#lol nope fuck me i guess
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Some day I'll have a day at work where everything goes according to plan: everyone shows up on time, no one calls out, and the workload is reasonable.
Unfortunately today is NOT that day.
#once again one of the groomers called in so i have to sit in the salon for two hours#and the 9am cashier is always late#so I'll have to be on register#but also the 9am groomers are also both always late#so I'll have to be in the salon still#so not sure how I'm supposed to do that#I'm so so so so tired of it#like otherwise i like this job but this shit is so frustrating#we were gonna finish working the truck early today!#which is good cause my stocker has to leave early!#lol nope fuck me i guess
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So Game Grumps started playing Danganronpa V3 (which I’ve been waiting for them to play for AGES) but I got so impatient and I know it’ll take at least a year for them to finish it/release all the episodes so I was just like. Fuck it. I’ll buy the game it’s 65% off on the Switch and play it myself
Anyway I just finished chapter one and I am NOT a happy camper,
#Shima speaks#Spoilers in the tags obviously but#KAEDE WHYYYY. GIRL.#I have to admit tho! It was SO fucking clever how they juked you into thinking she would be the actual protagonist#Nope. She was a false protag huh 😳#Shuichi is the real protag…Shuichi my beloved…#Danganronpa#Danganronpa V3#This is the first time I’ve personally played DR#The first one I just watched the GG playthrough and the second I played with friends#But they had the controls so#This time it’s just me playin it solo……#And I’m restraining myself very much from looking up spoilers LMAO#I’m just impatient I need to know all the secrets NAOW#Also damn RIP Monokid I guess. That was very unexpected lol
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a Kidd for @guilty-sugar (special thank you to @mandiemegatron who's tip let me get the brush sets I've been testing out- this one is sooo good. love love love you both <<<333)
#I did his scars on memory don't hate me if they're wrong#more art coming im teaching my husband how to play story of seasons lollll#eustass kid#captain kid#kid one piece#kid x reader#kid pirates#for my wives <<33#DIDNT EXPECT HIM DID YA#I HATE DRAWING MECH SORRY I DIDNT DRAW THE ARM LOL#CAN YOU GUESS WHOS NEXT#smooch smooch smooch#I redid that hand 9x it is what it is I hope its okay#lol#sorry I have no consistent style im figuring it out ok#unhinged scribbles#bartos burlesque hours#featuring kidd#nope not fixing the spelling in the tags fuck you autocorrect im not doin it today lol
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has anyone here taken zofran. what's ur review
#THE NAUSEA MEDS THEY GIVE TO CHEMO PATIENTS THE. FUCKING. HELP MEEEEE WHY AREN'T THEY WORKING THIS SUCKS SO BAD.#THEY GIVE THIS TO. PEOPLE POST SURGERY WHY IS A TUMMYACHE MURDERING ME. I HAVE A TUMMYACHE IM BEING SOOO BRAVE D:#this is a seriously strong nausea medication they gave me a whole entire 6 pills that work for 6 hours each. and they're not working. hhhhh#i mean i guess it's probably working bc i'm not throwing up and i should check what it does exactly because#i kind of feel like that physical reaction is actively being suppressed like that's where it works. does it prevent#the sensation of nausea or does it prevent the actual action of throwing up. hmm.#anyone here taken zofran.#no nope it's supposed to fully prevent nausea. im in hell#i did feel better for a while so i think it might be working relatively well but it's so short lived and i have so few that i'm#freaking out because i am so so miserable rn. lol
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Feeling like I want to give up again...
#now it's my dad who's deciding to be a jerk towards me because he's mad at my mom#okay that's cool I guess#I haven't been feeling well at all today#I can't even distract myself#my dad's being so dramatic too like it's not my fault he's on a break from work but still doing stuff he could probably get out of doing#but he wants to be away from me and my mom so. I get it#he's never at home even when he's supposedly on a break from his job lol#this is how my mom and I know he's lying about retiring#because he's always putting it off#he was supposed to retire this year but nope#if he doesn't have his job he has no excuse to get out of the house and he hates being around us#Goddddd#he is such a fucking hypocrite#getting mad at me over something he has also done before and then saying it was fine when HE did it because it was 'months ago already'#(dropping something except in his case he actually SHATTERED it lmao)#but yeah... me dropping something without breaking it is WORSE than him dropping and actually breaking it...#wow#amazing logic#then my dad keeps complaining about how we don't care. when he's the one who proves over and over again that he's the one who doesn't care#I forget what they're called but he's the parent type who doesn't get involved in anything#he's never stood up for me and he's watching me rot and hurt myself and he's just like 'oh okay as long as it doesn't involve me idc'#he's not fucking stupid like he can tell there's shit clinically wrong with me but not once has he acted like an actual parent towards me#and yeah I'm an adult now but it's still fucked me up so badly#he is such a fucking coward#and selfish#if he could drop me and my mom somehow I know he would at the drop of the hat#but remember he's a coward so. I know he fucking won't#God this is making my urges get bad again#I'm crying 'cause I'm just so fucking pathetic :')
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a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)
#the reason I'm thinking about that right now: I wish I had never read that having a crease on your earlobe means you're more likely to have#heart disease.#scared me so much that I read a whole paper about it#but it's been years now so I don't remember the details#just that that's a thing apparently#and guess what my brain does with that information? oh yeah of course I have to obsessively look at the ears of everyone now! does that#do anything helpful? nope! just makes me very very anxious :)#it's just like when I was a kid and I got nightmares about scurvy every time I didn't eat a potato for a week.#like. wow I could be so smart and everything if my brain wasn't constantly focused on random bullshit that is completely irrelevant 😭#also this thing specifically: I've always been weirdly fascinated by ears and this made that a million times worse and also very scary.#like ooh that's a nice ear :) oh no death exists and this person is going to die and#yeah it sucks.#specifically choosing not to mention any names in this context because my god this shit is on my mind all the time already I really don't#need to say it where anyone can see#it's embarrassing enough#though anyone who has looked at my blog in the past month already knows who I'm talking about.#like. I really shouldn't allow myself to like anyone over the age of like. idk 45.#it's so unbelievably exhausting.#but annnyway I'm totally normal and fine :)#oh yeah I also have creases on my earlobes lol so that definitely added to the scariness (and THEN my mother randomly mentioned recently#that EVERYONE on her side of the family had/has heart disease. bitch WHAT the fuck. anyway so yeah guess we know what's gonna kill me#haha isn't that fun :) )#ALSO the fact that my memory is very very bad means that I remember absolutely none of the details about shit like this. so it could very#well be completely irrelevant and harmless but i wouldn't remember that part.#and I think even if I found out more it wouldn't help. it's been an obsession for so long. I've never had one go away that I've had for#this long. so. guess I'm just fucked.#personal
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nothing serious just thoughts about a DR au that i got embarrassed about putting up here <3
#thinking about my DR au#sorta a swap au in the sense that people are in different roles but like its not a 1:1 swap situation#also theres some insanely detailed subplot with spamton who isnt even very important. might make the roles less defined because its actuall#absurd.#anyway. what im thinking about is specifically the snowgrave equivalent#and how Absolutely Hilarious it would be if after a genocide chapter 1 ralsei just called up lancer like IF I TELL YOU TO DO ANYTHING WEIRD#TOMORROW. DONT LISTEN TO ME. PLEASE?#and then in ch2 lancer basically went LOL no. im not doing that. and theres just no snowgrave because ralsei thought Oh God Oh Fuck#What If Other People Get Involved In This Too.#lancer voice ohhhhh ! nope :>#Only way to do snowgrave is if you did pacifist ch1. Otherwise Lancer will simply go ? no. and then tell susie ralsei might need to go to#the vet when they run into her because he is a little bit more bloodthirsty than usual.#crush.zip#crush.txt#love this au dearly. ralsei is hysterically funny in how he reacts to the possession situation#hes like okay i guess this was divinely ordained ! um ! please dont involve my friends in it though !#Literally i think if you play ch1 pacifist all he does after taking the soul out is make something to eat because he hasnt eaten all day LO#neutral/genocide ch1 though. like anything that in canon wouldve had the revolution not work.#then he calls up lancer like HI I THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. IF I SAY ANYTHING WEIRD TMRW DONT LISTEN TO ME PLEASE ? PLEASE?#PASS ON THE MESSAGE TO SUSIE. THANK YOU. NOW I HAVENT EATEN ALL DAY SO IM GOING TO GO MAKE SOMETHING. SORRY FOR WAKING YOU UP. GOODNIGHT.#figure maybe in a hypothetical game situation youd be able to check his phone and see he called lancer at like 3 in the morning#no further context unless you try snowgrave.#im not settled on whether lancer WOULD actually just straight up go 'no lol' if you played ch1 like that#like i think the first few snowgrave specific scenes hed be way less down for but maybe it would still be possible? harder but stillpossibl#idk. i do think it would be very funny if you just straight up couldnt do snowgrave without playing ch1 pacifist though.#none of that 'worst possible genocide route' shit you HAVE to play ch1 pacifist or lancer will go Yeah no not happening ! :>#it would be funny but probably not actually good like from a gameplay perspective.#so no maybe.#I think definitely if ch1 was neutral/genocide there would be a lot more chances to back out though.
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Ughhhhhhh
#I just......wanted to work on some new video editing techniques..........#Spoiler: It went........so fucking bad lol#Like restart my computer because it basically stopped functioning bad#That seems like a non sequitor but believe me getting from A to Z was an awful ordeal#I've been curious for a while if I could sync up my footage to the audio - y'know cut the video up in time with the music! Classic#Normally I'd fall back on WMM but it has this annoying desync glitch(?) where it renders everything correctly but previews it out of time#So trying to line up the visuals to the audio - well I have to restart and listen through everything so far for it to align properly :/#Lightworks is being a bitch as well - I guess it just stopped?? having a feature that it had a couple years ago that controls clip length#So I get random-length clips! That I can't stretch or extend! Y'know - The Thing I need to do!#I also tried Openshot and by about the point the advice had me changing my security settings I noped out#Literally would crash if I tried to import one (1) .png >:P#And I'm not about to give my info to Yet Another freeware like DaVinci Resolve since it went So Well with Lightworks#Didn't stop me from downloading and installing the wrong version for like an hour which Greatly lagged out my computer#And then as said it was the wrong version even if I did have access to it so I wouldn't be able to use it anyway!#How come we have such good opensource video capture and streaming software like OBS#And like LibreOffice for word processing and Audacity for audio and just - so many good opensource programs!#But video editing is a step too far#Ugh#Today's been a wash >:/#At least my uptime is all shiny sparkly new for streaming maybe tomorrow lol#I dunno it depends on how sleep goes - y'know how it is after being frustrated for so long#I really wanted to! I wanted to do a lot of things >:(#I'll see how it all goes#Guess I'm going back to WMM - ugh - once I've properly cooled down and Actually Prepared for the slog#If anyone has any video editing software recommendations I am all ears tho#Obviously not any of the ones mentioned here as they Did Not Work lol#I just want........an intuitive place where I can drag-and-drop images and be able to crop their length up or down to the audio#Hell I'll take a patch for the desync if such a thing exists lol - looks like it's been a problem for like 10 years! Hgg#I just want to Make Thing In Head happen! It is not a lack of will! I am 100% blaming my tools on this one lol#I'm an amateur video editor I have the right to be whiny! I want a tool that isn't hell to operate! JFLHFJKLFHIOSEJF Anyway lol
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I found a meme blog sry yall it is about to be angel sanctuary hours up in here
#the only reason i hesitate to recommend it is the fact that the central plot with the main character involves incest and there are a lot of#other contentious things in it#the art is beautiful the characters are so interesting my faves are all tragic as fuck#ive reread it a few times though idk if i had only encountered it now if i would have continued it considering the incest plot would be a#giant nope from me but at 11 i didnt care so much i guess since it was my first manga and setsuna wasnt my fave anyways i liked the story#but if things didnt work out for him and sara i wouldnt have been sad lmao#the fact rosiel was my fave and i was cheering him on in his fuckery#probably was playing into that too like yes i was a kid and my fave was the villain im consistent in some things#also loved belial as well suprise suprise lol
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.
#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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OK listen I'm still not quite sold on them being a pairing But
Kisara and Dohalim r killing me anytime they r next to each other. Making me feel very bisexual
#speculation nation#yes i put kisara in the angel getup look it just fits#plus the dark armor. oughhh#and of course i put dohalim in his dark outfit too. it just looks too good#LIKE in an ideal world they would be. a lesbian and a gay man. they just have those vibes.#but also i am not immune to Dohalim borderline confession poetry#and also the fact that they r both Incredibly beautiful people. and side by side... oughhhhhh#we'll see if the game manages to convince me. im still on the fence. but a lot of ppl seem to ship them So . we'll see#either way they r definitely not straight and i will uphold that to the end of the earth#they could be bi4bi tho. i could accept that.#alphen and shionne r basically canon lol and i couldnt stop it even if i wanted to#law and rinwell r cute and also so fucking oblivious. theyre both so clueless. it's adorable.#they obviously have crushes on each other but they dont even recognize it themselves#too busy relentlessly teasing each other. and ykno what good for them#they'll figure it out eventually.#shoutout to a game that can get me to appreciate straight pairings lmao like Sure i guess i'll join this boat if it's well written#ive been busy working on side quests now that i can finally access the rest of the world again#land of water shit was BRUTAL.........#but im killing giant monsters left and right so let's goooooo#tho theres a handful where i start the fight and im like Nope nope nope nope nope#the weird earth wind and water appearances... huh...#LAW WANTING SO BAD TO FIND THE FANCY FLOWER FOR RINWELL but im sorry that deer is too scary. we'll get it eventually.#enjoying this game. and enjoying the chance to properly level up. Oh yea
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Yknow, I think there should be like. A similar kind of general rule with rollercoasters and thrill rides that there is with drinking - know your limits
#tw vomit#example of this?#yesterday when we were waiting to go on galactica (air it will forever be called air to me)#some ppl a couple rides ahead of us threw up after the ride stopped.#in the bit where you just dangle for a bit waiting to go into the station to get off the ride#now. air rlly isnt that intense. its pretty damn chill. but if youve been going on like nemesis and the smiler and oblivion all day? yeah.#it was. EVERYWHERE. all over the floor. i may be dramatising this but thats how it looks to someone with a bigass phobia of it#i have never gotten off a rollercoaster so fast in my life (i fucking love rollercoasters i hate getting off them)#ON THE FLIPSIDE kiwi doesnt have as strong a stomach as i do. but they are aware of it#when they started feeling nauseous (thx blade lol) they told me and we sat for a while before going on any more rides#drank water n shit#and guess what? they were COMPLETELY FINE#i think what im tryna say here is like. YES you wanna get on everything before it closes. but always remember to put your health first#bc that shit can ruin your whole day and everyone elses around you#... on a side note i went on oblivion again for the first time in 8 years and. NOPE. NO THANK YOU. NOT GOING ON IT AGAIN TIL 2032 THANK YOU
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oh. oh no. I don’t know ANYTHING about music.
#watching Jacob’s music stream and uhhhh#y’all#y’all….#I have no fucking idea what he’s saying lmao#idk what else I expected#like this is what I expected#I just thought I’d understand more of it than I am#like damn okay#guess I need a baby class or something#anyway#this is so funny to me as someone who generally likes when noises are good#esp musically#and also like singing and making my own music#like you’d think I’d know more but nope#in my defense#I didn’t realize until just this past year?? past two years???#that music/singing was something I wanted to pursue as a hobby#so it makes sense that I’m an idiot about it#esp bc I’m also not trying very hard to learn anything#I’m just absorbing whatever knowledge comes my way#I’m not seeking it out or anything#which is why it took me ages to be a good artist lol#bc I did the same thing with drawing#anyway.#was hoping whatever knowledge I retained from the half year I played clarinet in fourth grade would carry me further than this
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every year it gets funnier that my dad died on father’s day. he really said and for my last trick, one more crazy lil trauma memory for you to think about at a very specific time every year, enjoy :)
#I guess tech they just found the body on fathers day but I’m gonna call that square if it’s alright w everybody lol#like is it objectively kinda devastating that even after everything my sister knew smth was wrong bc he wasn’t responding on fathers day#yeah for sure. but it’s also a little funny#like fathers day was lit already so much for me growing up and it finally stopped mattering once I moved out of my hometown and it’s like#nope! new trauma >:)#is it objectively devastating that he od’d after his first year (possibly ever) clean off heroin?#yes#but#actually I don’t have smth funny to say about that one it’s just sad lmao#back to funny we cleaned out his apartment and I found a stack of porno tapes bc it’s apparently 1982#the only kind of inheritance I got from him was the pound of woods weed he was growing w his friend#that his friend ‘thought I would want to have’ like alskdlak#he was right but like what the fuck lmao#cartoon buffoon villain of a father
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Wow just had an insanity episode
#Correct word is dermatillomania but I don't like it#I fucked up my legs but thank god it's gonna be cold for a a while so I'll be wearing trousers until it's heald it's gonna be fine#But basically I was trying to study and then my brain went nope#I guess studying both Saturday and Sunday wasn't a good idea lol#Also I need to spend more time outside and exercise again and stop eating like shit like seriously that ain't helping#Idk#I can't never be productive too many days straight which makes me mad but if that's how it is that's what I'm gonna deal with I guess#Maybe I'll take a day off tomorrow#I'll be going outside + exercising even if I'm on my period no more excuses I need to get a grip for my own fucking sake#tw dermatillomania#tw bfrb
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I’m gonna be honest I have no idea what Lana is singing most of the time. Whenever I don’t understand a word she sings, my brain just replaces it with a random noise. And in fact I assume she just made a noise in place of a word
#i don’t consider this to be a problem. just to clarify. i love her anyway#she is consistently my number 2 artist on spotify (bet you can’t guess who’s first 🙃)#but yeah i never have any idea what she’s saying. i’d listened to fingertips probably about 50 times before it clicked what she was actually#singing & i cried for the first time#i think i would cry more listening to her music if i didn’t have auditory processing disorder#people mention lana songs that are sad and i’m like ‘…is it?’#it’s like when i was a kid i assumed abba would sometimes switch to singing in swedish mid-line. nope#i just didn’t understand what they were saying. i don’t think i understood the song mamma mia until i watched the movie#i understand maybe one in three hozier lyrics. does this stop me listening to hozier? absolutely fucking not#maybe i like taylor so much because i can consistently understand her without having to look up the lyrics lol#personal
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