#lonely out of her mind
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My heart is a bloodhound!
#rust cohle#rust cohle x reader#the idler wheel td#true detective#are you alright?#what is going on with narrator even i don’t know#contemplating bodily harm#not that she’s going to kill anyone#seriously she’s not she’s fine she just needs to be fucked#lonely out of her mind#my heart is a bloodhound!
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do you ever just remember how one of the most effective things parvis said to get silence to lose faith in saria was essentially "do you really think she would ever choose YOU over everything?" and silence with her low self esteem really didn't believe saria would.
Then in the end saria really did choose them over everything, left her defense director job and her whole life up to that point behind for the sake of silence and ifrit. and silence still doesnt even know. do you ever think about that and lose your mind a little bit.
#turns out my pre lone trail jitters translate to reread the rhine lab manhua and lose my mind over it all over again#its one of those stories i could write multiple essays on#like silence's lack of self love#do you ever notice how in the final scene when she makes her big declaration about curing ifrit joyce and 'the many many infected'#she never mentions curing herself#how she runs into the flames looking for ifrit with no regard for her own safety during the diabolic crisis#even the funny gag moment with joyce is based on silence overworking herself and joyce pushing her to take care of herself#and here where parvis basically says saria would never choose you and silence instantly just accepts that as true#of course saria wouldn't choose her#even her big grudge against saria is anger on behalf of ifrit not for herself#this owl has such a big heart and so much love for everyone but herself#arknights#olivia silence#saria
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Self indulgent AU of Gideon making it to New Rho (in Harrow's body).
Pyrrha argued that the hair dye will be a good precaution against Harrow getting randomly recognised (somewhere there was something abt lyctors having their face on posters).
Palamedes finds everything hilarious and is excited at the prospect of sometime somewhere being there to see Harrow's reaction.
Camila was very disappointed with all three of them but did not try to stop it. She did read the dye ingredients and felt frustrated that they can't even open the windows. Their room still stinks of ammonia to this day.
Giddeon is going to be insufferable as a blonde. Fingers crossed Harrow will return to her body soon to see for herself the dishonour! The shame! The bimbofication!
#tlt#the locked tomb#nona the ninth#gideon nav#pyrrha dve#camilla hect#palamedes sextus#harrowhark nonagesimus#(haunting the narative) -more on that later!#the inherent tragism of speaking to yself in 2nd person just in case she is somewhere stuck in her own mind and unable to reach out#and you do not want her to feel as lonely as you did#pine art#rhyme art#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#i need gideon to be happy or at least be close to people that love her
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i think it's interesting how steph is like... the nerds see her as part of the popular group, and sure we see her talking to the cheerleaders a little, but other than that she doesn't really seem to be one of them in the truest sense? i could fully believe that she feels like the tiniest bit of an outcast there, like she's just cool enough for max to give her a pass but she doesn't really click with them that well. she feels to me like the bridge between the popular ones and the nerds, which is appropriate i suppose for her place in the story.
#idk i just keep turning this feeling around in my brain#that she doesn't Quite feel like she's actually proper friends with that lot#in my mind steph is pretty lonely before she starts talking to pete and by proxy the other nerds#like... i feel like the cheerleaders are friendly with her but they don't really Get each other#or enjoy each other's company That much#maybe even on their side there's some slight intimidation factor of her being the mayor's daughter and it's still a bit isolating#poor girl :(#but it's ok now she has real friends :]#... well. at least one. i honestly can't tell if pete and steph would even hang out with grace after everything#even ignoring The Ending And What That Implies#even if that didn't happen#i still don't think??? they would be besties with her#which is interesting for like. yknow. the main protag group who's been through everything together#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#stephanie lauter
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Some Food for Thought
#adventure time#moomins#a hat in time#ahit#moomin#adventure time ice king#moomins the groke#a hat in time Queen Vanessa#something about how their all lonely people that drive people away with unpleasant parts of themselves as well as their ice powers#also they have some design similarities#like how The Groke and Queen Vanessa are both big looming black coloured creatures#and Vanessa just nearly looks like a silhouetted version of the Ice King#Though while Vanessa is some what sympathic the majority of her current state is due to her continuously choosing bad choices#Even if the mass murder of the subcon village was heavily implied to be done unknowningly and accidentally due to her ice power emotional#outburst#while Ice King and The Groke are much more tragic and sympathetic as the narrative presents them#Also while Ice Kings not really that Scary Vanessa and The Groke definitely are#sorry just need to get this out this comparisons been in my mind for ages
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i don’t know what you guys are all complaining about i love that svu has vaporized olivia from woman on the verge to lady cragen
#she's behind the desk she's giving advice she's scolding the kids#she has a life we know nothing about but we know she's Seen It All and also is Lonely#i haven't been saying much about this season because here is the humiliating truth:#i am letting the cop show make me sad#(i should know better)#yes the lack of eo is a bummer but we've done it before we'll do it again#but having a season of genuinely interesting character work re olivia#to have the narrative directly engage with her as a soft furious grieving woman#to question her state of mind and what she does to herself in service of The Calling#only to not simply backtrack but neutralize her fully…#yeesh#is it a coincidence m has barely spoken a word about svu on any press appearances this season?#well no because what is there to say really#this is not a landmark season and there are zero plans to move olivia forward#she’s right where we left her tune into nbc thursdays at 8pm eastern#BUT what makes me most sad is that this shift was a demand from the viewers#(again! i should know better! and yet!)#i am just. a little heartbroken to have it confirmed that much of the audience loves olivia on the condition that she is Good#not only because she very much isn't#but also because that is boring and dangerous and speaks to our deeply warped perception of what it means to be a complete person#more specifically a complete woman#yet the audience lets out a sigh of relief! saint olivia is back! she is a Strong Woman giving Lawfully Good advice! phew!#remember when she was a little broken and volatile and seeing ghosts don’t worry she’s fixed now :)#please note my reaction is certainly tied to other real life happenings including 11/5 looming#alas it’s where i am#anyways dw you’re a loser
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decided that in my own personal canon, Santiago’s maker looked similar to Louis, simply because Ben Daniels stated that Santiago was very likely in love with his maker. and wouldn’t it be some kind of torture to fall in love with the man who murdered your first vampiric love? to then watch him fall in love with another, who bears an eerie resemblance to that first love? to be witness to something tender and affectionate blooming, every moment a memory of how none of those you’ve adored have ever wanted you back? it would be agony. it would be torture. god, you would just hate them to pieces, loathing even as you loved them. and you wouldn’t know peace - not until the whole pack of them learnt the horror of love, just as you have.
#I like to think that Santiago was courted by his maker. that it was a genuine interest#perhaps turned to be an immortal companion before his maker saw his mind and past and realised how dull he was#imagine being sold the beautiful dream of having an immortal companion who loves you and chose you out of everyone#to be the only they spend eternity with. forever in the arms of love#just for him to see you. truly see you as nobody ever has. and then instantly recoil#abandon you in disgust. he doesn’t care what you do. he doesn’t care where you go. he doesn’t care what you call yourself. francis.#santiago is a strange inverse of claudia#she is a grown woman struggling against her body - constantly being viewed as her past rather than who she truly is#but she is capable and knowing and refuses to pretend. she is Claudia the adult woman. she is Claudia the cage breaker. Claudia the killer.#while I think Santiago is still deep down Francis. lonely and needy and wanting someone to pick him. but nobody ever will#and so he covers himself up in lies and leather and performs on stage. and nobody thinks anyone is standing there but Santiago#I just LOVE torture. imagine how upsetting all of it would be#he’s still a foul cunt. but god the agony. Armand killing the man he loves. Armand falling in love with someone who looks so similar.#and Santiago can have none of them. will only be touched in anger. so make them angry. get them to touch him.#furious desire to hurt is a kind of desire. he’ll take what he can get. he’s going to get it.#he decides to become the new master of the coven when every part of him is clearly begging#please please please want me take me need me make me yours please don’t turn away don’t pick someone else#he’s so careless with the women because life’s not fair ladies! the powerful want you then they drop you after they’ve used you#if I’m a toy you’re all toys. if I’m used I’ll use up the lot of you.#exactly my favourite kind of guy. wants to be loved eternally would flinch if he received it because what even is this?#santiago iwtv#santiago#ldpdl#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#armand interview with the vampire#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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this woman who told me she's flirting with me is not flirting with me - Ray Pakorn, a most delightful homosexual
#the thought does not cross his mind#it is only right a lonely woman is talking to me#i am gay and therefore entirely non threatening to her virtue and we can just chill and hang out everything makes sense#ofts ray
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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hi I am still not normal about how we never get much of an epilogue for Emily and Corvo in the second game we are told how the rule turned out and that Emily is the beloved empress now but nothing beyond that and I get that the entire game is very much built on that I get that the first game we have close relationship with Emily and become fond of the staff that work with the Loyalists so we feel alone because we do not quite see eye to eye with our allies and all we have left is this little innocent child that sees Corvo as someone who can do no wrong in this world which is strongly contrasted with the second game where Emily (or Corvo) has few trusted allies that they can actually rely on and it feels like a group of almost-friends working to dismantle the conspiracy but at the very end of it all Emily is all alone, even her return to the Tower is so much more grim, her taking down Delilah, the entirety of Dunwall- it all feels so incredibly and thoroughly isolating, she is all Alone now, and maybe that's why it bothers me so much to see the story end so abrupty.
it would've been so, so poetic if both the first and the second game ended with Corvo and Emily embracing
#li.txt#dh#sorry Im not okay about this I just#ahhh idk I cant quite explain it#but playing as Emily feels so much more lonely than corvo in the first game#she talks about saving corvo so much and we dont even get a hug#one thing that keeps coming to mind is silent hill 3 where heather goes through So So Much after her father is murdered#and when the final boss is beat she drops to her knees and breaks down#and I think Emily deserves a similar epilogue#the final release of all the stress and fear and anger#her freeing corvo and suddenly it clicks delilah is gone and her witches are gone and all the sigils drawn over the tower begin to fade#and it all hits her at once and she finally gets to cry it all out#because shes okay and meagan is okay and sokolov is okay and her father is okay and karnaca is okay#except they are not. because they all nearly died so many times and her father was trapped in stone and she had to see so much#she had to fight and survive all while unsure if it will lead to anything#all while she was worried for the people she loves because if she fails it means the few people she still has left will be gone too#she had to watch her mother die a second time and then hear the voice of her vengeful aunt for weeks taunting and mocking#(and she was her only family at the time and they could have been a family too. but that is too much to consider now)#i dunno. i just think she deserved a bit more there. just that one last hug from corvo before the game ends
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Quilis is a difficult character for others to plot with sometimes, and for that I apologize. She may seem weird, but laid back and like she doesn't give a fuck. That is exactly the type of persona she wants to achieve. She *wants* you to think that.
Underneath it all, that woman is stubborn, avoidant and often dismissive, and afraid of getting close to someone again. So driven to the current ideals of herself that she holds, that it's very hard for her to accept anything different.
#nihil grumbles#and underneath that. she's a very. very lonely person with a lot of heartache.#so tired of keeping people out but refusing to give up the ground she's kept for so long.#leaning hard into the sunk cost fallacy telling her to keep going. cause there's no point in stopping now.#she has an open mind on many things. but there are others that she often refuses to budge on. and I am gripping her about it.#like a fucking stress toy.
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btw if Thalassa wins my art poll I will base her hair and scars on the fact that she suffered a traumatic brain injury (read as: got shot in the head) that made her suffer from amnesia and blindness for like 15 years and just got surgery to reverse that. I will do light research on parts of the brain to make the design make a little sense, with some plausible deniability. I'm gonna do that thing where the trauma that was downplayed by canon gets up-played by me. But I'm also... not a brain surgeon so I can't exactly promise it will be accurate lol.
#maybe ill keep her half blind idk#anyway in my mind its taking her a while to recover and she wants to be more healed before telling Trucy and Apollo the Truth#also i think she has to have pretty intensive constant care for a while and Phoenix is the only one that visits her#he tells her about her kids exploits even if he has to repeat stories a few times bc she forgets#trucy suspects that hes doing something and tells edgeworth that she thinks her dad is cheating on him but he's just visiting a lonely woma#i just think that brain injury and brain surgery would be uh... more intense than us and the story give it credit for#i think it would be interesting if she wasn't just hiding the Secret out of malice or smth and literally bc she is relearning her own past
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Y’all I’m just saying it’s very in character for Wednesday Addams to fall in love with a Werewolf for a girlfriend and a Hyde for a boyfriend.
#like her parents would be so proud???#like yeah that’s their girl#and it makes sense for the whole family and how they work#like yes absolutely she’d end up with a murderous boyfriend who was mind controlled#and a super dangerous but ray of sunshine girlfriend#whatoh back at it again#wenclair#wyler#y’all we gotta figure out a ship name for the three of them#I might be the captain of this lone ship but it’s MY lone ship#and every good captain goes down with the ship
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🫧
#tw: vent#so my mother is basically mean to me like 99 % of the time and we literally argue every single day#and i have been trying my hardest to not pay any heed to what she tells me but recently she told me something that really#made me feel so incredibly hurt and stupid idek how to put thaf into words#i avoid sharing things with her because she makes me feel bad about even the tiniest most unnecessary thing i share with her#so basically i have this one friend who was staying away from home for uni and she lives near me so i always try to be there for her#becayse i know how lonely it gets for her and i always go everytime my friends need me and my mom hates that#she makes me feel like being nice to my friends and others is the dumbest thing on this planet and that im stupid#but if my sister does it she's an angel#i was just waiting for my friend to figure things out as she was moving back home after uni ended so we could go look at internships#toghether#and she went home and got a job and while im happy for her she didn't even mention anything about it which made me sad enough but when i#told my mother about it she made me feel worse she said that was not very nice what she did you did so much for her and i told her#that's alright i dont mind and she said that my friend used me for her benefit and that I'm stupid for being nice to people#because according to her every nice thing that ive done is stupid and nothing i have done is going to make her feel proud or is enough#she qould NEVER say this to my sisters EVER#aah fuck this became too long#im so sorry if anyone came across this#but yes my mother is literally my biggest enemy most times ngl#she makes me feel like i wish i was not alive#it hurts to see my friends have great relationship with their moms and sisters#:')
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i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me
#fo3#fallout 3#butch deloria#lone wanderer#ana de la cruz#(oc)#my art#oc x canon#their relationship is sooo… it’s complicated#one moment they’re fist fighting bc he pissed her off#The next they’re holding hands sitting under the stars bc they’re the only ones they got left from that vault#they also yearn for other people so it makes it worse at points but what can you do#either way they’ll figure it out eventually (they never do)#also don’t mind my art style being inconsistent I beg of u
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the amount of times someone has either caught her coming out of her hunting shed after dressing a deer, or her dumping said unused dressings for the critters in her forest to eat. just blood soaked and unbothered. tosses some unused organs. decks a lost traveler by accident.
mort just like: ...let me wash my hands first before i maybe help you.
#it's the season for me to drop in how dumb she can be but how stupid scary she can be to others#lone freak out here in the forest minding her own business when someone comes by at the wrong time#headcanons#i never remember where i put these things so dfhgfh
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