#live in the present i remind myself constantly

[2000sflipphone]

Mourning the future when I won't be the same age as the Gangsey

[nenelonomh]

stop doom scrolling

doomscrolling, the habit of endlessly scrolling through negative news on your phone or computer, will not only destroy your personality and character but it is detrimental to your mental health. many people are trapped in the habit but do not release the insane effect that even half an hour has on their psyche.

you literally have a whole life to live! why are you wasting it!

and so, here are some tips to help you break this negative compulsion:

1. set time limits

use apps or built-in phone features to set time limits on social media and news apps. this can help you become more aware of how much time you’re spending and encourage you to take breaks.

2. schedule specific times for news

designate specific times of the day to check the news, rather than constantly throughout the day. this can help you stay informed without feeling overwhelmed.

3. practice mindfulness

engage in mindfulness practices like meditation or deep breathing exercises. this can help you stay present and reduce the urge to doomscroll.

4. seek out positive content

balance negative news with positive stories or uplifting content. follow accounts that share good news or inspiring stories.

5. engage in other (offline) activities

find alternative activities to replace doomscrolling, such as reading a book, exercising, or spending time with friends and family. keeping busy with other interests can reduce the temptation to scroll.

6. use thought-stopping techniques

when you catch yourself doomscrolling, use a thought-stopping technique like saying “stop” out loud or visualizing a stop sign. this can help interrupt the behavior and redirect your focus.

7. limit notifications

turn off non-essential notifications on your phone to reduce the constant influx of news alerts. this can help you control when and how you consume information.

8. reflect on your feelings

take a moment to reflect on how doomscrolling makes you feel. recognizing the negative impact it has on your mood can motivate you to change the habit.

9. set goals for screen-free time

establish goals for spending time away from screens, such as having screen-free meals or dedicating certain hours of the day to offline activities.

10. seek support

talk to friends or family about your efforts to reduce doomscrolling. having support can make it easier to stick to your goals and find healthier ways to stay informed.

bonus. change your mindset

instead of apathy and not caring about your mental health and character, try to grow and build yourself as a person; learn to love yourself. one trick that i use to stop myself if i ever start to rot is reminding myself that i am a creator and not a consumer. this identity reinforcement allows me to simply ignore the doom scrolling urge.

implementing these strategies can help you break the habit of doomscrolling and improve your overall well-being. i wish you luck on your development journey!

❤️nene

[keto-keyes]

The Slytherins at Valentines

Imagine/preference

In celebration of the day of love, I have taken it upon myself to commit to paper how I imagine the Slytherins would celebrate Valentines with their S/O

Mattheo Riddle:

Mattheo would probably act like he'd forgotten until right at the last minute before it was time to head to sleep for the night

and practically dump a whole-ass pile of presents on his S/O's head.

definitely expects you to cuddle w/ him

he's the little spoon obviously

would constantly whisper things like:

"You thought I forgot, didn't you?"

"...Dumbass thought I'd forget the best day ever"

If you correct him, you lose your gifts

If you don't, smug ass bf forever

Choice is yours

He never really shows how touch-starved he is until Valentines Day, when he can snuggle with you and kick all the others out of your dorm without hearing you complain

not that you ever do

Basically, cuddles and rich-man benefits from the king of puppy eyes.

Tom Riddle:

This man... he is so romantic about how he spoils his S/O

A single rose, or a ring or some other piece of jewellery

Watch out, he'll present it at breakfast with a modest little card and expect you to wear it all day without fail.

might even buy you a crown fitting for the queen of the slytherins

doesn't like PDA, so none of that

Subtle smiles in your direction, maybe even a blown kiss

will love exchanging coded love letters with you like the little nerd he is

if you expected him to be cold like usual, he's not

other kids get time off from being victims, he's moony about you for a change

probably even brings small little things he finds to give you in-between classes

a feather, a dropped quill, some cookies he "borrowed" from some useless gryffindors

Mattheo couldn't stop teasing him after he caught Tom plucking nice-smelling herbs from the potions closet

You might need to stop him killing his brother

he's a gentleman, alright?

Theodore Nott:

Italians know how to Valentines Day

the saint is literally FROM Italy

and theo is rich. So....

Presents. lots of presents

anything you need

kisses also. lots of kisses

mans really loves kissing you. he'll never say no to PDA

staring at you for HOURS

dude has a stare like looking into the ocean - beautiful but somehow also makes you self-conscious

whispering to you in italian

even if you can't understand him, you know he's either complimenting you or whispering blasphemy about whichever first year last crossed his path

he likes to sit you on his lap when he can and rub your thighs or massage your shoulders

shoulder and neck kisses when you do

he doesn't like to be too far away from you, like any good clingy bf

will definitely need you to tell him to stop holding your hand or your waist before he does

maybe needs reminding multiple times. especially with other guys around

double the soft boy on the day of love

Draco Malfoy:

expect this boy to become very clingy

he's attention-starved, remember?

but he will give his S/O lots of gifts and presents to celebrate love

cards, messages via flying paper crane, roses, rings, ripped out passages of books from the forbidden section of the library, all the romantic gifts

he prefers to give little pecks on your cheeks when he can, but if not, definitely hand kisses.

i kid you not, he will get down on one knee with his usual gentlemanly demeanour just to kiss your knuckles

give this poor boy lots of kisses please

he needs them

play with his hair, let him be the little spoon

not that he isn't usually

he just won't let any of the others know that

holding hands

terrorising first-years

sending cutesy love letters to one another without the professor knowing

or zipping them right past mcgonagal's ear, if you live on the wild side

either way, he's so soft and squishy

Blaise Zabini:

i have come to inform you that this man will skip school for you

you're not feeling potions today, rather go out on the town? done

he does not care

you both get good grades anyway

all the sweets

sugar is his love language, and, funnily enough, your pet name

letting you wear his jackets

kisses. give this man some kisses

holding hands whenever you can.

i headcanon his hands are huge.

like giant sized

him smiling to himself whenever he sees you

"How did I manage to score this little sugarcube?"

yep, another sugar-themed pet name

you are like a little flower he needs to preserve (an icing flower, if you catch my drift)

another member of the touch-starved trio

he can do your hair for you (if you have long hair), but ONLY if you sit on his lap

this man knows french. and danish

did you know danish is one of the most beautiful languages on earth? well, you will soon

he likes muttering how pretty you are in danish. and how much he loves you

also, mans is a legit beanpole boy

he will rest his head on yours. he is just that tall

anyway, he loves you in 3 languages fam

Pansy Parkinson:

probably wants to make sure you both have the same number of presents

you'll always have one more than her somehow. like, how does someone forget they bought you the cat (or some other household pet) you always wanted?

isn't happy until she can constantly see a smile adorning your features

like Blaise, she will do your hair for you (if you have hair)

she buys THE NICEST necklaces and bracelets. not even Tom can compare

she can also speak french, but she'll only open up and start speaking it when you tell her you love her in your native language

will find pretty flowers to put in your hair or behind your ear so you can constantly smell of that flower

holding hands. there is no excuse

showing you off to the boys, making them pretend to have never met you before

no-one is allowed to make you smile except her. so, please stay away from Mattheo and Enzo for the day

will contain her anger and short temper for you

she's the little spoon.

you must comfort her. dealing with 6 boys everyday is tough

you're like royalty for a day, deal with it

Lorenzo Berkshire:

cheesy gifts. no cap

small flowers out of decorative bouquets? check

a flower or butterfly pin? yessir

constant hand-holding

teasing you

lip bites, squeezing your thighs, twirling strands of either of your hair

he is a major flirt, contrary to popular belief

he thinks you are the most adorable thing ever

loves to tell you how gorgeous you look

master gentleman in action, ladies and gents

singing cheesy love songs

mans will serenade you

he is the big spoon, for reasons you may never know

perhaps he likes holding his world in his arms

that's right folks, you are his WORLD

and nothing will stop him from telling you that as you nap in his arms instead of going to potions

[yourmidnightlover]

getting it over with - ch 1

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: after relentless teasing and being the butt of too many jokes, you ask bucky to help you become more experienced in… a particular area of your life

warning: precious bucky, virgin shaming?, virgin reader, slight male!oc x reader, sexual harrassment, illuding to sex, talk of sex

w/c: 2.5k

a/n: i am working on part 2 in my other series, timeless. i've been debating two different ways i could take it and it's been an internal battle trying to figure that out. that being said, i can't help myself and started writing this and so here it is! this will likely be a simple mini series with smut in the later parts, probably the next one tbh. anywho... enjoy!

another night with the girls, and yet another night of beng singled out and ridiculed over a miniscule part of your life. 

you were a well accomplished woman and yet all of your hard work has consistently been overlooked in nearly every conversation because of your extracurricular activities. or, well, more like your lack of extracurricular activities. 

you had been working with the avengers for five years now as their pr manager, living there for a little over three after finding it was easier to represent and present the team in a brighter light when you knew more about them. it was after you moved in that you got much closer to james ‘bucky’ barnes, who you’ve coined the nickname of ‘jamie’ for. your friends also began to question why you hadn’t, in their terms, “banged,” one of the avengers you happened to live with.

truth be told, you did enjoy spending time with them, especially bucky. but, that would be crossing a line. you were practically employed by them. well, technically you were employed by tony, but that didn’t change the fact that they were your clients. it was just particularly easy to find the good in the people who constantly saved the world. well, that, and you were supposed to make them look good anyway. 

the most difficult one to paint in the golden light was definitely bucky. you were great at getting the media to lean into his humanity and reminding them of how he had been tortured into what he became. you’ve imagined him to the public as “sargeant bucky barnes,” giving him back the title he earned rather than the name he was branded. he was still wary of venturing into the eye of the public, but everytime he did there were less people yelling at him and more people giving pitying looks and whispers. sure, he would rather not be recognized at all, but whispering was a hell of a long way from harassment. 

bucky was grateful for everything you’d done for him. truth be told, you were grateful for everything they had done for you anyway. hell they had repeatedly saved all of humanity, helping their reputation was the least you could do for them. 

but regardless of how well of a job you’ve done making the avengers’ reputation way lighter, somehow the only thing your old friends could talk about is how you’re somehow still a virgin.

“god, i can’t believe you’re still a virgin sometimes. especially being surrounded by hunks like him,” stephanie spoke up as she flipped her bleached hair behind her shoulder. “i would’ve tried my luck long before i cleared their name, girl. i mean, that sergeant guy has the prettiest blue eyes, and have you never wondered what he could do with that metal hand of his?” 

you rolled your eyes, “he’s more than a pretty face, steph. he’s actually really sweet, too. his humor’s a bit old, kinda like a grandpa.”

“well, if he’s a grandpa then i’d gladly be his sugar baby,” she squeaked as she sipped on her vodka cranberry. 

“can we not talk about him like that?” your face furrowed in embarrassment and you only hoped that she would take your blushing as remnants of the alcohol running through your body.

“why?” she scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “do you want him or something?” she paused, seeingly waiting for your response. clearly, your silence was answer enough. “oh my god you like him, don’t you?” 

“no, no, it’s not like that,” you shook your head as you downed the rest of your drink. “i just spend a lot of time with him because of the job, y’know?” 

“why don’t you just get him to pop your precious cherry?” she ventured as she stood from her stool. 

boy, had you wished for that. mostly in your wildest dreams, but part of you hoped it could maybe happen. but then, you would wake up and were reminded of your place in the world. besides, jamie was over 100 years old. there’s no way he’d want someone who didn’t know what they were doing in the bedroom. 

“or,” steph interrupted your thoughts. “we can get out there and find you a different guy to pop your cherry,” she finished with a wink as she grabbed your hands, pulling you from your seat and to the dance floor. 

you managed to sneak a glance at the clock before the crowd surrounding you made it more difficult, reading the time being 11 pm. you told the guys you’d be back before 1, so that gave you enough time to please stephanie and then politely excuse yourself. 

surprisingly, you had begun to enjoy yourself. the music wasn’t so bad with the surge of confidence the alcohol running through your veins gave you. after a few too many drinks, you were in your own world. finally unbothered by the nagging thoughts of your friends and the weight of your job on your shoulders. 

you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder before turning to see a sweet smile. he had big, brown eyes and shaggy hair, broad shoulders, none that compared to the men you lived with, but they were nice nonetheless. 

“hi,” he said even sweeter than his smile, keeping his hands to himself politely. “i-i’m noah.”

“well, hello, noah,” you smiled as you stepped closer to him, uncharacteristically throwing your arms around his neck as you continued to sway to the music. “y/n.”

“i-uh-you-you’re gorgeous,” he stuttered as his hands modestly found your waist.

“you really think so?” you said teasingly before leaning up to his ear. “i think you are super cute, yourself.” 

at this point, you had nearly forgotten all about stephanie’s presence at all. maybe she had already left with another guy, herself? who knows. right now, all you knew was that you didn’t know brown eyes could be so pretty. mayb you didn’t want to wait anymore. maybe you didn’t want to be the old virgin in your friend group anymore. maybe noah could change that.

“you’re unreal,” he chuckled as he continued to sway with you for the next song until you began to kiss on his neck. 

“you taste so sweet,” you commented in his ear before kissing right below it. he pulled back, giving you a sweet smile before connecting your lips together. 

“you taste sweeter, believe me,” he huffed out a breath as you reconnected your lips with his. 

“i think i want you, noah,” you whispered against his lips so softly he wasn’t sure he even heard you. “pretty please?” 

“ye-yea, sure,” he guided you out of the bar, you needing nearly all of his support to even walk out of the threshold of the door. 

“think ‘m sleepy, noah,” you mumbled against his neck as the cold air hit your face, as if it had began to sober you up.

“you just said you wanted me…?” he perplexed as he pulled you aside into the ally to gather yourself. 

“‘m sorry, noah,” you shrugged as the cold air hit you again. “‘s cold outside, can i go back in?” you turned to walk back inside when he grabbed your arm, probably a bit more harsh than he intended to. 

“what the fuck?” he sounded disappointed. “i complimented you, i let you make the first move, and now you just wanna back out?” he pulled you closer to his body. “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“i-i dunno, i just got confused i think?” you stumbled as you tried to back away once more. “it’s too cold out here, noah.” 

“maybe this’ll warm you up,” he grabbed your pliable face and brought you back in for a kiss before you tried to push him away again.

“y/n?” you heard a raspy voice call out. “what the fuck?” you turned to see your jamie confused.

“jamie!” you tred to wiggle out of noah’s grasp once more, a disgruntled look on your face as you did so. “jamie…” you were now limply wrestling out of noah’s grasp as he scoffed at the situation in front of him. 

“what?” he said in disbelief. “you wanna lead me on and leave with this guy?”

“noah-”

“i think you need to back of the lady, alright, man?” bucky spoke up as he stepped closer towards you. “she’s clearly a bit drunk, just let me take her home and we’ll be on our way. no harm, right?” he tried to reason with the douchebag. 

“no harm?” he grasped your arm tighter before he continued, making you wince slightly. “so this bitch is able to fucking lead me on and then leave me high and dry and there’s ‘no harm’?”

“okay, i’ve tried to be nice about this,” without a second of hesitation, he had noah’s arms behind his back, not enough to seriously injure him, but just enough to harm him enough to not tempt him to do any more harm. “you will apologize to miss y/n for talking to her the way you did, you will walk away, and you won’t do anything like that to any woman in the near future, understood?” noah nodded. “am i understood?!” 

“yes, yes!” bucky nudged him further in your direction as you were leaning your back against the brick wall for stability. “i’m sorry, y/n.”

“for…?” bucky taunted.

“i’m sorry for talking to you the way i did.”

“good boy,” bucky teased as he released the man, letting him run away and not sparing him another glance before he made his way closer to you. 

“‘m sorry, jamie,” you stumbled forward and threw your arms around him. you had never been so openly affectionate, especially with bucky since you knew his aversions. since you were so drunk, you simply didn’t register the unspoken boundaries you had unintentionally set in place for yourself. “didn’t wanna make him mad. jus’ changed my mind s’all,” you buried your face in his neck. 

“you have a right to change your mind, doll,” he soothed as he gently rubbed your back, leading you to steve’s car he borrowed. 

“y/n?” you snapped your head to look at bucky as he spoke. “i don’t want you to be so late again, doll. it’s almost 2 am. had me worried sick about ya,” his hand danced on your knee, you assumed to comfort you after the events of the night.

“i didn’t know,” you shook your head. “i swear, i just lost track of time. s’not like me to do this. i just got so mad and wanted to get it over with, y’know?”

“get what over with?”

“you won’t laugh at me?” you grabbed his hand that was resting on your knee and turned in your seat to face your body towards him. “never, doll,” he chuckled at your serious tone.

“i’m tired of bein’ a virgin,” you said with a sense of disappointment. “don’ want people makin’ fun of me anymore.”

“that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, doll,” he shook his head as he put the car in park before running to your side of the car and helping you out. “some people want to save that moment, i get it.”

“no,” you groaned as you leaned into him. “i don’t wanna save it. i was just scared at first, and then i didn’t want to, and now it’s too late because nobody wants to be with a virgin.”

“that’s not true, y/n,” he shook his ehad as he pressed your shared floor on the elevator. 

“would you wanna have sex with me?” you wondered aloud as bucky began coughing loudly. “don’t be mean,” you huffed and crossed your arms, figuring he was trying to hide his laugh. “steph said i should get you to ‘pop my cherry’ but i knew you would’t wan-”

“hey, that’s not what i meant,” he stopped your train of thought. 

“so you do wanna ‘pop my cherry’?” you awed at the man as the elevator doors opened. 

“i wan’ you to stop referencing it as ‘popping your cherry’,” he grimaced as he said it himself. 

“you wanna have sex with me? bang? do the deed? take my virginity? make love?”

“stop it,” he groaned as you giggled, leaning into his chest even more. “i wanna have this conversation when your sober, if you even remember it.”

“i’ll remember, my sweet jamie,” you held onto his arm as he walked you to your room, helping you get into bed before going into your bathroom and returning with your bin of skincare. “this is why you’re my sweet jamie,” if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was blushing. 

he began using your makeup wipes to remove the remnants of makeup that had survived the night, followed by micellar water to remove the excess remover from your face. you knew he had seen you do your skincare routine after having so many late movie nights with one another, but it was still flattering that he had remembered it all so well. he finished applying your toners, serums, and finally your moisturizer with gentle hands, his metal one providing a nice cold surface that woke your skin up a bit more. it wasn’t until you reached up to grab his flesh hand that he noticed the bruises lacing your arms. 

“god,” he sighed as he looked down at his lap. “i’m so sorry i was too late, doll.”

“you weren’t too late,” you shook your head at his negativity. “you were perfectly on time. you saved me. i don’t-i don’t know what would’ve happened had you not shown up. i-”

“i don’t wanna think about what could’ve happened, please,” he shook his head as he held onto your bruised wrist softly, tenderly rubbing his cool metal hand over the damaged skin before pressing a kiss to it. 

“will you stay with me tonight?” you asked softly, as if you were scared he would say no. as if he would ever tell you no. 

“only if you’re sure,” you nodded eagerly with a grin before he crawled into bed with you. 

bucky’s arms wrapped around your waist as you laid on his chest, breathing in his scent as his soothing heartbeat calmed you down after the nights antics. 

“i’ll remember tomorrow, jamie.”

CHAPTER 2

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Ruki (on X):

From January to July, so many things have happened.

Amidst the whirlwind of days, I questioned what is right and what is normal? While swaying between emotions and reason, I was constantly making various choices, and desperately running through each day.

In such times, I was supported solely by everyone's concerned voices and the words "I love you."

Thank you always.

And although it's been a while, I wrote on Instagram. I hope this reaches everyone who loves me. ✉️

It's been about two months since my last post.

Seeing the closet still filled with winter clothes, I realized that this year, for me, there was no spring. Time stopped in winter, and then summer came.

I noticed that I had been putting off such a basic thing as living, and I finally did a long-overdue wardrobe change the other day.

Life is built on daily choices, an accumulation of decisions.

Only you can decide if those choices and your life are right or wrong.

The responsibility for your life is yours and yours alone.

I feel that trying to conform to the standards of "normal" for others will only make you feel more miserable when you are going through a tough time.

It's the same for everything; it's okay not to be "normal" as measured by someone else's standards.

No matter the relationship, I believe it's impossible to fully understand all of someone's inner struggles and pain. Fans' pain and our pain, human wounds vary from person to person.

Therefore, the way and speed at which wounds heal also vary for each person. The way you accept things too. It's okay if it's not the same.

Because the heart is a place that cannot be seen from the outside, others can't understand those wounds, and in fact, even we ourselves cannot measure how deep our wounds are.

Everyone, might be forcing a smile on the outside, and when they come home, no one sees the emptiness they are feeling, and they probably don't want to show it to anyone.

The way I've spent my days, I was told, wasn't very human-like, but I think that's okay.

Now, rather than sadness, I feel loneliness.

Because I am human, I know that I will meet them again someday.

So, thinking that way, I am accepting it now.

Although I feel lonely without Koron and Reita, for now, goodbye. This reminded me of when I wrote the lyrics for QUIET.

And when the day comes that we can meet again, I want to live in a way that I'll be told, "You lived a good life."

In reality, there are four of us now, but not as a mere illusion; another face is vividly present in my mind.

So, the feeling of being five members is not a lie. That will surely be forever.

After thinking about it all, I've come to the conclusion that I need to start living each day in a way that will leave a lot of proof that I lived.

I want to create music and things with more love than ever before.

Although my core approach to making music hasn't changed, what I feel I want to draw and leave behind now has changed significantly.

I want to cherish every moment, even the most ordinary ones, like taking pictures of everyday life, going to different places and feeling the scenery, the smells, all the things that I can only feel at that moment.

And if you're feeling overwhelmed right now, I think it’s okay to put everything on hold and take a break without overthinking it. It’s okay to stop pushing yourself for a while.

If I hadn’t taken a step back, I wouldn't have reached this mindset.

Then, bit by bit, listen to music you love, visit places that bring you joy, and heal your heart.

I'm gradually doing that myself too.

I hope everyone can find their own way of healing.

And if this band, the GazettE, can become something that saves or heals even just one person, I will overcome anything.

To me, everyone who waits for us is my reason for living.

The only place where you can let out everything you can't express in daily life, I believe, is at live concerts.

So, I hope we can share that extraordinary space where we can shout and make noise together as much as possible.

I've said it before, but there will be more opportunities to meet from now on. Or rather, I will make them.

I want to increase the time I can enjoy with everyone who loves me, so please wait for it.

Next is Toyosu PIT announcement, so please check it out.

Thank you for reading such a long post. I'll write again

2024.07.18

[1425fivefive]

I'm kind of cooking with this Interview with the Vampire-inspired Lestappen fic. The premise is that Charles is a 500-year-old vampire and Max is human and they first meet in Amsterdam in 1662. Charles turns Max into a vampire and the fic is a series of vignettes of their tumultuous relationship in various years/locales from the 1600s to the present. I'm tentatively titling it After Me, the Flood.

Posting a (lightly NSFW) snippet of their first meeting below to keep myself accountable to finishing this for Halloween:

“What’s your name?” Max asked.

“Charles.” Charles thought, briefly, about giving Max one of his many pseudonyms. But he had so little of himself to offer to Max. He wanted to give him at least one real thing, however small.

“Charles,” Max repeated. He said it the way all Dutch people said Charles’s name, with a tch sound at the beginning and the s at the end. Normally it irritated Charles but he found he liked the sound of his name in Max’s throaty voice.

“And yours?” Charles asked.

“Max.”

“Ah, a strong name,” Charles said, a teasing lilt in his voice. “The name of an emperor.”

“Yes, that’s why my father picked it.” Max winced as he said father and Charles knew there was something dark there. It wasn’t particularly surprising to have a poor relationship with one’s father, in a pub like this.

“What’s your business in Holland?” Max asked, clearly wanting to move on from the subject of his family.

“No business”—Charles flicked his eyes down to Max’s plush lips—“only pleasure.”

Charles watched as Max’s throat bobbed at Charles’s words, watched as the flush rose in his cheeks and spread down his neck, disappearing beneath the high collar of his jacket. Charles wanted to tear the jacket from Max’s broad shoulders, lick a stripe up Max’s neck, savor the pulse of Max’s carotid artery under his tongue.

Charles felt an aching pressure in his gums, his canines fighting to lengthen. He forced them to retreat, reminding himself of the merchant he’d drained only hours earlier.

“Would that interest you?” Charles asked, trying to tear his gaze away from Max’s neck.

Max stepped closer to Charles, Charles’s thigh sliding between Max’s legs. Charles wanted to tug Max down to his lips, but he knew even a pub like this had to ensure plausible deniability.

“Of course, Charles,” Max murmured. “Of course, I’m interested. You’re”—Max broke off, his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips—“you’re beautiful.”

Charles reached out, grazing the back of his fingers down Max’s stomach, startling a gasp out of Max. “You are quite beautiful, as well.”

Max scoffed. “Don’t lie.”

Charles frowned, confused. Max was beautiful, so beautiful Charles couldn’t understand how people hadn’t told him so constantly. Charles had lived for centuries and he’d never seen someone who looked like Max—the broad, strong features that, together, transformed into an almost searing vulnerability.

“I am not lying,” Charles said firmly. “You are gorgeous, Max.”

Max flushed, his whole face turning pink. “Stop.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Charles asked, running his fingers up and down the fabric stretched across Max’s stomach. “Because I think you would enjoy hearing how beautiful you are.” Charles paused, wondering whether to push further. But Max was staring at him with wide eyes, lips parted, and Charles added, “Perhaps you would like hearing how gorgeous your perfect lips look, wrapped around my cock.”

Max sucked in a gasp, before nodding, eager and honest. “Yes, Charles, yes, I’d—yes.”

“Good,” Charles said, smirking. “Now finish your drink.”

Max obeyed, tipping his head back and draining the last of his beer. It was a heady feeling, watching Max follow Charles’s orders. People followed Charles’s instructions all the time, but Charles couldn’t remember the last time someone had done it of their own free will, without Charles needing to compel them.

When Max slammed the empty glass back on the bar, Charles feared that he would never be able to let Max go.

Also fun fact, this scene is set in a bar that serves primarily gay clientele in 17th-century Amsterdam, and these did in fact exist in parts of Europe in the 17th century! I'm not sure whether they existed in Amsterdam specifically, but ... we ride.

[sexydreamgirl]

I’m sorry to ask this repetitive question but I am autistic and struggle to understand many basic concepts within the Law of Assumption it's especially harder since most people speak in riddles and I'm not good with those things. I need clarification on a few things; What is imagination and what does it mean to imagine? Must you always be aware of the state that you're entertaining and micromanage your thoughts? How do I ignore the 3D and live in the imagination? Am I supposed to ignore all of my 3D responsibilities and pretend that I'm living my dream life? For example, if I have a test on Thursday and I want to manifest that I don't, should I not study and pretend that I don't have a test? If I remind myself, "Oh, you need to study for your test on Thursday" and I continue to study even though I'm manifesting that I don't have a test, would that be a contradiction and mean that I'm admitting that I don't have my desire? Should I think and act a certain way or continue living my life? There's too much information about what to do and what not to and I'm so confused because I don't understand it and it makes me insane!

Ma vie, it's much simpler than you think it is. Allow me to break it down little by little:

What is imagination and what does it mean to imagine?

Imagination: the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

To imagine simply means to devise an idea. Ideas owe their origin to imagination. Before it became reality, everything around you was once merely an idea: the internet, social media apps, technology, electronics, the model of your home, cars, freeways, haircut trends, the design of the clothes you are currently wearing, the very idea of even wearing clothes, art as a whole, it doesn't matter what you point at; EVERYTHING was born from imagination.

Must you always be aware of the state that you're entertaining and micromanage your thoughts?

You make acknowledging your state sound like something you have to be constantly monitoring. You don't have to be monitoring anything. As I'm sure you know, you're always in a state because you are always conscious of being something. Regarding micromanaging your thoughts: NO! Your thoughts indicate your state so if you're thinking against your desired state of consciousness then that means you are not conscious of being who you desire to be, and so you change that via I AM and you persist in it.

How do I ignore the 3D and live in the imagination? Am I supposed to ignore all of my 3D responsibilities and pretend that I'm living my dream life?

Ignoring the 3D is not about pretending it isn't there. It is about not letting it have the last word.

Pretend? NO! Pretend implies that it isn't real, when imagination IS REAL. IMAGINATION IS THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD AROUND YOU!

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - Philippians 4:8

When you live in imagination, you contemplate what you would like to experience and then immerse yourself in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. Accept that invisible state (your dream life) as reality. Then go your way knowing the desire is now yours.

If I remind myself, "Oh, you need to study for your test on Thursday" and I continue to study even though I'm manifesting that I don't have a test, would that be a contradiction and mean that I'm admitting that I don't have my desire? Should I think and act a certain way or continue living my life?

Do what you have to do in your day-to-day life, just remember to bring yourself back to that which you desire to be. Walk as though you were and persist in it. As I said, ignoring the 3D is not about pretending it isn't there. Attending it for a moment will not kill your imaginal act. So you take care of what needs to be taken care of and remember to bring yourself back to your idea if you waver. Accept what you want in imagination. Remember that imagination is the cause and the 3D is the effect.

I hope this cleared up your confusion. As always, if you have further questions you're welcome to send them over <3

[littlesniggy]

I just want to forget

Hello, here a small something for my Rob Lucci fans. Warning: 18+, mention of s*x, mention of de*th, loss, overall not happy, smoking, numbness, hurt/comfort, non pirate AU, female reader Pairings: Rob Lucci x female reader Word count: 1.2k

Hot smoke is filling your lungs as you take a deep breath in and inhale the toxic air, the scratchiness in your throat and upper air passages a welcoming feeling to the numbness you have been constantly feeling. Your eyes wander to the glowing poisonous stick between your index and middle finger, studying how the glow slowly eats away the tobacco, leaving only behind gray ash that eventually falls off and lands on the black satin sheet covering your bare legs. 

“I told you I hate it when you smoke in my apartment.” You don’t need to turn your head to know he is looking at you annoyed. Even when you two are intimate, when he is fucking the living shit out of you, leaving you in bite marks and bruises – his cold and annoyed façade remains. Yet, you don’t mind. He is the reason you can forget; even if it is just for a short time. You still appreciate it.

“Sorry.” You reply quietly but make no effort to stub the cigarette out. You know he has an ashtray on the nightstand next to the bed; he bought it only for you. He doesn’t smoke. He also makes you empty and clean it every time before you leave if you used it. Seems to be fair. That’s the least you can do. 

“Well…put it out.” You hear him but your brain is not comprehending the words he says. You simply stare at the continuous burning of your cigarette, the taste still present on your tongue. It reminds you of Him. He rarely smoked but he had the habit of smoking one every time he came down from his high after loving you. You always complained about it when you kissed him, telling him it was like sticking your tongue into an ashtray but you got used to it to the point where it had become some odd feeling of comfort. It meant familiarity. It meant safety. It meant home. 

Funny; you had never thought you’d miss the taste of cigarettes on someone’s lips so much. That’s probably also the reason why you picked up this habit shortly after you started “seeing” the man next to you. 

“Hey, you hear me?” of course, you can hear him. You’re not deaf. You’re just…absent-minded. But why does he sound more annoyed than usual? He almost never tells you to stub it out so you deduce he has been having a bad day. Now, that you think about it, he also sounded irritated on the phone when you called. So, you are sure his bad mood has nothing to do with you; or at least you are not the cause of it. You contemplate if you should ask but knowing the man next to you, you know he won’t talk. You basically know nothing about him. Sometimes, it frustrates you. Some days, you want to have a conversation with him, to tell him about your day, about your feelings, about you fear. But he doesn’t want to hear it. He had made it abundantly clear that this relationship or however you want to call it, is purely physical. And you agreed to it, but still…

A big hand harshly grabs your wrist and takes away the cigarette glimmering away between your fingers and angrily stubs it out in the ashtray. His hot breath ghosts your neck and an involuntary shiver runs down your spine. “I do not like to repeat myself.” He hisses, the sound almost animalistic. His grip tightens before he lets go, leaving an angry red handprint around your wrist. In moments like this you are reminded that this man is dangerous.  

“Now, if you are done for today, I suggest you get dressed and fuck off. I need to go back to work.” You see him sit on the edge of the bed out of the corner of your eyes, his muscular back facing you, his long black hair elegantly falling over his shoulders. A big tattoo is covering almost his entire back -  some kind of cross with circles on each side and one in the middle. You would like to know the meaning but you don’t ask. 

There are scars on his skin; too many to be accidental, too small to be life threatening. The one on his stomach, however, seems to have been more serious. You once dared to ask him what happened. In response, he simple turned you around, pressed your head into the pillow and pounded into you until he was satisfied. 

When you weren’t thinking about Him and imagining a life you could never have, you thought about the possible jobs he could be doing. Secret agent, assassin, military, special forces. The list could go on but are the most likely you decided. But you never asked. He wouldn’t give you an answer anyway so why bother?

His body tenses momentarily when you gently grab his arm. He doesn’t turn his head to you completely but enough for you to see his harsh brown eyes staring at you. 

“I don’t wanna be alone.” Your voice is almost a whisper but you know he can hear you loud and clear. 

He doesn’t move, doesn’t reply, he just looks at you. He is contemplating. You know he has no sympathy for your situation. He is not the compassionate type. Sometimes you even have the impression that he has sociopathic tendencies. Yet, you don’t care. You welcome it, even. Everyone else looks at you in pity. They don’t look at you as a person. They only see the woman who lost her husband. And you hate it. You hate it to the bone. He doesn’t. He looks at you as if you are vermin yet you don’t care.

You inch closer, embracing him from behind as you wrap both arms around his strong torso. Your lips find his sharp jawline and your lips follow the bone to his ear. You know he likes it. He would never admit it out loud but he enjoys it when you tease him with small kisses. It makes him almost tame. 

You gently put his earlobe between your lips and suckle on it, your hands caressing his flat stomach and chest. It almost sounds like he is purring when a dark chuckle rumbles in his chest. He snakes a strong arm around your waist and starts kissing your neck in return, tracing a bite mark with his tongue. 

“Why should I care?” he whispers into your ear. You lean back and turn your head to look at him as good as you can. What a beautiful man. What a dangerous predator. 

“You don’t have to care. I just want you to make me forget.” 

A dangerous smile creeps onto his sinful lips. 

He presses you slowly into the mattress with his weight while his teeth sink into your neck. The fingers on your waist dig painfully into your delicate skin. 

If there is one thing you know for certain about Rob Lucci then that he can make you forget; even if it is just for a moment. 

[countrymusiclover]

2 - One Day It'll Be Just You and Me

( @beautifulguycollector - gif belongs to this blog )

Part 3

The Lion Knight and Dragon Princess

Tags- just send an ask to be added @cdragons @kmc1989 @starkleila @noirrose21-blog @lover-of-books-and-tea

Should the new couple of chapters just be Flashbacks of Aerys rule with Vaella and Jaime’s romance or Should I keep going from Flashbacks to the present timeline??? Let me know in the comments pretty please it would help a great deal 🤗

Breaking through the clouds I soar down towards the castle courtyard where we kept our dragons at. My dragons wings raised down, throwing some dust when her feet were planted and I brushed hair out of my eyes seeing my brother Rhaegar coming over to me watching with a huge grin on his face. “I assume you had quite some fun out there riding.”

“Indeed I did, brother. I rarely ever get to escape these walls flying on Amethyst.” I slid down her right wing, getting some mud stains on my boots when I landed in a puddle of water. Sticking my tongue out at him I teased. “Don't lie. I know you need an escape as much as I do.”

“I never said that I didn't enjoy it.” Rhaegar changes the tone in his voice reminding me that we still have to worry. “Regardless of how free we feel, it could be dangerous. If father finds out especially-”

“Rhaegar!” I growled underneath my breath at him.

He dropped his shoulders knowing that his tendency to worry too much would get old between him and I. I wanted him to just live in the moment with me instead of having his head stuck in a book or worrying about father’s stability as king. For he could not even ascend the throne till he died so there was nothing more for him to do. “I’m just thinking of us and our safety, your safety especially. You’ve heard how he treats our mother, imagine what he would do to you.”

“I don’t want to imagine it everyday, brother!” I raised my voice at him clutching my hands into fists at my sides. “Look if anyone asks what I was doing I’ll tell them I came to watch you fly above the Red Keep and get some fresh air. I was absolutely not riding a dragon myself. Are you happy now?”

His purple eyes lifted up and over the top of my head speaking about someone off in the distance coming over to us. “You’re my little sister and I’ll always worry about you. But I must admit I am happy to see he is coming to look out for you when I must check on my wife.”

“Jaime!” Whipping my head around his name flew from my lips with such cheer.

The golden lion gave my brother and I each a bow of respect. “Good morning, my prince, my princess.”

“I'll leave you two alone. Elia and I need to take care of some things for Dorne.” My brother disappeared, turning on his heels for the castle entrance.

Jaime tilted his head seeing the expression on my face was worrisome to him. “What’s troubling you, Vaella. It's starting to show on your beautiful face.”

“My brother's constantly worried about my father going mad. I just want to enjoy my life, for example riding my dragon without having to worry will my father ground me from riding her ever again.” Throwing my hands up from my sides I huffed.

The Lannister knight wasn't sure what he could truly do for the princess he served except to offer sympathy. “I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe one day things won't be like this and you won't feel so um-”

“Trapped.”

He nodded back yes. “Exactly, if the old gods and new are kind to you of course.”

“If I'm ever so lucky in their favor I'll gladly accept the idea of freedom. So long as you get to join me.” Jaime smiles down at me watching me cross my arms over my chest wondering what it would be like to not be trapped inside the Red Keep.

Sitting at one of the bar stool seats I pushed ten gold coins towards the center of the table holding my cards close to my chest. I was wearing a dark red dress with a slit at my right knee that had no sigal attached to it. “Oh darn I don’t have enough for a full deck. Whatever shall I do?”

“You’re bluffing.” One man said to me with his four friends.

I clicked my tongue, throwing my hair around in my face with a flirting look. “Oh what. None of you are brave enough to fight me for my cards to prove I’m wrong.” I had two strands twisted into a braid at the front with the rest of my hair covered by a dark brown bandanna tied up into my hair to conceal my very obvious appearance of being a Targaryen.

“You haven’t lost the last two games we’ve played.” Another guy said knowing they’d soon be out of money. These four men never thought that a simple tavern bartender lady would be this good at poker. But I had been taught by the best youngest Lannister.

The man sitting in the middle scooped up his coins heading towards the exit. “I’m tired of this.”

“Wha - where are you going. We haven’t finished. You - you think I’m gonna behead you or something if you lose or win.” I slur some of my words picking up my cup of wine, downing half of it in one sweep. “I want a full table. I want everyone at this table!”

“Where is Clarrise Arther?” I recognized the male voice that came through the loud crowd of people inside the tavern.

The owner pointed in my direction. “She’s right there, Ser Jaime.”

“Excuse me jents, but it is the end of her shift so this game must end tonight I’m afraid.” Jaime pushed through the crowd with his golden armor of the Kingsguard brightening in the burning candle lights inside the tavern.

Throwing back the remainder of my drink I licked my lips feeling a little tipsy when he tried to tug me by my arm to leave the table. “You’re scaring away my opponents.”

“With your track record you would have beat them in the next three cards.” He responded by looping my arm through his seeing I wasn’t good with my balance.

I corrected him with a cocky smile. “I already had a full house in one move.”

We made our way through the tavern and upstairs to the private rooms me and the other owner had since it was where we lived. Jaime’s younger brother had made a deal for my safety in exchange for a large sum of Lannister gold at the end of every month to pay the rent. Stepping inside my small room I closed the door and locked it once Jaime had entered inside leaving the noisy downstairs voices out in the hallway. “So what is the news of John Arryn’s death?”

“There will be a ceremony at the capitol tomorrow morning. But I already told you that you had nothing to worry about from him.” He answered my question.

I throw my hands up and away from my sides whispering nervously under my breath. “We need to be afraid. John Arryn was friends with Lord Owen Merryweather.”

“I still don’t see what the problem is.”

Putting a hand to my forehead I sighed heavily. “Owen Merryweather was my fathers hand when your father stepped down. He saw you helping me escape with Tyrion once you killed my father and sat down on the Iron Throne. What if he ended up telling someone?”

“But who would he tell?”

Meeting his deep green eyes I muttered the king's name. “Robert Baratheon.”

“If he told the king both of our heads would be secured on the city gates by now.” Jaime slowly walked forward running his hands up and down my arms trying to calm my nerves. “Whatever John Arryn knew and didn’t know died with him. And Robert will choose a new Hand of the King someone to do his bidding while he’s off fucking boars and hunting whores, or is it the other way around?”

I giggled looking up into his eyes with a smile gracing my lips. “Jaime.”

“There’s my princess’s smile.” He chuckled, nuzzling his nose against my own. I raised my hand hitting him lightly across the cheek where he sent me a smirk turning his face back towards me.

“You know I hate you calling me by my title, Lannister.”

Jaime didn’t drop his smirk touching my nose with his a second time. “My princess.”

“What did I just tell you!” I made my hands into fists punching his chest thankful that he had removed his armor so I didn’t injure myself. Which left him in his light gold tunic and trousers with black boots.

Jaime allowed me to punch him lightly for a few seconds before he snagged my left wrist twirling me around where my back was to his front. “Vaella, I swear to you I won't let anything bad happen to you.”

“Mmm - you can't guarantee that.” I held back a moan when he kissed my neck lightly.

He nuzzles my hair vowing to me. “Yes I can. I did so after I had to murder your father and I will continue to do so.”

“But what if someone figures us out?”

He spun me around resting his right hand to my cheek. “No one will find out and if they do I'll be there to protect you. One day it'll be just you and me with no one coming to kill us.”

“Thank you, Jaime.” Wrapping my arms around his neck I buried my face underneath his chin and he buried his face in the crook of my neck doing the best he could to keep me safe.

[charmedreincarnation]

My main focus right now is tapping into the void, and a few people just made a post about how to use states to become a void master, but I guess I’m failing to grasp the concept of feeling something when you’ve never felt it before. To me it’s like someone saying: Feel what it would feel like to cut your leg off even though you have never felt that before. How?

When you have stuff thrown in your face in your 3D that is very unwanted and serious, how do you practice relaxation and feeling free of all your burdens?

How do you get into the state of the wish fulfilled if you constantly have things in your physical world that are screaming for your attention?

I 100% know manifestation is real, and I 100% know the void is real, I just want something to click for me because so far, it hasn’t. And I consider myself a pretty smart person lol, I guess I just want encouragement idk

I understand how challenging it can be to stay in the state of a wish fulfilled, especially when you are surrounded by distractions that are screaming for your attention. In today’s world, there are so many external factors vying for our attention, making it difficult to take the time to practice relaxation and to achieve the freedom from our burdens that we all so desperately need.

Some general basic tips I always encourage no matter the situation is for starters Try to start with basic breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques. These can help to calm your mind, allowing you to focus on being present and open to the possibilities. As you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Acknowledge and accept the emotions you feel without judgment or criticism. Remind yourself that these emotions are normal and not indicative of any lack of power on your part.

Another powerful way to get into the state of the wish fulfilled is through visualization. Visualize yourself achieving your goals, picturing with detail how it looks and feels when it’s finally all achieved.

Finally, find a healthy, supportive tribe that can help keep you accountable and motivated to maintain the state of the wish fulfilled. Tumblr is a start but always try to Surround yourself with people who lift you up and can offer guidance when needed.

I’m also going to share some Neville Goddard quotes that deeply resonated with me.

“Put yourself in the state of mind in which you have already attained your desire, live in its attainment.” Keeping a positive mindset is essential when aiming for big changes, as it will help you keep sight of the goal even when times get tough. It helps you to see life as if you have already achieved it.

“Imagination is the creative force of the universe. To create you must be able to picture the thing desired in your mind.” Imagination is crucial for the fruition of something desired. It helps you to become mentally aware of what it is you want and how to go about attaining it.

“Your inner confidence and ability to believe will bring about miraculous results. Dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become.” Having faith in yourself and believing that what you are working towards is achievable will bring great results. It will give you strength to keep going and faith that in the end you will have what you desire.

“Wishful thinking is powerful and can shape our reality. If we wish strongly enough, our wishes will become reality.” Literally Knowing that your wishes can shape reality is a powerful concept, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. When we feel the weight of our wishes, we understand the power we possess to bring about change in our lives and those around us.

, “Always stand strong in the assurance that completing your desire is inevitable. Act as though you have already got what you want. Make it real in your mind first, and then it shall be real in your outer life.” Believing that something is inevitable helps us to stay focused on our goals, and to never give up even when it’s hard. Knowing that if we make it real in our minds, our desired outcome will manifest in our outer lives, is incredibly motivating.

But it's important to keep in mind that the Void is accessible to all of us, no matter what our prior experience may be. The trick is to shift your perspective and open your mind to something that is beyond the 3-dimensional space we inhabit. It requires a certain level of detachment from the physical world, and a willingness to explore the unknown. Ultimately, mastering the Void is all about learning to trust yourself and your intuition, and allowing yourself to explore the depths within. By tapping into these deep states of being, we can access inner peace that may otherwise be inaccessible in our current realm. So it doesn’t really matter what I say or anyone you seek guidance says, because at the end of the day it’s within you and once you access it, it’s really because you let go.

I also want to emphasize this part of the question “I’m failing to grasp the concept of feeling something when you’ve never felt it before. To me it’s like someone saying: Feel what it would feel like to cut your leg off even though you have never felt that before. How?” I think it’s a great concern but you’re overthinking it.

Imagine you're in a forest. You're walking along, observing the beauty of the trees, plants and creatures around you. Then suddenly, you come across a clearing. In the center of this clearing is a lake. The lake is inviting and reflective. You can see yourself in the lake, and as you look closer, you notice something else—a key floating on its surface.

The key is a representation of your desire. It's been there all along but you just hadn't noticed it. You become excited and want to reach out and grab the key. However, if you've never actually reached out and felt your desire before, it may seem impossible or pushed away.

To help envision how to grab and feel what you desire, try to imagine that there is an invisible force field around the key. You can't see it, but you can sense it. You want to reach out and grab the key, but this invisible force is holding you back from doing so. To break through this barrier, you must take action, no matter how small. Take a few steps closer and break through this invisible barrier by actually reaching out your hand and taking the key.

The feeling of grasping the key in your hands is a representation of how it feels when you reach out and feel your desires. When you have taken the key in your hands, it is a tangible proof that you can indeed make your desires come true.

We can use this same analogy to understand that reaching out and feeling our desires requires us take action, (accepting it is ours no matter what l!) just as we had to take action to break through the invisible barrier in order to get the key. Sometimes, taking that first step is the hardest part, but it's worth it when the result is feeling our desire from within and having the tangible proof that we can make our dreams into reality.

I can type up as many paragraphs and analogies as possible but seriously nothing compares to your inborn power I’m begging you to recognize. We can only get so much encouragement and motivation from others until it just becomes over consumption and counter intuitive.

[lezziemanville]

Well, I turn 40 in a couple of weeks.

You know when you’re a kid and your teachers and parents say, “Time goes by so fast, before you know it your youth is gone!”. Not only are they right, but we waste so much of it waiting for happiness.

There’s a scene from The Hours where Meryl Streep’s character Clarissa says “I remember thinking to myself: So this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me that it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness.”

I reflect on that a lot. We’ve all lived in some dark times these past 10 years or so, some of the darkest for society as a whole; Certainly within my lifetime. And I find myself in that pattern of leap-frogging, trying to trade the present for a promise of what’s coming. In doing that, I can’t help but feel I’ve hastened through things, missed some of the finer details as I skipped along. Often I wasn’t even landing in a happier place, wasn’t further ahead after the jump.

We all do this to ourselves, I think.

It’s interesting that at some point, Christmas morning loses the excitement; That one day you stop stepping around cracks in the sidewalk and start worrying about things like global affairs, laws and injustice. Loss of innocence? Sure. Loss of whimsy? Definitely. And something more too. Something irreversible and lost to time. A sort of silent melancholia that follows us around, only letting up when we see an old television show or toy from our childhood. A reminder that we’ve always had happiness, in pockets, this whole time.

I’m not really sad to be turning 40, but I’m certainly more cognizant of time. I am happily married with a wife 30 years older than I am, with parents roughly the same age. I’m more aware that time can’t keep going by in a blur. That moments are to be savored, especially the good ones.

I don’t know why I’m posting this, other than to say if you’re reading this and you’re younger than I am (let’s face it, if you’re on tumblr you’re probably younger than I am) — listen to your gay aunty - do things that bring you joy. Like the things you like, go down that rabbit hole that others may not understand. Don’t let someone ruin something for you. Don’t read the comments. Don’t get lost trying to constantly advance to the next best thing. Sometimes the very best thing is the thing you’re in now. Watch the show, read the book, write fanfic for the smallest most irrelevant character in a series because they make you smile and don’t care if anyone else bothers to read it. Most importantly — be kind to yourself and have patience with your own story as it unfolds. Don’t compare yourself to others, don’t be influenced out a life well-lived.

Oh yes, and buy the flowers yourself.

[bellewintersroe]

Charles Leclerc X Schumacher!Daughter.

Lila is the youngest of the 3 Schumacher siblings, at 22 shes catching the attention of the public eye. With the new found popularity through Drive to Survive, social media has dubbed her the next ‘it’ girl despite her constant desire for privacy. When her love interest becomes more or less the most sought after man in F1, how will she cope with being the internets fascination? Both Charles and Lila have dealt with immense amounts of loss and trauma, so their mutual understanding for one another fuels their so called ‘friendship’.

Part 5, here is the LINK to part 4. Lila is beginning to feel envious of the beautiful girls that surround Charles on social media. Does she even have a chance with him? It’s been weeks since she could last fly out to a Grand Prix and Charles is beginning to feel oddly rejected. It’s not until after one not so fun race, that he’s finally open with her, and the two can finally be honest with one another about their feelings…

A deep sigh escaped my lips, scrolling down through my Instagram page. It’s not real, it’s not real, none of it’s real. Everything was an illusion, I reminded myself as I zoomed in on the perfectly airbrushed girl, with flat abs, a sucked in waist and the best tan I’d quite literally seen. She was beautiful to be quite frank, and when I saw who followed her I let out an even heavier sigh.

charles_leclerc

“If you breathe any heavier you’ll fly away…” Gina, my elder sister informed me in German from the other side of the table. Social media was originally ruining me. One minute I was confident and happy with my life, the next I was being prayed upon by thousands of people, intrigued into deeper into my personal life than ever. I switched off my phone and glanced back up, to real life. “Sorry.” I forced a smile, eyes falling back down to my phone. There was no new notifications- sadly enough for me.

“Are you coming to Hungary with us?” My sister then questioned again, “what for?” “The GP?” She spoke like it was obvious. My stomach twisted in excitement. “Oh! Yeah!” It had been 3 weeks since I’d last made it to a GP, I was finding myself obsessively feeling the urge to be there, especially because Charles would ask when I was next there. Now was my opportunity to text him first with the good news.

There was only one issue I found myself struggling with, and that was my insecurity and anxiety surrounding this whole ‘thing’ with Charles. I didn’t know what the hell was going on, we hadn’t seen each other enough to become anything more than friends, and when I had to tell him for the seventh or so time I couldn’t make it to where he was, I felt disheartened and worried he’d think I was rejecting him. That’s why I hopped on the opportunity to tell him I’d be present in Hungary, cheering him on. Phone cameras now eagerly followed me around the grid, desperate to gather some footage of me interacting with the Ferrari driver. All the attention had made me nervous, I was constantly checking over my shoulder, and I felt the cold stares other girls would give me, threatened that I was taking their favourite driver. It was almost like I was in competition with all these beautiful women that practically lived in or around the Grid and Paddock. I felt inferior, my own insecurities eating away at me as I kept my head down and continued walking on to do my own thing.

“Ah, Lila!” A familiar voice called out, I caught a glimpse of Toto walking by. “Hello!” I greeted, the taller man bringing me in for a tight hug. “How are you?! Here to see your brother?” “I’m good, how about you? I Just come for a little wonder, that’s all.” I nodded. “I’m good, and yes, yes- looking around for Leclerc I’ve been hearing?!” His words jabbed at a delicate part inside of me, burning my cheeks up a scarlet pink.

“Oh, rumours, Toto! Rumours!” I played it off like I wasn't a nervous wreck, but when i noticed red uniforms out of the corner of my eye, I practically jumped out of the confinements of my skin. It was just a handful of Ferrari mechanics making their way towards their garages. “Oh, of course. You have a good day, I will see you after with Susie?”

“Yeah of course! Oh, and tell Lewis and George I say good luck!!”

“I will, thank you Lila!” Hungary wasn’t so lucky for Mercedes or Ferrari. With Lewis in 4th he’d just narrowly missed a spot on the podium, George came in at 6th, and both Charles and Sainz were in 7th and 8th. As I lingered in the Mercedes area of the garage, people were still fairly happy, but the disappointment lingered in the room. It was a little stuffy and awkward, so I wondered outside to get air, pulling out my phone to be bold enough to text Charles. Just as I was typing a message, I heard a faint voice call my name. “Lila??” Spinning around, I locked my phone, noticing Charles lingering. “C’mere.” He gently ushered me inside, “hi.” I felt a little breathless, following after him in the garage. We were just inside the doorway, a bustle of people around making me feel a little overwhelmed. I was all flustered from seeing Charles, and although he looked a little saddened he still had a gentle smile lingering. “I was just about to text you.” I held up my phone as his smiled widened slightly, eyes gazing over my face. “I was going to text you-”

“Charles!” Somebody called out as he glanced back to a woman calling his name. It looked like his publicist. He let out a sigh, “I am sorry- yeah?!” He called out, scratching the back of his neck. “Will you come do a couple interviews?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Sorry, it’s a bad time.” I shyly spoke. “No, no, ill- uh, Mia!! Mia, please would you take Lila to my- ah what’s it called?” He fumbled as a pretty blonde approached with a smile.

“Motorhome?” Her accent was thick, Italian I assumed. “Yes please- is that ok?” He quickly asked as I giggled at the slight chaos. “That’s okay, Charles.” I agreed as he gave me a gentle pat on the arm before he had to rush off to complete interviews.

“Hello!! Lila isn’t it? I’m Mia.” She smiled. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” We engaged in small talk as she led me to Charles’ motor home. It surprisingly wasn’t awkward at all, I really liked Mia, I learnt she worked for Ferrari as a media and PR officer, super cool, I found it fascinating. Eventually though, she had to head back into the garage and I was left sitting alone, nervously awaiting Charles return.

“Guys… I’m in Charles’ motor home. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know why- he’s, he’s doing some interviews but I am shitting myself, how do I calm down?!” I quietly spoke into my phone, voice noting my friends as my leg jiggled anxiously. 10 minutes turned into 20, and nothing seemed to cool my nerves. I’d swallowed a full bottle of water and gone through 3 pieces of chewing gum and reapplied my lipgloss four times over. Finally, I heard voices, and when the door swung open my head lifted from my phone. My breath hitched seeing Charles, he looked a little stressed but still smiled when our eyes met. “I am sorry.” He exhaled, sliding the door shut behind him. “Oh, don’t be sorry!” I sat up a little straighter as he pulled a drink from his fridge. “Would you like one?” He glanced down to my empty water bottle. “Yes please. And yeah, don’t be sorry, I came at a bad time.” I caught the bottle as he gently threw it over.

“No, no.” His face scrunched. “I wanted to see you Lila, now is perfect. Even if the race didn’t go so … good.” He awkwardly laughed at himself as I drunk a little more water.

“You did drive well though, I was watching.” I pointed out. “Ah, thank you… not where I want to be though.”

“I know, I can imagine it’s frustrating, I feel like you and Carlos are doing everything right it’s just…” “Out of our control.” Charles finished my sentence as I nodded. “Still… we move.” He cleared his throat. “How have you been anyway, miss Lila, it’s been weeks?”

“Good, I’ve been good, honestly nothing so interesting has been happening lately. My life’s been pretty boring.”

“Pretty boring, sky diving?” He stripped the top half of his full driving suit off, revealing his white fireproofs. He was sat on the couch to my right, a little further away as I leant back into the plush of the pillows.

I let out a laugh, shaking my head. “I do that all the time, my dad practically threw me out of aeroplanes as soon as I reached 12.” “12?!” He gasped out loud, looking astonished. “I don’t even think it’s legal anymore, we were in Australia, I was petrified, I cried all the way up. The poor man on my back must’ve been so annoyed.”

“Sounds… fun.”

“When you get used to it…” I giggled. “How about you, have you ever been sky diving?” “One time in Dubai… I got so- eh what’s the English- en difficulté.” (In trouble).

“In trouble? Why?!” I blubbered our a laugh. “Because I didn’t tell anybody and uh- I think they were worried I would ah fall and die or something.”

“That wouldn’t have been good.” I snickered. “I have the videos.” He showed his phone, ushering me over as I moved to sit besides him on the couch. He scrolled through his camera roll, finding the video where he showed me plummeting down in Dubai. “Have you ever done it in Dubai?”

“Done what in Dubai?” My eyes narrowed as his widened. “Not that! I mean sky diving!!” “No we were meant to but we ah… went Skiing instead.” I awkwardly recalled, scratching the back of my neck. If only we went to Dubai, maybe things would have turned out very differently for my family.

“Ah nice..” Charles nodded as I glanced to see a video of a monkey on his screen. “What’s that?” I pointed out as he attempted to scroll by quickly.

“That was nothing.”

“No, a video of a monkey. On the floor.” I turned up to look at his lips tugging into an amused smile. “You really want to see it?”

“I do.” What Charles proceeded to show me was a video of a monkey physically chasing him around a group of people whilst he sprinted frantically away. I cried with laughter, watching it three times over as Charles shook his head, holding it in his hands.

“That’s- that’s too funny.” I giggled to myself as Charles let out a low chuckle. “You’re crying!” Charles exclaimed, laughing again himself as he rested a hand on my thigh.

“I can’t help it, that was so funny.” I wiped at the tears that had fallen from my ambush of laughter. “I was frightened… for my life.”

“I could tell.” I giggled, glancing down to see his hand still rested on my upper thigh. “I like you, Lila.” Charles spoke on an exhale as I turned to face him now. “Hm?” My smile perked as my laughter settled down.

“I really like you.” His brows furrowed, causing me to swoon at the serious expression that covered his face. “I like you too, Charles-” I casually responded.

“No, like.. I really like you.” He nodded as my lips parted slightly. “Yeah, so do I…” I whispered, gaining the confidence to move forwards and press a gentle kiss to his lips. It surprised me how quickly the kiss happened, Charles’ hand slipped over my cheek and I swear I had to hold onto his arm so I wouldn’t go dizzy from how intense I felt kissing him. It was more than good.

When we broke apart there was a second or so of silence, it was comfortable, his eyes were gazing over my face, a gentle smile lingered as I let out a slight breath of laughter. “I wanted to do that in Spain but the paparazzi ruined it.” My face heated remembering our date. “Oh yeah.” I brushed the lip gloss slightly off the outside of my lip. “Now your lips are shiny.” I pointed out as he laughed, throwing an arm around me, the other wiping at the gloss.

“How long are you in Hungary for?” He then asked, eyes flickering up and down over my lips again. “Ah, just until tomorrow.” Charles eyebrows furrowed slightly. “What about Belgium?”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Will you come? I’ll take you out before- and after.” Charles shrugged. “Before and after?!” “Yeah, and I’ll even get pole position for you…” interesting…

[not-goldy]

God I can't really stand JK anymore.

Everything regarding him went a downhill since 2023. The way he behaved changed a lot.. LIKE A LOT now he's way cockier as if no one in the whole world can top him and he doesn't need to listen to anyone giving even good advises, how he used to present himself and looked changed drastically now he looks like a junkie, how he used to perform changed so much now he doesn't half half the energy or stage presence and doesn't give af about making mistake a ton times while before he used to perform with extreme perfection. He's listening to their PR teams too much like where did I go live when I miss fans went ? Now he's listening to their cheap promo tricks. His work ethics is completely opposite from what BTS was.. he's working with payola king of the whole industry and buying success. Releasing a 100 version and a western collab with some B grade pop artist. The songs he releasing are basically shit now when he used to release magic shop, film out, your eyes tell and still with you kind of gems.

The ONLY thing connecting me to him now is Jimin. There's no way to avoid JK when you are a Jimin stan. But i'm WAITING for the day Jimin finally open his eyes and get out of this toxic relationship so I don't want to put up with him anymore.

You see, your problem is that Jungkook is not Jimin. That's your problem. Half way through your comment, I smiled to myself and I thought well this Anon would certainly love Jimin then if these are the qualities they looking for in an idol. only to get to the end of the Ask to find out you actually do like Jimin💀

That complicates things for me.

Where should I even begin

There's nothing wrong with having a preference. There's nothing wrong with having a bias.

I'm not gonna come for your throat on this.

You prefer Jimin's work ethics and prefer how seriously he takes his public relations, how he puts on effort and that's alright.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HATE JUNGKOOK just because he's not YOUR PREFERENCE.

If you keep that up you and I gon have a problem.

Do I think Jungkook can take a page or two out of the Jimin idol manual? Sure.

As much as I looove seeing Jungkook live his life on his own terms not giving a fuck what anyone cares- some times, in certain areas I do think he could use that self regulation.

Yet on the other hand, I don't find Jimin's over regulation appealing either. I've ever said his kumbaya persona, caring too much what others think, trying to be perfect, self regulated, evolved, controlling his words, his attention, being overly polite, smiling when he should be cussing people out all in the name of his consciousness of the fact he is an idol really REALLY FRUSTRATES ME.

Jimin struggles with this. The never mind tattoos, the song lyrics yearning for freedom, set me free- where do you think that comes from?

I don't know how we can call ourselves stans and not sense some of these things: the members constantly telling him not to care what people would think, to do whatever he wants,- even Jungkook openly reminding him HE IS AN ADULT and shouldn't care about certain things.

Jungkook is good for Jimin and Jimin is good for Jungkook.

Jimin is the leash and restrain Jungkook needs and Jungkook is the freedom Jimin craves.

Please don't come for jikook I'll paint you and it ain't going to be pretty.

Also remember, this is a human being you are talking about. He is not an alien. He is human just like you. That vitriol and animosity towards him is so not necessary.

I can't help you unhate him.

But please, be a good human.

He is a relatively young man navigating overwhelming situations. I personally think going solo has taught him so much and there is much more he'd learn along the way.

And please, it's slander to say he half ass his performance- have you seen his tiktok? THE THIBGS HE CAN DO WITH HIS WAIST- MY GOD!

Oh and did you see Tae's smoke challenge? I may or may not be addicted to the part he wines his waist- lolay lolay lolay

Sorry I had to go and watch that clip again.

Liste, the point I'm making here is, It's his journey and his choice to decide the type of idol he wants to be. You may like it or you may not. That's a you problem. However he's responsible for his own reputation and his own success in the industry and I think he is still learning to hone his values and filter his choices through those values.

Give that man a break .

AND FREE JUNGKOOK.

Peace out

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear Ep 11 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

This watch made possible by @isaksbestpillow.

Last time, Daichi's dad came back into the picture and dumped a heaping pile of homophobia right on top of our favorite boy. Daichi, despite all his courage and conviction, balked before his father. No one was able to say much to Daichi; not Madoka, not Makoto. Makoto wasn't sure how to interject himself in this situation, and hesitated because he wanted to move properly. At work, there was discussion about people being downsized and laid off, and how that ruined relationships once a man could no longer provide. Meanwhile, Kakeru is struggling with the ethics of makeup after he helped his friend pretend to be a kind of girl she isn't. Finally, when no one else seemed like they could talk to Daichi, Kakeru reminded us that he's Makoto's son and meddled directly. We left at Daichi's dad being horrible to Kakeru, and Makoto stormed off to confront the man once he found out.

I really like how vile this final villain is with his presentation as reasonable and principled. He uses a soft tone, but he's constantly turning things around to be cruel. He made his son suffer, and he was rude to Kakeru. I almost wonder if he provoked Kakeru just so he had the leverage to demand the Okita family stay away from Daichi. He's an excellent villain, because you have to use all the empathy and compassion the show brought out of you to resist this man's flawed logic.

Wow, Makoto gets it. I am gonna cry because I'm so proud of him for not losing his conviction.

Madoka, my guy, what are you doing? This is a big problem you should face together.

Oh, Kakeru, you were so harsh to everyone all season about how they talked to you. It's hard to talk to people isn't it?

OOF Mor is also dealing with the expectations of society at large. We're really building to a finale.

And now Mika might be losing her job!

My family is in crisis!

Truly so special that Makoto has finally reached an understanding with his family that he realized what was wrong with each of them.

No! Don't ruin the sanctity of the park!! Gays, get it together!!

"Why are there so many obstacles to overcome if you're gay?" Bitch, me too, the fuck!!

It did feel like a barrier had formed between Daichi and Makoto. I'm sad and frustrated.

Y'all are gonna kill this old man.

Okay, what bad news did Furuike get, because my man just reiterated that when you grow up your heart dies?

Oh, Furuike, you've come along as well. Responding to the info that Shimura realized what was going on with him that she should be promoted is excellent growth. I also love him reminding Makoto that he's not dead yet. Life is still worth living.

I love Makoto recognizing that he was asked to be the matchmaker. He needs to know that the rules of the society can be turned for the betterment of people even in the modern age.

KAKERU'S TELLING SHIZUKA HIS FEELINGS OVER MAKEUP

"Making noise to help you forget is also what friends are for." Y'all I'm overwhelmed.

"If I'm ever unsure of myself, I'll ask Kakeru-tan to do my makeup." STOP MAKING ME CRY.

Actually so important that this show reiterates that even straight people get rejected constantly by others for failing to be what others want them to be

Of course Moe's full pen name is Pectoralis Major Huge Melons. I love her.

I'm so happy to see Makoto and Mika talking about things over chores together. I'm so proud of Mika, too.

Save us, Carlos!!!

YES, MEDDLE!!

Wow, this is the best show I've ever seen. The Okita family showed up exactly as themselves, with their passions plain, and stood before Daichi in front of this cruel man. Makoto demolished that man entirely, and said plainly that he is cruel to his son.

Daichi said it! If I change myself like that then I won't be myself!

Don't let the door hit you on the way out!!

So thankful that this show gave us that scene between Mihoko and Daichi. Sometimes we have to accept that people important to us won't accept us, but we must remember that we have those who will.

Way to release the tension with an old man's underwear and his kids dunking on him.

THEY SAID THE NAME OF THE SHOW! FINISH YOUR DRINKS!!

Of course Makoto is a crying, sloppy mess during the wedding. I love him.

What a beautiful finish.

Final Verdict: 11, Television Can Still Be Good. Truly, I don't know how else to describe this other than as one of the most important things I've ever watched in the last 20 years of engaging with stories about queer people. Seeing the Okita family reveal their passions and blast Daichi's dad like Care Bears as Makoto tells him he's a cruel asshole jumping to the front of the line to beat him up. This show earned every single beat it hit, and it was so lovely to watch a show where every character had goals and challenges. It wasn't just about making sure two guys have sex. This was a story about friendship and community, and it had strong ideas about how we make ourselves suffer for the betterment of others and yet no one is happy. This is one of the best things I've ever seen. Please go watch it.

[nananarc]

Gonna disclose my income as a freelance artist because I feel like it might give some perspective. And mostly bc I'm feeling a bit burnout and I want pity points ok? Lol.

Context 1: For sake of simplicity, all figures are net income (minused all fees, charges, insurance, benefits, etc)

Context 2: I live in a big city in Việt Nam and the cost of living is relatively low. A salary of 1000$/month is considered really good for someone living alone with one pet, no family or children, no debt or other liabilities. Entry level jobs usually start at around 200-300$/month.

.

Let's start in 2021 because that's when it can be considered when I started doing art professionally.

In 2021 and 2022, I was juggling between art school, a part-time online side gig, building social media for my art, and of course try to get commissions. But coms were few and far between, mainly because I didn't have an online present before and I only hang in relatively small fandoms. So all I earn through side gig and art were only some change, in total avarage to about 40$/ month. Some months made up for no income months.

In 2023, things starts to be a bit better as I get more confident in my skill, but coms are still few and far between and months with no income is still common. Side gig was few and far between too and pay less. Overall I'd say it goes up to about 80$/month.

This year 2024, art school is done, I can finally do art full time. But I was severely burnout because all the accumulated stress since waaaaay before catch up with me and i couldn't cope anymore. I have to spend a lot of time resting instead. Fortunately, I received a decent amount of coms each month, and the new patreon surprisingly got a few supporters (I fully realistically expected it to sit at 0 for at least a year). Overall, I have an 8 hours 4 days work week: 4 hours a day on com and managing social media and other stuff that actually makes money; 4 hours a day on my own projects and personal indulgence that doesn't directly make money. As of now, my income is about 180$/month.

.

You are probably wondering how the fuck do one live like this in this economy.

It's because my family is middle class and can afford a freeloader like me in their house, receive their pocket money and tuition fee. I'm privileged.

But of course my family isn't rich and if just one catastrophic event happens to us, we'd be in bad shit. I'm constantly in anxiety of money, work, and the future. It doesn't help that I'm late 20s and many people around keep reminding of how I'm not making money yet still leeching off parents. It doesn't help that, for years all i hear about art is it will just lead to failure and no money.

.

But still, I am thankful of my family for letting me stay here. And all my friends and supporters for giving me money oc lol, but more importantly, believing in me more than I ever do in myself. I read all of your little tags, your keysmash and compliments, and I keep them all dear to my heart, and I went back to them everytime I need motivation. I can't see where my future as an artist will be, but I cling to your support and love as the will to keep going. Thank you all so, so fucking much. I'd have been literally dead in a ditch somewhere without you guys.

Anyway, idk, I've always been adamant about wage transparency (especially in a corporate setting) but I rarely see this in freelance artists. except to flex, to promote the hustle culture, or to sell some courses they made. Most of us don't want/can't subscribe to the grind and have nothing to flex either. All we have is this shit economy. I'd wish we could have been more open about this and many of us wouldn't have to feel so lonely and despair all the time.

[m4rried2the-moon]

reflections on manifestation frustration

hello all :) so this is my first text post, i felt very compelled to share a few messages from my journal this morning. just some things to do with struggling with manifestation frustration and some observations to help those who are struggling to remain hopeful and confident!

✎ impatience

the best comparison, imo, to manifestation is like ordering something offline. you picked it, you 'bought' it and now you must simply wait for it. this waiting can be especially frustrating if you order something from overseas, but i feel like this analogy fits best because you know it's coming eventually and it gives you this room to still live in the moment while you understand that its coming.

✎ lack of confidence

if anyone deserves this, it's you babe, believe that. not only have you brought yourself this far to accept that you can have it, but you know within that it can only materialize if you continue to trust that feeling. after all, why wouldn't you have what makes you happy? trick question, there is no reason!

✎ bleak present reality

because your shipment is already on its way, think about your present reality as that waiting period before you receive your desire. your present reality may feel like a deep energy of lack right now but understand that the state you imagine yourself in while having it and the state of your present reality is synonymous. your desire is as real as your current reality and knowing this creates a protective and assured energy from spiral-prone doubts/beliefs.

✎ reflection on past successful 'deliveries'

i'm almost sure everyone has experienced wanting something and kind of subconsciously end up receiving it through whatever circumstance. times like that i believe are examples of our natural ability to attract what we want into our lives without constantly applied efforts, either. stress can be a huge part of manifestation frustration, but reflecting on these easy times of natural magnetism to the things that belong to you can remind you that you already have it.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

tbh i was actually struggling with this before journaling and this is just what i remind myself when i have times like this, bc i'm ngl i cried with frustration earlier but it's about picking yourself back up and knowing that your confidence is bigger than any other energy that could rob you!

anyways, hope this helped!