#literally its such a hard situation to navigate

[scattered-winter]

woooooo that late night infinite loneliness is hitting again lads

[esoteriamaya]

astro thoughts - short n sweet: all about mars

Mars in 1st house - These individuals have a strong presence to their aura. These people could be workaholics as far as being in the gym goes. They could have a lot of energy to get things done so they can seem pretty intimating around people who don't have strong martian energy. They can be scapegoated because their boldness tends to rub people off the wrong way.

Mars in the 2nd house - A passion for getting the things they want with little to no effort. Hard work pays off. They dont have time to waste on mundane things, they simply want to relax but it seems too much for them sometimes. I say for this group, give yourself that time to chillax for a bit... the world aint what it seems sometimes.

Mars in the 3rd house - Could have a lot of outbursts from time to time, they feel things just a little differently than others and could be pretty opinionated. They have a lot of use for people who can debates with them on topics. They need someone who can go toe to toe with them at times, or else they'll get bored. They are very fast learners. Could also have a thousand hobbies because none of them could keep them occupied enough, and thats okay.

Mars in the 4th house - Could be overstimulated with family issues as this placement can make them the scape goat/black sheep. They are not afraid to say whats on their mind. There could also have been volatile experiences growing up in the house, so their a little open to having gentle partners/friendships because the toxic environment could have left them strifled.

Mars in the 5th house - These people like to live life on the edge, they need something to get them out of their racing mind. There quick learners just like the 3rd house babes, and they need someone who can match their fly. Could be a sex maniac with this placement. Needs someone who they can be passionate with.

Mars in the 6th house - WORKAHOLICS... please. just get some rest. What I love about this placement is that they NEVER STOP UNTIL THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT. They are powerhouses for sure. Because they wont eat, sleep,relax until they get the results. Literally blood sweet and tears is their motto.. They gotta get it done one way or another.

Mars in the 7th house - Incredible sex drive. Just like their friends in the 5th house, they need someone who can bring them passionate energy. They can bring the house down with their fiery energy alone, but they need someone to match their flow or else they will run that individual to the ground. It be like that sometimes.The more mars energy the more this can be a problem.

Mars in the 8th house - Damn. Damn. Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is probably one of the best placements to have with mars because 1. its in its rightful house (it is a ruler of scorpio). They're sex appeal is powerful. It will have anyone dropping to their knees. They are psychologically aware of people and their intentions and they can use this to their advantage. Dark feminine energy is a strong aspect for this placement. I could go on, but decided to keep it cute for now lol.

Mars in the 9th house - May have a tendency to travel outside of their homeland at some point in their life. This is necessary for their growth as an individual. They need to be alone more than usually so they can see the world from a different point of view. They are very intelligent creatures and give their all to know more than what they've been given in their short time span on this earth. They have a gift at teaching people how to navigate life through their own lense. Its a difficult path to say the least, because they always have to be confident in the face of trouble. But they always come abck out with ease.

Mars in the 10th house - Strong presence. Very practical nature. Has issues with the public eye from time to time. Could master the art of thought and can handle any situation most would crumble in. The life they lead isn't for the weak. It seems like they have an arrow on their back from time to time, but to no avail they use the energy to their advantage at some point. Great leaders, could have jealous friends/associates around them so they must be cautious.

Mars in the 11th house - LIke their friends in the tenth house, they are also really good at leadership. In their friend groups they can be considered the 'alpha' or the person who tends to plan out things or just knows what to do in general. It reminds me of blossom in the power puff girls to say the least. Their capable of taking on goals and commitments most people probably couldn't take. Just be careful you don't wanna make them mad. They can have a lot of disputes with friends and associates for the wrong reasons.

Mars in the 12th house - Mind over matter. Thats their theme. They could have a lot of issues with people and this could seem out of no where. A lot of hidden enemies with this placement :( It seems like no one likes them but they have a raw special energy to them thats hard to ignore. A lot of people do want to be around them but for some reason they can sort of despise them and it could be something subconscious and this is where a lot of the hidden hate comes from. This group has to be more open to the heart than most because its easier to shut back down after always being around people who use them for their personal gain.

let me know what you think :)

[qvrcll]

the little things they do — luffy, zoro, nami, usopp & sanji.

summary: what do they do that makes you tick? that makes your heart glide through your chest and fester at your throat? that makes you glissade through hell itself, for the pleasure that it brings?

warnings: slight tension but no nsfw, fluff, nothing too bad!

notes: i started binge watching op / opla recently and decided to give i a go at writing for them! literally could not stop my fingers from typing this out. i’m a little new to op, so i hope you enjoy nonetheless :-] i promise im working on another part of college melodrama! i just wanted to try something new to get the brain juices flowing <3

sanji — moves you by your waist

sanji is keen with his women, but with you, he’s even more so. he’s gentle with it, even if he doesn’t need to be, because you make him aberrantly nervous, yet vilely confident in his etiquette — and today just cements it. it’s a boring day, and that prompts you to keep yourself stationed in the kitchen, where the rest of the straw hats find their own circles to situate themselves in (pure boredom, much to sanji’s dismay). the space is overcrowding and you’re halfway into disputing something that luffy insists is true fact, when sanji’s mellow palms come to gripe gently, carefully, at your waist — “excuse me, beautiful,” he mouths, fiendish and close to tasting his teeth in a marvellous grin as he effortlessly moves you, gingerly in so many ways, so he can reach the cabinet. you stutter out some convoluted version of a yes, o-of course! … safe to say, you can barely pay much consideration to luffy’s rebuttal as the tepedity of the cook’s hands lay in repetitive, illusive strokes against your hips for more times than one to just consider it an act to retrieve spices from a cabinet.

zoro — has one hand in your back pocket

he’s silent, mischievous with his antics. the upper part of your brain warns you of his skepticism, his cruelly hard body, his thick cheek. but your heart buds violently under what you can only assume is his effect. and it’s only furthered, when you are too close to him for comfort in this mini-party the crew has going on atop the going merry. you spot him nodding off in the corner of your eye, barely even knowing of his current footing in his chair as he slumps off. you urge him to go to bed, to ditch the drinks and gain a full night’s rest. but he shakes his head stiffly, his rather large hand slinking into the back pocket of your pants, where it lays dormant and so, so close to squeezing. “stay. this way, i won’t lose you.” you fail to yelp, because every nerve has been short-wired. twisted. re-twisted. re-wired. you can only stand close, fluxing against the warmth of his palm in your back pocket, as the faintest of reds colour his cheeks. a smile is welcome.

luffy — hugs your waist

being a captain is luffy’s share of the burden that comes with his quest of finding the one piece. he swears its easier than he allows it, but his body is different on days like these. days when he’s laying, tired and inaccessible to his usual bouts of energy. days like these, you can’t navigate around his lethargy, that comes slow and unmoving, similar to his resolve. his arms are around you, tight and interlocking further like a snake, his face buried against your stomach as he uses you as a stationary pillow. and you try to remind him that there are things you need to resume, things you need to conduct on the going merry, but when you turn to move, excuse yourself, he tightens, and his nose brushes against the sensitive skin beneath your button up in a nimble attempt to get you to stay still. “mmm… five—no, ten more minutes… i promise.”

nami — rests her head in the crook of your neck

it’s not an easy job sorting the day’s itinerary into tidy, little boxes and shelves, whilst the boat rocks to a cathartic beat around you. nami is here, to help you, but you are unable to shake off the tension wearing you down. your skin feels like paper and the bottom side of your shoes are sticky with sea water and your hands feel like rubber. you could rival luffy. it makes you feel awful, gets you hot and antsy so quickly, that nami blinks twice. of course, you apologise. you always have. but nami gets the directive before you do, and she reaches forward to hug you close to her chest. her nose tickles your neck and the space is living with her breath — the crook of your neck. “how about we stay like this for a bit, hm?” it’s more for your own means to find ground amongst your frustrations, to help you calm down, but nami has always loved being close to you. she always has.

usopp — holds you close to protect you

the great captain usopp. mighty warrior of the sea. well, not the great when the sea is colliding into rows of wood at maximum speed, which rocks the entire great vessel. you try to be less of a deterrence, try to find your own standing in the room you’re in with usopp, but your body is thrown across the room in one fell swoop, where you meet halfway into usopp’s chest. there’s a messy string of syllables that leave your lips, a creaky apology as you try to maintain some space between you (for the sake of your enervated heart), but he’s quicker. an ability derived from his sharp-shooter skills, you’re sure. his arm wraps around your waist and he allows you to crowd his chest. allows you to hold him like a pillar against the raging sea when it sends a rather alarming rock to the ship. “hold on tight — you’ve got nothing to worry about with captain usopp here. you hear?”

© 2023 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.

[starrg1rl]

Random Astrology Notes !!

Ps im not a professional astrologer, I’ve just been in this community for 4 years and read A LOT about the topic.

Tw 18+

The moon represents our emotional and internal persona, how and why we react in certain situation when it comes to feelings, so speaking of sexuality it can say a lot about the mental role we take on during sex emotionally. For example Virgo, Cancer Moon best express themselves as Subs, or Aries, Capricorn moon as Doms. Relevant aspects can influence this (Moon-Pluto is screaming BDSM).

Gemini Risings have a very distinguished smile or laugh, when they’re laughing their mouth is wider showing more teeth, in particular canines. It could be more open because of a raised upper lip or a visible gum. Nevertheless they have a beautiful foxy smile.

My god the power that Moon conjunct Venus women hold. My best friend has this exactly in 8th degree Virgo and I can guarantee u in all the years I’ve known her almost every guy around fell for her. She’s so likable although she doesn’t even have an outgoing personality, her vibe just gives off pure femininity (mother 🙇‍♀️). Plus the Moon being her chart ruler, it really influences her character. This aspect indicates to be considered conventionally/generally beautiful in a feminine way.

Venus opposite Pluto 🖤 : This aspect brings intensity, power play, obsession in the planet Venus themes. First experiences of love and relationship feel like a f roller coaster controlled by a drunk maniac. When excitement is at its highest peak they’re completely infatuated, devoted and worship their partner. Love is a forever life or death deal for them. But if things start to go downhill it’s bad bad. First of all Venus-Pluto people are PRONE to toxicity and mental games. If not mature enough, they will not leave because it exalts them, masochism and self destructive tendencies are not uncommon with this aspect (not to mention the delusional and idolizing ones). Especially when they’re fond of someone it will be very hard to leave because they are deep down convinced that the unhealthy partner is still the right person. And once they leave it literally feels like a death (Pluto theme), if they don’t have any control of the situation the grief and hurt will make them miserable. This is a recipe for disaster therefore hate is all that’s left, and rarely this relationships will end in good terms. So to sum up, Venus opposite Pluto are extremely passion driven and intense people, that need to be more aware of their impulses and unhealthy patterns. The opposition could be harsh, indicating external conflicts and separation difficult to balance, but offers opportunities to personal development and transformation when navigated consciously. LOVE YALL (ex. Beabadoobee had a rough break up that end up with her ex getting with her friend)

[gotholdladywithadhd]

Unpopular opinion, probably.

So I've read many metas, and thought a lot about it and have come to my own personal conclusion about the final 15.

I'm taking it at face value.

Because it was the most human Crowley and Aziraphale have probably ever been and I think that is at least part of the point. Love makes people stupid and they are navigating a very human thing in very unhuman circumstances, and it's hard enough to do as a human in human circumstances!

I think Aziraphale believed the Metatron about Crowley bc he was expecting the worst when TM mentioned Crowley but instead got the one thing he wanted most (him and Crowley together and safe, not Crowley being an angel. ) Crowley was absolutely the carrot here. (and no I do not think Crowley would have been safe or happy, but that's besides the point.) I can't tell you how many times I've believed patently ridiculous things because I wanted to believe them so badly even though if I was looking at the same situation objectively from an outside POV I would see how ridiculous it was, so I totally get it. This isn't to say I think Azi had a real choice to go to Heaven or not and I think he did understand that as well, but I get the temptation the Metatron threw out to him, I really do.

As for Aziraphale literally saying all the wrong things to try and get Crowley to come with him? Um yeah been there done that too, the nerves take over, the brain shuts off, the mouth goes into autopilot pulling stuff out its ass, and "WITAF did I just say?" happens.

Crowley not taking any of it well and only hearing what he expected to hear (I'm not good enough for you bc I'm a demon and you only really want me if I can be an angel) *and* also being more able to see through heavens bullshit bc he has lived it, and can see it from the outside, *and* all whilst being the most honest and vulnerable he has ever been with Aziraphale in 6,000 plus years (or in fact possibly to anyone, ever. the closest before this admitting he was lonely to Azi during the Job minisode,) *then* hearing what he took to be the same Heaven will save us line from Azi was enough to trigger a massive bout of RSD and a broken heart. Everything was supposed to "vavoom and sorted! " and instead the stupid awning broke and everything went wrong. I think I've said it before that at this point Crowley can't hear anything over the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

That's a whole lot to pack into the brief moments before Azi has to leave with the Metatron (who let's be honest was rushing him before he could change his mind) esp when neither of them are used to discussing their relationship openly. They didn't have time to think, to ask questions, to share information, (like hey guess what really happened to Gabriel?) Crowley tried to communicate as much as he could about his feelings with the kiss but Azi didn't have the time to properly process all that and said the wrong thing again and Crowley was rejected (he thought) again and it all just went so very wrong. You can't fix a 6,000 year relationship in 15 minutes, you just can't no matter what the story books say.

It's about two people wanting the same thing but not being able to get it (yet) because of circumstances and personalities. All of S2 was about them seeming to be closer than ever (and in many ways they were) but really they were opposed at almost every turn. (in RL not the minisodes, those actually showed them working together and coming out okay mostly, if you don't count wee Morag or Crowley getting dragged to hell) The way they both handled the Gabriel situation, how they both worked to solve the mystery, even how they tried to make Nina and Maggie fall in love were all either done alone, or in opposite ways. I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it was pointed out right in ep1, their exactlies aren't the same and until they are, they aren't going to be able to be together. The one time they did work together in the season, they produced a 25 lazuri miracle. That is the point of the final 15, and the whole season 2 in my opinion.

They'll get there in the end though!

[lucabyte]

obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask

also your art is amazing

Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!

and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...

I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:

This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...

My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.

It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)

The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)

And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.

but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.

Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)

Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.

As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.

Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)

This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)

Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.

Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.

But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.

I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.

*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍

**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....

Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.

And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.

Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?

I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.

[itsclydebitches]

Hazbin Hotel: Let's Talk About Cursing!

Trigger warning for lots of cursing in this post (obviously) and discussion of canon abuse scenes

As I delve further into the Hazbin Hotel fandom, I’ve inevitably come across a variety of people who dislike the show for an equal variety of reasons. One criticism I’ve seen with some consistency is in regards to the cursing and yeah, I get it. That’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, the repeated claim that the cursing is only there as a—failed—attempt at bad, lazy humor got me thinking about why I personally liked the cursing, and why I think it serves a greater purpose in the show.

Now yes, some of the cursing does function as an arguably simplistic joke. The most common setup I’ve noticed is one that leans into a contrast in tone/personalities. We see this a lot with the polite, comparatively timid Charlie as she navigates her distinctly vulgar domain.

Charlie: “Hi, mister!” Demon: “Go fuck yourself!”

The entirety of “Happy Day in Hell” plays with this contrast, setting up Charlie’s slightly skewed, but significantly optimistic perspective of Hell. We are shown again and again how her lyrics are contradicted or twisted into something less innocent through the visuals: a “revealing” street where it’s “hard not to stare” has BDSM going on in a nearby window, Charlie will “open the door” for her people and then literally does so... for a guy who’s already dead. (Or, you know, temporarily out of commission until he heals, or whatever demons do when they’re ‘killed’ by things other than angelic steel.) The entire point here is to contrast the happy, skipping girl claiming that there’s a “warm, fuzzy feeling” in the air with the actual environment of unchecked fires and decaying limbs. And yes, that can be amusing. Not necessarily for everyone as humor is highly subjective and dependent on context, but distilling this contrast down to the shock of a polite greeting getting a “Go fuck yourself!” in response is a kind of entertainment. Especially when Charlie’s reaction adds another layer: for me that’s a very funny—and currently relatable—expression.

We can potentially make the case that this humor format overstays its welcome, but I personally think the show does a good job of keeping Charlie’s cursing both simple and comparatively rare, so that when she is put into these contrast situations the humor lands better. The best example I can think of in the latter half of the show is Susan. There we get the whiplash of polite, trying-to-get-these-people-to-like-her Charlie reaching a breaking point to become “FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH” Charlie. It’s a moment that builds off of the earlier surprise of the courteous Alastor calling someone an “Ornery old bitch”—while Rosie is trying (and failing) to find a nicer way to phrase this.

However, as stated above I think the cursing serves more of a purpose than to just be funny for (some) viewers. Beyond those who simply find cursing distasteful, I’ve seen a fair bit of, “This is so stupid. No one even talks like that!” going around.

Except... I do? I talk like that.

See, I like cursing. I was born to former hippie parents and grew up playing MMOs, so cursing was something I became pretty acclimated to. Personally, I’m glad I was because I’m fascinated by language and cursing—for better or worse—is an integral way that many people communicate. I was taught to see cursing not as the Bad Forbidden Thing You Must Never Ever Do, but rather as just another form of expression, something to be used in moderation and under specific circumstances. Once I became an adult I already understood how I wanted to curse and when it was appropriate to do so. People at work are often shocked when I tell them I curse a lot because no, of course I’m not doing that at my job. That isn't considered professional in this space. Among my friends though?

We can sound a lot like the Hazbin crew.

Undoubtedly the most common curse in the show is “fuck” and its variations, which very much tracks with my personal experience among other people who curse. In fact, it’s so ubiquitous that it barely counts as a curse at all in some groups. It’s more of an easy, accepted way to add emphasis. Vaggie’s “What the fuck was that?” about Alastor’s commercial is a perfect example. She’s pissed and simply saying “What was that?” doesn’t carry the same weight, no matter how angry she may sound when she says it. Vox’s long “Fuuuuuuuck” at the end of “Stayed Gone” conveys an emotion you just can’t capture any other way. No dialogue at all would create a fundamentally different experience of Vox’s feelings and another non-cursing response is just gonna hit different. Not necessarily bad, just different.

“I don’t want to go to the party!” “I don’t want to go to the freaking party!” “I don’t want to go to the fucking party!”

The above represents three distinct characters to me and I think Hazbin Hotel gets that. Cursing isn’t thrown around randomly because something something cursing supposedly sells; it’s all linguistically logical. Characters curse when something surprising or bad happens, or when something unexpectedly good happens, when they’re angry, trying to be sexy, or they want to add that emphasis. That’s a lot of different situations where cursing can be useful and when you use “fuck” in your daily life a lot you become pretty desensitized to it. As said, for many it’s barely a curse at all. Which means that when you really want to curse you’ve got to up the ante. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that the two uses of “cunt” I can recall—a word that is generally considered far worse than “fuck” and makes a lot of people understandably uncomfortable—is used by two of the worst characters in moments that are meant to horrify the viewer:

Adam: “Can’t wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts / I know it’s just been a week, but we’ll be back in six months!” Valentino: “When I say you’d better get that fucking cunt out of my studio, you say...?”

This horror is especially emphasized in Valentino’s scene. The creators know this word is coming up and deliberately build towards it. Angel is currently being abused and has been reminded that Valentino “owns” him. The above question is a part of a trio that Valentino asks (a standard structure in writing), wherein the third option is the outlier/most shocking of the three. The animation leans into that shock, with the music building and Valentino grabbing Angel to pull him close right on the word “cunt.” Perez even puts emphasis there because he knows that this is a significant word that will change our understanding of Valentino.

Despite having hit Angel multiple times and taunting him with the contract, this is the moment Valentino stops playing the ‘nice’ employer. This is the real him. No more fake compliments and endearments aimed at Charlie, no more fake comfort/intimacy aimed at Angel. That “cunt” conveys a hell of a lot about how Valentino really sees them and when you have a cast of characters who are already cursing on the regular, it takes a word on that level to do that kind of work. If Valentino had said, “get that fucking bitch out of my studio” it wouldn’t have had nearly the same impact because he’s the kind of guy who uses "bitch" even when playing ‘nice.’

Adam’s line from “Hell is Forever” does very similar work. The scene needs a word to align with the horrific reveal that another extermination is just six months away, that conveys Adam’s deep disgust for Charlie’s people, and that still catches the viewer’s attention even though he’s the character (I believe) who curses the most. Here the music drops and Adam is a little closer to speaking than singing; there's this shift because, like with Valentino, our perception of him is shifting. This isn’t just some egotistical idiot who wants to be called “Dick Master,” he’s the leader of an army coming to gleefully kill them. Framing a whole world of people—people Charlie loves—as “cunts” while treating their murder as a holiday that can’t come soon enough creates an, 'Oh shit. This guy is actually a threat' understanding that you can’t quite get with anything else.

On a smaller scale, cursing does other character work throughout the whole show. I watched a number of cursing compilation vids for this meta (that was a trip lol) and again, cursing is not thrown in randomly. Each character has a unique way of cursing that aligns with their personality and motivations:

As said, Adam curses the most in the show which helps sell his truly over-the-top, irreverent personality. Linguistically, the amount he curses also allows for some fun grammatical play. Lines like, “Fucking love putting my name on shit, shit’s the best!” help convey the versatility of cursing.

Also as said, Charlie curses a fair bit but she’s comparatively polite and her cursing tends to be a result of genuinely big emotions—like saying “Crap” when she’s shocked and falls, or “Shit!” when Adam locks her out of the room—rather than sprinkled into her conversations as a modifier. That leaves space to create those moments of amused surprise when Charlie really let’s loose.

Sr Pentious curses even less than Charlie which fits his secretly gooey center. He talks a big game at the start of the show, but he’s actually quite bad at being, well, bad (especially the Amazon version compared to pilot!Pentious). His idea of getting one over on Alastor is ripping a bit of his coat. He loves his Egg Bois and “doesn’t want to live” without them. He has no desire to go into battle without minions/a big machine to hide behind and, of course, he’s the first to be redeemed. He's too much of a secret sweetheart to curse a lot.

Interestingly, Niffty doesn’t seem to curse at all. At least, not enough for me to think of examples off the top of my head. Right now I’m inclined to read that as an extension of her lived experiences/design—the cute 1950’s housewife archetype who is obsessed with keeping things clean doesn’t [gasp!] curse—as well as a way to maintain her legitimate creep factor. As said, cursing is common among the hotel residents and is a way for them to linguistically fit in. Niffty, however, is positioned more as an outsider (despite how much they all obviously love her): she’s actually scary in a way most demons aren’t and despite how weird this whole world is, she stands out as someone no one else can make sense of (even Alastor). If cursing is normal, Niffty is a character who is decidedly positioned as not normal.

Angel curses a fair bit, though his irreverence is conveyed more through innuendos. Angel is great at verbally twisting others’ words (especially Husk’s) to give himself a conversational advantage:

Husk: “Go fuck yourself” Angel: “Only if you watch me~”

Husk: “You’ve come—” Angel: [very loud orgasm noise] Husk: “...to the right place.”

Meanwhile, Husk uses “fuck” plenty, but he’s also one of the few characters who use “bullshit" too. I wouldn’t say there’s anything particularly revealing about that choice, but just giving him a go-to curse that’s otherwise used infrequently helps make his character distinct in a cast of other cursing characters.

Vaggie occasionally curses in Spanish, showing us her heritage if she used to be human, or a distinct knowledge/verbal preference if she’s always been an angel.

Heaven, as the ‘good’ side, doesn’t curse as a general rule, which leaves room for cursing to do more of that silent character work. We’re reminded of the stuffy, overly critical beings she’s dealing with when Charlie receives the combined judgement of the court for saying, “Fuck yeah!” In contrast, we understand just how shocked St. Peter is to see a Morningstar when he lets out an unintentional “Fuck!” The angry vindication of Charlie’s “That’s what the fuck I’ve been saying!” lands harder after multiple scenes of very little cursing, and Lute’s “Some crack-whore who fucked up already? / He blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth—” helps set her apart as an exorcist + Adam's second in command: her shocking violence comes through in her word choice too; words that supposedly don't belong in Heaven.

In what’s arguably the funniest line in the whole show, Lucifer undermines his dramatic standoff with Adam by going, “You mess with my daughter and now I’m going to fuck you.” Beyond just cutting the tension, that fits his bumbling, oblivious personality perfectly. Lucifer is crazy powerful and can absolutely wreck Adam. He also has none of the classy intimidation that, say, Alastor displays when he tries to convey that. This is a depressed himbo who makes ducks in his free time and settles on, “Hey, bitch!” when greeting his estranged daughter. Of course he’s going to accidentally turn a threat into a promise of sex.

Which finally brings me to Alastor, someone whose cursing is already understood well by the fandom. He’s characterized as manipulatively courteous, using manners to both hide his true nature and draw attention to his power—’You’re so beneath me I’ll just calmly sip my coffee and politely ask who you are, despite the fact that we've fought multiple times.’ This is a guy who calls people “My dear” and unironically insults them with the phrase “wacky nonsense.” So when he curses you can BET it’s gonna have an impact. It sure did for me. I had to pause the episode after Alastor’s first “Fuck you” because it was so shocking to hear that language from him. And that’s the point! The scene wants that reaction from the audience. The "Fuck you"s visceral anger contrasting the fake laughs he and Lucifer have been giving, the quick-fire exchange that’s suddenly cut short by Alastor’s choice of a direct insult, the fact that he’s officially dropping the polite veneer they’ve both been indulging in and raising the stakes before Charlie intervenes, the loss of the radio filter that otherwise demonstrates his control over a situation... all of it screams, ‘THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER MOMENT.’

"Fuck you” reveals that, for the first time in the show, Alastor is legitimately threatened by someone. Which makes sense given that, you know, Lucifer is the King of Hell. Cursing for Alastor isn’t normal, so when he does curse it’s going to reveal something about a guy who otherwise is obsessed with being unknowable. Having the King of Hell dismiss him is actually infuriating in a way Sir Pentious’ threats could never be and the exchange kicks off a rivalry that rattles Alastor in ways Vox’s never has. (Side note: is it any wonder people ship them? Character A making control freak Character B feel vulnerable is classic!) It’s no surprise to me than that the one other true curse we get from Alastor is, “I’m about to end your fucking life,” delivered to Adam who, like Lucifer, poses a legitimate threat and does end up beating him. I say “true” curse because calling Susan a “bitch” does similar work for him, but the takeaway is humorous rather than dramatic. It’s funny that the only people who can piss Alastor off enough to curse are the First Man/a powerful exorcist angel threatening his life, the literal King of Hell... and Susan.

So there’s a lot going on here, more than what many viewers might assume if they approach the show as just “stupid,” needlessly vulgar entertainment. As shown above, I don’t think the cursing is needless, especially given that, well... they’re in Hell. They’re sinners, supposedly the worst that humanity has to offer, so of course they're going to curse a lot. Does cursing mean you’re a bad person? No. Can you craft a hellish world that doesn't rely on cursing to convey a group's immoral nature? Sure.

Does it make sense that a writer would equate a sinful, irreverent cast with linguistic rebellion and would want to convey a certain vibe that, frankly, you just can’t get without dropping an F bomb?

Yeah, I think so. No one has to like that kind of creative decision, but it’s worth acknowledging it as a deliberate choice.

That’s all! Thanks for reading this fucking long post ✌️

[alvie-pines]

So, I just want to say something real quick about Wilbur Soot and the expectation fans have of all his friends to come out and immediately make statements and drop him. I particularly want to talk about Tommy because i see parallels between his relationship with Wilbur and my relationship with an adult who made me feel responsible for his wellbeing. I am not saying that their relationship is like this, just that based on what we've seen it could be, and we should be prepared to be empathetic and understanding to Tommy in case it is like this.

So some background. Starting at 13 or 14, I had a friend in his thirties who made me feel responsible for his mental health. I won't go into great detail, but I was constantly reassuring him and trying to keep him from killing himself, which was something he gave me multiple scares about. He would disappear and not respond to messages for days or weeks after posting suicide notes on his tumblr... but he was fine every time, just stepping away. Still, it scared me every time, and I felt like I hadn't been doing a good enough job helping him be happy.

I was friends with him from 13 to 16 and I felt responsible not just for his happiness, but his life.

It was so difficult to end that friendship that it took him blocking me multiple times before i could accept that he wasn't my responsibility anymore.

I defended him, let him get away with shit, let him have way more power over my life and beliefs and relationships than he should have. Because i was so toxically attached to him and believed what he told me, I seriously hurt my best friend in the whole world and I will never be able to fully express how sorry I am for it.

I'm saying this because there is evidence that Wilbur and Tommy's relationship contains similar dynamics. Wilbur has said that he relies on Tommy for his mental health. They met when Tommy was, what, 15? That's not healthy. Wilbur is an adult. I've also heard that Tommy has had to talk Wilbur down from suicide. This is extremely similar to what I experienced, and as much as it discomforts me to be seriously speculating about two ccs' relationship off-camera, I can't help but see the strong similarities to my story.

And Shelby's story corroborates this kind of behavior from Wilbur. She also was made to feel like Wilbur relied on her. For Shelby it was about his living situation--she felt like he needed her to take care of him, like he was too traumatized or depressed to take care of his own house and affairs, and if she stopped doing it it just wouldn't get done. And because she is a kind person, she didn't want to leave him like that.

This kind of behavior traps the victim in a relationship with the abuser by making them feel guilty if they try to leave or even distance themselves. It makes the victim feel like they cant hurt or go against the abuser in any way, for fear of blood on their hands, literal or metaphorical. It drives you to defend them, to try to stay by their side even as they prove themselves a terrible person.

So if Tommy isn't immediate and decisive in dropping Wilbur, I think we should be understanding. In these sorts of manipulative relationships, its really hard to speak badly of the abuser, and its hard to accept when others say they're abusive. That's an aspect of the abuse.

It took me until I was 13 to even be consciously aware of my mom doing this to me, and I only became aware of that "friend" doing it when I hadn't spoken to him in years.

This is the sort of thing that is VERY difficult to process and navigate and I think we should give Tommy, and other people close to Wilbur, some grace in navigating it. They should still drop him, but I think we should let them take some time because dropping an abuser who acts like this is very difficult, and they make it so on purpose.

[raineydays411]

My Fathers Daughter pt8

The Dinner

summary: It's finally time for the dinner you've been dreading since your arrival, awesome. At least you get to know some of the bat family better than before

Also I forgot if I put the ages for these characters if I did and anyone could tell me that would be awesome.

When you first arrived to Gotham, you weren't really sure what to think.

Like yeah, you knew it was gonna suck cause you were moving in with the woman who deserted you and your father, causing you to grow up faster than you were meant to and giving you trust issues.

And sure, Gotham seems to have some sort of disaster literally every single day of the week.

But at this point, you really would rather chance it with the clown or whatever than sit through this awkward ass dinner.

"ahem"

Everyone eyes shoot to Bruce, who cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence everyone was eating in.

"Y/n" He starts, causing you to groan internally. You were tired of being in the spotlight, especially when you knew half of this family doesn't fuck with you .

"I know I've said this before, but I know how hard sudden life changes like this are. If there's anything you need to be comfortable please let me know. This is your home now too."

You smile slightly, but before you could say anything Damian interrupts you

"Tch, father you say that as if she's a part of this family. We all know shes not."

"Damian, enough." Christine says sternly, " You've been difficult the whole day. Leave your sister alone."

"Oh please Mother, she's no blood of mine nor yours" he says absent minded

This was your chance.

"Well she actually pushed me out so..." You say taking a sip of your drink. You relished in the reactions from around the table

Jason snorted so hard his drink spilled

Dick looked disgusted and amused at the same time.

Tim looked disgusted but thats cause Jasons snort water managed to splash him from across the table. But the best reaction was from Damian and Cass. They just looked straight up angry.

Angry at the thought of their mother pushing you our of her cooch. Which was the most hilarious thing to you.

"How dare you speak about our mother like that? Have you no respect?"

"Dude, I'm gonna be honest I cannot take you seriously while you talk like an Asgardian. Get with the century Tiny Tim."

Another snort comes from Jason, " You know what kid, you're alright with me"

"I'm nineteen." You deadpan

"You look like you're twelve" Jason snarks

You pause for a bit before saying, "I'll tell you what you look like but you won't like it."

"Okay children, enough." Christine says, " Y/n, how do you like the room?"

"It's... very Addams family chic." You say, not really trying to be rude, " But if I'm being honest it's gonna take some getting used to."

"Well, you have free reign to decorate it anyway you'd like." Christine says, " In fact, we can make a day out of it!"

You physically have to stop yourself from cringing, " Um, yeah.. that sounds interesting, Or i can just order everything off amazon, no hassle."

" Oh it's no bother, it would give us some time to catch up" Christine says excitedly, " Oh we can make it a girls day, you and me!"

You feel someone glaring daggers into your head, as you turn you make eye contact with Cass.

Oh great, another Damian.

"Um.." You were never good in uncomfortable situations. Usually you would signal to your dad or Pepper and they'd find a way to get you out of it.

Even if you were good at navigating through uncomfortable situations, you doubt that anyone would know that to do in these circumstances.

"I mean some of the stuff I can only get online anyways so.." You say awkwardly.

You see Christine deflate and then more glares from the peanut gallery. Honestly its starting to get old.

" You know if you two keep glaring at me, your face will get stuck like that. " You say sarcastically, " Honestly doesn't it hurt to have such a sour face all the time? You're gonna get some crazy frown lines"

But before either Damian or Cass could respond, Bruce stood with a " Okay then! Y/n, how about you take my credit card and get whatever you need online, then your mother will take you AND Cass shopping"

Oh, this was a rich dads way of saying shut up.

"Great a whole day with Wednesday and Morticia." you mutter as Alfred takes your barely touched plate, " Thanks Lurch."

Alfred looks semi amused at the comparison. At least he appreciates your wit.

"Hey" A voice calls to catch your attention, it was Jason.

"I'll take you to your bedroom while Alfred cleans up, don't need you getting lost."

You look at him suspiciously, but take his offer wanting to be alone.

"If you kill me, there's gonna be a lot of pissed off superhero's on your ass." You say following him out of the room.

"Trust me princess, I'm not the one you have to worry about killing you." Jason scoffs.

"Yeah the little ones look like they might stab me in the shower." You say with a wince, " What did i do to them anyway?"

" Trust me its not you." Jason says, " They are the the easiest to be around, there's a wall there." He gestures to his heart.

"Ah"

"But if I'm being honest, finding out about you has been a shock to all of us." He says," I honestly thought Ma couldn't have kids."

You snot cruelly, " Yeah well finding out about all of you hasn't been easy for me either."

"I bet. You know, most of us haven't had much luck with mothers or families. That's why we're here."

"I have a family. A pretty good one too."

"I'm just saying I understand why you'd be angry. I was for a long time. I think sometimes I still am." Jason says before stopping, " Well here we are. If you tell anyone I told you that I'll deny it and they'll believe me."

"Thanks." You simply say, " It's nice to not hate one person that lives here."

And with that you go into the your room and close the door.

[aquilapolariz]

the ocean's mercy (portgas d. ace x reader)

Summary: Ace encounters an ocean of memories and thoughts that seem to drown him. Someone needs to pull him out of the sea and help him navigate it.

Notes/Warnings: Minor spoilers for Ace's background and minor spoilers for Wano (all of them are literally just name drops), angst with comfort! Requested by anon

Word Count: 2.2k | Read below the cut or on Ao3 here!

The Moby Dick was filled with cheers and liquor as the crew watched Ace single-handedly take down a pirate crew. Pride swelled within you, joining in the shouts and claps of your pirate brothers and sisters. 

Ace landed back on the ship with a dramatic thud, hopping onto the railing, and then jumping onto the deck.

Ace was reliable but reckless, fiery and confident. His tattooed back was facing you, Whitebeard’s Jolly Roger on display to Ace’s friends, enemies, and everyone in between. But really, when it came to Ace, there really was no in-between. He loved like there was no tomorrow and saved pure hatred only for those he believed deserved it: those who hurt the people he cared about.

His shoulders, strong and sure, slouching only when he squatted on the edge of the ship, were laid back in satisfaction. His chest was puffed out with no signs of exhaustion on his face. He shined bright like the sun, his radiant smile reinvigorating the crew, which prompted them to grow louder and drink even more rum. It seemed like nothing could ever shake Ace or his unwavering resolve. The air around him was full of certitude, as if only the strongest of earthquakes and tsunamis could weaken his unfaltering spirit.

And disasters that were big enough to shake up Ace were few and far between.

A disaster of that magnitude ended up being Marco offering Ace the position of Second Division Commander. You raised your eyebrows at Ace’s hesitation. For a full week, he didn’t give Whitebeard or Marco a proper answer.

The great Fire Fist Ace is never uncertain, or so you thought.

+++

Ace made everything look effortless. From making his crewmates laugh to punching enemy pirates or falling asleep in any situation, Ace made living life look easy. But he was only human. And just like every human, Ace contained multitudes that were hidden beneath his facade. 

“Looks like we’re spending more time together, huh?” 

“Guess so,” you said inattentively. “Though you are a big shot now, Mr. Second Division Commander. Who says you’ll have the time to spend on me?”

“As my own boss, I say so. I gotta get to know the Second Division better than anyone else.”

“Well, cheers to that,” you responded, your glass clinking against his as the party celebrating Ace’s promotion commenced. 

You didn’t tell Ace — or anyone else for that matter — that you saw him pacing outside of Pop’s door for an hour the night before.

+++

Even from the ship, you could see that his feet were in the sand, but his mind was somewhere far away.

“Hey, Ace,” you uttered, quietly approaching him. 

“Hey,” he replied, his eyes regaining their vibrant glow as he turned to you with a captivating smile. “Not enjoying the feast?”

“Hard to enjoy it without you,” you shot back.

“Codependency at its worst,” Ace laughed.

You sat down next to him, the sunkissed sand filling in the spaces between your toes and enveloping your feet like a warm embrace. “Why aren’t you on the ship with everyone?” you lightly chided, “it’s a commander’s duty to spend time with their crew, no?”

“Wasn’t really feeling it today, I guess.”

“Was it something Teech said? I swear that guy doesn’t know how to shut up.”

“If I was bothered by Teech I would’ve left this ship long ago,” he chuckled as he looked away from you. Ace’s hearty laughter was like a wave that regularly washed away your worries. But this time, it didn’t.

You took in the view he was facing: a shoreline that never seemed to end. Before you joined him on the beach, Ace had been staring at the sand for what felt like years. Within the minuscule grains, Ace could see the faces of a young Sabo and the legendary Gold Roger. He blinked and those faces morphed into the purple-haired Otama and the crying face of Yamato. 

These sands of doubt and time did nothing to ease the tension in Ace’s body. 

“Despite how close you are to everyone, it still feels like you keep people at arm’s length. You said you needed to get to know your division more, but how about letting the division know you?”

“There’s nothing to know.” Ace feigned offense at your skeptical expression, “What can I say? I’m a simple guy.”

“A simple guy who Whitebeard allowed to take a division commander spot?” you questioned.

“Exactly! What you see is what you get.”

You snorted. “What I see is a devil-fruit user, who has a misspelled tattoo of his name and doesn’t know how to wear a shirt.”

He let out a dramatic sigh. “Contrary to popular belief, I know how to spell my name.”

“That’s odd. I’m not getting that from what I’m seeing.”

“Then what do you get from what you see of me?”

“I see my second division commander. Reliable. Cares about his friends and his family to a fault.” You paused, but Ace kept nodding, urging you to go on. “You’re just eating all these compliments up, huh?”

“Whattttttttt? Nooooo!”

“I see a stubborn idiot”— you mentally celebrated a small victory when Ace’s lips instantly turned to a pout — “who’s too kind.” He squinted at you. His expressive face never seemed to get old. “Too kind to the point where you never want to be vulnerable.”

The tension in his face all but vanished, and he suddenly turned away.

Despite always seeming larger than life, this was the smallest you’ve ever seen Ace. With every wave, the sea crept closer and closer to where the two of you were sitting until the salty water washed over the tips of your toes. Ace recoiled and scrunched his face at the sudden weakness he felt, even if it was only for a moment. Ace seemed like he would be pulled in by the rising tide and sink down into the sea if you left him alone—not because of his weakness as a devil fruit user, but because of his oft-hidden weakness as a human. Even Ace was not immune to the endless pools of self-doubt. 

So you put your hand on his shoulder, scooting closer to Ace to close the gap between the two of you, trying to ground him and prevent him from falling into the siren’s song of sadness. He thought about your words. Too kind to the point where you never want to be vulnerable. You keep people at arm’s length. Arm’s length is still pretty close, he always told himself. He turned to you and your face was mere inches away from his, brought closer by the hand that clung to his shoulder now. You were much closer than arm’s length. But for some reason, this time, it didn’t feel close enough. 

“I know no one ever asks you this but, what’s wrong, Ace?”

He stared at his wet feet. “The sea takes my strength, y’know?” Of course you knew that. And of course he knew that that wasn’t what you were referring to. 

“It’s always a surprise when the tide comes in, isn’t it?” He asked cryptically. 

You frowned. Ace never spoke in riddles. 

“Is it, though? We’re pirates, we know how the ocean works,” you reminded him.

“We know the tide will always rise and fall, but in the New World it’s a little more difficult to know exactly when.”

You hummed realizing that Ace was right. “It's constant, true, but it’s also constant change.” You stared at the ebb and flow of the water, falling into its visual rhythm.

“And as pirates, we’re always at the ocean’s mercy,” he added. It always surprised Ace when memories of the past washed over him, seemingly at the most unexpected and unwanted times. 

You shook your head with a smile. “With the help of the wind, a trusty ship, and an able crew, we can defy even the roughest of waves.” This time, the seafoam seemed to form the faces of Luffy, of Whitebeard, of Marco, of you. “Without the ocean, how would we sail to all these islands and live the life we do? The ocean isn’t our enemy.”

Ace mentally cursed at himself for getting caught up in his thoughts and, dare he say it, regrets. Memories of the past, just like the tide, aren’t always out to get him, it seemed. The waves fell back into the ocean, suddenly much less threatening.

Ace let out a sigh of relief. He mentally thanked you for pulling him away from an ocean of spiraling thoughts. He should’ve known that you would leave the feast to look for him once as soon as you noticed he was gone. As much as he tried, there was no escaping you. Was there any point in still trying to? “It’s nice to have such a reliable crew,” Ace said coolly.

“It’s nice to have such a reliable commander,” you replied without missing a beat.

Maybe he would let himself be selfish, be vulnerable. Maybe he would share the weight of his past with you, little by little. He reached across his chest to place his hand over yours, your touch lingering on his shoulder. He was a fool for thinking he could keep you at arm’s length for forever. He drew in a deep breath, his brows furrowed, as if debating whether to speak. You squeezed his shoulder, reassuring him of your presence.

“Sabo,” he blurted out. “I had a brother named Sabo.” You raised your eyebrows, trying to process his sudden words. “The extra “S” in my tattoo is for him.”

“Had?” You asked. His dark eyes bore holes into yours. Full of life and depth, you couldn’t look away. You felt like you were at the ocean’s mercy. The bottomless urge to know and explore every part of it was pulling you in, more than ever before.

“He died when we were young. That’s why it’s crossed out.” 

You gasped, recoiling away from him, pulling your hand away, his eyes narrowing almost immediately. “I’m so sorry for always teasing you about it. I shouldn’t-”

He tousled your hair and you couldn’t help but lean into his touch. Just like how the tide is bound to  the shore, there was always an unseen pull between the two of you. With Ace’s words lingering in the salty air, that pull became more discernible. “No need to apologize. It always made me smile. I know for a fact that Sabo would’ve joined in on your jokes. He’d probably ask me why I bothered putting an ‘S’ in my name instead of getting an entirely separate tattoo,” he laughed.

You let out a sigh of relief. There it was. Your ears were filled with his rich laughter that washed away your worries— your worries about him and about accidentally hurting him. “Hmm…that would be a good question. You’re really not making a good case for yourself, Ace. You sure you didn’t come up with this excuse after you messed up your tattoo?” you playfully quipped.

“No! You don’t believe me?!”

You shook your head with a smile. “I believe in you. Always have, always will.” Ace watched you as you began to stand up, trying your best to dust off the sand on your legs.

“How can you say that?” Ace asked curiously, hugging his knees to his chest. He was thankful that you were no longer facing him,  that you wouldn’t see him with his shoulders slouched, looking so small. Your eyes were fixed on the horizon across the vast surface of the ocean. 

“Say what, exactly?”

“That you’ll always believe in me?”

You walked closer to the water, willingly letting the waves wash over your feet. “There’s nothing that you can do that will make me not believe in you,” you stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He stared at your back. He took in the way you so easily walked into the ocean that he thought was so dangerous before. “What if”, he paused, taking a deep breath, “what if it’s not what I do, but who I am?”

There it was again, you noticed, Ace speaking in riddles. “You’re you. That’s more than enough.”

“You’re saying all I gotta do is exist? And that’s…enough?”

You spoke to the merciless ocean: “You exist and I see you. All of you.” You turned around. Ace looked up at you, the sounds of the waves lapping seemed to be an echo of your words, as if the whole universe was trying to get through to him. You reached your hand out to his. Taking it, you pulled him up to his feet and dragged him closer to the water. Both of your ankles were completely submerged, but neither of you minded. Feeling some energy flee from his body, Ace felt weak, but was that such a bad thing? He squeezed your hand, the warmth of it standing in stark contrast to the shocking cold water around his feet. No, he concluded. Being vulnerable wasn’t so bad, especially when it was with you. Because you really did see all of him: the weak parts, the strong ones, and everywhere in between. “To see you is to always believe in you,” you whispered.

You brought your gaze back to the horizon and Ace followed suit. With your hand in his and the waves now lapping against his knees, he couldn’t help but feel gratitude. The merciful ocean had brought you to him, washing up on the shores when he needed you the most.

[sh0tanzz]

seunghan as your bf and ideal type please

SEUNGHAN AS YOUR BF ~ based off astrology obsv.

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Libra Sun: ofc this man has venusian influence do you see how fine he is. He's super charming and flirty and most def has a way with words with you since paired with a charming libra sun he has mercury in virgo which makes it exalted (meaning the placement is well expressed). He has sun square saturn which can possibly make him a big perfectionist towards both himself and you as well. His sun is trine neptune so hes VERY sensitive or on the more emotional side. Might also try to make his relationships have a "dream" like quality to them (even situationships)

Sagittarius Moon: literal happy pill. He'd enjoy feeling "free" in a relationship and for there to be extreme trust and for things not to be too possessive or would prefer if there wasn't much jealousy from his s/o (would probs be better with someone who isn't too sensitive). Would want to party and have lots unlimited fun with his s/o. I've noticed every dude I met with a sag+libra influence are super into smiles and nice teeth so that would probably be something he consistently compliment you about. Might suffer from impulsiveness when the relationship seems too stable and will "shake things up" Would definitely tease+make fun of you especially paired with that virgo mercury. Might run away from his problems/feelings if they're too severe or intense in the relationship. His moon is trine jupiter so once again an indicator of him using his feelings to navigate the relationship

Virgo Mercury: His mercury is exalted which means the planet expresses itself pretty well and properly compared to its detriment/fallen counterparts. He's a pretty good communicator which is lowkey ironic since he avoids conversational conflict but..having an exalted mercury (paired with a libra sun) he might be super good at talking himself out of/diffusing arguments with you. Pays attention to the small details and points of what you say; similar to Shotaro he remembers A LOT about you, things you've said, the things you love. Could be a little critical once again, might tell you where you fucked up but will try to be funny and lighthearted about it since his moon is in sag. His mercury is square pluto which also explains that he CAN communicate but sometimes he feels like words are too much and would rather be affectionate to show his feelings. Like if he missed you on an extreme level he'd prefer to just lay in bed with you holding you tight until you both fell asleep.

Libra Venus: has luck with the ladiesss most definitely. the headcanons of having to deal with girls approaching seunghan might be true I fear. but with the right person he’d have a good sense of devotion. Gloats to his friends about how pretty, perfect and attractive you are and probs enjoys people being jealous of him for having you (similar to sungchan). Dates would be a balance of idealistically romantic dates but combined with simple super fun dates like you two trying new things together or even going out partying/drinking together as a pair. Lowkey might constantly bring up how you two “compliment” each other or “balance each other out” or maybe even people outside of the relationship may think so. Would be super into gift giving and physical touch as love languages. Would love getting/giving expensive high quality gifts. Venus is sextile Pluto so he likes romantic/sexual intensity and control !!

Pisces Mars: Tries to be on the middleground especially since his sun/venus is in libra so he'd most likely be passive and indirect when it came to disagreements and arguments. Would try to subdue the situation rather than actually talk it out. He might even use affection or buttering you up to end the conflict ngl LMMFFAOOO. Imo he might need a more mature partner to help him actually participate in hard conversations. His mars is conjunct Uranus and that paired with his sag moon he might once again be pretty impulsive and do/say things just for the sake of it like imagine he suddenly does something risky as fuck with you in public and then when you ask him about he'd be like "wdym bae 😗". Also has mars square lilith so ngl...he'd try to use physical affection after an argument or upsetting you to make you feel better PLEASEEEE.

Authors Note: Sorry for the lack of answered requests I have 45 in my inbox and have been swamped at work LOL

[camryntheking]

Ok! My thoughts on 7x05!

First, i just wanna say that the whole Hen and Karen storyline is awesome! I love that the show is giving queer people so much screen time, especially a Black lesbian couple! And i think its super sweet that they really want to try for Mara! I hope it works out!

Next, i think that has been my favorite cold open so far. The “ITS MEEE” gets me every time (i have already watched it loads of times). I dont have much to comment on it other than it was funny as fuck

Ok. The date scene. I was hoping to see more of Eddie watching them (especially after the stills), but oh well. The second-hand embarrassment i got was… a lot. But i dont think its necessarily a bad thing. It showed how out of his comfort zone Buck was and how he was trying to navigate a terrifying situation. And Tommy? I might have to retract my earlier retraction. Cos wtf?? Literally had just finished talking about how its hard to accept yourself in a “macho” field, then makes a dig at Buck when he fumbles? Not cool. Then not communicating what was happening until he was getting in the Uber? You dont just abandon someone at a restaurant like that. I understand the “you’re not ready” thing, but that was a dick move.

Also, Buck, baby. Sweetheart. Darling. “I look at hot guys’ asses.” Sweetie. Like Maddie said. You are more than an ally lmao. I also just love how Maddie showed interest in getting to know who Buck was talking about and treating the convo after like a normal convo. Because it is! And i love it! But she also emphasized talking to Eddie, because she knew that Eddie would not react poorly. I feel like that just shows how everyone knows how close Buck and Eddie are. TLDR, Maddie is an awesome sister and Buck is lucky to have her ❤️

Next point, the scene where Buck and Tommy talk over coffee. I do think that the hand holding at the end is very sweet and shows how Buck is really trying to be more open, but Tommy is just really starting to rub me the wrong way. Pretty much everything he said contradicts what happened in the date scene. I feel like him being at the wedding is really gonna spark some Jealous Eddie, tho, so i am excited to see that lmao

And Eddie and Marisol? I feel like the show is going in a direction that leads them to breaking up. Like yes, it is showing growth for Eddie and allowed him to acknowledge that he has Catholic guilt, but theres just. No chemistry. It feels awkward. I feel like her being an ex-nun is gonna bring up some issues with Buck and Eddie will not stand for that. I also wanted to point out that i got even more vibes that Eddie could be demisexual, cos he didnt straight up say that he loved Shannon, just that he loved being married to her. And he knows that he is moving too fast and needs to step back a bit

Finally, Buck coming out to Eddie. I do find it funny that Eddie seemed more shocked that Tommy wasnt straight than figuring out Buck isnt straight. But its awesome that Eddie showed interest and genuinely wanted to help Buck through the issue. And the hug? Finally! Give me men not being afraid to hug each other! I feel like this is allowing Buck and Eddie to become even closer (i do hope for Buddie eventually)

Overall, i feel like this episode was great for setting up the development of Buck and Eddie’s relationship (whether it ends up being platonic or romantic). And i am all for Buck exploring his sexuality with someone that isnt Eddie. While Tommy isnt my favorite right now, i do think that he is great for the progression of Buck’s story. I do hope to see more of Dad!Bobby in the coming episodes and how Buck’s parents might react to Tommy. I dont wanna wait three weeks for the next episode 😢. Im ready for the chaos of the Madney wedding

If i think of anything else ill add on, but i think thats all i have for now. Feel free to share your thoughts!

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[separatist-apologist]

I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.

I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?

I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.

Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?

I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.

When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.

And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.

That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.

And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?

Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.

[respectthepetty]

Well well well well!

I have seen you being asked about your fav TW BL dramas. but I’m here to ask about…… your top 10 (or however many you want tbh) BL thai dramas!

Teeheeheeee!!

Ps: can someone else pop up and then ask you too Korean BL dramas? *wink*

Anon, I think YOU will have to come back and ask about my top Korean dramas because after people see this list, they will realize how trashy I truly am and never seek a response from me again. I've already written about my Top GMMTV Actors, my Top GMMTV Pairs, and my Top Five Taiwanese BLs, but this requested list will really show people that I am a dumpster fire, so let me present my

Top Ten Thai BLs

Before I start, I need to list my personal preferences since I have watched over 150 Thai BLs (if not 200), with a third coming from within the past year and a half alone. A show must meet at least two:

Don't bury the gay (MANDATORY!)

Be gay. Do crime! aka "Eff the police" (literally or figuratively)

I'm a messy bi, and I'll cry if I want to

Adulting is hard like my sexual attraction for you

Vice Vers(a) - Flipping the norms and changing dynamics

Next, I need to establish some ground rules:

The series must have completed prior to June 1, so Step by Step, Be My Favorite, La Pluie and other running shows cannot be considered.

It had to be marketed as a BL, so 3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, and Great Men Academy cannot be considered.

I could only pick a pair once, so most of GMMTV shows couldn't be considered if I picked another show the pair was featured in.

It couldn't have hurt my queer feelings, so My Only 12%, Until We Meet Again, I Told Sunset about You, and 180 Degree Longitude Passes through Us were cut for rubbing salt in real-world wounds.

A third of the final list had to be BL shows that aired prior to 2022.

Narrowing it down with those two filters, here are a dozen shows that didn't make the cut with a brief reasoning:

The Eclipse - pair already picked

Triage - the gay died each time the clock reset

Ghost Host, Ghost House - not within my personal preferences

Never Let Me Go - aired in 2022. Sorry Jojo!

My School President - pair already picked

Secret Crush on You - aired in 2022

Bad Buddy - it knows what it did to me

Together with Me - pair already picked

Lovely Writer - not within my personal preferences

A Tale of Thousand Stars - pair already picked

Between Us - it knows what it did to me

My Ride - not within my personal preferences

One more thing before I give you the list -

Honorable Mentions

To Sir, With Love

I was raised on soap operas and telenovelas, so this lakorn was seventeen episodes of blissful drama, yet served one of the best pairings and family members of 2022. It was also a historical drama, so the ending being happy was unexpected, but much appreciated.

Destiny Seeker

All the shows on my list have color coding, but this show wins every color-coding award I can give. As a self-proclaimed color demon, this show fed my soul and my heart with its color exchange between two great characters who were just trying to unify the Pretty Boys and the Jocks in a tale as old as time, yet more colorful than ever.

Now, the actual list

Top Ten Thai BLs

#10 - Dark Blue Kiss

Pete and Kao went from a bit toxic in This Kiss series, to a solid couple trying to navigate the difficult situation of having one person in a relationship still in the closet. The reason was realistic as well - career. Kao coming out could have not only hurt his future, but his mother's job as well, and the socioeconomic difference between Pete and Kao was front and center during these discussions. Mix all of that with the addition of Sun and Mork and their dynamic of light enemies to lovers, and this ended up being a surprise favorite. It also had beautiful cinematography at a period when the production value of BLs was being elevated which is greatly due to director/screenwriter Aof and cinematographer Rath.

#9 - Big Dragon

If someone would have told me during the first episode that I would like love this show as much as I did by the end, I would not have believed it, but here I am, in love with this show. It started off with two idiots being at their peak toxic level, yet ended with the softest men in love. The cinematography was beautiful, Mangkorn and Yai had a natural chemistry when teasing each other, and the music was good, so good that I actually listened to the lead sing his love confession…twice! Mos and ISBANKY made me excited to see what else Star Hunter has in store, and that was a door I had closed long ago. Big Dragon 2 when?

#8 - Bed Friend

Much like Big Dragon, I showed up for a raunchy series about fuck buddies, but ended up witnessing two men work through trauma and showed that with support, healing is possible. King was the biggest green flag that has ever graced my screen, and the way Net's big brown eyes portray lust, love, and devotion is a skill that only matches James' embodiment of a sex kitten. I watched them in Catch Me Baby, but Bed Friend brought an entire new level of chemistry from them that balanced the heavier aspects of the show in a way that any other pair would have squandered. Because of NetJames, this show will remain in my tops for years to come, and makes me even more excited for Love Upon a Time.

#7 - You're My Sky

We, collectively, did this show dirty. As BL fans, we did not appreciate it enough, and still don't. Because it came out in 2022, a year stacked with excellent BLs, it was pushed to the sidelines when it should have been at everyone's top for any number of reasons like the pairings were solid (childhood friends, senior/freshman, pseudo-enemies to lovers), the plot was consistent, and the cinematography was beautiful. We have a few sports-related BLs which do a great job of discussing the connection between toxic masculinity and male-dominated sports, and although this series didn't lean all the way in, it gave us a glimpse of what men must sacrifice in order to be considered the best in such an environment, especially when it comes to love.

#6 - Not Me

Every character is shippable with every other character. That is the power of this series. Yet, because I’m petty, I’m still holding a grudge not about GramBlack (Eugene/Gene, really?!) BUT that ToddBlack did not happen! In a show that was queer in several aspects (marriage equality, society’s disapproval, found family, etc.), it was strange that it didn’t deliver on the Black front examining how power dynamics, socioeconomic inequality in regards to privilege, and performance of masculinity affect queer experiences (all possessed by the ToddBlack pairing), but what it did deliver was a great premise about fighting back against oppression (labor discrimination, educational gaps, monopolies), which is why even though the ending was shaky, it still deserves a top spot for existing.

#5 - KinnPorsche

As much as I wrote about this show, I’m shocked it isn’t #1, but sitting through the final episode’s credits believing what I believed about Vegas left me feeling a certain type of way that I’m still not over. It had all the elements I love: Be gay, do crime, messy tears, vice vers(a), and the cinematography was perfection. Symbolism and foreshadowing were intertwined into every scene, so watching each episode was an experience and the aftermath was devouring hours of meta analysis. This was the first series I was excited to watch live unmuted and at normal speed, and I liked each pairing, plus rooted for others who were never going to happen (Big & Chan, Khun & everyone), which made this a fun journey even after the final credits finished (World Tour, anyone?!).

#4 - Love Mechanics

I LOVE MESS, and this show gave me ten glorious messy episodes of the messiest mess. Much like the chokeholds VeeMark excelled out, this show had me by the throat (implication intended). I was shocked when it was announced En of Love: Love Mechanics would be remade and extended from four episodes into ten. I liked the original, but the basic plot (drunkenly having sex right at the beginning – how very Together with Me of them) did not sit well with me the first time around, yet once I saw the remake’s trailer, I WAS SOLD! Look at the angst! Look at the pining! Look at the chemistry! Look at the same steps and dorm from Together with Me! I could write forever about this show because it is better than the original, it was so similar to Together with Me that I had to squint to make sure it wasn’t, and the happy ending with Mark’s tears, although never doubted, feels like a personal win, which is why it was my number one of 2022.

#3 - Manner of Death

MaxTul own me. Every couple I watch gets compared to MaxTul and the chemistry they bring. Together With Me is a favorite, but when Manner of Death aired, it spotlighted the evolution of MaxTul in the most beautiful way imaginable. The dark plot of drug and sex trafficking was difficult for most, but both of these characters' commitment to finding the truth in their own way while taking on the ACAB attitude even towards the one police officer they did like was a buffet that just kept serving me. I was truly worried because of the nature of the show that a happy ending wouldn't be possible, but not only did the show end with vows being exchanged, but the promise of another season as well. TRANSPLANT WHEN?!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken

This was an adult show and toes the line of being truly queer media rather than a standard BL. I felt seen every time Jim sat silently examining his life and his choices. His hesitation to open his heart again to another person after being hurt in such a realistically queer way in a country that doesn't have marriage equality almost made me cut this show due to hurting my queer feelings. However, if I was willing to give up three pairs (FirstKhao -The Eclipse, GeminiFourth - My School President, and EarthMix - A Tale of Thousand Stars) for this one show, I knew it had to included. Aof working around the grief of losing a parent while examining gentrification and generational trauma all through a queer lens is a feat most would fail at, but this show shines, literally and figuratively thanks once again to cinematographer Rath.

#1 - He's Coming to Me

I must end where I began - Aof, the director and screenwriter, changed the Thai BL game with this one, and hasn't slowed down since, which is why two of his other pieces are in my top ten, and several others are featured in my short list. Cinematographer Rath has also made his mark on this list, and it all started with this one for me. No other BL series has stuck with me the way He's Coming to Me has. Not one element of this show doesn't work. It's cohesive. It's emotional. It's everything to me. I cannot give this show enough praise. It created a unique magic in eight episodes that hasn't left my heart for four years.

And probably never will.

Now, who wants to ask about Korea?

[crushedsweets]

Does Nina and Kate have an argument before? 

Yes!!! Kate doesn’t know how to navigate relationships and Nina is so used to destroying all of her own, so it would be absurd for them to never argue..

I went hella off topic from the argument and just started talking about them randomly cuz I’ve been on vacation and miss my gf. Which means ninakate weighs heavy on my heart

The first time they met was an argument actually.. sort of.. kinda… Nina thought she was Jeff, nearly tackled her, so Kate slammed her against a tree and cussed her out till Toby came and made her back down .. LOL ok that’s not really an argument but Nina was really upset.

In an AU of creeped where ninakate happens, they mess around without telling anyone for a while. Mostly just making out and laying together and rapidly pretending nothings going on when someone walks in(cuz Kate doesn’t like trouble and Nina was specifically told not to bother Kate).

But it’s kinda difficult to figure out cuz Kate starts to feel kind of possessive over Nina(considering she hasn’t had anything like this before, Nina’s her first everything) and Nina likes to push that. Purposefully talks about people she’s meeting, scrolls dating apps in front of her, cries about Jeff. Thinks it’s okay cuz “I’m not your girlfriend we aren’t exclusive you can’t get jealous” .. eventually Kate makes a remark towards Nina and Nina is VERY defensive and VERY argumentative. Kate tries to be like “alright whatever Nina i don’t care this isn’t my problem you’re not my problem” but Nina keeps pushing and pushing. I can’t really imagine Kate having a screaming match with anyone, she has the most intense anxiety and lack of energy and little self respect, so she would just keep insisting “I don’t care.”

Which would only further upset nina cuz she wants Kate to care 💀💀💀💀 ITS BAD .

There’s a LOT for them to learn from each other. Nina desperately needs so much attention and validation. She grew up receiving material goods to make up for workaholic parents, and eventually only receiving positive attention on her appearance/what she can offer people.

Meanwhile, Kate thinks she wants to be left alone. She thinks she’s better off rotting in the mines and never making any connections. Frequently goes back to Lauren’s skeleton as a reminder of how badly she fucked that up. She doesn’t think she’s made for people anymore, considering she spent so many years just hanging out with Charlie (practically a zombie) and slendy (literally a monster.) she has no relationship experience beyond her rocky friendship with CR and an unrequited, stifled crush on Lauren.

Nina needs to learn how to be comfortable with herself, learn how to exist without external validation, learn how little her appearance should matter, learn how to love herself, learn how to be loved for who she is rather than how she looks or what she can do, learn how to be gentle again.

Kate needs to learn how to seek people out and let people in, learn how to communicate instead of shutting up when something bothers her, learn how to stop withdrawing, learn to stop hating herself for every little thing she’s done, learn to take care of herself, learn to see herself as a human being again. . . And also needs to learn how to be gentle

I like how they reflect each other in the gentle aspect too… like physically and initially Nina is really good at being gentle. Little lingering touches and sweet hugs and kisses and giggling and cupping someone’s face. But her words sting like hell. She throws plates and screams and assumes the worst of everyone around her. Meanwhile, I think Kate’s the opposite. She grabs too hard and her hands are so rough and she shoves and nudges and maims and hurts everything around her, even unintentionally. But she’s soft spoken, avoids eye contact, usually does what she’s told, tries to get in and out of every situation as quickly and quietly as possible. Yeah she’s blunt and straightforward and a bit too honest, but you can tell she doesn’t do it to be mean. She thinks she’s being helpful and good in that regard. So even that dynamic itself is something they’d likely argue about, but also something they really need to learn from each other about

Idek man omfg . I just really am fond of them. This is so goofy.