#love you bdubs you’re my everything

[goodtimeswithscared]

yesterday i spent twelve hours watching the limited life bdubs’ pov, here’s my favorite moments :3

[zhukzucraft]

=> Joel: Do what must be done

You are doing what must be done when you are very rudely interrupted by a short shouty man,

Bdubs: Hey. HEY!!! Stop that. What do you have against horses anyways! They are beautiful creatures… and don’t even drop anything worthwhile - just leather!!! You wanna' know where else you can get leather?! Cows! They drop beef too!!! All horses drop is sadness and a pained death scream…

The horse you were punching lets out it’s final neigh in a melodious cadence,

Bdubs: See?!

Joel: Music to my ears-

Bdubs: Don’t tell me you enjoy that sound?! No sane person enjoys that sound!!! It’s horrible… like you. You’re horrible.

Joel: Well, would you look at that, it dropped a leather. Don’t you need three of these to craft a saddle? 

Bdubs: ...maybe

Joel: Do you want it so you can make one and ride a horse in the SINGULAR DIRECTION that isn't immediately blocked off by blummin' water!?

Bdubs: ...

Bdubs: ...I don’t want your dirty horse leather!!! I refuse - on moral principle!

Joel: Fair, you need all the high ground you can get-

Bdubs: ARE YOU MAKIN’ FUN OF ME?!?! You’re shorter than I am.

Joel: Only if you count the hair, lad. It constitutes at least a third of your height.

Bdubs proceeds to make some kind of unintelligible grumble and starts punching the two cows you saw earlier, looks like he does want leather after all. 

As for you, while you would love to finish off the job you started, Bdubs did raise one good point: horses don’t drop food… begrudgingly you pause your equestrian extermination in favor of sheep slaughter.

However you don’t get that far on mutton mutilation before your communicator goes off a ton of times. You keep getting interrupted…

As Doc’s message goes off you lock eyes with Bdubs’ uncomfortably large ones. Those things are uncanny... Well, it looks like neither of you are paired with the cyborg goat man.

But since you two were so close to where he fell you decide to check up on (read: tease) one of the servers newest members after he made such a ruckus in chat.

It turns out his soulmate was right there at spawn, and it just happened to be the other newbie. What are the odds of that?

Bdubs: Pssht, what amateurs. Don't they know it's traditional to check soulmates with the ol' fashioned punch test?

Joel: Punch test?

Bdubs: Yep. Like this-

Joel: What was that for?!

Bdubs: I told you, a punch test. 

Joel: That’s not what I meant! Why so many times!?

Bdubs: I had to be extra sure that I wasn’t soulbound with horse punching' scum like you.

Joel: …

Bdubs: HEY, OW! EXCUUUSE YOU!!!

Joel: Sorry, double checking... I had to make extra sure I wasn’t soulbound with a stupid horse lover like you.

Bdubs: …yooouuu-

Joel: at least now we definitely know we aren’t linked, 

Bdubs: For goodness sakes. If I was linked with you, I might’ve just ended my series right then and there!

Joel: Just to take me out with you!? You are an idiot. 

Bdubs: To save myself from suffering. Not everything is about you! 

Joel: Yes it is.

Bdubs: No it isn’t.

Joel: Yes it is.

Bdubs: No it isn’t!!! And to prove that, I’ll stop talking to you!

=====>

Start Over -- Go Back

[watarfallar]

*throws this at you and escapes out the window of a ten story building*

Ren: What are you two arguing about this time? Grian: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly! Martyn: Cry me a table, Grian.

Mumbo: Which country has the most birds? Mumbo: Portu-geese! BigB: That's a language. Mumbo: Portu-gull? BigB: Good recovery. Lizzie: I think you mean good re-dovery. Grian: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Bdubs: So the other day I sent Joel out to get us some gas. Bdubs: And instead of getting gas, they got us novelty cookie cutters. Bdubs: Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. Bdubs: … Bdubs: I love them so much.

Cleo: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell! Joel: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

Martyn: What do you want then? Cleo: Er… something work related. Martyn: What department is this? Cleo: Sorry? Martyn: Well, if it’s work related you’d obviously know what department this is. What department is this? Cleo: *looks at Joel and Etho* Some sort of homosexual department? (<- bro this one is too perfect lmao)

Skizz: I can never give Bdubs shit because I’m jealous of them. They look at their life and say, “Sweet! This is perfect!” Skizz: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

Pearl, to The Squad: You should change your passwords to “incorrect”. Then, every time you forget it, the system will remind you, “your password is incorrect”.

Scott: Well, Joel, is there anything you would like to say to Etho? Joel: How do I put this delicately? You’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you. Scott: How about we frame our statement with “When you do this, it makes me feel this”? Joel: When you live here, it makes me angry. Because you’re a horrible roommate and nobody likes you.

Jimmy: As usual, Jimmy has to save the day! Tango: As usual, Tango has to hear about it.

Ren: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you. Gem: Aww, thanks— Ren: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

Mumbo: Don’t mansplain this to me! Gem: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you! Mumbo: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

Scar: “Struggle with depression” would seem to imply that I am bad at being depressed when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

Impulse, looking at their watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve been insulted. Impulse: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve been assaulted, but let’s not talk about that.

Skizz: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together* Scar: What are you making? Skizz: A mistake.

Impulse: Some of us are still ‘it’ from a childhood game of tag. Lizzie: Way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

Martyn: Joel taught me to think before I act. Martyn: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

Scott: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead!

Grian: Have you heard of Murphy’s law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong? BigB: Yeah, I have. Grian: Have you heard of Cole’s law? BigB: Is this a joke about coleslaw? Grian: …maybe.

Pearl: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Grian: *walks into the room* Lizzie: They’re covered in blood again. Why is it they’re always covered in blood? Pearl: Well, it looks like it’s their own blood this time.

Bdubs: As a responsible adult- Scott: *chuckles* Bdubs: … As a responsible adult—

Cleo: Fun Fact! The average person will walk by 36 murderers in their lifetime. Martyn: I like how this is a "fun" fact. Etho: It's fun because they didn't decide to murder you.

*crawls back into the room after jumping out of the window and dragging myself up ten flights of stairs*

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

[eats-all-your-shoes]

A FEW HERMITCRAFT FIC RECS BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH FIC REC POSTS!! (mostly alternate universes because i love aus SO much)

Alternate Perspectives by Boxmaker: Etho & Beef, Etho & Bdubs & Beef, Cub & Scar. Complete, 71k

[Etho is just an exceptionally normal guy living his best life. Until he becomes one of the few people to gain superpowers and gets approached with an enticing offer…

He's in over his head, isn't he?

Or: My Etho-centric atypical take on a superpower au, which devolves into something much bigger]

(i LOVE ethos powers in this it’s so cool)

Humanity (yours makes me sob) by Anonymous Bdubs & Mumbo, Bdubs & Xisuma, Bdubs & Etho, Mumbo & Xisuma Complete, 2.2k

[What defines a human?

Bdubs used to know, he doesn't anymore.

------

Bdubs is a human who lost what made him human sometime in his life. Mumbo accidentally finds it with a few words and an illness.]

Ties That Bind and Beseech Thy Soul by Interjection Grian & Mumbo, Grian & Taurtis Complete, 6.1k

[There's a doll with no face save for two black eyes that seem to pierce your soul. A doll with a red sweater and dark jeans and an even darker stare. A doll that inspires terror and curiosity and hope.

They may have underestimated the ease of containment for this one. Certainly, a select few individuals seem to believe so.]

(SCP crossover, though i don’t think much knowledge of scp is needed for this!!)

Documents Recovered From The Hermittopia Exclusion Zone, Joe Hills-Centric Complete, 2.9k

The descendants of Empires have contained and secured a reality-breaking tower from the age of myth. One day, a message from an ancient cosmonaut appears, as though flung between dimensions. This message begins:

Howdy, y’all! Joe Hills here, writing as I always do from a doomed world.

Long experience has taught me that all worlds are ultimately doomed, so that’s not an especially cool or helpful thing to say. Do you know the saying that goes: "If all your stories end with, 'and then something bad happened for no reason', maybe you’re the problem"? It’s good to keep in mind but I’m pretty confident it’s not relevant to this particular situation.

First, I do my best to spread sunshine wherever I go, not cataclysm. Second, in this case, the doom is clear and imminent! The moon is about to crash into the earth.]

(another SCP crossover, little/no knowledge of the foundation is needed, this is SO GOOD. SUCH A BANGER.)

Human Faces (in human places) by KiwiFruitWritings, Bdubs & Etho, Etho & Xisuma Complete, 9.7k

[On season eight of Hermitcraft, the moon's slow approach means that the night isn't really all that dark, anymore.

This proves to be problematic for some people. Bdubs suffers keenly from insomnia, and Etho struggles a bit more than the average person without a proper shadow.

These struggles lead to problems, principle of which is thus: no one knows what's behind Etho's mask- except Etho.]

(cryptid etho my BELOVEDD)

So, what’s with the coat? by dry_toast Etho & Bdubs, Etho & Beef, Etho & Bdubs & Beef Complete, 2.4k

[Bdubs wonders about the winter coat that Etho always wears]

(this entire series is so good!! and everything the author does too)

attempt thirty-three by Bee_4 Joe & Cleo, Joe & Scar, Joe & Cub Complete, 13k

[A glimpse at the thirty-third time Joe Hills has woken up on Monday at 6:00 AM, and the attempt he makes to stop doing that, ideally, or at least get closer to a state where he doesn't have to live these four days ever again.]

(AAAAAA LOVE THIS!!! and everything bee writes really)

Battle Scars by Riacte False & Ren & Hbomb & Fruitberries, False & Ren, Everyone & Everyone 26/?, 169k

[They are the crafters, the designers, stuck in 3-H, in the "H as in the Hermit" class. Discriminated and bullied by all those above them just because they're bad at sports. Everybody ignores, underestimates, and laughs at them. They are easy targets, the weaklings, the jokes of this damned school that’s ruled over by Stanley “Stan” Twitt.

Until four people get sick of it all.

Minecraft Championship never saw this coming.

-

A dramatic retelling of the MCC9 Blue Bats' legendary victory in fanfiction form. Hermit centric]

(long read but WORTH IT)

[cassberry]

(Looking to watch 3rd Life, Last Life or Double Life? Here you go!)

If you are looking for a guide of some Limited Life episodes to catch up on for no particular reason at all (certainly not a new season being around the corner), I've got you covered!

Now I'm not going to lie, trying to curate this list for Limited Life broke me. The mechanics of this season meant that you gained time by killing other players and in doing so it felt like 50 things were happening all at once constantly across the server. As such I haven't been able to get absolutely everything onto this list, but I did try my best to get all the important events and a wide range of perspectives!

WARNING: Incredibly long read more where I go over why I picked certain POV's and what to expect. I do so love to ramble. Spoilers ahead!

SESSION ONE

Skizz - Breaking from tradition from recommending Grian first because you need to watch Skizz's POV first out of everyone unspoiled. The way things unraveled this episode felt like a sitcom in the best and worst ways lol 

Grian - Just a good solid first episode honestly and with the start of the Bad Boys™ how can you not love it. 

Scar -  I really have no words for whatever is the dynamic of the Clockers because you really just have to see it to understand. It’s a fun episode and as Scar, Cleo and Bdubs have set up near spawn, you always get to see something interesting. 

Big B - Big B’s episodes are always a treat as he does super long ones that give you a little more insight into what's happening on the server, rather than just the big events. But if you wanted something specific to watch, his last 10 minutes of this episode were a blast. 

SESSION TWO

Joel - Bad Boys Bread Bridge was both the most amazing and ugliest build on the server and I’m so glad it was made. Also Joel gets some amazing kills this episode that are so tense to watch. 

Martyn - Look this one is here because of a little personal bias. Martyn shouts me out in the episode so I couldn’t not add it lol It’s also a very good episode in of itself in that it introduces the Mean Gills and I’ll always be a Mean Gills supporter. Also that Tilly roast? oof 

Pearl - Pearl is constantly on the move this episode and living up to her Nosy Neighbour title so watch her episode if you want some good gossip and to see the lay of the land. 

Tango - Tango always delivers a solid episode and as he was building the TIES Tower a majority of the time he receives a lot of foot traffic through the area creating some fun interactions. 

SESSION THREE

Scar - And in this episode of Limited Life, Scar rediscovers the joys of minecart TNT. 

Impulse - Impulse is such a fun boogey to watch, and the way he edited this episode around his thought process of who to kill was great. 

Grian - Kind of a different episode this session as Grian was sick so he was afk the entire time. It was very very very funny to watch, but as he wasn’t interacting with anyone you’re going to miss a lot of context if you only watch his POV. You should still give this a watch though! 

Joel - Watching poor Joel run around after Grian trying to keep him safe was incredibly entertaining lmao 

SESSION FOUR

Scott - I believe Grian said it best, but this session felt like a final session with the way the yellows were chasing after the greens. It was pure chaos the entire time and Scott beautifully evading them all until his descent into yellow was perfection. 

Tango - Tango is here for the same reason as Scott but as the last green the final hunt for him was terrifying to watch. 

Cleo - I love Cleo’s episodes and this one was just a joy. She was slightly sick this week but I feel like that only lowered her inhibitions to do some out of pocket stuff. 

Jimmy - The exciting saga of Judge Judy and Executioner continues in Jimmy’s episode this week and if you didn’t know anything about it, that's ok! Neither did anyone else on the server except for Jimmy, Pearl and Big B lmao consider this the best episode to watch if you want this plotline covered. 

SESSION FIVE 

Etho - Considering the episode starts off with Etho having to babysit Bdubs, then an awkward family dinner and an explosive game of catch, I really couldn’t have asked for a better Etho video. 

Big B - This session was a lot more calm than the previous, so there was a lot more alliance talk happening. Big B has a great perspective on all that as he and Pearl get up to a tonne of mischief that causes some problems with some alliances they already had. 

Scott - Once again this was an alliance building week and Scott’s episode really highlights some of the more fun things that happened to make and break some relationships. 

Grian - Poor Bread Bridge o7 you will be missed. Thankfully M-Rye 5 was there at the end to rain chaos from above. (<-sentences that make no sense out of context) 

SESSION SIX 

Cleo & Pearl - I couldn’t choose between either of these two this session. Both Cleo and Pearl were out sick so they handed over their accounts to two other players. I won’t spoil who they are but these episodes were amazing. 

Jimmy - The Bad Boys were going through it this week goddamn lol It never stops being funny how much of a mess everything becomes when they get together. 

Martyn - It was his birthday this session and he’s just a little guy! Surely nothing would go wrong at his birthday party? And certainly not caused by him! 

Tango - The last half of Tango’s episode is just a comical amount of deaths that only get funnier and funnier as the time between them shortens. 

SESSION SEVEN

Skizz - Oh Skizz. You are too good for this world. His ending for this episode was heartbreaking and Affirmation Station will live on in my heart forever.

Scott - I love watching Scott run around the map and hunt people down because he is so good at the game! I believe he had the highest kill count this session and I loved every minute of it. 

Joel - (Major Spoilers) Ah Joel it just wasn’t meant to be! But hearing the desperation in his voice grow higher and higher as the clock ticked down was nail biting. Scar - Just a good Scar episode honestly! Shows what the Clockers are up to during all the chaos and a great view of the server devolving into anarchy.

SESSION EIGHT 

Martyn - WOOOO YESSSS LETS GOOOOOO (<- does that count as spoilers???)

I distinctly remember being on the edge of my seat this whole episode and Martyn delivers in every way possible for a fantastic final episode of the season. 

Impulse - I haven’t mentioned it yet but Impulse’s editing this season went wild and it's none more apparent than in this episode. He and his team went crazy for the finale. 

Etho - Such a fun episode!! The twist at the end with the diamond sword coming into play was everything I could have wanted and more. 

Pearl - It was really a toss up between Pearl and Scott for this last spot, but I loved her perspective for the one last minigame on the server. 

BONUS 

Bdubs - Do you have a spare 12 hours to dedicate to Limited Life? Then oh boy does Bdubs have a video for you! Instead of weekly videos he decided to collate all his episodes into one mammoth video which was an absolute blast to watch over a weekend! It’s a really interesting POV to watch because when LimLife was airing Bdubs would just appear all over the map and we never had any idea what he was doing so it was awesome to have some concrete evidence of his shenanigans. Definitely give this one a watch if you’re in the mood for a marathon! 

IN SUMMARY…

I swear if the next season is as messy as this one, I think I’m going to have to start taking notes when it's airing because I think this took years off my life haha if you think I’ve missed anything please tag it because I would love to see it! I definitely could have added more POV’s per session like I did with the Last Life and 3rd Life guides, but I think a more curated list helps keep down the overwhelming nature of trying to watch a million Limited Life episodes. 

But really, I loved watching Limited Life live so I’m glad I give myself an excuse each new season to go back and watch the season over again. There are so many little foreshadowed moments that you don’t see on the first watch and honestly it all just makes me more excited for the new season! Thanks for reading <3

[legally-allowed-to-slime]

I understand your point in the gem stuff, but in the same way, pearls hole mission was to get a mounder to win. Scar was a honorary mounder.

She didnt 2v1 gem because she didnt want her to win, she did it so scar wouldnt lose. He was her ally at the end of the day, even if not for long, he decided to fight by the monders side rather than against them, which could’ve changed the end of the series DRASTICALLY.

i feel like both povs are so complex that there isnt a good and a bad side. Gem got hurt by pearl not being able to comunicate her feelings, leading her to believe that they were FULLY allied, and pearl just doesnt get how gem can’t understand that they were allied by the zombie apocalypse/murder camel, rather than an actual alliance.

Another thing is that gems allies sacrifaced themselves for her and were supper suportive, and seeing someone she consider an ally quote on quote “betray her” for the first time probably hit her the wrong way.

At the end of the day theyre both pathetic, get your shit together and kiss already/J/lh

if there’s one thing i’ve thought a lot about it’s sl!shiny duo. so trust me i know what you’re getting at, but my point was from gem’s perspective, pearl’s argument would be slightly insensitive.

look, it should be easy to see to anyone that pearl was closer to gem than scar. from gem’s perspective, it makes sense that pearl would choose her. she didn’t know about the impromptu mounders thing, and even if she did, that was as hasty and unofficial a bond as the murder camel. gem and pearl explicitly refused to fight each other in the finale till the very end, so i feel gem was expecting that this would follow through, while pearl, whose allies usually die by this point, had to make what was the “logical” choice. plain and simple, pearl betrayed gem. this is a true, irrefutable statement, regardless of any other factors. for gem, it’s quite simple: you betrayed me last season, so i don’t love you. for pearl, not quite.

so. from pearl’s perspective, as she said in WL, she was allied with scar. what’s strange is she tacks on that gem was trying to kill her allies, which, while true, ignores the moments where gem and pearl shook their heads at each other or were reluctant to fire, and the fact that pearl was itching to kill scott, gem’s ally. i think it might just be her making excuses after the fact even though her actual reason (scar was an honorary mounder) holds up better under scrutiny. i don’t think this says much about her character other than she is really bad at arguing with her exes

that was pearl’s fourth series, she should know by now how it goes in the finale. except she doesn’t. pearl’s never had an ally on the other side, like most other lifers. unfortunately pearl has the same, straightforward, sensible way of thinking that scott has, in that her conscience makes her place day one allies over everything else, not even gem, because it’s what’s “loyal” and what’s right. since her teammates were dead, scar was effectively closest to that definition. like i said, gem didn’t know this, which is why pearl’s choice must’ve seemed all the more abrupt.

anyway, pearl’s moral code just doesn’t have room for gem. because logically she has to support the one she’s been fighting along the whole finale, and she’s still really confused over joel and bdubs dying and doesn’t know what to do. sure, pearl and gem were close, but “technically”, she should side with the guy who wasn’t trying to kill her allies. this is a bit sad because scar does say later on that he just kind of came along for the ride and didn’t consider himself a mounder, which he does make clear when scott asks him why he’d side with the mounders, but which pearl disregards because her definition of loyalty is very black and white.

so basically, from gem’s pov pearl betrayed her so she’s mad, but it ignores the fact that pearl choosing scar makes sense on paper. from pearl’s pov gem is unreasonable for being mad, but it ignores the fact that pearl and gem were definitely closer than scar.

idk guys if they don’t talk next session i might lose it

[slashmagpie]

“Here’s what happened, okay. We were on a date with Clebert—”

“It’s not a date.”

“—and, and Etho walks by and she, she looks at him, she’s like whoa.”

“She just catcalls him, like woohoo!”

“Woo!”

“I’m out, yeah!”

“You got it wrong, me and Etho are besties! We’re not—we’re not—it’s not romantic.”

They’re not sure why it feels so important. 

It’s not that Cleo has ever really—well, that’s not quite—they’ve never argued about it before, is the thing. Like—with Bdubs. With Bdubs, right, people had—they’d assumed. It’s what people do. Even Scott, and Scott is—Scott is Scott. He knows about these sorts of things. And even he…

“Bdubs is your ride or die, Jimmy’s mine, he’s my husband, and he’s with them, so I’m kind of—but I don’t ever want to fight you.”

“If Bdubs betrays me—if our husbands die, yeah?”

Husband. Because that was the word Scott had been using, for Jimmy, and Bdubs had been Cleo’s Jimmy, in a way, so it had—it had made sense. Use the same words for the same thing. And then—being married is kind of a funny bit, isn’t it? So later, when Bdubs and Impulse had been lying to them—

“Bdubs, I know we’re divorced and you’re with Impulse now, but did you really think you could lie to me?”

And whilst Cleo’s not sure they put too much stock in Ren’s claims as to what he’d caught Bdubs and Impulse doing in the woods, they know that whatever those two had going on wasn’t quite the same. They’d said it was, but they hadn’t really meant it. Not really. Marriage—marriage is a funny bit, really, is all it is. 

After all, last season, with Etho—being divorced is also a funny bit. 

“I’m not calling you wife.”

“You can call me Cleo!”

He still doesn’t call them wife. Still calls them Cleo. Calls them bestie, now, too, ironic grin beneath his mask. Etho’s not too big on PDA, either, which is—nice. Not that Cleo doesn’t like it, it’s just—

“It’s platonic,” they insist to Tango, to Skizz, and see their eyes sparkle. They don’t get it. They don’t get it, and it makes Cleo’s skin crawl, because—

Cleo’s loyal, is the thing. When they say ride or die, when they say allies, when they say husband or soulmate or my boys—they mean it. If you’re theirs, you’re theirs, and that means everything. 

But it doesn’t mean—

Romance is a funny bit. It’s a like a costume, really. Pull it on, pull it off, kiss and hold hands and sleep in the same bed and say your vows for the fun of it. Then shrug it off at the end of the day and go back to being friends. There’s no—they don’t feel any of those sappy things, really. It’s not them. Sure, Cleo loves people, loves their friends, but not—like that. They don’t want anything to do with any of that. The aesthetic of it, the performance of it, the drama of it? They’ll take it. But they’ll leave the rest. The mushy, goopy, complicated feelings soup part of it—that’s not theirs. Other people can deal with that. Cleo will be off dealing with better things.

It’s—it’s like being a woman, really, in that Cleo doesn’t really mind that people see them that way—plays into it, really, loves the aesthetic, has fun with the performance—but they don’t really feel it. And they don’t mind that other people don’t exactly understand—

Until they step too close, say something Cleo really doesn’t like the sound of, and then they’re snapping, “I’m not a woman,” with such force it makes the perpetrator flinch.

It’s the same thing, this, Tango and Skizz stepping too close to their toes, getting in their personal space, and it bubbles up out of them before they can stop it. It’s platonic. We’re platonic. And the fact that other people aren’t seeing that—

It itches. Prickles. Stifles. Hugs their bones like an ill-fitting coat.

It’s one thing to wear a costume, to put on a show—but Cleo will not be stuffed into a suit without their permission and put up on a stage to read a script they never had any intention of performing. 

“We’re just besties, we’re not in a romantic relationship,” they tell Tango. He blinks at them, and they can see that the words don’t quite go in—

It itches.

Maybe if Cleo makes being besties the new bit, the itch will stop bothering them quite so much.

[frozenjokes]

Hermitdragons Masterpost (Wings of Fire x Hermitcraft/Third Life AU)

Grainshifter (Grian) was born to the Nightwings under one full moon, giving him the power to read minds. However, as fortold by Nightwing seers, he also possesses animus magic, a power that the Nightwings will use to bring their tribe into greater glory, becoming Watchers that feed off the strong emotions of the other dragon species, particularly fear. When Grainshifter attends Jade Mountain Academy in disguise as a Skywing called Grian, the Watchers take notes, and years later they surprise him with his very own death game featuring all his friends.

hello hello! this fic is on hiatus, and while I would like to finish it one day, it is my first foray into fic writing basically ever, and my writing has improved dramatically since a year ago when I started to write this. It’s been a while since I’ve reread this, but I have been told it’s good! lol. However! There’s still a lot of content (70k words and SO MUCH ART) so let’s get into it!

Fic One - Ruler of Everything

After Grian betrays Nightwatcher secrets to one of his best friends, Scar, he is punished by the Nightwatchers and placed into a death game with all of his past friends from the academy. However, there are two dragons he does not know; Scott, a Seawing who seems mostly normal, and Martyn, a dragon whose mind he can not read at all. Whose mind no one can read. Whose body can not be manipulated by animus magic. Soon, it is clear that Grian is not the only dragon here that is being punished.

Fic Two - Mechanical Hands (this fic does not exist but in theory it would after the first)

Grian comes to terms with his relationship with the Nightwatchers, finally realizing and accepting that they do not love him, and only want to use him. He teams up with Martyn in a shared goal of destroying animus magic, but a massive problem still stands; they’re both still stuck in these death games. And their friends are still under the Nightwatchers’ magical control. As the games go on, things are starting to feel hopeless, but revealing the secret of Martyn’s immunity to animus magic that he has so desperately tried to keep might just be the solution these trapped dragons need to escape.

Beyond these summaries, I’m going to try and keep these story explanations brief, however, if you’re interested is All Of The Art + commentary + more story explored through the art, then you can keep reading under the cut :) also just as a warning there is a lot of undetailed cartoon blood below

Designs

before writing, these were my first pass of most of the designs in the series! As you can probably tell from the references of the main three characters at the top, Scar, Grian, and even Martyn have changed quite a bit, and if I ever return to this series, other designs will probably change as well. Except Joel and Bdubs. Those are peak. The biggest change from these designs, is that Jimmy is not actually a dragon in this fic!(which is why I included the third picture with him, Scott, and Grian) He is super human, and he dies first for A REASON. He just looks the way canon Jimmy does, minus the wings.

Full Pieces

I made two fully rendered pieces for this fic. To the left is a scene from the academy where Pearl, Ren, and BigB are play fighting in the mountains while Grian and Scar watch. Grian is very uptight in the academy, struggling socially, and his friends, painfully aware Grian comes from a bad home situation and possibly raised in a cult, are trying to help him relax and have a nice time in school while he has the chance.

On the right is a scene from far into the death game, where Scar is overtaken by the magic of his red life, and is threatening to force Grian to kill all three Dogwarts dragons, and at the same time, blowing himself up in the process. The dragon on the left is Skizz and I hate his design, however the little tie thing is hilarious.

Chapter Headers

I made a ton of headers for the chapters of this fic, though most of them are broken on ao3 as far as I’m aware. However, you can see them here!

dragons featured in order of appearance: Scar, Pearl, BigB, Grian, Martyn, Scott, Jimmy, Ren. This isn’t actually every header but I’m going to run out of images and these cover most of them. The ones I left out aren’t anything special.

Mini Comics + Misc Art

I have literally run out of image slots. But that’s okay (most of the stuff was covered, but if you want to scroll through the hermitdragons tag then feel free). Hope you enjoyed regardless! This series is still very close to my heart, and even though I kind of lost touch with it, it’s something I still love dearly. Thanks for reading :)

[v1neyy]

Can you do 7, 10, or 21 ethubs for the mwarch thingy majiggy if you feel up to it :]

This was supposed to be a short lil drabble as a break from my event gifts and I. I don’t know what possessed me to write 1k words but it happened?

Since this went over 1k it’s also been posted to my ao3!

Etho/Bdubs - #7 & 21, a jealous kiss and a kiss to shut them up.

WC: 1022 || original post!

—————

“Impulse treats me well, y’know,”

Bdubs stands above him, looking down on white hair. They’re right on the edge of the hill, just far away enough from the pillager outpost to not be attacked. Somewhere in the world Joel takes damage, causing him to flinch and nearly cut his finger.

Etho looks up from where he’s sharpening his sword. It’s currently a break period after the first session of Double Life and while he can’t say he hates it, he certainly doesn’t love it.

The soulmates were randomly assigned, logically he knows that. But something ugly deep down in him is fuming—how could Bdubs be paired with Impulse?

The guy he killed for a clock two seasons ago?

How could they be soulmates? Last Life was everything to him, the snow fort haunting his dreams and unfulfilled promises thriving in all of his nightmares.

That game had filled him with regret that still hadn’t left. If he had just given him the life, had protected him better, done anything to save his ally, maybe things would have ended differently for them.

While he doesn’t doubt Joel’s ability to be a good soulmate (he did launch that missile at the crastle with him, all that time ago) but he’s just not Bdubs and he doesn’t want a soulmate if it can’t be him. He’s not jealous.

Bdubs rubbing it in his face doesn’t help one bit.

Sometimes Bdubs doesn’t know when to shut up. Maybe sometimes he doesn’t shut up on purpose, because he knows it’ll get a rise out of him. Either way, hearing the man you’ve uselessly pined over talk about how amazing and perfect his soulmate is to him is not a fun way to spend what’s supposed to be downtime.

“That’s great.” Etho looks back to his sword and continues to sharpen it.

He hears shuffling and feels another leg press against his, Bdubs plopping down in the grass beside him.

“You’re jealous.”

Etho freezes.

“I’m not.”

“You are. You’re so jealous.” He glances over at the man to find a sly grin plastered across his face.

Lowering his sword onto the ground next to him, he turns his head towards Bdubs,

“What’s it to you?”

“Well-“

He doesn’t let Bdubs get any more words out. He’s sick of his rambling, he decides rather impulsively, pulling his mask down and leaving a quick kiss against the other’s lips.

Etho smirks as he pulls away and brings his mask back up. It looks as though Bdubs short circuits, eyes wider than usual with a stunned look.

He’s about to say something cheeky, maybe even a little flirty, when his mask is yanked back down (that poor thing, no regard for its well-being) and he’s thrown into yet another kiss.

This kiss is different—there’s something more intense between the two. Bdubs kisses like a hungry wolf who’s been starved for far too long, taking all he can get and then some more. It’s desperate and messy and feels like heaven.

Once Etho regains his composure he kisses back with the same energy. He needs Bdubs just as much as the man needs him, neither wanting to part when the last of their air slips from their lungs, doing so reluctantly. Mere centimeters hang in the space between while the two regain their breaths.

A warm hand brushes a few strands of white hair that had fallen in front of his face behind his ear. He looks into Bdubs’ eyes to see nothing but a reflection of his own love and admiration shining back at him.

Etho smiles and lets his eyes flutter closed when lips find his own once again.

It’s as if all the fierce passion from before has morphed into something new. Something that wants to give and give until he cannot receive any more, passion and care spilling out from the sides.

He finds himself leaning more into the hand that’s cupped his cheek, his own running through the man’s hair.

A thousand words pass between the two without any voices being heard. Their hearts, while tied to other’s, beat as close to in sync as they can get. Maybe they weren’t assigned to be soulmates but they always manage to come back together, forever circling in each other’s orbit.

There’s something about Bdubs that always pulls Etho back in, no matter how hard he tries to run and hide from all these scary feelings. He could never fully leave despite how hard he’s tried. It’s terrifying to be known like this, to have someone know your every thought and emotion just by looking at you.

To have all his feelings out on display, leaving him vulnerable and weak, just for Bdubs to come in and polish them. He’s done something irreparable to Etho’s head and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

They pull apart for a final time, both smiling and laughing like schoolgirls on a playground.

Bdubs’ hand doesn’t leave its spot on his cheek. The man has seen Etho’s bare face before, but this time it’s meaningful. He watches big eyes trace his features—from his eyebrows, to his eyes, nose, mouth, chin, all of it.

“You’re beautiful.”

Any insecurities he had left vanish. He’s not sure how Bdubs’ words have such an effect on him, they’ve flirted before but this time it’s filled with sincerity rather than their usual joking banter.

Etho waits for him to pull away, to laugh, to mock and belittle, to tell him it’s all a joke, but minutes pass and it doesn’t happen.

Just as he’s about to speak an arrow flies right above their heads, causing them to jump apart.

One of them screams (it was not Etho, for the record) as another arrow shoots past. The men look up to see an angry pillager firing at them, reloading its crossbow to prepare another shot.

He stands and kills the pillager quickly, turning back to Bdubs with a laugh.

There’s no more need to punch Impulse in the face consuming him as the shorter man stands and glares at him, sputtering out some nonsense.

He’s not jealous (Anymore.)

[give-grian-rights]

Hermitcraft Fic Rec!

HELLO. i have hundreds, HUNDREDS of hermitcraft fanfiction bookmarked and living in my brain without rent. Breaking this up into categories for some of my PERSONAL favorite fics in the fandom- including categories for shipping, crossover, and worldbuilding.

Some of these fics are from 2019 but generally speaking you don't need knowledge of past seasons you should be able to pick up on just about all of them. a lot of these are mostly included BECAUSE they're older and therefore, harder to accidentally stumble upon. put in no particular order.

If your fic is on here and you'd like it removed, send an Ask with the fic, a dm, etc

World Building

The Parting Glass / To Pass The Jungle You Have To Go All The Way Around - Sekrap.

Doc has been trying to forget. He has done everything everyone told him he should do to make the memories go away. And still the jungle calls for him. / He was a monster. Then, a man. Now, a machine. Doc, once a normal Creeper, was not meant to live. Let alone become a Player. He learned to speak, he learned to fight, he learned to build. Some things stayed the same. aka- the Domestic Creeper au.

____

Carpet Trick - CrazyCatMeow

You all know the double carpet trick right? What happens when that joint with a tired mad scientist meet.

Mob hybrids can't see carpets <3 extra silly and very lighthearted

____

Window Pane - blueticked

Tango and Impulse discuss the brand new presence of Helsknight.

It's not a coincidence that all the evil personas have red eyes.

Tango is a Hels, struggling with self-acceptance and his place in Hermitcraft, which was never meant to be for him. in my head ALL THE TIME

____

"I know" - KindaJustHere

Bdubs was used to death. He was used to being killed by his fellow hermits. He was very used to being killed by Grian. Maybe a little too much.

(This is based off Grian’s episode 61 of hermitcraft season 7 where Bdubs says “I know” and shoots himself) BDUBS SELF ESTEEM ANGST!! Griangst !!!! Emotionally fucked up Grian from YHS !!

____

Hiss and Scratch - TheNerdyTurtle96

Doc is a mad scientist who isn't afraid of anything. Actually, that's not true. His only weakness is cats.

exactly like it said it is . SO GOOD AND CUTE

____

For the Record - Anonymous

Tango shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I did. Xisuma’s teaching Impulse some Galactic Standard so he can cheat at enchanting or something. Apparently Xelqua’s, like, some sort of god in Xisuma’s culture? It was kind of unclear, I wasn’t paying attention when Impulse told me.”

“Huh,” Grian said vacantly. “How about that.”

oops! Grian is Xisuma's god. amazing

____ GrianMC - SixteenthDays

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Techno says frankly.

“You know,” Grian says again. “Your- Watchers.”

Techno squints for a moment before understanding visibly dawns behind his eyes. “Ohhh, you mean Chat?”

(On watchers, and Watchers.)

This IS technically a crossover but its more worldbuilding than anything else. its literally so funny. i love it

Crossover

These Days I Don't Feel Like Myself At All / Mercury (No One Can Unring This Bell) (Series Ongoing) - RoguishOne (DarkWolfMoon)

TommyInnit had died. Again. To Dream. Again. And it sucked exactly as much as he thought it would because he'd wanted to move on and have a chance to actually live this time. Seems he won't be getting that.

Then he gets pulled out of Limbo, but he doesn't wake up back in the cell with Dream or next to his bed on the server. He doesn't wake up on the Dream SMP at all.

Little does he know that this is the least of his worries.

i want to scream and cry and hypervenilate thinking about this fic series. literally cannot recommend it enough. your life will be ROCKED. THE WRITING IS SOOOOO OGOOOD . i just want to shake. i cannot put into words what this fic makes me feel.

____

Shells in the Foam (a Hermit!Tommy fanfic) - Cedarwhisp21

When Dream attacks Tommy in Logestshire, Tommy runs. Badly injured, he somehow manages to slip between worlds and wakes up in a badlands biome, on a server far from home, with no other players in sight.

The Hermits are surprised when a new player logs in, and confused when no-one's at spawn. Five days later, after waiting for the new player to introduce themselves, Xisuma uses his admin abilities to access their coordinates. He takes Impulse with him to welcome the new player to Hermitcraft, but instead of the beginnings of a base, they find something a lot more concerning.

NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. the NUMBER ONE kudo-ed hermit fic . by my beloved. and using the one of the beloved au by pertrichormeraki . its so good and im sooo glad i was here for the ride of seeing it unfold <3

____

let me give you a piece of my mind - Interjection

Dream and Grian practice building for MCC, and hold a conversation in the process.

Or,

Grian gives an outside perspective on Dream’s actions. Dream is having none of it.

Grian is a fucked up lil guy <3 Dream is a piece of shit

____

He would not die - Nicoforlife

If phil could save only one person from this place, that would be enough.

Tldr I made phil a watcher :)

Watcher Phil and Grian !! ! !!

____

Scared as hell - Nhi_theuserof_this

Grian was one of the closest people to Fundy at this point. He wants to be honest, really, but with the rest of his family history being a total train wreck, he spends an awkwardly long time dancing around what he wants to say.

Tldr; Grian is Fundy’s uncle, Fundy comes out to him

OK SO THIS ONE. WAS BASED OFF ONE OF MY AUS but i had to include it. ok .short and sweet

It was just a game - QuasarsFaults (UNFINISHED)

Taurtis Has been on the server awhile now, he's made new friends, a really tasty toritos shop, a new job working with Concorp, and he's even made this really cool pirate rollercoaster. So why did his and Scar's idea go so wrong?

OK. so i honest to god cannot remember if this is my au or if i just partook in it. i think its my au. who knows. either way seeing this again makes me want to work on my own Taurtis-Became-a-Hermit-Instead-of-Grian fic

Shipping

heartfelt confession - mysteryguest

it shouldn't come as a surprise to iskall, he thinks, when he finally settles on a term that feels just right. and yet, it is. and it's dreadful, feeling that urge, that need to tell someone, without knowing if they would accept you or not.

at least he knows the person he can trust the most with this info is his boyfriend, mumbo.

non-binary and bigender Mumskull !!! coming out. finding identity. finding pronouns.

____

I Hate You (I Promise I Don't) - BewitchingNotes

If someone asked Grian why he was relentlessly pranking Etho now that he was finally back in Hermitland, he'd say it was just for pure fun.

To Etho, it meant Grian was mad at him.

To everyone else, Grian had a huge crush on the redstone user and obviously didn't know how to communicate it.

OR: Grian just wants Etho's attention, Etho misreads this as Grian being mad at him, Grian thinks Etho hates him because of his pranks and everyone else just wants these boys to communicate properly already. Grian's love language is pranks...i love it

____ A Study Of Love in the Universe Itself - 2point5

Love had a strange meaning on Hermitcraft, where everyone loved each other. 

OR

Joe looks into the different ways he loves some of his fellow members, and what that means for him as a human.

ITS A SERIES TOO AND ITS SOOOO GOOD i love it . Joe x Cleo x Bdubs x Etho . what more could you want. and their sexualities and how they perceive love is . OAUGHHGHGGHHGHGHBHGHFHHVIJXFSHDF IUSDHIUSAHDUIA

[norinenglish]

Team Rancher - Guide of Canon - Tango Episode 1

I rewatched Double Life to take notes to help me with canon-compliant fics and decided to share it here so it could help others. The notes are after the cut. They are EXTENSIVE.

I plan on posting everything from Tango's POV at least. Might do more in the future.

Guide of Canon: Team Rancher Tango's Episode 1 - Tango's Episode 2 - Tango's Episode 3 - Tango's Episode 4 - Tango's Episode 5.

Tango's Episode 1: What a start!

Intro: Tango narrates, “We are soul-linked to another player. If one of us takes damage, we both take damage. We share a health bar. And if one of us dies, we both die. So let’s hope we get soul-bound to someone good.” 

*

He refers to his soulmate before meeting them as, “If my partner just plummeted off a cliff, I’m dead.” ; “My teammate just took damage”; “Imma go try and find my partner” and refers to people as being linked. 

*

Tango takes the test with Scott, Grian and  BigB on the Goat Mountain. Later he finds Bdubs in a ravin (Bdubs already found his soulmate but tells Tango to try anyway.) Cleo comes into the conversation and spank-tests Tango.

* 

He goes into the cave without a shield. While he fights two zombies and a spider, a creeper falls on his head and explodes. He screams “Nooo!” for a long time before and after respawning on top of a birch tree. 

Jimmy respawns after a second and immediately says, a tad angrily, “What happened, Tango?”

“Hi, hi. I’m so sorry,” Tango says, instant regrets in his voice.

“Take me through it, what’s happened there?”

“There was some caving, and then there might have been about seven zombies and a spider and,” Tango says as a goat bumps into Jimmy, “you’re being butted!”

Tango descends from the tree. “And then I was focusing on the army approaching me for one direction and uh yeah the old creeper from behind. I'm so sorry!”

“Oh my gosh. Alright, let’s meet up in a bit. I need to go get my stuff before it despawns.”

“I don’t even know where I was, I just lost everything, yeah. I’ve no idea where I was.”

“Oh, my gosh!”

“This is less than good. I have no idea…”

“DUDE!”

“Well, let’s go. This is extra bad.”

“I need to, wait, I need to- Where was my bit.”

Tango seems ready to follow Jimmy, while Jimmy is panicking about his things.

“We’re just wandering around, like panicking in circles and OH NO!”

Jimmy laughs at Tango’s over-dramatising the panics he feels. It seems to calm him a bit. They get on top of the tree (to see their surroundings better?). Tango apologizes again.

“No don’t be sorry, it’s gonna happen-”

“At least we know-”

“I feel like I’m gonna die in the future and you’re gonna have to take the punishment of it.”

Before Jimmy finishes his sentence, Tango is already reassuring him, saying: “That’s fine, that’s fine.”

*

They decide to start again collecting supplies. Tango is still hang up over their death.

“I feel horrible that I died, but I feel worse that I just took you down with me!”

“No, it’s gonna happen all the time! It’s gonna happen all the time today.” (probably referencing other duo dying like this.)

They hear a horn in the distance and Tango remembers that he lost his. 

“YOU HAD A HORN?”

“I was horn boy! And now it’s gone.”

They hide a chest inside of a tree they call a safety box. Tango puts a stick in it.

“At least we don’t have to bother trying to find who our soulmate is.”

“And honestly, how many people had you met before that? I had met like 7 or 8 people.”

*

Jimmy goes to find his stuff. Tango retraces his steps and gets supplies. They settle on the edge of the ravine/river across Cleo and Scott. They talk about their plans with Tango gets rid of the grass and Jimmy jumps around.

“What are you thinking of building?” 

“I think just like a big shack for both of us to.. you know.”

“To shack up in. I like it, yeah.”

“And then we can get a little farm outside and we need to plant some seeds.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it.” They start cutting the trees. “And then, maybe we can both go on an adventure. Either way, I’ll go get sheep and you get cows-I think that’s the best.”

“I am on board with this plan.”

“I’m not good with building at all, Tango, so, uh.”

“Oh, I was hoping you would say you were! You’re not the builder? Oh no!”

“Wait, are you not the builder?” Jimmy asks with good humour in his voice.

“I’m not a builder, no! Oh well, we live in a dirt hut.” [laughs]

“We might be in trouble here.”

*

Jimmy leaves to get animals and mine. Bdubs comes to chat. “You found your soulmate.”

“The hard way.”

Seeing Jimmy get the [Not Today Thank You] achievement, Tango says “Jimmy’s down there, he must be dying i should probably help him” and goes into mine with him. Jimmy asks about Tango having a shield, worried about their safety.

“We may have to…. beg.”

“Yeah, I am OK with this… strategy, yeah.”

Tango gives him his boots because Jimmy has no piece of armour and Tango also has pants. “Because if you die, I die, so.” “We’ll share whatever we got, it’s pitiful, but…”

*

Jimmy leaves to beg for iron while Tango starts to build their “super ugly house”. Tango tells him to keep an eye out for animals of any kind - preferably chicken.

“My man said he couldn’t build.”

“Ha! It’s a box, it’s a box! It’s not much!” while laughing.

Tango makes fun of his build with good humour, but Jimmy gives him genuine compliments. Jimmy reveals the bucket of water he got and Tango praises him: “Look at you! You go on a mission and you come back with goods. This is what I like to see. This is what I like in a partner. Well done.”

Tango keeps insulting his house building but Jimmy answers with “I love it.”

When it’s done, Tango places placing the single bed and says: “It’s a humble start.”

“It is, it is! It’s all we need right now.” “It actually looks great. I think you’ve done a great job here.” 

Tango laughs awkwardly and a tad in a self-deprecating way.  

“I’m not just saying it! I think you’ve done a great job!”

“This is the ugliest house ever-”

*

They have three eggs and Jimmy throws them in a hole they made for their chicken operation under the house. The last one hatches and they cheer. 

*

They leave on a quest for chicken (and maybe “future begging”). Tango finds some and escorts them back home. “Come on little guy, you’re destined for greatness, let’s go!”

*

Etho and Joel come by and they chat.

Joel asks, “Is Jimmy- Is Jimmy… OK?” 

It is ambiguous what he’s really asking about. Tango takes it as an inquiry about what Jimmy’s doing. “Well- he’s out. We went out hunting chicken and I’m back and I already brought back three chickens and he’s brought back none.”

They chat a bit more about horns and how stupid trying to build on the pillager outpost is before they leave. 

“If you see Jimmy, tell him we have chickens!”

*

Tango takes care of the chicken operation when he hears Jimmy calling for him. 

“Tango? Hum… Where are you?”

“I’m in the house,” Tango responds right before he opens the door to see Jimmy back, multiple cows in his tow. “OH! YOU’RE AMAZING!”

They praise each other on their respective luck with animals.

“We’re good for something!”

“We’re ranchers. Team rancher!”

Jimmy makes a side room for the cows and Tango takes care of the chickens again but they escape in the basement. “I might not be cut out for this ranchin’ thing.”

*

They want to have goat horns. Jimmy offers him the option to stay in the base or to try and find Grian with him. Tango chooses to go into the caves to get iron because they’re pretty naked, but acquiring a horn is “imperative to team rancher”. 

Tango changes his mind quickly though and decides to go beg instead of digging. He finds BigB, Ren, Cleo and Scott. Begging fails. They discuss bases. 

Scott says, after looking at Jimmy and Tango’s: “You are paired with Jimmy. It’s as good as it gets.”

“Here’s the thing. We teamed up and we were like ‘this is a good spot for a base’ and we kind of looked at each other we just assumed the other person knew how to build they were like ‘nope’ ahah.”

They see Jimmy on a bridge with Joel and Etho and Tango thinks he’s being cornered so he leaves to go help Jimmy. We don’t see whether he gets to them or not.

*

Tango ends up in Impulse and Bdubs’s house. 

Impulse, when Tango asks him about being with Bdubs, responds: “Feels pretty good. My partner’s great, he doesn’t die.” At this point, it’s a jab aimed at Tango, rather than at Jimmy.

Tango comes home at night starving and unable to sprint, screaming “HELP!”. Jimmy escorts him inside.

Joel comes by to steal wheat and makes fun of them for not having proper armour. Jimmy tries a different approach and asks him to take his shirt off but gets axed in the face. Joel gives them a few potatoes because he feels bad and leaves. Jimmy apologizes for trying the new approach but Tango doesn’t mind, he’s hung over the fact that Joel was stealing their crops. They continue tending to the field because they are starving. The episode ends.

[errorryx]

blood moon – part three

read on ao3 | read part one | gemcyt/life series, 3.2k words

for this update, i scrapped an old scene that provided context but was otherwise very boring. if you're curious, there's a longer explanation available in my ao3 notes.

—

Bdubs woke up in the late morning to the sound of several people arguing in the next room. He recognized Grian and Cleo’s voices, so he got up to see what all the fuss was, only to run right into Pearl in the hallway.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Pearl said in a low voice. “I was just…”

“Snooping around?” Bdubs attempted to deliver this line with an intimidating glare, but he only managed a yawn.

“What? No, of course not! I just wanted—I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

“Why’s that?”

“Grian said you were an expert on building. I had a few questions for you.”

“Really?” He brightened. “What else did he tell you about me?”

“He said if I had any questions about making a base, I should go to you first.”

“Well, he’s absolutely right. I know everything there is to know about building. I built this base we’re standing in now, you know. It’s called a crastle.”

“It’s lovely,” Pearl said. “Probably my favorite base! Don’t tell Grian, though.”

“Oh, you flatterer.” Bdubs waved her off modestly. “I do my best. So what were your questions?”

“Do you know what a chimney is?”

…A chimney. Right. Yes, he definitely knew what that was. “It’s the top part of a fireplace,” Bdubs said with perfect confidence.

“And what’s a fireplace?”

“Why, it’s the place you put fire, of course!”

Pearl looked baffled. “Why would you need a place to put fire?”

This stumped him for a few moments. Why would anyone have a place for fire in their home? “It’s a very complicated question,” Bdubs said. “I could explain it, but it would take all day, and I’m sure you’d find it very boring.”

“Right, of course.” A small smile appeared on Pearl’s face. “I wouldn’t want to take up all of your valuable time.”

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

“I guess I want to know why you’ve all started building bases for yourselves in the first place,” Pearl said. “They’re very lovely, but I don’t understand what they’re for, exactly.”

“Oh, of course! You’re a pearl, so you’ve probably never had a space just for yourself, right?”

Pearl blinked. “I guess not.”

“When me, Cleo, Tango, and Impulse first got here, we found lots of old ruins,” Bdubs explained. “That’s where we got all our books. Let me see, where is it…” He got up and looked through the nearby bookshelf. “Here it is! Man-Made Wonders of The World.”

He presented the book to Pearl with a giddy smile. Pearl took it, flipping through the first few pages with delicate hands. “What’s a man?”

“It’s short for human,” Bdubs said. He was very proud of having figured that one out on his own. “They’re a type of life-form that used to live here on this planet a long time ago. Cleo thinks they’re extinct, because otherwise we would have found one by now.”

“And they built all these? Without gem technology?” Pearl’s eyes widened. “Where are these structures? Have you seen them all?”

“Well, that’s the problem,” Bdubs sighed. “This planet’s really big, and none of us have a working ship anymore. If we had one, we might be able to explore, but it would be a long journey on foot, and Cleo doesn’t believe me when I tell her I can make sure we don’t get lost.”

“That’s a shame,” Pearl said, so quietly that Bdubs almost missed it.

“Wait a minute!” he said. “You must have had a ship to get here, right? Where is it?”

Pearl looked very much as if an agate had just walked in and caught her goofing off. “Well, you see—”

“Bdubs!” Cleo called from the other room. “What are you shouting about?”

“Coming!” Bdubs answered. “Don’t go anywhere,” he told Pearl, before poking his head into the other room.

He was greeted with the sight of two unfamiliar gems, a rose quartz and a peridot, the latter of whom seemed to be attempting to hide behind Grian. (It wasn’t working.) “These are Lizzie and Mumbo,” Cleo told Bdubs. “They came here with Pearl, apparently. Pearl was just here a second ago, but…”

“Oh, she was talking to me!” Bdubs said. “We were having a wonderful little conversation about bases.” He glanced back into the hallway, but Pearl had already disappeared. “Huh. She must have wandered off.”

“Seems to be a habit of hers.” Cleo didn’t look too happy. “You entertain our guests for a minute, and I’ll go make sure she’s not rifling around in our storage.”

“Sure thing!” Bdubs’ arms instinctively went to perform the diamond salute, but he knew Cleo hated when he did that, so he disguised the gesture by clapping his hands together. “So how did you guys all get here? Where’s your ship?”

“They claim there’s no ship,” Cleo said on their way out of the room. Her tone of voice clearly indicated that she didn’t believe them.

“It crashed,” Lizzie told him very solemnly. “Horribly. Went up in flames and everything. Big disaster.”

“Funny coincidence,” Bdubs said, “that’s exactly what happened to ours.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pearl through the window, in the process of sneaking away. She met Bdubs’ gaze for a split second, and gave him a wink before vanishing from view.

—

Scott was out in the garden when Jimmy heard a visitor knocking at their door. Usually he waited for Scott to tell him what to expect, but it had been a while since they’d had any surprises, and besides, Scott rarely gave him a straight answer when it came to the future. So instead of waiting for him, Jimmy got up and opened the door by himself.

“Hi! You’re Jimmy, right?” Pearl stuck out her arm, and he took it, bewildered. “I just learned about handshakes from Bdubs. Did I do it right?”

“Probably,” Jimmy said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t know. What’s up?”

“You fuse a lot, right? I wanna talk about fusion.”

She must have seen Flower Agate at the party last night. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.” Jimmy stepped aside to allow Pearl to enter. She took a few steps, only to be stopped by the sudden appearance of a wall of ice between them.

“No,” Scott said evenly from where he stood at the back door, his arm outstretched. “Not happening.”

“Scott, what’s going on?” Jimmy backed away from Pearl, who looked just as confused as he felt. “Is something wrong?”

Scott ignored him. “I can’t tell what you’re planning,” he said to Pearl, “but it won’t work. You’re going to get yourself and a lot of other gems hurt.”

“What are you talking about?” Pearl asked. The ice only came up to her waist, but she didn’t try to step over it. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Her voice trembled on the words.

“Maybe not, but you will.”

“Is this about a future vision you saw?” Pearl said. “Just tell me what it was, that way I can—”

“I’m not taking that risk,” Scott said. “Just stay away from me and Jimmy.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Jimmy interrupted. “Can’t we talk about this? I’d rather have nobody get hurt, if that’s an option.”

“You and I can talk about this,” Scott told him. “But you—” he turned his attention back to Pearl, “—need to leave.”

Before Pearl could respond, Scott pushed the ice wall further forward, forcing her out the door. It slammed shut, and he hurried over to lock it.

“What has gotten into you?” Jimmy asked him. “Wouldn’t it have been a better idea to talk it out with her? What harm can one pearl do?”

“You really have to ask that question? You’ve met Joel.”

He couldn’t argue with that—Joel had caused a lot of trouble when he’d first arrived. But for the brief time they’d spoken, Pearl had been perfectly pleasant. “Can you at least tell me what’s going to happen?”

“I can’t,” Scott said.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t. There are too many possibilities right now. We’ll have to wait it out and see how things end up.”

Jimmy loved Scott, he really did, but sometimes he made Jimmy want to tear his hair out. “Then what’s the use of future vision if we still don’t know what to do?”

Scott didn’t answer him. Jimmy looked down to see a small ring of ice encircling the hem of his skirt.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said hastily, reaching to pry Scott free of the ice. He set him down on the couch. “Forget I said that. How about tonight? Can you see what happens tonight?”

“We go to the party,” Scott said slowly. “We fuse again. It’s—I think there’s a new fusion? It’s hard to see as Flower Agate.”

“So that’s good, right?” Jimmy asked. “We’re safe.”

“I think so.”

“We’re safe,” Jimmy repeated, with more confidence this time. “We’ll be fine.”

He hoped Scott believed him. He wasn’t sure he believed himself.

—

Mumbo was at a party with a bunch of rebel gems, and people were fusing.

At least, that’s what he thought they were doing. Pearl had warned him this would happen, but it was one thing to hear about it and quite another to see it for himself. Right now, the sapphire and the lapis lazuli were involved in a dance that made Mumbo want to politely avert his eyes—yet at the same time, he couldn’t look away.

“This is…a lot,” he said.

“Yeah,” Pearl agreed. “Are you freaking out? It’s okay if you’re freaking out. We can go back to the ship.”

“No, it’s alright!” Mumbo couldn’t imagine going back to the ship and letting this happen without him. “We can stay.”

The sapphire and lapis finally fused, and he got to watch in real time as their forms merged into one. It was slow and confusing and oddly beautiful. He let out a gasp when the ball of light finally solidified into a single figure, which stood taller than most of the other nearby gems.

“I’m trying to be supportive of Gri,” Pearl said. “I know he likes this. When he fused yesterday, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so…”

“Happy?” Mumbo guessed, searching for Grian in the crowd. He found him talking to a blue gem, with Scar somewhere off in the distance. Maybe Grian didn’t always fuse with Scar, then. Maybe he liked to branch out. “He seems really at home here.”

He’d officially reunited with Grian that morning, which had been wonderful, but…strange. Tense. Mumbo had been expecting everything to promptly return to normal once they found Gri, but it was becoming more and more obvious that that would not be the case. Even worse, Pearl seemed to be in denial about it, and Mumbo had been taking cues from her for long enough that he had no idea what to do.

His attention was pulled to the nephrite and green jasper he’d met earlier, who were—well, if the previous fusion dance had made Mumbo want to look away, this one made him want to bury his head in the ground. Still, he watched. He’d never seen anything even remotely like it. He couldn’t imagine himself ever making moves like that, but perhaps he could manage a twirl or two. Would he have to take off his limb enhancers?

“I don’t know what else to do,” Pearl said.  “Do you think if I fused with him, it would convince him to choose us instead of them?”

“Huh?” The second fusion dance had reached its culmination, but a third and a fourth had started up. Mumbo managed to tear his eyes away for a moment to look at Pearl. She had taken on an odd in-between color, which corresponded with the sun’s current position most of the way below the horizon. “Beg your pardon, did you say you were thinking of fusing with Grian?”

“I might as well try.” Pearl got to her feet. “I’ll just go ask him. No big deal, right?”

Mumbo was fairly certain that Pearl and Grian fusing would be a recipe for disaster, but he doubted Pearl would listen to him. “He’s been talking to that blue gem for quite a while now. You might be interrupting something.”

“I don’t care.” Pearl was fully red now. “We’re losing him. He’s in love with this planet. If we don’t offer him something better, he’s going to realize he prefers it to us.”

“Surely there’s a better way than—”

Pearl had already begun walking away before he could finish. Mumbo didn’t follow her. He’d seen enough of Pearl in her red state to know there wasn’t anything he could do except watch the disaster unfold in front of him.

“Boys,” a very sarcastic voice said behind him.

Mumbo looked up to see Rose Quartz—no, Lizzie—taking a seat in the grass beside him. “What’s a boy?” he asked.

“Not sure!” Lizzie said. “I heard Cleo say it earlier, just like that. I think it’s an insult.”

“Boys,” Mumbo repeated, trying to mimic her derision. He watched Pearl storm up to Grian and grab his arm, pulling him away from the blue quartz. “I really don’t understand pearls.”

“Me neither,” Lizzie said, with a little huff of exasperation. “Want a flower? I’ve been picking off the petals for fun.” She passed Mumbo a small white blossom with long petals, the stem severed halfway down.

Mumbo methodically plucked every third petal as he watched Pearl and Grian’s conversation from afar. He didn’t dare approach them, but he couldn’t help but wonder what they were saying.

—

“What are you even saying?” Grian said, throwing up his hands. “Have you gone mad?”

“Am I not good enough to fuse with?” Pearl asked. “You’ll fuse with spinels and quartzes but not me?”

“Pearl, I’m not—” Grian cast a glance at BigB, who was trying to mind his own business. It was proving to be a very difficult task. “I haven’t even fused with any quartzes yet, I’ll have you know. And besides, it’s not about what type of gem you are.”

“So why not? Spit it out.”

“I don’t think this is a good time.” Grian looked wary, but his mind was clearly made up. “Not while you’re still red.”

“That’s it, then?” Pearl threw up her hands. “You won’t fuse with me because I’m off-color?”

BigB winced at that one. “Woah, okay, I don’t think that’s—”

“Don’t you start,” Pearl snapped. “I’m talking to Grian right now.”

“Actually, I was talking to him first,” Grian said, before BigB could figure out a polite way to exit the conversation. “I know you’re still adjusting to living here, Pearl, but BigB didn’t do anything wrong.”

Pearl gave him a look of pure fury, then turned the same gaze on BigB, who immediately put up his hands in surrender. “Fine,” she said. “I get it. You’d rather hang out with your new friends.”

“Pearl, I don’t—”

“Whatever, Gri,” she said coldly, and turned on her heel, walking away into the dark.

Grian sighed. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he told BigB.

“Did you know her from somewhere?” BigB asked him. “That really didn’t seem like a conversation between two gems that met yesterday.”

“I guess there’s no point in keeping it a secret if she wants to have loud arguments in front of people,” Grian said. “Yeah, I know her. At least, I thought I did.”

“That bad, huh?”

Grian shrugged. “Something’s going on with her, but I have no idea what it is.”

“You think it has anything to do with the whole color-changing thing?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her do that before.” Grian stared off into the woods where Pearl had just disappeared. “I’ve never seen any gem do that before.”

“Me neither,” BigB said. “I bet if anyone knows, it’s Ren. He’s seen a lot of weird stuff.”

“You think he’d know something?” Grian looked even more worried at the prospect. “I’m not sure if I should bother him with this.”

“I can ask him,” BigB volunteered. “I don’t mind.”

He looked around at the rest of the party, finding Ren lounging in the grass by himself. He was surprised Ren and Martyn hadn’t formed Red Diamond yet, considering all the other fusions that were going on, but he wasn’t about to question it. “Hey, Ren! Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up, dude?” Ren waved him over. “Is something wrong?”

“Not with me,” BigB said. “I just wanted to ask, have you ever seen a gem change color?”

“Hmm.” Ren took a moment to think. “I can’t say I have. Not permanently, at least.”

“What about temporarily?”

“Well, that’s a different story. I’ve seen it happen a few times.”

“You have? Really?”

“Sure, have, m’dude. It’s pretty funky.” Ren sat up straight, immediately towering over BigB. “Happens sometimes on planets with different types of suns. Most gems look about the same, but sometimes a gem will go a bit—well, I don’t want to say off-color, but—”

“So it’s just a trick of the light?” BigB asked.

“Sometimes,” Ren said. “Sometimes nothing else happens, but—haven’t seen it myself, mind you, but I’ve heard certain gems will start to go a little off the rails, if you know what I mean.”

BigB laughed. “Like we all did when we got here?”

“Hey! Not all of us!”

“You’re right,” BigB said. “It was mostly you and Martyn.”

Ren sighed. “I suppose you’re not wrong. Why were you asking about color-changing gems, anyway?”

“You’ve met the new gems, haven’t you?”

“Seen ‘em, yes. Not really had a chat with any of them yet. I was planning on introducing myself, but I was worried I might intimidate them with my size.”

“You could always shrink down,” BigB suggested. “But yeah, Grian and I just talked to Pearl, and she was kind of…the wrong color? Last I saw her she was close to the same color as Grian, but this time she was red. Is that normal?”

“She was red, you say?” Ren looked alarmed. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Saw it with my own eyes. Grian said it happened last night, too.”

“That’s…not good,” Ren said. “Where is she now?”

“She got upset and ran off.” BigB pointed in the direction he’d seen Pearl disappear. Ren’s frown only deepened.

“We should probably go make sure she’s okay.” He got to his feet, then looked down at BigB and hesitated. “Maybe I’ll take your advice on that shrinking thing. Wouldn’t want to scare her.”

BigB watched as Ren shrank down to match his height. Amusingly, Ren’s gem stayed the same size, making it look huge on his chest. It was odd to be able to look Ren in the eye, but BigB found he quite liked it.

“Alright, you lead the way,” Ren told him.

“Just you and me?” BigB asked. “We’re not getting anyone else?”

“We don’t need a whole group for one pearl,” Ren said. “She’s not hostile, is she?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then I’m sure we’ll be fine!” Ren flashed him a grin. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

—

<Previous part | Next part>

(I'll update this fic with the next part when it's done, but you can save it on ao3 if you want to make sure you catch it!)

if you read this all the way through and enjoyed, please consider reblogging!

[watarfallar]

Imagine if Jimmy wins the life series... Huh, what a thought. Anyway have some more incorrect quotes!

Pearl: Cleo, you're my best friend. Cleo: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend. Cleo: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

Impulse: Your smile? It makes my day. Tango: Your happiness? I live for that. Joel: A room? Get one. BigB: Hotel? Trivago.

BigB: What's the most efficient way to burn calories? Martyn: Exercise more! Joel: Set yourself on fire. Tango: There are two kinds of people.

Impulse, to Jimmy: ...And I need you and Tango to help, and by "help" I mean "do everything."

Joel: Yes, I'm adopting Grian and you cowards can't tell me no!

Scott: Martyn said its my turn with the brain cell. Cleo: Square up.

Joel: You know what your problem is? Scar: I only have one?

Mumbo: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time. Gem: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

Jimmy: I have a bad feeling about this, guys. Skizz: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Joel: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen? Jimmy, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

Pearl: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Tango: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Pearl: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Lizzie: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Lizzie: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies. Joel: Socks are Feetie Heaties. Scott: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties. Impulse: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies. Pearl: Stamps are Lickie Stickies. Gem: I hate you guys so much.

*The Squad is at Home Depot* Impulse: *Fell in the cacti display while wandering around the garden section* Grian: *Shitting in the display toilets* Lizzie: *Tokyo Drifting one of those flatbed carts down the aisles* BigB: *Stealing paint chips for aesthetic purposes* Mumbo: *Just wanted some goddamn lightbulbs and everyone ruined it* Pearl: *In the car sleeping*

Ren: Would you take a bullet for me? Lizzie: ...yes? *Jimmy angrily burst into the room* Ren: *running away* Great, thanks!

Martyn: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon. Jimmy: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic. Martyn: You and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

Ren: You three, explain right now! Bdubs: It was Etho. BigB: It was Etho. Scott: It was Etho. Etho: Etho: …fuck.

Skizz: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test! Ren: Ok, Skizz, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918? Skizz: 1917. Ren: ...You're ready.

Skizz: Just be yourself. Say something nice. Bdubs: Which one? I can't do both.

Pearl: I need to dye my hair. Bdubs: ... Pearl: Or get another tattoo. Bdubs: ... Pearl: Or a new piercing. Bdubs: Why? Pearl: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

Gem: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Joel: You don’t deserve me. Jimmy: At your worst or your best? Joel: I don’t have a worst. Jimmy: Because you’re already at your worst?

Martyn: BigB! This soup is flaccid! BigB: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!

Gem: Tell me, what you are mad at? Cleo: I paid twenty dollars for bottomless drinks. Impulse, in the background: They got to the bottom. Cleo: What is that? The bottom of the damn glass!

Grian: I wonder who’s ruining my life. Grian: *looks in the mirror* Grian: So we meet again.

[thatstoomanysausages]

SPRRY FOR SENDING AN ASK EVERY TIME ANOTHER COMES OUT BUT

scar thinking about a cactus im BAWLING

keep doing these i beg of thou 🙏🙏🙏

PLEASE DON’T APOLOGISE, I LOVE GETTING ASKS‼️‼️❤️❤️ (also sorry this is a late response LMAO) and yeah,🤗 that cactus did make me gasp out loud.

And your wish is my command!!!! (Sorry it’s a lil short🥲)

MPREG JUMPSCARE (Tomodachi Life):

- I go onto the loading screen and I can already see a love symbol on Joel’s window…

- HE WANTS TO HAVE A CHILDDDDD

- SMALLIDARITY BABY

- JOEL MPREG

- So many babies lately

- Guess who’s in another fuckinf fight…

- I’ll give you a hint… his names starts with a GRIAN😍😍😍

- NO HE HAD A FIGHT WITH SCAR

- FIR THE LOVE IF GOF STAY TOGETHER

- do you think a chicken tikka masala will calm him down

- IT DID

- SO REALLLLLLL‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

- HAHAHAHAH

- And for the seventh time, everything is fine again…

- Genuinely I think this was Grian’s sixth or seventh fight

- KERALIS HAS ARRIVED💥💥💥💥

- What a surprise! Another fight!

- Though it’s different this time, it’s Impulse and BigB and they’re literally so angry they have fire surrounding them

- It’s the type of fight you quite literally have to wait out, like that’s how pissed they are.

- Anyway

- Ella is now a grown up because I sprayed her with age-old-matic pesticide or some shit

- Is this how the children age??? I forgot

- Oh, this means she can have feelings for the adults… despite them being like 40 years older than her😭😭😭😭

- I mean at least it’s legal…😭😭

- Grian is going to attempt to break up Impulse and B’s fight

- …hypocritical much????

- Brother he’s getting shit thrown at him😭

- It did not work‼️

- Who is surprised??😍

- Grian: “Timmy drew on my face while I was asleep” real‼️‼️

- OH BUT THE FIGHT HAS ENDED NOW???? WHAT

- THEN GRIAN HELPED?????

- They just kept fighting to spite Grian then ig…

- Scar: “I’d like to take Grian on a date” 😍😍💥💥💥 YEAHHHHHHH

- AMUSEMENT PARK DATE 😭😭😭😭

- Grian and Bdubs friendship😍‼️

- … I’m gonna start to keep a _ days without a fight and then I’ll just not have to change it ever

- Ren and Tango have fought

- And crazy 😯‼️ they are over it in 4 seconds

- X IS IN LOVE

- AGAIN

- WITHHHHH

- M-Martyn… hhhmmmmmm

- I mean…

- But Ahasbunds

- Trust test..?

- Should we?

- Yeah

- YEAHH REJECTION

- THANK GOD

- brother if you’re looking for loyalty go to Martyn

- WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP GOING FOR TAKEN PEOPLE

[abyssiess]

double life smp is a real sitcom.

I don't know if anyone said this, but I just realized that Double Life SMP represents the stages of development of relationships with its soulmates. I don't know if Grian intended it from the beginning (most likely not), but the fact that the couples themselves were accidentally formed is even tragicomic. Furthermore, I'm not talking about the shipping itself (it's a pity)  but rather the platonic one??? I hope you understand. 1 - falling in love - Jimmy and Tango. Before that, they practically did not communicate on the Life SMP series, rarely crossing paths. Why are they the first? Yes, they are stupid (/pos) clumsy, they still accept one another. When you are just getting to know each other and there is literally the purest fluff in the air. Their ranch and warden plans mAKE ME CRY MORE THAN TITANIC FANS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT- 2 - burning love - Etho and Joel. The same candy and gift period. When you're full of energy, you practically go crazy and do everything to your other half, for example, wear a shirt with his face on it OR BUILD A DAMN SHIP - that's how they are MAXIMUM crazy-chaotic, your honor. 3 - golden age, marriage - Bdubs and Impulse. Already more or less calm, they live together. And everything seems to be wonderful! But like all relationships at this stage - they begin to face the problems of life together, for example, as Bdubs snoring (although Impuls is used to this). Isn't it cool to have big parties with friends at home? 4 - stagnation - BigB and Ren. It is still a calm period, perhaps the calmest of all. B U T is it good? The same period where one secretly finds another person, and the other begins to notice it. Future weed seeds are scattered. 5 - the beginning of the rift (HAHA) - Grian and Scar. The relationship between the couple itself is increasingly strained, there are many misunderstandings, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES THEY STILL HAVE GOOD MOMENTS!! Unfortunately, the first person is still not talking about the other person, the second person is already aware of it. Someday, desertduo will have fluff… someday…. 6 - conflict - Cleo and Martin. Oh... this is where the bullshit begins - the second person goes about his business\interests, and when he comes back he understands - there is nothing left to do, to fix. Your once soulmate is now happy with someone else and openly says so, disowning you in public. 7 - the end - Pearl and Scott. Not together, estranged even. At first the first one still does not understand why exactly this happened, but in the end she reconciles. Looking for peace in a faithful friend - a dog. The second is happy with the other. Maybe the second will try to save the relationship at the very end, but it will already be too l a t e. // Thanks for reading! I hope to hear others though about that. My English is still not good, so I asked for help from beautiful @octopuss-y <3

[crabbunch]

here lies a very gallant gentleman

ao3 link :3

“You’ve got to kill me,” Skizz explains. “I’d rather my time go to Team TIES than anyone else!”

Impulse glances at the other members of the team. “It’s gotta be Etho then, right? He’s the lowest on time.”

“Right,” Skizz says. “I hate to do it, but.” 

He hands Etho the axe. 

“Skizz, I appreciate you. I love everything about you. I- I just wish you were better at this game.” Etho says, eyes crinkling in what’s probably supposed to be a smile. It just looks sad. 

“Me too,” Skizz agrees. 

He wasn’t supposed to say that part yet.

Etho shifts his hands on the axe, and lifts it above his head. The sharp diamond catches the fading sunlight, and then it drops down, down towards Skizz. 

- - -

“Are you ready?” Impulse asks, leaning casually against a cobblestone pillar.

“Almost,” Skizz says. He stares down at the script. All the words are blurring together. “I think something’s wrong with this ink.”

“It looks fine to me,” Tango shrugs. “We need to get this thing going. Hurry up.”

“I don’t remember the words!” Skizz protests. “I messed them up, last time!”

Impulse scoffs. “You’ve got them right there. Just look at the script if you need to. It’s fine.”

“Yeah, Etho’s almost here,” Tango agrees. “You don’t have time to look things up.”

“Oh, right,” Skizz says. “I’m running out of time.”

He stuffs the script into his inventory.

- - -

“You’re a good man, Skizz,” Etho says, his eyes crinkling happily. He looks happy.

“That’s not what you’re supposed to say,” Skizz protests. “That’s not- go back, you’ve messed up the script.”

“I really appreciate this,” Etho continues. “Just like- just like Bdubs appreciated Tango’s help, way back when.”

“Me, too,” Skizz says. It’s too early. He’s messed up the timing again, damn it!

“Cut!” Impulse calls. “What are you guys doing?” 

Etho’s axe- the one that Skizz gave to him- doesn’t cut anything but Skizz’s neck. 

- - -

“Me, too.” Skizz whispers to the void. 

The words are swallowed up by distant stars almost as soon as they leave his mouth. 

“I hope my team- I really wanted to keep fighting the good fight. But the math- it just didn’t work out.” he admits to the people lurking within the void. 

They don’t reply either. 

“I’m gonna miss them,” Skizz says. He glances down at his script. It’s still blank. 

The void wavers, slightly. Skizz swallows. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” he says. 

The void does not reply.

- - -

“Guys?” Skizz calls out. The wind up here on skynet blows fast, and it sweeps away his words before they reach anyone.

He checks the list of players. Everyone else is greyed out, dead. 

“Huh,” Skizz says. “That’s not right.”

His own clock is stopped at 32 minutes. 

“I wasn’t supposed to…” Skizz trails off. He can’t remember where he put his script. Once he finds it, he can figure out what he’s supposed to be doing. He can’t remember…

- - -

“This isn’t real, is it?” Skizz says, his eyes flicking between Etho, Tango, and Impulse. 

Etho shrugs. “I guess that depends on how you define real.”

“I'm imagining things,” Skizz declares.

“Probably,” Tango says. 

“Are you gonna hand Etho the axe, or what?” Impulse asks. 

Skizz passes the axe to Etho wordlessly. Etho’s eyes crinkle up in a way that’s supposed to be happy but looks sad, but is secretly happy on the inside. Etho’s a good actor, Skizz thinks. 

“Do you guys know where my script went?” Skizz asks. Etho axes him. 

- - -

Skizz stands at his own grave.

"That's not your grave," Impulse points out. "It doesn't have your name on it."

"Right," Skizz laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I- I misread it."

"You've been misreading a lot of things, lately," Tango says. "Scripts, graves…"

"Two things hardly counts as 'lots,'" Etho points out.

"Sure," Skizz turns away from the grave of a man named Lawrence Oates. That's not his name. He should have noticed it wasn't his grave. 

- - -

“You’ve got to kill me,” Skizz says. “I’d rather my time go to Team TIES than anyone else!”

“Skizz,” Etho says slowly. “Where are Impulse and Tango?”

“Oh,” Skizz says. “I thought you were a good actor. You’re not supposed to break character.”

“Actor?” Etho asks. 

“Here,” Skizz passes Etho the axe. “I promise I won’t say anything until I’m dead.”

“I should be the one passing you the axe,” Etho says, something unreadable clouding his gaze. “If I kill you, you’ll be dead forever.”

“I sure will,” Skizz says. “I don’t mind. I really do want to keep fighting the good fight. But the math- it just doesn’t work out.”

“Fine,” Etho says. 

The sensation of diamond against flesh is becoming one Skizz enjoys.

- - -

“You need to stop this,” the void tells Skizz. 

Skizz scoffs. “Oh, you say that like you’re not enjoying it.”

“Not anymore,” the void says. “It’s getting repetitive.”

“You should have thought of that earlier,” Skizz snaps. 

The stars waver, flicker, and then go out.

- - -

Skizz takes a deep breath, and hefts the axe in his hands. The grain of the wood feels familiar, like an old friend. 

“This is my final order. One of you has to kill me now.” Skizz says. 

He pushes the axe into Etho’s hands. He’s low on time. He needs it the most out of all of them. 

Etho stares at it for a few seconds. Slowly, he raises the axe, and Skizz steals himself for the blow.

The blade buries itself into his neck. The sensation of diamond in flesh feels familiar, like an old friend.

- - - 

“I found your script, Skizz,” Tango says, passing the paper to him. 

“Oh, thanks!” Skizz examines the smeared ink. He has yet to find any hint of order to it.

“No problem,” Tango says, grinning. “Lemme know when you’re all caught up, so we can get this show on the road for real.”

“Time’s almost up!” Impulse calls. “Etho’s almost here!”

Skizz ignores him.

- - -

“I’m here!” Skizz rushes up the ladder- oh, good, Etho and Impulse and Tango are all waiting. He’s not sure where Ren and Martyn are, but they’ll be around soon. 

“Skizz,” Impulse says. “You were supposed to be up here already.”

“Right,” Skizz pulls golden apples out of his inventory. “I’ve got goodies for you guys.”

“Where’s the axe?” Tango tilts his head.

“With Ren, probably,” Skizz shrugs and ignores the strange look Impulse gives him. “Where is he, anyways?”

- - -

"Here lies a very gallant gentleman," Skizz reads. "I don't remember that being in the script."

"It wasn't," Tango tells him. "You've lost your script again."

Skizz stares down at the scrap of paper in his hands, only one sentence written on it. "Ah," he says. "That would explain it."

"Hurry up!" Impulse calls. "Etho's almost here!"

Skizz tosses the paper off into the ocean, and pulls out the axe.

- - -

“It’s time to go,” the void says. 

“I don’t want to,” Skizz says, feeling a bit like a petulant toddler. 

“You’ve dawdled long enough,” the void chides him. 

“I haven’t gotten the scene down yet,” Skizz protests.

“You did it well enough the first time. You don’t get second chances.” the void says. 

“Still,” Skizz says. “I don’t want to.”

“That doesn’t really mean anything,” says the void.

- - -

“I appreciate you,” Etho says, his eyes crinkling happy-sad-happy-something else, underneath it all. The guy has layers.

“I love everything about you,” Etho continues. Skizz resolves to keep his mouth shut until after he’s dead. The take is going so well, after all. 

“I just wish you were better at this game.” Axe meets flesh, and Skizz finds himself spinning into the void. 

“Me, too,” he whispers to himself.

- - -

“Do you find joy, in martyrdom?” the void asks. “Is that why you keep doing this to yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Skizz says. “I’ve just got to get the scene right.”

“You just did,” the void points out.

“Did I?” Skizz wonders. “I don’t remember that. I think I need to try again.

“Hm,” says the void. 

- - -

“And, to our bitter grief, with a smile and in silence, he died, a gallant gentleman.” Tango narrates. 

“Oh, that’s sad,” Etho laughs. “Aww. I liked that guy.”

"A real shame," Impulse agrees. "He was one of the only good people."

"Everyone else was so selfish," Tango adds. "He didn't deserve to die."

"That's a pretty black and white way of looking at it," Skizz scratches his ear.

No one replies to him.

- - -

"You're a hard guy to read," Skizz tells Etho.

Etho crinkles his eyes at Skizz. "I've been told it's the mask."

"Sure," Skizz agrees. "It makes you a good actor."

"Does it?" Etho tilts his head. "I've been told I'm a pretty bad liar."

"Lying is different from acting," Skizz says. "You have to put more of yourself into it."

"Oh," Etho says. Skizz passes him the axe and waits to die. 

- - -

"Lawrence Oates," the void says, "Was a British army officer, and later an Antarctic explorer, who died from hypothermia during the Terra Nova Expedition. His death, which occurred on his 32nd birthday, is seen as an act of self-sacrifice. His gangrene and frostbite was compromising his three companions' chances of survival, and he chose certain death for himself in order to relieve them of the burden of caring for him."

"So what?" Skizz scoffs.

"All three of his companions died anyways," the void tells him.

"So?" Skizz rolls his eyes. "I don't care."

"You're not a very good actor," the void observes.

- - -

"Etho," Skizz says, sliding the axe into his friend's hand. "It's gotta be you. You need the time."

"You need the time more, I think," Etho replies, pushing the axe away. 

"I'm not gonna drag you guys down like that," Skizz says. "We're a team. We do what's best for everyone. That's why we got rid of Bdubs- he was dead weight! I'm dead weight too, now, so we've gotta end it here."

Etho just looks sad, now. Skizz wonders if he's acting right now. 

Skizz thrusts the axe towards Etho again. "Come on, dude, you know you want to!"

"Not really," Etho says quietly. He still takes the axe.

- - -

"What do you think it's like to die?" Tango asks.

"You've already done it," Skizz points out. "Shouldn't you know?"

Tango gives him a strange look. "I'm here, aren't I? That means it wasn't a real death."

"Oh," Skizz says. "Right."

"I mean, what is it like to die and not come back?" Tango wonders. 

"I don't know," Skizz says.

"Sure you do," Tango says. "It says you die, right here, in the script. We've done it loads of times."

"But I came back," Skizz says, confused.

"Did you?" Tango asks.

- - -

"Watching you fail is dull and inane," the void says.

"Shut up," Skizz grumbles.

"I've been trying to," the void sighs. "Are you ready to move on?"

"I haven't found what I'm looking for," Skizz says.

"You're not going to," the void tells him.

"...fine," Skizz sighs. "Fine. The others haven't even caught up with me yet, but fine."

"Thank you," the void says. It sort of sounds sincere. It might just be acting, though. It doesn't even have eyes for Skizz to examine.