#because this is like twenty years in the past and theres a lot going on in the present to make me crazy

[sleepy-stitches]

hello tumblr user sleepy stitches why am i willing to die for ur yuri ocs despite only having seen one line of dialogue from both of them?

sincerely, me

hi tumblr user verysharpfish,

thank you for writing in. at the top of this post i would like to clarify that pahrsi was made by my good friend rye beans, so i cannot at all take credit for her. ariane is my girl though. i would love to blend her. she sucks.

to answer your question, i think it is because they are both completely fucking insane. the dialogue in question is one i picked because i think it's wild out of context, but it stays equally insane in context? this exchange happens maybe two hours after they've met, after pahrsi has stitched up a particularly icky wound ariane has in the back of her leg (obtained from other yuri. thats a story for a different post though). they literally met at a casino and pahrsi talked ariane into taking her back to her place to stitch her up. as a complete stranger. because she thought it would be fun. i need to send her to the shredder.

the whole reason they find themselves drawn to each other in the first place is because they both have girlfriends that they have kind of rocky relationships with, and they remind each other of those girlfriends. it's kind of a weird rebound situation except if they never did anything explicitly romantic and instead just kind of danced around the fact that they're obviously attracted to each other for like two entire years. they make me fucking crazy.

oh and every exchange they have is equally insane. they always talk like this. im struggling to pick my favourite one to add at the end here because all of it is really really good. i think this one is a classic; this is barely a third of the conversation these two have about ariane's potential to kill pahrsi.

what the FUCK is wrong with them

[gatorbites-imagines]

In that case… Could I please request Killer Croc/Waylon Jones with a supringly really attractive boyfriend (like a male version Jessica Rabbit level hot, like it dosen’t even make sense for someone to be that hot) who no one understand how Waylon pulled. Waylon’s boyfriend is very sultry and alluring.

And Waylon roughly breeds his boyfriend doggy style 😇.

Thank u :)

Waylon Jones x Male reader

Headcanons

Guten Abend squad, how is everyone doing? Classes are still running at a max level, and I’m starting to think this is just how it goes. So, time to chillax with some Waylon.

Not as smutty as I would have wanted, but this honestly just built a life of its own and started running.

We see in the comics, or at least in one run, that Waylon does have game and knows how to pull somebody very attractive, so its not too surprising so could pull you. That’s what you think at least, since he’s a great guy, to you.

I imagine you two met after he left the circus, maybe you guys even left together. With Waylon being the circus’s “freakshow” and you only being there as eye candy to sell tickets. With you both being reduced to nothing but your looks, you two find solidarity with each other, and fall in love.

No one ever really took your love seriously back then, just thinking you were using Waylon for protection, since someone as pretty as you couldn’t be safe anywhere.

Insert the “seriously, what do you see in that guy?” “he makes me laugh” scene.

If we go with the verse where Waylon was in Halys circus, then the only ones that seemed to have some version of acceptance of your love was the Grayson’s. it was one of the reasons you two left the circus, having a strong feeling of what had truly happened to them and who caused it.

After leaving the circus, you couldn’t live in the sewers like Waylon. This meant you got an apartment, in the beginning in crime alley since it was cheapest.

You may have been so beautiful it would drive people mad, but you also had a head on your shoulders. So, in the end you set up a legitimate business, maybe you even become something akin to a designer. Mainly because your lover is so big, there’s no other way to get him clothes.

And maybe during your time in crime alley, you stumble upon a scrawny kid who, though he may act tough, still has a light in him. And maybe that kid ends up being batman’s second robin, who remembers how kind you were to him and everyone around you, so he doesn’t go as hard against Waylon.

The past you have with the Grayson’s also means that Dick takes it easier on Waylon, and they even settle down and talk at times. You’ll regularly find the two former robins hanging around your art studio, even years later when they aren’t robin anymore.

Your lover goes to Arkham, a lot. But you never hate him or even argue with him. You’ll just pull up to Arkham in your most beautiful outfit during visitors’ hours and hold Waylon’s hand as you two act like a new married couple, even if it’s been twenty at this point.

And it may have been twenty years, but you just seem to have become more handsome with age, aging like fine expensive wine. You don’t become shrewd or corrupted by the world around you, instead you stay kind and patient. You’re still in Gotham though, so you’ll turn violent if you have too.

No one really believes that Waylon purrs, until you show up and he becomes as meek as a kitten, ready to roll in your manicured hand.

Its no secret that you, one of the most famous designers around, and Killer Croc, are together. But its just such a normal part of everyday life now, that no one really questions it. your works never been dirty, you help those around you, and lift up poor and struggling artists whenever you can. So, what if your husband is tearing up the road trying to bite Batman to bits.

Theres a viral video in Gotham of you stepping out during one of Waylon’s rampages, and just scolding him, wagging a finger in his face and still looking so unbelievably gorgeous as you do so.

And yes, of course your design trademark is crocodile scales, or anything along those lines. You’ll never use real crocodile skin, but you do use the print or shape.

After all this time, people don’t fear Waylon as much as they probably should, all thanks to you. Its kinda hard to fear a guy when you know his boyfriend is unofficially titled the most beautiful man in Gotham, who’s also as giving and kind as the Waynes, whilst being more involved in the nitty gritty, since you still live in Crime Alley.

Someone has threatened Waylon with telling on him to you at least once too, which doesn’t stop him, but it does cause him to freeze and get an “oh shit” expression, long enough for people to run to safety.

Being one of the most skilled fashionistas around also means you have met the Waynes on multiple occasions.

The shared past with Dick and the circus, and Jason, though you don’t remember him as vividly, means you get called on more than most.

As you measure them out and start making designs, conversations flow, and Damian most likely ends up bluntly just asking you why in the world you decided to pair up with Killer Croc of all people.

You correct him in your answer, referring to your husband as Waylon, and then you just start waxing the poetics. Of your shared past, of the deep unshakable love you both share, and how under all his struggles, Waylon truly is an amazing man.

You’ve never confirmed that Dick was Robin, even though it was very obvious. Its not your place to judge how he, or his family, deal with their trauma or whatever they have going on. Your lover swims through the sewers, you can’t really say anything.

A few passing comments are made though, obviously. You tell the Waynes to “take it easy next time they see Waylon, wont you?” with one of your heart shaking winks before you saunter out, ready to start putting together your latest design.

Its kind of an accepted, not really a secret, secret. Its never put into words, and they know that you know, and you know that they know you know. Nothing ends up happening with it though, outside of you making some jokes and judging their hero outfits.

With age you’ve become less sultry and alluring, at least in the way the public can point out as obviously as before. You have simply mastered your field, and know just how to play people around you if you need too.

Though, you didn’t really learn to master it for the public. It’s mainly just for Waylon, so you like to see how his nostrils flare, and when he starts chuffing in the back of his throat when you saunter around in nothing but a silk robe.

The bats know that the first place Waylon goes when he gets out of Arkham is to you. But…they also all know to wait at least a day or two before they come for him. To allow you to spend some time together, but also because most of them have caught of glimpse of you… reunions…

Bruce wont admit it, but he’s at least impressed with you being able to take two of them at the same time, even after all these years. He might note down your many skills somewhere… just in case.

Reunions with Waylon are typically a hot and steamy affair. Or well, as hot and steamy as a guy whose as cold as a reptile can get. There are days where either of you may not be up for it, and then its just cuddles and having some nice domestic time together before he’s taken back to Arkham again.

But when it does get hot, then you are very happy you own the entire building. Waylon can get quite loud, but never as loud as he still makes you even after all these years.

Sure, you’ve learned to handle it more after all this time, but it still makes you squeal when Waylon fits both his shafts inside you at the same time, lifting and moving you around like a doll.

Where Waylon may be rough and violent in every other part of his life, Waylon is slower and much more careful in the bedroom. He doesn’t want to lose his senses and hurt you on accident. You have some very faded bite and claw scars on your body, back from when you first got together, and Waylon likes to remind himself of that.

Sometimes you do want him to be rougher about it, so you pull all the skills you’ve gained over the years. And Waylon is but a man, even with the scales and all, so he can’t resist you for very long. It always ends up with you writhing, face in the pillow that’s stained with your tears and drool or pleasure, as Waylon growls and snarls behind you, his big, clawed hands moving you back and forth with ease.

He always feels a bit guilty about it afterwards, especially seeing how much you leak all over the sheets. Expect to find yourself being pampered and loved on for the next couple of days. Even the bats seem to leave you to it, most likely having heard your cries. You get a feeling the people in the next building heard them too. But you honestly don’t care anymore.

You may have Waylon, and many others, wrapped around your finger, but so does Waylon with you. And neither of you really seem to mind anymore.

[shadowscommand]

Hello.. can we get more ghostmace headcanons. If you ever wrote any pls link them too...

:)c YESSS i love talking abt maceghost.. i know ive made a bunch of sporadic posts about them but i havent done a like dedicated hcs post. i feel like often im struggling to understand the narrative of their past but generally i keep the same vibe to it all.

mace is for sure the more level headed of the two only because relationships and love freak ghost out. ive mentioned on a post like years ago hes traumatized by watching his mother stick with his father and i still believe this. hes like scared to be in a position where something Isn't working anymore but hes too emotional to cut it off so he self sabotages the relationship so mace will get pissed and stop talking to him.

in the past (as i mentioned in another post) mace Did also feed into this. he had a good home life but his own personal issues and anger at more outward issues caused him to like. seek an outlet for this sort of petty squabbling. and he found it in ghost. until he got tired of festering and being pissed off all the time and decided to actually like Do Shit he feels good about. and he broke up with ghost.

now in modern times where theyve caught up with each other it's like a weird mash of their past and them both being more mature. ghost struggles more because hes very adverse to actually improving himself and how he feels about himself bc hes like. hes Given Up on being a person. while mace has done a lot of healing.

like the toxic factor of maceghost Is Ghost at this point to me. but theres a lot of love there bc theres a lot of mutual respect and, like, easy familiarity there. mace understands how ghost works at his core.

so like. when ghost is being Normal and not anxious they literally just. like. Click? mace can extremely put ghost at ease with just his presence. and mace in turn rly enjoys his company bc a calm ghost is actually just sort of casually funny.

and ghost does like making mace laugh i imagine mace has a really beautiful smile bc he has resting bitch face so when it lights up it's very special.

ghost also i think would be 100% willing to take his mask off in a room of just him and mace. no special occasion needed he's just comforted. mace has already seen it over many, many years.

because they're like an Old couple i think theyve been on and off since their mid twenties for ghost and late twenties for mace. WHICH is another reason mace like wont entertain the childish picking ghost does theyre literally too old.

but he does play along a little. sometimes. old habits die hard. if it's petty mace will have a back and forth w ghost for old times sake its just how ghost communicates sometimes. emotions are just hard for ghost mace understands this. to put all of this simply.

i will say tho if more comes out and they end up more antagonistic than my current read i will still be a huge stan i love when dudes try to fuck and kill each other 💪🥰💕

speaking of fucking tho. tw for implying sexual assault also i just got kinda nasty sowwy.

LIKE we know ghost has a complicated relationship w sex a lot of his past history w it is like traumatic. i think he was already promiscuous as a teen bc he already had issues from his upbringing so hes like. well experienced. and he likes sex. and he likes fucking mace bc his dick is thick, hes good with his hands, and he's not afraid to be rough with him and take their time bc mace likes to be edged and when ghost is rly into it he Likes it to Last esp if he can cum more than once. he likes when his pussy is sore.

BUT ALSOO theyre both like. verse esp w each other. ghost likes topping more tho. he likes fucking mace for being a little bit vocal and just. like. huge. ghost loves bending him over and watching his fat bounce. ghost would blow off any task and anyone to go fuck him.

but also, bc its ghost and i think if the wrong buttons get pressed in the wrong order and it goes sour he gets quiet and, like, disassociates. and mace keeps watch for that bc he doesn't want to put ghost in that state. its not fun

[radioactivecatboy]

i think abt naksu living alone in the forest, the name of which escapes me atm, so much. i have so many questions. did jin mu send clothes and food to her? if he did, did he bring it himself or was the duty shuffled off to someone else? was she allowed to leave the forest? was she told not to speak to anyone she saw in the forest? if she was, she took an insane risk with helping seo yul. when did jin mu start using her as an assassin? how old was she when she killed someone for the first time? who taught her magic? she was extremely high level, surely SOMEONE taught her. if she wasnt thats insane if she was somehow self taught. iirc she never knew jin mu’s identity so presumably any outside help she received didnt come from him personally. did she have any say in the clothing she received or was it given to her with little to no thought? when was the last time she touched someone or someone touched her without murder being involved before jang uk? how much did she have to rely on the land to get what she needed for survival. she’s shocked when she and jang uk go to her old cabin and theres Stuff there, and i remember she lists amenities that the cabin simply isnt going to have when trying to torture jang uk but the exact things escapes my mind rn. how many small comforts of living in a sturdy house were practically new to her after living in an abandoned cabin for twenty years? does she marvel over warm baths? i love her SO MUCH and i have SO many questions about her everything because she’s fascinating and interesting and her past feels WOEFULLY unexplored. like a lot of her flashbacks to living in the forest are presented as a time in which she was like, free, which makes sense considering she has VERY little control over her life once she’s mu-deok, but considering the fact she was being used as a convenient, useful, and ultimately disposable weapon as naksu the sense of freedom that her powers gave her falls…flat i feel

[andromedasummer]

Over a third of the way through The Whispering Skull heres my current thoughts

- If I were Lockwood and Lucy I would be a little bit mad about George missing the whole "area theyre searching was an execution ground for criminals" thing but also I feel like it's the first clear sign we get that something is off with George. Like hes burnt out. Hes tired. Hes just a teenager. They all are and theyre working adult jobs and literally dont have the capacity or past experience to communicate with one another. Very realistic for teenagers.

- I love Kipps so much I love how full of himself he is I love how pathetic he comes across even when he gets the upper hand I cannot wait to see him and his team get cut down to size.

- That being said I would have thrown down then and there had I been struck with a Mag Flare like that. better ways to go about ghosts, its dangerous as shit, badly damaged L&C's clothes and perfectly shows that the Fitts agency arent really trained in a people-first way. The way they put pressure on their teams to secure a source above all and encourage hostility towards other agents.... Super telling about management and an early warning sign to me. Esp with what we know happens to Ned Shaw (which i'll have a lot to say about later when it happens) and Kat, Bobby and Kipps v trauma.

- I liked Joplin a lot when I read the books as a kid + my reread 2 years back but now... idk. Too reckless, esp with how he treats ghosts when in the company of teenagers and children. Hate how comfortable all the adults in this world are about putting children at risk. They really treat them as a resource or rather than anything else.

- The skull is such a fucking shit stirrer which again makes so much damn sense when you learn hes a teenager whose been stuck with no one to talk to in a jar for like a hundred+ years. Of course you're trying to push apart Lockwood and Lucy. You are a fucked up ex-cultist teenage boy who finally found someone to talk to and are perpetually stuck in your teenage brain and hormones. You are So Jealous.

- Lucy, George and Lockwoods argument about the Georges recklessness and then The Skull seeding distrust again drives home my point about communication but also Christ these kids need more friends. Their entire childhood and teen years are stripped from them. They have no family to talk to or guide them. No non-work friends their age to vent to. Immense trauma and no one to help them through it.

- Jonathan Stroud give me a follow up series following the team in their mid twenties coping with having their lives dedicated to a job they literally cannot do anymore and the repercussions of no education and no safety nets for agents once they reach adulthood. What do they do? Where do they work? Where do they go? How do they afford to live? What happens to agents who only built relationships with coworkers they cant even face because of trauma? Agents disconnected with their families? Nightwatch kids whose education was ruined because their days were spent recovering from their shifts? I need to know.

- Okay back to the book the ghost cult stuff hits so much harder in a post-covid world. I was there getting harassed by anti vaxxers when they invaded parliament for a month and it ended in violence. of course in times of fear people become vulnerable to misinformation. You Are Not Immune To Cults. Or Propaganda. Again, spin-off following the people who try to fight those who profit off of peoples fear and build wealth and followings off of it. Theres so much interesting stuff in this world I want to explore.

- Kipps and Lockwoods teams having to work together bcos of Barnes is so good. I love Kipps team so much I love seeing them

- Kat Godwin is autistic and I know this. Because I am Autistic. Also she comes off as someone who has shut down to everything around her because, again. trauma of her work. at 16 theres no way she hasnt been through something similar to Lucy or Lockwood. I'm sad we see less of her after book three. same with Bobby.

- Now I want to write a hyper empathetic autistic lucy/low empathy autistic kat fic where they both realize they have a lot in common with their Talents and work and bond it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want to see more of Kat

- A LSO i need lucy to have more female friends for the love of god i understand this is your pick me phase of your teens but it makes me so sad to see your internalized misogyny even though it ABSOLUTELY makes sense for her character and is so common for teen girls like her but the way she talks about sensitives and every other female operative she meets. girl. who are you trying to impress rn. you dont need to.

- Ned Shaw getting the shit kicked out of him by Lockwood DESERVED.

- I love this little nightwatch boy who helps the team with all my heart. what is his name. my son. hes such a little cunt.

- FLO TIME FLO TIME i am so excited to see Flo you people DO NOT UNDERSTAND shes so fucking cool mudlarkers are so fucking cool fuck you if you hate flo this is a flo bones appreciation zone

- obligatory "i miss holly" comment even though. she hasnt been introduced yet and wont be until the next book. i love gay people okay.

- Anyway I'm enjoying this a lot I said TWS isnt my fav book (mostly the stuff later on in the book isn't as compelling to me) but this stuff at the start rules. I didn't expect to write so much. Im having so much fun.

[we-are-inevitable]

have fun!

kath i usually adore you but this was so hard <3

not gonna do a blurb, just gonna do bullet points! jatherine fans, here we goooooo

okay when i think of royal, usually it’s fantasy, magic, medieval, fun- that’s not what i’m going for here though.

katherine pulitzer is the princess (of the usa? of new york? i don’t know) and the year is 2023. she’s rich, goes to a preppy university, her family has their own plane and her first car is a rolls royce. she’s never had to lift a finger, and rarely ever does she have to do actual work unless it’s for school, where she’s studying media communications- a rather fitting field of study for someone who controls the country, right? anyway, she’s like, WEALTHY wealthy.

and her father likes people seeing her out with him. he likes keeping up the family appeal, so whenever he goes golfing- because what else do rich white guys do?- he brings her with him. its how they try to “””relate””” to their people; if citizens see the Royals golfing like “regular people” then surely they’ll respect them, right?

theyd probably be better off going to an NFL game or something but that’s a bit of a safety risk so we move

anyway. princess katherine doesn’t like golf, and it’s very apparent from the way she just constantly looks bored on the course. they have their regular caddies who follow them around, chat with them and stuff, but they’re all old and rather boring, and she would love to find someone her own age to chat with to make these long days more bearable.

one day, they show up to the course- a country club for the elites- and there’s a new caddie. his name is Jack. he’s twenty, a year younger than katherine, with brown skin and curls kept neat under a cap. supposedly, he’s only filling in for one of their regular guys, but he keeps coming back and coming back until he’s a permanent fixture on the course, giving pretty good advice to katherine’s father.

and katherine has never really experienced anything like it. usually, the people theyre around respect them so much they act rigid and fake, but this Jack guy is so casual and at ease with them, cracking jokes that make her father belly-laugh, telling her stories and generally being almost… a friend, to her.

and he’s rather attractive, too, so that helps.

the more she learns about him, the more she likes him. he’s only working at the course because he needs something to put himself through college, otherwise he can’t afford it. when she asks if his family has always been involved with the country club, she finds out that jack has never really had a family until recently; he was adopted pretty late in life, around sixteen, by a wealthy woman named Medda Larkin. katherine knows of Medda; she’s a regular fixture at the country club, as a performer rather than a guest, so she must have pulled a few strings to get Jack the job, but he’s incredibly good at it.

they start talking outside of the country club, too. katherine does something a little risky; she gives him the username of her fake instagram, the private one under a different name rather than the public and professional one that she has to have as a member of the Royal Family. they talk and talk and talk until it’s obvious they have feelings for one another, and their relationship starts then; they sneak around, go on dates in places the princess should never be, share hidden hisses in alleyways, hook up in jack’s apartment in a bad neighborhood just so they aren’t caught.

it’s thrilling. it’s exciting. it nearly comes to an end when her father finds out. idk maybe theres something in jack’s past that kind of sticks out like a sore thumb in the world of royal suitors- i’m thinking he was on the run a lot, since his foster homes weren’t great. maybe he sold weed to afford food, maybe he was in and out of homeless shelters, maybe he has a record of shoplifting because he was so desperate.

i also think that jack would be pretty outspoken about his distaste for the royal agenda in general; he sees them do nothing and yet they’re more wealthy than he’ll ever be, and he sees how they treat people like him- the lower class, the marginalized communities, etc. i genuinely think that listening to jack is what makes katherine kind of change her mind and realize her privilege, and makes her want to do more to make up for it.

this can end one of two ways: a prince harry and meghan markle way, with kath denouncing the royal institution and living a happy life with jack away from her titles, or katherine becoming queen and marrying jack, and, thus, they’re both in positions of power where they can try to make positive change, despite the history of what her family may have done.

or they keep everything a secret and suddenly katherine is thirty, married to another royal, caught in an affair with jack kelly, a stoner who went from being a caddie at a country club to owning his own tattoo shop in the heart of manhattan. not a great headline for a queen, but man does she love the thrill.

can you believe i just wrote about golf.

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

OUGH OK HI

this is kind of mostly for @chases-main-blog because you're probably the only one besides toff who'll read this but everyone's welcome xx its abt my ocs and just newsies in general btw babes so if you aint interested dont read it

ok so i got back from an airshow in my city (yes yes i know government propaganda galore, planes are cool ok) because my dad was in the air force for twenty-odd years and is a huge nerd, which he has passed on to me and my brother slightly

my point being!!

the entire tme i was thinking of. uh. basically a top gun au. of newsies. OK BUT HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUTTTT

(im gonna use some terms that if you didnt basically grow up on an air base like i did you might not understand but bear w me ok)so you need to trust your squadron with your life, right? what do the boroughs do? exactly. and they have callsigns in the AF (not sure abt any other branches, lmk if you have that info but i dont think they get callsigns hah boring losers >:P) WHAT DO THE NEWSIES HAVE??? STUPID NICKNAMES THAT DONT REALLY MAKE SENSE!!! DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!!

so consider

theres no war because i say so and theye all just goofing off on base as all the different squadrons (OHGOHGOHOOHO BROOKLYN WOULD SO BE HELICOPTERS OMGGGG) and they just have a jolly old time until they get this super important super top secret mission where they all have to work together and it would be so cool

ok wait now i gotta

manhattan-F-16s, little guys that go NYOOOOM n shoot stuff

brooklyn-HH-60G pave hawks, theyre big helicopters, search n rescue (hey manhattan the calvary's comin WHO) and pararescue but they also have turrets i think and obvi everyone on board is armed so theyre like super cool

queens-A-10s cus they get to blow stuff up but theyre really slow so pick your poison, i think they'd do A-10s in the field and hang back to train on the T-38s but i know queensies would love A-10s cus they have a rotating gun on the front that shoots super fast and is just an all around cool plane ALTERATIVELY they would also be F-16s because go nyoom shoot stuff

bronx-T-38s, trainers for the big jets and only used sparingly (sorry bronx xx) i think they'd be ground control as well

harlem-C-5 galaxy, MASSIVE jet used for transportation of troops and cargo n planes n stuff and when i say massive i mean m a s s i v e like they drive wholeass tanks and jets n stuff in there, and the nose swings up aswell as the back hatch so you can just. drive straight through this giant plane, its so cool

long island-F-35 theyre pretty fast and can go pretty high so all around a good jet, not much else to say

can you tell i basically lived on base until i was like eight?

ive had a scene for if i actually wrote this stuck in my head all day abt eel n shoe and i just ughhhh ok now i have to write it but i'm gonna put a read more so if you dont want to read it you dont have to xx

a crackle and a ding came over the intercom, soft breathing following. "heya harv, it's just me n' you right now." eel rasped. harvey swallowed, bile threatening to rise in his throat.

"no no no, please-" another burst of static in his ear. "hey this is monkey to shoe, are you ok? i know-ah shit!-sorry, there's a lot goin' on, but no one was talking to ya before-?" monkey trailed off, waiting for shoe's answer. he blinked back the tears he knew were going to come, tilting his throttle up to get him higher. "i-uh, it's- it's fine, i-"

"harvey, i ain't got a lot of time, i ne-i need you to listen." eel's voice wavered, but it was still strong in harvey's ear. he nodded. "m' listenin'."

"monkey to shoe again, are-" "gimme a second, blake?" shoe snapped, maneuvering around the sky as projectiles screamed past him, missing him by mere meters. using the first name in the field was a big no-no, but it made monkey shut up, though shoe could hear him over the comms talking to the other pilots, asking if they had heard shoe as well.

his comms were messed up, he realized; he was supposed to be on a private channel with eel, and it had glitched and made it so only he could hear eel, but the entire squadron-and everyone on the ground, he thought-could hear him.

he drew in a shaky breath. "i'm here, zeke. talk to me."

eel chuckled dryly. "don't go all top gun on me, you'se the one makin it out of here."

harvey's heart seemed to stop, the air around him seeming to compress in and choke him.

"what?"

eel sighed and sniffed, the shuffling from his end telling shoe he was moving his helmet around, wiping tears. "harvey, my engine's blown and we're on enemy territory. i'm miles away from everyone else on orders from boss, it was s'posed to be a sneak attack but they got to you faster than cowboy thought-" "no, do not say what-" harvey interrupted. "harvey liam sellers, will you listen to me for once in your stupidly beautiful life?"

shoe sobbed quietly, watching his radar on his display, praying to any god who might still have love for him that it would pick up anything but the others in the squadron and the MIGs.

"we both knew deep down when we got orders i wasn't coming back from this one." eel sounded surprisingly calm for a guy who was talking about the possibility of his own death. "no, please, you can't do this to me right now, what about-" shoe sniffed, knowing he was arguing with a mind made up.

"ground control to phantom four, are you alright?" it was comforting to hear another familiar voice, the message poker carried not so much. "peachy, ground. i- everything's just kosher." harvey knew he sounded extremely far from fine, and hoped his friends on the ground wouldn't comment.

"your comms seem to be malfunctioning, i'll get saz on that asap, but are you sure-" poker seemed hesitant, like he didn't want to push buttons but was genuinely worried.

"fine, poker." shoe flipped the manual switch to cut comms with ground, before flipping it back on a moment later.

"still there?" he murmured, knowing full well there was at least twenty people besides eel who could hear him if they listened.

"never left, sweetheart." harvey almost started crying at the sound of eel's voice, and the knowledge of what he was going to say next.

"you gotta listen here, harv. you n' i both know i ain't gettin out of here alive-no, do not argue, i know you want to i know, sweetheart-you have to get home to charlie and fia, you gotta-" he swallowed, the sound audible through the headset. "you gotta tell them what happened to me, and tell them-"

the scream of a missile and the unmistakeable sound of an implosion blocked out eel's voice.

harvey's heart stopped.

"eel? eel, are you there? this is phan- phantom four to ra- raven two, are you-" the panic in his head and the pounding in his ears made it nearly impossible to see. he tried to breathe like eel taught him, but his throat seemed intent on making him stutter and practically asphyxiate.

"hoarder to shoe, what is going on? are you alright, do you need backup?" his friend sounded alarmed. for good reason, thought shoe through his panic.

"ground, i ne-i need co-ords on- on raven two, i-i've lost comms with-"

"ah, merde! harv, i'm here!" the sound of eel's voice was garbled, but it was there.

"eel? ezekiel cattaneo, where t-the hell are you? give me your coord-coordinates, i'll be right there." the relief that flooded shoe's body was instantaneous, but short lived.

"no time! they got my other engine, i've put them post on standby and i'm usin' the propellors, but they blasted those too. i think there's three MIGs, but it's hard to tell."

the sounds of the entire rest of the squadron and ground control trying to get shoe's attention faded as he absorbed the information his lover gave him.

"i know i'm goin out, so i'll say this before i die.

"harvey 'shoe' liam sellers, you are the most incredible and amazing soul i have ever had the pleasure of meeting. my life has been so much better since i had you in it, and i know charlie and fia can say the same. i need you to tell the kids i love them, and i need you to remember to take deep breaths when you get overwhelmed, okay? can you do that for me, tesoro?"

"ez, i-i-"

"i love you, you know that? you're the first man i've ever truly believed that i've loved, and the first to have loved me back." eel was clearly out of breath and choked up, but shoe could hear him as clearly as if he was standing next to him, despite the delay on the comms and the static overlaying eel's speech.

"zeke, ple- please, y-you gotta tell me whe- where you are, i can get th- there in t- time i promise, please-" harvey was sobbing. he knew he couldn't reach his lover in time before his engines failed completely, and the risk of hitting the canopy on ejection was so high there was such a slim chance of survival it was almost laughable, if shoe had felt like laughing.

"i love you, ok?" screaming missiles and static filled shoe's ears again.

he sat in shock.

"eel? c'mon, y- you c- can't do thi- this to me, baby, i-i can't..." silence and more static.

"g- ground, y-you got a- a locat- a location o -on raven two?" he muttered, his brain feeling like mush.

"negative, lieutenant."

[gentil-minou]

Hi Bushy! I'd like to ask how did you get into k-dramas/ c-dramas and what are your favorites? I'm currently watching Love between fairy and devil and I'm so into it!

oh man i've been into asian dramas since I was a little teen. like while all my peers were into anime i gravitated toward jdramas, before eventually getting into kdramas and more recently this past year cdramas. I think I love the stories and that they're shorter overall than western tv, so I don't have to keep being engaged over the years.

Narrowing down my faves is soooo hard but for folks who want to get into kdramas my recs would be (under a read more because I used a lot of gifs):

Coffee Prince - all time fave, just the best characters and sweetest story. The ending was meh but I adore them all so much, this will always have a special place in my heart. Also the OST still SLAPS. Also also I know I used the term my best girl a lot but Go Eun Chan IS ACTUALLY the best girl she is like my dearest friend

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon - MY BEST GIRL (yes i know what i just said) and my best pathetic man, adore them and this story. Kdramas have this fun genre thats basically romcom with a side of murder and I eat that up. Also two of my favorite actors ever

Twenty Five Twenty One - I have to rec it because those first 12-14 episodes were the best episodes of any drama I've ever seen. Just phenomenal. Might break your heart but worth it tbh

When the Camelia Blooms - see: romcom with a side of murder genre. also just adore everything gong hyo jin is in

Healer - it's got its problems but the identity shenanigans are top tier just YEAH

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - I know western fans might not be so impressed with the fact that the actress herself is not on the spectrum, but I thought the portrayal was very well done and considering how this is the first kdrama depicting ASD characters as the hero, it's an incredible first step. Also it's just so adorable and wonderful I even put up with my hatred of legal dramas for it. Also whales.

Her Private Life - prettiest main couple ever i could stare at them forever. i'm not a fan of the childhood connection plot but i accepted it for this, also Sian my baby boy

Goong - SO DATED NOW but it's my first kdrama so i gotta rec it omg. But arranged marriage enemies to lovers YESSS AND MODERN MONARCHY YEAHHHH

Moonlight Drawn by Clouds - the crossdressing trope is a big one in kdrama and i always enjoy it look im a simple gal okay. also i adore the female lead so much

A Business Proposal - kookie fun, just so much fun djkfhsd. Wonderful friendships and romance. Thank god this aired while 2521 was on air cause i don't know how i would have survived tbh

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo - JUST THE CUTEST MAIN LEADS LIKE GOSH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Those are the ones off the top of my head I have to admit I am BEHIND and i don't always finish a drama, because tbh it's really a mixed bag and they can be good or absolute garbage but depends on your interests. I tend to gravitate towards romance genres but theres a lot of intrigue and mystery and action and melodrama there's really something for everyone. And not everyone will agree with each other on it but still

I'm new to cdramas but I really loved Love Between Fairy and Devil, stellar throughout. I gotta rec The Untamed because my best boys but it might not be for everyone. I'm still working on New Life Begins but it's very cute and feel good.

Give me more recs btw! I love them!

[lesbiankoby]

I’ve kinda been thinking about this recently: what do you think obito thinks of Konoha as an institution?

I ask this because I’ve been reading some time travel fix it fanfics and, while I don’t think it’s necessarily ooc of him to return to konoha after the talk-no-jutsu in the fourth war (even as much as I would like for him to not go back) I do think that maybe with his understanding of how hidden villages work (shadow mizukage) and experiences with having control over his life and actions (not ignoring the slave seal, just it seems like the moon-eye plan worked at his pace not, say, zetsus. And by control over life and actions I mean his ability to act as an independent operator and decide where he was going to go what he was going to do etc. without the orders of a chain of command which definitely exist in konoha (at least we don’t really know how the other villages, like kiri, are run)) he might not be able to go back to konoha more rigid/controlled life - or at least not comfortably.

I don’t know how coherent that is but hope if nothing else it is interesting :)

oh obito is incredibly jaded about and detests the nations-wide institution of shinobi, konoha included, that's canon lol. to him it's a system that does little but churn out garbage-- him and kakashi both. though he's also incredibly fatalist about uh The World In General and not just shinobi... post talk-no-jutsu he does regain his like general faith in humanity though yeah. his parting words were essentially a desire for kakashi and naruto to take charge of konoha and change the system in his place, at least that's how i read his desire to see kakashi take up his old dream as hokage...? its complicated bc a lot of shit happened at once and also he was dying but i think he has faith that at least the people he believes in can improve the world they live in...? the antithesis of his previous wish to completely destroy the current world.

granted, i need to reread fourth war arc and take notes or something, the nuances of obitos Thing right there are probably escaping me rn.

(also, like, the slave seal was a deterrent obito wasn't even supposed to know about, so while in TRUTH he never had any other choice except walking the path of madara in practical reality he was directing his own movements and doing his mastermind shit without input from anyone else except himself, really, so yeah he's used to uhm a degree of independence lol. zetsu doesn't seem to care unless he went off the rails which he didn't.)

ANYWAY. ANYWAY. if we are to take "time travel fix it" into account, like, the peggy sue "wake up in own body from the past" it really depends on where in the timeline he landed...? i don't think he'd be fucking pleased to be taking orders from konoha again regardless (though of course hes aware theres a lot of things he needs to make amends for personally and even deeper down he wishes he'd never "left" for a plethora of reasons) but if hes in his twenties again or whatever imo he is absolutely not going back there and will probably start Conniving(tm) outside of konoha's borders to benefit his friends in the capacity hes capable of and clean up his own messes and if he's like, twelve years old again (nightmare) i can... hmm, see him sticking around, unless he really gets pushed over the edge abt smth, maybe? its hmmm i don't think he actually hates minato but i fail to see much evidence he'd feel comfortable ever properly trusting the guy for the ways minato betrayed his trust and the way obito betrayed his. idk... obito has priorities (his friends) and he's a scheming schemer who schemes so hed wriggle into the position that best let him do what he wants. i think. take that as you will.

but yeah! obitos interesting to think about i really need to go back and actually take notes.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Also gonna send u some more because why not: 6, 7, 8, 12, 13, 70, 101 (theres 101 this year!) ♥️

I love more numbers!!!

I answered #6 here so I'll do #5 instead!

6. 5. "You asked for this" by Halsey

Definitely one of my favorite songs on IICHLIWP, I'm not at all surprised it cracked my top 5. I relate so much to the lyrics, and the final bridge makes me feral in the best possible way. And, not to sound like a broken record, it was a truly incredible experience live.

7. "Bounce Man" by Twenty One Pilots

I didn't really love most of Scaled and Icy, but I really like this one. It's catchy and empowering, and really fun to dance around to! It's one of my favorite "get up and go" songs.

8. "Hush" by The Marías

This band was one of the openers for Halsey's show here. I listened to them a lot leading up to the concert. I was a bit disappointed with how few people got up and danced for them, because their songs have such good beats and such fun lyrics. This one in particular really gets me groovin'.

12. "Un Millón" by The Marías

Another absolute banger by the previously described band!

13. "honey" by Halsey

This album has basically ruled my life for the past 15 months, so I don't think anyone is surprised that so many songs from it are so high-ranking on my list. I really really love this one - it's just such a fun song, sweet with a sting, and I just love everything about it.

70. "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac

I think we all know that this is almost 100% because of this scene in Our Flag Means Death. One of my favorite TV moments of the whole year. And the song is just so good! I actually ended up revisiting the whole Rumors album because of this moment, so thanks OFMD!

101. "Gasoline - Live at Webster Hall" by Halsey

I've come to find that there's a part of me that loves live recordings of Halsey songs more than the originals. Something about the crowd, and her voice, and the differences between production - Halsey's live versions are so magical and I think this song is one of the best examples of that. The crowd transforms this song, and it made me fall in love with it all over again. I rarely listen to the studio version anymore!

Send me a number and I'll tell you which song it is on my Spotify Wrapped!

[clockworkrobotic]

The Tragic Saga of the Goncharov Tie-In Game (1995)

so since everyone has discovered goncharov i get to talk about a personal fascination of mine, which is the wild n wacky tale of the goncharov video game tie in. If youre thinking "what the hell are you talking about, there wasn't a video game tie in" theres a reason for that, bear with me

so the game came out sometime around 1995 (different sources place it at various points between 1994 and 1995), and it was one of the first properties to be licenced by sony for a console. It was originally planned to be a SNES-CD release until that console was cancelled, at which point it was ported to the playstation. if youre wondering why goncharov got a tie in like twenty years after the film released, that's kind of why it's so unheard of. sony was testing the waters with its new hardware to see if there was an older audience for gaming, and a few investors were willing to put some money behind the idea. it was actually pretty well-funded all things considered, with a budget of around $1.1m, and the gameplay was similar to that of goldeneye, which released a couple of years later. it was also fairly sophisticated, featuring branching decision trees and several different endings (I think 4? there isn't a lot of gameplay footage available, but there were at least 4)

unfortunately, development was plagued with problems from the get go. Despite its healthy budget, the studio couldn't convince any of the original cast to return to do voice work. Of course they couldn't, the film was two decades old -- you think harvey keitel was gonna bail on pulp fiction to appear in some experimental video game? of course not. so the dev team went for the next best thing: soundalikes.

the problem is, the soundalike VAs they hired weren't used to doing longform work. don't get me wrong, they did their darndest, but their experience was very much rooted in things like radio commercials and short voiceovers. they hadn't really had to act before. oh, and all but one of them hadn't seen the movie. the anecdote goes that they showed up on day one expecting a couple of days work tops, and much to their shock were handed several dozen pages of script (remember the decision trees? branching dialogue baby) and told they were employed for the next six months. Good for them, I think?

The voice acting really suffered from this. a lot of it feels very stilted, it ruins the immersion. yknow how in elder scrolls oblivion all the voice lines were recorded in alphabetical order? It sounds similar to that (altho personally i think the goncharov voice acting is a bit better lol). the directors and actors really struggled to pull everything together.

the result was that, while the game itself definitely wasn't bad, it was outright innovative in places, critics really couldn't get past the baffling performances, which they near-unanimously agreed made the game a slog. someone suggested the game should be played on mute with goncharov the film playing on a second tv, though went on to say that you wouldn't even finish the game then, because you'd just end up watching the far superior goncharov film instead. The game flopped, causing its global release to be cancelled, and was only ever distributed in the UK, Australia, and Japan.

the game had a brief stint as a cult classic, garnering a small online fandom in the early days on the internet. there is allegedly an italian fan translation out there somewhere, although a copy has never surfaced and it is considered lost media. a couple of people have come forward claiming to have worked on it -- they also claim to have met in the neopets forums of all places. i believe them -- and there are a couple of youtube videos showcasing what appears to be an italian fandub, but without the game files it's not possible to know whether theyre real or edited in post.

so now you know the story of goncharov the movie the game, my favourite game i've never played and probably never will. while it may well have been a missed opportunity, i like to think it paved the way for such classics as enter the matrix, and ratatouille the movie the game, and what would the world be like without them?

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[vortexbeyondthestars]

alright guys. toh/ninjago au time :)

sOO i actually had a whole ass post that i wrote and posted art to but. it deleted itself somehow so. yeah im not doing that again!! so now yall just get my ramblings. lucky yall huh :) also im really sorry but im on the app and i couldnt find the read more option.

so starting off,,,

we have echo as luz!! hes a human who accidentally stumbled into the witch realm and met with garmadon and co. hes pretty much like a mix of luz and canon echo. hes very dorky, friendly, and imaginative, but hes also naive and gullible. he was raised by his brother zane after their father’s death. echo tries his hardest, but he isnt very good in school and constantly gets in trouble because of his wild nature. echo is fifteen years old,

next, we have garmadon as eda! hes a so called “dark lord” who practices wild magic and lives far away from society. he has two kids: lloyd and harumi, the latter of whom is adopted. his design is a mix of the young adult garm and sensei garm designs. hes was cursed in his youth to turn into a monster (basically imagine the combined hin/overlord form from season 2) and has difficulties managing said curse, especially as he gets older. hes a loving father, though, and pretty much adopts echo right after they meet. garmadon’s age is unknown.

lloyd is a mix of king and willow, in that he lives with garmadon like king does eda, but he also has a past with the amity character of this au like willow did with amity. lloyd is a pretty powerful witch who practices wild magic like his dad, but mostly has a thing for plant and energy magic. he’s only around thirteen years old, so a couple years younger than echo. lloyd is ostracized by society due to being garmadon’s son, but he tries his best to be a kind presence that others can relie on. he tends to be overly emotional and judgemental, though.

harumi is a mix of king and gus. she is garmadon’s adopted daughter and is very proficient in illusion magic, although she does practice all types of magic. harumi has a bit of a compex surrounding being adopted, as in this au she was too young to remember her parents and desperately wahts to know more about them. she doesnt like echo when they first meet as shes afraid that garmadon will replace her with him. she sson grows to care for him though. she is fourteen years old.

morro is amity. (yes i am an avid citrusshipping enjoyer what about it) he’s the adopted son of sensei wu, a powerful witch who is held in high regards of ninjago. morro has an incredibly superiority complex and is terrified of being outdone, which is where his and lloyd’s issues come in. lloyd is more naturally talented and morro was jealous and cut him out of his life. ar first morro doesnt treat wu like a dad but that changes after a -SPOILER- happens so there we go. he’s fifteen years old.

wu is lilith! whether or not he cursed garmy like lilith did eda is a question isnt it :D well we’ll see lmao. anyways, wu is known as “sensei wu” because hes very powerful and regarded as a good teacher. he adopted morro when morro was around five, but they still dont treat each other exactly like family at the start of the plot. wu is trying his hardest to find a cure for garmadon’s curse, but hasnt had any luck so far. his age is unknown.

and finally (for now), zane is camilla. zane is echo’s older brother who raised him practically all his life. zane had to take up a lot of jobs to be able to support both of them, and he really tries his hardest to connect with echo. zane is very dorky like his brother, but is a bit more mature due to differing life experiences. he sends echo to summer school in the hopes that it will fix his poor grades, but has no idea where echo actually ends up instead… i’d say he’s around,,, twenty years old.

SO yeah there it is sjsghagshaha sorry that theres no drawings for yall but they werent very good anyways. i’ll probably post some eventually but yk. anyways let me know what you guys think!!

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Toki’s Psychological State Through the Seasons

Toki is by far for me personally the most interesting member of Dethklok; I know to some degree he’s deemed as a potentially over hyped character by fans and even the show itself, but there’s countless reasons why people cling onto that character, and they’re good reasons. Even if said reasons just come down to “I think he’s neat.” that’s valid.

For me I am so fascinated with his character development, personality, and the varied chunks of background information we get about him throughout the series. A big part of this character is that when you look at him in season one compared to season four he is very different or at least he appears to be much different. Season one does establish that Toki does have a childish personality, his bedroom looks more like a room for a kid than one for a guy in his 20s. Season one establishes those basic facts about him that do heavily carry out through the show, but also increase as the show goes on.

Toki goes from immature but not overly immature to....a complete fucking wreck by the finale of season four (before Doomstar) and the reason for it is simple; it’s trauma.

Toki starts to act differently in season one after the Dethfamily episode; he spends practically that entire episode in a catatonic state, his parents always looming nearby like figures of danger and doom. After this we do get to him being bitter about being seen as immature and seen as the kid of the band (despite the fact he was barely 16 when he joined Dethklok) and when a charity informs him that a dying girl wants to meet him he turns into a complete prick. He finally comes out of that when he sees a video the kid made of herself singing a song about death and hatred, with that scene we see a small flashback of Toki’s childhood; him about the little girl’s age standing out in the snow staring up at his parents looking confused and a moment later he’s being smacked across the face. 

We could already gather beforehand when we found out he came from a very devout religious sect outside of Lillehammer that his childhood was sketchy, plus how he locked up when around his parents, but seeing the flashback of him being hit as a little boy.....Answers the obvious question of “did they beat him?”

Season one is the least eventful of the seasons. Season two is when shit begins changing drastically.

Season two Toki receives a call to inform him that his father has cancer and is on his death bed, the family and the church wants him to return to Norway to see his father. He acts completely fine about this initially, the phone conversation and the way he announces his father’s terminal illness to the band is as if somebody just asked to borrow his car. When it gets close to time to actually go and when they are in Norway it’s different though; he becomes anxious and clearly uncomfortable, in Norway he stays in town mostly, stalling around places he went to as a kid and a teenager before he ran off to America. 

He does handle his father’s dying well once he finally convinces himself to go inside his house and see him then follow through with his father’s dying request to carry him up to his old childhood home (which goes wrong because his friend’s are dicks.) 

I am not going to go into personal detail at all and my situation was nothing like Toki’s (it’s incredibly rare to hear situations like that anymore), but Toki handling his father’s passing freakishly well kind of was a red flag for me, because I know from my own experiences that when you find out something complicated like a terminal illness or the death of your abusive parent theres’ a chance you may respond way too calmly to it, and then later down the line days or months or years later something will trigger a big reaction to it. Which is what happens.

After handling his dad’s death well we get the most iconic scene involving Toki at that point and honestly still the most iconic; he beats a man to death with his bare hands. The thing that triggers this is a hallucinated image of a rabbit, an animal he associates both with his father and his childhood, the image of it triggers him to fly into an insanely feral blind rage taking it out on a guy who had been annoying him all night. Toki has always throughout the entire series shown signs of being a tad violent, but never THAT bad. Sure he shot down a plane and had accidentally caused a death or twenty (the whole band is, it’s part of the sacrifices to the Gods deal) but we had never seen him before or after that moment beat somebody to death. That is new and it came from a place of pent up....shit. Shit he never worked through and even after that continued to not work through.

Because after this we lead into him worsening further; he begins drinking. A lot. The band consist of dudes with addiction issues, mainly alcohol, but Toki never seemed to drink quite as much as them until after he went feral on that straight edge guy. 

Toki deals with his childhood trauma in several ways:

He drinks. A lot.

He focuses on fantasy and daydreams to keep himself from focusing on his past.

He spends a lot of time with Dr. Rockso who takes advantage of his kindness often, he also spends gross amounts of money bailing his clown buddy out of jail. Constantly.

He occasionally gets violent, but never to the point of manslaughter.

Seasons three and four are when we get fully introduced to Toki acting like a kid more than a guy in his 20s and it makes sense. Toki didn’t have a childhood; we learn that his parents essentially made him into a slave at a young age having him do pointless “chores” like sweeping snow during a storm, carrying stacks of wood much too heavy for a small child, etc. and when he failed to work quickly enough or failed a task they punished him. They punished him by locking him in a shed, they punished him by chaining him up like an animal, they punished him by smacking him, by beating him with a bull whip, and worst of all (who knew it could get worse) they would force him to stay for long periods of times in a deep hole dug into the ground. A hole where he hid a clown doll made of twigs and straw, the only friend he had as a little kid.

From all that we can gather through the show he didn’t exactly have a social life of any kind until his teens, the older he became the braver I think he became, and that was responded to with worse violence from his parents. I think the statement in season one about a vision of father killing son wasn’t totally off, I think if Toki had never run away from Norway that his father would have murdered him. I think his parents knew somehow that he isn’t entirely human, they knew he was something else, and I do think his parents had plans to kill him before he could become “too powerful”. 

That aside though.....Once we the audience as well as his friends find out far more details about his horrifying childhood Toki changes. A lot. He’d already been immature and a tad bit off but he regresses further after that, more prone to depression and outbursts, clinginess, and a need to feel like he’s loved by pretty much anybody.

This is a dude who is about my age that came to the horrid realization that any person or animal he loves will die because that’s his “gift”, the gift of death. He works his ass off to repress and rationalize a brutally nightmarish childhood, and the guys he’s in a band with who he loves and sees as his family....are dicks. We know that when he joined Dethklok before they got famous that they were all close, but when they began becoming popular and became immensely wealthy the others became more focused on self indulgence and power, less focused on this still a child who desperately just wanted a family.

I think a key factor with Toki being the way he is comes down to the band’s “no caring” rule. A rule that only existed because of Magnus. Toki is the baby in a group of people who have known each other for a good while, people who came to an agreement to not give a shit about each other for a reason they never explained to him because it’s too painful for them to think about. I think he always tried to live by that rule of not caring, he tried to bury all the shit wrong with himself the best that he could but he was never good at it. It’s also clear they all care about each other and they definitely care about Toki; Nathan and Skwisgaar often being the most protective of him. 

In season four aka the season where the show becomes less of a comedy and more of a drama with stunning animation. Toki is immensely more immature and awkward, he’s clingy with the band especially where Skwisgaar is regarded. Near the end of season four he’s completely fucked up; he splits his time between Rockso (his comfort object) and Magnus (a father figure to replace Nathan) in the dinner episode which has so much going on in it. So much. Toki is at his lowest point in the series; he shows up late, drunk as fucking hell, shirtless, and covered in bruises and cuts. Rockso is with him and when Charles tries to tell him Rockso shouldn’t be there Toki goes into a full fucking anxiety attack until Charles tells him it’s fine to have the clown there. Toki’s heavily dependent on Rockso by that point; his found family is quickly falling to shit. God knows what kind of shit Magnus might have been feeding him about the band at that point. 

Toki’s entire thing from day one/the pilot of the series is that he just wants a family. When he feels like he doesn’t belong in the one that he found and was taken in by he searches for family in other places, when he can’t handle the memories of his childhood he spirals hard. I understand that the guys didn’t really know how to handle it after they heard about Toki’s childhood so I can’t fault them completely for just.....shoving him off onto Rockso after that, but I still think they should have tried to be there for him more so, more directly. I think an outlet that isn’t a drug addled clown might have helped him in some way, I think if when he’d been a teenager if one of them had found out about his upbringing and just pointed out “that isn’t okay, at all.” then things might have panned out differently. 

Mental regression isn’t uncommon when it comes down to victims of trauma caused by extreme abuse. Especially considering his trauma all occurred basically from the get go; he was a child slave, the closest I would guess he ever got to having a childhood when he was a kid was seeing other kids childhoods. Going into town and seeing kids playing, sneaking into birthday parties just to be around other kids his age, etc. and he definitely was childish as a teenager, but I think he tried to bury that side of himself when his bandmates started teasing him or pointing out how unmetal it all is.....But then a douche bag journalist brought his parents to America, a little girl died, his abusive father died horribly (as he should) in front of him, he beat a man to death (allegedly), etc. 

He spent a lot of years away from all the trauma and the death and the bull shit then suddenly it started piling on top of him again and his escapism was fantasy, clinging onto a junkie clown, partaking in childish hobbies.....because why not? 

Each member of the band suffered some messed up shit when they were kids and it shows in different ways, this is Toki’s way of dealing with it....or not. I’m not entirely sure what his psychological state would be post Doomstar; the way he bounces back from immense trauma makes me think that he would be okay given some time and that’s a safe assumption to make, especially now that his bandmates/family will be there for him the way he needs them to be.

I want to tag @theidiotwiththepaintedface who hopefully will enjoy this painfully long deep dive into a character’s psychology lol.

[tr-ashbin]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲 || 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝕥𝕪𝕡𝕖 : one-shot

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖 : slight angst if u squint (update theres no angst i just didnt know what to put here)

𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤 : soft boy kenma streaming on twitch for money, but doesn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wants to be yours. definitely not based off wilbur's unreleased song—

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 : kinda sugar daddy/mommy/glucose guardian y/n (aka capitalist y/n), mentions of ahegao, cringe

kenma was streaming, again.

he was in his 3rd year of highschool and was in short of money, thus he began streaming as a past time with the support of his volleyball teammates and his few friends.

one of them being y/n, who was born in a rich family and is one of his top subscribers and donors.

you'd be thinking, if kenma needed money that much, why couldn't he just ask y/n for it?

tuition isn't that cheap, and he didn't want to be in debt with y/n's family once he was much older.

despite y/n's constant offers, he still said no, and started off his twitch career earlier than intended.

don't get him wrong, it was his dream to make it big on twitch.

.. just not this way.

he figured that being one of those "soft boys" who do certain things for his viewers for money would get him some cash— and quite surprisingly, it worked.

it wasn't his first choice, obviously. he didn't want to be seen as your typical uwu soft boi.

but unfortunately, that's the only way to get money sometimes. it even helped that he had longer hair than most boys because some of his viewers mistook him to be a girl.

"ah, thank you liz for the twenty-five gifted subs."

he said in a quite monotone voice.

kenma was happy, he was getting more money obviously.

he was just tired of it already. he wanted to do something else for a change, but he knew he probably wouldn't get anything out of it.

as the stream went on, he proceeded to do some mail unboxing videos since he had received some while on stream. why not show the viewers? they might multiply if he did.

not only that, but a certain someone decided to call him while in the middle of it.

"oh..? hey, y/n, what's up?"

the stream chat instantly knew that the y/n on call was the same y/n who donated the most money and gifted the most subs to him.

"hey, kenma." y/n said, "have you opened my gift yet? i sent it through the p.o. box."

".. you're watching my stream?"

"of course i'm watching your stream, how else am i supposed to give you money if you wouldn't take it any other way?"

they were right, kenma wouldn't accept money unless donated to him through his streams.

kenma put y/n on speaker, and placed his phone near enough to the mic so they could be heard.

"say hi to the stream, y/n."

"heyoo!"

the chat knew y/n for their many donos and subs. and when you say many, it's many.

ask any of kenma's average of 2.4k viewers, at least every one of them was gifted a tier 1 sub by glucose guardian y/n.

now aside from that, kenma and y/n talked while he opened the gifts he'd receive from fans, figuiring that he'd open the one from y/n last (mostly becaude they told him to).

kenma received a lot of things. things his viewers would want him to wear on stream, decorations for his room, some even sent him cash through mail along with a personal message.

eventually, they had reached y/n's gift, which kenma reluctantly opened.

his eyes widened at the sight, taking his time to process what he had just received, and then deadpanning at the camera.

y/n felt the chills go through the screen, but just laughed it off.

"you like your gift, kenma?"

".. it's a fucking ahegao hoodie."

"it's a work of art!"

"oh my god.."

kenma rolled his eyes at the camera and looked away, putting the hoodie where the stream couldn't see. he wouldn't want to get banned from twitch now, would he?

while doing that, he noticed something else in the box, under where the hoodie was placed.

"are these.."

"wear them, kenma."

"i'm not wearing the cat ears—"

suddenly, a donation appeared on screen.

from y/n.

"y/n donated $100! wear the cat ears, kenma." said the text to speech.

"what the fuck, you donated too? how much money do you even have, y/n?"

"not important, now wear the cat ears, please."

kenma sighed and wore the cat ears.

"happy?"

"kinda, but go off."

he removed the cat ears, then placed them somewhere near the hoodie.

"well, i guess that's the end for today's stream everyone. thanks for all the donos and subs, say bye to the stream y/n."

"byebye!"

"the broadcast you were watching has ended." message was displayed on y/n's monitor.

the call hadn't ended yet, though.

"why are you so nice, y/n?"

the sudden question shook them up.

".. what? i'm nice?" y/n chuckled, not knowing whether they should take it as a compliment or not.

"to me, you are."

"wow, thanks."

"but, really, don't you have better things to spend all that money on?"

"nah, not really. besides, you need the money, don't you?"

"i do, but–"

"then i don't see a problem with giving you so much money."

kenma paused, genuinely not knowing how to take that. was it romantic? platonic? was it really just y/n being nice?

he didn't know, he really didn't.

the next few days were the same for kenma.

wake up, go to school, practice, go home, stream, then sleep.

kenma's thoughts, unlike his routine, were messy as hell.

spiraling around his place as vice-captain, then his twitch career, then his studies.

again, messy as hell.

but what really shook him was y/n. still confused as to how they were so generous despite only getting closer when kenma had started his twitch channel.

did y/n only support him just for the satisfaction of seeing him looking really feminine? or did they really want to support him financially because he refused help from them before? he clearly couldn't tell.

what he could tell, was that he didn't like his current situation.

the money and fame, it was nice, but he knew that wasn't what he wanted to be known for.

being some random soft boy who would do anything for some cash? not really a good image to his name.

if he had to be honest, the only reason he continued to be one was because of them, y/n.

though he didn't know why.

a month had past, kenma's streams had become less frequent as he and y/n have been meeting up during his designated time for streaming.

what was once daily 7pm sessions of kenma doing soft boy shit in front of the camera for around 2.8k viewers for an hour straight became y/n treating him to after practice arcade hangouts.

fortunately enough, he enjoyed them. being content with the quality time he was spending with y/n alone, and not on his twitch livestream with thousands of strangers watching.

not ever missing a day without spending at least half an hour with them, kenma had stopped streaming.

figuring that he had collected enough money for him to live on a side job while he studies, one where he could take breaks and talk to y/n without worrying much about anything else.

he was happy. he finally knew what he wanted.

he didn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wanted to be theirs.

a/n: hi hi hello writing tips would very much be appreciated for ash here does not know how to end stories properly 😄

[spinef0ryou]

I think it's a bit weird that people are getting so made about some peopld calling out bc for using lyrics like bitches and hoes in their songs. And some time ago someone brought up niko's chloroform joke and people got very mad (the joke turned out to be reference to something (?). Like some people are new to this music genre and cant possibly know everything bc might be referencing! And some people might even like just bc and listen to a completely different genre normally so theres no way everyone can be aware of everything. And i dont understand the logic that because so many other band use these misogynistic lyrics, it it okay for bc to use them as well?? (Tho i get the context in snake for example) but yeah, this is not hate i am just trying to have the discussion on this point of view as well🖤

my opinion on this whole thing is very much coloured from the fandoms i came from (slipknot, murderdolls, dope (who are pretty tame)) so i did think it (edit: the og callout) was weird. but i also saw that op’s blog and what they usually post about which shed some light on their perspective. (though i have Many thoughts about that fandom due to personal bad or neutral experiences with it. and that has probably coloured my view on this as well)

the chloroform joke out of context is pretty bad taste. within context it’s maybe funny. or gives you an inside joke kinda feel, but imo that’s why context is important (i’m an historian so i will scream about the importance of context until the end of time). if i’d never heard hollywood undead and just heard the joke then i’d be like wtf and try to find out. (the song is called dead bite and the lyric is ‘i know that we have never really met before, but tell me does this rag smell like chloroform’. i don’t know if it’s a reference or if the band made it up) and then when i know i’d be like. oh! joke referencing a band bc toured with! poor taste joke but eyyy i see the reference. (and even if i didn’t know that they toured together, hollywood undead are one of the biggest bands of the past twenty years, and that’s one of their more famous songs)

i do think modern cancel culture jumps the gun every time and especially with tumblr (and the rest of the internet but i’m usually here) being the way it is, things get blown up and mountains get made out of molehills. people do that and then when there’s an actual problem no one listens to them (or anyone) and it’s just a horrible mess.

and like i said: context is pretty important. we like to act like bc are a very new band because they are for a lot of people, but they’ve been together since 2013. internet and social media culture has exploded in the past decade, so even with the unlisted and deleted videos, there a lot of content of them out there (and those videos i think have been saved). eight years worth of content is of course not easy to get through but skipping over it or not being properly informed about the band doesn’t give someone a good position to air complaints from.

i think it was @bigsoftkatiedotpng who mentioned (i think it was cultural or social anthropology? i hope that’s right dude!) and growing up in a misogynistic society means some misogynistic things will filter to you without realising them. and to (i suppose) further that thought a bit, i think we forget that whilst bc do have a lot of pop punk and pop and emo aspects to them, they did start off as more of a nu metal band. nu metal was never exactly known for being especially feminist (to put it lightly), which actually leaves me surprised at the lack of songs calling a woman a bitch or hoe. and yeah. like you said, it’s not just bc who use that language. i’ve made a joke both here and on twitter about someone calling joel a misogynist that they should listen to the song bitch by dope whilst jokingly calling it a feminist anthem. breakups hurt and they suck and if it was instigated by one person cheating, of course there’s going to be strong feelings involved. but to get mad at one band for using that language but not others seems odd and a waste of time to me.

and a final note that you didn’t address but i haven’t seen other people talk about do i might as well talk about it here is that no one is putting bc on a pedestal and saying they can do no wrong. the response to someone calling joel a misogynist was to go heavily the other way, not because we don’t think he can do any wrong, but because he continuously gets shit for no reason and it’s unfair on him. the worst example i’ve seen was someone on the youtube comments of an interview from when they got back in finland after rotterdam where someone said they thought he was on drugs because he was fidgety. they didn’t back down even after the interviewer got involved and said he wasn’t. that hit more than a few nerves with a lot of people. also, considering that substance abuse can common with adhd, it can be an extra insult for some. another example was him reposting things to his insta story of like. fan stuff. and some of the insta fandom got the Big Mad about it and saying things that amounted to ‘she looks fifteen so that’s a bit dodgy’