#live laugh live adhd

[the-7th-heart]

Ayo, it's been a while. And also coincidentally a year since I wrote one of my "key writing pieces" regarding the soccer boys of Inazuma Eleven GO so I have decided to share it~

Braided hair and Flower crowns

Hakuryuu was away. Finally, away from that godforsaken island and away from that fashion-traitor of a “coach”. Tsurugi said that he could stay at his place while he's applying to schools but seeing as his place turned out to be a hospital room he decided to decline the proposition. Tenma chimed in and proposed he'd stay at his relative's apartment complex and they all decided that that was the best course of action in this situation.

They arrived at the building in late afternoon. Hakuryuu went up to the small room on the attic floor while Tenma and Tsurugi stayed and filled out all the necessary paperwork with Aki. He looked around the space he was just given. It was much bigger than his little area in God's Eden. Tenma apologised for him having to have the smallest room, but it was 4 times as big by comparison. He sat on the softest bed he'd felt in his life and couldn't help but feel a hand on his own. Or a phantom feeling, like an after-taste. He stood up and shook away the feeling. Deciding that looking out the roof window was the closest thing he'll have to a distraction, he opened it and gently set his elbows on the frame to look at the setting sun in peace.

“You look bad for someone who just got a new chance at life.” He would recognise that voice anywhere. Years of chasing after someone who doesn't even see you that way will do that to you. “Are you good or is channelling your inner Luke Skywalker just a regular thing now?”

Tsurugi walked up to him and sat down by the small table opposite the bed. He had a slight smile on, but his eyes had a tinge of worry. Just a little bit. Hakuryuu closed his eyes and let out a snicker turning back to see the sun set.

“What?” Tsurugi sounded offended.

“Just remembered how you got in trouble for smuggling those comics into the dorm, that's all. Oh, and let's not forget how we both got the extra hours because we sneaked out to go see the new movies in the cinema.”

“Yeah… Did we also sneak into the cinema?”

“We did. I remember us telling one of the employees that a girl's being molested by some old prick to get him away from the gate.”

Both of them smiled at the fond memories. The smile immediately dropped.

“Yeah… That may have been a mistake on our part…” Hakuryuu loosened up, his elbows still on the ledge, but his eyes were looking down at the ground below him, like the time on the destroyed lighthouse. He didn't feel the urge anymore, he was stronger than that.

“Maybe you're right.” Tsurugi had to think for a moment before he threw his head back and relaxed into the wall behind him and continued with a snide smile. “The movies weren't even that good, what a waste of hours of torture.”

“Alright, I need to have a talk with anyone who taught you humour because this is potentially problematic.” Hakuryuu turned and locked eyes with Tsurugi for a few seconds.

“Oh, he's right downstairs, finalising your new beginning.” Hakuryuu broke eye contact with a small chuckle and returned to his original position. The sun was so orange now it was making the light spreading from it a warm shade of orange too.

“God, I need to thank him for that.” His voice trailed off and a silence settled for a little while. After a breath, Hakuryuu spoke up again. “You look very happy together…”

Tsurugi was drilling his eyes into his back, worried about where this would go and fully ready to just throw the White Dragon out the window if he needed to.

“Are you happy with him?”

“I'd like to think that he's one of the best things to ever happen to me, if not the best. He got me out of needing to go back to the Hell Hole.” Tsurugi smiled kindly at the air in front of him. “He's like the sun and I honestly don't know where I would be if he didn't enter my life. So yes, I am very happy with him around.”

Another pause for the silence to enter.

“Well, if you're happy then I really need to thank Tenma for his kindness.” Hakuryuu smiled and turned fully around, leaning on his elbows with his back to the window and looked at Tsurugi who visibly relaxed hearing this. “You could say you have my full blessing as your childhood best friend.”

If they had a normal childhood the two would've laughed at that. Allas, they stuck to smiling lightly.

“And how are you and your little woodland friend?” Hakuryuu's face dropped as he looked away, fast. “Why didn't you invite him to come with you? I'm sure he'd also be better away from that Island-”

Hakuryuu cut off the other boy and looked out the window again, for the 2nd time in the last 20 minutes, returning to his sunset watching position.

“He said he can't leave.” He said, a sharp tone in his voice. “That as much as he'd want to, he needs to stay and 'protect the island', whatever the hell that even means.”

“Oh… I-” Tsurugi had to think for a moment of how to form his words. ”I'm sorry to hear that. You two seemed-”

“It's fine.” Hakuryuu said as the sun turned red. He didn't cry, it showed weakness and he couldn't afford to be weak. It was easy to not let the tears a regular teenager would be producing right now get to him. “I guess I just have the worst luck when it comes to people I like.” he let out a short sarcasting snicker. “Bah! Maybe I'm just not deserving of having a someone.”

That's the note they ended their conversation with. The sun continued setting as Hakuryuu thought back to his goodbye with Shuu on the island. That was a week ago, he should've been fine by now, but as he tried shaking it off, whenever he looked down to the street it looked as if he was there, walking slowly and looking into every window, like he was looking for something.

'Stupid. Another person you will foolishly chase until you burn yourself out. Just give up already and realise that fate just has different plans for you.'

After a while Tenma walked in and said that everything's alright and that Hakuryuu is welcome at breakfast at 8.30 every day and that lights-out is at 22. Then the pair left him to his devices so he could settle in for the night.

The sun has set and the street lamps turned on. Hakuryuu looked at the street one last time before going off to sleep and once again an image of Shuu locked eyes with him and waved with child-like excitement right at him before he blinked and it was gone.

'Just like on the ship…' He closed the window and got ready to sleep.

˜˜

The night was hard but a first night at a new place is always hard. The worst part happened shortly after midnight. Hakuryuu felt some weight on his chest and something soft fell on his cheek. When he opened his eyes (calling it half-awake would be much) he looked right at what seemed like Shuu hugging him by basically lying on top of him. His face was in his shoulder but when he tried moving to check if it wasn't just night paralysis Shuu turned to face him, their faces inches apart. The hallucination smiled and whispered something in Shuu's voice.

“I finally found you, Rii!”

He fell right back asleep while his throat hurt from held back pain.

˜˜

When Hakuryuu woke up in the morning he felt out of place.

“It will certainly take some time to get used to” He said to himself while stretching. He went to the small bathroom to get his hair in check when he noticed something weird in the mirror. His hair was all brushed nicely and there was a small braid in his hair. On the right side, where he would usually put a pen when he was studying.

It was a fishtail braid, a really tiny one. In the middle of it some of the strands were pulled lightly to form a little flower-like pattern.

“What…?” He had to make sure it was real, because it sure didn't feel like it. He only knew one person who was skilled enough in braiding to be able to pull it off and it sure as hell wasn't Tsurugi. Hakuryuu started connecting the dots from yesterday's night and afternoon and even added his usual feeling of somebody watching him to the mix because hey, might as well, and he reached one conclusion that was straight-up impossible. Maybe that's why it was probably the right one.

He decided to check his hypothesis and went about his day. He kept the little braid tucked behind his ear of course.

The one he did that day was locate the nearest flower show that sold the one flower he needed.

˜˜

The next day the first thing Hakuryuu did was check for more braids. He didn't need to look very long seeing as there were at least a dozen tiny copies of the one he got the night before as well as a bigger version made from the hair he would usually put in a ponytail. He promptly gave up on that and decided to just go around town looking like a braided lunatic.

That is until he bumped into Tenma on breakfast and chose to destroy the big masterpiece as well as most of the tiny ones. He kept the original braid. After he had that sorted out he went about his day until the late hours of the day.

He came to the flower shop a few minutes before closing time. A gentle smell of lavender surrounded him and threw him off his planned out strategy. He must've scared the old lady at the counter seeing as he didn't look exactly what you can call a “calm and collected nice young man”. He realised his habits were slipping and immediately turned into the confused kid he really was and the grandma softened.

“Um, good evening miss.” He started, not sure if his plan will even work. What if he's just going crazy? What if he remembered wrong? “I'm looking for a red camellia…”

“Of course, darling. I'll get you one right away.” The lady walked from behind the counter and around the shop, searching for the right flower while Hakuryuu just stood in the middle like a statue, trying to gaslight himself into thinking this idea was good. He even summoned Tenma's catchphrase to try to help himself out of his own mind. “Oh! I found it!”

“Thank you, miss.” He managed to stutter out. “I'd like the very red one, please.”

“Of course, of course. Just a single one?”

“Yes, please.”

“If I can ask, why are you buying a single flower this late at night? Is it love problems?”

“I-” Seeing as he was a shielded kid for a greater part of his childhood Hakuryuu's never had a proper interaction with an old lady before, but he decided he might as well tell her, considering his plan's length. “Yeah, you could say so…”

“Is it a she or a he you're getting this one for?”

“He.”

“Oh it's so nice to see a new generation of our youth is still struggling with the same things we did…”

“I'm sorry?”

“Oh no,” The lady waved at him while wrapping his flower. “Don't worry about it, dear. Did you know, actually, my wife actually brought the batches of red and white camellia's right from the source of the Goto Islands?”

Hakuryuu was too busy reviewing his memory to see if this was the same flower, for sure, to acknowledge that personally, but his subconscious did that for him.

“Alright, that'll be [here enter a number of money].”

The White Dragon paid, thanked the old lady, and walked out of the shop with the flower in his hand. When he got back to his room, he put the plant in a cup filled with water he got from the kitchen in the morning and went to sleep hoping his message would be received.

'I hope that's the flower he talked about…'

˜˜

Hakuryuu woke up from something wet hitting his face in the middle of the night. It was only a few droplets of water, but his hand lingered on his face trying to make sense out of the situation. When he got a hold of reality, he looked to check on his bedside table to check on the camellia.

The dark red camellia was gone.

Hakuryuu smiled softly, closed his eyes and went back to sleep with a smile on his lips and another tiny braid in his hair.

˜˜

Going to the flower shop just before closing became routine after a few days. Tsurugi asked him about it but he didn't want to explain to the only person who had some basic respect for him to think he was going completely insane, so he said nothing.

The lady in the shop questioned him every night for more information, even after the plan's been on for over a week. She'd even stay in the shop a little longer when she knew Hakuryuu was going to come but he was running late.

He ended up talking to her about his mess of a streak. It was the first person he ever felt comfortable with since… Since forever, really. He never really felt as good with Tsurugi, but that was due to the environment they were in. Yet this random old lady was willing to stay after work just to make sure he was feeling alright at the end of the day. They've become friends without even knowing each other's names.

His pattern was easy: 4 red flowers, 1 white. Thankfully the ones that he was buying were a bit bigger than the ones he'd seen before, so he needed less than he thought. Managing to cut from around 30 down to max 20. That ment he'd be done with his plan by the end of the month.

Every night when he came back from the shop he'd put the flower he bought in the cup with freshwater and go to sleep.

Every day he'd wake up with a new braid in his hair and the flower gone. He'd let the new braids go, but even after 2 weeks into the whole thing he still kept the first one, always neatly tucked behind his ear. This meant he struggled with where to put his pen, but that was a minor temporary inconvenience.

˜˜

“Thank you so much!” Hakuryuu said getting his flower.

“Wow, you seem more excited than usual.”

“And you look more tired and worn-out than usual… Is everything alright?”

“Yes, yes, don't worry about little-old me. Tell me, dear, what's got you so happy today of all days?”

Hakuryuu smiled like he'd never smiled before. He was still worried about the sudden worsening state of his friend, but he was almost there. He couldn't help but be ecstatic.

“Tomorrow's the last flower. Then the whole thing will be complete!”

“I'm so happy that you will finally get to see him again, dear-” the lady started coughing violently into the handkerchief she held in her hand at the last moment. Hakuryuu looked at her, worried out of his mind for once, and waited until she was alright to speak. He didn't know what to do in this situation. He did manage to remember that her condition's been worsening over the past couple of days he's been coming over but she always reassured him she was alright. She needed to be alright.

“Hey, umm…” He started when she seemed to settle down. “Are you sure everything's alright, miss?”

She smiled and told him that yes, she was perfectly alright, and he left to proceed with his routine.

˜˜

The next evening came very fast by Hakuryuu's standards. He was walking in the direction of the shop when he saw the red-and-blue light from the corner he had to turn. Instincts made him run. So he did.

He saw the ambulance in front of the door. He saw his old lady being wheeled into it and another older woman standing on the sideline as the paramedics closed the doors. He didn't make it in time.

The second woman turned to him as he stood frozen in shock just a few steps from where the ambulance was just a few seconds ago.

“You must be the 'Dear' Lavender talked about…” She sounded sad, her eyes still red and her face wet from crying. “She left you something. Said you'll need it for today. It's in the shop, I'll… God, I'm sorry.” The woman tried smiling through the new tears but instead she just let out a heartbreaking sob as she disappeared behind the glass door with a little ding of a bell, the soft smell of lavender escaping and reaching Hakuryuu

Hakuryuu still stood there, he couldn't move. He didn't understand, she said she was fine just yesterday. What if this is his fault, he was the one who didn't do anything about her yesterday, maybe if he'd called someone or told someone-

The other woman came out of the shop with something long wrapped neatly into the flower-packing paper his lady used. It had a note attached with a simple string to it.

“I think you should have it for free.” The woman said, handing it to him. He couldn't say anything in return, he wasn't there, not really. She started tearing up again. “This is what she would've liked when she was here. I- I'm sorry, darling, but… She had a condition, we didn't see it coming, I-” She started crying again, properly.

But Hakuryuu didn't cry. He knew he should. He maybe even could, he felt pain in his throat and his eyes were blinking, but he didn't cry.

Crying shows weakness. And he wasn't weak.

˜˜

He couldn't fall asleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes, he just saw the lights and the woman and he had to open them to make sure he wasn't there again. He considered calling Tsurugi, but decided against it due to his irrational fear of smartphones. After the 3rd time he had to wake up he looked at the last white camellia sitting in the cup with his lady's - Lavender's - note on the bottom of his drawer. He couldn't risk it being out in the open. Just in case.

“ “Tell him you love him before he's gone again - Lavender. Ps. Don't worry, You'll be Great, dear!” “

He couldn't fall asleep that night. Until he became too tired to open his eyes.

˜˜

Hakuryuu woke up while it was still dark. He didn't want to get up, he didn't want to risk walking past the flower shop any time soon, but just as he turned to his side he noticed that the flower was gone. He sat up and looked around the room. He spotted some shiny, golden dust and red petals near the door.

Intrigued, he dressed up to go outside and followed the trail.

There were small groupings of petals mixed with the weird dust every once in a while, leading Hakuryuu out of the house and to the street just outside of his window. The streetlights were gently lighting the road as he stood in the middle of the now-empty road by the last pile he could see. He looked up at his window and looked around and focused his ears and yet he just couldn't hear or see anything.

He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

'So was all that for nothing?'

He felt a soft, warm wind blow from behind him.

“Hi.”

He spun around, ready to fight at first but then he saw him.

Shuu, standing in a golden halo of street lights, right in front of him. He was smiling gently and looking at him, right at his eyes. He was holding in both of his hands a flower crown of red-and-white camellia flowers and was smiling and he just looked… dreamy.

“Shuu…?” Hakuryuu approached him slowly, carefully. The other boy didn't say anything, he continued smiling that warm, soft smile. His whole face felt as if it was glowing. Hakuryuu entered the light of the lamp and stopped before Shuu.

“Are you…” He struggled to speak. ”Are you really here?”

Shuu just closed his eyes, still smiling, and gently nodded his head.

Hakuryuu took another step forward. He put his hands on Shuu's hands gently, like he was just a vapour visible in the light of the night. When his fingertips felt the other boy's soft skin, he was sure. He stared, a little startled, and locked eyes with Shuu, Hakuryuu's bright red ones almost drilling into the soft chocolate-brown of the boy he'd missed so much. He kept their hands connected.

“You…” He started to say, but the pain in his throat stopped him.

“Me.” He said. It was all Hakuryuu needed. He moved his hands up Shuu's arms, cupped his face, pulled him closer to himself which made Shuu free one of his hands to save the flower crown, and he kissed the boy that's been on his mind for such a long time now. The smaller boy was caught off guard by this at first, it all happened really fast, but after getting his bearings he kissed back. They stood like this before breaking away with Hakuryuu's smile. He was grasping the extent of his face, the simple beauty of his eyes and the soft tone of his skin. Shuu smiled back at him and put his free hand on Hakuryuu's face as a mirror of him still holding his face gently.

“I missed you too, Rii.”

Hakuryuu couldn't be more overjoyed at the moment. He felt his eyes filling up and his whole world went smudged before he basically tackled Shuu into a tight hug and melted into tears.

Maybe tears showed weakness. If so, then Hakuryuu was alright to admit he was weak that day. But he would only let himself be weak around the boy who had come for him in the middle of the night, waited with him there in the street and listened as he talked about his lady in the flower shop and how much he'd missed him.

˜˜

A few, maybe 2, maybe 3 days later Hakuryuu walked into the flower shop and bought a small bouquet of a red and a white camellias surrounded thinly by lavender. Shuu joined him outside and the two walked together to the local cemetery. They found the grave easily, it was the newest one afterall. Hakuryuu gently placed the tiny bouquet in front of the stone and sat down on the ground.

He looked up at Shuu who gave him an encouraging smile and a light squeeze of a shoulder, and he started talking. He introduced his lady to his boy and talked all about the things he forgot to talk about the other times. They sat there until he was sure he told her everything he could remember.

As they were walking away they were hand-in-hand, their fingers intertwined.

“Shuu?”

“Hm?”

“Do… Do you think she saw us there? Do you think she's okay now? That she's not sick anymore?” Hakuryuu said while looking at the ground. Shuu turned around and looked at the golden spirit of a young, beautiful woman sitting on top of the stone they just left. She was smiling. When she noticed Shuu was looking at her she waved at him happily. He waved back while speaking.

“I think you'll have to trust me when I say she is perfectly fine where she is now. She's waiting for her wife's turn to move on together, most probably.”

Hakuryuu smiled sadly, still looking at the ground.

“Oh, and she's probably going to be very happy when she sees…” Shuu nodded at the spirit, stopped and pulled Hakuryuu's hand a little to get him to look up and when he did, the smaller boy kissed him softly.

“I love you too, you know?”

“How do you…” Hakuryuu was very much taken a little off-guard. Shuu pointed his head in the direction of the grave.

“She told me about the note.”

And then Shuu smiled, hugged Hakuryuu's arm and the two went together, knowing that they will have to stop having dates in the middle of the night every time.

[ukuraichu]

idk if anyone needs this but my DSA mentor showed me this website called goblin tools, it basically makes things for neurodivergent ppl so much easier

it can:

break down to do lists to make them more managable

transform text to different tones to suit the need (this is so useful for me writing a job application yahhooo)

judge the emotions from a text (like reading the tone of things)

estimate how long something will take (timeframe wise)

turn braindumps into a series of actions

create recipes from ingredients

you can also alter the "spicyness" of a task which can make things more/less intense. very awesomesauce

[tianaahhhh]

[blueishyperfixating]

actually so happy I decided to just go and watch aaa because wdym I haven't hyperfixate on smth in WEEKS and it was depressing and rn I'm hyperfixating on lesbian witches

[yxleii]

Little Michael doodles because I am ill

[thelocalweird]

I had an idea

[a-concert-just-for-me]

QB ADHD test is crazy for autists bc tell me why you’re gonna strap this super uncomfortable headband to my head and also have the lights bright in the room bright af and then have the laptop flash images at me too

Like????????

[dirtytransmasc]

I have this HC for spider that I need to get out of my skull.

he was a cuddly baby. like, you could hold him, snuggle, even nap with him all day without a single complaint. he soaked up any and all physical affection he could.

now this isn't to mistake him with a sleepy baby, no no, he was something much more dangerous; he was the type of baby that would trick you into holding him all day, basically hiding his energy,, until you go to put him to bed, and he's up and running loops around you for hours.

basically, he was the perfect cuddle buddy, but he was also a ticking time bomb, because its so hard to tell when he needed to be held and given down time/a nap (cause he was god awful if he was over tired), when he just going with being held, and when he just wanted to be held (against the better judgment of his sleep schedule).

[ssruis]

To be honest I love the vibe you bring around. You're like the "well actually" but like positive. You know the one classmate who argues with the teacher about the solution for half an hour and then ends up being right. And it's like both educational and a wild ride to follow along even as someone who is simultaneously in love with canon and also rejects it entirely depending on where the coin lands in the morning. Every class should have one of those people. For common good.

What I mean to say is you're lovely and I don't think anyone should get on your case for being a bit of a snob (/pos). It's a fandom and we all enjoy the source material in different ways and yours is a lot of fun. The amount of effort you clearly put into your blog is immaculate and frankly makes me starry-eyed. Congrats on the -tism tho

- Jay

Aww thank uuu… I am a well actually person OTL learning new information is fun! Sharing information is fun! Being corrected allows you to learn new things and debating things can help you see new angles or find new evidence to support your own point! That last thing isn’t really a common viewpoint though which is why I have zero desire to like… directly argue with people. This is why tumblr > twitter (I can bitch about things in my own little corner of the internet and nobody has to know what post/person I’m disagreeing with & I don’t have to agonize over whether or not my manner of speaking comes off as aggressive)

Nobody’s really gotten on my case (yet) but I enjoy lamp shading my own obnoxiousness/humbling myself. It’s healthy to acknowledge that you’re not infallible/special. Built in mechanism that prevents me from becoming the tsukasa tenma of character analysis. Every time I start getting a big head about something I remind myself that I am also capable of great stupidity and my ego evens out.

[pyjamacryptid]

sorry if this is annoying and you can delete if you want could i just ask how is the bbc meerlin _ live commentary series comingg along?

Oh my gosh no I would never delete this, it made my day! <3 I love hearing that people love it and are still interested in it!!! In fact, I'm going to @ Mac and Kit because they love it too. Hey losers (affectionate) @1kitwonder @macaritaville Yeah, I haven't updated it in a loooong while, that's on me lol. We finished ages ago! It's just that yours truly got distracted/lost motivation with finishing the commentary series. But, good news, your ask prompted me to start finishing the next episode!

To tide you over until I post that, have an outtake:

[masterpost for BBC Merlin Live Commentary by Ren & Friends]

[devourable]

Saint I miss seeing u on my dash dawg

u cant just say this to me man 😭 i miss yall too i SWEAR im making a comeback soon im just crazy busy irl. its so hard to write and for what reason

[boomerang109]

a panic is filling me about my halloween costume. but it’s not about the costume. it’s about my inability to prioritize myself in my own life. it’s about lying in bed all day and watching my life pass me by. it’s about the months that have passed without creation. it’s about letting life happen to me, not living it. it’s about spiraling out of control and not knowing how everybody else keeps talking to each other and knowing one another when i can’t even get out of bed.

i’m sick to my stomach with inertia. i know this and still i do not get out of bed. bed is safe and the world is not. but the safety of bed is a lie. living in bed and letting the world pass me by does not save me from the pain of life.

i want to sleep. i want to scream. i want to run. i want to disappear. i want to be seen. i want to create. i want to live a life that doesn’t feel like drowning. i want to live.

[sorivii]

Guess who procrastinated sooo hard that they have a essay on 70pages to read and then review for a report I have to write that is due in 4h???

✨✨🤡✨ME✨🤡✨✨

[ineedfairypee]

My life’s mantra

[captain-corvidae]

ADHD meds are great cause they can make me go from feeling absolutely crazy to a slightly different more quiet crazy.

[moe-broey]

Tears in my eyes covered in blood.

I MISS ALFONSE FIRE EMBLEM‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️