#but if youre trans you understand even accepting parents can be suspicious when it comes to You Specifically

[yb-cringe]

was testing out mspaint style and. .. transfem chay. ... shes real ... .. .

[butchpeace]

Here’s what I think about the discussion surrounding pride.

Do I think there should be public indecency or kink at pride? No. Do I think corporations and alcohol companies should get the hell out of our parades? Yes.

Do I like the fact that so many straight people think it’s a fun conversation to talk shit about pride parades or pride month? Not at all. Because that rhetoric is coming from the conservative media, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg of what they really want to say.

Conservative politicians and influencers have a proven track record of saying things that feel reasonable on the surface, getting people on their side, and then upping the ante once they have their claws in you.

We could lose gay marriage. Look what’s happening to abortion. Conservatives right now talk big about how they’re “cool with the gays, but the trans and kink stuff goes too far”. They talk big about how TIMs especially are sexual predators.

How long do you think it’s gonna take for their goalposts to shift after they ban gender transition for kids? How long until the government goes after gay rights? How long until they start shifting the conversation and indoctrinating people into the belief that gay people are predators?

We still live in a predominantly Christian country. All abrahamic religions are homophobic at their core, or have homophobic sects. And even without religion, people tend to hate what they don’t understand. Laws or no laws, we’re still being discriminated against. We’re still losing our jobs. We’re still being bullied and called slurs.

We don’t actually have equality until we’re treated with respect by everyone we meet.

Just the fact that transition is happening so much is connected to how conservative and religious this country has become. There are parents out there who would rather their kids transition than just be gay. Many transitioning people have religious trauma in the list of causes for their transition. You know where else in the world that’s happening? Iran.

We think the US is so progressive, so we agree with people who say it’s “progressed too much”, but is that really what’s happened? Transition, at least in homosexuals, is regressive. And we will go back to the stone age of “protecting the nuclear family from the lavender menace” if conservatives get their way.

And here’s the thing - There’s probably a reason they’re only going after transition for minors. They’re probably not going to ban it for adults. First of all because transition is big business, and second of all because it actually benefits their ideology for us to trans the gay away.

Maybe your conservative uncle or neighbor will still be okay with gay people. But what about your nieces and nephews? What about all these kids now who are getting brainwashed by the conservative influencers on social media? It only takes one generation to send us backwards by decades.

So yeah, I think pride should be more kid friendly, and we should keep people with creepy motives out. But I also don’t think someone wearing leather or a dog collar is the biggest problem in our community right now, and I sure as hell won’t be buddy buddy with conservatives when I know for a fact many of them are lying through their teeth when they say they support us.

In reality, most straight conservative people who parrot these complaints have never been to a pride parade, and don’t want to. They have no need to be involved. So it’s suspicious to me to see them criticizing our community like it’s just some hot topic to gossip about.

The conservatives spreading this rhetoric are just saying what they think they can get away with, and they’ll start saying shit about gays again too when it becomes acceptable.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

Understanding and acceptance: a short story consisting of things that actually happened

[A/N: I was on the phone with my mum and she told me that I seem to be in a creative mood and that I should write something. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and share a personal story while also writing it as if it’s fiction. So here goes.]

Word count: 2K

-- 2 weeks ago --

It’s a quiet Saturday evening. My brother Max and I are walking home together, deep in conversation. I have no memory of what the conversation had been about when it started, but I do remember that it somehow got to this:

‘...all this assuming you’re straight, of course, and I’m not assuming anything--’

‘What does being straight mean?’ Max says in a tone that tells me he genuinely doesn’t know. So I feel obligated to explain it in the simplest terms possible. ‘Well, in your case it would mean that you, a boy, like girls.’

‘Well, that’s the normal thing for any person!’ He nearly cuts me off with this. I calculate my next step carefully.

‘Not every person,’ I say, keeping my voice as calm as possible. ‘I’m not straight.’ Of course, he knows that. I came out to my whole family at once three years ago, hoping for the awkward discussions to be over with that. It hasn’t worked out quite as I envisioned it yet.

‘Yeah, but you’re not normal either,’ Max parries. Can’t argue with that. Lucky for me, that is when we reach the front door and each one goes off to mind their own business.

I know very well just how ‘not normal’ I am. Not in that cliche ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but in a way that causes Bulgarians undereducated on mental health and identity labels (which is unfortunately most people over 30) to brand a person clinically insane, unstable, a threat to the Traditional Bulgarian Family™. Being aroace and having severe social anxiety and ADHD to top it off, I hardly classify as ‘normal’. This is a frequent cause for arguments at the dinner table at home, most of which end in a. tears and/ or a panic attack on my part, b. my father storming off and pretending to be asleep whenever someone goes to call him back to dinner, c. my brother gluing himself to his phone, leaving his plate half-untouched, d. my mother crying over ‘what kind of mother am I that I can’t even have my family together at the table once’, and usually e. all of the above. 

For this scenario to play out, however, the whole family of four is required to be present. So fortunately it only happens every other weekend when Dad and I come back home from the capital, where we have been living for the better part of three years now, ever since he got promoted and I started uni. When I’m away from my loving but over-controlling mum and my brother, who seemed to become obnoxious overnight the moment he turned 13 a little over a year ago, I usually have significantly fewer reasons to cry or feel anxious about... you name it. So we do fine. For the most part.

-- this evening --

I am watching Joe and Frankie’s performance of A Whole New World for the thousandth time today when I get a text from Mum.

Mum: How’s my girl doing?

Mum: I haven’t been able to hear from you with all the fuss about your brother.

Max is at that point in his education where he’s applying for high schools. His exam results have just come in and now everyone in the family is stressing about whether his scores will be enough to get him into the school he wants to go to. It’s a big deal, but with all the Rodfini magic going on (and with how terribly behind I am on my internship assignment) I have just been completely unable to care.

Speaking of Rodfini and A Whole New World, I have been repressing the instinctive urge to send my mum the video all day, and when I get her texts, I almost nearly muster up the courage to do it. But between me and her, this is not something you do over text. So I give her a ring instead. 

When she picks up, the sound of her voice combined with the anxiety over what I want to tell her makes me tear up and the words are stuck in my throat. 

‘Erm-- Mum, can I tell you something?’ I say, still not sure if I’m not about to regret taking up the subject at all.

‘Dear, you know you can tell me anything,’ she says, sounding concerned at my obviously-trying-to-swallow-tears voice.

‘You mean it?’ I ask, listening to her tone to make sure. I wish I could read tones better. ‘Anything?’

‘Is something wrong, honey?’ Oh gods, she’s in a really benevolent mood. I grow more and more afraid of ruining that with my ‘obsession with gays’. 

‘Erm, so I guess you should know Dad and I had the tiniest disagreement just now,’ I say, deciding last minute to start with something she might deem ‘more relevant to the family’s personal lives’. ‘You know, we were watching the Euros and then the match ended and we watched the news, and then Dad changed the channel so he could watch the next match. And I was like ‘whoa, what’s with the video quality’, and so dad was like ‘you really need go get your eyes checked out’; and I tried to explain that there was a very obvious difference in quality between the two channels, and he kept yelling at me that I was ruining my eyesight spending all day staring at a screen.’

‘Did he sound annoyed or just concerned?’ Mum asks me.

‘I know what you’re thinking. And I know full well that he’s my parent and he’s concerned about my health. But you should have heard his tone.’

‘So are you two in a fight now?’

‘No. Well, I don’t know.’ I really don’t. It’s hard to tell when one side of the argument refuses to talk about his feelings as if that will kill him. But I don’t tell Mum that. She’s been dealing with Dad since long before I was even planned, so she knows him better than I do. ‘The thing is, he called me back and said that, well, one of the channels was HD and the other was not, so there was indeed a difference, but he thought it was ‘unnatural’ that I was able to register it so immediately, and he kept insisting there was something wrong with my eyes. I should think that seeing something quickly would be a sign of good vision, not bad. Besides,’ I keep talking, nearly  desperate to justify myself, ‘I did some research and sensitivity to light is a symptom of ADHD. So it’s nothing new, really.’

‘Oh, please, dear. You’re of a new generation, and ADHD is something of the older generation. Don’t be so quick to self-diagnose.’

I guess there’s some reason to what she says, or at least the last part of it, so I give up on pursuing the subject further. ‘Yeah, anyway,’ I say, ‘I just thought it was all a bit rich coming from the man who refuses to wear his prescription glasses. I haven’t got any prescription glasses, you know.’

I don’t want to come off too cheeky because I still want to try and talk to her about how happy Rodfini have made me today. A while ago, Mum would accuse me of only calling her to complain when I was unhappy, so I have since made it a point to call her when I am happy and tell her so. That’s why I’ve been itching to share this with her. And now the time has come.

‘You know, I’ve been crying in a completely different way today,’ I begin tentatively. ‘A good way, A really, really good way,’ I add quickly before she can get worried again.

‘Yeah? So what was it that made you so happy that you cried?’ Goodness, there’s no turning back now. I decide to proceed with caution.

‘Oh, well, it was this performance, you know. A really beautiful song. So I’ve been wanting to show it to you, but I was worried about how you’d react.’

‘And why would that be?’ she asks in the same kind tone that keeps making me anxious about potentially ruining everything.

‘Well, erm...’ I feel myself start to stutter. ‘See, it’s a love song, and it’s... ok, I’ll just say it. It’s sung by two guys. As in, a couple, you see.’ I keep feeling up the ground with my words, anxious to hear her reaction. It’s like when I’m opening an exam result -- I want to know, but I’m too scared to look. And so now, in my anxious despair to know what she thinks about it, I miss the beginning of her response. ‘And I know how you are about those things, so I...’ I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’ve done my thing again. I’ve kept talking so much that she hasn’t even been able to react audibly. So I trail off, determined to let her speak this time.

‘Ok, but... why do you get so affected by those things?’ Mum says, starting to sound suspiciously like she’s about to question my own orientation again. I feel the need to justify myself for the second time since the conversation has started.

‘Well, it’s just that... I really wish you would just see them, Mum. If you could just see how they look at each other, you’d see that there’s just love. So much love. And joy at being able to express themselves as they are.’

I’m speaking from the heart now. I am finally letting out how much I want her to give them a chance because she deserves to see and hear their magical performance. She must be sensing the anguished sincerity in my voice as I finally manage to stop crying and I smile through the tears, because she says, ‘Dear, are you... are you trying to tell me something there?’

I sigh. She’s asked me this question nearly every time I’ve started speaking ‘too’ passionately about anything LGBTQ+ Which isn’t an awful lot in her presence, but there have been several occasions. Once about Solangelo, at the beach. Once about NPH and his husband David and their children, at the dinner table, as I was trying to explain how same-sex couples can have kids; that one resulted in a seriously bad scene of the type I described earlier. Once about a participant in a reality show who identified as a gay man then, but has recently come out as a trans woman; whenever she’s been mentioned on television, I’ve fought to repress my inner urge to express my happiness for her and the representation she is for the Bulgarian LGBTQ+ community. I wonder even now if my parents have noticed my silence on the subject -- because they certainly do notice when I am not silent.

So now, when the time seems to have come for me to set things straight about my non-straight-ness (bad pun very much intended), I try my best to keep my voice from shaking. ‘I’m not trying to tell you anything I haven’t already told you, Mum. Really.’

‘Are you perhaps attracted to the same gender, dear?’ It seems so unbelievable that she’s said it, and even more that she’s worded like that, but she really has. I force myself to be calm and patient.

‘No, Mum. I’ve told you -- I am not attracted to any gender, be it male, female or anything else, really. You know that.’

‘Well, it sounded as if you--’

‘No, Mum. Really. But I do need you to understand that part of my identity is that I feel the need to support people with other identities different from straight. I’m happy for their successes. I'm concerned about their issues. They’re a sort of family to me. Do you understand that?’ I say, relieved to be speaking my truth at last. At the same time, I try to sound as reasonable and mature about the whole thing as possible. I don’t want to put her off, especially not now that I’m knee-deep in the subject already. I’ve gone too far to turn back now.

‘Yes, honey. Yes, I do. I just don’t want you to exert yourself emotionally, is all. Plus I’ve been so stressed out about your brother and all, you know...’

‘Yeah, I do know. And I know he’ll be fine. He’s a nice boy. I just wished he didn’t keep calling me ‘abnormal’ all the time...’

‘Oh, well, don’t listen to him. He’s been quite stressed out too. And he’s 14. It’s just how he is at this age.’

I’m not too sure about that. ‘Boys will be boys’. It’s ok for boys, then, to pour salt into their neurodivergent sisters’ wounds? I don’t think so. But I can’t fix every problem in one talk. Plus my mum sounds tired now.

So I just say, ‘I guess... Well, anyway, thank you so much, Mum. For hearing me out, and for supporting me, and for everything else. Please don’t worry so much.’

But I know she can’t not worry at all. I’ve got that from her.

‘If you’re sure you’re all ok now, dear...’

‘Yeah, mum, I am. Or I will be. You know, there’s this expression with English, ‘to run with something’. So I’ve been telling myself, I’ll at least try to walk with things. You know I’m not much of a runner anyway.’ I actually laugh, even though the pun is quite untranslatable into Bulgarian.

‘You know I’m proud of you, right?’

I know that has very little to do with the kind of pride I’ve been celebrating all month, but I say, ‘Of course I do. And you know what? I’m quite proud of myself, too.’ I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I mean it. I mean it wholeheartedly this time.

‘I’m nearly falling asleep, though, dear, so I say we call it a night?’

‘Good night, Mummy. And thanks.’

I hang up. Then I forward the video to her.

I’ve come so far, indeed. I reckon we both have.

[nerdygaymormon]

October Interview w/Reporter

In October I was interviewed by a reporter. He sent me a list of questions and I sent my responses. He asked a follow-up question.

I don’t know when the story will run, or if any of my responses will be included (I understand he’s interviewing a number of people). But for my own record, here’s the questions and answers.

———————————————————————   

First can you tell me a little bit more about you, how old are you, what’s your job, and how long have you been a Mormon?

I am 48 years old. Single, never married.

I was born in Canada but Florida is home, I've lived here about 20 years.

I am a research administrator at a university. I do the administrative paperwork on research projects. The professor does the research and I do things like financial reports, payroll, purchasing, and so on.

My parents are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as Mormons. I’ve been a member of this church all my life. 

________

Does your entourage know about your homosexuality? If so, how was the news greeted?

Most people know I’m gay, including people at church.

I've known since I was a teenager that I'm gay, but didn't come out until later in life, almost age 40. I finally reached a point where I thought, "what's the point of having a life if I'm not going to live, but remain in hiding?"

As you can imagine, I’ve gotten all sorts of reactions when people learned I'm gay.

My dad wishes he sent me to conversion therapy when I young and thinks I still should go and get “fixed.”

My mom wishes I would go back in the closet and just not talk about it.

Some of my brothers & sisters accept & love me, some are more reserved in their expressions of support.

Because I still go to church and live the type of life they agree with, most of my family and church friends accept that I’m gay and don’t have much of a problem with it. However if/when I step away from church, find a boyfriend, and all that, I think most church friends will go away and some of my family will likely limit their contact with me

_________

How gays are perceived within the Mormon community as a whole?

Gays are something of an enigma to Mormons. We don’t fit into the theology and so they don’t know what to make of us.

If there is a God, then God created all this diversity in the world. Surely God would account for this beautiful variety in His plan. However, gay people are absent from my church’s version of God’s plan.

Many gay members will say that God made us this way and loves us and we need to be embraced and loved, just the same as any heterosexual member. Some members think that we are trying to change church doctrine in order to justify our sins and that we are in apostasy for not agreeing with the anti-gay messages by our church leaders.  

As you can imagine, most gays leave this church. Consequently, even when a homosexual is attending church and doing their best, many members look at us suspiciously, assuming it's just a matter of time until we leave & "commit sin."

_________

Does homosexuality fully fit with the Mormon faith and lifestyle?

Homosexuality is incompatible with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In this church, gay people are required to not have sex and not get married or live with a partner.

According to the Mormon faith, we have Heavenly Parents, we are their spirit children. They sent us to earth. One of the purposes of earth life is to start a family by getting married. This family bond can remain in effect after death if our marriage is "sealed" in one of the Mormon temples. Being married is a way for us to be like our Heavenly Parents. They had spirit children, and we can have children.

Gay people frustrate these beliefs. Our relationships don't resemble that of a Heavenly Mother sealed to a Heavenly Father. We can't create children with each other. Why would God create people who are designed to love someone of their own gender? It doesn't make sense to Mormons, and some deny that homosexuality is real. Because we don't fit in the Church's understanding of God's Plan, we're told to be celibate and alone.  

The Mormon faith also says we are meant to have joy in this life, but for gays it feels like we're asked to be miserable for Christ. The Church makes gay members feel shame simply for being how God made us. The church's teachings rob us of hope & joy for our future.

Being gay is a part of who I am, how can I defeat it? That's like asking a heterosexual person to stop being heterosexual, how would someone even do that?

I personally believe that gay people and our relationships are perfectly fine and can be compatible with faith in Jesus, it takes a slight reinterpretation or expansion of the doctrine. I have a personal belief that our Heavenly Parents completely love their gay children and did not set us up to fail. They weep at the injustices, oppression and hatred we deal with in life, much of which is done in God's name by religious people.  

As for church, I think it's a lack of doctrine about gay people that is causing the issue. It’s the lack of doctrine that results in “don’t do this,” and “don’t do that.”

What is it we’re supposed to do? What is the message from God for us? How will God bless us? What is the purpose of us living life as gay or transgender or bisexual or aromantic? What are we to do with this orientation?

_________

You are really active and talk openly about your condition on Twitter and Tumblr, what pushed you to do it ? Do you feel that the social medias have a role to play to help the Mormons LGBT ?

Social media is a huge help to LGBTQ Mormons. We find each other and don't feel so alone. A big part of being a Mormon is the sense of community. Mormons are very good at building community, and queer Mormons build community with each other online.

When I came out of the closet, I vowed to be completely honest with LGBT members of the church. We don't have role models, no example of how to be a gay Mormon. I try to be open about the good things and the hard things of being a gay Mormon. I also share affirming messages, I want to push back against the messages that cause people to feel shame simply for who they are.

I'm quite a bit older than the other LGBT Mormons on Tumblr or Twitter who are mostly in their teens or twenties. They have come to view me like an uncle. Many people send me questions they don't feel they can ask their parents or bishop. Sometimes it's a question about church teachings. Sometimes they want advice about how to tell their parents that they are gay. Sometimes they want encouragement because they're having a hard time. Sometimes they are suicidal and want help to hang on.

Being part of this online community of queer Mormons has blessed my life. I have gay friends. I have people who can understand my life and the things I've been through. I have people who understand that I am not evil for wanting love and companionship.  

_________

Do you feel like LGBTQ peoples are getting more and more accepted within the Mormon community? What still need to be done?  

The Bible has an ever-expanding circle of inclusion. People who were forbidden early in the book get included later in the book. My church has a similar history of expanding who gets to be included. I don't think the circle is done expanding. If we are all children of Heavenly Parents, then they love us and want us to be included.

When I was young, the church leaders used to say that being gay was a choice, or was caused by a lack of faith or some other reason. Obviously they were WAY wrong. I didn’t choose to be gay, and I can’t unchoose it. There was no choice involved.

These days the church teaches that it’s okay to have gay feelings as long as you don’t act on them. It’s okay that I find men attractive as long as I don’t have sex with them.

Among the members, there is a growing acceptance among Mormons of gay people. In the United States, about 50% of Mormons approve of gay marriage even though the church opposes such marriages.

Just as LGBT Mormons have built communities on social media, the same is true for Mormon parents of queer children and friends & allies. It's possible to find support, to read statements explaining why the church needs to change, and so on.

My view is that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is about 25~30 years behind society on LGBTQ topics. It reluctantly is being forced to move forward, centimeter by centimeter. Think about where society was in 1990, that's where the Mormon church is. More change is coming. The homophobic teachings & policies seem wrong to a growing number of members, especially to younger people in their teens & twenties. These young people love & support their gay friends and don't want to be on the wrong side of the civil rights struggle of their lifetime. If the church doesn't change, it will lose large numbers of these young people, the future of the church.

_________

Will I have a future in this church? Decades of my life have slipped by waiting for the church to change. How much longer can I be expected to wait? Sometimes I feel so weary of trying to make life work. Other times I'm reminded of things that mean a lot to me in this church. It's unfair I have to choose between love and church, between family or faith, straight people are not required to make such a choice.

___________________________

I come back to you to ask you a little question, in your answers you say "Gays are something of an enigma to Mormons. We don’t fit into the theology and so they don’t know what to make of us." I find this sentence very interesting and I was wondering if the LGBT were the only one in this situation? This question may sound strange but is there other "enigma" within the Mormon community, or the LGBT are the only one to be in such an "in-between" position? Moreover do you now how the trans peoples are perceived within the community? I found very little information about it. 

I said that gays are an enigma, but that's true of the entire queer spectrum. If a child tells their parent, "I'm bi," the parent's reaction is likely to be "you don't need to tell anyone and you can marry someone of the opposite sex." They would just prefer to ignore and erase that their child also likes people of the same gender.

Most Mormons aren't familiar with asexual or aromantic orientations. They believe that sexuality is a gift from God and romantic feelings for a spouse will continue into heaven, so they can't make sense of people who say they don't experience either of those. If gays are an enigma, then trans people are considered a direct challenge to the theology.

Gender is an important part of Mormonism. The youth program is divided by gender, there is a women's organization at church, there is a male-only priesthood. Top leadership of the church and of the congregation is men. There are some women leadership positions, but typically they are leading women or children, not men or even teenage boys.

There's a lot of thought about gender roles and the leaders teach that gender is eternal. So for a trans member of the church to say my spirit is male but I was born into a girl's body, it's strange to Mormons.

The leadership thinks that trans people are confused. Most members think being trans is fake or some form of parental abuse forced onto children.There's a definite lack of understanding, and no interest in learning.

I'm friends with a number of trans people and church is really rough for them because the way they understand themselves is undermined, they're told their identity isn't valid.

About 25 years ago, a top church leader said that gays, feminists and intellectuals were enemies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The leaders used to fear anything unfavorable about church history being taught, everything had to be faith-promoting. But with the internet, now many people read about past teachings and some troubling things from church history. The leaders have come to terms with academics & historians and agree that it's important to expose church members to these things from the past. Better that church members learn about these things within the framework of the faith than from enemies of the church who will assign the worst motives to past actions.

Next up are feminists. This is a patriarchal church, meaning men hold the power. But more and more opportunities for women to participate are being opened up, the sexist language that existed in some of our religious rites has been replace or removed. While the leaders deny it could happen, there's a growing sense that perhaps women will get to be part of the priesthood, or perhaps will get a separate order of priesthood.

That leaves gays, and the church isn't ready to accept us. Thanks to science, the church can no longer say being gay is a choice or caused by sin. Nowadays church leaders will say that the cause of same-sex attraction is complicated, but that doesn't change the belief that gay sex & relationships are evil. The leaders say that gay marriage will never be accepted within the church.

But you know, there's a number of things that past leaders would say could never happen, and they have. A church that claims to receive revelation needs to be open to change. What's the point of revelation if there's nothing new to be revealed? The things that are right about this church can fix the things that are wrong about this church. 

[ll-kin-care]

Hello! May i ask for positivity for a Riko that feels that people doesnt/wont see me as who i am (I'm a trans dude, havent told my parents), the only person i see quite suportive is my bf but idk. Thank you so much..!

Of course Riko. Though I’ve never really had much experience with the topic of transgender, so I apologize if my response or certain replies aren’t the best…

Also, I was unsure if seeing your kin (A female, Riko) would make you feel uncomfortable(?) so I’ll be using Hanayo icons since I’ve recently confirmed her and I’m quite close with her…so I hope that’s alright Riri…

As usual my response is under the keep reading.

Well I can see why you would feel such a way about this…It’s great to hear you have a supportive partner and I’m sure he’s a big help with your transitioning.

Though topics such as transgender are quite new to some people, I mean, we’re living in an age where people are just starting to accept same sex relationships, and it’s great to see more people coming out of the closet and feeling confident about themselves and being able to love themselves without fear of being shunned or turned on (A friend of mine has just recently come out as gay, and it’s amazing to see him be so confident and open about himself). So I’d like to think it’s gotten a lot better then what it use to be a few decades ago…

Though there are certain people who may be new to the idea of one changing their gender. There are still great supporters of it, and I truly do wish we lived in a society where you could walk freely and confidently and love yourself with everyone accepting your change and respecting you…but with my current knowledge I’m not so sure. As humans, we tend to not like change, but after some time we adapt to new things and become fine with it. So I assumed that is why so many people shunned others who took an interest in the same or both genders…It was quite awful how they were once treated, but it’s quite wonderful how now a’days people are feeling more open to the subject.

But of course, transgender is quite different, especially if one wishes to go through with surgical operations. Which is actually completely fine, it does seem unfair that the influence of others would affect your choosing…

It’s quite a difficult matter for me to discuss, but the ramble above wasn’t a waste of time, my point with all of that, is: in time, I’m sure more people will be open to the idea and be supportive. But at this current point in time, it is quite logical for you to feel this way.

Though I’m sure your friends would be supportive if you were to let them know how you’re feeling…but before doing anything rash, testing out the waters would be a good idea. Like bringing up the topic of transgender people and seeing how your family or friends react, if they wonder why you’re curious over such a topic hen just say it came up at school/class/work or that you saw something on the news around it and was curious as to what they think. (Like, for example, there’s currently a gay marriage vote going on in my country, and my friend was able to see what her parents thought about it before deciding whether or not she should come out as Bi to them) Keeping it casual and carefree may help as well…so they don’t get suspicious of course. And once viewing their reactions it may give you some better insight of how you feel with opening up them about it (?)

It’s a totally normal question to ask if you’ve heard the topic going around at a work place or school environment or hell even online. So I don’t think they’d get too suspicious of you.

And even if now the people around you aren’t very comfortable with the topic or idea, then I’m sure in time, things will turn out alright…

It just depends on the person really. But to talk more about the feeling that people won’t see you as who you are…It does seem quite natural to feel this way in our current time and community, but I’m sure they will, eventually of course. If you have any close friends, or people you consider as good friends, then I’m confident they’ll be able to see you for who you truly are, or at least, accept you and your beliefs. Though give them some time to get use to the idea or a change of pronouns if needed, i still slip up the pronouns for a few of my friends so please understand they’re just use to your previously used addressing.

You are completely valid so please never let others influences make you feel inferior. It’s who you are, and other’s have no right to tell you who they believe you are. Your boyfriend sounds lovely, so I’m sure you can count on him when needing someone to talk to or need any extra support of course.

Though I would never want for you to get hurt when taking any actions, so when you feel ready and do wish to confess your beliefs on the topic with others, please be careful and delicate with the subject, you never know if someone dear to you could be transphobic unless told or seen otherwise of course.

You seem to be doing an excellent job as acting how you normally would, and it must be difficult thinking they’ll never see the real you. But I’m sure in time they will for sure. You’re doing so wonderfully Riko, have faith in yourself and the ones you care about. Maybe thinking about your friends and their personalities may help as well, if they support or are comfortable when talking about topics such as the LBTG+ community, then maybe that could also give you some insight, but parents and elders are very different, since in their times, little to no people were open about their sexuality and identity…so keep that in mind…

I’m not sure if this was helpful or not, but I do hope you’ll be alright Riko.

I am always here if you ever need any extra advice or support as well, you’re being so strong and mature it’s amazing, keep it up the best you can until certain of what you want to do.

Mod Riko ♬