#GOT7 JAEBEOM | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baejl · 24 days ago

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playing soldier

red velvet 6th member au / superm 8th member au

jaebeom spends his first weekend back home after enlisting and jaein has a sudden reaction

WARNINGS: angst - this is my first angst afte a while, hope you guys like it.

masterlist 🦋 requests are open feedback is always important to me!

When Jaein's pregnancy came out to the public, everyone would ask her the same thing: how'd she balance the idol-mom-wife routine?

And, as expected, Jaein avoided that question as much as she could. Mainly because she didn't have to worry about it.

Everything was already settled with SM and, as for the 'wife' part, well, it wasn't like she wasn't already spending most of her days at Jaebeom's house, living a married life during the weekends.

But, the girl forgot about one small detail: Jaebeom's enlistment.

Jaein knew his compromise to the nation. After all, he was a citizen just like any other Korean man. But, gosh, that was hard! - especially when you have a six-month-old baby and is starting the preparations for a comeback.

Luckily, she had a huge network: her family, members, and some nannies she'd eventually hire when things were too intense - the latter being dismissed after some photos and data of John were leaked 'suddenly'.

However, Jaein missed her husband. More than his father figure, she missed not being in charge all the time and having some time to just be his girl, turning her brain off of the world, not caring about a single thing but when they were going to cuddle again.

The loud crying in the living room brought Jaein back to reality. Her days were a chaotic blur of toddler tantrums, sleepless nights, grueling rehearsals, outfits fitting, late-night studio sessions... Jaebeom had now enlisted a few months ago, leaving her to handle everything on her own.

While she prided herself on being independent, the pressure was beginning to crack her. She could feel it.

When Jaebeom finally called her after a whole week, telling her he'd be having the weekend off, she felt like she had just won the lottery. He came home to John already starting to babble something like "dad" and toddling into his arms.

With that, for the first time in weeks, Jaein allowed herself to exhale. The love of her life was home, even if just for a weekend.

But, as the day went on, instead of feeling relieved, Jaein found herself growing more and more irritable. Watching Jaebeom lounge on the couch, playing with John while she scrambled to prepare lunch, clean up toys, and mentally rehearse the choreography she was supposed to practice the next day, a storm began brewing inside her.

By the time John went down for his nap, the apartment was eerily quiet, but inside Jaein’s head, the noise was deafening. Her chest felt tight, her mind racing with everything she had to do—dinner to prepare, choreography to rehearse, emails from SM to answer, and the persistent guilt of wondering if John felt neglected.

She glanced over at Jaebeom, who was lying on the couch scrolling through his phone, a small smile tugging at his lips as he watched a funny video.

And something inside her snapped.

She slammed the kitchen cabinet shut, the sound cutting through the silence like a whip.

Jaebeom glanced up, startled.

"What’s wrong?" he asked, his tone casual, almost dismissive.

Jaein turned, glaring at him.

"What’s wrong? Seriously, Jaebeom? Look at me!” she raised her voice. “I’m running myself into the ground trying to keep this family afloat, and you’re just sitting there, scrolling through your phone like you don’t have a care in the world."

Jaebeom blinked, sitting up.

"Whoa, where is this coming from?” he chuckled, nervously. “I just got back, Jaein. Can I not have a moment to relax?"

"A moment to relax?" Jaein repeated, already screaming at this point.. "Do you know what I would give for a moment to relax? I can’t even sit down without thinking about the million things I still need to do! I’ve been doing this alone for months, Jaebeom. Months! And the second you come home, you act like you’re some guest here instead of John’s father or my partner."

Jaebeom’s jaw tightened.

"That’s not fair. You know I’d be here if I could."

"Would you?" Jaein shot back, her voice trembling with anger. "Because it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like you’ve checked out like you’ve accepted that this is my problem to deal with while you’re out there, playing soldier for the next two years."

"Playing soldier?" Jaebeom’s voice dropped, low and hurtful.. He stood, his height towering over her, but she didn’t back down. She trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t do anything else. "Do you have any idea what it’s like for me over there? To wake up at 5 a.m. every day, march for hours, follow orders, and not even have the freedom to come home when I want? Do you think I’m on some vacation?"

"Well, I think you’re lucky!” Jaein yelled, her voice cracking. "You get to focus on one thing. Just one thing! You don’t have to juggle a screaming toddler, a demanding career, and a house that always feels like it’s falling apart. You don’t have to wonder if your son feels abandoned because you’re too busy performing for the world to read him a bedtime story!"

"Don’t you dare!” he debated. “Don’t you dare act like I don’t care about John. I love him as much as you do."

"Then show it!" Jaein cried, tears streaming down her face now. "Because all I see is you coming home, taking the easy moments, and leaving me to deal with everything else. Do you think loving him is enough? It’s not. He needs you here. I need you here."

Jaebeom’s jaw tightened, his voice low but firm.

"Don’t say I don’t see it, Jaein. I see how hard you’re working, and I admire you for it. But you’re acting like I don’t care, like I’m not sacrificing anything. I miss John too. I miss you. Do you know how much it kills me to not be here for you, to not be here for our son?"

"Then why does it feel like I’m doing this alone?" she shot back, her voice trembling with anger and hurt. "Why does it feel like I’m trying and trying and trying, and you’re just... watching?"

Jaebeom’s eyes flared.

"Because I don’t know how to help you when you won’t even let me in! You keep everything bottled up, and then you explode like this. I can’t fix it if you won’t tell me what you need."

"I need you!" she shouted, her voice echoing through the apartment. "I need you to be here! I need you to take some of this weight off my shoulders because I can’t carry it all by myself anymore!"

Her words hung in the air, the silence that followed deafening. Jaein’s chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, tears streaming down her face. Jaebeom looked at her, his expression softening as he saw just how much pain she was in.

Jaein followed her way to John's room, not really caring about Jaebeom calling her name. She had to calm herself, otherwise, she'd say even more things she'd absolutely regret later.

She didn't even know why she went to John's room. That was like her safe place. A place where she could just forget about all the problems in the world and focus on the most precious person in the world: her son. John had become her anchor in the chaos, a tiny person who didn’t care about schedules, criticisms, or the burdens she carried. He only cared that she was there.

Stroking his soft hair, Jaein felt an overwhelming mix of love and guilt. A perfect mix of two people that were truly, madly, deeply in love with each other. Although people would say John was the spitting image of her, Jaein couldn't spot the similarities. All she could see was a mini Jaebeom lying on his crib and that made her heart shrink even more. She had promised herself she’d hold everything together for him, but tonight had proved how fragile her resolve had become.

After checking if everything was fine with her little one, she followed her way to her bedroom.

Jaebeom’s silhouette against the bedroom window was the first thing she noticed as she entered. His shoulders, usually so broad and assured, were slumped in defeat. The tension between them still lingered, but seeing him like that chipped away at her defenses. She hadn’t meant to lash out the way she did. It wasn’t entirely his fault - he was doing what was required of him, fulfilling his duties. But that didn’t make her feelings any less valid.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke.

Jaein wiped at the tears she didn't even notice was falling, her hands shaking. Jaebeom stepped closer, his eyes full of regret.

"I didn’t want to upset you," he said quietly, his voice raw. "I hate seeing you like this, Jaein. I hate feeling like I’m failing you. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you the way you need me to be. I thought... I thought you were handling it. You’re so strong, Jaein. Sometimes, I forget that even you have limits.”

She looked up at him, her face crumpling.

“I don’t feel strong. I feel like I’m failing. Everything and everyone."

Jaebeom pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly as she sobbed against his chest.

“You’re not failing,” he murmured. “You’re doing everything you can, and it’s more than enough. I should have seen how much you were struggling. I should have been there for you, even from a distance. I’m so sorry."

Jaein clung to him, her tears soaking his shirt.

"I don't know how much I can keep doing this." she confessed.

"You don't have to do it alone anymore," he said firmly. “I'll call more. I'll make sure you know that I’m here, even when I’m not. We’ll get through this, Jaein.”

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