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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.
#nonbinary love#nblnb yearning#nb4nb#nblnb#wholesomeposting#yearning hours#ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense#so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me”#and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc#but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership#i think about this mostly in terms of ecology#and relation to land#but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers#like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs#but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while#and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well#when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else#its understood i just mean the city where i live#so why cant we apply the same to lovers?#mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again#ok#done now
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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“People are inherently terrible” no!!! Have you ever seen a child wait for their friend while they tie their shoelaces? Have you ever known someone who would bring hurt squirrels and rabbits and mice to the nearest vet just so it doesn’t suffer? Have you seen someone grieve? Have you ever read something that hit your heart like a freight train? Have you looked at the stars and felt an unexplainable joy? Have you ever baked bread? Have you shared a meal with a friend? Have you not seen it? All the love? All the good? I know it’s hard to see sometimes, I know there’s pain everywhere. But look, there’s a child helping another up after a hard fall. Look, there’s someone giving their umbrella to a stranger. Look, there’s someone admiring the spring flowers. Look, there’s good, there’s good, there’s good. Look!!!!
#humans are good actually#humans are strange#hopecore#honey prose#respectfully do not fill my mentions w Christianity references this is NOT a capital G god friendly post#fuck the concept of original sin and also Thomas Hobbes#also for all the vet ppl in the tags saying don’t take a wild animal to the vet pls refer to ‘just so it doesn’t suffer’ IM A VET TECH.#THERE IS ONLY ONE THING WE CAN DO FOR A SMALL WILD ANIMAL THAT IS INJURED .#I’m talking about humane euthanasia for a creature that is clearly suffering when there’s no wildlife conservation for 60+ miles#I’ve actually never had a client that didn’t call to ask to bring it in that didn’t already know and understand euthanasia was all we’d be#able to do.#that’s the kindness part. that’s the love. ‘I can’t do anything except make sure you don’t suffer any longer than u already have since some#asshole ran over your back legs’
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when we’re done with our overwhelming grief we’ll eat i guess
#book 22#im verh drunk#hi#greatest hits#not really sure why this one resonated. are u all ok#is everyone just at the shiva#yall need to stop saying you arent gonna eat then in the tags#i love that a lot of you are getting beautiful things out of this#but some of yall need to know i wrote this while incredibly drunk#this isnt meant to be all that deep this is just shitty iliad posting#more comments like this is just judaism. surprise surprise im jewish#but again this isnt about sitting shiva#this is me drunk talking about the last 3 books of the iliad#idk what to tell u man#legendary warrior
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the “chara did nothing wrong” vs “chara is a murder hobo” debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole “chara offed asriel” comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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FNAF movie Vanessa’s thoughts when meeting Abby..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#ANOTHER Vanessa thoughts comic 🔥#Vanessa is so funny I love her BAHAH#LISTEN.. many thoughts on this scene#TBH when Vanessa meets Abby you actually can see on her face like#how worried she gets about her being around#I THINK she knew deep down if her father found out about her what could happen#and I think that’s why she gets so upset when Abby is at the pizzeria#BUT I THINK everyone picked that up#THE OTHER THING I DONT see many people talk about#is the fact Vanessa thought Mike had a kid for like a second#LIKE STRAIGHT UP calls Abby Mike’s daughter#SHE TRULY misread the situation#she thought Mike got some fr#love that scene too#especially Abby’s reaction she just says ‘ew’ 💀#ABBY DOES not wanna be Mike’s kid 💀💀💀#I wonder if Vanessa felt embarrassed after lowkey like oops
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To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:
A post in 2023:
A post in 2014:
A zoom out of the same post:
This is what a community looks like.
See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.
It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.
Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.
If you want more of something, reblog it.
#i said i wont ever rant about this bc it's unseemly but HONESTLY.#you simply cannot complain about not having enough of A or B or C and then never reblog / interact with the content you love.#If you LOVE something you cannot just leave a like and silently wait for more to happen#I know countless of content creators that simply stopped doing art/writing fic/making edits#You need to understand that fandom content is made FOR the fandom FOR the engagement FOR the entertainment and fun it makes.#If a content creator does not have fun IN the fandom-- why would they spend the scares free time they have on making this content?#And we're not talking about things that you don't like-- no one expects you to reblog things you don't like.#However I think it's safe to say that when a post has more than 5k it's not some random shitpost with no value.#tumblr issues#tumblr#content creators#buns.txt#something something please don't starve your local clowns
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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I love this book to death, so here's some things I noticed <3
#hyde being short is quite possibly my favourite thing ever#this isnt me jabbing at the takes that stray from the book#just btw XD#i think thats a big reason why i love it so much is that theres a WEALTH of inspiration that can be taken from the jekyll and hyde trope#theres so much out there i love#that being said#ive been buzzing about jekyll n Hyde recently because of this game that blindsided me with a jekyll n hyde trope#its always fun seeing it out in the wild#as seldom as that is LMAO#if anyones curious though its called vampire therapist and its a character named dr drayne#very cute and very fun game 💕💕#jekyll and hyde#the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde#dr jekyll#mr Hyde#also talking about blindsided by gothic lit blorbos#saw an animated Jekyll and hyde movie at the DOLLARSTORE for 5 smackaroos#easiest 5bucks i ever spent#literally the funniest shiy ive ever seen highly recommend watching it pals#its also on youtube for free and its in that so bad its good category for me
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drawings from paleo expedition to dagestan, done right on the trip. sometimes messy when it was cold and rainy, but i won't correct it. i think it's cool to leave it just the way it was done, and not retouch it after. there will be more drawings later, but those will be done from home
#i need to draw for 2 museums at least to then send it to them as a gift cuz people there were so nice???? AAAA#and yeah im definitely doing back#maybe in autumn... who knows#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#and#paleoart#???#in a way it is i guess#also i usually don't share things from my sketchbook. but these drawings hold so many nice memories#of clouds that hide top of the mountains#of sitting on a rock#drawing and seeing a scorpion vibing next to u (tiny friend!)#of leaning on a big cow and almost falling asleep on a field with her after the rain#of... forgetting the pain too#of not wanting to even talk about the wonderful time i've had. because it was only for me to remember#so much happened up in the mountains that i'll never forget#thank u big rocks and soil and grass and apricot trees i love you#...#paleoland#fieldbook_barghest_land
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Meanwhile an excited Wade listening in on the conversation amongst the Loganberries:
#the peanut gang talks about the finer and spicier things in life#wade loves seeing his logan in his element with his variants#this is what a logan heaven looks like#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#james logan howlett#poolverine#deadclaws#short king logan#patch wolverine#old man logan#old man yaoi#imagine your otp#otp writing prompts#marvel memes#mcu avengers edits#ryan reynolds#hugh jackman#deadpool x wolverine#mischievous thunder
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manifested mileven at the snowball in 2016, so now I’m manifesting byler at senior prom🪻🌻
#updated haircuts!!!#byler#stranger things#byler fanart#mike wheeler#will byers#artovna#the fact that there were times when I LOVED mike/el so much and now I just get sad every time I see them is crazy#no one talk to me about the l bloody smitten comment. sorry I briefly made you British in 2016 dustin#random fun fact: finn wolfhard liked that old artwork on instagram when I first posted it and I hadn’t even tagged him.#I’d tagged him in a few other mike wheeler pieces I’d done and I guess he was snooping 😆#back when the cast weren’t so popular and they were so little 😭#prom byler
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balor 🥰
#fields of mistria#fom#balor#fanart#art#sir...im so in love w you...#if anyone else like me loved the fuck out of stardew but was disappointed in the romance options...please play this game#the characters/interactions/dialouge is top notch#i knew nothing about this game i found out about it 2 days before release#i thought i was gonna go for march#and immedately met this guy and just#his first line is like (im a traveling merchant) and i went (oh no)#i have such a THING for merchant characters#i can finally live out my dream of romancing volo pkmn#sort of#except not evil#i think#love that the romance options in this game are like... adults with jobs/dreams/aspirations#unlike stardew where everyone is supposedly an adult but is like a teenager??#but in this game everyone is a contributing member of society#love that <3333#the dialouge for real is amazing#anyway. it still in uhh...early access? so you cant do everything youll be able to do one day#but thats good for me bc i tend to blast through these games and do 90% of things within a week#fanart???? from my ass???#only because i love this game and him#im so fucked up for him#not me tracking his ass down everyday to talk to him#also what i love about this game is being able to talk to everyone multiple times a day#like every hour or something
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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Happy 1 year anniversary to Mr Sherlock Holmes! Here's a litttleee celebratory comic from me
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#writing these tags on the 29th of september#which is when john and sherlock ACTUALLY met <3#so there you go#uh once again shout out to candy for letting me talk through some of my processes#it helps immensely and i really wanted to be sure i was getting across what i wanted to with this one#speaking of which - usually i yap a lot in the tags of these bcus i love talking about art#for this one...im not sure i want to comment too much#because i'll be here forever and i think most things can speak for themself#but let me say this one thing#for the first five pages i was drawing john on paper and sherlock on the computer exclusively#and then bringing them together..#uh it really made me think of paul and harry. recording on opposite sides of the world. brought together by the power of editing#its not a particularly emotional scene but i hope ive infused it with. something.#anyway thats it from me#if u want to ask about any particular aspect i would love to yap about the process but i'll just leave it here for now or i'll never shut u#happy 1 year podpals#patsart#oh yeah i will say i did have to take quite a bit of liberty with the audio in order to do what i wanted. forgive me#or dont idc
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i love the DLC man
#elden ring#miquella the unalloyed#promised consort radahn#I’ve been thinking about how despite all the talk of age of compassion… Miquella’s first spell as a god is an offensive incantation#with a wide af damage radius 💀💀💀#meanwhile Marika who built her age upon violence… her spells are all healing and defense buffs#and her first spell as a God is a little tree that heals a wide area#she was still trying to heal her ppl to the bitter end AND gunning for revenge. there’s a kind of heartbreaking honesty to it#the cruel irony in the DLC story is crazy#really show how badly Miq had strayed from his original path after forsaking Trina#then that meme pops in my head ajshsjhsjhs#now i do think the vow is two-way btw Radahn just got cold feet near the end#the only thing i dont like about the DLC is i cant draw jokes without explaining I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS i think their actions are valid !!#like having to pull up a whole lore presentation slide for this#yes i think it's funny as hell that Miq did show Radahn why he should not fuck around and find out
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