#living with a neurotypical person

[emmaelt]

Urgh I struggle with this so much.

But also, I live with a neurotypical husband who hates mess. So, we've devised some handy systems so that I don't have to be organised, but he doesn't have to see it.

The first thing is that everything should have a home. If you buy something new and it doesn't have a home, you have to either get rid of something else, or you shouldn't have purchased it.

We also try not to have 'dump zones' but sometimes those are really essential. On top of our pup's crate area we have her dump zone, so her harness, leads, jackets, muzzle, and the dog walking bag live there. I'm hoping we can find a better solution for this, but right now that's the best we can do.

I couldn't handle folding my clothes when they were washed, they'd sit on a chair or on the floor, so now I have two types of laundry basket - dirty clothes, and clean clothes. The clean clothes can go into the clean laundry basket that lives in my closet until I have the time/energy/dopamine to sort it out.

But even better, I have baskets rather than drawers now inside my closet. All the same type of thing, i.e. t-shirts, live in the same basket. That way, I don't have to fold anything to be able to put it away. I don't really own anything that needs ironing, but if I do I have a steamer and can steam the item before I wear it (if I care enough to do so).

We're still working on office storage though, as I need to see my in-tray physically, and he doesn't like things out, but we'll get there.

ADHD & Organization

Future ADHD

[wasabi-gumdrop]

getting my partner into dungeon meshi

him: how old is the half-foot? he’s not a kid?

me: yeah he’s 29 which is almost middle aged for half-foots

him: oh what. so they just age faster than the others? that’s so sad ):

me: it is isn’t it 🥲

[shroombies]

Convinced that God himself saw fit to nerf me at birth because what the fuck do you MEAN nt people with habits can do shit automatically without a reminder or expending additional energy on it

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)

[m1dnight-blu3]

someone please free me from the shackles of my ableist job so I can read my books, draw and write my silly little fics in PEACE

[saltywinteradult]

i'm sure this has been said already but GOD. applying for jobs is such a dehumanising experience, especially if you're neurodivergent. i genuinely feel like i'm selling myself like a goddamn product. apparently i'm supposed to pretend that i want a job for another reason than the fact that i fucking have to to afford food and shelter? and that being a wage slave for a distressingly large portion of my life is something i'm passionate about? jesus christ. i know i have the qualifications. why the fuck does it matter if i work to live and not the other way around, as long as i can do the goddamn job?

[ghostiesandghoulss]

The autistic urge to become a hobbit

[thepantyraids]

I can always tell when a neurotypical person knows something is off putting about me (I’m audhd) but they don’t know I am. It’s always so blatantly obvious that they know and want to get away from me but “they don’t want to be rude”. For example whenever I speak to a NT person, they will become uninterested in what I say so they will stare at everything but my face when I’m masking & making direct eye contact with them, they will speak over me, not allow me to finish my train of thought and finally they will change the conversation to something completely surface level/materialistic bc they are unable to comprehend what I just said. However if another non autistic person is in the room with us, they will not behave that way towards them. It’s so upsetting that even in adulthood I’m subtlety being bullied for being autistic. I feel like an alien in my own body and life. Everyone else got the playbook of how to follow the social rules to survive with one another and I never learned.

[sophiainspace]

So the formal job offer never arrived last week despite the promise that it would be with me on Thurs or Fri. So my first thought was for my current employers, who’ve been (very generously) waiting to do the paperwork that moves me from one or three months’ notice, in the hope that I can start my new job sooner. So now I’ve told them I’ll give three months notice. Which is no bad thing really, as it takes me to practically the end of my current contract, and starting a new job in Jan is no bad thing in my industry.

But now I’m going to spend the entire weekend - possibly longer if this keeps dragging on - WONDERING IF I REALLY HAVE A JOB AT THE END OF MY CONTRACT OR NOT.

[oldtvandcomics]

I just wish death wasn't such an absolute taboo in our society.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. But, really? Did she really??

Once upon a time, a passer-by helped Death up when he'd fallen down alongside the road. To thank him, Death promised not to come unannounced, but to send a messenger ahead of him. Death sent illness, and fewer, and old age and grey hairs and aching joints. The man didn't recognize any of these as the promised messenger, and was genuinely shocked when Death showed up at his doorstep.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. She was old, and getting noticeably weaker for years now. The last two weeks, she could barely move her arms for pain in her shoulders. Eventually, she had to call a relative for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance to take her to the emergency. The next day, she died of heart failure. Unexpectedly.

She was, by a complete coincidence that we definitely won't need to worry about, almost exactly the same age as her father, when he died of sudden heart failure. Funny thing, these coincidences.

My grandfather also died unexpectedly. He had Parkinson's, and wasn't able to move much those last years. Just before his death, my mother took him to the hospital for a check-up, and left him there, then came back here where we live. According to my sister, she cried when she left my grandparents' city. At that time, we visited three times a year, so she knew perfectly well that she would be back in three months' time. Why would she cry? But no, my grandfather died unexpectedly.

The next one to go will be my aunt. It is pretty clear, has been pretty clear since she was diagnosed with cancer last year. We could, theoretically, like, prepare for it. But no, because you can't talk about death, so we can't even mention it unless I'm alone with my father.

"Thank you for helping me," said Death. "As a thanks, I will not come unannounced, but will send a messenger."

"That is a fine thing," said the man. "That way, I won't have to worry about you hiding behind every tree."

And if I say any of this out loud, then I'm an unforgivable asshole.

[woodruff]

i am all for the destigmatization of mental health or whatever but please dear god i cannot stress enough how rude it is to tell someone you're not friends with "sounds like adhd" if they're just sharing a normal thing about their life holy shit

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[ibenology]

me when my disability disables me

😲😱🫢🤯😧🤯🤯😱😱😧🫢🫢

[timcurry-imgoinghomedotmp4]

i'm re-watching gattaca, a movie that seared itself into my brain when i saw it in my freshman year of high school in biology. and uhhhhhh welp as a trans man whose neurotypical cishet 22-months-older brother died in a tragic accident the day before his freshman year of college (that's how my senior year of high school started) let me tell you i am Having An Experience

[magical-demigirl]

Sometimes I wonder about a body swap story were 2 characters with one Neurodivergent and the other being Neurotypical and when they swap bodies if they both temporarily swap being Neurodivergent and Neurotypical since they are in different bodies

[arosebyan0thername]

I need to hire a guy to stand over my shoulder every time I try to interact with someone and remind me that even though I'm doing it to reassure them and be nice while stating the facts, it's still frowned upon to point out someone's flaws to tell them they're reasonable or endearing