#<- had never taken pain relievers before in my 20+ years until a few months ago

[corruptimles]

thought too hard; crashed

if you noticed the lack of miserable pokemon lately; I've recently experienced the wonders of ibuprofen

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 18 Summary:

After everything that had happened between you and Joel for months on end, it seemed like the worst was behind you. However, when you are taken from within the walls of Jackson and brought to a rotting neighbourhood nearby, you realize just how stupid that assumption had been. Meanwhile, Joel races against time to take back what is his with the help of an unsuspected ally. After killing and torturing his way to where you are being held, he finds nothing more than a shocking scene that shakes him to his core. Can he find you before it's too late?

Warnings: Angst, Violence Towards Reader, Reader Reverting Back to Her Feral Ways, Feral!Joel Also Makes a Comeback, Worries of Losing Loved Ones, Injuries, Eventual Comfort.

A/N:

Hello y'all, hope your summer is going well! I have been working and stashed away in my little cave writing this fic lol, but we all do summer breaks differently.

This week we start off with reader's perspective, going back to the moments before she was taken. Major warning for some violence, as feral!Joel and heavily pregnant but still feral!reader are back baby! Reader is threatened quite a bit while she is in captivity, but bear with me. Also warning for some heavy spiralling from Joel, including him talking about the fear of losing his mate and pups. If any of this bothers you, please read with caution.

And as always, enjoy!

Chapter 18/20:

Chapter 18: Love Can Be The Most Violent Act

A jolt to the backside was what brought you out of sleep, making you groan at the orangeish glow of the sunrise that poked through the curtains. Throwing your arm over to the side of the bed closest to the door, you sighed when you felt Joel’s place empty. All he had left behind was his scent clinging to the pillow, musky notes of bergamot and sandalwood making your mouth water as you shoved your face into the fabric. A pang of longing burst in your chest but you ignored it, focusing instead on rolling out of bed rather than wallowing any further. 

“Fuck,” you cussed, the pain in your spine doubling as the pup’s full weight strained against the confines of your body. 

The sharp kick to your bladder snapped you back to reality, creating an urgency that even a back ache couldn’t overshadow. As quickly as you possibly could, given your size, you waddled to the bathroom. After you had finished, you paused at the mirror, noticing how the bags under your eyes had all but vanished. Joel, like always, had known exactly what you needed last night; fucking you senseless before he fed you and ending the night by carrying you off to bed where he held you until you drifted off. Although the morning had barely arrived, you were relieved to find yourself refreshed and ready to start the day. 

If only the sharp sensations burning your lower back would go away. Groaning through your usual morning routine, the muscles above your buttocks were so tense that it felt like they were moments from being shredded apart. You tried to think of a time where you could've strained the area and snorted, knowing that there were about a million chores you had done in the past week that could have been the culprit. Maybe Joel was right, maybe you did need to take it easy, but you would never admit that to him. 

Instead, you worked through the pain, throwing on a clean linen dress and a pair of panties. The color of the dress was slightly muted, years of use muddying its original bright color and turning it into a softer shade of yellow, but you loved it. With the rest of your clothes much too small, you had been forced to wear nothing but ugly community hand-me-downs, but the yellow dress was one of the few items from the pile that you didn’t hate. Fingering the edges that brushed just past your knees, you smiled, knowing how much Joel loved it too. Feeling slightly more prepared for the day, despite the fact that your kid was trying to kick a hole through your back, you headed towards the kitchen. 

After taking your time with the stairs, you headed into the kitchen, smiling when you noticed a wrapped plate sitting on the stove. No matter how many times you had reminded him that you were perfectly capable of making your own breakfast, Joel always left a plate of food for you when he left for work in the morning. A note sat on top, one that you would secretly stash away in a box filled with similar scraps of paper hidden on the bookshelf of the piano room, and you eagerly grabbed it. 

Morning darling, 

I know you don’t like them poached like me (because you got no taste), so I made you some scrambled eggs. Don’t be doing anything today that’ll send me into shock, please baby. I already got enough gray, don’t need you adding to it. Thanks for the lunch, you’re too good to me. I love you. 

Be back before noon,

Joel 

Running your thumb over his scratchy handwriting, you smiled. Joel was the only person that had ever left you breakfast, let alone cared enough to lovingly leave you notes despite the rush he was in. Since getting to Jackson, he had become notorious for being late to his shifts, something Tommy consistently poked fun at him for. However, you never mentioned it to him, knowing that the real reason for Joel’s tardiness was that he had a hard time peeling himself away from you in the mornings. Placing the note into the pocket of your dress, your smile faltered when you spied another sign of his rushed morning. 

Sitting on the counter was Joel’s lunchbox, something you had received in one of the welcome boxes and taken a sewing needle to so that he could have something to carry his meals in. The big red dog was likely a bit embarrassing for him, you knew that, but beggars couldn’t be choosers in this world. Joel never said a word when you handed it to him the first time and was always sure to thank you for thinking about him when he came home toting it. And now it sat, forgotten and filled with the goodies you had packed for him the previous day. Looking out the window, you saw that the sun had yet to rise over the trees, meaning that Joel was probably still at the stables. 

The need to provide, to nurture your mate, had become unbearably strong in the past few weeks and it pushed your aching body into action. Shoving your swollen feet into a pair of rubber boots that Joel had picked up when the rest of your shoes had grown too small, you ignored the way the purple clashed with the soft yellow of your dress and left the house with a determined stride. Crossing over into the busier parts of town, you were relieved to find that most Jackson residents had yet to stir for their morning jobs. Only patrols were up this early, which meant that you had the luxury of not being gawked at. 

Although Jackson had grown accustomed to you, friendly even, and had learned to tolerate your mate, the residents were still human. Or at least, that’s what you told yourself to keep from snapping at every looky-loo that stared at the enormous pregnant woman that waddled past. You knew that you were big, but you didn’t need to be reminded of it each time you went to town. Joel was more than happy to steer clear from the rest of Jackson, which meant you only graced them with your presence when it was absolutely necessary. 

As you waddled towards the stable, you were suddenly halted by a sharp pang and you pressed a hand into the ache that radiated throughout your pelvis. A small squeak left your mouth, accompanied by a groan that you cut off by slapping a palm over your mouth. The last thing you needed was to be “saved” by one of the assholes in town that would gloat about it at the Bison, using it as some sort of proof of their good character. 

���C’mon slowpoke, I told her I’d be back before noon. Christ’s sake, I got half a mind to leave you here,” a familiar voice called, making your head snap up.  

Joel was seated on top of Rusty, the horse that had carried you both into Jackson after the ordeal with Aspen’s group. He looked handsome, regal even, with his easy posture and the short sleeved shirt that showed off the thick muscles in his arms. His strong thighs bracketed the chestnut colored beast, the denim pulled tight by his seated position in a way you found extremely tantalizing. If it had been at any other time, you would’ve dissolved into a puddle of slick and lust, but you couldn’t. Not when your entire lower body was on fire. 

“Alright, alright, keep your fucking pants on asshole, I’m coming,” Tommy called, looking more than a little annoyed at his older brother as he trotted over. 

“J-Joel - oh fuck me,” you whimpered, a wave of dizzyness leaving you unable to call out to him properly. 

Stumbling towards the fence, you caught yourself just in time. Chicken wire sliced through your palm, making you hiss at the sting that shot up your arm. Blood bubbled up from the cut, dripping down into the dirt as you tried to breathe through the spins. Through blurred vision, you watched as Joel and Tommy took off, unknowingly leaving you behind. 

A couple more deep breaths and your eyesight was back to normal, leaving you with a jagged cut on your hand that needed to be tended to. Watching as the two men galloped through Jackson’s gates in the distance, you sighed and headed towards the stables, knowing that there would be a first aid kit hung above the log book like there always was. It took you some time, grunting and panting the entire way, but you made it. By the time you arrived, the small trickle had turned into a gushing stream and you sighed at the bloody trail you left on the ground. 

There was no way you were going to be able to clean it up by yourself, which meant that you were going to have to let at least one person in on your morning adventures. Joel was out of question, as he would probably have a seizure at the first sight of blood and chastise you for coming after him. Maria was good at being discreet, although being the leader of the small township meant that she was probably busy. Which left Cooper, who had been ordered by his own mate to help you out in the final months of pregnancy and was the easiest one to bully into silence. With your clean up partner chosen, you plopped down on a hay bale and got to work. 

The time you had spent at the Jackson clinic had been useful, leaving you with enough skills to stitch yourself up with ease. The doctor was an aging beta woman who had been a surgeon during her life before the outbreak. For years she had moved around, unable to use her skills, but the emergence of Jackson had allowed her to flourish again. Nevertheless, she was pushing seventy and was eager to entrust someone else with her knowledge. Luckily for you, that meant that you were being trained to replace her someday, which nurtured the inner child inside of you that had once dreamed of being a healer. There were already plans for you to take on some more advanced tasks when you returned after the birth, something that made you extremely happy. 

When the last stitch was finished, you tied it off, wincing at the sting of broken skin being held together by the polypropylene thread. Grabbing one of the bandages from the box, you rolled it over the wound, wrapping it tight enough to staunch any further blood flow. Sighing at the ridiculousness of the whole ordeal, you lifted yourself from the hay with a groan. The second that you were upright, your balance faltered, and you stumbled into one of the horse stalls. One of your hands shot out to grab the wood, while the other wrapped itself around your midsection for protection. 

More pain erupted from your core and you let out a strangled cry. Something felt off, like the normal pressure between your thighs had been turned up by a million. The pressure was mixed with another wave of pain, forcing you to grip the wood beneath your fingers even tighter as you muscled through it. Whimpering at the storm that was brewing inside, you tried not to dissolve into panicked sobs. The timeline that the doctor had was a guess, something that she had pieced together with shaky recollections Joel and you had given of your very first time together, all the way to the present. Eight months was a bit early, but it was safe, especially if there were two beings trying to make their way into the world. 

“He’s getting close now. It’s crazy, we’ve been waiting so long but he’s finally on the way,” a voice said, breaking you from the fog of agony. 

Blinking up at the stranger, you gasped, feeling like you should pinch yourself to see if this was some sort of pregnancy fueled fever dream. The last time you had seen this man, he was hitting Joel on top of the head with a newspaper, a move that had been answered by a swift push from you. Although you had been under the influence of some heavy duty hallucinogens at the time, there was no mistaking Aspen’s loyal servant. 

Fabien smiled at you, looking at your bump with ravenous eyes. It felt like he was trying to see through the protective layer of your womb, sullying the child with his gaze before they had even had their first breath. Shifting so that your back was against the wall, you cradled your pup with both arms, trying desperately to keep her safe in whatever way you could. He stepped forward and you flinched, looking around the room for anything that could help. 

“The teacher may have been killed, but her truth lives on, along with the son that shall teach us the ways of the others,” Fabien announced, each word hitting you like a ton of bricks. 

A cold sweat broke out over your forehead, adding to the growing discomfort that was stirring in your womb. If he was in Jackson, who else had slipped through? And better yet, what did they want? 

“What is it then? Revenge?,” you panted, gritting your teeth to keep from crying in front of the intruder. 

“For us? No, we are children of peace. The babe is the only thing we desire, along with the father, that way the savior can be taught his father’s truth once he is turned,” Fabien said nonchalantly, as if it was the obvious thing in the world. 

The growl you let out was almost a howl, his words having stirred something dark and primal inside of you. There had been times in your life when you had been protective; of Jake, of Joel, of yourself, but this was different. Every other emotion was blocked out by pure rage, all of your energy being redirected towards readying your body for a fight. If this asshole thought that you were going to give up and let him take your child, he had another thing coming. For Joel, you had burned through an entire group just to see him saved. For the child the two of you had created, you would burn the entire world to the ground and roll around in the ashes. 

“If you think either of us are going to let you touch our pup, you’re fucking stupid. I will tear your face off and wear it like a hat, you crazy bastard,” you spat, shakily standing from your place against the stall.

Fabien laughed, “Ah, well, luckily for you I have no quarrel with the child’s mother. We thank you for housing the son. There’s another that has taken issue with you, but they have been kind enough to strike up a deal. We get what we want, they get what they want. Everyone wins.”  

As you exhaled, you narrowed your eyes, swallowing all of the fears that were clouding your judgment. You didn’t care to hear who else the two of you had pissed off along the way to Jackson. With the adrenaline pumping through your veins, the pain had subsided, leaving you with nothing but rage and the determination of a mother with her back against the wall. In that moment, it didn’t matter that your pup was kicking up a storm or that the rest of Jackson had yet to awaken, all that mattered was survival. Without another thought, you flung your fist into his nose, hissing as you felt the knuckle crunch against bone. 

Fabien stumbled back, blood pouring out of his nostrils, and you pushed past him. Gasping for air as you jogged towards the exit, you shrieked when you felt him reach out to grab hold of your wrist. Just as you turned towards him, ready to send another flurry of punches his way, you felt a cloth clamp down over your nose and mouth. Whatever was on the rag smelled sweet and chemically, making you gag as the acrid scent coated the back of your throat. 

“Calm sweet child, it’ll be over soon,” you heard Fabien say. 

With your vision blurred, you had nothing left to hold on to. Nauseous and exhausted, you slumped into the man in front of you. Unfamiliar hands steadied you as the pull of sleep came to be too much and you were thankful that the hands were at least careful not to harm the swell across your midsection. The last thing you thought about before you finally let go was Joel, the man that you had chosen as your own, the man that you had envisioned raising your child and having a full life with. How silly it was, you thought, to be bold enough to assume that you ever had a choice in how your future would turn out. 

- Joel - 

Five men, one of them being his own brother, had been used to hold Joel back from Jackson’s gates. Too emotional, that’s what Maria had said when she essentially grounded him, cruelly keeping him from going to take back what was his. Tommy had promised to give him updates when he left him in one of the holding cells, ignoring all of the brutal curses and threats Joel had hurled at him as he left. 

Which left Joel in his own personal hell, pacing the cell back and forth as he grew more volatile by the second. There were no guards on duty, with every trained resident being sent out to search for you, save for a handful of newbies that were left to guard the town. With nobody around, he was left to dissolve into an all out panic by himself. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, a heavy weight sitting directly on his windpipe as he went through every possible tragedy that could take place while he was trapped. 

Painful memories of being trapped in the cell across from Jake whipped through his mind, along with the memory of how beaten and bruised you had been once he finally got to you, and he felt hot tears stream down his face. More than a few times, Joel had reached out to tug at the bars, hoping that he might grow agitated enough to finally tear through them but it was pointless. Just as it had been with the last cell he had inhabited, the metal was too strong for anyone to tear through. 

Voices echoed in the solitude of his destitute cell as memories were awakened by his pain. Joel listened to Sarah’s first cries, her last breaths, and everything that came in between. He remembered every joke Ellie had ever told him, followed by the sound of the machines that had beeped around her mutilated body. His ears rang as he heard your laughter, reminding him of how perfect life had been just hours before. Then he remembered the last shaky breath you had given him outside of the burning church months before, gagging as he tried not to think about how it felt to break your ribs under the weight of his compressions. 

This was different from the time Joel had run after you, arriving in the nick of time to save you from suffocating on the smoke. This time, nobody had any idea where you had gone or why you had been taken. The only clues had been a trail of blood leading from the fence to the stables, along with his stupid lunchbox left abandoned on a bale of hay. Somehow, that made it worse. The fact that you had been trying to bring him his lunch when you were taken made him want to scream. If only he had remembered to grab it, maybe you would still be in Jackson. 

A loud screeching noise echoed through the room, making Joel snap out of his pity party. He hurried towards the edge of his cell, ready to grab whoever walked in by the neck and bang them against the bars until they gave him the keys. At this point, he didn’t give a flying fuck about the thin ice he was on with Maria, he would slaughter the entire town if it meant that he could get to you. Bunching all of the muscles in his back, he readied himself for a fight, only to be surprised by his visitors. 

Instead of the remainder of Jackson’s guards or a sorrowful Tommy walking in, Joel was surprised that his newcomers were none other than Cooper and your mother. The determined looks on their faces shocked him out of his bloodlust for a second, making him take a step back as they marched towards him. It was only when Cooper pulled a key out of his pocket, giving it to your mother so that he could turn back to keep watch at the door, that Joel understood what was happening. 

“I’ve bought you some time with the guards, they’re on their way to check in with Maria. By the time they get there and find out I was lying, you’ll be gone,” Cooper rushed out, not even looking at him as he spoke. 

The hinges on the door whined as your mother threw it open, allowing him to barrel out of it top speed. Joel only had one thing on his mind, finding you and bringing you home. He had no idea where the fuck you could be, but at the same time he knew that he would be able to find you. It was just as you had said, like there was a tracking device lodged into his brain that had remained dormant until he needed to use it. Nothing, not even a sudden blinding, could stop him from finding his mate. Except maybe the tiny woman who had placed herself in front of him before he could make his hasty exit. 

“You will need assistance,” she said, producing a gun from her waistband that made him raise his eyebrows. 

Joel grabbed the handgun, a disagreement on his tongue as he tried to weasel his way out of the room. Unfortunately for him, she had brought back up, which included the slightly more formidable alpha that blocked the door with his lanky body. He growled at the both of them, trying to remind himself that you would be upset if he decided to kill your family members before his rescue mission. 

“Slow your roll big guy, you need to listen,” Cooper coaxed, putting his hands out in front of him as the older man’s chest rumbled with another sinister warning sound. 

“Let. Me. Go,” Joel spat, enunciating each word as he pushed against the alpha’s chest. 

Much to his surprise, he was yanked back, and it was not by the alpha he had shoved. It was by the tiny omega that stood behind him. She pulled Joel by the collar of his shirt, making him stumble backwards before she placed herself in front of him again. 

“Listen to me,” she seethed, her words cutting through the fog of panic, “We are going to get her back, but we need to do this right. When we get to the stables, wait around the corner for me. I will whistle when it’s clear and then we can go. Do you understand what I am saying to you?” 

Joel nodded, unclear of how else to react to this new development. He had never thought of your mother as the type to go on a rescue mission, having heard from you how she had been a victim for the majority of your life. However, he also knew what it was like to be a parent. Despite all of her bitterness, Joel knew that your mother loved you, she was just terrible at showing it. 

“Do you know what you’re doing?,” was all he asked, which earned him a sharp look from her. 

“I survived the end of the world, same as you. I kept her safe by myself for four years after her father died, and then again in that god forsaken cult. I know what I am doing, do you?,” she shot back, her tone slapping him back to reality. 

“Let’s go then,” Joel answered, pushing past her again, this time with no objection coming from either of them. 

As he stomped towards the front entrance, he shoved the gun into his waistband, clenching his teeth as he readied himself for the fight of his life. Whoever these people were, Joel did not care in the slightest why they were in town. It didn’t matter if they were in Jackson for him or for you, what mattered was how he was going to tear apart every last one of them. 

Joel thought about how he had cradled your swollen belly this morning, unable to tear himself away from just a few more seconds of domestic bliss with the love of his life and his unborn child. The future had seemed so bright and now, something had come along to try to take it from him. Joel didn’t care what it took, he was going to get it back. 

He thought of his girls, the ones who he had lost years ago, and silently called out to them. There was no God in the entire universe that Joel would ever be caught dead praying to, life had been too cruel for him to be religious in any way. Nevertheless, in times of crisis he often found himself sending off pleas to the two girls who had once been his entire world. He took a second to ask them, or rather, he begged them desperately to protect you and the pup in any way they could. 

Throwing the door open, Joel stepped out into the dying light. He grimaced at the sight of the sunset, hoping like hell you hadn’t been moved too far away in the hours since he had kissed you goodbye this morning. The air was thick with humidity, making him grimace as he realized that it wouldn’t be long before it started downpouring again. More rain meant that the tracks that had been made in the hours prior would be covered up, washed away in the blink of an eye. He hastened his pace, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible as he took long strides towards the horses. 

The sound of voices approaching made him stop in his tracks, straining with his good ear to hear which way they were going. When they got louder, Joel dashed behind the deck of somebody’s house, crouching down so that they couldn’t see his hulking frame. His two tagalongs followed suit, scurrying over to flank him as the group got closer and closer. They were almost to the side of the deck, with only three more steps between them, and Joel got ready to run. However, just before he could take off, a hand reached out and stopped him. 

“I’m going to see if I can send them towards your place. That might get you some more time, but hurry. The gates will be open for the next ten minutes while they wait for the first patrols to switch out with the next, go now or you’ll be stuck,” Cooper whispered, giving him a reassuring nod as he straightened up and stumbled off. 

“Coop! What the hell man? I thought you were supposed to be watching Tommy’s brother?,” one of them called out to him. 

Joel had to admit, the other alpha did put on a good show. Panting with his hands on his knees, Cooper pretended to catch his breath for a moment before he started babbling a panicked explanation. The tale he had concocted included Joel busting out of the prison, only to take off towards his own home rather than towards the walls of Jackson. As stupid as it sounded to him, the younger men bought it, having been swindled by the fake tears Cooper had produced as he sobbed about the terrifying eldest Miller. They took off without another word, running past the two people crouched on the other side of the deck without noticing they were there. 

“That was… actually really good,” your mother said, sounding just as surprised as Joel felt. 

Cooper turned to them, shrugging as they joined him in the street. 

“You’ve met my husband AND my daughter. Do you really think I don’t know anything about being dramatic? My entire house is like a goddamn soap opera 24/7. I can put on a show just fine, thank you very much,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes at their surprise. 

Joel didn’t have it in him to say anything back, no words of encouragement or awkward thanks coming to mind with the panic he was in, all he gave the other alpha was a nod. One that was returned by him, a silent exchange between two men that had been put through absolute hell for the people they loved. They both knew that this was no time for pleasantries and Joel turned, leaving the man behind as he ran towards the stables. 

He felt your mother on his heels but he ignored her, uncaring of what her place in all of this was. If she helped him find you, great. If she impeded the search in any way, she was being left behind, but Joel was pretty sure that she knew that already. In fact, based on her scent alone, she was also about ready to kill someone. That didn’t bother him, instead it made Joel feel more comfortable about bringing her along. He didn’t need the morality police at his side while he mowed down anyone that got in his way, what he needed was someone who could get on his level, someone who could let their demons take charge and rain down hellfire. Luckily for him, it seemed that she was game. 

“M’not gonna be lookin’ out for ya once we head out,” Joel warned, keeping his voice low as they neared the stables, “I’m going to find her, okay? She is mine, and if anyone gets in the way of that, then they are going to fucking die. We clear?” 

“Crystal,” was all she said back to him, unmoved by the obvious threat. 

Just like she had told him to, Joel stayed back and waited anxiously for her whistle. He watched as she scurried over to the door, easing it open before she crept inside. Another minute passed, leaving him to bite on the inside of his cheek as he tried to silence the voice in his head that told him to go in guns blazing, but then he heard it. The first note of the whistle drifted over to him from the stables and he hastened towards it without another thought. He skidded to a stop when he reached the door, eyes widening at the sight of two Jackson residents knocked out cold in the corner of the room. 

“What in the hell?,” Joel exclaimed, shocked at the angry bruises that had already started to bloom over their faces. 

“They got in the way,” your mother replied simply, uncaring of his surprise as she pulled the last stall open. 

Joel shook it off, rushing towards the stall that housed his horse. While all of the other horses were gone with the patrols, Rusty had stayed behind, as both of his riders were too incapacitated to take him out of his wooden prison. The stallion whinied and kicked the dirt, likely sensing the nervous energy Joel had brought with him. 

“Hush boy, we’re gonna go get yer mama back. Be good for me,” Joel mumbled, leading the horse out towards the yard so that he could throw the saddle on. 

He turned towards your mother after he mounted the horse, surprised yet again when she took his hand and allowed him to help her on. Not once had she willingly allowed anyone to touch her since coming to Jackson, aside from you and Jake’s rowdy toddler, yet she seemed unbothered by him as she clambered onto the animal and glued herself to his back. Rusty snorted once, as if to say that he was displeased at the guest he had on his back but was willing to put up with it for the time being. Joel patted the side of his neck, quietly thanking him for not being difficult. Once your mother was secure, holding onto the back of his coat with a vice-like grip rather than throwing her arms around him, Joel clicked his tongue and they were off. 

Joel tore through town, uncaring of the few faces that watched in awe as he raced towards the gates. Standing near the opened gates was a group of Jackson residents, likely getting the trademark spiel about safety and the other ridiculous reminders that patrols were subjected to on a daily basis. He kicked Rusty’s sides, sending the creature into an all out sprint that made the crowd turn their heads his way. Maria was amongst the crowd, not looking the least bit surprised as Joel raced past, ignoring all of the startled objections that were sent his way. Instead, she simply sighed and gave him a nod as he passed by her, barely reacting to the entire affair. 

The second Joel passed through the gates, he felt a strange mix of elation and fear. He had made it to freedom, yet freedom meant that he was about to be faced with god knows what to get his family back. He tried not to imagine what sort of pain you were in, blocking out the smell of your blood soaking into the dirt near the fence. Instead, he focused on that little tracking device in his brain, steering the horse towards where he hoped his mate was being held. 

- You - 

Agony was the closest word you could use to describe the pain that was coursing through your body. Each nerve ending was on fire, tearing you from the warm embrace of the dark and you couldn’t but whine as your eyes snapped open. The world around you was dim and blurred, making you blink hard to stop the world from spinning. The headache you had was nothing compared to the brutal burning sensation in your back, with each muscle strained and begging for a release you could not give. 

The second your eyes adjusted, your brain caught up to reality and you pushed yourself up off of the concrete. Tools hung on the wall, boxes were stacked neatly in one corner, and an abandoned push mower was rusting against one of the walls. Turning your head ever so slightly, you noticed the large garage door behind you, flanked by a door that led out into the stormy night. Fabien, wherever he was, had brought you into the garage of someone’s abandoned home. 

Looking down, you sighed at the chain wrapped around your ankle. The metal links led all the way towards the workbench, where it had been looped around one of the legs and secured with a padlock. Cocking your head at their shoddy attempts at shackling, you thought of how easy it would be to snap the wooden legs with your hands. As of late, you had been too pregnant to complete tasks that required great amounts of strength, but this was different. With the life of your child on the line, the one who seemed to be imminently on her way, all of the strength you had would be redirected towards this; towards living. 

However, just as you managed to haul yourself up onto your knees, the door leading to the rest of the house swung open. The group that strolled in were unfamiliar to you, although they all had the same smug look on their face. They were unlike Fabien’s group, who all smelled of patchouli, wore odd vestments, and spoke in strange parables. These men stunk, smelling of sweat and the sour stench that alphas gave off when they were enraged. Their sinister energy cloaked the room in a darkness you had only known from one other person in your life, a man you had left for dead inside of a burning church months ago, one that you had once been forced to marry. 

“Well, isn’t she cute? Too bad he got to her first, would’ve loved to break her on my knot,” the man closest to you said, smiling at your obvious discomfort. 

Another one chuckled, walking straight over so that he could tower over you as he said, “Who cares, we have her now. The freaks will take the kid and then she’ll be ours for the taking.” 

“I call first dibs,” the woman in the back sneered, her eyes raking over your form in a way that made you shudder. 

The dark haired man closest to you strolled over, stopping just before you so that his crotch was at your eye level. Wincing at the proximity, you tried to scooch back, only for his hand to sink into your hair and whip your head back. More pain erupted from your scalp and you felt the mark on your neck burn in response, as if the bond itself was reminding you to breathe through it. With Joel in mind, you bit your tongue, glaring up at the sick man with fire in your eyes. 

“She’s a feisty one, isn’t she? Now I know why Paul wanted to find her so bad,” he jeered, the rest of the crew murmuring their agreement. 

“Paul?,” you croaked out, with a wave of unsettling emotions rushing over you. 

On one hand, Paul was the last person in the world you wanted to see. Especially after the last encounter, where he had tried to assault you and you had stabbed him in both shoulders before viciously slashing jagged lines into his face. After leaving him choking on blood and smoke inside of the burning chapel, you had assumed him to be dead. 

Paul possibly being alive was a double edged sword. On one hand, he would definitely be furious and unpredictable in his punishment for your attempts on his life. On the other hand, he most likely wouldn’t kill you, nor would he let his men. It was more likely that you would soon wish you were dead, but you remained hopeful. If you had been able to fend him off once before, perhaps you could again. 

“Sorry babe, no scorned husband for you to cling onto this time,” the man laughed, pinching your cheek hard as he leaned in, “You fucking killed him and now, you owe us. Took us a long time to find you, but look where we are now. No interruptions or distractions, just pay back.” 

The whole group cackled, making your stomach drop to the floor. Paul was dead and as much as that would usually be a cause for celebration, it now terrified you. The alpha had never been your favorite person, not by a long shot, but he was predictable in his patterns of abuse. You understood Paul and knew what he was after, subservience and ownership above all else. But these alphas? You had no idea what they were capable of or what they wanted from you, although you had an inkling based on their wandering eyes. 

The sound of the slap registered in your brain first, the sting came after, and your head was whipped to the side. Heat gathered where he had hit you, the outline of his palm likely leaving a red mark that would only darken as the night went on. A small grunt was all you gave them, too busy trying to keep yourself from falling forward and crushing your swollen belly. The pup softly tapped your side twice, as if she was comforting you from the inside, and you tried to channel everything you had into staying calm for her. 

As you righted yourself, glowering at the sneering crew with angry tears in your eyes, you tried not to fall into an all out panic. If you let that side of yourself loose, the one that had used all of her fear and rage to tear through nearly an entire camp of alphas, you were putting precious cargo on the line. No matter what happened, you needed the pup to be safe. If you lost the baby, Joel’s baby, the one he had worked through all of his fears for, you weren’t sure either of you could survive it. With the pressure inside of your core building, the tell tale cramps forming around your lower stomach, you knew that you had to be smart. The last thing you needed was to give birth in front of these assholes. 

“That’s enough,” came from the door, causing the man in front of you to stand and turn towards it. 

Fabien stood there, looking at the scene with a curled lip. Two other members of Aspen’s former group flanked him, each of them seeming vaguely familiar to you. One of them had definitely been one of the guards that had pulled you from the truck, but you couldn’t place the other. With how out of it you had been during the escape, drugs and the shock of a pregnancy leaving you helpless as Joel mowed down any soul that crossed his path, you weren’t surprised. Pushing your muddled memories aside, you watched as they walked into the musty room. 

One of the cult members rushed forward, stooping down low so that she could hiss at the bruise forming on your face. Although you were extremely uncomfortable with the way her hand stroked the stinging skin, you let her, her touch being nurturing rather than sexual. She turned towards the alphas behind her and straightened her back, stepping in front of you in a protective stance. 

“You shall not harm the mother while she carries our truth bringer,” she spat, unmoved by the way all of their demeanors shifted into something even more predatory. 

“Is that so? What’re you and your group of freaks going to do? Gonna pray me away?,” one of Paul's former men shot back, the other alphas muttering similar sentiments. 

Fabien stepped forward with his hands out, a docile expression plastered on his face that made him look almost exactly like his former leader. The woman in front of you dropped her chin down her chest, a show of respect that you had once seen Fabien do for Aspen. It made the corner of your mouth twitch, seeing how the group had latched on so quickly to the next best thing. She had been “The Teacher” to their group, so what was he? The instructor? You struggled to keep in your laughter, shaking your head at how deluded groups like theirs could be. 

“I think what my friend is trying to say is that we had a deal,” he reminded them, exuding a type of calmness that threw them off their game, “We get the son and you may have the mother once she has produced him. Until then, all we ask is that you keep the vessel safe.” 

The group of alphas collectively looked towards who you assumed was the head honcho, the same one that was about two seconds from tearing the throat of the woman who shielded you. He remained unphased, taking turns between glaring at the woman and leering at you. The ravenous hunger on his face was evident, like he wanted nothing more than to bite into your flesh and tear it from the bone while he used you however he wished. Instead, he gave you one last glare and turned on his heel, facing Fabien with a cold expression on his face. 

“We’ll keep our side of the bargain, but she better pop out that little bastard soon. The rest of the crew is getting antsy. They haven’t gotten any in months, chasing this little slut and her boy toy across state lines,” he growled, unaware of how ridiculous it was to call Joel your boy toy. 

Fabien nodded, “And she shall, the first pains have already begun. Soon, we shall have the boy and you shall have her. Then we may go our separate ways.” 

The alpha nodded, motioning for the rest of his crew to clear out. They shoved past the cult members, clearly unimpressed by the group they had been forced to strike up a deal with. When they were gone, you let out a breath, reaching out so that you could rub the side of your face. As much as you didn’t want to be stuck with the freaks, at the moment they were preferable to the alternative. While the pup was still inside of you, they were not a threat. In a way, they were your only allies. Which was why when the woman knelt back down, cooing as she doted upon your stinging face, you played into it. 

“It hurts,” you sniffed, allowing your voice to go up a few pitches to really sell it. 

She tsked, “Perhaps we should get her something for the pain.” 

The man behind her guffawed, rolling her eyes at the request. 

“She is nothing but a vessel for the son, why should we care about her discomfort?,” the man sassed, looking at you with thinly veiled disdain. 

“Because she is the mother of our truth bringer. Should she not be given the privilege of having her pain lessened? Especially while she brings him into this world?! What if she dies during her labors, what then? We must care for her until he is out,” she argued, her words sharp and bitter. 

Again, Fabien quieted the room with a raised hand. He glided over to you, cupping your cheek so that he could look at the mark more closely. The only thing you had left in your back pocket was tears, so you let them flow, blinking up at him with a pained look on your face that made his lips grow thin. 

“Shauna, stay with her. Make sure she is comfortable while we go scrounge for something to ease her pain,” he instructed, walking over to the door before he abruptly turned to utter a final warning of, “Do not let any of those animals anywhere near her until we have the pup.” 

With the final instructions laid out, Fabien and the other man left the garage, leaving you alone with Shauna. She smiled down at you, making your already cramped stomach tense up even more. The look on her face was sweet, yet you knew better than to trust it. 

“We shall take care of you until he comes,” Shauna promised, her voice chipper in a way that grated upon your already thin patience. 

“Well, you have no way of knowing that it’s going to be a he - Oh fuck me, ow,” you groaned, cut off by a more intense burst of pressure. 

A wet pop echoed throughout the room, followed by the sound of liquid splashing against the concrete. The woman in front of you cheered, chattering excitedly about the messiah she believed in was on the way, but you were too shocked to give it any mind. Instead, you were consumed by fear as you stared down at the amniotic fluid that had splattered all over the floor. 

“M-My water broke,” you stammered, feeling like the world was crashing down around you. 

You couldn’t give birth in this garage, not with a bunch of horndog alphas ready to pounce on you and a cult waiting to steal the baby away, not without Joel there to hold your hand. The mark on your neck burned with more insistence than it ever had and you clamped a hand over it, trying desperately to channel all of your energy into sending out a signal for him to find you. Although you had felt his presence enough to find him at Paul’s camp, you weren’t sure if he could do the same. Was it a thing that only omegas could do, or were the two of you soul bonded? You couldn’t say, but you desperately hoped it was the latter. 

“- and he shall bring us the truth. Ugh, this is so exciting, I wish that The Teacher could be here to witness his journey into the world,” the woman babbled, too deluded to notice the beast that was coming to life in front of her. 

Shauna was young, younger than you even, and had clearly spent her entire life devoted to Aspen’s crew. Based on the mindless rambling alone, she was the prime example of what a victim of indoctrination looked like. Normally that would’ve made you pity her, having been around enough indoctrinated people while growing up in Josiah’s community to somewhat understand their plight. However, at that moment, any understanding or niceties had been thrown out the window. 

As the reality of your situation gleamed at you from the cold concrete, you knew that there weren’t any other options. In seconds, you felt yourself turn from the pregnant omega, the one that had been spoiled rotten by her mate and the safety of Jackson, to the animal you had been before arriving. The first pang of discomfort had been that morning and as you looked outside, you realized that that had been hours ago. With the pains of labor already well on their way, you knew that you had little time to escape.

Rain pelted down against the roof, making you cuss as you watched the branches of an overgrown tree whip against the side of the building. A storm had come while you were passed out, one that would likely impede any rescue parties.  Fuck it, you thought. If nobody else was going to come, you would have to save yourself and the child that was trying to make her way into the world. 

“Would you like to feel him kick?,” you piped up, trying to match her jovial tone. 

Shauna gasped, “Me? Of course! It would be such an honor.” 

With a sugary sweet smile, you grabbed her hand, carefully placing it on the middle of your swollen belly. Her eyebrows scrunched up as she rubbed the taut skin, trying to feel the kicks that were nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, your eyes zeroed in on the hammer tucked into her pants, taunting you as her cold hands drifted over the area. 

“Hmmm… I don’t feel him, perhaps they are too weak?,” Shauna pouted. 

She tried to pull her hand away but you grabbed it, making her eyes widen at the sudden movement. With the fear in her eyes evident, you shoved down every feeling of disgust that was rocking through you, trying to look as friendly as possible. You watched as the younger woman softened, lulled into a false sense of security. 

“Oh, my bad!,” you giggled, “He moves around soooo much but he’s practically tap dancing on my side now.”

Shauna grinned as you pulled her body even closer, placing her hand on your side. As her eyebrows furrowed in concentration once more, you took a steadying breath. Centering yourself, Joel’s face flashed through your mind and you clenched your jaw. He had already lost too much for one lifetime, you weren’t going to let him experience that type of loss again. After one more breath, you snuck your hand down to her belt and yanked the tool out, making her cry out in shock. 

“Hey, what are you - Ungh, fuck.”

Her question was cut off by the steel of the hammer slamming into her temple, forcing blood to spray out of her nose. With her eyes rolling into the back of her head, Shauna groaned, already headed towards the floor with what was likely a traumatic brain injury. However, as adrenaline fueled as you were, it didn’t matter that she was already down for the count and you slammed it down onto the top of her skull. A sickening crack echoed throughout the room, along with a ragged gasp as the woman fell back and began to shake against the floor. 

As you watched Shauna seize in front of you, her brain swelling against the lining of her skull and forcing clear liquid to pour out of her ears, you felt no regret. A deep ache had settled inside of you, one that moved in waves and set your entire pelvis on fire. Her life meant nothing to you, she was just another obstacle in getting your pup to safety. With her out of the way, you left her dying against the concrete, uncaring of her plight as you searched her for the keys. After unlatching the chain from around your ankle, you ran to the door. 

The voices on the other side of it stopped you, making you press your ear against the door. Given the gruffness of the voices that approached, antagonizing each other every step of the way, it was the alphas. You swore and locked the door, knowing that all it would take was a swift kick to the wood to tear through it. As the voices grew closer, you hopelessly scanned the room for something, anything to help. 

The windows were too high up and even if you could reach them, your belly was too big for you to fit through. The only other option was the door attached to the front of the garage, one that would lead you out into the howling winds and ear shattering claps of thunder. At this rate, you were sure that the mess outside was going to turn into a full blown tornado. Nevertheless, when the door handle nestled against your backside shook, the deep voices behind the door murmuring in confusion, you knew that there was no other option. 

As the alphas began to shake the rusted knob with more insistence, likely thinking that the old latch was simply stuck, you scurried over to the door on the other side of the room. A loud bang came from behind as one of them threw themselves into the wood but you ignored it, yanking the door open so hard that the hinges groaned. The wind slammed into you, knocking you back a few steps before you managed to gather yourself. 

“Fucking hell,” you cussed, looking out at the disastrous storm that had turned the ground into a soupy muck. 

Another bang came from behind you, this time accompanied by the sound of wood splintering from the force. A sick sense of dread tried to creep into the corners of your mind, but you repressed it, unwilling to allow yourself to give up before you had even tried. This was it, there was no other option if you wanted the pup to live the life you and Joel had dreamed of. With one last steadying breath, you stepped into the pouring rain, allowing your figure to be consumed by the darkness as you hurried away from the sound of angry alphas breaking through the final barrier. 

- Joel - 

The skin on Joel’s neck ached, throbbing with each beat of his racing heart. Not that he cared, if anything it helped to center him, to clear his mind so that he could focus on the task at hand. The same task that had him slamming his fists into Fabien’s face, ignoring the pleas from the random man who was tied to the chair behind him. His begging was merely background music to Joel’s destruction, providing him with the perfect soundtrack to let out all of his fury. 

“Please! We don’t have any quarrel with the mother, it’s just the pup we need. It’s the alphas that wanted her!,” the man shrieked. 

Joel whipped his head around just in time to see your mother launch a fist into the man’s face, shattering his jaw with a sickening crack. From underneath him, Fabien groaned and choked, too dazed to be of any use. Joel dropped him, uncaring of the way his skull smacked against the tiled floor. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” the man mumbled, uselessly trying to squirm away from the black hole that stomped towards him. 

Stopping just before the younger man’s feet, Joel leaned down and grabbed his face, pinching it between his fingers. 

“You’re going to take my knife and you’re going to point out where she is on this here map. If your location doesn’t match the one that fucking Charles Manson over there made, you’re shit out of luck kid,” he growled, shoving the handle of his blade into his mouth. 

To the man’s credit, he was smart enough not to argue with Joel, quickly zeroing in on the same suburban neighborhood that his new leader had. It made Joel chuckle darkly, shaking his head as he pulled the map away. No matter where life took him, one thing was always certain; he was good at cruelty. He had used this trick time and time again, and never once had it failed him. Looking down at the small grouping of houses that were only a stone throw away from the gas station he was in, Joel was suddenly grateful for every shitty thing that had led to him learning his particular set of expertise. If he had never been the monster he had been, finding you would have been impossible. 

Luckily for Joel, the remaining members of Aspen’s crew were much easier to scare than the alphas. After tearing through the first three groups of hormone fueled assholes, he was sure that the search was doomed. As soon as she had recognized one, your mother had pointed out that they were some of Paul’s most loyal alphas, ones that would be unlikely to break no matter the pressure they were under. To his dismay, she was right, each of them had stayed frustratingly loyal to their cause. 

With nine of the alphas picked off, the majority of them being killed by the vengeful hand of the woman he was with, Joel was close to losing his mind. However, when he had encountered the new age hippy freaks that had drugged him months ago, that spark had been revived once more. Whereas the alphas were too hopped up on hormones to be of any help, furious that a stronger alpha had bested them with the help of their former plaything, Aspen’s crew were soft and pliable. They had never known the world as he did, too busy chasing the bizarre fantasies of the woman they followed, which made them vulnerable to people like him. 

“Thank you for your cooperation,” Joel grunted, nodding to your mother before he turned back to the crumpled man in the corner. 

The splattering of the man’s blood could be heard throughout the room as she sliced his carotid artery, effectively draining the life out of him in seconds. It was funny to him how good she was at wielding a knife and he almost remarked on how it had been your weapon of choice as well. Like mother, like daughter, Joel thought, making himself snicker before he shook himself out of it and stalked towards Fabien. 

“Why did she do that?! Why are you doing this? He gave you what you wanted!,” Fabien hissed, the shock on his face evident. 

Joel crouched down, gripping the smaller man by the shoulders so that he could pull him back into a seated position against the wall. The whine Fabien let out was pathetic, making both of his captors roll their eyes at the theatrics. Rearing his hand back, Joel cracked his palm against the younger man’s cheek. 

“Listen to me you little shit, she is my mate and that is my pup. I am not going to stop until I have her and all of you are fucking dead,” he growled, gripping Fabien’s neck so hard that his eyes bulged in their sockets. 

He watched in sick fascination as the younger man squirmed, unable to tear Joel’s hands away due to the zip ties that locked him in place. There was a part of Joel that wanted to make it slow, to watch as the asshole that had threatened his unborn child choked to death, but there wasn’t any time for that. Not when there were others who were even more threatening still out there, not when they were possibly putting you through unspeakable hell. So instead, he snapped the man’s neck, letting Fabien off with a death that was much too kind but necessary. 

“Do you think they were lying?,” a voice called from behind him. 

Joel turned away from Fabien as the light in his eyes dimmed, setting his sights on the blood soaked omega that was standing over the other man’s corpse. She had a fire in her eyes that he had never seen, one that gave him a taste of the formidable woman she had reportedly been before the outbreak. Although she was much shorter than most, on this mission she had seemed to be about six feet tall, practically breathing fire as she helped mow down anyone who stood in the way. 

He shook his head, “No, I don’t. I’ve done this before, too many times to count, and it hasn’t failed me yet.” 

“Okay,” she said, nodding her head as she did, “So, how are we doing this?” 

Joel stood, motioning for her to meet him at the counter where he laid out the map. She peered down at the yellowed pages with a scrunched nose, likely coming to the same conclusion as him. 

The good thing about the suburban hell they had placed you in was that it was so close, practically a five minute walk from the gas station that they had dragged Fabien and his follower inside of. However, the bad thing about it was that it was sandwiched in between two large hills, making the neighborhood a bowl for the rain water to collect in for hours. The area was so devastated by the climate of the area that it wasn’t even on any of the patrols, as the buildings had been mostly destroyed by over twenty years of floods, snowstorms, tornados, and hurricanes. Getting down into the area wasn’t the issue, as the trees would provide them with more than enough cover, the issue was getting out. 

“We have to just go down there, there’s no other option,” your mother said. 

He nodded, “I know, but we have to be smart about this. The storm is just gonna get worse from here. When we go down there, we gotta make sure that we have a way out or else we’re all gonna fucking die.” 

She hummed, brows furrowed as she tried to come up with a solution. Joel did the same, wishing he could just say fuck it and rush in. But he couldn’t do that, not when it was you on the line. They needed a plan soon, lest a tornado blow through the valley and tear away everything that he held dear to his heart. 

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to go here,” she said, pointing at the patrol spot two blocks back, “And I’m going to wait for the patrol. You go down there and get my daughter, then hopefully if it gets too sticky you’ll have some back up on the way.” 

Joel sighed and shook his head, torn by the shit options he was faced with. Any way he looked at it, it was bad. He didn’t feel particularly comfortable allowing your mother to run off into the night to find the nearest patrol, especially since she had never been in the area. Nevertheless, he wasn’t sure how many people were down there or what conditions he was about to walk into, which meant he needed the extra hands. 

“What other choice do we have? That place is probably flooded and crawling with people, maybe even infected. We need the help,” she argued, exasperated by his wishy washiness. 

She was right, there was no better option hidden within the decaying map. It was either Joel went and took back what was his, no matter how fucked up the situation might be, or he let his entire world fall from his fingertips all over again. The second option was barely an option, rather, it was more of a kick in the ass that made him quickly make a noise of affirmation before he turned and headed towards the door. 

“Rusty doesn't seem to mind you much so take him, it’ll get you there faster and give me some peace of mind,” Joel threw over his shoulder, taking a breath as he flung the door open. 

“Joel,” she called, making him turn back for just a second longer. 

She started to say something but stopped, shaking herself out of whatever sentimental place she had allowed herself to be in. 

“Good luck,” was what she came up with instead and he was glad, as he was too adrenaline fueled to listen to anything more substantial than that. 

Joel nodded and walked into the storm, uncaring of the way the rain drenched him in seconds. He let it beat down against his shoulders, each annoying drop only adding to his growing wrath. The wind howled through the trees as he slipped into the forest, launching sticks and leaves into his face as the storm kicked up a notch. He didn’t care, his mind was elsewhere. 

As he approached the town, feeling like a skulking predator as he made his way towards the lights, he thought of you. Joel couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid he had been, how much time had been wasted on shit that wasn’t important. When you first came into his life, he had pointlessly tried to push you away, as if he somehow had the power to tip the scales of fate. Then, after the two of you were almost killed by Paul’s and Aspen’s respective groups, he had allowed himself to get bogged down in his own fears about being a father again. He had wasted precious time, time that he could have spent supporting you, loving you, just as he had promised. 

Of course, Joel knew that life sometimes played out this way, ripping the rug out from underneath him once he finally had his ducks in a row, and he kicked himself for not expecting it. He had been domesticated, softened by the life that both of you had created where the worst thing that could happen was you overworking yourself once the nesting instinct kicked in. And now, as he set his sights upon a lone alpha pissing against one of the trees on the outskirts of town, he supposed that this was his karma for his naivety. 

Crouching down as low as his creaky knees would allow him to, Joel weaved in between the trees until he was at the man’s back. He waited for the stream to end, not wanting to get any bodily fluids on him other than blood. Once he heard the tell tale zip, he lunged at the unsuspecting alpha, placing his palm over the man’s mouth before he sank a blade into his neck. The man choked and squeaked, squirming until a fat gush of blood from his opened throat made him still. Joel let the body drop, landing in the mud with a splat. 

Turning back towards the neighborhood, he waited for a sign that anyone had noticed his kill. After a few seconds of relative silence, with the storm still raging in the background, Joel sighed and continued on. He moved from house to house with the trained skill of a soldier. Although he had never been a military man like his brother, the decades of experience in killing was more than enough experience for him to take down the two alphas that loitered around one of the homes. Sure, Joel wasn’t the sharp shooter that Tommy was, but he didn’t need a sniper to drown someone in the water that flooded the street. 

“Hey!,” Joel heard from his left side and he turned towards it, taking the woman off guard as he barreled towards her. 

She grunted when he took her down, squirming as Joel placed his entire weight on her chest. With her ribs cracking under his kneecaps, he knew that she wouldn’t be calling out to any of her culty friends anytime soon. 

“Which house is she in?,” he barked, pushing the back of her head into the mud so hard that it sank in a few inches. 

All Joel needed to do was press a bit harder, and all of the rainwater and muck that had been accumulating all day would cover her face, drowning her in filth. Fitting, he thought, that one of the people who took away his favorite person would be degraded in such a manner. 

“B-blue house with a big g-garage, that’s where they - argh - have her. Last house on street, across from th-the old daycare,” she wheezed, unable to breathe properly with the strain. 

He thanked her and reached forward, snapping her neck just as he had done with Fabien. She had told him the truth, like her leader, but she was still at fault. Although she would not die a death as brutal as some of the alphas had, that didn’t mean she was off the hook. Nobody was. 

Joel left the bodies behind, sprinting towards the end of the street with a renewed purpose. Although most of the lights he had seen from flashlights were inside of the first few houses, the other side of the neighborhood where they kept you was quite dim. He supposed that they had done that on purpose, leading potential Jackson patrols to the houses that were likely filled with ravenous alphas. Instead, they had stored you away in the side of town with the most dilapidated houses, in a house that had all of the curtains drawn. 

He crept up to the side of it, bracing himself for the worst as the stench of knot fueled assholes stung his nostrils. Joel couldn’t smell you at all, but given the size of the group, he assumed that the scent was being overpowered by them. The thought of their scent having anything to do with yours hit a nerve, leading him to take the gun from his belt. 

The kitchen was eerily quiet, stinking of alphas, yet with no alpha in sight. Joel slinked through the doorway, easing himself into the empty living room before he turned down the hall. Each room he checked in was empty, except for the scents that they had left behind. It was only when he reached the far end of the house, where a door had been torn apart, that he caught the first whiff of you. He raced towards the smell, heart pounding wildly in his chest, only to skid to a halt at the sight of a dead body. 

Joel raced towards the corpse, dread and heartbreak threatening to bring him to his knees, but the second he reached the woman, he knew that it wasn’t you. While you had left your scent clinging to the air, soured with a zing of fear, you were nowhere to be found. He knew it was you who had killed her, the recklessness of the kill being your trademark, but you had left the murder weapon still lodged inside of her skull. Why? With the amount of adversaries you had in town, what could have possessed you to leave behind a perfectly usable weapon? 

It was only when Joel crouched down against the concrete, trying to rack his brain for answers, that he stumbled upon something that made him want to barf. A clear liquid gleamed against the floor, smelling distinctly of a mixture of both you and him. He knew in an instant what it was, having been through the experience of an omega giving birth once before, when Sarah’s mother had suddenly gone into labor decades earlier. The pup, his pup, was on the way and you were nowhere to be found. 

With no other choice, Joel stumbled out of the garage and back into the storm, racing through the night like a madman as he prayed for a miracle. 

- You - 

The agony you were in was almost too much and you found yourself being forced to squat down more than a couple times, holding onto the trees and moaning in pain as another contraction rocked into you. Fortunately, the storm covered most of the animalistic noises you were making, or at least that was what you told yourself to keep from losing your mind. Having been knocked out before arrival, you hadn’t had the chance to notice the ginormous fucking valley the town sat in. A valley that, much to your dismay, had a rather slick upward terrain that you had no choice but to traverse if you wanted to get to freedom. 

“Please,” you wheezed, as another bout of pain started, this one sharper than the last. 

You weren’t even sure what or who you were begging for, other than an end to the neverending torture. All you really wanted at that moment was Joel. If you had him, you couldn’t care less where you popped the kid out. Giving birth in the storm with two separate groups after you was already too much, but giving birth without your mate? It was unthinkable. 

The sound of horses came from your right and you snapped your head towards it, frantically trying to use the tree in front of you to pull yourself up again. With your fingernails scrabbling against the bark, making the beds of your nails rip and bleed, you grunted and tried to use all of your might but the pain was too much. Sinking down into the mud, crying out as the pressure in your pelvis begged to be released, you had no choice but to let them find you. At that point, with the pup’s arrival getting closer and closer, there wasn’t anything you could do. It was too late. 

“Please, just don’t hurt my pup, please, please, please,” you sobbed, resigned to whatever fate may come as long as your child was safe. 

“Holy fucking shit. MARIA! SHE’S OVER HERE, COME QUICK!” 

Turning your head, you choked on the sob as your eyes met a pair of familiar puppy dog eyes. Although they didn’t come with a signature scowl, one that you loved to tease into a smile, they were still a welcome sight. As Tommy crouched down and lifted you from the mud, trying his best to hush your cries as he made his way back over to the group, you couldn’t help but throw your arms around his neck. 

Tommy wasn’t your brother, but he was family nonetheless. And, he was the closest thing available to the man you really wanted to see. As you buried your face into his chest, clinging to the familiar smell of coffee and caramel, you tried to let it comfort you in the way that Joel’s normally would. It didn’t really work, with his scent being much too sweet and already mixed with Maria’s nutty fragrance, but you deluded yourself into thinking it did. 

“Oh my god, is she in labor?,” you heard Maria call from where the patrol was gathered. 

“Oh big time, we’ve gotta get her back now or else she’s gonna have to have it out here,” Tommy replied. 

The whimper you let out was strangled, a combination of fear and pain causing you to sound like a wounded bird. In an instant, Maria was at your side, mumbling comforting words as the man that held you did the same. It was comforting to have them both tending to you in this way, albeit a little strange, but they couldn’t completely quell your rising panic. 

“Joooel, I need Joel, I need my alpha. Please, where is he? I need to go to him,” you hiccuped, too worked up to stay still. 

They shared a look, the type that mated couples often gave each other in lieu of a real conversation. You knew it well, having shared more than a few with Joel over the past few months, but you couldn’t read their faces as you could his. Whining at their lack of response, you kicked your legs and tried to fight your way out of Tommy’s arms. 

“Hey - shit! Would you quit it?,” he hissed, juggling you with all of his might. 

“Joel, Joel, Jooooel,” you moaned, more pain coming to wipe away all rational thoughts. 

“I reckon he’s still down there looking. Do we go get him?,” Tommy asked, talking over your desperate cries. 

Maria shook her head, “There’s no time, we have to get her back.” 

A howl came from you, one that made them both grimace as you finally weaseled your way out of Tommy’s grasp. Rolling out of his arms, you landed on your feet like a cat, waddling back towards the bottom of the hill with renewed purpose. Nevertheless, with a bowling ball pressing against your cervix, trying with all its might to squeeze through it, you couldn’t get very far before you felt a hand wrap around your wrist. Whirling to face the betas, you were ready to go for blood. But when you found your mother standing in front of you, bloodied yet more determined than she had been in years, you stopped. 

“Going down there is not going to do you or your child any good, you know that. And if he were here, Joel would tell you the same thing,” she said, not a hint of judgment or malice in her tone. 

“No, no, no, no. You don’t understand, I need him - n-need Joel. My alpha, I need my alpha,” you babbled, tugging on her grip like a scared child. 

She shook her head and stepped forward, grabbing your face with both hands in a way that was so intimate that it shocked you into silence. Her grip was soft rather than mean, something that reminded you of how both of your parents used to hold your cheeks as a child, making you say words of affirmation when you needed the boost. But that was before the outbreak, and this was over twenty years later, which meant that you were dizzied by her kindness. 

“Tommy will go get Joel but in the meantime, you need to come with us. If you give birth out here, you and your pup are going to be in danger. Do you understand me? We will get him, but we need to keep you safe first. Please bubs, listen to me, okay?,” she tried again. 

The nickname was what brought you back down to earth. It was what both her and your father had called you eons ago, so long that you had barely remembered it until now. She gave you one last squeeze when you nodded, grabbing your hand so that she could help you back towards the horses. You passed by Maria and Tommy, the both of them looking just as shocked as you felt at her display of affection. 

“Go get him Thomas, now,” your mother ordered, taking the words right out of your mouth. 

“My name actually isn’t -,” Tommy stopped, the glare he got from every woman around him shutting him up, “Ah shit, okay. I’m going.” 

“Please,” was all you said, too delirious from the pain to say much else. 

He nodded, kissing Maria on the cheek before he hopped onto his horse and took off towards town. You watched him go for a moment, praying that he found his brother in one piece for your sake, for the pup’s sake. Tommy disappeared down into the valley and you turned back towards the two women, allowing them to use their combined strength to lift you on top of the horse. With the amount of pressure that had built between your legs, you had to sit with both of your legs draped over one side, clinging to Maria’s midsection as she raced towards town. 

The ride was rocky and agonizing, each gallop sending sharp bursts of pain throughout your core. However, as her horse turned onto the street that held the clinic, relief rushed through you. Nevertheless, it was only when your mother helped you slide off the horse in front of the clinic, careful not to let you fall face first into the mud, that you noticed the blood dripping down your legs. 

- Joel - 

“I’m telling you man, we haven’t been able to find the little bitch yet - ah!”

Another skull was concaved under the heavy weight of his boot, the man’s body falling to the floor alongside the rest of his group. Joel stood above a sea of carnage, dripping with blood and guts, too overwhelmed with vengeance to care about the few alphas and former cult members that choked on their final breaths around him. He had found a nest of them a couple houses down, completely unaware of the beast that had watched them from the window. With no other clues about your whereabouts and a brutal rage boiling inside, he had gone in. 

After slamming through the first six, too furious to care about half a dozen lives as he easily shredded them all to pieces, the next two had caught him off guard. The cut on his upper lip and the bleeding gash on his thigh served proof of the encounter, yet they could not take him down. Even when the knife had been shoved into his upper leg, forcing a heavy grunt from deep within his chest, he didn’t stop. Instead, Joel ripped the blade out his leg, slamming it into the man’s heart before he had the chance to try again. 

It was the last three people that Joel had taken his time with, carefully peeling back the things that made them human until only a beaten animal remained. When all else failed, he could always rely on a person’s basic survival instincts to get him what he wanted. They had broken almost immediately, explaining through sobs that you had taken down one of the cult members and ran off into the night. After a search party of rowdy alphas had left to find you, the rest of them settled in for the night, patiently waiting for them to return so they could respond with a reasonable punishment. That had been the thing that had broken Joel’s resolve, with all plans centered around torturing them being thrown out the window at the thought of you being punished. 

“Fuck,” Joel mumbled, looking around at all of the bodies. 

They had been easy to dispose of, but killing them hadn’t brought him any closer to finding you. Despair rocked through Joel, bubbling up from deep within his soul as his heart cracked open. He was close to tearing his hair out, unsure of what else to do and where else he could go. The rain had washed away any tracks you might have left, leaving him with nothing but a corpse and the stories of his victims to go off of. What was he supposed to do with that? It was clear that you were no longer in this nearly demolished neighborhood, but where had you gone? 

Just as Joel was about to fall to his knees, allowing himself to erupt into the pained sobs he had been suppressing all day, he heard something. It was muffled by the rotting walls around that encapsulated him, so distorted by the powerful winds that for a moment he was sure that it was his imagination. But then, he heard it again; a voice calling out his name over and over in the storm. In an instant, every rational worry about a potential threat hearing him fell away, and he found himself answering it immediately. 

Sprinting over to the door, Joel stuck his head out outside, peering through the pouring rain to find the source of the noise.A figure stumbled through the mud on the other side of the street and he squinted, letting out a surprised shout when he realized who it was. 

“TOMMY!,’ Joel bellowed, taking off after the younger man. 

Tommy turned on his heel, about a million emotions flickering across his face as Joel ran over to him. They met in the middle of the street, pulling each other into the briefest of hugs before he was pulling away to ask. Joel was too relieved to be mad at his brother for imprisoning him, deciding that it would be better to have help in his search. 

“We got her, she’s alive,” his brother said as he pulled away, already knowing what it was Joel was going to ask about first.  

The garbled noise that left Joel’s mouth was not one that he had ever made before, sounding like a bizarre mix of a pained sob and a guttural growl. It shocked Tommy but he didn’t care enough to be embarrassed. You were alive and likely already on the way to Jackson, that was all that mattered to him. He blinked away the fresh batch of tears that threatened to spill over onto his cheeks, clearing his throat to keep from sounding hoarse as he asked, “Is she okay? Is she hurt?” 

Tommy nodded, “She’s okay but we’ve gotta go, that kid of yours is coming and she’s coming fast. If you want to make it back in time t-”

“Let’s go,” Joel grunted, already striding towards the horse that stood a few houses down. 

Tommy was right, they needed to leave. There was no way Joel was missing out on holding your hand through the birth of his pup, he would never forgive himself. The thought of the newborn sliding out into the world with her father nowhere to be found made him sick to his stomach and Joel threw himself onto the back of the horse before he could start retching. 

“Go, get out of here. I’ll meet back up with the patrol up the hill and get a ride with them,” his brother called out, half of the sentence getting lost in the wind. 

Joel didn’t thank him, he simply nodded and took off. As he raced through the trees, whooping at the horse to get him to go faster and faster, it was like he had tunnel vision. Even before the gates to Jackson came into view, Joel was picturing them in his mind, growing more starved for the sight with each passing second. 

Although Joel knew that he would be shitting his pants when the day finally came, this was not how he had pictured the birth happening. The two of you had planned everything down to a tee, from the go bag to what the first outfit was that you wanted the baby to wear. What neither of you had predicted was for the past to come back with a vengeance, tarnishing the life changing experience by tearing you away from the sanctity of your shared home. It made him want to explode when he thought of you suffering through the first few agonizing waves of childbirth alone, terrified and surrounded by monsters. He tried not to think about how the pup was not due for another month, reminding himself that a month early was not the end of the world. 

Still, as Jackson’s walls came into view, Joel was nervous about what he was going to walk into. As much as he hated to entertain the idea, he knew that he could survive the death of his unborn child, but he would not survive the death of you. If it came down to it, although Joel knew that it would destroy the both of you, all that mattered to him was the love of his life. He hoped that everything was going smoothly, that no disastrous heart breaking choices would need to be made, but he also readied himself for the worst. 

Joel ignored the Jackson residents that tried to wave him down at the entranceway, nearly taking down a few of them as he steered the horse through the slippery streets. When the horse slid onto the small side street where the clinic sat, reaching the tiny white building in only seconds, he practically lept from the saddle. Maria stood in the doorway when he got in, her words falling on deaf ears as he pushed into the small waiting room. He was greeted by the entirety of both families, save for Tommy, and he watched as each tense face melted at the sight of him. 

“Where is she?,” Joel grunted, trying to tamp his more primal self down so that he didn’t grab someone and try to shake the information out of them. 

“She’s in there, go quick,” your mother answered, pointing towards the back. 

In three long strides Joel was at the door and he tore it open, gasping at what he saw. The doctor was standing in front of him with her hands held out in a placating manner as the crazed omega in the corner threw medical supplies at her. He had never seen you so ferocious, too wrapped up in the hell you had been in all day to realize that the woman in front of you was trying to help. The air was thick with your distress, along with the sharp tang of the blood you had running down your thighs. 

“Oh thank fuck, you’re here,” the doctor sighed, ducking as a jar of cotton swabs went flying by her head, “One of the babies is most likely in breech and the placenta has detached. She needs a C-section before they go into distress but every time anyone tries to get near her, she attacks and says she’s not doing shit until we find you.” 

Her words squeezed Joel’s already aching heart and he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Maybe if he had stuck around the stables for a few seconds longer, or called out sick like he had wanted to, you wouldn’t be growling in pain and refusing the help of an actual medical professional. You didn’t even realize he was there, too lost in your instincts to notice he had arrived. But he couldn’t dwell on his own shame, he needed to focus on getting you onto that table. 

Joel caught the first thing that was thrown his way, the stethoscope being snagged from the air before it could slap him in the face. The medical textbook slammed against his ribcage but he barely felt it, allowing it to fall onto the ground without a care in the world. It was only when he was finally in front of you, halting the flick of your wrist before it would toss a blood pressure cuff his way, that you stopped. He gripped the back of your neck, ignoring the growls you let out as he pushed your nose into his neck. It took a few seconds but the grumbling slowly petered off, ending with a sharp squeak as you began to sob. 

“J-Joel, I-I thought, I thought that,” you couldn’t finish, too overcome with emotion to do anything other than whimper and cry. 

“I know baby, I know,” he cooed, leaning back to leave a smattering of kisses all over your face, “S’alright now honey, I’m here. We’re gonna be okay, but we need to get you up on that table or there’s gonna be trouble. Okay?” 

You whined, looking up at him with big tear filled eyes that made his heart break even more. Joel knocked your foreheads together, trying to ground you in any way he could think of. He didn’t want to have to force you onto the table, as you were already scared enough, but he was running out of options. A breech and a detached placenta during birth was manageable, but only if you allowed the doctor to do her job. 

“Please darling, s’not safe for you to keep going on like this. You gotta do this for me, okay? I know you’re scared but I can’t lose you again,” Joel pleaded, allowing the tears he was holding back to drip down his face. 

He watched as your face scrunched up, a loud whine bubbling up as you fought against the panic. Gripping the back of your head, Joel brought your face back into the crook of his neck and waited patiently for you to relent. 

“You’ll stay and hold my hand?,” you whispered against his skin, placing both of your hands onto his chest. 

Joel leaned back and grabbed them, pressing his lips to the backs of them. 

“M’not going anywhere. I’m gonna stay right by your side honey, I promise,” he answered. 

Joel led you over to the makeshift operating table, quietly thanking you for cooperating. He helped you up onto the glorified metal slab that the former veterinarian’s office had for surgeries. He helped you out of the tattered dress, cooing as the cold against your bare backside made you hiss. Crouching down next to the table, he gave a subtle nod to the doctor, giving her the okay to bring in whoever she needed to help with the process. He whispered soft encouragement when two of the nurses came in and draped a sheet over the bump, effectively shielding you from the procedure. 

“Doing so good honey, we’re almost there,” Joel mumbled into your ear, allowing you to grip both of his hands with all of your might. 

“Here, take deep breaths for me please,” one of the nurses said, reaching over to place a mask over your face. 

The growl you let out made her halt, her eyes growing wide with fear as you tried to force yourself into a seated position so you could properly tear her throat out. Joel snatched the mask from the nurse, giving her a look that told her to back off before she had a chance to argue with him. 

“C’mon now sweet girl, this is gonna help numb you. Need you to take some big deep breaths for me, okay? Can ya do that for me baby?,” Joel drawled, his deep timber soft and syrupy. 

Nodding, you leaned into the mask and gulped down a few breaths. He watched as your eyes grew lazy and unfocused, signaling that the gas was doing its job. Joel allowed you a few more breaths, not wanting to overdo it but terrified that you would feel the blade slicing into your womb. 

“That should be good, but if she seems uncomfortable at any point, get her to take a couple more breaths. That’ll do the trick,” one of the nurses said, her voice encouraging despite the tension that was growing in the room. 

“Joel,” you slurred, blinking up at him with heavy eyelids. 

He looked back down at you and produced a smile, one that he hoped was good enough to pass as a real one. 

“Yeah baby?,” Joel answered. 

You smiled, “I love you.” 

“I love you too darling, more than you'll ever know. Are you ready?,” he asked, locking eyes with the scalpel wielding doctor that was anxiously waiting for the go ahead. 

“Mmm hmm,” you sighed, “Better get her out here if she wants to be born so damn bad.” 

Joel chuckled, leaning down to brush his lips over your temple as the doctor made her first incision. He waited for you to cry out, to thrash against him as the pain carried you away, but all you gave was a couple uneasy twitches. Thanking his lucky stars for the existence of pain relievers, he waited patiently as the doctor worked, unsure of how long it was supposed to take for her to find the child. Sarah hadn’t been a C-section, which meant that the experience was brand new territory for him. 

“S’cold Joel,” you whined, teeth chattering as the open air drifted over your exposed organs. 

He hushed you, pushing the hair back from your face so that he could sprinkle a few more kisses along your forehead.  

“I’m sorry baby, I know it’s cold but she won’t take too much longer. S’okay, you’re okay,” he soothed, nuzzling your cheek so that he could watch your eyelids flutter close at the gesture. 

You grunted, mumbling about how the doctor was pulling on something inside of you. Joel lifted his head from its place against the table, ready to yell at the elderly woman that had her hands elbow deep inside of you, only to be met with a head full of dark hair coming out of your body. The infant was seemingly displeased by the venue change, a familiar scowl plastered over his tiny face as he adamantly refused to take that vital first breath. It was the same scowl that Joel sometimes saw staring back at him from the mirror and it would have been cute, if it wasn’t so damn terrifying. Luckily, before Joel had the chance to spiral, the doctor swooped in and rubbed the pup’s back until the first wailing cry burst from his mouth. 

“Oh my god,” Joel exclaimed, watching as a nurse quickly wrapped the little boy in a blanket and carried him over to the examination area. 

He leaned back down and pressed a kiss to your lips, laughing into it as relief washed through him.

“It’s a boy honey, we’ve got a little boy,” Joel cried, voice shaking as the tears kept coming. 

The smile you gave him almost knocked him off his feet and Joel wished that he could have captured it as he would have in a different lifetime. Although, he knew that a picture wasn’t truly necessary, as he would remember that look until the day he died. Still, he wanted to stay in that moment forever, planting a plethora of reverent kisses all over your face in thanks until you pushed him away, but he was snapped out of it by the exasperation in the doctor’s voice. 

“Yep, just like I thought,” she mumbled, making him poke his head over the draping again. 

“What is it?,” he asked timidly, worrying that he might keel over soon if another thing went wrong. 

She shook her head and reached back into the incision, barely looking at him as she murmured, “Twins.” 

The doctor’s efforts were stopped when you squirmed, placing her in a precarious position with her hand trapped inside of your pelvis. Joel swooped down and pressed your shoulder blades back down against the table, trying to keep the panic he was feeling from seeping into his tone as he tried to calm you. 

“I-I can’t, we can’t have twins! She didn’t say - it was supposed to be a maybe, not a real thing! We have one pup Joel, one!,” you cried out, trying and failing to move your numbed body off of the table. 

“Hey now baby, s’okay. You can do this, you’re almost done,” he encouraged, trying desperately not to hurt you as he pinned you down against the metal. 

You grunted, starting to thrash so much that the doctor began to murmur to the nurses about full sedation. 

“What are we going to do?,” you cried out. 

Joel got even closer, placing himself so close that the two of you were practically nose to nose. Nothing else existed, just the two of you breathing the same air and gazing into each other’s souls as the world fell away. 

“We’re gonna love ‘em both, that’s all we can do honey,” Joel encouraged, lips brushing against yours as he spoke. 

When you leaned forward and pecked the corner of his mouth, he softened, leaning back so that he could remove his hands from your shoulders. Joel grabbed your hands again, kissing them softly despite the fact that his own fingers were crushed in your grip. He held on tight as you grunted again, the same pressure you had felt before with the first pup making you wince while he continued to say the sweetest things he could think of to comfort you. 

This time Joel didn’t have to wait for the newborn to take a breath, as the other twin came out screaming at the top of its lungs. He jumped at the shrill cries and then chuckled, surprised at the shocking amount of lung capacity that the newest edition had. His laugh was mirrored by you and he leaned down to kiss the tears from your eyes, letting a few of his own flow as well. 

“Go look Joel, what is it?,” you cried out, tapping on his shoulder to get his attention. 

Once more, Joel lifted his head and looked over the drape just in time to see another dark haired child. However, this one was not as quiet in rage as her brother was, angrily punching at the air as the nurses juggled her over to the other side of the room. He let out a shaky breath at the sight of the little girl, his daughter, fighting against nothing while the clinic staff tried to wrangle her into a blanket. Laughing through tears at the sight, he couldn’t help but think that she clearly took after her mother. 

When he felt another tug to his sleeve, Joel was forced back down to earth. He leaned over you, leaving an obnoxiously loud smooch against your cheek before he tearily answered. 

“We’ve got a girl,” he answered, smiling even wider when you matched his excitement. 

Although his ears were ringing from the combined efforts of the wailing siblings being checked over in the corner of the room, Joel was sure that this was the happiest he had felt in a long time. The last twelve hours be damned, his mate was alive and he had two squirming babies that were healthy, he didn’t care about anything else. The doctor worked diligently, finding the cause of your bleeding and taking the ruptured thing out before you could bleed any more. With the babies out and the bleeding stopped, she sewed you up with a practiced ease. 

“We’re out of the woods,” the doctor sighed when she finished, coming around the drape to talk to you directly, “You’re going to have to stay here a few nights so that we can keep an eye out for anything, but we should be in the clear.” 

Joel sighed in relief, quietly thanking her as he pressed another smattering of kisses all over your face. You were too high to understand completely, giving her a loopy thumbs up that made him laugh. 

“Okay, here comes pup number one,” one of the nurses announced as she carried the tiny bundle across the room, carefully laying his son against your bare chest. 

He squirmed a bit and then calmed, relaxing against the warm expanse of skin he was draped across. A lump formed in his throat at the sight of you seeing him for the first time, but he swallowed it, not wanting to miss a single second. The pup blinked up at you once, eyes still cloudy as he took you in for a moment before he closed them once more. Joy radiated from you and it felt like a ray of sun was shining through his very being, warming him from the inside out. 

“And here’s pup number two,” the other nurse singsonged, cautious as she laid the finicky little girl on the opposite side. 

Joel chuckled again at the sight of his daughter, less angry than she had been but still fighting against her own lethargy as she flailed her limbs about. Nevertheless, much like her brother, she couldn’t resist the warmth of her mother’s chest. She gave one big blink and yawned, making both of her parents melt as she settled in for a nap. 

“They’re so tiny Joel,” you squeaked, looking up at him with wide eyes. 

He nodded, “And they’re ours.” 

Joel locked eyes with you, a crack of electricity hitting him square in the chest at an undercurrent of devotion ran through the both of you. He matched your loving gaze, trying and failing to think of something, anything to say that would fully encapsulate what he was feeling. And it seemed that you felt the same, tearfully shaking your head at his attempts with upturned lips. He leaned back down to kiss you again, this time letting himself linger for a bit so that he could pour all of his joy and relief into it. After a few more breathless moments, Joel pulled back, the love in his heart overflowing and adding to the neverending tears that drenched his cheeks. He didn’t care that the clinic staff were watching him openly weep, he couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to. 

“I love you honey, so much,” he sniffed, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. 

“I love you too, I can’t believe… I just - I really thought that we weren’t going to make it,” you admitted, voice tight with emotion. 

He shook his head, “I know honey. Just look at them though, they’re okay and so are we.”

Nodding at his words, you smiled at him with tears rolling down your face. Joel cooed, whispering about how much he loved you as he used his thumbs to wipe your eyes. You closed your eyes, humming as he stroked your hair and whispered more sweet nothings into your ear. After a few minutes of this, you opened your eyes and grinned at him, the playfulness in your eyes back with a vengeance. 

“We’re going to have to get more of like… I don’t know, fucking everything,” you cackled, the ridiculousness of the situation finally catching up to you. 

Joel chuckled, “Fuck, do we ever.” 

The two of you laughed until you hissed in pain, the fresh wound across your abdomen making it impossible for you to dissolve into a fit of giggles. He worked hard to distract you from the pain, rubbing your scalp and talking you through the sting until you settled.

“Can we really do this Joel?,” you asked him when the pain finally passed. 

The vulnerability on your face was clear, the worry you felt making his heart ache as you waited for a response. Joel softened at that and smiled again, unable to keep himself from radiating the joy he felt. After everything the two of you had been through, along with the love that was filling the room in a heady layer of your scents, he had no doubt in his mind that everything would be absolutely fine. He grinned, leaning down to breathe the same air as you again. 

“We already are doing it honey, everything is gonna be just fine.” 

[kk095]

Terry’s Cardiac Emergency

*hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted a story in awhile! None of my more recent ideas materialized. This story may need some additional editing and whatnot, but I hope you enjoy!*

Terry was a 53 year old woman with wavy, shoulder-length brown hair, beautiful blue eyes that never changed with age, and was of average height and build. Terry worked as an office manager for a hotel, but she always felt her most important job was being a mom, having 2 sons: aged 21 and 18. Terry didn’t have an extensive history of health issues throughout her life, but that all changed 6 months ago when she had her first health scare. One evening after work, Terry experienced chest pain and shortness of breath. Instead of driving herself home, she went straight to the ER, knowing something wasn’t quite right. At the ER, it was discovered that Terry was having a heart attack, so she was taken up to the cardiac catheterization lab and had 2 endovascular stents placed. The procedure went according to plan, and Terry was released from the hospital 2 days later, making a full recovery. Terry and her family had quite a scare and were glad to put that incident behind them- or so they thought!

Last night around 10pm, Terry was at work. She began experiencing a sharp pain in her chest that came seemingly out of nowhere. To make things worse, she began experiencing shortness of breath along with dizziness and light headedness. Around 10:30pm, one of Terry’s coworkers found her unconscious and slumped over at her desk. Terry was breathing and had a pulse, and she had a pale complexion with bulging veins in her neck. Terry’s coworker immediately realized something was wrong and called 911.

After emergency services were notified, they were on scene about 7 minutes later. On scene, EMS set up 2 large bore IVs and set Terry up on a portable heart monitor. Her vital signs weren’t the greatest: her blood pressure was 80/41, her heart rate was 142, her o2 saturation was normal, but the EKG was abnormal, showing an alternating QRS complex. The paramedics hung a bag of normal saline to begin fluid resuscitation and gave Terry some nitrates for chest pain. Since Terry wasn’t fully conscious and had unstable vital signs, the medics felt the next step was intubation for the sake of airway management. A 7.0 ET tube was then placed into the 53 year old mom’s airway, and then held in place with a blue tube holder after proper placement was confirmed. After intubation, Terry was placed on a stretcher and taken into an ambulance which waited nearby.

Terry’s vital signs failed to improve during transport. Her blood pressure continued to drop at an alarming rate. The medics pushed a 250cc bolus of .9 NS to try and buy Terry some time, but it failed to ameliorate the situation. A few minutes into transport, Terry’s condition worsened and went into cardiac arrest. The medics promptly began ACLS protocol. Terry received deep, violent chest compressions. Her D cup breasts bounced around in sync with each individual compression while her belly rippled outwards. Epinephrine and atropine were pushed into the IV line while the defib paddles were being charged. The paddles were charged, gelled, and pressed up against the patient’s bare chest before the shock was delivered.

A quick jolt of electricity was sent into Terry’s lifeless body, causing her chest to flop quickly and her breasts to jiggle. With no change present on the monitors, the medics decided to shock Terry a 2nd time. Shock #2 caused Terry’s feet to flex back and then forward, showing off the thick, silky wrinkles throughout the soles of her size 7 feet. But the 2nd shock failed to produce ROSC, so a 3rd shock was delivered shortly after. Terry’s body twitched violently on the stretcher, reacting more intensely to the stronger defib shock. But it was no use- she went into PEA after the 3rd shock. The medics immediately resumed chest compressions and ambu bagging and pushed the 2nd round of medications.

The EMS team was unable to restart Terry’s heart, so she arrived at the hospital with CPR in progress. By time Terry got to the hospital, she had a down time of 6 minutes, was shocked 3 times, and received 2 doses of medications. After EMS updated the ER team on Terry’s situation, she was moved onto the ER table under a large overhead light. PEA was present on the monitors, so an ER nurse began pumping away at the 53 year old’s chest. The ER attending began barking orders, ordering various blood tests and called for an echocardiogram. With CPR ongoing, ultrasound gel was squirted onto the patient’s chest and an echo was then performed. “jeez, massive tamponade. Get me a thoracotomy tray.” The ER attending called out decisively.

Terry’s chest was splashed with betadine while one of the nurses began setting up the proper equipment for an emergency thoracotomy. Once the tray was set up, the ER attending picked up the scalpel and made a quick, crude cut in the patient’s chest. The incision started in the 5th intercostal space just to the left of her sternum, extended laterally, around her large left breast, and ended just shy of her left armpit. The underlying tissue and fat had to be incised further in order to gain access to the thorax. The following step was to place a finochietto rib spreader into the newly created opening in Terry’s chest. Once the spreader was placed, the knobs were turned and Terry’s ribs were pried apart. A loud popping and cracking sound was heard in the room as the 53 year old mom’s ribs were forced apart during the invasive procedure.

After gaining access to the inside of their patient’s chest, the ER team performed a pericardiotomy in order to relieve the large accumulation of blood trapped around the lining of Terry’s heart. A scalpel was used to make a delicate incision laterally across the exterior portion of the heart. The fibrous lining of the heart was then separated, releasing the blood that was trapped. Thick, gooey coagulated blood oozed from the pericardial incision. The coagulated blood was suctioned out, only to be replaced by fresh, bright red material blood. The area had to be suctioned out once more in order to create a line of sight for the ER team. After visualization of the thoracic cavity was obtained, internal massage began. One of the ER doctors wrapped their hands around Terry’s heart and began manually pumping it. With internal massage ongoing, a cross clamp was placed on the descending aorta near the diaphragm in order to redirect bloodflow to Terry’s heart and brain.

It took several minutes worth of meds and internal compressions until Terry converted back to v-fib. At that point, the internal paddles were charged to 10 joules. The large, spoon shaped paddles were lowered into the woman’s chest, and a shock was delivered. Terry’s chest jolted slightly in response to the shock, but she remained in v-fib. The internal paddles were recharged to 20 joules and placed around her twitching heart. A dull, wet thunk was heard, but v-fib still persisted. A cycle of internal massage and ambu bagging was performed while the large, spoon shaped paddles were recharged to 30. After the paddles were ready, the team delivered the next shock to Terry’s heart. Her toes curled, showing off her cute, wrinkly soles, but she was still in v-fib after this 3rd shock.

Terry was shocked 4 more times with the internal paddles, received several cycles of internal massage, and received the maximum dose of meds. At the 22 minute mark of the code, one of the nurses noted fixed and dilated pupils. Despite the team’s best efforts, time of death was called on Terry while she was still in v-fib. The ambu bag was detached and the heart monitors were switched off. The EKG electrodes were disconnected from Terry’s chest and the rib spreader+clamp were removed. A toe tag was placed on the big toe of Terry’s left foot as a sheet was placed over her lifeless body before being sent off to the morgue.

Since the circumstances of Terry’s death weren’t immediately clear, an autopsy was performed. The autopsy revealed that one of the coronary artery stents Terry had placed 6 months earlier ended up breaking. One of the broken pieces sliced open one of the coronary arteries, causing a major hemorrhage. The blood from said hemorrhage became trapped within the lining of the heart, essentially crushing Terry’s heart from the inside.

With that information in mind, Terry’s family was able to successfully sue the medical device manufacturer of the broken stent, and settled for an undisclosed amount. Even though this couldn’t bring Terry back, it gave her family peace of mind given the tragic circumstances.

[dontshootmespence]

Happily Ever After

Summary: After meeting through the most unlucky of circumstances, you find yourself connecting with the alpha that helped save your life - the Prince.

Pairing: Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Prince!Sam x Omega!Reader

Word Count: 4,605

Warnings: Heat, masturbation, outdoor claiming, marking, scenting, knotting, talk of pups, naughty words for genitalia,

A/N: This will fulfill my royal au square for @spnfluffbingo, my alpha/omega square for @spnabobingo​ and the quote ‘Nice to finally talk to you when I’m not...you know...choking on my own blood’ for @spnquotebingo​.

Beta’d by: @felix-the-white-wolf​ Thanks!

Throughout the Kingdom of Lamudor, every omega, beta and even alpha craved one thing - the attention of the kingdom’s sole heir, Samuel, or Sam as he preferred to be called according to everyone he’d ever spoken to. Though Y/N, an omega, desired the attention of the Prince as much as anyone else, she moved about her days with speed and precision. As the sole caretaker for her ailing father and two beta brothers, she had no time to swoon over the alpha; she had work to do and a family to feed.

The marketplace buzzed with excitement. The King didn’t enjoy letting his son into the marketplace, thought it too common, but the headstrong Prince had never been one to take no for an answer, so about once a month, he would make his way into the marketplace accompanied by a few guards - older, more seasoned alphas that could protect him if the need arose.

As Y/N flitted about, picking out the necessities to keep her household going for at least the next week or so, she chanced a peek at the alpha, her body going warm in his presence. His scent was intoxicating, hard like steel, soft like grass and rich like ale. Moving about, she allowed herself to dream - but not too much. At each stand, she exchanged pleasantries with the owner, paying what was expected for eggs and flour and milk and other such things. Her deft movements through the crowds were a practiced dance she did well - never wavering from the tried and tested path.

With one last glance, Y/N spun back around to return home. However, today, the kingdom was having caskets of wine delivered to the castle for the King’s name day. She tripped over her well-used apron and into the back end of one of the carts, which caused the gate holding the contents to swing open.

Before she could think, nearly a dozen large caskets rolled off the cart. Her purchases from the marketplace flew into the air and scattered about as she was pinned under the heavy weight of the King’s wine. She had no idea why people around her were screaming until she saw the Prince and his guard rushing toward to push the caskets off. “I can’t- breathe-” She said softly, gasping for air as her eyes well with tears. “I can’t- My family- Sick-” When she coughed, she saw blood, and welcomed the feel of Sam’s hands grasping hers as he called for the surgeon.

“Get her to a doctor! Now!” He screamed. He was helpless as the castle’s medical experts came to rush her away - a stream of red spilling from the corner of her mouth.

                                                         --------

Nearly a week passed before Y/N awoke to a string of people who faces she didn’t recognize. Her first thought was her father and brothers. “My family,” she said, her voice cracking from dryness. She tried to move, but it only sent a shooting pain up her side. “How long? How is my family?”

A shorter gentleman whose face you somewhat recognized, approached you quickly and rested his hands on yours. “Your family is okay. They are here. It’s been a half a fortnight.”

“Where is here?”

“The King’s castle. You will be healing here. Per the Prince’s not-so-subtle suggestion,” he said with a smile.

You were in the castle. As was your family. The Prince wanted you here? “May I see my family?” She asked. She already felt weak.

Shaking his head, the doctor ghosted his hands over your face. “Close your eyes. Rest more. When you wake next, I will make sure you see your family.”

Despite your desire to fight, to see them now and assure they were truly okay, your eyes did not cooperate.

                                                        --------

As he’d promised, the next time you opened your eyes, about a day later, your father and brothers were there. Your 6-year-old brother, Charles, hopped up and down with excitement; your mother had died shortly after he was born, so to him, you were his everything. Benjamin, at 16, just looked relieved, for your sake and his; he wouldn’t have to be the man of the house just yet.

Your father looked worn, but he was smiling. “Thank God, you’re okay, little one.” It was a nickname you’d had for as long as you could remember. He cradled the side of your face, his thumb grazing over your cheek. “You look so much like your mother. If I lost you too, I-”

“Don’t think about it, Father,” you said softly. “Have you spoken to the doctor? How long will I be here?”

“At least another two fortnights,” he said. “Closer to three. But you are being well taken care of. As are we.”

For the first time in ages, your family looked content, at ease. They didn’t have to worry. “Are you up to seeing another visitor or two?” Your doctor asked as he approached.

“Yes, I think so.”

“The boys and I will take our leave,” your father said. “The King has invited us to eat at his table every night. And I think the boys are hungry.”

They looked a little guilty that they wanted to eat, but you assured them you were fine. “Go get ready for supper,” you said. As they walked away, you breathed a sigh of relief, but the moment you glanced to the side and saw your first visitor, your muscles tensed.

“King John!”

“No, please, don’t move. You’ll pop your stitches. I just wanted to see that you were truly okay.” He sat at your side and grasped your hand in his. You’d never have imagined the King sitting at your side looking so guilt ridden. “It was my wine that fell on you. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am.”

“It’s okay, your grace,” you said quickly. “It was an honest accident. You’re taking care of me and my family. I’ll be eternally grateful.”

“The pleasure is mine,” he said, his smile returning. “Are you up for one more visitor?”

Nodding, you watched as the King left and ushered in Sam. “My Prince. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Like my father, I needed to make sure you were okay.” From his place in the castle, he saw you frequently. There was an almost magical quality about you, he thought; your smile radiant and footsteps light as feathers. Seeing you now, in person, was more than he could handle. Despite your situation with a punctured lung and broken rib, you radiated a beauty and strength he hadn’t experienced except through portraits of his mother.

The second he’d approached you in the marketplace, he knew you were an omega, and now that he had the chance to take you in, he was intoxicated by the overwhelming scent of honey-flowers and the sea. Though in his late-20s, Sam had never taken an omega or a princess to his side; he’d never been affected by anyone before - and he wanted a love like his parents had enjoyed. “Y/N, would it be okay if I came to visit you while you heal? Get to know you?”

“You want to get to know me?” You asked, eyes wide.

Sam couldn’t believe she would be surprised by such a prospect. “I do. Would that be okay?” He asked. When you nodded, he chuckled his relief. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

“Nice to finally talk to you when I’m not,” you said, “you know...choking on my own blood.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at your frankness, smiling wide when you joined in his laughter.

                                                         --------

Over the next month, Sam, as he insisted you call him, came to sit at your bedside at least once a day. Sometimes, he would just sit by your side as you slept, rubbing your hand with his calloused thumb. Other times, he would assist the doctors in helping you stand to make sure your muscles wouldn’t atrophy while you healed.

Through it all, you got to know each other. At first, Sam told you about himself; things you wouldn’t have known just because of his status. The times he spent with his mother, how she trained in the ways of sword fighting. “That was your mother? Not the King?” You asked.

“No, not the King. Believe it or not, he hates to fight unless it’s absolutely necessary. It was my mother who was the fiery one. She always had some fight in her.”

“I can just imagine little Sam fighting alongside his mother.” Your wounds had almost healed, but it was taking so long. You wanted to walk with him, hand-in-hand, as he gave you tours of his home. For a moment, you pictured the little prince with his mother. “My mother was never a fighter. She was an omega through and through. Found my father and bore his pups. She died giving birth to Charles. I miss her.”

Sam furrowed his brow. If only there was a way to turn back time. “I wish I could’ve met her,” he said softly. “Do you see yourself as the typical omega?”

You hesitated. “I’ve never really thought about it. I wasn’t when I was younger, but then my mother passed away and I had to be the caregiver because my father was sick and my brothers were too little. So maybe by circumstance, not by design.” The thought of bearing Sam’s pups crossed your mind. “That’s not to say I don’t want pups of my own. I just want to be more than that. Maybe a fighter, like your mother.”

“May I?” He asked, extending his arms. Though you didn’t know what he wanted, you trusted him. For the first time since you’d been injured, he gathered you in his arms and placed you in his lap. “Would it be too forward of me to say that I’ve imagined you as my omega?”

Your heartbeat pumped loudly in your ears and you blushed. “Would it be too forward of me to say that I’ve imagined the Prince as my alpha?”

Without a word, Sam lifted his hand to your chin and tipped your mouth to his. Washed in the soft, fresh scent of green grass, he slipped his tongue into your mouth and breathed you in. It was a beautiful dream - a fulfilling one - but you couldn’t leave your family. Once you were fully healed, you would all have to return home. Father couldn’t care for the boys and the boys were still so young. For now however, you would sink into his embrace and dream and a life where you didn’t come from two separate worlds.

                                                        --------

After the week passed, the castle doctor declared you healthy. It was a bittersweet moment. Your time with Sam was over, but you could move and bend and breath like you had before.

Due to the King’s courtesy, your family was given a week’s worth of food and necessities to help settle you in back home. Before you left, you made sure to see him, curtsying in his presence to thank him profusely for the kindness he’d shown you and your family. “You’re a tough one,” he said, almost fondly. “Not many could recover from such an injury.” Sam beamed at his side.

As you began to leave, Sam ran up to your side. “We can still see each other?” He asked hopefully.

You nodded quickly and gave him a soft smile before turning to leave. Even if your lives were too different to allow a romance, you wanted to remain his friend, no matter how difficult that might be.

Settling back into home life was easier than you had imagined, and while your family had enjoyed their time in the castle, they were glad to be surrounded by the comforts of home. Returning to your weekly trip to the marketplace felt like coming home; it was familiar, comforting, to take care of your family...and it allowed you to return to the castle area - to be closer to Sam.

Upon preparing your family for your incoming heat, which would all but incapacitate you, you returned home and found yourself flushed with warmth. After the injury you’d suffered, you hoped your heat would come later, but there was no such luck. You felt sick to your stomach, your muscles ached, and your sex quivered for the strong touch of an alpha, but not just any. Now you thought of Sam when you slipped your hand between your legs. Careful to keep your voice down so as to not wake your brothers, you whimpered Sam’s name into your down pillow, feeling only the slightest sense of relief as you drifted off to sleep.

                                                       --------

The following morning, you dressed yourself in your loosest dress, the feeling of the material unbearable to your overwrought skin, and ensured your father and brothers were set before heading into the woods. During your heats, you always felt better outdoors, so you made it a point to have some time alone. It was a cloudy day, perfect weather for a stroll.

As you basked in the cool air, you focused on the flowers, the trees, the beauty around you. It was the only “medicine” you could afford to help you through your heats. Others who lived closer to the market could buy medications, but they were so expensive, and you couldn’t bear to spend the money on that when you could swallow the pain and use it on food for your family.

Ten minutes later, you happened upon your favorite tree and leaned against its trunk. Inhaling, you sighed happily at the scent of nearby jasmine. But then your muscles tensed, a familiar steel blanketing you. “Sam?”

When you poked your head out from behind the tree, you saw him, all hard angles and soft smiles. He was out on his horse, alone. “Sam, what are you doing here?”

He dipped to kiss your forehead, his embrace so inviting. “Once in a while, I try to take some time alone. To have time to think.”

He pulled away, and you could see his cock pressing against his pants. This was dangerous; being in the presence of your heat could trigger his rut, and then all control would be lost. “I do, too. I’ve never seen you out this way before,” you said softly. “Did you- did you follow me here?”

“Not exactly,” he said, eyes lust blown. “I found your scent and I followed it. Hoping I might run into you.”

“We can’t.” Your lip trembled at thought of pulling away from him. “Sam, we can’t be near each other right now. I’m in heat. And I can’t be your omega.”

Sam shook his head, taken aback. “What do you mean? I thought you said you imagined it.”

“I have,” you admitted, wiping a droplet of water off your cheek. It was starting to rain. “So much. But to be your omega would mean leaving my family. My father cannot care for himself, no less my brothers. I cannot leave them.”

A smirk passed his lips as he stepped toward you, his scent filling your nostrils and sending your nerves into overdrive. “You would not have to leave them.”

“What?”

“If you want me to be your alpha, if you want to be my omega, then your family can live in the castle, as they have been. You would see them every day. I would have castle attendants care for them. I wouldn’t make you choose between me and them.”

As the rain pounded through the canopy of trees, you arched into him, wanting so badly to give in - to do something for yourself for the first time in your life. “Why me?” You asked genuinely, gasping softly when his lips ghosted over yours. “I’m no princess.”

“I don’t want a princess. I want you. As my Omega, and my future Queen.” You stared at him in awe, still somewhat disbelieving of your current reality. “For years, my father tried to marry me off to princesses, some omegas, some betas, purely so that I would have a Queen, but I refused, until I found someone that made me as happy as my mother made my father.”

Cold rain mixed with heated tears. “Alpha,” you breathed.

That one spoken word was all he needed to hear. He slipped his hand up the side of your neck and cradled your face in his hands as he kissed you hungrily, a low growl emanating from his throat. “’Mega. Say yes. Say that you want this life, with me.”

The words wouldn’t come, so you leaned into him and bit his lower lip, groaning into his mouth. “Alpha, I need you.”

Sam lifted you against the trunk of the tree, its bark digging into your back. Though the rain was coating you both, he held on tight and lifted your skirt above your cunt, grazing his fingers over your fiery skin. You bucked into his hand, running your hands over the dampened material of his clothing, eager to release his cock from its confines.

As his finger slipped between slick folds, he used his other hand to push his pants down just below his buttocks. “Going to knot you. Claim you. Mark you. Mine.”

Unbuttoning his shirt, you splayed your hands over the wide expanse of his chest and nipped at him, his skin practically vibrating with need under your touch. “Mark you too,” you mumbled against him. Your hands slipped into his hair, wet with rain, and tugged.

When he growled, you felt it go straight to your cunt. He placed himself at your entrance, teasing you slick cunt with the head of his cock. You wanted to take him in, see him in all his glory, but there was no time and neither of you had the patience to wait any longer. “Please, Alpha.”

He grasped your ass as he eased in by degrees, giving you time to adjust to the size of him. “Fuck, ‘Mega, such a tight little cunt. Gonna knot you.”

Pulling back, he pounded back into you, causing your back to scrape against the tree. You cried at the pain, the overwhelming feel of it all, but you welcomed it and clawed at his back.

As he thrusted into you, you clenched your walls around him. Each tightening around him drove him harder and faster. His knot began to swell, and he mumbled into your shoulder, moving your sleeve so he could mark you, claim you, when the time was right.

“Fuck me full,” you whined. “Please. I need you, Alpha.”

Whimpering into you, he bit at your pulse point and picked up the pace until his knot locked to you. When he spilled himself inside you, you cried out, biting down into his shoulder as he did yours. The pain of your claiming made him jerk into you. “Mine, ‘Mega,” he breathed.

The rain continued to fall overhead as he softened inside you, his knot unlocking. “Sam,” you said softly into the crook of his neck. “What do we do now?”

“I tell my father I’ve found my future Queen.” He kissed the claim mark on your shoulder and pulled your sleeve back up over it. “You tell your family that you’re going to marry the Prince. And we live happily ever after.”

When he pulled out of you, you felt bereft, wanting nothing more than to stay here, against this tree, for the rest of time. “It’s that simple?”

“It’s that simple,” he stated. He dressed himself and helped you do the same, so you would at least look semi-appropriate in front of your family after your simple “walk” in the forest. “Go home. Tell them. Tell them none of you will ever have to worry again. And then come home to me.”

                                                      --------

After returning home, you father took in your smile; he knew. “Are you okay?” Charles asked.

“Yes, little one,” you replied with a smile. “I’ve come home to tell you all something. We’ll be returning to the castle soon.”

“Really?” Benjamin asked, delighted by the prospect. He’d eaten better in those six weeks at the castle than he had his entire life.

You glanced back at your father to see him smiling. “She’s fallen in love with the Prince, am I right?”

“Yes, father. And he with me. He wishes to be married. I told him I would, but that I couldn’t leave you here to fend for yourselves. He could only have me if he accepted you three.”

Benjamin came over to hug you, taking in the hint of a claim mark sitting underneath your sleeve. He smirked, but he spoke genuinely. “I am glad you found a man that loves you. For all you do, you deserve it.”

“Thank you, Benji.”

                                                     --------

In the ensuing fortnight, the King had pulled together a spectacular wedding celebration, overjoyed that his seemingly picky son had finally found his Queen. Other royalty from nearby kingdoms looked down upon the common woman becoming a princess, no less the future Queen, but Sam nor his father cared. And the people welcomed her with open arms. One of their own would serve them far better than a foreign princess.

Even with the kingdom’s resources now at your disposal, you picked a modest wedding dress, white as snow and sprinkled with sewn honey-flowers, per Sam’s request. Covering your shoulders sat delicate lace. As you stood before your Alpha, declaring your love to the surrounding kingdoms as well as your own, you saw the love reflected in his eyes.

King John stood at his son’s side proudly, welcoming his daughter-in-law into the royal family. “You will make a wonderful Queen someday. I’m happy my son finally found you,” he said, turning around to tease him as the ceremony came to a close.

Walking through the applauding crowd, you leaned into your new husband, your Alpha and future King. “Will your father step down?” You asked as Sam led you toward the Great Hall where you would have your reception. Per your request, your entire village had been invited. “He should be able to retire and enjoy the kingdom he’s helped to rule for so long.”

“I agree,” Sam replied. You entered the Great Hall and marveled at the splendor before you, flowers bedecking every inch. When he pulled you into the middle of the floor and gathered his arm around you, you readied yourself for your first dance in front of the kingdom. “And he will. As soon as I have an heir, I’m sure.” He winked.

Blushing, you kissed him and whispered into his ear. “Well, I guess we’ll have to wait until after the reception. We wouldn’t want to disappoint him, would we?”

                                                    --------

Of course you wanted to celebrate marrying the man you loved, but as Sam’s insistent hands roamed your body over the soft fabric of your dress, you couldn’t help but want to leave and get to more important matters - not just for yourself, but for the King - naturally.

After thanking each and every guest for their attendance and bidding your family good evening, you walked hand-in-hand with your Alpha toward the bedroom you would share from now on. When you entered, you felt at home, with dark wood and deep reds washing over you. His closet had been expanded in the previous days and filled with outfits of all sorts in colors you’d never had the privilege to wear before.

In the center of the room pushed up against one of the castle’s outer walls stood an imposing, wooden, four-poster bed. “I had the servants add the sheets,” he said, “Figured it would be a nice touch for you.”

“It is,” you giggled, pulling him toward you. “Although the bed really is of no matter to me, not as much as the one in it.”

Sam mumbled appreciatively against your skin, licking and sucking at your pulse point. Unlike when he’d claimed you, tonight would be nowhere near as frenzied. “Going to take my time tonight, ‘Mega. Show you just how much you deserve to be worshipped.”

As he began to untie your dress, he rolled his tongue over yours, promising between open-mouthed kisses and love bites that he would fuck you full of pups tonight. “Need your knot, Alpha.”

“In time,” he said cockily. You felt your body flush with heat under his practiced touch. He let your dress drop and pool at your feet, taking in your beautiful blush. “Right now, I need this.”

Dropping to his knees before you, he licked a stripe up your slit. You shivered and swayed on your feet, but he held you steady with strong hands on either side of you. As he flicked his tongue over your clit, you trembled in his embrace and begged for more. You wanted his fingers, his cock, his knot. Anything and everything.

Flattening his tongue against your cunt, he moaned at the heady taste and nipped at your folds. It was overwhelming to have your Alpha, the prince, worshipping at your feet. He was still clothed; it was too much.

“Please, I need to see you,” you rasped, clawing at the wedding attire he wore. You slipped your fingers under the material and pushed it down from his shoulders, grazing your hand over the mark you’d left on him weeks earlier. He stood up, his eyes practically black with lust, and began to tear at his clothing.

Before long, he was completely bare, his cock hanging thick between his legs as he picked you up and placed you on the bed. He crawled up between the two posters at the bottom of the bed and grabbed your legs, spreading you open for the next assault of his tongue. This time his kisses weren’t experimental in the slightest. He devoured your cunt like it was his last meal and he was starved.

Each pass of his fingers and swipe of his tongue had you writhing underneath him. He brought you to the brink so quickly it was if he’d been mapping and studying your body his entire life. When you came, you shook against his mouth, crying out his name like it was the only word you’d ever known. “Fuck, Alpha. I want you. Please. Need your knot.”

Climbing up your body, he spread your legs with his own, his thick thighs holding you in place. You reached between you and grabbed his cock, rubbing your thumb over the head and knot as your other hand slipped over his taut, sweat-slick muscles.

He held himself above you and placed his cock at your entrance, sliding home with ease. “So beautiful, ‘Mega.”

You whimpered at his continued effusive praise and began to claw at his back, scraping your fingernails down the wide expanse of his back. When you grabbed the firm flesh of his ass, you pulled him toward you, begging him silently to fuck you harder, fuck you full of his come. “Such a needy little, ‘Mega.”

“Need you.” As your pleas turned to strangled cries and pitiful whimpers, you felt him lose control, rutting against you as he licked and kissed at the mark he’d given you. “Yours, Alpha.”

That was all he needed to let go, spilling himself inside you with a few quick pumps of his cock. “Fuck, ‘Mega. Love you. So much.”

“I love you, too, Alpha.”

Removing himself from you, he kissed your stomach. “Can’t wait to see you round with my pups.”

“And then we live happily ever after?”

“And then we live happily ever after.”

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad day. I hope this makes you feel a bit better 💜

Part 20 of Jimercury Kid series

‘I’m going to die.’ Freddie whined dramatically from the sofa, arching his back as Jim walked through the door with a tray of tea and biscuits, carefully setting it on the coffee table in front of the singer. ‘I’m not sure how much more of this pain I can take, darling.’

‘I know, love.’ Jim replied softly, placing another pillow under Freddie’s head. ‘But that’s what happens when you decide to do acrobatics on stage when there are wires lying around.’

‘It was entirely Roger’s fault.’ Freddie huffed. ‘He could have warned me that his drumkit was a danger zone.’

Jim chuckled and kissed his husband’s forehead. ‘The doctor said you’ll be right as rain in a few weeks, so long as you get plenty of rest and keep up the physio.’

The Persian grumbled, ‘I hate rest.’ Then he looked up at Jim with an accusatory glare. ‘And I can’t believe you’re abandoning me to galivant off and cut people’s hair! The audacity.’

Freddie hadn’t been all that pleased when Jim announced that he had accepted a weekend job at the barber shop down the road. The Irishman had befriended the owner, Carl Pritchard, in a bar a few months ago and while he had declined the offer of a full-time job (he still had the garden to think about and Khaleel to look after when Freddie was at the studio,) he was more than happy to lend Carl a hand every Saturday, when the shop was at its busiest.

Khaleel hadn’t been too happy about it either; he was used to Jim being around 24/7 and the sudden change of routine caused him a great amount of stress. Jim was almost late on his first day of the job because his son had cried and refused to let go of his leg. But eventually, the boy begrudgingly accepted it and Jim was able to pacify his separation anxiety with the promise of bringing home a treat when he was finished at work.

‘You’re just saying that because you’re jealous.’ Jim teased, dodging as Freddie attempted to swat his backside. ‘You think I’m going to fall head over heels for Carl’s dashing good looks and run off into the sunset with him.’

Freddie pouted like a child and crossed his arms. ‘So, you do think he’s good looking.’

Jim chuckled and dropped a kiss into his husband’s dark head of hair. ‘I’m old enough to be his dad, sweetheart. Besides, he’s really not my type.’

‘I wasn’t your type either and you still went for me.’

‘Well, how could I possibly resist? Have you seenyour arse?’

He roared with laughter as Freddie attempted to swat him again, but this time the singer grabbed his hand and pulled him down to kiss his lips.

‘Do you love me?’ he whispered once they had parted, brown eyes staring into Jim’s own almost fearfully. They had been together for almost ten years now, and yet he still needed that reassurance.

‘To the moon and back.’ Jim replied, leaning down for a much deeper kiss. He could have stayed like that all day, but a quick glance at his watch told him that he was already pushing it for time.

‘I’ll be back about six.’ He placed one final kiss against Freddie’s forehead before heading to the hallway to grab his coat. ‘I’ve left the shop’s number by the phone in case there’s an emergency. Try not to have too much fun without me.’

‘Very funny.’ Freddie sniggered as Jim blew him a kiss and turned the keys in the door. ‘Have a good day, darling. Don’t snip any ears off.’

The last thing he heard was Jim shouting goodbye to Khaleel up the stairs – which was quickly followed with a cheerful, ‘bye Daddy!’ – before the door was pulled shut. Freddie sighed and stretched his sore back, wishing he could at least hobble over to the piano and belt out a few show tunes to take his mind off the pain. He hated being alone; Phoebe was in town with friends and Khaleel had been colouring upstairs for most of the afternoon. He knew that colouring was one of the ways his bijou coped with Jim’s absence, so he didn’t want to disturb him.

Well, since he was bedbound (or in this case, sofa bound) he might as well catch forty winks. After finishing his tea and munching on a biscuit, he plumped up his pillows, propped his feet up on the armrest and did his best to ignore the constant throbbing in his lower back as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

--

Freddie was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing in the hallway, and he groggily rose from the sofa to go and answer it.

‘It’s Bernie, Bernie Morris.’ Said the voice on the other end of the line. ‘I know you usually have your physio on Sundays, but my 2 o’clock just cancelled and I don’t have any other appointments today. Would you like to take the slot?’

‘Oh darling, that would be wonderful.’ Freddie sighed in relief, rubbing his back as he spoke. ‘It’s really acting up today. I could use your magic hands.’

Bernie chucked jovially. ‘Alright then, see you in twenty.’

Bernard Morris was a tall, broad, cheerful man, recommended to Freddie by Doctor Atkinson after he had his accident. The vocalist had been apprehensive at first, thinking he could simply deal with the pain on his own; but he eventually relented when it became unbearable and had agreed to six weeks’ worth of sessions, so long as he could do it in the comfort of his own home. So far, Bernie’s methods had proved remarkably effective; Freddie’s back still hurt like hell, but he always felt slightly more relieved once he had been stretched and bent over a few times by a handsome looking man.

‘Thank you so much for this, darling.’ Said Freddie, as Bernie laid the exercise mat out on the floor and shifted the coffee table over to give them more space. ‘I was doing well for a couple of days but last night it started hurting like a bastard. I made the mistake of lifting Khaleel up too quickly during playtime.’

‘It’s no bother at all.’ Replied Bernie. ‘How’s the family? I still have yet to meet your little man.’

‘He’s very shy, our Kenny.’ Freddie chuckled fondly. ‘He’s been a bit clingy lately because of this new job Jim has taken up. He’s not used to him being away and he’s finding it hard to understand.’

‘Poor thing.’ Said Bernie sympathetically. ‘My little girl was the same when I started working full-time. But they get used to it eventually. Now,’ he cracked his knuckles, ‘shall we get started?’

‘Abso-fucking-lutely.’ Freddie said with a laugh and carefully laid himself down on the mat.

--

Khaleel let out a soft yawn as he finally finished colouring in Goliath’s bright yellow eyes and carefully added the picture to the pile of cat drawings he had been working on all afternoon. He didn’t like it when Daddy went to work; he was used to Baba being away, even though he missed him, but Daddy was always there and suddenly not having him around all day made Khaleel confused and scared.

His tummy began to rumble, so he hopped off his bed and carefully climbed down the staircases to tell his Baba that he would like a snack. But when he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard a strange noise coming from the lounge. The door was open a crack, so Khaleel peeped through curiously.

Baba was lying on the floor and a strange man was sitting on top of him, pulling on his leg. Baba was moaning in pain, his arm flying up to cover his eyes as the strange man continued to push on his leg until his knee reached his chest, before stopping and doing the same with the other one. Baba started to cry a little, and the man said something, though Khaleel couldn’t hear what it was. The boy felt his tiny heart racing. There was a strange man in the house, and he was hurting his Baba. Daddy and Uncle Phoebe weren’t here to protect them. He wanted to run into the lounge and jump on the horrible man, but his feet were frozen to the floor, unable to move.

Then he remembered the phone. Daddy and Baba had taught him how to use it, though he was only supposed to use it in emergencies, and he was never to call 999 unless he really needed to. Daddy had left his work number beside the telephone in the hall, so Khaleel quickly hurried to it and stood up on his tiptoes to grab the handset. He stared hard at the numbers on the little piece of paper and slowly began pressing the buttons. (1/2)

Jim had to admit that it felt good cutting hair again.

Pritchard & Sons was nothing like the Savoy; it was small and intimate, with a far more welcoming atmosphere and friendly regulars who were always happy to make conversation. He instantly felt at home in the place and found himself actually looking forward to working on a Saturday; despite his full-time commitment to the garden, he had been longing for a change of scenery as of late, and this job offer was exactly what he needed.

He was busy brushing away the stray hairs from the shop floor when the telephone at the front desk began to ring. Carl was nowhere to be seen and his two co-workers, Simon and Neil, were busy with clients, so he set his broom against the wall and crossed over to the desk, picking up the handset before it could ring off.

‘Pritchard & Sons, how can I help you?’

‘Daddy?’ Came a small voice from the other end of the line.

Jim was taken back a second, as if he was hearing things. ‘Kenny? Is that you? Kenny, you shouldn’t be calling Daddy at work, he’s very busy.’

‘Daddy, I need help.’ The little boy whimpered in response.

‘Sweetheart, if you need help with something, ask your Baba-’

‘There’s a strange man in the house.’ Khaleel started to sob, his voice a terrified whisper, as if he was worried about being heard. ‘There’s a strange man and he’s hurting Baba.’

Jim felt his blood run cold. ‘W-what do you mean? Where’s Baba, Kenny?’

‘In the lounge. The man is on top of him, and Baba is crying.’

Oh Jesus. Jim began to shake, sweat beading his forehead as a million images flashed before his eyes. He knew he couldn’t let Khaleel hear the fear in his voice, otherwise it would just panic the little boy further. ‘Sweetheart, listen to me. I need you to go upstairs into your bedroom and hide under your bed, okay? Daddy’s coming, everything’s going to be okay.’

Khaleel continued to sob. ‘Daddy, please hurry.’‘

‘Please, Kenny, do as I say. Hang up the phone and go upstairs as quietly as you can. I promise I’ll be home soon.’

There was a loud sniff, before Khaleel mumbled, ‘hurry, Daddy,’ and the line went dead.

‘Tell Carl there’s been an emergency!’ Jim yelled over the counter to Simon, as he raced to the hat stand and grabbed his coat, racing through the door before he even got a response. He cursed as he fumbled with his car keys, almost dropping them into the gutter as his hands trembled violently; as soon as he was in the driver’s seat, he slammed his foot on the accelerator and sped down the road.

-----

As soon as he reached Garden Lodge, Jim immediately went around the back entrance, not wanting to alert the intruder by ringing the bell. As soon as he had turned the key in the back door, he immediately called for Freddie, feeling his heart sink when he didn’t receive a response. He slowly walked down the hallway, glancing into every room in case someone leapt out and attacked him, until he reached the kitchen and quickly armed himself with a large knife that had been left sitting on the counter. He prayed that he wouldn’t have to use it.

‘Freddie!’ he cried out again, almost in tears, the hand holding the knife shaking so hard it was a miracle he didn’t drop it.

The kitchen door suddenly swung open behind him, and he yelled in surprise, whipping round, knife clasped in both hands and pointed straight at his would-be assailant.

There was a high-pitched shriek and a crash, and only then did Jim realise it was Freddie, clad in one of his silk kimonos and surrounded by broken teacups. They both stood there, frozen, as Jim looked his husband up and down; Freddie appeared unhurt, though shell-shocked, the tray he had been carrying now lying at his feet amongst shards of china.

‘Jim!’ Freddie screamed, once he had overcome his initial shock. ‘What the bloody hell are you doing?!’

Jim didn’t respond. He dropped the knife immediately, letting it clatter against the kitchen tiles as he ran to Freddie and scooped him into his arms, hugging him fiercely. His husband let out a surprised squeak as he was suddenly lifted off the floor and he quickly wound his legs around Jim’s hips before the younger man dropped him on his arse. It felt like Jim stood there forever, holding onto Freddie tightly, swaying back and forth like he did when soothing Khaleel to sleep.

‘Darling?’ Freddie finally whispered into Jim’s flushed ear. ‘Darling, what’s going on? What was all that about?’

Jim finally released his husband, brushing away the tears that had fallen down his cheeks as he cupped Freddie’s face and looked desperately into his eyes. ‘Are you alright? Are you hurt?’

Freddie looked baffled. ‘Hurt? Of course not! Why would I be hurt? And what are you even doing here? I thought you didn’t finish work until six.’

The Irishman’s heart finally began to relax as he took a moment to process this information. ‘Khaleel called the shop. He said there was a man in here and he was hurting you. I got here as fast as I could.’

Freddie stared at him with wide eyes, looking like a deer in headlights. ‘Oh my God…Jim, that was Bernie. Bernie Morris, my physiotherapist. He’s in the conservatory, I was just about to make us some more tea.’

Jim looked like he was about to collapse to the floor. He leaned back against the counter, colour finally returning to his face as he realised that Freddie and Khaleel had never been in any danger. All the horrifying scenarios that had been playing in his mind finally ceased to be.

‘Oh God…’ he covered his eyes with his hands, taking deep, uneven breaths, ‘I thought some psycho had broken in, I thought…’ He cut off, not wanting to even consider what could have happened.

Freddie carefully stepped over the mess on the floor, careful not to cut his bare feet as he approached him and put his arms around Jim’s neck, gently kissing his forehead. ‘You really would have killed a man just to protect me?’

Jim removed his hands from his eyes and replied without any hesitation. ‘Absolutely. The bastard wouldn’t have known what hit him.’

Freddie chucked softly, ‘my knight in shining armour.’ Then suddenly his eyes went wide. ‘Kenny! Where’s Kenny?’

‘I told him to go upstairs and hide under his bed.’ Replied Jim. ‘Come on, let’s go and get him. He’s scared out of his wits.’

-----

It had taken a while to coax Khaleel out from underneath his bed. But his parents eventually managed to convince him that the mean man downstairs was actually a very nice man, who was helping Baba get better, and the only reason Baba had been crying in the lounge was because his back hurt so much. They praised him for being such a brave boy and using the phone to call for help when he thought it was needed. Khaleel eventually crawled out and let Freddie carry him downstairs.

He hid in face in Freddie’s shoulder when he saw Bernie, his body trembling in fear. But he gradually looked up when Bernie started chatting to him, realising this strange man wasn’t really that scary up close. By the time Phoebe arrived home from town, Kenny was sitting on Bernie’s lap, giggling as the man held one of his soft toys, pretending to make it talk in a deep gruff voice.

‘What happened here?’ Phoebe asked as he walked into the kitchen to see Jim sweeping up the broken china into a dustpan.

‘Long story.’ Was all the Irishman said in reply. (2/2)

--------------------------------------------------

Aww an extra long update! I loved it😊 It was exactly what I needed after the exhausting day I've had, thank you for making me smile with this part (and all your stories everyday).

I was happy to see Jim take up a part time job of a hairdresser. I've often wondered about that in Freddie!lives scenarios. I think one of the reasons why Jim took up the job of the gardener at GL is to be close to Freddie who had received his diagnosis by that time, if I'm not wrong.

And aww, baby Khaleel being so smart and calling up his father when he saw that his baba was in danger. And ofc, Jim being ready to do absolutely anything to keep his family safe... my heart.

And lol, I can see Phoebe rolling his eyes in the kitchen like, "I take one day off..."

(More drabbles by writer anon)

[henryobsessed]

The Widow and The Witcher Chapter 20

Summery: Will Julia be in trouble now the book is reveled? 

Word Count: 2900

Warning: Fluff :) 

A/N thank you all for the wonderful encouragement :) 

Chapter 20

Cautiously Julia walked to Vesemir. Knowing how Geralt had reacted when he had seen the book, she waited to hear what he had to say. Vesemir looked back to the book reaching out he caressed the page it was open to, as he continued to gaze at its pages he asked with a soft painfilled voice "Where did you get this? How did this book come to be in your possession?" expecting an irate Vesemir it took Julia by surprise to hear the softness and pain in the old man's voice. She reached out a hand touching his arm, he turned to face her his old tired eyes seeking answers. "Vesemir, I am happy to answer your questions but right now I need to finish looking after Eskel. Why don't you go sit by the window and I will be with you soon?" His shoulders stiffened as he gave her a subtle nod.

Julia quickly moved to get a sleeping elixir and pain reliever to help aid Eskel and moved back to the brothers. Geralt seemed barely holding on to his frustration and anger as she approached Eskel. The poison seemed to have been neutralised, but his body needed time to heal. "Geralt can you hold up his head please" Following her request Geralt gently placed his hand under Eskel's head who groaned at the contact. If this had been any other person Julia knew this would have been a vastly different situation. She brushed some of his rich brown hair from his forehead and then lifted the mixture to his lips, Eskel turned his head away from her towards Geralt. Julia chuckled silently at the childlike refusal but said in a calm authoritative voice "Eskel, you need to take this it will help you sleep and give you some pain relief as you heal." Geralt eyed his brother with a nod confirming what she said "Trust me Eskel it will make it a lot better. She knows what she is doing. But before she does who did this to you? Do you know who poisoned you?"

Eskel nodded his head slowly and responded in a quiet husky voice "My fault, picked the wrong berries" groaning Geralt shook his head but Julia noticed the tension leave his shoulders. She took Eskel's chin in her hand and guided it back to her face speaking with kindness she said" Eskel were they blue in colour with a soft green tinge?" he nodded at the description "You are lucky Geralt got you here in time, they are quick acting and we have tried for years to eradicate them from this area. Now please take this so you can sleep" Eskel nodded opening his lips allowing her to administer the liquid. Geralt laid Eskel's head back to the pillow and then pulled a blanket over his body as sleep overtook him.

Julia enjoyed seeing how much love Geralt had for his brothers particularly Eskel. They had gone through so much together. Moving to Geralt's side Julia put her arms around him and whispered, "He will be ok Geralt, you got him here in time." He wrapped his arm around Julia in response and pulled her tight into his side. Looking over to Vesemir Julia wondered how she was going to tell her now father in law about the book and its previous owner. Wanting Geralt's support she rested her head on his side "Geralt, Vesemir saw the book. I must go talk to him about it. Eskel will sleep for a few hours can you come with me? I am concerned that there is more to that book for Vesemir than it just being a Witcher's book." Geralt looked over to his mentor and noticing the slump of his shoulders as he looked out over the gardens he nodded his agreement.

Geralt rarely saw Vesemir look his true age, but right now his old mentor was not looking great. Julia was seated across from Vesemir but Geralt had decided to sit next to him giving him support if he needed it. He watched Julia as she seemed to shift in her seat. It was not a nervous shifting rather,  that she was trying to work out how to tell the story. Clearing her throat, she spoke "Vesemir you asked me how the book came into my possession. It's a short story but it might not be so easy for you to hear. My mother was a young healer when she was asked to tend to an old man, he had been found on the road by a local villager. He looked like he had been in a fight and had many wounds too many to save him. Before he died, he talked to my mother, his name was Barmin he said he was a Witcher and that he had a book in his satchel that he wanted her to have. He insisted that she keep it hidden and not let anyone else see it. My mother tending him dutifully until he died. she then took the book and hid it amongst her things. On her death bed, she told me the story, and the book was given to me to look after."

Vesemir was visibly shaken, Geralt placed a hand on his arm as Julia had shared her story. Vesemir was not one to shed a tear, and it took Geralt by surprise to feel one land on his hand. Heeding his mentor Geralt could see a myriad of emotions crossing his face along with the few tears that were on his cheeks. Geralt gently asked "Vesemir what is it? Did you know this Witcher?" Vesemir nodded and after a moment of composing himself said "he was my mentor father figure, during the ransacking of Kear Moran those of us that survived thought he had been killed. We did not know he had survived. We could have helped him." Julia leaned forward and placed a hand over his speaking softly "Vesemir, I'm sorry this must be hard for you to hear, but I want you to know that my mother took great care to make sure his last days were comfortable and he was never alone"

Vesemir regarded Julia his face relaxing back to his normal stoic expression. It was like his walls were being erected again, speaking softly but with his normal confidence, Vesemir addressing her said "Thank you, At least I know he was cared for and that the book remained safe. I am glad you had it on hand to assist both Geralt and Eskel. Will you continue to keep it safe? At least until the last Witcher has died. Geralt can I entrust that you will make sure it is kept safe."

The gravity of what Vesemir was asking the couple was not lost on them and both nodded in agreement. With that, the old man stood and moved over to Eskel who was now beginning to snore quite loudly. A smile creased Vesemir's face as he looked down at the man saying quietly but loud enough that Geralt could hear "Knucklehead, when will he learn to think with his head first and stomach second." with that he left the room.

It had only taken a day for Eskel to be back to his old self and Julia was glad. The poor man hated being laid up in bed almost as much as Geralt had. The first day he had been too tired to be a problem but on the second day, he had been giving Visenna a hard time, and eventually, by that night Julia had sent him back to be with his brothers.

Today Julia was taking a well-deserved break, the healing rooms were closed, and the estate was quiet except the sounds of tents being pulled down and carts leaving. She had not had a relaxing swim in the mineral spring for many months and she now felt like she needed it. The hot water felt good on her aching muscles as she submerged her body. Allowing herself to float ears under the water she shut out the world, for just one moment she wanted to disappear. As she lay floating her senses became alert to the feeling of being watched. She opened her eyes and lifted her head to see Geralt a soft smile of his face as his eyes gazed over her body.

Geralt had finally felt he could leave the others to supervise the pack down of the Field hospital. It had been weeks since his wedding to Julia and his arms were aching to hold her. They had spent no time with each other since then as they had literally been ships in the night. Apart from a few stolen moments when they both were so tired all they did was fall asleep in each other's arms. Today he was determined to find her and whisk her away for some time alone. Sure of where he would find her he entered the healing rooms. Looking around he almost missed her, the only thing alerting him to where she hid was the soft relaxed heartbeat. His eyes scanned till he saw her body stretched out floating in the spring. Her hair flowing along the water, eyes closed a peaceful look on her face. Geralt waited for a while just watching his beloved, it filled his heart with warmth watching her. She had worked so hard helping others he wondered how often she had been tended to. He turned and locked the door, walked to her tables and found some oils then removed his clothing and entered the spring.

Julia was happy to see Geralt, they had spent to much time apart since their wedding. He moved with purpose and on reaching her pulled her into his arms. They held each other for a few moments before Julia felt Geralt start to walk them towards a section of the spring where there was a bench. He sat down and turned her around to sit on his lap her back leaning into his chest. Julia was not sure what he was up to but happy to just relax with him in the water hummed appreciatively. She felt his hands sit her up a bit then they started to knead her tired shoulders. His big hands were surprisingly gentle, but they still found every knot spending enough time on each on to release the tension.

She felt like she was floating, the tension of the last few weeks fading away. Fighting to stay awake under his ministrations Julia whispered "Geralt, I love you." He finished his massage and turned her around to face him. Looking into her eyes he could see she was fully relaxed he dipped his head and kissed her soundly on the lips. Their kiss started slow and leisurely savoring each other's taste but as they continued the kiss grew deeper and their actions more passionate. A banging started on the healing room door, Geralt pulled back just enough to rest his head against Julia's forehead and growled "Ignore them, they will go away" they began kissing again until Tobias called though the door in a panicked voice "Julia the baby's coming"

Julia pushed away from Geralt and pulled herself up out of the spring, yelling out to Tobias as she grabbed the few elixirs she knew could help "Were on our way Tobias, go get Visenna". Looking back at Geralt and seeing his wounded expression Julia taking a breath said "Rain check? I'm sorry" she was thankful when she saw the resignation and relaxed look settle on his features. Softly he replied as she ran to the door "I'll hold you to that"

It had been a grueling 12 hours as Julia and Visenna coaxed and encouraged Renee to walk, then breath as the babe she carried continued to try to make an entrance into this world. Tobias had attempted to help until Renee started to cry and yell through each contraction at that point he had panicked and was shoed from the room joining Geralt and the other men. Yennefer seeing Tobias had left the room entered to help. She stayed by Renee's side. Finally, the moment arrived, and a Healthy 6-pound little boy entered the world. Both Visenna and Julia checked him over and satisfied he was ok Visenna went to tend to the coming afterbirth. Julia looked down at the wriggling infant, counted all his toes and fingers then smiled "you are perfect little man" with that she wrapped him up in a warm blanket and went to hand him to Renee.

Bending down to hand the baby to Renee she noticed the young woman scrunching her face in pain "what's wrong are you ok?" crying out she said "Something else is coming" Julia looked to Visenna who looked up with a broad grin "there's another one, the head is crowning" handing the baby to Yen Julia said in a hurried voice "Hold this little man Yen" Yennefer looked down at the little bundle in her arms and smiled totally smitten with the infant until he opened his mouth and began to wail. Panicked she looked around for help, but Julia was massaging Renee's stomach with one hand and hold her hand with the other, while Visenna was helping to maneuver the next child into the world.

Yennefer decided to hold the infant against her chest and patted him on his bottom until the crying ebbed a little. Looking over at the others she heard Visenna say "Just one more push Renee, that's it" Renee red-faced pushed until at last she gasped and relaxed. The room was silent Visenna looking at the newborn, brow furrowed until she heard the faint cry. Visenna looked up at Renee a broad grin on her face and said in an amazed voice "It's a little girl!" Lifting her up and taking her to be cleaned Julia motioned for Yen to bring the little boy back to Renee. Placing the infant against Renee's chest was hard for Yen, she didn't want to let him go. The look on Renee's face held compassion for Yen but also showed Yen he would be safe there. Yen knew in that instant that Renee would be a fierce protector of her children.

Visenna was looking after the little girl, as she washed the blood and mucus off her body she counted her toes and fingers and made sure there were no defects. The little girl grabbed hold of her finger and was tugging it as Julia came over. Smiling Julia said "Well you are a surprise little one" Visenna wrapped her up and carried her to Renee as she held out her free arm to cradle her little girl. Overwhelmed seeing Renee with her two babies in arm Yen got up, and reaching for the door said "I will go get the boys"

Tobias, Geralt, and Jaskier had been waiting with Ciri in the Library. The rest of the Witcher's were out making sure the final pack down happened without incident. Tobias was pacing around unable to sit still as worry for his wife and child consumed his thoughts. Ciri was sitting reading a book trying to escape her own worries for Renee, and Geralt was getting annoyed at the worry he was trying so desperately not to feel and at Jaskier who was currently composing a song about the courageous healers of Wolnosci. Yen walked into the library and motioned to Tobias; he gave her a silent look wanting confirmation that all was well. Yen understanding the father's worry nodded her head and said with a soft voice "Come meet your children Tobias." The look on Tobias's face was comical it went from a worried look to a slack-jawed open-mouthed "Oh". Ciri hearing the news squealed in delight "Can I come too please?" Yennefer looked at the young girl and said with a soft smile "Let's give Tobias some time first with Renee, I'm sure you will have plenty of opportunities to be with your cousins.

Tobias still slack-jawed looked like he was going to topple over. Geralt noticed the increase of his heartbeat and before the man fainted stood up and helped him to sit. "Tobias put your head between your knees, that's it and breath deep" Tobias did as his now father figure encouraged him to. Finally feeling better, he looked up at Geralt and said with a small voice "will you come with me?" Frowning not sure he wanted to be around the infants yet Geralt looked at Tobias, the poor man was truly shaken. Taking a deep breath he realised this was going to be part of being the father to this house, he nodded and helped Tobias to stand.

The two lingered at the door one terrified but also excited to meet his children the other just terrified. Knocking they waited Geralt could hear his sweet wife's voice call out "who is there?" responding in kind Geralt's said in his familiar gravelly voice "I have the father here to see his wife and children" Tobias stood next to Geralt mumbling "children, I have children" the door opened and Julia stood there bright smile on her face holding a little bundle in her arms. "Tobias, Geralt come in".         

Previous Chapter Nineteen                                      Next Chapter Twenty one        

A/N Awww, I feel like this story is coming to a conclusion soon. Would love to know what you all think and if you have any suggestions for how I can improve. I feel like there are some chapters that worked really well and others that need to be changed so I will go back and revise them once I finish.

Thank you for reading and please comment :) 

I have Tagged people who follow me and who I follow if you want to be removed or added please let me know :)

@keanureevesisbae @darkverrmin @viking-raider @littlefreya@madbaddic7ed @the-soot-sprite @thelastsock @lovetusilver20@crimsonrae @demivampirew @ladyreapermc@henrycavillobsessed @nitannichionne @runawayolives @heartfelt-pen @omgkatinka @star017 @llly113 @sad-ghost-of-garbage @ayamenimthiriel @starstruckkittyangel @lebguardians @summersong69 @notyouraveragemochii @imneonpanda @carriebee1 @ivyfatale @thereisa8ella @lucy930 @sarahmichelle5 @stuckupstucky @cleodoramer @kmuir1 @elliepower @xobriellaxo24 @xxxkatxo @supernovacocorocha @hennerslionhat @xo-mery-ox @waitedforlove743 @ladamari68 @coksy @wickedrum @harleyfranquinn @mysticalstrangerearthquake @justrae9903 @willkatfanfromasia @daddys-littlewhitegirl @cavilladdict @lebguardians @theblondetumbleweed @snowbellexx​ @radaofrivia @geralttheewitcher @acdd22 @thullyana​ @fanfictionaddiction99​ @beckythfc1882 @heyheyharry​ @sauve-et-libre @shy-violet-soul  @elliepower @msamericanrebel​ @minion-of-the-lord 

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff | Smut

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence (bloody violence), Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Additional Warnings: Actual smut (strip tease, heavy foreplay, fingering, hand job, body worship, pre-cum), allusion to kidnapping

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 4,315

Tag List: @prisczero​, @pinkpjmin​, @btsaudge​, @flowerwrites06​, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali​, @shrimpmsg​​,

AN: So...this is the beginning of the end. To everyone who has faithfully followed this series from the start, I thank you. I appreciate you. It’s about to be a very bumpy ride. I’m going to go ahead and apologize in advance. I’m sorry for the hurt and pain that is coming. Please stay with me  until the end.

Chapter 48: Home

“We won’t talk but we’ll be comfortable. If only I have you, it’ll be my home.“

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Hwaseong – Gyeonggi Province South Korea

Eden smiled as she felt Jungkook wrap his heavier coat around her shoulders. Children raced past them, squealing in delight as they chased each other. One child barreled into her back, causing her to stumble forward a little. Jungkook cuffed the little boy on his head and Eden tugged at Jungkook’s ear to get him to stop. The little boy sniffled, apologizing, and Eden gave him a few bills so he could buy some snacks with his friends. Jungkook smirked, watching the little boy blush as he looked at her, bowed, and then scrambled off to be with his friends.

“You’re too easy on them,” he teased.

She rolled her eyes. “They’re just kids. Let them be kids.” Eden paused as they reached the corner of the street. “They should have that luxury, don’t you think?”

When she looked up at Jungkook, something flickered across his gaze. His brows furrowed and she immediately regretted saying what she had. Her intention hadn’t been to make him feel guilty, but he still did. Old memories were dredged up, something that they talked about in length once when they were up late watching Korean gangster movies while sharing a bottle of whiskey. They both never really got to be kids; the world forced them to grow up and deal with the adult world before they physically became adults.

It wasn’t a life either of them chose for themselves, but it wasn’t a life they regretted either. It made them who they were now. It was the life that led them to each other.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook-ah,” she said softly, “I shouldn’t have said that…”

He shook his head roughly from side to side, taking her arm and looping it through his. “No, you’re right. They should be able to run and play and rough around like they want while they can.”

She smiled, relieved to know that he felt the same way she did.

They continued down the path, passing various street stalls that sold food, clothes, and other trinkets. It was Spring and Summer would soon be approaching. Flowers were blooming and green returned to the once barren trees that lined the streets. The air was starting to warm up, but there was still that little bit of chill in the air that swept through and touched the marrow of bones.

Most women would have found coming to a back end province like Hwaseong deplorable – especially for a honeymoon getaway. But Eden insisted that this was the place she wanted to spend time with her husband – the place where he sealed away all his childhood memories; where his dreams first began.

The place where he called home.

Hwaseong was rural in most aspects, but there were industrial districts. She preferred the softer sides of his hometown, the places where all the rolling hills and lush forests flourished. It was peaceful, quiet, and a place where she could gather her thoughts. Jungkook pointed out the places that meant the most to him and she made mental notes of them; filing them away to be explored in depth later.

One by one, he went by all the places that his brothers called home. Some of their family members came out to greet them and Jungkook simply introduced Eden as his girlfriend. She didn’t mind, seeing as how they were both wearing their wedding bands as necklaces. But just for now. Eden agreed that it was better if they kept their marriage a secret, especially since tensions between the Jade Fangs and the former Golden Jackals had the potential to escalate. It was the safer and smarter way to go about things. Jimin was the only one who knew and they would keep it that way until everything finally settled down.

As each day passed, she was able to see the lake where he first met the others – the ones he called his brothers. They were all children back then, playing around the Han River in their underwear and throwing rocks at the lake while fishing. He took her to the orphanage that cared for him until he was old enough to get a job and go to school. As painful as it must have been, Jungkook even showed her the home he used to live in with his parents before they threw him away. A different family lived there now.

Everything was a precious memory, good and bad, and Eden tucked them away without judgment.

They returned to the hotel, deciding to order takeout and have it brought to their room. Lavish as their lodgings were, it seemed a bit silly, seeing as how Hwaseong became a bit of a tourist trap in recent years. It gave the community a chance to build something expansive and eye-catching, grabbing at the ankles of wealthy tourists to come and spend their money on pricey hotel suites and cheap souvenirs boasting ancient history in the inner square’s markets.

But it was the little things that counted.

After they finished eating, Eden began washing dishes in the sink of the suite’s kitchen. As she placed a few on the drying rack, she felt Jungkook approach her from behind. He slid his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder as she continued to work. She smiled when he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck and she wiggled a little, his fringe tickling her cheek.

“Let’s go back to Seoul tomorrow,” he said suddenly, lacing his fingers together across her stomach.

She rinsed off a plate, intent on focusing on the task at hand. “Why? I thought we were staying here for a few more days?” Eden pouted, casting a sidelong glance at him. “Are we cutting the honeymoon short?”

She understood if it needed to be done. Sometimes work couldn’t be avoided. But that didn’t mean she had to like it.

Jungkook laughed, pressing his mouth to her temple. “No, we’re not.” He reached up to brush some of her hair behind her ear. “I actually have another surprise for you.”

“You and your surprises,” Eden muttered, unable to hide the tiny smirk that appeared.

“Trust me,” he whispered, “you’ll love it.”

Seoul – Itaewon; Yongsan District South Korea

“Uh, Jungkook?”

“Hm?”

“What is this?”

“What is what?”

Eden turned to look at Jungkook, seeing the look of pride all but explode over his face. He was practically beaming and he took a moment to meet her gaze. Eden blinked up at him, then craned her neck to look back at the large house surrounded by a thicket of private trees. There was a small stairwell that led up to the front door, a small awning perched from the siding of the slate walls. A large front deck wrapped around the house, a two-story home that boasted modern features with a hint of traditional landscaping.

She pointed to the house – her finger aimed at the large window on the second floor.

“This,” she said again, “what is this?”

“A house,” he said, amusement laced through his words, “our house.”

Whipping her head to look at him. She could see no trace of a lie or even a tease. “Excuse me, what?”

Laughing, Jungkook grabbed her by the hand and tugged her along – pulling her up the short set of steps while rustling around for a set of keys. Slipping it into the door, he twisted the key and ushered her inside. Eden was only barely able to get her shoes off as he helped her into a pair of house slippers.

“I’ll get an electronic lock installed later. I just couldn’t wait to show this to you.”

She had no words. Even if she had, Eden was positive they would have tumbled to the floor in a meaningless collection of jargon she wouldn’t have been able to understand. Everything was brand new. The floor was made of polished hardwood, the furniture sleek and modern. Only the throw pillows were unfashionable as they sported various characters from anime that Eden liked – a large Princess Mononoke throw blanket draped across the back of the large couch in the living room.

Eden took a few steps forward, her eyes darting in every direction to take everything in. The kitchen was large, sporting a marble island with stools around it. Large windows allowed for natural light to flood the rooms, showing off the view of the front and side gardens. A huge flat screen television decorated the wall near an ornate entertainment center – a fireplace nestled in the corner with freshly cut logs near the hearth to be used during the colder months.

Turning to look at Jungkook, she didn’t have time to speak before he was already scooping her into his arms and carrying her up the stairs.

“We can explore the rest of the house tonight,” he said, leaning in to press his lips along the shell of her ear, “but there’s one place I want us to go.”

Eden felt her cheeks getting warmer. She knew the look in his eyes and understood what his intentions were. So it didn’t come as a surprise to her when he pushed open a door with his shoulder to reveal a large master bedroom. Without wasting a moment more, Jungkook set her down so her feet hit the floor, his lips moving to capture hers in a heated kiss. She moaned unconsciously into his mouth, her hands moving to rest on his shoulders as he hurriedly popped the buttons of her jeans loose.

His large hands moved to all but tear the hoodie from her, pulling it up and over her head so that it landed on the floor without a second glance. She tried to say something – anything – but the words were lost as he kissed her; his tongue slipping in between her lips to brush along her canines. Eden took a step back, her calf hitting the edge of the bed and she nearly stumbled backwards. Jungkook caught her by the waist, his hands warm against her skin. His fingers pressed into her waist, curling into the waistband of her jeans and she felt her breath hitch when he knocked his hips against hers. She could feel his erection through his pants, and she squeezed her thighs together a little bit tighter – attempting to get friction where she needed it most.

Jungkook’s kiss grew a bit more feverish, a hand moving from her waist to trail up her exposed back. Eden felt her skin pepper out in goosebumps – chasing the path that his hand made along her skin. Pausing to rest at the nape of her neck, Eden can’t help the sigh that managed to escape – lost in the cavern of his mouth. She tilted her head slightly, trying to get at his mouth at a better angle. But he chose that moment to break the kiss, trailing his mouth along the column of her neck. She felt his body almost vibrate as she reached out to pull at his shirt, yanking it free from his pants.

She felt his hand moving from the back of her neck, his fingers slowly clambering up to thread through her hair. His other hand was still at her hip and she could feel him tracing small circles around her skin before dipping below the waistband of her panties. Eden gasped softly as the sound of her zipper sliding down seemed to ricochet off the walls.

Jungkook broke the kiss again, moving a step back so he could slowly sink to the floor to his knees while taking her pants with him. He urged her to step out of them completely when they were bunched around her ankles and she complied, her legs trembling when he pressed his lips along her inner thigh. A hand slid down to the crown of his head, carding through his hair. Delicate hands moved to caress along her skin, finally smoothing over the curves of her thighs and then gripping onto her panties. He dragged them down, his lips giving chase to the material as he let it fall to her ankles.

Without having to be told, Eden stepped out of them as well.

Clad in just her bra, she felt overly exposed in a way that felt a little embarrassing. It was still broad daylight and Jungkook was being shamelessly intimate. The curtains weren’t drawn over the windows and while she knew the home was nestled in their own private sanctuary, Eden felt like someone was watching her; like they were being watched. It was a weird kink that she never believed she could properly give a voice to, but Jungkook indulged her whenever he could.

Licking a trail up her body, he paused just long enough to press his lips atop the swell of her breasts. He reached behind her, unhooking her bra and she let it fall to the ground. It, too, would be forgotten until it was deemed fit to be remembered.

Eden pouted as he smiled down at her, his eyes full of dark arousal. She could tell he was holding himself back a measure and she lightly smacked him on the chest with the back of her hand. His eyes crinkled in the corners, his gaze softening as he looked back at her.

“I’m the only one naked,” she murmured, “no fair.”

Reaching out to grasp one of her hands, he moved so that it now rested along the center of his chest. She could feel the heavy thrum of his heartbeat beneath her palm and he quirked a brow at her. She wasn’t sure what he was trying to ask her.

“Then make it fair,” he replied, his voice low and raspy.

Eden couldn’t keep the look of surprise and amusement from dancing over her face. She bit her lower lip, her hands moving to undo each button before shoving the material back and off his shoulders. He shrugged out of the shirt, shaking his hands so he was free of the material. Eden immediately went to his belt, pulling the leather through the loops of his jeans and then dropping it to the floor.

She could admit she wasn’t nearly as patient as her husband and he laughed, watching her popping the button of his jeans loose while frantically pulling at the zipper. His hands moved to still over hers and he lifted her easily off the floor. Eden wriggled when she felt him kissing her stomach, laughing as he tossed her onto the bed.

She cooed softly as he slid out of his jeans and boxers in one swift motion. His shaft twitched in response to him drinking her in. She could see his pupils dilating as he climbed over her like a predator about to devour his prey. His hands slid between her thighs to press along her folds, feeling the slickness that escaped from how heavy her own arousal was. Moaning at his touch, Eden tried to move away from him, but he wouldn’t give her any quarter. Instead, he lowered his head to capture an exposed nipple between his lips.

Pleasure exploded over her skin and she nearly bucked from his finger pressing against the sensitive nub between her legs. He rubbed agonizingly slow circles around it before dipping into her slit to caress at her inner walls. In the haze of her lust, she could see the milky white fluid beading at the slit of his tip. She wanted to taste it but her selfish desire was knocked clean from her mind when he slid another finger into her.

Her hips lifted, pushing his digits further inside of her. Jungkook moved his face to lavish affection to the other nipple. He pumped his fingers in and out of her, his thumb continuing to rub circles over her clit. Electric shocks exploded behind her eyes and he lifted his face to catch her mouth in an open-mouthed kiss. Sucking on her tongue, Eden closed her eyes and moaned – unsure how much longer she was going to be able to handle this assault against her entire person.

As if he’d read her mind, Jungkook removed his fingers from her folds. Eden whined, shocked at her internal outrage to being deprived of her own pleasure. She watched Jungkook using her juices to coat his erection, his hand slowly stroking over himself. He gripped the base of the shaft and she felt herself getting wetter just watching him. After a moment of this, he straddled her hips – positioning himself as he pressed the tip of his erection against her clit. Again, she hissed in pleasure, feeling her walls growing more and more slick as he teased her folds.

“My god,” Jungkook whispered, “you’re beautiful.”

“Jungkook-ah…”

“You’re my wife.” He smiled down at her. “How did I get so lucky?”

Eden felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She laughed softly, not caring that they leaked out and into her ears. Jungkook leaned down to press a kiss to her mouth, his lips moving along the curve of her jaw until he caressed the lobe of her ear.

“I love you,” he said softly, pressing the head of his erection into her entrance. She sucked in air between her teeth as he inched forward a little bit more. “I love you so much, Eden.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him closer. “I love you too, Jungkook.”

As if those were the words he’d been waiting for, he pushed himself forward completely – filling her insides. Her walls clamped down around him instinctively, holding him in place. As he pushed and pulled against her, the friction created was almost jarring. The pace was slow at first, but it didn’t take Jungkook long to speed things up. Eden rocked her hips against his, rising to meet his as he came down along her. There were wet, sloppy sounds of skin slapping against skin and it didn’t take long for their sweat-soaked skin to glide over each other with each hurried pulse of their movements.

And then he hit that spot; the spot that drove her half-mad. The spot that almost always left her fucked out of her head. Eden dug her nails into his skin, leaving half-moon marks along his muscles. She dragged her fingers down, red angry trails chasing after her fingernails before she clamped onto his forearms. He was practically jack-hammering into her, reaching his own favored spot, until she was seeing stars from the orgasm that began to overtake her. Her voice started off low until it soon escalated to a scream; one that she was almost positive rattled the windows. Jungkook wasn’t far behind her, her name bellowing from his lungs.

Heat filled her core, spreading over her entire body. She felt Jungkook shift his body slightly, collapsing beside her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, still buried inside of her, and pulled her close so that she was nestled perfectly against his form. He whispered words of love into her ear and Eden was barely conscious enough to hear them. But not before she was able to tell him that she loved him back.

They’d made a mess over their brand-new bed; their new bedding.

Neither of them cared.

Five Months Later

“I’m proud of you, y’know that?”

Eden smiled while rolling her eyes at the phone situated on the nightstand. Raelyn smirked back at her on the screen. They’d been Face Timing each other since Jungkook left for work in the morning. He had a few errands to run and she was leaving the shop in Minki’s hands. Eden folded a few more items on the bed, organizing them, and then placed the clothes into the small suitcase.

“I’m serious. This is pretty gutsy of you and I’m glad you’re doin’ it.”

After she threw the small plastic bag of toiletries on top of the clothes, she moved to sit on the bed. She picked up the phone and flopped back onto the bed.

“I know,” she said with a sigh, “I’m just a little nervous, I guess.”

“Don’t be. I mean, do be, but don’t let that shake you up.” She watched Raelyn’s brows furrow. “They know you’re comin’, right? You’re not just showing up unannounced?”

Again, Eden rolled her eyes. “Yes, they know I’m coming.”

Raelyn held a hand up. “Look, I’m just makin’ sure, alright?” She paused and Eden lofted a brow. “I’m a little surprised they agreed to this.”

She scoffed, clambering off the bed. “Like they have a choice. From what I was able to find out, I’m the only child my mother ever had before she died. I’m sure they’re just as curious about me as I am about them.”

She still didn’t know why she was doing this. Part of her wanted to call the whole thing off. It wasn’t like things were going to change by doing this. Seeing her mother’s family, the people who treated her like the black sheep of their bloodline, only angered Eden. But she also knew that she couldn’t abandon them. Not until she really got to see them for who they truly were. After that, she would make her decision on whether to continue having them circulating around her life.

“Well, when you get there, you show them exactly who the hell you are and that you ain’t playin’ any games.”

Eden couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “I think you should be more worried about that little troublemaker growing inside of you, don’t you?”

“Girl, don’t get me started,” Raelyn said, the bitter tone evident in her voice, “between Anastasia’s mood swings and Taehyung being my damn shadow, I don’t have time to get into anything stupid.”

She closed the suitcase and secured the locks, picking it up and unlatching the extended handle. Eden made her way out of the bedroom and headed downstairs, the suitcase rolling behind her as she continued to hold the phone up in front of her.

“Good,” she said once she made it to the ground floor, “because I don’t need to be working my nerves while I’m on this trip. They’re frayed as it is.”

This time Raelyn scoffed. “You’ll be fine. Is Jungkook takin’ you to the train station?”

“No. He’s busy with work and I told him not to worry about it.”

“Three days, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Though depending on how the trip goes, I may come back early.”

“I heard Daegu is beautiful this time of year. Make sure you take a lot of pictures.”

“I will, I will,” Eden reassured. She opened the front door and closed it behind her, the electronic lock beeping to let her know it was secured. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Hanging up the call, she pulled up her messages. She shot Jungkook a quick text to let him know she was heading to the train station. Eden knew he was busy at the recording studio and didn’t want to interrupt him while he worked.

Jungkook: Be safe. Call me as soon as you’ve arrived. I love you.

Smiling, she sent him a heart emoji. She was never a big fan of texting and he knew that about her. He never nagged her about it. Eden was a woman who believed that actions spoke louder than words. She’d always been this way. She was thankful that Jungkook understood and accepted this – always willing to meet her halfway.

He sent her two heart emojis back.

Making her way toward the front gate, Eden pushed it open and pulled her suitcase behind her. She turned to close the gate, tugging at the bars to make sure the latch caught properly. Checking her watch, she saw she had plenty of time to get to the train station.

Maybe I should call him anyway, she thought, moving to head down the long walkway leading from the house.

Eden managed to take a few steps forward before someone stepped in front of her. The heels of her sneakers scuffed along the ground as she stopped, lifting her head to see who was blocking her path. He looked a little familiar, but she wasn’t quite sure from where. Blinking a few times, she watched the other man’s small smile growing little by little.

She didn’t have time for this. Maybe she was mistaken.

“Excuse me,” she said through clenched teeth, moving so she could side-step him. He shifted to resume blocking her path. Eden shot him a glare. “Move.”

“You’re still as feisty as ever, I see,” he said. She said nothing, narrowing her eyes. “I know it’s been awhile, but I’m a little hurt you don’t remember me.”

“Should I?”

The man lifted his hand in the air, miming holding a shot glass. He made a motion to show he was tipping the glass back into his mouth. Eden scrutinized him a moment longer and he merely continued to smile.

And then it hit her.

“You,” she growled, her eyes narrowing to slits. “Yoo Kihyun.”

He snapped his fingers. “Bingo.”

Eden reached into her pocket. “What do you want?”

He shrugged. “Isn’t it obvious?” When his eyes met hers, they were dark and cold. It caused Eden to hesitate for just a moment. “It’s you.”

That moment of hesitation was her undoing. She failed to notice the look of triumph painted over his face. She’d missed the sound of movement behind her. And before she could register that she was being ambushed, Eden felt a sharp prick to the back of her neck. 

It didn’t take long. If given the chance, she would have only been able to count to five.

Five seconds before the world went dark.

[horizondawn]

I got so much more from my experience playing The Last of Us Part II than "revenge is bad". It's something I've literally and heavily been dealing with just this past month. I have a lot of deep thoughts here, so here we go. This isn’t saying you’re horrible if you didn’t like the game, but after sitting on it for a while after finishing, these are my thoughts of the series from my perspective through my real life experiences and own personal morals/beliefs and how I try to grow as a person. Key word: Try.

I have a family member who was murdered over 3 decades ago, and it still haunts me and my family to this day. I've had night terrors similar to the ones Ellie had in the game, even if I didn’t see the actual act, so I can only imagine how traumatizing it is for her. The murderer has been locked up and on death row ever since, and for a while I was set on going to the eventual execution. My anger fueled me for an awfully long time, but it wasn't until a few years ago I realized that is not me. Killing him (or in my case wanting satisfaction by watching a live execution) won't bring that family member back, and I would lose a part of myself if I actually went through with what I intended and held onto those feelings. And that was identical to what was happening to Ellie. I didn't want her to lose herself, because going down that destructive path means you come out in the worse possible way. Even worse than the ending we got. I was frustrated with Ellie because I understand her pain to an extent even if the situations are nothing alike, and that is the reason why I bonded, cared, and loved her even more, and I didn't think that was possible. The killing we committed as Joel didn't bother me as much in the first game because they were a bunch of hunters we never really understood. The one time I sat there unable to pull the trigger for a good while was when I was forced to shoot the surgeon, who was later revealed to be Abby’s father. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to in order to finish the game. In Part II we saw so many perspectives on top of knowing Ellie was losing it by deliberately going after these groups of people. The further on I played, even before getting to Abby's perspective when I hated her, I still didn't want Ellie to go through with it. From the very beginning, even though it was going to be brutal, I absolutely did not want Ellie to accomplish this goal. That’s mainly because I know the feeling, and it really does consume you.

It fucking hurt and I was so frustrated with Ellie when she left Dina, JJ, and their life together, but it was because I care so much for her and desperately wanted her to let her anger go rather than the actual writing. I felt for her as a real person rather than just a character who was written. Even if she has lost everything she ever had though, Ellie didn't lose herself or her humanity and ability to care in the end, and that sliver of hope made me feel relieved. The symbolism of her leaving the guitar Joel gifted her, that she could no longer play properly, was a sign of her forgiving him, and letting go.

And that's only from Ellie's perspective. I had to stop playing for a bit the moment I had to start playing as Abby, the biggest emotional whiplash ever. Holy hell though did my perspective change and I eventually loved her as a character. Even if I still hated her I love getting to see different perspectives. Seeing Abby’s story as well contributed to why that final fight made me sob. I stopped controlling Ellie and had her just standing there on the beach because I knew what was about to happen, and I did not want that. I really didn’t know if Ellie was actually going to kill Abby or not. And I cannot describe how many of the tears that were shed were from relief when she didn’t. I would literally love to play a game just focused on Abby and Lev though and see where they go as their dynamic was absolutely amazing and I will fight anyone who hates on Lev; he is such a treasure. And even though I will never forgive Abby for what she did, I’m tired of hanging onto that kind of anger, even if it’s for a fictional character. I want to understand everyone better in reality, because we are all human, and that makes things so very complicated. Add a fallen society after a world wide pandemic that has wiped out most of humanity and it makes it even more complicated. The human experience is insane and no one will ever be able to understand everyone else’s experiences and pain, and that’s what makes individual lives so vast and important. 

I didn’t know any of the spoilers aside from Abby killing Joel, but I didn’t know the specifics, and I didn’t see a single screenshot spoiler. I still have no idea what the spoilers were beyond that. The moment it was announced a sequel was coming out I had a very big feeling Joel was going to die though, so I was okay with that if it happened from a narrative perspective. And you know why? Because the world of The Last of Us is cruel, and people are taken from Ellie in the blink of an eye. One moment Ellie confessed her love to Riley while sharing a sweet kiss and dancing and the next she’s bitten and we know what happened from there. One moment she’s travelling with Joel and Tess and Tess is gone. One moment she’s sharing a wonderful moment with Sam and Henry, and then they’re both gone. In the most brutal and cruel manner that fed her survival’s guilt. And that is why she was so upset with Joel. She lost so many people literally right in front of her. Then she learns the Fireflies are gone because of the one person she was able to grow to love as family, something she never ever had in her life, which also means her previous guardian, Marlene, her mother’s close friend, is gone as well because of him. As Tess quoted, “Guess what, we’re shitty people Joel; it’s been like that for a long time”. Tess was right. Joel was not a good person, and that is what made him unbelievably fascinating as a playable protagonist. But the player grew to know him from Ellie’s direct influence, not from the hardened person he became after 20 years of emotional distance from anyone following the death of Sarah. And that sudden harsh cruelty is exactly what I was expecting in the sequel, even if I wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared for it. I certainly still got upset with every death there was: Joel, Jesse, Mel, Owen, Yara, everyone. The Last of Us is not focused on happy endings. At all. Of course we wish for that, and the new menu after completing the game shows that there was definitely some hope following what happened on that beach, but the world is more about human emotion and the crazy things we do for the people we love, even if it’s in the worse possible way, and it gives us that bit of questioning wonder with a tiny dash of hope for Ellie and her humanity. That’s exactly what Joel’s actions were for his love for Ellie at the end of the first game. This was Ellie doing the same for her love for him. And what Abby did for her love for her father. And the thing is some people wish we understood Abby from a different order, and I totally understand and respect that. But again, in real life we don’t get the background knowledge of everyone’s pasts either if not for research of some kind, which is why we need to make an effort to learn if possible. That’s all The Last of Us really has to offer, no matter which character’s story we are following, and that is what makes it so special. The second game isn’t driven by hatred alone. It’s about the other gruesome side of things for love.

Now gameplay wise, yes, I do believe structure could have been improved or done differently to help with the flow of the narrative here and there. And there were some moments that felt dragged. But that’s gameplay, not the story itself. I thought The Last of Us was emotional whiplash. That was just preparation to the roller coaster Part II would bring. And I’m not saying Part II is better. Both games are very different stories with very different perspectives, so I honestly can’t compare them. The original game brings the bond of two characters we all grew to fearlessly love. Part II brings what exists outside of the world of those two characters, and that they aren’t the only ones on this teeter totter of having done horrific things in the name of love in this cruel world they live in. Because we’re all only human. In game as Ellie, Joel, and Abby we pick up all of these letters throughout both games about these characters we don’t even see, let alone meet, and yet I want to know more about what happened to them. What are their stories during all of this? And even if you still hate Abby in the end, which is fine, there was that chance of seeing someone else’s story as well that intertwines with Ellie. I personally LOVE it when this happens. And all of us, no matter how horrible the world seems to fall apart, are capable of learning through the knowledge of other’s experiences.

[abeltownshipslittlebitch]

The Eye of the Hurricane

I got this idea after listening to Hamilton and thinking a lot about how Venus Rising ended. Because of how it ended, it was heavily implied that both Five and Captain Myers were infected with the red fungus from Venus stuff, so I decided that would be a perfect angst story.

Five’s POV, 1st person because that’s the only way I can write plus it helps keep Five gender neutral. Present tense. About 2.8K Words.

Since I already said that Five and Peter totally were dating in the Venus Rising shorts in a sperate post and I’m not a bitch who backs down, that will be the stated relationship. Also, the song is Hurricane Workshop, and I took the liberty of changing some of the lyrics so please don’t be mad when you see the lyrics aren’t the exact same. This is like half-assed edited. It’s 3:20 AM where I’m at, so please be kind if you spot any errors! Thank you! Also please for the love of all things good, read the trigger warnings. This is angst for a reason!

Also I suggest reading this on a computer instead of mobile device because things are looking kind of wanky from my viewpoint on my phone, even though it was fine on my computer. So just thought I’d let you know.

Trigger warning: Character death, suicide, murder, self-hatred, guilt, guilt complex, mentions of blood, angst not with a happy ending, one use of the word “fucks”

In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment A yellow sky.

Space is not forgiving. It’s endless and dark and cold. Its beauty is deceitful. Its emptiness is ever consuming.

It takes everything in me to tear my eyes away from the endless expanse of burning stars and stifling darkness. I breathe, grounding myself. I look down at the blaster in my hand. It’s so hard to think already, my mind reeling. Bits of bliss flitter through my thoughts, reminders of home, reminders of loved ones. With each inhale come the scents of places millions of miles away. I taste honey on my tongue, hear the laughter of friends that have long since gone.

When I was seventeen a hurricane destroyed my town. I didn’t drown… I couldn’t seem to die.

They’re dead. They’re all dead.

Peter’s dead. Ellie’s dead. Steve’s dead. Amelia’s dead.

And now Captain Myers.

I didn’t want to. Really, I didn’t. But things weren’t adding up. Her speech patterns, her words, dripping with honey and faux hope. It wasn’t her. I tried to chalk it up to paranoia, to trauma-not even from the death. I’ve seen more than enough of that on earth to become numb to it, but I thought maybe I was traumatized from the horror of those creatures in the mountain. I’d never seen anything like them before. I tried to tell myself I was just overthinking, but I knew. It wasn’t her.

Neither was the red that was growing under her fingernails, the red she tried to hide from me.

But she couldn’t hide the bliss that covered her face, and I couldn’t ignore the ringing of voices that echoed in my mind. I remember home far too vividly. I remember happiness more intensely than I have in years, with colors too bright and sounds too perfect and air too clean to be real. It’s a fantasy that tries to disguise itself as something I once knew. That’s what tipped me off. It felt too good to remember.

I knew if I was infected, then so was the Captain.

That’s why I shot her. That’s why her body lays in the floor of the next cabin, covered in red fungus that engulfs her like a blackhole that engulfs that which gets too close.

My breathing is shallow. I had to.

I. Had. To.

I fought my way out. Took everything down far as I could see.

I’ve always been good at this, doing what needs to be done. Some things you just have to do in order to survive and that’s what I did. People needed me on earth to be strong, to bear the burden and carry the weighted guilt so they wouldn’t have to.

So I did.

I learned to move on quickly. I don’t feel guilty about Captain Myers. I had to do it. I don’t feel guilty.

I don’t.

I don’t.

I don’t!

My nails dig into my skin. I can barely understand the words that spill from my tongue. They feel foreign, inhuman.

I’m not guilty. I don’t feel guilty! I’ve done this a hundred times. It’s done now and I have to move on!

Anyone I lost to sickness, to pollution or war between groups hellbent on gaining food and property in a world too far gone to save-I moved on. Even now that I have time to cry, I’m don’t. I can’t. I don’t even know if I remember how.

Still my chest tightens at the thought of all we’ve lost. It betrays the lies I tell myself. I smell honeysuckles and roses when I breathe in, but it hurts. Each rose-scented inhale is met with an exhale of thorns and tightening vines. Or maybe the fungus in filling up my lungs. I’m not sure.

I took this mission to help save my family back on earth. They aren’t my real family, not by blood, but they became family. And I won’t be coming back to them. I failed them.

I already failed my family before I became aware that I was infected. Peter was my family. Peter was my everything, despite the snide remarks and eyerolls and teasing that bordered on cruelty. It was our way of acting out while remaining somewhat professional, since this job does-did-mean a lot to him.

I respected that. I respected him. And then I just stood there and watched as Steve went feral and attacked him, killed him.

My throat burns, and I almost feel relieved when I taste bile on my tongue instead of peaches and strawberries. Something akin to a cry rips from my lips. It’s ragged and raw and why am I still unable to cry, damn it?! 

I should have been faster! I should have been better!

I fought my way out. I looked up and the town had its eyes on me.

I was gifted with creativity as well as ambition. Knowing the ins and outs of basic survival saved my life and others’ lives more than once. Hydroponics, water filters, hunting, farming. My knowledge is what helped me gain friends, despite my violent tendencies and willfulness to kill to survive. Those who allied with me on earth before I joined up with Pandora Haze seemed to think my pros outweighed my cons.

They were right, especially when they found out I’m incredibly loyal to the people I call friends.

Not loyal enough, though. I let the one person I truly, deeply cared about on this mission die.  

They passed their tools around. Total strangers moved to kindness by my ideas. Took enough for me to book passage on a ship at was England bound.

The help of those around me is what gave me the resources to build different hydroponics and gardens for smaller communities. It’s what got someone at Pandora Haze’s attention too. My skills got me noticed, and when they saw how good I was at the obstacle courses and at problem solving, as well as with combat, they asked me to join with the space department because I “showed promise and seemed more than capable to help in saving the human race.”

I never saw myself as a savior of any kind. I still don’t, but they offered payment-food, medicine, tools and tech. Joining is how I met everyone on this mission, and even if fate hadn’t had led me to meeting them, I couldn’t pass this job up, not even the world is literally burning from the inside out and wars are being started over clean water and warm clothes.

One of my friends, Sam, seemed suspicious. He was afraid, mostly because we’d been together for years. He didn’t agree with some of my methods of getting supplies, but he trusted me, and I trusted him. He and I formed our alliance first and the group grew from there. For a long time we were all the other had, so of course he was concerned.

But he became less worried when I kept coming back like I promised I would.

He didn’t want me going on this mission. He said it felt wrong, that he just knew something bad would end up happening to me. I didn’t listen. I had too many reasons to go and not enough to not go.

First reason for me to go was that Peter was going. He is-was-one of the people I enjoy being around in Pandora Haze’s space program. I don’t get to see him much outside of work because it would raise suspicion, and there’s a strict “no dating between coworkers” rule that would cause us both to lose our jobs if anyone found out. This was the one way I could be around him, even if we couldn’t act like we really cared for each other.

The other reason I decided to come was because the pay for this mission was incredible. I’d have food and medicine for not only myself, but for the people in my family. Sam, Archie, Jody, Lem, Ed and his daughter-all of them. We’d be set for at least a few months. That’s more than a lot of people can ask for in the wreckage that we called home.

I fought my way out of hell. I fought my way to revolution. I was louder than our flag when it fell.

So I came here, did this mission which was supposed to be simple, supposed to be easy, supposed to be safe. I feel safe. I feel warm. It’s a deep sense of calmness that threatens to pull me under like the blackness outside would do if I were to open the airlock. I can hear the whispers even louder now, and the taste of sweet fruits on my tongue is ever stronger, mixing with the occasional chocolate I would half with Sam when we were allowed such luxuries.

I can see it in front of me-home, happiness. I still see the pain and destruction and fire, but it seems so much tamer now. There’s less chaos, less bloodshed. I look down and don’t see the stains of the lives I’ve taken in order to stay alive.

It feels good to see this, good to feel this.

That’s why I bite down on my tongue, hard enough to make it bleed, nearly hard to enough to bite it clean off. But my brain stops me, basic survival instincts stopping me from doing too much damage. I don’t have the energy to fight it, and thankfully it’s enough to bring me back down, push the voices of those I love to the back of my mind until they’re nothing but a dull buzz that resonates in my ears.

They’ll be back. This isn’t the worst of it.

It makes me sick to think that, because the voices are not of just of the people I left on earth, but the people I’ve lost.

We wrote in secret. Love letters we hid well. I fought for the people I love and defended them well. And in the face of ignorance and resistance, I fought for new systems to be put in existence.

On earth things are still terrible, people dying, people fighting over resources that will grow more scarce day by day. We won’t be able to stop what is to come. Humanity will fall. After joining up with Pandora Haze, I met many people who tried to come up with ideas to save the world, save humanity.

A smart woman named Janine always had a solution, a plan that was perfect to even the smallest detail. I never talked to her much, but I believed in what she said. She gave people hope, but not through sweet words or circling stories or empty promises. She spoke the truth, told us the work that would need to be done in order to fix things. I think she could have fixed things, had she come up with these ideas quicker. They were perfect, after all. I did whatever I could to get her plans into motion…

But even perfect plans can fail. People are too unpredictable now, all morals thrown out the window. There’s no sense of loyalty, no sympathy or humanity or humility. Venus Colony was supposed to be our big breakthrough.

And when my prayers to God were met with indifference I picked up a gun. I wrote my own deliverance!

I suppose I’m a part of the problem. I was willing to kill and destroy to protect the people I love. Many of the people back on earth have already lost the ones they cared about, so now all they can worry about is themselves. I’m sure I would have ended up the same way if I didn’t know of certain ways to survive in small communities or groups. I survived because I fought, I killed and destroyed and stole and did everything possible to stay alive.

And even that wasn’t worth it. I’m still dying, blood pooling in my mouth from biting my tongue and pain just barely overshadowing the sickly-sweet way everything feels. I can feel the red fungus growing under my fingers. I wish it hurt. I wish it didn’t feel like the not-quite soft sweater Jody knitted for me for my birthday. I wish it didn’t feel like the blanket Archie gave up to keep me warm when I had pneumonia. I wish it didn’t feel like safety and goodness and peace.

I wish it didn’t. I wish it hurt.

In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment A yellow sky.

I look down. It’s almost time. I never thought of myself as a coward, but I don’t think I have it in me to use the blaster. I don’t know why. I’ve thought about dying more than once, and most of the scenarios were violent and painful. I mean, you have to think about it in this day and age. Death has always been inevitable, but now death is always on your heels, and it will catch you when you slow down.

I slowed down here. It’s almost caught me. It’s just waiting for me to decide how I’m going to go.

There’s another way I’ll do this, I think. I don’t know if I deserve it-a peaceful death. After all I’ve lived through, after surviving this long when everyone else on this mission has died in horrendous and agonizing ways, a part of me thinks I should die painfully, slowly. It’s only fair…

But I can’t.

I was twelve when my mother died. She was holding me. We were sick and she was holding me. I couldn’t seem to die.

There are bracelets in a compartment in the Captain’s deck. I have one of them on. I don’t remember why they were created, what specific reason. I don’t remember who created them either. Amelia’s got some sick fucks working for her, which is probably why she didn’t think my body count was as bad as I believed it to be when I was hired. But whatever the case, I’m glad they’re here.

The bracelets are mechanical, and with the push of a button, needles will poke out, dig into my skin and administer a lethal drug. It’ll be quick. It’ll be painless.

It’ll be a death I don’t deserve.

It’ll be a death that was much more merciful than the deaths I’ve witnessed today.

The friend who would tell me not to do it is in the ground.

At least I’ll get to see them again. I hope I’ll see them again.

I hope I’ll see Peter again.

I wonder if I should leave a message for those back on earth. Will they even see it? Will they even hear it? Can I even trust myself to speak?

I shake my head, closing my eyes for a tad second before opening them again. No. It’s best they just get the message that Captain Myers made. It was safe. It was clean.

Besides, I don’t even know what I’d say. What can you say in a time like this?

The enemies I’ve made won’t have anything on me now.

I swallow down a mouthful of coppery blood, but even it isn’t strong enough to silence the raging voices, begging me to just give in. The fungus is becoming thicker under my fingernails. Red is clouding my vision.

It feels so good, so peaceful. All pain fades away like a distant memory.

I wish I could cry. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I wasn’t alone.

I wish this didn’t all feel so good. I feel euphoric, almost to the point that I don’t want to leave. I can see them all, feel it. It’s so beautiful, so overwhelming and crushing and amazing and I wish it wasn’t.

My breathing is shaky, but the one coherent thought I have it simple…

This ends here.

I can hear what the voices are saying in response.

“Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it.”

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.

My finger hovers over the button. I’m shaking.

I’m smiling.

I look back out at the glass window, at the stars that burn for me, someone who will never get to write of their beauty, who won’t even have the pleasure of remembering it to tell to my friends when I get back home.

I’m going home. That’s what I tell myself. I’m going home.

Space is not forgiving. It’s endless and dark and cold. Its beauty is deceitful. Its emptiness is ever consuming.

But its there, a sight to behold, too beautiful and chaotic and breathtakingly terrifying for any human’s mind to understand.

This is the eye of the hurricane. This is the only way I can protect my family.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek, and while I don’t mean to, I laugh.

“Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait!”

I press the button.

@dorkylittleweirdo​ @midwestern-runner-five​ @runnerfiveready​ @running4chaos​ @poeticllamasofdestruction @pocketsizerudy

[chpenn]

Biter

Hi! I wrote a story today. I don’t think the triggers are too bad but I figured I’d warn people. Hopefully I’ll post more stories~

TRIGGER WARNING: mental illness mention, self harm, horror

Biter

I hope I titled this right, because that's what I am: a nail biter. Apologies if this grosses anyone out, but welcome to coping with mental illness, sometimes. Like many other anxious teens, I started nibbling on my fingernails in high school to combat the horrible worry that someone might in fact notice me, and thereafter point out every flaw I never even knew I had. Fortunately for my mental health, no one who noticed me did that, but I had my nail biting in case they did. Occasionally, I'd nick my cuticles off, but at this point, nothing too drastic.

The odd bits started in my mid 20s. One cold Thursday morning, which I remember because I had that day off from some garbage retail job I kept, I noticed the first one. Nothing too odd, but I didn't know you could get bubbles on your hands. At first, I wondered if that was how warts were formed, but the internet quickly disproved that. Further online research showed that it could be some kind of condition, but seemed pretty harmless. Needless to say, I popped the little sucker. Clear fluid came out, and the wound healed over by the next day. Again, nothing too drastic.

At some point during my 30th year, I got my first bubble in probably eight months. This was different. It started as an itch on my finger, another symptom of that condition from earlier on. I figured scratching would relieve it, so I went to town. Unfortunately, the itch persisted. I scratched harder; it started driving me crazy. Mind you, this was about five minutes later, which certainly outlasted any regular itch I've ever had. Unable to withstand the sensation, I clawed. Hard. Skin started to tear, almost as if I had uncovered a particularly hard to get at blister. That same clear fluid came out, but this time, it arrived with a slight red tint.

This continued for some time. I never truly bled, and other parts of my life kept me worried about other things, so I dealt with this new addition to my life. Every few months, you're going to get an itchy blister. Not the worst.

However, earlier this very year, as we all know, COVID-19 hit. While I've miraculously stayed clear of any of that nonsense, the situation has... evolved. The blisters started bleeding a few months ago. I think I saw a vein once. It's been a bit difficult to find a doctor who'll see me, considering they're a bit busy with, oh, I don't know, a pandemic? Fine, fine, this probably isn't too bad.

Then, we get to last week. My arm starts feeling a bit strange, which is normal considering, again, garbage retail job where I lift things and put them in places. Feels like a nerve is wriggling around in there. Do I know what that feels like? No, of course not. But, I don't have much else to go on. The internet only vaguely suggests some kind of carpal tunnel thing, but no. This can't be that. It doesn't hurt, it's just... moving. Now, I'm worried. The next morning, a small nub appears on my wrist. It doesn't itch, but if this isn't the biggest one yet, I'll eat my shoe. I wear gloves a lot at work, so at least I can keep it hidden until I can get a doctor's appointment.

Now, most normal people would head directly to the ER, do not pass go, pay up $200. Considering the previous bits of my story, are you that surprised to learn I wanted to wait a few days until it got better? Probably not, I hope. Anyways, the bubble got bigger, until a whole line went down my wrist. It turned firmer, which, as I'm typing this, probably should have been my hint to absolutely scoot to a hospital. But, I no longer have that option, I don't believe. Not because COVID has taken over, but because today, the bubble burst. It didn't itch or really even hurt when it popped. The usual clear liquid dripped over my hand, but I looked down at what happened, knowing that I did not scratch this one open.

Another finger had burst out of my hand.

It wriggled of its own volition, yet I could feel everything. It seemed perfectly human, save for a claw on the end. Well, I shouldn't say claw. It was a fingernail, alright, but one that had been grown for a very specific purpose. A purpose that became entirely too clear, five minutes later, when the confused wriggling stopped, and that nail plunged directly into the back of my hand.

I screamed, naturally. That was about an hour ago. My partner was out visiting friends, and I doubt anyone else in the building cares too much. We scream at the cats sometimes. No big deal. But no, this scream was real. After I calmed down, it stabbed again. I tried to hold it back with my other arm, but what could I do? Hold it forever? I let go, figuring maybe that was a spasm, but it got me again. Harder, this time. I have a very prominent vein on the back of my hand that is now spurting out quite a bit of life. Hey, one might say, now is the time to sprint towards the nearest doctor! Instead, I panicked. I went to the kitchen, held the protrusion on the counter, and grabbed a knife. It struggled, but I was too busy panicking and making bad decisions to notice. One deep breath later, and I did what I had to do.

Now, I was back to my normal ten fingers.

But, oh, the pain. The pain that still throbs in my hand. At least it's over, and I can make something up at the doctor, right? I'm still not going, though. I'm sitting here, gripping the knife. I'm crying, and typing this up with every finger that isn't holding the knife because I want everyone to know it's not some ridiculous bubble syndrome. All of the nerves in my body are tingling right now. Naturally, I can see my hands as I type this. One is bleeding heavily. The other has a bubble growing faster than ever before.

THANX 4 READ! I tried posting on nosleep but it got removed cause i mentioned mental illness in the beginning i guess oh well

[thewritewolf]

Eating Habits Chapter 2: Moving Day

It’s the big day - Marinette finally moving out of the bakery, and her boyfriend Adrien is there to make it as quick and painless as possible. 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3.  My ko-fi.

Adrien set the box down in the empty room and dragged the back of his hand across his forehead, keeping the sweat out of his eyes.

“Is that the last of them?” He set his hands on his hips. Marinette had already started unpacking a while ago.

“Hm…” Marinette looked around, caught holding a whisk in her hand as she mentally counted the boxes. “Looks like that’s everything…” She looked him over, a playful smirk on her face. “Why don’t you sit down for a little bit, kitty? You’re no use to me tuckered out.”

“Normally I’d decline, but those three flights of stairs really took it out of me.” Adrien glanced around and realized there wasn’t really anywhere to sit. So he sat cross-legged on the floor, leaning back on his elbows. “You gonna be okay walking that distance everyday?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “While not all of us can afford high-end gym memberships, I get plenty of exercise, kitty. I’m still Ladybug, after all.”

“Speaking of which…” Tikki emerged from one of the boxes, and ducked into another one. She dragged out a startled Plagg who was too busy clutching a wedge of camembert to resist. “C’mon, you stinky sock! Let’s go exploring.” Despite his grumbling, he followed after her as they disappeared into another room.

As Marinette hummed to herself, Adrien let his eyes wander across the room. So far, he hadn’t been that impressed by the building and he couldn’t tell how much of that was his upbringing and how much was just sense. It felt cramped, the space was tiny, the windows were clouded and opened out into the alley - although, admittedly, that might come in handy if she had to leave the building as Ladybug. He’d only seen her landlord briefly, but he already didn’t like the sleazy looking man. While he wanted nothing more than to denounce it and talk Marinette to her senses…

...He decided to bite his tongue. She seemed happy, so maybe the problems weren’t as big as he thought they were. Besides, maybe this was just him being upset that they weren’t moving in together. It wouldn’t be fair of him to nag on her first home outside of home, especially if that was his real motivation.

“I know it’s not much to look at now,” Marinette said, breaking the silence and making Adrien blush in embarrassment.

“Was I that obvious?”

“Mhm. And I get it - it’s a step down from how I was living back at the bakery, but…” She sat down across from him, her knees drawn close to her chest, “...I think, with a little love and a lot of hard work, this place will feel like home before the semester is out.”

“I’ll be more than happy to help out whenever you need it.”

“That’s sweet of you to offer, but you’ve got plenty on your plate as is. I’m not about to ask you to play home makeover with me too. Although,” she said with a wink, “I wouldn’t be opposed if you came over for dinner and some late night fun.”

He scooted closer to her, their faces centimeters apart. “Well, you did say this place could use some love…”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

He closed his eyes and leaned in, only to be pushed back by the nose.

“...But not right now. You’ve got a lunch with Nino to get to, don’t you?”

Adrien whipped out his phone and cursed. He had ten minutes to beat Nino to the cafe.

He sprang to his feet and took Marinette’s hand to help her up. He planted a kiss on her knuckles. “Until next time, m’lady. Plagg?” He called out as he walked toward the door. “We gotta go!”

------------

It was close, but Adrien made it in time. Nino was already waiting for him, as was a cup of coffee done just the way Adrien liked it (extra sugar and cream). Nino glanced up from his phone when Adrien pulled up a seat, a grin spreading across his face as he rose from his slouch.

“Bro! It’s been way too long.” They did their secret handshake from collegé over the table. His grin faded a little. “Sorry we couldn’t show for the anniversary, Adrien. Not a lotta free time these days, ya know?”

“Yeah, I get it. Don’t worry, no one understands the pain of a busy schedule more than me.” Adrien took a sip of his coffee. He was relieved when he felt the heat hit his tongue - he hadn’t left Nino waiting too long after all. “I’ve been meaning to ask - how’s that internship stuff working for Alya?”

“My babe has been working double time to leave a good impression.” Nino chuckled. “Not that she needs to, though. All that work on the Ladyblog over the years really paid off. Having the dopest place for anything miraculous related gave her tons of credibility. And while I bet I’ve lost years from worry after seeing her run into danger so much…”

Adrien chuckled.

“...It really showed how hyped she was for the job. She had her pick of the internships when we got out of school.”

With a glance at the green bracelet on Nino’s wrist, Adrien added, “Well, at least later on, she could more than handle herself, right?”

Nino followed his eyes and smirked. “Yeah, I guess you could say that, whiskers. Still, to everyone watching, it was one crazy blogger doing her damnedest to get the best scoop.” He took a big gulp of his iced coffee. “Helps that she always got the best interviews with the heroes.”

“Hm…” Adrien rested his chin on his hand, his elbow propped up on the table, a glint of mischief in his eyes. “I wonder how she managed to cultivate all those contacts…”

“Well, after she got in good with the most important and beautiful hero - Rena Rouge - I bet it was loads easier.”

Narrowing his eyes in mock anger, Adrien growled, “You don’t want to start this argument again, shelly. Clearly, the most important and drop dead gorgeous hero was Ladybug.”

“Look,” Nino said, holding up his hands in surrender. “Let’s just say all four of Paris’s defenders were hot, okay?”

Adrien pretended to consider this for a moment before nodding. “I accept your truce. And speaking of the biggest names in Paris, how’s my main man Nino doing?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say he’s a hot shot in Paris yet, but…” Nino tugged at his hat, his cheeks a little rudder than they were a moment ago. “I’m doing good. Remind me to do something special for Marinette soon. This internship… apprenticeship… thing, I’ve got going with Jagged Stone has been like in the top three best experiences in my life. I owe her a lot for hyping me up to the rock legend himself.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short! You didn’t get there on Mari’s word alone. If Jagged didn’t love your work, he wouldn’t have taken you on, recommendation or no.”

“Thanks, bro.” Some of the tension left his shoulders and he let out a deep breath. “I needed to hear that. Hanging out with Jagged has been a dream come true, but… it’s hard to believe I’m worthy sometimes.”

Fiddling with his ring, Adrien smiled sadly. “I know what you mean.”

“But hey! Enough about me - what about you, bro? What’s the future got in store for the big cat himself?”

Adrien leaned back, putting an arm over the back of his chair and looking up at the clear blue sky in thought. “Honestly? I don’t know. And I’m kinda in love with not knowing, if that makes sense?”

Understanding lit up in Nino’s eyes. “All that time marching by the beat of someone else’s drum and you finally got all the freedom you could want. I get it, dude. Well,” he conceded with a nod, “as much as someone who has never gone through that can get it.”

They sipped at their coffee in peace for a few quiet moments, the background babble of the cafe filling the empty space.

“So… what’re you gonna do between now and the future?”

“Pick up some modeling gigs every now and again. Try out some odd jobs to see if anything sticks. Do shifts at the bakery. That sort of thing.”

“Nice, bro. It’s not like money is that much of a concern for you.”

“I haven’t even scratched the surface yet, so I’ve got plenty more time to work things out too. Especially if I don’t go overboard with it.”

It had been a shock to the system, finding out that all the money he’d earned while modeling during his school years had only been a fraction of the money he’d actually made. The rest had been in a bank account that Adrien only found out about when he’d turned eighteen. It made for at least some good news at the end of the worst month of his life. Two years later and he’d barely made a dent in it, and even then only because he had moved out of the bakery last year.

Which came after the last break in by overly desperate reporters trying to dig up something on the only free Agreste left. There hadn’t been any incidents since then, but it had shaken him more than he’d let on. The idea of repaying the Dupain-Chengs’ kindness with that invasion of privacy…

“Big cat!”

Adrien snapped out of it and noticed Nino’s hand on his arm. He looked up into his concerned amber eyes. He smiled nervously.

“Sorry, dude. Kinda zoned out for a second.”

Leaning back into his spot, Nino’s concern didn’t fade in the slightest. “You know…”

“Therapy, yeah, you’ve mentioned.”

Nino held his hands up defensively. “I’m just saying. It helped me out a ton, and I don’t have the baggage you’ve got. You should at least give it a try, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure,” Adrien replied noncommittally. He hunched over and clutched his coffee in both hands.

Adrien felt a hand on his shoulder and dragged his gaze from his coffee to Nino’s eyes. “Bro, I know it’s not something you want to hear, but you’ve been through a lot. More than any of us, even before that sucker punch at the end. We’re your friends, but there is only so much we can do for you, especially now that we’re busier than ever.”

“I know.”

“Promise me you’ll at least think about it?”

“I promise,” Adrien lied.

[timelordthirteen]

Killing Time 10/?

Detective Weaver/Belle French, Explicit

Summary: A Woven Beauty Law & Order-ish AU. Written for Writer’s Month 2019.

Chapter Summary: Flashback: Weaver and Belle make a major discovery in the case.

Notes: So I hope this clears up some of the confusion with the plot of this story. This is majorly late and unbeta'd and barely read over. I'm so sorry for this being a total hot mess and probably riddled with typos. For the Writer's Month prompt#20: weird.

Warnings: Please see AO3 for complete warnings and tags. No additional warnings for this chapter.

[AO3]  Previous: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

9 weeks and 3 days ago...

Belle sighed heavily and sat back in her chair, tossing her pen on the table.

Four days ago she’d fucked her ex-husband on the sofa just behind her. She expected it to cause some fracture in their working relationship, for him to come in the next day or even show up at her apartment to start some huge argument, but things went on as if it never even happened. That unnerved her more than the shouting would have.

At least three different times, she’d almost brought it up, but chickened out at the last second. Things had been too good between them these last few weeks. It was - nice. They’d become some kind of friends again, a bit like it was after they first met, when it was sarcastic, flirty remarks after testimony, or over drinks at Roni’s, and she could admit to herself that she was loathing messing any of that up. Except of course it had escalated from there, just as it had when they finally started dating. One dinner and she let him push her up against the door to her apartment and kiss her senseless, and a minute later she was dragging him into her apartment.

That first time they didn’t even make it to her bed, and she was left with an amusing pattern of lines on her back from the exposed brick wall of her living room. He stayed the night, and by morning she ached like she’d done back to back yoga classes at the gym. She had never had a lover that attentive, who found every button she had and pushed them over and over, or who seemed to like everything she did; hard and rough one time, and soft and intimate the next. Sex was the one thing they never got wrong.

She shouldn’t have let things go that far with Ian, but for a moment while they were dancing it felt like old times, like none of the shit between them had happened, like there wasn’t a murder board behind them and autopsy reports on the table. It was always so damn good with him, and the case overwhelmed her so much that she needed something to push all of it away. Except when it was over everything came rushing back.

A tingling shiver crept over her, and she abruptly pushed back from the table and stood up, silently chastising herself for getting lost in such thoughts. Again. She rubbed at her tired eyes and wiggled her feet back into her shoes before moving across the room to the whiteboard.

The board was completely covered now with photos, reports, and scribbled notes in marker, all comprising a full timeline of some of the most heinous murders she’d ever seen. Her eyes scanned the top where they had taped pictures of the victims, then sectioned off the board between each of them to group the case elements together. Their names were burned into her brain, their smiling faces - faces that would never smile again - permanent fixtures when she closed her eyes.

She sighed again and the office door opened.

“Well, that was a bloody waste of time.”

Belle turned and watched as Weaver strode quickly across the room, dropping the folder he’d taken with him and his notebook on the table.

“What was?” she asked, almost grateful that they could talk about the case and pull her mind away from other things.

“Trying to find Eloise Gardner,” he said, giving her a flat smile. “As near as I can tell, she doesn’t fucking exist.”

Belle made a face. “What?”

He huffed and sat on the edge of the table. “Her last known address is an empty lot that up until a year ago was a community garden. She doesn’t have a driver’s license in this state. She hasn’t paid taxes, apparently ever. I can’t find a Social Security Number, state ID, W-2, forwarding address, employer, or any official piece of paper to prove she existed.”

Belle sank onto the sofa and dropped her head to her hands as she breathed. She looked up at Weaver feeling more tired and drained than she had in days. “So why did Branson say she could prove he was innocent?”

Weaver shrugged. “No clue. Though he did murder five people, so I’m not sure he’s making the best life choices.”

She snorted at that and shook her head. “Did you have any luck with any of the others?”

He turned and picked up the notebook, opening it and flipping passed a few pages. “I found Mr. Porter, the garbage man, at work, but Mrs. Emery was not at her apartment, and no one had seen her in days.”

Belle blinked. “You’re joking…”

He pressed his lips together and shook his head.

Her head dropped again in defeat. “So, our eye witness to the disposal of the last victim, just up and disappeared? Fucking great.”

Weaver started to smile. “Not exactly.” She lifted her head slowly, eyebrows raised. “I tracked down the building manager, and he said she moved out. I went to the post office and they have a forwarding address of a nursing home. I went there and found out she’d had a stroke. Her daughter…” He paused and flipped another page in his notebook. “Laura, arrived from Cambridge last week and has been helping to get her settled in.”

“Cambridge...Massachusetts?”

His lips twitched. “No.”

Her eyes narrowed and then she made a face. “England?”

“Her daughter teaches at the university,” he said, crossing to the sofa and sitting down beside Belle.

“Nice…” she muttered. “So, is she still with it enough to testify?”

“Seems so from talking to her.” He flipped his notebook closed. “She repeated everything the same as in her official statement. The doctor I spoke to said she should be fine now that she’s on medication, and that he’ll provide whatever documentation of her mental faculties is needed.

Belle flopped back against the sofa and slumped. “Thank god.”

“So,” he said, smiling. “That was the last six hours of my life. How was yours?”

“Lousy.” Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling and then she pushed herself up, crossing to the table to pick up a few photos. “I got copies of the crime scene photos we were missing from Crenshaw and Hughes, the last two. Nothing all that enlightening or helpful, though.”

She flipped through them as she walked back towards the sofa. “It’s all mostly background stuff that got left out, like the cars that were in the area, some random plant material, uh, shoe prints from Branson’s boots, and this which I thought you would ”

Weaver’s eyebrows lifted both at her tone and the smirking look she had on her face. She held out one photo and he leaned forward, holding the edge of it between his fingers as he looked at it. After a long moment, he groaned.

“Shit.”

Belle let out a snorting laugh. “Exactly.”

He shook his head as she set the rest of the pictures down on the coffee table. “Some crime scene tech actually took a picture of dog shit.”

She shrugged. “I guess they were being thorough?”

“Thoroughly fucking stupid, maybe,” he said absently, and she laughed.

She turned to grab something else, and as she pivoted on her right foot, her toes pulled back inside her shoe. A curse slipped out and she stumbled, the cramping pain contorting her foot and making it impossible to walk.

“Are you okay?” Weaver asked, sitting forward on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

She bent and took off her shoe, grabbing at her toes to try to relieve the tension. “It’s just a cramp. I think I’ve been pacing this office too much today.” She wobbled as she tried to walk wearing only one shoe and pressing the toes of her cramped foot against the floor. “Fuck.”

He rolled his eyes. “Come here.”

Her look was dubious, but she hobbled over to the sofa and dropped down with a hiss. He reached for her leg, pulling it up and tipping her back on the couch. She let out a pained noise, as she struggled to point her toes and make the cramp stop.

“Relax,” he said softly, wrapping his warm hand over her toes.

Slowly, he worked her foot until the muscles stopped contracting, and she leaned back, resting her head on the arm of the sofa as she let him pull her foot completely into his lap. Under previous circumstances, this would have been more than welcome, and a possible prelude to other activities as his hand naturally crept higher and higher on her legs. Anytime she had to be in court all day, pacing and walking around, her feet would rebel and start cramping painfully by the end of the day. She blamed it on all the damage she’d done to them in dance and ballet in her younger days, followed by too many years of shoving them into heels constructed by masochists who thought all women had dainty, narrow feet that never went over a size seven.

After a few minutes, she was biting back moans as he worked his thumb against her arch, stroking the muscle up and down before making a sweep over the ball of her foot. Part of her wanted to let him do this for the next hour to both of her feet, followed immediately by her shoulders and neck. But a greater part of her knew she needed to stop things before they went to far. While those two factions warred within her, she rolled her head to the side and stared at the miscellaneous photographs.

A shoe print stared back at her from the top of the pile, the ones found at the last scene when Branson had been arrested, and she frowned. Something was poking at the back of her brain, something that was unsettled and curious at the same time. Abruptly, she yanked her foot away from Weaver, and pushed up.

Weaver let out a light grunt as Belle shoved against him. “What is it?”

“Hold on,” she said, scrambling to sit up. "Something's...weird."

She picked up the photo of Branson’s boot print, and stared at it for a few seconds, noting the size and the markers that had been placed around it. Then she set it to the side and shuffled through the rest of the photos.

Weaver frowned at her and then picked up the photo she’d set down. “What are you looking for?”

“The other print.” She was getting frustrated and wondering if she’d imagined it, when he reached out and snatched up the picture she’d been looking for.

“This one?” he asked, holding it out.

She grabbed both photos from him, and laid them on the table. Her eyes darted back and forth between them, as her eyes widened. She wasn’t crazy, but this case sure was. “Look.”

She pointed at the pictures, and he looked back and forth between them. There was nothing jumping out at him, but it had been a long day of driving around and making calls.

“Okay?”

Belle huffed and pointed at the marker on the first photo. “See the measurement on the one from his arrest?” Weaver nodded. “And now the one from the second crime scene.”

His head tilted slightly, and then it hit him. “They’re different.”

“Yeah,” she said, starting to smile. “Branson’s boot was a size eleven. But the first one is a ten.”

He shook his head. “They can’t both be his shoe can they?”

She shrugged. “They aren’t marked as elimination prints from any of the officers or techs. What’s his shoe size from his booking?”

Weaver got up and crossed to the table, sorting through the stacks of folders until he found the report of vital statistics from Nick Branson’s booking at the station. He scanned the page, his eyes going wide as he turned around.

“He’s an eleven.”

Belle stood up, her body practically vibrating with new energy. “There’s no way someone is going to wear a different size boot like that. A half size maybe, but not a whole size.”

He nodded and took a breath. “You know what that might mean then, right?”

She swallowed hard, her excitement waning in light of the new reality of the case. “We have two killers.”

[so-gay]

Sometimes I worry I am too comfortable being single. Up until my ex and I broke up, I had always craved being loved. I craved being in a relationship that would last forever. I wanted that kind of love where nothing could tear us apart, but never in a million years would I have thought that I would be the one to detach from the person I considered the love of my life.

Two years ago I was in Disney with her and everything was fine. In retrospect, we weren’t perfect but we were everything I was convinced I needed. Almost 4 months after our trip, reality hit and the next thing I knew I was having the most painful conversation I’ve ever had with someone. To tell her I was no longer happy.. to see her cry, to feel her pain on top of my own broke me. I cared about her more than anyone else in the world, and I was faced with having to hurt the one person who promised to never hurt me. For 2 whole years she looked at me and saw no flaws, no imperfections. She wholeheartedly accepted every part of me and my past. I was her everything and she was about to have it all taken away by the hands that gave her what she considered the world. She didn’t change - she was always the same person I fell in love with. To this day, nearly 2 years later I still can’t figure out what changed for me to want to leave her. It took me months before and after breaking up to come to terms with the fact that my heart stopped wanting her the way it once did, months to be at peace with her being so involved with someone new only a few weeks after we ended. The pain seemed to never go away, until one day I realized the ache in my chest wasn’t weighing me down day in and day out anymore. During the time we broke up, I was hoping the only thing I needed was space from her to clear my head and we’d bounce back like nothing happened, but the truth is I knew I didn’t know how to fix us - I’m not sure I even wanted to. I wanted to be single and see if she was who I thought I could spend the next 50+ years with, but deep down I knew there was no hope for our relationship. I desperately wanted there to be, but I was so emotionally checked out it would have been impossible.

Ever since my heart sabotaged itself, I haven’t been able to believe love is for me, and for whatever reason I’m okay with that. We grow up thinking we have to have a boyfriend, have to have a girlfriend, have to get married and have kids before a specific age we set for oursslves. How can we not? We watch hundreds of romance movies, read countless books where two people find their soulmates, open Instagram to pictures of our friends getting engaged, hear parents tell their children they’ll find “the one” someday, see thousands of ads portraying this idea of love that is suppose to be the same for everyone. We get to the point where we tell ourselves over and over that we can’t wait until we have THAT kind of love. And for some it works out, they get that “fairytale ending.” They find exactly what they have been looking for. But for those who don’t, they’re left feeling ashamed and embarrassed because they have no one to call theirs. Relatives ask why you’re single at every holiday gathering, friends ask why you haven’t gone on a date in months, coworkers ask if you’re in a relationship. It’s as if being single is the last thing we should want. No one may convey that to you in words, but when we look around the societal message is clear. You can have the most supportive friends and family who reassure you that it’s okay to take your time and be alone, but at the end of the day we wonder if there is something wrong with us that has caused us to be single. We hear others finding their “other half,” as if us being us isn’t enough to constitute a whole being. It’s takes an incredible amount of time, energy, and self reflection to be genuinely content with being single. It feels as though every other person in the world is happily taken and then there’s you, swiping through tinder or eagerly scanning the crowd at a bar wondering if tonight will be the night somebody gives you their number.

I think about my future and where I want to be 20 or 30 years from now, and for the time being I can’t see it with another person. The idea of a soulmate is ideal, but possible for me? I wish I knew. Time will tell, but if I stay single for the rest of my life, I’ll be okay. No matter where life takes me, no matter how long I’m without a relationship, I have too many people by my side for me to be alone. What it comes down to is that I’m too terrified to commit to one significant other, not that I don’t want to or that one person isn’t enough, but I fear I’ll fall out of love again. I fear I’ll have to have that conversation with someone else, and I truly don’t think my heart could take it. I’ve found it’s harder to break up with someone than be broken up with, because not only are you hurting, but so are they. I focus too much on endings. I can’t just be happy and let things happen. I can’t make time, I’m never interested in anyone that I find the energy to talk to. I ghost, I hurt feelings, and I hate it. I don’t want to be this way. Not sure if it’s the depression or a flaw I can’t escape, but I’m tired. More often than not I don’t even realize I’m being the worst, it just happens and then I wonder if I’m physically incapable of emotional connections even though I’ve had them in the past? Am I genuinely trash at being in relationships or am I not meant to be with anyone? I can’t even hold a conversation past 3 texts without regretting even putting in the effort. Is this part of who I am or is the universe telling me it’s not them I should entertain?

There’s not one second that goes by where I regret my decision or wish we were still together. That thought was fleeting, escaping moments after I fully understood we were over. I’ll never be in love with her again, as hard as I forced myself to think I could be. I’ll never want to marry her, have children with her, live with her, or call her my mine. Maybe she never was, maybe my heart was unable to love her to it’s fullest capacity.

There was one moment throughout the two years we were together where I knew us breaking up was inevitable, prior to me genuinely considering it, but I never wanted to admit that thought crossed my mind. It was soon into our relationship, maybe a couple months in. I had gone over to her house during the summer and we stayed up late watching Netflix. As we started to fall asleep, I held her. I noticed her breathing had changed and she was no longer awake. I closed my eyes and felt uncomfortable, like something wasn’t right. I wanted to leave. I wanted to drive home and cry. I was afraid of my worst nightmare. I told her I loved her the day she was officially my girlfriend, there was no way I was second guessing it this early. “You love her, stop overthinking it.” “But what if I can’t forever? What if this feeling, this happiness, goes away?” “It won’t, you’ve never felt like this towards anyone else, no one compares to her. This is the love of your life, take a deep breath and relax.” I pushed those demons aside and never questioned us again, that is until February of 2017. Those thoughts resurfaced. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus. Every night I tried to keep her up, because no matter how much I knew what I wanted, her company was soothing. We’d say goodnight, fall silent and my heart would begin to race. I didn’t want to be left to sift through everything I was feeling. I’d stare up at the ceiling and my thoughts would consume me. I knew it would be another night crying myself to sleep with her beside me. She had no idea, and I didn’t know what to do or who I could turn to. Each morning I forced my thoughts as deep as they could go and tried to keep up with a life that did not make me as happy as I could have been. I was fully prepared to be that unhappy forever, keep my mouth shut and go through each day ignoring the truth that I had buried to the back of my mind. My depression got worse, I began to develop crippling anxiety, and soon enough I couldn’t keep myself together any longer.

After all was said and done in May of 2017, I was caught up on that summer night 2 years prior for weeks on end. Should I have trusted my gut back then? Should I have broken things off before we were too involved? Would I have developed this irrational fear of falling in love again and breaking another girl’s heart if we hadn’t dated for so long? Would I have found someone else that resulted in the same painful ending? Would we still be friends? Would I be anything like the person I am today if we had broken up sooner? Would I know then what I know now?

I like to think dating her was one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned. I learned what it was like to love, be loved, and feel safe with someone else. I learned how to move into my own apartment, to go grocery shopping, to go to a laundromat, to pay bills, to manage money, to maintain an independent lifestyle - even though I lived my life so in sync with hers. I learned what loving someone unconditionally means, because there is no doubt in my mind that I didn’t love her properly. I learned to never make the same mistake again - to keep quiet for the sake of someone else’s happiness. For too long I was miserable, and ever since we ended I’ve felt a sense of freedom I so desperately wanted for several months leading up to the day I didn’t actually think would happen to us. It hasn’t been easy, and I miss her from time to time. But to have broken her heart and worry that she’ll never heal, just to see her enter another relationship afterwards and be okay?? I’m relieved. She may not have contact with me in the slightest, but my biggest fear breaking up with her - that she’d never move on - proved to be wrong. I can fall asleep at night knowing someone who was once so important to me is happy, and so am I. I didn’t make a mistake, I didn’t ruin her life like I thought I would. I’ve grown so much over these past two years being single. I needed her from 2015-2017, but from 2017-2019 I needed me.

Today I am free. Today I am happy. Today I am everything I’ve dreamed of being. I cannot believe I was so convinced this version of myself was only possible if I was in a relationship a couple years ago. Today I am single and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Maybe one day I’ll be able to commit to someone again the way I did to her, but if my heart doesn’t let me then I know it’s not because there’s something wrong with me, but because everyone’s story is different and we all aren’t meant to live our lives the same as everyone else. If we were, wouldn’t the entire human race be identical? Would there even be a point in trying to make a life for ourselves if we were suppose to be the exactly the same?

I wonder if I’ll ever be excited over someone again or if that reality is out of reach for me.

[laceandhockeyskates]

What the hell I’ve been up to?!

I don’t even know how to make an introduction for this hot mess but I guess we’ll go month to month more or less because let me tell you 2018.... really fucked me up. Both in good ways, but also in terrible ways? I don’t know... I feel like it’s all worked out in the end but damn was it a mess to get to this point. 

 January- lovely, lovely January. Aka the last time I’ve posted anything of real value on this blog. I had my first trip out of the country!! Other than that uneventful?! 

 February and March (since nothing happened)- I turned 25. I don’t remember anything besides grabbing lunch with my grandma for it... so clearly it was a huge deal. Besides that though.... nothing. 

 April.... this is when things got.... interesting- we found out in April that the retail company I worked for was going out of business. Which was absolutely terrifying. I had no idea what I was going to do, how long it was going to take to find a new job... I knew nothing. That very day that we were told I put in 25 job applications. Within a week I had 4 job interviews lined up for one day that I had off of work, and at the end of that day I had a new job. 

 May- and it gets worse. May 4th was my last day at the store before I started my new job on May 5th. It was somewhere that I had applied to several times and never got a call back from, and it was only a three minute drive from my house so I thought everything was going to work out. Right? Wrong. I HATED it. With every fiber of my being it was the worst. I sat in my car on my lunch breaks crying more often than I wasn’t. It was honestly awful, and some greater power that be must have recognized how miserable I was because I was only there for less than 2 weeks. I started on the 5th and I worked my last day there on the 17th. I was scheduled to have that Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off already which I was thankful for and had all these plans. So since about November-December I had these back pains that started right between my shoulder blades and wrapped around my stomach every few weeks. At first I thought I had a strange strand of the flu, and then I thought I was just sleeping on my back wrong.... well neither was accurate. That Friday night I was sitting on the couch watching tv when the pain hit me again and at that point it was more of an annoyance thing because like seriously?? So I just did what I always did and took pain meds and prepared myself for a night of no sleep and taking a hot bath every two hours to pour steaming hot water over my back (aka the only thing that really helped), by Saturday I wasn’t any better and my dad offered to take me to the ER. I thought he was just tired of listening to me whine about the pain and not really worried but I did let him drive me to Walmart to get a heating pad and more pain killers. Which again... helped.... but only for so long. I actually got to sleep that night and woke up at 3 am in literally the worst pain of my entire life. I quickly got in the tub hoping that the hot water would work or the heating pad or really anything. By 5 am though I knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong and that’s when I asked my dad to take me to the ER. Which I don’t think he took me seriously until 7 when my mom woke up and I asked her to go. It took less than 5 minutes at the ER to be told I have pancreatitis and gallstones and I’m basically screwed. By the time I came back from chest x rays I was being admitted. And let me tell you... that shit sucked. My Er nurse asked me how I was feeling and I literally laughed and told her I was just happy that it wasn’t all in my head. Which she very much assured me that it wasn’t. And that I actually have a high pain tolerance considering anyone else would be screaming in pain, and that if I had waited another few days I’d be going in with a raptured gallbladder. That first day... sucked to put it kindly. Because I had a gallstone blocking my pancreas I wasn’t allowed food (I ended up going from 5 pm Saturday to 2 pm Monday without food) or water (4 am Sunday to 2 pm Monday). Do you know it’s like to go that long? I was the biggest asshole because all I truly wanted was applesauce and water. To top it off though they couldn’t figure out a pain med that actually worked for me. Morphine lasted about as long as it took to get to my toes (a few seconds at best) so I was miserably in pain the entire time. Monday wasn’t too bad. My mom came and visited me, and for the most part I was left alone with the occasional check in minus my surgery consult. Tuesday.... was a day. I’ve never had surgery before and to say I was anxious would be an understatement. I had been waking up around 5-6 am anyways and was just watching the news when I realized there were two people standing outside my door.... I had originally been told my surgery was the 3rd of the day and I wouldn’t be going until about 11 am which gave my parents enough time to get my brother off to school and to be back in time to see me off... that’s not what happened. They had bumped me up to #1. Which meant my labs hadn’t been put in as needed ASAP and had to be run again but as soon as that was done? I was being wheeled away. What I didn’t know was that my mom had a nightmare that I had been taken to surgery early and that I died on the table... so you can imagine her reaction when I texted them that I was actually going to surgery early... needless to say my dad sped all the way to the hospital. Actual surgery though? I don’t remember a ton. I remember going to the holding room and being introduced to a bunch of people that I knew for all of five seconds before going into the OR. I remember moving from my bed to the table and then being wrapped up in a bunch of warm blankets and given the mask. I wasn’t told to count down or anything but within seconds I was out. I remember vaguely waking up to be moved from the table to my bed and I THOUGHT I had only fallen back asleep for the ride to recovery... apparently it was a lot longer than that. I woke up once in recovery and could have sworn they cut me open side to side but nope. It was a successful surgery with only four tiny incisions that hurt like a goddamn bitch let me tell you and then I passed back out... when I finally woke back up again I was awake long enough I was allowed to go to my room where my parents were relieved to see me. I was up walking within an hour (I was told I wasn’t allowed food unless I moved around and got the gas out of myself and had bowl movements. They recommended walking. I wanted food.) and that day was spent between doing laps and sleeping. The next day? The day I was suppose to go home? My labs came back with a high white blood count... and I lost it. Despite my parents visiting me every day I was tired of feeling alone. Luckily though Thursday I was finally released.... in time for my baby brother to graduate high school. Which was a fun ceremony when you’re hopped up on pain meds. 

 June- was a hot mess of dealing with medical leave at the job I hated, but mostly? It was spent enjoying the summer. Once I was cleared for activity I was swimming nearly every day and soaking in the summer with my two baby cousins who turn 12 soon. Despite the physical pain I had to deal with and the stress of work I wouldn’t have traded that in for anything. It gave me so many fun memories to look back on and enjoy. 

 July- I was suppose to go back about the 8th but medical leave was... a mess. And tbh at that point it wasn’t worth the stress to keep that job when for the time being I was making enough by doing side jobs for my family to pay my bills. I did start applying for new jobs though while I spent more time enjoying my summer with my kiddos. By the 27th though I was starting my new job, which is where I’m currently at while I type this long ass post but we’ll get into that a little farther down. Two days later though as I was about to start my first full day at my new job I got the text message I never wanted to get. I had to call my cousin/best friend. Long story short her mother had passed away meaning that she had lost both of her parents in seven years. Something I can’t even imagine. But not only that but it meant that my grandma had also lost her sister and best friend, and my great grandmother had to do the one thing no parent should ever go through.  

August- was honestly a really intense blur. Between two weeks of dealing with the fall out of losing my aunt and starting my new job I didn’t have a life. In late July/early August though I knew something was up with my car but I honestly thought it was just a tie rod going bad... no. Apparently my entire undercarriage was more or less rusting out and I was screwed. I didn’t have any money saved up for a down payment, I had no idea if I could even afford a car payment yet (despite working a better paying job with more hours but I was use to basically barely making ends meet with maybe $20 left over). Luckily my parents who are the real mvps of my life stepped up and helped me figure everything out and I had a new car within a week of starting to search (she’s my baby girl. I’m obsessed. She’s literally everything I wanted minus the fact that she’s white and my previous car was white and I wanted to avoid that: but besides that... I’m happy with her and she’s worth the pretty penny I pay every month). 

 September- was a goddamn mess work wise. It’s all I did. Work. 

 October- I took my first major road trip on my own (driving 2 and a half hours by myself on the interstate. It was a big deal.) and saw FOB in concert which was... life changing. I completely recommend seeing them if you ever have a chance (also machine gun kelly was there and despite the fact that I don’t care for rap.... he was pretty good.). Other than that though October was more work craziness. 

And now for November, and if you guessed work was insane... you’d be right. When I was hired in July it was all “oh it’ll only be busy until like October” and now my boss is like “maybe by March we can get our sanity back for two months?” Which don’t get me wrong I’m grateful. I’m making a $1 more an hour, actually working full time, and I don’t hate a majority of my coworkers (there’s still a handful though that if I had a shopping cart at work I’d run of their bare toes but that’s more because they make my life unnecessarily stressful) but I’m actually happy???? Like as stressed out as I am basically 24/7 I’m doing alright. I have a majority of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped which like?? And idk... I’m just.... I’m in a good place. And I won’t lie I still check myself once and awhile going “okay something is bound to go wrong.” But also maybe all the good is outweighing all the bad that I had to deal with. Anyways so that’s the life update. If you actually read that... bless your soul. Message me. We’re now best friends. And hopefully in the coming weeks I figure out what the hell im doing with this blog.

December update I wanna die lol! We had two people quit in three weeks leaving us with four people to cover 24 hours 7 days a week....it’s a great time. 

[shiftyskip]

Ronald “Ron” Speirs

The Real Ronald Speirs

Ronald Charles Speirs was born April 20, 1920 in Edinburg, Scotland to Robert and Martha Speirs. Hitler was also born on April 20, a few years earlier. Speirs knew this fact and he liked to joke about it later in life. His father was a Scottish Engineer. Speirs and his family moved to the United States during the Great Depression. According to Ancestry, he had an older sister Dorothy and an older brother Robert.

 He grew up in Boston, attended high school there, took drill during school and Citizens Military Training Camps during the summers. He graduated in 1938. Not much is known about his childhood.

He was originally drafted but was given two months to finish extension courses. He was on active duty at Camp Shelby, Mississippi. He volunteered for the Airborne. Speirs was one of the original Toccoa men under Sobel. 

When Easy traveled to England, Speirs traveled to Winchester to set up a camp for another Infantry division. There he met a British widow serving with the British Army’s Auxiliary Territorial Service division. They were married and had a son, Robert, soon after.

The woman’s husband had been presumed dead after disappearance. He was actually being held as a POW. He showed up towards the end of the war. It was eventually decided that she and Speirs would split up and she would return to her former husband. During the HBO, Speirs is seen rummaging through loot to send back to his wife and son. This seems to be accurate, according to other veterans. Speirs kept contact with his son throughout his life. His son would eventually become a major in the Royal Green Jackets Regiment. Speirs would visit his son and his three grandchildren in England later on in life.

Speirs jumped into Normandy with D Company on D-Day. His company would serve heavy losses. Speirs was injured in the face and knee by a grenade. He was taken back to England to recover from his injuries before returning to his unit before they jumped into Holland.

In Holland, Speirs was the Intelligence officer for Colonel Robert Strayer and his battalion. One night, Speirs had the Neder Rhine by himself to locate where the enemy was. He was spotted and the Germans opened fire on him. He dove into the water but had been struck by a bullet in his butt (what would become known as the million-dollar wound). He swam back to shore and was later found, wounded and too exhausted to move from the shore. He brought back critical information and was given the Silver Star for his mission.

He was sent to recover once again and later rejoined Easy in France before Battle of the Bulge. He wrote a letter to Stephen Ambrose about his experience in Bastogne. “There had been an attack through the trees before we arrived and they caught a number of Germans. The bodies were frozen, so there was no stench. I turned one over, an artillery forward observer, and found an excellent pair of binoculars around his neck.......We had one firefight where a platoon sergeant was killed next to me.....He fell into my arms, but was dead. There was nothing I could do for him.” In another letter to Winters, Speirs writes: “He fell in my arms without a word, probably feeling nothing. Those are the guys I think about 50 years later- why them and not me?”

In Foy, Easy company was under the command of Captain Dike Dike was considered to be similar to Sobel, but not as tough. He had reportedly “scurried off like a scared rabbit” after the blasts that took Guarnere and Toye started. Dike was the man to be leading the assault across an open field to face the Germans. Winters went through all of his instructions once more and Easy moved out under a covering fire that left them covered in heavy smoke.

Their attack was soon dissolving into chaos. Dike froze behind haystacks and was refusing to lead. Winters, aware of the risk of putting Dike in charge, had decided to watch their assault. Speirs was next to him for an unknown reason, watching this all go to chaos. Winters, angrily grabbed his gun, and declared “I’m going!” to seize control of Easy once more. He had barely moved when he whirled around and instead told Speirs to “take over that company and relieve Dike and take that attack on in.” 

Winters had not prepared to pick Speirs, he just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Winters later recalled he was glad it was Speirs, who he respected as a combat leader. Winters had heard the rumors of Speirs and his killer instincts but Dike needed to be removed. 

Speirs raced off to aid Easy Company. He reached the haystack, shouted at Dike, and took command of Easy. Speirs then raced across open area to locate Easy’s other flank and reorganize them. Germans opened fire on him as he crossed there lines. Once he arranged the company, he raced back through the German lines. 

Regarding his personality, many rumors flew about Speirs and his violence. Winters regarded him as a killer, Malarkey didn’t like him much because of how violent he could get, and he soon developed a nickname “Killer”. 

Most of the Easy Vets respected him as a combat leader. Many of the men feared Speirs. Although he was respected, it is said some men didn’t like his strict rules and discipline He was dedicated to doing the right thing and was often fearless in the heat of battle. Speirs wrote in a letter to Winters in 1992 that he didn’t expect to survive the war, so that might have fueled his actions as well. 

The stories of Speirs’ and his violent streak toward his own men. It was rumored he shot a sergeant because he was drunk. While Speirs did not deny shooting the man, Winters later wrote that the shooting went beyond being drunk. The sergeant had ignored a command from Speirs to halt twice. The men were under heavy fire near Saint Côme-du-Mont. Orders were to halt due an artillery attack planned on the city where German were. The men were to follow up the artillery attack. When the sergeant didn’t stop, he was risking the lives of the men. Speirs took out his gun and shot the man. Some veterans told that the sergeant had even threatened Speirs with his gun drawn.The man died the the next day in battle so no official report could be carried out. 

One of the most famous stories following his name, there was the incident of Speirs and the POWs on D-Day. There were no eyewitnesses that would confirm the story. Many stories like this have been recorded but it is not sure if Speirs was a part of these numbers for certain. 

After the battle of Foy, “Sparky” Speirs remained in command of Easy until the end of the war. He was the longest commanding officer of Easy. One of the memories from Winters was of Speirs in Berchtesgaden, taking one of Hitler’s staff cars with the bullet-proof windows for a joy ride.

When the war ended, Speirs continued to serve with the Airborne, just not the 101st. He was placed with 187th Airborne Regimental Combat Team during his service in Korea. He commanded a rifle company during a jump in Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea. 

After the Korean War ended, Speirs served at Fort Bragg, North Carolina as a military secretary for the 18th Airborne Corps Commander Major General Joseph Cleland. 

In 1956, Speirs learned Russian in California before being assigned to Potsdam, East Germany to work as a liaison officer with the Soviet Army. He later became the US governor of Spandau Prison in Berlin in 1958. Spandau held many Nazi war criminals, including Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s deputy. Hess and Speirs would meet almost daily, seemingly gaining a respect for each other.  Not much was said about his duties in the Korean War, with the Soviets, or in Spandau. Speirs would never talk much about these experiences. 

In 1962, Speirs was a training officer in Laos, Southeast Asia, with a government mission with the Royal Lao Army. Finally, Speirs worked in the Pentagon as a plans officer until he retired with the rank of lieutenant colonel in 1964.

Around 1984, Speirs met a lady named Eloise. She had recently been widowed and her three children lived far away from her home California. She met Speirs at a singles square dance and in November 1987, they were married. Her son, Marv, did not know Speirs well at first but grew to love his step-father after the couple started spending more time in Montana, where he lived. Marv’s brother and sister had children, along with six children with his wife, leaving Speirs to become a grandfather and great-grandfather eventually. His grandchildren would take him on walks, attack him with hugs, and he would do whatever they wanted. 

His family did not know the details of his long military career and he would blame it on his failing memory. It was said that while his later actions blurred together, World War 2 would forever last in his mind. 

Speirs traveled to the premiere of Band of Brothers in France with his wife in 2001. Speirs wasn’t planning on going but his wife told him she was going with or without him, and he chose to go. When reading about how his actions would be displayed in the show and if he was worried, Speirs replied, “I’m eighty-one years old, what can they do to me now?”

This photo was the first time Winters and Speirs had seen each other in fifty-five years. 

After the event, Speirs started opening up more about his wartime experiences. He even met his granddaughter’s husband, a cadet at West Point who had taken an interest in Speirs. Within their one hour talk, Speirs opened up more about his experiences than he ever had. Perhaps it was to share the experience with someone who was just starting a military career, we may not know why he shared so much but Speirs was able to recall a lot more than his memory knew he had. 

Sadly, even legends come to an end. Speirs last years were rough and he struggled with health issues. He was not officially diagnosed but it is believed he died of Alzheimer’s. His last months were painful to everyone and the family was on call 24/7 to care for him. 

Speirs died April 11, 2007. He was almost eighty-seven years old. 

[joontier]

Golden Closet

전정국

Jeon Jungkook

PART 1

--- Fandom: BTS

--- Pairing: jungkook x reader

--- Genre: jungkook as your senior!; idol! au 

--- Word count: 1.7k

--- Summary: You work as a receptionist for BigHit and you’re an aspiring idol so you train every day at an unused practice room in the building and one night Jungkook sees you practicing and thinks you’re a pretty decent dancer

--- Note: No offense intended to all music majors out there (you guys are awesome!!) and some of opinions below are taken from real life and do not reflect any of my perception towards those taking up a degree in music 

MASTERLIST

It was difficult enough that you were working in an entertainment company, and yet those in the high-ups seemed to have no problem in making your life worse than it already is.

You had moved out of your parent’s house once you graduated high school, mainly due to their unwillingness to support you in your true passion – music. ‘It was a lost cause,’ your mother had mentioned, although your father strongly believed in the power of passion for something, yet he was also hesitant to support you towards achieving your dreams, claiming that there really wasn’t any permanent success in music, adding that those who pursued music lacked the brain cells to complete an actual degree.

To say that the journey was a struggle is a complete understatement, for you had barely gotten through each day of college. However, here you are now, working as a receptionist for the infamous entertainment company in Korea, especially after BTS’s rise to international fame – BigHit Entertainment. Being at the front desk wasn’t at all bad, if it weren’t for your seniors who treated you more of a personal assistant than a receptionist.  

‘It’s okay,’ you thought. At least you were already one step closer to finally achieving your dreams – working at an entertainment company. You just had to work your way up, perhaps attend a few more voice and dance classes somewhere, and enter the annual auditions the company holds.

It wasn’t a surprise that they were going to make it worldwide, the Bangtan boys, - everyone in the company knew that. All seven boys were incredibly down to earth and were humbler than your sister who bragged about finishing a free gym trial where her boyfriend worked as a personal trainer.

You see the boys almost every day, always bowing their heads to other employees in greeting. Besides their notable politeness, not a single person in the building failed to notice their good looks. 

These boys, who were recently dubbed as the most famous boy group in the world have undoubtedly looked like celebrities even before their rise to stardom.

Namjoon looks like every girl’s dream guy - smart, talented, tall, and fashionable. Jin was indisputably handsome from all angles, and you were almost jealous that he reached that level of drop-dead gorgeousness that he was even prettier than most girls you knew, including yourself. 

Yoongi always had this sense of professionalism and it only takes one look at him and you could feel the passion he has for making music. Hoseok’s unmistakeably bright smile was too infectious for your own good, and you remembered how he greeted you with a wide smile on a bad day once, and never did you frown for the rest of the day.

Jimin looked like royalty walking among commoners like you, yet he had the heart and soul of a precious little boy. Fans aren’t mistaken of Taehyung’s virtually realistic facial features, and there were times when you wondered if he was an actual person or science has had another breakthrough and that was him. Finally, Jungkook…boy was this cutie quiet and shy…only with strangers. When he’s with his hyungs, his character does a complete 360 and you find yourself adoring his playfulness.

Your coworker, Hyeonji, snapped you out of your thoughts as she waved her hand in front of you. “Y/N, love, it’s time to go home.”

“Oh right. Thanks Hyeonji!” You waited until she finished arranging some of the files on your shared desk and you walked quietly to the bathroom and changed into your exercise clothes. This had been a daily routine for you, after you had befriended one of the housekeeping staff and told him of your dream to share your music to the world.  

“My daughter had the same passion as you, Miss Y/N,” Mr. Moon said as he took a sip from the milk carton you offered him earlier. The 59-year-old man wiped a tear that fell on his cheek. “Whenever she listened to music, every time we came across a musical instrument, heck, anything related to it, you could see the passion burning in her eyes,” he paused for a moment, “I remember how she saved up for an electric piano the entire summer, and how she played beautiful pieces on the piano when she thought no one was around.” You smiled.

“She was as pretty as the music she played, Miss Y/N.” 

“I would’ve loved to meet her, Mr. Moon. She sounds wonderful.”  

Not one of you dared to share another painful memory as you spent the night talking about your lives. Mr. Moon decided that he would clean an old practice room last so you could have time to practice your dancing. You hugged him tightly that day, and he cried as he whispered, “If I couldn’t let my daughter’s dreams come true, I’ll try to help you reach yours then.”  

You set your bags down by the mirror and connected your phone to the only speaker in the room. The room didn’t really look like one for practicing, since the building you had transferred to was still a few months old, and the walls still reeked of new cement and there was a small pool of water on the corner right under a leaking pipe. None of the trainees or the idols have used the room according to Mr. Moon but you didn’t mind – you still couldn’t afford to take extra classes for voice and dancing so the room would have to do.

The seven boys, exhausted after ten hours of practice for their comeback, walked tiredly towards their parked van. “Hyung, please I really need to pee!” Jungkook whined, clinging onto Hoseok’s arm. “Please, Kook, we literally live fifteen minutes away from the building. Can’t you just hold it in?”  

“I’ve been holding it in for ten hours!” The rest of the group fell silent, somewhat guilty at the mention of the youngest one’s sentiments. It was true though – Jungkook had been asking for a short tiny break but they were afforded only a water break after each song and none of them were allowed to go out because the choreographer had to point out each mistake afterwards.  

Their manager, Sejin spoke up, “First corner, turn left, you’ll see the toilet down the corridor.” Jungkook bowed slightly in gratitude and sprinted towards the door they exited from while the rest of the group went to the van and waited. The 20-year-old, also feeling guilty for losing his calm, wanted to waste no time because he knew they were all exhausted too, that was until he heard music playing from the door left ajar next to the toilet.

He paused for a moment – curiosity eating at him. Deciding that he needed to relieve himself first, he entered the toilet and listened to the music that came from the room you practiced in.

He thought about the song that faintly echoed throughout the room and why it sounded so familiar so he took a peek inside. He figured he had come across the song when he was searching for choreographies from a Youtube channel. He saw you dancing to Beyoncé’s Upgrade U and thought that you were a pretty decent dancer, not exactly qualified for a professional but a few more polishing would’ve done the job.

He figured if he watched longer his hyungs would lose it and that you’d actually catch him watching you so he turned his back and sprinted back to the parking lot.  

“What took you so long? And why are you smiling like that?” Jimin whispered, not wanting the rest of the group that had fallen asleep.  

“Nothing,” Jungkook answered and hummed to Beyoncé.