into a very silly and loving character and the transition is mirrored in the song.

Two/Diego would be Little Big Boy. I originally thought that this would fit Five but listening to the song more and more made me change my opinion. Diego has this need to be seen, a need to prove himself. This is shown in his conflict with Luther and his vigilantism. He’s so determined to show everyone that he is the best, due to the fact that he feels as though he is a small fish in the metaphorical pond. The metaphor for water also fits with him since his power in the comics is breathing underwater but that’s less relevant to the comparison. He always wants something out of his reach, something bigger than him, saving JFK, being Number One in the Umbrella Academy. His desperation to prove himself makes him seem like a child vying for the approval of his father even well into adulthood, hence the ‘Little Big Boy.”

Three/Allison is Ambrosia Wine; she can give pleasure or pain, she can rumor someone to shoot themselves, but also to fall in love with her. Her power is quite literally giving people temptations and making them give into them. She is also known by many names and epithets due to her acting career. You cannot deny her, she is quite literally an urge you cannot ignore. This comparison is pretty self explanatory but it’s cool to draw it anyway.

Four/Klaus is Hawk in The Night. This one is more of a broad commentary of how Reginald wanted him to be. Hargreaves wanted Klaus to be powerful, to be obedient. The song is sung from the perspective of someone telling Hawks about how they are happy how he lost himself in his training and childhood, likely his handler. While Klaus didn’t meet the expectations set for him, he lost himself in drugs. The phrase ‘we raised you right’ comes up many times and it shows the self righteousness felt by both Hargreaves and the Commission. Reginald wanted to train Klaus so that he had the potential to be Number One and in doing so caused Klaus to lose his childhood and to shove down himself, desperately clawing at the world that wronged him. Hargreaves wanted him to be empty and emotionless, obedient like One was, and in doing so raised him ‘right,’ with days in the Mausoleum and traumatizing him so much that he had to turn to drugs and not tell anyone he was struggling because both him and Reginald had so much pride.

Five would be Child of Ashes. The warped sound of the song highlights the fact that he’s so much that his mind is a bit twisted. He is a child of ashes and without a home, raised in the apocalypse where his only company was burned buildings and the memory of his dead siblings. The song can also be seen as the manipulatings of the Handler. Telling him that his family won’t care for him now that he’s killed so many, and that he would be better off staying with them. The last line ‘We can watch the world decay,’ only reinforces this. The Handler wants him to stay and watch as his family dies again, in the same inevitable way. He has nowhere to run, his only home for so long was the ashes of the world’s end. The song is only about a minute and a half long so there isn’t much to analyze but it’s sad in its brevity.

Six/Ben is Sunset On Summerville. The sun is brought up again and again, a metaphor for life, the sunset and night being its opposite death. Ben is waiting for Klaus to realize that life is worth living, waiting with him. He is in twilight, the area between life and death, and everyday he is being called to the beyond, but he won’t give up on Klaus. The moon, or death indeed casts a cold light, we see this in the other ghosts that Klaus interacts with, it is so easy to give in to the despair but Ben finds comfort in his brother, the moons frigidity ‘only lasts the night’ but Klaus is there, a warmth or a beacon, a light like the sun of life. This reminds Ben that waiting is worth it. Waiting for Klaus to get sober, to stop being scared of his own power. While Ben longs to live again, he accepts the fact that he can’t, but seeing his siblings live and grow is enough for him to evade the cold embrace of death totally.

Seven/Viktor is Reach. This is actually what got me thinking of this whole thing. He is jealous of his siblings, she wants the spotlight they have. He wants the powers, the acknowledgment from their father. He works so hard, becoming exceptional at the violin, but it is impossible to become exceptional in the eyes of Reginald. He is constantly asking himself what he is doing wrong and when it will be his turn to be in the spotlight. He writes his book to try and lash out and get that spotlight, but instead it makes everyone shun him. He wants his life to be easy, while reaching for something he thinks is out of his grasp. He is left behind, his siblings have training, missions, but he has isolation and his violin. He is bitter, and in Season 1 this is very apparent. He harbors so much anger and frustration that it overflows into all of his actions. Also, fun little factoid, during the line ‘Why can’t I excel at something…like you’ like you is repeated six times, six times for his six other siblings who have powers.

If I had talents in creating edits or art I would make videos of these characters to these songs but alas. Hope this makes sense!

[everyone-with-a-para]

Hi! I have several questions, if that's okay.

I very recently found out about daydreaming community, and, honestly, was in awe, because all my life I thought I was that one weird autistic child with really big imagination and finding this community was like a blessing, because I don't feel that alone now. But, surfing a in this part of the internet left me a little bit confused and the fact that english is my second language does not help.

So, first question. I somewhat lost the line between immersive daydreamings and MaDD. I am sure that all of my daydreamings are immersive, because all of my life I was daydreaming to the point of every single moment of free time. But I don't understand when immersive daydreamings end and MaDD begins. As far as I understood, people with MaDD have difficult time leaving their daydreams, because of one reason or another and use them as coping mechanisms. At which point immersive daydreamings become MaDD? What is the line? What are, let's say, particular qualities of it? If that's okay for you and isn't hard, can you explain it in detail with examples? I try to understand myself, and while I find in myself a lot of stuff, I don't want to invade the MaDD community as (somewhat) healthy person.

Second, is having DID is a requirement for any of this? Is this still okay to be in the community and not have DID?

Third, maybe not a question, but clarification, as far as I understood, "para" in daydream community means someone (character, your version of self, yourself and so on) you have connection with. Again, character, yourself or version of yourself, in which I am sure. Am I correct in it? Can people you know in real life, if you are religious, God(s), spirits and others, different kins of alterhumanity and fictional characters from other media also consider as "para"? Are there any other labels like this?

Thank you, if you will have time to answer this. It way be a lot, I am just excited to find some niche that I was having all my life actually is (somewhat) common experience and I am not alone in it. I hope you will have a great rest of the week.

Hi welcome! I remember the relief I felt when I first found this community too. MaDD can feel like such an isolating thing if you don't know others experience the same

This got a little long so answers to your questions are under the cut

1. Immersive daydreaming is defined as intense and developed daydreams that feel more vivid than regular passive daydreaming. It's often used as a coping mechanism and often started in childhood, but those are not defining features

Inherently, all maladaptive daydreaming is immersive. It becomes defined as maladaptive when it negatively impacts your daily life. This is widely up to your own interpretation, if you feel like it makes life (whether that's external activities or internal feelings) more difficult for you, as MaDD is not yet a diagnosable disorder

Personally, some ways it negatively impacts, or has impacted me in the past: emotions feeling more real for people in my head than anything in my real life, embarrassment/anxiety of letting my daydreams show on my face in front of people, paranoia regarding mind readers despite knowing they don't exist, injuring myself from acting out daydream scenes, forgetting to eat/drink/take care of basic hygiene in favour of daydreaming or just losing track of time, dissociation, derealisation/depersonalisation, second hand distress from my paras

Anything like that and more can be counted as your daydreams being maladaptive. The coiner of the term, Dr Eli Somer, has actually made a list of proposed diagnostic criteria, should MaDD ever get to be in the DSM. You can find that here

2. DID/OSDD and MaDD have significant overlap/comorbidity and MaDD has been proposed as a dissociative disorder itself (for a research paper about this see here) but one is in no way required for the other

I'm not a system, but I am very vocally supportive of them because my best friend(s) is, that and the comobidity is why you might see a little system content on my blog

3. Para is a term used by the immersive and maladaptive daydreaming communities to describe any character within a daydream. Anyone/thing that exists in real life or as a spiritual concept can't be considered a para unless they are directly part of your daydreams

There are other terms such as parame (a para you daydream from the POV of), paraself (a version of yourself in a daydream), veritbond (a para that feels more independent and has a deeper connection and meaning to you), and paracosm (a world in which a daydream takes place). A comprehensive list of all ID/MaDD terms can be found here

I hope this answers your questions in a clear/helpful way. You're always welcome to ask more!

[jeannefostergoriot]

Soo just saw a post saying they’d wish for more song analysis for KOTLC about someone else’s song than Taylor so here we go.

Driver’s Seat by Madd Buckley x The Vacker kids

“He didn’t mean to scream, then what does he mean?” is Alvar, who was always expected perfect, or perceived the situation that way, and if Alden denied it, Alvar would have been like “what, then??”

“I’m not who he thinks I am”: still Alvar, joining the Neverseen, trying to make himself… seen?

“Trapped in his anger, one-way road”: I doubt it’s express in anger in Glitter-Perfect-City. But. Deception, permanent deception of the one you look up to. Has the same effect.

“Familiar blood I hold alone”: it’s Fitz. Cause following Alvar’s betrayal, he is the one holding the old Vacker line expectancies. Alone cause Biana is younger, less important, less visible.

“I won’t be who he is”: Alvar about Alden. Fitz about Alvar.

“The apple’s falling from the tree”: when Alvar joins the Neverseen, when Fitz joins the Black Swan, when Biana goes fighting Vespera. They’re making their own choices, they’re starting to be independent

“The engine light is blinking brighter”: more time passes, more they go closer and closer to the edge, closer to snapping, closer to breaking.

“And I wasn’t raised to be a fighter”: nobody is raised for that in the Lost Cities. Especially not in the royal family…

“But it only takes one spark to blow”: but it only takes one thing for apparent perfect perfection to go down in flames, for everyone to lose their mind.

“And I wasn’t taught to tame the driver”: none of the three was ever said how to feel fine, how to correct the problems they felt deep down with their world, they weren’t taught to pinpoint what is wrong and what oppress them.

“Just how to delay the raging fire”: just how to play with the rules till another game is set. Set by older. Set by others. Set for others. But they can take part in that new game.

“That turn signal’s ticking, ticking, ticking til”: time is coming. Hurt is here. So the flame is burning in their veins.

“I will be who he is”: the boys. They didn’t want. But they realize. Alvar when he stopped taking measures, when he just went right into whatever the Neverseen were doing. And Fitz, well. That scene in Flashback where he almost killed his brother.

“He’s in the driver’s seat”. Maybe Alden. Maybe just the system.

“I am his rage”: Alvar.

“Inherit the engine and leak, no mistake”: Biana, inheriting the pressure that drives Fitz crazy and the Invisibility that lead Alvar to disappear. Can’t do any mistake to avoid the erasure. Has to fight to be seen. To make the whole thing working.

“I am the warning, the blaring that won’t let you sleep in peace”: Fitz. Fitz who grew up almost in another world, Fitz who says that things aren’t right, Fitz that warns when going in the same old ways will crash everyone in the wall.

“I am his only”: dunno is the singer means “his only something” or “only his”. For the analysis I’ll pick “only his”. Cause the Vacker are not theirs. They aren’t supposed to make their own choices. It’s been like this for centuries. They belong to the system. They have to be perfection.

“The little fist bruising the wheel and switching seats”: This is the idea that from childhood, from early teenage, they had to… punch a bit their way on life. The three of them differently. Alvar threw a big punch and joined the Neverseen. Fitz was switching worlds. Biana was disappearing. And she made her way at school. She’s seen as one of the popular kids of Foxfire. It doesn’t come just snapping.

“I’m biting my own tongue”: trying to keep the appearances up. It hurts them.

“I am my father’s lost son”: they can’t deny their family name. They can’t deny they’re the products of it.

“I didn’t mean to scream” Fitzroy Avery Vacker. Losing it at any occasion. And regretting it despite not knowing how to apologize.

“Don’t know what I mean”: Fitz. He doesn’t know where or what he is, he wants, not anymore.

“I’m not who you think I”: no matter how long we think about them, we’re gonna miss a part. They’re never entirely open

(This is the song btw: )

[dabi-drift]

Geten/Iceman's S/O Has MADD (Maladaptive Daydreaming):

❅ The image in your mind is your own creation, a shadow of what's real - a self-writing narrative, or yours to keep and control. By virtue of inauthenticity, this phantom follows the dictates of your heart. And for a moment, you can live a parody of love - you can simulate the feelings.

❅ It's a preview of what your lives could be, should he promote you from friend to lover.

❅ You can play every trope - childhood friends, enemies to lovers, soulmates…

❅ You can spend seconds or hours on a single scene, imagining all the ways you could kiss him, all the things you could do together. In your mind, you're never without him.

❅ This Geten is your mind's creation. It's everything you want him to be. But it isn't him, and reality has no comparison. The real Geten is a fiery character, not this empty husk. But your mind can't make a perfect clone. And besides, you're addicted to the fantasy.

❅ It's like you live a perpetual dream - sometimes on a different stage, with different characters, but usually with Geten. Your body is just a decoration, a repository for your mind.

❅ You're always thinking, always dreaming. But that's okay; you'd rather live in your head. In your head, you're allowed to love him freely, reciprocally.

❅ And as you lose yourself, so too do you lose your connection with reality. It gets hard to distinguish between real Geten and dream Geten. But dream Geten is warm and sweet. He makes your chest tighten. He opens the butterfly cage. The way he loves is without precedent. It's that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love - like he's in love with love itself, but only when he looks at you.

❅ You feel guilty for using him as material, but regardless of how much you want to stop, you'll always succumb to the delusion. It's so easy. Dream Geten can't hurt you unless you will him to, but the real Geten can hurt you in every way imaginable.

❅ After such dreams, how can you look at him? How can you speak to him? You want him, you need him to love you like his double.

❅ You don't know if it's a problem, a gift or a curse, or if it needs to be fixed. Your mind is your haven, and this bisected life is familiar. Where would you be without it? Would your feelings be the same? Would they be as strong?

❅ To fall for a boy who only looks at you in your dreams…you really lost in the lot of love.

[madds-is-ace-trash]

Guys I can’t with this video from GMM

Like they had to know what they were doing???

This whole video is just abo fanfic fuel I swear. It’s so uncomfy.

Im convinced the crew has never been on ao3 cuss I’m like 95% sure I’ve read a fic with this exact concept.

It gets even worse when they start saying they know each other smells. Like they can recognize it. Even saying they got “ family smells”.

Don’t even get me stated on Rhett’s whole smell descriptions are literally straight up out of abo like. They smell like grass and the night. Rhett buddy you can’t do this to me.

The good medical more episode is even worse, they’re picking out who is Romeo and Juliet, who is Kermit and miss piggy. Burt and Ernie everyone’s favorite Sesame Street gays.Like guys please don’t do this to me. I want to be normal in the morning. Not think about abo and ships pleas.

[the-ultimate-muses]

How long has he been doing this? Struggling for Kazuichi’s attention… Ravenous for it like a starving dog with a scrap of fetid meat dangling in front of its face. Yet his fangs can’t sink into it, no matter how hard Kokichi tries. Yanking against the leash of indifference he is bound in, digging into the little leader until it rubs his neck raw as this unlearning stray continues to fight.

Playful comments to the unphased mechanic had turned to obnoxious pokes and prods. Then to malicious insults. Threats even, empty as they both know they are when still merely vocal. Kokichi hasn’t yet resorted to violence. Growing louder, more insistent, as if Kaz’s difficulty hearing is the issue and not that he’s simply ignoring Kokichi’s plight. Likely reveling in it… Or worse, completely indifferent. The thought alone is enough to terrify drive Kokichi mad. Or well, madd-er than he already is. In every sense of the word.

Uncaring about how emotional he’s become— Kokichi steadily spiraling the longer the given silence drug on —the small male desperately angrily tugs at Kazuichi’s sleeve, putting his entire body into the motion as he complains, ❝ Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! ❞ Like a child throwing a tantrum, tears start to brim as Kokichi’s cries grow shakier, ❝ Look at me! I’m here! I’m RIGHT HERE! ❞

❝ I’M HERE! I’M HERE! I’M HERE I’M HERE I’M HERE!!! ❞ Screeching as if he’s convinced himself that his voice IS going entirely unheard, shrill wails fill the air. Tears now flowing down his face, eyes shut as he shakes Kaz’s sleeve with the ferocity of a feral beast, Kokichi pleads with a raw, unfiltered fear pain. He’s with them. All he wants is to be with them. Please, don’t force him to be alone again. Screaming through broken sobbing, manic mismatched hues ( Kokichi had lost his colored contact a while ago ) gaze up at Kazuichi as if the other holds Kokichi’s very life in the palm of his hand. ❝ LOOK AT ME! PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME! ❞

He can’t stop. He can’t calm down. He can’t breathe.

Help. Someone please help.

He’s scared.

❝ PINKY, PLEASE!! ❞

- (( *UwUs and drops a Despair!Boi* ))

@not-bcring

That was the worst part of loving someone, they knew every single way to break you. It's not normally something people have to worry about, not like this, the despair that had gripped Kazuichi's mind turning him violent and unpredictable. He was the strongest out of all of them, given his way with machines. He was indispensable, and while that didn't mean he was safe from one of the others killing him, it did mean that they would give pause thanks to their loyalty to Junko. Without Kaz, none of what they'd done would be possible; the monokumas, the death machines that leveled entire cities in hours, the global climate destruction, not even the executions that put a bow on Junko's whole plan would exist without him.

Even with despair however, old habits were hard to let go, as were what had once been treasured companions, people Kazuichi had loved. If he kept them around, he could keep them safe ensure they stayed loyal to Junko. It wasn't as if Gundham and Kokichi were useful, the breeder having been a force at the beginning, but now the world was hardly fit for any creature, with him collecting every single one he came across to keep them alive for possible future use. And Kokichi? He wasn't in this for despair, he was in it for them, no matter how hard they'd tried to keep him from it. He couldn't save them, not like this, not on his own, so he'd joined them instead, no doubt for much the same reason as Kaz and Gundham: to keep each other safe.

They may have each other, but that didn't mean they found comfort in the companionship, any moments of affection coming with pain in equal measure. Gundham knew that the most out of the three, his occasional manic episodes, when all the feelings inside spiraled into a tornado, sending him into laughing fits that either ended with him exhausting himself and passing out, or by Kaz getting sick of the sound and knocking him out. He used to find comfort in that laugh, did anything to hear it. Now he just wanted it to stop. That wasn't his Gundham, not anymore. Just like he wasn't the same Kazuichi.

That's where the breeder lay now, slumped on the floor by Kaz's feet while he worked on fine tuning a monokuma doll to give it a wider range of motion. He honestly couldn't say when Kokichi had appeared, the jester always having been quiet, especially with ears like Kaz's. He'd tried to fix them, but to no avail, which only made things all the worse. It turned out to work in his favor, however, when he'd stumbled upon the purest form of torture for the jester: being ignored.

It was easy, given that he couldn't hear the pleas until Kichi had raised his voice, and even then it was nothing to yank himself free from his grip without even looking his way. Kaz had always been stronger than Gundham and Kokichi both, something that he tended to forget in his old life, but now it was his lifeline greatest weapon against them.

Kicking Gundham's limp body out of his way, Kaz once again yanked his sleeve free, this time giving Kokichi a shove towards where the breeder now lay to see if the agile jester would catch himself like he used to, or let himself fall. He was curious just what he could do to Kokichi, seeing as it hadn't been that long since he'd found them, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake only to leech onto them like a parasite. He'd come back, Kaz knew, the mechanic already bracing himself as he made his way to what served as their 'kitchen'. Though could it really be called that when the three only ate enough to keep themselves alive? There was more dust than food, even if they did need to go out on a supply run again. Maybe he should make Kokichi do it, he'd do anything to get Kaz's attention now...

[inkandpen22]

Always a Ploy

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: Y/N is often used as a ploy to catch the perpetrators and it drives Spencer crazy 

A/N: I’m always adding new one shots for Reid so if you’d like to be tagged lmk!

Masterlist

Y/N

I sway my head from side to side, playing music in my head to distract myself from the fact that I'm freezing. 'Stand and wait on the side of the house' Hotch ordered. 'I'll give you the go-ahead soon' he promised. Ten minutes later, Reid and I are still waiting for the said go-ahead. At least Reid gets to be in normal clothes for the desert at night. I'm yet again being offered up as a ploy and in Morgan's mind, a door-to-door saleswoman would wear a dress when the weather is supposed to be low sixties, the wind not included. 

"Honey, you're killing me. Are you sure you don't want my jacket?" Reid offers again for the third time in the last five minutes. 

"Yes." My breath escapes between my teeth. "I'm fine. Plus, we won't have much time once Hotch gives the signal." I shake my limbs to remain warm. 

“Wait for my command," Hotch announces into our earpieces. "We lost sight of him in the window. We suspect he’s headed to the basement.” 

I shake my head. “Screw this. I’m going in.” 

“No, you’re not!” 

“They’re children! One more minute with that monster is another minute of trauma!” I move to step around the house and toward the front door. 

Reid slips his gun back onto his belt and grabs my wrist to stop me. He yanks me back and pins me against the cool wooden panels of the house. I open my mouth to argue and he covers my mouth. He whispers frantically, “Baby, baby, listen to me. I can’t let you in there!" I wiggle in his hold. “Stop fighting me.” 

“Y/N, you may proceed," Hotch announces, giving me the go-ahead. 

Reluctantly, Reid has no choice but to let me go. His hand falls from my mouth slowly, but he keeps me pinned and stares into my eyes warningly. “Don’t do anything reckless!" 

I smirk and slip out from under him. “You should know me better than assume I’d listen.” 

“Y/N, I’m serious!” He whispers, aggravated. 

“So am I." I send him a wink as I step out from beside the house. 

The lights from the living room pour out of the window onto the dry dirt yard. I take a minute a toss my hair to one side and yank the dress down to reveal more of my chest. 

Spencer

I watch from the shadows as Y/N adjusts herself to speak with the suspect. I hate it when she does this. I understand that Hotchner and everyone agrees that it works, but their opinions don't make any less uncomfortable. My own girlfriend is being used as a ploy, expected to flont herself to earn the trust of serial killers or rapists. 

Morgan appears beside me and squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t get hostile, Boy Genius.” 

“She’s doing it on purpose,” I grumble, gesturing to Y/N. 

“I know, I know.” He sighs. "But she's just doing her job. It's all pretending to her too," he assures me. "She's into you, man." 

Y/N

I ring the doorbell and rock on my heels, making the panels of the porch creak. Suddenly, the door swings open to reveal a worn-down middle-aged man in dirty overalls. 

“I don’t want to join any religion," he grumbles. He goes to slam the door shut, but I block it with my hand. 

“Neither do I,” I voice softly with a smirk. I step forward to stand on the threshold. “But maybe you’d like to sit down and talk about your finances? Have you been keeping track of where you’ve been putting your... assets?” I scan the man up and down with my eyes until I meet his gaze. 

Spencer

As we listen to Y/N flirt with the suspect, Morgan chuckles quietly next to me. 

I elbow him in the stomach. “It’s not funny.” 

“She sounds like Jessica Rabbit,” he jokes, only irritating me more. 

There's creaking on the porch, followed by the front door squeaking shut. He's let her in. 

Y/N

The place is an utter wreck. There have to be at least a dozen cats, hundreds of old newspapers scattered everyone, and it smells of feces. I sit down on the worn and ripped plaid couch next to the old man. I wear my best smile, though inside I'm screaming. 

“Now, let’s begin. What bank do you currently use?” I ask, gripping my fake leather finance binder. 

The man shifts closer to me. “Chase.” 

I note now that he's missing at least five teeth. I nod. “They are great to their members, but we something broader... larger in size," I chose my words intentionally. 

Abruptly, there's a high-pitch scream from within the house, making both of us freeze. 

“What was that?” I ask, searching the surrounding area. 

“My daughter is upstairs playing!" He rushes out and scoots closer to me. Boldly, he places his hand on my bare knee. "What was that you said about size?” He grins and begins to glide his hand up slowly. 

I swallow hard, my eyes on his hand. I try to ease it off. “Sir, please-“ 

He lifts his hand off my knee and brings it to my shoulder. He tries to urge me to lay down. “Come on, sugar. I’ll pay you for your time. Your supervisor won’t have to know.” 

I reach underneath my dress and whip out my gun, pointing it directly between his eyes. “FBI, down on the ground!” 

His eyes grow wide and his jaw nearly hits the floor. “What!” 

The S.W.A.T. team barges into the house, all yelling over each other. They march deeper into the house and into the basement where we know the children are. Hotchner appears in the foyer with Reid and Morgan. Soon, Prentiss and JJ are close behind. 

Reid yanks the man off of me and tosses him onto the ground on his knees. He handcuffs him and pulls him to his feet. “No means no, asshole!” 

“She was asking for it," the suspect huffs as he's dragged off toward the foyer. 

Reid laughs mockingly. “Doubtful consider she just has to go to me for that." 

Morgan kneels in front of me. “You okay?” 

I nod weakly. “After every time I just feel gross.” I shake out my arms with a shiver. 

“He’s a disgusting man. I’m sorry he touched you.” 

“Part of the job.” I shrug. “At least I know how to defend myself. There are so many women who don't." 

Morgan nods. "Maybe you can take your experiences and help those women." 

Now there's an idea. 

__________________________________________________

I lean against the car with JJ and Prentiss as the S.W.A.T. team and members of C.P.S carry the little girls out of the basement and into ambulances. It's a bittersweet sight. Morgan and Reid step out of the house once the last child is removed. Morgan pats Reid on the back with a chuckle as they approach us. 

As soon as they reach us, Reid takes my hand and leads me to a tree a few feet away from the car. When we have some privacy, he starts to apologize. “Look, I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have grabbed you and covered your mouth. I didn’t know-“ 

I cut him off, reaching up and bringing my lips to meet his with a quick peck. His hands rest on my waist and I break from him. 

He blinks rapidly, taken aback. “I thought you’d be mad.” 

“Oh I was pissed in the moment. Now, it’s just hot," I grin, wrapping my arms around his waist. 

He smirks. “Noted.” 

“I didn’t know you could move so quickly, Reid,” I giggle. “And what you said to the perpetrator when you arrested him!” 

He chuckles, “yeah I may have been a little heated in the moment. In my defense, he did touch you! Okay, that was not a part of the plan!” 

“I appreciate the protectiveness,” I assure him with a laugh. 

He glances down at the small space between us and the smile on his lips fades slowly. 

I can tell there's something on his mind. 

“About your performance...” He mumbles. 

“Didn’t like it?” I ask, knowing how he hates it when I have to be a ploy. 

He nods frantically. “Yeah, never again," he orders. 

“Deal.” I nod, giving his lips a quick peck again. 

He smiles into the kiss. “Well, never again for anyone else," he adds against my lips, making me grin. He breaks from me to ask, "Do you think maybe tonight you and I could talk about my assets?” 

I swat him on the arm. “Reid!” 

He chuckles, "you're right. We'll talk about this when we get home." 

I roll my eyes and they land on our teammates by the car as they watch us go back and forth, smiling brightly. 

_____________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @mrsobrien888​ @hufflepufftruffle @gillybear17 @thatsonezesty13 @smol-flowerkiddo @reesespieces10123 @madds-m @az3r0o @wafflebacon23 @spencerreid-mgg @alfonsais @justlivinginadaydream @kaitlynpcallmebeepme @farah3012 @doveygirlkay-blog @dreatine  @imhappybutimalsosad @parahmur  @tremendousdinosaurhideout  @destiny-dream67  @ashwarren32  @yeahjustcallmer-n @bluehydrangea-cherry​ @izzysecrets

[daphnedauphinoise]

Apologies if you’ve already answered something like this, but do you have any documentaries you recommend? I’m looking into getting into non true crime documentaries but it’s hard to know where to start because of the amount. Thank you!

All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace

There is one thing and perhaps the only thing that knows you and by that far better than anyone and anything: Computers. But how good are they and how exactly have they affected on lives? Adam Curtis, the film-maker of this documentary, agrees with the notion that computers have ‘distorted and simplified view of the world around us’. In his docu-series he explores how we are longer able to articulate clearly for ourselves as we have come to see everything around us through the eyes of a computer. 

Watch on Amazon Prime 

The Act of Killing 

 The Indonesian Mass Killing of 1965-66 saw the undocumented death of 500 000 to < 1 million people. The communist party members (PKI), communist sympathisers and Gerwani women were the target for this mass killing and civil unrest. The Act of Killing expose the censirhip of events that took place where many people lost their lives and how the killers of millions are celebrated today in modern day Indonesia. 

Watch on Amazon Prime

Human Flow 

Humans have always migrated for one reason or another but the mass abnormal rates of migrations we have seen in the last decaded due famine and war has not been normal. The iconic and infamous artist Ai Wei Wei takes us to explore the refugee crisis spanning 23 countries and the personal impact of the loss of what people used to call home.

Watch on Amazon Prime 

Five Came Back

During World War 2, five big directors of the time: John Ford, William Wyler, John Huston, Frank Capra, and George Stevens were enlisted to film the horrors of the War as an act of preservation. In Five Came Back, five other modern directors analyse films that were recorded by the aforementioned director giving us a new look into the happenings of WW2. 

Watch on Netflix

Our Planet

This needs no introduction. Flimed over 4 years, David Attenbourgh takes us all over the world and narrates to us the beauty of our planet and the destruction is facing through climate change. Like always, it is beautiful and leaves you with a renewed purpose to stop drinking from plastic straws. It is so easy to watch and something you can put on at anytime. 

Watch on Netflix

Struggle: The Life and Lost Art of Szukalski

Poland has given the world many brillaint minds and artist. However many of their names won’t be as celebrated as they deserve to. Stainslaw Szukalski, the mad genius, is one of them. This documentary takes us through his life as one of the most brilliant (self-made as well)  sculptor that has lived, the loss of his life’s work during Nazi raids, his love for his country and the maddness that is art. 

Watch on Netlfix 

Three Identical Strangers 

Imagine going to a new school one day and out of nowhere people start calling you a different because they thought you  were someone else which leaves you confused until you see the person whose name they are calling you and you are struck because you look identical, this is all bizzare happenstance but out of nowhere you and your doppleganer discover a third you.

Watch on Netflix 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Leah and Duality Pairings - Part 1

***Okay, Everyone. I’ve been super busy this week and haven’t had time to write anything up that I didn’t prepare beforehand. I’m seeing that people are super worried about the fact that Leah was shot in the same place as Beth. They fear that means Beth is dead as well. As I said, I haven’t had a chance to address this. This short answer is, no, that’s not what that means. I’ll talk about why in a couple of days. For now, while this doesn’t address the physical, this discussion will probably help you understand, symbolically and thematically, what they were trying to accomplish with Leah. If you’re worried, I think this will probably make you feel better. 

I apologize as well. I didn’t realize that edit would freak everyone out so much. I’ll post part 2 tomorrow (more insights from my fellow theorists on this same subject) and then I’ll talk about the head wound more after that.***

I said before that I’d talk more about why they might have done things the way they did with Leah and what it might mean. This is just a discussion between me and my peeps where we make some observations and bat some ideas around.

@galadrieljones:

This makes me feel like we just saw some sort of anti-Coda. It makes me wonder why. Like with a lot of things related to Leah, I don’t understand why they’re replaying Beth and Daryl and Coda from this inverted mirror image POV. Like, is it merely meant to call Coda to mind or is it something more complicated, sort of like the yin and yang thing, balancing the scales of good and evil? They could do this in any way they like. Why they choose to focus it around Beth and Daryl is still unclear.

I was just thinking about the cabin and the sort of "mysterious cabin in the woods" trope in fiction, and how these cabins are often associated with portals and metaphysical phenomenon. In "Here's Negan," Negan goes to the cabin and sees his old self, a literal mirror image that talks back to him and forces him to reckon with his past.

Here, we have Daryl reckoning with a mirror image of Beth, and therefore his past, but in his case the mirror image is actually not just a hallucination like we originally thought, or like Negan saw. She's real. That's the part that still confuses me, but I'll leave it at that for now.

The cabin clearly seems to be a vessel to the past, or a mirror held up to the past, in some ways, but the reflection is twisted. Maggie also seems to be looking into a mirror in the end of 11.16, in the cabin, as there's a clear thematic symmetry meant to be established between her and Leah--like there are two ways that character could go: Leah lost her son and has become a feral psychopath. Maggie's son is alive, and while she's been dealing with some things, essentially, she's still on the side of good.

This is an ongoing theme in TWD, ie Dwight/Daryl, Glenn/Nicholas, Rick/Negan. There's also AU Michonne in "What We Become." It's just now being manifested in this cabin. But like I said, this would all make more consistent sense if Leah had been just a hallucination. But she's real?

So, it's like the "alternate universe" theory, which previously has only existed in hallucinations and thematic character pairings has come to life. I don't get it. Because the logic of the show can't really sustain a true Beth doppelganger without an explanation. This is where it must be true that Leah's appearance is a product of Daryl's perception.

Here's how I'm looking at it, and it's going to be confusing because I'm still working this out in my head:

Leah is clearly a device made to engineer an inverted 4b to "Coda." There's a lot of evidence for that here. Looking back a bit, in season 11, we see Daryl come out of his shell and retake his identity, not unlike he does in 4b, and he starts to feel and show emotions again, after a decade-long battle with depression that seemed to culminate in a literal psychotic break after Rick's death.

It's a dramatic, protracted retelling of "Still," in which Daryl is shut down and maddeningly silent, and Beth must bring him out of his shell by provoking his anger. Only then can he break down and admit his guilt, cry, and move forward. In both iterations, Daryl's "awakening" coincides with his relationship with a woman. In both iterations, she has a blond ponytail and certain similar features and traits. Bu in the new version, the replay, she's not an angel come to save his soul. She’s a demon. She's like a succubus, sucking his soul out and trying to bring him down with her.

Leah becomes a composite of all the sad things that have happened since Beth's death and also the evil and violence he himself has committed. They are all being conflated with Beth as causes of his misery.

These things all mix up and imprint on Leah, which is ofc conveniently the name of a Biblical figure, literally an imposter, a stand in for Jacob's beloved in Genesis. When Daryl kills her, he's finally "putting it away," to quote Beth, so that he can move on with his life.

In this sense, the only real way to grapple with Leah’s changing appearance is to pin it on Daryl’s perception. This has basically already been said, but it's possible that we don't know and never really saw the real Leah. We've only seen the way Daryl's psyche imprints on her at various stages of his development in season 10c and 11. Or maybe the Find Me Leah is the real Leah after all, ie: red hair. There is no evidence that could refute this so far, ie: nobody ever comments on Leah’s hair in-show. So either it’s something only WE see or something that only Daryl sees (and therefore us by extension of him being the main protagonist and the character upon with Leah’s existence hinges).

I hope this makes any sense at all. From the TD perspective, which has a lot of interest in the Hero’s Journey, one could argue that Daryl needed to get rid of this parasite living inside of him in order to transcend, achieve apotheosis, and become a man worthy of his Ultimate Boon, which we know is love. In terms of character development, Daryl is now fully formed and heroic and even breaking free from the surface-level comforts of the Commonwealth. This would pave the way toward Beth’s return, if only because Daryl has finally earned his reward.

You could even argue that by killing "Beth" in the inverted-"Coda," Daryl is replaying his internalized guilt over her death. He couldn't find her in time to save her, and he has blamed himself this entire time for her death, a very deep guilt that was clearly probed by Rick's death as well. As far as he's concerned, he might as well have killed her himself. However, in killing Leah, Daryl doesn't have to feel guilt. Because Leah was trying to kill Maggie, Beth's sister, and the only vestige of Beth's legacy that remains. So, in some sense, he is saving Beth by killing Leah, inverting his trauma over not having been able to save Beth ten years ago.

@wdway​:

@Galadriel I really love all of what you wrote above. What you are saying also helps emphasize that in FM we are seeing Daryl taking bit and pieces of several women in his past. Lori, Andrea, Michonne and Carol. I feel there is a lot of dark Carol in Leah but then by far Daryl and Carol has had the longest relationship and I do feel he has connected a lot of his abandonment issues with Carol.

It was after Carol came to tell him she would not be visiting him as must because she needed to spend more time with Ezekiel and Henry, it was after that conversation that Daryl went back to the cabin and left the note. The conflict that Daryl and Carol were having in the present time over her need of revenge played a big part on how he viewed his and Leah's past. I'm thinking of how his last memory of Leah had been of her leaving him while wearing the color green. Two of the most important women in his life leaving him Beth Greene and Carol leaving to live her own life. I believe that e16 will be as many other episodes are in revealing new things each time we watch it.

@galadrieljones​:

Yes, you're very good at reading how Daryl's present tense interactions with Carol color his past tense interactions with Leah, and then extrapolating on how that applies to the other women from Daryl's life, like Beth, Lori, and Michonne.

I really hope we're close by now in terms of our interpretation of Leah as being like partial hallucination or more just like a muddled perception of a woman. She's real, but she's also this person on which Daryl is projecting years of abandonment issues, hurt, and guilt.

Another hint that Daryl is talking to some sort of projection or idea he has in his head, and not Leah specifically. Possibly Leah felt this ambivalence, too, and that's part of why she left him. In the montage of flashbacks that seem to encompass their relationship, we do see a shot of Daryl leaving Leah, presumably to go continue his search for Rick. Ofc we know he's searching for more than just Rick.

@twdmusicboxmystery has that interesting post, too, drawing parallels between Leah and Daryl in their feral states.

@wdway:

Something else I cannot believe we have not talked about is the use of Dutch angles in the cabin scene.

@galadrieljones:

The Dutch angles, yes. So interesting, as they truly do echo Coda. I think they’re traditionally meant to communicate disorientation and psychological confusion. We are in Maggie’s POV in this scene, as we wake up with her. We were in Rick’s POV in Coda. Coda was admittedly much stranger in its cinematography. It screwed with POV and angled shots in much bigger ways that left it feeling very confusing and disorienting to the point where we can’t even believe what we’re seeing to be a true depiction of reality.

This scene with Leah feels perhaps dreamier than normal, but nowhere near as unclear and bizarre as Coda. It seems like what happens in that cabin is irrefutable. The Dutch angles just ramp up the psychological tension with the face-off and remind us that this cabin is anomalous. We are in some sort of liminal space here. Maybe the Dutch angles are a part of communicating that discomfort, as well as the deranged situation at hand.

@wdway:

My question is do you guys think tptb wanted to mislead the viewers?

@galadrieljones:

I'm trying to think what the reasoning would be for trying to mislead the audience. Unless, sort of like you said, they want the truth to be reserved for only those who are looking very close. I will admit I thought she had been shot in the back of the head at first. I should go back and rewatch the scene. I'm not sure why I thought so. Perhaps it's something to do with the camera angles, and also the fact that Leah falls forward onto Maggie. That sort of fools you into thinking she was shot in the back of the head and the impact shoved her forward. But that's not really how gunshots work, at least not based on the extremely high amount of people and walkers we've seen shot in the head in this show.

Thinking back to Beth, one really weird thing I always thought about was how certain they are to show us the exit wound. You'd think that would be a bad thing; however, gunshot wounds are much more survivable when they exit. A bullet stuck in a person's skull is going to make the odds of survival go way down.

Also, I know I read something about like, how brain matter and bone and all that, it really puts a damper on the bullet. So I wondered if perhaps the fact that it exited the back of her head meant it did not go through her brain at all? Or just grazed her brain. It's a very morbid discussion, but it just seems like it could be important. Idk.

@twdmusicboxmystery​:

Hey ladies! 

I didn't realize Daryl was in front of Leah when he shot her, either. Once you said that, I could tell from the pictures that you are right. And I went back yesterday and re-watched the episode so I could see it for myself in action.

I don't have a whole lot more to say than what's already been said here. Very clearly, this is a replay of Grady and it's very significant that she was shot in the same place Beth was, that she fell in the same position Beth did. Not that any of you need it, but I think we could make yet another argument for Beth’s survival in the fact that we actually see Leah’s face and entire body after she dies. If Leah is the anti-Beth, and they showed us that, and she's clearly dead, the fact that they didn't show us that with Beth shows that she survived.

I do think it's significant that Daryl is the one that shot her, and also that he shot Hornsby and left a scar like Beth’s on his cheek. I think in many ways, both Hornsby and Leah represent the anti-Beth. With Hornsby, it's more elusive, but I think we’ll end up finding anti-parallels to him and Beth. Which would be terribly shocking, given that he's a villain.

But I wanted to especially address what you are saying, Galadriel, about why they're doing this duality thing with Beth and Leah and how it's confusing because Leah is real, rather than hallucination.

What I'm going to say doesn't at all disagree with what you've already said. And I'm not sure it will be very groundbreaking. Reading your words just put me in mind of other times that they've done this.

Over the last year or so, I've been harping a lot on the duality theory. I suppose I never really thought about how they use it; how it actually shows up in the show. Because of course we see hallucinations that are mirror images of them. As you mentioned, we saw Negan seeing himself in his old villainous ways. We saw the AU Michonne. Another one is Carol seeing Alpha. We liked to compare Alpha to Beth, but in the show, she was much more of a mirror image to Carol. And Carol saw the hallucination of her after she was already dead.

But the thing is, we've actually seen a lot of these duality pairings that are alive and real in the show. You mentioned a few such as Rick/Negan and Glenn/Nicholas. But there are even more that you may not be aware of because they're very subtle. Even I didn't pick up on them until I rewatched like 16 times (exaggeration). But thinking about these other instances helped bring it together for me. What they actually do with the duality pairings, I mean.

So, the showrunners and even Chris Hardwick like to talk about how there are a lot of instances where if the good people in the show had been in different situations, things would've been very different. They definitely showed this in a very literal way with the AU Michonne. If she'd run into the saviors rather than Rick's group, her life might've been very different. I think them showing this is very much a part of the duality theory.

They like to explore the dark side, the dark or shadow side of the character. It's kind of a, "but for the grace of God go I" kind of theme. And I'm not a huge fan of that angle. I'd rather them say they might have chosen differently because the characters always have a choice and they do emphasize that in the show as well. But I think what they do with these duality pairings is they try to show that if their choices had been different, the character might have ended up like these evil or weaker characters.

So, for example, if Glenn had been more cowardly or hadn't made as many good decisions, or met strong people like Rick and Daryl, he might have turned into Nicholas. And I think what they always do in the show is put these pairings together and show us the contrast between the characters and then eventually, the weak or evil character is killed off. Often at the hands of our heroic character. Now, Glenn didn't actually kill Nicholas, but we did see him die in a scene with Glenn, and his death nearly got Glenn killed.

I agree that Rick and Negan were duality pair, and by sparring Negan at the end of AOW, Rick proved once and for all that he was not Negan. He was the light side rather than the dark. If it hadn't been for them wanting to do a redemption arc for Negan, I'm sure he would have died.

But let me tell you about the examples that I was talking about earlier. A couple of years ago when I went back and watched rewatched S4, I picked up on some duality pairings. They’re very subtle I’d never noticed before that.

Another duality pairing that they did with Rick was clearly the Governor. Both were strong leaders who wanted to be in charge. Both lead large groups of people. Both could be somewhat dictatorial at times. And both wanted the prison. It took a long time, but in the end, the Gov was killed, and Rick survived. In that case, Rick didn't kill him either. He came close, and definitely wounded him, but someone else finished him off.

But watching 4x06-4x08, I realized we saw another major duality pairing with Daryl. It was Mitch. I don't know if you remember him, but he was the guy who operated the tank and became the Governor's right-hand man. He had a brother whose name was pete. These two, if you watch closely, are mirror opposites of Daryl and Merle. Even to the point where the one who represents Daryl (Mitch) is more antagonistic brother, and the one who represents Merle (Pete) is the sweeter brother.

One of the major ways you can tell Mitch is a mirror for Daryl is the fact that he didn’t have sleeves. And back in S4, Daryl never had sleeves. I always have to chuckle at that. The writers are having all kinds of fun. But the real way you can tell is that Daryl is the one that kills him. The two of them come face-to-face after Daryl blows up the tank and Daryl shoots him in the heart.

This is what I mean about what they always do with the duality pairings. It's like Daryl is killing the weaker or more evil version of himself so that he can grow and move on and become a more transcendent character.

I would submit that anytime one half of a duality pairing dies, it’s a major crossroads or pivot point for the character. And lookee here: as soon as he killed Mitch, he left with Beth and Bethyl started to happen. Like, literally as he’s killing his evil half, Beth is running up behind him. Super cool.

But as you said, they don't always have to be hallucinations. Some of the characters they do with this with are real. And this is all thematic, rather than literal in the show.

Overall, this is what I think they are doing with Leah. I hoped that she and Beth would meet, and clearly that's not going to be the case. But the thing is, even though she definitely is an antiparallel to Beth, I don't think that her role in the story is for Beth, if that makes sense. It's really more about Daryl and Maggie.

So, think what you said above is all true. In many ways because of Daryl's guilt of what happened at Grady, he had to kill the anti-Beth and finally laid to past rest. This is the only way he could move on. (You have to let it go, or it kills you; it’s like he’s finally doing what Beth told him to do, and I think he had to reach this point before he was ready, emotionally, for her to return.)

Leah, in many ways, was also a mirror to Daryl. You mentioned above the post I did where I was comparing Daryl and Leah being feral and out in the woods. We've all talked about this, and you touched on it above as well. We all know that one of Daryl's weaknesses is that he turns inward too much when things become emotionally difficult. He has a propensity towards self-destruction and self-isolation.

Leah was a literal representation of him staying alone in the woods. When he was with her, he was away from his family. So, him walking away from that relationship was also walking away from solitude and walking back toward his family. This is why it was so important that he always choose to search for Rick above staying with her. Because she represented a feral, non-civilized, nonsocial sort of life. Even though on the surface is not terribly healthy for him to be looking for a dead body for years and years, it represented that he had not given up on his family. That he hadn't given up on himself as being part of the world and part of a community.

When she gave him the ultimatum, she was symbolically demanding that he give into his animalistic or feral side, rather than going back to civilization and his family. He refused. And that is the only reason that he was able to move forward. If he’d stayed with her, he would have become more feral, more evil, or just died alone in the woods.

We can also see this in what AK and Norman have both said about him seeing Leah again in 11x04. It's one of those things where, when he was with her, he was so in the thick of his own depression, in his own cloudy mindset, that he wasn't really seeing the forest for the trees. Kind of like someone who’s in an abusive relationship and really can’t see how unhealthy it is, because they’re too close to it. 

But when he saw Leah again, years had passed, and he was part of the community and TF again, so his mind had cleared. He immediately saw things with massive clarity and knew that she was not who she had portrayed herself to be. On a more symbolic level, at that point he was able to see, in hindsight, what an unhealthy place he had been in before and that her feral, nomadic lifestyle was definitely not what he wanted for himself.

I'm sure I could ramble for hours about this. It would be interesting to analyze every single duality pairing based on it. (For the record, Michele who sat across from Maggie in 6x13 in a parallel scene to her and Leah, was a duality pairing for her. Michele talked about how she’d gotten pregnant by a man she didn’t really love or even particularly like, but lost the baby. By contrast, Glenn and Maggie had a very loving and healthy relationship, and she obviously didn’t lose her baby. Paula was also a duality pairing for Carol. Both died by the end of the episode.)

But the point is, Leah did represent Daryl needing to put certain things from the past, having to do with Beth, behind him. It also represented him once and for all, not wanting to be the feral loner anymore, and killing that side of him. He’s chosen his family and will fight for them and that's exactly what he needs to be in order to finally get Beth back and sustain a really healthy relationship with her.

And even from a romantic standpoint, he had to symbolically kill the non-healthy relationship so that he could then go on to the healthy one.

Meanwhile, after the episode right before Leah dies, Emily appears on TTD.  👀

I wholeheartedly believe that all the clues we got in this episode—the clock, the music, the child's invention, flipping the coin and someone calling tales (coda)—shows that were heading into the coda where Beth will be revealed.

Daryl said there's a rumor that Charleston might be willing to trade for weapons. If that's true, and TF is trying to get their communities back, I'm thinking they might go to Charleston to try and find allies and weapons. And maybe that is how Beth will finally be revealed. Here's hoping!

For your question yesterday, @wdway, about if they’re trying to trick the audience, I’d say yes. It’s just too weird, and obvious that they didn’t make it super obvious, to say no. I don’t have any great insights on why, other than to mirror it with Grady. I asked myself why they’d done that at Grady, because it’s probably the same or exactly opposite. At Grady, it was to show, as Galadriel said, psychological turmoil and that something bad would happen. And also to trick the audience about Beth’s death. While psychological turmoil could apply here, at least prior to Leah’s death, they really don’t try to trick us. They show us very obviously that she’s dead and Daryl killed her. So, all I can think of is just to parallel it even further with Coda, or else perhaps so it’s not too obvious a Beth parallel and people aren’t putting it together.

But honestly, the only ones it would be obvious to anyway are TD. So… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@wdway:

Talking about Lance having some overtones of Beth. In reading above I realized that Lance may represents Dawn. My mind is spinning with so many ways that it could be true. When you mentioned the wound that Daryl gave him it made me think of Dawn giving Beth the wound above her right eye. I could spent a lot of time comparing Hornsby and Dawn. Wait, wasn't Dawn's last name something very similar to Lance? I want to say Lassiter but I don't think that's quite right but something along that line.

@twdmusicboxmystery​:

It’s Dawn Lerner, btw, which does sound somewhat similar to Lance. I think @wdway​ might be onto something here. We’ll have to examine this tie more closely.

I’ll stop there. I think you get the gist of the discussion. Even though it’s a ways away, I can’t wait to see what 11c brings us!