#GOD I JUST REMEMBERED I STILL HAVE HALF THE PROMISED DRAWINGS TO DO

[jadecantcreate]

am i the only person who tends to think of pain in pitch?

as in, pain can be “high pitch” or “low pitch” — if its sharp, like a paper cut or heartburn or aching, its high pitch; if its like a stubbed toe or sore muscles or a headache, its low pitch

high pitch pain is when you hiss, low pitch pain is when you groan, etc etc

i dont know if this makes sense to anyone else?????

(because everytime im writing fanfiction i have to hold myself back from describing it that way — and im not even sure i could fully, effectively communicate that w/o breaking immersion — but me saying “sharp pain” has become. a problem. probably. i really need alternatives)

[rapidmorph3]

Redraw I've been doing like every year (mostly on accident but I guess this is just a thing now) it's been nice to see how my art has changed. (Just yapping about my art progress/learning under↓ nothing importance.)

I'm always doubting whether I'm making any actual improvement in my art or not but it's good to know I'm becoming more comfortable in things like drawing full bodies etc. I still have a long way to go but I'm ok with that.

If you were here for and remember my last two attempts at this you're a real one (thank you) because I think they are both still up on my profile somewhere - don't go looking for it because they look god awful compared to this sketch I promise hahaha.

Anyway I'm glad drawing the same guy over and over for two and a half years hasn't stagnated my art or made me regress (I think..), would I have improved faster if I was drawing a variety of other things? Most likely, but at least I'm drawing at all :-)

About to say something a little corny sorry but I am very grateful my love for this character has gotten me somewhere with my art, my oc's development and kept me going just in general LOL ok sap over. If I feel embarrassed about this yap session that no one will look at anyway I may nuke it later from this post.

[alipeeps]

Episode 30

I think I'll have to skip doing gifs for these last few commentaries, or it'll take me days to get through them all... 😭

Oh dang, Zhou Yichen's words are weighing on Li Lun.

Zhu Yan gave Li Lun the Truth Eye?!! 😭

What I don't get about this show is that they act like these two have been enemies for centuries.... but we know from the timeline it's been 8 years! They fell out and Li Lun was sealed 8 years ago just before the blood moon where Zhu Yan lost control.

"How long has it been since we played Go so peacefully?"

"I don't remember anymore"

IT'S BEEN EIGHT FUCKING YEARS!! 😂

It never had to be this way Li Lun, you're the one who made this a zero sum game.

How are his eyes so big?

Yeah but of those two friends, Li Lun, only one is a) a mass murderer, and b) actively choosing to possess and kill the other. When it comes down to a choice of who gets to inhabit one body - the original owner of the body, who is a literal child, has far greater rights to it than the one who stole the body and has killed lots of people.

The thing is... this is lovely and dramatic and all... but it's so unnecessary. All y'all idiots had to do was what I suggested at the end of episode 29 - tie that fucker up until Zhuo Yichen gets back with the sword and then sever his primordial spirit and free Xiao Bai. Why let Li Lun loose to start a fight that risks losing the opportunity to save Bai Jiu?

Also, can we please bear in mind that only recently Zhao Yuanzhou had his inner core damaged and a lot of his demon power consumed... and was warned it would not be a quick recovery.

Ah fuck... and Li Lun knows it. Wait up tho.. he's lost ALL his demon power? And is no different from a human? Is that true? And will he get it back?

Oh nice! Your opponent... is me!

But AGAIN... this is so fucking unnecessary! I mean yeah, badass fight scene and all... but you could have fucking resolved all this safely while Li Lun was unconscious.

Give it up for baby bro!!

Wait did baby bro like.. DIE, die? He's a puppet infused with Pei Siheng's spirit... I didn't think he could die?

Ahhh fuuuck and Wen Xiao is using the baize power (though without the token, it seems?) which could exacerbate her poisoning...

Zhuo Yichen would you please just fucking do whatever it is you need to do to remove Li Lun's primordial spirit, while he is fucking restrained!! Please! You're killing me here!

Great. So Wen Xiao injured herself for nothing because you didn't take advantage of the opportunity offered.

YING LEI!! NOOOOOOOO!!!

Well, this is going fucking great. 4 out of 5 of the team are now incapacitated in some way.

Don't you fucking do it. Don't do it. Not Ying Lei. Please...

Don't die don't die don't die don't die

JFC Bai Jiu will never recover if his body is used to kill Ying Lei...

Oh fuck he's crying... is... is Bai Jiu fighting back?!

DOITDOITDOITDOITDOITPLEASEFUCKINGSAVEHIM

Here you go, stick him in this piece of wood. 😂

Oh fuck not just any piece of wood... the root of Li Lun's pagoda tree... given to Zhu Yan centuries ago... 😭

So that was what Zhao Yuanzhou meant by a draw... a chance for Li Lun still to live. You didn't even give him chance to explain what he was offering Li Lun...

OH FUCK there was more to that "Promise me" that Zhou Yichen agreed to!!

Ying Lei won't let go of him. My heart!!

Oh don't you fucking have Ying Lei die on me now??!!

I don't like this close up of his face with a blurry lens. Don't fucking do this to me...

It was. You're best boy, Ying Lei. You always have been.

I hate this. Please don't let him die.

How can a half-god, half-demon mountain god die from such wounds?

How dare you fucking finally give him the validation he has always been seeking - and always deserved - only as he's dying?

This is killing me. He didn't need to die. And they are dragging it out soooo long. 😭😭😭😭😭

You bastards. You fucking bastards. I am NOT ok.

Xiao Jiu. Come back to us baby boy.

He's going to be devastated about YIng Lei. 😭😭

Oh dang, he wakes up and the first person he sees is his mum!!

I am actually genuinely fucking crying.

So has he lost his demonic power permanently?

So... there's 4.5 eps left to go. Wen Zongyu is dead. Li Lun is defeated. Bai Jiu is rescued.

What's going to be the plot for the next 4 episodes? It can't all be about Wen Xiao's poisoning...

Is shit about to go down with Chongwu camp/the results of Wen Zongyu's demon hybrid experiments?

Why is this show so determined to rip my heart out and stomp on it?

Zhuo Yichen is best big bro

My precious baby mountain god... 😭😭😭

Your girlfriend still needs you, Sijing. The polycule still needs you.

What the fuck was he going to say?!!

After this? After WHAT?!!

Why the fuck is he talking like he might no longer be around to protect Bai Jiu?

This has to have been a hell of a trip for Bai Jiu... he wakes up from being possessed by Li Lun to find:

Mum's back Ying Lei's dead Zhuo daren's a demon

THAT'S A VERY GOOD FUCKING QUESTION, BAI JIU!!!

Why the fuck does it feel like he is saying goodbye?! Is he... is he planning to absorb the poison from Wen Xiao?!!

(Shit. I guess there's no longer an option for Zhao Yuanzhou to do that cos his demon power is gone...)

Fuck me, that is exactly what he's planning, isn't it?

Oh and is Zhao Yuanzhou planning the same? (Sorry, demon daddy, Xiao Zhuo Daren already knows that's the only option).

Are they going to be fighting over who gets to sacrifice themselves to save her?

You're damn right she wouldn't let you.

FUUUUUUCK. This episode destroyed me. I am an emotional wreck.

[mattyriddlegf]

The Stupid Closet (27)

Hello everyone! Happy Sunday release day. The countdown is officially on, after this chapter there’s 9 chapters left of this story🥹 I can’t believe it!

Thank you for your continued support, enjoy!

—————-

You light your cigarette and take a drag of it immediately.

“What did he say or do?” Theo asks quietly, standing beside you.

You look over at him, “it doesn’t matter Theo.” Your gaze lingers like you want to tell him but you don’t.

he takes a moment, wanting to know but not wanting to push you.

“Well whatever it was, he’s stupid for it.” He pauses before continuing, “You asked him not to fight the guy didn’t you?”

“How’d you know?”

“I know you. Remember when I punched Ma-” he pauses until you nod “anyways, you were so pissed at me. Even when I knew I was losing you to him, I held back because I knew you’d hate me”

‘Losing you to him’ God that stung a little.

“God this whole thing is just so frustrating” You say through gritted teeth.

“Are you for sure that it’s over between you two? You went through so much…” He trails off.

“Not even a question.” You say simply.

He watches you for a second, “You’re taking this really well…”

“Yeah well you weren’t in the room when we talked” You respond almost laughing. It was quite funny if you think about it, Mattheo said he loved you and begged you not to leave him yet he slut shames you and suggests going back to hating each other so easily. Maybe he never really loved you in the first place..

You can tell Theo wants to know what was said but he doesn’t ask again, respecting your boundaries.

“Thanks for coming up here, I just…I couldn't handle Pansy right now.” You admit.

“No problem, I’m happy I could help…for a while I thought we’d never be cool again” He shrugs. You smile at this, it was nice that he could be here for you. It always seemed like it was Theo or…Mattheo. One or the other could be by your side but never both at the same time.

“Can I be alone for a bit? I promise I’ve calmed down” You ask nicely.

“Uh sure, if you need anything I’ll be at the Slytherin house” He pitifully smiles before leaving you alone with your thoughts.

How could you be so normal about breaking up with someone you loved so fucking much? You didn’t feel like crying or lost just…defeated.

It had all happened so fast that maybe you hadn’t processed it yet but it still felt weird. It is what it is. You couldn’t let this affect your finals coming up and you were so excited to go to the Malfoy Manor over the holidays, you wouldn’t let this ruin it. You couldn’t.

Half of the people at Hogwarts have whispered about you and Mattheo since the very beginning and it had never bothered you or even crossed your mind but what if they were right? You and him were never going to last, you were just fooling yourself.

You throw your cigarette butt down before stepping on it and leaving the tower. You didn’t want to think about this anymore.

You walk back through the castle, it being completely empty since it’s dinner time now. Everyone would be in the great hall which allowed you to walk freely without disturbances.

“Thanks for the clothes pile you threw all over my floor” You hear a voice, hiding off to the side.

You find Mattheo sitting there, drawing in his notebook as normal.

“No problem, glad I could help” You roll your eyes as you continue walking but subconsciously slow your pace.

“Good talk” he retorts.

You freeze, pursing your lips before turning towards him.

“Fine, you wanna talk? Let’s talk since it didn’t settle the first time.” You walk up to him without letting him get a word in, “You acting as if nothing happened proves to me all I need to know. You’re a narcissistic asshole who has never loved anyone in his entire life and it shows.”

You stop and he just stares at you with dead eyes, not saying a word.

“Good enough of a talk for you?” You shake your head, “just leave me alone.” You add before staring into his eyes for a few more moments. Mattheo clenches his jaw as you tear away your gaze and walk away.

You walk faster than before, beelining to your dorm. When you walk in, you slam the door shut and immediately start crying out of rage. You still weren’t sad, you were frustrated. All of this over some stupid joke that your jerk ex from 3 years ago said.

You cover your face with your hands sitting on the floor. God you had never loved anyone more than you had with Mattheo, in fact…you weren’t even sure if it had been love before Mattheo.

You can’t let this wreck you. This entire year has not gone the way you imagined but you weren’t going to let this determine your grades or the rest of your year. It was just one more semester of Hogwarts before you never had to see Mattheo again…at least regularly. You could do this.

You didn’t want to be the person that broke down after a break up. You had never been that girl and you were never going to be. If you ignored it and pushed it away, it couldn’t do you any harm.

You sit on the floor, your tears drying on your face as you look around the room. You sit in the silence for a minute (more like 15 minutes) before getting up and going in the shower, washing everything off. All of it.

You do your nightly routine without any sound, before you get into bed. It’s only about 8:45pm when you turn off your lamp, trying to fall asleep.

“Honey I want you to meet someone really quick, I used to work with him before he got promoted to Head Auror” Some grown man in a suit says to you, pulling your arm in until you stop in your tracks, seeing a grown Mattheo also in a nice suit.

“Mattheo” You part your lips slightly.

“Hi” he says, just as surprised to see you, “It’s been a while…”

“You two know each other?” The man beside you asks, you were gathering that he was your partner.

“We uh…we went to Hogwarts together” You say still staring at Mattheo, the eye contact burning.

“Oh, nice! Well I’ll let you two catch up while I grab us drinks, Mattheo you want anything?”

“No thanks, I’m good” Mattheo mentions as the man walks off, leaving you two alone in the middle of a ballroom. This was some sort of gala.

“Hi” He says again, sheepishly.

“Hi” you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, “How’ve you been?”

“Good, good” He nods his head, “It’s been what…12 years?”

“Uh yeah…” You look around for a moment, seeing the man talking to someone at the drink table.

“I didn’t know you were married to Jamie…he’s a good guy”

“Oh sure…” You pause, “Are you with anyone?”

“Oh remember Catherine Newbourne? She was a year older than us? We’re engaged…”

“Oh!” You raise your eyebrows, “Engaged, Mattheo that’s great. I’m so happy for you” You smile lightly, not quite meaning what you say.

“Yeah, thank you. You know it’s funny…I always thought it would be you” Mattheo nonchalantly says, shrugging.

“What?”

“Well…to be completely honest, I’ve never loved anyone like I loved you”

“Mattheo, I-” You start until Jamie walks back up with your drink.

You open your eyes, waking up. The room was dark and Pansy was asleep in her bed. Your alarm clock reads 12:38am.

Fuck.

tag list: @helendeath @mayamonroem @hatakemrs @swamp-box @iamdnb @cindyss @gillybear17 @princessluvssleep @feistyfox47 @malydiavsss @schaebickel @anime-tomicfox

[gingerlurk]

Lovers' Crest | Chapter 10: The Confessional

Din Djarin x f!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Din takes care of you. And you both expose more of yourselves than you intend.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, slow burn, non-canon (the Razor Crest never gets destroyed, it also gets upgraded with a cabin), canon-typical violence, eventual smut/filth, post season 3, more blood and injuries, but we’re healing. Reader is upset about being blinded. Anxiety attack described. Involuntary(ish) voyeurism. Deeply earnest.

A/N: As promised, some tender stuff. Thank you for spending your time with these two characters that I have fallen hard for.

--

A low groan signals you’re coming to. Thank the Worlds, Din thinks, and leans up to give reassurance.

‘Hey, y—’

You give a panicked shriek, confusion and terror lacing your voice as you thrash your head from side to side. Two fists pummel at Din’s chest as he tries to hold your convulsing figure. You arch your back before trying to lurch upwards.

‘Sssh, sshh, it’s okay, it’s okay,’ he urges. ‘You’re okay.’

‘Get off me!’ you snarl. ‘I’ll fucking kill you.’ Hands seek out pressure points, jabbing into Din’s armour and making you yelp in pain. Your sudden movement causes the seal on your middle to tear open, blood bubbles from the wound.

‘Listen, gods listen! You have to stop.’ He says your name. ‘You’re with me.’

You’re weakened from the freeze, so he catches hold of your fingers easily, stopping your attempts at needling him. He holds your hands away from him as gently as he can. You just start whispering no, no, no in a voice so forlorn Din trembles.

‘Cyar’ika…’ he speaks over your pleas. ‘Cyar’ika, please. It’s me. It’s Din.’

He murmurs reassurances as you slowly come to stillness, just your chest rising and falling a little too fast and your eyes darting back and forth.

‘Wha—Din?’ you ask.

‘Mando, I mean,’ he swallows, tightens his hands on yours just a little. ‘Din is… Din is my actual name. Din Djarin. And you’re on the Crest. You’re safe.’

‘Oh. Din Djarin,’ you whisper. He’ll save thinking about how that makes him feel for later.

You pause.

‘Why’s it dark?’

‘That is--’ he sighs. ‘Do you remember being put into the carbon freeze?’

Din let’s go of your hands as you raise them to your eyes, moving them in front of your vision. ‘I’m blind.’ He hears the tears pressing on your words.

‘It will not last.’

‘I’ve heard—’

‘On old ships with off-market tech and tainted carbonite – this was a Class H job. And your eyes were closed when you went in, shielding them from the worst of it. Your sight will return, I swear.’

You start to lower your hands and then give a pained groan.

‘Oh fuck, everything hurts.’

‘We will deal with it, cyar’ika. Just be brave for a little longer.’

--

‘I will count from three, okay?’ 

‘Yup, okay.’ 

‘Three, two, now…’ A hiss and a sizzling sound fills the air. You swear you’re being sawed in half.

‘Fuuuck!’ Your hand flies up and lands a vice grip on the first thing in reach, a warm firm mass that jolts under your palm.

The Mandalorian grunts and shifts forward slightly, draws the smoking device across your shredded muscle. It knits and seals across itself as the laser moves.

‘Easy, I have you. Almost there.’

You hiss an affirmative and screw your sightless eyes shut against tears, huffing deep breaths and sinking your nails into whatever you’re holding onto.

‘There,’ he murmurs, lifting his hands away and capping the nozzle, fumbling it a little.

The pain in your side eases fast. You blow the air from your lungs and sigh out a small, frazzled laugh. You flex your hand a bit against the strain of gripping so tightly and freeze. Your hand. Your hand clenching against the hard muscle of Din’s thigh.

You hold in surprise for another moment, stretching your fingers to feel the thickness of his leg. It flexes slightly. You come back to yourself in a rush.

‘Sorry!’ You pull your hand away and hold it across your forehead, wiping sweaty strands of hair back and forth before bringing it to cover your mouth, burning with embarrassment. 

He says nothing. You feel movement and hear rustling for a moment. Then a rip and whoosh sound that must be a cleanser sponge filling with disinfectant. A cool, soft sensation moves over your stomach. Din is gently working the blood and gore off of your torso, dabbing at the area around the now cauterised wound with care.

You lay in silence for a while, long enough that you start to pay attention to the touch of his fingers on your stomach. He’s using one hand to wipe at the dried blood and fluids, while the other rests lightly just below your ribs, holding you steady. They are so incredibly soft and large. When the cleanser sticks on a stubborn spot, his hand keeps going for a moment and fingers ghost across your hip. The sensation sparks a welling of emotion not just made of a sudden arousal but every ounce of fear and longing and panic that led to this moment.

A strained sob bursts out of you.

He freezes. ‘Sorry. I hurt you.’

‘No, no it’s alright,’ you let your tears go, what’s the point of holding it in. ‘Just, just feeling like such a damsel, yet again.’

Din gets a new cleanser and continues his ministrations on your body.

‘What do you mean?’ he asks, rubbing at the stubborn spot carefully.

‘Like, ugh, that prison camp, and then the Estate, and now all of this,’ you motion with an arm up and down yourself. ‘You just, needing to rescue me over and over.’

Oh, and there it is. ‘Shit. Why would you even keep putting up with me?’

The motions on your torso stop. But the hands don’t leave your body. For a man of few if almost no words most of the time, in this moment you feel like he is gathering himself to say many. After a beat, he continues to work on cleaning you up. Then he speaks.

‘At the prison, you will remember I had been tasked with your safe retrieval, by any means necessary. Jobs like that are tricky: you need to do a lot of violence to many while keeping one specific person unharmed. So, with jobs like that, I prepare. I was scoping your prison escort for some time with a cambot. Watching them, and watching you. Getting a read so that when I went in, I could act efficiently. 

‘It was when they took a detour that I decided to act early.’

You hiss in a breath as you remember those four guards, deciding to try to play with you just because they thought that they could.

‘I was still watching the cambot as I moved to ambush, and then I saw you. A deadly look on your face, and—’ He picks up both your hands and you suck in air. Cooling fingers move your right hand so it’s rigid and flat, fingers together, then your left so it is held in a fist, heel tightly set against the opposite palm. Mindful of your shoulder, he holds your hands so your elbows are in a V in front of you before releasing them.

It’s a familiar posture to you.

‘I saw you do this. It meant nothing to me at the time, but now I know it as your readying stance. You were preparing to fight them yourself. All four, and you believed you were alone.’

He chuckles softly. It’s like music. ‘And later, when we encountered those six other guards—’

‘There were five guards,’ you interrupt, falling into his trap.

‘There were six. And I never did figure out what you did with the sixth one.’

Your turn to laugh, though it’s still strained. You rub at drying tears. 

‘I stuffed ‘em in a garbage unit in the wall.’

A genuine laugh from behind the visor makes your body break out in a wave of goosebumps, from the tip of your head to every one of your toes.

‘Anyway,’ he continues, ‘You will not convince me that you would not have found a way out of that cursed place yourself. I am just satisfied to have helped expedite the procedure.’

You can’t help the smile spreading across your face. 

He seems to be done with your midriff. A moment of rustling and tearing again and then the cool softness is on your face. Right, that’s covered in blood too. Not yours. The smile drops and you shiver.

‘Okay?’ He says, like it’s his touch doing it.

‘Yeah, okay. Just, remembering.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Not yet.’

You think you hear him nod. Even though that makes no sense.

‘Then the Estate,’ he carries on. ‘Well, I was already about to go find you when the perimeter sirens screamed to life. I was sitting at that overpriced bar and—’ He stops himself for a second. ‘And thought a proper goodbye was in order at least, at least for Grogu.’

The coolness swipes across your bottom lip and your mouth falls open a little. It’s involuntary, of course. It just feels so nice. But Din pauses. You think you hear a modulated raspy exhale, but it’s too quiet for you to be sure. The soft pressure leaves your mouth and returns near your temple. You let your lips press together and lean a little toward his efforts.

‘Then they declared invasion,’ Din carries on, but you would swear on your life his voice has dropped not a small amount. ‘And well, what state did I find you in there?’

You smirk at the definitely unintentional phrasing. He is not referring to finding you half naked and sweaty. Ass almost on display. Chest heaving while throwing yourself into his arms. 

‘Flipping a reaper across your back with barely any effort and strangling him with the scraps of your gown.’ Din’s voice is full of amusement. ‘Again, I just expedited what you already had handled.’

He strokes your cheek. ‘You have always had it handled.’

You don’t bother informing him that you were scared out of your mind that night. That you felt so fucking vulnerable with nothing but chiffon and dainty bracelets as your armour. You had felt anger, and betrayal, and a desperate loneliness borne of knowing you couldn’t trust your own family. And when you had seen him, gods, when you’d seen him it was like salvation itself. You felt then that you would never choose to leave him again.

‘And this time,’ he says. He seems to be done with his treatment of you. You hear another packet torn open and something layered across your abdomen, covering the site of the injury. It tightens into a firm seal. He pulls back. You feel suddenly too cold with the absence of his touch. ‘This time you—’ He makes a choking sound, releases a shaky breath, and stills. 

Is he… crying? Nah, unlikely.

All in a rush, he says, ‘You were only in that hellhole because of me. Because of what I wanted. Up until the very last second you did everything to get that beskar off that ship. And I did not do a single thing right.’

He stands and you hear him take several steps back. 

‘I have dealt with your injuries. You should rest now and, when you are ready, make use of the fresher.’ He moves to the door, collects something from the end of the bed.

‘I will stay close if you need anything.’

And then he’s gone and you lay there, raising one hand to your middle and the other to your face. 

It’s obvious Mando – no, Din, Din Djarin – did a good job getting the worst of the gore off you. But you feel sticky and itchy from head to toe anyway. Rest would be easier once you’d been able to scrub yourself all over.

Having faith in the plaster seal over your stab wound and only gingerly feeling a twinge in your shoulder, you decide to head for the fresher. Getting there blind isn’t that hard, round the foot of the bed and straight on. You shuffle your feet through the mess of discarded medical paraphernalia littering the floor on your way. Pawing at the door jam, you reach out and find the switch for the overhead jet, nudging it to your usual warmth dial. Then you feel about yourself, easing the shredded tunic over your head and letting the remnants of your under-singlet fall to the floor. Topless, you unbuckle and push your bottoms down.

Stepping into the warm jet stream is the most heavenly thing you’ve felt since Mando’s – Din’s – hands were on your body.

--

He fiddles uselessly with the power input. Why is he even doing this when you could fix it yourself in the blink of an eye. He’s just biding time, dithering while he collects himself.

He said way too much in there. She’s going to put it all together, he thinks. She claimed she couldn’t read him but that was never true. And now she’ll know everything. Every single thought, rotating in neon light across his chrome skull.

How could she feel comfortable on his ship then? Why would she stay?

And, after all that, he hadn’t even apologised.

The sun is setting low and he starts to feel an eagerness to check on Grogu. His son is still in a deep slumber, and he would hate to disturb him, but seeing the child’s face would bring Din great comfort right now. Just pop open the hatch and take a look, you should check on him, he performed a miracle.  

He strides up the ramp into the hold and turns toward the sleeping quarters, feet locking to the floor and body set alight such as to melt his beskar to his bones.

You.

You, standing under a spray of water, uninjured arm raised to your hair and the other holding your middle. Head tilted back into the stream, and everything, everything laid out before him. Breasts holding him in trance, those legs he’s traced over every inch with his gaze rising in a luscious curve to an apex of coy curls. You twist your face into the spray and bare your ass to him. He almost dies a little death.

Some part of his brain stays lucid enough to smack a hand to the control panel by the entry, tapping the door seals so that the cabin’s slides closed with a soft hiss. The Mandalorian spins and strides into the forested terrain, looking for a secluded spot.

--

The hushed seal of the cabin door hits your ears over the white noise of the jet. Through the very pleasant haze in which you’d let yourself indulge, you process the meaning of that sound.

Oh fuck, was the door left open? You think back, a little frantic. Din left, you lay in darkness for a while – darkness borne of your carbonite damaged eyes. Decided to get clean. Felt your way in here. Was relaxing into a not entirely licit vision. Did he close the door when he left, or leave it open? 

He left it open so he would be nearby. To look out for you.

You cringe.

This is just what you bloody needed. After being so pathetic and vulnerable, and hearing him speak so highly of you, you go and strip naked with the door wide open and make a fool of yourself. You’ve probably traumatised the poor man.

No longer taking your time, you scrub yourself from head to toe. Just get it over with. A deep fatigue has started to prick at the sides of your mind anyway – you figure letting yourself pass out as soon as possible will help quench the searing embarrassment some.

As you dress in fresh clothes and collapse back onto the bed, you do notice slight shades of light and shadow dance across your vision. Taking reassurance in that, you close your eyes and let yourself sink.

After what feels like days of sleep, it is hunger and stiff joints that urge you out of the cabin. You squint through blurry eyesight, feeling comforted by the fuzzy shapes of crates and webbing that make up the hold. Early morning light casts white fronds across the familiar space.

Empty.

Palming around until laying hands on a meal kit, you sit in the opening of the ship and let the cool air of wherever you are wash over you. 

As you eat, sleep fading and mind becoming alert, something starts to scratch at the base of your skull. You flex your neck some, but the scratch claws up into your mind’s eye. Dim, murky memories edge in. As if underwater, you hear shouts and stomping boots, laughter and sneering rage. A hot rush in your mouth. A bolt of impossible pain at your side. Then, black.

Your injury burns; it throbs in time with your thumping heart. Rising panic constricts your breathing. You’re going to die, a dull thing inside you roars.

But you’ve been here before, so you plant your hands on the cool ship floor and breathe. Once locked in on the hard unyielding sensation, you turn your face toward the sun, visualising the rays casting out the shadowy recollections. 

They’re just memories. Here you are, safe now. It is a chant to your mind and body.

While focused so deeply on quelling your anxiety, something entirely unrelated to your experience onboard the treasury presses in on your consciousness. It is gentle and undemanding, but somehow frightening. You’ve felt it before. You felt it in a dank tunnel while struggling for your life. You felt it on the treasury when sweet, desperate Grogu’s face had flared inside you and you saw for a single moment a bright vision of him and Din, aboard the Razor Crest and some few parsecs away.

You let the presence soak your fears and repel the hungry inner beast roaring at you that you’re dying. It dissolves steadily as you breathe. Once done, whatever the thing is seems content to slide back, retreat to where you can’t sense it. 

After a moment, you open your eyes again and continue to eat.

Fussing with the kit disposal for more time than necessary, you scold yourself for dallying and shuffle through the hold, touching random objects and sections of wall for balance. Stepping into the cockpit feels more like breaching a threshold than usual.

Grogu spots you and hops into your arms, cooing and purring. You murmur at him that you’re alright, you’re glad to see him, how is he feeling today…

Din is in his chair, scrolling up nav data steadily. He doesn’t turn.

‘Hey,’ you give up weakly, leaning just inside the hatch. Still doesn’t turn.

‘Morning,’ he says, voice croaky with disuse.

‘How long did I sleep?’ It’s as good a thing to say as any.

‘A little over a day.’

‘Oh.’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better. Eyesight is improving.’

‘That is good.’

‘Uh huh.’

Grogu looks between you as you set him down again, making tiny questioning sounds. You shrug your good shoulder, knock your feet and click your tongue, glance about the space. The awkwardness may do what your anxiety attack could not and kill you anyway. 

But, thank gods, Din stands and moves around his chair. He pauses by the passenger seat you don’t usually occupy and you finally notice it. 

The satchel. 

You straighten up. Din lays a tender hand on the cache of beskar.

‘I have not adequately thanked you for bringing this into my possession,’ he whispers. You move closer to hear him. ‘In fact, adequate thanks are impossible.’

‘You don’t have t—’

‘But I assure you, I will never forget this. And I will find some way to make recompense.’

‘You don’t have t—'

He barrels over you.

‘I need to bring this back to my people. It must be returned to the clans.’

Despite everything, you can’t stop your brain from envisioning him dumping you somewhere so he can get back to his actual life, without you.

‘We will take a few days for your wounds to improve, restock supplies, let the kid stretch his legs some more.’ He hasn’t clocked into your rising panic. ‘Then, we will go to Mandalore.’

Your heart pounds and you tell it to calm the fuck down.

‘We?’ you say. He turns to you.

‘Of course.’ 

You pause, questioning whether you should even try to clarify.

‘Um, D- Din?’ He gives you his ‘I’m listening’ tilt.

‘While we were at the Estate, I uh- I took the chance to look up some about, about your people… and,’ you stutter, 'and, along with learning about beskar, it was my understanding the whole deal with your… your like, home world and your- your Coverts was just that. It was that.’

Spit it out, dummy.

‘Covert. Secret. Like, super intensely secret. No outsiders,’ you swoop a hand. Din doesn’t even pause.

‘You are the reason this sacred resource will be in the hands of the Mandalorians again. I will ensure you are welcomed. I will make them see you. This is the Way.’ His words melt into you like so much starlight. 

He makes a ‘that settles that’ motion and turns back to his post. 

You hesitate for a moment before dropping into your seat behind him, legs gone. You’re going to Mandalore. To his people. Your heart is now tumbling around your chest, not all in excitement.

--

Prev | Next

Sorry about the shower trope – it’s a problematic fave of mine.

[genmaichafan]

FREN! IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE TALKED!

WHAT IF: Some rando has been trying to flirt with the reader. He seems to be ignoring how uncomfortable the reader is. This makes Donna incredibly jealous, as she doesn’t take kindly to creeps trying to steal away her girlfriend. As such, she TERRIFIES the creep and sweeps her gf home (lots of kisses and fluff ensue).

TY SM

Hello hello friend i have written it sorry i dont think its my best work and i kinda ignored the second half of the prompt because i uhh got lost in the sauce of an idea.

Anyways enjoy.

Donna x f!reader. modern au. sfw.

You had been at the coffee bar for a while now, Donna had just gone out to grab something quickly at the time being.

You loved this coffee shop.

the barista was friendly and always knew your favourite order. The seat you always wanted in the corner was often empty. And most of all it was quiet.

Something both Donna and you appreciated.

But today of all days there was a promotion going on for old brew that seemed to draw in people like crazy.

it was packed.

and worst of all there was this guy here. That seemed to be eying you up and down with a smirk, something in his eyes said he thought you were easy prey.

”donna please come back so we can leave” you whispered under your breath.

”talking to you self pretty lady?”

oh god he actually approached you.

”yeah i like talking to myself and the voices!” You tried to make him think you were mentally unwell so he would leave you alone.

”whoa. Spicy. I like that.”

you internally face palmed. This frat boy was not going to leave you any times soon.

“Yes I actually am waiting for my partner-“

”oh yeah? You guys open or something?”

you hadn’t noticed but donna had been back from whatever errand she had been doing and had heard the very last thing the creepy man said. She was seething beyond repair.

”no we aren’t open.”

”oh you're her partner?”

he eyed her up and down like he did you earlier.

Donna’s response to this was to start speaking tongues of obscure italian. literally cursing the man. Donna was not a witch but she was trying to cast imaginary spells.

to further sell her game she took out her large and intimidating garden pruning sheers and cut off a lock of his hair really quickly. Not before clutching and blowing the lock into his face further selling the gambit.

The gullible man's face was turning more and more pale and when the final move was cast his hands were shaking.

”w-witchcraft!!” He did not think twice about running away.

donna quickly walked up to you. Dropping the facade. Quickly taking up your hands into hers.

”are you okay mi amore?!”

”yes, thanks to you.” You smile was half amusement still remembering the display, and half adoration.

”im glad.” she brought her lips to your quickly, hoping to wipe the remainder of the man’s presence on your mind away.

”what were you going to get?”

”thats a secret. For now.”

”no fair you know i dont like secrets.”

”i know i know but im hoping youll be happy to see it.”

_____

“Are you sure we should go to our secret spot? It’s going to be super dark this time of night.”

”I promise it won't be that bad mi amore.”

Had it been anyone else you would have not believed them. You were heading to a secret alcove in the nearby park that Donna and your friends liked to hang out at but it didn't have much of a way of being illuminated in the dark, but you knew better.

”ok i trust you.”

Donna's response to this was to take your hand and begin racing towards the park pulling you along with her.

you two laughed along the whole way as if playing like children.

_____

When you arrived you didn't want to say it but youre were kinda right.

it was almost pitch black in the hide away and you couldn’t really see anything. Luckily; you could make out certain shapes enough to not fall or trip on anything. Not to mention you suddenly had no idea where Donna was.

”Donna?”

”right here mi amore” she was right behind you.

“What are we doing here today my love?”

”oh you'll see.”

Just like that the lights that had never been here before turned on. The alcove was beautifully decorated to yours and donnas personal tastes almost as if there was going to be a celebration of shorts set up with fairy lights set up with an extra table with Champaign.

before you could even ask what was going on, Donna got down on one knee.

your breath hitched.

”[y/n], will you marry me?”

Somehow you had managed to bring yourself to affirm that you would in-fact love to marry Donna through the shock.

“Yes! I would love to marry you!”

You two quickly brought each other's lips halfway to meet in the middle in union. savoring the moment between you two and the deep connection you shared. Donna smiled so widely when you finally parted that she had to cover her face a bit. A bad habit that she had not managed to nip that you found extremely cute.

”I love you donna.”

”and I love you more than you could ever know.”

[birrdify]

OKAY. OKAY GGUH. HOW DO YOU COME BACK FROM AN 11 DAY HIATUS........things HAPPENED holy HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/POS

number one hi again tumblr waves at you!!! youre still as awesome as i remember you to be!!!! second why do i have more than 400 notifs on here STOOPPOYOP HEL third WHY DO I HAVE 14.9K NOTIFS ON MY DISCORD DO YOU WANNA KILL ME!!???????? /?? /SILLY

uhhh...updates...im gonna have to renovate my whole blog ,, im PREEEETTY sure my artstyle changed throughout the week and a half i was gone, i'm now known as birdy4/smg4, i got married in an smg34 wedding as smg4, what else is new.......OH YEAH i have SO MANY DRAWINGS PENDING. JESUS CHRIST. gotta WORK ON THAT IMMEDIATELY!!! i miss drawing too cause uhhh i wasnt able to do that the entire trip:[ cause im a mouse artist....i draw on my laptop... cries

(everything below is just me rambling and i dont wanna flood your feed,,. TL;DR im BACK BABY!!!!!)

gonna have to work on that one drawing i promised, sever the ties and/or fragmented struggles (check those fics OUTT!!!!) doodle dumps....marware, th. THE ICE SKATING COMIC OH MY GOD. im gonna have to make the cover art for that,, wait no. i havent drawn in AGES itll look like dogshit UHHhhhhhhh ill go make . a practice drawing (colored and rendered) ANYWAYS HIII HI AGAIN HI!!!! back to HAUNT EVERYONE with my trash art

i might....miiiiigghhttt.t..t.... make a promo vid or promo art...for this smg4 fanserver im in...cause i consider them as family and everyone there is awesome...,,,

[takerfoxx]

On the night of the election, I had an honest-to-God dream where I woke up and found out that Harris had shockingly come in from behind and won the election. I remember how relieved I was that the nightmare had been averted. That we did choose to not elect a senile fascist back into office. That most of my country weren't willing choosing evil over progress.

Then I woke up, literally and figuratively.

Obviously, this has been a heavy blow. Honestly, as someone who was raised as a conservative Christian, who was a huge fan of Linkin Park, Kanye West, JK Rowling, Joss Whedon, Neil Gaiman, and the Undertaker for years, and who felt like I could trust my friends and family to have my back, it's been like these last few years have been a relentless train of disappointment and disillusionment in everything and everyone I once believed in and looked up to, and who I would go to for escape when things were bad. I know you should never meet your heroes, but damn, could they just have been like salty jerks who were caught being mean to the waiter instead of fascists, abusers, bigots, and so on? Could the entire world view that I had been raised in and fervently believed for over half my life not have turned out to be so awful? And yeah, I'm including the friends and family part in that as well.

Obviously, since the election, there's been a lot of finger pointing. Did Harris run a bad campaign? Did she abandon the working class? Was it the Gaza issue? Was it the fault of moral abstainers or third-party voters?

And honestly, I get it. Given the sheer horror of what we're facing, I get being frustrated with people who don't help and/or vote against their own interests only to go all Shocked Pikachu face when the worst possible scenario occurs. But I've been doing some thinking, and I personally believe that even if all those groups came out in support of Harris, whether it be because they do support her or even just as a way to block Trump, she still would have lost. This is the first time in a long time that a Democratic nominee lost the popular vote, after all. I think Biden would have lost too, and he only won in 2020 because of the very unique circumstances caused by the pandemic.

I think we need to face the facts. America's been sliding into fascism for decades.

Reagan. The extremism that erupted after 9/11. Birtherism. Gamergate. The Manosphere. The far right has been busy, whether it be stacking the deck politically or pinpointing the fears and insecurities of every generation and tuning their messaging to draw people in. They tell them what they want to hear, that it's not their fault that they aren't getting what the American dream promised them, and it's all the fault of (insert minority group here). It's been targeted. It's been methodical. And it's been working.

Trump won. He's going to get away with everything. The far right won. This sucks. I wish I had some inspiring words about never giving up the fight, but I'm not that guy. And honestly, I'm starting to feel that spiteful part of me come out, the one that sort of hopes that everything does get much worse so that every braindead moron who voted against their best interests gets exactly what they got coming to them.

But I also know how dangerous that line of thinking of. So please, Do NOT listen to me. There are plenty of people still rallying the troops, still encouraging people to fight, people who are in far more danger than I am. I'll be fine. I'm just a tired and disappointed middle-aged white guy living in a boring California suburb. I'm safe. But there's a lot of people that aren't. And those are the voice that you need to be listening to.

As for me, I'm not giving up, I'm going to keep voting, going to keep supporting the causes I believe in, and going to keep helping how I can. But I'm also going to go away for a while. Not long, probably just a few weeks or so. But I'm going to disengage from social media for a bit to keep from doomscrolling and just focus on writing, because that's all I really know how to do. And when I do come back, I'll have a lot more stuff for you guys.

In the meantime, please be good to yourselves. Be good to those who are scared and hurting. The world needs you in it, now more than ever.

[thestalwartheart]

Asking them about their family for 00q, pretty please! 🙏🥰

Thanks for the prompt, Alex! This is admittedly a bit of a twist on it, but you and I both enjoy a bit of ambiguity, so I thought I'd be forgiven for it!

You can read it below or on AO3.

Enjoy! 💖

It’s only Bond, Q tells himself. He’s just a man, for goodness sake. This whole situation is proof of that.

Q clears his throat and gestures for Tanner to give them some space in the lab, then wishes fervently for the ground to swallow him whole. He grips the edge of his desk. Perhaps, in the next three seconds, he’ll think of a way to give Bond some mind-reading powers so they can avoid a conversation. Hardly worth the risk, normally, but on this occasion…

“Before you go, 007, I’m er—”

“Spit it out, Q.”

“Right. Yes. I’m going to need you to change the password for your company-assigned laptop.”

Bond narrows his eyes. “Aren’t you a bit overqualified to be delivering messages usually sent by automated prompts?”

“And here I thought I still had too many spots to be qualified.” Bond gives him a look and Q remembers why jokes are a terrible idea in times like this. “You’re right, I am usually. But given the security fiasco with Denbigh and the merger, I’ve been doing some manual audits. Your password passes most requirements, but it’s—”

“—easy to guess,” finishes Bond. His hand twitches. Whether it’s out of annoyance or the desire for a strong drink, Q doesn’t know. He sympathises with the latter thought—he could certainly use a scotch or two himself.

“Yes. It’s linked to your file, and therefore a security risk. This isn’t something a computer would normally pick up, especially with the state of our backend systems. I’m sorry, Bond.”

Bond’s face remains unreadable, but he nods and promises to sort it out as soon as he gets back to his desk.

For a moment, Q is pleasantly distracted by the thought of James Bond sitting at a desk in an open-plan office, a human like the rest of them and just as subject to the indignities of hierarchy. Q wonders if he drinks coffee out of that awful, too-small company mug everyone’s got, or whether he’s put a few government-issued pens in it instead. Neither, probably. Bond has taste. Q would put money on him favouring better coffee and pens.

“Good,” says Q with a thin smile. “Good, thank you. You’re free to go, then.”

While he tries not to choke on the awkwardness in the room, Q turns toward a half-finished surveillance device on his workstation.

“Q?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.” At the look Q gives him, he elaborates. “I can’t imagine everyone else who failed your security audit got the personal attention of the Quartermaster.”

That’s true. All the other agents and analysts who failed it got emails written by one of his graduate techs. Q tries not to linger on the thought that he’d probably have gone out of his way to talk to Bond anyway. Thinking about it for too long would mean interrogating why, and he’s fine with living in ignorance on that particular subject.

“Let’s call it luck of the draw.”

His discretion is awarded with a rare smile. He carries it with him until two days later, when he does a follow-up check of the admin systems. It reveals a clean sheet of secure passwords.

Q leaves dealing with Bond’s for last. He knows the man has more sense than to make the same mistake twice, so Q could leave unchecked. It’s not as if it matters whether he knows the password or not; he has full remote access to everything on Bond’s laptop anyway.

But he’d be naive to believe most passwords didn’t reveal some secrets about the person whose data they hide.

Q isn't sure he's ready for more of Bond's secrets.

No favouritism, he reminds himself. You’ve checked everyone else’s. God knows Bond already gets handed enough exceptions around here.

With that rebuke to himself in mind, he clicks the button to reveal the new password.

He taps his pen on the desk twice, then laughs. There is no mention of Delacroix, nor any other baggage-laden names in Bond’s file.

Instead, translated into an agent's approximation of leetspeak, blinks the word Temeraire.

[munsonsduchess]

Master of Puppets

summary: you and eddie have a gig coming up that you've been looking forward to for months, the only problem is eddie's still injured w/c: 1,950 warnings: injury mention, swearing, pet names (baby, honey) a/n: i know the gig was ozzy with metallica supporting but i just liked this better, i also have no idea if this is actually how you get backstage at a show i just know it's a stereotype

this is part of the god and goddess of hellfire series, the rest of which you can find on my masterlist

if you enjoyed this please reblog and or leave a comment, it really helps me out 💖

(moodboard by me)

Someone once said “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” you can’t remember who said it exactly or what mice have to do with anything but you more than understand plans going awry. 

It had been almost three weeks since you’d learnt about the inter dimensional hellscape known as thr “Upside Down” that mirrored Hawkins. Almost three weeks since facing off against monsters with D&D names. 

Since you’d learnt that Eddie’s non stop playing of the new Metallica track had been him learning to play it, in what could only be described as “the most metal concert, ever”.

Of course the concert was short lived and both you and Dustin Henderson had been the ones to find Eddie after his ‘heroic moment’ of drawing the bats away from the trailer, in that moment you had honestly thought you’d lose Eddie forever. That this would be it. Thank God for Steve Harrington and his lifeguard training. You’d never been happier to see the other boy in your life. 

You’d all ended up in the hospital after that with various cuts and scrapes, Nancy insisted someone check Steve over as her Upside Down first aid could only do so much, you and Robin had to drag Dustin kicking and screaming to have his foot looked at, he’d refused treatment until he knew Eddie was going to be ok. 

You’d say with him as the doctors looked at the boys foot and your shoulder, you’d both sustained your injuries jumping back into the trailer after Eddie but told the doctors it had been the earth quakes. Easiest thing to blame it on really. One severely sprained ankle and dislocated shoulder later it was time to talk to the police. 

Nancy to her credit had already been running interference and Robin had called Wayne to let him know what was going on. The staff at the hospital refused to let Chief Powell and his men restrain Eddie to the bed, claiming it would only aggravate his wounds even more. 

It took three days for Eddie to wake up and that’s when the shady looking guys from the ‘government’ stepped in. Everyone else seemed to know them and assured both you and Eddie that things would be ok. Just sign the NDA, take the hush money and don’t talk about what happened  to anyone outside the group. Ever. 

The government guys made up a story about an escaped serial killer Henry Creel and how he’d kidnapped eddie and was planning on framing him for the murders like he’d framed his father all those years ago. They insisted Eddie was a victim as much as anyone else had been, that he had tried to protect Chrissy and that’s when Creel had kidnapped him. 

Apparently in all the chaos Chief Hopper had come back, he hadn’t died in the Starcourt Fire after all but ended up in a Russian prison fighting other monsters with D&D names. Nancy promised to explain the whole thing to you from the start. Hopper had backed up the government's story and that was that apparently. Eddie was a free man. You and Wayne could take him home. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

You were sitting in your trailer and looking at the concert tickets in your hand. You and Eddie had scrimped and saved and sold for months to save up for these. They were the holy grail, Metallica in concert within driving distance of Hawkins. Indy was an hour and a half away and ordinarily that was nothing, this time around however with Eddie still having to change his dressings every few days and your shoulder still needing pain medication when it would flare up neither of you were exactly in the best shape,

"What am I gonna do Wayne? You know he had his heart set on this" you asked the older man, he'd taken some time off work to help look after Eddie, "but, is he really in the state to go?" 

"I dunno much about that whole scene but maybe if you could make sure nobody jostled him too much?" 

"Yeah no that's not likely" you had memories of coming back from gigs and being covered in bruises just from being on the outside of the pit never mind being in the pit itself, which Eddie would absolutely want to do.

The High School had given Eddie his GED which he counted as graduating, even if he didn't get to walk the stage or flip the principal off and the show was now a special graduation/survival thing and it would absolutely break Eddie's heart if you couldn't go. 

You were really gonna need to think this one through. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The closer it got to the date of the show the more animated Eddie became. Blasting his Metallica tapes at all hours of the day, speculating on what they'd play, how long they'd play for, if there would be any encore. 

You had an appointment a few days before hand with Dr Owens, the government's Upside Down specialist and you planned to ask him what he thought,

"Well I suppose if you were able to get to a place where you wouldn't be jostled around too much" he'd said, "aren't there seats at this rock show?" 

"I mean yeah but our tickets are standing, we wanted to be as close to the stage as possible" 

"Hmm well that is a problem" 

"What's a problem?" Eddie asked, he'd been off with a nurse for some tests and you'd thought you'd have more time to talk to Dr Owens,

"We'll talk about it at home. Thanks Doc, see you soon" 

You tried to walk out of the hospital without looking back at Eddie who was following after you. You knew if you looked back he'd have a confused and probably hurt look on his face, you'd gone behind his back about something and that's something you never did. 

It wasn't until you'd gotten back into Wayne's truck, it was less conspicuous than the van, and Eddie took the keys from the ignition so you'd have no choice but to talk to him,

"Eddie, I know you've had your heart set on this gig but I don't think it's a good idea. Not when you're still healing" 

"Baby, I know you're worried about me but you can't keep me from everything. You know I can be careful and I promise you I'll stay out of the pit, we'll find a spot away from the main crowd, I'll do anything you want, just please don't take this away from me" 

You looked at Eddie's face and you could see how much this meant to him. With everything you both went through over the last few weeks, could you really deny him something? 

"Ok. Yeah. We'll figure it out" 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

You weren't sure how you were going to do this. Wayne had offered to drive you both to Indy and back, he would figure something out to fill his time during the show and he'd call the payphone outside the arena after two hours figuring that would probably be about the right time. There were a few things he could spend his time doing. 

So you loaded up the truck and started on your way. Eddie of course bringing all his tapes with him to play during the journey, Wayne lasted about forty five minutes before he couldn't listen to Metallica, Dio or Sabbath anymore and switched over to a local country station. Which wasn't terrible, it wasn't great either but Wayne was the one driving so you weren't about to complain about the music. 

The station faded out the further out you got from Hawkins and you'd all compromised on a rock station broadcasting from the city which played a little of everything to keep everyone happy. Metal was after all an acquired taste and Wayne did not acquire it, no matter how long Eddie had lived with him.

The closer you got to the arena once you hit the city the more people in leather and battle jackets you saw, teased hair, heavy makeup, spikes everywhere. These were your people, you didn't get this kind of community in Hawkins and being amongst similar minded people was always a rare treat. 

Wayne dropped you both off and you headed towards the gates, Eddie practically vibrating with excitement. You'd both joined the queue and quickly struck up conversations with others in the line, sharing stories about where you were all from, what your favourite songs were, there was a sense of electricity in the air that you only found in situations like this. It was a welcome change from dread and despair. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The arena was packed. People were everywhere, buying merch, drinks, gathering in groups and talking excitedly. As you and Eddie moved through the crowd you were able to find a spot left of the main stage where you'd probably be safe from the worst of the undulating swarm of metalheads. As the support act started, a small local band that had made good and were selling their record at the merch table, the crowd kicked off. You felt someone knock against your shoulder and winced, it wasn't too bad so you were still more or less content with the spot you'd chosen. 

However, that was just the support act. Things really kicked off when Metallica took the stage, people were screaming, cheering, it was an absolute mob and suddenly your safe spot wasn't as safe as it had been. You scanned the crowd, looking for a gap, somewhere you and Eddie could move to and that's when you spotted the guy at the side of the stage talking to some girls. 

You made your decision there and then. You grabbed Eddie's hand and dragged him after you, as the two girls who had been standing there moments ago moved away with sad expressions you took their place,

"Hey, you've got backstage passes?" you yelled to be heard over the noise of the band and the crowd,

"Yeah honey I'll get you backstage, you want one for your boyfriend there too?" the guy asked, with a lazy sly smile

"Can you give me two?" 

"Sure can honey, if you can do something for me" 

You didn't wait for the guy to ask and immediately dropped Eddie's hand to use both so you could lift up your shirt and bra exposing yourself to the guy. You left your shirt up for a minute or so and then dropped it again,

"Is that worth one or two?" 

The guy didn't even respond, just handed you the two passes and stepped aside. You grabbed Eddie's hand again and pulled him behind you,

"That was insane!" he yelled, "I can't believe you just flashed that guy!" 

"We'll be safer back here, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need my sling again for a few days after that" you laughed rubbing your shoulder. 

Eddie didn't have the capacity to reply as a familiar opening riff began on stage and his attention was pulled there, 

"Oh my god I can't believe they're playing it!" Eddie yelled, he pulled you closer to the stage as Master of Puppets continued playing. Eddie mirrored the band as he banged his head along with the music, you'd been worried about this show for weeks and how you and Eddie were going to manage but it really seemed as though everything had worked out.

True you'd shown a strange man your breasts but Eddie now had a chance to meet his idols. So you were counting it as a win and you both really needed a win. 

Fuck Vecna. Fuck the Upside Down. You lived. 

Taglist: @pillow-titties @munsonology @thegirlblogstuff @boomhauer @prettyboyeddiemunson @hellfireeddie6 @that-lame-ghoul9000 @flashyourgreeneyesatme @anxiousstark @ruinedbythehobbit @winnifredburkleismyhero @manda-panda-monium @insertcoolnameherethanks @aftermidnightwriting @mcbeanzontoast

If you want to be added/removed let me know!

[creamsickle-writes]

Sanji x F!Reader: Things Money Can't Buy (Part 3)

Tags: nsfw, reader is a sex worker, dirty talk, oral sex, anal fingering, penetrative sex, and creampies

Sanji chewed on his pen as he sat in his boring lecture class. He already knew plenty about nutrition, so this class was a total waste. 

Still, the professor didn’t ask questions; it was purely lecturing, so he used the time to think about what he’d say to you. 

He swallowed as he wondered what he should say and how to approach this. He wanted to express his love for you, but how? Maybe he should just be straightforward? 

God, it was hard to say what he should do. 

He had been avoiding you for a few days, plotting just how he was supposed to bring up this whole situation. He never responded to the video over the chat log….

But when class is dismissed, he’s booking it outside, waiting for you to meet him at your usual spot. 

He adjusts his tie and checks his watch. Looks like you were kept late again in class. 

And his suspicions are correct when you bolt from the door, panting just as you had the other day. 

“Hey.” You pant, hands on your knees as you hunch forward, trying to catch your breath. 

“Do you always have to run out of class?” He chuckles, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets.

You huff, finally standing up straight. “Haven’t seen you for a few days! Have you been avoiding me or something?”

When you pout, Sanji’s heart aches. He didn’t want to avoid you, but he wasn’t sure how he could face you after that.

“Guess I was just really busy lately. But don’t worry, Princess, promise it won’t happen again.”

“At least text me next time you disappear like that!”

“Alright, alright…”

Sanji’s lips curl into a smile as he looks you over. You were still cute, even when you were frazzled like this.

But then the video from last night flashes through his mind, and his hands turn to fists in his pockets. Instinctively, he asks: “Hey, do you wanna hang out at my place today?”

His heart beats like a drum in his chest as you answer: “Yeah, as long as you make us some snacks or something. I’m starving!”

Sanji gives a smirk. 

He could work with that.

_____

“Thanks, Sanji!” You chirp, happily munching away at the array of finger sandwiches he made for you. 

He wipes his brow before sitting next to you at the table, taking a sandwich half for himself. 

The air is only filled with the quiet sounds of you chewing, and Sanji contemplates his next move carefully.

“So,” he starts, “How did that project with Zoro turn out?”

“Hm?” You look up at him, and suddenly you remember, swallowing before responding, “It went well!”

“That’s good…” he trails off, “So, you never told me what it was?”

You giggle, leaning in, “You saw it already!”

Sanji straightens at that. He did? He furrows his brows, trying to remember anything you showed him recently involving Zoro, but his mind is drawing a blank.

“I don’t-?”

You scoot your chair even closer and bat your lashes, causing Sanji’s chest to grow tight: “You left a comment on it the other day… Just last week, actually.”

The pieces finally connect in his head, and he goes slack-jawed. You offer that innocent-sounding giggle once more, your cheeks flushed pink.

“That was- you and him-?”

You nod, “I told him about my side job, and he wanted to help out.”

You flash a grin at Sanji, and suddenly he feels his pants tighten. God, he can’t believe he got off to Zoro fucking you. But… he still stands by the fact that it was a fantastic video.

“Did you…” Sanji spoke in a whisper, “Did you like that?”

“Like what?” You chirp, smiling innocently and tilting your head.

God, your innocence, mixed with that sultry tone you used in your videos, drove him insane. You were mixing two sides of yourself at once, and somehow, someway, it worked so well.

“Getting uhm…” The blond clears his throat, his face growing flushed, “B-Being treated like that. So roughly, I mean.”

You hum, tapping your chin in mock thought before answering, “Yes…. Why do you ask?”

You tease, placing your hand on his thigh, running your palm along the fabric.

Sanji’s left blabbering, unable to respond as you inched up his leg. He inhaled through his nose, chest tight as you finally reached his half-hard cock. You let out a soft “ooh” as you palm it, looking up at him through lidded eyes, waiting for his answer.

“I-I-“ Sanji finally stammers, “I can treat you like that if you want.”

You giggle, “Is that right?”

“O-Or you can do whatever you want to me-“ he bites his lip as your hand begins stroking along his length through his slacks, “Fuck, just don’t stop touching me, please-“

You laugh and reach for his pants’ zipper, carefully pulling it along the track. Sanji stops you for just a moment.

“Wait,” He says, “I just… need to know….”

He bites his lip, looking at you with a desperate look in his eye.

“Your attraction towards me … is it only sexual?”

Your smile widens, and you lean in, “Of course not. I’ve always liked you more than that.” 

His heart soars, and he can’t help the lovestruck smile that overtakes his features.

“But… I’d really like to be intimate with you if you reciprocate my romantic feelings, Sanji.”

“I-Okay-“ He breathes out, “Okay- I just- I wanted to be sure…”

He smiles softly as god, that weight was finally off his chest. He wanted nothing more than to touch you but fuck, he didn’t know if he could do it without the romantic connection. He was old-fashioned in that way, he supposed. 

“And I have a question for you.” You shoot back, and he perks up.

“I really like my side job, and I don’t want to quit it…” 

“Yeah?”

“And my last video with Zoro was really popular…”

Sanji nods.

“So, I’m either going to have to have you in my videos or start inviting other men to work with me. Which would you prefer?”

“Why not both?”

Sanji flushes darker as he says it, and you perk up at that answer.

“You wouldn’t mind me having sex with other guys?”

He shakes his head, looking away from you, “I’m finding out that it’s… it’s actually really hot- thinking about you being, um, touched by other men and coming to me afterward…”

You purr, excited by his words, “Yeah? How do you imagine it?”

Your hand is back on task, pulling at his slacks and underwear. He lifts his hips, assisting you in stripping him down. Sanji unbuttons his shirt as he talks.

“I think about… you coming back to my apartment…” he bites his lip as his cock springs out from its confines, your hands wrapped around the base, “And kissing you after your mouth has been all over some other guy’s cock-“

He licks his lips as he really starts to envision it, your sweet mouth tasting salty after your recording with this nonexistent other man, “Fuck, and I…. I bend you over the couch and slide your panties to the side and see his cum dripping out of you.”

You hum, beginning to stroke his cock slowly as he explains his fantasy.

“And I… shit- I fuck you, using the other guy’s cum as lube- and it feels so good-”

You giggle, and he thrusts into your hand, babbling incoherently.

“So,” he hisses, “Please, keep seeing other guys for your videos. Don’t stop on my account.”

You smile, pleased with his answer. Of course, you wouldn’t have minded if he asked you to stop seeing other men, but the fact that he gets off to it? You could use that.

“Why don’t we move this somewhere more comfortable, okay?” You whisper in the blond’s ear, and he’s quick on his feet, guiding you to his room. You look around the familiar environment, sitting on the bed before him.

“So,” You give a cheeky grin, “What are you going to do to me, Sanji?” You smile, unzipping the front of your dress slowly, peeling off the skimpy dress you purposely wore to seduce him. He groans softly, admiring the physique he had long lusted for. Sanji quickly sits before you, looking over your figure as you strip yourself down.

His chest grows tight, “I’m going to do whatever you want me to.”

You pout, “That’s such a boring answer, don’t you think? C’mon…”

You then move to straddle him, his cock poking against your thigh.

“Tell me what you want, honey.”

His breath is knocked out of his lungs when you say it, your lips nibbling at his exposed neck. The blond groans deeply, his hands gripping your waist as you sit atop him.

“Want you to ride me-” He gasps as you move to his earlobe, gently sucking, “Want you to say dirty things the way you do in your videos, please-”

You hum happily, more content with that answer. So, he wanted you to take a more dominant role. That could be arranged.

You take his cheeks into your hands and kiss him passionately, tilting your head slightly. He moans and grips your waist tighter, his thumbs circling the sides of your hips. You peek your tongue out from your lips, swiping over his soft bottom lip. He parts his mouth, allowing you to dance with his own tongue. You tasted sweet, just like he had always imagined, and he tasted of smoke and the sandwiches you both ate not so long ago. 

And when you feel him twitch from the kiss, you take the opportunity to tease him.

“Aw, you’re so cute,” You giggle, “You’re so excited for me…”

“Yes-” He hisses out, slightly bucking his hips so that his cock grinds against your thigh, “Want to be inside soon, please?”

You cup his face with your hands before kissing his nose, “I have one request first…”

“Anything-”

Your eyes sparkle at that. He was so eager to please…

“Eat me out first.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He says, and you gasp when he flips you over, laying you out on his bed as he descends upon you like a hungry wolf. 

Sanji takes your panties and tugs them off your body, flinging them behind himself. With soft thumbs, he parts your lips, exposing your clit to him. He licks his lips quickly before looking up at you, flicking his tongue over your clit. You gasped and reached for his hair, pulling him forward.

“That’s it,” you moan, “Good boy.”

That awakens something in Sanji, and he quickly scoops your ass into his hands, bringing your pussy even closer to his face, his nose pressed against your mound. Your eyes roll back as he eats you like a man possessed, wanting nothing more than to taste you. 

Sanji moaned into your pussy, your wet sounds accompanying the obscene slurping that also came from his mouth. Your eyes flutter shut as he works you over, fingers gripping your hips. Your toes curl as he pleasures you in the most sinful of ways.

Sanji gets an idea, though, remembering one of your previous videos, the one where Zoro fucked you. As much as he hated to admit it, that moss head got many lovely sounds out of you, so maybe he could perfect his shitty technique.

So, one of his hands spreads your thighs apart even wider. You glance down at him for a moment to see him licking and sucking at his own fingers. When he’s satisfied with how they’re lubricated, he prods against your asshole. The blond looks up at you, silently asking for permission, and you nod, smiling softly. 

He presses in his first finger slowly, your hole sucking him in eagerly. You moan softly as he reaches the knuckle, delicately twisting his middle finger inside of you. Unlike that barbaric meathead, he would be more calculated with how he finger-fucked you.

You bite your lip when he slides his ring finger in beside his middle one. His slender fingers reached all the best spots inside you, especially once he slowly slid them in and out.

And you squeal when he does that as he resumes eating your pussy. You throw your head back at the double stimulation, your chest growing tight as his ministrations never let up.

Before you know it, your legs begin to shake, and Sanji knows this means you are close.

He wants to guide you and say that you shouldn’t worry about making a mess of his sheets, but he knows better than to disrupt the flow when you are so close to the edge.

So when that band of restraint snaps inside you, it’s glorious. 

“Sanji-!” You gasp out his name so beautifully that he wants to shove himself inside you then and there, but he continues fucking you on his fingers, his tongue lazily swirling around your clit.

When you come down from your high, Sanji slowly slides his fingers out of your ass, looking up at you from between your legs. Your heart skips a beat when he kisses the inside of your thighs, spoiling you rotten.

“Lay down for me, honey.” You drawl, and he obeys you, situating his head on his pillows as you crawl atop him. 

His cock was painfully erect, throbbing as it poked at your lips, hovering above him.

“Princess,” He shakily moans, “Please, I know I said I want you on top, but I’ll do the work. I want nothing more than to pleasure you-“

“Easy there, Mr. Service Bottom.” You giggle, “Let me pleasure you for a bit first, okay?”

Sanji hesitantly hums, “Okay… but I’m not a bottom. I’m a switch.”

“Whatever you like to tell yourself, Sanji.”

Before he can offer a rebuttal, you sink down onto him, his cock stretching your hole. You let out a shaky sigh as you sat atop his lap, his cock deep within you.

Sanji, meanwhile, has ascended into Heaven. The way you two fit together is perfect, like two puzzle pieces. His eyes roll back as your walls clench and throb around him.

God, it felt so much better than that stupid toy. 

“Fuck…” He groans, looking at where your bodies connect, “Never thought I’d see this view.”

You laugh a bit, “Well, it’s one you’ll see often from now on.”

And with that, you move. 

Sanji keens at the feeling of your soft walls sliding along his shaft, your slick sticking to his cock. He whimpers quietly, gripping your hips as you move, your breasts slightly jiggling with each bounce downwards. 

“You’re so big,” You purr, “And I love hearing you make those sweet sounds for me.”

“Princess-“ He strains, looking up at you with creased brows as his mouth hangs open. 

You chuckle, “Yeah, exactly like that, Sanji.”

His bottom lip quivers as you ride him, his cock head slamming against your cervix with each thrust downward. Your toes curled at the feeling. 

“Your voice is so pretty that I want to hear you ask to cum when you’re close,” you lean forward, nibbling against his neck, “I want you to beg for me.”

“Y-Yes, Princess. I’ll do anything you want me to- “

“Good boy.” You smirk when you see his eyes flutter shut at the praise.

“Been thinking about this ever since I sent you that video, Sanji.” You start, rolling your hips effortlessly, “Been unable to stop touching myself thinking about you being inside of me.”

Drool dribbles from Sanji’s mouth as you grind your hips above him, your clit sliding over his pelvis. His back arches as your nails rake over his chest. Sanji whimpers as your pussy throbs, tightening around his shaft with each thrust. 

“C’mon, Sanji,” you purr into his ear, “Let me milk you dry.”

“Oh-!” He chokes out, his voice airy and desperate, “D-Don’t say that-“

“Why?” You giggle, “Does thinking about you cumming in me get you close? You wanna fill up my pussy?”

“Shit-“his eyes flutter shut, and before you can tease him, you feel his warmth spread within you. You gasp sharply, and Sanji’s cum begins to fill you more and more with each spurt.

You give a satisfied smile and rock your hips, attempting to drain every drop from his balls.

“Feels so good…” you moan, your voice like a sultry succubus in Sanji’s ears.

You’re about to get off his lap, but Sanji grabs your hips.

“Not… done..” he pants out, weakly thrusting his hips upwards as his toes curl, “Need more…”

The atmosphere shifts as you realize he’s completely pleasure drunk. It’s like a switch has been flipped within him.

“Sanji-“ you’re cut off as he pushes you backward, situating himself between your legs once again. He shoves himself inside in a manner that is rougher than you would expect from him.

When you gasp at the intrusion, you look at Sanji’s face. His expression is overtaken with lust, his eyes dazed over as his brows creased together.

“More, please-!” He whimpers, and with that, he rams his cock inside, fucking you recklessly. You reach around his shoulders and dig your nails in deep, your legs wrapping around his waist. 

Your bottom lip quivers and desperate, needy moans escape you as he bottoms out each time, his balls smacking against your ass as he fucked his cum into your hole.

“Shit-“ he whines, “So fucking sensitive- fuck-“

Your mouth hangs open, “Sanji! This angle- it’s so deep-!”

“Need to be deeper-!” He moans and takes your legs, pushing them, so your feet are near your head, “Wanna fuck you just like this-“

Drool drips from your lips as his cock reaches places previously untouched. You go cross-eyed in pleasure as Sanji fucks you, your soul escaping your body.

“I-Is it good?” He asks, “Does my cock feel good, Princess? Please say it feels amazing-!”

“Yes!” You cry out, your legs beginning to seize, “Keep going!”

Sanji huffs as his hips desperately pound into yours. The bed squeaks under the force of his movement, but it’s barely audible over the sounds you two make. For a moment, you feel bad for whoever lives next door, but fuck it, it felt too good for your mind to wander off too much.

“Not gonna last-!” He warns, taking his thumb and furiously rubbing your clit, “L-Let’s cum together this time- please-!”

“Mn-!” The sound is drawn from your throat as Sanji stimulates you internally and externally. You can’t help it when you gush around his cock, your fluids squirting all over him. 

The display drives Sanji crazy, a broken moan coming from his lips as he cums again, weak spurts escaping his cock.

He slows his hips, tossing his head back as he looks to the heavens, thanking whatever god exists for allowing him to experience this pleasure.

Eventually, he pulls out, your mixture connecting your sexes. 

Your chest heaves as you watch him similarly try to catch his breath.

“I’ll-“ he huffs, “I’ll get you a towel.”

Slowly, he inches out of bed, making his way out the door. At that moment, you smile softly to yourself; at least he was a gentleman, even in times like this.

When he returns, he wipes you off first, gently gliding the once-clean washcloth over your most sensitive parts.

“You were so… feral.” You giggle, holding your hand to your mouth.

“Ah,” he cracks a nervous smile, “Sorry, was I too aggressive?”

“No, no,” you insist, “it was a pleasant surprise. I enjoyed myself.”

Sanji laughs a bit, “Me too.”

The blond then takes his own shaft in hand, using the washcloth to clean himself. 

“You know,” you speak up, “Next time, I’d love you to do whatever you want to me.”

“Whatever… I want?”

His Adam’s apple bobs alongside his once again hardening cock, and you giggle.

“Unless you’d like to try it now…?”

Sanji stutters a bit, “N-No, no, you’re probably sore and-“

“Sanji,” you laugh, “I’m offering.”

The young man licks his lips and crawls above you, his dark eyes blown wide, “Well, I can’t say no to a lady’s invitation…”

[way2gosuperrstarr]

• Any inspirations from other media that helped shape the AU? (Other fanfics, movies, etc)

• Any particular favorite scenes you have planned rn?

• I’m so interested in what you have planned for Ness and Y/N’s friendship. I think I recall you mentioning that they had been friends before the ‘Plex?

-- oh gosh um .... hmmmm ....... im sure there is, im just not recalling them off the top of my head.,,,, this isn't a media but one of my main inspirations is just my job,,, i work in dog care, which is where the main "gimmick" of this au- yn's background in DOG care landing them a job in CHILD care -comes from. i thought it'd be funny to plop someone w experience caring for animals into a situation similar but DEFINITELY very different. i've almost treated my little cousins as dogs too (im the oldest out of all ..... 18 of us? i cant remember how many i have,,,) so that was also some food for thought.

i think media ....... the game itself, of course, though that's kind of a non-answer. some of the other fnaf games too honestly. god im realizing ive consumed a painful lack of media recently,,, holey moley,, i should fix that . i think in some way all the minecraft ARG explanation videos ive been listening to in the bg while drawing recently have influenced me in a way that i absolutely Cannot Pin Down, but hey

-- yeah! one im calling "ghost problem" atm, and another im calling "Freddy 'Human Pancake' Fazbear" (its NOT that bad I PROMISE). that one also kinda segways into moon ripping off freddy's chest hatch during the night of security breach. some of my other favorite scenes that live in my head are also translating days ive had at work with the dogs into days yn and the dca can have with the kids in the daycare :} and theres a scene of ness and yn realizing the other works at the plex in a sort of spiderman-pointing-meme way

-- yes!!!! they were very close friends in middle/highschool before yn moved away from utah, to indiana, due to a job opportunity for their dad. their father is a machinist!

yn was very withdrawn and shy in school, and very afraid of expressing themself, and vanessa was quite the opposite- very loud, sure of herself, huge risk taker. rebellious. she sorta did the extrovert-adopt-introvert thing with them and helped gradually drag them out of their shell. they grew very close, vanessa encouraging yn in everything and dragging them along with her on her crazy adventures around their small town and the nearby forest and things. ness was yn's only friend; vanessa had other friends, but she was closest with yn. when yn's family moved away, they fell into a pretty bad depression due to finally forming a solid bond only to have it ripped out of their hands. they and ness fell out of contact due to yn's lack of energy to respond, and by the time they regained that energy they felt too afraid to message her out of fear she would be angry at them, since she had already stopped trying to message them by the time they regained the energy to start communicating with others again.

vanessa recognizes yn immediately upon seeing them again in utah; they really havent changed a bit. by now they've half-retreated back into their meek, timid shell. vanessa's changed a lot, partly because of glitchtrap taking residence in her head, so yn doesn't recognize her at first; even if they did, they'd be too afraid to reach out to her again. luckily, ness has got enough bravery for the both of them.

do note, yn isn't completely helpless when the reunion point comes along; they still retain some of that bravery vanessa helped them develop in school; they've just reverted slightly back into their defense mechanism(?) of acting palettable and timid due to being isolated at school and in their new enviornment after their move again. theyre fighting fiercely to feel like life isn't completely out of their control and theyre just a passenger in their own life; it's part of the reason they moved back to utah on their own- but they're a little scared while doing it.

^ i severely paraphrased this ness and yn part, but ness and yn's friendship is really based off the friendship i have with my irl,,,, luckily i didn't lose contact with them when i moved, and i was lucky i didn't move to a whole new state, but i went through a really hard couple years (3, i think) where i could barely function and cried every day at school because i was so lonely. im lucky i have my best friend, and i want ness and yn's friendship to show how important they are to each other and how important and deep platonic friendships can be and are. i think they'd mean everything to eachother. i know that ness means a lot to yn.

[soullessjack]

Question for you about baby Jack: do you think the same people that flatten Jack tend to also woobify Cas to the point of comical gentleness and stereotypical femininity? I was thinking about the implications for both autistic characters having their violence and harsh parts cut away to make them more palatable/adorable.

YES OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING IT.

It was definitely way worse around like S6-7 with Crazy!Cas than it is now, especially as a product of the show’s airing time and how queer men (ie Dean and Cas) were generally viewed during then; if you’ve been on the 2010’s internet you might remember all those mlm ship dynamics that were really just repackages of traditional marriage and gender roles: Alpha/Beta, Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, etc.

/ Full disclosure that I was *not in these online circles during the 2010’s and I’m not any sort of gender studies expert, so anyone’s free to correct me if I get stuff wrong lol. /

But from what I’ve seen and what I know, Alphas, Tops, and Doms are typically very stereotypically masculine, carrying all the stereotypical traits like aggression and emotional unavailability, and filling in stereo-traditionally masculine roles like being protectors or providers. Vice versa, Betas/Bottoms/Subs were usually the extremely effeminate other half; they were more emotionally sensitive and weak, needed to be protected, and for the most part portrayed as looking physically androgynous or “soft.” Ergo, you have basically affixed these queer men to acting as The Man and The Woman, even though it’s two men.

Like I said, it’s definitely gone away for the most part, especially with the rise in actual gender studies and how gender expression is viewed, especially for men. I’ll still see it in some Destiel art here and there where Dean is this big gruff strong pants-wearer saving a blushing baby-faced dress-clad Cas, (cough wheeze diminuel but you didn’t hear that from me) but thankfully it isn’t thee most prevalent content made for Cas the way baby!jack is thee most prevalent content made for Jack, and there have been plenty of people over the years to come forward and correctly establish Cas as a way more dominant and capable guy than the ao3 fics would have you believe.

Same goes for Dean! He’s set up to be The Man, he likes violence and steak and guns and sleazy dive bar sex, but he’s a very emotionally sensitive man and has his own dips into femininity (Rhonda Hurley, cooking/baking, being Sam’s ‘mother,’ etc.) I’m actually of the opinion that SPN has some of the queerest masculinity ever , and again I’m not a gender studies student or expert by a long shot, but I do think there’s something to be said about how a show that is sort of built on a reversal and deconstruction of the nuclear family (ie Mary being a hunter and John being a normal man, Dean being Sam’s mother in their childhood) is so constantly regurgitated into those very roles by the fandom:

Sam is the “mom” of Jack’s 3 dads, Cas is the sensitive effeminate bean who needs big strong brawny man Dean to protect him, etc., and with Jack’s confirmation as non-binary so many ppl took to drawing them in mostly feminine fashion (which to me speaks a lot to how queer masculinity is treated but that’s for another post I think).

There’s also a lot to be said about how important mothers and motherhood are to SPN. Mary Winchester, Kelly Kline, Lily Sunder, Rowena Macleod, Jody Mills, Amelia Novak, I’m sure I could go on. Sam and Dean follow in the footsteps of their mother’s family as hunters. Castiel bonds with Jack through Kelly, and Jack takes after Kelly more than he does Lucifer (his grandma even points out that he sort of looks like her). I’m absolutely not saying SPN is this ultra feminist show, but when it tries it tries, and what it lays down is very much worth picking up.

you’ll have to forgive me for centering Jack on a Cas ask but I promise it’s not for nothing. like, the whole “twist” to Jack’s character isn’t just that he’s good or sweet; it’s also that he’s much more like his mother. Not only does he look like her, but he’s also very emotional; he’s sensitive, he’s intuitive, he’s deeply empathetic. and where most teen boys wanna be like their old man, he wants to be more like Kelly; even keeping her name as his own. of course he presents fairly masculinely, as do the other guys (unless we’re counting kitchen aprons as a feminine thing, which I only would with a grain of salt), but so much of his character is faceted in being like Kelly; being like his mother, being like a woman, and within the show’s framework that’s a celebrated thing!

I feel like I’m getting away from the original question so here’s some last thoughts to send out the door with you:

> Sam and Dean’s connection and relationship to Mary is also celebrated within the show, arguably more so than their relationship with John

> the importance of mothers in spn is somewhat highlighted by their absences (Sam and Dean, Claire)

TLDR: supernatural accidentally smashed the nuclear gender family and made their men queer and fandom culture/patriarchal norms doesn’t understand it because masculinity isn’t seen as inherently queer the way femininity/androgyny is

[pwblogarchive]

February 2002

February 7, 2002

“my fascination with life begins and ends on her lips.”

welcome to the story of those down on their luck- we’ll make the worst feel pity for us. we’ll start a band and everyone in the room will chew the fat until they choke. i’ll just wish i was in different skin the whole time. we won’t wait for you tonight. we’ll start the van and leave this town wasted behind us. tonight draw the curtain and watch us mock those who smile and nod like everything is alright.

blah blah. nothing much to say. we are out one van, one drummer, and one practice space. i think the shows for this weekend are off. that sucks.

deadxstop number something is out now- it’s pretty sweet ass. thora birch is extra hot. i’m scared that i’m gonna lose one of my bestfriends over a fucking band.

and she took a stab at reason and ambition on her way out the door so i don’t want them anymore.

i won’t wait for you tonight.

love pete

February 21, 2002

“this as an expirement, has failed.” 

so i have been waiting to write an entry in here until: a. i was in a better mood and b. when i had something to write about Arma. neither has really happened.

“you want to know who i really am? yeah, so do i”

i have been in a bad mood all week. kind of like i feel like i miss someone or something but noone is gone- just kind of lonely. i cried for the first time in years the other night, it was ultra lame- i don’t recommend it. i don’t know. i figured it was partially cause my mom was out of town for awhile and i’m a total wuss, like i eat only cold cereal until she returns. i dunno i feel like i need to figure myself out and the people in my life aren’t really giving me that chance, cause they’re scared they’ll lose me or for whatever reason- i think i’m going crazy haha. but that’s not it- fall out boy has been recording for our full length all week, its pretty bomb. it’s funny how tattoo studios and recording studios are the only places where you pay to pretty much hang out half the time- like the dudes just sit around most of the time and then sometimes work, it’s pretty hilarious if you think about it. anyway, i tracked bass yesterday and it sounds fresh so check it out when it comes out.

as far as Arma goes, we have dropped off a couple of shows as we get ourselves resituated- we are going to record a jam or two on march third with the new drummer. i guess we can release who it is now, Andy from racetraitor will be taking over roadwarrior/god of thunder duties for us- if you remember racetraitor and kill the slavemaster than you know this kid can play crazy good- think heavy. hopefully, we will still be on the bloodlet show in march to unleash the new fury. we’ll then look at our touring schedule and all.

do you have people in your life that are just too nice to you? it drives me insane. they just do shit for you all the time regardless of what going on, they’ll always be there?

anyways, this one made no sense. i promise i’ll give you a better one soon.

i’m gone like virginity on prom night.

petey

ps- count chocula is just cocopuffs with marshmallows in it, don’t believe the hype.

February 24, 2002

“even if i crashed my car into a wall or weighed myself to the bottom of the sea-”

i would still find a way to disappoint you.

dude. i have to say matt fox is one of the nicest guys in hardcore hands down. we went to shai hulud the other night and those guys were so cool. we talked about playing some shows together and other nerdy stuff. my friend tony plays drums for them now too which is rad- if you see them harass him for arma angelus. word.

we’re practicing this week and recording some stuff on sunday for our friend philly shawn’s comp. if you get a chance go check out the site www.spookcityusa.com - shit is fresh.

badjournal entry. sorry i am in a good mood. nothing to bitch about. i’ll catch you peeps later.

twenty years from now- arma angelus reunion:

chris- the dude will be like 47 and saying he’s still 19. the fonz isn’t cool when he’s old and fat.

adam- still pissed at the world. teaching a class or leading a cult, choose your own adventure.

todd- rocking out in some shitty bar with the killing tree- still.

pete- lives at home with his parents. goes to shows where the girls stay the same age. seriously it’s not cool, he is still in college.

andy- in jail for something or another. keeps the edge, loses his anal virginity.

still full of hate.

in between the sheets my eyes are clumsy, our limbs are tired and pretty entwined. tommorrow the phone will be a noose. goodnight is goodbye.

love pete

[soulcheri]

"I am listening." But, she's not giving him much to go off of right now. Which again, wouldn't bode well for her in the end. He promised her she would regret keeping Brooke's secrets from him. However, if he had to show her that then so be it. With his hand still pressed firmly between her thighs, Volchok lets his fingers crawl up and then under her underwear. She's already soaking wet when draws a straight line down her slit, teasing her entrance without penetrating it. All while breathing heavily through his nose due to the ministrations of her own hand working his cock to a fever pitch. "You know I'm not gay." She could feel the rock hard proof beating against her palm like a steady drum. "You also know, how good it feels when I finger this hot pussy. So tell me the secret. What's she hiding? Or you don't get to cum and I know you want to. You've been begging me for it all morning." If not verbally, then with those lecherous fuck me eyes.

--

"I'm not pulling away." Even if she is, it's not intentional. It's not something she plans or sets out to do. She just gets so wrapped up in her own head, sometimes. The same way he does when he starts to doubt her affections. "Stop---" it's almost an unconscious decision, to place her finger over his lips to shush him. That was her first mistake. Because she could feel the pillowy softness of those said lips, and remember what they taste like -- heaven and hell -- in the best way possible. She's trying to take things slow. Keep him at an arms length to protect her body's secret, not for any other reason. If Tyler saw her naked, if he even dared to touch her in ways only he knew how.... Brooke was almost certain, he would know what's up the second he makes contact without her ever getting the chance to tell him the news herself. That's why they haven't had sex in over a week. That's why, she kept him at a safe enough distance. Physical intimacy was too revealing. It would give her away in a matter of seconds. And she wasn't ready for him to know yet. "You don't have to worry about that. Even when times get tough, and I know they have been, I'm not going anywhere." Not without him, at least. "I don't want you to think I'm not attracted to you. Or that my feelings have changed. Because they haven't, they can't, and they won't." Let God be her witness, and may lightning strike her dead if she's lying, because she isn't. "And you're not damaged. That suggests you're not worthy of love and I know for a fact that you are." Irregardless, SHE loves him. So nothing else matters. "I've known it all along. I've been obsessed with you since we were sixteen, too. You can ask anyone. I mean, they probably wouldn't tell you the truth because they're jealous but it's been obvious to everyone but you. You live and breathe inside of me every day. Even as we speak." Which, is more true than he will probably ever take it. Because, half of him literally DOES live and breathes inside of her. Half of him grows more and more in her stomach each day. That's why Isadora told her to make a decision quickly and stick to it. "When you start to doubt it, just say the words: save me and I'll know to remind you without you having to ask me to do it."

Isadora can feel her knees shaking to close as Volchok's smooth hand trails down her pelvis. The pleasurable sensation causes her to bite down on her lower lip and moan. "Kev—- why are you stopping?" She rolls her tongue, and uses both hands to hold onto his wrist. Despite the festival being full of people, she couldn't let him stop now. Not after he got her all worked up. That would be cruel, even more cruel than when he called her a whore. "Okay, listen...there is more. Brooke's going through something major right now but it's not my place to tell her secret." Brooke would murder her if she told him. Volchok could vow silence until he's blue in the face but, she can't trust that he won't tell Tyler that Brooke was pregnant with his baby. "Don't be gay, Kev. Put your fingers in my underwear and rub my pussy. Forget about Tyler and Brooke. I'm horny." To further entice him, she slides her own hand down the front of his pants and works her hand against his groin, encouraging his cock to grow nice and big for her.

--

Tyler glances back over his shoulder and it's that hard line in Brooke's jaw that softens his heart. She's so cute when she's mad or frustrated. Her pretty brown eyes turn into hurricanes and she sets her mouth in a way that makes her look like she's capable of burying a person in her father's backyard. "Brooke," he releases an airy sigh as she grabs onto his shirt and pulls him down between her legs. He adjusts himself against her thighs and brushes his fingers through her hair, fanned out around her head. He misses this—- laying on top of her as her cheeks burn bright and her eyes make him fall in love with her again and again. She's so beautiful, he might lose every bit of wit he has and ask her to marry him now...without a ring. Fortunately, he's able to steady himself and find his patience. Because that's all she wants and it's enough for now. "Whatever you're going through, I can help you. You know I love you, right? You don't question that, do you?" He does his best to wrap his arms around her body and hug her while he's laying on top of her. If someone were to walk past them, they might think he was already inside her—- Tyler's face was buried in her shoulder and his hips were pressed firmly between her legs. Even through their clothes, he could feel her heat building with his own. He only lifts his face when she asks him to look at her. Then he does, like she's the most beautiful thing god has ever created. She was porcelain, angelic, fragile. He was a dark storm she never should have been swept up in but, he wouldn't trade their tumultuous relationship for anything. Not even to know his biological parents. "Sometimes when you pull away, you take my heart with you. You tether me to this earth. Before you, I was hell bound. I was just getting high, starting fights, running red lights. I didn't care if I lived or died. It scares me—- loving you as much as I do. Because I so desperately want you to love me back. That's all I ever wanted since we were sixteen." Pressing their foreheads together, he closes his eyes and breathes in the air from her lips. "I know it might get annoying but, I need you to keep reminding me that someone as perfect as you can love someone as damaged as me."

[transgender-scout]

Rambling under cut with a suicide mention tw

I was listening to a horror story today and remembered that time when my mom had us go some of the national parks she was trying to mark off her list. We took a picture with the sign and she suggested that we take a walk down one of the trails. I was reluctant but went along anyway. My dad stayed in the car since it would just take a few minutes.

We walked, not talking about much. We passed by a man on a bridge. He was shirtless, sweaty, sitting cross legged and breathing deeply, like he was doing yoga. He creeped my mom out and she made us walk faster past him. She said something about weirdos. I don’t remember what.

A few minutes later, we realized the path wasn’t going to loop, so we turned around. My mom joked that she hoped that guy wouldn’t be there. I think it was a joke. I hope it was a joke.

We come to the bridge and we subconsciously slow down. It feels wrong now. The man is no longer sitting cross legged on the ground. Something is wrong. He’s standing on the ledge. Something’s wrong. His hands are behind his back. This is wrong.

My mom is trying to speed up. The pit of my stomach hurts. The man says something. My mom stops, ever the polite southern woman. She asks him to repeat himself. He says it again.

“Ma’am, do you believe in God?”

The pit of my stomach sinks into my shoes. She says she does. She was very religious at this point. He nods, sniffles.

“D’you think we go to Hell if we kill ourselves?”

He doesn’t say that, but that’s how I remember it. The sentiment is there. That’s what he’s asking. My chest clenches up. I know why it feels wrong now.

There’s a moment of silence between the three of us. There’s no one else here. My dad is in the car. We can’t call anyone. He’s on the edge of a bridge. I’m frozen to the spot.

My mom starts quoting the Bible. Saying things to make him feel better.

It’s not working.

Mom asks his name. He says AJ. Christ. My girlfriend just started using that name. That’s all I can see now. Fuck.

Mom asks if there’s anything he likes to do. He says drawing.

“My [kid] here likes drawing, too. Do you wanna come down and show us some of your drawings?”

He says no. He can’t. He tied his hands up anyway.

“[Marki], show him some of your drawings.”

I feel like I’ve had ice water dumped on me. You want me to fucking do what? Show the suicidal man my shitty anime drawings?

I don’t show him my drawings.

He’s crying. He tells us about the bad hand he was dealt. I’m rooted to the spot. My stomach has been twisting in knots.

He tells us that he has absolutely no one. My mom insists that he must have someone. He doesn’t. No family. No friends. Nothing, he says.

Mom tells him that the bridge is too short. That if he jumps he’ll just break his neck, and where will he be after that? He glances behind him, but doesn’t say anything.

I see something out of the corner of my eye. Dad is walking up the path. Our walk was only supposed to take 10 minutes. It’s been half an hour. I don’t remember how that much time has passed.

AJ gets panicky. He threatens to jump. Mom and I scream, begging him through tears not to.

“It’s just my husband!” Mom says. “We weren’t supposed to be gone this long! He came looking for us!”

Mom tells Dad to stay back. He sees what’s going on. He turns around and goes back to the car.

“He better not be calling the cops,” AJ says.

“He’s not,” Mom promises. I’m still stuck. I hope Dad is calling the cops. I don’t know how much longer we can keep this up.

I don’t remember much after this.

After who knows long of stalling, I see two people in uniforms approaching us. Dad was smart enough to tell the cops not to use a siren.

He panics again I’m so fucking scared I’m about to watch this man kill himself.

Instead, he jumps onto the bridge and takes off running. The cops go after him.

I don’t remember the walk back to the car. We talked to the park ranger. Said this poor guy comes out there a lot to try…that and the cops are used to dealing with him.

I don’t remember much. Park ranger asking if I’m okay. Mom asking if I’m okay. Dad asking if I’m okay. I can’t say anything. I just nod. They don’t look like they believe me, but they stop asking after a bit.

I don’t remember the car ride back.

I don’t remember that night.

I don’t. Really remember much, I think.