#because this is like twenty years in the past and theres a lot going on in the present to make me crazy

[sleepy-stitches]

hello tumblr user sleepy stitches why am i willing to die for ur yuri ocs despite only having seen one line of dialogue from both of them?

sincerely, me

hi tumblr user verysharpfish,

thank you for writing in. at the top of this post i would like to clarify that pahrsi was made by my good friend rye beans, so i cannot at all take credit for her. ariane is my girl though. i would love to blend her. she sucks.

to answer your question, i think it is because they are both completely fucking insane. the dialogue in question is one i picked because i think it's wild out of context, but it stays equally insane in context? this exchange happens maybe two hours after they've met, after pahrsi has stitched up a particularly icky wound ariane has in the back of her leg (obtained from other yuri. thats a story for a different post though). they literally met at a casino and pahrsi talked ariane into taking her back to her place to stitch her up. as a complete stranger. because she thought it would be fun. i need to send her to the shredder.

the whole reason they find themselves drawn to each other in the first place is because they both have girlfriends that they have kind of rocky relationships with, and they remind each other of those girlfriends. it's kind of a weird rebound situation except if they never did anything explicitly romantic and instead just kind of danced around the fact that they're obviously attracted to each other for like two entire years. they make me fucking crazy.

oh and every exchange they have is equally insane. they always talk like this. im struggling to pick my favourite one to add at the end here because all of it is really really good. i think this one is a classic; this is barely a third of the conversation these two have about ariane's potential to kill pahrsi.

what the FUCK is wrong with them

[gatorbites-imagines]

In that case… Could I please request Killer Croc/Waylon Jones with a supringly really attractive boyfriend (like a male version Jessica Rabbit level hot, like it dosen’t even make sense for someone to be that hot) who no one understand how Waylon pulled. Waylon’s boyfriend is very sultry and alluring.

And Waylon roughly breeds his boyfriend doggy style 😇.

Thank u :)

Waylon Jones x Male reader

Headcanons

Guten Abend squad, how is everyone doing? Classes are still running at a max level, and I’m starting to think this is just how it goes. So, time to chillax with some Waylon.

Not as smutty as I would have wanted, but this honestly just built a life of its own and started running.

We see in the comics, or at least in one run, that Waylon does have game and knows how to pull somebody very attractive, so its not too surprising so could pull you. That’s what you think at least, since he’s a great guy, to you.

I imagine you two met after he left the circus, maybe you guys even left together. With Waylon being the circus’s “freakshow” and you only being there as eye candy to sell tickets. With you both being reduced to nothing but your looks, you two find solidarity with each other, and fall in love.

No one ever really took your love seriously back then, just thinking you were using Waylon for protection, since someone as pretty as you couldn’t be safe anywhere.

Insert the “seriously, what do you see in that guy?” “he makes me laugh” scene.

If we go with the verse where Waylon was in Halys circus, then the only ones that seemed to have some version of acceptance of your love was the Grayson’s. it was one of the reasons you two left the circus, having a strong feeling of what had truly happened to them and who caused it.

After leaving the circus, you couldn’t live in the sewers like Waylon. This meant you got an apartment, in the beginning in crime alley since it was cheapest.

You may have been so beautiful it would drive people mad, but you also had a head on your shoulders. So, in the end you set up a legitimate business, maybe you even become something akin to a designer. Mainly because your lover is so big, there’s no other way to get him clothes.

And maybe during your time in crime alley, you stumble upon a scrawny kid who, though he may act tough, still has a light in him. And maybe that kid ends up being batman’s second robin, who remembers how kind you were to him and everyone around you, so he doesn’t go as hard against Waylon.

The past you have with the Grayson’s also means that Dick takes it easier on Waylon, and they even settle down and talk at times. You’ll regularly find the two former robins hanging around your art studio, even years later when they aren’t robin anymore.

Your lover goes to Arkham, a lot. But you never hate him or even argue with him. You’ll just pull up to Arkham in your most beautiful outfit during visitors’ hours and hold Waylon’s hand as you two act like a new married couple, even if it’s been twenty at this point.

And it may have been twenty years, but you just seem to have become more handsome with age, aging like fine expensive wine. You don’t become shrewd or corrupted by the world around you, instead you stay kind and patient. You’re still in Gotham though, so you’ll turn violent if you have too.

No one really believes that Waylon purrs, until you show up and he becomes as meek as a kitten, ready to roll in your manicured hand.

Its no secret that you, one of the most famous designers around, and Killer Croc, are together. But its just such a normal part of everyday life now, that no one really questions it. your works never been dirty, you help those around you, and lift up poor and struggling artists whenever you can. So, what if your husband is tearing up the road trying to bite Batman to bits.

Theres a viral video in Gotham of you stepping out during one of Waylon’s rampages, and just scolding him, wagging a finger in his face and still looking so unbelievably gorgeous as you do so.

And yes, of course your design trademark is crocodile scales, or anything along those lines. You’ll never use real crocodile skin, but you do use the print or shape.

After all this time, people don’t fear Waylon as much as they probably should, all thanks to you. Its kinda hard to fear a guy when you know his boyfriend is unofficially titled the most beautiful man in Gotham, who’s also as giving and kind as the Waynes, whilst being more involved in the nitty gritty, since you still live in Crime Alley.

Someone has threatened Waylon with telling on him to you at least once too, which doesn’t stop him, but it does cause him to freeze and get an “oh shit” expression, long enough for people to run to safety.

Being one of the most skilled fashionistas around also means you have met the Waynes on multiple occasions.

The shared past with Dick and the circus, and Jason, though you don’t remember him as vividly, means you get called on more than most.

As you measure them out and start making designs, conversations flow, and Damian most likely ends up bluntly just asking you why in the world you decided to pair up with Killer Croc of all people.

You correct him in your answer, referring to your husband as Waylon, and then you just start waxing the poetics. Of your shared past, of the deep unshakable love you both share, and how under all his struggles, Waylon truly is an amazing man.

You’ve never confirmed that Dick was Robin, even though it was very obvious. Its not your place to judge how he, or his family, deal with their trauma or whatever they have going on. Your lover swims through the sewers, you can’t really say anything.

A few passing comments are made though, obviously. You tell the Waynes to “take it easy next time they see Waylon, wont you?” with one of your heart shaking winks before you saunter out, ready to start putting together your latest design.

Its kind of an accepted, not really a secret, secret. Its never put into words, and they know that you know, and you know that they know you know. Nothing ends up happening with it though, outside of you making some jokes and judging their hero outfits.

With age you’ve become less sultry and alluring, at least in the way the public can point out as obviously as before. You have simply mastered your field, and know just how to play people around you if you need too.

Though, you didn’t really learn to master it for the public. It’s mainly just for Waylon, so you like to see how his nostrils flare, and when he starts chuffing in the back of his throat when you saunter around in nothing but a silk robe.

The bats know that the first place Waylon goes when he gets out of Arkham is to you. But…they also all know to wait at least a day or two before they come for him. To allow you to spend some time together, but also because most of them have caught of glimpse of you… reunions…

Bruce wont admit it, but he’s at least impressed with you being able to take two of them at the same time, even after all these years. He might note down your many skills somewhere… just in case.

Reunions with Waylon are typically a hot and steamy affair. Or well, as hot and steamy as a guy whose as cold as a reptile can get. There are days where either of you may not be up for it, and then its just cuddles and having some nice domestic time together before he’s taken back to Arkham again.

But when it does get hot, then you are very happy you own the entire building. Waylon can get quite loud, but never as loud as he still makes you even after all these years.

Sure, you’ve learned to handle it more after all this time, but it still makes you squeal when Waylon fits both his shafts inside you at the same time, lifting and moving you around like a doll.

Where Waylon may be rough and violent in every other part of his life, Waylon is slower and much more careful in the bedroom. He doesn’t want to lose his senses and hurt you on accident. You have some very faded bite and claw scars on your body, back from when you first got together, and Waylon likes to remind himself of that.

Sometimes you do want him to be rougher about it, so you pull all the skills you’ve gained over the years. And Waylon is but a man, even with the scales and all, so he can’t resist you for very long. It always ends up with you writhing, face in the pillow that’s stained with your tears and drool or pleasure, as Waylon growls and snarls behind you, his big, clawed hands moving you back and forth with ease.

He always feels a bit guilty about it afterwards, especially seeing how much you leak all over the sheets. Expect to find yourself being pampered and loved on for the next couple of days. Even the bats seem to leave you to it, most likely having heard your cries. You get a feeling the people in the next building heard them too. But you honestly don’t care anymore.

You may have Waylon, and many others, wrapped around your finger, but so does Waylon with you. And neither of you really seem to mind anymore.

[stayatsam]

dragon age fanbase is crazy because every time a new game comes out theres the same cry about them somehow ruining the lore story that they've been following ever since the first game. it's the same old story since origins

VEILGUARD SPOILERS UNDER CUT

some complaints ive seen plus the games' explanations:

"the archdemons are tied to the elven gods?" yeah they've been hinting at that for some time

"the maker might not be real?" the entire chantry being built on a lie was kind of spot on since origins. we found out in trespasser that it was solas who made the veil, also.

"why do the dalish know the gods are evil/blighted?" because solas' agents have been spreading the word, and the veil jumpers also discovered more about the true history, a veil jumper rook even says so themselves. veil jumper codex' entries also seem to imply not all of the gods were on the scale of elgar'nan and ghilan'nain, (it's more complex than They Are All Evil Evil Evil Tyrants. it's similar to orlais' politics, i won't get into all that though. like, they were all tyrants in their own way in the same way the other rulers in thedas are)

"i cant believe they destroyed southern thedas!" well it IS a double blight and southern thedas has the least amount of grey wardens right now, the entire region has been unstable for decades. ten years isn't long enough to recover from three wars (mage-templar, corypheus, war of lions, and ten years prior it's also said it takes decades to recover from a blight). i'd be mad if the south got off without any damage from the literal apocalypse

"why would orlais' nobility side with the venatori?" orlais has always been one of the most corrupt nations on thedas, inquisition put a bandaid on its civil war, no wonder some of them sided with the venatori. solas says again and again it doesn't matter WHO the gods are, they're dishing out glory and power to selfish people who crave glory and power

"why do the venatori worship elven gods?" the elven gods ARE the the old gods of tevinter in its glory days, plus solas even says it doesn't matter who they worship so long as they have power, and the gods give that to them. venatori combat barks specifically call out to the old gods, too. plus there's so much blood magic and mind control going on they might not even be fully aware these are elves they're worshiping

"they sanitized the crows" i wish we got more morally dubious crows too and i won't lie they definitely took a less offensive side to them, but lucanis' and illario's various dialogues definitely imply they had an abusive upbringing under caterina. there's also banter of how zevran's house murdered 8 of their own members after origins. the crows are such a massive organization too we're ONLY seeing treviso. not to mention zevran's been killing antivan crow leaders for the past twenty years to purposefully shake up the organization. things change in twenty years

"the lords of fortune are too nice to be pirates" they aren't pirates, they're treasure hunters/scavengers that ransom relics to orlesian nobles. ngl not a whole lot to say since i think they're a boring faction and i wish we got to see more of them

"they took the slavery/evil parts out of tevinter" they definitely toned down tevinter i am also disappointed we don't get to see more of its gritty side but we do meet venatori slaves and save several from blood magic rituals, the venatori torture a halla in front of a kidnapped dalish clan, if you save treviso you'll see public executions and carts piled with bodies swarmed by flies in the streets of minrathous

like. i have genuine complaints about the game and i wish they handled certain things differently and with more detail but the writers have confirmed they're still working off the same worldbuilding that was written for origins

Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain are also 10x better villains than Corypheus ever was, i'd say they're probably the series' funnest main antagonists yet

[meatballspiratescore]

Molly O’Shea

A VERY LONG character analysis.

SPOILERS FOR THE GAME!

edit: theres a lot of spelling errors and stuff I have yet to fix…will probs do it eventually.

I believe that Molly O’Shea is one of the most misunderstood characters in Red Dead Redemption ll, both by the characters themselves and by the community. Most, if not, all the gang members have some sort of disdain for her, especially Karen and Susan, finding her high-strung, stuck up, and too good for them. This may be true to an extent, but it’s not the full story.

WARNING!!! again…This post contains spoilers for the game! Don’t read this unless you don’t mind. Also, a lot of this is me TOTALLY stretching things that happen in the game so don’t like…shoot me down.😖

Chapter 2, Horseshoe Overlook and The Start of Everything

Molly is an attractive lady in her mid-to late twenties, meaning she isn’t the youngest, but she definitely isn’t the oldest. This implies that Dutch may have met her years before the game takes place, back when she was maybe twenty or so. (That guess is because Dutch likes uh…younger girls.) Molly was born into a wealthy family in Ireland, which is a reason a few—like Sean Macguire, who was also born in Ireland, just working class—don’t like her. She had travelled to America, her reason she told people was “searching for adventure,” but in her poem, Uaibhreach, she says “I was a girl, until your call - Commanded me to cross the sea.” This could mean that Molly really went to America in search for a lover, who ended up being Dutch Van Der Linde. She must have believed in true love at first sight, because she was in love fairly quickly.

I can say this for sure—Molly had no idea what she was agreeing to. Dutch, who looks like an upper class men, at least in the eyes of a foreigner, is actually an outlaw on the run, bringing a ragtag group of criminals with him. Nonetheless, as long as Dutch was in the camp, she was content for the time being. Dutch was the only thing she could care for, he was her lover, her prince. He would shower her with compliments and dance with her, he wouldn’t push her to do any chores, which I will address later, and it was obvious that he would buy expensive items, like her vanity for her.

Molly, either overheard or told directly, would have found out about Dutch’s past relationships with late Annabelle and Susan Grimshaw, the sour-faced lady who pushed the girls to work around camp while already doing too much herself. It must have worried her, because, really, who wants to end up like Annabelle, the lady that died for being associated with Dutch? Or, what if she ended up like Grimshaw, who had gotten too old and ugly for his liking and in turn, started to become overworked and like a ticking time bomb? Molly dreaded this. She became insecure, constantly fixing her hair, or her makeup, and beginning to wear the most perfect of dresses. She would have alternations of three (if I recall) dresses in the second chapter. This is important for later. In fear of having Annabelle’s fate, Molly had stopped going out. She didn’t want to be seen in fear of someone recognizing her from the gang, and killing her. She didn’t do any chores either, which would make her seem lazy to the other women, but she never would push the girls to do their chores if they complained, because she didn’t want to be found as annoying and prying as Susan. She just prettied herself all day.

Her hair was almost constantly in a half up-half down fashion, the part that was down were beautiful curls that draped down her back. She obviously spent her time to look good, as she very clearly would outdo everyone else. Whilst this happened, the women would envy her. They would envy her for her insecurities, for the wrinkles that only she could see, for the dresses she had forced herself to wear, the corsetted tops that were obviously uncomfortable, but most of all, for the chores she wouldn’t have to do. She felt as if she wasn’t lowly enough to do them, which was probably brought onto by Dutch putting her on a pedistal. Molly needed to be sure that Dutch found her beautiful, or at least more beautiful than a younger girl, like Mary-Beth. Her jealousy, hatred or anger to her wasn’t anything personal. It was simple: Mary-Beth was one of, if not the youngest girls in the gang, showing her innocence and naivety in a cute and bearable way. She itched to learn and gain from situations, and would make the perfect woman. Not to mention how she looked. Mary-Beth was beautiful. She was a younger and much nicer version of Molly and she hated it. Molly envied her while Mary-Beth envied Molly.

Now, she had to be the best. Forever. Molly had to nitpick everything about her appearance, she would preen at herself, it’s why she spent all day at camp doing her makeup. She wouldn’t dirty her clothes doing chores, wouldn’t waste her breath talking to anyone. It explains why she craved Dutch’s attention, she craved anyones attention. If she didn’t outdo everyone else, she would be replaced. She didn’t want to be replaced. She had to position herself above all others, had to make it like Dutch and her were the prince and princess of a kingdom full of workers. She had to be the best because, if not, she’d lose Dutch to Mary-Beth. She couldn’t, because if she lost him, she’d lose everything.

Chapter 3, Clemen’s Point

As Dutch’s decline subtly begins, we see him focus in on himself more than others. He barely paid attention to Molly anymore and would purposefully ignore her. With this, Molly has no one to turn to and starts to feel isolated. Molly at Clemen’s Point starts to slip on prettying herself. Of course, she would still have the most makeup in the camp, but she’d stop doing her fancy and elegant hairstyles and wearing her dresses. Now, she would have a simple braid and dress, this time not corsetted. From this point on, that’s all Molly will wear. Now, she starts to sit alone by the lake shore, away from the rest of the camp.

This is that chapter, that first chapter, that we see Dutch and Molly’s growing hatred and insanity. Actually, this is the first chapter we see them fight. Multiple times. They can go from Molly voicing her concerns and Dutch shooing her, to yelling arguments where Dutch tries to come out the good guy. One is where Molly is doing her makeup, but it’s clear she has something on her mind. She finally has the courage to go speak with Dutch. She asks if she has done anything wrong, to which, Dutch shoos her off to rest. Molly walks off, not feeling any better. In another situation, Molly goes to Abigail for help, in which she leaves unsatisfied when Abigail tells her that Dutch doesn’t love her in the way she wants. Some time after, Molly will angrily walk up to her and Dutch’s shared tent, calling him a liar and that he doesn’t fool her. Dutch, once again, dismisses this for rest. The biggest one, in my opinion, is where Dutch complains about her “constant moping” and “pestering,” where Molly counters with how she just wants respect and affection. The part that I latch onto is how she adds, “All them out there, they’re laughing at me.” I believe that shes realized that the rest of the camp has noticed their growing avoidance, she thinks they’re all playing some, “I told you so” on her. She thinks the women are laughing that her life is falling apart, that Dutch is avoiding her. It’s a small thing that is very important.

Chapter 4, Shady Belle

Molly at Shady Belle can clearly see how Dutch is like a crashing plane, where everybody else is a passenger going down with him. She can see his constant slip ups more than most because of how well she knew him and his thought process. She’s noticed a lot more that he’s uninterested, but she cant bring herself to admit it. She cant admit that he doesn’t love her anymore. In Shady Belle, Molly’s isolation starts to eat away more rapidly at her. She is seen by the water, throwing rocks, crying, ranting to herself about Dutch’s lies. What does Molly consider a lie? Was it how he promised her an elegant, calm life? Was it how he would tell her he loved her? How he told her nothing was wrong? We don’t know. But we do know that she begins to hate everybody more. Arthur is a pretty big victim, as he reaches out to her a few times and asks if she’s alright. To this, she yells at him on multiple occasions. She had realized that, so long ago, in the Horseshoe Overlook chapter, that Arthur was right. He was right all along. Arthur would always hint that Dutch didn’t love her, that he was a liar. Dutch would dismiss him each time and reassure Molly.

I think the first time we see Molly drunk is during this. She has a small argument with Dutch one night, where she’s seen flailing her arms much like at Beaver Hollow. This could be the start of her alcohol use, as we’ve always seen her so proper and act like she’s above it. Like she’s above anything the others would do. Who knows, maybe during the Guarma chapter, Molly spends her time drinking at bars.

Chapter 5, But it’s Just a Filler

I decided to add this bit of text here because of how we don’t see the rest of the camp during this chapter due to Arthur, Dutch, Micah, Javier and Bill all being in Guarma. We could assume that Molly is day drinking at Saint Denis, much like how she was in Beaver Hollow. It would help understand why she immediately was absent from a lot of the Beaver Hollow scenes and just in general while touring the camp.

The chapters after Clemen’s Point are a progression of Dutch’s insanity and narcissism, clearly shown as he gets Sean, Kieran, Hosea, Lenny, and soon to be Molly, Grimshaw, and Arthur killed out of stupidity. (Yeah, I added Arthur. You could complain that he died from tuberculosis, but I really think it was Dutch’s fault for allowing Strauss to give out loans. If I recall, Dutch is against the whole idea in the beginning of the game anyways. And, Micah had to have shortened his lifespan anyway. Insufferable rat…) Dutch tries to convince himself that he is the hero in his own story, doing anything to get this title, avoiding or combatting anything in his way. This casts Molly more and more aside. Molly notices first and tries more and more desperately to warn and tell others before it’s too late, but unfortunately, nobody listens, as they all trust Dutch, at least more than they do Molly. She helplessly watches him get consumed in narcissism as he tries to make sense and reason with why his disasterous decisions weren’t his fault. His paranoia grows, which has him continue to deliberately alienate Molly.

Chapter 6, Beaver Hollow

Molly goes missing from camp for a long period of time before anyone notices. Actually, nobody notices until she comes back. She must have realized she was not looked for, thus not missed by anyone—by Dutch. Knowing that nobody cared she was gone must have been devastating. It must have felt likea knife to the chest. She’s filled with her isolation and depression, Dutch had essentially lovebombed her. Her anger leads to her breakdown later on. Bill finds her in a bar down in Saint Denis and brings her back to Beaver Hollow where, drunk, driven to insanity, depressed, stressed, and fearful, which had all been festering and growing for weeks on end, she began her rage-filled rant.

She yelled like a broken record, Molly did. It was her last attempt at being heard by someone, anyone. She knew she needed to say something that would catch everybody's attention, at least for the last time. She pointed at Micah, “I ain’t him,” she pointed at Mary-Beth, “I ain’t her, I ain’t any of you stooges!” This is her outwardly saying that she isn’t seen as equal to them, but most importantly, she is below Micah and Mary-Beth. Maybe she told them she snitched to the Pinkertons because she knew it would enrage Dutch, thus letting her be in control of his emotions for once and not the other way around. Maybe it was so she could watch him crack, show the real him that he had been hiding under his facade for over 15 years. Maybe she was so drunk that she believed it to be the truth. Agent Milton had told Arthur that he and Ross tried to get some information out of Molly, but she hadn’t said a word. Could she have thought she did? Maybe she just wanted to give everybody a reason good enough to hate her. To finally have a reason to despise her.

What I think, is that she had finally come to terms with how Dutch despised her. "I loved you, you goddamn bastard!" She had accepted that she was replaced by Mary-Beth, and that she had finally stopped loving him. I believe that Molly told them because it meant her demise. A suicide plan with no fail. She had seen the camp kill before, and she was ready to accept her fate. She knew she was too far gone, that she had no place in the camp anymore. There was no point in being alive just to mope, to not have any friends and eventually get killed off anyways, and the only reason that she was in America, the only reason she was still there, had hated her. She may have just wanted to die at that point. I would. We'll never know, besides the fact that it was Micah who snitched to the Pinkertons, not Molly.

And not even two minutes later, she was savagely shot in the stomach by Susan Grimshaw. The lady that Molly had replaced. There had to have been hatred in her heart, because Susan knows how to shoot a gun, and she chose not to give Molly a quick and painless death. Molly had stood for a few seconds before dropping to the ground. Grimshaw must have done it on purpose. Before that, Molly had yelled out, "Go on, shoot me!" Which was directed to Dutch, who had his revolver out. Arthur, he knew she wasn't all there. He urged Dutch not to shoot, that she was just crazy. When Susan had fired, Molly hadn’t looked at Dutch, but at her stomach. the wound wasn’t from a revolver, and she knew that. She knew Dutch hadn’t shot at her. It’s hard to say what she was thinking in those last seconds. Was she angry that Dutch was not the one who killed her? Was she happy about it? Or perhaps, because Dutch wasn’t the one who shot, did he still love her? That last one may be a little far-stretched, knowing that Molly refused to believe now that he loved her.

Susan hadn't hesitated nor flinched, angrily looking over to Arthur. "She knew the rules, Arthur." I'm not sure she did. At least not anymore. Not after all this time. Remember, Molly had been on her pedistal for so long, maybe the rules didn't apply to her. Well, we know that's not the case. Dutch and the rest of the gang followed that rule strictly. She could have thought it though, that she was above that rule just like the rest. Really, I believe she knew deep down. She knew and that was why she went through with her lie.

Small Details

A small detail that I find quite interesting is how Grimshaw got killed. Just like Molly, Susan had been arguing with Dutch which ended with a gunshot to her stomach. This time, it was on the other side. It was karma in some eyes, but I believe it was because they were one of the same. Molly and Susan both had been used by Dutch, and they both ended up dying for it.

Another detail, unlike Sean, Kieran, Hosea, Lenny, Susan, and Arthur, they burnt Molly's body, denying her a proper burial. It was the final straw that broke the camels back, it was a last reminder that Molly O'Shea had never belonged in the camp.

One more, the way that Dutch would call her “Miss O’Shea” instead of Molly. Using a last name basis normally is etiquette to someone you are not familiar with. Whilst not inherently a manipulation tactic, Dutch using her last name is definitely power play, putting up a wall that would call her inferior. It’s a controlling dynamic that is also shown as disrespect when done over and over with no clear reason. On top of this, Molly clearly dislikes the use of her last name by Van Der Linde, on multiple occasions she corrects him and tells him to use her first name. It’s another small thing that really counts.

By the end of the Van Der Linde gang, Molly O’Shea was one of the only people who had never truly belonged.

meatballspiratescore

[shadowscommand]

Hello.. can we get more ghostmace headcanons. If you ever wrote any pls link them too...

:)c YESSS i love talking abt maceghost.. i know ive made a bunch of sporadic posts about them but i havent done a like dedicated hcs post. i feel like often im struggling to understand the narrative of their past but generally i keep the same vibe to it all.

mace is for sure the more level headed of the two only because relationships and love freak ghost out. ive mentioned on a post like years ago hes traumatized by watching his mother stick with his father and i still believe this. hes like scared to be in a position where something Isn't working anymore but hes too emotional to cut it off so he self sabotages the relationship so mace will get pissed and stop talking to him.

in the past (as i mentioned in another post) mace Did also feed into this. he had a good home life but his own personal issues and anger at more outward issues caused him to like. seek an outlet for this sort of petty squabbling. and he found it in ghost. until he got tired of festering and being pissed off all the time and decided to actually like Do Shit he feels good about. and he broke up with ghost.

now in modern times where theyve caught up with each other it's like a weird mash of their past and them both being more mature. ghost struggles more because hes very adverse to actually improving himself and how he feels about himself bc hes like. hes Given Up on being a person. while mace has done a lot of healing.

like the toxic factor of maceghost Is Ghost at this point to me. but theres a lot of love there bc theres a lot of mutual respect and, like, easy familiarity there. mace understands how ghost works at his core.

so like. when ghost is being Normal and not anxious they literally just. like. Click? mace can extremely put ghost at ease with just his presence. and mace in turn rly enjoys his company bc a calm ghost is actually just sort of casually funny.

and ghost does like making mace laugh i imagine mace has a really beautiful smile bc he has resting bitch face so when it lights up it's very special.

ghost also i think would be 100% willing to take his mask off in a room of just him and mace. no special occasion needed he's just comforted. mace has already seen it over many, many years.

because they're like an Old couple i think theyve been on and off since their mid twenties for ghost and late twenties for mace. WHICH is another reason mace like wont entertain the childish picking ghost does theyre literally too old.

but he does play along a little. sometimes. old habits die hard. if it's petty mace will have a back and forth w ghost for old times sake its just how ghost communicates sometimes. emotions are just hard for ghost mace understands this. to put all of this simply.

i will say tho if more comes out and they end up more antagonistic than my current read i will still be a huge stan i love when dudes try to fuck and kill each other 💪🥰💕

speaking of fucking tho. tw for implying sexual assault also i just got kinda nasty sowwy.

LIKE we know ghost has a complicated relationship w sex a lot of his past history w it is like traumatic. i think he was already promiscuous as a teen bc he already had issues from his upbringing so hes like. well experienced. and he likes sex. and he likes fucking mace bc his dick is thick, hes good with his hands, and he's not afraid to be rough with him and take their time bc mace likes to be edged and when ghost is rly into it he Likes it to Last esp if he can cum more than once. he likes when his pussy is sore.

BUT ALSOO theyre both like. verse esp w each other. ghost likes topping more tho. he likes fucking mace for being a little bit vocal and just. like. huge. ghost loves bending him over and watching his fat bounce. ghost would blow off any task and anyone to go fuck him.

but also, bc its ghost and i think if the wrong buttons get pressed in the wrong order and it goes sour he gets quiet and, like, disassociates. and mace keeps watch for that bc he doesn't want to put ghost in that state. its not fun

[andromedasummer]

Over a third of the way through The Whispering Skull heres my current thoughts

- If I were Lockwood and Lucy I would be a little bit mad about George missing the whole "area theyre searching was an execution ground for criminals" thing but also I feel like it's the first clear sign we get that something is off with George. Like hes burnt out. Hes tired. Hes just a teenager. They all are and theyre working adult jobs and literally dont have the capacity or past experience to communicate with one another. Very realistic for teenagers.

- I love Kipps so much I love how full of himself he is I love how pathetic he comes across even when he gets the upper hand I cannot wait to see him and his team get cut down to size.

- That being said I would have thrown down then and there had I been struck with a Mag Flare like that. better ways to go about ghosts, its dangerous as shit, badly damaged L&C's clothes and perfectly shows that the Fitts agency arent really trained in a people-first way. The way they put pressure on their teams to secure a source above all and encourage hostility towards other agents.... Super telling about management and an early warning sign to me. Esp with what we know happens to Ned Shaw (which i'll have a lot to say about later when it happens) and Kat, Bobby and Kipps v trauma.

- I liked Joplin a lot when I read the books as a kid + my reread 2 years back but now... idk. Too reckless, esp with how he treats ghosts when in the company of teenagers and children. Hate how comfortable all the adults in this world are about putting children at risk. They really treat them as a resource or rather than anything else.

- The skull is such a fucking shit stirrer which again makes so much damn sense when you learn hes a teenager whose been stuck with no one to talk to in a jar for like a hundred+ years. Of course you're trying to push apart Lockwood and Lucy. You are a fucked up ex-cultist teenage boy who finally found someone to talk to and are perpetually stuck in your teenage brain and hormones. You are So Jealous.

- Lucy, George and Lockwoods argument about the Georges recklessness and then The Skull seeding distrust again drives home my point about communication but also Christ these kids need more friends. Their entire childhood and teen years are stripped from them. They have no family to talk to or guide them. No non-work friends their age to vent to. Immense trauma and no one to help them through it.

- Jonathan Stroud give me a follow up series following the team in their mid twenties coping with having their lives dedicated to a job they literally cannot do anymore and the repercussions of no education and no safety nets for agents once they reach adulthood. What do they do? Where do they work? Where do they go? How do they afford to live? What happens to agents who only built relationships with coworkers they cant even face because of trauma? Agents disconnected with their families? Nightwatch kids whose education was ruined because their days were spent recovering from their shifts? I need to know.

- Okay back to the book the ghost cult stuff hits so much harder in a post-covid world. I was there getting harassed by anti vaxxers when they invaded parliament for a month and it ended in violence. of course in times of fear people become vulnerable to misinformation. You Are Not Immune To Cults. Or Propaganda. Again, spin-off following the people who try to fight those who profit off of peoples fear and build wealth and followings off of it. Theres so much interesting stuff in this world I want to explore.

- Kipps and Lockwoods teams having to work together bcos of Barnes is so good. I love Kipps team so much I love seeing them

- Kat Godwin is autistic and I know this. Because I am Autistic. Also she comes off as someone who has shut down to everything around her because, again. trauma of her work. at 16 theres no way she hasnt been through something similar to Lucy or Lockwood. I'm sad we see less of her after book three. same with Bobby.

- Now I want to write a hyper empathetic autistic lucy/low empathy autistic kat fic where they both realize they have a lot in common with their Talents and work and bond it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want to see more of Kat

- A LSO i need lucy to have more female friends for the love of god i understand this is your pick me phase of your teens but it makes me so sad to see your internalized misogyny even though it ABSOLUTELY makes sense for her character and is so common for teen girls like her but the way she talks about sensitives and every other female operative she meets. girl. who are you trying to impress rn. you dont need to.

- Ned Shaw getting the shit kicked out of him by Lockwood DESERVED.

- I love this little nightwatch boy who helps the team with all my heart. what is his name. my son. hes such a little cunt.

- FLO TIME FLO TIME i am so excited to see Flo you people DO NOT UNDERSTAND shes so fucking cool mudlarkers are so fucking cool fuck you if you hate flo this is a flo bones appreciation zone

- obligatory "i miss holly" comment even though. she hasnt been introduced yet and wont be until the next book. i love gay people okay.

- Anyway I'm enjoying this a lot I said TWS isnt my fav book (mostly the stuff later on in the book isn't as compelling to me) but this stuff at the start rules. I didn't expect to write so much. Im having so much fun.

[zapsoda]

1. catchiest song: well i exclusively listen to catchy music basically . if only for memories by streetlight manifesto has been stuck in my head all day though so im gonna say that one

2. song you didnt expect to see in your top 10: honestly the least expected is probably supernothing by catch 22 but still not very surprising. i wish not my type: dead as fuck by motionless in white wasnt #3 because i honestly dont even like it that much i just refuse to skip it because i really respect men who give women head and then sing about it.

3. WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO WAS 76??!?!! anyways sexiest song: not my type: dead as fuck by motionless in white. i love zombie sex 👍

4. artist you didnt think would be in your top artists: ANDREW LLOUD WEBBER. GET HIM OUT. just because i listened to cats the musical a few times!!!

5. oldest song: space oddity david bowie 1969

6. newest song: umm. i think its tied between all the clancy songs that ended up on my top 100. of which there are many

7. "most streamed month of your top artist": april. i think thats when i listened to their whole discography so. lol

8: longest song: rosetta stoned by tool 11:11 shoutout francis for this one

9: favorite lyrics of your #1 song: these are pretty fun

10: a song that was also in last years wrapped: NONE

11. most famous/popular song: space oddity by david bowie lol

12. a song you think should be higher up: no i mean its accurate. should i have skipped werewolf and dead as fuck more frequently? perhaps. but its in the past now.

13. the song with the most peculiar sound: tsundere kfc murder chicks? i think backxwash has a very unique sound also so i lie here buried with my rings and dresses and terror packets might also fit.

14. underrated song: umm i think bomb the music industry [band name] is pretty underrated. even winning feels bad is my favorite of theirs and my #10. backxwash as previously mentioned is also majorly slept on imo

15. most danceable track: idfk makes me wonder by maroon 5????

16. a song everyone should know: i wouldnt wish my music taste upon anyone. umm see underrated tracks i mentioned for the most sensible recs. theres some really famous songs on here so its like. well everyone probably already does know these. anyways you should listen to how you remind me by nickelback #95

17. saddest song: im not a PUSSY i dont listen to sad shit . creep by radiohead

18. a song that describes your year so far: next semester twenty one pilots comes to mind lol

19. is the most streamed song by your favorite artist your favorite track of theirs? helllllllllll no idk why i listened to werewolf so much my favorite is porcelain or voices or some shit. which both did make it on the top 100 lol.

20. happiest song: cruise by florida georgia line. or break my stride by matthew wilder

21. song you think will be in next years top 100 again: idk lol i like a lot of these songs. hopefully either of the will wood songs that made it (well better than the alternative and outliars and hyppocrates)

22. shortest song: riding the fourth wave by streetlight manifesto 2:12

23. a track that makes you think of a specific color: jekyll and hyde by five finger death punch is green to me. i just associate most songs with the colors in their album cover lol.

24. a song that could be in the soundtrack of a movie: i mean ska as a genre is very coming of age movie core ... i also feel like a lot of these songs are already on movie soundtracks. im gonna say we will fall together by streetlight manifesto

25. favorite lyrics of your #100 song:

26. favorite bassline. as if i remember the basslines of every song on this damn list

[we-are-inevitable]

have fun!

kath i usually adore you but this was so hard <3

not gonna do a blurb, just gonna do bullet points! jatherine fans, here we goooooo

okay when i think of royal, usually it’s fantasy, magic, medieval, fun- that’s not what i’m going for here though.

katherine pulitzer is the princess (of the usa? of new york? i don’t know) and the year is 2023. she’s rich, goes to a preppy university, her family has their own plane and her first car is a rolls royce. she’s never had to lift a finger, and rarely ever does she have to do actual work unless it’s for school, where she’s studying media communications- a rather fitting field of study for someone who controls the country, right? anyway, she’s like, WEALTHY wealthy.

and her father likes people seeing her out with him. he likes keeping up the family appeal, so whenever he goes golfing- because what else do rich white guys do?- he brings her with him. its how they try to “””relate””” to their people; if citizens see the Royals golfing like “regular people” then surely they’ll respect them, right?

theyd probably be better off going to an NFL game or something but that’s a bit of a safety risk so we move

anyway. princess katherine doesn’t like golf, and it’s very apparent from the way she just constantly looks bored on the course. they have their regular caddies who follow them around, chat with them and stuff, but they’re all old and rather boring, and she would love to find someone her own age to chat with to make these long days more bearable.

one day, they show up to the course- a country club for the elites- and there’s a new caddie. his name is Jack. he’s twenty, a year younger than katherine, with brown skin and curls kept neat under a cap. supposedly, he’s only filling in for one of their regular guys, but he keeps coming back and coming back until he’s a permanent fixture on the course, giving pretty good advice to katherine’s father.

and katherine has never really experienced anything like it. usually, the people theyre around respect them so much they act rigid and fake, but this Jack guy is so casual and at ease with them, cracking jokes that make her father belly-laugh, telling her stories and generally being almost… a friend, to her.

and he’s rather attractive, too, so that helps.

the more she learns about him, the more she likes him. he’s only working at the course because he needs something to put himself through college, otherwise he can’t afford it. when she asks if his family has always been involved with the country club, she finds out that jack has never really had a family until recently; he was adopted pretty late in life, around sixteen, by a wealthy woman named Medda Larkin. katherine knows of Medda; she’s a regular fixture at the country club, as a performer rather than a guest, so she must have pulled a few strings to get Jack the job, but he’s incredibly good at it.

they start talking outside of the country club, too. katherine does something a little risky; she gives him the username of her fake instagram, the private one under a different name rather than the public and professional one that she has to have as a member of the Royal Family. they talk and talk and talk until it’s obvious they have feelings for one another, and their relationship starts then; they sneak around, go on dates in places the princess should never be, share hidden hisses in alleyways, hook up in jack’s apartment in a bad neighborhood just so they aren’t caught.

it’s thrilling. it’s exciting. it nearly comes to an end when her father finds out. idk maybe theres something in jack’s past that kind of sticks out like a sore thumb in the world of royal suitors- i’m thinking he was on the run a lot, since his foster homes weren’t great. maybe he sold weed to afford food, maybe he was in and out of homeless shelters, maybe he has a record of shoplifting because he was so desperate.

i also think that jack would be pretty outspoken about his distaste for the royal agenda in general; he sees them do nothing and yet they’re more wealthy than he’ll ever be, and he sees how they treat people like him- the lower class, the marginalized communities, etc. i genuinely think that listening to jack is what makes katherine kind of change her mind and realize her privilege, and makes her want to do more to make up for it.

this can end one of two ways: a prince harry and meghan markle way, with kath denouncing the royal institution and living a happy life with jack away from her titles, or katherine becoming queen and marrying jack, and, thus, they’re both in positions of power where they can try to make positive change, despite the history of what her family may have done.

or they keep everything a secret and suddenly katherine is thirty, married to another royal, caught in an affair with jack kelly, a stoner who went from being a caddie at a country club to owning his own tattoo shop in the heart of manhattan. not a great headline for a queen, but man does she love the thrill.

can you believe i just wrote about golf.

[spacedykez]

"shota kind of. checked out of his own brain and tunnel visioned on his one Thing and hizashi kind of worstened his already existing habit of throwing himself into situations where he is always too busy to think about anything and never has time to slow down because if he does he will completely fall apart"

YOURE SO CORRECT!!!! shota is the Ignorer and zashi truly does just keep Putting Himself In Situations!!! fandom of course flattens zashi to "the funny one!" which is so hilarious because CONGRATULATIONS YOU'VE FALLEN FOR THE MASK HE PUTS UP!!! thats LITERALLY what he wants everyone to think so they dont stop and worry about him!! theres a post somewhere about this. anyways i love imagining him in situations so. I am having lots of fun.

"no one getting quite Enough and just sort of existing in near constant low level misery where they can’t let go of each other"

CODEPENDENCYYYY 🔥🔥🔥🔥 truly they are so terribly unwell and they keep clinging on to the past which means clinging on to one another. but not just each other. They keep clinging on to the versions of them that USED to exist too... theyre so many layers. they love each other and they miss each other and theyre the only ones who will ever understand each other but being around each other they only ever see that building. god. worlds WORST adjusted guys. i love them.

"those first couple of years after oboro’s death were fucking awful for their relationship"

YES!! ABSOLUTELY!!! one of my favorite erasermic interpretations is that they have always been in love but not always been Good For Each Other. and that in their late teens/early twenties (vigilantes era) especially after oboro's death shota just began shutting out the world and thus shutting out HIZASHI. and zashi kept trying but he was also grieving and so he couldn't even be honest with HIMSELF and thus had no chance of ever being honest with shota... theres a fantastic fic with a similar premise that i think about all the time. i can send you the link if youre interested but yeah. they were NOT GOOD for each other but still loved each other and that compels me so bad.

actively shoving him away both out of a fear of losing someone that important to him again and because he kind of thinks he just needs to like. idk repent forever by eternally throwing himself into traffic for other people

this whole paragraph & the part about shota is so real like. no comment just YES ABSOLUTELY it destroys me hes running away from everyone including himself and hizashi and . god i love shota hes so bad at emotions and i want to shake him around like a dog toy and just go YOU!!!! AUGH!!! I LOVE YOU!!! drives me insane how zashi and shota both think theyre at fault for oboro's death and everything they do is like their own repentence for that. truly oboro haunts them so much.

hizashi it’s just. he misses shota and wants to be around him and care abt him but also he has this complete refusal to ever sit down and assess his own emotions and letting shota ever really know or help him would just. obliterate the constant perpetual motion he’s keeping up and the only way to deal with it is to just keep running himself into the ground

shaking him at speeds that would rival modern jet fighters. yes. just. all of this. god hizashi!!! HIZASHI!!!! waugh!!!!! im going to be inconsolable about him forever i fear

hizashi as the constant burning and bright Thing that keeps them all in motion, he’s all noise and light and can kind of just Go Forever until he runs out of fuel vs shota’s more calm static placement as the moon that keeps them steady, that tempers the tide and holds them in balance and makes them just slow down for a second to think and catch their breath

holy shit i see your vision oh my god it's beautiful this makes so much sense. hizashi who just keeps burning himself up to make everyone else happy and shota just. yes. YES!!!!

"oboro as the sky that holds them together and he is the Glue and the one that keeps them both from running off into different directions and getting distant and weird..."

AND THEN WHEN HE'S GONE THATS WHAT THEY DO.... OH IM UNWELL IM UNWELL FOREVER HE WAS THE SKY HOLDING THE SUN AND MOON TOGETHER.... i retract anything ive ever said about their placements as sun/moon/clouds symbolism You are so correct and this is absolutely perfect. Augh.

"THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM OUTLINED BY THE OPEN CLOUDY SKY"

im feeling emotions and i think i need to write a fic about them. oh my gosh. this is so. this is so everything to me its so perfect it so perfectly captures and represents them and. ouhhhhhh yes. yes yES!!!!!

in conclusion YES TO ALL OF THIS!! I love your vision I love your ideas this is so good you understand them 5ever!!!!! thank u for this... much to think about....

hi lhmygosh YOU UNDERSTAND THEM SO MUCH.... Ive been unwell about them for. Oh desr god its december. Oh its been months. They compel me so much.

You absolutely get them so so much!!!! shota is absolutely 100% passively suicidal and I WILL argue this is supported by canon. he cares so hard and he sees oboro in his students. and he will do absolutely anything to save oboro so he throws himself into danger and he doesn't CARE how much he gets hurt and then that hurts zashi too because neither of these motherfuckers can EVERYONE see anything but that building!! all shota sees is oboro hurt, oboro dying, and anytime his students are in danger all he sees is that day and he HAS to save them. and then hizashi comes too late and all he sees is blood, all he sees is a boy who threw himself in front of those kids, all he sees is his best friend dying and he was TOO LATE.

like. god. you get it!! you absolutely get it. YOURE SO RIGHT ABT ALL OF IT takes your hand Yes lets skip through a field and talk about the sillies... Life is a dream!!! pleaseeee do elaborate about the sun/moon/sky thing? 👀👀 symbolism my beloved this sounds so good

OOHHHH MY GOD HELLO HI HI YOU . YOUUUUUU. YOU UNDERSTAND ME

GOD IM JUST SO. IT IS SO SO RARE TO FIND PPL WHO UNDERSTAND HIZASHI AND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM like yeah!!!!! he can be funny and silly but also uh. uuhhhmm. these are two deeply unwell and depressed people it’s just that shota kind of. checked out of his own brain and tunnel visioned on his one Thing and hizashi kind of worstened his already existing habit of throwing himself into situations where he is always too busy to think about anything and never has time to slow down because if he does he will completely fall apart. and they love each other!!! they do!!!!!! but i feel like there’s this tendency to like. make hizashi the More Stable one that has been trying to pull shota out of his depression tar pit but nnnooooo nooo like. they kind of constantly need to be holding each other above water because they will just drown on their own but also they are both not able to meet their own needs much less another persons. so the result is just. no one getting quite Enough and just sort of existing in near constant low level misery where they can’t let go of each other

and also it’s like. i think that’s the state they’re in Now but oh my GOD i think. those first couple of years after oboro’s death were fucking awful for their relationship and ughghhh fuucckk FUUUCCKCKK HANG ON WHERES RHE PAGE IM THINKING OF

THIS. THIS MAKES ME LIKE . ACTUALLY A LITTLE SICK TO THINK ABT. like fuck dude oh my god you can’t help him because he won’t let you but also you can’t stay away from him. you’ve tried. you always come back to each other eventually but all you can do is watch each other destroy yourselves because neither of you will allow the other to get genuinely close to you. in shota’s case obvs the like. actively shoving him away both out of a fear of losing someone that important to him again and because he kind of thinks he just needs to like. idk repent forever by eternally throwing himself into traffic for other people (which like uh yeah bbygirl for sure i believe you wanna be alive. yeah man) and like for hizashi it’s just. he misses shota and wants to be around him and care abt him but also he has this complete refusal to ever sit down and assess his own emotions and letting shota ever really know or help him would just. obliterate the constant perpetual motion he’s keeping up and the only way to deal with it is to just keep running himself into the ground

I. UUUUGGHHGHHHH THEY ARE SO ‼️ also i absolutely can get into sun/moon/sky thing in more detail i just have trouble articulating it but like. rruuauurhrhrhg. hizashi as the constant burning and bright Thing that keeps them all in motion, he’s all noise and light and can kind of just Go Forever until he runs out of fuel vs shota’s more calm static placement as the moon that keeps them steady, that tempers the tide and holds them in balance and makes them just slow down for a second to think and catch their breath

um. source: they are so silly

and. uugghgh UUUGGHHHHGGHH. oboro as the sky that holds them together and he is the Glue and the one that keeps them both from running off into different directions and getting distant and weird (which they were both. already prone to doing when he knew them to be so honest) but without him to be that tether they kind of end up doing exactly that. i think for those first few years especially they feel just. so far apart even if they sit right next to each other. because every time they look at each other they have to think about the space he left and they’re both running slightly off script without oboro there to preserve any kind of normalcy and they just. cannot let themselves slow down long enough to actually grieve what they’ve lost and find a new normal

ALSO THIS SHOT FROM MERRY GO ROUND MAKES ME FEEL SIIIIICCKKKKK LIKE. OH MY GOD THE CAT IN THE FOREGROUND OBVS BUT LIKE. THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM OUTLINED BY THE OPEN CLOUDY SKY YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS THIS IS INHUMANE

BUT YEAH LIKE. HOLY MOLY IVE BEEN YAPPING FOR A WHILE BUT THATS MY BIT. THANK U FOR COMPREHENDING MY INSANITY IVE BEEN GOING CRAZY ABT THEM FOR LIKE WEEKS

[gentil-minou]

Hi Bushy! I'd like to ask how did you get into k-dramas/ c-dramas and what are your favorites? I'm currently watching Love between fairy and devil and I'm so into it!

oh man i've been into asian dramas since I was a little teen. like while all my peers were into anime i gravitated toward jdramas, before eventually getting into kdramas and more recently this past year cdramas. I think I love the stories and that they're shorter overall than western tv, so I don't have to keep being engaged over the years.

Narrowing down my faves is soooo hard but for folks who want to get into kdramas my recs would be (under a read more because I used a lot of gifs):

Coffee Prince - all time fave, just the best characters and sweetest story. The ending was meh but I adore them all so much, this will always have a special place in my heart. Also the OST still SLAPS. Also also I know I used the term my best girl a lot but Go Eun Chan IS ACTUALLY the best girl she is like my dearest friend

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon - MY BEST GIRL (yes i know what i just said) and my best pathetic man, adore them and this story. Kdramas have this fun genre thats basically romcom with a side of murder and I eat that up. Also two of my favorite actors ever

Twenty Five Twenty One - I have to rec it because those first 12-14 episodes were the best episodes of any drama I've ever seen. Just phenomenal. Might break your heart but worth it tbh

When the Camelia Blooms - see: romcom with a side of murder genre. also just adore everything gong hyo jin is in

Healer - it's got its problems but the identity shenanigans are top tier just YEAH

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - I know western fans might not be so impressed with the fact that the actress herself is not on the spectrum, but I thought the portrayal was very well done and considering how this is the first kdrama depicting ASD characters as the hero, it's an incredible first step. Also it's just so adorable and wonderful I even put up with my hatred of legal dramas for it. Also whales.

Her Private Life - prettiest main couple ever i could stare at them forever. i'm not a fan of the childhood connection plot but i accepted it for this, also Sian my baby boy

Goong - SO DATED NOW but it's my first kdrama so i gotta rec it omg. But arranged marriage enemies to lovers YESSS AND MODERN MONARCHY YEAHHHH

Moonlight Drawn by Clouds - the crossdressing trope is a big one in kdrama and i always enjoy it look im a simple gal okay. also i adore the female lead so much

A Business Proposal - kookie fun, just so much fun djkfhsd. Wonderful friendships and romance. Thank god this aired while 2521 was on air cause i don't know how i would have survived tbh

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo - JUST THE CUTEST MAIN LEADS LIKE GOSH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Those are the ones off the top of my head I have to admit I am BEHIND and i don't always finish a drama, because tbh it's really a mixed bag and they can be good or absolute garbage but depends on your interests. I tend to gravitate towards romance genres but theres a lot of intrigue and mystery and action and melodrama there's really something for everyone. And not everyone will agree with each other on it but still

I'm new to cdramas but I really loved Love Between Fairy and Devil, stellar throughout. I gotta rec The Untamed because my best boys but it might not be for everyone. I'm still working on New Life Begins but it's very cute and feel good.

Give me more recs btw! I love them!

[clockworkrobotic]

The Tragic Saga of the Goncharov Tie-In Game (1995)

so since everyone has discovered goncharov i get to talk about a personal fascination of mine, which is the wild n wacky tale of the goncharov video game tie in. If youre thinking "what the hell are you talking about, there wasn't a video game tie in" theres a reason for that, bear with me

so the game came out sometime around 1995 (different sources place it at various points between 1994 and 1995), and it was one of the first properties to be licenced by sony for a console. It was originally planned to be a SNES-CD release until that console was cancelled, at which point it was ported to the playstation. if youre wondering why goncharov got a tie in like twenty years after the film released, that's kind of why it's so unheard of. sony was testing the waters with its new hardware to see if there was an older audience for gaming, and a few investors were willing to put some money behind the idea. it was actually pretty well-funded all things considered, with a budget of around $1.1m, and the gameplay was similar to that of goldeneye, which released a couple of years later. it was also fairly sophisticated, featuring branching decision trees and several different endings (I think 4? there isn't a lot of gameplay footage available, but there were at least 4)

unfortunately, development was plagued with problems from the get go. Despite its healthy budget, the studio couldn't convince any of the original cast to return to do voice work. Of course they couldn't, the film was two decades old -- you think harvey keitel was gonna bail on pulp fiction to appear in some experimental video game? of course not. so the dev team went for the next best thing: soundalikes.

the problem is, the soundalike VAs they hired weren't used to doing longform work. don't get me wrong, they did their darndest, but their experience was very much rooted in things like radio commercials and short voiceovers. they hadn't really had to act before. oh, and all but one of them hadn't seen the movie. the anecdote goes that they showed up on day one expecting a couple of days work tops, and much to their shock were handed several dozen pages of script (remember the decision trees? branching dialogue baby) and told they were employed for the next six months. Good for them, I think?

The voice acting really suffered from this. a lot of it feels very stilted, it ruins the immersion. yknow how in elder scrolls oblivion all the voice lines were recorded in alphabetical order? It sounds similar to that (altho personally i think the goncharov voice acting is a bit better lol). the directors and actors really struggled to pull everything together.

the result was that, while the game itself definitely wasn't bad, it was outright innovative in places, critics really couldn't get past the baffling performances, which they near-unanimously agreed made the game a slog. someone suggested the game should be played on mute with goncharov the film playing on a second tv, though went on to say that you wouldn't even finish the game then, because you'd just end up watching the far superior goncharov film instead. The game flopped, causing its global release to be cancelled, and was only ever distributed in the UK, Australia, and Japan.

the game had a brief stint as a cult classic, garnering a small online fandom in the early days on the internet. there is allegedly an italian fan translation out there somewhere, although a copy has never surfaced and it is considered lost media. a couple of people have come forward claiming to have worked on it -- they also claim to have met in the neopets forums of all places. i believe them -- and there are a couple of youtube videos showcasing what appears to be an italian fandub, but without the game files it's not possible to know whether theyre real or edited in post.

so now you know the story of goncharov the movie the game, my favourite game i've never played and probably never will. while it may well have been a missed opportunity, i like to think it paved the way for such classics as enter the matrix, and ratatouille the movie the game, and what would the world be like without them?

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Also gonna send u some more because why not: 6, 7, 8, 12, 13, 70, 101 (theres 101 this year!) ♥️

I love more numbers!!!

I answered #6 here so I'll do #5 instead!

6. 5. "You asked for this" by Halsey

Definitely one of my favorite songs on IICHLIWP, I'm not at all surprised it cracked my top 5. I relate so much to the lyrics, and the final bridge makes me feral in the best possible way. And, not to sound like a broken record, it was a truly incredible experience live.

7. "Bounce Man" by Twenty One Pilots

I didn't really love most of Scaled and Icy, but I really like this one. It's catchy and empowering, and really fun to dance around to! It's one of my favorite "get up and go" songs.

8. "Hush" by The Marías

This band was one of the openers for Halsey's show here. I listened to them a lot leading up to the concert. I was a bit disappointed with how few people got up and danced for them, because their songs have such good beats and such fun lyrics. This one in particular really gets me groovin'.

12. "Un Millón" by The Marías

Another absolute banger by the previously described band!

13. "honey" by Halsey

This album has basically ruled my life for the past 15 months, so I don't think anyone is surprised that so many songs from it are so high-ranking on my list. I really really love this one - it's just such a fun song, sweet with a sting, and I just love everything about it.

70. "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac

I think we all know that this is almost 100% because of this scene in Our Flag Means Death. One of my favorite TV moments of the whole year. And the song is just so good! I actually ended up revisiting the whole Rumors album because of this moment, so thanks OFMD!

101. "Gasoline - Live at Webster Hall" by Halsey

I've come to find that there's a part of me that loves live recordings of Halsey songs more than the originals. Something about the crowd, and her voice, and the differences between production - Halsey's live versions are so magical and I think this song is one of the best examples of that. The crowd transforms this song, and it made me fall in love with it all over again. I rarely listen to the studio version anymore!

Send me a number and I'll tell you which song it is on my Spotify Wrapped!

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[tr-ashbin]

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲 || 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝕥𝕪𝕡𝕖 : one-shot

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖 : slight angst if u squint (update theres no angst i just didnt know what to put here)

𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤 : soft boy kenma streaming on twitch for money, but doesn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wants to be yours. definitely not based off wilbur's unreleased song—

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 : kinda sugar daddy/mommy/glucose guardian y/n (aka capitalist y/n), mentions of ahegao, cringe

kenma was streaming, again.

he was in his 3rd year of highschool and was in short of money, thus he began streaming as a past time with the support of his volleyball teammates and his few friends.

one of them being y/n, who was born in a rich family and is one of his top subscribers and donors.

you'd be thinking, if kenma needed money that much, why couldn't he just ask y/n for it?

tuition isn't that cheap, and he didn't want to be in debt with y/n's family once he was much older.

despite y/n's constant offers, he still said no, and started off his twitch career earlier than intended.

don't get him wrong, it was his dream to make it big on twitch.

.. just not this way.

he figured that being one of those "soft boys" who do certain things for his viewers for money would get him some cash— and quite surprisingly, it worked.

it wasn't his first choice, obviously. he didn't want to be seen as your typical uwu soft boi.

but unfortunately, that's the only way to get money sometimes. it even helped that he had longer hair than most boys because some of his viewers mistook him to be a girl.

"ah, thank you liz for the twenty-five gifted subs."

he said in a quite monotone voice.

kenma was happy, he was getting more money obviously.

he was just tired of it already. he wanted to do something else for a change, but he knew he probably wouldn't get anything out of it.

as the stream went on, he proceeded to do some mail unboxing videos since he had received some while on stream. why not show the viewers? they might multiply if he did.

not only that, but a certain someone decided to call him while in the middle of it.

"oh..? hey, y/n, what's up?"

the stream chat instantly knew that the y/n on call was the same y/n who donated the most money and gifted the most subs to him.

"hey, kenma." y/n said, "have you opened my gift yet? i sent it through the p.o. box."

".. you're watching my stream?"

"of course i'm watching your stream, how else am i supposed to give you money if you wouldn't take it any other way?"

they were right, kenma wouldn't accept money unless donated to him through his streams.

kenma put y/n on speaker, and placed his phone near enough to the mic so they could be heard.

"say hi to the stream, y/n."

"heyoo!"

the chat knew y/n for their many donos and subs. and when you say many, it's many.

ask any of kenma's average of 2.4k viewers, at least every one of them was gifted a tier 1 sub by glucose guardian y/n.

now aside from that, kenma and y/n talked while he opened the gifts he'd receive from fans, figuiring that he'd open the one from y/n last (mostly becaude they told him to).

kenma received a lot of things. things his viewers would want him to wear on stream, decorations for his room, some even sent him cash through mail along with a personal message.

eventually, they had reached y/n's gift, which kenma reluctantly opened.

his eyes widened at the sight, taking his time to process what he had just received, and then deadpanning at the camera.

y/n felt the chills go through the screen, but just laughed it off.

"you like your gift, kenma?"

".. it's a fucking ahegao hoodie."

"it's a work of art!"

"oh my god.."

kenma rolled his eyes at the camera and looked away, putting the hoodie where the stream couldn't see. he wouldn't want to get banned from twitch now, would he?

while doing that, he noticed something else in the box, under where the hoodie was placed.

"are these.."

"wear them, kenma."

"i'm not wearing the cat ears—"

suddenly, a donation appeared on screen.

from y/n.

"y/n donated $100! wear the cat ears, kenma." said the text to speech.

"what the fuck, you donated too? how much money do you even have, y/n?"

"not important, now wear the cat ears, please."

kenma sighed and wore the cat ears.

"happy?"

"kinda, but go off."

he removed the cat ears, then placed them somewhere near the hoodie.

"well, i guess that's the end for today's stream everyone. thanks for all the donos and subs, say bye to the stream y/n."

"byebye!"

"the broadcast you were watching has ended." message was displayed on y/n's monitor.

the call hadn't ended yet, though.

"why are you so nice, y/n?"

the sudden question shook them up.

".. what? i'm nice?" y/n chuckled, not knowing whether they should take it as a compliment or not.

"to me, you are."

"wow, thanks."

"but, really, don't you have better things to spend all that money on?"

"nah, not really. besides, you need the money, don't you?"

"i do, but–"

"then i don't see a problem with giving you so much money."

kenma paused, genuinely not knowing how to take that. was it romantic? platonic? was it really just y/n being nice?

he didn't know, he really didn't.

the next few days were the same for kenma.

wake up, go to school, practice, go home, stream, then sleep.

kenma's thoughts, unlike his routine, were messy as hell.

spiraling around his place as vice-captain, then his twitch career, then his studies.

again, messy as hell.

but what really shook him was y/n. still confused as to how they were so generous despite only getting closer when kenma had started his twitch channel.

did y/n only support him just for the satisfaction of seeing him looking really feminine? or did they really want to support him financially because he refused help from them before? he clearly couldn't tell.

what he could tell, was that he didn't like his current situation.

the money and fame, it was nice, but he knew that wasn't what he wanted to be known for.

being some random soft boy who would do anything for some cash? not really a good image to his name.

if he had to be honest, the only reason he continued to be one was because of them, y/n.

though he didn't know why.

a month had past, kenma's streams had become less frequent as he and y/n have been meeting up during his designated time for streaming.

what was once daily 7pm sessions of kenma doing soft boy shit in front of the camera for around 2.8k viewers for an hour straight became y/n treating him to after practice arcade hangouts.

fortunately enough, he enjoyed them. being content with the quality time he was spending with y/n alone, and not on his twitch livestream with thousands of strangers watching.

not ever missing a day without spending at least half an hour with them, kenma had stopped streaming.

figuring that he had collected enough money for him to live on a side job while he studies, one where he could take breaks and talk to y/n without worrying much about anything else.

he was happy. he finally knew what he wanted.

he didn't want to be a soft boy anymore, he wanted to be theirs.

a/n: hi hi hello writing tips would very much be appreciated for ash here does not know how to end stories properly 😄

[cry-stars]

since there was an ask meme part of the wip post- Overwritten? 👀 (I dont mind if theres some spoilers since I already know some major stuff)

Thank you so much for asking!! :D This is a WIP that... really isn't "in progress," per se; I've written so little of it, but I count it as one because I think about it so much. Sorry, this will be long and rambly...

One of the interesting things about Clive in Unwound Future is that he's so filthy rich, but seems completely uninterested in building a time machine to save his parents, even though he is currently working with scientists who have the expertise to possibly build one. He's so completely focused on revenge that maybe the thought never occurs to him? But I think it's more likely that, since his life was ruined by a time machine, that he wants nothing to do with time machines.

However, after Unwound Future, when his want for revenge is gone, I think that he would start thinking about time machines again. He's such an obsessive person that without revenge to fixate on, he needs something else to fixate on--and he chooses to fixate on atonement. He has to fix everything... but he can't, because he can't undo the damage he's done, and because he's locked away in jail/the psychiatric hospital (where I usually put him). He's so desperate to atone properly that, when the option comes up for him, in lieu of being locked up, to be a living science experiment in an effort to perfect time travel comes up, he accepts it.

The time machine doesn't actually bring his body physically back in time--rather, it locates his younger self in the stream of time and overwrites Present Clive's consciousness over Past Clive's brain. I think that there will be a lot of conflicts between both Clives, as they're almost two different people because of all that older Clive has gone through, so I think that young Clive will try to push older Clive out, until they possibly learn to co-exist.

A lot will change because of Clive's foreknowledge, and he manages to make a pretty nice life for himself, in most respects--he saves his parents, he gets a little sister (her name is Frances, and I'm so excited to write about her!), and he's able to befriend Professor Layton quite early. But other things keep falling apart around him--because the time machine doesn't initially blow up, the scary organization that sponsored it keeps developing their evil plans, and Clive finds himself trying to stop them, even when he's stuck in a child's body. Because of this, he also has trouble getting people to listen to him or take him seriously, except when he is "prophesying" about future events. But as the timeline changes more and more, he loses that ability.

Clive's struggling big time emotionally throughout the story too. He wants to fix everything, and he's doing an okay job at it--but at the same time, there are so many things about his old life that he misses too. He loves his parents, but it's been more than ten years since they died, and he struggles to get used to living with them again, and hates noticing all of the flaws in them that he ignored when remembering their idealized selves. He misses being "Clive Dove," the adopted son of Constance Dove. He enjoys living through the childhood he never got, but also struggles with it, as he's really in his twenties. 

Most of all, Clive is afraid of everything he loves about this life just disappearing when he comes out of the time machine, and the realization that he hasn't fixed anything in "his" timeline hitting him fully. He wants to see if there is a way to bring the progress he’s made in this timeline to his own timeline, but at the same time, he’s afraid of losing things that he loved about his own timeline too--the things that made him him the person he is today.

Anyway, that's the main points of what I want to cover in this story. I'm really excited about it, but it's going to be such a big project. Thank you so much for asking about it; I really appreciate it!

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!