#low pain week
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L…low pain… week!?
how can this be!
#Rheumatoid#Painblogging#Domestic Blifs#Low Pain Day#low pain week#can it be#can these new meds be actually working!?
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thought too hard; crashed
if you noticed the lack of miserable pokemon lately; I've recently experienced the wonders of ibuprofen
#pokemon#whirlipede#I love this thing#low quality memeing#I dont a drawing tag#<- had never taken pain relievers before in my 20+ years until a few months ago#anyway exploded my brain this week overthinking stuffs#I do want to draw more crumpled pokemon just casually tho. Not just when I'm in migraine city
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#as im aware i hav terrible med compliance w my ssri#im trying to go cold turkey to document if it DOES in fact help and i do in fact feel worse . then go back on for several weeks and see if#feel an improvement#but i forgot; im the worlds most unreliable narrator with the worlds worst memory so i rlly gotta start writing things dowb#so starting TODAY i will document my average mood and daily high daily low on a 10 point scale#and then ill make a beautiful graph#i think ill use the emotional pain scale weve all seen before if i cant find one that works better for my symptoms which is primarily#asd overload and frustration#if anyone has any ideas on how i can document better or what not pls let me know
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#this week has been so stressful im ready to lie down in a casket for a little cat nap or something#pov you are me and you go somewhere and get stared down by an old man for an hour and then he wants to give you crystals#i think i neary combusted from stress. but instead it just made me sick with a low fever and bone pain#you know how it is with stress induced illnesses haha#sometimesanequine#equineart#equine art#horseart#horse art#this thing has interesting porportions dont mind it#also sometimes the shoulder mismarks pop up in duns! they're fascinating#i love novel somatic mutations
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am i the only person who tends to think of pain in pitch?
as in, pain can be “high pitch” or “low pitch” — if its sharp, like a paper cut or heartburn or aching, its high pitch; if its like a stubbed toe or sore muscles or a headache, its low pitch
high pitch pain is when you hiss, low pitch pain is when you groan, etc etc
i dont know if this makes sense to anyone else?????
(because everytime im writing fanfiction i have to hold myself back from describing it that way — and im not even sure i could fully, effectively communicate that w/o breaking immersion — but me saying “sharp pain” has become. a problem. probably. i really need alternatives)
#and i for some reason associate high pitch pain with light colors and low pitch pain with dark colors#its not exactly word for word like that but its the best way i can think of right now to put it#yes this was sparked by my shepnax fic#yes ive been writing it for a week and am one paragraph into chapter 2#god what i would give to not stare at my screen for 10 minutes straight with a fully blank mind and actually. you know. write#it is what it is#if anyone has any alternatives…please let me know bc google hasn’t been very helpful (but I haven’t looked very hard since im curious if#other people think like this too)#GOD I JUST REMEMBERED I STILL HAVE HALF THE PROMISED DRAWINGS TO DO#SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT#UHM#MY BAD YALL???#ill try to crank em out tomorrow#whoops#jade rambles#-> really living up to this tag right now huh#not art#writing
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Kaitlyn’s makeover: hydrogen bomb
Every other makeover: coughing baby
#SERIOUSLY#KAITLYN GOT THE BEST MAKEOVER#LOOK AT THAT HAIR!!!!!!#I may not like Kaitlyn but she ATE with this makeover#I honestly low key want it irl#ugh but undercuts are such a pain in the ass#I had to shave my head every damn week because my hair grew in so fast#kaitlyn liao#choices stories you play#playchoices#choices stories we play#pixelberry#pixelberry studios#playchoices fandom#choices stories you play fandom#choices stories we play fandom
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Can someone rip out all my muscles and put them back in properly
#good news is ive been low pain for like a solid 2 weeks!#bad news is muscle tension and weakness is fucking absurd rn#im trying fucking everything to get my muscles to relax but nothing is fucking workinggggg#lineko.txt
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local man discovers every single one of his hobbies requires the use of his currently injured wrist—tragedy unfolds in real time
#i've been icing and heating and resting it soooo much but it's still just as painful as it was two weeks ago#if not more sometimes#maybe i ought to invest in a splint . . . . . and start taking pain killers for real . . . . . . .#it is making me go the slightest bit stir crazy though when i spend like upwards of 12-14 hours doing work prep over the weekend#and then can't even destress by doing something fun without constantly being low to moderate pain#terrible............. horrible and terrible for real..............................
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Me? Have SEX? no thanks, my back is permanently blown out from life fucking me over repeatedly
#nothing happened guys dont worry#i'm just collectively remembering every “damn how tf did i survive that?” moment#also my chronic low back pain is really killing me this week#and i rolled my ankle on saturday and the pain is only getting worse#but I'm in good spirits and that's all that matters#happy pride 🌈
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stayed up late to play splatoon with my little sister who's on a horrible sleeping schedule rn and when I went to lay down in bed my joint pain and finger mobility suddenly felt so weird I couldn't control my hand (real) and I had a panic attack instantly thinking I wss having a stroke (not real) 😑 90% of the panic attacks I've had this year happened like as soon as I laid down to go to sleep. don't even know how to prevent it other then literally don't stop sleeping and napping in case you accidentally go over 12 hours of being awake and start to decline mentally. lying on back is the worst for anxiety even on a good day I can't stay like that without getting anxious for no reason and lying on my stomach is my preferred position but I can feel my heartbeat too much like that T_T and side isn't good either because I always have to switch and then I get scared.. not to mention how one side is going to feel uneven and make me think it's finally happening...
#the worst is that i know something is genuinely wrong and it makes everything im worried about more likely#when i worked as a dishwasher/general cleaning whatever i would walk for like 8 hours per shift 3 times a week#but every night i would come home feverish and it would last until days later when i was supposed to be in class#snd it didnt end for months even when i got used to it i kept getting so cold and feverish and constantly in pain and asleep i missed class#and a specific type of pain always comes with the fevers whuch is low back pain which when i first got it i was 18#and it made me collapse suddenly while walking down the stairs out of nowhere#thats when my hands started getting tremors and started having issues moving fingers right they lock and dont listen#and now im realizing the shape of my hands is so different now my fingers are so crooked and one finger has an obvious nodule on the joint#i thought it would get better because i thought antipsychotics caused my hand issues#but it just keeps getting worse and if it's like this now what will ot be like when im older#i know im b12 deficient i was hoping i couls solve that and not be in pain and tired but i think that's just a resultand not the cause#im in pain now too my body just hurts it was gone for a while but lately it's one of the worst and i didnt even do anything this time
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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Well, I started last week getting my prescription pain meds switched to morphine pills for mysterious reasons that were never explained to me, spent the next four days getting progressively worse side effects and almost zero actual pain relief, and thankfully managed to get my doctor to change my meds back by apparently looking like death warmed over just in time to have the roots of my wisdom teeth that they accidentally left in when I had the rest of my teeth pulled while at most 50% numbed up at an appointment I was not aware would have any actual work done
#some real medical highs and lows this week#upsides: I am back to the pain killers that don’t turn me into an extremely nauseous zombie but DO treat my pain#and also I now officially definitely for sure have all my teeth out#and Disability is now reviewing my case to see if I have to wait another three months to get dentures or what#but for real. I would not recommend getting wisdom tooth roots pulled while only about half numbed up#they gave me a triple dose right off the bat even#the resident also did some of it and she clearly had not preformed root removal procedures much if ever before#Serpa liveblogs her life#the Saga of the Full Mouth Extraction#dental cw#medical cw
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And so it ends…
I tried to watch this drama many times in the past but was always put off by the length, the tragedy, and the really bad pacing of the early eps.
But if you can look past these things…
I think there are very few dramas like this one in the world
#ruyi's royal love in the palace#legend of ruyi#overall I still like Zhen Huan more I think#Ruyi has its highs and lows but towards the end it’s just one long painful negative spiral#and I think by the very end I don’t even have it in me to hate the emperor anymore#I remember really struggling to get into this show#but then settled into a slow comfortable pace of about 1 ep a day#sometimes skipping days#and then just obsessively bingeing the last 30ish episodes#there were some stresses and fandom dramas over the past few weeks#so this show became a comfort and place to escape to#(even though it was also stressful)#it was good. I enjoyed it#it’s a very different type of drama from yanxi palace#but they’re both worth watching#very curious about huan zhe ge ge drama now though!
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my mom said she might put me in therapy /derogatory
#/neg#:<#I want therapy but not like this#so what if I’m low empathy..#You could at least call me that instead of calling me psychotic for not idk… crying about my nephew breaking his finger#:( sigh#I expressed my concern hours /before/ he got the diagnosis#So what if it’s old news to me 4 hours later?#I did something to my elbow when I was 10 and nobody took me to the hospital because ‘I was fine’ as everyone told me#so what if I couldn’t move it for a week?#so what if sleeping was painful?#so what if I couldn’t do my chores or reach up and grab a water glass?#I already had two concussions so I /obviously/ can’t get any other injuries anymore#I’m immune now!!!#/sarc obviously#Sorry for ranting#it didn’t upset me before#looking back rn it just feel like my mom has always put my injuries on hold#I fall off my bike? So what! She’s broken her toe ANd her elbow! I can suck it up#I scrape my knees really really badly on the sidewalk and can’t extend my legs without immense pain for 5 days? I can suck it up!#now pain isn’t painful to me#no matter how much it hurts#<- if that makes sense
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couldn't fall asleep bc of sudden flare of joint pain/ having a big sad moment. took naproxen half asleep. forgot i haven't eaten in a bit bc bed time. it burns. it burns. it burns. it burns. now i def can't sleep. okay. drank some water. helped marginally. gotta wait it out ig.
#emotions are whack rn#i've been low/pain free for a week#and was like... maybe i was just makign this all up and i was just burnt out#but no. my bones. they ache. and forecast says days of storms in the next day or so.#so yeah i'm probably looking at a week of hurt again#lineko.txt
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well 😔 after literally 3+ years of masking and double masking with N95s and KN95s and social distancing and not going anywhere where i can't be assured i won't be in close proximity to someone with COVID ya boy got COVID , , , ,
#my lungs feel like absolute shit man ; ;#it's like a footballer rammed straight into my back and stood on top of my crumpled body for good measure ; ;#all because my brother still hangs out at movies and restaurants with his friends . . . . . . . .#and stupidly i was so excited to see him back after a month of being away#so we sat and watched a movie together on tuesday#and then wednesday he was like 'oh shit turns out i have covid sorry'#ogughgh . . . . . .#apparently he was feeling bad even on tuesday but he has such a history with head colds that COVID didn't even show up on our radar . . . .#i'm paying for it now though hhh ; ;#hindsight 20/20 and all that#can't stop coughing and i'm running a low grade fever#but most of all JESUS my chest hurts so much ; ; ; ; ;#it's like the agony of an asthma attack only so much more focus on the pain than the inability to breathe#i'm lucky that at most it just feels like there are rubber bands around my chest when i try to breathe deeply#but god#i'm supposed to start my internship through my college next week#this. might literally fuck me over in so many ways but hopefully my mentors will be accommodating . . . . .#in any event uhgghghgh i'm just frustrated because i've been so so careful for years and years . . . i never stopped masking . . . . .#i got the vaccine and all the boosters and yet . . . . . . . .
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