#look this is something of an ideological thing for me ok

[nhaneh]

funny thing is I don't really have any interest in hoarding knowledge or resources for myself in any way, I'm just bad at publishing stuff because I feel like that'd require a bit more stringent quality control than what I might expect of something made largely for my own use.

sometimes I think maybe I should set up something like a google drive or a git or something to just throw my personal- and work-in-progress stuff for people who are interested, but I dunno what limits for space or bandwidth or anything are like.

like I'm sure some people would possibly find the ColorSet unpacker python script useful?? It kinda sucks through and I want to make a better version of it and maybe one that could work as a standalone executable instead? and possibly a packer counterpart to the unpacker?? But also I keep thinking like "would this even be useful to anyone lmao??"

in theory you could probably make some kind of art program plugin that does all of this for you - even the bit with loading actual colorset information into layered colorset pairs, but I mean that's a lot of effort and I still largely use a 20+ year old version of Paint Shop Pro myself so...

[fruitsyrups]

i think your hat post is really cool and interesting but susan’s hat is a cat and i will die on this hill

this is true!!! when i was talking about the modern human hats not resembling animals i meant all of these ones

(excluding the minerva-bots and finn of course)

[v00do-d0ll]

Ok so I have this hc that I want other ppl besides me to see, and if anybody wanted to turn this into a fic; I would be yours because I can’t write for shit

(This also might trigger some people so please proceed with caution.)

(TW: SA )

…

Anyway, I’ve always liked the idea of Bruce protecting his kids as Bruce Wayne, so hear me out.

The batfam are at a gala minus Alfred because I see it being someone else’s gala that they have to attend. The POV would start with Tim and jump to Bruce later but I digress..

So Tim is forever 17 and has just come out as Bi and this is the first gala that he attends after that and some grown man comes up to him and starts hitting on him. The man is being very inappropriate with the things he’s saying and the way he’s touching Tim

And even though Tim is Red Robin; he freezes because he’s also Tim Drake and those ideologies are still ingrained into him to not make a scene. He’s extremely uncomfortable trying to get the man to leave him alone and telling him no.

But the man is not backing down continuing to say things like “ You’re bi, so I know you want it.”, “Don’t be shy. It can be just between you and me” and crowding his space.

And Tim is trying to find a way out. Darting his eyes around looking for his siblings but can’t seem to find them.

As he’s looking around, the man starts walking him back towards the hall. Hands trailing down his stomach getting closer to his inner thigh and he forcibly kisses him. Awareness of what this man is trying to do becomes completely apparent. He tries to push the man away but his body isn’t cooperating with him.

He’s scared.

But then he turns his head and see’s Bruce making his way over to him with the deadliest look he’s ever seen him have on his face but he’s grateful because that’s his dad.. not Brucie, but Bruce, his dad is coming to get him out of this situation.

Then it switches to Bruce’s POV

It starts with Bruce in the middle of the gala crowd talking it up as Brucie Wyane and he decides to look around just to check on his kids

He glances over at Dick and Damien together by the food table

Jason and Steph look like their about to do something they shouldn’t

Dukes talking to another attendant of the gala

Cass is beside him but he’s missing one..

He can’t find Tim..

Alarm bells start ringing in his head and he starts to look for Tim more obviously, turning his head left and right. Cass picking up on his distress but not knowing why

Bruce turns his whole body to the back of the gala room and that’s where he finds Tim being crowded by a member of the gala. His immediate instinct is to go to him but stops himself because he’s trying to learn how to give his kids more freedom, and he knows Tim can handle himself. So he stops for a second and takes in the situation.

But the longer he looks he sees that Tim, his son, is completely frozen. A look on his face that says he needs help but can’t get out the words to ask for it. His eyes are darting around frantically like he’s looking for someone. As he’s about to take a step to go help Tim he freezes because the man is walking him back towards the hall way with his hands inching further and further down his stomach dangerously close to places his hands don’t need to be and forcibly kisses him.

He sees Tim squirming trying to push the man away.

and Bruce realizes this man’s intentions.

Tim, his son, is about to be assaulted. The same thing that happened to himself that he couldn’t get out of.. is about to happen to Tim. And he sees the moment Tim recognizes it to in his eyes.

Bruce wastes no more time, he completely ignores the people he was once in a conversation with as they ask him where he’s going. He’s walking quickly towards his son when they make eye contact, he sees the relief wash over his body.

He reaches the man and grabs him. The man turns his head looking like he’s about to say something but blanches from seeing who it is. He doesn’t get a chance to say anything because as soon as he faces Bruce, He gets punched so hard he falls over. The rest of the gala has frozen because Brucie Wyane is punching some random man for seemingly no reason.

And Bruce keeps going, because for once he was there in time to protect one of his kids. The rest of the batfam comes over trying to forcibly pull Bruce off the man. None of them knowing why Bruce started punching the man but knowing one thing..

There is a reason.

When they finally get Bruce off the man. Bruce instantly turns to Tim hugging his son, holding him. Tim is in shock as Bruce keeps asking him if he’s alright. Tim not responding but looks directly into Bruce’s eyes. The man’s blood on Bruce’s knuckles. The complete look of worry written on Bruce’s face as he holds Tim’s in his hands.

And Tim just.. sinks into his arms and holds on so tight to Bruce because his fathers here. His father saved him. He’s okay, He’ll be okay.

The police get called and the man is taken away and they all go home early. That night though, Bruce goes to Tim’s room to check up on him and talk.

He makes sure Tim is okay and finds Tim blaming himself for not being able to get away.

“I��m Red Robin! I have fought worse people than him and won. But all that was going through my head at the time was Jack and Janet “Don’t make a scene” and I froze. I couldn’t get away, I tried but my body wouldn’t listen. I wanted to call out but my voice closed up and I was looking around to- ”

Bruce interrupts him

“ It’s not your fault, you did what you could. This is not your fault Tim, It’s his fault for forcing himself on you. I’ve been there, I know how you feel. it’ll be okay. I promise, I’m right here.”

Tim looks at Bruce because he didn’t know that

“You’ve been.. who?”

Bruce just looks at him. He’s doesn’t need to say anything because he knows Tim will understand anyway. He’s smart like that.

“oh.. Does that mean- ”

Bruce cuts him off again

“Yes, but it was a long time ago, you don’t need to know because I’m okay now. And I want you to know I understand. But can we just keep this between us? No one else needs to know about that, especially Damien.”

“Yea B. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Me too, but at least I got Damien from it, and I love him just as much as I love you. You are both my children and I would do anything to try to protect you.”

“Thanks B.” He leans in to hug Bruce and they just hold onto each other for a little longer.

“I’ll let you go to sleep chum. Good night Tim” he says as he kisses Tim’s head and ruffles his hair. He heads to the door and turns to look back at Tim

“Goodnight dad.” He says with a small smile

Bruce freezes for a second and sighs with a slight smile on his face. He looks at Tim one last time for the night with all his love for him shining in his eyes and closes the door to go to his room.

By the end of there talk Tim and Bruce are closer than ever because he not only learned something new about Bruce. He now feels more secure in his place in the manor, in the family, as Bruce’s son.



[bloudercrest]

A RANT

Have you ever been doubting yourself because you either have troubles waiting and being impatient for your manifestations or desires to come? Or have you constantly been looking for validation to see if anything has changed if this is your problem it’s OK because we’ve all been there.

Being impatient

Let’s say for example you have ordered a package from a website like Amazon or whatever etc. you know it’s coming already so you won’t be impatient and checking every second or doubting yourself is it gonna come because you know it’s there? You know it’s coming you know the second you placed that order changes have started. Now put that ideology and APPLY it to your desires. People tend to overcomplicate manifesting but really it’s so simple. Think of it embodied and it’s there already.

SEEKING VALIDATION FROM THE 3D

If you consistently seek validation from the 3D STOP IT NOW!! The 3D is literally a mirror of your imagination. The 3D is nothing more than a mirror. now with this thing about it if the mirror is the 3-D then that means the thing you have to change first is yourself your belief because once you have the belief everything will kick in and I’ve seen a lot of other people save the same thing so I’m aware this is basic knowledge, so if everyone is telling you this, why haven’t you applied yet? The answer is simple because I know from my personal experience. Ignoring the 3-D is HARD. Especially if you’re just getting into the lot of assumption. For example when some people listen to a subliminal right after they would look in the mirror to see if any changes happened but when it doesn’t they quickly say the subliminal didn’t work or subliminals don’t work in general and they generalize their misbelief, the other people and the community. DONT DO THAT!! When you are listening to a subliminal or affirming in general you have to believe and act like it’s there. Don’t go looking for changes because if you’re looking for changes that subconsciously telling yourself that you do not have it if this doesn’t make sense, let me break it down.

Let’s say you have an iPhone 14 you know you have the phone so would you say “I want this phone?” No, you would not. You would say “oh yes, I have this phone.” so why can’t you do the same thing with your desires? Do not let the 3-D define what’s yours and what isn’t because I’m telling you the second you think of something you want that is the literal second it’s yours.

IMPOSSIBLE - IM POSSIBLE

[odinsblog]

“Every time I talk to people, they talk about the economy. But I'm like, man, since World War II, the economy has always done better under a Democrat president. That's just a fact.

It's always been Democrats. There's been 11 recessions in this country. Ten of them have been Republicans.

So I don't know how they've hijacked that narrative. But I think the other thing that you just got to chock it up to is just good old fashioned racism. And I think in the case of Vice President Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton 2016, sexism.

I just really do, like it's still America at the end of the day. There are people in this country who are still just holding on to old ideologies. They don't want to see America be a great American melting pot where all of these different people from all of these different walks of life can live.

They like that racist, sexist, bigoted rhetoric that Trump spews.

Why is it so hard for her to say that?

I think because for whatever reason, like, you know, you hate these elected officials even when you say, is America a racist country? OK, you can't say America is a racist country, but you can say that, you know, there's systemic racism in America. I think that is a fair thing to say.

Like, I watched her on Fox News the other night, and I loved how she handled Bret Baer. When Bret Baer tried to push her, Bret Baer was like, are you saying the American people are stupid? I can't remember how he worded it, but she was like, ‘No, I would never say that because I don't want to disparage the American people. But my opponent has no problem doing that.’

And I understand that approach, you know, but I think that it is perfectly fine to acknowledge that those things exist because guess what? As a Black man, as a Black woman, you feel that.

As a woman, you feel that sexism. As a Jewish person, you think you don't feel all the antisemitism that's happening right here in our country. Like as a gay person, you think you don't feel the homophobia.

So you can speak to what people are feeling because you see it.”

There was an amazing moment in the interview where someone comes along and brings up the F word, fascism.

Kamala Harris: It's two very different visions for our nation. One mind that is about taking us forward and progress and investing the American people, investing in their ambitions, dealing with their challenges. And the other, Donald Trump, is about taking us backward

Charlamagne: The other is about fascism. Why can't we just say it?

Kamala Harris: Yes, we can say that.

Tell me about what transpired there and how you felt about it.

“Well, it was the same thing that we just said, right? Like, you know, she was saying what she's about, and then she was saying what he's about.

And I was just like, yo, just say it.

Like, he's a fascist. You just had General Mark Milley just said he's a fascist to the core, like a danger to the country. So for me, it's like the American people will never understand the threat that Donald Trump is if people aren't spelling it out.

They didn't treat him like he's a threat to democracy. They kept saying that he's a threat democracy. They kept saying that he's a threat to democracy, but Merrick Garland should have locked Trump up after the coup. Right?

I was literally watching something yesterday and there was a person talking and the person was like, if Donald Trump, you know, really let an attempted coup of this country, why didn't they arrest him? They did. They did charge him.

But there's so many people who don't even know because he's not treated like that. We know we live in a society that knows how to demonize people when they want to. Right?

You can look at it, and I'm just going to use this as an example. Not saying that it's not warranted that it's happening, but look at somebody like Diddy. Front page of every newspaper, all over the news.

You hear about every charge. Like you see it, you see it, you see it over and over. They don't villainize and demonize Trump in that way.

You've never seen Trump in handcuffs. You saw one Trump mugshot. Like they don't treat it like.

The media has continuously treated Donald Trump and his whole candidacy like it's normal, which is mind boggling to me.”

What do we have to... Not to be defensive, but jumping up and down, what do we have to do? I mean, how many different ways can you say it?

“You know why it doesn't penetrate? Because Americans are spoiled and we don't think it can happen here because it's never happened here.

Like if you talk to older people who were closer to that, who can remember things like, ‘Oh my God, he's doing a rally at Madison Square Garden.’

That's what happened in the 30s with the Nazis.

If you can talk to people who understand that, they get it. This generation doesn’t.

If you have a sense of history and you've read things like The Fall of The Third Reich, things like that, you can see the patterns that lead to somebody like Trump becoming a dictator. I just don't think people think dictatorship is possible in America, but it is, because our democracy is very fragile.”

—Charlamagne tha God, on election 2024

[max1461]

I guess what really bothers me about right-wing political/cultural natalism is the instrumental attitude it takes towards people, and in fact especially towards the people closest to oneself, to whom I think it is kind of most egregious to take an instrumental attitude. Like, under this attitude, a spouse (and, let's be realistic in this context, a woman) is for producing children, and children are for spreading their parents' (again, being realistic: their father's) genes, culture, ideology, whatever. It's all about instrumentalizing those who should be most precious to you, in service of, as I put it in another post, some flimsy narrative, some grand story about your ingroup that... look, I'm not opposed to having stories about your ingroup! I'm not opposed to caring about the stories you have about your ingroup. Like, that's part of human life, right, even for people who try to disavow it. But what I mean by "flimsy" is that these sorts of grandiose stories, in contrast to the reality of individual human-human bonds, to me they seem just hopeless thin. Watery. Like, what is "my ideology" or "my culture" in the face of my loved ones? It's barely anything, you know.

It's not that I don't have ideological convictions or that I don't care about culture (although, evidently, I care about it in a less ownership-centric way than a lot of people, but that's a topic for another post), but, like, the idea of putting some kind of grandiose, hollow civilizational narrative above the lived reality of my life is not very desirable to me.

Call me old fashioned, but I think the most important thing about romantic relationships is love, right, and commitment, compassion, etc., plain and simple. I think if you're marrying someone to use them as an instrument, well, if they're ok with that and on the same page as you then I have no problem with it, but I certainly don't think we should move towards this as a culture. And I think that a society in which most relationships are more instrumental than they are passionate/comfortable/emotionally fulfilling/whatever you value in a lover, well, I think that society is doing quite a bad job at something quite important.

And with children it's even more egregious, because your children certainly do not enter into their relationship with you voluntarily. I think that if you decide to have children, you have the responsibility to commit yourself quite significantly, at least for a good chunk of time, to being an instrument of their flourishing, right, to enabling their own pursuit of their own ends. Because... you chose to create a person! You didn't have to do that! I think you have quite a extensive web of responsibilities to your children and if you decide to become a parent this is something you should be really well on board with.

So, this is what really bothers me about the (seemingly) currently ascendant natalist impulse. This is why I find it so thoroughly "skeevey". It represents this instrumentalization of the very people who more than any others should be ends to you and not instruments.

[jewish-sideblog]

"Both indigenous and colonizers" CAN PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT SHIT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND PLEASE

This wave of antisemitism and bullshit about "indigenous vs colonizer" makes me so scared as an indigenous person in the US of what will happen when Land Back movements do result in actual sovereignty restoration and then tribes do what people do and disagree over land and resources, like we were doing for thousands of years before Europeans arrived. Will we be reduced down to colonizers too??

It feels like Westerners, especially USAmericans, have such a black and white idea of what it means to be indigenous and what it means to be a colonizer/settler (because those terms are always conflated) and it makes me so angry and frustrated to see people apply those standards and lines thinking not just to complex sovereignty movements in their own countries but also to incredibly complex conflicts and wars happening on the other side of the world.

The damage I've seen done to sovereignty movements here in the US alone, people going around claiming that we want all "settlers" to go back to Europe or that we're going to start massacring people, has been horrible and the fact that it's all just to justify antisemitism makes me sick.

Genuinely. They're blocked now, but that same person said something to the effect of "Would an Iranian praying in a Mosque built on the ashes of a former synagogue be decolonization?"

And that was the point at which I was like. Ok. It seems like most people genuinely don't actually know what the terms "colonization", "colonizer" and "coloniality" mean. Obviously, that wouldn't be decolonization, because the Jews never colonized Iran. Emigration and colonization aren't the same fucking thing!

I used to have so much faith in my generation. I thought we were critical thinkers, capable of flexibility and engagement with new ideas. But I'm realizing now that we're basically just rebranded boomers. Back in the day, anybody you disagreed with was labelled as a "Communist". It didn't actually fucking matter if they were communist sympathizers, Soviet sympathizers, or even if they were remotely allied with socialist ideals. You could just call them a "Communist" and be done with it, without even understanding what that term means.

It's the same shit today. Instead of a HUAC witch hunt targeting communists, it's a social witch hunt targeting "colonizers" and "Zionists". I am terrified that the moment indigenous rights movements in the Americas and Oceania start making practical strides in Land Back, regaining rightful control over the ways your own land is used, you'll all be labelled as "colonizers" or "imperialists" or whatever the bad buzz word of the month turns out to be.

People simply can't wrap their heads around the idea that indigenous decolonization doesn't have the end goal of ethnically cleansing non-native people from the Americas. And it's because they're so absorbed in colonial thinking. They can't even fucking imagine what sovereignty could look like beyond an authoritarian structure based on control and violence. It's the same with Israel and Palestine-- they think that Jewish sovereignty must look like complete Jewish control to the detriment of Arabs, and they think Palestinian sovereignty must look like total Arab control to the detriment of Jews. The idea that a shared state or a two-state solution is "racist" stems from that false dichotomy.

Establishing an ideological binary of violence that pits "indigenous" against "colonizer", "native" against "settler", and "us" against "them" with no room for cooperation or collaboration is the core of colonialism. Because the core of colonialism is the idea that only one group can have true power at a time. And that's just not the way the world has to work.

[angelsstranger]

not to bitch and moan but today i (he/him tme transsexual dyke) remember my transmasc roommate of days past and the time he saw me wearing a skirt and said “if i dressed like that I would want to kill myself”

always sort of insinuating that a “real” trans person couldn’t be gender nonconforming..

and eventually of course devolving into the “trans women actually have more privilege than me somehow and i feel threatened by them” which turned into “in the future i dont want to live with AMABs again” yes that second one is a direct quote there was so much more to the convo it ended our friendship quite abruptly and messily.

but my point being transmascs using their own dysphoria and their bigotry they inherited from their family as a weapon against trans women is soo much more common than you think it is. this person was supposedly a leftist and was friends with/trying to date many trans women at the time. it unsettled me how he would imply he found these women untrustworthy at the time but also he approached specifically trans women again and again looking for their patience nurturing and support even asking them for money and favors. before again pivoting and returning to the i think shes a bit TOO into me and its creeping me out.

my takeaway was basically it is your responsibility to tell trans women if they are seeing or hanging out with someone who says terfy shit behind their back. protect your community to make sure nobody has to experience that type of violence (to be clear the violence im referring to here is: someone trans or cis who wants to date/sleep with trans women but continues to imply trans women are dangerous or untrustworthy, eventually discarding each woman they bring into their life for vague reasons which all stem back to transmisogyny)

i was so distracted by how every time i tried to discuss with HIM the harm he caused he would break down cryinf about how fragile he is and all the trauma in his life and i was hesitant to let my friends know the transphobic things he said about them because i thought it would hurt them a lot (ignorant on my behalf. once i finally told my friends i realized i should have warned EVERYONE the very first time i saw this behavior) i didn’t want to seem like i was shit talking him or being rude to the women he was seeing but by the end of our friendship that was one of my greatest regrets. I personally try to honor this mistake by fucking never letting something like this slide ever again and being a reliable friend to the trans women in my life by telling them honestly if i don’t trust someone i see them associating with. that type of passivity in our communities is something that also puts trans women at risk.

since coming back to tumblr ive seen a lot of transmascs harrasing trans women here and the sense of entitlement and the need to frame trans women as a threat to your individual comfort and safety is incredibly harmful and selfish. it reminds me of that shit i watched going down two years ago with my room mate and i really don’t like seeing terf ideology spread by other trans people. check yourself and imo leave trans women the fuck alone if you are still unlearning that shit. stop inviting trans women on dates and hangouts if behind their backs youre insinuating they are untrustworthy or violent in some way. that is so evil ok send post

[perictione00]

Selfish

Ch 4: Lost

Pairing: Geto Suguru x reader

Warning: Mentions of death and mental degeneration.

Synopsis: You left the Jujutsu World behind the moment the source of your warmth turned cold. So what happens when you come face to face with that one episode in your life that you wanted to obliterate? Simple, you reap what you sow.

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Ch 3

2008

It was so lonely. Life became so monotonous, so stagnant. You had no classmates or friends. You had stopped talking to Shoko and Gojo after Suguru left. After Gojo blamed you for driving his best friend insane. He wasn't wrong, but you didn't want things to turn out this way. The guilt of his parents' deaths, innocent civilians who loved him unconditionally, was taking a toll on you. The blood was on your hands, and you were drowning. There were constant voices in your head, telling you to let go and be free, but somehow you knew that you could never let that happen. You could never let go. The nightmares were back, but this time it didn't feel like it was the doing of any curse but yourself.

The incident hadn't only disturbed you, but it had Yaga questioning his ability to teach. How was he so blind to the suffering of his student? He regrets not asking Geto about his sudden weight loss or how hopeless his eyes looked when he was assigning him to his last mission. He had been so busy making his students capable that it took him too long to notice their volatile mental states. But not again. He's never going to lose another student of his to a lowly curse or an unacceptable ideology. He knew that he couldn't help people who didn't want to be helped, but in your case, the least he could do was try. And just like that, he noticed your deteriorating condition right away. The dark circles under your eyes, the paranoia in your body language. You were not present in the moment. It was obvious that something was wrong with you. His suspicions were proven right when you didn't respond to your name being called out twice.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, walking closer to you. Yaga was a man of few words, but he was willing to open up to his students if that was what it took to help them.

"Huh-oh, nothing". You replied absent-mindedly. The nightmares were getting out of hand. It felt like they were melting into your reality. Were you really surrounded by curses? Did one of them latch on to you? With every passing second, you were losing touch with reality.

"Suguru was troubled. He was already on edge. It's not your fault that he left. He had no one, but you do. You can talk to me anytime about anything that's troubling you."

His multiple attempts to understand you and his consoling words were falling on deaf ears. Maybe it was your fault. Everything turned foggy the moment he abandoned you. How could you not blame yourself when his actions reflected your conversations with him? Were you wrong to entertain such thoughts? Should you have tried harder to change his perspective? It was confusing to have to deal with everything all of a sudden. Was this how he felt when he was alone?

You went to a restaurant for a change of scenery. The same one where you tried new things with Suguru. It was an unconscious decision, and you didn't realize it until you took a seat. You were alone. You had never been alone at this restaurant. Was everyone looking at you? Were they pitying you for sitting alone? Should you start doing something on your cellphone to appear busy? Why was there so much noise in your head? People were talking too loudly. Were they screaming too, or was it all in your head? Was that curse staring at you? Why were you feeling like throwing up? Your heart's not beating normally. Your vision is turning bloody. What-?

"Here's your order—are you ok? Do you need anything? Please wait. I'll come with some water." The waitress said this as she ran to the counter.

You didn't know that you were sweating profoundly and breathing abnormally, basically hyperventilating. Your head was aching like hell, your throat was literally a desert, and you were trembling. Why was this happening right now, of all times? You didn't want more eyes on you. The feeling of utter helplessness and embarrassment was too much to bear. Fuck, your nose was bleeding. Why are the tissues so far out of reach? The voices were louder than ever.

It's them. It's all because of them. Kill them; you'll feel better, I promise.

They're looking at you. They're all looking at you.

No. Please stop.

You killed his parents. You wanted him to kill his parents.

Look at that kid laughing at you. Let's melt it.

Let go. Let go now.

Tears were streaming down your face. You were losing it. You wanted to stop thinking. You wanted to go back home. You wanted your parents.

"Hey. I'm here. I've got you." Suguru reassured you as he pulled you to his chest, shielding your body. He knew it the moment he felt it. This had happened before, your meltdown. The enormous amount of familiar cursed energy that he felt was leaking from this building attracted many 2nd grade curses in your direction. He wondered what would've happened had he not been here. In no way was he here to protect the unworthy souls that were crowding this place. He was here for you.

"What-...what? Are you real?" The shock was evident in your voice. You were sobbing, and your eyes were begging for his existence to be true, yet at the same time, you didn't know how to face him. How was he here? What was he doing here?

"You need to come with me right now." It was wrong. He should've been helping you, but instead here he was, requesting that you follow him.

"This is not real. No. God, please."

"Hey, hey, I'm here; I'm real. We need to get out of here." You were shivering, covering your ears with your hands. A few more minutes, and the curse energy surge would alert a nearby sorcerer.

"Here, please help yourself with some wat-" Finally, it was all silent.

Screams erupted in the cafe as the head of the waitress exploded, splattering blood everywhere. You had done it. You had crossed every limit, and there's no going back now. A broken smile decorated your hopeless face. In this moment, you had lost everything. How did it come to this? You didn't give in, so why was this happening to you? Were you never in control to begin with? What a fucking joke!

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. Come on, please." Suguru led your trembling form out of the cafe. He knew what you were going through. He knew that this incident was going to scar you forever. However, he does not regret it. He does not regret blind siding you. He does not regret killing the waitress. Geto Suguru was a kind man, but he was a man nonetheless. So when it came to you, he was shamelessly selfish.

Ch 5

[thiefof-trefl]

So I haven't seen anyone compare the (alleged) UHC Shooter to Rodion Rascolnikov, and maybe I'm delusional but that's all I can think about every time new info is released.

Ok so it started when I saw this post

And told my friend "wouldn't it be funny if he saw the og post and it was the last straw? Like when Rascolnikov went to that bar in the beginning of the book and heard other people complaining about that usurer?"

Then I started really thinking about it and maybe I'm doing too much and they're not that similar but this is Tumblr, hear me out:

1. They're hot. Seems silly but being attractive can really change how public views you. Characters in the book often acknowledge Rodion's good looks while being very open and revealing in conversations with him. And sure Tumblr would probably be thirsting after "the Adjuster" even if he weren't conventionally attractive, but the overall public perception of him was greatly positive and I believe it is also due to the halo effect.

2. Personal feelings covered by ideology. I'm not saying the shooting was purely selfish. It had a great impact on the industry and was something many thank him for. But from what we know Mr Luigi had a major back surgery and suffered from back pain. It is very possible his own experience with the healthcare and Insurance industry was what first pushed him to see it as a problem. Rascolnikov struggled financially and kept on borrowing from the usurer leaving every valuable thing in his possession as pledge. His resentment towards her and his own circumstances was converted into an ideology about people superior and people lesser, which validated his decision to murder her.

3. Masterplan and stupid decisions. It's easy to see how brilliant the execution of the assassination was. The place, the timing, the escape. He even managed to leave New York during the manhunt. But there were missteps along the way. Going to Starbucks, flirting with the hostess, reusing the fake id, wearing the same clothes. Dumb little things that could be written off to both stress and arrogance. Reminds me of silly mistakes Rascolnikov did after murder. Dropping a jewellery box on the way out, keeping the bloodied sock, coming back to the murder scene. But that's where I also see a big difference. While Rodion was overcome with paranoia and fear, I suspect (just an educated guess, I don't know him personally) that our Shooter might have felt too... Proud of himself? The assassination succeeded, he escaped the police, left the state and the public at large loves him! I know it would make me feel invincible.

4. Game of cat and mouse. This one's not as big, just a small similarity. They both mock the police. Rascolnikov during in person conversations and the Adjuster by leaving the backpack full of monopoly money. Hilarious in both cases.

And finally

5. Letting the police catch them. It's just a theory, not really backed up by anything other than conjectures, but I can see why it might be true. Rodion Rascolnikov tired of constant paranoia and guilt driving him crazy goes to the police and confesses to murder. The alleged UHC CEO Shooter Luigi Mangione was arrested after being recognised by a McDonald's customer. He was wearing the exact same get up as during the shooting. And though he used a fake id at first he then admitted his real name. One might think he gave up. It's disappointing but I can't blame him if that was his decision. Living on the run is exhausting. In just two days he had already left so many traces and clues. And he killed a rich guy at that, which we all know is not the same as killing a normal person. The family and police would spare no resources to find him and it would go on for a long time. Years of fear and hiding- that's no life. Right now we can only hope the evidence will be found insufficient and he won't get convinced.

So yeah, had to get it out of my head. Sorry for any mistakes and words used in a wrong way, translating long thoughts into English isn as easy as I thought.

Please, please, please let me know what you think, does it make sense or am I crazy?

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

As we’re facing the next COVID surge (brought on by holiday travel), I thought I might try a different kind of COVID post. You can skip to here for some easy to do tips and tricks you might have missed, or you can read down for my discussion of why this is important.

I have recently been writing and thinking a lot about why so many of my friends and family’s actions on COVID are so different from mine. Namely why so many people I know no longer seem very interested in either preventing themselves from being sick or, importantly, not spreading sickness to anyone else.

In my own case, the experience of staying home to stop the spread in 2020 forced me to strongly reconsider my behavior up to that point. Why had I ever thought it was OK to go to work or ride the subway with the flu, unmasked and taking no precautions, knowing that the flu certainly hospitalizes and kills people each year? Even if the flu was no big deal for my body, my behavior had limited other people—particularly disabled people—from comfortably being in public during flu season. I had knowingly spread around an illness. I radically reconsidered a lot of my behavior, and in particular, 2020 pushed me to focus more specifically on disability justice in my activism. A disability justice framework pushes us beyond thinking about individual access to consider how ableism limits us all from liberation.

Getting back to why this reconsideration didn’t happen on a mass level, understanding disability justice also means understanding that ableism is the current social order. And if it’s the order of the day, like other oppressive ideologies, that means we are all drenched in it and it is impossible to avoid ever doing something ableist. Furthermore, most people are going to act in ableist ways, most of the time. None of this are exempt from this, but not even trying is definitely worse!

I am also well aware that good COVID information is hard to come by, especially if you are not on the regular lookout for it. And if you do go looking for it, it can quickly get overwhelming. So I’d like to offer here a very short, distilled list of things people might have missed since 2020. (I’ve not taken the time to track down citations for all of these things; you’ll have to trust me that I got them from trustworthy sources or you can verify on your own. I’m happy to give more info on any of these too.)

Some of these things are easy enough to do. I’m offering this list because from a “stop the spread” mindset, each specific thing you do is helpful. This list is not meant to be comprehensive, and it’s hopefully not overwhelming. You don’t have to be perfect or avoid COVID 100% of the time or make this part of your identity, but I’d like to ask everyone reading this to take one step up in your mitigations for the holiday season, since this is reliably a time with huge increases in virus transmission. With around a thousand people still dying every week from COVID in the US, you don’t know whose life you may save by being a little more careful.

Masking This is the biggest bang for your buck, precaution-wise. If it’s hard for you to mask all the time in public, consider masking in places that disabled people really can’t avoid, like the pharmacy, the grocery store, and on public transportation.

I’d also suggest that if masks are uncomfortable, try different kinds of masks! The Aura is my favorite mask – it’s tight to my face so my glasses don’t fog and head straps don’t hurt my ears like ear straps do. Wellbefore sells masks in different sizes and colors, and Armbrust has sampler packs. Just try a bunch and see what works for you!

Finally, know that if at all possible, you should wear an N95 or KN95 mask. This is a change since spring 2020 because the current variants of COVID are more contagious.

Mouthwash Washing your mouth out with a mouthwash containing CPC (cetylpyridinium chloride) before or after seeing people, or just regularly, will kill some of the virus in your mouth and keep you below the threshold to get sick and/or shed the virus to others. This is a really easy one; CVS brand mouthwash has CPC.

Sip mask These valves will allow you to drink without breaking the seal of your mask. This is great for airplane travel, crowded conferences, or other risky spaces that you need to be in for an extended amount of time.

Airplane The most dangerous time on an airplane from a virus transmission standpoint is the time sitting on the runway (because of the way they circulate and filter the air onboard). Even if you don’t mask up during the flight, this is the best time to mask. (And if you do mask, this is the worst time to have a snack or drink – try to keep your mask on for all of this period.)

Space out risky or crowded events Don’t go to a wedding and a concert in the same weekend! Illness takes 3-5 days to develop after exposure, so give yourself time to know if you got sick from the last thing before potentially spreading that to the next thing.

Air purifiers work! This is a great one for places that you can’t avoid, like school, work, or daycare. You can make your own Corsi-Rosenthal box, but there’s also a variety of high quality air purifiers you can get for $70-100. You want to make sure it has a HEPA or Merv13+ filter on it, and check how quickly it changes out the air in a room. Since COVID is airborne, there can be COVID in a space even after the person has left it. Setting up air purifiers and/or opening windows until enough air has circulated before you remove your mask is a great way to make a space COVID safer

Test before going to events, even if you don’t feel sick Rapid tests (the kind you’re used to getting from the government and at the drug store) False negatives from these are rampant but a positive test reliably means you have COVID. The accuracy of these tests also increases a LOT if you take two of them 48 hours apart.

Better home tests are now available Metrix and Pluslife are both testers you can buy that offer a similar level of accuracy to a PCR test (that is, very accurate!). These devices are expensive, but so is another COVID infection: think of the missed work, cost of Paxlovid, and potential for Long COVID to keep you down even longer.

It’s a good idea to get an updated vaccine 2x a year too; like the flu shot, these vaccines are updated to try to fend off the particular variants that are circling. Be mindful though that vaccination will not necessarily stop transmission, especially of asymptomatic cases. Handwashing is also good for general prevention, but it doesn’t really stop COVID transmission. In the early days of COVID, researchers guessed that it was spread by physical droplets. That’s why we were instructed to wash our hands and groceries. But now we know that COVID is airborne; it spreads more like cigarette smoke than spit!

Of course, no single thing works perfectly. The best model is still the Swiss cheese model, but that also means each thing you do helps. If you’re reading this, please consider doing *one more thing* to take care of yourselves and others. I love you

[kit04kat]

Ranking the batfamily most to least likely to become a supervillian. (Plus all my ramblings about why I put who where [disclaimer, i have not read the comics due to me not having that kind of money]) I started thinking about this while reading a fanfiction where Dick, Jason and Tim were taken in by villians instead of Batman and it got me thinking. Anyways, let's get to the rankings.

1: Tim Drake. Starting off strong with our resident boy-genius with stalker tendencies. This may shock some of you, but I look at this human disaster and see a plethora of supervillian potential. You take away this man's adult supervision and the world may never be the same. What was happening with the league of assassins? And the fact that he tried to clone his best friend out of grief? Also I feel like we all skimmed over the fake uncle shenanigans too quickly. I once saw someone say something like Tim's moral code is copy-pasted off a house rules sticky note on the fridge and I agree.

2: Jason Todd. Seriously, we all saw this coming. Now, you might ask me, "but Kat, why is Jason at number 2? Didn't Red Hood already do the villian thing?" And to that I say, Ha! I am ranking them on supervillianiousness(???) Jason had his whole revenge plot and crime lord thing in Gotham but after that was done, he kinda settled out a little bit. So no, I don't think Jason has ever been a supervillian, just a villian, and after that he was more like an antihero/vigilante. That being said, I don't think he is incapable of being a supervillian, which is why he is number 2.

3: Stephanie Brown. Ok, I'm gonna be honest, I was really wavering on the order of the people in the middle. Also, I'm not gonna claim to know a whole lot about the adventures Steph has been through. That being said, I feel like she is just a tad bit more unhinged than the rest of the people in the middle, and therefore more likely to go insane. And if she had the proper motivation, she could totally be a badass supervillian. (Kind of reminds me of Jason in that way)

4: Damian Wayne. Alright, here's the thing. A lot of Damian's character development has been about him overcoming his heritage and learning that the things he learned with the league of assassins were bad. That being said, I don't think he will ever leave behind those ideologies as thoroughly as Cass and Bruce did. I think he sees the world in a lot more shades of grey than they ever will, and because of that, I've decided to put him forth on our list.

5: Barbara Gordon. I'm putting Oracle right smack dab in the middle. Not because I couldn't figure out where to put her, but because that's where she belongs. Listen, do I think she would ever become a supervillian? No, not really. However, if for some reason she had to become a supervillian, she'd be able to do it. If she ever turned to the dark side, it would be completely thought out. Calculated. And my girl doesn't do anything half-assed.

6: Duke Thomas. Now, Imma be honest, I don't know a whole lot about Duke, and I didn't really know where the best place to put his would be on this lineup. I put him in 6th cause I don't think he'd turn into a supervillian but he's more likely than the last three. He probably deserves to go further up the list, but oh well.

7: Bruce Wayne. I know some people will probably say he should be further up the list, but here is my reasoning. Batman's whole kinda thing is that he's always toeing the line. He's doesn't kill because he knows he wouldn't be able to stop. He is Darkness, Vengeance, the night, all that stuff. (It's why Batman needs a Robin) If he broke, he'd be broken. I don't think he'd be able to come back from that (I also disagree with myself a bit, cause there's no way his kill count is 0. I mean, he's been beating people up at night instead of therapy for decades) Anyways, that being said, man is stubborn and has been doing this vigilante stuff for a longggg time. I simply don't think he's gonna turn.

8: Dick Grayson. We are getting towards the bottom of the list here, to the people I think are least likely to become a supervillian. Dick has been through so much. With Renegade, Red X, Spiral, whatever was up with Ric, he took up the cowel and became Batman when Bruce was gone (which is something he never wanted to do), he's had so many of his friends die, family die, and that's not even all! He's been through a lot, but he's also the light to batman's dark. He's been through all that and still chooses to be good. There's no way he's ever becoming a supervillian (even if it is a very interesting plot in fanfiction)

9: Cassandra Cain. Last but certainly not least, Cass. I personally think she is the least likely to become a supervillian. She was raised as a weapon and taught to kill, but she has completely overcome that. She won't kill at all, much like Bruce, but she's also more emotionally sound. Her morals are strict, and she doesn't have to fight with herself to keep them. I love her so much, truly one of the best of us.

I'm gonna put Alfred as a honorable mention. He doesn't get to go on the list cause honestly, if he ever became a villian, it's over. He's have the world in his clutches before the week is over. Gotta respect him for having the patience of a saint.

This was so long! Anyways, feel free to add to this or tell me how you would rank them differently!!

[sephirthoughts]

If you dare, something I haven't seen much: vincent valentine & rufus shinra

I'm curious how you see them interacting. if you have a thought, go for it, otherwise providing options: 2, 5, 28, 34

OK! Vincent and Rufus! I got things you said (2)through your teeth, (5) didn't say at all (28)in the dark, and (34)whispered in my ear. I loved this prompt because it produced this absolutely ridiculous scene. Enjoy!

He sat in the dark, into the small hours of the morning. The office lights off, so the poisonous, green glow from the reactors could and must be appreciated to its fullest. So there was no glossing over the ugly reality. That Shinra was a machine that swallowed blood and spit out gold. That he was a petty autocrat, enthroned on a mountain of garbage. A dead man ruling an empire of bones. 

“You are not your father,” a man’s voice whispered, right into his ear.

His hand was instantly on his gun, but a cold, metal claw had already caught him by the throat, and was squeezing threateningly. His eyes flashed to Darkstar, whose monstrous bulk was coalescing amongst the inky shadows, fangs bared and crimson eyes ablaze. 

One look at the intruder, however, and the massive, demonic hound gave a high-pitched whine and cowered, like a whipped cur. Rufus glared disdainfully after the beast, as it slunk away, with both its tails between its legs. Some fucking guard dog.

“Are you reminding me, that I am not my father, or yourself?” he asked calmly, removing his hand from the stock of his gun, and placing it flat on his desk, with the other.

“You seem to need to be reminded,” the intruder answered.

Rufus sighed forbearingly. “If you were going to kill me, you would have, by now, so do you mind getting to what you want and sparing me the theatrics?”

“Said the man sitting alone, in the dark, at the top of a giant tower with his name written all over it.”

“It’s not money,” Rufus mused. “You’ve bypassed my security to get to me, which means you could easily have walked into a bank vault and taken what you wanted. No, you…you believe in your own righteousness. You have the stench of ideology, all over you. Let me guess, Avalanche? Is this an absolutely fantastic bit of irony?”

“Coffin wood.”

“I suppose y—what?” Rufus said, actually caught off-guard.

“It’s not ideology that you smell all over me, it’s coffin wood. And dry-rot.”

“Do you think convincing me that you’re deranged is going to further your goals, somehow?”

The man sounded offended. “I’m not deranged, I sleep in a coffin.”

“You’re not deranged…you sleep in a coffin. Can you hear yourself, when you speak?” Annoyed past the point of prudence, Rufus looked up at the man holding him by the neck and gave a start. “A Valentine?” he said aloud, before he could stop himself.

The man looked surprised. He also looked fucking magnificent. Rufus suppressed a scowl. These goddamned Valentines and their perfect genes. No wonder that lunatic Hojo was so obsessed with them. 

“How did you know?” asked the most obvious Valentine ever. 

“You look exactly like your father. And I’ve seen your personnel file. Employee profile: Valentine, Vincent,” he said, to no one in particular. 

A glowing holographic screen obediently materialized above the desk, displaying the HR file for Vincent Valentine, including a large, full-color photograph. Notably, the upper right corner of the file bore a stamp that read ‘DECEASED’ in red ink.

“Hm. I’m impressed you recognized me. I was so young in that photo.”

It took Rufus a full five seconds to comprehend that the man wasn’t joking. Then he was even more irritated. “Your hair is long now. That is literally the only difference. Are you absolutely certain you’re not deranged?”  

“Fairly certain.”

“Well then, Vincent Valentine, will you kindly tell me what the hell it is that you want, that has you in my office in the middle of the night, threatening my life, before I kill myself from exasperation?” 

The Valentine stepped back and pulled something out of the idiotic cloak that he was somehow making look amazing. Rufus stared at the object in blank disbelief. It was…it was one of those stupid robot cats, that Reeve was always playing with. 

“I came to return this,” the Valentine explained, which only raised more questions. “I wandered into the wrong office.”

Rufus pinched the bridge of his nose. “You wandered. Into. The wrong. Office.”

“Mn,” he nodded. “Sorry about that.”

“Then why, pray tell, did you grab me by the neck!��

“You would’ve shot me, if I hadn’t, and there would’ve been a big scene. I really don’t like noise.”

“And the creepy whispering, about me not being my father?”

“I already told you, you seemed like you needed to be reminded.”

“You were right about that, at least. Because if I were my father, you’d be dead already.”

“He didn’t have anything capable of killing me, any more than you do. If you knew of a way for me to die, I would welcome it. Not to be a bother, but could you direct me to Reeve Tuesti’s office, so I can return this thing? I’m getting sleepy and I’d really like to leave.”

“You have gone far off course,” Rufus informed him. “Director Tuesti’s office is three floors down on the—wait, no! I am not giving you directions! You are trespassing! And you just threatened my life! You may think you’re invinci—”

“Three floors down, got it,” the Valentine interrupted, with a solemn half-bow. “Thank you, Rudolph.”

“Fucking…Rudolph???” Rufus ground out, through clenched teeth.

He had officially had enough of this shit. He whipped out his gun and fired a shot, just in time to entirely miss the red-cloaked menace, as he vanished in a melodramatic, crimson whirl. God damn slippery vampire-ass Valentines!

He had his hand over the button to summon building security, when he thought the better of it, and drew it back. The last thing he needed was a gaggle of fools in here tromping around, tracking in dirt probably, failing to find anything, and publishing a description of a suspect that very much fit Count Dracula. People would say the new president was losing his mind, and hallucinating fairytale monsters. 

No, there was no use kicking up a fuss just to be humiliated. He’d send the Turks after the Valentine…in a little while. If he gave the man a head start, maybe he’d kill that annoyingly upright pain in the ass Reeve, while he was down there. Now, where was that stupid dog?

“Darkstar!” he shouted, into the cavernous blackness of his idiotically massive office. “You have five seconds to get over here and explain yourself!”

[NOTE: it's probably unclear, but (5) things you didn't say at all was Rufus' name. Vincent never said it because he called him the wrong one.]

[mecachrome]

hello! i read you primer (which was lovely) and if you dont mind, what makes you think that lando has a high eq? not that i disagree with you but i feel like high intelligence of any kind is not something that is commonly associated with lando (i say this with affection of course) thats why it stood out for me :)

hey anon!!! first of all thank you so much :) and ofc i'd be more than happy to share my perspective although of course this is just my very random meta as a semi-uninformed oscar fan hahaha

ok not to go off on too much of a tangent but i think something i often encounter in real people fandom is this ig very restrictive perception of "intelligence" when it comes to examining celebrity upbringings and career choices? which i don't think necessarily comes from a malicious place, and i mean obviously a major factor & meaningful context behind lando specifically not finishing school is that he is extremely rich and had major financial security to pursue his dreams, and then on top of that he's definitely prone to saying many impulsive and objectively uninformed things, but...... just as a purely personal philosophy i try to avoid ascribing too much weight to "traditional" notions of intelligence or one's academic success. like i do find it endearing that oscar studied engineering subjects because i did too, but just as an example if you look at oscar it's really like, Well the difference between his education and lando's is frankly MUCH less pronounced than the difference between oscar's and lily's (read: a-level cs is not going to make you a software engineer...), even though people often act like lando is the dumbest person in the world and oscar is some engineering genius. and then furthermore when you examine the actual types of "intelligence" useful to someone becoming a successful racing driver aka the rote memory, technical knowledge, and sheer intuition required for honing race craft and maximizing pure pace around a circuit, lando is just as smart as any driver. or at least that's what i think!!!

let me put the rest below the cut........

also to some degree i really do believe it's smarter to know that you're wasting your time in school if you can be doing something else that will be more fulfilling and is accessible and achievable to you, because doesn't that just afford you extra time to practice and hone your craft and get further with your life? again with lando this was a decision that could only have been made with a massive safety net and undeniable amounts of privilege, Which I Recognize, but just like—idk. i think it's fine to not like school, and even though Lando Norris specifically certainly does not need his academic history defended i try to remain consistent in not moralizing the specific dimensions of someone's intellect.

but anyway!!! that doesn't really have anything to do with eq or your question HKLSDFH i just like overexplaining... in terms of eq, i think it kind of just inherently shows in how lando makes and maintains his friendships honestly, which all goes back to the idea of his empathy. and this is perhaps a bit of a fannish meta oversimplification and obviously everything i say is VibesTM at the end of the day but i do think he's someone who's just incredibly and stubbornly loyal, and that even though some of the things he says come off as callous to fans who examine his intent through the lens of their own ideologies, they're actually usually perfectly fine in the context of his relationships and the general culture of the f1 paddock. like he's been friends with maxf and co since he was a functional baby and is somehow still codependent with these people who aren't actually properly relevant to the sports bubble he occupies at all anymore, and yet that hasn't changed the fundamental makeup of the connections he's made because he just, like... values people.

like tps and mclaren personnel and pretty much every driver on the grid etc. all genuinely LOVE lando, and imo he's very self-aware of how he comes off to fans and does show a lot of grace despite............certain things. like he's not going to always Say The Right Thing in the moment, but he generally understands how people feel about him and why they react to the things he says, which is why he's so effective at both marketing himself and hiring people who can market him better (how many other drivers have built up a branding as strong as ln4 & quadrant before the age of 23!)

the way i see it is essentially that lando's "honesty" is part of his eq. because formula 1 is an entertainment product built off bullshit, but actually successful and healthy and sustainable outfits need honesty and accountability to thrive. and ultimately lando is, at least within a sporting context, a deeply accountable person. Also speaking again of different perspectives of intelligence: for ex mclaren works the way it does because zbrown understands his place, andrea understands his place, and lando and oscar both understand their places!!! like zak brown's savvy is in business so he handles the press conferences even though that's usually the tp's job, and andrea understood that key was ineffective in his role so he retooled the entire engineering triumvirate, and then lando and oscar... work as teammates because they have a productive and collaborative understanding of each other and what they're meant to deliver every week.

idk if that makes sense really. but i think lando takes on a lot of responsibility and clearly cares deeply about the team and is very vocal about that, regardless of whether "he's too scared to be max's teammate" doubters believe it alksdfhlkfdh, and i think this kind of... general refusal to entertain bullshit in a world of bullshit & the fact that he's still friends with daniel and close to maxv and all these people who he's apparently deeply wronged according to certain corners of the internet etc. etc. is a pretty solid reflection of that eq. he doesn't always know what to say but he usually means the right thing, most of the time..... and as much as oscar is clearly mature beyond his years i don't think lando has ever shown an inability to face the heat as the senior driver and team leader at mclaren? like if you watch any recent interviews where he answers technical questions or discusses where mclaren is developmentally or their place in the championship fight he always speaks very well and confidently and measuredly. like IDK. maybe i'm just crazy though. lmk if that makes no sense HDSLFKH sorry for this essay 😔

[fairycosmos]

asking my favorite tumblrina : why is the desire to be desired so embarrassing ?? like no matter how hard i say and believe that romantic love is way too glamorized in our society esp compared to platonic love, ive never been in a real long term relationship and i want a "special someone" so badly tbh...

i think because it's still a fundamental need for many of us and not one that just "learning to love yourself" can replace. while i really do feel like romantic relationships are heavily over emphasised in society and there is so much value in learning to love yourself first/ putting time and effort towards curating platonic and communal bonds, it's still not easy to face every day alone and without that specific form of intimacy if it's something you're wired to crave. i know it's hard but i think you should cut yourself some slack - wanting to be loved and the ideology you talked about are both valid concepts that coexist even while seeming contradictory at times. it i think it simply feels embarrassing because we've received messaging that vulnerability is embarrassing since we were young, and admitting you want to be wanted is one of the most vulnerable things you can do. it is still a natural feeling despite that. also thank u for being so lovely!!! very flattered you follow me fr ❤️ i genuinely hope you find what you're looking for, it's ok if it takes time despite the frustration that comes along with that. X

[amongaesthetics]

OK, so I’m re-watching Dexter (the TV series with the serial killer not the cartoon with the little kid scientist who wants to be evil). And I’ve got two really big thoughts that someone needs to hear.

The first is that the kind of started Dexter off as being sort of ace/aro. They went into a lot of things in the beginning about how he’s dating his current girlfriend (Rita) because she’s got issues with sex and he wanted to avoid sex in his relationship and how he could never be in love with her. And this gave me a little bit of mixed feelings in how I think about it, because whenever they assign these sorts of traits to bad people it’s supposed to be evidence of how fucked up they are. Like, “look at Dexter, he’s a fucked up serial killer who does not enjoy sex and can’t be in love with someone, he’s really-really messed up”.

I think it’s problematic because it’s making the ace/aro representation that we do have more of a representation of how people who fit within those categories are not truly human. But on the other hand, they cement this ideology even further through Dexter‘s character by eventually making it that he is in love with Rita, that he does enjoy sex with her. He marries her and has a child with her and starts to fit within this range of normal, except for the fact that he is still a serial killer and this is supposed to be exemplifying him becoming more of a “real person” while he does those things.

The other big critique I have as I’m re-watching is that, all of Dexter’s problems are caused by himself with exception to the first season. The first season, Dexter’s big bad brother Brian is back in town, killing people, reaching out to Dexter and causing him to question his foundations and his choices and Deal with a lot of trauma, while also trying to deal with the fact that his brother wants to have a relationship with him. That’s not really Dexter‘s fault. However, he consistently makes bad choices throughout the rest of the seasons where he’s like “maybe I don’t have to kill this guy. Maybe they can teach me something. Maybe I can learn from them. Maybe I’ll just get close to them and everything will be fine…”. For example, the serial killer that does kill his wife, like the guy who is sister eventually ended up seeing him kill, like those serial rapist murderers that he deals with in season 5 who set a trap for him, like him trying to make friends with that ADA serial killer, like his NA sponsor who tries to burn alive his step kids.

His issues aren’t that he is a serial killer, it’s that him being a serial killer defines the way he approaches every other relationship that he tries to enter into and causes him to enter into relationships with dysfunctional murderous people who want him dead.