#lots of talking a head of this group
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My unpopular ruikasa take is that tsukasa (if given encouragement and a good enough pep talk) would say something. His confidence in himself and the strength of his bond with rui would hard carry in this situation even if he would prefer to not say anything. “I shouldn’t run from my feelings and if I’m rejected it’ll be fine.” but rui would saw off his own leg if it let him escape a situation where he had to even come close to confessing to tsukasa. Rui “deep seated fears about being too much & losing his friends over it” “zero desire to risk shaking up the group dynamic and having it turn negative” “it’s selfish for me to want to keep my loved ones by my side” kamishiro would absolutely go “he will hate me forever im not saying shit I will never speak of this to anyone ever” unless he was 100% confident the feelings were reciprocated. & even then it’s a 50-50.
#also. yk. if rui was under the impression tsukasa didn’t like men i think he would resolve to take his feelings to his grave.#there’s plausible deniability in flirting with your boy bestie (���it’s for the bit’). not so much in stating it plainly.#& he hates to state things plainly.#mine#tsukasa#rui#I don’t even think rui would mention it to emu or nene or anyone else. maybe the virtual singers. but he has a Thing abt talking abt#his feelings where saying it makes it real. if he just keeps it all in his head he can ignore it.#& I also think there would be a lot of ‘what if we break up and it ruins the group’ fears whereas#tsukasa ‘the future can only be positive’ would not be thinking about that.#Rui likes to plan for every possible contingency & the possible fallout. tsukasa is very step 1. action. step 2. ??? step 3. succeed.
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idk if it's because my mum worked in a tv magazine or what but all the media wars and backstabbing and stuff happening behind the cameras is so so interesting to me
#just saw what happened yesterday in la revuelta ojalá se muera el enano pelirrojo#so for non-spaniards here's a crash course on the situation (i could do a post about media groups in spain cause it's a lot)#there's this one late night show that's been on air for about 15 years called el hormiguero#it started fine (i used to watch it with my family when it started)#but soon there were some issues that people were seeing#especially concerning the presenter (who's also the head ofthe show) pablo motos#and his attitude with female guests he'd interview#basically being very weird and gross around them#apart from that in the last year he started to get very political in the show#he invited right and far right leaders while refusing to do so with the left wing#started making monologues at the beginning of each show critizising stuff the left had done or said#and finally included a debate segment in the show in which he invited liked-minded people to discuss politics#this has directly affected his audience. my dad is a fan of el hormoguero and i've seen him turn more right wing every year#so. last summer RTVE (national broadcast company) announced they were gonna do a late night show presented by david broncano#it's hard to describe everything here but basically broncano already had a late show called la resistencia in a streaming platform#it has always been very popular with young people and it is quite left wing#the new program made by RTVE was called la revuelta. it is exactly the same as la resistencia#before it started airing people were sceptic that broncano would be able to defeat motos' hegemony#BUT. ever since it started aiting in september it has consistently been getting more audience than el hormiguero#who would've known people were tired of the redhead bastard#anyways. apart from this. different celebrities on ppdcasts have been saying that in order to promote their product they are forced to go#to el hormiguero even of they didn't want to#there's also rumours of pablo motos blackmailing people (mostly comedians) who make fun of him#and now to what happened last night. i don't watch tv so i just saw it on twitter#broncano opened the show saying that they were sorty but they had no guest tonight#they had this one person but 30 minutes before shooting the people from el hormiguero had called him#he was originally going to go both to la revuelta and el hormiguero#but the guys from el hormiguero called him to tell him that if he went to la revuelta he couldn't go to el hormiguero#el hormiguero is bigger than la revuelta so. he had to cancel#broncano went on to say this had happened before and that's why he was talking about it
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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies
#iwillspeakincessantly#god it felt so nice to meet with her again#talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has#so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired#genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going#and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows#multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE#safely and happily#ough#we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of#and maybe tjis time ill actjally go#she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life#tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in#god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes#since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often#no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak#ARGH#been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food#has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful#argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me#god#i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time#walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings#and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths#but it made me feel so good about myself#im gonna implode :333333 positive
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guys i have bad news. theres another one
#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd eos#pmd 2#dratini#rotom#mang doodles#my junk#and by another one i mean another guy thats a part of the team epic squad group (head in hands)#well. not on the team specifically bc she is like 1 yr old#basically long story short is i got attached 2 the idea of the gang adopting another kid and uh. now lumi is here dfghdhg#i may talk more abt her later.... i have a lot of thoughts abt her#(chanting) worm time worm time worm time
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My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.
#butch speaks#it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head#when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god#the words came naturally to me#but they meant nothing#i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away#i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred#i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake#i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex#fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic#i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun#the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun.#not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO#the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love.#he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like#he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever.#he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer#then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there.#he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did.#but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there.#that wasnt for us.#my family wasnt even THAT catholic#i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group#i was an altar servant and in the choir#i even used to speak/understand a little latin#imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao#grateful to have grown up poor in that regard#hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually.#fucking hell.#i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.
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well that was a Development that I did not have on my 2024 bingo card
#just had the most fascinating situation happen to me#but I'm terrified of irls finding this so uh. I'll resort to vagueposting#genuinely in no way shape or form could have predicted this#and its not bad.. definitely amazing for some of thosr involved.. but also... aaaaaaaaa#idk how to even feel???? lots and lots to think about#damn they weren't kidding gay friend groups are really Like That#well it'll shake things up a bit for sure#also got some advice which is probably correct but terrifies me#wdym I should talk about my feelings and communicate stuff. what if I simply ✨️repressed it ✨️#I feel like I'm living in sitcom and the writers have had a few drinks#I wanna yap about this to someone SO badly but idk with whom#bc all my closest friends are either involved in some way or I haven't spoken to in months#I need someone impartial#welp. at least I can't complain about being bored 💀#cosmo rambles#man i REALLY wanna ramble about this#absolutely fascinating. this friend group needs to be studied under a microscope.#there are precisely three (3) people who have their shit figured out. god knows where the rest of us are heading lmao
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You know what? I'm gonna say it. I'm vouching for Montana to join the huge honkers club.
#look.#he's the 4th biggest state with rly high elevation and a lot of. erm. Land Mass. iykwim.#I'm obsessed with the homophobic homosexual slur sayers group chat lately. by that i mean wyoming idaho montana#TO ME THEY ARE FRIENDS.#hunting. fishing bros. they r huge DUMB farm dogs who beat tf out of each other playfully like they'll throw down. wrestle in the dirt#montana wins 👎👎👎👎👎 usually. unless its 2v1#oregon meanwhile a little further west like. Exhausted by this. his husband and his homophobic jock friends. they will not stop fighting.#they are in public. if he takes them to yhe shore they will try to drown each other. wyoming almost full ass dies#OMFG WAIT NAW FR I MET??? SOMEONE FROM WYOMING TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.#YALL ARE REAL???? YALL ARE REAL!!!!!#they were..... wearing a FANTASTIC amount of minions merchandise. which to me only confirms that wyoming is in a time bubble#causing it to perpetually exist 10 years in the past#i fully said omg never met someone from wyoming before!!!!! and they said lmfao well there isnt rly that many to meet tbh. like.#YAS. rocking that least populated state title#to me that means he has SEVERE empty head syndrome. dissociative disorder 🫵 maladaptive daydreaming 🫵 im projecting.#its not a problem for him tho he's got a huge ass fantasy world he's been cultivating in his head since the 1800s. this bitch loves books.#and when i say bitch i mean BITCH. victoria my dear beloved darling made a post about it but WOW. he is a CUNT.#the west is full of mean girls !!!!#disgusting of them#lune talks#lune talks even more in the tags 😐#i cant keep DOING THIS.#wttt#wttsh#ben brainard#welcome to the statehouse#welcome to the table#REMINDER THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY ABOUT MONTANA'S HUGE FUCKING TITS. REMEMBER THAT REMEMBER. OKAY? GOOD#wttt montana#i hereby deem alaska mass montana texas. the huge knockers club.
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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poly au gojo sends nudes to the groupchat but forgets shoko is also in the groupchat.
#this was a lot more funnier in my head#there is every possible combination of group chats between 4 ppl 😭#sss have a gc to talk about rip!mc and what could potentially be bothering her#you shoko and geto have a group chat for when gojo's being annoying#and you shoko and gojo have a group chat for when gojo is mad at geto but also nobody replies to him#you shoko and nanami definitely have a group chat#poly au
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I'm not too familiar with it, but if I see the term "TME" again I might just develop JFK head exploding syndrome
#I have lots I could say about the relationship between trans men and trans women and how both groups can help or hurt each other#and how TME always seems to be weirdly tied to shitting on trans guys more than anything else#but I've decided to not say anything bcuz if I have to deal with people talking down to me about it as if I'm an idiot or a pick me#then my head will very much explode
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waking up and seeing exo members terminating their contracts with sm was not on my bingo this year
#but good for them#i still can't wrap my head around the fact they do not give proper compensation to one of their most successful groups?#like they're the ones that made a lot of money#they're super popular and yet you ignore them when they ask for the money they earned#i hope exo win this lawsuit and they get all the money they so well deserve#add on top of all that the mistreatment the getting casted super young (for most artists at least) and overworking them#& the length of contracts too!!! (i thought a law was passed where companies couldn't make their artists sign contracts that long#ie more than 7 years? idk if they're still making their artists sign 12/13 year long contracts but wow no wonder the artists are tired)#all of that for what? nothing. radio silence#that's unfair and i'm glad exo members are reacting#smal talk#exo
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Considering how some of the fandom treats Laudna, I hope they never have anyone they care about come to them for help with abuse. Y'all would just push an abuse victim back into their abuser's arms the second they don't act the way you expect them to and blame them for it.
#They aren't wrong to say it's like addiction#But I worked with abuse victims for years#You're dealing with A LOT of the same patterns#Delilah gives her JUST enough love and tells her JUST enough of the truth to doubt the group#And the fandom only sees the bad parts when Delilah in her own fucked up way does care about Launda#After all if something happens to her then she's gone too#And Launda knows everyone in the group is bothered by Delilah but she's also literally part of her#They don't see when she is caring and seems like she is trying to help Launda and the group#Abuse dynamics are complicated and I can't fathom what it's like to have the person who killed you in your head keeping you alive#I wish anyone could take a step back and try to understand Launda is scared#And truly Delilah had never lied in so far as Launda has been aware she's just never given the full truth#I also remember having to talk with my coworkers about showing compassion for 'messy' people facing abuse#Because anger or something akin to addiction are just as vaild as responces as the person who's sad and despondent
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*autotune baby sound effect* need to roleplay crispin .... :<
#mod don't look#| ooc#thats just a silly guy!!!#silly billy whos going through it and needs just one person outside of his usual group to talk to while Shits Going Down#a new fren or maybe just an acquaintance#bro Needs to just. cook or hyperfixate on cooking to try and de-stress or to try and impress somebody and#there's a whole lot of stuff going on in his head I know it I Know It#and i just need to Show It so raaaaahh#*more autotune baby*
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Misc white haired OCs! (all different plots except Nene/Koko who are brothers)
Eclipse > an ancient being who is in charge of seven other beings who are constantly reincarnated. he exists to rope in some person to gather the seven others and then that person is meant to imprison them/end the cycle but everyone keeps getting attached to the seven and can't bring themselves to "kill" them so they opt to restart their lives and reincarnate them.
Yugo > the unluckiest guy who tries to go to a fortune teller to see if his life will get any better. While walking in her shop, he gets spooked by something and knocks over a crystal ball which releases five souls that then possess him. Now those five can all possess him and control him and he's just like "honestly idk what I expected".
Bryant > only partially white haired but I've never drawn him digitally before and it's so funny to me that his ref is pencil scribbles and notes. He's a god of murder. Named Bryant. And I think that's very lame of him.
Nene and Koko > brother cat spirits who can appear human or as a split-tailed cat. When Koko is a cat, he's soooo fluffy that the human they hang out with dubs him "Snowball" and when Nene gets all hissy over it, the guy is like "awww it's ok you can be Snowflake as a cat" which. Naturally makes Nene more angry. Oh well.
Amira > very side character in a plot and is a blind prophet. Has a brother named Ravi who watches out for her and protects her from social interactions most of the time. Because of this, she's shy and rather inept at social situations. She can pinpoint the topic of her predictions pretty well but sometimes the clarity is harder to see for her if she tries to pinpoint it too much.
#eclipse is hilarious to me cause hes just so grumpy he just wants SOMEONE to gather the seven#and to just let them rest in peace forever cause then HE can rest in peace#but no everyone just haaas to get attached to the seven losers#and also those seven losers are all named after weapons#while there is also a group of seven being searched for by another duo that is named after various moneys#yugo is my son he is such a good boy and tragically is a case of head full too many thoughts#he has too much going on in his head and hes constantly miserable#the souls inside him are like... an amnesiac / a cop / a college student / a high schooler / the guy who killed the college student#the college student has no idea that one of the spirits is his murderer but they clash a lot and yugo is v tired#if you ask yugo if he has any abilities to act as self protection hes like mmmmm not legally but i know how to fire a gun#cause the cop is like yup i got this just go get a gun and youll be safe#and yugo just ???? WHERE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET ONE? SIR????#im not really gonna talk about the others i just really like eclipse and yugo bye
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...
#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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