#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.

[whenthegoldrays]

sigh

[artemisandhersilverbow]

Just thinking about the line from My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys:

I'm queen of sandcastles he destroys

A lot of people have touched on Taylor using castles and palaces as a symbolic representation of her career, body of work, specifically those stolen works and versions of herself. They're locked away in a high tower and separated from Lover - TTPD Taylor.

The tension at the end of Bejeweled, when she walks smiling onto her balcony only to quickly show her castle on fire was, in my opinion, easily overlooked. Was she burning it down or had it already been burning down without her noticing? A stone castle on fire would require some orchestration.

Fast forward to TTPD, the line above from MBOBHFT stuck with me because the "boy" here is destroying her sandcastle. Sandcastles are a study in impermanence. We build them as an incredibly basic recreation of the real, impenetrable, almost indestructable thing. But we do so knowing they can't last, they won't. Eventually the tide will wash them clean away or the wind will erode at the structure until it turns back into sand.

That means "the boy" in question is preemptively destroying something that wasn't supposed to be forever anyway.

The first thing about this song that lit up my brain like a firework was the lyrical parallel to Cruel Summer. I mean, if Taylor uses the word "toy" in a song you know it's gonna be sassy af, ok? A girl takes notice.

Fever dream high in the quiet of the night You know that I caught it Bad, bad boy Shiny toy with a price You know that I bought it -------------------- The sickest army doll Purchased at the mall Rivulets descend my plastic smile But you should've seen him When he first got me My boy only breaks his favorite toys

Now, I have had my speculations (as have many others) about Cruel Summer not being a love song, but a PR-ing song. I almost immediately thought the same of MYBOBHFT.

Fortunately, the Barbie movie covers a lot of ground for the "why is using a kind of Barbie-Ken like dynamic excluding a romantic narrative?" Because she's Barbie, he's just Ken, Ken is basically an accessory. Anyway I think this song is absolutely talking about several people or experiences/problematic Hollywood structures etc. in a very smart twisting narrative.

"Fever dream" is playful here in the same way she uses "sickest. " The doll isn't sick and the narrator of Cruel Summer isn't running a temperature. "Shiny toy" and "sickest army doll" feel like even clearer parallels — one "with a price / You know that I bought it" and the other "purchased at the mall." I like the reversal of "You know that I caught it" and "When he first got me" because catching isn't as active as buying. Something happens to you if you catch a fever or something is thrown at you - and that feels like an entirely different he that "got" her. Another play on words because that sounds like ownership and tricking.

I was so confused by sickest army doll at first because she sings it in such a (Lana coded) morose way. I was trying to imagine a sickly Army Barbie? But I think the smart way she's written these lyrics (please read her lyric booklets they are incredibly sneaky, brilliant works of poetry) she's not referring to the "me" as an army doll. In fact what's an "army doll" little kids think are rad? Hm... a G.I. Joe?

The bait and switch of it all, the sandcastle-like metaphors, continue with the above. It sounds like "there were so many reasons why we should have been together forever." But word choice is where this poet shines.

"Litany" is one of those words that always registers to me a "a list" but it's actually got religious roots (of course - this album has so much of that): a form of prayer used in services and processions, and consisting of a number of petitions.

It can also mean "a prolonged or tedious account," which is why you hear an expression like "litany of complaints"... Got it so you had a tedious amount of prayers and petitions *checks notes* for why you could have "played for keeps" THIS. TIME. Have there been other times? Oh right, yes, she's "just repeating herself."

Play for keeps is another one of those terms we use, but don't always know it's full definition. One such definition is "to do something seriously and without showing any mercy."

This sounds less like holding onto a lover who wanted to leave or mistreated you, though I think that should also another lens to view this story... perhaps change lover to authority figure... and more like two people who struck an agreement (one that upheld some good christian values?? too far?) to battle something together... and one of them couldn't stick it out. Perhaps because "he saw forever so he smashed it up"? He was a Bolter too.

So she just wants to be put back on her shelf so she can go through the cycle all over again. In fact, pull a string and she'll repeat the lines she knows so well. Copy+paste.

"I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost" to "I felt more when we played pretend / Than with all the Kens" with her GI Joe? I mean lumping a "lover" into a category with Kens and any kind of doll purchased isn't the most loving way to refer to them lol. And I can't help but notice she's only ever played pretend with all the Kens. But what do you do with your shiny toy when they don't want to play anymore?

The lyric video is simple, but each line comes up one at a time and "breaks," floating pieces falling out of frame. At the end we pan down to see the collected debris.

A pit of broken words.

Also worth noting you can see among the blurred graveyard of words a couple of them are crisp/hidden. They're "Boy breaks his only favorite" or "favorite only"... or his Favourite?

Anyway, we come back 'round to the sandcastle metaphor that got me started. I don't think Taylor's princess castle and her sandcastle are a perfect one to one match symbolically. A stone castle was built with the intention of lasting forever, if it catches on fire that would be surprising... more akin, to me, to her career or Taylor TM?

A sandcastle, however, can't last forever, it's not meant to, but you still build it knowing that. Like an arrangement, contract, role, etc. business or otherwise. For someone to snuff out a sandcastle before time or tides or the inevitable does that for you seems needlessly harsh. Even a short-lived imitation can mean something if you enjoyed building it. In fact, that's the only part that gets to live on once a sandcastle is washed away. And it seems like even that part was ruined.

[ravio-rants]

11, 12, and 14 for the OC asks!

-11. Is there a specific physical feature or item that holds special significance to your character? Why is it important to them?

For my twili group: they have a special tree! its a secluded spot where the 4 of them hang out a lot. its in the middle of a field, out of the way of major roads and towns. they found it one day while just wandering around, and decided that it was Their Tree. if one of them isnt around their usual spots, they are probably relaxing at the tree. I'll probably draw it sometime!

adding a hobic option as well because its funny, his staff is probably a very significant item for him. i think he wouldve gotten it when he became a full fledged wizard, which was also around the time he transitioned and came out as gay, meaning its the first magical item he earned, and he earned it as his true self. thats significant to him, even if most other wizards dont get it.

-12. How does your character react to change or unexpected situations? Are they adaptable or resistant?

raide is probably pretty adaptable! shes a very "fuck it, we ball" type guy. whatever happens, he'll probably be fine with it, as long as nobody is hurt by it. they would probably just shrug the change off and continue on with their day.

calen on the other hand.. he would be more resistant. dont get me wrong, he's willing to accept change, eventually, but its Scary! he gets anxious about it! he wont admit that though, at least not to anyone other than raide. unexpected situations are generally Not Welcome when it comes to this boyo. he Will panic about it. (unless its one of his friends asking for help with something. he would give the world for them, even to his detriment.)

kalt.. hm. i feel like he'd be slightly anxious aboutt change and unexpected situations, but he trusts the people around them so they'd accept it. itll probably be okay, right?

vang would probably be very calm and collected about all of it. change? alright, give her a day to plan things around it and everythings fine. she can figure it out. unexpected situations? she can probably work out what to do about it, if you give her a moment. (she's most of the reason kalt is fine woth change.) shes very reliable when it comes to most things.

hobic would rather live in a house that actively hates who he is on a fundamental level than face change or unexpected situations. this is a very literal example. his house hates him, but he's lived there so long that he would rather just Not leave actually. at least the house is predictable about it, you know?

-14. What is your character's preferred method of self-expression? Do they have any artistic talents or creative outlets?

raide loves so many forms of art! if you took a peek into his house, you would find art supplies of every type all over. sewing and instrument playing and drawing and painting and crocheting and embroidery and sculpting and- (his fav is just regular old drawing though.)

calen prefers to play music or write stories! both are very calming and in the moment things, and he can just get absolutely lost in them. his preffered method of self expression is probably his music specifically. he loves how music can explain things without the need for words at all.

kalt likes painting! hes not very good at it, but they dont care. they'll paint whatever the hell they want and if someone doesnt like it? thats their problem, not his. (its usually landscapes.)

vang likes to sing, she loves all sorts of music, but if it has lyrics? you bet she's going to be humming or singing it around the castle randomly. she does write her own lyrics sometimes, and then asks calen or raide to help her add a tune to it. (or vice versa, where one of them makes a song and then asks vang for some good lyrics for it!)

do spells count as a form of art? because if so, thats hobics choice. he also writes but he really just likes casting spells. or coming up with new spells. or fucking up spells-

[exilethegame]

One question that i had about the worldbuilding is, does every country have some type of cultural music? Like, China has Peeking Opera, European countries have Opera, Brazil has Bossa nova. That type of things, and if it does, what type of music would be cultural to Plaithus? Sorry if the ask got confusing.

My general answer is yes, everywhere in the world has distinct music, but I don't quite know the specifics of it myself. I can describe a general idea of how I've imagined it sounds/is performed, but when it comes to the cultural pieces that surround the music and names and things, I'm at a loss!

Plaithus would be into stringed classical instruments, pianos and pipe organs, and choirs. If I were to compare their music to that of the real world, I would compare it to baroque-- both choral and classical. Similar to the baroque era, the music is about capturing grandeur and extravagance.

Orchestras are a pretty popular thing to go out and see if you have the means to see it-- otherwise, choirs tend to be pretty accessible to listen to. All of that sort of music is displayed as a performance, and once that's meant to be enjoyed as an experience as opposed to a feat of skill or superiority. Rich Plaithians may be snotty, but they do have a genuine fondness for art.

In the lower income areas, folk music is a pretty big thing. Music can be found played in the streets or in taverns. Original songwriters + bards are also a pretty common sight, and I imagine a guitar or lyre is probably a common instrument of choice among them.

MC was likely the subject of a lot of songs-- both before and after their exile. The lyrics in a lot of songs are often poltiical and satirical, usually mocking and making fun of the Council.

Vygrand actually has a playlist on spotify that you can find here-- I would say it's pretty accurate to how I imagine their cultural music. Calm, quiet, often made to sound pleasant and be played in the background of dinners and important meetings. The oud + pandura are popular instruments, as are metallic-like percussions.

Music isn't meant to make a point. It's not really meant to make you feel anything either. It's just background, and unlike Plaithus, it is always a display of power and position. A noble family would always have live music playing-- to not would imply they'd be unable to afford it, and if they were unable to afford it... well, then that implies a whole plethora of other things.

Music isn't taught to high-ranking sorcerers. It's viewed as an activity best suited for the weak since they'll never have a chance to make a name for themselves with magic. (Might as well try to earn some notoriety by performing for your betters, hm?)

Vrithkan music varies a lot-- however the instruments themselves that are used are pretty much the same everywhere. Drums and hand-carved wind instruments are pretty common to hear. Based on where you are in Vrithka, the music can be heavy and made for dancing or soothing and meant for relaxing. Some even incorporate animal calls and screams/yelling into their music. In general, music is very much scene as a celebratory thing-- it's not safe to make a loud of noise whenever you please, so if you're willing to risk it, it's likely for a good cause/reason.

Music in Vrithka is almost always collaborative. It's a mix of partying and dancing and singing and is often just improv. However-- I also think ballads are a thing in the sense that they tell stories through song. A fair share of Vrithkans can't read, so the art of storytelling is very culturally important to some clans and groups of people.

[pies-writes-and-more]

allergic to you

Word Count: 3, 713

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x High School Age!Fem!Reader

Warnings: some swear words I guess, but as per usual, it’s just fluff from me. 

A/N: Guess who’s finally joined another fandom lol hello Haikyuu fandom! Pls be kind, it’s my first time writing for this fandom but I am in love with Karasuno boys, it’s problematic. Anyways, please let me know if you liked it! Sorry if I didn’t quite capture him the way other writers do haha. Also, Y/N = Your (Last) Name, just cause typing Y/L/N is exhausting lol my b

(Not my gif, credits to the original creator!)

Yamaguchi was trying his very hardest not to laugh, his hands clasped together in front of his lips to stifle his giggles as the tall blond boy he had known for years just looked at him desperately.

“It’s not funny,” Tsukishima’s lips formed into a frown (almost a pout), looking away from his friend nervously. His fingers played with some chopsticks, poking at his uneaten lunch.

Yamaguchi had never see Tsukishima Kei nervous. Volleyball games? Totally calm. Math class? Easy. Exam season? Piece of cake.

But put Tsukishima near a girl? No, scratch that. Not just any girl. Put Tsukishima near Y/N? It was all over for him. Suddenly, this 190cm tall boy wanted to shrink small enough to run away and not be noticed.

“It’s a little funny, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi insisted, finally letting out just a tiny chuckle that he just couldn’t hold back. “I think you’re overreacting. Just a bit.”

Tsukishima’s eyes turned back to the other boy, staring at him as if analyzing him, “How could I be overreacting? I’m telling you, I’m allergic!”

Yamaguchi was really trying his best to be supportive, knowing that talking about things was already hard for Tsukishima, especially when involving a particularly cute girl. “You think... you’re allergic... to Y/N,” Yamaguchi retorted slowly, repeating how Tsukishima started this convo with.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Tsukishima scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Obviously it’s some product she uses or something,” his nose scrunched up slightly as he tried to think of what it could possibly be. “Like that hand lotion she uses. The one that smells like vanilla and brown sugar,” Tsukishima proclaimed, nodding to himself like he had solved the mystery.

The green haired boy was still trying his best to be supportive. He nodded slowly, giving a forced smile to his best friend as he slowly spiralled into insanity. He had never seen Tsukishima this desperate for answers before. “Hasn’t she let you use some of that hand lotion?” He wondered aloud, remembering very specifically how red Tsukishima’s ears got when she rubbed a bit into a rash he had gotten on his hand.

“Gotta take good care of your hands if you play volleyball, Tsukishima-san!” Y/N had beamed, her fingers massaging the cream in.

Tsukishima had practically fainted that day, though he’d never admit it.

The blond’s frown tightened, holding his hand to his chin in thought, “Right. So not the hand lotion then.”

“Maybe she got a new perfume?” Yamaguchi offered, nibbling on some of his lunch while Tsukishima thought it out.

“No, she’s still using the same one,” He mumbled, and Yamaguchi smirked to himself, knowing that Tsukishima would’ve never admitted before that he knew little details like this about her. 

“Well. what kinds of symptoms do you have? Maybe that’ll narrow it down,” Yamaguchi suggested, leaning his head back on the wall behind them. It wasn’t unusual for Tsukishima to want to eat some place quiet, but today had been the first day that he had practically dragged Yamaguchi to this small secluded spot behind the school. The two of them sat against a wall to eat, though Tsukishima’s lunch had been completely forgotten.

“I just-” Tsukishima hesitated, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance as he tried to word how his body felt every time she was around. “I always feel so lightheaded. And my heartbeat’s always irregular too. Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe properly.” His hand slid into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone and tilting the screen towards Yamaguchi to show him a medical diagnostic page on the web. “Some people say these are symptoms of allergies. Or an anxiety attack. But I’m leaning more towards allergies.”

Yamaguchi squinted at the text, “You... Googled it?” He asked, a playful smile on his lips, glancing up at Tsukishima, amused.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” Tsukishima scoffed, scrolling through the page. “I don’t know what else it could be. It’s not with anyone else. It can’t be the classroom either, cause when she’s not around, I don’t feel anything.”

“Hm. So what’re you going to do about it?” Yamaguchi asked, going along with this ‘allergic’ idea as much as he could. He knew Tsukishima was very rational and even if he suggested what he figured was happening, Tsukishima would never listen.

“D-Do?” Tsukishima blinked. He hadn’t thought about what the next step was.

“Well I assume you don’t want to keep feeling that like right? You could always ask the teacher to move you, I suppose. Then ask her not to attend any of our games. Avoiding her for the rest of your life seems like the best choice doesn’t it?” Yamaguchi asked innocently, closing up his lunch box and taking a sip from his juice.

Tsukishima stayed quiet, eyebrows still furrowed and the frown on his face tightening. He knew that made sense - one of the girls in their class was allergic to nuts and she always had to be careful what she ate, and he had even heard of some people not eating or drinking milk products because of allergies. The logical part of his brain agreed with Yamaguchi, perhaps staying away from Y/N was the only answer.

“Then... maybe it’s not an allergy,” Tsukishima mumbled quietly. He hated going back on his word but he couldn’t deny that he loathed the idea of not seeing Y/N’s smile ever again. Or seeing her sit with someone else. “Maybe it’s just something I have to get used to.”

“You know, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi started again, looking off to the scenery that was in front of them. His voice was light and airy as he tried to coax his friend to the idea, “What you’re going through sounds a lot like-”

Tsukishima could hear it in his voice, he knew the next word forming from Yamaguchi’s lips before it even entered the air. He slammed his lunch box closed and stood up abruptly, turning away from the other boy���s eyes. “Lunch is over,” he grumbled, as if that was the reason he stood up so dramatically.

Yamaguchi smirked and packed up his things, shaking his head slowly when Tsukishima wasn’t looking. He wasn’t at all surprised that Tsukishima was having a hard time accepting his feelings.

The word hung in the very serious boy’s mind for the rest of the day. He tried not to focus so much on Y/N as he sat next to her for the rest of their classes, tried to not inhale too much or look in her general direction, in fear that his “allergy” would act up again.

He was almost positive it wasn’t... that. He would know for sure if it was, wouldn’t he? His nose scrunched slightly as he thought about the music he had listened to before, ones that had just a good melody and beat and he definitely didn’t listen to because of the lyrics since they were about... that thing.

Didn’t some people talk about their heart feeling like it was going to fall out of their chest? That they found it hard to breathe? That it was like all life stopped when they saw that person? And that despite all this, they never wanted to be without them?

Tsukishima had to get to the bottom of this. He was either experiencing some sort of allergic reaction to her or he was experiencing feelings. He thought about ignoring them, pretending like they didn’t exist so that maybe everything would go back to normal one day. But how long would that take? Wouldn’t it just be easier to rip off the bandaid and find out now?

At the end of class, Tsukishima zoomed his way out of class, not waiting for Yamaguchi like usual.

“Is he alright, Yamaguchi-san?” Y/N asked, surprised that the two best friends weren’t walking out together like they had every other day. Some days, they would even walk out with Y/N on their way to practice. But apparently, not today.

“He’s got a lot on his mind,” Yamaguchi explained, waving it away with a smile. Perhaps today he would be walking home by himself. And that was fine by him.

Y/N packed up her things and waved goodbye to her other classmates, heading out the door and slipping in her headphones. Her mind drifted to all the things she had to do when she got home, whether or not there were leftovers to heat up today or if she should cook something up.

“You take so long,” a drawl voice interrupted the very beginning of her first song. She blinked in surprise, looking to her right where Tsukishima was leaning against a tree.

Y/N pulled out one earbud, tilting her head as she watched him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him do this casual, I-don’t-care-about-anything lean, with his headphones around his neck and his hands shoved in his pockets. But there was something different about him this time. Why was he avoiding her eyes? Why was he not giving her an annoyingly carefree smile? Why were his ears turning pink?

“Were you... waiting for me, Tsukishima-san?” Y/N asked slowly. He didn’t move for a moment, as if still calculating something in that big brain of his. He pushed off of the tree after sighing, walking over to her slowly.

“Obviously,” was all he said, glaring down at her as if she should’ve known this.

“You rushed out of class so quick, I thought you were already going home,” Y/N responded, still a bit confused. “Don’t you and Yamaguchi normally walk home together?”

Why did she have to question so much? Why couldn’t she just realize what he was trying to do? Tsukishima huffed and grabbed her hand, dropping a nice cool juice box in it. His eyes darted away from her next inquisitive look, but glanced back almost immediately because he wanted to see her eyes widen just a little at her favourite juice box.

“W-What is this?” Y/N asked, holding it in her hands. Part of her wanted to examine it to make sure he hadn’t somehow tricked her into holding something that wasn’t actually juice. She looked up at him suspiciously - Tsukishima knew her favourite juice?

“You didn’t have one with you today. I figured you forgot your wallet again today,” Tsukishima mumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket again.

“O-Oh. I did, thank you. Um,” Y/N hesitated. Was Tsukishima trying... to be nice? “Why... why did you buy it for me?”

“I just said why,” Tsukishima scoffed, flicking her head gently. He scolded himself internally, feeling guilty as soon as she showed the surprise on her face. She’s asking why you thought to be nice, Kei, stop being snarky, he told himself harshly. “Sorry,” he muttered quickly, feeling almost immediately bad for flicking her.

Y/N just laughed though, giggles spilling from her lips as she looked up at him, “Are you feeling okay, Tsukishima-san? You’re turning red,” she teased gently and he looked away from her quickly, hating how quickly his face heated up.

He took a breath, trying to mimic how calm he was on the court. He turned back to look at her with a cocky smile and confidence gaze, though he was sure she could tell he was nervous, “I’m fine, Y/N-san. But I need to tell you something. And I’m only going to say it once so listen up.”

Y/N watched him intently, noting the fake confidence he was trying to put on. She nodded as he looked at her for any sign to keep going.

His lips opened for a moment and Y/N could’ve sworn there was a moment of panic in his eyes when nothing came out. “I’m going to walk you home today,” Tsukishima stated finally, each word thudding into the air. He felt his confidence falter as the wrong words left his mouth, shifting his bag on his shoulder and starting to walk ahead.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling her confusion only rise. Did he really build up that whole thing... just to walk her home?

“Hurry up or I’ll leave you here,” Tsukishima called behind his shoulder, still walking ahead. He was internally punching himself, groaning and uttering insults at his own stupid self. Couldn’t even say it. Couldn’t just say Y/N I like you and I think I’m either allergic to you or I’m utterly in love with you but I’ve been told I suck at explaining how I feel and that I never say the right things at the right time so please just reject me so I can move away from these exhausting feelings.

“Want some?” Y/N’s gentle voice was suddenly beside him, and Tsukishima felt his stomach doing that flipping motion again. He glanced down at her and saw her holding up the juice box at him. “Seems only fair, since you bought it,” she explained, the glimmer in her eyes making him feel way too warm inside.

“Sure,” he mumbled after a moment. She smiled just a little bit wider, holding up the juice to him, expecting him to just snatch it away and drink. But no, Tsukishima being a little bitch and deciding that if he couldn’t admit anything with words, he could try with actions, leaned down slightly, and latched his lips onto the straw. His hand wrapped around hers over the juice box, holding it still as he took a sip.

Y/N felt like she was suddenly bright red, her heart possibly having exploded right then and there. His eyes looked up to meet hers as he sipped, smirking a bit as he noticed the panicked and flushed look in her eyes.

Maybe the feeling is... mutual?

“Mm,” he hummed, pulling away after keeping her gaze for a second. “I guess I can see why you like it.”

Y/N had shivers running up and down her spine, feeling like Tsukishima had looked into her very soul and knew about her year-long crush on him.

The two of them started walking a bit slower after that, and to the external eye, you’d probably just see two classmates walking home together. But look a little closer, and you’d see both of them having internal conflicts. They managed to walk through the small roads filled with shops and make it about halfway to Y/N’s house in complete silence. 

“Y/N-san,” Tsukishima finally ended it, the agonizing silence, in which he had been racking his brain trying to think of how to start a conversation. He stopped in his tracks as he spoke the one word, the two of them now on a quieter dirt path. There was no one to interrupt them, no one to save Tsukishima from embarrassment, no Yamaguchi to fill the awkward silence.

“Hm?” Y/N looked back at him, noticing him just standing there. “Are you alright, Tsukishima-san?”

“There’s something I need to say,” he started, his hands in his pockets clenched into fists.

“O-Oh okay.”

“I’ve been... feeling sick around you.” Baka, he scolded himself for what felt like the millionth time. That definitely wasn’t the way he had wanted to say it. “I-I mean, not like sick sick but like allergy sick,” he tried to recover, but scoffed at himself since that wasn’t all that much better.

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in response, trying to think about his reactions lately. He had definitely been more flushed lately, but she always thought that was annoyance. He’d been quieter and more distant, but it was Tsukishima after all. He looked over to her desperately, hoping to see that she was understanding what he was trying to say. She wasn’t. 

Tsukishima was starting to get frustrated. He knew he wasn’t the greatest at communicating but how hard was it to see how much he liked her? Yamaguchi saw it, hell, even his upperclassmen teased him about it when they first saw Tsukishima and Y/N walking out of class together one day. So why did other people who didn’t need to know it, why did they understand but she didn’t? Why was she so dense? 

You’re not saying anything, his mind reminded him as he scowled to himself.

“It has to be that,” Tsukishima finally continued quietly, his eyes now staring at his feet. He was practically trying to convince himself now. It had to be that there was a health related issue with him being around her. It had to be that, because if it wasn’t, it meant that Tsukishima had to tell her how he felt. And that meant that he was probably going to end up hurt. Why a girl like Y/N hung around a guy like him anyways was beyond him. 

“Why?” Y/N frowned, still terribly lost in the cosmos of this odd confession. “Why would it have to be that?”

“Because if it isn’t that, then it means that I’ve fallen completely head over heels for you.”

Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he had managed to say the words. But there it was. His fists tightened even more, his fingernails digging into his palm so hard it was starting to hurt. 

His eyes closed tightly, turning his head away from her. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see laughter or disgust in her eyes. Maybe he could take it back now. Maybe he could-

Tsukishima jumped at the feeling of a poke on his chest, his eyes opening in surprise when he found Y/N standing much closer than she was earlier. “Are you teasing me?” She asked defensively, squinting her eyes up at him.

“T-Teasing?” Tsukishima stammered. He watched her eyes, noting how visibly upset she looked and he could feel his frustration rising. He had finally said what he had wanted to say this whole time... and she wasn’t even reacting the way she was supposed to. How stupid did she have to be? And why did she have to look so damn cute while doing it?

“Yamaguchi-san told you, didn’t he? I knew that poophead couldn’t keep his mouth shut,” she grumbled, crossing her arms against her chest. “He swore he wouldn’t tell you, but I should’ve known. You guys are best friends and all.”

“Told me... told me what?”

“That I’ve liked you practically since we met,” Y/N huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “Listen, Tsukishima-san, if you don’t like me back, you don’t have to tease me like this. I’m perfectly fine being rejected,” she told him with a pout on her lips (she was definitely not fine being rejected, and was planning on crying at home after this). “Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

Tsukishima‘s eyes widened, staring at her like she had grown a second head. “You... You like me?” He gulped. His allergies must be getting worse, his heart was thumping so hard against his chest, he couldn’t think straight.

Y/N and him shared a confused look for a moment, neither one of them sure who was teasing whom at this point. “Didn’t... didn’t you know? That’s why you’re being nice to me?” She asked him, poking his chest again. “Why else would you be walking me home and buying me juice?”

“Why would...” Tsukishima’s lips curled into a smile and suddenly he burst out into laughter, tilting his head back in amusement. 

“Why are you laughing?” Y/N whined, punching his arm lightly with a huff. “This isn’t a time to be laughing at me!”

Tsukishima straightened up with his signature cocky smile, shaking his head as he fixed his glasses on his face. Then, his hand moved to hit the top of her head.

“OW! Tsukishima-san!”

“You idiot. Why would I be standing here confessing to you if I was just going to make fun of you?” Tsukishima scoffed, smirking at her. “If I didn’t like you back and I found out you liked me, don’t you think I would’ve made it clear by now that you never stood a chance?”

Y/N thought about this for a moment, remembering that one time a girl in a different class had confessed to him after attending one of his matches.

“I think you’re incredible, Tsukishima-san! A-And I just.... well I just...”

“Are you trying to confess to me?” Tsukishima didn’t even bother looking up from his study book, finishing an equation before even glancing at her. “You should just give up now. I’m not interested.”

The girl had teared up so much, even Y/N had felt bad (even though she was secretly happy that Tsukishima hadn’t accepted the confession). Yamaguchi had yelled at Tsukishima about being gentle that day.

“Why would I be nice to someone stupid enough to think I’d like them? I didn’t give her any hints that I did, I don’t even know her,” Tsukishima grumbled.

Y/N had internalized those words, deciding she wouldn’t confess her feelings to Tsukishima ever. If she did, and Tsukishima rejected her, he probably wouldn’t want to be around her as friends ever again.

“So...” Y/N thought to herself for a moment, trying to reexamine what had happened today. “What was with the juice box then?” She asked him. 

“I thought...” Tsukishima frowned a little, looking up at the sky in thought. “I thought when you confess you were supposed to... give a gift or something.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at his thought process and Tsukishima glared at her slightly. “You’re laughing at me now?”

She shook her head quickly, trying to stifle her giggles, “I just... I think it’s sweet,” she beamed, holding onto her little juice box even though it was empty now.

Tsukishima watched her carefully before smiling a little, patting her head gently, “Alright then, let’s get you home. I’ll bring another juice box for you for our date.”

“D-Date?” Y/N repeated shyly, following him as he started to walk again.

“You thought I’d just confess to you and not ask you out? Idiot,” Tsukishima smirked, feeling such an intense relief on his shoulders. His heart was still beating furiously and his stomach felt like it was going to come up his throat, but... it wasn’t as frustrating of a feeling now. 

After he dropped her off at her house with the promise of walking her to school tomorrow morning, Tsukishima couldn’t help but allow himself to smile widely the whole way home. 

If this is what an allergy felt like, he never wanted it to stop.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Okay like I mentioned up there in the Author’s Notes, this is my first time writing for Haikyuu so lmk what you thought :) I’ve written some stuff for OHSHC and I think it’s pretty obviously that tall jerks with glasses are my type lol 

Anyways! Enjoy!

[albatris]

HI hello hope you're enjoying this nice rainy Tuesday, I was listening to 'The Only House That's Not On Fire (Yet)' and I know it's a ATDAO bop and I was just curious as to how exactly? May I request a Ramble? As in-depth as you would care to be? Thank you thank you

hey hey hello hi!! I am enjoying this nice rainy-Tuesday-that-is-now-a-not-rainy-Thursday c: I hope you're enjoying it also, hope you're goin good, hope you're up to all sorts of cool stuff!

thank you for the question!!! I am always always excited at any opportunity to ramble about ATDAO song choices so as soon as I saw this in my inbox my thoughts started going a billion miles an hour

anyway, hey, yeah, ramble time! ramble might be a little fuzzily-worded because my brain is a little fuzzily-everythinged but hopefully it makes enough sense ahaha

ok, so!

this one is a bit of a peculiarity on the ATDAO playlist, actually! it falls into the category of "this song doesn't have an awful lot of direct plot relevance and is mostly just here because Vibes" yet, somehow, if pressed to name the song on the playlist that encapsulates ATDAO best as a whole, I would say it comes pretty close to the top spot :P

so, yes, a lot of the specifics of the lyrics don't particularly fit if we're thinking in literal terms......... the ENERGY is unparalleled though. HOWEVER I do have some particular parts of the song I can direct your attention to, of course, which I'll get into in a sec -

but ya, as for the song as a whole? it's the cheerful, upbeat acceptance of a series of completely bizarre circumstances! it's just a good bop for being like Welp I Guess This Is My Life Now. and being so accustomed to the completely bonkers state of your reality that it's all just completely mundane to you, which parallels to ATDAO so nicely

plus the start of the second verse, like so

I feel strangely regular / but honestly I prefer it to the usual bizarre / damn that oxymoron

AND the very...... feeling....... concept.....? of this being the only house that's not on fire yet is just kind of like........ I mean, whatever the narrator of the song is involved in, it very much gives me the impression of being entirely at the whims of some force that's volatile and completely incomprehensible

with the "yet" being crucial

But something keeps me as a pet / the only house that's not on fire yet

combined with the general tone of the music gives me the image of just like. sitting on ur front porch sipping a margarita, having just watched the rest of your street devolve into chaos and fire knowing you're completely at the mercy of something bizarre and all-powerful and just being like. "hm. yikes. anyway--"

it's a good tone for the general state of the ATDAO world, which is full of people going about their everyday lives against this bizarre backdrop of ever-present looming apocalyptic dread, completely at the whims of a chaotic and indifferent universe

like

the world is ending! the world is ending! a reality-warping sinkhole just opened in your local bowling alley! but in more pressing concerns, you're almost out of milk, you should try and get to the store before it closes or your mum won't have anything for her cereal tomorrow morning

another point I wanna address is the bridge (?) which is just

the punchline is that there is no punchline

repeated over and over, which is the kicker for this song in its relation to ATDAO imo

'cause like

the theme in ATDAO that keeps coming back and the main......... antagonistic......... concept? force? The Thing The Protagonists Are Constantly Up Against And Struggling With In Some Fashion Or Another? is simply "there is no meaning to this, there is no answer, there is no grand puzzle to be solved, this is all just cold and unfeeling cosmic machinery that doesn't even know you exist"

quite literally, if this is the universe's idea of a joke, there's no punchline

like, the things that happen to Tris and Noa (and Shara and Kai), the things that set the plot in motion, these are acts of chance, these are people being in the wrong place at the wrong time, these are ordinary human people getting swept up into the gears of this endless grinding machine they can barely comprehend and There Is No Point To It. There Is No Motivation Behind It. it happens because it happens!

and there's this shift from like..... seeing it through this very human lens, being angry AT something, being angry AT a particular force, trying to reason with it, trying to plead with it, trying to make it hear you......... to the realisation that there's nothing on the other end of it, there's nothing there to hear you, nothing to take the force of your anger and fear. and like, you knew you were alone, but you're only just realising you're ALONE

n just. "there is no punchline" just clicks FANTASTICALLY for that

(n of course, that's..... grim. so it bears repeating that, like...... the whole heart and soul of ATDAO is people coming face-to-face with the reality of an uncaring unfeeling universe and deciding, Hey, No, Fuck You. it's people caring about people, intentionally, purposefully, violently, no matter the costs! it's the human capacity for love and kindness and connection in the face of horror and indifference! and it matters! even if it doesn't matter at all, it matters!! it matters here and now in this tiny speck of time and space!! love is at the centre of everything!! it's the single greatest act of defiance against the nothing!!!!)

(and that's not relevant to this post at all, I just would have hated to leave on that sort of note LMAO)

long story short: tune good c:

[beckmessering]

Met Streams Tag Game Days 2-7

@opera-my-beloved sorrysorrysorry this is late af but i didn’t forget! this girl just got an undergrad research fellowship and has been pulling the summer vacation equivalent of all-nighters :’)

also, i didn’t answer all questions because i didn’t have answers for all of them…so i answered the ones i could. i tried to keep it met-stream specific, but if i included all streams i watched, some answers would’ve been different (and i would’ve answered more questions).

day 2

are there any operas that you'd listened to but never seen on stage before?

nah, i’m a very visual person - i need to see some production first so i have a visual reference for what’s going on, and then i can listen to it

what’s an opera you’d love to see performed in-person?

die walküre! and salome.

day 3

are there any operas you associate with a particular period in your life?

not a met stream, but i strongly associate the vienna ring with march 2020. it was a comfort when i had to essentially flee my uni city and started watching it at the airport before my flight.

do you know the next opera you want to discover?

so many! werther, eugene onegin, faust, lots of verdi (starting with un ballo in maschera maybe…)

are there any operas you’d write fanfiction for (or wish you had more fics)?

haven’t written fanfics (yet?) and i haven’t tried reading any for operas yet…but i should try, honestly

what is your comfort opera?

das rheingold. i know the libretto and the music by heart by now.

day 4

what’s an opera that became an unexpected favourite?

die walküre. i’ve told the story of how i didn’t like it first and loved it on the second try, and i’m so glad it became a favourite.

any operas you can’t get into no matter how hard you tried?

hm. i like holländer spot-wise (mainly when the title character is singing) but i don’t like much else of it.

what’s an opera/production you’d like to get teleported into?

hmmmm. die meistersinger seems to take place in a pleasant town (unless you’re beckmesser).

day 5

which opera was most visually pleasing to you?

girard’s parsifal for sure.

opera character you relate to?

beckmesser. i liked him before, but this research fellowship has thus far given me the absolute beckmesser energy because in the beginning i was scared to do something wrong, wanted to fit in, and wanted to please the higher-ups. (now it’s going well btw and i’m having fun!)

day 6

any favourite weird/funny lyrics?

“weia, waga, woge du welle!” need i say more? if the melody weren’t so good, i’d laugh.

(also, parsifal has a surprising amount of unintentional funny lyrics. like kundry telling amfortas to buzz off and go bathe, or saying that she never helps).

any met interview moments that live rent-free in your head?

the meistersinger interview with johannes martin kränzle (beckmesser) and martin gantner (kothner). here are two germans, conveniently both named martin, struggling through two minutes of interview with verrrry choppy english but visibly excited as fuck to be there and utterly BEAMING.

(it’s also shortly before jmk got really sick and he once said that he already started feeling physically weird at that time in New York. which is unnerving and sad to think of).

opera productions i could positively (or negatively) rant about for an hour?

…lemme make a separate post about that. (if anyone wants).

any productions you wish had been filmed but are only available in audio format?

i will NEVER EVER forgive them for not filming the 2018 parsifal revival >:(

day 7

a singer that pleasantly surprised you in a role?

not a met stream again, but tomasz konieczny’s wotan. i thought his voice was too dark and snarly. wow i was wrong.

opera characters that are meant for each other and you won’t hear otherwise?

siegmund and sieglinde. sorry not sorry at all.

opera you think is a complete masterpiece from first to last note?

ahem. too many ones i’ve mentioned already. *cough* rheingold, walküre, parsifal *cough*

a unique acting choice you can’t stop thinking about?

peter mattei not walking as amfortas in parsifal. he drags and carries himself as though his legs can’t bear any weight at all and it just…demonstrates pain and suffering better than anything else i’ve ever seen. god, that looks awful. in the best way.

any costume(s) you’d want to have?

YES! always wanted to dress in a relatively traditional wotan costume (like…spears and eyepatch and long coats…come on!!!) (fuck the gender of the role, obviously) and i actually fulfilled my dreams last halloween :)

[jbarness]

pop! goes my heart

a oneshot

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

about: the avengers hates y/n’s taste in movies

warnings: bucky wearing nothing but a towel around his hips ;)

a/n: this oneshot is inspired by the movie Music and Lyrics. if you haven’t watched it yet, this is the link of the trailer! the songs mentioned are also there with their links. watch out for the last part 😶 let me know what you think! i hope you enjoy reading!! ♡

❗please DO NOT repost, translate, or copy my works❗

my masterlist

Movie night is gonna be fun!

For you, at least. Maybe even Scott, Wanda, and Steve.

It was your turn to choose the movie and the team doesn’t like your taste in movies. They hate the sappy romantic comedies and chick flicks. They are only interested in the genres action, thriller, horror, and sci-fi. You don’t care about that right now because it’s your turn to choose and you’ll choose whatever the hell you wanna watch. If they can fight a lot of dull-colored aliens, then they surely can sit down and watch a rom-com of your choice.

You were the first one in the movie room, followed by an excited Scott. He’s always mentioned how he likes romantic comedies. “Its cliche, yeah, but that’s what makes it… you know?” He can never find the word to finish the sentence so you always just nod.

A couple of minutes later, the team started coming in with blankets wrapped around them, a pillow, two armfuls of snacks, and their favorite fluffy slippers. You didn’t know when Thor arrived at the compound, but he showed up in the movie room as well with a tumbler filled with… you guessed, coffee? He greeted you with a warm smile, saying he was excited about the movie that you chose. Natasha is now sitting on her spot, wearing a neck pillow and a sleep mask over her eyes. The rest of them were either grumpily slouching on the chairs or already eating the snacks they brought.

Later on, your boyfriend of seven months leads you to your usual seats after you played the movie, Music and Lyrics. Nobody except for you and Scott has watched the movie yet. Scott mentioned that he hasn’t seen this movie for a while so to say that he was excited was an understatement.

You found yourself singing along to the first song, Pop! Goes My Heart. You didn’t even remember memorizing it. When the word “Pop!” was sung on the screen, you felt Bucky jump a bit, making you laugh. You looked at the scrunched eyebrows and pouted lips of your boyfriend, most likely processing the scene and music he was witnessing.

You turned to look at your other teammates, to see their reactions. Wanda was nodding her head to the beat, enjoying the music video. Vision was confused at why the people were singing in the hospital, “That’s not a good place to perform,” he muttered.

Thor’s really digging it, even singing along to the only lyrics he knows, “Pop! Yeah! Goes My Heart!” He sang, adding the ‘yeah!’. Tony has a pleased look on his face, raised eyebrows, nodding his head.

On the other side of the room, a chuckling Steve caught your eye. You guessed that he was laughing at the blinking heart. Sam did not find it entertaining, his face screams “unbelievable.” Nat… she’s probably sleeping. She still hasn’t removed her sleep mask. Bruce was looking at the screen, puzzled as if he was trying to find something in the video.

The ending was fast approaching and Scott was getting ready to sing along to the final song. When the time came, everyone was telling Scott to shut up. Yep, he was singing along to the song Way Back Into Love, and well…it was not good for the ears. You just laughed it off while silently singing it yourself.

That night, as you lay on your boyfriend’s bed beside him, you found him humming one of the songs that you told him you really liked. “So,” you turned to him, placing your hand on his chest, “Did you like it?” you smirked.

“Mmm, it’s still cliche, doll”

“But you liked it?”

“Debatable,” he kissed your forehead goodnight.

The morning after, you woke up hugging a pillow instead of a Bucky. You checked his bedside table to see a note “If you’re reading this it means that you woke up. Good Morning, Doll! I’m running with Steve and Sam. You should probably eat now, I’ll eat breakfast with Steve and Sam :)” You smiled at the thought of your dorky boyfriend.

It was quiet. Unbelievably quiet.

You cautiously walked towards the kitchen. There was not a single sound anywhere. You passed by the rooms of the other Avengers, hearing something. Specifically behind Natasha’s door. You carefully pressed your ear at her door. You could hear footsteps, probably just Nat walking around and cleaning her room.

“Nanana nana pop! Goes my heart. Hmm,” she sang.

You covered your mouth with your hands to keep you from making a sound. The Black Widow is singing. She’s singing the song from the movie that she didn’t even bother to look at.

Walking away, you found your inner self applauding for… well, yourself. You’ve never heard Natasha Romanoff sing or enjoy that type of music.

You checked the other rooms only to see that they’re not there. They’re probably outside or working out as per usual. You quickly ate a light breakfast before heading down to the tower’s gym. As expected, you saw some of them there. You saw Thor struggling with the punching bag only because he was trying to sing while punching. Scott was on the treadmill, lip syncing to what he was listening to, most probably feeling that he was in a music video. When he saw you outside, he energetically waved at you, mouthing, “Way Back Into Love” while pointing at his ear.

It was a lazy day for you. You really had nothing to do today, which you’re grateful for. So, you decided to roam around the tower. Waving at interns, talking with some of them, maybe a few gossips with some agents.

Bucky: I’m here! Where are you?

You: I’ll be right there, just gonna roam around in the tower for a while :)

Bucky: Enjoy doll :))) I’ll be in my room

You replied with a simple “mkay” and continued your journey in the tower. A couple of minutes later, your feet wanted to rest, so you went up to your floor to see Bucky. Sam was walking back to his room when the elevator doors opened. He was wearing his earphones, and he was clearly enjoying his song. He didn’t seem to notice that you were in the room when he started to sing very quietly, “Oh, will you dance with me tonight?”

Your eyes widened, lips pursed. Now you just felt extra proud of yourself for making Sam Wilson sing a song from a romantic comedy. It’s a great day for you.

Deciding not to tease him, you went to Bucky’s room to see him just out of the shower. Oh, mama. It is the ninth wonder of the world, the eight being Steve’s ass. But his toned abs and the towel hanging too low on his hips, not that you were complaining, wasn’t what shocked you most.

His small speaker is playing a song that was way too familiar while he’s holding his hairbrush as a microphone.

“You were gold-”

He is shaking his ass.

“And silve-e-er!”

He is singing.

“I said I wasn’t gonna lose my head-”

The former Winter Soldier is dancing.

“But then Pop! Goes my heart! Pop goes my heart.”

The White Wolf is singing, even the backup.

“I wasn’t gonna fall in love again-”

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes is full-on performing now, with matching hand gestures.

“But then Pop! Goes my heart! Pop goes my heart.”

You realized he was singing it to you, well, to a framed picture of you that was on his bedside table.

Spinning around, “And I just caAAAAAHHH Y/N!” he quickly closed the door, almost permanently damaging your face.

“What are you doing here?!” Bucky yelled from the other side of the door.

You laughed, “Watching your concert. What else?”

He slowly opened the door to reveal his still very much half-naked self. His head hung low but you could see him biting his lips. You lifted his chin with your fingers which made him look into your eyes. Embarrassment was evident in his eyes. You kissed him on his nose, “Don’t be embarrassed, babe. I enjoyed it.”

“Noooooo, never mention it again ever, please?” he pouted.

“But I wanna watch it again! This time, the whole song,” you grabbed his hand and led him to his room, “come on!” you smiled excitedly.

Bucky sighed, he’d do anything to make you smile, “Fine, but this is the last time you’re seeing it!” You nodded as he went to his phone to replay the song.

“Oh, and Bucky baby?”

“Hm?”

“Lose the towel.”

[spicycreativity]

Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

[more-fandon-than-friends]

Missing 4

A/N:Long time no see, sorry. But hey, the next part is already planned out, so just writing it.

Part 1 Part 3 part 5

Au:Human AU and Famous

Pairing: Future/Pining Prinxiety

TW: 2 mentions of breakfast (half a sentence each), swearing

It's the second day of the show and Roman stands in front of his closet. He can't decide what to wear. He already planned all the out when he agreed to go to the show, the problem is Virgil. He hasn't thought of the fact that he wants to impress his ex when he decided what to wear. He wants to be extra, but not too much. Since too much may give them too much attention and Virgil doesn't like that. But at the same time he wants Virgil to be impressed

The second day and nothing goes like plan, great.

Half an hour later Roman finally has his outfit together and goes to eat breakfast. And honestly he is super excited to see Virgil. Even if they will never come together again just being around him for the time the show goes is enough. Spending sometime as Colleagues together is better than drown in misery. Maybe there is even the chance that they will come together again, or maybe Roman just daydreams too much.

After eating breakfast his chauffeur picks him up and drives him to the show. While humming along to some songs from the crying hearts, Virgil's band. Roman gets out of the car, goes in the building and waits in there for Virgil to show up, to be fair Roman is early in hope Virgil would be here already.

Virgil gets out of the bed this morning a lot more tired than Roman. Maybe because he hasn't slept well. His thoughts circled around Roman and he starts to see that he isn't over Roman, but he doesn't want to be some cliche-lovestory that's easy money for the TV channel. Should he just ignore his feelings? It's just a little crush anyway, remembering the old times when they were happy together, nothing serious, he'll get over it. Well, he won't make the first move anyway. Not when there are cameras everywhere. What will he do if Roman makes the first move?---

Alright Stop, he starts spiraling again and he already did that all night! He just throws a black Jeans, black shirt and his Tour Jacket on and eats a quick snack before leaving with a Uber.

And oh shit, he so isn't ready for this. They have to write a song together, open up again. They will spend like two month together. Virgil sighs quietly before trying to get his mind of things, by thinking about a few lyrics ideas he has for future songs from his band. He doesn't come far, maybe it's because his thoughts move back to Roman or cause the ride is short. What ever it is has the same result, he and Roman both sit in their room when the host comes in.

The host of the show smiles:"Hey, Boys. We have an idea."

Roman smiles back:"Really, Jenna, what is it?"

"Well! Since the first episode came out some fans have made edits for you. And we want your reaction to it!", Jenna says, turning the Laptop on.

'Oh shit', is Virgil's first thought. He doesn't wanna see shipping videos of him and his ex.

'Oh shit', is also Roman's first thought. Cause he might already saw one or another, but he can't be like "haha I wish".

They don't even have time to voice their options, because Cameras get turned on, sound to and the video starts.

The first edit starts with Roman and Virgil being first interdruced and paired together and continues with other moments where they look at each other or just something that fans have decided is cute, all while 'Trouble is', a song from Virgil's band that's about not forgetting an ex-lover, plays in the background.

All the musician does while watching is looking uncomfortable and keeping his lips a straight line. The actor doesn't look much better, he stops himself from awwing by biting his lip, he looks more comfortable than Virgil though, probably cause he actually enjoys that.

"So what do you think of it?", Jenna asks when it's over.

"Well the editing seems to be good, the transitions are smooth.", Roman answers, ignoring what it's about entirely.

"And you Virgil?", she asks again.

"I uhm.. Don't know?",he says unsure.

Jenna just nods and plays the next one.

This time there is a voice over from an old interview Roman made where he gushed over Virgil, back then they were together and happy. Over it are new pictures from the show, but also old pictures from Roman's Instagram, Virgil deleted all of the pictures.

"So, Virgil, how did you like it?", Jenna asks.

"It was okay, that person spend probably a long time getting all the pictures. I respect the hussle.", Virgil answers more put together, since he was more ready after the first one.

"Alright.", Jenna answers, getting a bit annoyed that both don't really react emotionally.

"I agree with Virgil, it seems time-consuming to edit those.", Roman adds, frustrating her even more.

"let's watch more later, you two should work now on your song.", the Host decides with a tight smile and grabs her laptop.

When the boys are alone both breath out, relaxing a bit.

"That was interesting.", Roman says.

"A kind way to put it.", Virgil answers, before starting:"So, any idea what the song should be about?"

"Hm, yeah. A love song would be great.", Roman immediately decides.

"Of course.", Virgil mumbles.

"You've written a few songs like that yourself, right? Could you maybe play one or another so I get maybe a more specific picture what I want?", request the actor with a grin.

The other boy screams internally at that, Roman used to do something like that all the time;

'Hey, love, I'm learning right now a romantic moment, would you please sing a love song for me' or 'Im not feeling like I could play romance in the moment, show me a bit real romance and I'll be ready to go to work... Maybe with a song?' Roman said things like that all the time. He loves Virgil singing, so he used every chance he got to hear it. And that grin just shows Roman knows what he's doing, and that Virgil always agrees.

"Yeah, sure", he tries to sound casual while he picks up a guitar and starts to sing.

If Roman wasn't already head over heels for the Emo he would be now. His voice is a gift from above. The way his eyes stay concentrated on the guitar strings while also having a dreamily look in them. He looks fully in his element, well he is fully in his element.

The actor has no other choice than to look at Virgil in awe, forgetting the cameras and later fan edits for a few minutes.

When the singing is over Roman knows to things:

1.his song is gonna be about someone Virgil being absolutely beautiful while playing the guitar.

2.he has to talk to Virgil about his feelings, today.

So it comes that Roman goes to Virgil, who is waiting for his Uber, after the cameras are turned off. "Hey, Virgil."

"Oh, hey Roman.", he looks up from his phone.

"Can we talk? In private?", the taller one asks.

"I- yeah Sure.", Virgil nods.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #401

“my love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses”

Do you typically do your makeup the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? IF I wear makeup, it's essentially always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Yesterday with Mom. We were trying to find the best deal on Eco Earth, a substrate we're getting for Venus. What was the last really good book you read, and what was it about? If we're talking REALLY good book, then The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. In short summary, it's a dystopian future novel where women are now basically just objects used only for repopulation, even having their names stripped from them. They follow very strict rules as society has returned to horrible misogyny. As a woman, the "oh my god, this is possible" aspect of it is terrifying, and it causes such a sense of disgust and urge to ensure women rights always continue to be fought for. Do you feel safe in your country? For the most part, I'd say. I guess. There are places I'd feel safer, though. How many meals do you eat a day? Three. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I was supposed to my senior year in high school; the seniors at my dance studio were always welcome to do a solo in celebration. Mine was a modern dance to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, wanting to tell a story about depression and how being medicated could feel, but I eventually decided like halfway through learning the choreography that I was just too nervous to do a solo. Have you ever sung a solo? No. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Do you own a designer purse? Definitely not. I'm not wasting that much money on something like that. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Apparently, Jason and I had a baby in high school even though I was obviously never pregnant. To my knowledge, it was started by his ex. Who is now a good friend of mine lmaooo. Life is funny. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? Pokemon, of course. Would you ever have an affair? Nope. Would you ever have a one night stand? Nope. Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol in that driving under the influence is illegal and punishable, and I believe you should be of a certain age. How about abortion? I am pro-choice. I was pro-life most of my own life, but now I am very firm about a mother being able to choose if she wants to endure a pregnancy or not. Like, that is a MASSIVE life event that almost inevitably changes - and sometimes traumatizes - people. I do believe a fetus is its own body and not part of the mother's, but rather in the mother's, but the belief that a woman decides what she wants in her body is her choice, too. I'm not very fond of people treating abortion as a simple, regular form of birth control, like it's nothing but an "lol whoops," but I still believe it is ultimately her decision, and she should always be free of judgment for doing what is best for her. Do you wear skirts or dresses more often? Neither. I wouldn't dare wear a skirt more so, though. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? There should always be an expected minimum, imo, unless the person was truly, sincerely, genuinely fucking awful. Waiters do not have an easy job, fight me about it, and they're just trying to survive while putting on a happy, jovial face, all the while dealing with hungry people who can be such assholes. I believe the actual tip should relate to actual service, but again, give them something. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? One, absolutely. The other would take a shitload of consideration and proper communication on his part. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No, because I don't like coffee. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? IF I had a job, I'd like to build a friendship with those I have to engage with almost every day. What is something you frequently forget? Dates, ages, names, what I was about to do five seconds before I forgot... Pretty much everything. My memory is frightfully poor. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In my bed. Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Both; my parents split when I was somewhere around 17, though, but I'd say there wasn't much more "raising" to do at that age. Have you ever stolen anything? If so, why? No. Have you ever plagiarized someone else's work? Hell no. What's your most-used mode of transportation? My mom's car. Have you ever taught someone else a useful skill? Not to my recollection. Does seeing everyone else's 'perfect lives' posted on social media ever bring you down or affect how you feel about yourself? It actually does, honestly. Not ALWAYS, but if I'm being honest, it does most of the time. I've contemplated deleting Facebook for that reason, but with is also comes things that make me happy, and I think I'd feel even more isolated without it. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? This is SO impossible for me to answer. I loooove Hostess and Little Debbie treats. I want to say honeybuns, but I also love those chocolate cupcakes with the white swirls on top, as well as Twinkies. Very few exist that I don't like. Do you/your family buy loafs from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? We just buy bagged bread. What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? My APAP mask is definitively WORKING!!!!! :') Mom got an app that connects to the machine via Bluetooth that monitors the effectiveness of the mask, evaluating many factors of your sleep, and it's detecting a definite decrease in disruptive behaviors or something like that. It is so, SO encouraging to know that. ^And, the worst? Hm. Oh, probably some news on something serious a good friend is going through, but I don't feel it's my right to disclose what. It's just a very worrying and potentially dangerous issue that I wish I could help her with. Would you rather receive (or give) flowers, chocolates or jewelry? I'd appreciate any, but my fat ass is drawn to the chocolate, ha ha. What *I* would give would vary depending on what the person liked. How do you feel about coconut? Smells lovely, but is otherwise gross. ^ Ever cracked one open? No, but omg I've always wanted to, haha. What’s the best thing about being your gender? I guess the fact it's more "normal" and "accepted" to show our emotions. Fuck that generalization, though. I don't give a shit what your gender is, you experiencing emotions is NORMAL and welcomed to be expressed. ^ And the worst thing? The ability to be raped and impregnated by it. Do you do your part to save the earth? I don't do nearly enough. :/ We recycle, but that's about it. Well, none of us DARE to litter either, but I still don't feel like it's as much as the earth deserves from its denizens. Who do you think should have their portrait on a bill? I don't know or care. Why did you last feel exhausted? Yesterday was my niece's birthday, and I spent essentially ALL day playing with her and her brother. I have a very limited battery when it comes to kids, and I was running on empty for hours. My anxiety was SO high and I really needed a break from them, but they're too young to really understand that Aunt Britt can only socially run for so long before I'm completely burnt out, and TRUST ME, I was there for sure. I didn't want them to think they did something wrong, you know? I just had to keep going. I slept like a baby last night though for sure, haha. Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? Wow, no. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? No. Who did you last worry about and why? Sara for health reasons. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? Not actively, but Mom and I definitely want to move. We feel very out-of-place here in the suburbs. Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea? Mountains. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Yes. I canNOT play games with a trackpad. Do you apologize a lot? Extremely excessively. When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? In that case, probably the venue. Being a photography buff, I want a place I think is really pretty to have pictures taken. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting, my weight, and being hot. Do you have anything planned for the summer? Nope, and that's fine with me. I'd rather stay inside away from the heat. Who usually makes dinner in your household? My ma. Do you have a blog? Just on Tumblr. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mother does because of gerd, and at least when my father still lived with us, he snored super loud, too. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah, a few people. What shows do you watch? Right now, only Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Whenever The Edge of Sleep comes out, I will 110% be watching that, too, because Mark is a key actor in it. :') Plus the concept seems super cool. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Me mum. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone specific? No, given it has like... one lyric, haha. Do you own any TV show soundtracks? No. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? I mean I guess sign myself in at the doctor's. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? Oh my god, there's a candid one I got of Mom laughing when she was posing as my subject for a photography assignment, and I cherish it with ALL my heart. I want to share it with essentially the whole world, but yeah, I'm not gonna put my mom's picture here. As for my dad, I like this one I took of us at Red Lobster for his birthday a year or two back. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. Favorite flavor of cream cheese? Regular. What US state would you like to visit? Alaska. Last meal you made yourself? I put a chicken pesto thing in the microwave earlier for dinner.

[syrenki]

for the album asks: lanas "ultraviolence" and sky ferreiras "night time, my time"

oooh, thank you anon!! okay, i'm gonna be honest with you, i only know the title track from sky ferreira. i love it though, i really do, it's glorious. and hey, since you asked this, i'm guessing the whole album is worth listening to, right? thank you for the rec, i'll educate myself on her, hahah

and when it comes to lana, oh man. let's go. i'll actually go least to most favourite, it feels more exciting this way, tbh. so:

14. guns and roses, obviously. it's a shockingly unremarkable track for such a remarkable album, isn't it? just so... bland, frankly.

13. the other woman and yeah, okay, it kind of hurts to put this as my second most disliked song, because it's really good! it just doesn't hit all the right spots for me, i think, quite like the rest of ultraviolence does.

12. florida kilos, it's very sweet and summery! i don't think that i'm very obsessed with it, though. i think she has a lot of tracks that taste ripe like july too, but are more... unique - say 1949 or even the newer doin' time.

11. fucked my way up to the top - well, what can i say, it's sexy. and i love the trance-like feel it has going on. not one of my faves, but yeah, i'm putting it above the other woman and florida kilos because it sets a very... hmm. specific mood, if ykwim.

10. black beauty. it's funny, i actually mostly listened to a different version of it that i downloaded to my mp3 player years ago, only to discover that the real, officially released one sounds completely different now that i regularly use spotify. i do love the lyrics on this one, though. i used to listen to it so, so much in 2016 or 2017, i think!

9. ultraviolence - she was the moment, she was nicole before nicole, huh? i love the dreamy edgyness in this one! it actually took me a long time to warm up to ultraviolence, despite it being the title track, but as soon as i did, i fell in love. i love the wordplay, she really knew what she was doing with the name of this album.

8. money, power, glory - i could have never suspected that i'd put this over black beauty back in middle school, but at this point? yeah. i actually don't care much for the lyrics, as i'm not the type of person to strive for luxury a lot - you can call it being non-superficial, or maybe a lack of ambition, or lazyness. yeah, lmao. what i love most about this song is just the sheer sound of it, the drums, her voice in the ,,glory!" part, the ,,hallelujahs" - it's all so... orgasmic. plus the high pitched ,,i can do it if you really really like it" with the slowed guitar riff in the background completely sells me on this song.

7. brooklyn baby - i mean, what is there to explain. it's just brooklyn baby, you know? yeah, my girlfriend's pretty cool, but she's not as cool as me. i think it's a little bit too cute and positive for the edgy fucker that i am, otherwise, quality-wise, it could very well be in the top 3.

6. sad girl - it's sweet, it's edgy, it's kinda emo. a love child of pretty when you cry and brooklyn baby, i guess. it's not a masterpiece, but i'm putting it pretty high up the list simply for the ,,he's got the fiiiireee!" part and my own personal feelings for this song, yk? oh well, it's my ranking after all, and i can be as subjective as i please. ♡

5. shades of cool - it's just so good! yes, my baby sure does live in shades of blue! some really similar dynamics to black beauty, and again, god, just a year or two ago i would probably say this was my fave, or at least one of my faves, now i think my love for old money and cruel world has outgrown it, though. it really reminds me of dark blue, indigo and violet hues, you know? it's ultraviolet after all, i guess. the vocals in that instrumental bridge kill me every time in the sweetest of ways.

4. cruel world - man oh man, i would eat this if i could. i would drink it, or put this song into a heart-shaped locket to wear on my neck at all times. it's so unbelievably dreamy, and sexy, and the line about being happy that they're gone hits so hard out of nowhere in the context of the song, for some reason it sounds more like she's singing about someone's death rather than simply them not being a part of her life anymore. i got your bible, i got your gun, and i'm so happy now that you're gone. god. wow. some fatherhood themes for sure. i'm not entirely certain why, that's just how i feel it.

3. west coast. what can i say? newer lana is cool, but she wants what west-coast-ultraviolence-lana had. the tempo change every time she gets to ,,i can see my baby swinging", have you actually noticed how much slower the song gets? and those few guitar notes right before this line. agh, it makes me feel so strangely heartbroken for a love i never had. maybe it's because of this world heritage romeo+juliet music video, though. i can't really think of anything else now when i listen to west coast. oh, and also, i never thought a sexy, playful song like froot would work so well with the moody west coast, but it really, really does.

2. old money - look, this is a personal one. i know it's nowhere near as iconic as brooklyn baby or west coast or anything, but i can't tell you how bittersweet this song is to me, personally. one of the first songs i even know from lana. i used to listen to it at 13, laying in my bed at 3am, drinking some oversweetened coffee, reading about sigils or whatever the hell. some blog on here had an audio player built into its html and i remember, it played this song, among others. i spent weeks searching for it. it sounds like peaceful, quiet tragedy. the calm, almost resigned sound of it sends me right back to those spring nights. always, always.

1. pretty when you cry, judge me how you will for this choice. there's something so utterly exsquisite and heartbreaking about this song, it reaches into you and tugs at your heart with its bony cold hands. i cannot praise it enough, ever. even if it's fully because of my own associations and memories. i always come back to it. i used to cry to it when i lost the person that my 'and winters here are eternal' tag is about. there's just... god, there's something about this song. and also, hey, i really am pretty when i cry.

thank you for the ask and i'm sorry for getting so in-depth and, hm, suddenly writing in a weirdly pretentious way. that's just what lana does to you://

[rkjinwook]

• • •  STARTING LIVE!

       02AUG2020  |   🐥 JINWOOK’S HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳 🥳        DURATION   |   1:02:22

it’s a cute set, albeit typical for this kind of broadcast. the staff have provided jinwook with a fixed camera framing his mini birthday table, complete with multicolored balloons decorating the back wall. there’s a small tablet to monitor the stream and comment feed, which jinwook fiddles with as he waits. in retrospect, he thinks it would’ve been nicer to hold a more casual conversation with fans for his first solo live, but that might just be the nerves talking.

he fills the silence with music, his guitar in his lap. it’s an everyday sight, but jinwook realizes most fans won’t have heard him play much, so he takes care to warm up cleanly, and warm up his vocals too. he only alternates between a few simple chords, though. it’s the sort of background music he used to hear when he’d occasionally attend church services with eve. as jinwook plays he imagines an audience quietly filing in, taking their seats at his birthday party as they each receive the live notification. finally the staff motions for jinwook that the actual video is starting, and he rests the instrument in his lap, out of view for now.

“hello! i’m convex’s sunshine, jinwook.” the greeting is bright and familiar as he dips his head toward the camera. it’s unlikely that the viewers, who arrived so early from a notification, don’t know his name, but it can’t hurt to start off formally. “today is my birthday! yay!!” also evident from the title and the backdrop. jinwook gives himself a round of applause anyway. then he picks up a party hat from the table and slips the cone over his head. “tada~” 

“since we can’t meet in person, i wanted to greet you all with a live today to celebrate.” there’s a pause as jinwook adjusts the thin elastic of the party hat. he takes a breath. “last year, hmm...” he taps a finger to his cheek as he thinks back. “oh, last year i made cupcakes! i was helping our team sphere on the mgas.. so i couldn’t meet consta that time, either.” jinwook hums in thought, suddenly a bit nostalgic about his time as a coach. he shakes his head. “so i’m excited to try this out now.”

“let’s see...” he says, quickly moving on, “is everyone settling in here alright?” he peers over the tablet and rests a finger over the chat to pause its scrolling speed. the amount of viewers is staggering and the number only keeps rising, but jinwook focuses on the individual users sending messages instead. it’s a relief to see the majority in his native language. “hello and hello and hello,” he says, reading off a string of usernames and greeting each one individually, “and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming~!”

when jinwook releases his finger from the screen, the chat jumps back to life, shifting too quickly to read. he frowns and tries to pause it again. it takes some concentration to read off the unusual username combinations, but he does his best.

💬  :  happy bday 🥳 🥳 🥳 💬  :  you look handsome!!! 💬  :  happy birthday oppa~ 💬  :  thank you for being born 💖🎁🎁 💬  :  bare faced jinwook is the best!

“ah, thank you~ hello!! thank you too~ thank you for being by my side! oh! this one...” jinwook is startled into a laugh at the last comment, bringing a hand over his mouth. when he drops his hand he shows his full face to the camera, grinning. “this is definitely not bare faced jinwook, but, still i appreciate you thinking so~”

as he tries to keep reading, he tilts his head and squints. many of the messages are just full of celebrating emoji or animated emotes. it’s less to parse, but more noise to sort through. “ah, so much emoji in chat, you all must’ve learned from me, huh...” he muses.

after another minute he leans back again, his nerves settled. well, jinwook’s never had much trouble even talking to himself, so it shouldn’t surprise him that speaking to a bustling chat window comes naturally, too.

💬  :  did you have a good day so far?

“i’m happy today!” jinwook answers confidently. “my grandmother always wakes up early on sunday mornings, so i called her on the way to practice! and later tonight i’m going to video call with my family. actually i told my sister what time i was going live, so she might be listening too?” jinwook squints back down at the tablet and bites his lower lip. “ah, the chat is going way too fast to tell...”

💬  :  where are the other members!!

“hmm, training?” jinwook grins. “i’m taking a break to talk for right now~ but we are all working very hard otherwise!” he shares another smile, proud of himself for not mentioning anything further - although if his eyes sparkle, he can’t be held responsible. “they might stop by at the end!”

“that reminds me!” jinwook reaches below the table for his bag, pulling out a fresh journal that jaehyun had gifted him in the morning. he holds it up for the camera, proudly showing off the nice foil accents and the fold-out attachment. “my roommate, haru, got me this really pretty notebook. it’s supposed to work as a real midi keyboard.” jinwook’s runs his fingers over the cover. “he has good timing since i am almost out of pages in my old notebook... i’m excited to use it.”

💬  :  oppa’s hair is cool today!

“my hair, ah..” jinwook reaches absently to touch it, pleased. “it grew!” it’s worn longer than it was for pretty u era, freshly dyed and parted down the middle. he’s lucky he’s even allowed to have it showing for the live right now, since it’s a similar shade to his old cut. “i’m kind of happy, since it feels healthy recently...” he chuckles a little, the compliment leading him to another train of thought.

“speaking of cool, consta, did you guys see our call me baby special stage last week?” jinwook looks up to the camera and leans in, curious. “the concept was slightly darker for us, since unit black is so, you know... cool.” jinwook gestures vaguely but laughs at the understatement. it’s not a big enough word to describe some of the biggest superstars in the industry. “we have songs like rock but it’s different from convex‘s usual image, maybe,” he adds thoughtfully, knowing full well that their next comeback is inching in that direction. “do you think we suited it well?”

💬  :  convex is cool too!

jinwook nods, pleased by the positive responses in the chat. “so it was okay, then?” he laughs a little because of course, they’re all biased fans and he asked for it on his birthday, but it’s still reaffirming. “mmm, it still felt a bit refreshing and funky like convex, too. so i think there can be a middle ground,” he says, as if simply imagining how things could evolve in the future. “something smooth like that stage?”

something smooth. jinwook’s thinking of crazy in love, specifically, but the title song itself is an even bigger departure from their pretty u sound and aesthetic. “ah..” he shakes his head with a sheepish grin, “i think i’m rambling a lot.” jinwook takes a dramatic deep breath and collects his thoughts.

then he shifts away from the tablet to pull up the guitar in his lap. “i wanted to answer a lot of messages, but i actually prepared a song for you, too.” he strums a bright chord for emphasis. “it’s nothing fancy but i thought consta would maybe enjoy something like this. so i don’t have to sing happy birthday to myself, or anything,” he jokes.

🎵  :  heartz / minhee&luda — i’ll be there

“this is one of my favorite songs recently! i thought it would be nice for our fans, too.” it’d been an easy choice when jinwook was preparing for this stream. it’s a recent sphere release, plus he’s been listening to and singing the song since it came out, so he already knew most of the words. still, jinwook pulls up the lyrics on the tablet just in case. since he frames it as a fan song, there’s no need to change the gendered parts, although he doesn’t think he would have bothered, either way. 

jinwook only slows the tempo and lowers the key slightly to fit his guitar and his voice. the song has a different energy with an acoustic guitar instead of the bouncy synths, but it’s just as sweet and upbeat. he takes his time, singing all the way through both verses and two choruses. 

just before the bridge, jinwook trails off with a little smile. “ah, i just practiced up until here so far...” he keeps strumming idly as he leans over the tablet again. the comments flood with cheers that jinwook only can read some pieces of. it feels good, though, and jinwook feels confident about the vibe.

he watches several prying questions about heartz fly by in response, and carefully doesn’t acknowledge any of them. “of course i’ve been cheering for heartz,” is all he says. “i really liked around you and vivid also! and i’m excited for the next singles released this week, too.”

💬  :  please a convex song next!!

“oh,” he says, “a convex song?” jinwook takes a break, first, to roll out his wrists. then he hums in thought, searching for something he could play on the spot. “do you remember this one?”

🎵  :  convex — 20

he transitions into a familiar guitar intro. long-time fans might recognize it as the vocal unit song from convex’s debut album, but jinwook is pleased to introduce it to anyone else who’s unfamiliar. personally, he thinks it has held up pretty well over the past two years. “shh—” he mimics the sharp first line, then smiles as he continues strumming and begins to sing.

the song proves difficult to solo, and jinwook wishes he’d thought to prepare more material ahead of time. a medley could’ve been nice, but with all of the comeback preparations going on..... instead jinwook giggles as he trips over the lyrics, attempting the first verse’s backing and lead vocals both together. “hm..” he mumbles, glancing up at the camera. he casually redoes the section to make a decent recovery, and the chorus soars as intended. 

“ah...” says jinwook wistfully after he eases to a stop, “i’ll have to come back to that one someday. that one is nice to sing to consta, too. i always liked the lyrics a lot. you’re my twenties~”

he taps his fingers against the body of the guitar and is reminded of the special day. “but today my twenties are officially half-over, aren’t they? wah... scary....”

twenty-five. he stares blankly toward the tablet, thinking he should follow up: then i’ll just spend the second half of my twenties with consta!

these days, though, it feels like an unfair promise to make.

💬  :  like a gorilla like a gorilla!

his eye catches on one of the suggestions breezing down the chat window, and it interrupts his brooding with a burst of laughter. “gorilla? de:code’s gorilla?” he repeats. he tries a few chords but they’re not in the right key, and jinwook grins as he puts away his guitar on its stand. “i don’t know, that one would be an interesting acoustic cover.” he sings a little phrase of it anyway, a random adlib from the ending: “girl you make me feel~!”

“but!” he points a finger at the camera, not wanting his opinions to be twisted. “maybe one day i could cover their song beautiful, or i’m fine from predebut!”

💬  :  what are you listening to recently?

“hmm... what is new?” jinwook absently adjusts his elastic party hat elastic and pulls out his phone. “i like lee hi’s holo! per_se have a nice summer album.. with o sole mio, and of course...” jinwook hits a pretty falsetto as he opens the music app: “this is how i feel about you, twilight~”

“it’s like twilight, yeah~” he flicks through his playlist and wonders if he should just share screenshots of the whole thing on fancafe. “ah, and eclipse’s comeback!” he adds. “look, isn’t the album cover pretty?” his screen is probably illegible, when he holds it up close to show the camera, but at least his enthusiasm is clear. “i like their night side the best, with that unique rock sound...” jinwook pauses, and reconsiders. “actually, navillera was totally my style, too.” he shakes his head and grins. “eclipse is definitely cool no matter what.”

💬  :  it is already 4 in the morning here why 😭

english. jinwook has glazed over every message in foreign languages but he laughs at this one. he trips over a stilted reading of the comment, and quickly switches back to korean to answer. “i’m sorry ahh, next time i have to think of different timezones, right?” he tilts his head. “mm, it seems impossible to find a good time for everyone all around the world? but i’m happy you could visit with me for even a little bit. please make sure to rest well~” as an afterthought, he finishes in english: “and goodnight~”

💬  :  can you show a rap verse? 

“rapping?” jinwook’s eyes light up at the suggestion, and he laughs out loud. “can i tell a secret?” it’s not the right question to ask, judging by the staff’s reaction. but jinwook leans in sneakily, and continues despite their concerned looks. “we tried to switch parts for adore u once, so i learned seungcheol’s rap! that choi seungcheol,” he says with a grin, “has pretty good expressions on stage these days... his parts are fun! i like practicing his pretty u verse, too.”

he tells the story casually, although that part switch was not just boredom in the practice rooms, but an official planned anniversary release. that weekend in incheon is still a fond memory despite the disappointment of never getting to see the final edit.

he rolls his shoulders. “anyway, i don’t have the nice low voice for it, but there is a little melody to his parts a lot of the time...” jinwook postures up for full effect and puts on his best rapper expression. “how can you dazzle so much? you’re so pretty it’s—”

it’s probably for the best that he is interrupted by a loud knock and a rowdy chorus of happy birthday starting right outside the door.

➡️  :  continued in part two...

[penultimateapogee]

hey dude for the music challenge u should do ALL OF EM

heh heh heh... such was my plan ALL ALONG. i will now use this ask as the place to do it (here’s the post btw)

1. A song that reminds you of your childhood: anything from Fiddler On The Roof (the original Broadway cast recording)... my dad loves Fiddler On The Roof and he used to play it all the time

2. A song to sleep to: heh, anything at 2am. but really New York And Back by Leanne & Naara

3. A song that your best friend loves: oh god, really? cmon i cant just know that...! ummmm mazie and i had a really in depth running conversation about her favorite music about two years ago but im forgetting it all. im PRETTY SURE Venus Ambassador by Bryan Scary & the Shredding Tears was the inspiration for her OC Stuart who we both love and occasionally develop

4. A song that hypes you the fuck up: HEH ANYTHING....! oh my god this is a haaaaard one because of how many options i have!!! but also: Awaken by Riot Games feat. Valerie Broussard, because WHEN THE DEVIL IS KNOCKINGGGGGGGGG... SO ALL YOU RESTLESS

5. A song you like to daydream to: i can only say “heh anything” so many times!! literally i daydream to basically every single song; its foundational to how i consume music. i’ll bring out the real heavy hitter now and say Follow You Down by Zedd feat. Bright Lights. ive got some REAL good daydreams for that one

6. A song that’s on at least 3 of your playlists: *breath in* no just kidding, i do my best to make sure my playlists arent too similar. the day you stop me from putting I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers on every character playlist is the day i die tho

7. A song that you love from a genre you don’t usually like: this should be easy; lemme just flip through my catalog of “songs i bought independent of their albums because i was building an 8tracks playlist in iTunes”... actually no, Planetary (GO!) by My Chemical Romance! i dont usually like whatever subgenre of rock MCR is all that much but this one GOES (fittingly shjfdis)

8. A song that you liked when you where 10 that still slaps: Der Kommissar by Falco. no fucking hesitation. i can thank my fluent-in-german mom for this one

9. A song that makes you want to go on an adventure: Zero by Imagine Dragons! ive daydreamed some poppin’ space adventures to that one

10. A song you’d want to dance with your partner to ( or future partner ): so, so much... NOT Jenny by Studio Killers because i just wanna make out to that one; maybe I Go Crazy by Paul Davis

11. A song to stomp around and pout to: difficult, because when i pout, i pout like grimbark jade, in that i go “actually im better than everyone and you can all smd.” then again, having made that clear, Roman Holiday by Nikki Minaj (shoutout: @floralmarsupial for killing me with that lyricstuck)

12. A song to listen to whilst you lie in a meadow: Folding Chair by Regina Spektor. TOO EASY

13. A song that reflects your views on love: uhhhhh. huh. polyam moments? no songs about polyamory moments? being polyamorous fundamentally affects my views on love in a way im not sure ive ever heard a song capture moments? Hot Air Balloon by Owl City because i’ll be out of my mind, and you’ll be out of ideas pretty soon, so let’s spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon

14. A song to sing to the sun: i feel like its probably not the intended spirit of this question, but Coming Over (feat. James Hersey) by Dillon Francis & Kygo. im usually more of a nighttime girl but honestly? call me xoxo

15. A song you like that sounds like its on the soundtrack to an indie coming of age film: ohhhh my gooooddddd literally any fucking Bastille song. any of them. thats like their whole angle and i LIVE for it. im picking Snakes because snakes are biting at my heels, the worries that refuse to let us go; ive been kicking them away and hoping not to let them take control

16. A song that you like that romanticises being a teenager: i would love to say Teen Idle by MARINA for the irony but i cant bring myself to. (ill still link it tho.) real answer is Centuries by Fall Out Boy, because whether or not it actually romanticises being a teen i just feel it yknow

17. A song that makes you want to grab your friends jump up and down dancing and screaming the lyrics: why did they write a question to which the only answer is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? i dont get it. just kidding another acceptable answer is Toxic by Britney Spears (my white is showing im sure)

18. A song that you like that the lyrics are just so beautiful they’re practically poetry: well actually i have such good taste that every song i listen to is poetry. (trying to remember the lyrics i cried to out of nowhere yesterday. oh right it was The Draw by Bastille but most of it doesnt fit the question as much) ANY Hozier song. im linking his fucking artist page because im NOT KIDDING. ANY HOZIER SONG. i toyed with picking a specific song as an “also, it’s this one haha” but no, im dead serious. i cant pick just one

19. A song that you can imagine listening to in an abandoned church ( if it isn’t hozier im judging you, but whatever ): ironic! to pick a specific Hozier song this time (because op is right, he’s the only choice), Talk

20. A song from the soundtrack of a film that you like so much after the film finished you immediately looked for it: hm, i feel like i have done this before, but i cant recall when... well i didnt go “oh fuck bop [blacks out]” but Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. remember Thor: Ragnarok? that was a good movie

21. A song for when the sun has gone down and you are feeling absolutely buck-wild with exhilaration!: Lost In Japan (Remix) by Shawn Mendes & Zedd, because no song hits my city-hotel aesthetic quite like this one does

22. A song that makes you feel like you’re strolling through Ancient Greece living your best life: ancient Greece...! that throws a fun twist in it; Don’t Leave Me (Ne me quitte pas) by Regina Spektor

23. A song that when you listen to it you’re transported to a liminal space, time is pointless and you must sit and wallow in the void that remains: Shots (Broiler Remix) by Imagine Dragons feat. Broiler. i glanced at this question early on and have been sitting on it the whole time. just LISTEN to it

23. A song to listen to on a long drive when you have the really strong urge to keep driving until you find somewhere to start a new life (preferably a europian city whose language you don’t speak): Evelyn by Kim Tillman & Silent Films. it just called to me here

im a little sad that i couldnt put every song ive ever listened to in here so heres some more good ones that i didnt choose: Citrine by Hayley Kiyoko (this is actually a whole EP), Lone Digger by Caravan Palace, Safe And Sound by Capital Cities, Absentee by Jack Campbell, River Flows In You by Yiruma, Instant Crush by Daft Punk, Link by Jim Yosef, Poke Bowl by Radiant Children, Optimistic by cehryl, Quiet by Lights, Superposition by Young the Giant, Far Too Young To Die by Panic! at the Disco, The Good, the Bad and the Dirty also by P!atD, Whatever It Takes by Hollywood Undead, LUNARIA (instrumental) by Chouchou. i know thats easily enough to make your eyes glaze over but mutuals especially it would mean a lot to me if you listened to at least a few of the songs i linked in this post because music means a lot to me and sharing it with other people is one of my favorite things :]

[defdaily]

[TRANSLATION] HIGH CUT Magazine August 2017 issue - JJ PROJECT: You are my destiny

High Cut 203 July 2017 JJ PROJECT : You are my destiny

Translated by igot7_markp

B-boy Lim Jaebeom and Park Jinyoung from Jinhae met for the first time in 2009. It happened during JYP Entertainment 5th public trainee recruitment audition in Seoul. Two boys, whose registration numbers stood one after another as 24th and 25th, were able to leave behind 10 thousand people and get the first place together for the first time in the history. They debuted in drama "Dreamhigh 2" together, released album as JJ Project, promoted with group GOT7 and their hearts literally beat in synch. After 5 years JJ Project came back again. Now in their twenties. JB and Jinyoung, who were involved in producing music and writing lyrics for all 8 songs, stayed humble throughout the interview, but also slightly radiated self-confidence and ambitions. Story of two men, whose side profiles look alike, and who without regrets dedicated themselves to everything, without highlighting specific point but concentrating on every single one at once.

LIM JAEBEOM

Our indestructible relationship with Jinyoung is that kind of relationships, when later you'll be side by side even under the gravestone

Q: After 5 years JJ Project's still staying together and released album on July, 31. You uploaded on homepage "track cards" where you personally read one line from the songs you've written yourself. "Fade Away" lyrics was the really strong ones. "Always shutting my mouth, claiming it's love, you make me forget what kind of person I am" – is it something you've experienced?

JB: Both experience and imagination. First song's theme is the one that always big and common – "thing that bothers me". Sinking into that theme, I wrote basing both on my experience and imagination.

Q: You have been involved in producing and writing all 8 tracks. Which song one was the hardest to write?

JB: "Icarus" and out title track "Tomorrow, Today". Even though the theme of "Icarus" was clear picking right words were hard, therefore I had really a lot of worries. In the beginning when I started working on "Tomorrow, Today" I wasn't entirely sure what I should write about. Park Jinyoung PD-nim cleared it out for me. But for me it's more important to think of what I wanted to write when I've just listened to the music (for the first time). It was difficult to write lyrics about feelings you have, standing on the crossroad not sure of the choice you should make, so people of my age can empathize with it.

Q: I heard that the first thing you do in the morning after getting up is reading three lines from the book out loud? Seems like regular reading also helps you with writing.

JB: Ah, this is completely in the past. (laughing hard) Now as soon as I open my eyes in the morning I'm feeding the cats.

Q: Thinking of it, you own three, right? Nora, Koonta and Odd. Actually I was wondering if those scratches on your arms are cat's work.

JB: That's right. But scratches are not from the cat I own but from the stray cat. I was feeding stray cats and decided to slightly touch them. (smiles) When I walk down the street and meet cats, I don't want to scare them and just quickly go to the nearby convenient store and buy can of tuna to feed them. I also make sure that some food is remained. Because this is the only thing I can do for them.

Q: Seems like you are "Cat's Butler" to the core. I heard you had to be apart with your beloved Nora but now you are back together.

JB: Yes. In fact, originally all GOT7 members used to live together in one dorm, but now a few people moved out. In the beginning I shared the room with Youngjae and it suddenly appeared that kid is allergic to cats. That's why I asked members to change room arrangement a little bit, but all of them refused. (smiles) So I had to leave Nora in the other place for a while. When members moved out and each of us had separate room, I brought her back and she recognized me. When parents drove Nora back to me, she kept crying in the car. But as soon as I appeared in the car and said "Hi, Nora" she stopped crying immediately.

Q: No one wanted to change the rooms with their charismatic leader? (smile)

JB: I gave up a lot. (smile) I'm not sunbae for children, it's more like we are people of the same age group who are working on music together. But I'm really straightforward. That's why when I'm going around in conversation, I'm not sure children understand it and it feels awkward. So instead I'm just extremely cautious, when I talk.

Q: During JJ Project promotion you put GOT7's leader role slightly aside, right? To be honest it's kind of relieving, isn't it?

JB: It is. Really relieving. But I still have another burdens. Two people need to cover space that was filled with 7 people. Since me and Jinyoung don't have really entertaining character, I am worrying a lot if it will be too serious.

Q: I found an interview you gave when you started first activities. Back then it was 19 years old JB. You were asked to describe your teen years in one word and that word was "secret". How about JB's twenties?

JB: I'm still 24. For now, if you ask me, the word is "Vain". There are people who say that you shouldn't think too much and enjoy the time during your twenties, but if I think twice, I think I could have done a little bit better. If to say concretely, I could have been more careful and smart – and now it's a pity.

Q: But after debut you continuously worked hard. After JJ Project you filmed in "Dreamhigh 2" and then after GOT7 debut you promoted quite successfully.

JB: I'm just like that. I often think only about regretting things. With this album, too, when I listened it fully and finished mastering, I felt unsatisfied. "I could have done a little bit better. It's already late to fix it, right?" – this is what I was thinking about. (smile) I put efforts not to lose the heart I had in the beginning (rookie mindset).

Q: If you started to talk about rookie days, as I remember, you were a b-boy before becoming a JYPE trainee, right? I heard during each practice you only ate 1000 won worth vegetable crackers.

JB: Ah, back then we didn't have practice room, so we practiced in metro station. Since I was a student I didn't have money, but because I danced a lot I got hungry fast. Three packs of vegetable crackers costed 1000 won at that time, so I ate them as the refreshment.

Q: You applied for JYP auditions and shared first place with Jinyoung-ssi, right? Then you debuted together as JJ Project, filmed together in "Dreamhigh 2", made it together to GOT7 and now you are coming back as a duet once again. Your relationships must be really indestructible.

JB: Yes, they really are!! Seems like we will be side by side even under the gravestone. (laughs hard) I accidentally saw what fans write. How I do something or Jinyoung does something and we are copying each other's moves exactly in the same way. Unconsciously.

Q: In 2012 interview to the question "JJ Project's position?" you replied "Bottom". Now?

JB: Still bottom. Even though we gained some proficiency, after being left for 5 years I think we need to consider it as starting from the bottom again. The music that was there 5 years ago and music that is coming out now is significantly different. And there are so many skillful singers in the music world nowadays. (smile)

Q: Then I will change my question. Till what floor you want to go up during this promotions?

JB: Hm…If there are 10 floors, I guess till 3,5? The situation when you have already passed the third floor and on your way to the fourth?

Q: Is there a tip you want to give to fans so they can enjoy this album more?

JB: I can't recommend anything. Please, check everything. We put a lot of effort in it. Not only into music, but also into other things. In order to our face and body not look fat, we skipped dinners and got slimmer. (smile) We paid a lot of attention to everything – starting from music video and finishing with clothes. Even when we left the studio we kept sending and receiving ideas via mail, so songs would become even better. We really worker hard. So, please, check everything. (smile)

PARK JINYOUNG

"The day" is the song, I wrote in the plane, when I listened to music and started longing for parents

Q: When decision regarding JJ Project was done, how did you feel?

JY: I honestly asked the company: why now of all time? Since I though there a lot of things we had to accomplish as GOT7. Then I received reply from company that we would represent GOT7 and show people the different color of the group, so it would help GOT7 to grow more. I was infatuated with this answer. (smile)

Q: I guess during album preparations you have also felt how much you have improved yourself.

JY: Somehow comparing to us 5 years ago, we allow yourself more. Ah, and my throat stopped aching. When we prepared first album, my voice broke and also I didn't sing a lot. I only did rap and sang occasionally so my voice had gone. This time my voice cords definitely became stronger. I feel like I found comfortable tone for my voice.

Q: I heard the lyrics you have written are poetic. Especially, "Coming Home" lyrics. "When the emptiness passes, the cold wind blows. When the longing passes, the spring rain falls"…

JY: This is the lyrics I wrote in the airplane while listening to New Age's song. Suddenly I missed my parents so much and felt really melancholic. So I wrote down what my heart felt. When we composed album I found the song that suited those lyrics a lot.

Q: Looking at lyrics, team colors changed significantly after 5 years.

JY: I think it's just two opposites. It's been really bright back then. This time it's a light-beat youth song, which we can sing and dance to.

Q: Which song is your favorite?

JY: My solo song "The Day". I wrote the story I wanted to tell a lot. I can explain what this song is about in one sentence: "That day, when I thought everything was good, that day, when it went away from me so easily and it felt like the world will crumble down, it's vanishing like it was nothing". I live with the thought that things I always liked aren't really good things and things I disliked aren't really bad things. No matter how great the sadness or happiness was, after 1 year the memories of it will start vanishing.

Q: When you read the lyrics you've written yourself, haven't it made you embarrassed or cringe?

JY: I did it with one thought. "I must do it. I can only go home after I finish it smoothly. I have no time. I need to go (home) fast". (smile)

Q: I found an interview that you gave after debut in 2012. In it you explained your teen years as "Preparation". How will you explain your twenties in one word?

JY: Twenties are "Warm-up". (Isn't it and teen years' description same?) Undoubtedly different. Making analogy with health, teen age is like changing clothes. Twenties is like exercising on running machine and riding the bicycle to make your body slightly hot. Since I'm only 24, I haven't "sweated" yet. I guess sweat will appear at 29.

Q: In that interview you talked really detailed about your ideal type. "I'd like if she has something to say when we're sitting in a café and talking. And I wish her face would be natural. Even if she does something to it, it should still be natural in my eyes. I like big eyes and well-defined features. No fringe, just long natural hair falling down her spine. About clothes – just jeans, shirt and converse".

JY: I remember why I said this. It was influenced by Shin Minah sunbaenim's "My girlfriend is a nine-tailed fox". Whenever I receive questions about my ideal type, I describe main heroine from the film or drama I watched and was impressed by. That's why I don't have ideal type now – I didn't watch love story movies recently. (smile) Although I watch movies a lot.

Q: Your hobby is "watching movies alone".

JY: I watched 5 movies over the last few days. "Dunkirk", "Hedwig", "Amazing Spiderman", "My love" and one more. "Dunkirk" is like three part space novel, that cross each other. I like it even more because it has short running time. I cried watching "My love". It's a real story, so tears come out naturally. I'm happy when I watch movies alone. You can fully concentrate not caring about others. And also each time I watch movies I talk to myself. When character does something disappointing, I'm saying: "Aigoo, why are you like that?". I can't do something like this in front if others. (smile)

Q: Even being really busy you find time to watch movies. Do you master your acting?

JY: I really watch it without any thoughts; though people say you should go to study while watching. (smile) No matter how good actor plays, it's not easy to analyze acting. I also visited Pixar Animation exhibition recently.

Q: When you come around don't people recognize you?

JY: When they recognize they are like "It's Jinyoung, right?" and I reply "Right, but sheesh". They recognize me, but since they are not fans, they don't follow me. (smile)

Q: You are constantly busy with one thing or another. You played a role of university student who haven't had girlfriend even once and dreams of becoming a civil worker in 2017 web-drama "Magic School" produced by JYP Pictures, right? The shooting has just finished. It's the first time you play twenty-years old, isn't it?

JY: It is. Even if it's an act, I liked to experience the living of ordinary 20-year-old. Thing I envy the most is an opportunity to live with your family under one roof. It's been a year since I last visited my parent's home.

Q: I visited fan-café on my way (to the interview). You pay a lot attention to fans, so they gave you a nickname "Fan-Jal-Al" (the one, who knows fans). When I looked through SNS, what caught my eyes is that whenever GOT7 fans went to the trips they dress their official goods' dolls "GOTOON" and make prove shots with it. Have you known about it?

JY: No, really? (Manager: You haven't seen even once?) Since I don't use SNS, I didn't know at all. Wah, I'm so sorry right now. Sincerely, thank you. Even though traveling is the time for yourself, they are even going all the way long to bring GOTOONs and dress them. Once the interview finishes, I will search and take a look for sure. When I go for a trip, I will also take a picture with goods and upload it.

Q: Fans highly anticipates JJ Project's comeback. 5 years ago when you were asked "What is JJ Project's position?", you replied "20th floor underground". In your opinion till what floor you will be able to climb with this album?

JY: 5th ground floor? Because on the 5th floor JYP management office is located. Our company's top floor. (laugh hard) I don't have regrets about this album. We have done everything we could. We put our stories in it. Please, enjoy it a lot.

Translated by @igot_markedby7

Interview and photos scans - @GGOONERR_

All rights reserved by HIGH CUT magazine and JYPE

[xocookiest]

Lesbian Asks!

Note: **I am not a lesbian, but some of these questions do pertain to me a lot. So, I’m answering all these questions because I think it might be something silly and fun to do while I’m self-quarantining. So, excuse the jokes I have made, bits of sarcasm, or if I go a little bit too dark or something for you all. And, if you guys have any questions or need any further clarification about some of the answers I have given. I’m going to be opening up my ask box for a couple of days to answer them, but you’re more than welcome to shoot me a private message. Just keep it respectful and civil, please and thank you. ** 

1) Femme or butch?

         a) Femme Fatale. The character archetype that has drawn in millions of men and women through literature, art, and now the media over the course of centuries because of her mysterious allure, charm, and wit. As it is a thrilling and intriguing experience because you just don’t quite know what the person might do next and it makes you keep guessing, but it also can be an extremely deep and rewarding relationship without words ever being spoken. Plus, I’ve always loved a good mystery to try and solve. And, one of them obviously being the consciousness of the human mind. 

2) Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

          a) Hm…. I wouldn’t say I have a “type”, but I think I would like a person who would respect my boundaries, honor their commitments, be honest about their mistakes in life, acknowledge their faults, and be willing to change and grow to better themselves, have morals, values, and commitments that they can stick to because it would prove to me in some way that they are loyal. At least to something. However, that’s something difficult to serve up on a platter. So, let’s just say my “type” is a person who has flaws, but is a good-natured person and is trying their best to be the best version of themselves they can be.

3) Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

         a) What if you own a bunch of plaid button-ups and leather jackets in your closet? What do I do with that? Wait. Is this a preference of style on a person? Uh…. I’m going to have to skip because I don’t really have one. Mostly, because a woman can look good in both and kick a guy’s ass while doing it. So…. yeah. No preference. 

4) Describe your style

        a) Jeans. Long-sleeve/T-Shirt. Jacket/Hoodie/Cape. Boots/Tennis Shoes. Minimal/ No Makeup. Occasional Dress, Shorts, Heels, and Sandals. Minimal Makeup/Full Makeup Routine (DO NOT HAVE at least currently). Those are the most common things you’ll find me wearing. But, here’s the kicker. Comfortability. I repeat. Comfortability. I can’t tell you how many times my heels have bled while wearing regular shoes or heels while walking on them or bruised the side of my toes or feet while wearing flats or sandals. Ugh. Fashion does not need to be painful people. You can look good and be comfortable in your own skin without being in pain. Plus, who wants to feel like your dress is falling off you between your legs while you’re at an event? Other than when you’re having sex or at least about to do so.

5) Describe your aesthetic

           a) Um, okay there is no cute way to describe this. I’m a nerd. I like playing video games late into the night, reading books, comics, or manga for hours that I forget the last time I ate, diving into a new anime, K-drama, or old cartoon that I stay up till the next morning watching, struggling to write and publish stories, and doing cosplays while meeting new and interesting people. But I also love watching documentaries about history, science, and art. I can’t stand to be inside too long because I feel claustrophobic and it reminds me of being trapped in a room with someone I don’t particularly like. So, I take hour long walks in my neighborhood, woods, forest, cities, and beaches while blasting really loud music that will probably damage my ears in the long run. So, don’t expect me to hear a single thing you’ve said when I have them on because it takes forever to get my attention since I have such a one-track mind. Plus, I’m terrible at cooking almost burnt down my friend’s house once with a microwave. Hence, why I prefer doing the prep work, dishes, and gardening. Though, don’t ask me to slaughter a live chicken. I can’t do it. 

6) Favorite article of clothing?

           a) A jacket. Did you expect anything else?

7) Favorite pair of shoes?

          a) Boots. Specifically, Steel-Toed Boots. So, if you ever drop anything heavy on yourself, it doesn’t hurt as much or if someone is really bothering you. It gives you an extra kick.

8) Current haircut?

         a) Long Hair w/ side bangs. I’m cutting it for the summer to be above my shoulders just because summers are just hot and long hair is just difficult to deal with when it is hot and sticky on your face.

9) Any haircut goals for the future?

        a) I’m hoping at some point I can get some red ombre at the ends of my hair because it adds a nice accent, but it’s not really necessary. I just really cut my hair shorter in the summer and let it grow the rest of the time. So, I’m not overtly cold in the winter/fall. 

10) Describe the best date you’ve been on

        a) I haven’t had one yet. So, really can’t tell you that one.

11) Describe the worst date you’ve been on

        a) Can’t really tell you one that’s been that bad. Since I think every date has its worse and best points in a date. But maybe there is one and I just haven’t realized it yet. Does a guy who leaves you on the curbside count? Seriously, though. What counts as a worst date for you guys?

12) Single? Taken?

          a) Single. Definitely, single. You can tell by how my friends get overly excited any time I’ve tried dating anyone or tried setting me up with someone they think would be a good match. Most of the time I think they’re giddier than I am about me going on a date with someone. My gosh. Actually, rewrite. I’m not giddy at all I’m just a bottle of nerves they just try to settle down before I actually go on the actual date. Lol.

13) If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

         a) You know, I would love to do this because it just would make me smile to read it. But, unfortunately. I don’t have one to talk about. So, if any of you have a girlfriend or wife you want to talk about here. Please do it. I want to read your stories. 

14) If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

         a) Err…. I’m not actually looking for anything in particular, really. I just want them to be a nice and good person who I can spend hours talking and spending time with and want to spend time with. Is that too much of an ask to the great universe of the world? 

15) Describe your dream wedding

         a) My dream wedding is having a small wedding with family and friends that love and support me and my relationship with my partner. I don’t really have an idea of what I really want for it, but what’s important is celebrating your relationship with the person you love. Maybe, outside? But, then you have to think about the weather and what’d it be like. So, maybe I should do it indoors. I don’t know, alright. I thought a wedding would always be something that you and your partner would discuss and figure out together, I guess. 

16) Do you want kids?

        a) What if you already have one? What happens then? Though, as of this moment I do not. I love them, don’t get me wrong and I would really love to adopt a child who really does need a home, but I’m just not financially stable to do so currently or am staying in one place long enough that would make a stable life for one. Hence, no kids currently.

17) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

        a) Um, that’s a difficult question currently because my plan is to travel the world? So, is around the world a good answer because I’ve never actually felt at home anywhere and the last place, I really felt at home was in my hometown in California. But that isn’t really home anymore either. So…. yeah. I don’t really have a particular place I want to call home or live. Anybody have any ideas on that?

18) Favorite lesbian movie?

        a) I’ve only ever watched one lesbian film called, Jenny’s Wedding. Which hit a little too close to home at the time. So, I only could watch the film in bits. But if anyone has any recommendations, I’m open to them. Just shoot me a message.

19) Favorite lesbian novel/story?

          a) Okay, I love reading books. But this is the one thing lacking in my repertoire. Please recommend me something intriguing to read. I can’t stand the idiocy of human male and female relationship anymore currently. It is driving me nuts. So, I’m asking please let me go insane with other stories not dominated by male and female relationship. Otherwise, I would highly recommend you guys try reading Queen of Thieves. It’s a choice story written by several different writers for Lovestruck. So, you have several different partners that you can choose from. But, my god. The route for Vivienne Tang is just a gold mine and I’m salivating for the next season because it’s just so freaking good. If you’re reading this xekstrin. I love your work there and know that if you were to ever write a novel. I’m buying it. No questions asked. Oh, and tell your wife, “Hi!” for me too! =)

20) Favorite lesbian song?

         a) Okay, so this sounds terrible. But I don’t have one because I just like the sound of the music, sound, or lyrics and it changes frequently. Not to say, that I don’t have any lesbian songs in my playlist because I probably do. However, I did look up some songs? And, apparently 1950 by King Princess from my Spotify playlist is one of them. So…. I probably have more, and I just don’t realize that they are there because I have a tendency of fantasizing about scenarios based upon the song and lyrics anyhow. But if anyone has any recommendation for songs. I’m down to listen to any of them. 

21) Favorite lesbian musician?

          a) So, I’m terrible with names and I barely ever look up an artist or even what their sexual orientation is. So, I’m going to have to say I don’t have one because I honestly don’t even have a favorite musician and even if I did, I don’t think I’d even know if they were lesbian. But I probably do have some lesbian musicians in my Spotify playlist? I just don’t think anything of it because if you like the sound, music, and lyrics then you listen to more of their music. At least that’s how I think about it. But it is different for other people. So, that’s understandable. Everyone has different tastes and ways they enjoy music. However, if you know some artists with songs, you’d think I’d enjoy. Shoot me a message.

22) What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

       a) What stereotypes? Can someone please educate me on this subject? Also, why? Other than, the reason it’s easier to identify the type of person because as much as I think it is utterly rude to do so I have to admit there is some truth to them. But not everything you hear about a particular stereotype is true. For example, not all goths are dark and brooding or wear black constantly. However, this might be a consistent part of their wardrobe because its comfortable or it’s their favorite color. So, sue them for wearing dark clothing and being interested in something they like. 

23) Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

       a) Oh god, yes. If you’ve ever met a girl who you’ve ever wanted to be more than friends with and they say, “You’re such a great friend.” That’s just your heart breaking into a million pieces, dude. Hope you have a dustpan and a lot of glue because that’s going to take a while to work through with all the tears and blood spilled over it. So…. yeah. 

24) If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

        a) Uh…. I have no idea. I guess you’d have to date me to figure that out. Lol.

25) Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

       a) I’m not one, but I can tell you what I admire about you guys. And, that’s your strength because you guys take on so much scrutiny and blame for things in media and even in your own communities and that takes a lot of strength to do. So, I’m proud of you guys for being so strong and supporting each other when things get tough. For those of you who are still in the closet, I hope one day you find a safe place where you can come out to your loved ones and be comfortable with who you are because finding that place is just as important as finding the person you want to spend forever with too.

26) Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

      a) Totally, a dog person. Mostly, because my friends keep telling me I look like a kicked puppy every time they tell me we can’t do something. Like go to the nearest frozen yogurt shop after just eating out at a restaurant or doing something inappropriately dangerous. Though, I’ve been living with like three different cats for almost two to three years now on and off. So, maybe. I’m actually a cat person. 

27) Turn ons?

     a) Wit. You can’t honestly say you wouldn’t love a woman who could tease you with her extensive vocabulary and had you begging on your knees for more. Would you?

28) Turn offs?

     a) Arrogance. Look, if all you care about is yourself and how important you are to the world. Then, that’s great and good for you. But that really doesn’t leave a lot of room for you and I that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed your space and time alone when you need it or even to celebrate your achievements, but also give your partner that same respect too.  

29)Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

      a) I actually try not to ask them out, but it always ends in failure. So…. yeah. I ask them out. 

30) What is your dream career?

      a) To be able to work as a traveling librarian while being an investigative reporter that writes novels and scripts for film and tv, but also can work on film and tv sets as part of their set or run crew when I’m not traveling or writing. That’s a dream. Really, it is my dream career. 

31) Talk about your interests or hobbies!

      a) I think I’ve spoken about them in length enough. So, I suppose I’ll just tell you what you can probably find me doing on a regular Friday night. Which is watching a show intently on my television or laptop and screaming at the screen or reading a book on the bed or couch with my ear plugs on while drinking sprite and hot cocoa with a blanket wrapped around me. 

32) What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

      a) Again, I don’t know I think it really depends on the person you are with because the thing that you find initially attractive might not be same after you get to know them. Not to say, that it is a bad thing. But that love is sort of evolving and as your relationship grows with the person, you’re with the things you love about the person will change too. So, I think that the most attractive quality a woman can have is just being able to be genuine or be comfortable with themselves because if it feels forced. It’ll feel forced to the other person too. I guess. Am I making any sense here?

33) Do you love easily, or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

      a) That’s a difficult question because sometimes it takes time for me to warm up to someone, I don’t really know all that well when I first meet them and other times, I’m really open about it. I think it really depends on the person, though. 

34) Ever fallen for your best-friend?

      a) Yes. My best friend in high school. She and I had been friends since 7th grade in middle school. We used to talk and hangout all the time after school using a messenger application and I hadn’t realized it until much later. But, by that point she was already with someone else and I didn’t really want to impose my feelings or strain the relationship. Though, I’m pretty sure her girlfriend at the time knew something was up because I don’t think she liked me very much. Though, understandable considering things. So, eventually the relationship sort of faded out as she started hanging out with my friends and I less and less as her and her girlfriend got closer.

35) Ever fallen for a straight girl?

    a) That’s a good question. I probably have and passed it off as me just being a caring friend. Which, with my sexual orientation becomes a little difficult to differentiate between sometimes, anyhow. Seriously, it is a freaking headache. 

36) The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

   a) Are you talking about the word lesbian or love because I don’t necessarily hate the word on either side of things it’s just…? Can we (people) really not think of a better word to describe it? I mean. I know it’s pretty hard to find a word that encompasses the meaning of something, but people make up words all the time. But I think for right now the word lesbian works and is fine. So, thoughts?

37) Favorite comfort food?

    a) Soup. There is literally no other food that makes me feel happier when I’m sick or upset. Especially, if it’s made by someone you love because it makes it all the more special. Though, don’t be surprised if I ask for seconds and then just skip to dessert instead.

38) Coffee or tea?

    a) Tea. I don’t drink coffee as much. It’s just too bitter for me, not that there aren’t teas that aren’t bitter, but I’ve always had to put so much sugar and milk into my coffee that it doesn’t make any sense to just waste the coffee. Hence, any time I get coffee it goes straight to my mom or one of my friends who practically runs on it. And, I just don’t do that as often when I’m drinking tea. Except, for Thai Tea. Which basically is like coffee for me.

39) Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

    a) Neither. I’m willing to try vegan food, though. Just don’t expect me to be entirely excited about it. 

40) Do you have any pets?

    a) I have a cannibalistic goldfish. And, before you ask. Yes, she does eat other fish. I call her Cannibal, it used to be Christy. But, now it’s just Cannibal. 

41) Early-riser or night-owl?

    a) Night-Owl. I can’t seem to get up that early for some odd reason. Oh, well. I try to, though. Key word: Try.

42) What is your sign?

     a) Are you asking what my astrology sign is? If you are it’s a Cancer. I was born on the 6th of July. Apparently, I was supposed to be a 4th of July baby. Lol, that would have been an event. However, if you’re asking what year I was born then I’m going to have to say I was born in the Year of the Ox in the element of fire. You can probably figure out the rest from there I suppose. 

43) Can you drive?

      a) Yeah, I drive. I’ve only been driving for a couple of years, though. I am actually really terrified of driving on the road. It’s why it took so long for me to get my license and that I actually don’t particularly like driving. I’d actually prefer if I could walk, fly, bike, subway, train or bus somewhere, but most places in the United States don’t have much of a transportation system that is consistent or reliant enough to do so here. Unless, you live in a bustling city like New York. Hence, we have overpriced dangerous honking killing machines zipping through the roads. So, drive safely guys. 

44) Who was your first lesbian crush?

       a) My first lesbian crush? Hm…. a girl I met in college I guess? She was in the same major and courses I was but was a year behind me technically. She was a really intelligent and nice person, though I wasn’t able to actually hangout with her as much because I had other priorities at the time. The funny thing was I didn’t even know she was a lesbian until a friend of mine told me when the two of us went to trivia night at a bar that my friends and I frequented. Now, before you ask. How could you not know? And, my answer is I’m an oblivious child. Seriously, I have a bucket of stories that will tell you that along with my friends who have stood or sat right next to me and watched a girl or guy flirt with me and ask me out and I being a completely dense human being. Don’t catch it.

45) At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

      a) Hm…. when did I know I liked girls? Probably forever ago just didn’t want to admit to it because I was told so many times it wasn’t “right” to do so. But, I don’t think I really knew officially until I was in high school when my friends at lunch one time all spoke about some guy or girl they liked, and I didn’t really have anyone in particular I liked at all. Well, I did. Just didn’t tell her because I was in denial at the time that I wanted more than just a friendship. Which, is a situation I think a lot of people have been in before. 

46) At what age did you come out (if you have)?

      a) Came out to my close friends in college freshman year. But technically I told my grandmother way before that when I was in 4th/5th grade one time when I was really upset about a bunch of kids bullying me at school and just outrightly told her when she asked if I liked anyone and I said, “I don’t like anyone. Boys suck and I don’t even really like girls all that much either.” And, she laughed then said that’s okay. Just focus on doing what you like to do, and the rest will sort itself out. Plus, boys and girls can be really immature anyhow. (Apologies, to my little brother if you ever read this. But you have to admit you were a real brat to handle as a child. Love you, anyhow though.) Then, I unwillingly came out to my parents after graduating from college when I got wrapped up in some family drama. Woof, that was a horse. But it is over with now. Nothing, I can do about it now. 

47) Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

     a) Hahaha……. yeah. But she is currently unavailable and that’s okay. I’m not really in any rush to be in a relationship currently.

48) Talk about how your day went

     a) What do you talk about when you are stuck in quarantine? Do you tell the internet you spent the last three days trying to finish answering a Lesbian Ask! Questionnaire because you were really bored and was tired of staring at job applications all day? Because that’s what happened. 

49) Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

    a). I hope that one day I get to settle down somewhere and call it home. Have a loving partner, a kid, a dog, and two cats. And hopefully, it’ll be somewhere in New York or at least close to there because it seems like every single one of my friends plans on moving there at some point. Lol. 

50) Least favorite gay celebrity?

     a) Wow. Great question. No idea. Lol. Like I said. I don’t know much about celebrities and their sexual orientation because it shouldn’t matter what someone’s sexual orientation is. Since it shouldn’t change a person perspective about you because you’re still you. Nothing’s changed. Just the fact that your friends, family, and close relatives now know a little bit more about the type of person you like. Nothing else. And, if someone wants to give you crap about it. Let them be small, ignorant, and stuck in the past while you get to enjoy and see the world for what it is. A very dark scary dank place that screws over a lot of people sometimes, but overall, it’s a relatively nice, beautiful, and an ever evolving place that always seems to keep you on your toes.