#living w/ your parents is like:

[swannkings]

My mattress is so in need of replacing. This morning i woke up with sore ribs and just walking around hurts. I can’t discount memory foam topper my way out of this any longer.

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[yb-cringe]

was testing out mspaint style and. .. transfem chay. ... shes real ... .. .

[aardvaark]

i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun

hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-

parker: i dont know

hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?

parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?

eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?

parker: that’s what i said!

hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now

sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?

hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.

sophie: …….july 12th

hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?

sophie: ………… (guilty silence)

parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison

hardison:

hardison: what the fuck guys

[poppy-metal]

do you know how hard it would be to be patricks enemy - its easy to piss him off, he runs hot, his fuse is short - but he lets shit go, just as quick. you'd have to really break his heart, be someone so fucking fake you make his skin itch just to be around you, so against being honest he wonders if you're even real or if you're just a puppet.

[nordfjording]

Doing the biannual round of checking in on and managing my retirement and high interest savings accounts ($147 dollars)

[c0rvidfagg0try]

I believe in Chimney Han supremacy and he deserves no trauma more ever

[swordfaery]

anyway my favourite thing about dead men fanfiction is the wildly different characters we all write. like. not even the ones who have been dead for years and have so little actual characterisation but even the ones who were alive in canon were probably very different one hundred, two hundred, three hundred years ago. also theyre under characterised in fiction. also we are all just having fun

[theloveinc]

Was thinking about it a bit more and I realized… if it were to happen, I don’t think you and Kirishima actually get divorced, I think you’d just… “separate” for a while.

Probably at his insistence, too. Not that anything is wrong, really… but having a kid as a hero is super difficult, and I think Kiri probably gets caught up in the loop of not feeling like you guys are lovers anymore, just parents, and every other hero without a partner is doing so much better than him. On the charts, emotionally, etc... so he suggests taking a break in thinking that not being worried about you would make it easier to prioritize what he really thinks matters (your son and his career)…

Not realizing that things’ll go even more to shit after he sees you without your ring on when you drop off son for his first-ever custody weekend.

[dandyshucks]

blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

[snekdood]

if you dont vote for biden you're a dumbass who only cares about their image. swallow your shit pride and vote you utter fucking dipshit.

[kuromi-hoemie]

hey younger ppl who grew up with strict parents, i want to share something really lovely with you that i didn't really learn myself until this year.

you do NOT have to clean ur house when u have guests over. like yeah pickup anything particularly embarrassing but have you not felt more welcomed, happy and cozy when you visited a friend's home and saw Stuff everywhere? is it not more inviting to enter a home that looks and feels very Lived In? do you not feel self-conscious about contributing to any sort of mess in a home so clean and organized it feels sterile?

Don't feel the need to keep this weird facade ingrained into us that your place needs to look perfect in order for you to hang out - just invite people over! Let them see what you're about, let the Environmental Storytelling™ do some work! i promise you it's very charming being able To See what you do and enjoy.

it took way longer than it should've for me to accept this and it's been GREAT. i don't dread the deep cleaning that having a guest used to entail because nowhere near that amount of work is necessary to hang out anymore - and I think everyone deserves to know that they don't have to work so dang hard for something that's really so so simple.

[ichthyorelationships]

ideas: i didn't really think of him being underwater but they deserve to have drama by crying there too so i just think you could say something about the composition being denser than water or w/e. proteins

i'm always like good thing he didn't try to exit asap via swimming in ciao alberto But What If He Did lol. just swim Somewhere else along the coast, maybe panic about [money??] & whether somehow this ruins school for luca, whether he can get in touch w/o it being On Sight b/w him & all marcovaldos, consider just kind of trying out other places, traveling after all...fascinating considering the other povs on the issue like: now there's the paguros to sympathize w/a kid vanishing, luca however in a somewhat more novel position there, giulia's throwback to alberto being a bit perplexing lmao, kind of thinking the best massimo could do is have a prewritten letter for luca to give to alberto If Possible, conveying something like i know you didn't set my livelihood on fire on purpose but even if you did i'd want you to stay. and luca in a position to do all of "maybe give the island fun facts so someone can check if he's there" & "wait & hope alberto can/does get in touch" & "have a lot of feelings"....not even the context of what this drawing is about necessarily, just tacking it on here anyways. ahead of time i went "heh now i Know they're gonna have it get little Real here b/c it's really about alberto wanting the security of feeling he can 'earn' a sustained relationship" then the short cleared & i was lying completely dead on the pavement

[lizbethborden]

My mom and dad saw some really severe deteriorations in old age of their loved ones, in both their families. My grandparents on both sides had really debilitating declines in their last years of life. My mom and dad took a lot from those experiences in some positive ways, particularly in that they're very focused on maintaining their independence, to their own benefit. They're not perfectly healthy or anything but both of them exercise regularly, have stimulating hobbies, friends outside the relationship, etc. But one bad takeaway has been that they won't let me be Their Supportive Daughter, even though I'm the one who lives closest. E.g. my mom has a doctor's appointment for an ongoing health issue coming up. My dad can't go with her, he had a surprise event come up for his work. I immediately say oh, I'll go with you, that's my day off so I'll be free, etc. She's like no, don't be silly, don't waste your day off, your dad will take me and then I can get home by myself, etc. And they didn't even tell me about the preceding doctor's appts that established the health issue and its parameters, so I couldn't have gone with for those. And, yeah, sure, I'm glad I don't have to lose part of a day off to something that, while I am happy to do it, is not an enjoyable activity (doctors, anxiety, etc), but also... I do want to be there for them. As an adult they have abided so much by the positive, healthy, beneficial rule that they are there to take care of me, that their responsibility is to be my safety and not vice versa, but also... I'm ok, I can take it a little

[saitamastamaticsoup]

Oh I REALLY wish Reo wouldn’t say he likes older women immediately after saying that in KINDERGARTEN his teacher confessed to him 🙂

[fellhellion]

I have a rich inner world abt both iterations of Miguel and the relationship to fatherhood <- literally just hc