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#lol though i have no question why you asked me this
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Hello! Many people have said this but ill say it too, I LOVE YOUR COMIC SO MUCH ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡
I really wanted to ask you about how you do the backgrounds? (Something i struggle with) whats the process? Like from start to finish, also, to do the rise backgrounds do you use reference from the show and generally real photo of ny? Or do you come up with them? And last question- The shadow and light on the background- Like HOW
i know it’s a lot of questions but i’m just so curious qwq and wanna learn to be better, thank you again in case you read this and respond, in case you don’t, i hope you have a nice day and a wonderful life uwu keep up the great work! (≧◡≦) ♡
Backgrounds are a really broad subject and I'm always a little overwhelmed when asked this question. Just like drawing the human body, backgrounds take time, repetition, and practice!
My answer got a bit long, so it's going under a read more :) but if you digest info better in video format I found this on youtube
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It pretty much goes over everything I wanted to say, but in a much better way. I wish I had found it before writing all this out lol
ok, first of all, I'm not a teacher nor was I built to be one of those cool helpful art tutorial people who do a full coloured tutorial filled with illustrations. This is just going to be a messy "how I do backgrounds / environment layouts from start to finish." kinda thing.
... lets start with a sight tangent.
Sketch from Life!!!
If you want to get better at backgrounds I recommend doing some sketching out in the real world!
When I was first getting into doing backgrounds I went to cafes and parks to just sketch the buildings and objects. Sketch rocks, flowers, clumps of grass, garbage cans, bottles, tables, street signs, etc. If you are drawing a tree observe how the trunks twist, how the bark flows, or how the leaves are bunched.
If you can't leave the house the same still applies! Sketch the interiors of your house, the walls, or common objects like chairs and bookshelves. How are objects stacked? items on the floor?
If you aren't comfortable with drawing outside or in public you can take some photos to draw from! They are good for practice and you can use them again as references later. Alternatively you can find pictures online of buildings and objects to sketch as practice.
All spaces have objects in them, it becomes easier to draw those kinds of spaces when you already have spent time observing and sketching them.
ALSO! They don't have to be good sketches! It's just to build out your mental catalogue and strengthen your perception of perspective.
now the actual thing...
BACKGROUNDS
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(the pictures used for this are my own. I dug them out of my 2022 folder)
Backgrounds have slightly different rules based on what you are making them for. Videogame Environment Concept Art vs Animation Layouts vs Comic Backgrounds vs Illustration backgrounds.
They all follow the same basics, which I will go over here, but the intention and function of those designs are going to be different. It's all about how you set up the scene and what it's purpose is!
Brainstorming and Thumbnailing
I like to think about a location as though it is a character. An abandoned old house with creaky sagging floorboards is very different from a futuristic space ship with sharp metal floor panels. A gas station has a very different feeling from a library.
I usually start by asking what is this location's story? Why was it built and for what purpose? What kinds of things does this room need to fulfill that purpose? You don’t need solid answers, but its good to be thinking about it while you are working.
Next, sketch some ideas for how this place is going to look. For me, this usually involves drawing the idea from multiple angles and then making lists & small sketches of the objects I think should be filling the space.
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Example: The main character of my original work is a Wanderer. They collect a lot of things on their travels, but those items have to be small enough to be easily carried in a backpack. I wanted his room to be in the corner of an attic, walled off by curtains, and filled with trinkets. You can see some of my brainstorming above.
References
I only look for references after I've done some sketching and planning; this is to solidify my idea first so that I don't accidentally copy anyone else's work. I will make a moodboard with pictures of lighting, colours, items, rooms with specific ceiling beams, old chairs, etc. basically whatever I feel fits the vibe.
Honestly, I don't use references as much as I should. For ROTTMNT fanart I look at backgrounds and screenshots from the series to study the style. I also reference actual photos of NYC to get a feel for how Rise condenses the visual information.
In general, it's good to have references of real life objects/locations, because there are so many details like cracks in pavement, stickers on polls, crowning on buildings, fancy fencing, weird chair legs, etc. that you might not think of. It's the imperfect details that can make a location feel more alive.
Perspective
Once you have your chosen sketch we move to.... the infamous perspective boxes. Doing backgrounds is just learning to be comfortable drawing So Many boxes and carving items out of them.
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Many better artists than myself have made videos on perspective, vanishing points, and all the technical bits. Videos like THIS ONE and THIS ONE are helpful (this post is great too!!). There are probably a lot of classes to be found on Skillshare or Schoolism. I learned a lot of this in my college art course, so I can't give you a specific video which helped me.
You can get by and be a good artist without learning this stuff. There are quite a few successful artists who have admitted they never bothered to learn perspective (one of these people even made a whole graphic novel series).
I personally avoided properly learning this stuff until I was in my 20s because I thought it would be boring and difficult to do. tbh I really wish I had learned it earlier because it's so much fun to make those silly little boxes imo. It looks scary and complicated but, just like drawing humans, it just takes time, repetition, and practice to develop the knowledge and skills.
Cleanup
You have your boxes and lines! Cool! Now to make a scene out of it. Fill in the details, get everything placed were you want it! Generally, the lines of each item will point back towards the horizon line, but they can have different perspective points.
Generally you would want to clean it up and get your room completely sketched before doing the lineart. I tend to combine the steps (not recommended)
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Lineart
I've mentioned how I do this before. Closer objects have thicker lines and more detailed inside. Further objects have thinner lines and less detail. I didn't quite achieve that balance with the image below, but it's close enough.
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Colours and Shading will have to be a separate post. In the meantime, I highly recommend the book "Color and Light" by James Gurney. I used to borrow it from my local library and a good chunk of my knowledge was learned from it :)
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Hi could I request a drabble please?
I recently found out that apparently Asra and MC shared a bed (I assume it’s because it’s implied they were together pre-plague, and they just never got another one after MC was revived) so could you maybe write something about like their nighttime routine post-resurrection/pre-relationship?
Here's your drabble friend! And if you're curious, here's my take on Pre-Prologue Asra and MC and a quick overview of my best guess at what their relationship was like. (Though of course, it's purposefully vague so each reader can decide what their MC's journey was lol)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Asra?"
"Hm?"
"Why do we share a bed?"
Your mentor pauses, the outline of their shoulders stuttering as they reach for the last candle lighting up your bedroom. You give them a moment to collect their thoughts as they silently snuff out the flame and sit at the foot of the bed.
"Would you ... rather not?"
You shrug. "I don't mind. I was just curious."
You see his silhouette heave a deep sigh against the window's block of starry sky, one hand reaching up to run through his hair as you've learned he does when he's facing a problem. His body slumps in defeat and he responds ... oddly cheerfully.
"You remember your first few days here ... you needed a caretaker. There isn't enough space for another bed, and you couldn't see me when I slept on the floor, so ... that's why." You watch the shadow of their head turn in your direction with a bittersweet chuckle that's been the soundtrack of the last few years. "I guess I never broke the habit."
"Did we share a bed before?"
"Did we -" He trails off and stands, walking slowly around the bed to his side and thoughtfully smoothing the tattered old blanket lying there, still not climbing in next to you. His voice is thick when he speaks again. "Are you sure you want to remember?"
You grimace at the thought of your recurring migraines. "No." You toss in place, uneasy at your friend's hesitance to sleep when their presence at your side is one of the most constant things in your life. "I was just curious if ... you remember."
He responds with an airy laugh and climbs into bed, tone light and carefree. "Even if I didn't, would it matter?" With your eyes adjusting to the light, you're able to see the relieved smile on his face and the genuine joy in his eyes. "We're both here now, aren't we? These memories are a gift ... and we're still here, with more to make."
You barely catch the way they whip their old blanket under their pillow, one colorful faded corner left out to tuck under their chin. You'd asked who the baby was that it belonged to once, and don't remember getting an answer. Speaking of questions and answers -
"Aren't people who share beds usually lovers?"
His eyebrows shoot up in awkward surprise. "Yes ... yes, they are."
"But we aren't."
"No, we're not." A firm confirmation with a studied poker face - this isn't something they're up to talk about right now.
You think to the lonely moments in the shop when he's away on a trip, the sight of couples walking by outside with linked hands, the one time an attractive tourist paid you with a wink and left you with an unexpected blush. "Do you think ..." you mumble softly into the dark room, "do you think I could ever have a lover?"
They smile so gently your pillow feels softer. "I'm sure you will, if you want one."
"And if I do?"
He burrows deeper into his pillow, fingers tightening around the old baby blanket. "When you find one ... I'll be right there, celebrating your happiness."
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bronx-bomber87 · 2 days
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Happy Wednesday wonderful readers. It's hard to believe we’re on 6x08 already. Thanks for hanging in there with me. 6x05-6x07 are not easy episodes emotionally. So appreciate you all reading these. 6x08 is an emotional ride all its own. This entire season is really. We get a beautiful moment at the end for our ship though. One that still makes me weepy. With the perfect song to go with it. So let's begin shall see?
6x08 Punch Card.
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The ep name is punch card when it starts out with a punch to the heart. We see a reminder come up on Tim's phone. It’s about Lucy’s birthday *sad sigh* Not only a reminder but he has 'Birthday' in all caps. Wanted to make sure he didn’t forget. Also and this is just shippy conjecture... Was he did so he could do something special for her. That’s what that reminder represents to me. He quickly swipes it away and tries to swipe the feelings along with it. His sigh and tongue click has me emotional. It’s all through this episode we start to see the regret really begin to sink in for Tim .
I know people were upset he didn't seem as upset as Lucy in 6x07. Trust me that man is WRECKED. He showed signs last ep. But this episode marks the beginning of him truly showcasing all of that. Tim is starting to feel the immense loss he’s inflicted on himself. *phew* I wanna cry. Which has been a theme since 6x05. He is broken out of his emotional revere by the elevator opening. It’s Mad Dog and Blair. The tension is palpable in there but you’re not sure why. Only that something feels very off and wrong about the whole thing.
Tim is so caught up in his Lucy loss he doesn’t pick up on it. Had that reminder not come up he would’ve been sharper. His cop gut screaming out a bit more. But as of right now it's subdued with sadness. Kills me how he wants to rectify things with M.D. Breaks my heart really. He hurt more than just Lucy with his actions. Mad Dog is short with him and not in a place to receive these amends. Tim breaks my heart a little more when he watches him depart. Oh Timothy. He finally acknowledges Dr. London asking if she's getting off here? When she says she took the wrong elevator my red flag was going OFF.
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Now comes the scene I know made everyone uncomfortable. I don't love it I'll be honest. But here’s my take on it. Last episode we talked about defense mechanisms a lot. What Tim and Lucy’s were. Why they use them. To me this scene right here is displaying Dr. London’s. I believe she uses flirting as her defense mechanism. They showed her flirting with Aaron at the bar in the recap for a reason. Side tangent about the recap. This will be a small detour to my point lol. They also showed the breakup again in the recap too. Hate that. I'll have PTSD from that scene for life. Like damn recap I don't need the reminder. Don't worry we haven't forgotten I promise you. It's seared in my memory for life thank you very much....
Anyways I think that scene at the bar with Aaron in the recap was to set up this scene. Very intentional of her manipulative flirting. Tim asks about Mad Dog which sets that in motion. So in order not to blow her cover she flirts with Tim. Under the guise of ‘Checking in on him.’ Turning it back around on him by asking how he felt seeing him? She’s doing this to shield herself and deflect further questions about what just happened. Tim is clearly upset and she takes advantage of it. It’s a mixture of the Lucy reminder and now seeing Mad Dog. The manifestation of two relationships he destroyed with his actions in 6x05-6x06.
So even though I don’t love this scene. I get the why and mechanics behind it if that makes sense. I know some people thought him replying back was flirty. I think he was just doing his own investigating. His gut kicking on in this moment. He’s clearly not comfortable with her trying to do therapy outside their sessions. Also his face when he exits the elevator tells me everything. It’s not of a man who flirted. It's one who’s is still deeply hurting. Also conflicted because his cop gut IS going off and he doesn’t know why…. He is feeling as off as we were about her.
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We hop over to our girl in Grey’s office. Asking her how her new roommate is working out? That being Celina of course from the previous ep. Reason he’s asking is he needs her to ride with her today. Lucy is so adorable saying she’s not a T.O. though… This is where the scene gets real cute. Grey all but anoints her LOL Lucy’s face when he does is hilarious. Couldn't fit in but was very Lion King vibes up in here haha
Lucy continuing the adorableness asks if he can do that? Wade replying he is all powerful lmao I think this scene is great for a couple reasons. First off thank you Wade Grey for giving her a position of power and authority like this. If anyone has earned it it’s our girl. I also think this is really good for her self esteem. For him to trust her enough to give her a leadership opportunity is huge. Shouldn’t have taken this damn long honestly. But she has been very UC driven since S3.
Regardless I love this so much for her. To prove her leadership skills. To rebuild herself a bit post breakup. Lastly I think this moment is a wee bit of foreshadowing. With the time elapse, I’m sure is to come with the s7 premiere, she could be one by then. This is straight speculation. Since we don't know a damn thing bout s7. But I think it would be real good for her. She would be a superior teacher to new rookies. Far better than numb nuts Nolan…. Grey is MVP two eps in a row I will say.
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Tim enters the chat immediately after. He’s so lost in trying to delete his reminder he doesn’t realize Lucy is there. That Lucy smile of his ever present. He literally can’t help it. Man is so damn gone for her. It oozes out of him whenever she is present. Ugh. My heart. Lucy almost returns it because she has for so many years prior. She stops herself midway and reminds her body she’s still mad at him. Tim tries to break the ice a little with his joke. Lucy doesn’t engage as much as he would like of course.
Still picking up the pieces of her broken heart my love. Also the awkwardness that still exists between them is ever present in this short scene. Couldn’t get away fast enough and Grey notices this of course. His reply of 'Wow.' saying it all. The way Tim watches her until she is out of sight *heart clutch* Just watching his entire heart walk out the station….Ain’t no thing…Doesn’t affect me at all. *sniffle* *phew* I’m fine.
This hurts no matter the time that has passed. Hate seeing them like this. I know with s7 in the works we are on the road to recovery. But until said recovery happens, these post breakup eps are gonna hurt like a SOB. There's no two ways about it. Even after they get back together these will still sting. Cause Eric and Melissa did an incredible job with these episodes. This short scene wrecking us shows us their skills. Elevating the material in a way only they can.
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Grey notes how awkward that was. Tim telling him it’s better than it has been.... That’s not enough for Wade though. Honestly it shouldn’t be. That he need again to fix this ASAP. This will only continue to breed dysfunction. Which in turn will be a disaster for team cohesion. That he isn't going out that way as Watch Commander. Wade reminding him he NEEDS to work it out with Lucy.
Otherwise it’s going to force him to choose between them. Now you know I love my Tim. Love this man to death. Would fight anyone who knocks on him. But I friggin adore Grey choosing Lucy in this scenario. Tim caused this mess he either needs to clean it up. Or it’s time for him to go. Hurts my heart to write that but it's true. Even though he is senior officer, worked there longer, been under Wade longer it doesn’t matter. He will be the one shipped off. Taking her side is the right thing to do.
Makes me wanna cry the thought of him being sent away. I remember first time watched this it started a deep ache in my gut. One of massive anxiety. Of course it would be friggin North Hollywood. That damn station been haunting them since s2. Just looming overhead ready to take one of them. Almost happened in 5x12 too. Anyways does my heart good he sides with Lucy in this matter. This is Tim’s mess to fix and no one else’s.
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Lucy meets up with Celina and asks if she’s ok with this? Ever the amazing empath our girl. Celina looks psyched as hell to have Lucy. How could she not be? Wealth of knowledge to give her in a kind but commanding way. Getting to see Lucy show off her leadership skills is making me giddy. On a solo character level was my fav part of the ep. (Clearly not counting the Chenford stuff)
Her leadership style is right there with mine. Where I am 90 percent Tim her being a T.O. Is all me. Her style is pretty damn identical to mine. Telling her she wants to ‘Invest in her success.’ Is me all damn day. Thats all I ever wanted for my team. For them to see I was investing in them and there to make them better. It’s cute how excited Celina is for this. Hell of an upgrade from the bumbling bone head she usually has.
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The Aaron and Tim show begins and I’m here for it. I’ve always enjoyed their dynamic. Aaron pushing Tim a little more than most would. We know Lucy has softened him to the point where he doesn’t kill Aaron. ha Asking why he has to be the one to be in uniform and not Tim? Lmao Because you are the rookie dearest haha These two are goobers together and I love it sfm. You can tell he is dying to ask Tim if he is struggling right now. Because he went from QB to water-boy for Metro.
Like I said earlier it’s really starting to hit Tim the relationships he fractured. The regret is coming at him from all sides in this one. First Lucy and now this. Aaron can’t help it and asks anyway even though he shouldn’t. Tim gives him the company line of course. Pulling some S1 Tim out in this van. Telling him he does what he’s told without complaint. Ok babe yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting you….
He went from running this entire team. Making calls on the fly to this. Boring grunt work. Tim bounces back with his sassy comment about his deodorant. I’m cackling because Aaron’s reaction is so damn funny. He gets so distracted by this he doesn’t write anything down. Tim’s face when he asks why isn’t documenting this is so funny. The most Aaron thing he could do. Be derailed by Tim's comment and not pay attention. Oh I will miss you Aaron Thorsen.
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I am enjoying Lucy’s teaching so much. Partly because it reflects how I teach. She corrects without crushing her confidence. She also does it afterwards as not to ding her confidence in the moment. Exact reflection of what I used to do for my work kids. Lucy is kind but confident in her correction. Doing it in the moment so it sticks, but waiting till after they’re done for her to properly receive it. Celina receives it well because even though it’s one she is told in a kind manner. I just love it sfm.
The other reason I love it is because Lucy is out here crushing it. Zero T.O. Training but picking it up like she’s been doing it for years. She is going off instinct and what she would’ve wanted as a rookie. I had zero training when I was told to train new hires as a manager. So I went based off my experience and what I would’ve loved to know when I was new. So her tactics are very similar to me and makes me happy to see it.
Already light years ahead of Nolan it’s insane. Tim would be so proud of her if he could see it. We all know how seriously he takes training new officers. The sacred duty that it is and needs to be treated as such. Lucy is doing all that and more. Feels like more foreshadowing for her to become one in s7. Would crack me up if she got one of the new ones and Tim got the other. They could compare and contrast their leaderships styles. See who does better. But I’m daydreaming with that ha
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Tim’s phone goes off again. Reminding him once again Lucy’s birthday is tomorrow. Tim is hit with a double gut punch in this moment. First grunt work for Metro then Lucy loss as the second one. Aaron noting he must’ve set it quite a few times... Which is heart breaking to think of in this moment. It is sweet he set it up so many times so he wouldn’t forget it. I think pre-breakup Tim didn’t want to lose track of this important day.
Also my guess is he wanted to make a big deal of it too. Their days are unpredictable so makes sense he would set so many. That’s pure conjecture on my part. But watching him through out their relationship this lines up. Seeing how he doted on her and brought her thoughtful gifts. He was most definitely going to do that. Like I said earlier this ep is starting to reflect the cracks in his foundation.
His facade of pretending to be okay after their breakup is starting to fade. The fact that he says ‘Girl you broke up with.’ Not his ex is speaking volumes to me. It’s starting to dawn on him truly what he’s lost and done. Because you would say ex if it was something to move on from. The regret is starting to seep in and breaks my heart to watch it. But also it’s good to see him feeling it. Now that’s he’s regulated and going to therapy, his clarity on what he’s done is coming up for air. It’s weighing on him, and we can see that clearly in this scene.
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This next part really gets me in the feels. Tim asks if he got her anything? Being vulnerable for the first time in their convo. Look at that puppy in the first couple gifs. Aaron tells him yes. A spa day at the Four Seasons. It’s the smile here that gets me. Even thinking about Lucy brings about that smile of his. The one that only comes up around her or about her. He knows exactly how much his girl is gonna love that. Enjoy it. Also thinking how much she deserves such a gift.
The smile has me reeling. He just loves her so much. He can’t help but do that in love smile when he thinks about her. *screams into a pillow* Then his smile ends with sadness. Eric be killing me for a 4th ep in a row. We watch the smile tail off with a tinge of sadness. Because he’s not going to see how happy that gift makes her. How she would’ve dragged him along with her most likely. It’s really hitting him he’s lost her. Lost access to that part of her life now.
The happiness to heartbreak in that smile is masterful on Eric’s part. Just look at him in that last gif. I was feeling all that from his smile. It’s subtle but impactful as hell. Eric and Melissa’s speciality at breaking our hearts. Especially this season. His reaction is screaming how much he still loves her. Carrying the burden of what he’s done is becoming more and more evident. Mourning the loss of what he hastily threw away. Hurts so good. Maybe they’ll be together by her next bday and he can make up for it. A girl can dream right?
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The boys share a nice moment and I love it. Aaron pushes it with his final question though. You can see him drawing up the courage to ask Tim. Wanting to know what everyone wants to know. Why they split up? Tim’s reply cracking me up. He is as sharp and curt as can be. No more emotion left in his tone. ‘No’ LMAO Vulnerable Tim is gone now. Took it too far Aaron...
The balls on you sir to ask that my god. Lucy doesn’t even know why. You sure as hell aren’t going to get that answer…Honestly you’re lucky you got Tim as vulnerable as you did good sir. But gotta love him trying and failing super hard. Makes a bittersweet scene end on a funny note that made me chuckle.
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This scene with Mad Dog hurts my heart. Tim is facing the repercussions of his actions so hard in this episode. From both barrels of Metro and Lucy. It’s good for him to feel and see what he’s done. That doesn’t mean it does hurt me to watch it. I’m still protective of him even though it’s what he needs to see and experience...
My worry was something like this happening. Working with Metro was going to reopen a wound that’s hasn't even begun to heal. We know what happens with M.D. later. So, a part of this is projection is because he knows he’s walking his guys into a trap somewhat. Worried Tim is going to find him out through his OP plan. That being said doesn’t make it easier to watch him dismantle Tim.
I will say it is yummy to see him in street clothes and jeans. That badge prominently on his hip. Mmmm gimme. Wouldn’t be me if I didn’t gawk at him a little would it? Also haven’t done it in a minute due to the non stop heartbreak since 6x05.
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The OP goes sideways in the worst way. They’re ambushed and his guys end up in the hospital. Nash is in surgery due to the explosion. Tim comes to see Mad Dog and it feels all kinds of off. He’s expecting Tim to flog him for what he’s done. That his OP lead his men into danger. Almost as if he wants Tim to reprimand me for what he’s done. But he’s in the dark to what’s going on so Tim can’t possibly do as such.
Tim’s cop gut is kicking into high gear during this scene though. Between M.D. acting completely different post OP and his reaction to Blair appearing. Tim questioning how in the hell she even knew about this? She comes up with a pretty slick answer that pacifies Tim for now. But it’s seeing Mad Dogs reaction that has his red flag going up.
He can barely look at Blair in the eye. Tim noticing and bringing it up. M.D. plays it off as being tired. That he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings right now. Tells Tim they shot him full of painkillers. He’s gonna shut down for awhile. Tim understands and doesn’t linger. I remember knowing at this point she was dirty. But could also see the internal struggle going on inside her. Which intrigued me to why she was dirty in the first place? All things to come in later eps...
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Now comes the best part of the entire episode. One that we all still think about. How could we not? Eric and Melissa were once again surprised how much we loved this scene. What’s not love? What's not lose our minds over? Return of Kojo, the song that is utter perfection, and the fact that Tim reached out through him to say Happy Birthday. Makes me teary just thinking about it. I'll never be over this scene. How it felt like a true start to healing our shipper hearts. Because they've been in ROUGH shape for awhile.
We all needed this moment. After such utter heartbreak and turmoil the last 3 episodes. This was like coming up for air for the first time to truly breathe. Melissa killing us right off the bat. Her face was all of us in this moment. The way she lights up when she sees Kojo. Their cute fur-baby just sitting in the hallway with a card in his mouth. I’m not crying you are... Also makes me giggle a little thinking how Tim had to run from the door after he knocked. To make sure only Kojo was there. It's the sweetest thing. *happy sigh*
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Killing me softly with how she pets him. Asking how he is. Telling him she misses him. Just like Tim in the van her smile morphs. It goes from happiness to sadness. Because Kojo is an extension of Tim. Her saying she misses him is having a double meaning here. Despite all the hurt Tim caused her she misses him so much.
It’s reflected in how she is loving on Kojo. Her words have an extra meaning to them. Of course she misses her fur-baby. But she also misses her person. A piece of her heart is missing with him gone. This scene has me teary from beginning to end. We missed this good boy so much. Such a tearjerker of a moment when she reunites with him.
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When Kojo takes off back to Tim it’s like watching a part of her heart go along with it. Knowing where he is running back to. The ache in her heart that is still there. She knows he’s in that hallway. It's bittersweet because even broken up she brings the best out in Tim. This wonderful gesture is due to how he’s grown because of her. If you weren't crying in this moment you're dead inside lol I'm sorry.
Tim wrecks me with how he’s looking toward that same hallway. He can only imagine what her reaction is. Hoping it's a good one. That what he's done here is having a positive effect on her. It is. What a way to bring this sweet boy back in. They really killed it with this scene. I love Tim keeping his distance. Respecting her space in this moment. But knowing he couldn’t let her b-day go without acknowledging it. This was the best way to do it.
Also the fact that this is happening in that hallway. One that represents so many seminal moments for them. I just wanna sob at the beautiful symbolism of this. You can see the regret building on Tim’s face once again. The distance he can feel between them. It's like he’s finally grasping what he’s done. The regrets he feels starting to truly mount in this moment.
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Melissa’s reactions after Kojo leaves are absolutely killing me. The tears in her eyes as she picks up the card. Evoking so much emotion out of me just watching her. This is where the lyrics had me bawling. Because it so perfectly represents Lucy in this moment.
"When the sun won't shine and the words don't rhyme And there's mountains you can't move.
Something's on your mind And it's been some time since you felt like you were you.
When it all caves in, feeling paper thin And the pain might cut right through. "
This has been Lucy since the end of 6x06. Hell it was the fandom. The sun has not shined since that day for her. She hasn’t felt like herself in what feels like eons. Her pain feeling so very paper thin. The smallest thing cutting right though her. What happened between them rocked Lucy to her very core. She’s still sitting in the pain of it all. Him giving up on them so easily is haunting her. Probably wondering if he loved her as much as she loved him? Those intrusive thoughts running on an endless loop in her brain since it happened.
“When you feeling like you ain't got a friend, And you wondering' if you ever gonna' smile again. Every little things gonna be okay.” This one getting me in the feels as well. Another perfect reflection of how Lucy is feeling. I know what it’s like to feel this way. Alone in your pain. Wondering if you’re ever gonna smile again. Be happy. It seems so far off. These lyrics were so perfectly poignant. They were very intentional in using this song. As much as these lyrics made me cry they also filled me with hope and comfort. Particularly the line in that last lyric. That everything is going to be ok. If you haven’t downloaded this song. I highly it recommend it. 'Lift Up Your Head. by Esabalu'
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What makes the rest of this moment so beautiful are the following gifs. Lucy opening that card and seeing what Tim has done for her. This is also the first time we’ve seen Lucy cry about them. And it hurts like hell to watch. Like I said she’s been sitting in this pain. Wondering if this relationship meant more to her than it did Tim. Then he does this. Acknowledges her birthday in the perfect way. It does a couple things. One it shows he wanted to make sure this day didn’t pass without him acknowledging it. That’s he’s thinking about her.
Two it shows Lucy he stills cares about her. The gift in itself shows the level of care. He’s reaching out to her without physically doing so. I mean the effort he put into this is immense. He was so creative and thoughtful. Having it come from Kojo and not himself. Executing the perfect delivery on-top of it as well. The way she touches the paw print has me bawling. Just mopping up my tears at this point. Knowing what this card meant. What it represented. Lucy no doubt has been torturing herself still about why it ended.
How he didn’t care for her the way she did for him. She really needed this. Because it shows it has nothing to do with Tim's feelings for her. You don’t put this kind of effort in if you don’t still love someone. Her reaction is the second gif screams that. Lucy still doesn’t understand why. But she can rest little easier knowing it wasn’t about his feelings for her. This shows her he still cares deeply for her. Man owes her a conversation still but this was a beautiful start towards that. Towards healing.
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Tim’s face KILLS me. I think the writers intentionally wrote him to come off as if he wasn’t as affected. That this breakup wasn’t killing Tim. When it absolutely was. He needed time to regulate and some therapy to get here. Also it makes this scene hit a little harder doesn’t it? That man’s face above is one of absolute regret. It’s truly hitting him what he’s done to her. Eric once again murdering my feels. They both are.
You can see the myriad of emotions splayed across his beautiful face. It’s here he’s finally grasping what he’s thrown away. Knowing he should be there right now. Celebrating her birthday along side her. That bath bomb she mentions earlier in the scene should be been shared together. This hurts so good. I commend them for the buildup to this moment. We needed that episode previous to get to this point.
For Tim to finally feel the regrets raining down on him right now. That is the face of a man who knows he ruined everything. Fucked up a perfectly wonderful relationship. Destroyed his happiness and hers. Hurt his favorite person in the process of his spiral. It's killing him he can’t be there for her like he used to be. Shut that door when he tossed them away. As much as this moment hurts it's huge step towards reconciliation. Tim coming to the realization of how he’s hurt her and the regret he feels due to it.
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Also only Eric and Melissa could have SO MUCH chemistry and not even been in the same room. These final two gifs say it all in that regard my god. You can feel the anguish and emotion between them. Just emanating from them and to each other. I love our ship. I love the actors we are blessed to have portray them. Look at our beautiful babies above. Their on screen chemistry leaves me in awe of them. They aren't even sharing the same space and are exuding chemistry. These final lyrics of this song left me with so much hope.
“All these troubles only gonna last for a while
Yeah, we're gonna be alright, oh, child, lift up your head (yeah, the light, yeah, the light's gonna find you)
And the light's gonna find you”
These troubles are only gonna last for awhile fandom. This season felt like an eternity of pain after 6x05 but we’re gonna be alright. S7 is gonna be that light I just know it. Gonna be worth all this pain and heartache. When we're on the other side of it gonna be so much better. We are so lucky are babies get to be front and center and get these growth SL's. Have depth like they do. I'll take that over blah puddle deep Balian any day. S6 hurt so much. But this too shall pass it'll pass like a kidney stone but it'll pass for us.
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Our beautiful moment is interrupted by a text from Mad Dog. He’s asking Tim to come find him to talk. They’re on a roof and that immediately made me nervous. Mad Dog tells Tim one of their guys Nash is paralyzed… I mean this adds to M.D's guilt. To why he ends up killing himself later in this scene. Tim tries to comfort him and let him know it could be temporary. This is where his confession starts. Saying it wasn’t supposed to go down like it did. It never does when you dirty like that…Tim asks him if he compromised the OP?
Tim is in absolute shock as he asks this of his former brother in arms. This is a hard scene to watch. Tim is seeing a man he used to trust his life with be revealed as dirty. That he was compromised. What a gut punch for him. I know Tim struggles with his mistakes still. But the difference being is his were always with the best intentions. He may not see that yet but his honor was always intact with them. His good intentions still present. Tim asked who he told? We all know at this point even Tim does but he needs confirmation. M.D. replies he can’t tell him. She knows all his secrets….Ugh.
Then he kills himself. Last thing this poor man needed was to see this. I do think it’s an interesting parallel to Tim. Why you ask? This could’ve been Tim if had ZERO honor. Zero integrity and moral compass. Had no one there to help support him. What he sees with his mistakes as being un-honorable was never this. M.D. is a person without the fortitude Tim has. It’s why he was turned and can’t live with himself after. I hate it being Dr. London I really do. But if not for her sessions how he reacts after this could’ve been so much worse than it was. His face when he looks over the edge is a knife to my heart...
Thank you once again to you all for reading, liking, commenting (Keep em coming I love them.) and reblogging these reviews. They mean the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x09 :)
Side notes-Non Chenford
Blair being crooked SUCKS. No two ways about it. I fought the idea so hard when the season was happening. Not because I liked her but because of Tim and Aaron too of course. But at this point it was for Tim. He had been vulnerable with her. Started therapy because of her and I was really worried that would be tainted.
Nothing really other than that just Nolan and he doesn't matter lol
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space-matt · 3 days
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Whispers of rebellion
chris sturniolo x fem.reader
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summary: the only thing you have to do is forget what your father says and come with us - Chris
request: no
author’s note: hii all, I wanted to create a bad boy!chris-like version but still inserting nick and matt, by now i get my inspirations from songs lol tell me what you think!♡
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺
English is not my first language, if you see grammar and typing mistakes, I apologize in advance! I just ask you not to be rude to me ♡
*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺
The summer in our quaint town always followed the same pattern - familiar faces, the same streets, and the usual gossip about everyone's affairs. It was the kind of place where people loved to talk, and Christopher Sturniolo was often at the heart of those conversations.
Tall, with a confident smile and a leather jacket that perfectly suited his rebellious persona, Chris embodied the archetype of the guy your parents cautioned you about. He was the one with the sleek black car that thundered as he raced through the streets, always testing boundaries.
And that smile... oh, that smile had me captivated from the very first moment I laid eyes on it.
As I crept out of the house that night, I couldn't shake the echo of my dad's stern words at dinner. "He’s the kind that’ll break your heart. He doesn’t listen to anyone. Trust me, I’ve known plenty like him." I had always heeded my parents' advice, but this time felt different.
Trembling with a mix of nerves and determination, I made my way through the dark streets towards the abandoned basketball court where Chris would be. The flickering streetlights seemed to conspire to keep my secret as I approached the spot.
There he stood, leaning casually against his car, the dim light catching the mischievous glint in his eyes as he noticed me. "You’re late" he teased, his arms crossed and a daring smile on his lips.
"I shouldn’t even be here" I said, though my wavering voice betrayed the fact that I desperately wanted to be.
Chris pushed himself off the car, the metal creaking as he did so, and began to walk toward me. His heavy boots made a distinct crunching sound against the cracked pavement. As he got closer, he leaned in, his face so near that I could feel his warm breath on my skin.
"You know your dad doesn't like me" he murmured, his voice low and intense. "And he's probably right about me."
I couldn't help but ask, "Then why am I here?" Surprisingly, my voice came out more confident than I had expected.
Chris chuckled, the sound rich and deep, sending a shiver down my spine. "Because you're not like everyone else. You're curious. You're different. You've got guts."
His words hit me right in the chest. No one had ever spoken to me like that before—like they truly saw me.
Before I could respond, another voice cut through the night air. "Yo, you're lucky we didn't leave without you!" It was Nick, Chris's brother, leaning out of the back of the car with a grin. His tousled hair fluttered in the wind, and his laid-back attitude matched his brother's rebellious energy.
Matt, who was Chris's identical twin, stood casually nearby, idly spinning his car keys on his finger. "We were about to bail" he remarked, arching an eyebrow as if questioning your sudden appearance. However, there was no hint of malice in his tone, just the playful and carefree vibe that seemed to accompany the Sturniolo brothers wherever they went.
"Nah, she's with me" Chris asserted, redirecting his attention back to you. He took your hand, and the warmth of his touch sent a tingle up your arm. "You ready for this?"
You paused for a moment, glancing between Chris, Nick, and Matt. They all wore the same mischievous look, as if they thrived on defying rules and didn't care who stood in their way. It was thrilling and dangerous, an intoxicating mix.
"She doesn't have to come" Matt interjected with a smirk, clearly teasing. "We don't bite... well, not too hard."
You rolled your eyes, unable to stifle the smile that spread across your lips. "Let's go" you declared, your voice unwavering.
Chris's smile broadened as he drew you closer. "Good choice. But just so you know, once you're in, there's no turning back."
Matt opened the door to the car and slid into the passenger seat, while Nick jumped into the back, adjusting his seatbelt with a quick click. Chris gestured for me to sit beside him in the driver’s seat, and as I settled in, the familiar rumble of the engine coming to life felt like the beginning of an exhilarating adventure.
“What would your dad say if he knew you were here?” Chris asked, glancing at me as he revved the engine. The question lingered in the air, charged with a sense of daring and excitement.
“He’d probably lock me up forever” I admitted with a laugh, attempting to conceal my nerves. “But I don’t care.”
Chris’s grin softened, a glint of something profound in his eyes. “You know what? Forget what everyone else says. Forget your dad. Just listen to yourself.”
The engine of the car roared to life as Chris pressed down on the gas pedal, igniting a surge of adrenaline that pulled us into the night. The world outside the window dissolved into a blur as Matt leaned over, cranking up the music, and Nick started drumming on the back of my seat, their laughter filling the air with an infectious energy that set the tone for the evening.
In that exhilarating moment, it felt like we were breaking free from everything—my father's strict rules, the suffocating expectations of our small town, and even my own lingering doubts. The wind rushed through the open windows, tousling our hair, and as Chris's hand found mine on the gearshift, a sense of liberation washed over me.
"This is just the beginning" Chris declared amidst the symphony of the engine and the music. "Stick with us, and you'll never be bored"
I believed him. In that chaotic and electrifying atmosphere, I knew that this was the escape I had been yearning for. Maybe my father was right—maybe Chris was trouble, and perhaps the Sturniolo brothers were the kind of guys I should have avoided.
But for the first time, I didn't care about the "shoulds." All that mattered was what I wanted.
As the car raced down the deserted streets, the starry night sky above us, I felt a profound sense of empowerment, as if I was finally seizing control of my own destiny—wherever it might lead me.
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taglist: @xoxo4chrisss @soimightlikeoldmen69 @bernardsbendystraws @tillies33ssss @junnniiieee07 @ivysturnss
@sturniolosreads  @mayhem-72  @dracoflaco  @lyzsaphrodite 
@ifilwtmfc  @c00ch13destroyer
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applebrooklyn · 5 months
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India bears a disproportionately large burden of the world's tuberculosis rates, with World Health Organization (WHO) statistics for 2011 giving an estimated incidence figure of 2.2 million cases for India out of a global incidence of 9.6 million cases.
Tuberculosis is one of India's biggest health issues, but what makes this problem even worse is the recent discovery of Totally Drug-Resistant Tuberculosis, TDR-TB. This issue of drug resistance began with MDR-TB, moved to XDR-TB and, as of 2021, has grown to embrace the most dangerous form, TDR-TB.
The cost of this death and disease to the Indian economy between 2006 and 2014 was approximately US$1 billion.
Another major cause for the growth of TB in India has to do with its standing as a developing country. A study of Delhi slums has correlated higher scores on the Human Development Index and high proportions of one-room dwellings tend to correlate with TB at higher rates.[16] Poorly built environments, including hazards in the workplace, poor ventilation, and overcrowded homes have also been found to increase exposure to TB
( Their own living situation is causing them death and suffering, and bad wiring is causing summer fires)
It’s a fun fact and a reality check education hour.
I do agree with you. The world is living through a silent pandemic for years and it's the worst in India. We are struggling with it since pre independence era. The first sanatorium was established in 1905 or 1906, if I remember correctly, and even now, if you go to any of the colder places or hill stations, you will find these delepidated buildings which once used to be a sanatorium. One of them is near my college as well.
In 1951, the GOI launched a mass vaccination program for BCG and in 1962, National Tuberculosis Control Project was launched. As a young nation, we did well. Goverment's efforts were commendable. But soon enough, in late 1970s, we realised BCG vaccine isn't exactly working. This should have prompted the government to take an action, but nothing happened. Although, I would like to add here that some say that some data was lost between 1978-1979 (if my memory serves me right) and if we took that in account, the vaccine was working just fine. I would leave this to your discretion.
The world then saw the emergence of HIV in 1984. We too had cases of HIV infection. We did not knew until 1986. Until then, many were infected with HIV and TB was it's most common secondary infection. In 1992, we reported our first MDR TB case as well.
So we were in a hot soup. No vaccine, HIV, increasing population, recession, political upheaval, communication gap between the government and the masses, poor sanitation, lack of knowledge in public, MDR.
In 1993, TB was declared a global emergency and in the same year, Revised NTCP was piloted. We had our objectives clear—85% cure rate and 70% detection rates. And we did it. The catch—it took us 13 years!
Now, time is an asset. Even more so in the case of Mycobacterium tuberculosis. There is a whole catalogue of 17000 mutations which may lead to multi drug resistance. Bacteria are quick to reproduce and respond. They are exceptional at defence and time constraints are tight. Safe to say, the devil works fast, but bacteria work faster. Sadly, we did not realise it at that time. In 2012, we then encountered a rather strange strain that was resistant to all the first line and second line drugs—the TDR strain. As if MDR-TB wasn't a nuisance enough. The MDR-TB treatment has a success rate of only 54%. WHO reported roughly 3.4 lakh deaths due to TB in India in 2022 and 1.1 lakh were due to MDR-TB. We had record TB cases in 2023.
But yes, we are working on it. We are a big country with a big population. Population burden is always going to be an issue. We can't run from it. We are working on sanitation, it is taking time, but it will hopefully happen in its due course. In 2023, we became the first country to make a mathematical model to estimate the cases of tuberculosis. According to that, there was an 11 % reduction in the case of TB in 2022 as compared to 2023.
Government has launched NSP for Tuberculosis elimination (2017-2025). We have NiKshay ecosystem (under which the mathematical model has been developed), we have Nikshay poshan Yojana for financial support of TB patients. The scientists are doing their due. Two vaccines are under phase 3 clinical trials. Drugs are being developed. Rifampicin derivatives, BDQ, Delaminid etc.
So yeah, it's an uphill battle and we have made many mistakes. But if all of us do our respective parts, we still have a chance to overcome it.
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crocksyo · 5 months
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What's that feeling you get as your GYN turns on their headlamp and ask you to scoot to the edge..... further...
further......
more...
more....
bit more.....
more... .
further...
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shinozaki-ayumi · 2 months
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seeing ayumi slander in current year... disappointing...
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woo-lesbeano · 10 months
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Today in my university class we were presenting our end of semester videos. One of my classmate's video was completely drawn, really well done, but a somewhat... distinct style.
So I went up to him after class and went - "Hey, dude, can I ask you a question?"
He goes - "yeah, sure."
So I ask - "Did you read Homestuck in middle school?"
And the question hit him with such a degree of psychic damage he just immediately keeled over coughing.
Anyways, I was right.
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ryansjane · 1 year
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DAMNNN, they kinda popped off on step by step! would be a fair point to make if it wasn't itself a bl show profiting off lgbtq+ relationships but oh well 🤭
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marcsnuffy · 7 months
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I should be doing an assignment but I got distracted by these tags on the gold teeth post
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sleepy-stitches · 9 months
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hello tumblr user sleepy stitches why am i willing to die for ur yuri ocs despite only having seen one line of dialogue from both of them?
sincerely, me
hi tumblr user verysharpfish,
thank you for writing in. at the top of this post i would like to clarify that pahrsi was made by my good friend rye beans, so i cannot at all take credit for her. ariane is my girl though. i would love to blend her. she sucks.
to answer your question, i think it is because they are both completely fucking insane. the dialogue in question is one i picked because i think it's wild out of context, but it stays equally insane in context? this exchange happens maybe two hours after they've met, after pahrsi has stitched up a particularly icky wound ariane has in the back of her leg (obtained from other yuri. thats a story for a different post though). they literally met at a casino and pahrsi talked ariane into taking her back to her place to stitch her up. as a complete stranger. because she thought it would be fun. i need to send her to the shredder.
the whole reason they find themselves drawn to each other in the first place is because they both have girlfriends that they have kind of rocky relationships with, and they remind each other of those girlfriends. it's kind of a weird rebound situation except if they never did anything explicitly romantic and instead just kind of danced around the fact that they're obviously attracted to each other for like two entire years. they make me fucking crazy.
oh and every exchange they have is equally insane. they always talk like this. im struggling to pick my favourite one to add at the end here because all of it is really really good. i think this one is a classic; this is barely a third of the conversation these two have about ariane's potential to kill pahrsi.
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what the FUCK is wrong with them
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sunbedo · 4 months
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Hey guys. gay rights
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#i already made the sonic one a while bc yknow. kinnie stuff youve all seen my blog theme#but then i was wearing my Fearless Year of Shadow(tm) shirt along with it and my irl bff was like.#'why are you wearing a sonic bracelet with that shirt if you love shadow so much 🤨' *#(he doesnt know much about sth stuff but ive infodumped abt shadow and his backstory to him many times)#and i was like 😭😭 BECAUSE I DONT HAVW A SHADOW KANDI BUT I WANNA MAKE ONE. I WILL SOON#so. now i do!! taking my ad/derall on the weekends always make me want to make more kandi. its great!#and yknow what else it makes me want to do...... talk more on here >:3333#me and my dad are gonna go to a local jazz festival this afternoon bc our jazz combo is playing at it!!#itll be fun. my dad said hes gonna get some food from this really good breakfast place on the way thwre#which is not the best part. the best part is outside the shop there is a wonderful kitty cat who hangs around the parking lot#bc hes owned by the ppl who own the bar right next door#its so great. everybody knows him (the cat) and loves him. the v/ape shop next door has a tip door set up for him even though the#bar owner ppl take care of him and take him to the vet nd stuff. my dad found a faceb/ook page somebody made for him#and apparently it just has pictures of ppl at the bar holding him. its so great and hilarious. this cat is so loved#by the v/ape shop people. by random people at this beachtown bar. by the breakfast shop people.#anyways uh. this post was abkut kandi wasnt it 😭😭😭 lol#cherry chortles#anyways the add/er/all also usually makes me want to look at and sort through my pkmn card collection. so imma do that#because my dads friend (and my friend too i guess! me and him exchange cat photos bc he has this adorable chunky cat named gremlin) that we#play bar trivia with on tuesdays (dw its not really even a bar. its mostly a restaurant) asked me abt my pokemon card collection#bc the final question was to put a few franchises (it was like. dora the ecplora and spide/rman etc. and pokemon) in order of revenue#and obvs pokemon was the top. bc of factors like the trading cards so thats how that came up#we didnt bet any of our points btw but we almost! got it right! the order was pk/mn dora spidamen friends (the tv seies) but we had spidman#as second. but we still won!! our team is on a two game winning streak!!! we always split the money so next week ill get another 8 dolla >:3#wow i havent hit tag limit yert#lol. yall'll open the 'see all tags' thing and boom. do you love the color of the sky type shit 😭😭😭#sorry that sounds too much like aave. i (white baby) cant be sayin that#cherrys kandi#okay well i had a tag with a verse from the ultimarw showdown bc i didnt know what else to say#but with my kandi tag and these two tags i have hit tag limit. thank you folks ill be here all night
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hua-fei-hua · 1 year
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*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*
yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...
#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like.#more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh.#(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something)#why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc#speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week#it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable#they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way#n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it'#n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL#n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female#so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender#but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk#花話#anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer#Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier#(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word)#(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O')#when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer'#i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that.#anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning
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pepprs · 2 years
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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#delete later#im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty#and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related#replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has#opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg#i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy#purrs#also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old#characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped#landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only#ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing#all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so#sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j#just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was#important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i#feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those#friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters#when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me#in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol#* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th#the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain#anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but#i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol#also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned#that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all#anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all
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shadwife · 1 year
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Tumblr gives you such a skewed perception of the world. At jury selection, we were asked if a police officer was giving a testimony, would we be less inclined to believe them simply because of their occupation, and I was one of like two or three people that stood up. Out of a hundred people. Get 100 random people in a room and 97% of them don’t hate the police? Being online has you thinking the world’s against them.
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I have to visit the great uncle (grand uncle technically but english kinship terms are weird that way) who doesn't like me (and once tried to convince me (a 25 year old) that a high-pitched sound has a low frequency) today so wish me luck I guess
#Like. it's fine to be annoyed by me I'm very annoying I admit#I even understand dislike when it's based on characters or behaviours I actually have or exhibit#But like. I don't really get why he doesn't like me when he likes my parents so much#I try to match his energy and sense of humour#and not to toot my own horn but I am good to him and his family I think or at least I try#Like. he has worse...nieflings? great nieflings?#My family is the only one from our branch who visits and doesn't make a nuisance of ourselves#And like. It's still cool to like hate me or whatever based on vibes alone but keep that shit to yourself#At least pretend to be civil#Not that he's hostile or anything but he keeps asking me like. 10th grade physics questions (and being wrong about the answers)#Or ignoring my contributions to the conversation#Like. dude we have so many common interests. we are both engineers. we both learned to play keyboard (very badly). we both sew.#we are both interested in diy#At least pretend to get along like my grandma who hates me does (other side of the family)#Personal#Sorry I keep using this site like a diary but I also think it is kind of funny that people hate me#Like if you met me irl you'd not even notice me I'm really a blend into the background kind of guy#I don't understand how I could even inspire such a strong reaction as hate like a mild dislike is fine but hate??#Except my grandma though. she hates me because she hates my mom and thinks she is an evil mastermind. I hope I was kidding#Also she thinks I am not as good as her other grandson who is much more successful. okay that's true but not grounds for hate lol#I kind of know why they hate me. but I kind of want to still give them the benefit of the doubt because I'm an idiot at heart
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