#literally nobody reaches out to talk to me
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r ur dms full of yearners
hello dear anon, please forgive me if I have interpreted this wrong, but I have made a couple of friends that I regularly talk to, who also have yearning blogs
#hello dear anon#anon ask#answered asks#thank you for the question#thanks anon!#send asks#ask me anything#literally nobody reaches out to talk to me#aside from those friends of course#they are sweet#do people see me as indimidating or smt?#or maybe just a hopeless sap
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It's interesting watching Karlach's camp idle where she talks to herself (as she does if you play as her). It doesn't really come up outside of her origin playthroughs so seeing it actually happening in the background is... certainly something. Have they added an option to hug her at literally just any time to help make up for that 10 years of no human connection and horrific levels of touch starvation, because that would be a good addition. A hug Karlach button. Don't even need to make it a dialogue thing, just a button on the bar you press.
#Karlach talking to herself because she had nobody else and literally cannot connect to another person :)#Give me a few hours to reach act 2 and I'll give you a hug#--#Also keeps Durge from sticking out too much#'Yeah sometimes two of the party just space out a bit and start moving erratically.'#'Talking to the voices in their heads promoting violence. Sometimes going into homicidal rages.'#'What're you going to do: we're ALL traumatised in here'#/karlach#edgelord hours#babbling#playthrough shenanigans
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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oh no somebody I do not want to know about my online presence might have found this account luckily I didn't find anything suspicious in my follower list but oh my god
#nana talks#its literally my dad too I'm not gonna get into the whole lore of why I genuinely don't like him but he's an awful person#I hope nobody has to deal with somebody like that ever not even my worst enemy I'm not kidding#so like I'm hoping he's not stalking this blog#like literally what can he do not like its gonna drive me off of the platform I literally don't care about his opinion of me#but its still unsettling if he is trying to keep track of his adult daughter like this#anyways I don't know if I should reach out to tumblr support because like they probably can't do anything#literally up until I was like 15 he had stuff installed that would let him see everything I do online#eventually that app or something of his shut down and I was free hehe#like this man did and said the most horrendous things under the sun and he's like omg why does nana not want to spend time with him#I don't even care if he's reading this he knows that I don't like him#best thing you can do if you have someone like this in your life is just do whatever you want don't let them bother you that much#eventually they'll realise they can't bother you anymore#like literally for the longest while I thought he would never shut up with the insults directed towards me#but like a couple of months of not caring about it and not talking to him later and he left me alone#so like if anyone reading this can relate I am proof that it does get better my dad is the most stubborn and mean case too#so I promise you it will be okay
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i. hate feeling like im so starved for social interaction that I'm forgetting how to speak to anyone at all. but because im forgetting how to speak im too scared to reach out to literally anyone
#i just want to like. chat with people every now and then#get any social interaction#because it's actually fucking up my mental health bad that I'm so alone constantly#but how the fuck am i supposed to make friends when i don't know how to have a conversation AT ALL#i need someone who's patient enough to basically hold my hand like a little kid to teach me how to talk again#but how do i FIND people like that when I'm already isolated#i can't ask people to help me meet more people so what do i do#I just want someone i can talk about my system and my interests to but i don't know how to speak so all I do is traumadump or infodump#i don't know how to find someone patient enough to deal with me and i can't just Ask People cause that's fucking weird#and the few times people do reach out even in a small way i dont know how to respond at all my mind just goes blank#what words do i even use i literally can't figure out how to form a normal sentence#nobody wants to deal with that especially when it's only talking through text
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someone said they liked how i always liked their posts and now i have to like every one of their posts that comes on my dash i have to
#this is literally the exact effect i wanted that to have#i always try to like anyones posts that i find on my dash because i want them to feel heard and wanted#since i get bummed out when nobody likes my posts i figured i shouldnt spread that negativity and instead keep it from happening#dear all my mutuals i love you and i hear you and im always here to talk to if you need anything.#please reach out to me if youre in need of a friend#im always willing#youll never bother me#i prommy#water posts
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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if i **** at home, alone, i wonder who would be the first person to notice
p.s. you can only have 30 tags on a post. not swag
#like genuine curiosity. bc i don't have any friends anymore so no one comes over#online friends would just think i'm ghosting#probably it would be a professor in the german deptartment OR actually#it could be db. because he & i have scheduled meeting times and if i just Didn't Show and didn't email he'd probably worry#he'd at least reach out. and possibly follow up if i didn't respond#i say probably him more than the faculty in the german department only because it would only take one day of missing our meeting for him—#—to be suspicious#whereas i don't think anyone in the german dept would reach out unless it had been at least two missed classes#but after two i think rich in particular would reach out#all 3 german faculty know i'm going thru it harder than hell rn#and i think rich knows i'm sorta. On That Edge rn#if i missed a kaffeestunde that would rly tip everyone off#so anyway point being#it would be a professor who would notice first#i could go days without talking to my online friends or my parents and nobody would give a goddamn#well okay actually hang on lemme walk it all back#my boss would notice first. because the hour i'm late for work she'd text me and ask if im still coming in#that actually happened once#when i had mono. i didn't realise i was supposed to work that saturday and slept thru her texts for 2-3 hours#when i finally woke up wrote back hurried to dress and got there she was like jesus christ i was so worried#she said she had literally started to text a coworker to go physically to my apartment to check on me because she was worried smth happened#so probably her. but now that i live in greensboro and nobody is going to drive an hour to check on me idk. i want to say its more like her-#-to call the police to my apartment OHHH but she doesn't have my new address#so she'd want to but ig wouldn't have any way to do it#so basically#it would be a professor#getting db and rich in a pissing contest Right Now to see who would notice first#if we're being real i think db would probably notice first (but this also depends on day of the week) but he wouldnt be as proactive as rich#bc rich is such a Doer and db is rather on the passive side (hashtag adhd hashtag autism i'm pretty certain)#epilogue
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trying my hardest to cut back on vent posts but holy fuck the Horrors
#they simply never stop!! fucking hell!!!#i was talking abt how stressed i am to my mother and she was like “ok point to one thing other than (relative)'s death that's happened”#like!!! it's not about literal things!!! it's about the fact that i just keep losing at every turn no matter how goddamn small!!!!#no i don't remember every time that i was excluded from social stuff or my order was messed up at a fast food place so i didn't get to eat#but i remember how i just can't stop fucking losing!!!!!#like. on top of all the major life events and shit. the small stuff is what's really getting to me#my friends are disappearing. the distance grows greater. soon i'll be completely alone#god it's just fucking suffocating#i have. two (2) friends who actively still reach out to me. and eventually they'll get tored of how much i complain and leave me behind too#they're better for it anyways. nobody should have to deal with being friends with me#i'm just tired. i'm so fucking tired. of everything. i'm tired of being “so brave” this shit sucks ass and i can't fucking take it!!!#and those two friends are counting online friends. if i wasn't counting them i'd have nobody#all my friends have fucking moved. literally nothing i could do about it#just another example of the universe shitting on me at every single fucking turn#ok whatever. im going to bed and trying not to think about it. maybe the universe will take pity on me and kill me while i sleep#marin complains
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Now for the final round!
@hellsitegenetics
I love them
I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.
it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!
so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches
perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for
It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!
Creatures 👍
Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite
Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.
I love them. English speakers talk like moths
If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!
They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!
uhh it’s cool
BLAST
There are so many weird bugs in the world
Yippee!!
If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.
Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH
Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie
the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise
This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.
If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3
@hasgavlebockenburneddownyet
What's more happy holiday cheer than cheering on the destruction of a giant straw goat?
The birds may have won 2023, but I believe in humanity's capability for arson for 2024 <3
a vote for me is a vote for arson! This message was approved by hasgavlebockenburneddownyet
gavle is SUCH a public service and holiday feature
what's more tumblr than comical destruction and holidays?
sometimes you just gotta vote with your matchsticks
Bringing a cultural staple to tumblr since 2021
Arson is so much more fun
It would be really funny and ironic if it survives the tournament
you have no idea how much joy watching the chronicling of the gavlebocken brings me every year
hasgavlebockenburneddownyet provides an essential public service
always love seeing a bit of Swedish history on my dash 'Swedish bamboo season'
the goat account is peak gimmick blog
If I don't get to beat the goat then nobody does. -pointless-achievements
Never ask Tumblr to choose between lies and arson! The winner threatens by nature to rip apart the very fabric of our DNA!
goat statues made out of straw are exciting and interesting
I wanna see things burn
the goat is an essential part of tumblr culture and the goat blog is a sacred keeper of the tumblr high holidays
watching to see if the big straw goat has burned down each year is a true delight, something I never knew existed until tumblr and the blog dedicated to it
the incredibly focused nature of @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is what makes their gimmick superior.
Please guys bite gavlebocken
Look, I'm Danish. I was put on this earth to annoy the Swedes and vice versa, but even I voted for @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet
gavlebocken is also such a fun name and this blog informed be about its existence, so for that I am grateful
hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is providing a vital service! Every year, people rely on their updates regarding the fate of our most beloved Yule Goat! How could they NOT deserve the win!?
sacred anti-corporate arson
a vote for gävlebocken is a vote for anarchy!
pls vote for them they're the funniest gimmick keeping track on the funniest phenomena in recent human history, like when i look at their acc i think to myself this is what tumblr was created for
the goat is the GOAT
HASGAVLEBOCKENBURNEDDOWNYET DESERVES TO WIN, I have them on post alert for a REASON
the holiday season wouldn't be the same without them
they do important reporting. Do you look at the news and be like 'the reporters aren't doing work they're just telling you whats happening.' Have some respect for the goat news
let the weird burnt sacrificial ritual of it all appeal to you
nothing makes my December more interesting, arson should win
doesn't barge in on other peoples posts which is always a good thing in my books. not a fan when obnoxious gimmick blogs turn a decent post into a garbled mess
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Wow. I really am completely alone huh
#don't mind me. just dealing with soul crushing loneliness and emptiness as usual lol#nobody wants me around. nobody cares about me#if anyone cared about me they'd at least try reaching out to me during this almost a year long mental breakdown#I'm the last person anyone would want to talk to or be around#I wish I had literally anyone who cared about me. who wanted to genuinely be my friend#I wish my fp cared about ke even just a little bit
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you know what, i’ve had enough of being sad. i’m pretty fucking great and if the people i love and care about can’t appreciate that then that’s their loss tbh
#i’ve been so fucking sad lately bc it hit me that literally nobody ever checks in on me and it’s making me feel so shitty#like i’m always trying to make the effort with people and always the one reaching out and asking to hang out or go places or do stuff#and i’m always there for people when they need it or when they’re having a hard time and i always try to be so supportive of people#and i never get any of that back#nobody ever bothers with me#literally the only person that actively reaches out and seems to want to talk to me is my sister#my own mother doesn’t even bother with me#and i’m fucking tired of it and i deserve better and people need to realise how good i actually am#anyway sorry for the rant i’ve just hit a wall and it made me realise my own worth lmao#my mental health has been awful for about two months now and i’ve truly just become so tired of being alive bc i’m so alone#and now i’m in the angry stage where i’m like… actually no fuck you all i’m pretty fucking great and this is going to be your loss#anyway lmao sorry i’m just having a moment of growth ✨#going to push myself to focus on me more now bc i deserve it#my friends and family might not care about me v much but i care about me and i need to start acting like it for myself
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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister
#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically#i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people#he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it#was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks#everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him#about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure#you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually#happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he#assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends#hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a#a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and#starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years#and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of#brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but#he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to#have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way#overprotective. yknow. he#ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting#a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault
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i will be in hell world forever and that is ok i guess
#the bin#i am resigned to my fate unfortunately#maybe its easier to believe itll be like this forever. idk.#ive been so desolate for so long and i just cant get myself out of it at this point. and there is absolutely nobody to help me#people will say when youve reached a low point like that how important it is to reach out to the people around you who care about you for#help but who is there for me to reach out to? my sister? ive tried and it didnt matter and i dont want her help anymore#honestly. theres people caring about your concept because they know you and youre family and then theres actually caring about YOU#and there isnt anybody who cames about ME they just acre about the concept of me. not even the version of me they have in ybeir head#its just routine to 'care' about me. lik3 you would anybody. but its very surface level. doesnt go beyond wishing i SEEM ok#and not wanting particular harm to come to me. but they dont care about ME. the oerson i am. i guess it makes sense cause im not close#with literally anybody. i was never even actually close to my sister. i just felt pressured to tell her private stuff about me#every time after it felt coerced tho. like i felt tricked into doing it or forced to because shes so weird about everything#ugh. her being so weird has made it so much harder to socialize with anyone else#i dont even want to ask her for transportation to places to socialize because she makes me so uncomfortable#and the only other people i have to talk to are family members who i cant talk to about it becasue shes their family too#:( ive hit a new low somehow! yay...#ugh. i dont even have online friends to talk to. i wish i did but i could never. im not interesting to talk to online at all#just like. objectively. my anxiety makes my type like the most boring person ever online and ut sucks#maybe i could try again if i used voice chat but idk. then id have to meet people. im tired of being so lonely though :(#i wanna just play minecraft or smth with some people and forget abt how sad i am for once because i havent been able to for years
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NSFW
I think it would be so hard for Toji to deny you of anything when you're upset to the point of crying. You always act so passive about things that bother you, for him, because he rarely falls apart on you, so who are you to dump your emotions on him like that?
You come home from a really bad day at work that never allowed your headache to cease. Everybody was turning things in late, nobody was working to beat their deadlines—extended deadlines— and you were the one who took the hits for it all, as the leader of your group. You were one more mentioned member of your team away from snapping at your boss. Thankfully, you were allowed to go home after that talk.
Toji got home before you, so he had some time to wind down from his own stressful day, but the minute you walked in, he knew there was something wrong. You barely acknowledged him, a small smile being all you offered him, before you dragged yourself to your shared bedroom. No 'hi, baby' followed by you literally tossing yourself onto him, or even a 'wow, you're home before me?'
That didn't slide with him like you may have thought it would.
He got up after waiting two minutes for you to come back out. You never did, so he went after you, immediately spotting you face down on the bed. Your body was trembling, your shoulders jumping with your sobs. It was a strange sight, but it didn't make him feel any less concerned for you. He strode over to your side, resting a palm on your back. Your body was rigid with tension, your shoulders unable to drop because of it. He's sure you'll complain about the pain once you've calmed down a little more.
It was hard to get you to talk, but eventually you spilled every detail of what made you feel this way. Toji couldn't relate to your patience. If he were disciplined for other people's actions despite doing his job of trying to catch them up and reminding them to do things, he would be livid. You aren't like that, though. Things happen at work. Things that lure out frustration, anger, and overall feelings of wanting to implode and instead of leaving it there at work, where it belongs, you bring it home. You've clearly reached your breaking point.
"Want me to kill them?" He asks, feeling you shake your head against his chest in response. "Might just do it behind your back if you come home like this again, ma. Dead serious," he says, noting that you still haven't fully relaxed in his hold. "No reason you should ever be this stressed over people not doing their jobs. Fucking idiots, acting like children because they know it all weighs down on you."
You wanted to cry again at the way he tightened his hold on you while he defended you. You sucked it up and moved off of his chest, and when he looked down to see what you were doing, you kissed him. Your hand went beneath his shirt and felt up his warm, sculpted abdomen.
Clothes were removed and you now sat on his lap, his cock deep inside you. He knew you needed this despite how you were so distraught when he came into the room. He couldn't turn you down when you asked if he could be as close to you as he could. He knew you needed to release some steam, but he didn't expect it to be so calm. You laid your head on his shoulder, your arms draped around his neck while he held you close, his hands resting on your back.
Toji cooed at you, when you started sniffling, again. Slowly but surely, you were releasing all those bottled up emotions, your tears landing on the bare skin of his shoulder.
"Shh... it's alright. You don't have to think about anything, right now." He presses a kiss to your shoulder and then one to the side of your neck, before moving his hips a little, luring some quiet sighs from you. "Yeah, let me take care of you, mama. Just gotta breathe for me. That's all you gotta do, 'kay?"
You nod against his shoulder and allow him to bring both of you, soft, intimate, and unhurried pleasure. Your moans were light and airy, your whimpers soft and muffled by his skin.
Toji's orgasm rolled in before yours. His generous amount of release coated your walls, heavy and ragged breaths grazing your skin. In his head, he blames it on being able to become a safe space for you and his ability to provide protection. Your emotions were unconfined and you confided in him to soothe you. The mixture of physical intimacy and his comforting words was enough to calm you down. Your shoulders weren't tense anymore, and you were able to melt into his embrace.
Your orgasm had your body quivering against his. The sound of your rapid breathing was all you could release into his neck, your nails dragging across his shoulders through the intensity. He smiled softly, satisfied when you let out the smallest squeak.
"That's it, baby. Good girl. Just relax." He strokes your back, stilling his hips once the zenith of your pleasure passes.
Once the adrenaline dies down a little, you go back to rest your head on his shoulder, retightening your arms around him. Toji keeps stroking your back, his other hand resting on the back of your head.
"You're not going to work tomorrow. You have... let's see... food poisoning and you can't move without feeling like you're gonna blow chunks." He can feel your laughter against him, your shoulders jumping as a positive gesture compared to how he found you, luring a smile onto his face. "I'm not taking no for an answer either. We're both out tomorrow, 'cause I can't leave you here to die. Alright?"
"Okay," you mumble.
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